How To Know If You're With The RIGHT Person
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- Don't know if you're in the right relationship or friendship? Here I talk about my past relationships and what I've learnt, with some advice from Brené Brown.
Watch the full Brené Brown video here: brenebrown.com...
#relationships #friendships #BrenéBrown #love #RussellBrand
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I have been married for 36 years and one of the things I have learned years ago is to ask myself how whatever I decice to do is, how is this decision is going to affect my husband and not just myself and I went into this marriage knowing that it won't be a 50/50 relationship. Sometimes I carry a heavier load and sometimes he carries the heavier load.It's the samething with a relationship with a friend too.
How do I get a T shirt
I speak to voids and get sane. It's bothersome lol
Hello thankyou for Everything that you do Russell I love you deeply I trust you I respect you I send you love from Australia I say God bless you Russell I hope god keeps guiding your journey. I have. Question for you Russell if that's ok Iam 25 from Australia iam a. Survivor for domestic violence from my father and his wife and Iam five years out of that.and watching and listening to you Russell has been a amazing powerful and deep and sacred part of my healing journey. But this comment and question to you isn't about me In Australia Domestic violence is a huge heart breaking problem cause in the country of Australia one Woman is killed by a violent man or a ex or current one of a father every week and this is something that Ian very passionate about but I have lost faith in the government here THey are doing nothing about this isn't getting any mainstream media awareness these tragic deaths don't make the news very much. Can you please do. Video on this or talk about this cause this needs a strong and powerful voice like yours
Russell, please make a video on learning English language and writing techniques. I am not native English speaker but I am deeply in love with English language and writing. And I am sure there is huge crowd out there who wants to learn English and write, and I am sure you will recieve great response from your followers and fans and even haters.
Someone's grandmother once said:
It's important to both love and like a person. So when you don't feel the love inside you, the like will get you through. And when you don't like them, the love will get you through.
Love this! Thank you
Hopefully have both mostly 🎵🎶🎼🌄☯️
That's great!
The right person will expand you and have your back. They will build you up and make you more than you were, before you met them.
Not make you “less than”you were before you met them. If you feel that way, you can discuss it. If they don’t adjust, move on.
They don’t value you
Yes 💜💙💚💛❤💜💙💚💛❤💜
👏👏👏
I would be careful with "What do I get? Where is my shit?"
Most of the problems in every relationship start with us, and what we put out there is what we get back.
What I’ve learned recently is you have to have a healthy dating phase in the relationship before starting a serious commitment, jumping in fast can be exciting, but it can be deceptive. Talk, ask questions, be honest. Maybe you will learn that you don’t want to get down with that person. That’s much healthier than getting insecurely attached.
I realize that words can be said to give the illusion of mutual interest but ultimately it can just be a deceptive aspect ; honesty is not something everyone is used to
Share your flaws on a first date is make or break, saving time
@@TheAnnegallien I’ve used that idea often but I will over share before knowing if the connection is a possible secure attachment.
This is huge ! Fortunately I have a mind of my own and have worked on myself enough to know that the first phase of getting to know this woman is necessary. Rather than jumping into a relationship because we’ve had 4 good dates … a lot of time and effort to get to know them has to come first before making someone their girlfriend/ boyfriend
I talked by phone for a year and a half before meeting my current girlfriend in person. She didn't like it at all, but I demanded it. I'd been in a horrible relationship, and wasn't going to make that mistake again. Once we finally met. We knew nearly all of the intimate details of each other's lives. It has been the best experience of my life. She is an amazing person, and I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to share life together.
Honestly, gave up such a search, found peace in solitude.
Same :)
so did i. then i moved in with my best friend. - fine. then we got married. 25 years later. . . not really sure about it to be honest - He's thrilled that he said yes to the idea like it was his. and i wonder why i think about that in the way that i do. i think i was meant to be by myself - actually - but continually 'ended up' with another somehow.
Ah m8, I thought that was the case for me to for years, then boom out the blue things change, or in my case things go back to where it all started but that's another story.
Point is, one can never be certain of anything, it ain't over until we're in the ground.
@@lukemcinerny8220 very true and I'm happy for you.😊 If God has someone, I've already talked to Him - drop them in my lap, I'm not looking. I'm open to love, with reciprocity, just not seeking anyone. I've emptied my cup and not had it filled enough
I think people are too often looking for "that one someone". When the truth is that too many people are broken, lost, and afraid.
My wife and I met during a very crucial point in my life; online too. I was going through some legal trouble, a bit of depression, with a host of demons and poor behaviors.
She didn't have an ounce of judgement in her and for the first time in my life I felt as if there was someone who could love be for the flawed and horrible person that I was. Being a J and growing up around people that were nothing but Judgmental didn't set the greatest of tones for me.
But we grew together and she saved me from myself and together we are far from the people we were years ago.
To change is a choice; though it may be a struggle. It is possible to meet a person that is a monster and tame them into a civility and benevolence.
I just feel that too many people are looking for someone that's already perfect; while your actual soul mate might actually be a pile of rubble trying to rebuild themselves.
*"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." - Aristotle Onassis*
Not sure that Mr. Onassis was the best role model .
First love your self then test your love for others!🤔
Maria Callas’ Husband???? I’m curious !
NO. Jackie's husband, right?! her father>? 🤔
Most important is to be able to live alone happily and not need to be propped up by a partner.
More people are living alone nowadays.
...'staying within a bandwidth of suffering that is tolerable'...whew - I felt that 🙏
I love Russel Brand so much. He's so well-spoken and wise... He doesn't have to have this channel but I'm so glad that he's creating these amazingly insightful videos... God bless you, Russel. Xx
Couldn't agree more 👏👏👏
3 years sober and relationships have always been my struggle. I am single at 61, never married and no children. I go through loneliness and " what's wrong with me" self talk that is destructive. I do work a s solid AA program that is providing me with mentors and support. I just began reading "Mother Hunger" by Kelly McDaniel and it describes my issues accurately and what to do to provide self nurturing in a healthy manner. I would love Russell Brand to interview her because I think she could help many addicts with relationship dysfunction. Hugs and love to all❤🌻
Hi. Be the right person, the right will be with you. Peace and love from Algeria.
Self accountability and authenticity is key - once I started holding myself accountable, my relationships improved after a lifetime of ‘picking’ the wrong guys
I've suffered with mental health issues my entire life and have only ever been in one semi serious relationship. In that relationship I felt powerless because I never felt worthy of another person love and i constantly felt like she was going to leave me. I could never feel comfortable and throughout that relationship I felt like I was holding my breath. It hurt like hell when she did breakup with me but I am really glad for the experience. I don't know if I will ever be in another relationship because being shy, introverted and having mental health problems I feel that for a man a woman would not put up being with a man who struggles (although I know it would work the other way round). I feel ok if I am single for the rest of my life but I would like it partner. I am very spiritual and believe that my life has purpose whatever happens or doesn't happen but I know I couldn't settle with someone unless I was in love with them.
Go inward and work on your shadows. Much of the emotions can be resurfacing from past life experiences that are not benefiting you in this timeline. It can be we relive the emotions, and acting on them and they are truly not in this moment. Observe, go inward, reflect ✨
You might benefit from psilocybin therapy. Look for a retreat or private session that can help you see yourself and your place in the world in a better light 🙏🏻
Check out the book "Mother Hunger". It may give you relief and guidance ❤
You should never settle . Hopefully one day the right person will find you, if not sounds like you are in good company 💗
That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever read!
Honestly just keep being yourself, shyness isn’t an issue. A lot of men are, even the ones who aren’t don’t approach women in my experience (34, single-ish forever, decent person and don’t look like a bag of spanners if I do say so myself).
Maybe take up a new hobby or help at a community group where you’ll meet people, you might be surprised that women often make the moves these days. And of course try to keep learning, growing, and moving onward 🙏🏼 love to you 💐💐💐💐❤️❤️❤️
I am now in a healthy relationship. We are blissfully happy and calm. You and Brene helped. Wayne Dyer too.
The reciprocity is gone.
That is a huge sign of an unhealthy relationship of any kind. Set boundaries and stay strong. Love you Russell....
Thank you!
I have discovered that I need to feel good in myself, enjoy my own company before I can make choices that would be more honest about who I am and not expect a partner to fill all my needs. I am getting there.
I hope everyone watches this it’s so honest and helpful. Thanks barb
Finally broken free from a toxic relationship. I had to learn what narcissism was, which I did largely via RUclips and books. Even then it's taken several rounds of the addictive cycle. I had to look to myself and why I was allowing it. I was the key. Now I'm healing and it's going really well. It will be a while until I will be ready for something new but that's ok and my friends are brilliant. So much to be grateful for, it's brilliant.
Been married for 32 years and although it hasn't been rosy for all that time, I'm sure glad we've stuck it out. There's not much we haven't been through but I believe marriage is a sacred thing and needs to be nurtured and respected as much as possible. Relationships evolve over time and you have to learn to adapt to the changes, but it's all worth it...... Russell, you & Laura are a golden couple - marriage has definitely brought out the best in you! You glow from the inside & outside and have become a trusted advisor and role model for so many people. It's really lovely to see you settled down and expanding your spiritual horizons to nourish and maintain your sense of fulfillment 💞✨💞
This man spent so long thinking he was God’s gift to women that he realized he could be God’s gift to mankind 💚🙏
I honestly never thought that Russel Brand would be my Guru.
Heros journey
Likewise 😂
“Raise your love, raise it high. Don't let the world and its circumstances make you hate.” Thank you Russell for such an inspirational & valuable video🙌🏼
You are valuable to me. Mentors have helped me like nothing else. Immense value witch I'm forever grateful for. I'm on my path, soon I'll be giving back in bucket loads.
Learning that love comes from within not from without has helped the most, I think. I am responsible for my emotional well-being. That immediately relaxed both of us. We have been married for 31 years and it gets sweeter as time goes by ☺️
😍
So heartwarming to read! ☺️
Thankyou for sharing that. I think we often look outside to make the love better.. and then blame the other. It's hard to know if you could find someone better... maybe but I can't take the risk of losing the good I do have cause I feel I might be blind to it sometimes.
My relationship is completely crumbling, so I'm here to learn holistic knowledge to find methods to be a better and more understanding partner to the woman I love more than life itself.
As a woman, I know we are fucked up. But society says stuff to us like 'he has to ask you out/to get married/etc' sounds ol school but it means we spend a lot of time trying to get you to guess what we need🤣 also the fucker wouldn't ask me to marry him after7 years and a kid🤣. 20 years later I'm still here. But I am still pissed we didnt have a wedding and that I shot gunned my own county clerk marriage license. True story
The best relationship is with yourself 🙏🏻
Hmmm, bachelor for life? I call that, alone.
@@qui_etes_vous
Nothing wrong with being alone! If you can't be alone you have serious problems.
@@qui_etes_vous why do you need someone else to make you happy?
@@obscurum6 I disagree. We are completely social creatures. We are not able to be alone for too long. If you do not care for baby monkeys or humans, by way of love and affection, they die. We need human intimacy. I think that valuing being alone means that you have been hurt in some way, and have trust issues- classic condition.
@@Booster85 Everyone needs someone. I'm not sure how you mean your question. Do you mean, if you have an unnatural need and insecurity about being with someone? That classic situation where you feel like you are nothing unless you have someone? That is not what I am referring to. So many people talk about this condition. A lot of people seem to go through that issue. Unfortunately, I have never experienced that, I cannot relate from experience. I am not talking about that one.
So studying counselling I always come back to gestalt theory when it comes to any moments of conflict in my relationships. I look at the reaction that person had provoked in me and I reflect on where that feeling is coming from in my past. I haven’t perfected my ability to refrain from reacting on impulse in every moment but it is something I am and will continue to work on through my whole life.
I think if you can’t take space to reflect and communicate why a conflict came up and resolve it together as a partnership or even with third party help if the issue is too big then that isn’t the relationship for you
mother nature & the ocean...connection to the land & starting with yourself, changing your mind set.
Gosh...this really spoke to me. I suppose if we were all so programmed....many of us must be in relationships based on attachment and co-dependence rather than unconditional love and compatibility.
Yes alot of it stems from childhood and the relationships we saw around us (children are like sponges 🧽 )
Every person's body transmits energy & through this energy you could predict what sort of a person he is.
Love how candid and open you are. More people should be like that
Never had a relationship and never had love!! I saw through it early on when I felt it for a moment and was blindsided dating. Since 23 I knew it was not something one could ever ‘attain’ or feel fulfilled by. It is just another illusion. Yet, it can be lovely to get to know someone, cuddle them, spend time with them, go through darkness with them. I miss the physical intimacy. We have to see that.
I will connect to my spiritual love one day even if it lasts only three months - but it won’t look spiritual it’ll look like all the colours of the rainbow. If it doesn’t then maybe I was never meant to connect with a human deeply or in a habitation way. Like Russell ‘God’ knowing and returning comes first. Love to me is synonymous with faith. It’s uplifting another.
Friends if we can keep connected are special. It can feel sad as a woman though - to have never had someone to be partner with even buy her gift haha. But of course these are trivial things. The biggest thing is I’d love to give love - not just in society but to someone who’ll let me!
So many feel so alone!
Merci Russell for this video. Yes 🙌🏼 that is the question that I ask myself ‘ do i like the person i am when i am in this relation-trip RELATION-TRIP? ‘ indeed it’s a journey ensemble based on trust where one feels safe to express their struggles without being judged. Quoting Brene Brown : ‘I will not betray myself for fitting with you’ is my reminder.
I don’t have the answer, I am human just like you but we can find the answer ensemble. Love that.
Being aware of your pattern of the familiar or so called the home…which was unsafe and dysfunctional so my core belief was subconsciously attracting this vibe no matter how I was craving for safety, being held , seen, heard and valued, supported thus loved.
I believe that You attract what you vibrate. Bring it on the shift at subconscious level. Enjoy the voyage everyone. You are doing great 🙏🏽💛 I have been learning that with the right person, they make you want to be a better person for coming back to a safe home - yourself.
The Five Love Languages have made a great impact on many people I know. Some people judge before reading because it’s from a Christian author though most of the principles written about have been written about by some philosopher or spiritual guru somewhere along the way
Open and clear communication is so crucial to trust on all levels. Currently in a relationship with a much older partner and it is the best of my life. Finding a maturity match is important and continuously expressing what does and doesn’t work is key💓
“Mastery of love” is a banger of a book for relationships. The 4 agreements and the settle art of not giving a f*ck, have all shaped me into the person I am today
Mastery of Love is amazing. When you really get that all emotions come from either love or fear - and can then look at anger and ask, what is she/he/I really afraid of? Life changing.
Love that book so much
I am 69 years old and can honestly say that I have never experienced a truly loving relationship with another human being. I had both biological and adoptive parents and siblings, all of which were USE AND BE USED. I had 27 years of a living hell with an abusive loveless sociopath husband who died 17 years ago. Suffice it to say, I have remained peacefully single. Still, I wonder........what would it feel like to share that with another human being? I guess I'll try again in the next incarnation.
wow.. this comment really shocked me. I hope that you are happy now and at peace. Sending you love and healing energy x
Our childhood traumas are difficult to overcome
sending so much love to you
Got to look into your trauma, our mind will gladly keep interpreting the world as we learned it as children, which can keep us from making connections.
May the love of all of us that have read what you've written and felt similar feelings give you some comfort! 😇
Bad relationships are there to help one grow and prepare for their soul mate.
Respect yourself then show respect for your partner. Love is so empowering and satisfying when you two become as one. We are celebrating our 49th Anniversary and we work on it daily Learn to listen to each other. It's worth it.
may I ask for your story? :) you sound so at peace with your marriage. did you start off as friends? thank you!
I believe its easy for us to take the short route without thinking, then overthinking once you realise you didn't act with intention but you can navigate a relationship back to health as long as both sides are willing. patience, observation and compassion. letting go might be necessary, which is heart breaking within itself, but you know when its right.
I listen to Esther Perels podcasts and audiobooks. Really learn a lot about 'relational intelligence'. Might make a good podcast guest
She is clever but she condones cheating.
@@brentshirley477 No she doesn’t. She just doesn’t judge like most people do as she realises that things are complicated. They’re not black or white. They’re various shades of grey.
@@Mistical1982 cheating deserves to be judged. Its insanely selfish.
She condones nonmonogamy which is very different. She also calls marriage like it is, an institution that only works long term half of the time.
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate your insight so much. I just got out of a very toxic relationship a couple years ago and spent a lot of time alone. It was so valuable to me to rediscover my true self. I finally found someone incredible recently and I didn’t even think that was possible. Someone who compliments my life instead of pulling me down or consuming my life.
I’ve been married and divorced. Since 2004 I’ve had a few boyfriends that all let me down and none that lasted more than a few months. Then about 8 years ago an old friend came back into my life who was a spiritual person and he opened my eyes to spirituality. I love my life being single and pleasing myself what I want to do. If the right person came along that would be great but he would have to be the right person 🥰
I experienced sexual, physical and mental abuse as a child. My partner did too, we have been working together towards growth and enhancement as well as raising children together. It seems to be the correct path. It fulfills my soul to do this work.
My husband of 25 years is demanding that I am responsible to make him feel good. I find I can’t always say what is perceived or felt without considering how it makes him feel. Don’t get me wrong, he is a good person, just dependent on me to build him up. It is frustrating ✨. Thank you Russell for the video ✨🌍✨
Would be better to be his wife than his mother - that builds a lot of resentment over time
WTF!
You're not his mom!!!!!!!
No one is ever responsible for doing what you are doing for him. What about your life?
You should read about toxic codependency.
He is acting like a toddler!
Sounds like very hard work to me!!
Lorri, lots of good people still don't realize that it's impossible for another person to make them happy, and I suspect this delusion is the root cause of most divorces. I blame rom-coms and inane lines like "You complete me."
@@sharonmassey2923
There's a lot more to it than that.
The longest and most important relationship that you ever have is the one with yourself!
My best friend was with a guy. They would always make plans to see each other. She would get ready and then message him. When she did, it was usually just a few hours before they were supposed to meet up and he’d ghost her. She said this happened at least 5 times. It broke her. He’d come back and do it again. They haven’t seen each other for 6 months while this continued. Finally she muted him out of her life forever. Sad story.
Thank you so much Mr. Russel. It is hard to be grounded sometimes and to center yourself. Thank you for helping me become a little more grounded and to approach love in a more non-judgmental and non-controlling way. I hope to find love that is an expression of generosity, love, patience, and kindness.
His little aside at 5:52 says so much about how he views his marriage. Please God forever. 🙏. Awesome
The worst is when you don't know what you did wrong, if anything you did wrong, when the person you're with is not open and doesn't seem to try to communicate and expects you to know everything and be perfect.
Thank you for sharing your experience and the link to Brené Brown full video. Much appreciated 🙏
Thank you Russell. I am finally in therapy and found an amazing psychiatrist as well. Currently I am working with EMDR therapy to help with trust, shame and past traumas from childhood. I also listen to Brene and began journaling after a 17 year hiatus.
My personal relationship has gone from wonderful to a disaster instantly,
Because of lack of honesty in her commitment towards me.
All the plans were wonderful for us until I gave notice on my flat. Now it’s been all
For nothing.
The majority just don’t seem to know what they want anymore
So many relationships are ruined by simply not listening to what they have to say.
How many times have we had arguements with our loved ones only to be consumed about how it affects ourselves?!!! I know I've been guilty of this many times , I was only listening to what I wanted to hear and was storing up in my mind what I was going to fire off next at them and completely missed what they were actually saying. Overtime I have consciously pulled myself up when I find myself doing it and have found it has improved my relationships. Although I have to be honest and say I have slipped back into that old mindset on occasions and regretted it.
LOVE all of this! So applicable to my life. Thanks for talking about it.
Beautiful video! So important to admit there’s a problem, believe you can change, and accept help. I also think it’s crucial to take time to be by yourself (not in a relationship) and learn about yourself. When we love ourselves completely, that love and energy radiates towards us 💙🙏🏾 thx for the video!
*"Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul." - Democritus*
And not in other people 😘
👂🏻…unbiased listening is a skill learned!
Love is a blessing to share - learn to love oneself: your strengths, weaknesses, success and failures before endeavouring another’s!
YOU decide.
Its a quest of finding someone on the same intellectual level not class but understanding but theres got to be a great attraction there where you miss them so you do your best to nurture that relationship 🌞👍
I was never a person who really liked you in the past I could never make you out but apart from changing in your relationship you have changed as a person. This video was compelling like so many you have done so it's not easy to change for the better so well-done..
I have a wonderful relationship with my close friends, I love and respect myself and them.
So eloquent accessible and clear. Top lad Russel!
Your considerations within a partnership (from 2:40) would be worth fleshing out. You hit the nail on the head with that summary. Keeping those things at the forefront of our mind while in a relationship can really serve to diffuse resistance and promote sympathy 💓
The NLP for Dummies covered most of the issues such us, ( being positive by thinking about gifts and flowers whenever it comes to marriage instead of courts, lawyers etc).
The thing that helped was spending about 3 nights a week apart, but we are only with our family or one best friend in that time, not partying. And him telling me he loves me as soon as we have rowed. He will say it by text "I don't know what to do but all I know is I love you". That really helped me feel less fear. Though women will tend to still be unresponsive or still nasty, till that second when they calm down, could take 3 days. But that's an indication of how much the guy means to them, if she's feeling freaked out lol. And my guy is by no means a walk over, took me years to win him round 😂 he has backbone when he needs to if I'm too shout he would go home, but happens much less now.
Thank You for sharing. Very good advice. Have a fantastic day
Thank you so much Russell 🙏🏾✨🧘♀️ Sat Nam
Can look at problems not just gloss over or deny. Something that can seem stuck or impossible, one can explore it in a journal and/or with a helper. A bit like what Brené Brown did, we can take something and break it down and then there might seem more chance of doing something with it/about it.
This man is amazing. Wonderful human
Thanks so much for posting this. I am in the space of re-evaluating my relationships right now. I really appreciate your insights on this!
I feel like I’ve been gaslit and did my own form of gaslighting, not intentional. I am in a relationship with someone I’ve been with for about a decade. We cohabitate well, but I’m unsure what he really wants out of it. I just want love and understanding.❤️🙏
I am twice divorced, been in many relationships , raised my kids and now at a point in my life I am being selfish. I have been abused and I have been abusive . I have been obsessive ,jealous and totally unreasonable at times . I actually have a fairly good relationship with my exes now . I have been solitary for about nine years . I do think people can change . For me it was my spiritual life that allowed me to forgive them and myself . I am enjoying living alone . But did want to see your views and advice .
I'm in a healthy relationship that has been unhealthy every now and again. With my high school sweet heart for over 30 years now. I hate him as much as I love him and he would say the same about me. It's takes work and commitment, and a come Jesus every so often. Either you're committed to win it and be in it or your not. COMMUNICTATE YOUR FEELINGS TO EACHOTHER & NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS YOU THINK THEY ARE ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEY FEEL. Because they think your feelings are ridiculous at times. Feel each other on every level.
But pugs help 🥰
@@fitwithbrittany2706 Our Rotties do. 3 Gens of lazy thugs.
Comming to see u the other day has put me right bk on the right path I hadn't slipped but I was flat and sock of the world ....I am back searching for good, excepting of good and feeling good ..thanks matey x
Thank you, thank you for all your videos. You are definitely my mentor. My relationships have sadly failed but I have learned to be happily by myself. I am closer to God and am authentic to myself. Thanks for your words of wisdom, as always 🙏🏼
I think removing the fear of being alone is incredibly valuable for many reasons. Firstly because it then removes the main thing that seems to keep those on bad relationships together, that fear of being alone. Your difference between wanting to be there over 'needing; to be. Secondly you get to learn more about yourself that you can't in other ways. What are you 'actually' good or bad at? That way not only can you find a partner that complements you and you them but also truly value them and yourself.
Set healthy boundaries for myself and learn not to feel guilty for saying no
More patience and gratitude for all thanks to my attunement level two
Namasta
I seem to be in a very healthy relationship with my gf. We communicate very well when there is a problem that needs to be addressed and we support each other and show up when needed. I have big thick walls up though and noticed that I am reluctant to move these bricks around. I struggle with trusting this is going to last or stay healthy. This is my barrier in which I am trying to overcome. I have had mostly bad relationships that have lead to me being abused in some way. It is hard to believe this is it lol
You are helping me a lot . Thank You ❤️
Healthy relationship. 1st. Independence- I can do it alone. 2nd. Interdependency- I'm independent, you are independent, and together we are unstoppable. Unhealthy relationship. 1st. Dependence- I need someone else to survive. 2nd. Codependency- My happiness depends upon my partner. Love, Economics, Power distribution, and family dynamics. The only valid question a therapist asks you is, "what was your role in the success or failure of the relationship". Any emotion, that is not happy, should be reserved for a therapist. (Don't vent!) Love is a subjective term. Unconditional love is ideal but very few people vibrate at that frequency. Know vibrations! Shame and guilt through peace, love, and enlightenment. 48 laws of power taught me the reality of people. I was naïve about people before it. Truth Finders- Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, Dave Chappelle, Andrew Schultz, Russel Brand, Mathew McConaughey, Jon Stewart.
I have a big problem with being alone, I feel like all the life is sucked out of me when I separate from my partner after a weekend together (we don’t live together, I sleep at his house Friday night through Monday morning). And then all week I feel drained until I see him again on Friday. We’ve been dating almost two years and this hasn’t changed. I know I’m codependent but I don’t think it’s a terrible thing, however it really sucks when I’m alone.
It's really encouraging to hear someone advocating for more dialogue and discussion instead of derision and division. A rising tide let's all ships rise, but us vs. them dehumanizes whoever them may be
Eckart Tolle, Therapy in a nutshell, and Esther Perel are great for being more aware of yourself around others, which in the long run has helped me be aware of toxic relationships. Thanks for your content Russell. You are a gentle soul :)
For those like me who have been told I have Relationship OCD. This question around uncertainty feeds a compulsion to find certainty. Those with addictive traits or other MH issues find it a really tough question to answer.
Thank you Mr brand your awesome and I appreciate your drive and hard work 👍
5:15 Louise L Hay's work has been really important for me in this area. Our thoughts and behaviours can poison our relationships or make us put up with situations that are toxic and damaging for us. It starts with self love and boundary setting and focusing on how you can show up for yourself and others, in simple terms, it starts with the relationship you have with yourself! 6:00 Boundaries, reliability, accountability, the vault, integrity, non judgement and generosity this is the anatomy of trust.
Instead of saying "I don't trust you" break it down and say "here's my struggle" break it down and be more specific in order to talk about trust.
Great video Russell, it's great to see a very respectful enlightened thoughtful Subject being covered, needs to be covered more often. Wish this was covered in Schools. I wish I could say I have anything like a relationship, like millions of people now relationships are too complicated, resources demanding and soul draining to even attempt trying to find a date let alone a life partner.
I did the Lightening Process course. Changed my life.
Good advice!
I think applying these tips to even non romantic relationships would be beneficial.
Love this video it’s funny how such relevant content seems to pop up for me when I need it! I have just had to cut out someone I had an amazing connection with because they became verbally abusive due to their insecurities and lack of ability to communicate in an appropriate way with me. Sadly there was no way for me to reassure him that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He convinced himself that I was and then started to abuse me. It has left me feeling so sad and empty even though I know it was the right thing for me to do for my own boundary to be put down.
The most impactful course or courses I have ever done Russel were from Landmark Education. They use a mixture of wisdom’s from Buddhism to philosophy to help you understand and see for your self where you’re patterns are and where they come from. 😉👍🏼
Thanks ! I love your recovery book .. do you have any podcast or videos about that I love how you break things down
Ha ha, Russell I hear you man, sounds like you are doing your best, don't over analyse too much, sometimes just being yourself is more than enough 😉
I love how you always encourage and ask questions about how others use their transformative power that is in all of us for our growing and pruning. I think a hollistic approach is necessary to overcome our egoic prison of an inflexible, self-centered, frightful mind. I think that this ego is like a child, it just needs a gentle reparenting. One quote of Brene that stuck with me "You cannot belittle and criticize others to change their behavior". Harriet Lerner, Brene Brown, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Gabor Mate, Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski have inspired me in numerous ways. Brene's work is close to my heart, I am currently doing her shame resilience course and reading "I Thought It Was Just Me; But It Isn't". When it comes to relationships specifically, I am currently exploring attachment theory. I like RUclipsrs Thais Gibson, Alan Robarge and Briana McWilliam on this topic. I think attachment theory is a good framework to analyse patterns of behavior and core fears so I can understand how to intervene and direct atleast my own reactions to loving and healthier outcomes.
Thanks Russell. This is very useful for my psychology course I am studying, and for friends etc... You've accomplished a huge amount and your reflections on your previous relationships are very honest. I am sure pop industry busy lifestyle and drink would make that difficult for them to reflect on their behaviour too. Relationships are testing but it shouldn't be a case of karma chameleon. I think what I need in a relationship are the five key points that lady in the ted talk highlights and what you suggest. I think although it's not somebody's job to make you happy or make you feel good about yourself one wouldn't be with someone who didn't make them happy or feel attractive. That would be counter intuitive. I know that's not what you meant. Trust, (not going back on what they say they are going to do...promise etc...although obviously monogamy) making somebody feel emotionally secure, complimenting that person in public, them accepting it and returning it, holding hands, the little things are the big things, leaving a bag of organic fruit out, cooking for you, sharing things, walks holding hands by the sea but I also like culture and experiencing new activities (adventure etc...with somebody,) someone that let's me have my own hobbies and shares their own in pillow talk with me. Also someone that wants to do a creative hobby with me. Simultanously being able to have my own space at times. Giving me my own space. Feeling like I can be myself around them. Them around me. Having fun with them. If it's a long distance thing then knowing that it won't be that way for ever, good regular sex lol. I think people get comfortable and some men once they finally get the girl (perhaps some women too) and then they stop putting in the effort. Human nature to want to chase but that behaviour puts me off people because love, liking someone shouldn't be a game. People should mean what they say and do what they mean. Someone that has integrity and is hard working. Someone that has similar ambitions (not work wise) and likes to travel. (Obviously this is made difficult by the great reset at the moment.) Someone who can communicate and who wants children one day. A person who is kind...not financially but in their words and actions. A good sense of humour because let's face it life is difficult. Similar political values although the willingness to respect those different from their own and see the system for what it is, is important. Someone who get's that being genuinely strong is having been through a lot of rubbish before in one's past but not letting it make them hard to the world. Someone who wants to be comfortable but not ruthless to get rich. Someone who won't take me for granted because I guess men have a tendency to change their mind on off (from what I have observed over the years) but once I change my mind that's it. Someone that won't make me compete with other women because I won't demean myself to doing that. Someone that knows their own worth and gets that I know mine. On off relationships are the most toxic. We've all been there in the past and it's definitely not something that I would entertain these days. Nothing is more dull then somebody who doesn't know their own mind and heart. Plenty more fish lol...though someone who I feel calm around and isn't a total stress head all the time is something I feel comfortable with. I found out an old colleague when I was a step up drug and alcohol support worker who helped train me over a decade ago gave me the best advice (I think he stole it from Moulin Rouge,) the hardest thing anyone can learn is just to be love and be loved in return....we have to learn to love ourselves first though. People can give us signposts and this is something that took me a long time to learn myself but I think they need to put more emphasis on it in parenting classes, schools in PSE etc...Parents and churches need to show us to do it I think ultimately if they don't do this for what ever reason we really need to learn to do it for ourselves. Take responsibility for ourselves. I know myself so I think finding someone who knows their self is great. Character and empathy are important. I'd choose them any day over a high pay slip. Someone that doesn't expect me to compromise more than I expect them. Relationships are about two people compromising. Someone that doesn't make me feel bad about their body to cover up their own insecurities. Someone that wants to be happy.
Very nice and helpful video Russell! Thanks! All the things you tell have a lot of sense. Besides Rene Brown is a great example, I love her videos and books too!
Take care!
I think humans are not all capable of real 'Love' cause Love is not about being attracted, it's about recognition and responsability. Most realtions i have been in have stopped when troubles begun so it's all very telling! I guess that if you find someone who wants to stand by you even when hey saw your dark side, well your off to a good start!
I enjoy your talk relationships thank you very much I enjoy listening to you
What fantastic advice and insight. I'll be seeing you in Cardiff in a couple of weeks man, I don't know what you do after shows but I'd absolutely love to meet in person you just once, even if just for a second or so. That would be such a wonderful thing for me personally, I really hope I do if you stay around for a bit after the show :)
russel you look gorg in this vid thanks for the advice babes xx
Self awareness and honest objectivity of the positive or negative frequencies you feel or don't feel when around that person or any person.
We must look into ourselves and see where our own issues stem from that perpetuate negative relationship patterns. Spend time to grow ourselves in love with others in general. Understand what is important to us in an intimate relationship, and have boundaries. Then we are less likely to enable what is not is not right for us. We need to grow our personal strength and purpose enough to let go of toxic relationships. There is no magic for that, it takes time. As you know, it takes effort to do that, and even more so for those with addiction issues, because feeding the dragon comes first, and doesn't allow the honesty to look within.