Perfectly said. I hate people who sleep with someone else's wife or girlfriend so my way to control those moments of attraction is by imagining she's married or have a boyfriend that makes me lose interest quickly because I wouldn't hurt another man's heart like that.
Absolutely. Cheating doesn't "just happen". It's a whole bunch of calculated choices that lead to it. Ignoring every warning alarm and continuing to go through with it, anyway.
Well, I learned to not have those sparks. So much so that sometimes I completely forget about it altogether. My brain seems to want to try to be attracted to people when it has certain hormones but I was taught a way to control that. I like life this way better imo.
There's always going to be another lovely looking woman. If you dont intentionally start cultivating contentment with your wife, you will never be content with her
I forgot who said it but you can treat those thoughts like birds flying by overhead - you can notice them, or you can let them perch in your mind and hatch. The choice is yours
I heard it as “birds will always fly over your head….but you can’t let them build a nest in your hat”. I don’t know who said it either but I thought I was good too.
This is a Buddhist ideology. I've been doing Buddhist meditation for about 9 months and it's brought me a tremendous amount of mental and emotional peace.
Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his flock among the lilies. Until the day breaks And the shadows flee away, Turn, my beloved, And be like a gazelle Or a young stag Upon the mountains of Bether.
I did the exact same thing, later we broke up and she told me she hasn't loved me for 3 years(we've been together for 6 years)... I loved my fantasies, I wasn't happy with her, she didn't seem to try to seduce me at all, no romatic feelings towards me, but I was 100% trying to convice myself that I am, but it was a futility that made me feel better, but almost drowned me in the end.
I’ve learned in 34 years of marriage, don’t ever hide anything from your spouse. Tell them the truth, and tell them how you feel yes it may be upsetting at first, but there’s things to be worked on! Communication, truth is very much needed in a good long lasting marriage
I want to add that honestly is important but that love is importantly as well. If you can’t share your truth with love and with your partner’s best intentions, then the communication can feel like a dark, endless tunnel. In that way, John’s advice was really good. It wasn’t just about going to his wife and telling her about his thoughts, but it was about cultivating love.
I think Blake needs to put these thoughts on his accountability partner, not his wife. She doesn’t need to know every time he is struggling with this. Her being aware in a general sense that he struggles with lust is appropriate, but him being able to cast his worries about this onto her as the norm is not a good thing. He can tell her what he wants from her, but when life is getting in the way of their intimacy and the struggle wells up in him, accountability partner is where he should look to cast this stuff on.
To any men feeling scared to grab the person you love and kiss them, I promise you they need it just as bad, if not more than you do. I genuinely believe that when you love someone truly and deeply, your subconscious picks up on their needs if you let it. So that feeling you have, may be an even stronger feeling for them of needing to hear they are loved.
@@dabd8175she probably is getting that phrase. I can think of two guys I went on dates with recently who said they wanted to learn about me...wanted to know everything about me. If a guy is interested in dating you they usually want to know about you.
Not sure how a person struggling with lust is supposed to improve intimacy with their spouse by writing down their fantasies, most of which probably come from porn, and suggesting them to his wife. He will never get any closer to her and stop daydreaming about being with other people until he completely stops porn and gets out of fantasyland. Learn how to make love to your wife, dude. We have a whole generation of men who probably don’t even know what that means.
Yep... men's brains have totally melted with all this internet porn and hyper oversexualised expectations... Respect, responsibility and duty have left the building... only me me me, I, I, I...
What does getting closer have to do with lust? lol Those 2 things have nothing to do together. As a matter of fact, intimacy kills lust. If his wife isn't cutting it in the bedroom, she won't change. You don't change a person. He just needs to self-actualise and realize that he can either accept it and fantasize or leave. Those are the only options.
@@ahmorgan If you actually read the entire comment instead of picking at it like a buffet, you’ll notice I advised him to not only stop the destructive behavior but to learn to make love to his wife. Someone with this struggle needs to replace those feelings with real connection and intimacy. How is that not a viable game plan for someone trying to save their marriage?
Everyone from time to time finds someone else sexually attractive . HOWEVER if you have built a life with a partner then right there is where your loyalties should lay . Invest your thoughts and your time in your wife / husband and look past the now and into the future . If you have no problems in your relationship then don’t create any . The grass is generally never greener at all .
Be careful with these lustful thoughts going on because they become actions eventually. Everytime you have a lustful thought substitute the thought with a wholesome thought right away. Like most things you can train your brain to stop thinking the way it does with time.
@@frankalmanzar3492 lol 😆 . Absolutely 💯 I think each one should be open to hear about eachothers sexual fantasies instead of hiding them. I dont mind exploring as long as theres no involving a third party lol
Thoughts in itself are not dangerous. What you are describing as a technique is a well known common symptom of OCD (-not saying you have OCD) so I would be careful with that as it can make your brain learn that certain thoughts are dangerous and need to be neutralized by other thoughts.
Its the same as with food. Some said even after big meal people feel hungry. It is because the meal had no nutrients, or there were not the important nutrients and witamines, so the body is craving it even after eating. Its the same with love, if you dont feel a intimacy and connection with partner besides the sex, and emotional intimacy, "the type of intimacy" as walking the city holding hands, its not sexual as much but its about intimacy and closenses. Or laughing with partner, having the feeling of importance and safety, hormones of oxytocin serotonin etc.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
SO MANY women I know have had men that cheat on them while they’re pregnant. WTF?? You’ve been extremely intimate with your marital partner that vowed to love honor and cherish you forever… but, you’re bearing the FRUIT of HIS SEED.. and he suddenly finds you unattractive and a turn off..? Something is VERY WRONG with relationships.. why so many are not marrying or having kids.. don’t blame them. Been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Would never trust a man enough for vows. Those vows are BS to a lot of people, and a LEGAL CONTRACT cannot force a person to love you or be faithful.
So many husbands feel trapped almost immediately after getting married. It’s ridiculous. I feel that they don’t want marriage. They want a sex object and a maid.
Yup, he’s looking for a reason to run. #1 reason I’ve never had children, you cannot rely on men not to just eff off when they get scared and you need them most.
I could have bet a million dollars the issue was pornography, from the very first statement/question he made. And it is. It has ruined how he views women and his wife and he has not fully repented to still be stuck here.
Problem with porn is taht even women start to feel nothing toward men..... like the muscular body proabbly starts to become boring Because what people really crave is emotional connection and little surprises as cooking favorite food for partner, or "sending love note" or supporting their careers enjoying time together.
You would probably lose 1 million dollars. Maybe, he’s just a man. And men naturally love beautiful women. The married ones too. The difference is, the ones who know, let it come then let it go. The ones who don’t know, play on their actions. But believe me, this man is no different than the men around you. We all just handle it a little different. Porn isn’t the reason for everything. Hope you know that.
@@TrevorGoodieI’ve known for a long time that most men don’t view women as people but more like a hole to use and your wife is your favorite hole that will birth your kids but you don’t actually care about her feelings because again, she’s not a person like your guy friends. Just the hole you want to cook and clean and birth your kids. That’s why it’s important to teach your daughters of this reality because too many young girls go out there thinking men share their mentality of love and relationships when it’s simply not the case. Start telling these girls you’re just a hole and watch how quickly female abstinence skyrockets. Disney movie have these women out here thinking men love them for who they are when in reality it’s you’re attractive with hole. Men have already admitted they see zero benefit to having females friends because there’s no sex. Straight from the horses mouth
@@TrevorGoodie, I will tell you from a woman's perspective, We recognize good looking, handsome men. We fantasize too. A husband can get bored as well. We just hide it better😉
Not even sure why he called in, he already sounds like a checked out teenager. Perhaps he was looking for marriage to satisfy his lust but turns out thats not how it works at all. There must be more and he said nothing of their sex life or their relationship in general really. But if she genuinely loves him and forgave him that time in the past, she doesnt deserve this half-assed attempt where he seems to desire the path of least resistance
@@hiscanvasofgrace3391 It didn’t help that John didn’t really address his responsibility in the very struggle he called about in the first place. He basically told him he was normal and should lean into his lustful thoughts and share them with his wife so they can create a sex life based on his fantasies. I’m pretty sure that approach has a zero long term success rate.
@@texasdazzlersit cuz the caller doesn't seem very truthful as to how bad it is.(for himself) Cuz how he described it is something other couples talk about.he didn't admit to cheating in the past until half way through. Which changes what John said to him in the beginning in my opinion.
Stop looking at lustful content or music. Cast down the fantasizing of sex. Rebuke and bind the thoughts of the enemy. Cast it out into outer darkness . In Jesus name. And stay away from the opposite sex if you have bad intentions. We all get attacked somewhere but God will fight for us. Flee from lust in any shape or form.
Discipline is key. It’s normal to feel attraction for others, control your emotions. Keep a private journal to jot these thoughts in your head and remind yourself of who you truly care about
@@sweetcanada17 This is the last thing you want to talk about with your spouse. You keep these private thoughts to yourself, with an understanding that you cannot be governed by your sexual desires. That is what keeps the marriage clean, self control, not transparency about who you feel attracted to.
when I opened up to my bf about having attraction to someone else, he was surprised but he said he'll be ok with it as long as I tell him first and he appreciate my honestly. after some time I realize that even though I was attracted to the other person, I don't see or want a future with him at all, it was just a passing lust. now I feel a stronger connection and attraction to my bf, and no I didn't end up doing anything with the other guy. honesty makes a stronger connection, but it's not for everyone
@@donaldshotts4429 eh me and my partner expects it though we don't nessarily talk about it cuz it's unimportant. For me it just why im having those prevy thoughts then they just stop on their own.(normally my partner involved. I do feel little guilt). I find it cute when he's attracted to fictional characters tho. Same for him towards me.(I find it hot actually).It more we like something else lustful(not the individual) and want to try or think about when we're doing things together. But its still us at the end of the day. No one else i want to spend the rest of my life with. Point- brain just be lustful if u understand urself and ur partner it can work for you instead of against u.
@@pastelx7 Definitely wouldn't work for me. My Thai wife is still there for now and there are beautiful young women everywhere that will actually look at guys my age (58) and almost all Thais look 10+ years younger then their age
I struggled with this, too. Low moment was first year of marriage drinking at a bar WITH husband and I lamented no guy had hit on me yet. He laughed and said "what am I, chopped liver?" I woke the next day convicted as a Christian that I was trying to find my worth in my attractiveness. My worth is in Christ. My beauty is fleeting. It was ego making me seek affirmation. Also moved on from going out to bars for fun.
If you are even decently attractive this is a hard one… when you’re constantly told you’re beautiful it can be a fight with yourself to age gracefully and not make your worth based in your looks
Your worth in being a human and hopefully a decent person. Not made up stuff like beauty or a religious belief. Disaster waiting to happen. Lose your beauty or faith and you are nothing? No, your worth lyes in yourself
@karinland8533 what an interesting thing to say. Whatever compels you to comment against a random person's faith on a RUclips video? 😂🤷🏻♀️ Anyway, have a good one 🫡
I think this guy doesn't want a wife, he wants Aunt Bea,someone to keep his home fires burning so he can enjoy sharing the best parts of his personality with other women for validation. He's treating her as his mother, not his lover. Notice how he not once even mentioned how lonely, alienated and defective she must feel or seems to care. I've lived through this exact same thing. Guy turned out to be diagnosed as a vulnerable narcissist with something called obsessive love disorder. It only gets worse. I'm sure his wife is probably desperately wondering what is wrong with HER when it's him.
😢so true!.. the fact that she stayed with him and also then married him after he cheated shows me that she most likely has those thoughts of wondering if she’s not good enough for him or always focused on how he’s feeling. Not loving herself. Either things will turn around if he puts in the work or something will probably happen where she will be forced to love herself and choose herself.
Thx. Dr. John - I needed this reminder to rekindle laughter and spontaneity. My spouse recently rekindled a relationship with someone he knew from high school, that now has a restaurant one town over. He was planning to go with another high school friend and didn't even think of inviting me. I don't know why that raised a red flag, but now it has my attention. Laughter and playfulness; seems a good way to lead back into dating with my spouse. I'm going to work on it.
Women who desire a godly loyal man surely do. It's just too depraved in mind of a man for any genuine love and protection. It's not alive in them. "He gave them up to a debased mind..." It's most certainly true.
@Samantha-ji7iw From one Samantha to another, Amen Sister! The older I get, the more I understand the meaning of our name. God Bless and keep you and yours sister ❤🙏🏽
In my 50 odd years, I've witnessed one really good, full of love and affection and sexy times, long term relationship. One. All others have re-enforced my belief that my single life is the way to go. I'm very happy for that couple but it is very, very rare. For most of us, it's just not an achievable goal. Waste of time trying 😂.
He shouldn’t have gotten married. He doesn’t sound ready nor happy. I doubt his wife is happy either. I feel so bad for the wife as he’s already cheated and likely to do so again.
He should do her a favor by telling her the truth so she can leave this marriage and find someone who is ready for marriage or actually truly loves her. Cause he doesn’t sound like he does truly love her.
@@ELias-vn5yv the world doesn't respect marriage because of how people treat it. It's not a good promotion for marriage seeing you're more likely to be killed by your spouse than a stranger. The world? Read the Bible and see it's man who cused marriage to change its route. Also extreme is not only abuse your peace is also important that's why more women age in their marriage because they care for everyone and hardly ever for themselves
Dude got locked up too early and didn't get a chance to play the field like all his friends. Probably bitter and will blame the wife for this. Trouble on the horizon.
Omg he said he has a "child on the way" her list of five things should start will " grow up... Stop being selfish... Let me nap..." Bad advice... Stop talking about sexual desires and give the woman a break... She needs hugs and support and foot rubs. Its exhausting making a baby 24 hours a day
He probably watches porn, I have always watched porn even while married unfortunately. It’s an addiction. I’ve Always had an issue with it and I know many males and females have the same problem. I have made a goal to stop it and have stuck to it for well over 2 months. What I noticed is that sexual/lustful desire has diminished. Unfortunately also as a male we are wired to be visual creatures. I struggle with looking at and admiring beautiful women but I can stop that right away. It’s crazy how detrimental porn can be in relationships because it makes you desire that certain type of taboo lustful interaction with a “perfect” person.
The problem of dating can be also caused by phone and tech addiction, chasing the dopamine. Dr. Anna Lembke explains it well, the phone addiction caused people to seek only pleasure and avoid pain. She wasnt talking about dating, but her knowledge of tech addiction can be applied also to people´s lack of skills caused by addiction and seeking pleasure. But both plesaure and pain are importnat for brain development, and mental health because both are in same place of brain. and "pleasure and pain" are cooperating together You can not have pleasure without pain, they are part of the same brain. We see it with athletes, they seek pain in order to get pleasure, its healthy form of pain. Muscians also seek pain, in order to get pleasure. Both plesaure and pain are rewarded by a dopamine. But the phone addiction makes people think that we should chase only pleasure and avoid commitment and pain, it causes anxiety and deepression, lack of skills etc. If you in dating field chase only pleasure, and avoid the healthy form of pain, healthy commitment, and building a relationships then people get anxious and depressed, because the receptors in brain that are supposed to experience the healthy pain, are not stimulated, and rewarded by dopamine, they are stimulated only with pleasure reward and shallowness. if you stimulate only pleasure reward receptors, it leads to depression and lack of motivation. The brain was developed in order to get pleasure you have to feel little bit of pain and commitment. In sport you have to chase some pain in order to get the dopmanine reward system in healthy way. therefore nothing is never good enough for some people, because thye seek only pleasure.
Anna Lembke said 30 day social media detox...is rewiring the pleasure system in brain. Which increaes your motivation, because you start seeking "healthy pain" like sports, gardening, cooking etc. All the media that makes us believe that we should avoid all pain... and put moisturiser on face and be pampered etc.... Its brainwasghing people... to never expereience a challenges Healthy pain is always bonded with pleasure. You feel good about yourself.
Women's brains have been studied and show that we are just as visually stimulated as men are. The difference is we have better impulse control than men.
I love the personal examples. It shows the human side of psychology and marriage. Relationships are complex, but with the right direction, we are armed with the tools to get the more favorable and desired outcome. Not all the time, but it feels good to hear that we are not alone.
Definitely! I think his issue comes from his own feelings of inadequacy and “needing” external attention and validation to feel good. He doesn’t have that ability within himself at the moment to do that..
Orrrr you learn to harness and channel your nature in a way that is beneficial to you and your social environment long-term, rather than be a slave to your own whims and letting everything collapse in their wake for momentary pleasure. ;)
@@liamlynch2115 I don’t think that s every man’s nature but a lot of men . Blaming “self nature “ instead of emotional intelligence will keep a man a victim to himself. It’s like blaming God for his lack of living peacefully. (Assuming you believe. )My first thought was oh,it must be terrible to live trying to fight the way God made you. Maybe I think this way because I’m not a man and just don’t get it. Another part to me thinks God wouldn’t create man with an internal struggle so it has to be self inflicted . My peace I give you. I appreciate your comment because it allowed me to sort through the nature of humanness. Respectfully .
@@Marc_It_Down stop trying to represent all men when you're clearly the lowest denomination of what a man is. It's always the most degenerate that scream the loudest at how normal it is 😂
For the people that you find attractive physically don’t try to build close relationships with them. Avoid them and don’t fool yourself by saying you want to pursue a friendship or something. You already have enough friends. Acknowledge attraction to others is normal but avoid leaving into it by gravity towards them. Avoid them. Also imagine that your partner probably experiences the same thing. Behave how you would want your partner to behave.
John is so right...redirect and rechannel all that absurd fantasy into making your real life great...and not just sexually great...but in every way of excellence that matters to a bigger purpose and vision-great!
Your wife gave you a chance after screwing around on her once, and you're going there again? You sound like you are selfish and take care of your desires or wants. I'm a one-and-done. Be honest with her so she can be prepared for a world of hurt and dump and flush so she can move on. Maybe she can find a man who knows who he wants.
@@claudiobeachball I agree. I wasn't condoning the cheating part. But that's not what this call was about. He felt bad that he has impulses which are standard coupled with the fact that he's terribly sad and lonely and miserable and repressed. He really sounds like he has zero hope and that only comes after being beaten down and rejected for a prolonged period of time.
@@ElimEx1 Your sympathy for cheaters is telling of the kind of person you are. If a woman cheated on her husband, would you have the same sentiment? "Maybe she's dead inside because he destroyed her and that is why she feels this way." I highly doubt that.
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being single or child free as long as it’s something you really want. The problem is it’s when you actually want it but it never happened and now you are trying to convince yourself that this is the way you always wanted your life to be like when deep inside you know it’s not true. I don’t know your case but the actual fact you wrote this comment tells me you wanted to convince yourself again that you’re grateful to be single but probably deep inside you are not. I might be wrong here but for some reason got this impression from your comment 🤷🏻♂️ it’s kind of when someone is happy they don’t run around everywhere screaming they are happy because they know it and there’s no need to prove it to anybody neither to themselves. Hopefully you got my idea and again I might be completely wrong here.
Been with the same person since 16 years old, probably don't do that and date around. These calls are a dime a dozen at this point, freakin sad. Don't marry the first person you meet, jesus
Hello Blake, corns 🌽 teaches you to sekshualize really every human being & their behaviors. It's neither healthy for ourselves nor for our social lives because you are flooded with n4ughty pictures & look at human beings & even in some extreme cases at animals & objects as sekshual objects. Don't let your desires control your life. When you distance yourself from those kinds of thoughts & people & spice up your marriage, then you will have a fulfilled life because an adult entertainment lifestyle makes you nvmb for real, longlasting emotional connections. Change your mindset because it will help your marriage ✨️💓✨️
@@ZumchoNo, he said that because he wanted it to be “exotic” in his words. John’s told this story before and he said he got excited because his wife’s hand writing usually meant something way more exciting than just French kissing but it ended up being a great, romantic night for them.
People expect too much from sex. After having children it has fulfilled it's purpose. Get your joy of living and fulfilment from other things after this. Focus on your children, keeping strong and fit, career and creative pursuits. Do all these things first and if sex happens to come along then fine but don't make it the focus of your life and what you look to for fulfillment.
It seems like people who wait with sex for few months.....when starting the relationship they actually experience true attraction, because they see the person´s personality and passion and values. Then also the sexual attraction is bigger, but more in loving ways.
I see a trend in marriages where they've been married for a short period of time and are already experiencing issues in their marriages and I realize it seems like a huge lack of commincation and then nobody wants to talk about things because they dont want things to get complicated. Sometimes I listen to these vids and I'm like, do you both talk to each other at all? What are your conversations like? Are you even friends? And I think a lot of relationships lack this. You'd be surprised how great a relationship could be if you could be open about how you feel without getting judged or feeling misunderstood.
On a recent work trip (a training course), I met someone who I found attractive. As soon as I realized that I might have feelings or attractions to this woman, I immediately set boundaries. No sitting next to her at lunch or at the bus, no talking with her after hours, not asking her out to dinner etc. I only talked to her when we just happened to be in talking distance, which lasted around 30 seconds each time and only 3 or 4 times over the 5 days of the training course. I did imagine scenarios where I asked her out to have dinner etc but never actually did it.
*This guy admitted that he cheated on her before* they were married and she knows it. I never understand why people pretend to find comfort in staying in relationships with cheaters. His wife is left holding the L since she already knows what he’s capable of. He has no reason to feel bad about being unfaithful, he can’t help himself.
She probably lost her virginity to him, so how is she going to leave? She can't. She's too bonded. Most (normal) women get very attached to their partners after intimacy. Plus, these people sound like the repressed Christian type.
@@bekkaspills With all due respect, are you trying to convince us that every woman remains in a relationship with the man that they lose their virginity to?
I feel this guy even though he wasn’t very articulate. I’m quite happy with my marriage but haven’t been kissed in 8 years. It’s really tough sometimes and yes, I sometimes feel like dry kindling. And I’m the woman in the relationship! Husband is not sensual and not interested
I have been with my husband for 19 years and there have been times I was ready to draw up divorce papers. But, I can say with complete honesty and say I have never been more attracted to anyone more than him. There have been no other men that have turned my head other than just to say, “yeah, he was nice looking.” But it is ALWAYS followed up with, “but my husband is better.” He IS my fantasy.
It's because attractiveness is more than such physicality. You must really like your husband. Not just love him, but actually like him 😊 I have been with my hubby for 26 years, married 25. We have had several difficult years in those 26 years but I actually came back multiple times from the brink of a divorce because I have always liked him as a person. Loved him yes, but liked him way more 😂.
@ exactly! I think my husband is an actually cool guy. He has unique hobbies and he makes me laugh. People don’t realize that marriage is Work. And it’s work that never stops. I’m so glad you like your hubby too! May you have many many more years together.
There's some good-looking women out there, but none of them are worth breaking up your family over. If its a dead bedroom situation, divorce first, and then go and do whatever you need to do. Skip counseling because it wont work in that scenario.
I was with you until that last line. You don't know what the mental hangup stopping the intimacy is, so you can't say whether counseling will work or not. A better statement is counseling ALONE will not work without the person getting personal psycho therapy in conjuction to marriage counseling to address those other issues
Can we define dead bedroom ? Because when I had 2 miscarriages I was still sleeping eith my husband once week and he was calling that a dead bedroom ... meanwhile on all levels I was dealing with lose of child
@@lunalou8888 I think Chet is referring to situations like a prior caller on this show-a man whose wife refused to have sex with him for years-even decades. I don’t think he’s referring to once a week sex. That sounds normal and healthy.
@GiftofGod289 well that's what my husband was having a tanty about and calling a dead bedroom so the term dead bedroom seems to be different for everyone and very confusing 😕
And PORN of course has nothing to do with uncontrollable lustful thoughts. And it does not desyroy Marriages and Families. So we should just mention it in passing and don't think twice about the cause and effect here.
For all those who have given a thumbs up 👍 to my comment, Thank you! But for the sake of Disclosure, please know that I was not supporting PORN. Not at all. Quite the contrary. I realize Sarcasm should be used sparingly or it confuses some folks.
I read that sarcastically. 😅 Some think it has no cause for lustful thoughts or temptation to arise when consuming that content especially if you’re married. It makes expectations much higher and isn’t fair to the other spouse. Just because some people are willing to share an intimate act for pleasure and are willing to get naked doesn’t mean it’s okay to consume when you have a live person in front of you wanting to be thought of while being intimate yet they can’t satisfy their spouse because they’re consuming and finding pleasure elsewhere. PORN opens a lot of doors for temptation in my opinion.
Then i must be abnormal. If anyone seemed flirtatious and attracted to me, i won’t entertain it. I would feel ‘yes, I’m still attractive’ but i won’t entertain it and invite it in.
He's right on the verge of going into having a full blown sex addiction.. him not being able to aggressively grab his wife... OF 4 YEARS...and tell her he loves her means he's holding back ... and doesn't have the real connection he needs to have. He has to table his thoughts NOW with her and it is likely that she will reciprocate and appreciate his openness, If he doesn't he will follow the rabbit down the hole, cross the line, and things will snowball QUICKLY... Absolutely 100% do this BEFORE you have kids... And John was Right.... NO PORN. His porn use is distracting him from thinking about what's bothering him... Go TALK to her buddy.🙏
I am not judging. I don’t believe that he is happily married. Maybe, he is content with his marriage? If someone is truly in love with his spouse, and if the spouse is the soulmate, he/she wouldn’t EASILY be attracted to someone else.
Ofc not, he doesn't flirt so most likely the wife approached him and he settled for the sex but it wasnt what he thought it be or fantized about and never left. Probably thought he wouldnt find better. He never communicated what he wants or doesn't want. When he cheated, again the other woman initiated. No offense but the guys a looser, just letting others do the work and he doesn't pursue his own likes and wants. Probably a passive doormat.
The number of subscriber is raising I'm happy for you Dr Jhon I never miss an episode even if we are from a two different cultures i still like your thoughts you inspire me I'm Arab by the way A big heart ❤ to you and to your team you're doing such a great job🎉
It's normal to feel attraction to other people. If you can take that energy and spark and go home to your wife for intimacy, it can give a charge to your relationship.
Sounds obscene. So fantasize about other people while you use your spouse's body. Why not just get a Blow Up Doll. No Morality or Emotions to deal with it then.
I don't get that. I get that he's desperately looking for connections that doesn't exist at home and he's completely beaten down and unhappy. He's looking for reasons, not other people.
@@firefly9838 Yeah but can't you just hunt something that isn't so frivolous? Something that has actual purpose? I kinda wonder if that's what some of this is about with men. Because it's usually men who are way disconnected from purpose, or something bigger in life than themselves. Doesn't have to be spiritual exactly, but like...a vision. Responsibility. Meaning. Something worth living and dying for. I guess that's harder to find.
@XPrincess30 said, "seems it's usually men who are thinking of cheating or doing it" Have you taken the time to research legitimate statistics before making this statement? What objective data are you basing this claim upon? Also these men who are having affairs are not having affairs with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters. They are having affairs with other women who by definition are also participating in the affair.
Some expert said the hormone of love oxytocin decreases testosterone. For example if man sleeps in the same room as his new born child, he feels so much love and hormone oxytocin that his testosterone is decreased and also his sexual desire is decreased. Maybe its because the nature want the man to be come protector of the baby and of the family, not constantly make babies, and make sex 24 hours a day. So maybe the intimacy can be challenge, if the sexual desire and testosterone is not 150 percent...when man feel other hormones as oxytocin not just testosterone. But it seems its actually healthy, because he can experience to the fullest....to feel other hormones too, as oxytocin, serotonin etc.
Bro, this happens to me too...it is actually a proclivity MANY people have (both men and women-im a woman btw)... this is a soul issue, not a mental health issue.
Ive felt this more as I have aged. Its because I feel secure in my marriage so much that now my sexuality feels freed. I have been tempted by other men who were scandalous because they were married or taken, and im Christian, so i had to suffer through all that temptation. Add to that my marriage became suddenly sexless or less sex. Here are the strategies i learned all on my own. Just say no to temptations. Just say no to voids. Say yes to self care. Say yes to quaantining yourself and time alone with God.
This kinda hits home for me, I've recently starting seeing a new mental health professional so I'm hoping I'll make more progress though I've had an ongoing problem with pornography started in mid teenage years, I abstained for about 6 or so years then it just came back out of nowhere and became so much worse. I find I'll abstain for as long as I can then I'll eventually cave in, it's like I don't want it because I don't want it as part of my life, I don't like how it makes me see or relate to other people, though for me it's a coping mechanism because of how unfulfilled and miserable my life is and so I try to stave it off as a last resort by using other less harmful coping strategies and then eventually it comes back. I've experienced childhood trauma and a long history of isolation and lonliness since I was a kid, I'm now 22, I've also had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember.
Caller, if you're reading this, look up avoidant attachment style and how to overcome it. There are ways to allow yourself to be more intimate, not pull away. It's hard but it takes practice!
He is afraid that his wife will reject him for the stuff he likes. Bro women have a deeper sex drive than men at times, most women WILL NEVER TELL their partner. He should go to the gym, get his sexy, let his wife know he thinks she is sexy and work on helping her feel safe to share. Sex is more important than folks are telling you. Joke about the 5 guy thing just to see what she says.
Yeah, there must be someone specifically that he's referring to. Possibly someone he works with or sees at church, sporting events, etc, that has caught his attention. Getting hit on by strangers is very normal and wouldn't prompt a call like this. I think it's a woman he can't get out of his head and now wants to "conquer."
Wrong sorry. This lustful response is just another form of betrayal. Looking for external validation from others is a sign of an unhealed emotional wound or trauma. Emotionally secure people are confident of their own worth and value. They protect the boundaries of their relationships and honour their partner's trust. Another surprise - porn is not normal either despite a whole bunch of injured people escaping their trauma by being peeping toms.
Porn teaches us how to lust, not love, so he he has to change his thinking process with other women, and with his wife. His brain has got the wired desire for connection and excitement crossed. Porn is always these people who just meet and hook up. Gives you that rush of dopamine, but love looks so different. You have to be more intentional in your connecting with each other. I hope he can find ways to bring wholesome excitement into his life and marriage 😌 A lot of people really struggle with it, which is why I like this idea of creating a culture of desire in the house. I've been working on this with my husband and it took a lot for me to change but it's working.
I think the disconnection gets lost when you poop infront of eachother all day long! I’m sorry but that just doesn’t work for me. I tell my man to please close the door and wipe the skid marks out the toilet bc at the end of the day if you pushing up on me then that will play in my mind automatically. Idk why I’m like this but I think certain things need to remain private in a relationship/marriage. Also men and women should be keeping poo spray in their overnight bags and in their bathrooms! At all times! Lock the door while taking a big or small poo 💩
I take zero issue with my man pooping or farting in front of me. He’s a man. It’s a manly thing to do. As a woman I keep that part of myself private because I’m a lady but why should we care about what our man does? He’s a man. Let him be manly.
I agree with you. Pooping is not a manly thing it is a human thing that neither party should have to be subjected to. I'm not turned on by bad smells or poor manners or bad hygiene. A man is not a child or a pig.
I will love this man forever for asking the dishes question! Women keep telling men that it turns them on and men keep thinking its just women wanting to get out of work and either not doing it or doing it with the wrong attitude. But, it's so sexy! Not the pose, not some submissive thing, not anything like that. It means he is at home and feels a part of the same home with her, and that is him beingtrustworthy and reliable in a very tangible way. It's not expected, it wasn't demanded, it just is. That's why it's sexy.
@Dr.Delony he never said he was attracted to another woman, or women for that matter. Would your advice be the same for someone seeking intimacy from someone of the same sex?
Anyone else get the impression this guy is steps away from cheating again? He already did it once, and he doesn’t strike me as having the strength of character to control himself for much longer. I hope he takes the advice, and that it works.
he sounds like a deep introvert with some depression trauma background. The introversion would also exlain the imaginary realm in his mind as well as his shyness and obvious lack of confidence. Dr John is obviously an extrovert and he tries to talk him into extroverted ways of connecting.which i dont think are suitable for an introvert. What makes an introvert come alive is completely different and i dont think dr John gets it even though his intention is good.
@@TroyP20 looking is not the problem. We all find some ppl attractive. Nothing wrong with that. The lustful fantasizing is hurtful and will eventually show up in your relationship. Just a matter of time because there is lack of self control or loyalty . When you love someone there are boundaries. You can’t control what the other person thinks but his/ her level of commitment will be evident on an emotional/ connection level. I wouldn’t do that because I would understand that it would hurt my spouses feelings and that is more important than fantasizing. I may think this way because I’m older and my hormones are driving my actions.
No one can help those little spark moments of attraction to someone. You CAN, however, control what you do from there.
And were human... It Happens to everyone from time to time!
Perfectly said.
I hate people who sleep with someone else's wife or girlfriend so my way to control those moments of attraction is by imagining she's married or have a boyfriend that makes me lose interest quickly because I wouldn't hurt another man's heart like that.
Absolutely. Cheating doesn't "just happen". It's a whole bunch of calculated choices that lead to it. Ignoring every warning alarm and continuing to go through with it, anyway.
@@SpaQueenRocks BINGO. “One thing” does not, in fact, “lead to another”
Well, I learned to not have those sparks. So much so that sometimes I completely forget about it altogether. My brain seems to want to try to be attracted to people when it has certain hormones but I was taught a way to control that. I like life this way better imo.
Nothing more attractive than a person with self control.
💯
Preach it!
Yes.
Yup, but that's when they turn up the attention. Been there, done that.
@@PaulEEish , I am sorry? Sounds terrible. Could you explain?
There's always going to be another lovely looking woman. If you dont intentionally start cultivating contentment with your wife, you will never be content with her
🎯🎯🎯
FAAAAAAAACTS!!!! 💯
💯💯💯
@@zeal4god402 Another handsome young man as well..
Good comment!
I forgot who said it but you can treat those thoughts like birds flying by overhead - you can notice them, or you can let them perch in your mind and hatch. The choice is yours
I heard it as “birds will always fly over your head….but you can’t let them build a nest in your hat”. I don’t know who said it either but I thought I was good too.
Interesting. I've heard of it as letting logs/leaves float by on a river. If you try to chase them, you'll drown.
This is a Buddhist ideology. I've been doing Buddhist meditation for about 9 months and it's brought me a tremendous amount of mental and emotional peace.
🔥🔥🔥🔥
Catch us the foxes, The little foxes that spoil the vines, For our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his. He feeds his flock among the lilies. Until the day breaks And the shadows flee away, Turn, my beloved, And be like a gazelle Or a young stag Upon the mountains of Bether.
Fantasy is a form of escapism. It feels easy to escape when other parts of your life are boring af.
So true
I did the exact same thing, later we broke up and she told me she hasn't loved me for 3 years(we've been together for 6 years)... I loved my fantasies, I wasn't happy with her, she didn't seem to try to seduce me at all, no romatic feelings towards me, but I was 100% trying to convice myself that I am, but it was a futility that made me feel better, but almost drowned me in the end.
Or hard af
@@Komatsulawlbefore you can say she doesn't seduce you.. have you been seducing her?
If your life is boring, why not change your life into something exciting, instead of fantasizing about others.
I’ve learned in 34 years of marriage, don’t ever hide anything from your spouse. Tell them the truth, and tell them how you feel yes it may be upsetting at first, but there’s things to be worked on! Communication, truth is very much needed in a good long lasting marriage
100% and thank you ❤
Of course, you’re a woman 😂 🤦
Congratulations.
Your ability to be honest with your spouse is awesome but rare.
I want to add that honestly is important but that love is importantly as well. If you can’t share your truth with love and with your partner’s best intentions, then the communication can feel like a dark, endless tunnel. In that way, John’s advice was really good. It wasn’t just about going to his wife and telling her about his thoughts, but it was about cultivating love.
I think Blake needs to put these thoughts on his accountability partner, not his wife. She doesn’t need to know every time he is struggling with this. Her being aware in a general sense that he struggles with lust is appropriate, but him being able to cast his worries about this onto her as the norm is not a good thing. He can tell her what he wants from her, but when life is getting in the way of their intimacy and the struggle wells up in him, accountability partner is where he should look to cast this stuff on.
The grass is greener where you fertilize it.
To any men feeling scared to grab the person you love and kiss them, I promise you they need it just as bad, if not more than you do. I genuinely believe that when you love someone truly and deeply, your subconscious picks up on their needs if you let it. So that feeling you have, may be an even stronger feeling for them of needing to hear they are loved.
I love this
It's called bonding but you can't achieve this with a liar and a cheat .
hearing“i wanna learn about you“ would be the most sexy thing ever
I agree
It's more threatening to me. I don't trust people. That much WAS learned by me.
I can think of a couple of better ones
@@dabd8175she probably is getting that phrase. I can think of two guys I went on dates with recently who said they wanted to learn about me...wanted to know everything about me. If a guy is interested in dating you they usually want to know about you.
@@dabd8175😂😂😂😂😂😂 savage
Not sure how a person struggling with lust is supposed to improve intimacy with their spouse by writing down their fantasies, most of which probably come from porn, and suggesting them to his wife. He will never get any closer to her and stop daydreaming about being with other people until he completely stops porn and gets out of fantasyland. Learn how to make love to your wife, dude. We have a whole generation of men who probably don’t even know what that means.
@texas -you totally nailed it
Yep... men's brains have totally melted with all this internet porn and hyper oversexualised expectations...
Respect, responsibility and duty have left the building... only me me me, I, I, I...
Terrible advice. Not saying writing things down works either, but 'just stop doing XYZ" is the laziest most judgmental 'advice' ever given.
What does getting closer have to do with lust? lol Those 2 things have nothing to do together. As a matter of fact, intimacy kills lust. If his wife isn't cutting it in the bedroom, she won't change. You don't change a person. He just needs to self-actualise and realize that he can either accept it and fantasize or leave. Those are the only options.
@@ahmorgan If you actually read the entire comment instead of picking at it like a buffet, you’ll notice I advised him to not only stop the destructive behavior but to learn to make love to his wife. Someone with this struggle needs to replace those feelings with real connection and intimacy. How is that not a viable game plan for someone trying to save their marriage?
Everyone from time to time finds someone else sexually attractive . HOWEVER if you have built a life with a partner then right there is where your loyalties should lay . Invest your thoughts and your time in your wife / husband and look past the now and into the future . If you have no problems in your relationship then don’t create any . The grass is generally never greener at all .
This.
he thinks every woman that looks his way is into him lmao. dude, you're overrating yourself. you need validation
I’m convinced this is all men 😂
That’s why pretty girls have to be rude, on purpose.
You hit the nail on the head. He is definitely looking for validation and it’s harming his marriage.
Okay well what should he do then
Sounds obese from his voice, I think you're onto something 😅
@@sala320get that validation from his wife or leave and get back to the streets
Be careful with these lustful thoughts going on because they become actions eventually. Everytime you have a lustful thought substitute the thought with a wholesome thought right away. Like most things you can train your brain to stop thinking the way it does with time.
Nah we’re men that’s not gonna happen lol. I think communicating with your partner or wife about practicing the lustful thoughts is important though.
@@frankalmanzar3492 lol 😆 . Absolutely 💯 I think each one should be open to hear about eachothers sexual fantasies instead of hiding them. I dont mind exploring as long as theres no involving a third party lol
Thoughts in itself are not dangerous. What you are describing as a technique is a well known common symptom of OCD (-not saying you have OCD) so I would be careful with that as it can make your brain learn that certain thoughts are dangerous and need to be neutralized by other thoughts.
Its the same as with food.
Some said even after big meal people feel hungry.
It is because the meal had no nutrients, or there were not the important nutrients and witamines, so the body is craving it even after eating.
Its the same with love, if you dont feel a intimacy and connection with partner besides the sex, and emotional intimacy,
"the type of intimacy" as walking the city holding hands, its not sexual as much but its about intimacy and closenses.
Or laughing with partner, having the feeling of importance and safety, hormones of oxytocin serotonin etc.
@@frankalmanzar3492 plenty of men aren't animals. Stop dumbing down an entire gender
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Communication and transparency!
The wife is pregnant, and John just skipped all of that.
This dude doesn't want to be responsible or supportive, and he's looking for an escape.
I don't think he heard it, the caller just kind of mumbled it.
SO MANY women I know have had men that cheat on them while they’re pregnant. WTF?? You’ve been extremely intimate with your marital partner that vowed to love honor and cherish you forever… but, you’re bearing the FRUIT of HIS SEED.. and he suddenly finds you unattractive and a turn off..? Something is VERY WRONG with relationships.. why so many are not marrying or having kids.. don’t blame them. Been a victim of narcissistic abuse. Would never trust a man enough for vows. Those vows are BS to a lot of people, and a LEGAL CONTRACT cannot force a person to love you or be faithful.
@@Kathy-qu8zj💯👏👍
I hate that it’s true.
So many husbands feel trapped almost immediately after getting married. It’s ridiculous. I feel that they don’t want marriage. They want a sex object and a maid.
His wife's pregnant, John blew right by that at 9:47. An important factoid.
Yep, quite an important detail...
The caller is ‘afraid’ of being a Dad ….
Cause he sounds like the best guy ever @@Soton-E
Yup, he’s looking for a reason to run. #1 reason I’ve never had children, you cannot rely on men not to just eff off when they get scared and you need them most.
Oh dang I didn’t even catch that!
Not looking at porn for a month is not “in the past”
Lmao
That's what I'm saying. 🤦♀️😂
I haven't looked at porn in 10000 seconds
I could have bet a million dollars the issue was pornography, from the very first statement/question he made. And it is. It has ruined how he views women and his wife and he has not fully repented to still be stuck here.
Problem with porn is taht even women start to feel nothing toward men.....
like the muscular body proabbly starts to become boring
Because what people really crave is emotional connection and little surprises as cooking favorite food for partner, or
"sending love note" or supporting their careers enjoying time together.
You would probably lose 1 million dollars. Maybe, he’s just a man. And men naturally love beautiful women. The married ones too. The difference is, the ones who know, let it come then let it go. The ones who don’t know, play on their actions. But believe me, this man is no different than the men around you. We all just handle it a little different. Porn isn’t the reason for everything. Hope you know that.
@@TrevorGoodiewhat does this even mean? Men always want more than their wife, and it's just the way it is?
But women are just loyal?
@@TrevorGoodieI’ve known for a long time that most men don’t view women as people but more like a hole to use and your wife is your favorite hole that will birth your kids but you don’t actually care about her feelings because again, she’s not a person like your guy friends. Just the hole you want to cook and clean and birth your kids. That’s why it’s important to teach your daughters of this reality because too many young girls go out there thinking men share their mentality of love and relationships when it’s simply not the case. Start telling these girls you’re just a hole and watch how quickly female abstinence skyrockets. Disney movie have these women out here thinking men love them for who they are when in reality it’s you’re attractive with hole. Men have already admitted they see zero benefit to having females friends because there’s no sex. Straight from the horses mouth
@@TrevorGoodie, I will tell you from a woman's perspective, We recognize good looking, handsome men. We fantasize too. A husband can get bored as well.
We just hide it better😉
Not even sure why he called in, he already sounds like a checked out teenager. Perhaps he was looking for marriage to satisfy his lust but turns out thats not how it works at all.
There must be more and he said nothing of their sex life or their relationship in general really.
But if she genuinely loves him and forgave him that time in the past, she doesnt deserve this half-assed attempt where he seems to desire the path of least resistance
This very point is spot on and spoke to me!
@@hiscanvasofgrace3391 It didn’t help that John didn’t really address his responsibility in the very struggle he called about in the first place. He basically told him he was normal and should lean into his lustful thoughts and share them with his wife so they can create a sex life based on his fantasies. I’m pretty sure that approach has a zero long term success rate.
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@@texasdazzlersit cuz the caller doesn't seem very truthful as to how bad it is.(for himself) Cuz how he described it is something other couples talk about.he didn't admit to cheating in the past until half way through. Which changes what John said to him in the beginning in my opinion.
Tbh you could tell in his voice that he’s not gonna follow any of Dr. John’s advice
Yeah.... he started to tune out.... he's not a man.... and he is definitely not in love
@@dabd8175 does he handle himself like a man to you ....honey?
Yeah, it feels like a waste of time but I hope we are incorrect.
@@dabd8175Troll
@@dabd8175not him
Stop looking at lustful content or music. Cast down the fantasizing of sex. Rebuke and bind the thoughts of the enemy. Cast it out into outer darkness . In Jesus name. And stay away from the opposite sex if you have bad intentions.
We all get attacked somewhere but God will fight for us. Flee from lust in any shape or form.
Its in almost everything...
@@firefly9838 Nothing God can't help. I struggled with all the above, but the more I keep away the better. It's possible. God bless you.
You god people are unbearable
Oh, go stuff it! The young man is doing his best with normal male urges. You can't cram your religious beliefs down anyone's throat.
@@SherryEllesson so if your this man’s wife you want him to have normal (todays normal) of lust?
Discipline is key. It’s normal to feel attraction for others, control your emotions. Keep a private journal to jot these thoughts in your head and remind yourself of who you truly care about
Just say no.
Damn does it seriously require full time meditation 😂
@@wesurvivedcastledunboy9571 easier said than done.
@@SemekiIzuio- if anything: it requires an open and transparent conversation with your spouse.
@@sweetcanada17 This is the last thing you want to talk about with your spouse. You keep these private thoughts to yourself, with an understanding that you cannot be governed by your sexual desires. That is what keeps the marriage clean, self control, not transparency about who you feel attracted to.
when I opened up to my bf about having attraction to someone else, he was surprised but he said he'll be ok with it as long as I tell him first and he appreciate my honestly. after some time I realize that even though I was attracted to the other person, I don't see or want a future with him at all, it was just a passing lust. now I feel a stronger connection and attraction to my bf, and no I didn't end up doing anything with the other guy. honesty makes a stronger connection, but it's not for everyone
I wouldn't want to hear that if I was him. Everyone finds other people attractive
@@donaldshotts4429 eh me and my partner expects it though we don't nessarily talk about it cuz it's unimportant. For me it just why im having those prevy thoughts then they just stop on their own.(normally my partner involved. I do feel little guilt). I find it cute when he's attracted to fictional characters tho. Same for him towards me.(I find it hot actually).It more we like something else lustful(not the individual) and want to try or think about when we're doing things together. But its still us at the end of the day. No one else i want to spend the rest of my life with. Point- brain just be lustful if u understand urself and ur partner it can work for you instead of against u.
@@pastelx7 Definitely wouldn't work for me. My Thai wife is still there for now and there are beautiful young women everywhere that will actually look at guys my age (58) and almost all Thais look 10+ years younger then their age
I struggled with this, too. Low moment was first year of marriage drinking at a bar WITH husband and I lamented no guy had hit on me yet. He laughed and said "what am I, chopped liver?" I woke the next day convicted as a Christian that I was trying to find my worth in my attractiveness. My worth is in Christ. My beauty is fleeting. It was ego making me seek affirmation. Also moved on from going out to bars for fun.
If you are even decently attractive this is a hard one… when you’re constantly told you’re beautiful it can be a fight with yourself to age gracefully and not make your worth based in your looks
Your worth in being a human and hopefully a decent person. Not made up stuff like beauty or a religious belief. Disaster waiting to happen. Lose your beauty or faith and you are nothing? No, your worth lyes in yourself
@karinland8533 what an interesting thing to say. Whatever compels you to comment against a random person's faith on a RUclips video? 😂🤷🏻♀️ Anyway, have a good one 🫡
@@karinland8533 bingo
@@j.j.923 karin is not commenting "against" your faith, showing how you need to believe in your self worth, not base it on an externality.
I think this guy doesn't want a wife, he wants Aunt Bea,someone to keep his home fires burning so he can enjoy sharing the best parts of his personality with other women for validation. He's treating her as his mother, not his lover. Notice how he not once even mentioned how lonely, alienated and defective she must feel or seems to care. I've lived through this exact same thing. Guy turned out to be diagnosed as a vulnerable narcissist with something called obsessive love disorder. It only gets worse. I'm sure his wife is probably desperately wondering what is wrong with HER when it's him.
💯💯
Yup! This call is an example of what happens when you marry for reasons other than love
😢so true!.. the fact that she stayed with him and also then married him after he cheated shows me that she most likely has those thoughts of wondering if she’s not good enough for him or always focused on how he’s feeling. Not loving herself. Either things will turn around if he puts in the work or something will probably happen where she will be forced to love herself and choose herself.
Something tells me that the horse has already been out of the barn.
The penile horse
Imagine saying that about a woman. Dogs been outta the kennel
@@Dillonmac96maybe it's a turn of phrase like the cat is out of the bag
@@Dillonmac96 I like having a big horse in my bum
@@Dillonmac96bitch got empounded. I feel like that works better.
Only four years in and already feeling trapped
Not uncommon, ever heard that phrase 7 year itch?
@@AbscentOrange I’ve been in locked down for almost 14 years
@@charlesbroderick5030your married?
Why do straight people even get married
Trapped by porn .. but clueless 😂 sad af
Thx. Dr. John - I needed this reminder to rekindle laughter and spontaneity. My spouse recently rekindled a relationship with someone he knew from high school, that now has a restaurant one town over. He was planning to go with another high school friend and didn't even think of inviting me. I don't know why that raised a red flag, but now it has my attention. Laughter and playfulness; seems a good way to lead back into dating with my spouse. I'm going to work on it.
Good on you for recognizing that
I'd check his phone js
I actually the more I listen to this show the more disheartened I am .. maybe we are better off alone
Women who desire a godly loyal man surely do. It's just too depraved in mind of a man for any genuine love and protection. It's not alive in them. "He gave them up to a debased mind..." It's most certainly true.
@Samantha-ji7iw From one Samantha to another, Amen Sister! The older I get, the more I understand the meaning of our name. God Bless and keep you and yours sister ❤🙏🏽
I feel the same.
I don't believe true love exists anymore. You just find someone to share bills
Been feeling that way for awhile now.
In my 50 odd years, I've witnessed one really good, full of love and affection and sexy times, long term relationship. One. All others have re-enforced my belief that my single life is the way to go. I'm very happy for that couple but it is very, very rare. For most of us, it's just not an achievable goal. Waste of time trying 😂.
He shouldn’t have gotten married. He doesn’t sound ready nor happy. I doubt his wife is happy either. I feel so bad for the wife as he’s already cheated and likely to do so again.
He should do her a favor by telling her the truth so she can leave this marriage and find someone who is ready for marriage or actually truly loves her. Cause he doesn’t sound like he does truly love her.
@@Xanderlovesyou1this is horrible advice
@ELias-vn5yv what's your advice? Her dedicating more time for him to still leave or should she wait until the doctor tells her he has cheated
@ divorce is always the very last resort under the extreme circumstances. The world treats marriage like a commodity
@@ELias-vn5yv the world doesn't respect marriage because of how people treat it. It's not a good promotion for marriage seeing you're more likely to be killed by your spouse than a stranger. The world? Read the Bible and see it's man who cused marriage to change its route. Also extreme is not only abuse your peace is also important that's why more women age in their marriage because they care for everyone and hardly ever for themselves
Dude got locked up too early and didn't get a chance to play the field like all his friends. Probably bitter and will blame the wife for this. Trouble on the horizon.
Ya. Marriage is for betas.
Even though playing the field is NOT a good thing for anybody, the saddest part.
Exactly 💯 @@madelineasmr926
Omg he said he has a "child on the way" her list of five things should start will " grow up... Stop being selfish... Let me nap..."
Bad advice... Stop talking about sexual desires and give the woman a break... She needs hugs and support and foot rubs. Its exhausting making a baby 24 hours a day
He probably watches porn, I have always watched porn even while married unfortunately. It’s an addiction. I’ve Always had an issue with it and I know many males and females have the same problem. I have made a goal to stop it and have stuck to it for well over 2 months. What I noticed is that sexual/lustful desire has diminished. Unfortunately also as a male we are wired to be visual creatures. I struggle with looking at and admiring beautiful women but I can stop that right away. It’s crazy how detrimental porn can be in relationships because it makes you desire that certain type of taboo lustful interaction with a “perfect” person.
The problem of dating can be also caused by phone and tech addiction, chasing the dopamine.
Dr. Anna Lembke explains it well, the phone addiction caused people to seek only pleasure and avoid pain.
She wasnt talking about dating, but her knowledge of tech addiction can be applied also to people´s lack of skills caused by addiction and seeking pleasure.
But both plesaure and pain are importnat for brain development, and mental health because both are in same place of brain.
and "pleasure and pain" are cooperating together
You can not have pleasure without pain, they are part of the same brain.
We see it with athletes, they seek pain in order to get pleasure, its healthy form of pain.
Muscians also seek pain, in order to get pleasure.
Both plesaure and pain are rewarded by a dopamine.
But the phone addiction makes people think that we should chase only pleasure and avoid commitment and pain,
it causes anxiety and deepression, lack of skills etc.
If you in dating field chase only pleasure, and avoid the healthy form of pain, healthy commitment, and building a relationships
then people get anxious and depressed, because the receptors in brain that are supposed to experience the healthy pain, are not stimulated, and rewarded by dopamine,
they are stimulated only with pleasure reward and shallowness.
if you stimulate only pleasure reward receptors, it leads to depression and lack of motivation.
The brain was developed in order to get pleasure you have to feel little bit of pain and commitment.
In sport you have to chase some pain in order to get the dopmanine reward system in healthy way.
therefore nothing is never good enough for some people, because thye seek only pleasure.
Anna Lembke said 30 day social media detox...is rewiring the pleasure system in brain.
Which increaes your motivation, because you start seeking "healthy pain" like sports, gardening, cooking etc.
All the media that makes us believe that we should avoid all pain... and put moisturiser on face and be pampered etc....
Its brainwasghing people... to never expereience a challenges
Healthy pain is always bonded with pleasure. You feel good about yourself.
Women's brains have been studied and show that we are just as visually stimulated as men are. The difference is we have better impulse control than men.
Pray, pray, pray!!!!
I love the personal examples. It shows the human side of psychology and marriage. Relationships are complex, but with the right direction, we are armed with the tools to get the more favorable and desired outcome. Not all the time, but it feels good to hear that we are not alone.
Your wife likes to feel like that too…. Flirt with your wife!
He is tired of his toy. Sad
Well when the chick says her fantasties i can guarantee he will get upset 😂 and feel inadequate
Yup!!!!! Always watch how boys turn it around.. they cant handle when it happens to them!!!! But can dish it out and be man whores ect.
Definitely! I think his issue comes from his own feelings of inadequacy and “needing” external attention and validation to feel good. He doesn’t have that ability within himself at the moment to do that..
As a man once you decide to get married you have to fight your nature tooth and nail that point forward. Facts.
Orrrr you learn to harness and channel your nature in a way that is beneficial to you and your social environment long-term, rather than be a slave to your own whims and letting everything collapse in their wake for momentary pleasure. ;)
@@liamlynch2115 I don’t think that s every man’s nature but a lot of men . Blaming “self nature “ instead of emotional intelligence will keep a man a victim to himself. It’s like blaming God for his lack of living peacefully. (Assuming you believe. )My first thought was oh,it must be terrible to live trying to fight the way God made you. Maybe I think this way because I’m not a man and just don’t get it. Another part to me thinks God wouldn’t create man with an internal struggle so it has to be self inflicted . My peace I give you. I appreciate your comment because it allowed me to sort through the nature of humanness. Respectfully .
Or don't get married if you're a freak, easy. Plenty of men aren't mindless sociopaths
Let the men speak. You know nothing about a mans journey@lucianaromulus1408
@@Marc_It_Down stop trying to represent all men when you're clearly the lowest denomination of what a man is. It's always the most degenerate that scream the loudest at how normal it is 😂
Attraction is a magnet🧲 ,
bonding is a lock🔒.
The more you think on a thing, the more apt it will come to fruition.
For the people that you find attractive physically don’t try to build close relationships with them. Avoid them and don’t fool yourself by saying you want to pursue a friendship or something. You already have enough friends.
Acknowledge attraction to others is normal but avoid leaving into it by gravity towards them. Avoid them.
Also imagine that your partner probably experiences the same thing. Behave how you would want your partner to behave.
Absolutely!
John is so right...redirect and rechannel all that absurd fantasy into making your real life great...and not just sexually great...but in every way of excellence that matters to a bigger purpose and vision-great!
Your wife gave you a chance after screwing around on her once, and you're going there again? You sound like you are selfish and take care of your desires or wants. I'm a one-and-done. Be honest with her so she can be prepared for a world of hurt and dump and flush so she can move on. Maybe she can find a man who knows who he wants.
This is why you can't take cheaters back. Forgive them, but move on because they'll do it again.
We only have 1 side of the story. Maybe he's dead inside because she destroyed him. You would be surprised how many men are like this.
@@ElimEx1no excuse for cheating. If she’s terrible he should leave
@@claudiobeachball I agree. I wasn't condoning the cheating part. But that's not what this call was about. He felt bad that he has impulses which are standard coupled with the fact that he's terribly sad and lonely and miserable and repressed. He really sounds like he has zero hope and that only comes after being beaten down and rejected for a prolonged period of time.
@@ElimEx1 Your sympathy for cheaters is telling of the kind of person you are. If a woman cheated on her husband, would you have the same sentiment? "Maybe she's dead inside because he destroyed her and that is why she feels this way."
I highly doubt that.
These calls make me grateful to be single yo 😂✌️
TELL ME ABOUT IT! Also being childfree and that’s finalized for me personally. 😂
@@SmileyAdventures I'm not single, but we're childfree fo life!
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being single or child free as long as it’s something you really want. The problem is it’s when you actually want it but it never happened and now you are trying to convince yourself that this is the way you always wanted your life to be like when deep inside you know it’s not true.
I don’t know your case but the actual fact you wrote this comment tells me you wanted to convince yourself again that you’re grateful to be single but probably deep inside you are not. I might be wrong here but for some reason got this impression from your comment 🤷🏻♂️ it’s kind of when someone is happy they don’t run around everywhere screaming they are happy because they know it and there’s no need to prove it to anybody neither to themselves. Hopefully you got my idea and again I might be completely wrong here.
@@vladturov3572ok, JD Vance 🙄
@@SmileyAdventures that too! ✌️
Been with the same person since 16 years old, probably don't do that and date around. These calls are a dime a dozen at this point, freakin sad. Don't marry the first person you meet, jesus
The wife can do better. Cheated once and ready to cheat again. He needs to be single and stop using the wife
Good to hear there are still men like you..
A lot of super religious zealot freaks are taught to get married quickly.... obviously, it ain't working!!
Or at all... Not worth it in 2024.
Won't change anything. Dating around won't teach you discipline and self-control. You only learn by practising.
Hello Blake, corns 🌽 teaches you to sekshualize really every human being & their behaviors. It's neither healthy for ourselves nor for our social lives because you are flooded with n4ughty pictures & look at human beings & even in some extreme cases at animals & objects as sekshual objects. Don't let your desires control your life. When you distance yourself from those kinds of thoughts & people & spice up your marriage, then you will have a fulfilled life because an adult entertainment lifestyle makes you nvmb for real, longlasting emotional connections. Change your mindset because it will help your marriage ✨️💓✨️
💯💯💯
Lmao when Dr. John said: “Are you fr?” about the French kissing I cackled 😂😂😂😂 idk why that was so funny
He was probably surprised because his wife, well..she isn't warm and fuzzy.
@@ZumchoNo, he said that because he wanted it to be “exotic” in his words. John’s told this story before and he said he got excited because his wife’s hand writing usually meant something way more exciting than just French kissing but it ended up being a great, romantic night for them.
People expect too much from sex. After having children it has fulfilled it's purpose. Get your joy of living and fulfilment from other things after this. Focus on your children, keeping strong and fit, career and creative pursuits. Do all these things first and if sex happens to come along then fine but don't make it the focus of your life and what you look to for fulfillment.
It seems like people who wait with sex for few months.....when starting the relationship
they actually experience true attraction, because they see the person´s personality and passion and values.
Then also the sexual attraction is bigger, but more in loving ways.
@@alenaadamkova5322 In my experience, people who wait until marriage are the ones who cheat.
I see a trend in marriages where they've been married for a short period of time and are already experiencing issues in their marriages and I realize it seems like a huge lack of commincation and then nobody wants to talk about things because they dont want things to get complicated. Sometimes I listen to these vids and I'm like, do you both talk to each other at all? What are your conversations like? Are you even friends? And I think a lot of relationships lack this. You'd be surprised how great a relationship could be if you could be open about how you feel without getting judged or feeling misunderstood.
Attraction is normal. The key is not to act on it or do anything. Discipline & self control is so important
5:29 he’s leaving a lot out it seems. He’s giving closeted bisexual.
Talk to his wife. Either they can solve this together or the marriage won't survive. Fault isn't relevant.
On a recent work trip (a training course), I met someone who I found attractive. As soon as I realized that I might have feelings or attractions to this woman, I immediately set boundaries. No sitting next to her at lunch or at the bus, no talking with her after hours, not asking her out to dinner etc. I only talked to her when we just happened to be in talking distance, which lasted around 30 seconds each time and only 3 or 4 times over the 5 days of the training course. I did imagine scenarios where I asked her out to have dinner etc but never actually did it.
*This guy admitted that he cheated on her before* they were married and she knows it. I never understand why people pretend to find comfort in staying in relationships with cheaters. His wife is left holding the L since she already knows what he’s capable of. He has no reason to feel bad about being unfaithful, he can’t help himself.
He can absolutely help himself, he just chooses not to. And if he really couldn't, he should've never proposed 🤷🏿♀️
She probably lost her virginity to him, so how is she going to leave? She can't. She's too bonded. Most (normal) women get very attached to their partners after intimacy. Plus, these people sound like the repressed Christian type.
@@bekkaspills With all due respect, are you trying to convince us that every woman remains in a relationship with the man that they lose their virginity to?
I feel this guy even though he wasn’t very articulate. I’m quite happy with my marriage but haven’t been kissed in 8 years. It’s really tough sometimes and yes, I sometimes feel like dry kindling. And I’m the woman in the relationship! Husband is not sensual and not interested
Happily married without being kissed for 8 years? I cannot imagine this. Seems more like roommates.
@@PS-qn4oz pretty much. Everything else is so good though. Would I have stayed if I wasn’t a mom? No. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him
@@SarahConnor562 ha! We are comfortable and I wasn’t before lol. My best friend but not lover
@@Michelle-gj7em We just want more for you. Maybe call into the show. :)
I am assuming you have tried to talk to him about it? What is his explanation?
His poor wife. She should not have married hia sorry butt since he cheated before they even married
I don't think it's normal for men to have only 1-2 lovers in their life. Probably not good for women either. They're too young for marriage at 19
I have been with my husband for 19 years and there have been times I was ready to draw up divorce papers. But, I can say with complete honesty and say I have never been more attracted to anyone more than him. There have been no other men that have turned my head other than just to say, “yeah, he was nice looking.” But it is ALWAYS followed up with, “but my husband is better.” He IS my fantasy.
It's because attractiveness is more than such physicality. You must really like your husband. Not just love him, but actually like him 😊
I have been with my hubby for 26 years, married 25. We have had several difficult years in those 26 years but I actually came back multiple times from the brink of a divorce because I have always liked him as a person. Loved him yes, but liked him way more 😂.
@ exactly! I think my husband is an actually cool guy. He has unique hobbies and he makes me laugh. People don’t realize that marriage is Work. And it’s work that never stops. I’m so glad you like your hubby too! May you have many many more years together.
OMG the texting and Netflix home, HITS home.
There's some good-looking women out there, but none of them are worth breaking up your family over.
If its a dead bedroom situation, divorce first, and then go and do whatever you need to do. Skip counseling because it wont work in that scenario.
I was with you until that last line. You don't know what the mental hangup stopping the intimacy is, so you can't say whether counseling will work or not. A better statement is counseling ALONE will not work without the person getting personal psycho therapy in conjuction to marriage counseling to address those other issues
Correct. Dead bedroom is untenable and violates the marriage covenant. Instant divorce is warranted.
Can we define dead bedroom ? Because when I had 2 miscarriages I was still sleeping eith my husband once week and he was calling that a dead bedroom ... meanwhile on all levels I was dealing with lose of child
@@lunalou8888 I think Chet is referring to situations like a prior caller on this show-a man whose wife refused to have sex with him for years-even decades. I don’t think he’s referring to once a week sex. That sounds normal and healthy.
@GiftofGod289 well that's what my husband was having a tanty about and calling a dead bedroom so the term dead bedroom seems to be different for everyone and very confusing 😕
This is what happens when kids get married. People need to be mature adults when they enter into a mature adult relationship.
Completely agree! Blows my mind when people get married so young or have 1 partner. The inevitable is going to happen…
Amen x 100...
And PORN of course has nothing to do with uncontrollable lustful thoughts. And it does not desyroy Marriages and Families. So we should just mention it in passing and don't think twice about the cause and effect here.
Thank you!!!! Porn kills love!!!
The stats say otherwise
@@Pawpurrrints Do you have the stats on how PORN improves Marriages and keeps Families together? If you do, please share.
For all those who have given a thumbs up 👍 to my comment, Thank you! But for the sake of Disclosure, please know that I was not supporting PORN. Not at all. Quite the contrary. I realize Sarcasm should be used sparingly or it confuses some folks.
I read that sarcastically. 😅 Some think it has no cause for lustful thoughts or temptation to arise when consuming that content especially if you’re married. It makes expectations much higher and isn’t fair to the other spouse. Just because some people are willing to share an intimate act for pleasure and are willing to get naked doesn’t mean it’s okay to consume when you have a live person in front of you wanting to be thought of while being intimate yet they can’t satisfy their spouse because they’re consuming and finding pleasure elsewhere. PORN opens a lot of doors for temptation in my opinion.
Then i must be abnormal. If anyone seemed flirtatious and attracted to me, i won’t entertain it. I would feel ‘yes, I’m still attractive’ but i won’t entertain it and invite it in.
He's right on the verge of going into having a full blown sex addiction.. him not being able to aggressively grab his wife... OF 4 YEARS...and tell her he loves her means he's holding back ... and doesn't have the real connection he needs to have. He has to table his thoughts NOW with her and it is likely that she will reciprocate and appreciate his openness, If he doesn't he will follow the rabbit down the hole, cross the line, and things will snowball QUICKLY...
Absolutely 100% do this BEFORE you have kids... And John was Right.... NO PORN.
His porn use is distracting him from thinking about what's bothering him... Go TALK to her buddy.🙏
I am not judging.
I don’t believe that he is happily married.
Maybe, he is content with his marriage?
If someone is truly in love with his spouse, and if the spouse is the soulmate, he/she wouldn’t EASILY be attracted to someone else.
Ofc not, he doesn't flirt so most likely the wife approached him and he settled for the sex but it wasnt what he thought it be or fantized about and never left. Probably thought he wouldnt find better. He never communicated what he wants or doesn't want. When he cheated, again the other woman initiated. No offense but the guys a looser, just letting others do the work and he doesn't pursue his own likes and wants. Probably a passive doormat.
Love isn't based on looks, you can love someone without thinking they are attractive.
Yes seme 💯 what a coward he is
You're not a man, are you? because you wouldn't be saying that. We think about sex every 6 seconds on average.
But so few people wait for the soul mate
The number of subscriber is raising
I'm happy for you Dr Jhon
I never miss an episode even if we are from a two different cultures i still like your thoughts you inspire me I'm Arab by the way
A big heart ❤ to you and to your team you're doing such a great job🎉
It's normal to feel attraction to other people. If you can take that energy and spark and go home to your wife for intimacy, it can give a charge to your relationship.
Sounds obscene. So fantasize about other people while you use your spouse's body. Why not just get a Blow Up Doll. No Morality or Emotions to deal with it then.
Every time I socialize I’m reminded how much I love my partner❤
10:55 SSY IT LOUDER FOR THE “MEN” IN THE BACK
its all about the thrill of the hunt....
Yeah... giving that up was tough for me
I don't get that. I get that he's desperately looking for connections that doesn't exist at home and he's completely beaten down and unhappy. He's looking for reasons, not other people.
@@firefly9838 Yeah but can't you just hunt something that isn't so frivolous? Something that has actual purpose? I kinda wonder if that's what some of this is about with men. Because it's usually men who are way disconnected from purpose, or something bigger in life than themselves. Doesn't have to be spiritual exactly, but like...a vision. Responsibility. Meaning. Something worth living and dying for. I guess that's harder to find.
This is awful so glad I’m not married.. seems it’s usually men who are thinking of cheating or doing it
@XPrincess30 said, "seems it's usually men who are thinking of cheating or doing it"
Have you taken the time to research legitimate statistics before making this statement? What objective data are you basing this claim upon? Also these men who are having affairs are not having affairs with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters. They are having affairs with other women who by definition are also participating in the affair.
Some expert said the hormone of love oxytocin decreases testosterone.
For example if man sleeps in the same room as his new born child, he feels so much love and hormone oxytocin
that his testosterone is decreased and also his sexual desire is decreased.
Maybe its because the nature want the man to be come protector of the baby and of the family,
not constantly make babies, and make sex 24 hours a day.
So maybe the intimacy can be challenge, if the sexual desire and testosterone is not 150 percent...when man feel other hormones as oxytocin not just testosterone.
But it seems its actually healthy, because he can experience to the fullest....to feel other hormones too, as oxytocin, serotonin etc.
Key word: Yet
never trust anyone. NEVER trust anyone. NEVER TRUST anyone. NEVER TRUST ANYONE
@@azimuthbusinesscenter always trust yourself and you don’t have to trust anyone else.
@@lisaaamoun3520 please poop in my mouth
Bro, this happens to me too...it is actually a proclivity MANY people have (both men and women-im a woman btw)... this is a soul issue, not a mental health issue.
Ive felt this more as I have aged. Its because I feel secure in my marriage so much that now my sexuality feels freed. I have been tempted by other men who were scandalous because they were married or taken, and im Christian, so i had to suffer through all that temptation. Add to that my marriage became suddenly sexless or less sex. Here are the strategies i learned all on my own. Just say no to temptations. Just say no to voids. Say yes to self care. Say yes to quaantining yourself and time alone with God.
Him admitting he wants to grab her face and say I love you but he feels like he can’t is so sad
This kinda hits home for me,
I've recently starting seeing a new mental health professional so I'm hoping I'll make more progress though I've had an ongoing problem with pornography started in mid teenage years, I abstained for about 6 or so years then it just came back out of nowhere and became so much worse. I find I'll abstain for as long as I can then I'll eventually cave in, it's like I don't want it because I don't want it as part of my life, I don't like how it makes me see or relate to other people, though for me it's a coping mechanism because of how unfulfilled and miserable my life is and so I try to stave it off as a last resort by using other less harmful coping strategies and then eventually it comes back. I've experienced childhood trauma and a long history of isolation and lonliness since I was a kid, I'm now 22, I've also had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember.
It's not normal, guys hit on all the time and us chicks are like "gross go away im married "
Caller, if you're reading this, look up avoidant attachment style and how to overcome it. There are ways to allow yourself to be more intimate, not pull away. It's hard but it takes practice!
He is afraid that his wife will reject him for the stuff he likes. Bro women have a deeper sex drive than men at times, most women WILL NEVER TELL their partner. He should go to the gym, get his sexy, let his wife know he thinks she is sexy and work on helping her feel safe to share. Sex is more important than folks are telling you. Joke about the 5 guy thing just to see what she says.
I think I’m more shocked if there’s a man who doesn’t cheat
I feel like he isnt fully straight forward..
Me to.
Yeah, there must be someone specifically that he's referring to. Possibly someone he works with or sees at church, sporting events, etc, that has caught his attention. Getting hit on by strangers is very normal and wouldn't prompt a call like this. I think it's a woman he can't get out of his head and now wants to "conquer."
@uscitizen3252 yesss, and John was onto him, but he didn't admit..ofc he wouldn't want his girlfriend to find out this way
@@uscitizen3252💯
“It’s a playful home it’s a laughter home it’s not just a texting & watching Netflix home” this hit different I’m fkd lol
Wrong sorry. This lustful response is just another form of betrayal. Looking for external validation from others is a sign of an unhealed emotional wound or trauma. Emotionally secure people are confident of their own worth and value. They protect the boundaries of their relationships and honour their partner's trust. Another surprise - porn is not normal either despite a whole bunch of injured people escaping their trauma by being peeping toms.
Dr John was firing on all cylinders for this one! Thank you and God Bless You 🙏
They got together too young. Just wait until he hits his midlife crisis, he's running out the backdoor.
I don’t think the marriage will make it that far unfortunately 😢
Porn teaches us how to lust, not love, so he he has to change his thinking process with other women, and with his wife. His brain has got the wired desire for connection and excitement crossed.
Porn is always these people who just meet and hook up. Gives you that rush of dopamine, but love looks so different. You have to be more intentional in your connecting with each other.
I hope he can find ways to bring wholesome excitement into his life and marriage 😌 A lot of people really struggle with it, which is why I like this idea of creating a culture of desire in the house. I've been working on this with my husband and it took a lot for me to change but it's working.
But he did actually cheat so title is a bit clickbaity 😅
Marriage and monogamy aren’t for everyone.
I agree
He sounds depressed. Probably hasn’t taken time truly get to himself considering they’ve been together so long.
This is such a good talk ❤ Dr. John you're terrific !!
Do people make this stuff up? Honestly. Most callers are asking common sense questions. They know the right thing to do. They already know the answer.
I guess a lot of em seek for validation.
It seems obvious that common sense has left the world about 20 years ago.
@@frummel403 But the comments section is usually full of criticism for whoever called in. LOL
@@PS-qn4oz haha that's true. But we like to judge others as well especially if we can do it anonymously online
@@frummel403 My full name is right there. How is that anonymous? Where’s your full name? I’m not sure if you lack self awareness or intelligence.
I think the disconnection gets lost when you poop infront of eachother all day long! I’m sorry but that just doesn’t work for me. I tell my man to please close the door and wipe the skid marks out the toilet bc at the end of the day if you pushing up on me then that will play in my mind automatically. Idk why I’m like this but I think certain things need to remain private in a relationship/marriage. Also men and women should be keeping poo spray in their overnight bags and in their bathrooms! At all times! Lock the door while taking a big or small poo 💩
I believe what you need is a psychological evaluation
I take zero issue with my man pooping or farting in front of me. He’s a man. It’s a manly thing to do. As a woman I keep that part of myself private because I’m a lady but why should we care about what our man does? He’s a man. Let him be manly.
: D thanks for the laugh
I agree with you. Pooping is not a manly thing it is a human thing that neither party should have to be subjected to. I'm not turned on by bad smells or poor manners or bad hygiene. A man is not a child or a pig.
I will love this man forever for asking the dishes question! Women keep telling men that it turns them on and men keep thinking its just women wanting to get out of work and either not doing it or doing it with the wrong attitude. But, it's so sexy! Not the pose, not some submissive thing, not anything like that. It means he is at home and feels a part of the same home with her, and that is him beingtrustworthy and reliable in a very tangible way. It's not expected, it wasn't demanded, it just is. That's why it's sexy.
He needs to get off the pornography. I can almost guarantee that's what part of the problem is.
“Wanting to entertain it” is not the same thing as “feeling good”
He’s cheated already. He’s soft weak & a liar. Probably should have never married.
The word edging in had me ha ha ha ha ha ha😂
@Dr.Delony he never said he was attracted to another woman, or women for that matter. Would your advice be the same for someone seeking intimacy from someone of the same sex?
No man needs to be with another man.
Anyone else get the impression this guy is steps away from cheating again? He already did it once, and he doesn’t strike me as having the strength of character to control himself for much longer. I hope he takes the advice, and that it works.
he sounds like a deep introvert with some depression trauma background. The introversion would also exlain the imaginary realm in his mind as well as his shyness and obvious lack of confidence. Dr John is obviously an extrovert and he tries to talk him into extroverted ways of connecting.which i dont think are suitable for an introvert. What makes an introvert come alive is completely different and i dont think dr John gets it even though his intention is good.
There is a dutch saying: ‘you can get hungry on the road, but should still eat at home.’
Dutch Mantel?
Lustful thoughts is cheating of the heart. So you’re cheating!
That’s what I think too! I asked my husband if this was cheating and he said no. Now I’m pissed at him😮
Y’all are out of touch with reality if you think people walk around not looking at other humans and saying ok that’s an attractive person
@@TroyP20 looking and appreciating one’s beauty is way different than lusting!
@@TroyP20 looking is not the problem. We all find some ppl attractive. Nothing wrong with that. The lustful fantasizing is hurtful and will eventually show up in your relationship. Just a matter of time because there is lack of self control or loyalty . When you love someone there are boundaries. You can’t control what the other person thinks but his/ her level of commitment will be evident on an emotional/ connection level. I wouldn’t do that because I would understand that it would hurt my spouses feelings and that is more important than fantasizing. I may think this way because I’m older and my hormones are driving my actions.
The bible is very clear on that subject and you are 100% correct.