Whenever I'm with kids I always tell them that if they can stand any consequence their parents can dish out suddenly they're free. I tell them that their parents use their systemic power to control them and they can easily resist. This is how we empower Young people! Get them to fight the oppression in their homes and stand up for themselves. Oh you think you can control me by taking away something that's valuable to me? I don't care and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want. Consider collaborating with me and treating me with respect? Then I might be more willing to open up.
Haha. Not necessarily lazy, just unmotivated to do what your parents want you to do. Thanks for watching anyway, Nightcore Wolfy. Are you willing to see any more videos? We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.
Best teen/parent advice ever, couldn't stop laughing! 😂 My son is a teen, 16 and full of laziness and attitude and i was a teenager too once, just the same and i remember how annoying adults could be even though they came from love but it felt like they were allway's on my case. So i am trying to find a healthier way to communicate and bond with my son without making him feel bad or upset all the time. It's so hard as a parent but love keeps driving us forward. Thankyou for this great light hearted yet tough love approach! It really helped and gave me a good laugh! 😄👍
As a behaviorist this is PURE GOLD. This should be an every parent trainers pocket what a wonderful tool this video is you have outlined things so perfectly and in a way that’s easy to digest for any listener thank you 🙏
I have watched this several times now and shared it with my husband. This video really helped me and I love the way you present the concepts. You are very likeable and funny and definitely let us know we aren't alone in this! I love how you give us permission to be all good - no matter what the teen does. It is all about what we provide - as you say. You can't make a fish climb walls as one of my son's teacher's has said. All we can do is love them and try to help them make the right choices via what we provide. Thanks so much and I'm going to check out your other videos.
Thanks for the video. I am divorced, have four teens, and I work 12 days straight with only 4 days off a month. Dad is retired early and only now starting to really try to co-parent. Finding consistency in discipline has been hard, but now I'm dealing more with motivation than discipline problems. I appreciate the bargaining system. Coming out of a really ugly custody battle, it is hard to find the confidence to try to remove the preferred clothing because that comes back to bite with the public school system by kids learning how to work people around them for sympathy. My kids being mixed race, they would suffer a lot more harm than a simple day of embarrassment. It would be prolonged throughout high school. But I think I'm going to move my son who refuses to clean his room into my tiny attic like room until he wants his room back. Thanks.
JH A, I'm glad you found the channel, too! Honored to be on your team. We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
I have a 16 year old teenager and this is GOLD!!! Dealing with teenagers is a game .....its a game of strategy! Teenagers are master manipulators, or so they think and as a parent of one it pays to stay one step ahead. This has helped to remind me of essentially what I already know, but forget to put it into place on a daily basis around being so busy in life. It's a good reminder, broken down well . . . . and there is humour, bonus!
You'll get much farther thinking of being in a deep relationship rather than a game. Your kids are only manipulating you because you've made them feel they have to. CHange that pattern and the manipulation will stop.
What is difficult is taking away the computer since everything with respect to school is on the computer, specially right now. I’ve already installed a couple carrier apps to restrict data and another to restrict WiFi but he still has the computer which again he needs for school. I’ve been using the game of negotiability but it’s tough in this respect.
I believe it’s ok from time to time to cheat with computer times, but overall they have duties and should follow them before leisure time. So I moved all the devices (computers and iPads) to the living room, where I currently work. This way they finish their duties as fast as possible in order to be able to move the computer to their space and play. Same goes for PlayStation and Nerf. Every night back to the living room and so forth. Good luck!
Tatiana G. Hi Tatiana, in my case my service is through Verizon and through their app I can restrict data and set day/time restrictions. As far as WiFi I am with Xfinity and through their app I can set day/time restrictions for using WiFi. There’s a lot you can do through these apps but sometimes kids learn how to bypass these. I won’t go too much into that but unfortunately some can. If I figures out how to override their bypass I’ll let you know 😊
Susie Welchman, I can add it to the list, but in the meantime, let them know that the ATM machine will be disconnected in 2 months so they better talk to their spouse and figure things out.
I love this so much I've started using it with all my teen clients as a fun whiteboard exercise to do with teens and their parents. Teens who are just starting to realize their parents don't control "everything" - and parents who have this illusion of control over more than they actually have any control over.
This video is really helpful. Dr Paul talks slowly and clearly. It feels like I'm in the room with him talking to me in a counselling session. His ideas are catchy and easy to remember. I like his use of the whiteboard.
Even at their age I really think teenagers need us more than ever as being a teen is overwhelming and confusing. Adulthood comes and I remember thinking back then, what the heck am I supposed to do now? Zip, nobody to guide me and things sure went south. >_< It ticks me off when my Ex keeps commenting "Just wait until he's a teenager." He has this place of dread in his mind about how Donald is going to act instead of actually looking at how our son is now. A bright, cheerful little boy. I want to comment back that he's creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with that attitude. I think it's unfair if people see teens as being cranky, how would you feel if everyone kept saying to you that you're just going to be a crab anyways, or you're always so sad, na she's happy all the time that doesn't bother her, or how about that guy is always angery, he's mean don't bother talking to him. People, it's really not kind quit it. So why do we have this attitude with our teens? I think it makes everything worse as they get ticked off because we just blow them off as an emotional teen. That's my thoughts on this anyway.
Good point, Darkocean S., not every teen gets moody, but a lot do, due to their developing brains and bodies and everything that goes with them. We should enjoy them in the moment, young child or teen. There are always positives if we look for them.
Excelent comment first to show more love kind and respect for our teens..thanks both..excelent channel also..learning a lot . Hugs from southamerica (differents CULTURE but the same issues with parenthood!).
Wow, ❤You are the master of teen/parent psychology ! Each time I listen to your videos, I learn something new & productive in my hard life at age 50+ with 2 young teenagers! 😔 God bless you & your family. Thank you! I wish my husband & I could come to your office with my teens to help us.
Well I am grateful to have you here, Pinky Pink! We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist if you're interested: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV
My son is extremely bright, but refuses to focus, will not pay attention, and routinely lies about completing his work. He has shown multiple times that he is capable of bringing home perfect to near perfect grades when he makes an effort. We have tried rewarding him for good behavior, punishing him for bad behavior. Nothing seems to work. Recently we discovered that he figured out how to hack the program that tracks his grades in order to show good grades,when in reality he has bad grades. He has no interests other than video games, and says that he wants to create them, but does nothing to pursue that goal. He is 16 years old, nearly an adult and we are afraid that he is going to become a monumental failure, because he doesn't care about becoming a success.
I hear the worry in your comments, Robin Barnes. Your son sounds extremely talented. Don't give up, keep offering him help to take the steps to make a career out of what he loves.
Make sure you are not limiting your son with a shallow defining of success. ie, money , big house , mainstream career. The future is changing, trust God to make the men and women he needs for the challenges ahead.
I have 2 lol. Lazy teens . I try not to label but it's TRUE. They do as little as possible. I'm trying to relax instead of trying to fix them or control things . These videos are very helpful.
Hi, I’ve just watched some of your parenting videos. As a teacher, I love the way you discipline a child in the most loving way. Thank for sharing this to us, wish you and your family all the best ❤
Wonderful ! Precious advice. Especially reflecting about what we, as parents, truly control! And then, the simple transaction: from « shame » to « game » 😃Brilliant ✨✨✨
My child is almost 10 and this is great for preparing his teens ..wow fantastic your chanel has made me such a clam parent.. my parents were always stressed and yelling this is God sent and thank you❣👌💯💜
Well done thanks for the tips. My kids aren’t teens yet but I’m a mentor and an uncle of a lot of teens. Needed this. You choose your attitude so true. We gotta remind ourselves and not just teach it.
I have helped organize her room with shelves and so on. Also give monthly allowance for goog hygiene and keeping room clean. I put stickers on a calendar. 14 year old female.
Excuses take away your power. I'm poor too, however, I can make sure that my son has some very ugly clothing by going to goodwill. >:) if I can provide highly nutritious foods that taste great, but have no snacks that aren't fruits or veggies. Think out of the box find a way. Pay attention to them and see what they like. Even just one thing can help. My boy will be ten this year and is already acting quite a bit like a teenager, yet he's in stage one. Still, I don't think it hurts to watch this video now. ^-^ also, I can simply stop doing his laundry, washing the plates he makes dirty, I can keep his friends out of the house, I can add more chores, take away a chore for that day if he does said thing. Try watching all of this man's videos the ideas will start kicking in, :D When I say stop doing his laundry I mean make him do it not stop access to clean clothing. Also if I'm wrong and you have none of these things, I apologize in advance. Am just trying to offer solutions. You have more power then you think. Sure he/she can be with their friends but you have the control if they come in the house or not. In the winter time that I bet would become pretty uncomfortable for your kid if his friends can't come in. lol. Even though we call ourselves poor in the US almost all of us have a smartphone. Many people worldwide can't afford one. If you paid for his/her phone, and pay for their internet connection? Call the phone company and have it shut off. >:) Okay what if you guys don't have a phone, then what? Okay, do you have electricity with lights, a tv, video games? Take away the video games. No games? take away the tv. No tv? Take away the lamps! Bedtime is sure going to come quick. Well for both but it'll work. food. What's the blandest, thing that can fill them up? Rice, bread, really super cheap meat. eggs with no salt or pepper, have only water or milk to drink no flavorings, no pop, no juice. Have some apples or oranges available to eat, don't take away healthy stuff. Look oranges are expensive (using them as an example( but their health is more important than having one more loaf of bread you know? Meat. Don't need it as much as you'd think, hea hea hea. Get some peanut butter and 100% whole wheat bread they make a complete protein together. Beans and rice = complete protein, chia seeds soaked in water, juice gravy or pudding = complete protein. Chia seeds must be soaked or can be fiber overload. I hope this stuff helps and I didn't tick you off. ;-;
None of this will make my son brush his teeth and hair, make his bed, get dressed “appropriately” stop eating constantly and getting his face out of Tiktok, fortnite or anything that has a screen. Theres Nothing on that list I haven’t tried for years.
I am a lazy teenager, mostly because I got motivated with either a) "the great feeling you're going to have after you did this" or b) punishments, not in the sense of deprivation of basic needs, just regular canceling of every and all the things I enjoyed (but luckily we as a family managed to sort out the domestic violence a few years ago). Now (since my parents stopped threatening me because I am a responsible person and an as-good-as-adult) I have great difficulty motivating me because apart from the positive feedback that my feelings are meant to give me and that I am unable to experience, I don't know how to. I don't expect an answer from Mr. Jenkins directly, but if anyone who reads this comment knows effective ways to get that positive response up again, I'd be really thankful if you could share it.
You have a very well thought-out comment, Dael Nightbird. I'm glad there is no more domestic violence in the home. You sound mature, so we have more to work with than someone who is less mature. Parents do need to be careful with rewards and consequences, but they need to start with those when the child is young because they are not self-motivated. As kids become older, the rewards should be more internal. I tell parents that they need to be asking the child "How do you feel about that accomplishment?," or "Don't you feel good about helping that person?". We are working toward children doing things because it's the right thing to do. When you're employed, you get monetary benefits for a job well done. When you live away from your parents, you do your own laundry and clean your house because you need access to things like clean clothes and dishes. I talk about some of this stuff in various videos you can find in my "Just for kids and teens" playlist, if you want to check it out: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Bridget Hibbert, please read my response to Dael Nightbird. You can also check out the "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for being on the channel.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you very much for the helpful response! I will go through the playlist you recommended and I am sure that it will be a really good start for further research on other topics that I can work on, too!
It’s important to set expectations to increase motivation. If your parents have stopped setting them for you, you need to do this for yourself. What would you like to learn next, what are your interest? Your answers to those questions will give you a clue as to what expectations you need to set.
Maybe you could make a weekly star chart for yourself for the most important things that you need to do daily, and give yourself a treat in the weekend when you have completed the tasks for the week ? Maybe you could also ask a parent or a grandparent or some other trusted relative or a friend to act as a cheerleader and supporter to motivate you and to praise you when you have completed your tasks.
Do you have videos on teenage young adults? My 18 almost 19 year old daughter is making poor decisions regarding her health. I know she’s in charge of herself and her life but I feel I can’t stand by and let her health deteriorate. I believe she either has an eating disorder that or a serious health problem causing lack of appetite. She works 12 hour days sometimes and doesn’t eat at all. She blows off her Dr appointments and does not take her vitamins. She still lives at home with me and I’m lost at what to do, if anything and it’s hurtful and hard to sit back and let it happen.
Be a good example and tell her you have some ideas that will help when she is ready to listen. Until then, she will only see your suggestions as criticism.
im watching this for my brother. he is 13 and honestly his shenanigans really disturb me. he refuses to study and when my mum asks him to do his homework he refuses staright up and says mean things to her. he has literally no self dignity and doesnt realize he needs to work hard to get somewhere in life. he is just stuck on the internet and has formed a false delusional world view in his mind where he thinks gaming livestreams and vlogging are good ways of earning money in future as he doesnt have to work so hard. he literally despises hard work. my mum is really worried about him. shes usually very sad and i feel so distressed seeing her like this. but my brother has no effect. we are not very rich and our parents know how important it is to study but hes so stubborn that i cant help. even after a lott of scolding he is admant not to work. when i talk to him he seems sooo shallow. like he doesnt understand deeper emotions of people. idk whats wrong with him..ive literally sacrificed my own studies to teach him well but now im in senior year, i have a lot of self study to do. does anyone have a solutionnnn
Mahima, I like that you are concerned about your mom, but your brother is not your problem. Yes, his behavior is affecting the family, but it is for your parents to deal with. Consequences are the only thing that will work at this point as he is on stage 1.
If I ever meet this guy, I have to give him a hug because this one video is so transformational. ÀMAZING! I have to find his book ASAP. I have six years left with teens in the house and I need to get my game on lol. GOD BLESS YOU. ❤️
I love my 11 year old unconditionally...he’s been in bed all day watching RUclips and playing video games. Says he’s too tired to do Jiu Jitsu today. I told him that’s fine, but he won’t have access to his phone or games until the following Jiu Jitsu class.
I have a preteen who used to be super responsible and I had a baby recently and she turned so irresponsible I had to take privleges away. The most successful "transaction" was, " you can have your phone between 8 pm and 11:30 pm contingent on if you pick up the floor in your room and bathroom (she sanitizes once a week) and finish your school work," works like a charm! You just have to show them you mean business (follow through) or they will walk all over you. So yes what you are saying is very true!
Great video. I always struggle with intrinsic motivation for the teen. I do not want them to just do things because they get to keep their stuff. But I want to know the secrets to making them life long achievers...
This is what it would look like for us Teen. Parents ------------------------------ | Working Attitude | Behavior | | school Language| | media | schedule | church | friends
What happens when my 16yr old teenager grandson who i didn't know was just placed in my care because no1 else could handle his behaviour after the loss of his parents, He will not stick to the boundaries we agreed on, He has no respect for anyone, he smokes pot when I've told him Not in my house,mates come & go at all hours of the night, & he's lazy, and because of being a smart ass my car was set on fire.Food i prepare gets fed to his dog or he throws it in the bin, I am 60 alone I lost my daughter & husband, I don't want to put up with his crap any longer.HELP
shez, I want to help. I can tell this is important to you. Please consider the breakthrough call I mentioned earlier: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I might take you up on the call when I get my phone back I went to my son's for a few days for a break & left my phone behind. Wow should've seen the house when I returned, I just walked out & went straight down to SS, Dishes all over the house, bourbon bottles filling the bins, Toilet blocked up like "Don't you know where the flush button is" I had to have a laugh or I would've lost it.🤦 I never react if I am angry it just goes in 1 ear & out the other, So much for the Gratitude Journal I got him & explained how much it could help him. Sorry for all the complaining, And thank you for understanding means a lot.
Hi! This works 100%. It is a script method. I get 100% Co-operation! Honestly! This works for me with 8 month olds and UP TO ADULTS!!: I work in a busy child care service. I STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND IT REALLY WORKS. I DON'T CHANGE THE ORDER. I DON'T ELABORATE. I DO NOT USE THE WORDS "CAN YOU" AS THIS FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO SOME MALES.Try this out: 1. Approach gently and respectfully "Excuse me please Sammy. .." 2. Apologize for what has happened "I'm sorry you're upset" or "I'm sorry there was a problem" "I'm sorry I didn't notice you got bored." "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were hungry, tired, thirsty, annoyed, frustrated, needing to connect with me etc etc" 3. Request using positive words "Please keep your hands to yourself. Please let go of Tommy's hair, thank you OR Please let go of the toy and please let me help you find a toy for you. Thank you. I am here to help you. Please remember to come to me for help when you need something before you get upset. Thank you. 4. Say THANK YOU at the same time as making your request. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are learning "Remember you are a calm and gentle person." At work I don't say "I love you." but children sense my respect. 6. Repeat calmly until they co-operate. Do not grab or touch them. Do not yell. trust yourself, this script works. It will work for you. FORMULA: 1.Enter respectfully, as if they are your boss or customer, "Excuse me please Sammy..." 2. Apologize for the upset, apologize for interrupting their play or focus "Sorry to interrupt." 3. Request using positive words eg "Please let go the toy Tommy had it first, and we will get you a toy", eg, "Please relax and put two feet on the floor where you are safe, thank you. " "Please pack your things away, thank you so much, you are careful and look after your things, well done." Blame it on the clock The clock says it is time to...get dressed, brush your teeth, help pack away the dishes, etc,... THANK YOU." 4. Say THANK YOU with the request as this motivates the child to co-operate straight away. They like to be appreciated. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are mastering "You are getting so good at that." You are clean and healthy."" "You take care of your things, that is so good." 6. Repeat calmly and relax. Trust your intention of caring is being understood by the child. They sense your sincerity and will co-operate if your request is fair and just and is teaching them fine qualities. EXAMPLE: Excuse me Sammy, sorry interrupt your game. The clock says it is time to wash our hands and come to the table for dinner please. Thank you. You are healthy and clean. I love you darling. Thank you." Give them time to finish up what they are doing. LATER: Keep talking about the time that they co-operated and thank them for it. POSITIVE WORDS BREED POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. "SAMMY, I REMEMBER HOW YOU CO-OPERATED WITH MY REQUEST THIS MORNING, THANK YOU!! WHEN CHILDREN GET CONNECTION THEY DON'T MUCK UP FOR ATTENTION. REQUEST POLITELY FOR WHAT IS NEEDED NOT USING THE WORD "CAN" AS IT DOESN'T WORK WELL WITH MOST MALES. WHO CARES WINS.
@@shez1640 you're situation is very difficult. I know grown men who told me they were like that when they were a child, they said they didn't have anyone who had faith in them to tell them they were doing ok, and give them a good feeling about being alive. they said they regret the damage they did but realised they were depressed.. 16 years looks like a man but mentally and emotionally is a child. He must be very hurt and lost to be wanting to dull and suppress his own feelings and thoughts with pot and booze. He needs validation in the form of empathy like while making yourself a cup of tea and a sandwich, say "Excuse me Sammy, I'm sorry to interrupt, I just would like to say that I really want the best for you. I'm sorry I can't give you everything you need. I want you to be safe and happy. I'm finding life pretty hard. I'm tired and I'm scared and nervous a lot of the time. It's not your fault. It's the situation. I want you feel safe and to relax here ok. I need to feel safe and to be able to relax too. I reckon we can share this space. I want to respect you and myself. I trust you will process your emotions as you are intelligent and capable and a good person. Your heart is in the right place. Growing up isn't easy but considering your situation I reckon you are doing alright and getting better at it all the time. I have faith in you. You were always the sweetest little child I know. Please relax and feel safe here and know that I trust and respect you. Things get confusing at times but rest assured, I'm glad you're in my life and I am proud and glad for you as you are becoming the man you want to be. You will find what makes your heart glad and that can become a job in the future. Just be yourself. Its not easy but you will do it. im still working on it and getting better at it as i go. Well, I've gotta go clean out my car. Heres a sandwich you might lkke it for when youre hungry. Would you mind plewashing a few of these dishe when you got a minute, that would be so nice, thank you so much darling I gotta see a friend tonight and I will leave you some snacks, cheese, milk, crackers, chocolate, in the fridge so please help yourself and don't go hungry ok darling. love you, see you later tonight or tomorrow morning.
My mum will kick you out trust me if you are going to be lazy the world has no space for the lazy ones. Imagine the world without your parents giving you those freebies.
@@justinbuys8501 Why so defensive? Are you a parent? I suggest you to watch this vid together with your teen to get effective result. The result might surprise both of you. Good luck.
Go back to the first step. If the child is not cooperating, you will have to give consequences. Review the video on Moral Development. You will know where you need to start and how you should interact.
Yeah one of my kids won't clean his room for anything. He doesn't care he can't get his phone back. He doesn't care he can't get his driver's licence, he doesn't care he cannot have friends over, he doesn't care he can't go out on his first date because he is more concerned with winning his game of control the parent than having the privileges. I'm not sure what to try next, but I may move him into my room until he cleans his. I live in a closet sized refinished attic space. I'm hoping he will then appreciate his own large room.
You are utterly an amazing Psychologist Dr Paul Jenkins. You massively helped me dealing with daily issues with my 13teeh yrs old daughter. Many thanks
Hey, I was a bit concerned when the first two minutes of the video had passed and I thought It may have been time I'd never get back. I am glad I stuck through to the end. I really appreciate you sharing this in the way you did. Very helpful.
I'm a teenager and my parents think if they will tell me that I'm idiot that will motivate me to prove them wrong, but it just makes me feel like peace of garbage. I am starting to Believe that they are write about my stupidity
That is faulty thinking, N&A's and I can tell you are not an idiot. Try to shut that out and work on yourself and school, you won't be there forever, it just feels that way now.
N&A's - My parents have said and done the same thing, I know what you mean. :-( I’m so sorry you’re going through this & experiencing their crappy behavior. It’s so counterproductive, and demotivating. You’re not garbage or stupid. Unfortunately it sounds like your parents are being emotionally abusive. That’s not your fault, that’s on them. I don’t know if it’ll help you, but one thing that helped me was that... at some point, it became obvious just how much of my parents’ ugly put-downs of me were /actually/ a projection of their own feelings about themselves... It just...kind of seemed pitiable and pathetic, and I felt like I was on a bit of a higher ground than their insults during those weird moment where it became crystal clear that the things they were saying were about them, not me. I say that because... it has nothing to do with you. But I know the hits it deals to the self esteem. They’re crappy for treating you that way. You’re not stupid. You deserve better, and someday soon you’ll be able to be AROUND better people who won’t project those things onto you.
Haha, don't think anyone has tried that before! Great job on your part - I'm honored to help you out with that, Samantha TKO. : ) Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
All they do is yell at me. even when i try and raise my grades, so i just gave up. im done doing the work because it all ends with me getting in trouble. cant have a good day with out her mentioning my grades
...had the same parents.... You have to find something you enjoy doing(later on in life). They want you to be the best and they KNOW that the good grades are gonna provide you to be successful. Whether they keep on being unsatisfied with everything you do or they change, you do you. And don't be mad. It is not worth your youth! You will understand the half of what they are doing when you get older.... You can't understand it now but you WILL. Be nice. Because of you. Be the best you can be for your own sake, you will thank yourself later..... I know I'm rambling here, hehe, but I really wish you all the best.... Ps. My parents are still not satisfied with the way I turned out (and I'm amazing😂😂)....some people have their own insecurities!
I was always told by my parents to give my teen so much work that he/she has no time to even think. I have an 11 year old and I think I am guiding him well but I do want him to think for himself so staying busy is good but I also want to allow him time for reflection and it seems like he wants to use that time to play video games. His free time is his free time so I allow him to use it as he pleases, he has very very limited free time and I suspect this will change when he starts to think about girls.
My job is to be a parent. Friends are at school. Love is not unconditional... that's tyrannical. I'm quite happy to have my children hate me... I've said this from the start... and strangely they love me for keeping them in line... who knew that children love order because in any storm everyone looks for shelter quickly. Dropping brats 30km from home to walk home is a great equalizer.
Yep, me too, sensing that. Hi! This works 100%. It is a script method. I get 100% Co-operation! Honestly! This works for me with 8 month olds and UP TO ADULTS!!: I work in a busy child care service. I STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND IT REALLY WORKS. I DON'T CHANGE THE ORDER. I DON'T ELABORATE. I DO NOT USE THE WORDS "CAN YOU" AS THIS FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO SOME MALES.Try this out: 1. Approach gently and respectfully "Excuse me please Sammy. .." 2. Apologize for what has happened "I'm sorry you're upset" or "I'm sorry there was a problem" "I'm sorry I didn't notice you got bored." "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were hungry, tired, thirsty, annoyed, frustrated, needing to connect with me etc etc" 3. Request using positive words "Please keep your hands to yourself. Please let go of Tommy's hair, thank you OR Please let go of the toy and please let me help you find a toy for you. Thank you. I am here to help you. Please remember to come to me for help when you need something before you get upset. Thank you. 4. Say THANK YOU at the same time as making your request. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are learning "Remember you are a calm and gentle person." At work I don't say "I love you." but children sense my respect. 6. Repeat calmly until they co-operate. Do not grab or touch them. Do not yell. trust yourself, this script works. It will work for you. FORMULA: 1.Enter respectfully, as if they are your boss or customer, "Excuse me please Sammy..." 2. Apologize for the upset, apologize for interrupting their play or focus "Sorry to interrupt." 3. Request using positive words eg "Please let go the toy Tommy had it first, and we will get you a toy", eg, "Please relax and put two feet on the floor where you are safe, thank you. " "Please pack your things away, thank you so much, you are careful and look after your things, well done." Blame it on the clock The clock says it is time to...get dressed, brush your teeth, help pack away the dishes, etc,... THANK YOU." 4. Say THANK YOU with the request as this motivates the child to co-operate straight away. They like to be appreciated. 5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are mastering "You are getting so good at that." You are clean and healthy."" "You take care of your things, that is so good." 6. Repeat calmly and relax. Trust your intention of caring is being understood by the child. They sense your sincerity and will co-operate if your request is fair and just and is teaching them fine qualities. EXAMPLE: Excuse me Sammy, sorry interrupt your game. The clock says it is time to wash our hands and come to the table for dinner please. Thank you. You are healthy and clean. I love you darling. Thank you." Give them time to finish up what they are doing. ' Each child has a unique personality made up of similar traits as others. Provide lots of books, games, toys and activities that suit your child's likes. This is forming a future career path for them. LATER: Keep talking about the time that they co-operated and thank them for it. POSITIVE WORDS BREED POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. "SAMMY, I REMEMBER HOW YOU CO-OPERATED WITH MY REQUEST THIS MORNING, THANK YOU!! WHEN CHILDREN GET CONNECTION THEY DON'T MUCK UP FOR ATTENTION. REQUEST POLITELY FOR WHAT IS NEEDED NOT USING THE WORD "CAN" AS IT DOESN'T WORK WELL WITH MOST MALES. WHO CARES WINS.
Gonna be honest I’m 17 and I’m pretty unmotivated because I am so unsatisfied with my life I’m pretty unpopular and still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend and I just don’t see the point In anything really I always just end up at the bottom of the pile in most situations and it’s just whittled my motivation down each time and no I’m at a stage where I just think why should I bother In life if I have nothing positive in life
Chris_02, I wish you could see how much potential you have. It isn't about being popular, or having a girlfriend. Those things happen as we get more comfortable with ourselves. Seek some guidance from someone you trust, find something you like and get really involved in it. I know it is difficult at this time, but it won't be like this forever so get a plan together and go for it.
I am on such a shocking roller coaster ride with my 16 YO daughter. It's like a bomb is going to explode any moment..phew, I dislike doing it, but I am trying to just keep away from her. Thank you for the humour in this tough situation. Also gratitude for the perspective you provided in all your videos. My job as a parent is to love my child no matter what and even if.
ya, keep treating your kids like business associates and less like your child. It will go the same way the "treat your kids like your friend" ended up. With more school shootings but this time they will target your neighbors and friends.
In a teenagers point of view, this would demotivate us. Parents just need to give time and not bother us during the stages of teen as we are most likely going through a thing called 'identity crisis'. By intruding our personal space, personal life, taking back the things you give us, etc. would obviously tick us off. Parents should know that they took this risk and it is their duty to only keep us on the right track and not force us to accomplish their goals and control teenagers life.
Fathmath Anaa, thank you for watching and for your thoughtful comment. I agree that parents should not try to control their teenager's life, and actually I teach this to the parents: you can't control your child, so don't try. However, parents can motivate and influence their children to do things that they (the parents) believe would be most beneficial to their kids. For instance, doing chores so teenagers know how to do things when they move out, or get good grades in school so you have a better chance of getting a good job.
So my friends two sons are extremely picky over food and you constantly have to ask them to do something but they still won't do it unless I tell their dad who is my friend but he always talks to them calmly idk he's being more of a friend than a parent letting him play the Xbox constantly play or be on his phone he never puts his foot down. Like he will say hey clean your room but when he leaves the house for the weekend to his mom it's still not clean. He says let your kids make their own mistakes I'm not strict because I want them to be happy. He needs to start putting his foot down. I think he needs to put his foot down. How do I explain my feelings when I'm just the friend but I help clean the house and he's working all the time. Like he's so sensitive about my feelings and I can't even talk to him. About my feelings.
How do we get a teen to pick up after himself? If we "negotiate" something that we provide, doesn't that just encourage him to be a bigger slob (i.e., make more messes in order to get rewarded for cleaning them up)?
Good question Brad - I think the key here is in creating a culture of cooperation. I did another video here ruclips.net/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/видео.html just for teens. Take a look at that and you'll see what I mean. DrPaul
I normally wouldn’t admit this out in public but i appreciate the parenting videos but when you’ve been a parent doing it all wrong for 12/14 years and your kids are not used to you being this type of parent it’s hard.I have watch so many parenting videos to help me with my disrespectful lazy unmotivated teenagers. This one is by far the best. But I’m stuck. I’m stuck because today I implemented this strategy and my 12 year old punched my bedroom door when I walked away after already giving him an answer. He freaked the flip out when I didn’t give in to his asked and answered questions. Another issue is I live in an apartment building and I am the manager. My kids at the time of their temper tantrums (yes as teens) do not care how loud they are how rude or inconsiderate they are or if we get complained about or if I get fired and kicked out. I dunno maybe I just needed to vent it sounds so ridiculous what I’m saying but it’s almost like I need to first prepare my neighbors for what’s to come when my kids begin withdrawing from too much control and freedom and all that other stuff I have not been good at managing. They live with me and visit their father summer time and holidays. So it’s just me.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Got it! I am watching all your videos over and over so it’s drilled in my head. And thank you for your humorous attitude in the videos. It makes it much easier to be positive about.
I want to better myself im 16 and im lazy I would like to change myself and show people what I can become and prove to myself I can do it im going to start trying in segments start off small by making my bed every morning and going to bed early and waling up early about the only thing efficient I do is feed my dog and take her to the bathroom if I cant do it myself im gonna try job core so I dont turn out like my uncle thank you so much i have not watched the vid yet but any tips is helpful I also cuss I dont say the f word or the vulger work I just say the gd word and im Christian so its against my reliegon just got use to saying it that is pretty much the only word I also use to play games and now I dont play them so much anymore hopefully I can better myself
Can you help me? My husband won’t allow me to take my kids to church, because he thinks they’re all pedophiles. He also won’t let them join the Boy Scouts for the same reason. I would like my children to be able to attend both. Any suggestions?
Angel Bowman, these sound like excuses. Try to talk to him and find out if he has been affected or know someone who has. He could always attend with the boys so he sees there is nothing going on. I will think on this some more.
When my ex husband was 14 years old he was sexually abused by a Scout leader. the man was 40 years old and groomed him for a year then organised a secluded event. The whole family trusted the man.
Nope! I am a retired school teacher and the parent of 3 dependable, responsible adult sons. This is what is wrong with the kids today. They absolutely do NOT have control of that teen list! They earn each of those items by being responsible and respectful. Be a parent not a friend. I had no time for these games. They were responsible at home, at school at church and with their friends because it was expected of them. When they were not, all privileges were taken away. I will NOT negotiate with a child. Come back when you are an adult and then we will talk! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE GUY!
1987 ?, thank you for watching. Do your best to teach him the consequences of not going to work and school. Since he has RUclips, maybe you can suggest he watch my video "How To Do Hard Things For Older Kids And Things" - ruclips.net/video/5ltYHx46SxU/видео.html. I also have a few videos for you, to give you more ideas: "How To Get Kids To Study" - ruclips.net/video/G-rJkgGsCVE/видео.html. Pay close attention to what my friend Art does with his son. "How To Motivate Lazy Young Adults" - ruclips.net/video/1Fjp1zyLjjU/видео.html "What To Do With A Failure-To-Launch Child" - ruclips.net/video/sEe9tAtxYKM/видео.html
My kids just had second dinner even though they requested M&M's and to stay up late if there would be popcorn. They got the meal they sort of ate two hours ago. Then bedtime routines. It's my teens that I struggle with more.
I have a 13-year-old boy. We are going through a tough time with the way he acts. Doesn't want to do anything and has an I don't care attitude. We have suggested lots of things to do to keep him busy. Keeps saying no to everything and answers with I don't know. This has been going on for a while now. We are at a phase where he rebels all the time and gets worked up we try to talk to him. We are running out of ideas. It's a very stressful situation and stress on us. Any suggestions?
What If My Child Just Doesn't Care About Consequences - ruclips.net/video/Eu9_EXaVzOo/видео.html
Whenever I'm with kids I always tell them that if they can stand any consequence their parents can dish out suddenly they're free. I tell them that their parents use their systemic power to control them and they can easily resist. This is how we empower Young people! Get them to fight the oppression in their homes and stand up for themselves.
Oh you think you can control me by taking away something that's valuable to me? I don't care and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want.
Consider collaborating with me and treating me with respect? Then I might be more willing to open up.
Oh they do mine likes to make me think she didn't
Give him physical exercise
@@meaningfulideas This is exactly the wrong behavior to deal with children. Please do not listen to this man! He is a spreadsheet of lies.
@@spiwolf6998 Respecting kids is always the best approach!
Anyone here watching as the lazy teenager trying to learn how to be successful in life? 😅
Dawn Bunnow, yes, I have heard from others. They want to know what their parents are up to.
The fact that you're watching this for that purpose says you're going to be just fine in life
Oh my God! Yes!
Same man I wanna be more responsible for my mom ;)
They exist?
"So I'm guessing, that since your the one watching this video, you're not the lazy teenager."
Me, the lazy teenager:...
Haha. Not necessarily lazy, just unmotivated to do what your parents want you to do. Thanks for watching anyway, Nightcore Wolfy. Are you willing to see any more videos? We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I am also the lazy teenager
lol
* you're 🤦🏼♀️
haha same🤣
As a double parent of three teenagers, I appreciate the knowledge I've gained through your channel. Thank you from Australia
You are very welcome. Honored to be on your team.
Best teen/parent advice ever, couldn't stop laughing! 😂
My son is a teen, 16 and full of laziness and attitude and i was a teenager too once, just the same and i remember how annoying adults could be even though they came from love but it felt like they were allway's on my case.
So i am trying to find a healthier way to communicate and bond with my son without making him feel bad or upset all the time.
It's so hard as a parent but love keeps driving us forward.
Thankyou for this great light hearted yet tough love approach!
It really helped and gave me a good laugh! 😄👍
*Kyra*, love them no matter what and even if...
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
I will 🙂🥰 allway's!
Adults are annoying. Do everything you can not be be one.
As a behaviorist this is PURE GOLD. This should be an every parent trainers pocket what a wonderful tool this video is you have outlined things so perfectly and in a way that’s easy to digest for any listener thank you 🙏
Caitlin Dragony, thank you for your kind words. Please share with someone who might benefit.
The expressions on this guy's face sometimes are PRICELESS. I love it. 😂🤣
Thank you, Christina Nevins.
Totally genuine too. I met with Paul as a teenager and he's totally Authentic in his videos. He improved my life greatly.
I have watched this several times now and shared it with my husband. This video really helped me and I love the way you present the concepts. You are very likeable and funny and definitely let us know we aren't alone in this! I love how you give us permission to be all good - no matter what the teen does. It is all about what we provide - as you say. You can't make a fish climb walls as one of my son's teacher's has said. All we can do is love them and try to help them make the right choices via what we provide. Thanks so much and I'm going to check out your other videos.
Glad to have you at the channel, Jennifer Levey. Fish climbing walls? I love that one, never heard it before.
You can bring a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink!😀
When you're a lazy teenager watching this to see your parents tricks
Lauren Farrow, I would watch it with your parents!
🤣
That’s Selective Laxity. You CAN do it!!!
That's clever
The problem with what hes saying is not accurate.
Thanks for the video. I am divorced, have four teens, and I work 12 days straight with only 4 days off a month. Dad is retired early and only now starting to really try to co-parent. Finding consistency in discipline has been hard, but now I'm dealing more with motivation than discipline problems. I appreciate the bargaining system. Coming out of a really ugly custody battle, it is hard to find the confidence to try to remove the preferred clothing because that comes back to bite with the public school system by kids learning how to work people around them for sympathy. My kids being mixed race, they would suffer a lot more harm than a simple day of embarrassment. It would be prolonged throughout high school. But I think I'm going to move my son who refuses to clean his room into my tiny attic like room until he wants his room back. Thanks.
Natalie Saad, I like the creativity of your approach to your son and his room. Hang in there.
I exhaust myself trying to fight their laziness. Thank you for this! I might get my energy back.
FiftyPlus Pharmacist, you can do this.
Dealing with 2 teen girls at the moment. Very grateful I found you're videos!
JH A, I'm glad you found the channel, too! Honored to be on your team. We have more for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
I have a 16 year old teenager and this is GOLD!!! Dealing with teenagers is a game .....its a game of strategy! Teenagers are master manipulators, or so they think and as a parent of one it pays to stay one step ahead. This has helped to remind me of essentially what I already know, but forget to put it into place on a daily basis around being so busy in life. It's a good reminder, broken down well . . . . and there is humour, bonus!
Clare Hudd, we are here to support each other and we all need reminders. You got this.
I was getting to the end of my tether lol, he's great
Yes, teenangers are master manipulators
You'll get much farther thinking of being in a deep relationship rather than a game. Your kids are only manipulating you because you've made them feel they have to. CHange that pattern and the manipulation will stop.
Help my grandson is falling in school just staying in his room playing games no intress in anything
What is difficult is taking away the computer since everything with respect to school is on the computer, specially right now. I’ve already installed a couple carrier apps to restrict data and another to restrict WiFi but he still has the computer which again he needs for school. I’ve been using the game of negotiability but it’s tough in this respect.
Elina T, I am hearing this from so many parents. It is a tough time right now and we are all learning as we go along. Hang in there.
I believe it’s ok from time to time to cheat with computer times, but overall they have duties and should follow them before leisure time.
So I moved all the devices (computers and iPads) to the living room, where I currently work. This way they finish their duties as fast as possible in order to be able to move the computer to their space and play.
Same goes for PlayStation and Nerf. Every night back to the living room and so forth. Good luck!
Ahaa!!! IN YOUR FACE, ALL PARENTS... 😂
What apps do you use?
Tatiana G. Hi Tatiana, in my case my service is through Verizon and through their app I can restrict data and set day/time restrictions. As far as WiFi I am with Xfinity and through their app I can set day/time restrictions for using WiFi. There’s a lot you can do through these apps but sometimes kids learn how to bypass these. I won’t go too much into that but unfortunately some can. If I figures out how to override their bypass I’ll let you know 😊
I’d like you to talk about when the kids have grown up they’ve left home got married and still depend on mum and dad to provide for them financially.
Susie Welchman, I can add it to the list, but in the meantime, let them know that the ATM machine will be disconnected in 2 months so they better talk to their spouse and figure things out.
I love this so much I've started using it with all my teen clients as a fun whiteboard exercise to do with teens and their parents. Teens who are just starting to realize their parents don't control "everything" - and parents who have this illusion of control over more than they actually have any control over.
Jimita Rae, it has opened the eyes of many I have worked with in my practice. Glad it is helpful to you.
This video is really helpful. Dr Paul talks slowly and clearly. It feels like I'm in the room with him talking to me in a counselling session. His ideas are catchy and easy to remember. I like his use of the whiteboard.
Thanks for all the positive feedback, myth dark! It's an honor to be on your team.
Even at their age I really think teenagers need us more than ever as being a teen is overwhelming and confusing. Adulthood comes and I remember thinking back then, what the heck am I supposed to do now? Zip, nobody to guide me and things sure went south. >_<
It ticks me off when my Ex keeps commenting "Just wait until he's a teenager." He has this place of dread in his mind about how Donald is going to act instead of actually looking at how our son is now. A bright, cheerful little boy. I want to comment back that he's creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with that attitude. I think it's unfair if people see teens as being cranky, how would you feel if everyone kept saying to you that you're just going to be a crab anyways, or you're always so sad, na she's happy all the time that doesn't bother her, or how about that guy is always angery, he's mean don't bother talking to him.
People, it's really not kind quit it. So why do we have this attitude with our teens? I think it makes everything worse as they get ticked off because we just blow them off as an emotional teen.
That's my thoughts on this anyway.
Good point, Darkocean S., not every teen gets moody, but a lot do, due to their developing brains and bodies and everything that goes with them. We should enjoy them in the moment, young child or teen. There are always positives if we look for them.
Excelent comment first to show more love kind and respect for our teens..thanks both..excelent channel also..learning a lot . Hugs from southamerica (differents CULTURE but the same issues with parenthood!).
Wow, ❤You are the master of teen/parent psychology ! Each time I listen to your videos, I learn something new & productive in my hard life at age 50+ with 2 young teenagers! 😔 God bless you & your family. Thank you!
I wish my husband & I could come to your office with my teens to help us.
Consider a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com and you can be a part of our weekly Ask Dr Paul Live Events.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you so much.
I love this channel I am teenager and just want to do job I don't know what is this maybe it's a craze
Well I am grateful to have you here, Pinky Pink! We have a "Just for kids and teens" playlist if you're interested: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV
My son is extremely bright, but refuses to focus, will not pay attention, and routinely lies about completing his work. He has shown multiple times that he is capable of bringing home perfect to near perfect grades when he makes an effort. We have tried rewarding him for good behavior, punishing him for bad behavior. Nothing seems to work. Recently we discovered that he figured out how to hack the program that tracks his grades in order to show good grades,when in reality he has bad grades. He has no interests other than video games, and says that he wants to create them, but does nothing to pursue that goal. He is 16 years old, nearly an adult and we are afraid that he is going to become a monumental failure, because he doesn't care about becoming a success.
I hear the worry in your comments, Robin Barnes. Your son sounds extremely talented. Don't give up, keep offering him help to take the steps to make a career out of what he loves.
Make sure you are not limiting your son with a shallow defining of success. ie, money , big house , mainstream career.
The future is changing, trust God to make the men and women he needs for the challenges ahead.
the computer is negotiable !!! and do it, restrict him
I have 2 lol. Lazy teens . I try not to label but it's TRUE. They do as little as possible. I'm trying to relax instead of trying to fix them or control things . These videos are very helpful.
Thank you. Glad you are riding the wave.
Thank you for this! So simple and such common sense, but this perspective helps reduce my guilt when I take way privileges.
Glad it was helpful! No guilt in positive parenting.
Hi, I’ve just watched some of your parenting videos. As a teacher, I love the way you discipline a child in the most loving way. Thank for sharing this to us, wish you and your family all the best ❤
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Wonderful ! Precious advice. Especially reflecting about what we, as parents, truly control! And then, the simple transaction: from « shame » to « game » 😃Brilliant ✨✨✨
Thank you.
My child is almost 10 and this is great for preparing his teens ..wow fantastic your chanel has made me such a clam parent.. my parents were always stressed and yelling this is God sent and thank you❣👌💯💜
Yamuna, you made my day.
Sometimes I wish this guy was my father
Thanks for the compliment, ObinaKiddJ. Thank you for watching. Share with your family.
SOMETIMES, every day for me
And you all still wouldn’t listen to him!
Tsunam!Papi always!
Blessings and hope to you
Well done thanks for the tips. My kids aren’t teens yet but I’m a mentor and an uncle of a lot of teens. Needed this. You choose your attitude so true. We gotta remind ourselves and not just teach it.
Glad you are here to positively affect others.
Can i admit, I'm the mother of a 16 year old.. amd I absolutely it... looking for answers here..
New Creation, I am glad we can connect.
I have helped organize her room with shelves and so on. Also give monthly allowance for goog hygiene and keeping room clean. I put stickers on a calendar. 14 year old female.
I hope it is working for you.
P.s. I'm poor as hell. so the "providing" part doesn't apply much to me.
Excuses take away your power. I'm poor too, however, I can make sure that my son has some very ugly clothing by going to goodwill. >:) if I can provide highly nutritious foods that taste great, but have no snacks that aren't fruits or veggies. Think out of the box find a way. Pay attention to them and see what they like. Even just one thing can help. My boy will be ten this year and is already acting quite a bit like a teenager, yet he's in stage one. Still, I don't think it hurts to watch this video now. ^-^ also, I can simply stop doing his laundry, washing the plates he makes dirty, I can keep his friends out of the house, I can add more chores, take away a chore for that day if he does said thing. Try watching all of this man's videos the ideas will start kicking in, :D When I say stop doing his laundry I mean make him do it not stop access to clean clothing.
Also if I'm wrong and you have none of these things, I apologize in advance. Am just trying to offer solutions.
You have more power then you think. Sure he/she can be with their friends but you have the control if they come in the house or not. In the winter time that I bet would become pretty uncomfortable for your kid if his friends can't come in. lol.
Even though we call ourselves poor in the US almost all of us have a smartphone. Many people worldwide can't afford one. If you paid for his/her phone, and pay for their internet connection? Call the phone company and have it shut off. >:) Okay what if you guys don't have a phone, then what? Okay, do you have electricity with lights, a tv, video games? Take away the video games. No games? take away the tv. No tv? Take away the lamps! Bedtime is sure going to come quick. Well for both but it'll work.
food. What's the blandest, thing that can fill them up? Rice, bread, really super cheap meat. eggs with no salt or pepper, have only water or milk to drink no flavorings, no pop, no juice. Have some apples or oranges available to eat, don't take away healthy stuff. Look oranges are expensive (using them as an example( but their health is more important than having one more loaf of bread you know? Meat. Don't need it as much as you'd think, hea hea hea. Get some peanut butter and 100% whole wheat bread they make a complete protein together. Beans and rice = complete protein, chia seeds soaked in water, juice gravy or pudding = complete protein. Chia seeds must be soaked or can be fiber overload.
I hope this stuff helps and I didn't tick you off. ;-;
Jessica Salmonson Love & compassion and leading by example goes along way
And it free! Let that be your foundation
Ask Shadow Bolt Moon, thank you for being a caring parent.
@@j.salmonson1901 thank you for sharing this! You've helped me!!
How do we differentiate laziness from depression or some other symptom of a mental health disorder?
Needs to be evaluated by a professional.
Him : Teenagers aren't lazy ! ,
Also Him: how to motivate a ~LAZY~ teenager
Shene Land, we want to break down the misconceptions.
This opening is so cleaver, I can't stop smiling.
Glad you enjoyed it, Will Warren! Thanks for being on the channel.
None of this will make my son brush his teeth and hair, make his bed, get dressed “appropriately” stop eating constantly and getting his face out of Tiktok, fortnite or anything that has a screen. Theres Nothing on that list I haven’t tried for years.
floridamatty, how about shutting down the wi-fi?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV he is doing remote learning currently due to the pandemic so that’s not an option.
"...just really efficient at how they use their time" I love that. So true!!
Leadership Society of Arizona, : )
*My ADHD can't handle this! I'll have to come back and watch on a day that my focus is a lil better lol!*
Jessica, the beauty of RUclips.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Exactly!!
Gosh you and your wife are an amazing team, I am a single parent with two children living in Northern Ireland and thankful for these tips ☺️☘️👍
Thank you so much! Glad the video is helpful, thanks for stopping by.
I am a lazy teenager, mostly because I got motivated with either a) "the great feeling you're going to have after you did this" or b) punishments, not in the sense of deprivation of basic needs, just regular canceling of every and all the things I enjoyed (but luckily we as a family managed to sort out the domestic violence a few years ago).
Now (since my parents stopped threatening me because I am a responsible person and an as-good-as-adult) I have great difficulty motivating me because apart from the positive feedback that my feelings are meant to give me and that I am unable to experience, I don't know how to.
I don't expect an answer from Mr. Jenkins directly, but if anyone who reads this comment knows effective ways to get that positive response up again, I'd be really thankful if you could share it.
You have a very well thought-out comment, Dael Nightbird. I'm glad there is no more domestic violence in the home. You sound mature, so we have more to work with than someone who is less mature. Parents do need to be careful with rewards and consequences, but they need to start with those when the child is young because they are not self-motivated. As kids become older, the rewards should be more internal. I tell parents that they need to be asking the child "How do you feel about that accomplishment?," or "Don't you feel good about helping that person?". We are working toward children doing things because it's the right thing to do. When you're employed, you get monetary benefits for a job well done. When you live away from your parents, you do your own laundry and clean your house because you need access to things like clean clothes and dishes. I talk about some of this stuff in various videos you can find in my "Just for kids and teens" playlist, if you want to check it out: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Bridget Hibbert, please read my response to Dael Nightbird. You can also check out the "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. Thanks for being on the channel.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you very much for the helpful response! I will go through the playlist you recommended and I am sure that it will be a really good start for further research on other topics that I can work on, too!
It’s important to set expectations to increase motivation. If your parents have stopped setting them for you, you need to do this for yourself. What would you like to learn next, what are your interest? Your answers to those questions will give you a clue as to what expectations you need to set.
Maybe you could make a weekly star chart for yourself for the most important things that you need to do daily, and give yourself a treat in the weekend when you have completed the tasks for the week ? Maybe you could also ask a parent or a grandparent or some other trusted relative or a friend to act as a cheerleader and supporter to motivate you and to praise you when you have completed your tasks.
I love my child no matter what and even if she is so disrespectful! But it’s so tiring I’m Exhausted!!
yleana gareca, it is exhausting, practice self-care and work with a coach if you are running out of ideas.
Do you have videos on teenage young adults? My 18 almost 19 year old daughter is making poor decisions regarding her health. I know she’s in charge of herself and her life but I feel I can’t stand by and let her health deteriorate. I believe she either has an eating disorder that or a serious health problem causing lack of appetite. She works 12 hour days sometimes and doesn’t eat at all. She blows off her Dr appointments and does not take her vitamins. She still lives at home with me and I’m lost at what to do, if anything and it’s hurtful and hard to sit back and let it happen.
Be a good example and tell her you have some ideas that will help when she is ready to listen. Until then, she will only see your suggestions as criticism.
im watching this for my brother. he is 13 and honestly his shenanigans really disturb me. he refuses to study and when my mum asks him to do his homework he refuses staright up and says mean things to her. he has literally no self dignity and doesnt realize he needs to work hard to get somewhere in life. he is just stuck on the internet and has formed a false delusional world view in his mind where he thinks gaming livestreams and vlogging are good ways of earning money in future as he doesnt have to work so hard. he literally despises hard work. my mum is really worried about him. shes usually very sad and i feel so distressed seeing her like this. but my brother has no effect. we are not very rich and our parents know how important it is to study but hes so stubborn that i cant help. even after a lott of scolding he is admant not to work. when i talk to him he seems sooo shallow. like he doesnt understand deeper emotions of people. idk whats wrong with him..ive literally sacrificed my own studies to teach him well but now im in senior year, i have a lot of self study to do. does anyone have a solutionnnn
Mahima, I like that you are concerned about your mom, but your brother is not your problem. Yes, his behavior is affecting the family, but it is for your parents to deal with. Consequences are the only thing that will work at this point as he is on stage 1.
If I ever meet this guy, I have to give him a hug because this one video is so transformational. ÀMAZING! I have to find his book ASAP. I have six years left with teens in the house and I need to get my game on lol. GOD BLESS YOU. ❤️
JB N, you got this.
I love my 11 year old unconditionally...he’s been in bed all day watching RUclips and playing video games. Says he’s too tired to do Jiu Jitsu today. I told him that’s fine, but he won’t have access to his phone or games until the following Jiu Jitsu class.
David E Capps, that sounds fair.
Aaaah now I get it!! 😉As a mum I really needed this informative video. I have been frustrated with their list. When are you doing part 2!! Thanks.
Thank you Joy Baker, glad the video helped. I will consider a follow up.
I am looking for help but have all ready started downing this !!! You are absolutely spot on !
nic, honored to be on your team.
Some of the best advice I’ve heard! Thank you.
Thank you Jacob Bruns. Honored to be on your team.
I have a preteen who used to be super responsible and I had a baby recently and she turned so irresponsible I had to take privleges away. The most successful "transaction" was, " you can have your phone between 8 pm and 11:30 pm contingent on if you pick up the floor in your room and bathroom (she sanitizes once a week) and finish your school work," works like a charm! You just have to show them you mean business (follow through) or they will walk all over you. So yes what you are saying is very true!
The Modern Day Hippie, thank you for sharing. Good luck with the new baby.
Great video. I always struggle with intrinsic motivation for the teen. I do not want them to just do things because they get to keep their stuff. But I want to know the secrets to making them life long achievers...
We do want to get them to Stage 3 where they do the right things for the right reasons. Baby steps and we will get there, Matthew Haecker.
Ugh I'm at my wit's end! Hopefully this works....
cgvalle11, I wish you the best, hang in there.
This is what it would look like for us
Teen. Parents
------------------------------
| Working
Attitude |
Behavior |
| school
Language|
| media
| schedule
| church
| friends
Thank you for sharing.
Excellent! Finally a teen video that makes sense.
Thank you for watching and commenting, lovemagicandroad.
Live On Purpose TV live on purpose
I love these videos! Every parent needs to watch these!
Thank you so much, Mathami.
What happens when my 16yr old teenager grandson who i didn't know was just placed in my care because no1 else could handle his behaviour after the loss of his parents, He will not stick to the boundaries we agreed on, He has no respect for anyone, he smokes pot when I've told him Not in my house,mates come & go at all hours of the night, & he's lazy, and because of being a smart ass my car was set on fire.Food i prepare gets fed to his dog or he throws it in the bin, I am 60 alone I lost my daughter & husband, I don't want to put up with his crap any longer.HELP
shez, I want to help. I can tell this is important to you. Please consider the breakthrough call I mentioned earlier:
DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I might take you up on the call when I get my phone back I went to my son's for a few days for a break & left my phone behind. Wow should've seen the house when I returned, I just walked out & went straight down to SS, Dishes all over the house, bourbon bottles filling the bins, Toilet blocked up like "Don't you know where the flush button is" I had to have a laugh or I would've lost it.🤦 I never react if I am angry it just goes in 1 ear & out the other, So much for the Gratitude Journal I got him & explained how much it could help him. Sorry for all the complaining, And thank you for understanding means a lot.
Hi!
This works 100%. It is a script method.
I get 100% Co-operation! Honestly!
This works for me with 8 month olds and UP TO ADULTS!!: I work in a busy child care service. I STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND IT REALLY WORKS.
I DON'T CHANGE THE ORDER. I DON'T ELABORATE. I DO NOT USE THE WORDS "CAN YOU" AS THIS FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO SOME MALES.Try this out:
1. Approach gently and respectfully "Excuse me please Sammy. .."
2. Apologize for what has happened "I'm sorry you're upset"
or "I'm sorry there was a problem" "I'm sorry I didn't notice you got bored." "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were hungry, tired, thirsty, annoyed, frustrated, needing to connect with me etc etc"
3. Request using positive words "Please keep your hands to yourself. Please let go of Tommy's hair, thank you OR Please let go of the toy and please let me help you find a toy for you. Thank you. I am here to help you. Please remember to come to me for help when you need something before you get upset. Thank you.
4. Say THANK YOU at the same time as making your request.
5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are learning "Remember you are a calm and gentle person."
At work I don't say "I love you." but children sense my respect.
6. Repeat calmly until they co-operate. Do not grab or touch them. Do not yell. trust yourself, this script works. It will work for you.
FORMULA:
1.Enter respectfully, as if they are your boss or customer, "Excuse me please Sammy..."
2. Apologize for the upset, apologize for interrupting their play or focus
"Sorry to interrupt."
3. Request using positive words eg "Please let go the toy Tommy had it first, and we will get you a toy", eg, "Please relax and put two feet on the floor where you are safe, thank you.
"
"Please pack your things away, thank you so much, you are careful and look after your things, well done."
Blame it on the clock The clock says it is time to...get dressed, brush your teeth, help pack away the dishes, etc,... THANK YOU."
4. Say THANK YOU with the request as this motivates the child to co-operate straight away. They like to be appreciated.
5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are mastering "You are getting so good at that." You are clean and healthy."" "You take care of your things, that is so good."
6. Repeat calmly and relax. Trust your intention of caring is being understood by the child. They sense your sincerity and will co-operate if your request is fair and just and is teaching them fine qualities.
EXAMPLE: Excuse me Sammy, sorry interrupt your game. The clock says it is time to wash our hands and come to the table for dinner please. Thank you. You are healthy and clean. I love you darling. Thank you." Give them time to finish up what they are doing.
LATER: Keep talking about the time that they co-operated and thank them for it. POSITIVE WORDS BREED POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. "SAMMY, I REMEMBER HOW YOU CO-OPERATED WITH MY REQUEST THIS MORNING, THANK YOU!!
WHEN CHILDREN GET CONNECTION THEY DON'T MUCK UP FOR ATTENTION.
REQUEST POLITELY FOR WHAT IS NEEDED NOT USING THE WORD "CAN" AS IT DOESN'T WORK WELL WITH MOST MALES.
WHO CARES WINS.
@@shez1640 you're situation is very difficult. I know grown men who told me they were like that when they were a child, they said they didn't have anyone who had faith in them to tell them they were doing ok, and give them a good feeling about being alive. they said they regret the damage they did but realised they were depressed.. 16 years looks like a man but mentally and emotionally is a child. He must be very hurt and lost to be wanting to dull and suppress his own feelings and thoughts with pot and booze. He needs validation in the form of empathy like while making yourself a cup of tea and a sandwich, say "Excuse me Sammy, I'm sorry to interrupt, I just would like to say that I really want the best for you. I'm sorry I can't give you everything you need. I want you to be safe and happy. I'm finding life pretty hard. I'm tired and I'm scared and nervous a lot of the time. It's not your fault. It's the situation. I want you feel safe and to relax here ok. I need to feel safe and to be able to relax too. I reckon we can share this space. I want to respect you and myself. I trust you will process your emotions as you are intelligent and capable and a good person. Your heart is in the right place. Growing up isn't easy but considering your situation I reckon you are doing alright and getting better at it all the time. I have faith in you. You were always the sweetest little child I know. Please relax and feel safe here and know that I trust and respect you. Things get confusing at times but rest assured, I'm glad you're in my life and I am proud and glad for you as you are becoming the man you want to be. You will find what makes your heart glad and that can become a job in the future. Just be yourself. Its not easy but you will do it. im still working on it and getting better at it as i go. Well, I've gotta go clean out my car. Heres a sandwich you might lkke it for when youre hungry. Would you mind plewashing a few of these dishe when you got a minute, that would be so nice, thank you so much darling I gotta see a friend tonight and I will leave you some snacks, cheese, milk, crackers, chocolate, in the fridge so please help yourself and don't go hungry ok darling. love you, see you later tonight or tomorrow morning.
I love these! thank you Dr Paul.
Glad you like them!
Can you make a visual video for theses techniques “act it out “?
That would be fun.
New title. How to manipulate lazy teenager
Haha, Brandon. Just make sure it is said with a calm voice, calm face, calm manner...
Ahhaha good one...
Main points. Control access to electronic devices, transportation allowance and negotiate.
Love it! Thanis.
My mum will kick you out trust me if you are going to be lazy the world has no space for the lazy ones. Imagine the world without your parents giving you those freebies.
Becky Nash, Sounds like your mom's words mean business.
Thank you for this information. I have some work to do.
Glad it was helpful!
Why is this guy explaining this stuff like we're the slow to learn teenager lol
It's for the teenagers who tune in to see what their parents are watching : )
@@LiveOnPurposeTV suuuuure. A lot of teenagers really care about videos like this hahahahahahahahaha
I figured he is talking to the parents who blame their teens for everything... It's the parents who need ot learn... Teens know how to be teens...
@@justinbuys8501 Why so defensive? Are you a parent? I suggest you to watch this vid together with your teen to get effective result. The result might surprise both of you. Good luck.
justin buys we do
My son is a pre teen and all he wants to do is watch tv or play screen time I done many charts with chores and still not working out
karla Gonzalez, are you following through with the consequences? If his tv time is taken away or not given until the chores are done, he will do them.
Brilliant. This puts things into great perspective. Thank you
Glad you enjoyed the video. A perspective shift can take the stress away, 97lumberjack.
Thank you so much for all your advice our lives have become a lot easier
Happy to help!
So what if we follow this exact process, and there is still zero progress?
Go back to the first step. If the child is not cooperating, you will have to give consequences. Review the video on Moral Development. You will know where you need to start and how you should interact.
Yeah one of my kids won't clean his room for anything. He doesn't care he can't get his phone back. He doesn't care he can't get his driver's licence, he doesn't care he cannot have friends over, he doesn't care he can't go out on his first date because he is more concerned with winning his game of control the parent than having the privileges. I'm not sure what to try next, but I may move him into my room until he cleans his. I live in a closet sized refinished attic space. I'm hoping he will then appreciate his own large room.
You are utterly an amazing Psychologist Dr Paul Jenkins. You massively helped me dealing with daily issues with my 13teeh yrs old daughter. Many thanks
I am so honored to be on your team, Ghetto Asmr. Thank you for being a part of the community.
Hey, I was a bit concerned when the first two minutes of the video had passed and I thought It may have been time I'd never get back. I am glad I stuck through to the end. I really appreciate you sharing this in the way you did. Very helpful.
No worries! YellowCake, sometimes it takes a bit for me to get where I want to go. Thanks for sticking it out.
You can cut off the power in their room so they can’t play video games if they won’t go to school or handle responsibilities. LOL
Yes, get creative.
So I believe the 5 contingent rules should be love support food shelter and discipline
Yep, you got it.
I'm a teenager and my parents think if they will tell me that I'm idiot that will motivate me to prove them wrong, but it just makes me feel like peace of garbage. I am starting to Believe that they are write about my stupidity
That is faulty thinking, N&A's and I can tell you are not an idiot. Try to shut that out and work on yourself and school, you won't be there forever, it just feels that way now.
N&A's - My parents have said and done the same thing, I know what you mean. :-( I’m so sorry you’re going through this & experiencing their crappy behavior. It’s so counterproductive, and demotivating. You’re not garbage or stupid. Unfortunately it sounds like your parents are being emotionally abusive. That’s not your fault, that’s on them.
I don’t know if it’ll help you, but one thing that helped me was that... at some point, it became obvious just how much of my parents’ ugly put-downs of me were /actually/ a projection of their own feelings about themselves... It just...kind of seemed pitiable and pathetic, and I felt like I was on a bit of a higher ground than their insults during those weird moment where it became crystal clear that the things they were saying were about them, not me.
I say that because... it has nothing to do with you. But I know the hits it deals to the self esteem.
They’re crappy for treating you that way. You’re not stupid. You deserve better, and someday soon you’ll be able to be AROUND better people who won’t project those things onto you.
Played this loud enough for them to hear and they both got out of bed. Job done
Haha, don't think anyone has tried that before! Great job on your part - I'm honored to help you out with that, Samantha TKO. : ) Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Live On Purpose TV no problem. It always works when it is not the parent complaining. 👌👌🇮🇪🏴
“I bet the one who’s watching probably isn’t the lazy teenager-“
Me: yes, it is. You guessed wrong.”
You got me.
All they do is yell at me. even when i try and raise my grades, so i just gave up. im done doing the work because it all ends with me getting in trouble. cant have a good day with out her mentioning my grades
mmee12345, you two might benefit from some counseling or coaching where you could express these feelings.
Learn about narcissist personally disorder. These parents want their children to be perfect which is impossible therefore your always being yelled at
...had the same parents.... You have to find something you enjoy doing(later on in life). They want you to be the best and they KNOW that the good grades are gonna provide you to be successful. Whether they keep on being unsatisfied with everything you do or they change, you do you. And don't be mad. It is not worth your youth! You will understand the half of what they are doing when you get older.... You can't understand it now but you WILL. Be nice. Because of you. Be the best you can be for your own sake, you will thank yourself later..... I know I'm rambling here, hehe, but I really wish you all the best....
Ps. My parents are still not satisfied with the way I turned out (and I'm amazing😂😂)....some people have their own insecurities!
I was always told by my parents to give my teen so much work that he/she has no time to even think. I have an 11 year old and I think I am guiding him well but I do want him to think for himself so staying busy is good but I also want to allow him time for reflection and it seems like he wants to use that time to play video games. His free time is his free time so I allow him to use it as he pleases, he has very very limited free time and I suspect this will change when he starts to think about girls.
Fabiola Arauz, so glad to have you at the channel.
brilliant. thank you we are transforming our family. I had to subscribe.
Thank you for subscribing, Clean Living in Crete. I love this RUclips Family.
Parents! Just a gentle reminder/plea to have mercy on the educators who are dealing with these students!
Absolutely! Thanks for the reminder.
My job is to be a parent. Friends are at school. Love is not unconditional... that's tyrannical. I'm quite happy to have my children hate me... I've said this from the start... and strangely they love me for keeping them in line... who knew that children love order because in any storm everyone looks for shelter quickly. Dropping brats 30km from home to walk home is a great equalizer.
Chistka Chistka, Children need both love and discipline. Sounds like they know you love them also.
No games......or negotiations, just openess and respect
me who's a lazy teenager who's watching this to motivate myself 🍜
Wonderful! Glad to hear that.
That moment when the comment section is more motivational than the video.
TOXIC VIXEN, I love it when viewers chime in and help one another.
Great advice and humorous approach...thank you! I will try it!
You are welcome, Monica Gonzalez. Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - honored to be on your team!
Excellent advice; thank you! I'm looking forward to seeing how the application improves the dynamics and results.
Let me know Steve - I'm sure as a father of 11 you can find a teen or two to try this out on. DrPaul
I'm sensing medicated, drinky, drinky maybe, Not judging, But you really make it simple!!. And thankyou so much for that!!!...I'm subscribing 🤔
Thank you for subscribing, Kit Kimbrough! I'm glad you enjoyed the video. And rest assured, I am not under the influence of anything. : )
Yep, me too, sensing that. Hi!
This works 100%. It is a script method.
I get 100% Co-operation! Honestly!
This works for me with 8 month olds and UP TO ADULTS!!: I work in a busy child care service. I STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND IT REALLY WORKS.
I DON'T CHANGE THE ORDER. I DON'T ELABORATE. I DO NOT USE THE WORDS "CAN YOU" AS THIS FEELS LIKE AN INSULT TO SOME MALES.Try this out:
1. Approach gently and respectfully "Excuse me please Sammy. .."
2. Apologize for what has happened "I'm sorry you're upset"
or "I'm sorry there was a problem" "I'm sorry I didn't notice you got bored." "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were hungry, tired, thirsty, annoyed, frustrated, needing to connect with me etc etc"
3. Request using positive words "Please keep your hands to yourself. Please let go of Tommy's hair, thank you OR Please let go of the toy and please let me help you find a toy for you. Thank you. I am here to help you. Please remember to come to me for help when you need something before you get upset. Thank you.
4. Say THANK YOU at the same time as making your request.
5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are learning "Remember you are a calm and gentle person."
At work I don't say "I love you." but children sense my respect.
6. Repeat calmly until they co-operate. Do not grab or touch them. Do not yell. trust yourself, this script works. It will work for you.
FORMULA:
1.Enter respectfully, as if they are your boss or customer, "Excuse me please Sammy..."
2. Apologize for the upset, apologize for interrupting their play or focus
"Sorry to interrupt."
3. Request using positive words eg "Please let go the toy Tommy had it first, and we will get you a toy", eg, "Please relax and put two feet on the floor where you are safe, thank you.
"
"Please pack your things away, thank you so much, you are careful and look after your things, well done."
Blame it on the clock The clock says it is time to...get dressed, brush your teeth, help pack away the dishes, etc,... THANK YOU."
4. Say THANK YOU with the request as this motivates the child to co-operate straight away. They like to be appreciated.
5. Remind them of the positive qualities that they are mastering "You are getting so good at that." You are clean and healthy."" "You take care of your things, that is so good."
6. Repeat calmly and relax. Trust your intention of caring is being understood by the child. They sense your sincerity and will co-operate if your request is fair and just and is teaching them fine qualities.
EXAMPLE: Excuse me Sammy, sorry interrupt your game. The clock says it is time to wash our hands and come to the table for dinner please. Thank you. You are healthy and clean. I love you darling. Thank you." Give them time to finish up what they are doing.
'
Each child has a unique personality made up of similar traits as others. Provide lots of books, games, toys and activities that suit your child's likes. This is forming a future career path for them.
LATER: Keep talking about the time that they co-operated and thank them for it. POSITIVE WORDS BREED POSITIVE BEHAVIOR. "SAMMY, I REMEMBER HOW YOU CO-OPERATED WITH MY REQUEST THIS MORNING, THANK YOU!!
WHEN CHILDREN GET CONNECTION THEY DON'T MUCK UP FOR ATTENTION.
REQUEST POLITELY FOR WHAT IS NEEDED NOT USING THE WORD "CAN" AS IT DOESN'T WORK WELL WITH MOST MALES.
WHO CARES WINS.
Gonna be honest I’m 17 and I’m pretty unmotivated because I am so unsatisfied with my life I’m pretty unpopular and still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend and I just don’t see the point In anything really I always just end up at the bottom of the pile in most situations and it’s just whittled my motivation down each time and no I’m at a stage where I just think why should I bother In life if I have nothing positive in life
Chris_02, I wish you could see how much potential you have. It isn't about being popular, or having a girlfriend. Those things happen as we get more comfortable with ourselves. Seek some guidance from someone you trust, find something you like and get really involved in it. I know it is difficult at this time, but it won't be like this forever so get a plan together and go for it.
0:30 shoot he's onto me /I'm lazy. Like incredibly lazy. Sometimes I cry because I'm just so hopeless. That's how lazy I am...
You are not hopeless. There is more to your life and you are the one in the drivers seat, Lore Celain.
I absolutely love ur strategies and advice, and ur personality is refreshing and authentic,, SUBSCRIBED!
Thank you! Please share with anyone you think might benefit.
I am on such a shocking roller coaster ride with my 16 YO daughter. It's like a bomb is going to explode any moment..phew, I dislike doing it, but I am trying to just keep away from her.
Thank you for the humour in this tough situation. Also gratitude for the perspective you provided in all your videos.
My job as a parent is to love my child no matter what and even if.
Thank you, Sejal. That is something we need to keep reminding ourselves of.
ya, keep treating your kids like business associates and less like your child. It will go the same way the "treat your kids like your friend" ended up. With more school shootings but this time they will target your neighbors and friends.
Thank you for watching.
In a teenagers point of view, this would demotivate us. Parents just need to give time and not bother us during the stages of teen as we are most likely going through a thing called 'identity crisis'. By intruding our personal space, personal life, taking back the things you give us, etc. would obviously tick us off. Parents should know that they took this risk and it is their duty to only keep us on the right track and not force us to accomplish their goals and control teenagers life.
Fathmath Anaa, thank you for watching and for your thoughtful comment. I agree that parents should not try to control their teenager's life, and actually I teach this to the parents: you can't control your child, so don't try. However, parents can motivate and influence their children to do things that they (the parents) believe would be most beneficial to their kids. For instance, doing chores so teenagers know how to do things when they move out, or get good grades in school so you have a better chance of getting a good job.
This is Fantastic! Thank you!
My pleasure.
So my friends two sons are extremely picky over food and you constantly have to ask them to do something but they still won't do it unless I tell their dad who is my friend but he always talks to them calmly idk he's being more of a friend than a parent letting him play the Xbox constantly play or be on his phone he never puts his foot down. Like he will say hey clean your room but when he leaves the house for the weekend to his mom it's still not clean. He says let your kids make their own mistakes I'm not strict because I want them to be happy. He needs to start putting his foot down. I think he needs to put his foot down. How do I explain my feelings when I'm just the friend but I help clean the house and he's working all the time. Like he's so sensitive about my feelings and I can't even talk to him. About my feelings.
Hailey Palmer, get clear on what you control and what you don't. You can't control his behavior, only yours. This should help ease your frustration.
Thanks for uploading another excellent video . I'll share this with my friends.😊
Chinois avec Lissa, thanks for sharing.
How do we get a teen to pick up after himself? If we "negotiate" something that we provide, doesn't that just encourage him to be a bigger slob (i.e., make more messes in order to get rewarded for cleaning them up)?
Good question Brad - I think the key here is in creating a culture of cooperation. I did another video here ruclips.net/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/видео.html just for teens. Take a look at that and you'll see what I mean. DrPaul
Thanks so much for all your help
I normally wouldn’t admit this out in public but i appreciate the parenting videos but when you’ve been a parent doing it all wrong for 12/14 years and your kids are not used to you being this type of parent it’s hard.I have watch so many parenting videos to help me with my disrespectful lazy unmotivated teenagers. This one is by far the best. But I’m stuck. I’m stuck because today I implemented this strategy and my 12 year old punched my bedroom door when I walked away after already giving him an answer. He freaked the flip out when I didn’t give in to his asked and answered questions. Another issue is I live in an apartment building and I am the manager. My kids at the time of their temper tantrums (yes as teens) do not care how loud they are how rude or inconsiderate they are or if we get complained about or if I get fired and kicked out.
I dunno maybe I just needed to vent it sounds so ridiculous what I’m saying but it’s almost like I need to first prepare my neighbors for what’s to come when my kids begin withdrawing from too much control and freedom and all that other stuff I have not been good at managing. They live with me and visit their father summer time and holidays. So it’s just me.
I talk about stage, not age in my parenting power-up course. Your son is on stage 1 and consequences are the only thing that will work.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Got it! I am watching all your videos over and over so it’s drilled in my head. And thank you for your humorous attitude in the videos. It makes it much easier to be positive about.
I want to better myself im 16 and im lazy I would like to change myself and show people what I can become and prove to myself I can do it im going to start trying in segments start off small by making my bed every morning and going to bed early and waling up early about the only thing efficient I do is feed my dog and take her to the bathroom if I cant do it myself im gonna try job core so I dont turn out like my uncle thank you so much i have not watched the vid yet but any tips is helpful I also cuss I dont say the f word or the vulger work I just say the gd word and im Christian so its against my reliegon just got use to saying it that is pretty much the only word I also use to play games and now I dont play them so much anymore hopefully I can better myself
You can do this! Start small and stick with it. Better days ahead.
You are hysterical!!!! Love your videos! Love how you present them
Thank you so much!
Can you help me? My husband won’t allow me to take my kids to church, because he thinks they’re all pedophiles. He also won’t let them join the Boy Scouts for the same reason. I would like my children to be able to attend both. Any suggestions?
Angel Bowman, these sound like excuses. Try to talk to him and find out if he has been affected or know someone who has. He could always attend with the boys so he sees there is nothing going on. I will think on this some more.
Live On Purpose TV Thank you!
When my ex husband was 14 years old he was sexually abused by a Scout leader. the man was 40 years old and groomed him for a year then organised a secluded event. The whole family trusted the man.
Nope! I am a retired school teacher and the parent of 3 dependable, responsible adult sons. This is what is wrong with the kids today. They absolutely do NOT have control of that teen list! They earn each of those items by being responsible and respectful. Be a parent not a friend. I had no time for these games. They were responsible at home, at school at church and with their friends because it was expected of them. When they were not, all privileges were taken away. I will NOT negotiate with a child. Come back when you are an adult and then we will talk! DO NOT LISTEN TO THE GUY!
Im single dad and 19 yrs don school no work .no tv home no internet home he go out download youtoup come home go to his room watching pls help
It sounds like you were an awesome parent, Cathi Kennedy. Thanks for the feedback.
1987 ?, thank you for watching. Do your best to teach him the consequences of not going to work and school. Since he has RUclips, maybe you can suggest he watch my video "How To Do Hard Things For Older Kids And Things" - ruclips.net/video/5ltYHx46SxU/видео.html.
I also have a few videos for you, to give you more ideas:
"How To Get Kids To Study" - ruclips.net/video/G-rJkgGsCVE/видео.html. Pay close attention to what my friend Art does with his son.
"How To Motivate Lazy Young Adults" - ruclips.net/video/1Fjp1zyLjjU/видео.html
"What To Do With A Failure-To-Launch Child" - ruclips.net/video/sEe9tAtxYKM/видео.html
My kids just had second dinner even though they requested M&M's and to stay up late if there would be popcorn. They got the meal they sort of ate two hours ago. Then bedtime routines. It's my teens that I struggle with more.
rainy day, teens are a different animal. Thanks for being here.
I have a 13-year-old boy. We are going through a tough time with the way he acts. Doesn't want to do anything and has an I don't care attitude. We have suggested lots of things to do to keep him busy.
Keeps saying no to everything and answers with I don't know. This has been going on for a while now. We are at a phase where he rebels all the time and gets worked up we try to talk to him.
We are running out of ideas. It's a very stressful situation and stress on us. Any suggestions?
Sounds like there are some things he needs to work through. Is he in therapy?