Diagnosed with depression in my 20s. I've lots of ups and downs (in my 40s now). I always thought the depression was just a part of my personality and my new therapist recently called it Persistent Depressive. Thank you for sharing your story.
Definitely relate to this. I was first diagnosed when I was 13 (but I honestly think I had it much longer than that... I don't ever remember being happy or "normal"). I'm just now approaching 40 (which makes me even more depressed as I feel I haven't accomplished anything). I'm sure there are lots of people who don't see me as depressed as I'm also a goofball and can be sarcastic lots too. I am also pretty good at pushing the feelings aside for the most part and even have moments of happiness (doesn't take much to set me on a downward spiral though). I have tried different medications over the last 20 years and do not find that anything helps. I've also tried counseling and it only mildly helps at best. Pretty sure there's no fixing me.
Thank you so much for posting this comment. I know it was 4 months ago, but your story sounds so much like mine. I was 11 when my "dark time" (as I called it when I was young) started, but it never ended. It never went away. Sometimes it was a bit lighter, but it never took much to send me back down into a hopeless place. I'm often silly or sarcastic and people usually think I'm very funny and happy, but I'm just really good at pushing the feelings down and pretending, so that other people don't get bummed out by being around me. I'm in my late 30's now, and I've also done a lot of counseling and tried different medications, but nothing has really worked. At least not measurably. I feel the exact same as you -- I'm also sure there's no fixing me. I feel like it's a daily struggle to keep my head above water. It's very exhausting. It's so relieving to hear someone else with a similar story. No one else I know can relate. So thank you so much for your comment.
Heather DeLisle Both of your stories sound so much like mine too, and it’s definitely a relief to know I’m not alone. Also in my late 30s and feeling depressed about the many seemingly wasted years of never feeling content. I was never diagnosed as s child but looking back, I think I was mostly depressed from a young age onwards. Also tried lots of counselling and a few different kinds of meds but to no avail. I too feel unfixable and almost resigned to this life of low level blues. There is still a part of me that wants to fight for a better life and outlook, though. The fight is so very exhausting. It’s not surprising we are all just simply tired at this point. Thank you both for sharing your stories. It does help not to feel completely isolated in this.
I feel in my heart so much love for you all. Because I am now 41. I don’t feel 41. But I feel like I have no accomplishments. Even though I had a good acting career a long time in Colombia in my 20’s. I have also been in a sexless marriage most of my life but because he is my best friend I won’t leave and he is all the best father in world. I told him needs to get testosterone. I am now on antidepressants, like all the other episodes. I miss everything about LA. We are now in a new city. I am going to group therapy. I am so depressed that I can’t think straight and I don’t want to make any decisions I am so confused. It hurts like hell. A doctor on a master class said one of his patients said he would rather have cancer again please all the people that were helping him and holding his hand and hugging him who the whole chemotherapy send depression where people can’t see or know that it’s actual sickness but it actually is. Dr. Steve LLARDI HE TALKS SO truthfully and accurately about depression. It’s hard for us to get out there and do exercise. But a friend offers us to go for walk that’s a win. Also don’t forget high need OMEGA 3 with high grades fish oil.
guys i've recently been diagnosed with, i've started taking citalopram a month ago, i dont think it works. i guess im stuck with it for life, will keep trying. oh yh lets not forget the anhedonia which comes with it. being num and having no pleasure in anything. its all sad. only feeling we get.
I wonder if this is my actual state or if i'm just wallowing in self pity... for a very long time now, i've been struggling with my life, but holding it together. I graduated successfully, i went a year abroad and i do everything on time. But : I have huge issues when it comes to handling my life, i can't seem to have proper sleeping habits (hard time falling asleep, and even harder getting up in the morning, if i don't have any obligations, i'll stay in bed without even needing the sleep), if i'm alone, i'll skip meals because i can't be bothered, but sometimes i'll just eat a lot of shitty food because i need the confort, i'll wait until last minute to finish school projects even though it is stressing me out, i'll wait days or weeks before answering texts, i always wonder if i should be walking this academic path and if not, what am i going to do, and i can be extremely sensitive about mild criticism or childish fights. I also feel quite down, i don't want to go on like this but know that i can't die, i am not really excited about much. I watch videos and series to focus on something else than my obligations and my failure to fulfill them healthily. I also have a tendency to lose touch with people really easily, even my mom. I know that it can be a bother, so i try to keep it up, and I don't talk about it. I've actually been very sad if not depressed during my last three years of high school (15-18), and for the 4 years that have followed it has felt like i have changed. I don't feel this extreme sadness anymore. People think that i am more confident and that i do more things. It doesn't feel like this to me. I am afraid of other people's judgement but I used to do bold and embarrassing things, even in high school, now, not so much because it doesn't matter anymore, i don't enjoy it so why should i try? No matter what i need to do, i will do it eventually, because i have to. Even when i felt so sad before, i have been afraid of talking to a therapist or any professional, because i feel like i'm just a very sensitive, lazy, anxious person... But back when i was 14, i was not so much... do i just struggle with what it means to be an adult?
Exactly how I feel the only reason I do stuff is because I have to don’t like talking about my feeling never have with anyone used to have lots of friends and was more outgoing now I don’t feel Like being social and now I’m more anxious than I ever used to be always worried about where my life is going and always thinking about the good times im only 19 life now is just boring
Having been diagnosed with PDD(Dysthymia) 12 years ago, it has been nothing short of a difficult ride. Add in alcoholism and social isolating behaviors, it has really effected my life in such a negative way. 2010 was when I was diagnosed but I've had it since my early teens(I'm 34 now).
This is a terrible disorder. It has ruined my life. This has been going on for 30 years. The bigger problem is that I have anxious distress all at the same time. I'm constantly being pulled in two directions. I'm so exhausted.
Very insightful! Thank you for sharing this. I have dismissed thoughts of death and suicide before almost as soon as they occured due to similar reasons (I have more than 1 thing though that keeps me going). Responded in the negative when the psychiatrist asked if I had had suicidal thoughts because I assumed that you'd need to ruminate on it for a bit for it to count. Wonder if my dismissal was wrong? I tend to take things fairly literally and perhaps I took their question a bit too literally.
When you've been dealing with this shit so long you don't even know if you're dealing with shit, or it's just "how life is." If I'm depressed, I've been depressed since I was 5, at the oldest. But maybe it's just that life actually sucks and I need to get over it???
Thanks for sharing. I too suffer from the persistant depression. It really is a drain and I struggle a lot with life and people. But I am currently getting help for it and taking meds. What I found most interesting was the discussion of creating a character from a video game. I'm not really a writer, but I do some random writing. I've had multiple creative hobbies that's really helped me with my daily depression. One day I myself was playing a video game, World of Warcraft specifically. I was starting out in roleplaying when my greatest character was created. Her name is Angel Dawnstrider. In her creation I used events of a timeline to creating a heartbreaking backstory. I also put into her my depression and personality. After some time and development I started to write a story on her. It's still a work in progress, however it is also beautifully written. I'm not sure I could have poured that much emotion into it without feeling depressed. But for me it was also an expressive means for my feelings. But in short, I gave her a personality that reflects my own, as well as stories and emotions that for the most part reflects me as well.
R.J. W as soon as I got diagnosed I went online to look up persistent depressive disorder and I immediately told my friend that it felt like I had just read my biography
Diagnosed with depression in my 20s. I've lots of ups and downs (in my 40s now). I always thought the depression was just a part of my personality and my new therapist recently called it Persistent Depressive. Thank you for sharing your story.
Definitely relate to this. I was first diagnosed when I was 13 (but I honestly think I had it much longer than that... I don't ever remember being happy or "normal"). I'm just now approaching 40 (which makes me even more depressed as I feel I haven't accomplished anything). I'm sure there are lots of people who don't see me as depressed as I'm also a goofball and can be sarcastic lots too. I am also pretty good at pushing the feelings aside for the most part and even have moments of happiness (doesn't take much to set me on a downward spiral though). I have tried different medications over the last 20 years and do not find that anything helps. I've also tried counseling and it only mildly helps at best. Pretty sure there's no fixing me.
Thank you so much for posting this comment. I know it was 4 months ago, but your story sounds so much like mine. I was 11 when my "dark time" (as I called it when I was young) started, but it never ended. It never went away. Sometimes it was a bit lighter, but it never took much to send me back down into a hopeless place. I'm often silly or sarcastic and people usually think I'm very funny and happy, but I'm just really good at pushing the feelings down and pretending, so that other people don't get bummed out by being around me. I'm in my late 30's now, and I've also done a lot of counseling and tried different medications, but nothing has really worked. At least not measurably. I feel the exact same as you -- I'm also sure there's no fixing me. I feel like it's a daily struggle to keep my head above water. It's very exhausting. It's so relieving to hear someone else with a similar story. No one else I know can relate. So thank you so much for your comment.
Heather DeLisle Both of your stories sound so much like mine too, and it’s definitely a relief to know I’m not alone. Also in my late 30s and feeling depressed about the many seemingly wasted years of never feeling content. I was never diagnosed as s child but looking back, I think I was mostly depressed from a young age onwards. Also tried lots of counselling and a few different kinds of meds but to no avail. I too feel unfixable and almost resigned to this life of low level blues. There is still a part of me that wants to fight for a better life and outlook, though. The fight is so very exhausting. It’s not surprising we are all just simply tired at this point. Thank you both for sharing your stories. It does help not to feel completely isolated in this.
I feel in my heart so much love for you all. Because I am now 41. I don’t feel 41. But I feel like I have no accomplishments. Even though I had a good acting career a long time in Colombia in my 20’s. I have also been in a sexless marriage most of my life but because he is my best friend I won’t leave and he is all the best father in world. I told him needs to get testosterone. I am now on antidepressants, like all the other episodes.
I miss everything about LA. We are now in a new city. I am going to group therapy. I am so depressed that I can’t think straight and I don’t want to make any decisions I am so confused. It hurts like hell. A doctor on a master class said one of his patients said he would rather have cancer again please all the people that were helping him and holding his hand and hugging him who the whole chemotherapy send depression where people can’t see or know that it’s actual sickness but it actually is. Dr. Steve LLARDI HE TALKS SO truthfully and accurately about depression. It’s hard for us to get out there and do exercise. But a friend offers us to go for walk that’s a win. Also don’t forget high need OMEGA 3 with high grades fish oil.
guys i've recently been diagnosed with, i've started taking citalopram a month ago, i dont think it works. i guess im stuck with it for life, will keep trying. oh yh lets not forget the anhedonia which comes with it. being num and having no pleasure in anything. its all sad. only feeling we get.
I wonder if this is my actual state or if i'm just wallowing in self pity... for a very long time now, i've been struggling with my life, but holding it together. I graduated successfully, i went a year abroad and i do everything on time. But : I have huge issues when it comes to handling my life, i can't seem to have proper sleeping habits (hard time falling asleep, and even harder getting up in the morning, if i don't have any obligations, i'll stay in bed without even needing the sleep), if i'm alone, i'll skip meals because i can't be bothered, but sometimes i'll just eat a lot of shitty food because i need the confort, i'll wait until last minute to finish school projects even though it is stressing me out, i'll wait days or weeks before answering texts, i always wonder if i should be walking this academic path and if not, what am i going to do, and i can be extremely sensitive about mild criticism or childish fights. I also feel quite down, i don't want to go on like this but know that i can't die, i am not really excited about much. I watch videos and series to focus on something else than my obligations and my failure to fulfill them healthily. I also have a tendency to lose touch with people really easily, even my mom.
I know that it can be a bother, so i try to keep it up, and I don't talk about it. I've actually been very sad if not depressed during my last three years of high school (15-18), and for the 4 years that have followed it has felt like i have changed. I don't feel this extreme sadness anymore. People think that i am more confident and that i do more things. It doesn't feel like this to me. I am afraid of other people's judgement but I used to do bold and embarrassing things, even in high school, now, not so much because it doesn't matter anymore, i don't enjoy it so why should i try? No matter what i need to do, i will do it eventually, because i have to. Even when i felt so sad before, i have been afraid of talking to a therapist or any professional, because i feel like i'm just a very sensitive, lazy, anxious person... But back when i was 14, i was not so much... do i just struggle with what it means to be an adult?
Name unfound
Get some help. Therapy is good, not scary. Try it once if you don’t like it don’t go
Wow someone just discribed excacly how i feel
This sounds like me. Almost to a T
You sound exactly like me...it’s kinda scary. Now tell me what to do... jk lol
Exactly how I feel the only reason I do stuff is because I have to don’t like talking about my feeling never have with anyone used to have lots of friends and was more outgoing now I don’t feel Like being social and now I’m more anxious than I ever used to be always worried about where my life is going and always thinking about the good times im only 19 life now is just boring
Having been diagnosed with PDD(Dysthymia) 12 years ago, it has been nothing short of a difficult ride. Add in alcoholism and social isolating behaviors, it has really effected my life in such a negative way. 2010 was when I was diagnosed but I've had it since my early teens(I'm 34 now).
This is a terrible disorder. It has ruined my life. This has been going on for 30 years. The bigger problem is that I have anxious distress all at the same time. I'm constantly being pulled in two directions. I'm so exhausted.
I'm sorry to hear that. I really hope light comes in to your life.
Love this! Great info. Very helpful.
Very insightful! Thank you for sharing this. I have dismissed thoughts of death and suicide before almost as soon as they occured due to similar reasons (I have more than 1 thing though that keeps me going). Responded in the negative when the psychiatrist asked if I had had suicidal thoughts because I assumed that you'd need to ruminate on it for a bit for it to count. Wonder if my dismissal was wrong? I tend to take things fairly literally and perhaps I took their question a bit too literally.
When you've been dealing with this shit so long you don't even know if you're dealing with shit, or it's just "how life is."
If I'm depressed, I've been depressed since I was 5, at the oldest. But maybe it's just that life actually sucks and I need to get over it???
Thanks for sharing. I too suffer from the persistant depression. It really is a drain and I struggle a lot with life and people. But I am currently getting help for it and taking meds. What I found most interesting was the discussion of creating a character from a video game. I'm not really a writer, but I do some random writing. I've had multiple creative hobbies that's really helped me with my daily depression. One day I myself was playing a video game, World of Warcraft specifically. I was starting out in roleplaying when my greatest character was created. Her name is Angel Dawnstrider. In her creation I used events of a timeline to creating a heartbreaking backstory. I also put into her my depression and personality. After some time and development I started to write a story on her. It's still a work in progress, however it is also beautifully written. I'm not sure I could have poured that much emotion into it without feeling depressed. But for me it was also an expressive means for my feelings. But in short, I gave her a personality that reflects my own, as well as stories and emotions that for the most part reflects me as well.
Great video!
This sounded like someone reading my biography to me...
R.J. W as soon as I got diagnosed I went online to look up persistent depressive disorder and I immediately told my friend that it felt like I had just read my biography
What's the book?!?
You can get it at gabehoward.com :)
Haha, that thumbnail is perfecto. Although grey clouds would've been even better
These audio-only YTs should say so in the title. (Hate to be negative but I’m a little depressed.)
I think the content creator hasn't noticed yet that the title is wrong. "order" to "disorder"
GREAT CATCH! Changed!
J