Matrimonial Bed Rules with Siblings (well, and even your 'besties')
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- Опубликовано: 20 янв 2024
- Discernment is very crucial in handling sensitive matters like this one and here, I share my perspective on how to uphold matrimonial bed rules with your loved ones.
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0.00 - Intro
0.56 - A Clear Nonsense
2.35 - Sacredness of the matrimonial bed
4.13 - A wife's duty of discernment
5.51 - Communication
6.25 - Firm Boundaries
9.35 - Do your part
10.32 - Uphold those boundaries
11.23 - Outro
This topic made me remember a time during the preparation to my wedding. After the pre wedding pictures over night cos of the kind of work I do no time for day time shoot.
All 3 of us lodged in the hotel room we used. And 5am came I had to rush to work from there but hubby wanted to still rest a little for day break so he could easily get transport to the house since he works remotely.
My sister was the 3rd party and she was so tired from doing my make up and all and she would also go back to mumcee side which was same route with hubby’s.
The natural thing was for them to rest and wait till it is day break while I go to work but I couldn’t just allow it. I had to wake them both ooo😂… my husband could sense the reason why I wanted everyone to leave at same time, he must have felt embarrassed but I wasn’t just cool with the idea…
Not that I don’t trust my husband ooo, but there are some things that are not just right. Allowing my junior sister and my husband sleep on same bed while I go to work, ha! No now😅😅
Anyways we both got married as virgins. 😂😂
So this time my husband and I went for a camp, a lady over there was sick and I offered her my socks which my husband admired so much on me. I had to take it back before the day was over because my husband said he couldn't help but admire the socks on her legs and he didn't like it. Thank God for a man who's so open. I don wise up sis.
This is so wholesome, my sister corrected me for wearing short clothes in the house, they were newlyweds at the time and I corrected myself. I didn't see it as an issue but she didn't want it, it is her home. Thank you for this message.
Even if there's no insecurity or trust issues, it's her home. She knows what she'll like it to look like
I havent even started watching the video. Just saw the title and YES, even my mom, I noticed, wouldn't sit on my matrimonial bed. Before she even comes into the room which is very rare and only when hubby isn't around, she knocks and waits for me to respond. Its not dormitory where we have all girls fun, its a HOME.
Not married but I think I agree with the things you mentioned in the video.
I’m also going to incorporate that with the way I act, dress and talk around my sisters’ and friends’ significant others because boundaries are important and I’ll set mine as well
Hiya Tolu, thank you for this video, over the holiday we hosted a family member from my husband’s side of the family who I thought was overly clingy with him. It was the first time they were seeing physically since we’ve been married so apparently that’s how they have been but I wasn’t comfortable with it. She also barged into our room without knocking till I think my husband spoke to her and was asking to sleepover in my husband’s hotel room whenever he was in her city for work. I mean, they were just a lot of moving parts with this family member that I wasn’t comfortable with but I have never felt this way before and was a totally new feeling for me.
I thought some boundaries needed to be set and communicated it with my husband but I still feel some type of way about how I was feeling and if I was just overthinking it.
Thank you for validating my feelings and making me know that it’s not just me overthinking.
Thank you so much for this vlog, I was once accommodated by my sis, I decided to stay away n give them space cos is their house n not mine. At a point my sister didn't like it. I didn't want to bite more than necessary. Especially when her hubby is around, I literally turn invisible in the house. I will never take advantage of the space given to me n that's how I want to be treated in my own home. People should know their boundaries. Thanks again solutions baba❤
I currently stay with my sister too and I try to be invisible but they don’t like it, I’m the one that now ends up feeling bad 😭😭
This
'Don't ever say what's there to anyone's situation'
That's profound ma
More grace
I've been in this situation with a family friend. She saw me folding a short and questioned why I don't wear it. I wore it one day and she texted me she didn't like how I was wearing it around her husband. I was flabbergasted! But, of course, I respected her circumstance and apologized.
To think I just got carried away that day and sat in the living room with them, I'd always be in my room. I felt bad but, it's just what it is.
Thank you for this video.
You're one of the major reasons why this app is one of my favourites. Thank you mama❤
Well done sis! Spot on truth! No lies told!
Wisely put. Everything you said is GOLD.👏👏 Boundaries exist for love to thrive.
This boundary thing is one thing that is a part of me especially when it comes to married people. I act so cautious cos I know there are some things I can and cannot take as well.
Thank you for addressing this ma❤. You’re sooooo beautifulllllll🤭🤭🥰🥰
Excellent video as always 👍🏽 Respecting people’s spaces and boundaries is always an honourable thing to do before them and God.
I am really loving the contents this year. SO SO SO IMPACTFUL. God continually bestow you with more wisdom and more grace. Thats why youre called SOLUTIONS
I love everything about this video. Set boundaries, people will adjust.
These video qualities are crisppppp 🔥
The entire look is giving 😍😍😍😍
I’m loving the contents this year❤❤❤
In Summary,Be Wise like a serpent,gentle as dove,be guided continually by the Holy Spirit!
We’ve not had the opportunity to host any siblings in the past cos we didn’t have the means but they are coming soon but I’m Learning and jotting things down before any siblings come, thank you for this ma❤
Its so beautiful to watch you speak with so much wholeness.. I love everything about you and for this topic, most siblings are always so insensitive and if you bring it to their knowledge, you will hear things like........... are you the first married woman bla bla. I hope people follow you to really learn. Thank you so much Ima Ima 🤗
So much Wisdom in this video. Thank you Mama Solutions❤
These are real life issues,and we need to talk about it. More 💪 sis
Thank you so nuch for the video Solutions mama❤
You are looking beautiful as always and your outfit is so nice.
This is an eye opener.... I have never thought of this since I don't have a younger or older sister so it's always my brothers and they can't badge in my room
Nice topic of discussion. I once stayed with my married elder sis. And she gave me the ground rules before I came and I understood sharp sharp
You sabi 😉
WHOLESOME content frr!!!! God bless you mama!!!🔥❤️❤️❤️
This is 👍👍👍
Thank you my beautiful mama❤ for this wisdom nuggets.
Love love it❤❤❤
Well, for me, I don't have female siblings. And I tell you, just a mere look is enough to correct whatever I'm not comfortable with. We just so understand gestures.
Thanks, mama, for sharing this. Like she has said, communication is key.
God bless you mama solution thank you very much .this is very deep,and powerful boundaries must be set before a sibling can enter your home.❤
You are welcome 🤗
Set rules ahead of time! I love it mum Soteris
Yay...early crew in the house. Wisdom wisdom Wisdom mama Solu.
Discernment is key.
I know a couple of marriages ruined because sister and husband took it all the way while wife was working nightshift as a nurse. Oh my, just remembered another scenario in a Britain except it was wife's mum and husband. Disgusting indeed. The devil is a liar. I agree on decernment. Any red 🚩 need to addressed Pronto to prevent any slip ups. I totally agree on Your point on how ignorance can totally be a breeding ground for nonsense so it should not be ignored or excused at all.
📌 Thanks for sharing these experiences. This is real life!
I love your nails. 😍This topic is very important and interesting.
Thank you Aunty Sols ❤
Nice One, Thank God I set my rules already 😂
Lovely Advise ❤
Thank you 🙏🏾 Mama Solution ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I’ve been waiting for Sunday to see my mama’s new video
Been binge watching on older videos and vlogs though
I miss you and I love and celebrate you ❤
Awww love you right back 💜💜
Discernment is KEY
I love 💕 you aunty Tolu!!!❤
Keep fulfilling your purpose ❤❤
I personally don't understand why someone would be afraid or ashamed to speak up about thier boundaries. Makes me wonder
Solutions just spoke about this
Don’t say what’s there? to anyone’s situation. You don’t know what they’ve been through or what they experienced when they last spoke up. They may be trying to preserve the friendship or relationships. May be timid. So many reasons
These are not excuses tho.
Oh I celebrate grace upon you mama
So much wisdom
God bless you ❤❤
Amen and you too 🤗
Wholesome content again!
Mama Solutions never fails to give us🔥🔥🔥
🤗 Glory to God!
Thank you very much ma❤❤
I stayed with my brother during my service year and while staying with them his wife set some boundaries and some rules which at first I find them awkward but at the long run I realised that it is necessary for her to do so in order for her not to be rude to me😂 and then I don't even have option is either I obey her rules or I obey cuz I don't have anywhere else to go😂😂😂
Thank you ma for the word of wisdom God bless you❤❤
I keep learning from you always ❤❤
Amen! Bless ur heart! We can all adapt when we don’t lead with pride.
Notification geng
Make i relax watch❤
I love your locs ❤️❤️
💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼. Ready to learn!
Hmmmm this was truly insightful I'm not married though 😂 but taking notes😅.... By the way this look on you is 😍🔥 everything
The matrimonial room should be sacred.. of course. Its just courtesy to knock before u go into ur sisters bedroom...
Honour na..
As Christians, I think the other spouse also need to correct when needed too
Solutions this video is impactful amoo this video is banging!!!
Great Video
My room is restricted to my siblings,both elder and younger
Thank you ma you hv said it all
It’s just common decency, but “ This is my brother/sister’s house” mentality won’t allow some to use it.
Thank you ma’am
Boundaries are very Important o
I feel even before marriage there are some boundaries you need to set as a single talkless of when you get married...it will make it easier for you because everyone will be careful around you they will be like "let's adjust for her you know she's a principled person ''
This video just makes me feel your absence on Instagram the more🥺. We can't wait to have you back, Mama ❤
Awww see y’all soon 😉
Thanks solutions mama
Solutions..fixing tables😂🎉
I agree with you mama❤
Thank you very much for this, what if it's a bed room apartment, how do you control movements, especially when the woman gives birth
I have learnt so much sister Tolu honestly.❤ Thank you so much. I am going to have to do some uncomfortable changes but I know for sure it has to be done.
Thank you once again.
You are welcome! Your receptive heart and ability to accept change when needed is a gift that’ll take you far 💜
@@TolulopeSolutions Amen and thank you
Thumbnail 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 mama you’re so gorgeous
You are so sweet thank you 💜💜
I’m earlyyy💃🏽💃🏽🥰
Thank you Solutions,more of these kind of topics please . I think some things are common sense but it’s not common anyways. I can’t go to people’s house and appear ‘braless’ ,talk more of when there is a male figure around. Please when visiting your married sisters ,dress well when coming out of your room,I’m not saying wear coat ,but, at least wear something that won’t raise the eyebrows. Thank you
Exactly! Once you're not in your own home, you need to adjust not only for your comfort, but also that of your hosts. You'll na come out braless (or for guys, without underwear😏) and we'll all be looking for where to put our eyes 😅.
Your locs are very long now 😍😍😍
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Mama sols❤❤❤❤❤
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Thanks for sharing, more grace to always been a solution to our generations in Jesus name Amen 🙏 🙌
Writing from experiences because when I moved to Europe I was living in a shared apartment where men was around, i know that common sense is not common for some people , because most of us have hear this all the time that "men are move by what they see most times " if you want someone to give you respect please give yourself respect that give no room for people to disrespect you okay, I'm a daughter of a King and I carry that light with me everywhere I found myself 💯 when you active the spirit of God inside of you, i can tell you from experience there are something you will never do.. To my young beautiful and single sisters please we have to learn to attract the right spirit or people to our life by what we do, when we speak and what we wear, let people see us and see the light of God in us !!! KNOW THE DAUGHTER OF WHOM YOU ARE, YOU HEAVENLY FATHER IS A KING 🤴 😍
Make it easier for people to respect you 💯, life itself is difficult please don't make it more complicated and difficult for people. God bless you!!
🎯🎯🎯
I love this video. You're so wise🥰 I'm here to ask: Please can we get a vlog soon?
Soon by Gods grace
There is a lot to unpack in this video. I've heard of so much foolishness happening in people's matrimonial home. My bedroom is my private space. I gave you a bedroom, stay there. The sitting room is a common place for us all to meet. My sister is free to wear whatever she wants, she just wouldn't. The shorts can be as tiny as she wants. Belly can be out. I do not care, but my sister would. When im with her, she does not care what I wear either. The husbands and sisters should know their place. I'm in a covernant with him and him alone. He should know what he should be doing. At the same time, we are all flesh. Let common sense prevail.
Thank you so much Solutions for these words, but let’s flip the coin, What if its your sister in law, my sister in law is very petite so she uses these excuse to wear see through tops without bra, wears her under pants around the house sometimes she sleep with no top or bra on, just a scarf over her boobs and whenever I tell her to cover up, she excuses her behavior with “there’s heat” or she just wants to be comfortable amd I don’t want to keep sounding like a broken record I’m raising a girl child before she will start thinking maybe that’s how to act! Im sure her POV is “ she’s in her brother’s house”…. How do you handle a situation like this?
Her brother became one with you once you took on his last name. Your reason about your daughter even makes it more valid, You go ahead to share your views with your husband and he could get his sister on board with the new program. You could also lovingly share your viewpoint and reasons with her. All the best!
When I newly got married I usually wear bum shorts to do things around my house and compound meanwhile our fences in my estate are low so you next neighbor can see what you are wearing in your compound.
I was so so surprised to see a 50years old woman wearing bum shorts too as she has always seen me wearing mine.
Truth be told do what works for you
I don’t see how this relates to today’s topic but as for doing what works for you, I agree! However, be sure to follow principles while at it, there’s a principle and protocol for honour (re-my topic)
@@TolulopeSolutions thanks for the reply but what I was trying to say is that the lady saw me wearing shorts and I believe she knows her husband so she decided to start wearing shorts also for whatever reasons. Thanks
First to comment 😅
Thanks so much for this video.
My brother in-law had visited me before and stayed for months, then he comes into the room without knocking countless time even wen we corrected him .keeps doing it I mean wen me and hubby are in the room oo.
Bad of him, how would he feel if that is done to him, not once but several times?
It's a pity.
Lock your door when he's around.
😢😢😢 his brother needs to set the record straight straight ..tell him. It’s your bedroom what if you naked is that what his looking for .. same things it’s common sense shaaa
I think im blessed with people that have sense, but I don't really do matrimonial bed. There are 2 AC's in my house, palour and masters bedroom, so when my nieces and close friend kids are around and they sleep off, i let them sleep in our room.
I don't have anyone that would badge in sha. My friends and siblings have sense. 😂
HOWEVER, when I lived with my sister, I only entered the room when the husband is not around. Emphasis on only. Except he asked me to go in and get something.
Imagine thinking your own sister is trying to “steal” your husband. Na wa for these topics.
Did you even watch the video?
It happens sis
No one has said this. But in the space of knowledge something's should be rightly done other wise one might come back blaming herself.
I feel it’s not enough to just confront them if you smell a rat and your facts are right..please let them leave…talking about it won’t just do for some people,some are there for a mission and if you have called it out and still no changes..let them go respectfully 😊
Leaning something from u
Glad to know
What if is your mother in law. You’ve complained about this to your husband but he didn’t have the courage to tell her
Hmm
It depends on what both of you agreed as acceptable. I will say whenever you are in postures you cannot accept third party always lock the door. She will soon understand the time she could get in or not.
Please don't be rude in anyway to her.
Yes. Remember when i got married my husband's brother will come to the room without noking it was so painful
I hope you found a great way to communicate and manage the situation
Hmmmm. If you smell a rat, set a trap
❤