BOUNDARIES I SET WITH OTHER WOMEN IN MY MARRIAGE
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- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2023
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BOUNDARIES I SET WITH LADIES IN MY MARRIAGE + BOUNDARIES WITH MY MARRIED MALE FRIENDS.
Team Solutions, serving it as its hot this hot Sunday afternoon (or may be cold in your region) but we are serving it anyway. Please feel free to comment your opinions in the comments; it's okay to share different opinions, let's just stay respectful of each other's. xo.
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lmao when you said "don't go chatting with a married man in the middle of the night, perhaps it is a therapist you need" ha ha ha ha
😂😂
Seriously, therapist is the solution o
Had to be said Sis haha
😂😂😂
@@TolulopeSolutions yes oo. Very necessary 😂
I think it's the man's duty to ask his (disrespectful) female friend if they have met his wife: "oh have you met my wife?". Trust me this goes a looooonnngg way. It will set that boundary for life. Speaking from experience
The regular Nigerian parent would have shouted on Soteria when she entered. Learning a lot from you!❤❤
Honestly I have a lot of admiration with how she relates with her daughter
With so much respect♥️
@@anneVee_ And patience!
I want to like your comment twice. We’re learning so much here.
Me too am learning a lot of Godly and intentional parenting from Tolulope
Honestly. Love it
I am all for setting healthy boundaries, however there seems to be a leaning towards the women (or friends of the husbands) but I also feel husbands have a role to play in ensuring that they set the right boundaries between their female friends and their wives from the begining. Not every single woman is after a married man- this is the misconception that frustrated me as a single woman. Don’t get me wrong, there are women who are only drawn to married men - that is a different conversation entirely. During my single days, I grew up in church, loved the Lord, lived a life of purity I had no desire, zero interest in any married man yet most women in church would get into a fit/panic even if I was in a crowded room and their husband was standing next to me. As an attractive woman, my heart was 100% in love with Jesus - yet some married women were uncomfortable being in the same space with me anywhere near their husbands. I remember running home and crying my eyes out before the Lord until he opened my eyes to see that it was not me but that I was dealing with insecure women. For example, one day after a church conference it was late and my friend persuaded me to wait so that her husband could give me a lift home because it was late at night. When he came i greeted him, sat at the back of the car and hardly said anything- he asked me about work etc and that was it. That was the last time i saw him as in this “friend” made sure I was never in the same space as her husband ever again. In fact one day she asked me to escort her home and made me wait outside because her husband was home. It didn’t bother me because it was more of a reflection of her insecurities not mine. A good friend of mine whom I have known before she and her husband got together we all met in church - i visit their home even when she is not there or out on an errand. Me and him find common things to talk about etc, she lets him drop me at the train station etc . I often laugh when I hear “I trust my husband but I don’t trust her” if you trust your husband then you have nothing to worry about. Now as a married woman, one of the things my husband did amazingly well at the start of our relationship is to blend his female friendships with me- meaning he made sure we got to know each other by creating opportunities where that happened. I honestly think there is a sense of insecurity laced in this conversation and the blame shouldn’t be put on the female friends of the husbands. The husband has a role to play as well to ensure mutual respect and the boundaries are clear. The scenario you mentioned about your husband’s friend ignoring you in the car, was there a reason why you didn’t say hello first ? Honestly I don’t fully agree with everything you said in this video, I think responsibility lies with the husband sometimes most wives insecurities are masked in “setting boundaries”. I am very passionate about this topic because when I was a single woman there were so many misrepresentation about single women being around married men which gave off the impression that single women are after married men which is not true. I was a virgin for my husband, and had no desire for a married man not in a million years. I think if some women are really honest, it’s either they dislikes their husbands female friend, or are insecure because of how she looks or they just feel they don’t trust the female friends - my response is if you trust your husband what is the problem? I think it’s important to set healthy boundaries but also to acknowledge that not all single women are after married men. It takes wisdom, grace prayer and being led by the Lord to keep a marriage .
Hope you can accept a different POV. God bless you.
You said my mind. I can totally relate to what you went through. Like you said, healthy boundaries should be set, yet women should be careful not to project their insecurities on other women or their husbands in the name of boundary setting. I am married and I totally trust my husband,same way he trusts me, not that we are perfect, but our trust in each other helped him and our marriage a lot. And, I never had a problem with his female friends.
Valid POV. I've lived with young single women who were not relatives whom I know had no interest in my husband.
On the other hand , not everyone is like you. Many women esp from our background prefer married men. It's no secret.
Men on the other hand would easily turn down the advances or attractions to a friend's wife or girlfriend: Bro Code they say ,but do most women practice this?
I had an acquaintance who hurriedly left my house when my hubby came home. She told me point blank, that if my husband met her, he would lust after her.
Having said that , yes, no woman should blame just her friend for overstepping boundaries It takes 2.
I think we have 'generally( key word)' accepted that women are more intuitive and emotionally mature than men so expect more from women to do the boundary setting
Great points. It sounded like this advice was targeted at single women. I would say even married women pass these boundaries. As a matter of fact, more so because society absolves them and see single women as the 'predators'. People do the things you mentioned because they do not recognise boundaries, or they simply have no manners, it is not about about them being single or married.
The onus lies with the spouse, cause you can set all the boundaries but if the spouse is not mature, it makes a simple issue complex
Exactly
Thank you!
As a single lady, my married female friends find it weird that I don't want to visit their homes when they're not around.Most of them will say drop the 'stuff' at home please; hubby is around.And when I decline they say I'm weird and there's nothing wrong with that. But something is just not right with that in my opinion. This video is telling me to continue the good work😂😂...Thanks for talking about boundaries 👏🤗
Yeahhhh!!!! You're on the right path. That's civil.
@@elizabetholufunmilayo1751 Ukr...Thanks
Yes that’s good because it will you save you from future false accusations in case there’s infidelity on the man’s side.
Thought I was the only one. Sis! We are doing the good thing. I can't visit your house when ur husband is around.
Just to drop something and go? Maybe it’s an African thing. I’ll happily drop something for my friend with her husband because why not? I don’t have friends who we don’t trust ourselves
You are called solutions for a reason…I am guilty of some of these, my best friend had a girlfriend once and I didn’t set boundaries.. but with this video I have learnt I would do better❤
“There is no point trying to prove a point🎉” This goes for siblings too. Stop trying to prove a point and stay in your lane😂. I am strong with boundaries as well. Once any of my male friend has a girlfriend, wife I respect the ladies in their lives to the point that I would go to them first if I need him to help me with anything. It’s just simple decency.
I have this opinion that if you want your friendship with someone to continue after they are married, ensure to develop a cordial relationship with their spouse, or else, that relationship will soon end.
Thanks so much for sharing 🙏
Exactly
It's selfish to think that when your friend gets married you are still dealing with only them, your actions and inactions now affect at the very least two people.
The dynamics of marriage are so real and complicated and need to be accorded the thoughtfulness and respect needed to build it up and not help tear it down.
The Bible says flee form appearances of evil or things that will cause another to stumble; it's not really about the actions being innocent or not. Always be ready to negotiate or let go of any so leverage- in time things will settle and if your friend's head is correct, you can be sure that you will gain an even better friend in their spouse.
Lovettt... Thanks Solutions. So I am single and in my early twenties, I have a male friend who I really cherish and respect a lot and also hope to be friends with for a very long time. But while thinking about my friendship with this guy about 2/3 months ag, it dawned on me even that though I love this my friend very much, I will eventually need to set some boundaries with him and accept the fact that we can't be together always or be besties forever especially when he finds a spouse. It took me about a week to accept and I think I prayed for my heart and against the Spirit of jealousy when the time comes🤣🤣. Plus I am very sure i would not want anyone to be doing bestie bestie with my husband too. This video just gave me so much Peace and confirms that i am on track. Thanks mama.
This!!📌 single and In my twenties too and I have a male friend that we’re that close too. Come to accept it and I’m already giving my self space even before he gets into a relationship.
@Joy Oluwamogbiele @Fowe Tomi Have you prayed to God about this man you cherish and respect a lot?? Its your friend you will marry not an enemy oo
@@OluZhm12 🙃🙃
No female friend should touch your husband. I don't even hug, I shake hands only instances when the wife and husband tease me I hug side hug, if it is front hug no chest to chest and as for me I don't send love emojis and if I do it's for the family not him. Ladies honestly need to learn boundaries. I will always do my best to be close to the wives of the men in my life that l respect. Honestly some women need to learn accountability Thank you for sharing Sis❤️
oh please 😂 i hugged my friends husbands as a single woman I did not commit adultery with any of them. I am now happily married with three kids. This is just OTT and utterly ridiculous. And please stop blaming the women. If a man wants to cheat he will cheat. It takes two willing participants to cheat - why does the woman always gets the blame? The bible says we should treat each other like brothers and sisters so why are people scared that a single woman is a temptation to a married man? Not all single women are unhinged and after a marraige man. It takes a man with a weak moral compass and a single woman with weak moral compass to cross that line. smh
Being a tomboy with guy friends, I’ve definitely learned a lot from this video. Tbh, it’s probably not done intentionally. For me especially, the “Bestie Bestie” part is something I never thought of that way. It’s definitely something that should be respectfully discussed and brought to the friend (whether guy or lady)’s awareness.. Solid video.
I’m one person that’ll confirm that your hubby/boyfriend is not home before coming over. Like I don’t even want to have my friend’s partners phone numbers saved on my phone. Creating&keeping Boundaries is a must!
Permission to use CAPS: THANK U TOLU FOR FINALLLLLLLLLLLY SPEAKING FOR MILLIONS OF WOMEN WHO ARE SOMETIMES MADE TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE PETTY FOR EVEN NOTICING THIS WITCHCRAFT
I felt this 😂! You are very welcome 🙏🏿
Honestly this is witchcraft for real and women act as if they don’t know what they’re doing
I think they are shocked when you notice their witchcraft😂
Yes ooo.. it's very tiring and also the man might just be ignorant not even knowing that it's a problem
This is so true. I used to think it was a give but no. Abiding by this boundaries has really helped in one of the most pivotal relationships in my life, I believe they are my destiny helpers sef. During my service, i was single and my married boss took a liking to me and treated me like his sister. I always used to ask about his family and made an attempt to get to know his wife. She was cold to me at first because she thought i didn't come with a pure mind 😅 but I kept at it and now I'm even closer to his wife than even him. They have both been a huge blessing to me and my own family now. His children see me and as their older sister and we're so close. Always respect the wife, you can benefit so much more from a wholesome relationship with both if you do unless you're purposely practicing witchcraft 🌚
It's the purposely practicing witchcraft for me😁😁
Seriously, some people really practice witchcraft.....😂😂😂
God bless you Solutions 🙏
I feel the same way you do, I was beginning to think I was doing too much, thank you for shedding more light .
We keep learning alot from you Mama Solutions,A big Thank You for always Sharing ❤
On your second point, I feel it goes both ways. She was expecting you to greet first and you were also expecting same as well. You could have just greeted her since its the first time you're meeting then subsequently if she behaves the same then you can totally ignore her. That you're the wife doesn't mean you shouldn't greet or be the first the extend love/courtesy
But if she greeted the husband, should she not greet the wife as well? They are one after all?
@@meliabelle0910 Totally,she should but like I said solutions should have tried on her part.
@TolulopeSolutions Alternatively, your husband should have been the one to say… meet my wife then the pleasantries can take place
@@lyndaify exactly!!!!! Sometimes there is no need to create unnecessary tension
@@Newsroomnaija I had been looking out for a comment like this. For me, as soon as I perceived that the lady did not want to greet me, I would greet her.
Wow wow wow! honestly I don't want this vlog to end, cause you're so on point 😮 thank you so much tolulope
This is such a brilliant video! You are so full of wisdom ma. God bless you for sharing this!!!
Exactly❤❤❤Oh Tolu,I feel like the whole world needs to really watch this 👍👍👍
Thank you so much for shedding more light on this
This is a great conversation that will need to have. Great job sis you shed more light❤️
Thank you for addressing this matter. You're a life saver solutions mama.
Thank you so much for speaking for so many of us women. Well done Madam Solution. Hat off for you too for your parenting skills🎉❤❤❤
Every single point ! I believe we has humans know what is dangerous and what is right! Thank you Tolu! More grace
Thank you so much for putting this out! It may not have been easy for you, but we really need to get comfortable talking about issues like this before the avoided becomes the present.
Love this and setting boundaries in your relationships starts with you. Thank you for sharing
I thank God I’m not the only one who thinks and behaves like this! God bless you for spending time to do this! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank mama Solutions for constantly shinning your light!!!!!!! I'm forever glued to this channel😂❤❤❤❤, God bless you real good
Preach it sister!!!! You’ve spoken my mind!!!! Can we just respect ourselves and each other!!!
I am Soteria's number one fan after her family, obviously 😅. She is so confident and lovely. Thank you, mummy and daddy, for raising such a smart girl❤.
Setting boundaries is very important in marraige to avoid stories that touch. Thanks for putting this up!!!
Love you and thank you for addressing this👏🏽👏🏽 I’m single and I also set these boundaries whenever any of my friends get into a relationship, male or female.
Soteria entering at the beginning and the way you reacted...so beautiful ♥️
Awesome Content too 🤭
Mama Tolu❤❤. Your parenting style. I love how you do it. Soteria too understood the assignment ❤❤
I came here searching for a movie and i ended up watching this video, and i was glued till the end. Everyone should learn to respect boundaries.
Amazing video for both the singles and married. These things ought to be said
Your wisdom is God given!!!!!!! This is something a lot of women do and get away with. It’s very important to have healthy boundaries around men and especially married men. Thank you soo much for sharing this !!!!!
This is just Wow all I can say is Thank you and I hope this get to everyone ❤️😌
This is awesome, ma.
Boundaries need to be set, even to those that are in relationship heading to marriage.
So apt ... Some make it their assignment to always you uncomfortable. There's no competition here. Keep it moving
God bless you so much Mama Sols for speaking on behalf of The Wives Association Group!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I really appreciate this video. I love setting boundaries all round☺️. Thanks for sharing, ma'am ❤️🙇🏽♀️🙏🏽
I love this!!!!!!
Thank you so much for speaking about this! Many women are battling with this and can't express it so as not to be tagged jealous or overthinkers.
For me, I take the exit when my friends are married or in serious relationships and some people accuse me for that! With your video I can boldly tell them ‘I don't care’.
I have also learned a lot, no doubt!
Thank you sis for this video. I thought I’m the only one with such concept about married men. Will love to see what PG think about this, because it usually the men that won’t accept when the wife is saying she could see a red light with the female friend
Tolulope, I agree with you on all you have expressed here. Boundaries are very crucial in marriage and hope ppl can learn a thing or two from this.
So much wisdom in this video. Even as a single lady, I respect my married female friends boundaries to so much. I’m going to share this video with my friend. Thanks for sharing.
I learnt a lot here. You’re so full of wisdom!😊
Very enlightening topic, can yuu kindly do a video on setting boundaries with siblings and family members for both parties after marriage
This is something a lot of people don't or are too afraid to talk about because people might be offended. Thank Aunty Tolulope
God bless you, Tolulope. Boundaries are very important, abeg. Let's know the one we are doing and avoid the stories that touch! 👍🏽
You’re truly golden🥰 SOLUTIONS for a reason
A lot of people with platforms like yours don’t have the balls to even attempt filming a video like this…pick someone else my favourite line😂
God bless you for this video! Some of us have always been seen as overreacting. A lot of times the men are just oblivious of what is happening 😕
I understand boundaries ohh and I love it so much. I wish more people set boundaries and apply them.
TOLULOPE SOLUTIONS!!!! Providing Marital Solutions since 2000…..
This right here, needed to be said, and you said it the way it should be. The telling is telling.
Thanks!
Boundaries are so important and a lot of People regardless of race, religion, gender, education don’t seem to get it. I wish I can send this to some people…hmmm, I just might, if we don’t send it, how will they take it!!! Pun intended!
So relatable, I still don't understand why one would hug a married man fully. I hold my boundaries high too. You try it with me and I take it up with the person I'm married too.
This is just everything and more,a lot of ladies need to watch this video😂you nailed it completely mama🙌you see that part of being a stranger to the wife but bestieing the husband🤦♀️is just totally unnecessary,it’s just witchcraft like you said.These are just deliberate act to make the wife feel insecure abi what point exactly are you trying to prove🤣Everything just resonates lol there’s no point proving a point really,you ain’t the wife😂😂I needed this video a long time🤣 @tolulopesolutions thanks for this video,please help bring PG for part 2❤
Sincerely I am giving a thumbs up for dis conversation! Every lines of dis conversation hit d nail on d head. We both have same list of boundaries. I also do not like when a married man want to hug either a single lady or married woman. A simple hand shake I think will do or a wave. May God help us to understand dis very simple things
Wow nice one ma. It just reminds me of a male friend of mine that got married and still expected our relationship to be as before but I told him I was going to put boundaries as he was getting married,he felt I was being awkward but I made him understand that I needed to give his wife that respect and all.
Thank you Solutions, these are so true especially those forming bestie.
Thank you sis. This is so powerful. Knowing how girls think, little attention they'd magnify it in their heads as them being special. Nah! The wife is the wife, babe stay your lane and respect ya sef👌
Never give what you can't take📢
3 gbosas for you Tolu👊👊👊
This is pure wisdom. I have high standard too when it comes to boundaries. Very refreshing to hear this from another godly wisdom. To be this sensitive to boundaries is the work of the Holy Spirit. The fear of God is the beginning of this kind of wisdom. 🙏🏿
Thanks for this video.God bless you
The main point I got is, don’t mess around married couples no matter how good your intentions maybe.
We shouldn’t create room for insecurity and unclear conscience.Married couples shouldn’t drag people outside their marriage into the marriage and create a mess.
All wisdom and common sense.
Thank you Mama solutions.
So true
I strongly agree with you, I always say boundaries are necessary, I'm careful around married men cos even when your intentions are pure you might be misunderstood if you don't have boundaries
Mama Solutions your points are 100% valid ….you are really worded more Grace
Màmà you did really well bringing and shedding light on this topic. Thank you soo much for sharing ❤
Thank you Tolulope. This was really helpful.
😂😂😂😂😂😂. Like why will you be pushing my husband’s head or sending him nonsense love emoji. You just took it all out of my mouth. 😂😂😂. Thanks for this.
This is so so apt. Men need to also understand the need for boundaries.😃 Yes he has been your friend (some will even say 'my guy' like sorry?); and yes he is your sibling and your guy... now recognize he has a wife and respect it. It is funny how people try to prove a point just to 'show' the wife that they have been there before she came. Thank you Solutions!
Aunty...
this message is so timely!! it is bounderies are important. Thank you for this topic aah you hit the nail on the head
This is very common....but a genuine friend will draw boundaries without being told ..and make it easy for friendship to continue
A very useful video. A lot of people have no appreciation of boundaries or appropriate behaviour within certain social settings. A lot of raz-ness and reality show behaviour is about .
Thank you for saying this. I have been in this situation but this time with a male and my hubby’s friend. During the first year Of our marriage, it became a huge bother for me and even when I communicated to him, It was shoved. Omo I had to pray the individual out of our lives and pray for wisdom and maturity for my husband and I. I will also appreciate if PG can do a video on this from his own perspective. Thanks
Thank you so much! Great to know I am not mentally unstable. Some people have guts!
I had to record the last part of this message and send to a particular of my male friend. Cos I’m tired of telling him about boundaries now that he is married cos that’s me. On this topic Solutions is just so me. I set boundaries with male friends even as an unmarried person talk more of those of them that are married.
This is so insightful. May God give us wisdom to handle some of these issues
Posting this video on my WhatsApp status and hoping someone will see it because I honestly think she needs to watch it to save her marriage. I didn’t think it was in my place to correct some of the things I see on her status but I pray this video will do.
Thank you mama for the video ❤❤
Or you can respectful send it to her that way you are sure she saw it because sometimes when posting a video on status hoping that person must see it but they don't see it 😂😂 are you going to be posting it repeatedly so she can see it😅
Thank you for bringing this up my Dear Solutions. This boundary stuff is so pertinent especially in this day and age where a lot of single ladies are nonchalant and many married men are oblivious. It's something I don't take for granted and I'll always point it out to my husband.... the disrespect this generates is a huge pet peeve for me. I simply can't comprehend how pple can't respect marital/relationship boundaries
Even some married women do these things,I have seen firsthand,doing bestie or goddaughterism to someone else’s husband and you got married and still want to continue same manner,let’s address this once and for all so we don’t focus on single ladies alone,even some will get married and still continue,na that one weak me pass.it’s just WITCHCRAFT!!!
100% valid!
Thank you so much for sharing
I have a friend that while he was single we used to chat and gist a lot. Even share personal issues and plans with one another. After he got married, I had to set the boundary myself by putting myself in the wife’s shoes
Like you said ma, guys can be nonchalant and free about this…reason behind my intentionality
We still talk but not as free as before
Thank you for this ma❤
God bless you for putting yourself in the wife's shoe jare, that's a good thing to do cause you don't have any string attached to the husband, most of those gf ehn they are kind of attached emotionally to the guy so when the guy marries, the gf will dislike the wife for no reason Infact the gf will not even want to hear about the wife cause the gf is using the husband to comfort herself emotionally and her vulnerable times, but those men don't see it like that.
Way to go 👏🏽
@@TolulopeSolutions 😎😎💃💃
I have these boundaries and I used to think I was weird. It’s so relieving to see that I’m on the right track.
Thank you for this talk
You really talked about what is in my heart
Pls drop ur number for me here am in Canada 🇨🇦 here in Toronto city
HI Tolu , Good talk mature and honest. The older generation didn't understand most of all things.
Tolulope you have done all the JUSTICE to this matter because some of us feel like we need to fix our insecurities because these things happen and we can’t talk about them. I hold boundaries so high and it is because I can’t be a reason a marriage or relationship is crashing and so I want you to care about me that much as well and respect my boundaries. I have sha learnt that some people don’t even know how to really behave and so I wanna thank you for spelling this out ❤️❤️❤️❤️ #teamsolutiions
Tolulope, it's been long we watched bloopers lol. Anyway, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for touching on this topic. I agree 💯 on all the points you made. These boundaries are very necessary. Call it being extra or going overboard, I do not care. But na from clap dance de take enter. Good one dear.
This is sooooo true
People need to learn boundaries
Thank you so much ma !
This was so knowledgeable! Thank you
Simply beautiful...you hardly hear people talk about boundaries these days cause they think it’s uncool ...but they are so necessary and sometimes because of how most people are so boundaryless lol, they make it seem like we are weird or like we take things to seriously but carelessness can be costly and taking care of these little foxes goes a long way,,we’d be shocked to see how much we’ve been saved from unnecessary drama. so glad to see this out here 😊
Very Interesting and informing 👍 please we want a part 2 with PG😁
Thanks for this video mama 👏👏
Sometimes it’s not even about the female friends…. The HUSBANDS actually initiate those flirty conversations with the female friends. The disrespect! It’s like dude, you’re married, let somethings go and set some boundaries!
Oh yes
Thank you ma!!!!!!
This video is really loaded!
Please how do you handle conversations on boundaries with your spouse especially if it's beginning to look like you're "jealous" of these friends that have refused to understand boundaries? Like you said, I'm not struggling or fighting for a place in my man's life but some ladies don't know how far is too far!!!🤦
I agree.
Thank you for this topic Solutions
Nice conversation,thanks I love it🥰
Solutions Mama! Thank you for this video🥰😍🥰 God bless you
Thank you for speaking on this and from a female's perspective. I am 1000% firm on boundaries, and although most of my female friends never understand my perspective, my conservative nature has helped me to understand better and keep doing me. Not respecting boundaries is rude, immature and if care's not taken, it becomes evil.
It will be nice to have the men's perspective. Thank you Sis for this