"You can't marry into personal growth. The only way to build your sense of self and maturity is through facing challenges and overcoming them. That's it. There's no shortcut." Mic drop.
I am obsessed with your channel, you're really filling a void on RUclips! Plus you're very charismatic and smart. So glad I found your video on Anna Marie Tendler :)
What drives me up the wall with the Lolita references is that Lolita the novel is so powerful and evocative in the narrator’s guilt spiral over what he did to Dolores and he’s trying SO HARD to cling onto his last excuses to clear his conscience, and then the article is… “teehee we have an age gap isn’t that ✨silly✨😘”
Yes. Nabokov was sooo careful with his research and approach. I read once that he took notes on childhood sexual abuse and trauma in his diary so he could write the book, then after the book was done, he went back and carefully blacked out his research line by line. To see the story memefied years later is bizarre
This really reminds, especially the end, me of that quote in Mad Men from Megan’s father: “I always thought you were very single-minded about your dreams and that would help you in life. But now I see that you skipped the struggle and went right to the end… I hate that you gave up, Don’t let your love for this man stop you from doing what you want to do.” I’m 27 right now and while I definitely think I’m much more wise than when I was, say, 20, I absolutely will not be suggesting what I did as a way for people to get ahead in life. The subject and message of her essay seems to accidentally reveal too much of herself, or at least make the reader draw concerning conclusions. This would be great writing if it was fiction, as you say, but as not only a reflection of her life and choices but a recommendation to others? Methinks the lady protest too much.
A factionalized novel would have ATE. A “advice for young ladies” that followed patriarchy anyway just…sunk. I don’t think she has enough self awareness to see her own life. Great quote!
I feel like if you want to convince your readers an age gap relationship is a good idea, the *last* thing you'd want to do is repeatedly reference a story about a young girl being groomed. You talking about how her style is better suited for fiction really opened my eyes, because in a short story, this allusion would probably work a lot better. The story contrasting a (fictional) case of predation with a relationship that is seen as predatory by others but that our narrator asserts is not. Because unlike Dolores she is an adult and chose this for herself. And yet, despite knowing the difference, its inclusion will inevitably leave the reader with a kind of unease, wondering if she's right. That's a good feeling for a fictional story to provoke. Less so for an opinion piece on how marrying out of your age bracket is the best.
This is fascinating, as I was someone who was determined not to let my youth be wasted on the young, though not for reasons quite as patriarchal or sexist. That said, I married young and it blew up in fantastic fashion in less than two years, so ... I don't know what her future holds, but my greatest power and healing definitely came well into my 30s when I actually got some therapy and found some self-worth inside myself. The saddest thing about the article is the fact that she believes women have a "tragically short window of power." It's such a cliché, but even as I do enjoy looking nice and staying fit, I glory in the fact that my value comes from many many places beyond my appearance, and I hope she comes to grasp that too--because otherwise, what is the value in life after a woman reaches a certain age?
i think the labor in a hospital line wasn't a reference to a victorian novel, but to the notion that women can and should "have it all." i would interpret "labor in the office and in the hospital" to be about birthing children, doing the work of motherhood, and still also having to work in the public sphere on top of that.
@@SiobhanBrierAguilarit's quite unfortunate that the author "mixes up" their thoughts like that, she talks about books, then uses ":", mentions vampirism for some reason, and then all of a sudden throws in a metaphor about childbirth and an office job :\ lmao. Very confusing indeed 😅 Especially if u have read a lot of good stuff, where ":" moments tend to make sense X) see I haven't, so I understood what she meant easily 🤣🤣
1:20 the article sounds so out of touch. Feminism doesn't give you ease bc we live in a hyper capitalist society that requires us to work for basic necessities. Patriarchy can't even give you ease unless you marry rich. She gained "ease" at the expense of her husband being able to have it. He works so she doesn't have too. Not everyone can have that regardless of Feminism. And there's no guarantee that she'll keep him for long.
I appreciate the kindness and empathy you approached this with. It’s very easy to be mean-spirited in the name of criticism (something I’m working on myself). I think you’re filling a gap that’s been empty for a while in spaces involving “bad” writing.
excellent analysis! i'm always very glad to see someone have an engaging take on something that is socially dismissed, and i think your critical thinking abilities are something i aspire to
I was about to go to sleep and I stumbled upon this video, I was so invested that I watched the whole thing. Great breakdown of this essay, and I liked that you didn't take personal blows at the writer. I will say, I never had heard of this essay and when I found out their age gap was only 10 years it through me for a loop 😭 like yeah he's old compared to her but tbh 30 years old is not some old guy I don't know why they act like he is
because 20 and 30 are ages apart compared to 30 and 40. Someone who's been an adult for more than a decade and someone who's been is high school a couple years ago and is still young, impressionable and lacking life experience are in a power imbalance. Partially why the 30 year old is being perceived as an old man is because of she describes him as such imo. That was her impression when she was very young and it stayed with her. Like when you're 8 and your friend's 13 year old sibling feels almost impossibly older and closer to an adult than to you.
@@glupik1234 I think the thing that surprised me isn't just the not-so-large age gap, but the combination of that and how the piece sort of connected the guy's wealth to his age. I haven't finished the video, so I don't know if it was earned, inherited, or a combination of both, but the age/wealth tie-in suggests the former. Earning a fortune by the age of 30 isn't exactly common. I've met plenty of people at that age still working retail while struggling to get their foot in the door of their desired career. It made me think the age gap would be more like 20-25 years.
love this! I'm a bad writer especially in english since it isn't my native language but well I also don't write well in german. But this is so interesting to understand what is good or bad writing. Also she is ignoring her obvious privilege, she didn't just married older but also rich. And she was probably well of as well if she was able to go to harvard. And in my opinion 10 years isnt that much older, and I would say anybody who is in there 20s dating someone in there 30s will experience some financial freedom since this two life stages are financial quite different.
Great analysis, as a person in age gap relationship (much much bigger than the author's) I find it distasteful how she writes about age gap relationships. As if age gap is this great thing - it's not. It's a chasm of generations, life experiences, life expectancy and characters - that can be bridged, until time catches up with us all. Age gap in relationships to me should be approached with great nuance and care (due to power imbalance, patriarchy etc) instead of recommended as if it's a solution to life problems. Thank you for the nuanced breakdown of this piece - I especially appreciated pointing out the grammar issues and discourse surrounding them in literature.
This does seem like the author is looking back at things that pain her about her life, and trying to clumsily paint over them with the patina of it all being a cool-headed chess game she was playing all along. The mixture of bragging and being un-self aware is not something contented people do. Also, if I was her husband I would be very sad reading this.
Couldn't she have just married a rich man at any age with these arguments? It would have been awesome if she'd gone full villain and had like an 84-year-old husband... we can support women's wrongs IF they write well ❤
Hey, I love this video (and your Tendler video)! I'm confused by the "labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously" line, too. Out of context, it seems like a pretty clever play on words--the (she argues) modern expectation that women both birth children (go into labor at a hospital) and bring in an income (labor at the office). But I'm not sure how to ground that perspective in Victorian novels, given that women typically birthed at home.
Huh. I read a phenomenal (opinion?) piece on The Cut titled "Cheating on my abusive parents" about a woman finding something like "replacement parents" (and later grandparents for her kid) which helps her finally let go of her own all around abusive parents. It's fantastically written and I was a little taken aback that this is apparently from the same source haha
It’s probably similar to Medium, where the barrier to being officially published is much lower than a traditional outlet. The quality of a piece depends on the writer’s individual skill, rather than the website’s standards.
Either the writer is not married to an older man and this is just bad fiction or she resents her situation so much she relates to fictional women who feel trapped in romantic relationships or are in abusive relationships.
I love that you actually focus on her craft rather than her self-defense of bourgeoisie kept-womanhood (lol). My mind has been blown by finally learning the difference between "that" and "which". I think "labour at home and in the hospital" is a pun on labour as in giving birth! Which I thought was a really pithy bit of writing! The "vampiric boyfriends" to me seemed like a vague allusion to the whole gothic genre. Like most of her references, they feel either misplaced or too vague to reinforce her point. It seems defensive, insisting that she is "well read" and not a bimbo. Congrats girl, you've read some books on a standard English lit reading list. We already know you went to Harvard. The vampire moment specifically takes away from the labour line, which deserves to stand out. Overall I enjoyed the author's dreamy, witty and sightly bitter voice. I also love a click baity title. I would very much enjoy being rage baited by more of her writing in the future. I'm interested to see what she does.
Age gap relationships generally seem to be about ego.. an ego boost for the younger woman because an older man is easy to get. An ego trip for the older man because it supports a delusion that he is either younger and or more powerful than he is. Overall, seems cheap on both ends.
what about the idea that some men missed their opportunity in younger years to get into a long term relationship and now still wants that. especially if they want kids.
I do really love this video. One thing that did occur to me is that I think the article writer was referring to herself in such a highly gendered, male-gaze-y way intentionally. It seems to me that she was thinking of herself as how men would ideally perceive her, and objectifying herself, in order to envisage her own attractiveness from the outside; rather than focusing on her own perception of herself or her internal world.
oh this is really insightful; i really enjoyed it! writing is such an enigmatic thing, and i really love how you break this piece down so clearly & concisely
Good critique, though I did think the discussion about the male gaze was a bit odd. Not because it wasn’t but because it clearly was. In context its her listing what makes her attractive to older men, so I think saying its the “male gaze” is kinda redundant. Normally its used to critique female characters being sexually alluring in odd situations, but here the situation is trying to be sexually alluring. Not saying I didnt dislike that part 😂 I just dont think it was an accident.
That just means that she’s writing for the male gaze/male audience, rather than describing herself from a more objective point of view. You can still criticize women for feeding into the patriarchy. If we’re already looking at her lack of skill, then where she bases her writing (probably mostly on the work of men - especially with the dearth of experience), we can conclude that she likely wouldn’t make the same mistakes if she wrote this a decade from now and consciously sought out female voices in her reading intake beforehand.
I LOVE your videos. I watched your "Men have called her crazy" video in one sitting. You are so well-spoken and the subjects you discuss have so much nuance.
That line about feminism not providing “ease” was both misogynistic and misandrist. The only way to have an easy life is by putting all your burdens and responsibilities onto someone else. If that’s what you want then say it with your chest but don’t blame feminism for that. Feminism is about freeing both women and men from being saddled with responsibilities they didn’t ask for. For fully sharing physical and mental loads in a relationship so no one person gets burned out by carrying the full weigh of a successful relationship on their shoulders.
7:51 I think it's rather clear once you read those sentences in the context of the entire paragraph. She is saying that women become less desirable to men as they get older. Her husband marrying her and not, say, one of his classmates was proof of that, and she was complicit (taking advantage of their disadvantage). She was also preventing that from happening to herself by marrying while still young (preempting the disadvantage - this is the part that requires context to guide the reader) . I'm not a writer, but I can be quite anal about certain things, including the precision of language. While those sentences could have been better constructed, I don't think they're absolutely unclear. So I guess the question is, does each and every sentence have to be absolutely clear out of context to be considered good writing? Also, as a conservatory trained drummer/percussionist, Whiplash was terrible. 🤣
I really like your videos, they are insightful, and well expressed. Your tone is also very calming and invites the listener to think. However, I would advise you to look at the camera more, it is a little jarring to listen to someone who talks to the camera without looking at it. If you need a prompter, you could put it below the camera so you'd be facing it more, idk. Hoping to watch you again soon !
12:19 maybe she was talking about giving birth in a hospital, like that type of going into labor But idk enough about Victorian literature to know what that might be referring to
Initially i was upset at the premise because I simply don't like age gap and at 21 rn just the thought of me dating a 20 yr old as a 30 yr old man is so depressing and gross. its the equivalent of dating a junior in HS as 22 yr old, like where in life did I fuck up that badly? there'd have to be a DEEP stagnation of emotional development and maturity in myself to even fathom the possibilty of that occurring. My personal experience backs up this up with my ex who was simply 5 years older than me after HS or my friend (f18) dated/GROOMED by a 40 yr old man who was older than her mom and acted he was 12.... Anyways i was upset about that but that exerpt @ 1:51 got me
Also i dont have ANY DATA on my beliefs so that's that but also, have you noticed the people that engage in this behavior also do other questionable things? kinda like Seinfeild excusing his white friend for shouting the N-word at black people really goes along well with him dating a 17 yr old
Strong logic. Hey everyone, this critical thinker over here has just discovered the link between men's eons-old preference for younger women and RACISM! Get her an endowed chair in the sociology department at Harvard immediately! Also LOL @ adult women using the word 'grooming' to describe the experiences of other adult women. So cringe and self-infantilizing. You so silly.
Seems like a very narrow and prescriptive definition of "maturity". I mean, I don't necessarily disagree with it personally; but surely different people in different cultures may learn different specific life lessons as they "mature" than just to accept that we're all gonna die so it's fine really
while her essay had plenty of flaws and was a bit pretentious, I quite enjoyed reading it. There was a few points she brought up that I think many young women can relate to. Her discussing the wasted potential of her youth is sad, but relevant. Youth is definitely a commodity on the dating market, and I think many women do feel like beneath the surface of love and stability, dating is and has always been a way to economically prop up yourself, as a flawed opportunity that only women experience. Her writing may seem 'male gaze-y' but even our own perception of ourselves is fundamentally shaped by how we are viewed by men.
I appreciate that you shared your perspective. It was both empathetic and reflective. I think I'd like to share and discuss the op-ed in my next friend date as it seems like fodder for a good coffee discussion.
"dating is and has always been a way to economically prop up yourself, as a flawed opportunity that only women experience". I think this is a historically inaccurate statement: consider, for example, the history of women's dowries. Men were profiting financially based on the dowries of the women they chose to pursue. I would also suggest that there are many instances where relationships disadvantage women's economic abilities, as they are expected to give up their own career and economic independence for the sake of a man. (although perhaps this is what you are referring to when calling it a flawed opportunity)
Women gossiping about their love lives in these self-serious DEEP DIVE confessional essays which are puffed up ludicrously as SERIOUS cultural CRITIQUE is never good writing. Never. Not even once. This kind of solipsistic prattle used to be ghettoized in the traditional 'Women's Magazines' of yesterday, where it could be safely ignored. Now, it has colonized even the New York Times and academia. A deplorable development.
Oh my! This woman wrote a sweetly earnest essay about finding love with an older guy and women got **TRIGGERED**! They started slinging sh*t from every angle. Strange, I've never seen anyone writing about the virtues of, say, being 50, childless, and single being roasted for her equivalently 'bad writing.' I've never seen this kind of weird ENG 101 nit-picking applied to anyone like that. It seems to me the so-called 'bad writing' is not what is actually driving the strong emotional reactions here? I think it's something else; a very tender spot in the female psyche has been galled.
@@glupik1234 Let me give you some advice, sweetheart. "Weird" is not an argument. Going through life calling people and things you dislike "weird" doesn't make you sound superior to the need to argue logically. It makes you sound 7 years old mentally and emotionally. 🤣
That first sentence of yours is what I have a problem with in this essay. It has all the elements of what could be a sweet story about her finding love with her husband, but it isn't written that way. I read the article before watching this video, and the parts where she writes about falling in love with her husband *are* nice! However, they're juxtaposed with opinions about her friends or other women, and they are somewhat patronizing. This places her relationship with her husband in a less wholesome position. The emphasis of the article appears to be more about how she was *right* to do what she did, that her decision was the best one out of anything. For that reason, it does not feel like an earnest writing about finding love.
The video narrator is an actual editor as her job. It's condescending and belittling to call her literally showing how someone might do their job with this piece "English 101 nitpicking." She at no point seems triggered, and it definitely appeared that you missed the point of the entire video--like in the beginning where she said she was NOT going to address the main thesis of the piece, but rather, show us how someone like her does their job.
"You can't marry into personal growth. The only way to build your sense of self and maturity is through facing challenges and overcoming them. That's it. There's no shortcut."
Mic drop.
Here from the Tendler video and I'm already obsessed. please keep making videos!!
Same❤
Same 😂
Same!
I am obsessed with your channel, you're really filling a void on RUclips! Plus you're very charismatic and smart. So glad I found your video on Anna Marie Tendler :)
Agreed!
Same here! Liked the analysis in this video too.
What drives me up the wall with the Lolita references is that Lolita the novel is so powerful and evocative in the narrator’s guilt spiral over what he did to Dolores and he’s trying SO HARD to cling onto his last excuses to clear his conscience, and then the article is… “teehee we have an age gap isn’t that ✨silly✨😘”
Yes. Nabokov was sooo careful with his research and approach. I read once that he took notes on childhood sexual abuse and trauma in his diary so he could write the book, then after the book was done, he went back and carefully blacked out his research line by line. To see the story memefied years later is bizarre
This really reminds, especially the end, me of that quote in Mad Men from Megan’s father: “I always thought you were very single-minded about your dreams and that would help you in life. But now I see that you skipped the struggle and went right to the end… I hate that you gave up, Don’t let your love for this man stop you from doing what you want to do.”
I’m 27 right now and while I definitely think I’m much more wise than when I was, say, 20, I absolutely will not be suggesting what I did as a way for people to get ahead in life. The subject and message of her essay seems to accidentally reveal too much of herself, or at least make the reader draw concerning conclusions. This would be great writing if it was fiction, as you say, but as not only a reflection of her life and choices but a recommendation to others? Methinks the lady protest too much.
A factionalized novel would have ATE. A “advice for young ladies” that followed patriarchy anyway just…sunk. I don’t think she has enough self awareness to see her own life. Great quote!
I feel like if you want to convince your readers an age gap relationship is a good idea, the *last* thing you'd want to do is repeatedly reference a story about a young girl being groomed.
You talking about how her style is better suited for fiction really opened my eyes, because in a short story, this allusion would probably work a lot better. The story contrasting a (fictional) case of predation with a relationship that is seen as predatory by others but that our narrator asserts is not. Because unlike Dolores she is an adult and chose this for herself. And yet, despite knowing the difference, its inclusion will inevitably leave the reader with a kind of unease, wondering if she's right.
That's a good feeling for a fictional story to provoke. Less so for an opinion piece on how marrying out of your age bracket is the best.
I need your opinion on Sally Ronney's writting. You have brilliant breakdowns.
This is fascinating, as I was someone who was determined not to let my youth be wasted on the young, though not for reasons quite as patriarchal or sexist. That said, I married young and it blew up in fantastic fashion in less than two years, so ... I don't know what her future holds, but my greatest power and healing definitely came well into my 30s when I actually got some therapy and found some self-worth inside myself. The saddest thing about the article is the fact that she believes women have a "tragically short window of power." It's such a cliché, but even as I do enjoy looking nice and staying fit, I glory in the fact that my value comes from many many places beyond my appearance, and I hope she comes to grasp that too--because otherwise, what is the value in life after a woman reaches a certain age?
i think the labor in a hospital line wasn't a reference to a victorian novel, but to the notion that women can and should "have it all." i would interpret "labor in the office and in the hospital" to be about birthing children, doing the work of motherhood, and still also having to work in the public sphere on top of that.
Oh you are so right. Labor (as in childbirth) in the hospital and labor (as in work) in the office. That’s quite clever; good eye
@@SiobhanBrierAguilarit's quite unfortunate that the author "mixes up" their thoughts like that, she talks about books, then uses ":", mentions vampirism for some reason, and then all of a sudden throws in a metaphor about childbirth and an office job :\ lmao. Very confusing indeed 😅 Especially if u have read a lot of good stuff, where ":" moments tend to make sense X) see I haven't, so I understood what she meant easily 🤣🤣
(Well I was made to read classical books, but they were in my native language)
1:20 the article sounds so out of touch. Feminism doesn't give you ease bc we live in a hyper capitalist society that requires us to work for basic necessities. Patriarchy can't even give you ease unless you marry rich. She gained "ease" at the expense of her husband being able to have it. He works so she doesn't have too. Not everyone can have that regardless of Feminism. And there's no guarantee that she'll keep him for long.
I appreciate the kindness and empathy you approached this with. It’s very easy to be mean-spirited in the name of criticism (something I’m working on myself). I think you’re filling a gap that’s been empty for a while in spaces involving “bad” writing.
A baby for a berkin and a Lolita comparison for your happy adult marriage are so wild
Is like read the column of Carrie Bradshaw.
Btw, your video is amazing! you´re very clear and easy to understand!
Thank you very much! I am still learning about the whole audio/ visual side of this :)
excellent analysis! i'm always very glad to see someone have an engaging take on something that is socially dismissed, and i think your critical thinking abilities are something i aspire to
Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to comment
I was about to go to sleep and I stumbled upon this video, I was so invested that I watched the whole thing. Great breakdown of this essay, and I liked that you didn't take personal blows at the writer. I will say, I never had heard of this essay and when I found out their age gap was only 10 years it through me for a loop 😭 like yeah he's old compared to her but tbh 30 years old is not some old guy I don't know why they act like he is
threw* embarrassing I made a grammar mistake on video like this but oh well
I felt the same way! Thank you so much for watching and commenting, it means a lot to me 😁
because 20 and 30 are ages apart compared to 30 and 40. Someone who's been an adult for more than a decade and someone who's been is high school a couple years ago and is still young, impressionable and lacking life experience are in a power imbalance. Partially why the 30 year old is being perceived as an old man is because of she describes him as such imo. That was her impression when she was very young and it stayed with her. Like when you're 8 and your friend's 13 year old sibling feels almost impossibly older and closer to an adult than to you.
@@glupik1234 I think the thing that surprised me isn't just the not-so-large age gap, but the combination of that and how the piece sort of connected the guy's wealth to his age. I haven't finished the video, so I don't know if it was earned, inherited, or a combination of both, but the age/wealth tie-in suggests the former. Earning a fortune by the age of 30 isn't exactly common. I've met plenty of people at that age still working retail while struggling to get their foot in the door of their desired career. It made me think the age gap would be more like 20-25 years.
TIL the actual difference between that and which! I’ve just been doing it off vibes 😅
Also we don't live in Victorian England.
love this! I'm a bad writer especially in english since it isn't my native language but well I also don't write well in german. But this is so interesting to understand what is good or bad writing. Also she is ignoring her obvious privilege, she didn't just married older but also rich. And she was probably well of as well if she was able to go to harvard. And in my opinion 10 years isnt that much older, and I would say anybody who is in there 20s dating someone in there 30s will experience some financial freedom since this two life stages are financial quite different.
Great analysis, as a person in age gap relationship (much much bigger than the author's) I find it distasteful how she writes about age gap relationships. As if age gap is this great thing - it's not. It's a chasm of generations, life experiences, life expectancy and characters - that can be bridged, until time catches up with us all. Age gap in relationships to me should be approached with great nuance and care (due to power imbalance, patriarchy etc) instead of recommended as if it's a solution to life problems.
Thank you for the nuanced breakdown of this piece - I especially appreciated pointing out the grammar issues and discourse surrounding them in literature.
This does seem like the author is looking back at things that pain her about her life, and trying to clumsily paint over them with the patina of it all being a cool-headed chess game she was playing all along.
The mixture of bragging and being un-self aware is not something contented people do.
Also, if I was her husband I would be very sad reading this.
I think a lot of people try to comfort themselves this way, it's probably not healthy
Thank you for making grammar rules entertaining!
Couldn't she have just married a rich man at any age with these arguments? It would have been awesome if she'd gone full villain and had like an 84-year-old husband... we can support women's wrongs IF they write well ❤
Great analysis! Would love to see more breakdowns from you. Makes me miss my english courses in college all over again.
Hey, I love this video (and your Tendler video)! I'm confused by the "labor, at the office and in the hospital, expected simultaneously" line, too. Out of context, it seems like a pretty clever play on words--the (she argues) modern expectation that women both birth children (go into labor at a hospital) and bring in an income (labor at the office). But I'm not sure how to ground that perspective in Victorian novels, given that women typically birthed at home.
Another banger ahhh also loving the obvious growth in finding your style from here to the latest video
Huh. I read a phenomenal (opinion?) piece on The Cut titled "Cheating on my abusive parents" about a woman finding something like "replacement parents" (and later grandparents for her kid) which helps her finally let go of her own all around abusive parents. It's fantastically written and I was a little taken aback that this is apparently from the same source haha
It’s probably similar to Medium, where the barrier to being officially published is much lower than a traditional outlet. The quality of a piece depends on the writer’s individual skill, rather than the website’s standards.
@emmakane6848 yeah... But if that's more the exception than the rule I probably got very lucky 😂😂
The Cut isn’t bad but sometimes they use controversial pieces which look, it worked, you’re all talking about them now lol.
Either the writer is not married to an older man and this is just bad fiction or she resents her situation so much she relates to fictional women who feel trapped in romantic relationships or are in abusive relationships.
Just begun the video and the first thing that comes to mind is that the patriarchy will not save us.
I love that you actually focus on her craft rather than her self-defense of bourgeoisie kept-womanhood (lol). My mind has been blown by finally learning the difference between "that" and "which".
I think "labour at home and in the hospital" is a pun on labour as in giving birth! Which I thought was a really pithy bit of writing!
The "vampiric boyfriends" to me seemed like a vague allusion to the whole gothic genre. Like most of her references, they feel either misplaced or too vague to reinforce her point. It seems defensive, insisting that she is "well read" and not a bimbo. Congrats girl, you've read some books on a standard English lit reading list. We already know you went to Harvard. The vampire moment specifically takes away from the labour line, which deserves to stand out.
Overall I enjoyed the author's dreamy, witty and sightly bitter voice. I also love a click baity title. I would very much enjoy being rage baited by more of her writing in the future. I'm interested to see what she does.
11:09 I assumed she was talking about Twilight.
lmao same
Age gap relationships generally seem to be about ego.. an ego boost for the younger woman because an older man is easy to get. An ego trip for the older man because it supports a delusion that he is either younger and or more powerful than he is. Overall, seems cheap on both ends.
what about the idea that some men missed their opportunity in younger years to get into a long term relationship and now still wants that. especially if they want kids.
wow, this commentary is so wise and mature and told with so much empathy ❤
"you can't marry into personal growth" OOF
The writer sounds like she read the last part of Studies on Pessimism a few too many times and didn't realize that was the crazy part.
You are amazing, please keep making videos!!!
I do really love this video. One thing that did occur to me is that I think the article writer was referring to herself in such a highly gendered, male-gaze-y way intentionally. It seems to me that she was thinking of herself as how men would ideally perceive her, and objectifying herself, in order to envisage her own attractiveness from the outside; rather than focusing on her own perception of herself or her internal world.
oh this is really insightful; i really enjoyed it! writing is such an enigmatic thing, and i really love how you break this piece down so clearly & concisely
Good critique, though I did think the discussion about the male gaze was a bit odd. Not because it wasn’t but because it clearly was. In context its her listing what makes her attractive to older men, so I think saying its the “male gaze” is kinda redundant. Normally its used to critique female characters being sexually alluring in odd situations, but here the situation is trying to be sexually alluring.
Not saying I didnt dislike that part 😂 I just dont think it was an accident.
That just means that she’s writing for the male gaze/male audience, rather than describing herself from a more objective point of view. You can still criticize women for feeding into the patriarchy.
If we’re already looking at her lack of skill, then where she bases her writing (probably mostly on the work of men - especially with the dearth of experience), we can conclude that she likely wouldn’t make the same mistakes if she wrote this a decade from now and consciously sought out female voices in her reading intake beforehand.
incredible video
I LOVE your videos. I watched your "Men have called her crazy" video in one sitting. You are so well-spoken and the subjects you discuss have so much nuance.
25:14 this part made me laugh out loud. oh my god
That line about feminism not providing “ease” was both misogynistic and misandrist. The only way to have an easy life is by putting all your burdens and responsibilities onto someone else. If that’s what you want then say it with your chest but don’t blame feminism for that. Feminism is about freeing both women and men from being saddled with responsibilities they didn’t ask for. For fully sharing physical and mental loads in a relationship so no one person gets burned out by carrying the full weigh of a successful relationship on their shoulders.
7:51 I think it's rather clear once you read those sentences in the context of the entire paragraph. She is saying that women become less desirable to men as they get older. Her husband marrying her and not, say, one of his classmates was proof of that, and she was complicit (taking advantage of their disadvantage). She was also preventing that from happening to herself by marrying while still young (preempting the disadvantage - this is the part that requires context to guide the reader) . I'm not a writer, but I can be quite anal about certain things, including the precision of language. While those sentences could have been better constructed, I don't think they're absolutely unclear. So I guess the question is, does each and every sentence have to be absolutely clear out of context to be considered good writing?
Also, as a conservatory trained drummer/percussionist, Whiplash was terrible. 🤣
Really enjoying this video and learning so much!
congrats to the new Mrs. de Winter!
I really like your videos, they are insightful, and well expressed. Your tone is also very calming and invites the listener to think. However, I would advise you to look at the camera more, it is a little jarring to listen to someone who talks to the camera without looking at it. If you need a prompter, you could put it below the camera so you'd be facing it more, idk. Hoping to watch you again soon !
That’s interesting. I like the fact that she isn’t looking at the camera the whole time. It makes it easier to listen to what she is saying.
12:19 maybe she was talking about giving birth in a hospital, like that type of going into labor
But idk enough about Victorian literature to know what that might be referring to
Initially i was upset at the premise because I simply don't like age gap and at 21 rn just the thought of me dating a 20 yr old as a 30 yr old man is so depressing and gross. its the equivalent of dating a junior in HS as 22 yr old, like where in life did I fuck up that badly? there'd have to be a DEEP stagnation of emotional development and maturity in myself to even fathom the possibilty of that occurring. My personal experience backs up this up with my ex who was simply 5 years older than me after HS or my friend (f18) dated/GROOMED by a 40 yr old man who was older than her mom and acted he was 12.... Anyways i was upset about that but that exerpt @ 1:51 got me
Also i dont have ANY DATA on my beliefs so that's that but also, have you noticed the people that engage in this behavior also do other questionable things? kinda like Seinfeild excusing his white friend for shouting the N-word at black people really goes along well with him dating a 17 yr old
Strong logic. Hey everyone, this critical thinker over here has just discovered the link between men's eons-old preference for younger women and RACISM! Get her an endowed chair in the sociology department at Harvard immediately!
Also LOL @ adult women using the word 'grooming' to describe the experiences of other adult women. So cringe and self-infantilizing. You so silly.
@@wisdometernallifethroughveinswestern christian patriarchy is inherently racist, racism is part of its structure.
Seems like a very narrow and prescriptive definition of "maturity". I mean, I don't necessarily disagree with it personally; but surely different people in different cultures may learn different specific life lessons as they "mature" than just to accept that we're all gonna die so it's fine really
are we here from the oyler comments
while her essay had plenty of flaws and was a bit pretentious, I quite enjoyed reading it. There was a few points she brought up that I think many young women can relate to. Her discussing the wasted potential of her youth is sad, but relevant. Youth is definitely a commodity on the dating market, and I think many women do feel like beneath the surface of love and stability, dating is and has always been a way to economically prop up yourself, as a flawed opportunity that only women experience. Her writing may seem 'male gaze-y' but even our own perception of ourselves is fundamentally shaped by how we are viewed by men.
I appreciate that you shared your perspective. It was both empathetic and reflective. I think I'd like to share and discuss the op-ed in my next friend date as it seems like fodder for a good coffee discussion.
"dating is and has always been a way to economically prop up yourself, as a flawed opportunity that only women experience". I think this is a historically inaccurate statement: consider, for example, the history of women's dowries. Men were profiting financially based on the dowries of the women they chose to pursue. I would also suggest that there are many instances where relationships disadvantage women's economic abilities, as they are expected to give up their own career and economic independence for the sake of a man. (although perhaps this is what you are referring to when calling it a flawed opportunity)
That is not good writing:( Amazing video and breakdown though!!
Women gossiping about their love lives in these self-serious DEEP DIVE confessional essays which are puffed up ludicrously as SERIOUS cultural CRITIQUE is never good writing. Never. Not even once. This kind of solipsistic prattle used to be ghettoized in the traditional 'Women's Magazines' of yesterday, where it could be safely ignored. Now, it has colonized even the New York Times and academia. A deplorable development.
Oh my! This woman wrote a sweetly earnest essay about finding love with an older guy and women got **TRIGGERED**! They started slinging sh*t from every angle.
Strange, I've never seen anyone writing about the virtues of, say, being 50, childless, and single being roasted for her equivalently 'bad writing.' I've never seen this kind of weird ENG 101 nit-picking applied to anyone like that. It seems to me the so-called 'bad writing' is not what is actually driving the strong emotional reactions here? I think it's something else; a very tender spot in the female psyche has been galled.
what a weird comment under a VERY empathetic review. I don't know about women's psyche but I feel like yours was really wounded.
@@glupik1234 Let me give you some advice, sweetheart. "Weird" is not an argument. Going through life calling people and things you dislike "weird" doesn't make you sound superior to the need to argue logically. It makes you sound 7 years old mentally and emotionally. 🤣
That first sentence of yours is what I have a problem with in this essay. It has all the elements of what could be a sweet story about her finding love with her husband, but it isn't written that way. I read the article before watching this video, and the parts where she writes about falling in love with her husband *are* nice! However, they're juxtaposed with opinions about her friends or other women, and they are somewhat patronizing. This places her relationship with her husband in a less wholesome position. The emphasis of the article appears to be more about how she was *right* to do what she did, that her decision was the best one out of anything. For that reason, it does not feel like an earnest writing about finding love.
The video narrator is an actual editor as her job. It's condescending and belittling to call her literally showing how someone might do their job with this piece "English 101 nitpicking." She at no point seems triggered, and it definitely appeared that you missed the point of the entire video--like in the beginning where she said she was NOT going to address the main thesis of the piece, but rather, show us how someone like her does their job.
Come to Daddy.
You’re obviously a man posing as a woman dude.