Why Venting Is Always A Bad Idea
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- Опубликовано: 3 апр 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:07 - The trend of venting content creators
03:48 - Venting is “emotion-focused coping”
06:52 - The purpose of venting?
08:35 - What is a Vasana?
13:35 - The real problem with venting
15:45 - Observe the mental habit of your mind
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Venting is a bad idea, because someone on cams might catch you - and then you’ll have a hard time explaining why they saw you climbing out of a vent and you’ll look sus.
Don’t vent!
man i miss the days of among us T_T
What if you're an engineer 🙄
When the joint hits hard and you decide to hotbox the vent.
@@highmedic2351 what the actual heck does that mean
@@penguin22penguin22 it means their entire personality revolves around their ability to smoke marijuana.
Is he venting about people venting??
😂 you are wise beyond the west and the east
Yup
He's venting and then teaching us to do something about it, he's taking his own advice 😊
@@JassiMoonit was a joke
Meta venting! 😄 Well, if the room smells like farts, better reflect and act on it before people begin taking dumps on the floor. 😅
Venting is really bad because people will vote you out for being sussy :(
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
@@yvettetee7699 sussy baka
@@KrisPBacon69how yall doin this
@@Akira-Aerins wdym
Only gen z will understand this comment and I love it
Had a friend once who would jump into a discord call of like, 8 mutual friends and vent about "I have no friends no one loves me." I felt pretty close to this guy so after 2 years of him doing this over and over, I ended up blocking him and cut contact. It really hurt me to hear him say that every day despite the fact me and 7 other people would take time out of the week to play video games, watch movies, even VR chat hangout party's on the weekends during COVID. I wonder if he's still saying that with whoever he's hanging out with now.
I miss him, but it was to much for me. I started taking his words personally after all that time.
Maybe what he really meant was a girlfriend. Or if you guys were strictly online maybe he meant someone he could go places with.
@@Alibern7or he meant irl friends, only having online friends isn’t enough.
Huh, so the "Am I a joke to you" meme but in a real life applicable setting.
Honestly he may have just been looking for attention had people like that and unfortunately used to do it i do ask for support but i try not to use them as just for venetinb because it makes them feel like a crutch
knew someone on discord who was similar and had to cut them off as well. it's so inconsiderate of other people to enter a space and immediately start putting your negative emotions onto other people, and every single time without fail too. it's exhausting
I get why venting without doing something can be harmful but I still think there’s some harm to bottling up your emotions. Like my mental state severely deteriorates personally when I go too long without talking about issues I have.
I think he means its better to be in therapy environment, while venting, to help avoid the downfalls.
I feel like you should work on that, and find peace within yourself, I feel like working towards keeping more things to yourself and controlling ur emotion for example not venting even if u feel like you have to but rather working on solutions and releasing negative emotion through hobbies can create for a much stronger character
I think that he's talking about venting and doing nothing to better your situation.
In the video, he actually says you should vent and share your emotions. The problem is when you vent, vent, vent, and do nothing about it.
It doesn't fix anything. Instead it might end up weighting a lot on the other person's shoulders, and you only like the way that it feels in the moment. But it doesn't fix anything.
Yeah. It’s just good to feel like something exists outside of my head. If it’s something I dont want to tell anyone, even just putting my feelings into words out loud helps
Healthy GG, your title doesn't match the content. As said in the video, venting isn't always a bad idea, it's only a bad idea when there's no action proceeding the venting
edit: Dr K also says in the video that venting is beneficial for children coping with unsolvable problems
also, just clarifying, i don't think this is a huge deal at all, but just removing "Always" would make the title less contradicting and still intriguing
That’s what I got too, even from the first 3 minutes I was like “yea, you don’t stay in a room filled with farts, you eventually leave the room, but you can’t not fart, it’s a bodily function, so to is venting your frustration.
Fart in a well ventilated area, like outside.
Makes me wonder how much the person in charge of uploading videos understands what's being said hahaha
@@AG-up7kx for real haha
It's more like a clickbait I guess
its clickbait. thats commum in youtube
This video has helped me a lot. I bike to work weekly, and there is one road that poses many hazards to my physical safety. This could be avoided if the city expanded sidewalk access. This video pushed me to draft a letter to city officials voicing my concerns and provide examples of how this project would positively impact the community at large. It's a rough draft, but it is the first step of many to seek the change I would like to see. Thank you for posting!
That’s great 😃 Good Luck!
Good luck! I sometimes bike to work also and there is also one road which is very dangerous to navigate that I wish the city would do something about. You are inspiring me to write about it too! Thanks for sharing your experience!
Thank you for this video! I've noticed that people with anger issues don't feel better with venting. They just get some kind of anger momentum that builds up
Anger leads to action so it’s a way of getting themselves to do something. If you’ve been holding stuff in then finally being able to release means you might actually do something about it. Anger can be functional
@@cammokyletrue but only if it's channeled into something positive
I learned this the hard way. If you are going through something really tough and have someone you can trust, they can usually tolerate you venting the 1st time. If you continue to vent without doing anything to fix the problems, people don't want to continue to be around you. It brings down other people's moods and is frustrating when people can make different choices, but they don't want to because it is difficult.
I also had to learn to make boundaries between myself and patients as well. It's really sad because a lot of people don't have anyone and showing people a little bit of kindness sometimes ends up with them trauma dumping on you at work. I want to be empathetic, but it was one of several things thay contributed to my burn out.
I just realized that I might be venting during my virtual 1:1s with my lead without even realizing it. It's not a full-on therapy session lol but I happen to mention my social anxiety a lot when exchanging life updates with her and sometimes I spiral which leads to her laughing nervously because she probably can't relate. I'm gonna try to be more mindful of that in future convos with her.
@@athira_n_s wow. that's a terrible assumption
As long as you're not a therapist. But if you are a therapist and you don't wanna get trauma dumped, maybe find a new line of work
@@stereo-soulsoundsystem5070 thank you ❤
reading her comment was just so disheartening coming from a supposed “mental health professional”
If these people don’t have empathy, then this *really* isn’t the right field for them. it takes a lot of mental strength and a lot of empathy to be able to treat patients. When you are referring to a patient discussing their trauma or pain with you as trauma dumping, it suggests a problem with the medical professional. not a problem with the patient.
Maybe you just have really bad friends.
If you don’t have enough empathy to listen to another human being in pain, that’s a problem with you, not them. You don’t get to blame other people because you’re a bad listener.
If I thought for a moment my psychiatrist felt this way, I would find a new psychiatrist. No offense. I just don’t understand the lack of human decency, compassion or understanding.
Just because other people have been bad friends to you doesn’t mean you should be a bad friend to others.
Venting turning into the unskippable ad. Man its so automatic for me to vent and it even exhausts me. I feel bad for my friends when I do. It is getting better though
I'm glad you are aware, and it's getting better 👍
I do the same but i need to. I have nowhere else to do it. If i dont i dont know what to do.
Literally me 😂 now I know why friends don't want to hang out with me
@@bennymountain1 yup... I had a time where I was scaring off my friends. So moody. Can relate
@@thesaddestdude3575 Journaling helps a lot!
Venting is such a toxic apple within many discord servers right now.
I feel bad for people and i was often enough on a point, where you seemed to have no one else to talk to but the void.
But it drives away so many normal people, which is ironicly enough counter productive to building a helpfull and kind community
normal people?
@@umifps Yeah, isn't the status quo not be venting and have life problems already fixed?
@@Mostbee having problems doesn’t make you not normal
I needed a good reason to get off subreddits like r/depression, I honestly don't even know why they have given me comfort, but somehow I kept coming back when I was feeling down, which has stolen hundreads of hours of my time! Thank you, doctor!
I was fully expecting him to say “You’ve been venting all day, farting farting farting but never shitting!”
Me too!
I'm gonna make this into a painting. Love it.
@@bedazzledmisery6969 I'd love to see the outcome
It was an interesting experience reading this comment before playing the video. Didn’t see it coming lol
@@mallyb132 you'll smell it when it comes
a friend of mine often vents to me but i dont think she needs me to pose a solution or much of an opinion other than validation. Shes just easily emotionally overwhelmed but she usually generally already has an idea of how to deal with the problem she just needs to touch base and recalibrate.
Stereotypical as it is, it does seem to be a bit of a gender divide. Women, from experience, generally just want to be empathized with, but men hyper-focus on offering solutions. And then a fight breaks out because one person thinks they're not being listened to and the other thinks they're doesn't even see where they could have done anything wrong by literally trying to help.
I'm the exact same way as her. I do not need solutions or I would be verbally asking for them. 99 times out of 10, I already _know_ what it is I'm supposed to be doing; I'm not stupid. Just let me be mad for a while, ideally validate that things _are_ kinda shitty, and then I can get over myself and concentrate on doing the thing instead of using up all my brainpower thinking about how bullshit everything is.
that speaks to me. i haven't finished the video yet, and the whole regulate your emotions instead of fixing the problem maladaptive coping feels very true, but also.. sometimes venting helps me to come back to myself and go through my emotions instead of avoiding them, before i'm able to get to the other side where i can take action
Yeah I get that honestly
First of all, it's awesome youre willing to listen to your friend and understand them. I wish i had that. I vent, but I usually know what I need to do to fix the issue. Sometimes, the vent is about how hard the fix is, but I'm working through it. Sometimes I don't trust my instincts because I've often been told my emotions or actions are wrong, unnecessary, or too much, so venting helps me work through whether I'm being too much and maybe overreacting, or if I really should take action.
Ya I vent at/with my sounding board friends.... Mostly just need to hear any holes in my plan of action and/or be reminded of the details I skipped over or forgot.
Sometimes just saying stuff out loud make me think about it differently and thus I see the solution...but I can't seem to just talk to myself 😂
I really felt alone in my opinion on this matter, so glad to see this topic covered in this way! People often tell me, "you can vent to me!" and I say, "thank you but I don't feel better after venting." I feel better after introspection, talking to a professional, using good self-help materials, changing my behavior after analyzing it, etc. The difference between venting to a friend and talking to a therapist is people hopefully will accept suggestions from the therapist. Friends often say "I just want to vent, I don't want advice and I don't want to change my behaviors!" Not changing things just leads to more venting/farting in enclosed spaces.
i always hated venting because it just seems to re-traumatize me and doesn't make me feel better.
Also why I don't like all the social media posts about emotional "validation." Yes, your feelings are valid in that you're feeling them, doesn't mean you should keep on doing the same things and feeling the same way.
I'm totally on your side!
I do vent occasionally but only to people I've known for a while and where I know they will offer helpful advice with my issues.
Venting really doesn't make me feel better at all. If I vent about something that I can't change, it makes me even more mad and I keep pushing my own negative feelings to hard that I - in gamer words - tilt und can't function for the rest of the day.
As someone who has the big sad, I vent a lot in my head. Sometimes, it leaks out to others, but i try to keep it to myself and just cry about it by myself. The solution to my problems is ending it all, but i never had the strength to do it. Life is constant suffering for me, and i wish it was easier to self exit, but it isn't, and it's frowned upon for whatever reason. We should have the ability to end it for ourselves if we want to. But all i can do is vent unless a car comes my way.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had so much trouble; your feelings are valid but I don’t believe such a permanent act could ever be fair to the person you could become in the future. I’m not one of the people who frowns upon it like you said, but I wish it was possible for people in your position to see it the same way as they often do when reflecting on it years later.
Have you already tried therapy? I’m not qualified to help with this type of thing but someone who is might be able to reorient your thought patterns in ways that don’t currently seem possible
That sounds awful, I'm sorry. Is the only solution you have truly to take your own life..? ...Do you not see any potential in you?
I've only known depression indirectly or through extremely short periods of time, so ik I'd do well not to speak on it. But I believe a depressed brain doesn't have an accurate view of the world, causing it to go against its own instincts. If not, everyone would be depressed, or anyone who isn't would be stupid. This blurry "inner eye" is a hallmark of mental illness, that is: something you cannot defeat, but can overcome. You not having the strength to do it means you still have the strength to live; being in touch with your instinct & continuing to breathe regardless of circumstance isn't weakness. That _is_ bravery.
It's good that you're aware of this video's lesson- if there is nothing you can do at the moment, vent. It'll decompress your burdened mind, until you find a real solution. Not to invalidate you, but I feel as if scribbling on an equation you do not want to solve doesn't equal solving it. It's not an *actionable* action, in other words, practical or conducive.
I know this is a long passage but please jus hear me out on this
I hear you saying life is constant suffering, but just know, life is suffering for everybody at one point or another. Could be one day, a year, someone's whole life, but it happens to each and every person. Happened to me.
Assuming you haven't had the most bizarre unprecedented set of misfortunes, you're not the first nor last to experience what you are experiencing. I'm not trying to downplay whatever you're going through, but I think, and I'd say 99.9% of people who have lived past their teenage years probably think, ending it all is a terrible way of dealing with your problems, because it's not dealing with it. It's giving up on everything and everyone around you. If there's issues you can't deal with, that are super out of your control, then accept these things.
If these unsolvable problems are taking a tremendous toll on your mental health, do what you can to fix how they affect you, of course, but spend more time trying to focus on what you CAN control rather than what you can't. If you spend your time doing that, and keeping your mind on those things, you might find something to pursue, some value in your life.
Not valuing life is where people fall into utter despair, where you are now. You are actively searching for ways to end it all, which is pretty clear evidence you don't have a purpose or motivation to life anymore. And my advice is, try to find one. Start small, short term goals everyday, something you can do. That's all I can give.
And just a note, people frown on suicide because it's disturbing, morbid, and it takes an emotional and mental toll on everyone around you after the fact. And after death, what then? You'd be reduced to nothing, maybe in Hell, maybe reincarnated, depending on what you believe. But if you don't believe in anything strange, you'd be nothing. And most would agree, they'd rather be miserable, than nothing. You don't have to agree with this sentiment, but I really hope you would. God bless you and I wish you the best.
Yea no worries that's understandable
What are you sad about?
There is so much venting without doing a thing in gaming communities alone, it's insane. I've seen so many people not enjoy their game but then also not quit it. It feels like such a common "tell me your life is shit without telling me your life is shit" moment.
So many people spend so much time on things they don’t even enjoy. It’s bizarre to me. It’s the same with a lot of fandoms, like there’s people who consistently crap on WWE and have done for years but watch every show.
The gaming community has become very complacent in that aspect. They love to complain about how certain aspects are stupid or how they feel they aren't being heard but don't do anything about it either. That's the reason I stopped playing destiny, because I got tired of the same thing happening year in year out.
@@Senor_Fastits very weird, theres NO action
actually i did that a lot, there was this really embarassing period of time where i just played tf2, sucked at it and malded HARDCORE on chat just bitching and moaning constantly at everything for no reason, i was too drained mentally to quit and do something else with my day i guess? like, i felt like i had nothing else to do
Sometimes I feel like some people almost keep on playing so they have things to complain about. Is2g…
I am a hair stylist. I have highly considered pursuing a different career because of the amount of venting I experience from clients on a daily basis. I have to multi-task and do a million different things, all while being expecting to be an emotional rock for people. It is BEYOND. EXHAUSTING. And it's caused me to lose passion for a job I genuinely once-loved.
Please don't use your hair stylist as a therapist, lol
***Edit*** : I *absolutely* acknowledge the utter irony of my own comment being a vent! I guess I do it, too? Good to be aware of! I appreciate everyone's perspective, advice, and comments :) I definitely want to take the steps necessary to improve upon my own situation :D
This is funny to me as a guy bc over the years I've had 100s of haircuts, I don't think I've once vented or even heard another guy vent in the shop lol. I feel weird sharing anything personal with a stranger, let alone baggage. Usually it's just "hey bro", then small talk about the most random topics like ai taking over or our favorite video games, then "thx bro". All in 25 minutes 😂
Hah, after reading this, I’m starting to think I might be a welcome break for mine. I just sit there and quietly read a book whilst they do their thing 😌
@@QdawwgI just want silence.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 this is with my normal barber I know, but yea if I am traveling or in another city I will usually just be silent
@@Qdawwg This is too funny; I barbered in LES for a few years, barbering is my absolute favorite thing...not just because I love doing short cuts+fades, but because you just described to a 'T' what the environment was like in our shop. Chill, random topics, all of us busting out to nostalgic tunes, and just being in the moment with no heavy emotional expectations.
I hate to say this because I know how it's going sound, but it's mostly women I experience emotional dumping from. With my guy clients, it's blissful silence or we are just shooting the shit while I give them a good cut. 😂
That example though does make it clear that he has never worked a conventional job for long. There are a lot of workplaces where the baseline employees have the power of a child and a lot of places, where below a certain income bracket, that is the only job available.
Yeah I was like “what if you are in a situation where your boss is shitty and you performing better just won’t make it better?” Situations where you actually can’t do nothing now or even ever are real. What about those?
Maybe he just gave a bad example. I think the main point he's trying to make still stands.
@@lindensalter6713 this isnt what hes saying. the distinction he makes is "venting is good when you cant do anything about the problem" (shitty work environment to a t)
@@obtusemooose did he ever say that tho or are we all implying it because he said solutions are better than venting? I do agree don’t whine when you can be doing something but when you are in a spot nothing else can be done right now or even nothing can ever really been done venting is one of the only things you can do. But he never really addressed those scenarios as either ok or not ok to vent
@@lindensalter6713 he did yeah
This is a great video. My dad was a single father who vented to me at the end of his workday - after a while I just thought “this is what people do” and now in my marriage I vent a lot too. This video was a wakeup call and also helped me realize that venting perpetuates negative self-talk and image as well. If we can't solve our own problems then what CAN we do. It's a slippery slope!
I won't lie, when i saw the thumbnail, i had the flash thought of "Well i guess i just have zero options after all, and should just keep everything to myself until i die", Which is very overly dramatic i know but it was a genuine feeling. In our discord server, there is an opt-in vent room, where we, well, vent about our problems, big or small, and then have a genuine conversation about it, and we try our best to actually offer solutions, and for a second i thought that was some horrible terrible thing and that even this attempt at helping each other was something we would need to quit. Of course if you actually watch the video, Dr.K has all the usual nuance about it, and how venting emptily, with no willingness to accept solutions ever, is the big problem, which most people would agree with. But as silly as it might sound i was actually kind of afraid to watch it, and almost skipped it altogether. To the people responsible for the thumbnails, i KNOW you have to play the algorithm to reach the most people, it's a compromise, but please please, please make sure they reflect dr.k's main points. It might seem silly and or pathetic, but it really hit me.
Why would you turn to your emotion instead of watching before judging? I don't think that's the thumbnails fault. I saw it and thought, I might disagree, let's see. Be more open minded instead of asking for things to be done how they would be "easier" for you to assimilate
I understand what you mean. I had the same reaction, but I've watched enough of Dr. K's content to know that he doesn't go all "stiff upper lip and whatever with bootstraps" on us, so I watched it anyway expecting him to have a valid point.
To the previous comment, having an emotion isn't a choice, even though how you deal with it is. Also, I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to see a video entitled "Nazis are great" and watch it anyway in case it's about how they were good at documentation and logistics or something like that. It sucks that the algorithm doesn't favor nuance, so people need to be more extreme to get seen.
@@Kaybye555 It is the Thumbnails fault because it is false, which in not that bad, if this wasnt an educational video during a literal mental health crisis. Why wouldnt you put yourself in this persons shoes before judging? Maybe because you actually think that "Venting leads to nothing" which is false, even dr k says that venting is helpful in 2 situations: 1. to process situations you cant change (like death, chronic pain, cancer, etc.) 2. To decompress your emotions and be open to suggestions. Because i dont know how humans work in your planet, but people here need to be heard before hearing a solution. In reality when speaking about problems you can solve, letting people just vent is like a fart, but offering advice without hearing someone out is shit. Its psych 101, and i say it as a psych student in my last year.
@@Kaybye555 my judgment is centered specifically about the thumbnail, as in my comment, i state that if you do watch the video, it's the usual case of dr.k bringing in nuance like he always does. I even said i agreed with his main points. I'm also not asking for things to be "easier" i'm asking for them to be more accurate to the actual content of the video. I had an intense emotional reaction, but still watched anyway. I don't think there's much more anyone could ask from me here.
@@Kaybye555that’s what they did.
Venting has helped me in some rough spots, but I've noticed it.. pushes people away, a lot. Even if I ask beforehand 'hey, can I vent to you', after I do, that friend typically pulls away a bit afterwords rather than helping me out with my problem. Of course, that just leads to the 'This person doesn't really care about you' thoughts which cancels out any cartharsis I would have gotten from venting to begin with.
I definitely feel the 'used early in life to cope with unfixable problems but becomes maladaptive later' thing. It's kind of taught me to start seeing helplessness as a default condition. :/
I think this feeling of helplessness is quite pervasive in the west when it comes to jobs, because so much of work tends to be tied down in red tape and bureaucracy. You feel stuck, like you have zero control, like you've been hired to be a cog in the wheel, and if you get too squeaky, you'll just be replaced. I've known a lot of people to vent constantly about the same stuff in their work.
@@saphironkindris to be honest i don't get venting but maybe that's just because my emotions are muted. but even then, can't people gain catharsis *without* there being someone else who is listening, I believe I've had catharsis from meditations in the past, and no one else was there but me.
@@bullymaguire2061 good for you
@@bullymaguire2061 you probably CAN but that doesn't mean most people have learned that skill. What the average person knows about meditation in the west tends to be 'Oh, that thing where you sit cross legged and go ohhhhhhhhhmmmm and think really hard'
We were absolutely not raised with any consideration towards mental health even a tiny bit.
Venting leads to nothing. Instead, you could change the word to avoid a preconception pf what's gonna happen. For example: hey I have this thing I've been thinking, can you help me out?
For example just saying: I'm fat, life is horrible... What are they supposed to do or say?
Instead: Hey I feel like I've had a lot of trouble finding good things in life, I can't seem to lose weight and I've been feeling so overwhelmed, do you have any advice?
Notice how the latter seems like they actually want to change, hear, grow, move out of those thoughts. Where the first one (venting or complaining) were just statements that do not seek the involvement of the other person
Thank you so much Dr. K. This hit the nail on the head. It helped me to break down a major issue I was having in my life. I was able to work through it today and have already had some amazing positive changes in my life.
😅 We all came here because of that one guy in discord who is always trauma dumping all the time ?
Its a difference between processing feelings by yourself and being impulsive and going to “cathartic” route of venting, seeking validation, venting again - stuck in this feedback loop
"impulsive" how?
I don't understand processing feelings by yourself lol, particularly where there's nothing you can do about someone else's behaviour.
@@PrestoJacobsonhere @13:46
@@Joelification1it's called introspection
@@Joelification1the thing is your emotions is your responsibility not theirs and especially how you deal with them, them as your emotions. That’s the key in being emotionally regulated!
Ah, the difference between venting and emotional dumping/ruminating/trauma echo chambers 🎉😢
Isn't that going to therapy for some people though?
the difference is one is sus
...is opening the window x')
which part?@@GU__NI
I'm imagining that meme from the office "they're the same picture"
Personally, I love it when people vent to me. I enjoy hearing about other people’s problems and helping them work through it.
When I vent (which is rare), I try to inject as much humor as I possibly can into it and weave it into an entertaining story for the person listening.
Thank you for such a great video! I am stuck in a venting cycle, without even realizing it. Time to focus on solutions :)
Venting is meant to release emotional pressure, but it doesn't actually do anything to prevent that pressure from building again. And yet, that build up of emotional pressure is meant to push people towards action and change once they hit their limit of tolerance.
By constantly venting, there will never be enough build up for you to hit that threshold. This traps you in a situation where things always feel ALMOST intolerable, but not quite so intolerable you'll do absolutely anything to change it.
Its kinda like having a pot of boiling water covered. Its constantly gonna keep boiling over, and you can release the heat for a time, but unless you move it off the heat, lower the heat, or add something to the water, its just gonna keep boiling over no matter how many times you let it vent.
If you have too much you actually can’t move forward either. Many people vent as much as they need to to move forward. Those kinds of people never vent regularly about the same thing.
There is an optimal level of emotional pressure to be the best motivated for action. People can be way past the optimal level of emotion pressure and they vent till they can think clearly again.
You're thinking about it wrong. We aren't a pressure vessel and we don't need to vent steam to stop from exploding. The same way acting on our anger in any way simply means we never learn how to regulate that emotion.
@joeymoey18 I think this is a good summary of the video. Going to save this comment under my "Quotes" folder.
Women are especially guilty of venting all the time. The problem is when they vent to their significant others, but then get upset if their significant others try to find a solution for the problem. And no, it is not necessary to vent. The most productive people are those who have learned to be disciplined, and just focus on completing goals. The ones who succeed in life are those who already know that life is full of challenges and struggles, and have learned to just push through it. No one wants to be around people who are always complaining about things. We tend to admire those are optimistic and encourage others.
The reason people vent online is because they often don’t have anyone in their personal life to vent to. It can make one feel that they aren’t alone. Of course, the best place to vent is in therapy, but not everyone can afford or has access to it, and even then, it has to be with the right therapist. Through venting, I can sometimes come to conclusions about how I feel about my life or situation, leading to genuine revelations. One can also form genuine online friendships through venting, although rare. It has its limitations, of course.
Well journaling and meditation are better responses, and can help you review your thoughts about the particular issue you’re facing. The internet doesn’t really offer that opportunity
@@bluey1257I do journal, but when you’re trying to present your feelings in a way that other people can understand, that requires you to be more precise and reflective in your thinking.
Honestly I still think it is good to be able to talk about it with friends, and that offers some things that journaling doesn't. I feel a bit iffy about the message of this video tbh. I get the point, make sure to actually do something about it instead of just complain. But it seems dangerous to tell people not to talk with your friends about your problems when they could offer more perspectives and advice than you'd get alone.
Almost everyone vents. Some people want you to vent to them. They appreciate the trust and connection, I think. I had a friend like that. She was pretty disappointed when I stopped telling her about my problems. And I thought I was doing the right thing by not complaining to her! Go figure.
@@whatdoesthisthingdo Most people vent because they don’t have a clear solution to their problems, or at least one they would be satisfied with. If they could think of a solution, they would do it. Many people vent in the hope that someone else might have an idea worth considering.
This helped me see things much more clearly, so thank you!
This actually connected this idea with the idea of "learned helplessness", and helped me see some cause and effect which was really helpful!
This actually opened my eyes .thank you. ive been letting myself down ill start working on my problems
Guess I've finally figured out why my last psychologist wasn't helping me the right way, they just let me vent every session without helping me figure out possible ways to fix my issues and by the end of the session I always felt overwhelmed with emotions. After months of doing that I noticed only feeling worse and felt afraid to even go to therapy anymore so I quit going. Wish it was easier to find the right professional help to guide me on a better path
You really don’t need therapy. It’s a business and you’ve been targeted. Everything you could possibly need to learn about yourself you can read in a book or online, and there’s much better people to talk to than health workers only doing it because they’re paid to.
Feel free to ask the professionals questions about their approach and do your own research if that approach matches what you want in therapy. There's all different disciplines and a good therapist should choose a focus for their treatment style
@@jaybee4288 Therapists that do it because they're good at it and gain fulfillment from their work through their success are far more efficient than processing and learning by yourself. But therapists / health workers who are bad at their job and only do it because they sunk too much of their time to turn back now.. you'd be better off learning on your own. Unfortunately, it's often the most affordable that are also the worst.
@@rachelaureenb6 Yeah I wish I realized that a long time ago... Right now I don't have the disposable income I would spend on therapy anymore, it's either trying out new psychologists or feeding myself, I choose surviving.
@jaybee4288 This is a very cynical way of looking at it, and an untrue generalization. It is true for a lot, and it's unfortunate if you've had negative experiences with therapy but it's very important to remember that a handful of stories aren't representative of everyone in the field. It's a big field! I'm not trying to convince you to try it, but I am trying to convince you to stop telling people they don't need it! Some aren't as intuitive as you and wouldn't be able to pick up on everything they need to about themselves as you have online, and would greatly benefit from some help! I've had multiple very pleasant therapists who have helped me through my issues with the goal of seeing my thrive. Many people do have that job because they want to see others thrive!
I need to vent that this video title "Why Venting Is *Always* A Bad Idea" doesn't match the content 16:43
Hopefully enough people vent about this to motivate a change in the title.
Title should renamed to "Internet Farting is Always a bad idea"
Is this an automatic thought you’re having about RUclips titles not being 100% accurate? Since that is a thing that occurs
Agreed tbh, since he contradicts this point later anyways, and the title is a bad message to begin with
@@EternaMidnightI was frustrated with the title for the same reasons. Best to be “Venting can be bad” or whatever.
"How to open your vent hole wisely"
This is the first time I've seen a video address the root cause of all my mental problems, the venting and procrastinating is a old old habit of mine that needs to stop now. I'm gonna have a talk with my therapist about this one.
Thank you :3
I am so thankful for Dr. K and his knowledge! He is so real, informative and entertaining!! Thank you for all that you do ☀️🙌🏼
I think venting still serves a purpose in the right context. There are high-stress situations where there's nothing you can do to prevent the ongoing stress (e.g. work environments), and in those situations I think it's important to provide an opportunity for staff to vent *without directing it at any one person*. It does not solve the problem, but it does help alleviate some level of the employees stress. Yes, it would be best to just get a different job. That isn't often possible or practical. But venting for the sake of venting is toxic. I agree that it doesn't solve anything.
Agreed! Sometimes you just need to "take off the edge".
Right. In work environments people work markedly better after venting, and don’t vent so much they lose motivation to solve their issues. They usually vent because they got overwhelmed and want to regulate those emotions, and it usually works very well.
Why do you think there's nothing you can do to prevent the ongoing stress? You can always leave your job.
Maybe I don't understand what venting is, but I've always encouraged my friends to talk to me about their problems and not be ashamed of venting at me, because their lives legitimately are tough and we're all so used to just bottling up our stress and continuing on with the grind. I do try to follow up their venting with reassurance and a plan of action though, since them complaining at me would be pointless if that's all they did. Maybe that's different though, since my friends and I grew up being unable to talk about our problems with anyone.
I watched this video till a few minutes in. It's pretty long and I feel like I understood the reason why i clicked on the video. Venting is bad only if you're only constantly venting and never actually doing something about your problems. Otherwise, venting is a useful tool to release your negative emotions so that you can think clearly.
17 minutes isn't that long. I recommend completing the video to strengthen your attention span~
Not necessarily, as he laid out that's only done because the therapy session would otherwise go nowhere. If you have an hour of the therapist's time and you spend ALL of it venting, you have no time for solutions. If the therapist sees you're in the negative habit of venting, then (on his part) the solution is to speedrun your vent so you're able to get off that mental rail track and onto a more productive one. Many patients would dislike if a therapist simply stopped them from venting, so they have to figure out a way to keep the patient's trust while also going towards actual solutions.
Dude. You are describing this SO well!!!!! You are doing a really good job of making "difficult" things easy to understand for the non-psychiatrist people. Thank You ❤
So happy I found this page, its been helping me a lot. Truly grateful 🙏
Occasionally i consider venting, but the utility isn't there. Everything my friends could offer me in response to a vent I'm either already aware of or wouldn't really do much to begin with. Going on a night walk arguing with myself has the exact same utility without putting my friends in the awkward position of trying to offer help but not knowing what to offer.
You'd at best catch me vent when it's something that's going to be short lived. If someone really got under my skin that specific day or something i might go "man, this sucked and really got to me" but anything beyond that goes into therapy territory, not dumping it onto friends territory. At least for me personally.
So true. We as men must learn to just keep things to ourselves. Venting about our problems usually doesn't accomplish anything, because if we are venting, we most likely have already spent much time thinking about our problem. So we know if there is a solution for it or not. If there isn't a solution, or if our friends or family can't do anything for us, then what's the point of bringing it up?
I was starting to think that me not talking about any of my deeper chronic issues with anyone anymore (except therapy maybe) was me bottling up, but maybe it's not so unhealthy after all. Venting about one day events that pissed me off is *almost* fun and people relate more, and there's a chance I will actually feel better and forget about it after
Unrelated but when I was reading your comment I was like wait I've seen this person before, and you were in the comments of the video I watched just before this one lmao.
@@nerychristiansome reasons would be to build emotional bonds and get support from a support system. While I don't really need to talk much about emotions to process them it can be nice for my friends to hear me "vent" just so they know I feel comfortable with them and so they can give general support, which is always nice to receive even if it doesn't solve the problem, and they can feel good about supporting me even if it's not really needed. Then there are people who may need to vent to reach a level of acceptance for unchangeable problems or be able to put plans into action because without a bit of venting the emotions are too high to effectively do either of those things.
I like to night walk for the same reason. But only in the summer 😂
I love this topic, but I feel like the title should be ‘Why venting can be a bad idea.’ I’m grateful to have a therapist that follows up on how I’m solving my problems. Much love! 💜
Yep this channel is just click bait after click bait.
yup, but that wont bring in the views huh
"Why venting isn't the solution" would have had the 'clickbait' effect while reflecting the points made in the video
Venting is always a bad idea though, it’s a good strategy to start with but the end goal is to not have to vent ever again (to manage your emotions better)
I agree
this feels like a slap in my face, in a good way. Thank you for explaining this phenomenon in a simple and concise vid ❤ I’ll try to be better
i was gonna fight this but you actually have a really good point. though i’ve been trying to get good at just venting when i need to get my thoughts together or i need another perspective from someone i can trust. i’ve seen time and again where i’ll vent about something and come to and i’ve ruined this person’s entire mood and then i feel horrible and i still don’t know what to do and the vibe is ruined. i don’t want to stew in my misery, i’m trying so hard to just fix the problem when i realize what it is. that solidarity is really helpful though especially when the other person is experiencing it too
yess I feel like some people are misunderstanding this video completely and honestly its a bit funny. I have a golden rule that sounds basically like this video where I don't complain unless I know I'm actively doing something about the issue, that way I don't fall into the cycle of "learned helplessness". I also saw how it was just exhausting for my loved ones to hear complaints every single day, I don't like making loved ones exhausted!! :p
I vent to myself so I don’t cut horrific promos on other people and get locked up for mental abuse.
*SUNDAY* *SUNDAY* *SUNDAY*
You can't get locked up for mental abuse
@@milhouse8166 not yet
@@SuspiriaX it's scary to think people actually believe you can.
Wym mental abuse?
I was at a workplace that had terrible management for a while, and the chefs were being more asshole that normal and it was stressful- and we were all bitching all the time. So I had to step in and tell all my coworkers that we can complain once- then you need to find a way to improve it, like yes this sucks, but honestly we’re making it worse by constantly complaining over and over. It actually helped a lot, one of my coworkers told me a year later that it changed her life.
I can understand that but it’s a bit hard when the thing you’re venting about is out of your control like your manager heaping more work on your plate and expecting you to do it. I’ve brought up lessening the workload to him but it falls on deaf ears
@@Artofcarissa sure. This was more about changing the culture of negativity we were building amongst the serving staff (hotel restaurant). And while I don’t remember the details, the communal planning that began helped. We were able to have a concise approach to management and give better feedback.
Won’t work in all environments, or with all people, just helped in mine.
@@Artofcarissa I see this all the time. Coworkers constantly complain about work. And I just think, "If you hate it here so much, then just quit!". Like seriously, no one is forcing you to work there. Go find another job.
@@nerychristianor even better. Talk to your coworkers and see if you can come to a compromise instead of quitting your job every time something uncomfortable happens
You’re all venting lmao
Wow Dr.K, this video was just what I needed. I just started observing my bad mental habits and I actually want to change them. Watching this has reinforced my willingness to understand myself and help myself.
My ex-friend just loved to vent, long after she should've moved on from the people and experiences she would vent about. I had created a self-therapy group for her and me to vent our stuff, but I always thought it would help her to vent and then heal. But she refused to heal. She just vented on other groups because she wanted attention and to be a victim.
Turns out she's a narcissist.
I have a group for myself and another friend, a true friend this time, since we both got burned by the narc. We've had a lot of emotion to get out in that group, and I know I'm starting to heal.
"Complaining without posing a solution is called whining". One of my favorite sayings I've seen on the internet, and people definitely do be whining online.
Venting is not complaining. How about when a friend in need dies, maybe an addict, and you have all these emotions about feeling ashamed that you never returned their call? Or when a loved one dies and you feel guilty and sad about bailing on some plans with them to make new memories because you just werent feeling up to it that day? It is not healthy, and the data shows this, to keep all that guilt and shame and sadness bottled up. Of course, these are circumstances which you have no control over. Would you call this complaining? Either way, this is exactly what venting is.
@@BadassRaidenI think the difference is that in venting you're looking for validation, you probably still want either empathy, reassurance, comforting or something. But in complaining, you don't want anything, just saying something is bad when there is likely a way to fix things. A conversation involves too, complaining is just dumping nonsensical things to others. Venting I think, still involves somewhat a back and forth
That’s not good. You are basically saying that if you don’t know how to solve a problem, you are to be quiet about it until you have come up with a solution.
We have to be able to talk through problems, ESPECIALLY, the ones we don’t know the solutions to.
@@Kaybye555 Not always. People will label criticism they don't like or anything they perceive as negative as complaining, even if it's something like a friend dying.
I think it's fine to say venting without attempt to solve it is pointless but humans don't exist in a vacuum and need social support. We can't fix our problems ourselves
I think that the idea that venting is always bad, is very black and white focused. I don’t know the exact definition of venting off the top of my head, but there is a big difference between venting to a friend about things you just need to get off your chest, and whining Because they won’t fix you and you won’t fix yourself and then coming up with angry or passive aggressive things to say when they won’t help. I hope this makes sense. I’ve read some of the comments about needing to feel heard, and I think they are very valid. I have also heard people ask if others want advice, or just to vent. I think it’s a balance of all three… We don’t want to give too much advice or hear people vent all day and do nothing about it but if they are trying to do something, like you said every five minutes counts, that should be valid as well. I have tried, and tried to put in the work in my own life, only to feel very invalidated by a lot of people. I guess I need to learn to validate myself.
Hello Doctor K. I'd like to request you to change the title to something more nuanced than what it currently is. "Why venting Is Always A Bad Idea". Is WAY to general of a statement, and when trying to use this video to help educate loved ones about mental health, they latched onto the title without even looking at the video.
This was especially an issue as someone woke up needing to 'vent' about something you yourself in the video state was a positive use of venting. (They were woken up by their dog early and it caused them to snap at said dog. Once I managed to get them to properly vent, they said they would give the dog proper attention. And yes, I trust them at their word)
You yourself say in the video that venting is not always a bad idea. It can be used properly, and in some cases where you cannot change what is filling you with negative emotion its the only option you have. So please, edit the video title to better show this nuance so those you are trying to educate, and those sharing your education to others, don't get or give the wrong impression. Thank you.
Yes. I agree. I think the video itself has a good message but the video title is obviously clickbait.
I guess it's fine to clickbait a little to get to larger audience range but still shouldn't lead to misinfo
His zoomer staff can be a real plague sometimes. He may have good intentions at heart but it feels like a lot of them just want to make the company bigger and more popular at all costs
I agree. Title is clearly clickbait.
It’s a team effort I don’t judge Dr K specifically.
But when Dr K admits himself that Venting can be beneficial if done correctly then it’s obviously not always a bad idea. So title is misleading misinformation and people will latch onto it be sure about it. Same way they latch onto clickbait articles.
The nuance is the the almost 20 minutes video. but a title is just a title and just a few words, making it nuanced will make it a long and unsure sentence like "it's this but not really but it is but just hear me out for a second" and that actually make less people click on the video and use it. and most of what he said was it's generally a bad idea except a few exceptions. Also venting is different than asking for advice for a one time problem. Venting is someone wanting to keep talking without wanting any actual solutions and just want someone to listen and say " oh honey that must be so hard, I feel you". The way problems are framed while venting or asking for advice is even different.
@@Nikki..... I dont believe it's as hard as you make it seem. Title could simply be "Why venting is not always good" or something of that short. Simple as that.
The "Why venting is always bad a bad idea" is not only as long, but clearly misleading and can misinform people about the actual content of the video. People will actually quote that video with that title 100%, when that title could simply be fixed very easily. Making the video is the hard part. Changing the title is easy.
I am subscribed to this channel for an year now. And I was having this exact thought since a few weeks. Thanks for giving words and teaching what vasna is.
I don't feel like a lot of your advuce resonates with me how it used to 2 or 3 years ago. I guess because I have changed and am a lot happier now.
However, I needed to hear this tbh. I'm struggling rn and have been venting to one friend a lot. I knew it was bad somehow and have been trying to stop, but this puts it in much more cincrete terms. Thanks bro.
I had a sleepover at my friend's house a few days ago and we kept venting for HOURS. It felt so so good when we were talking and now I feel so much better abt myself. We were not miserable when we were talking tho. It was mostly trauma-bonding and bitching abt how ridiculously manipulative ppl around us are. We also talked abt how hard it is to find a balance and stuff. We were laughing and sharing perspectives along the way, so I think there were productive moments as well. But what got me thinking after watching this video is whether I should be happy that I feel so so so much better now!! Except for how I feel, nothing has improved in my life in the past couple of days, and based on what I just learned, this peace I have rn is only gonna stop me from taking any action till I feel miserable again and then get rid of it by talking to my friend!!!! WOW, this is such a cool perspective. I'd never thought abt it this way. I was just always so grateful that I had a close friend that I could talk to whenever and feel immensely better afterward. I still am but now I can see the fault in this neverending codependence thanks to you.
Sounds more like processing unprocessed trauma
Venting is definitely a way to develop friendships, especially for girls
I bonded with one of my friends after she told me about all of the awful shit she had to deal with (and still does sometimes) when she was younger, so I told her some of the stuff I’m dealing with, and it has helped me realize that what I’ve gone through is absolutely not normal. We text eachother about it pretty frequently knowing that we can tell eachother pretty much anything and get some sort of recommendation of what to do. We both know we should be getting some sort of help, but my parents refuse to let me even try to see if I have something mentally wrong with me, or get some sort of therapy since I constantly have thoughts of offing myself (which they’ve known about now for 3 years and nothing has been done about it).
From comparing venting to farts, to thoughts that are like un-skippable ads, I love how Dr. K takes philosophy and science and translates them to blue collar.
You are saving lives. I found your channel today and is already aiding me in comprehending concepts about myself that although I understood, I didn’t quite comprehend or grasp enough to be able to make decisions that leads to actions that actually help me.
I’m currently in a very low point in my life(again). I’m realizing i get myself here every 3-5 years specially after reaching a good point of well being, learning, expertise and success. And I think one of the reasons is how I stop doing or working as much once I get to the points I mention. I’m looking for a therapist now that I’m 33, specially since I’m back using substances heavier than ever before. I will make a note to write a comment in one of your videos in 6 months and check progress within what I write. Thank you stranger you are saving lives.
Great insight. I love how my 12-step group handles it. We always have a formula for when you're going to vent: experience, strength, hope.
So you'll hear people vent about how hard their life has been in the past week. But then they'll share what give them strength and what their hope for the future is. It makes it much less farty.
This seems similar to the PCP method of critique my art instructor taught us! "Praise, correct, praise", so that the critique starts and ends on a good note instead of "what the person did wrong." I assume the group has some kind of positive before the venting element to make this work similarly.
I definitely would not be welcome because I have zero hope for the future and haven't had it in over 6 years 😂
So, what I'm gathering here is that venting is _sometimes_ a good idea, but, without action, it is always a bad idea
But seriously, slightly misleading title aside, there's good information here. Sitting still, stewing in the situation one is venting about is not good.
yeah very clickbaity
VERY misleading title.
Dr K knows what gets the clicks
He even says it’s sometimes fine without action-he says for people who can’t do anything about it.
It's arguably still correct, I think. I don't have perfect mental health or anything like that, but I never vent (probably?), so there's little "emotional content" when I talk about problems, and vice versa.
In contrast, my sister, who vents a lot, seems to feel a lot more strongly about problems, and frequently reacts to triggers with the same venting reactions and talking points.
I usually keep to myself, but when I do share:
- If it's an unsolvable problem, I usually just tell it as an interesting discovery or conversation starter.
- If it's a solvable one, I share my plans (no matter how rudimentary) and seek advice.
If there's emotional venting mixed in there, it's usually just a small part.
Glad you talk about " do something" part. I find venting in grad school helpful. It helps us all generate ideas on how to find our own resources and encourage each other to actually implement those ideas.
Yeah but very often there’s nothing that you can do
That only works if there are other resourceful people in the group _(& doesn't include you)._ I don't even attend venting sessions anymore/ leave once I've realized that the meeting I'm in is a venting session.
@@Heyu7her3 haha I wish I could just leave meetings on a whim 😂 I’d get fired
@@Heyu7her3I’m glad I’ve literally never encountered this phenomena. Everyone in my life who’s vented at me has done so so that they can more effectively solve the problem as soon as they finish venting to me. They then solve the problem same day. Even ppl stuck in situations mentally let go of that thing so they don’t need to vent to me about it again.
This video is very helpful to me to remember every day. I do vent a lot and so does my family but i do need to step up my game on doing actions to solve my venting problems and work on them. It's been a long road and i still have a long way to go but ill keep trying to put action to deal with my venting bad parts. Thank you for your talk on youtube here.
Thanks a bunch for this video! It's a very necessary reminder for me and also makes me more aware of those unsolvable stress situations from childhood that definitely contributed to my not coping with the metaphorical gasses.
Dr. K hits a homer yet again. Think I'm been in a mental loop of jealousy/envy as of late looking to my friends and what they have in their life and venting about it rather than taking action on my own. Thanks Dr. K!
I think we need a norm around spreading bad mental hygiene
Pretty sure that's just called 'toxic self help stuff.'
I need to hear this. I don't vent online, but in person and even when alone. And yeah, I turn a 1 min convo into hours of being upset.
Needed to hear this today, your videos are always gold thank you brother
better be smart fella than fart smella
edit. also kinda true in my scenario, i guess i do need therapy
This comment is sure to blow up
Amen brother. Ooooooohhh
Hell yeah, I farted
I'm a fart fella
nice
Every time I bring this idea up to people as to why I won’t share what’s bothering me-they start gaslighting me, saying I’m bottling up my emotions.
I refuse to vent anymore. It literally puts me in a horrible mind-state. I’ve started practicing gratitude and letting go of whether something is good or bad. As soon as I did that, life became waaay less stressful. Why worry about something that has the potential to be bad? Whose judgement are we defaulting to? It’s only bad if you think it’s bad. You gotta stop giving your energy to your every emotion.
I wonder if this is considered venting 🤔 lol I see venting as complaining about something that is having an effect on your emotions. I only feel the need to do it when something is bothering me and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Omg finally someone understands this TT
@@NotCJ95 I feel like people vent for various reasons for example I don't like personally complaining about my life in venting , I would vent to someone so I can see it in a another perspective to understand the problem better🤔
Some people are manipulative and want others to vent such that they have an arsenal of damocles to hang over their "friends' " heads. It's more common in what people sometimes refer to as "mean girls" type groups where everyone is trying to keep each other in a pecking order, and unfortunately these sometimes infest professional workspaces.
Awesome video! Very comprehensive and I personally learned something. I've recently been unsure if venting is good for you and now I can be aware of those patterns
Wow thank you! This is what I actually really, really need right now. I'm reaching the point of frustration in solving my problem already and your video helps me to understand that my urge to take action is actually right. Thank you so much.
I’ve learned I’m a pretty bad person to vent to. When I see a problem, I wanna fix it; and if I can’t, I get frustrated. I have a pretty big family, so there’s usually more than one person in the room when someone starts venting, so I can usually pull away.
It’s especially exhausting if it’s a topic that’s come up before multiple times. I’ve kinda just started disengaging. Sometimes I feel bad, but just don’t have the social energy to deal with another person’s problems when there’s no solution present.
Hey man, me too. I simply just do not allow people to vent to me regardless of if I want to let them or not. I will be the first of your friends to tell you to dump that bad boyfriend. Every time. Several times. It reads as a lack of empathy to others but I know that in my shriveled little heart that the honesty and the offering of solutions are is my care showing itself in its rawest form. I just can't let my friends and family suffer without pushing them to solve the issue.
Just out of curiosity, I'm not trying to be antagonistic here because I totally what you mean. But how would you manage if someone you love dearly, like best friend, loved one or family member suffered from a terminal illness? It's a problem you can't solve yourself and no matter how many things that person tries it will never be enough to fix the issue. It's also not someone you can just easily cut out of your life. Do they have a right to complain and vent or should they stay quiet even though every waking day is hell? Questing has some very personal baggage so I'm sorry if it sounds charged.
@@krysidian I don't know. I had a well though out comment typed up, but RUclips cucked me, so I'll just say I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
@@CaliburovX4 Oh I'm sorry, I had that problem with youtube quite often too. But yeah I think that makes sense, some things are just super complicated and I myself don't know how to deal with it either. And I really hope you don't have to cross that bridge any time soon.
@@krysidian therapy big dawg. your therapy will help you learn to deal with the negative emotions and will help you create healthy ways to alleviate stress and trauma.
This was spot on! I've always felt a sense of discomfort when I would vent and I wasn't really sure why I was feeling it. I only knew that I didn't want to do it or felt it wasn't constructive to the problem. Now everything makes sense.
The importance is to be mindful when you're venting. Because sometimes when you're venting you hear it yourself how wrong you've been thinking. Correcting yourself while speaking. It sounds different when spoken than when it's in your mind. But I never liked going to therapy because I just find it be repetitive of things to the therapist that I've already got over with, but I have to repeat so they understand the full picture. But I got annoyed that they would never fully understand that I already know how to think and get my way throughout of it. Because I'm a problem solver. And yes.. repetive thoughts can get stuck in my mind and I hate it! But I'm also a person who can see my own BS without victimising my self. Just take responsibility for it. I never liked therapy because I already know how to get out of the BS. I also allow my self to feel the unpleasant feelings, I allow my self to grieve. But I also step out of it and guide my self out of it. I know my brain I love staying connected with my soul. And it is a powerful tool. I discovered it already as a child on how to navigate my emotions and soul. I as a child concurred my fear of darkness on my own, to know now as an adult that, that is actually how you concur your fear in everything.. -exposure to the unpleasant with an open and welcoming approach. To befriend the unpleasant.
I'm a highly sensitive person that got close to my emotions. But I'm not a victim. Every single emotion a human being has is totally normal and is there to guide you to take actions, if we only know the skills on how to navigate the emotions.
I don't know if this would be classified as venting, but when i was a kid, it's instilled in my family to never skip a class, even when you're too lazy to go, or you're sick and worsening the mood to go to school
I feel like i had this sort of "awakening" when i learn about the culture of skipping class in high school. Sort of like "venting" i feel like. Finally, i can just not go to class when i don't feel the need or the urge to.
It backfired on me. Now in college, i can never stop skipping class, because everyday is just me being too lazy to do the things i don't like.
Anti impostor propaganda
Can you explain what this means?
amogus
amongus@@S1ngefou
@@S1ngefou sus amogus
@@S1ngefou he is saying "venting is bad" and only the impostor in Among Us can use the vent system to get around lol
Yes I agree the internet is basically a room full of fart gas.
Yes and I realize I’m doing it the majority of my solitude moments. I realized and feel the heaviness now.
This video came at a perfect time once again ❤ I can’t believe how much i resonate with this, thanks so much Dr K. Super great content.
I needed this, I have been stuck in this sort of loop for a while. Thanks
I have only done venting in situations were I was completely powerless. Just talking to people about how I was feeling and explaining what I was going through really helped relieve some of that emotion.
My therapist told me as well that this was a good thing because I kept asking what should I do, what can I do. The answer was that there was nothing I could do except talk to people about it to not have my emotions be bottled up.
In this case venting truly was the only thing I could do so I'm not sure if venting is then always bad if you don't do something about it because sometimes you are truly powerless in life. It is just important to only vent a few times when you really feel relieved afterwards and not get in the negative headspace. Then I think venting can also be good.
In those situations you have to either accept that things are different and go "so this is the baseline, how do I go upwards from here?" or seek solutions elsewhere. Essentially asking other people for DIRECT assistance, while explaining you don't know how they can help but that you're a bit lost (without it turning into vasanas as Dr K explained), or working on a perspective change that allows you to be more at peace. Sometimes the actual solutions can be hard - such as ending a relationship with a friend who is not actually valuing your time, or restructuring your home/habits so you have the resources to make space for "me time."
The farting analogy was perfect lol😂
Also great message, I really needed to hear this
I know right! So eventually I’ll have to fix the situation by taking a 💩.
I just learned about this in my social psychology class! I’m so happy to see this topic discussed because I remember being shocked about the reality of venting. Especially when this is something so normalized and really shouldn’t. Everyone needs to deal with emotions, but the simple release is not enough to solve anything.
thank you dr. K - stumbled upon your account by chance, but love the direct approach. This was a particularily brutal one, where it seems you got seriously annoyed about this, but it hitted the right spot.
This is so important and it has been boiling over lately... I've seen so many subreddits and discord servers that have dedicated venting areas or are specifically created for venting, but it's run by literal teenagers and just the amount of misinformation, poor advice, stigmatization and encouragement for so many problematic behaviours has had me severely concerned for quite a while now. Especially when repeatedly I see people within those groups who end up spiraling further and further and end up posting more and more frequently and extremely.
No one wants to look at this though. They think they're helping, so anyone who tries to point out flaws is just "being negative" all while they perpetuate stigma and misinformation.
ah, and if I had just waited to comment I would have realized you explicitly talk about this behaviour
I had discord mods change any "venting" channels to "safe haven" instead. It offered way more of a broader safe space for venting AND other feelings, positive or negative or neutral. Honestly, was generally a place for people to post stuff WITHOUT expecting any responses, just a place to get stuff out if it was needed but didn't end up making all others feel under pressure to act like validation or support. If people wanted to express their support, great! It was also definitely encouraged to continue any further discussions in DMs to not ONLY be for venting.
People also would post positive stuff or pics of their animals/pets or just a random neutral thought that was still not easy to just say out there in the middle of general chats or etc lol.
Some folks just would post little self wins or self celebrations.
It seemed like it wasn't a bad route to take with changing it to a safe haven rather than a vent/dump only channel.
This is why I left the server I was in. It's really irritating to read the same person talk abt the same problem for 6 months straight 💀
can you give an example?
If I can't vent to my friends, we don't have a real friendship. Friends with decent intelligence and honesty are often just as good as therapists anyway in my view. In fact I have higher standards on the person I'm paying $80-200 an hour to help me solve problems than my friends.
This!
Exactly!
Venting can push people away if you treat them primarily as your unpaid therapists though, which is when venting goes too far. Nobody "with intelligence" wants to be in a one-sided conversation or in the same conversation every few days.
@@nickitori exactly, I’m your friend not your therapist. We all have high and lows. But venting is mental repetition, it drains people’s
Please DO NOT STOP Teaching topics like these I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have hurt someone who was very dear to me with my venting before, so I understand. But when you feel like your entire world is crashing down, and you're just being avoided because of it, it is like salt in the wound. So yeah, be mindful when you vent or get vented to, but don't dismiss those who need to, especially if it is your friends or family. For a lot of people theres only a few they'd truly trust to fully open up with their worries, and sometimes it has already been bottled up for far too long. So if you have it, give them your time. Some just want to feel understood so they can tackle their problems, while others might need advice or help in their life instead of always focusing on their feelings. It really can go both ways honestly.
thank you
So basically;
“ _God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference_ “
Venting can be a method of fully realising what a problem actually is and what you can do about it. Programmers I know will talk to an inanimate object about a problem, as simply saying the problem out loud can be a great way of realising that you're stuck down the wrong rabbit hole of thinking.
Sometimes a problem can be real stupid, and the right thing to do is nothing. Maybe there was just a one-time thing, like a stranger being rude. In these cases, just talking about the issue is enough to relieve your mind and get your brain in a place to think about something else. Vent! But make sure your venting is healthy.
The real trick is learning to vent internally and then process internally and find solutions and make the first external action something actually useful
I was intrigued by this take on venting, but after holding it and exploring it and reflecting, I disagree with it.
To employ a type of binary on the subject of mental health seems a bit ill-considered imo, especially considering the demographic. We have an epidemic of young men being unable to open up about their feelings, and oftentimes depression can manifest as anger and even rage as one of its first layers of presentation. I've seen and experienced the introspection and healing that can come after an angry vent. Often, it's that first layer being accepted that is so important for people to feel okay getting down to a deeper and much more vulnerable place.
Basically knowing your demographic, if I were you I wouldn't be doing anything to imply that any type of emotional sharing should be stunted. I just think the benefits to highlighting positive options outweigh the intended benefit of telling people, telling young men, to stop one of the only avenues they may have of expressing themselves.
I lost my brother to suicide, and a handful of other friends. Unfortunately I also understand gazing into the abyss. I'm not trying to talk out of my a**.
We are a spectrum not a binary. The inner workings, the mechanisms of every individual's mental health is unique to them. To tell others that we know for certain what is best and what is worst for their personal system is plain arrogance. Some people wan't space some people want to be asked, some people will ruminate after venting, and for others it might be a lifesaver.
100% on point! I could not have said it any better myself.
@@nelsonmelendez7250 thank you, I really appreciate that. It's actually pretty hard for me to say stuff like that. Usually I just delete it because I'm afraid of backlash.
@@catalystcomet please keep this comment up this once. It is invaluable.
@@thelingeringartist oh if I actually post it doesn't come down.
Title is incorrect, as it was intentionally made into a clickbait, but idea of a video is not.
Just venting doesn't solve the problems, it's just numbing you.
What you are describing though is different. That's not just venting, it's also training that you can say when something bothers you, so you can change it.
Venting is still accompanied by implied reason. Those are not the same.
Someone send this video to the entirety of the Reddit community! Part of why I stopped enjoying that forum was the amount of people venting without being proactive about doing anything about it. It's literally a pity party over there.
Agreed. I quit Reddit months ago for the same reason. I felt more miserable everytime I opened the app/website lol
Thank you for motivating us. That's definitely something I'm struggling with
really needed to hear this today. keep up the amazing work dr. k!
This is why I keep my emotions to bottled deep within me and never let them out.
It's kinda creepy I got this on my feed after venting at home after venting at my therapy session because of my situation which overwhelmed me. That's a sign.. 😂 You helped me to understand more why I am doing this childish coping strategy. Thank you.
Lol Same. I needed to see this as well.
The recommendation algorithm is affected by data google collects via your phone (sometimes indirectly.) This is a common phenomena.
That was one of the most helpful teaching in two years! Thank you!! 😁
This video changed my perspectives. Thank you for that great content!
At a certain point in my life, I had realized that mindless venting only just fed into my anger/sadness without an effective solution and was a constant reminder of the negative things that had happened, which only reaffirmed my negative feelings about them and fueled the anger/sadness that I had already experienced. Since this realization, I chose to express how I felt about a certain experience to only a select few (sometimes even less depending on the situation) who actually had credible experience or knowledge in the particular thing that I went through to get logical input so that I can actually do something about it. Whatever opinions, insight, or advice I get from them, I try to incorporate bits and pieces into my life here and there to try to improve the situation.
Just something that's personally worked for me!
It also helps to eliminate the friends you have vent fests with.
Even though I knew it was not good to do, I stayed in the friendships much longer than I should have with some, but it hurt both of us more than helped.
Thanks for your wonderful words of wisdom and colorful explanations Dr.K 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Man I wish I had your way with words. I've had a friend in a dark place for so many years that most of his(our) friends have made another groupchat without him just to get away from his non-stop venting. It's like he's stuck on repeat, and dispite telling him he needs to chill with the emotional trama dumping in the groupchat, he just doesn't get the picture. He even knows about the other groupchat, but instead of any sort of reflection on himself he reverts to "everone hates me". And it's so difficult to go back in forth with him because everytime there's another "event" he gets a little closer to being correct.
There's my vent, anyway great video!
I’ve heard maladaptive venting called “Help-Rejecting Complaining” before.
Yep. My ex-friend constantly venting/ranting about the same thing over and over again 3 times a week for 2 months without saying anything about what they are doing to solve their problem has led me to a burnout. It went to such level that I felt terror just from thinking of having to interact with them.
Innerly I seethed and was furious at them. I used that energy to look up how to deal with them. And came to the conclusion that it's best to just end the friendship.
When I "vent" I tend to seek a different point of view to the situation and suggestions.
This happens to me too. Then they think I'm a bad friend cause I don't want to listen anymore
Been there
@@Kaybye555 you are 😂
You never laid boundaries...
The person is basically a deer in headlights lol
I had the same exact experience and it's not even that I've set boundaries and they crossed them I did ended and I am less anxious about my day , I would go to classes and I would feel sick to my stomach cause they will probably start venting I am glad I stopped it
@@nerychristian I feel you 😭 mine would complain about everything too in her life and she was my ex best friend, plz either tell them to stop or just caught off even if you'll seem the bad guy, honestly at some point I could not handle that and I just left she said some mean things but it was over atleast.