Is She Out Of Your League? She Just Might Be (spoiler: for now)
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- Опубликовано: 24 дек 2024
- So many times guys see cute girls and refuse to take any action because she's so hot that she must be out of his league.
Correlating hot women with leagues is a terrible strategy that's going to guarantee you never have success with women.
What you want to find a girlfriend, or just pick up a hot girl in a bar, you need to be aware that there is a league of sorts at play that's related to your social skills and your confidence levels.
The great news is that you can learn to become more confident and become a guy who's better at witty banter and building rapport and being generally likeable. You can also learn to set strong boundaries and build your self confidence and sense of worth around women.
In this video, I'm going to show you how.
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School Of Attraction
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This advice is gold. Specially the real talk about the higher caliber woman who just might not be worth your time
"Picking up women is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun you're doing it all wrong." Good advice thanks
Damien very well said and dead on!!!! I just ended a 4-month relationship with an "8-9" and I grew tired of her BS, selfishness and subtly putting me down. Let some other poor schmuck deal with her crap. Most excellent Damien! I'll also point out a lot of these online dating sights women will list all the "qualities" they expect in a man to posses and I think to myself, who are they kidding.....what does this woman bring to the table, a lot of time nothing of substance. And yes, looks means a lot to me.....
Spot on!
And this is why you and Dan Bacon are the only two guys on RUclips that actually know what the hell they are talking about
Dan the man. Also I like Todd V dating.
Dan Bacon -and The33Secrets-
Jason Young kinda. Very generic lists of stuff for youngsters mainly and tons of sponsors. Thats a touch about alpha m and TMF jokers.
I previously recommended Dan Bacon and The33Secrets, but I've changed my opinion in the last few weeks. I don't recommend The33Secrets anymore. He's kinda poisoned his mind with the egalitarian bullshit. He needs to read Ayn Rand and Leonard Peikoff till his eyes bleed to heal that shit. Women and men are not and 'should' not be equal. She called this kind of thinking "rationalism" - making an idea in your mind, pulling it out of another dimension, and then trying to force it on the world. It's like the male version of feminism.
He does have some good things "game"-wise though. Take what you can, don't listen to his lame, subjectist philosophy.
Dan Bacon buys his comments, I’m sure he bought this one too. Go read them, they’re all fake!
This video is amazing I’ve been watching hundreds of channels over the years, but this video has granted me a new respect and appreciation for this guy right here. Truly one of the best people on RUclips.
Wow, thank you!
This video is 💯, as a 44 year old man who’s never had a girlfriend I know my league, and it’s not very attractive women, I’m physically unattractive so it’s the card I was dealt.
Modalsoul me too! So my advice is just work and be a happy worker!
My 47 yr old wing dated and banged a 23 year old last month.
@@ashleyn1979 that’s the exception not the rule my friend, think about it , why would young women date older men in droves?....THEY WOULDN’T, there’s nothing I can offer a 29 year old and she can’t offer me anything ( I prefer women in my age bracket 40 plus) but I’m just saying.
@@modalsoul6511 You offer them fun. Well im 42. My ex was 23. Though i date whatever. If they r nice they r nice. I dont have rules etc
@@ashleyn1979 that’s fine but all I’m saying is don’t act like it’s droves of older men dating young women because it’s not the reality.
Your situation is the EXCEPTION......NOT THE RULE.
I had to pause at 9:00 to comment! It really doesn’t make any sense for men to say or think “looks don’t matter” but then at the same time “I want a hot attractive woman”. A lot of men should just take their own advice and stop trying to fit a square peg in a round hole! I get so many messages on social media from men who I’m just not attracted to and I wouldn’t dare waste their or my time like that! Like attracts like.. period! In the small event that you see a lesser attractive man with a more attractive woman aesthetically, more than likely he has a lot of money to spoil her with and/or a well-developed character to go with it! You also have to be cautious that this woman won’t step out on you and cheat eventually! Men should stop feeling so entitled and realize that a lot of women care about looks too! It’s important to be attracted to your partner on BOTH ends. If you guys want a lasting authentic & genuine relationship, you’re going to have to stop going for the hottest bombshell in the room and work on becoming your best self by getting in the gym, working on your social skills, etc and then you will begin to attract a higher quality woman that you will be in love with and is perfect for you! Then you definitely won’t be worried about that fantasy cheerleader 📣 girl! Leave that fantasy cheerleader girl alone and work on attracting the best woman FOR YOU! That fantasy is what’s holding a lot of good men back from having successful loving relationships! I can assure you this is the TRUTH and I come from a place of love and purity! 💗 God bless guys
The problem is - in the modern day of tinder, even the bad-looking girls think they are entitled to the good-looking guys.
@@Straga_Severa yeup. its unnatural
one of the best advice i got in all years of learning game, thank you, finally some tactic thats catered towards the guy that is truly in within you, that is not your looks
The answer to almost all questions regarding dating insecurity is cash confidence - not wealth as such, but the confidence to know how you could achieve it.
I think the same of my current crush. But Im trying to not worry about it, so I can get to know her better without feeling held back by myself....cause that isnt gonna help. Now lets hope for the best
This is really well said! This is something I have thought about but struggled to put into words. It all makes sense though. Great video!
Cheers Laith
I've very rarely seen a hot girl with an unattractive guy. It's so uncommon. It's not even in the pareto whatsoever.
I see it all the time, everywhere I've travelled to as well. The effect seems to be more normal than unusual in most place.
Yeah I agree with the poster. Sometimes I might see an above average man with a hot woman but the guy is far from ugly and closer to really handsome
Same. Many point to this example, but I rarely see it happen. If anything I see good looking guys with average girls.
I make 150k a year, I'm 6ft tall, I workout, I work hard, I'm educated, I have life experiences from growing up kind of poor where I overcame a lot of hurdles... but I still feel that a lot of women are out of my league. I wish I had a more masculine-looking or good-looking face and I'm kind of fixated on it which makes me a shallow idiot. Help :(
Hey mate - It's sad to hear that you still feel this way - It can be really hard for guys who have a lot to offer, but end up getting fixated on a specific aspect of themselves... Because then, any whiff of a rejection brings that CERTAINTY that it was because of some specific feature bout yourself without any evidence. I don't think it makes you shallow, or an idiot - the truth is that when we struggle with ANYTHING but in this case with women - we seek an explanation, and we will latch onto something so that at least it isn't a mystery (the human mind hates mysteries).
The annoying thing for you is that - the underlying belief that women won't like you because of your face, will make it HARDER for women to like you - Picture two men with male pattern baldness.. One feels super insecure about it on his date with a woman, and feels constantly judged, the other figures he has so much to offer, and no woman he meets will be perfect either, that plenty of women will overlook his minor flaws... The ENTIRE DATE will feel different to the woman.
So the short answer is that you need ot work with someone to learn to unhook from what is likely an obsessive unhealthy thinking pattern about youself.
This is amazing to know even if it make sense why women in clubs and on most tv shows seem not that interesting. I rarely gone to night clubs. These videos make me want to get a book or if there is one. Yeah I might not help me get a guy but at least make me learn to be better and fix things in my life. Thank you so much.
I love your videos, they are based on facts, straight to the point and detailed enough, you don't use made up examples and you actually focus on what is important.
Thanks Kaiju, glad you're enjoying!
You got it nailed on your philosophy, Damien. When are you releasing a book? I'll be your first customer 💯
Way ahead of you bud :) www.schoolofattraction.com.au/sincere-seduction-mastery
Mahedi, totally recommend you this book it is simply a masterpiece... Totally
@@SchoolOfAttraction DONEE!
Back when the worst that could happen is she says no, I approached women all the time. To be fair, I was a pretty attractive guy who was in great shape, so I got positive reactions most of the time, but in an age where the worst that can happen is she complains about you to management, gets you kicked out, your membership revoked, or spreads word about you and now you're a pariah, I don't approach anymore. It's just not worth it.
Keep in mind, I was that awkward nerdboy in my youth and spent years turning myself into the guy who people think is about to audition for Baywatch.
I found a lot of men and women for ever try to date out of their league and thus get disappointed time after time. And they stay single. People in general week out others that compliment them eg the gym fanatics, the successful career people, the attractive etc. It is what it is. If you are a 2/10 on the dating scale you will likely attract another 2/10 person. By working on yourself, you'll up your game! And looks matter btw. Sad but true.
There’s assortative mating: people usually date other people of a similar level of attractiveness.
Attractiveness is both objective and subjective. There are some people who most would consider beautiful / handsome. But also, everyone is attracted to something different.
Def social engagement / skills are key though. I’m fairly good looking I think (although have some big flaws I obsess on). But I’m also an introvert and fairly pessimistic, so usually have put minimal effort into dating. My long term gf in college I wasn’t super attracted to and just stayed with her for companionship. Also, have been addicted to weed and porn for many years.
Once I got sober from weed / porn it changed my energy and made me more socially engaged. Fairly soon after getting sober I ended up getting into a casual relationship with a girl who I considered super attractive. So, my looks didn’t change, but my vibe and social engagement changed and that was a key shift.
Great advice! Sadly too true from my own personal experience.
I get exactly what you are talking about!
1. social skills.
2. not empowered
3. not confident
This is a great video, advice is golden, ty for everything btw, all the vids for free, all the commitment just to help us guys out. Ty Damien!
You're mot welcome Ben!
You can send those thousands of hot "train wrecks" in my direction lol.
I NEEDED THIS
It seems to me that these days you need a "Gimmick" To get anywhere with a woman (Band, unique look, something she can brag about to her friends etc) and the "Ugly guy - hot girl" Deal has followed me around my entire life.
> Implying a woman can be out of my league
Oh man, that's a good one.
The only League i know is
League of Legends..
But i play Dota2.
U play dota i too
13:30 i needed to hear that.
I'm pretty sure that if a nerd really was 6ft 2in, athletic and had male-model looks, women wouldn't give a damn that he was socially awkward and had no friends - he'd still get laid. Looks are EVERYTHING.
Oh, here is one of those idiots. ^ "looks are EVERYTHING"
The other most common kind of idiots are the "money is everything" type.
Kinda true lmao
You are Amazing great orator.... very well said and explained..... 👍🏽😊♥️
Worse that she can say is not "no". It's "eww".
True, disgust is the worst feeling to receive! Although women will very rarely say that after about 18 yo - unless you're doing something particularly creepy or aggressive. For example I almost NEVER hear women respond like that with the guys I coach - and of course I see plenty of rejections.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Very well commented!
Nobody is put of league unless you believe it she is.
I feel personally attacked by the nerd boy example
Finally got her baby!! 😊😊😉
Yup, that's because traditionally, men do all the heavy lifting in dating
I have a question about working on your internal confidence, do you have a video of that? I think that, apart from working on your lifestyle, is one of the single most important components to this. Its easy to fake situational confidence and thats usually what happens when you do to much pickup in my experience
Hey bud, I have quite a few videos on the topic - here is one worth watching - ruclips.net/video/TBI762rXSe4/видео.html
I don't understand why you separate looks and confidence, since the second is a direct result of the first.
when you're attractive, girls stare at you and this is fucking something. it gives you a boost of confidence. repeat this for a period of a month and you have a new man who is confident anywhere.
if a guy is attractive he will be confident (unless a major handicap like social anxiety or Asperger).
leagues do exist. if you want to move up : looks and money are the two solid roads.
I don't know... Stephen Hawking was a pretty cocky dude, and a bit of a player by all accounts and he wasn't attractive at all... Okay but he was famous right? But see when above you say 'one is connected to the other' - The two are separated because there are plenty of other ways to be confident WITHOUT relying on good looks.
Actually the correlation between attractiveness and self-esteem is weaker than you may think - It's related to some complex social dynamics, but essentially.... If you're rewarded for your looks constantly when you are young and impressionable, then you fail to recognise other forms of value you may possess.... Good looking men and women easily (not always, but frequently) become neurotic, and narcissistic - meaning they lean heavily on compliments about looks to prop up a very fragile self-esteem. They act arrogant to conceal a neuroticisim, where they constantly worry about not being good looking anymore. They become hyper-sensitive to criticisms. So their self esteem goes through boom and bust cycles.
That's why I end up with a lot more good looking clients than people would expect.
So yeah, I definitely separate the two out. People frequently mistake cockiness or arrogance for confidence.
@@SchoolOfAttraction I don't know about Stephen Hawking. it's pretty hard to compare his generation with our DNAge. in the 50 or 60's your job as a man is .. to have a job. a good one is pretty much what you needed to secure a solid relationship and get a young bride. now it's different. So I can imagine that just by being a man with some status (a genius in physics, PHD) will give you a major boost since lot of women will be interested.. nowadays, a good looking tattoo artist who earns 10 times less will have more success than an average looking scientist who's on his way to curing cancer. just my two cents.
Greeks used to think that looks is a refelction of the inside. so in their conception of the world, a good looking person has a good "soul" or spirit. this might be a fantasy, but if you think about it this makes sense : if a girl is attractive, she receives warm smiles, eye contacts since the age of 15. all girls want to be friends with her and all guys want to help her, teachers in university give her a pass sometimes for late work...etc, in her mind, the world is wonderful place and people are amazing/ helpful. That's why often, good looking girls are very kind and not bitchy at all.. on the other hands, ugly girls are mean and usually hard to open (usually they are the ones who block the guy from interacting with the girl or make things hard for him). The link beween narcissism and good look is probably weak, it depends on your childhood and relationship with your parents (if you had enough love). you construct a nacissic personality way before puberty.. and believe me, an ugly person is way more sensitive to criticisms. specially when it comes to look.
I've seen many times what look can do and how it makes things easy for the guy. I also noticed how girls "detach" from a guy with a good game / connection, when a good looking guy come to join the group. I've seen it in their eyes, the way the turn their hips toward the guy, how they welcome him with a warm smile.. the only job of the handsome dude is not to fuck things up, which means being just normal and sustain a normal conversation. he doesn't need any escalation since the simple fact of being present give this "sexual mood".. women are imaginative creatures, so they will imagine lot of stuff and interpret his behavior / statements in a sexual way.
I did some coaching in France, sometimes we had 1 or 2 guys in the group who were very handsome. I can tell you that their results were VERY different from ours (normies and ugly guys), they got smiles, numbers.. they just needed some "push", all of them had previous relationships with hot girls, they just didn't know how to start a conversation with a random girl. it's just impossible to say that we did the same because we learned the same material or that a more confident average looking guy will do better than a normal or shy handsome dude.
this is the reality I've seen so far. I'm not a coach but expat living in France and I noticed this happening in several occasions with girls from different countries (russia, colombia, spain, france..) they ALL go for the good looking guy and make thing easy for him. he just need to be normal..
also, being jacked means nothing in France, it gives you a "meh", at best 0.5 point. here all guys are thin, you can't spot an obese guy (unless an American tourist).. and the fashion here is for the skinny, tall dude with an androgyn face. girls are crazy about him. even women 35+ .. the alpha jacked guy with an ugly face and cash will do well in Eastern countries.
I know this is a bit of an old video, and it's a YT comment, so nobody cares anyway; I still feel I should put this out there. Mate selection is actively researched in social psychology.
You are 100% correct in saying that looks aren't the main driver of male attractiveness in female selection of long term sexual partners (in English: Looks don't matter as much for dudes). The main driver is perceived socioeconomic status, which is where all the steriotypes of "you get chicks if you have a high wage job, cash $$, drive a fancy car, ..." come from. A slightly different explanation - that I like a lot - has been proposed by Jordan Peterson, which is that male attractiveness is mainly driven by a person's ability to climb the competence hierarchy, which correlates with your perceived socioeconomic status will be (In English: Being good at getting your shit together, and maintaining having your shit together, makes you more attractive) Which is pretty much what you advise. That said, appearance (mainly clothing and grooming) are influencing factors of perceived socioeconomic status, so looks do matter in the end.
On the flip side, when it comes to female selection of short term sexual partners (ONS, hook-ups, short-term / casual dating, ...) the dynamic shifts and the biggest factor is physical appearance. So if your goal is to just go an "bang some hot chicks", then you are probably better off investing time into your looks than you are investing time into getting your act together (up to a point). Given that the US adolescent / young adult culture is very hook-up dominated and people get status out of it, this advice may be more suitable for some guys. It doesn't work long term though; eventually you have to deal with your own inefficiencies :)
And how do you recommend on working on the social skills first? Any video on that already?
Hey what are you saying about cheerleaders?
Lol, just the stereotype not all cheerleaders ;)
How do you know where you are socially ? I'm comfortable talking to guys and adults older than me. But girls around my age is still not as comfortable. Am I ready to talk to girls yet or should I work on my social skills more?
Well, you should always practice talking to girls - that's a really great way to be building those social skills.
The reason they crash and burn is because their are told social skills are vital,... And then see ugly, abusive guys who can barely talk getting laid to an insane degree (while people actively invent flaws to blame them for on a whim just to be be mean). You can't tell me that guy's malformed sentences, drug habits, and temper tantrums are the blue eyes white Dragon of seductiveness. I see women laying with homeless guys who are screaming their heads off while girls generally glare at me for the shot of it. You can't tell me it's a science based system designed to favor good traits of that is rampant. The guys get sick of the lying and then go get a hobby,... Simple truth life ain't fair and dumb shot happening is normal.
How to get hot women.
Be successful
Learn game and be good with people
Be in shape
Do man stuff or have other interests IE play rugby, train in judo, go dancing or play music.
Be goal oriented and driven.
Never be too predictable/or always focused on her. Go out with the boys and/or make time for other things. If you do everything she wants she will feel like she has conquered you and will get bored even though she will try her best and insinuate that's what she wants. She doesnt know what she wants!
Great message bro , do you have any suggestions for getting a phone number from a cute barista, who is giving me ioi s but she’s always surrounded by her manager?
yeah - write on a small piece of paper "okay I really think you're cute but don't want to get you in trouble with your manager - with your name and number' - Sounds kind of childish but it works if she likes you.
Slide it to her next time you get a coffee
SchoolOfAttraction cheers bro I’ll let u know how it goes
@@78236931 good luck bro, waiting for the update
Wouldn't it be more advantageous to be a man that attracts the high calibre women in clubs because they're considered high calibre men across the board with all women?
Chan - no, that's not really so. If I use myself as an example - Across the board - 36 year old me is much higher caliber than 24 year old me - I'm wealthier, much wiser, more deeply confident in my self value, feel I have less to prove etc. In the dating world, I could attract a larger array of really high quality women.
Now, when I was 24, I was already pretty good with women as I started learning to be great with women at 21. In clubs I absolutely killed it with the hottest women there. I was a party guy, loved to be a bit wild, I rode a motorcycle, was rebellious etc. I was a more attractive target for a larger number of the super-hot 21-24 year old women in clubs then, than I am now. Because those women are at a certain time in their lives.
There's no 'one size fits all' in male attractiveness - just because one demographic of women love you, doesn't mean another will as well. Obviously you can be 'generally charming' and yes, Me today is still more appealing to one of those club girls at 24, than plenty of other guys at age 24 would be because I'm still a good catch. But I'm less ideal than I would have been in a different phase of my life where I Was more wild, but had less intrinsic value.
what about King of Queens
Ehm, you say that there are attractive woman that have bad social skills but good personality, and I have a hard time believing it. All statistics show that people treat good-looking people much better than bad-looking, so the only reason that an attractive woman would not have good social abilities is that there is something in her head that prevents it - i.e. she does not have a good personality.
I guess my definition of "League", is a little different, I'm not basing it on appearance. I'll try to explain. Let's say there' s girl you like, you don't ask her out, but talk to her, casually, and it ends up, she's willing to talk to you. The more you talk to her, the more comfortable she is talking to you, and she starts sharing personal things, like the types of guys she goes out on dates with/dates, and she mentions, the types of guys, she's into, have a university degree, make high 5 or 6 figures, own they're own house, or at least paying a mortgage on a house. If that's not you, she is literally, out of your "league". This interpretation is more geared to the possibility of a long term relationship.
I'm not only talking about looks either, I'm referring to an entire package. I was really overall referring ot the notion that - the more you have to offer as a man - a stable life - emotional stability, sense of humour, a stable career (don't have to be rich, just not a bum), self awareness, strong personal boundaries, etc. Then the better quality all around woman you can get.
@@SchoolOfAttraction I see where you are coming from. I guess if she is " out if your league", it is theoretically possible to get into her "league". Basically, bring more to the table. I do understand that you can't pick people apart, it's all or none. I mean, people become infatuated with each other, but it rarely lasts, because it's only surface based. Something I can't grasp, is that a guy will have sex with a girl/woman, he doesn't even like. This doesn't make sense to me.
Well, I understand it - Some men are so starved of affection or validation of any kind from women... They just want a woman, ANY WOMAN, to make them feel good enough. I feel really sorry for guys who feel so desperate for attention from women, it's hard... Boys growing up need some serious attention in our society - everyone's just focusing on empowering young women, but actually boys are suffering big time.
I saw once. But only once and they were pretty young.
Good looking women want good looking rich men, it's that simple,
Tell that to my stunning exes I dated back when I was dirt poor... I think they must have missed that memo ;)
Not true. Some good looking women actually care about more than just looks. I think it comes with age... I'm in great physical shape and attractive for my age (early 40s). My soulmate is a short, average earnings guy. To me he is my world!
Every dating guru say this but I have never seen a gorgeous girl with an absolute abomination for a guy. Yes the girl be a 10 but the guy is at least a 8
It's a little hard for me to quickly reference examples that aren't famous - but you said you never see it so - img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5b9efaf02400005100543673.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp Also - if you have any female friends who are super hot, look through a list of her ex's with her permission - I'll bet you 1 or 2 of them are seriously ordinary looking.
1:50 That's an alpha male thing to say.
Funny how well you articulate the skills, then effectively your audience 'hears' women aren't worth the effort. Your best competitor, mentioned in the comments, shows no signs of disrespecting their qualities. Those skills certainly are real enough, requiring major internalization then delivery. I plod along but I accept that for over 50 years once in awhile I'd do it right. Thumbs-up also on a man's match. I 'fit' w/9-10 (was w/12 for 32 yrs. my love will be eternal). But say you're talking with a 5, and you realize, shit! I want her. Now in my case I should stay w/'attractive' because eventually I'll cheat, been there done that. But it's strange how the gals I immediately get aroused over so I want to jump her NOW, is just an ordinary-looking chick, but something about her makes me stand up and take notice. You're a good coach. Thnx
Are u saying those girls like 10 of hotess were borring? Nothing deep or intelectual to offer?
No, not at all - Some of them are though, just like some women of any attractiveness are (and men for that matter ;) )
While I think there is something to going after women who are similar in social-ity and personality to you, there are exceptions. I'm big into MBTI, and one of the matches made in heaven in MBTI are INTJs and ENFPs. ENFPs are energetic extraverts that are absolutely a ball to be around and can feel genuine affection for almost everybody. INTJs are none of those things--I should know, I am one. But the reason why people say they work is because of their mutual N trait (intuition). Because they both view the world differently and live so much differently from everyone else, they're both sort of a mystery to each other that needs to be solved. Not to mention, N is a sort of misleading trait in that in the ENFP, it lends a certain intense depth that you would not expect to find in a person like an ENFP, while in the INTJ, it adds an intense passion that is hidden well below the surface, but affects everything the INTJ does, even though they're analytical on the outside. What that means is that when the ENFP wants to be real, she can be, but only in front of someone who understands that that is as much a part of her as the fun, goofy side, while for the INTJ, that means he can show his goofy side in front of her, but only because she understands that that doesn't contradict his outer reserved nature.
So In this particular video, I'm focussed much more heavily on social position being a reflection of social skills/comfort etc. But in relation to MBTI - The issue I have with discussing those results is that MBTI is entirely unscientific as a personality profiling system. IT's just a made up system based loosely on the work of Carl Jung. Carl Jung was amazing in his time, and some of the stuff he believed still resonates with me today, but this test shouldn't be used for understanding human behaviour and compatibilities as it is also riddled with problems.
8:00 9:00 11:30 13:13 15:30
Everybody in there brother are dating couches on RUclips these days. But I never see there girlfriends. That's a big red flag to me. Because if You can not show pruffe please stop. Saying Your something Your not.
Yes - or instead of making accusations, you could look through my channel and indeed see that my partner of 10 years has been in a few of my videos - ruclips.net/video/W7FCt6XYNXw/видео.html