I wanted to add another sad anecdote about this topic. The other day I was talking to a friend who is also a psychology student, and she mentioned that her professor said she would be assumed incompetent based on her high-pitched voice. We had a discussion about how no one would ever tell a man to change his voice in order to be taken seriously, and the implications around that.
Actually I was told to work on my voice because at that time I was an actor and my physical presence stands out but my voice doesn't fit my 'stereotype' I have a lisp, sound a bit nasally and I don't enunciate properly. So the roles I'd get would typecast me and be hard to break from. So I had a choice and after working on it (expensive/time consuming) I decided if I fit I fit and if I don't that's OK. These 'flaws' would be more embraced today than when I was pursuing that, especially here on RUclips. As far as your channel, it's your channel and we come here to listen to what you have to say so that's something. I can see you prepare and are educated. Anthony Robbing ran into a similar issue when he started because he wasn't 'college educated' and for a long time he let that hold him back. Don't let looking young hold you back Ana. You gave some great advise. Some people will also 'hate' for other reasons. What I like about your perspective is that you are young, a feminist and don't think the same way I do on many topics. However because I respect you and enjoy being exposed (opening my mind) to stuff I wouldn't hear in my life. As you talked about 'assertiveness' with women it reminded me about recent Tinder experiences with one woman who seemed like a really good fit in a lot of ways. She was way more assertive than the LTR I had for many years and I liked it. The problem is she also wanted me to be more dominant and more assertive than her because she's like that already in her job and wants to NOT be in control. Unfortunately I found that out as it ended but it's good for me to keep in mind as I'm dating because my physical presence screams to be that way, but the way I was raised I'm too nice and respectful and need to read the signals better for when to ACT how I look. LOL I saw this behavior from my older sister dating and thought I needed to be more assertive because she was the same way. A missed opportunity for something more but a good learning lesson never the less. =)
I was told I should start smoking to lower voice. My boss at the time said it would help my "credibility". That it would make people feel better about relying on my experience. I'm a chef. If I cooked it, and it was good, I'm credible.
@@josephperna2081 And it's irksome to hear that because it does absolutely nothing to help. I'm not angry at the person though; every time someone says something like that I know they're just trying to be helpful. I feel you though.
my homie goes to a specific supermarket at least weekly. He's 22 and they still ask him for his ID when he buys some beer (it s allowed and common to consume with 16 here)
Same struggles 👋I've been told I look young my entire life and "seemed" inexperienced even though I'm in my late twenties, and look 17 years old, but I ain't mad about it. I've also been told that because I'm not a married woman and childless, that I don't have experience in life in general 😂Like what....hate when people project their insecurities onto other people.
My boss literally called me a baby the other day...I'm 27. I have a masters. I've lived in two different countries by myself. I've had over 30 jobs in my lifetime. And I was still excluded from a meeting today even though I was the one who raised an issue that needed to be discussed. The only reason I can think of is because I'm young and they don't value my opinion and would rather speak with the older employees (all of them are older than me). I've just never experienced discrimination in such a blatant way before. It's left me feeling angry and helpless.
I’m a dental hygienist in my 30’s and I still have patients tell me that I belong in high school and not working at a dental office or they don’t feel comfortable with me cleaning their teeth when I look like a little kid! Wish I watched this video 10 years ago because it would’ve saved me years of headache! I constantly try to do everything to look older!
I've been struggling with this for a long time. I absolutely do not look like I'm 29. And you really have to have self-confidence that comes from within you instead of it being reinforced by others, because when you live your whole life with other people being skeptical about you that takes a toll.
So true. I look younger than my age and I can definitely see the difference how people treat me vs how they treat my friends who naturally look their age or older. They treat me like a kid. So I usually smile less just to get taken seriously. Uhg
I go the other direction. When people talk to me like a child, I tend to say things that no child would ever fathom. It usually starts with "If you keep talking to me like that you're going to wish you hadn't". If they keep it up, I keep my word. I have no problem making old people cry.
THIS. I’m 25 and people always think I’m still in high school 😑 it’s so bittersweet, I love that I look youthful but I hate that people don’t take me seriously and so I end up having to be forceful with it and I don’t want to do that 😞
I felt this I’m 24 and it took effort to get my position were I’m surrounded by older white men later 30’s to 60. Also being a person of color some of their comments can be really off putting.
I'm 21 and am the first woman of color on my major, ever. That's a big deal- I am constantly being looked down on by my older advisor who assumes I know nothing about my history as a black woman- it is belittling and inconsiderate. I worked hard to get where I am and I deserve respect, just as much as I give it to her. It is hard to get respect when you are young and powerful, but you have to claim it anyway, you're here for a reason. Keep fighting on, you got this. We all do.
A reasonable factor I considered is *how* I speak and *the way* I say something. I'll be 30 next year but recognize I look 18; a variety of people initially approach me as the latter, but the depth of my voice, expressions, and the pace at which I speak has worked in my favor and usually forces people to pause and reconsider that I'm older than they assumed.
I'm 24 and working in a middle school (I help an autistic boy) and I get mistaken for a teenager every single day. I've been working there since late March lol
I've often been called a "baby face" and don't get me wrong - I am only turning 20. I went through parentification as a child, hence I've always been viewed paradoxically. I've realized that's the root cause of my deep need to interact solely with people that are older than me and to be viewed as an "intelligent adult". The fact that I get triggered by being called young and innocent looking (and sometimes even feeling disgust towards people that are my age or younger) isn't just about being pissed off for not being taken seriously because I'm a woman. It's actually a fairly naive and child-like complex where one internally still wants to get on their parents' level. We shouldn't deny that we're still inexperienced and naive but to explore ourselves while we're still very high in openess. It's okay. As you kind of said, in a way we "change" and mature at an insane pace. That's called potential and plasticity and we should own it. Suffocating femininity and youth for status is a sad thing.
In drama school we learnt about energies. Younger people, especially children tend to orient their energy towards the front. They're more expressive with their face and hands. As opposed to older people who orient their energy towards their back because they've gained experience and with age their back becomes heavier. I hope this helps.
Hahaha I’m 28 now and I’ve been dealing with this since I was 14. I somehow still look somewhere between 16-21 a decade later. I’ve grown in my confidence; however, I’ve noticed new hires at work glare at me for giving them constructive criticism and they have often thought that I’m really young, full of myself and bossy. They often think, “Who is this little person (I’m also short unfortunately and appear even tinier in scrubs that look too big on me) trying to tell me what to do?” Lol but these new hires haven’t given other group leads this problem or have seen them in this light, even though all the group leads within the center I work for are younger than I am and have come off more rude than I have because I’m also by default extremely polite and “too nice” sometimes. Like LOL. Your story gives me hope but also terrifies me because I ultimately want to go back to pursue a masters in counseling, and I’m hoping I look at least like a full grown woman by the time I get around to actually practicing! My coworker the other day made I comment saying that I look like a baby, like a child, and all my insecurities started resurfacing again. Lol
I love the fact that not only do you understand how it feels to be discriminated against based on your looks but you provide applicable solutions to help make the problem better. very good video 🏆
I'm 17 and I went to a micro center to try to get my computer and the guy who was supposed to help me was constantly treating me like I was 12, speaking in a soft voice and asking me if I tried plugging in the pc or turning it on, he was obviously not taking me seriously and just thought I was some little kid that didn’t doesn’t understand how a computer works, didn’t even try to help me and just trying to make me looks stupid.
Wow I just turned 40 & it doesn’t end! Everyone thinks I’m either my teenage sons sister or girlfriend... and my mom is his mom... oh my. It really is discrimination when careers and personal life is negatively affected, like my life has been!
All the restaurants give the check to my older teenage son when I take us out for dinner. Or they ask if we are going Dutch... I'm just like "I'm clearly his mother!"
I wear glasses, my hair in a bun and usually a blazer if I am trying to look a bit older. I usually do that if I have official business to attend to or if I am doing an internship (I am a law student). I don’t only do that to appear older, but also to appear “financially better off”. I think besides age, financial status is one of the strongest factors people consider when forming an opinion. Otherwise I really enjoy looking young, I think it has by far more positive effects than negative. Great video btw💜
My public speaking coach actually told me to lower the pitch of my voice for the event where I was the MC. Now I understand why plus I am 22 who looks 17.
I’m so glad I found this video! I look younger than my actual age, and since getting a job at an international organization, I noticed people have been treating me differently from my coworkers who are my age but look more mature. I have been undermined by people from different organizations, it’s really annoying. I also have a nervous voice and it makes me sound a bit squeaky, I used to be fine with it, but now it bothers me that I sound that way. I’m trying to be mindful about making my voice sound deeper and more assertive, and being more confident in my work day by day. You have made so many points that resonate with me, I’ll keep your suggestions in mind, thank you Dr. Ana❤
I'm 55 was asked to produce ID when buying alcohol which isn't something new. My teenage daughter feels embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of stares. I know how isolating it is to live with this curse.
this was really helpful, thank you for not just saying “know that you’re lucky because you won’t look old as fast!” I feel like that’s most of what people have to say about young looking women
Great, albeit unfortunate, subject to touch upon! This concept applied to me when I was in my 20s. It wasn’t to my detriment, though, because I’m a man, and my role in my early 20s was a preschool teacher. If my youthful face/demeanor did negatively effect me in any way, it would be that people may have lowered their expectations of me, which prevented a certain type of growth. I still *feel* like I’m not fully matured in many situations, but I’m working on that. Thanks for the insight, Ana! (Also, my mother is constantly met with shock that she has a son my age. This is relatable on many levels.)
I’m in my mid 30’s (look 10 years younger) and took on a management role with a team. I have a masters degree and just started a white collar job. Could not believe the level of disrespect for 2 co-workers in their 40’s who were discriminating my looks and saying things like, “you’ll know how to stand up for yourselves when you hit your 30’s” and one said, “we’re specifically pointing out to the 2 at the bottom of this zoom call” (obviously including me). I was so shocked at their unprofessionalism that I did not respond. I took it as their insecurity over the new role and overly compensated. Still sucks
Thank you! I really need this. I'm 27 and 5'3ft (average height in my country) but I kept getting asked for my age everytime and some even insist on seeing my ID. It's so frustrating, esp now that people under 18 are supposed to stay home due to COVID
thank you!! as a baby faced practicum social work student this video means so much to me. honestly one of my biggest insecurities and i’ve never heard this addressed before. why does me looking youthful make me unqualified?
it really messes with my confidence. i’ve also wondered if me being thinner adds to it. your mom struggling with this still is sad! why does it even matter
@@supergorillaz I feel like being thinner does add to that. I am thin have always been underweight- with a baby face at 5 foot. All these things combined do not help at all. People at my workplace do talk to me in a condescending tone as if I was a child and it sucks. I am 23 and am turning 24 this september. It certainly won't help when I become a teacher!
I feel this is an issue often for me in workplace. Co-workers will assume I don't know about something, undermining my professional opinion. And i lack the confidence so I recently took on a co workers advice/suggestion and went against what i thought to end up feeling silly because I was very clearly going in the right direction before.. I've had clients that have even said to me that I wouldn't understand because I'm too young despite a long history of life events happening to me already along with my education.
Omg thank you for this. I just finished my masters and I’m going to pursue a doctorate MFT. I get a lot of “you look young” even confused me for a hs student. I like how you mention about confidence. That’s something I am currently working on that. I take it, me looking young interfered with my confidence and career. Now I try my best to better myself and working on my confidence :) Also during my supervision I consulted about a client who wanted his partner to join for support... my supervisor mentioned something about how I feel being “an attractive therapist” I told him I do not see that way because I am consulting how I can help my client... I didn’t understand it made me feel like oh I need to be older and ugly?? It totally throws off my confidence. Hope you can do a video about this! ❤️ I also attend my own therapist 🙏🏽
omg I was just thinking about this the other day. I am currently taking my Masters in Clinical Psychology and I often wonder how I'd be taken seriously by future patients/ clients when I look like a teenager
I lower my voice and dress masculine in order to be taken seriously. Especially at work and dealing with home repair contractors. I’ve been scammed, taken advantage of, hit on, and have had my boundaries crossed so many times. As a single, female homeowner that looks 20, it’s the only way. I also started saying that “I have a husband but he’s at work”, when I meet with contractors because I noticed that it makes them less likely to cheat me, up charge me, or do shotty work.
Im a veterinarian. I am slightly overweight and quite meaty but still very shapely and healthy... And people at work treat me so much better and more seriously than my skinny friends. Not gonna shed that extra weight now that it makes life so much easier
Girl I'm 26 and people ( my boss ) calls me kiddo. Family members ( cousin's husband ) refers to me as a child. I dated a man 6 years older than him, who was a surgeon. Like humble your damn self cousin in law, you're a child. ( referring to him ). It's gross. And he tells me he will always see me as a youngster. The dude is 32. He is nothing.
About looking older It might be important to try to identify exactly what the parts of your face that make you look younger are. In my case, I have a tall, round, young looking forehead. Making it seem smaller by opting for a side part immediately makes me look older. Also, making sure that my well defined, slightly masculine jaw is not covered by hair is also important. Darker colors for hair and clothes also help, and a strong lipstick (like red or brown instead of nudes) demands more respect and seriousity
Wow the thing about getting more life experience and facing your fears showing on your face is super interesting. I can see it being true for me. I also think that having healthy confidence, emotional maturity and having good speech skills can help.
My story is a bit on the funnier side. I was wearing my high school graduation gown while walking home. My neighbor congratulated me, then proceeded to ask: “which high school are you going to now?” I responded with: “I’m going to [this University] this fall!” These days I work with people much older than me, so they’re shocked to learn that I’m younger than them. Thanks for this video!
Your voice is soo soothing that I can listen to you for hours. I was surprised to hear anyone would complain about it, I wasn't even planning to compliment it because it sounded obvious. I even listen to your video midnight to relax and enjoy the knowledge too.
Thank you for making this video! I struggled so much with this and for the past few years, I’ve already been implementing many of the tips you mentioned (some I found online and others I figured from trial and error) and it completely changed people’s perception of me. I think the important thing is actually being mature rather than just physically looking mature, so going through your own personal growth and development will help a lot. Plus I’ve always had this inner motto (that I made up myself) which goes, “I’d rather look like a child but have my shit together and internally be 50 years old than the other way around”. It helped me gain a lot of confidence and convince people to see me for who I am beyond just my looks.
Well I remember a lady at the bank mentioned I look younger than my age and I replied "you know what, that is what is wrong with my life. I need to get plastic surgery and change it!" That shut her up.
Except this ain’t Brazil now is it.2 context has EVERYTHING to do with it, it’s a read the room kind of thing. you don’t ask for someone’s age in a condescending tone when their just trying to do their job.
I really needed this video!! I'm getting my master's and I'm older than most of the people in my class but I'm still kind of the baby around them. Also I come from a different field so I tend to be more inexperienced in certain areas. I've been working on getting more "professional clothes" but I really liked the part about reframing in your video. I may not have the same experience as my class but I do have a different perspective since my academic life was different. Thank you so much for the video! I always learn something new from your channel.
I have to constantly try to make my voice deeper at my hotel desk job, and i have social anxiety so it is very difficult, but people are so much nicer to me if i have a deeper voice , and exaggerate my regional accent (because older people dont have flat accents here). Still not bad enough to stop wearing sunscreen though
My brother and I were just talking about this the other week! We both have very young faces and have experienced this through varying degrees, although I do feel like he has a better advantage of being taken seriously because of his height, quick wit and because he's a male... 25 is a weird age honestly, I feel torn between wanting to stay youthful and wanting to be listened to. Do you think you could further elaborate on this gradual process that we experience around this age as women? 🙏 Also, thank you for this vid! Always look forward to your content 😁
I’m about to turn 16 and I just started my junior year of high school, but for some reason to my friends and classmates when I’m around them I get a sense of them being more apathetic to my comments when it’s a fun moment, which also gives me a sense of me being always a year younger than I actually am. Even around adults in my family, I’m always trying to prove myself of me not being such a kid.
Last year when I was 17, I worked in a cafe for a little bit and this old lady came up to me and asked me how old I was just completely out of nowhere. When I told her my age, she was shocked and said she assumed I was 14 and too young to work there lol. She seemed sweet but I hate when people assume things about me based on how I look/how my anxiety sometimes makes me behave because it is not fair at all. My family often compares me to my cousin (6 months younger) who looks and acts older than me, and it hurts lol
I think my voice sounds so childish but and squeaky but I am actually a quite mature person to be around... ugh the struggles... and I'm 23 a wife and mom. Also Ana I would love to see a video about how to boost self-confidence and extinguish self-doubt when pursuing a talent/skill as this is something I am currently struggling with. Thanks for the awesome videos.
achiveing things in a young age helps too! i have a fit body despite being younger than the men in my familia, but they look up to me when it comes to diet and fitness because they know i have the will to work hard.
I’m a 19 yr old psychology college student working in the field of ABA and the estimated graduation date for me to obtain my BA is almost exactly a year from now. I just wanted to say this video has helped me immensely thank you Ana!
I feel I flip flop between not being taken seriously because I am rather introverted, socially anxious, gentle in my temper and look young, then I lower my voice and I am more harsh, forward and talk without filtering myself aka with confidence and I feel like I am at times perceived as bossy or like who is she to say that at her age. It’s quiet annoying and it is not helpful on building confidence. I once said something and people just looked at me and turned away as if I was a 16/17/18 year old trying to converse with adults. Could you speak on the topic of how to build and know and keep ones identity? I struggle with this because I am a very emphatic person and not only at times it seems too selfaware but also aware of peoples dynamics and their moods. And I adapt myself to it (which can be a good thing to be sensitive and wise) but it makes me also close myself off (maybe I am HSP) and I feel not authentic (maybe confidence is the key) I probably have to get comfortable with being perceived bossy. Would love to hear your input.
31 yo and people think I'm 18, plus I have a baby voice. Nobody takes me seriously, neither my parents, and every time I have to prove them wrong with a lot of effort, while other people don't need to do that much in order to be taken seriously just because of their look :/
Thank youuu!!! I have this issue and also an issue with my accent. I live in Puerto Rico and study in mosty Spanish. My Spanish isn't bad but it isnt perfect. When I speak it I have an accent that sounds very different bc im mexican and was raised un the US. My peers can be so rude and many have assumed I cant read or write in Spanish. I have had to do group assignments alone because no one would want to work with me lool. And it doesn't help that in very thin and have acne so I look really young too.
Sucks that you experience that! You look beautiful in your picture. Perhaps people are just jealous. Regardless, you don't deserve to be mistreated. I hope things get better for you!
Great topic and video 😄😊 I'm 23 now and people usually think I'm younger, but the pattern I noticed that people younger than me think I'm younger than my age, even younger than them, andd to people older than me they usually think I'm older than my real age. people who are much older than me also think that I'm younger 😅 soo it looks like I'm old and young at the same time, like looking 17 and 30 at once 😄
I went to my dentist to get my braces taken off. Constantly they’re telling me, where’s your parents and I had to correct them every time and they’re constantly calling my parents for my appointment . It makes me mad and sad
Ughhh ... I hate the Romanian grannies who demand your seat even though they're obviously not tired and are not carrying anything. You'll sometimes see them scream at middle schoolers carying huge, heavy backpacks for not giving away their seat 🙄
I used to LOVE looking younger until a couple months ago, and I'm 29, so almost 30. The reason why I changed my mind is... people being truly disrespectful got old. When someone asks for your ID, they are just doing their job and it takes you like 10 seconds to handle it. That's a non issue. People's attitude is, quite often, the true issue.
I wanted to add another sad anecdote about this topic. The other day I was talking to a friend who is also a psychology student, and she mentioned that her professor said she would be assumed incompetent based on her high-pitched voice. We had a discussion about how no one would ever tell a man to change his voice in order to be taken seriously, and the implications around that.
Actually I was told to work on my voice because at that time I was an actor and my physical presence stands out but my voice doesn't fit my 'stereotype' I have a lisp, sound a bit nasally and I don't enunciate properly. So the roles I'd get would typecast me and be hard to break from. So I had a choice and after working on it (expensive/time consuming) I decided if I fit I fit and if I don't that's OK. These 'flaws' would be more embraced today than when I was pursuing that, especially here on RUclips.
As far as your channel, it's your channel and we come here to listen to what you have to say so that's something. I can see you prepare and are educated. Anthony Robbing ran into a similar issue when he started because he wasn't 'college educated' and for a long time he let that hold him back. Don't let looking young hold you back Ana. You gave some great advise. Some people will also 'hate' for other reasons. What I like about your perspective is that you are young, a feminist and don't think the same way I do on many topics. However because I respect you and enjoy being exposed (opening my mind) to stuff I wouldn't hear in my life. As you talked about 'assertiveness' with women it reminded me about recent Tinder experiences with one woman who seemed like a really good fit in a lot of ways. She was way more assertive than the LTR I had for many years and I liked it. The problem is she also wanted me to be more dominant and more assertive than her because she's like that already in her job and wants to NOT be in control. Unfortunately I found that out as it ended but it's good for me to keep in mind as I'm dating because my physical presence screams to be that way, but the way I was raised I'm too nice and respectful and need to read the signals better for when to ACT how I look. LOL I saw this behavior from my older sister dating and thought I needed to be more assertive because she was the same way. A missed opportunity for something more but a good learning lesson never the less. =)
@@wishricq That's OK it happens and I've got a good life so no complaints. =)
I was told I should start smoking to lower voice. My boss at the time said it would help my "credibility". That it would make people feel better about relying on my experience.
I'm a chef. If I cooked it, and it was good, I'm credible.
I wouldn’t say never.
malcolm jelani don't then
Ah finally someone understands the struggle..
Yes!
I know right?? Ana is super accommodating
Same! I feel comforted when people talk about this since people act like it's not a problem.
ah yes. suffering from success. pick me
When you’re an adult but look like a teenager, people call you “sweetie” instead of sir/ma’am. It’s annoying.
well at least when youre 40 you'll be looking 16 lol. think of it as a perk!
oh shit ! lol
i feel this so much, I had coworkers talk to me like a toddler despite me being older than some of them :-/
@@bean2275 cant tell u how many times ive heard that
@@josephperna2081 And it's irksome to hear that because it does absolutely nothing to help. I'm not angry at the person though; every time someone says something like that I know they're just trying to be helpful. I feel you though.
People have been thinking I’m 16 for the past decade now...
Same
I've been looking 12 for almost a decade lol
my homie goes to a specific supermarket at least weekly. He's 22 and they still ask him for his ID when he buys some beer (it s allowed and common to consume with 16 here)
I'm 50 and people have thought I'm in my 20's for the last 20 years.
It’s been 2 decades for me 😂
Same struggles 👋I've been told I look young my entire life and "seemed" inexperienced even though I'm in my late twenties, and look 17 years old, but I ain't mad about it. I've also been told that because I'm not a married woman and childless, that I don't have experience in life in general 😂Like what....hate when people project their insecurities onto other people.
Same!! People forget life is not all marriage and kids
Same here and I’m 32…
People always talk to me as if I'm a child, even when they find out I'm 21! It's so frustrating. Also being short doesn't help.
My boss literally called me a baby the other day...I'm 27. I have a masters. I've lived in two different countries by myself. I've had over 30 jobs in my lifetime. And I was still excluded from a meeting today even though I was the one who raised an issue that needed to be discussed. The only reason I can think of is because I'm young and they don't value my opinion and would rather speak with the older employees (all of them are older than me). I've just never experienced discrimination in such a blatant way before. It's left me feeling angry and helpless.
I honestly don’t think it’s okay to call an adult a baby or child .It’s rather insulting
@@account01234 I agree!
I’m a dental hygienist in my 30’s and I still have patients tell me that I belong in high school and not working at a dental office or they don’t feel comfortable with me cleaning their teeth when I look like a little kid! Wish I watched this video 10 years ago because it would’ve saved me years of headache! I constantly try to do everything to look older!
I wish who think it's a compliment people knew this struggle.
Asian struggles
I've been struggling with this for a long time. I absolutely do not look like I'm 29. And you really have to have self-confidence that comes from within you instead of it being reinforced by others, because when you live your whole life with other people being skeptical about you that takes a toll.
So true. I look younger than my age and I can definitely see the difference how people treat me vs how they treat my friends who naturally look their age or older.
They treat me like a kid. So I usually smile less just to get taken seriously. Uhg
I go the other direction. When people talk to me like a child, I tend to say things that no child would ever fathom.
It usually starts with "If you keep talking to me like that you're going to wish you hadn't". If they keep it up, I keep my word. I have no problem making old people cry.
@@pulynanyalikibitz1301 That's kind of messed up.
FOR REAALL. I can't never let a single cuss word slide out of my mouth without people being SHOOKEND or acting like I committed a crime
@@munchies08 I meannn swearing in general is seen as immature Im not saying you cant because it does have its benefits
@@pulynanyalikibitz1301 bold of you to assume that teenagers wouldn't say stuff like that lol
THIS. I’m 25 and people always think I’m still in high school 😑 it’s so bittersweet, I love that I look youthful but I hate that people don’t take me seriously and so I end up having to be forceful with it and I don’t want to do that 😞
Omg this is so helpful. I'm so tired of people thinking that I'm 14 and then getting super shocked to know that I'm actually way older.
I felt this I’m 24 and it took effort to get my position were I’m surrounded by older white men later 30’s to 60. Also being a person of color some of their comments can be really off putting.
That must be a struggle. More power and respect to you for going through it despite that.
I'm 21 and am the first woman of color on my major, ever. That's a big deal- I am constantly being looked down on by my older advisor who assumes I know nothing about my history as a black woman- it is belittling and inconsiderate. I worked hard to get where I am and I deserve respect, just as much as I give it to her. It is hard to get respect when you are young and powerful, but you have to claim it anyway, you're here for a reason. Keep fighting on, you got this. We all do.
@@tensensaiga wow
Your story is so motivational , thank youu💖
I’m 37 but look about 15. Not exaggerating. It is humiliating and depressing.
Has happened to me my whole life. I've always really looked young for age. Get condescended to by people younger than me and others all the time.
Yooo that story with your mom being pregnant I had to pause the video 😂😂😂 the nerve of some people astonishes me
Seriously, you have to have no sense of care for others and selfishness if you're able to talk to a pregnant lady like that 🙄
And even if she was 16 that was a shitty thing to do.
A reasonable factor I considered is *how* I speak and *the way* I say something. I'll be 30 next year but recognize I look 18; a variety of people initially approach me as the latter, but the depth of my voice, expressions, and the pace at which I speak has worked in my favor and usually forces people to pause and reconsider that I'm older than they assumed.
How do you speak ?
I'm about to be 26 and I got called out by a bunch of 8th graders and teachers claiming I looked like "a little 7th grader" smh 😤
I'm 24 and working in a middle school (I help an autistic boy) and I get mistaken for a teenager every single day. I've been working there since late March lol
Same here 😔
I've often been called a "baby face" and don't get me wrong - I am only turning 20. I went through parentification as a child, hence I've always been viewed paradoxically. I've realized that's the root cause of my deep need to interact solely with people that are older than me and to be viewed as an "intelligent adult". The fact that I get triggered by being called young and innocent looking (and sometimes even feeling disgust towards people that are my age or younger) isn't just about being pissed off for not being taken seriously because I'm a woman. It's actually a fairly naive and child-like complex where one internally still wants to get on their parents' level. We shouldn't deny that we're still inexperienced and naive but to explore ourselves while we're still very high in openess. It's okay. As you kind of said, in a way we "change" and mature at an insane pace. That's called potential and plasticity and we should own it. Suffocating femininity and youth for status is a sad thing.
In drama school we learnt about energies. Younger people, especially children tend to orient their energy towards the front. They're more expressive with their face and hands. As opposed to older people who orient their energy towards their back because they've gained experience and with age their back becomes heavier. I hope this helps.
Hahaha I’m 28 now and I’ve been dealing with this since I was 14. I somehow still look somewhere between 16-21 a decade later. I’ve grown in my confidence; however, I’ve noticed new hires at work glare at me for giving them constructive criticism and they have often thought that I’m really young, full of myself and bossy. They often think, “Who is this little person (I’m also short unfortunately and appear even tinier in scrubs that look too big on me) trying to tell me what to do?” Lol but these new hires haven’t given other group leads this problem or have seen them in this light, even though all the group leads within the center I work for are younger than I am and have come off more rude than I have because I’m also by default extremely polite and “too nice” sometimes. Like LOL. Your story gives me hope but also terrifies me because I ultimately want to go back to pursue a masters in counseling, and I’m hoping I look at least like a full grown woman by the time I get around to actually practicing! My coworker the other day made I comment saying that I look like a baby, like a child, and all my insecurities started resurfacing again. Lol
I love the fact that not only do you understand how it feels to be discriminated against based on your looks but you provide applicable solutions to help make the problem better. very good video 🏆
I'm 17 and I went to a micro center to try to get my computer and the guy who was supposed to help me was constantly treating me like I was 12, speaking in a soft voice and asking me if I tried plugging in the pc or turning it on, he was obviously not taking me seriously and just thought I was some little kid that didn’t doesn’t understand how a computer works, didn’t even try to help me and just trying to make me looks stupid.
Wow I just turned 40 & it doesn’t end! Everyone thinks I’m either my teenage sons sister or girlfriend... and my mom is his mom... oh my. It really is discrimination when careers and personal life is negatively affected, like my life has been!
40 club here also and same struggle. It's a love hate kinda thing. Ugghhhh
All the restaurants give the check to my older teenage son when I take us out for dinner. Or they ask if we are going Dutch... I'm just like "I'm clearly his mother!"
I wear glasses, my hair in a bun and usually a blazer if I am trying to look a bit older. I usually do that if I have official business to attend to or if I am doing an internship (I am a law student). I don’t only do that to appear older, but also to appear “financially better off”. I think besides age, financial status is one of the strongest factors people consider when forming an opinion. Otherwise I really enjoy looking young, I think it has by far more positive effects than negative. Great video btw💜
I’ve struggled with this issue from time to time, it is frustrating!! Thank you for this video 💜💜
Really useful video
My public speaking coach actually told me to lower the pitch of my voice for the event where I was the MC. Now I understand why plus I am 22 who looks 17.
I’m so glad I found this video! I look younger than my actual age, and since getting a job at an international organization, I noticed people have been treating me differently from my coworkers who are my age but look more mature. I have been undermined by people from different organizations, it’s really annoying. I also have a nervous voice and it makes me sound a bit squeaky, I used to be fine with it, but now it bothers me that I sound that way. I’m trying to be mindful about making my voice sound deeper and more assertive, and being more confident in my work day by day.
You have made so many points that resonate with me, I’ll keep your suggestions in mind, thank you Dr. Ana❤
I'm 55 was asked to produce ID when buying alcohol which isn't something new. My teenage daughter feels embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of stares. I know how isolating it is to live with this curse.
@@Mumbo_Jumbo_Kiwi.1 people think I'm my 27 year old daughter's friend or sister. She isn't amused.
this was really helpful, thank you for not just saying “know that you’re lucky because you won’t look old as fast!” I feel like that’s most of what people have to say about young looking women
Great, albeit unfortunate, subject to touch upon! This concept applied to me when I was in my 20s. It wasn’t to my detriment, though, because I’m a man, and my role in my early 20s was a preschool teacher.
If my youthful face/demeanor did negatively effect me in any way, it would be that people may have lowered their expectations of me, which prevented a certain type of growth. I still *feel* like I’m not fully matured in many situations, but I’m working on that. Thanks for the insight, Ana!
(Also, my mother is constantly met with shock that she has a son my age. This is relatable on many levels.)
I’m in my mid 30’s (look 10 years younger) and took on a management role with a team. I have a masters degree and just started a white collar job. Could not believe the level of disrespect for 2 co-workers in their 40’s who were discriminating my looks and saying things like, “you’ll know how to stand up for yourselves when you hit your 30’s” and one said, “we’re specifically pointing out to the 2 at the bottom of this zoom call” (obviously including me). I was so shocked at their unprofessionalism that I did not respond. I took it as their insecurity over the new role and overly compensated. Still sucks
I'm so grateful someone is finally talking about this
Thank you! I really need this. I'm 27 and 5'3ft (average height in my country) but I kept getting asked for my age everytime and some even insist on seeing my ID. It's so frustrating, esp now that people under 18 are supposed to stay home due to COVID
thank you!! as a baby faced practicum social work student this video means so much to me. honestly one of my biggest insecurities and i’ve never heard this addressed before. why does me looking youthful make me unqualified?
it really messes with my confidence. i’ve also wondered if me being thinner adds to it. your mom struggling with this still is sad! why does it even matter
@@supergorillaz I feel like being thinner does add to that. I am thin have always been underweight- with a baby face at 5 foot. All these things combined do not help at all. People at my workplace do talk to me in a condescending tone as if I was a child and it sucks. I am 23 and am turning 24 this september. It certainly won't help when I become a teacher!
I agreed
Love the words of wisdom in this video. Will be returning here often. I'm 31 but look much younger and it can be quite frustrating.
Agreed
I feel this is an issue often for me in workplace. Co-workers will assume I don't know about something, undermining my professional opinion. And i lack the confidence so I recently took on a co workers advice/suggestion and went against what i thought to end up feeling silly because I was very clearly going in the right direction before.. I've had clients that have even said to me that I wouldn't understand because I'm too young despite a long history of life events happening to me already along with my education.
Omg thank you for this. I just finished my masters and I’m going to pursue a doctorate MFT. I get a lot of “you look young” even confused me for a hs student. I like how you mention about confidence. That’s something I am currently working on that. I take it, me looking young interfered with my confidence and career. Now I try my best to better myself and working on my confidence :)
Also during my supervision I consulted about a client who wanted his partner to join for support... my supervisor mentioned something about how I feel being “an attractive therapist” I told him I do not see that way because I am consulting how I can help my client... I didn’t understand it made me feel like oh I need to be older and ugly?? It totally throws off my confidence. Hope you can do a video about this! ❤️ I also attend my own therapist 🙏🏽
I never heard anyone talk about this before but I needed advice about this topic !!
omg I was just thinking about this the other day. I am currently taking my Masters in Clinical Psychology and I often wonder how I'd be taken seriously by future patients/ clients when I look like a teenager
Instead of lying and saying “I’m trained as a doctor” I usually say “I’ve been on a train with a doctor”. Same thing really.
I lower my voice and dress masculine in order to be taken seriously. Especially at work and dealing with home repair contractors. I’ve been scammed, taken advantage of, hit on, and have had my boundaries crossed so many times. As a single, female homeowner that looks 20, it’s the only way. I also started saying that “I have a husband but he’s at work”, when I meet with contractors because I noticed that it makes them less likely to cheat me, up charge me, or do shotty work.
Sad, but true.
Im a veterinarian. I am slightly overweight and quite meaty but still very shapely and healthy... And people at work treat me so much better and more seriously than my skinny friends.
Not gonna shed that extra weight now that it makes life so much easier
Girl I'm 26 and people ( my boss ) calls me kiddo. Family members ( cousin's husband ) refers to me as a child. I dated a man 6 years older than him, who was a surgeon. Like humble your damn self cousin in law, you're a child. ( referring to him ). It's gross. And he tells me he will always see me as a youngster. The dude is 32. He is nothing.
This channel needs waaaaay more viewers than it is now. totally deserving!!! So refreshing
Now that I'm 42, its actually rewarding to constantly hear how young I look. 😅
About looking older
It might be important to try to identify exactly what the parts of your face that make you look younger are. In my case, I have a tall, round, young looking forehead. Making it seem smaller by opting for a side part immediately makes me look older. Also, making sure that my well defined, slightly masculine jaw is not covered by hair is also important.
Darker colors for hair and clothes also help, and a strong lipstick (like red or brown instead of nudes) demands more respect and seriousity
My struggle I turned 36 and I looked like an 18-year-old student..
I can't wait for a video that explains how to interpret our dreams!!!
I absolutely needed this. Thank you for this video
Wow the thing about getting more life experience and facing your fears showing on your face is super interesting. I can see it being true for me.
I also think that having healthy confidence, emotional maturity and having good speech skills can help.
This is exactly what I needed.
My story is a bit on the funnier side. I was wearing my high school graduation gown while walking home. My neighbor congratulated me, then proceeded to ask: “which high school are you going to now?”
I responded with: “I’m going to [this University] this fall!”
These days I work with people much older than me, so they’re shocked to learn that I’m younger than them. Thanks for this video!
similar thing happened to me! i told someone the name of the university i go to and they said “oh! the middle school?” 🙄
literally just graduated from college and people think I just graduated from high school 😭
Your voice is soo soothing that I can listen to you for hours. I was surprised to hear anyone would complain about it, I wasn't even planning to compliment it because it sounded obvious. I even listen to your video midnight to relax and enjoy the knowledge too.
Thank you for making this video! I struggled so much with this and for the past few years, I’ve already been implementing many of the tips you mentioned (some I found online and others I figured from trial and error) and it completely changed people’s perception of me.
I think the important thing is actually being mature rather than just physically looking mature, so going through your own personal growth and development will help a lot.
Plus I’ve always had this inner motto (that I made up myself) which goes, “I’d rather look like a child but have my shit together and internally be 50 years old than the other way around”. It helped me gain a lot of confidence and convince people to see me for who I am beyond just my looks.
Well I remember a lady at the bank mentioned I look younger than my age and I replied "you know what, that is what is wrong with my life. I need to get plastic surgery and change it!" That shut her up.
In Brazil is very common asking people their age. I think most people wouldn't say it's a violation of privacy.
Except this ain’t Brazil now is it.2 context has EVERYTHING to do with it, it’s a read the room kind of thing. you don’t ask for someone’s age in a condescending tone when their just trying to do their job.
I really needed this video!! I'm getting my master's and I'm older than most of the people in my class but I'm still kind of the baby around them. Also I come from a different field so I tend to be more inexperienced in certain areas. I've been working on getting more "professional clothes" but I really liked the part about reframing in your video. I may not have the same experience as my class but I do have a different perspective since my academic life was different.
Thank you so much for the video! I always learn something new from your channel.
I have to constantly try to make my voice deeper at my hotel desk job, and i have social anxiety so it is very difficult, but people are so much nicer to me if i have a deeper voice , and exaggerate my regional accent (because older people dont have flat accents here). Still not bad enough to stop wearing sunscreen though
I know what it's like to have to deal with this. I'm 24 years old, and I've had people mistake me for a FREAKING MIDDLE SCHOOLER!!!
Thank you for making this! A video I never knew I needed!!! Love from India❤️
My brother and I were just talking about this the other week! We both have very young faces and have experienced this through varying degrees, although I do feel like he has a better advantage of being taken seriously because of his height, quick wit and because he's a male...
25 is a weird age honestly, I feel torn between wanting to stay youthful and wanting to be listened to.
Do you think you could further elaborate on this gradual process that we experience around this age as women? 🙏
Also, thank you for this vid! Always look forward to your content 😁
I’m about to turn 16 and I just started my junior year of high school, but for some reason to my friends and classmates when I’m around them I get a sense of them being more apathetic to my comments when it’s a fun moment, which also gives me a sense of me being always a year younger than I actually am. Even around adults in my family, I’m always trying to prove myself of me not being such a kid.
Thank youuuu I’m almost 19 and everyone thinks that I’m 12 and treats me like a MINOR
Last year when I was 17, I worked in a cafe for a little bit and this old lady came up to me and asked me how old I was just completely out of nowhere. When I told her my age, she was shocked and said she assumed I was 14 and too young to work there lol. She seemed sweet but I hate when people assume things about me based on how I look/how my anxiety sometimes makes me behave because it is not fair at all. My family often compares me to my cousin (6 months younger) who looks and acts older than me, and it hurts lol
girl same im 19 too i will turn 20 this july and someone asked ''how old are u? are you like 14 YET?'' lmao
I needed this video all my life
I think my voice sounds so childish but and squeaky but I am actually a quite mature person to be around... ugh the struggles... and I'm 23 a wife and mom. Also Ana I would love to see a video about how to boost self-confidence and extinguish self-doubt when pursuing a talent/skill as this is something I am currently struggling with. Thanks for the awesome videos.
Wow, this is a GREAT topic. ♥️
achiveing things in a young age helps too!
i have a fit body despite being younger than the men in my familia, but they look up to me when it comes to diet and fitness because they know i have the will to work hard.
Thank you for the videos❤️ you help me really live a better life and form better choices.. thank you so much i watch your videos almost daily!
I’m a 19 yr old psychology college student working in the field of ABA and the estimated graduation date for me to obtain my BA is almost exactly a year from now. I just wanted to say this video has helped me immensely thank you Ana!
In pubs i was being asked for ID in my late twenties.
It never did much for my confidence.
Now this is something I’m really excited to watch!!!
Your videos are so good and they inspire me to grow and change without fear! Thank you 🙏❤️
Dude this is the video I need 🙌🏼🙌🏼
I feel I flip flop between not being taken seriously because I am rather introverted, socially anxious, gentle in my temper and look young, then I lower my voice and I am more harsh, forward and talk without filtering myself aka with confidence and I feel like I am at times perceived as bossy or like who is she to say that at her age.
It’s quiet annoying and it is not helpful on building confidence.
I once said something and people just looked at me and turned away as if I was a 16/17/18 year old trying to converse with adults.
Could you speak on the topic of how to build and know and keep ones identity?
I struggle with this because I am a very emphatic person and not only at times it seems too selfaware but also aware of peoples dynamics and their moods. And I adapt myself to it (which can be a good thing to be sensitive and wise) but it makes me also close myself off (maybe I am HSP) and I feel not authentic (maybe confidence is the key) I probably have to get comfortable with being perceived bossy.
Would love to hear your input.
omg why does this sound exactly like me - are you an infj by any chance
@@mashalw9708 Yes, I am INFJ! x)
@@saranox7319 omg yayy✨
31 yo and people think I'm 18, plus I have a baby voice. Nobody takes me seriously, neither my parents, and every time I have to prove them wrong with a lot of effort, while other people don't need to do that much in order to be taken seriously just because of their look :/
Thank you so much for discussing this. Very great suggestions.
Thank youuu!!! I have this issue and also an issue with my accent. I live in Puerto Rico and study in mosty Spanish. My Spanish isn't bad but it isnt perfect. When I speak it I have an accent that sounds very different bc im mexican and was raised un the US. My peers can be so rude and many have assumed I cant read or write in Spanish. I have had to do group assignments alone because no one would want to work with me lool.
And it doesn't help that in very thin and have acne so I look really young too.
Sucks that you experience that! You look beautiful in your picture. Perhaps people are just jealous. Regardless, you don't deserve to be mistreated. I hope things get better for you!
Way late to the party here but, you're literally "my" new favorite RUclipsr. You rule.
great points. thank you so much for touching on this subject!!!!!!!!!!!
Great topic and video 😄😊 I'm 23 now and people usually think I'm younger, but the pattern I noticed that people younger than me think I'm younger than my age, even younger than them, andd to people older than me they usually think I'm older than my real age. people who are much older than me also think that I'm younger 😅 soo it looks like I'm old and young at the same time, like looking 17 and 30 at once 😄
Great! I would like more this topic videos
This really helped me! Thank you!
My kind of channel. Thanks for this content!
Please put the audio files on spotify as podcasts- would love to listen to your vids when im out
I'm sorry, are you spying on me?
I'm 42 and I've always looked younger than what I am. Frustrating at times.
Thank you so much for the advice! It was very helpful!
I went to my dentist to get my braces taken off. Constantly they’re telling me, where’s your parents and I had to correct them every time and they’re constantly calling my parents for my appointment . It makes me mad and sad
I hate the way I look it affects me in my everyday life. People perceive me as someone with little wisdom😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔
Love your content ❤️ I look forward to it
Can you talk about looking young and dating? I’m 22 but often get confused for 14 and it’s affected my dating life
Ughhh ... I hate the Romanian grannies who demand your seat even though they're obviously not tired and are not carrying anything. You'll sometimes see them scream at middle schoolers carying huge, heavy backpacks for not giving away their seat 🙄
I used to LOVE looking younger until a couple months ago, and I'm 29, so almost 30. The reason why I changed my mind is... people being truly disrespectful got old. When someone asks for your ID, they are just doing their job and it takes you like 10 seconds to handle it. That's a non issue. People's attitude is, quite often, the true issue.
thank you, Ana.
Thumbnail game on point 💯
funny. I kind of have the opposite problem where i look too serious when i want to be accessable to people.
Fantastic video Ana!
Damn when I modeled it was so weird. There is a pressure to look young yet old. Ex: Bella habid .
Struggling with this right now