Story 1: I swear to God I’m not violent, but if my SIL was breaking plates I inherited from my grandmother (both my grandmothers were cooler than I’ll ever be), I’d beat her ass with every shard of one of those broken plates. For starters. And then she’d never be allowed in my house or in my presence ever again.
I have my mom's parent's wedding china. My aunt offered me $1,000 for them. I turned her down and said "They're going to Matt." He's my younger brother. We didn't get a ton of stuff from them, but I'm not selling or giving the stuff away.
It sounds to me that Op is neurodivergent and redecorating or rearranging someone's room like that is abusive. Especially if it's done without their permission or input.
@@4bibimimi That's *exactly* what it sounded like to me, yeah. Every one of those complaints, aside from perhaps the firmness of the bed, stems from a Neurodivergent need (hating surprises, maintaining consistency and order, collecting things, avoiding large amounts of bright/saturated colors, etc.), and even the bed might be a textural issue more than a physical one (I have back pain if I sleep in a bed that's too soft, but I also have some texture issues regarding the bed being just right). People who just up and change the environment of a Neurodivergent person's private space are bad enough, but then to get made at OP for their quite justified reaction to having their world uprooted? That mom doesn't have a clue how to parent someone with Neurodivergence, and OP is just plain safer at her dad's. (Should the mom actually care to work with her daughter to upgrade her room to "less depressing", she might suggest dark walls with a *small* amount of colorful trim. E.g. dark navy walls with brighter blue trim, or even painting in some glow-in-the-dark stars. A *little* bit of sensory stimulation is very different from a sensory overload, and that little hint of unusual can be quite heartening.)
Story 2: The YTA commenter ignored the little issue that the sister wanted to be THANKED by OP. Mom's house, mom's rules? Well mom can do the thanking. If this redesign was really done at the behest of their mother, why the blazes would OP thank her considering that OP can't stand the redo? If the sister just took it upon herself do to an unwanted and disliked redo, she doesn't get thanks for that either. I'd have been tempted to take pictures and post them on social media saying what an awful designer the sister is. I would wait until the rest of my stuff was out of reach of sister and mother before posting though.
I moved out 6 years ago and except for moving things around that were already in the room so she can keep it more easily clean, my mom left my bedroom as it was. You don't redo someone's private space without permission
@@velvety2006 No YOUR mother abided by that demand from her spawn...not all parents bow to their children's wishes in a house that they did not contribute to financially.
I'm convinced that mom manipulated the sister into believing she was doing something great for OP. Now, she's using sister as a meat shield against OP's wrath.
She could possibly buy him a new console, wrap it up and claim it to be a present for her mother. Then, when SIL breaks it, go "Oh, wait. There is my mother's present. That must be hubby's new console. Well, accidents happen." Then watch him break down.
Regarding the redecorating story , OP isn't the idiot , managed to find the post and that last YTA is probably the only few calling OP the AH, a comment on the plot explained perfectly, 'Your sister broke the cardinal rule of a consultant (which she is trying to be): she didn’t consult with the end user first. And, in the end, she decorated your room according to her aesthetic without any consideration to what you wanted or what you think looks good. And, if she keeps going on with this attitude, she won’t be working as a designer for long.'
Yeah that 'YTA' comment is so wrong. Like, yes it's her mother's house and her mother is the supposed client, but even in an actual client's re-do you likely wouldn't change the kids' rooms without involving them, and extra when this is your own family... Sister may not have done it intentionally to screw with her, but she also didn't do it in a professional manner either.
@@softqueensaru FRFR if she ever works for a agency who does remodeling , how come I can see the sister being fired in a few weeks if not days - She'll probably try and get the clients to thank her for improving their home- imaging if she gets something like a rug that the clients are allergic too!
If anyone did that to me, they would regret it forever. The violence of forcibly pushing your design sense on your sister is unforgivable, no consultation, no discussion about colors or finishes, just her running rough-shod over her Sister's refuge. The balls on that bitch! No decent interior designer would ever force their aesthetic on anyone. No decent Mother would allow her child to be so poorly treated.
RUclipsrs often cut stories, leaving out pieces of info or just take most controversial comments to get comments here. More comments in their videos,more algorithm points People to their videos
Story 3: If you're repeatedly told that what you're doing isn't helpful and you keep doing it, then you no longer have the excuse of good intentions, you're just being disrespectful and inconsiderate
Story 2: You never redecorate someone's space without their permission. You also never throw out someone's things or consider what they like and don't like. I'd just live with my dad. It's mother's house but it's your room. The comment regarding being an adult and having clients. She isn't going to keep her clients if she can't consider the client's needs.
Definitely NTA. If the sister was doing it "for" OP, then why throw out her things? She had a collection, right? How do you go from changing the decoration to actually throwing out more than furniture. Even if the mom wanted a change in decor, why didn't they set OP's personal items aside so that she could decide what to do with it? I personally would have felt violated had it happened to me. It's an invasion of privacy and theft, IMO.
If I was the OP I would be pretty and redecorate their rooms without permission to see how they like it. They clearly were up to something then why they would they do this behind OP's back. They know it's wrong. So don't be surprised if OP decides to cut them out like a cancerous tumor. They only see OP as a resource to exploit.
Exactly it makes me wonder if yta comment was sister. Op has no choice to live there considering op sounds underage. I would never thank her the only thing I'll be accepting is I'm sorry for wrecking your space.
That last commenter on the redecorating story is an example why adult children go no contact with parents. Who cares if its her, you dont get to throw out someone's stufg without at least a conversation. My mom did this to my room once. Spend all weekend painting and decorating in tones of blue white and gold, when to a weekend camp and came home to my room painted baby pink. She even ripped out the walls mounted desk i bought ( everything with my own money) and left holes oj the drywall
It is always interesting to me that people are so offended and critical when children stay away from their "dear sweet mother". It never occurs to them that dear old Dad or Sweet grey haired Mom may have run them off, treated them like crap, and were terrible parents to their children. Even when my own Mother had dementia, her sharp, derisive, judgemental nature was in full effect, she pushed our buttons on autopilot! Fortunately, she completely lost her mind, and we enjoyed a lovely relationship with this good-natured, appreciative stranger that looked like our Mother for almost two years. It was so nice...
Yeah her house ber rules are for like no wild parties or no bringing men home to spend the night or even not leaving dirty dishes in your room. How a teenager should decorate her room should be completely up to her
Yeah im not going keep letting SIL break my plates 😮 she would have got a paper plate after the 1st time. To go into someone else's home who has invited you to dinner and do this is beyond disrespectful and weird I just don't get people 🤦🏾♀️
My MIL had a set of "good dishes" that I thought looked hideous. However I'd never broken any of her plates because I'm not a narcissistic AH (I'm an AH in different ways).
Story 2 Changing my private space without asking? Throwing away my collectibles? Never would I have apologized. Why should the victim apologize to the perpetrator? I would demand compensation for my destroyed (sold?/stolen) stuff and an apology from sister as well as from the mother who was fine with her doing this to you.
Story 1: …WHAT exactly is the husbands argument here…? His brat sister is purposefully destroying his wife’s sentimental items and all Op did was call her on it. NTA Op, it’s really telling that MIL and FIL are both on your side and agree that SIL is acting like a spoiled brat.
OP, put the video on social media, with a big warning to all who know SIL that she's a thief and they should keep an eye on their belongings. She deserves to be way more embarrassed than she currently is.
Athlynne - Or, warn the interfering monkeypaws that OP *intends to do this* (your suggestion) if *all* harrassment of OP does not cease, *immediately.*
To be honest, all of it was completely out of line. It would be understandable if OP moved out of the house and took her belongings with her but that’s not the case. Her room was a means for OP to express herself only for her sister to take that away from her
First story:NTA and seriously I would not want the sister or the bf over for a very long time! She is spiteful and malicious and destructive. Keep her far away from your home and belongings!
Story 1: NTA. Does your Husband know how expensive China is? Once, believable. Twice, I’m profusely apologizing. 3 times I’m fully aware why you gave me the plastic dish wear.
Story 1: SIL broke several of OP's plates. This was more than about broken plates. SIL was jealous of OP and probably has some weird obsession with her own brother. OP should have accepted MIL's offer to pay for them. OP should never apologize to SIL because SIL deserved to be exposed and humiliated. OP had no support from her husband. He knew his sister was a Thief but made excuses for her. He actually had the nerve to be upset with OP for exposing his sister. She should ask herself if she really wants to stay married to someone who doesn't have her back.
Story 2: NTA. She redecorated someone’s personal space without consulting them? Oh Hun, that attitude isn’t going to get her far in the “Home decor” world.
Yes. You don't disrespect your partner like that. Whether it be husband or wife. If you don't love them, why are you together? You can at least be civil, if not kind.
And that term house husband is just gross just like house wife. Call it a stay at home partner/husband/wife. When I hear the term house wife/husband it makes my skin crawl like they are only there to take care of the home and the working partner can do what ever they want outside the house. Also it's not like he's home willingly. He's trying to find work but it's challenging.
Yeah, if someone doesn't like your pet name for them and you actually care about them, you stop. Ya know, like a grown up. I'd like to see her face if he calls her sugar momma 😂 what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Term househusband: As someone who was not able to work in their field of study, NTA. Being a house husband/ wife is a term of someone who is willingly devoted to that job. Due to circumstances Op did not willingly choose to become one. Op is trying to find footing in the work world and if wife cared, should be supportive by not call him names that are a sore spot. A lot of us spend time, money and resources, to follow our dream careers only to be faced with harsh reality. And yes, wife did emasculate Op. The sentence alone was a cheap shot at his masculinity. The same way it would be offensive for a woman's femininity. It wasn't stated with good faith.
There is nothing wrong with being a househusband if you choose to be one but op can't find work in his field, i wonder if the wifey is gonna pissed when he decided he rather works and takes a job at a supermarket or something
So OP is supposed to apologize for embarrassing her SIL for exposing the fact that she's breaking OP's inherited property? And WTF is wrong with OP's husband?!?!?
@@akl2k7No. No, no, no. Never apologize when you did nothing wrong. It only encourages bad behavior to not only continue, but escalate. And they will hold the apology over your head. Such as why did you apologize if you weren't wrong, huh? Don't cater to idiots. It's not healthy.
Remodel story; “Her house, her rules” Tell me you’re abusive to anyone who gets close to you in 4 words. As soon as you give a child a room, a child FROM YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS, that room is THEIRS. You may own the entire house but it isn’t yours to do as you please…
It's emotional abuse to take away a child's safe space. To also throw away their belongings is just villain behavior. It's traumatizing to the kid. If it's done repeatedly, it really causes damage.
@@akl2k7 Yes. You bring the person who's going to be sleeping on the mattress along with to pick one that's comfortable. Just like you bring the kid with when buying shoes.
Yeah, I dont get these comments at all. Everyone acts like he chose the situation, when he is just being a supportive spouse. He's made it clear that he is insecure about not having found a job yet...which would likely not be an issue, if he had gotten an actual job while supporting her through law school. This isnt a man/woman thing. This is a respect for your spouse's feelings thing.
Story 1: completely a hundred percent nta for OP in any point of the situation. Let’s back up a minute. OP’s husband didn’t do anything but brush off OP’s concerns about his sister breaking her plates but he goes off on OP when OP humiliated his sister and called her out on her actions in front of the family. Which is really confusing and ridiculous at this point especially since he decided to give OP the silent treatment for not only bringing his sister’s horrible deeds into the light but also for OP not giving an apology which she was demanded to do but shouldn’t have to since she wasn’t the one who did something bad. I think that it was very thoughtful of the parents in law to offer to pay for replacement plates and I agree with OP for declining their offer because they didn’t do anything wrong and they shouldn’t have to be the ones who are paying for their daughter’s wrongdoings. Which OP should definitely make an ultimatum for her sister in law in regards to that. OP should tell her “either you pay for replacement plates or you don’t come to dinner ever again”. And OP should divorce and drop her husband’s ass if he is only going to side with his sister. Because let’s face it. If he was willing to turn a blind eye to what his sister was doing and then go off on his wife for treating his sister like she deserved to be treated then what’s to say that he wouldn’t do the same thing again if his wife decided to call out his sister again and humiliate his sister as well because she decided to escalate things by breaking something else.
Yep. I don't understand why she was so blasé about it after the second occurrence. Even without proof there was enough there there to suggest a pattern and bad intentions. Also don't get why she didn't push back at her husband when he brushed her aside the first time.
@@satansecretary665 Yeah, if they stole from other people, there's nothing stopping them from stealing from you. I wouldn't be surprised if thieves are more likely to steal from family. Between that and vandalism, they'd be banned. I'd actually say no or low contact until they got their act together.
Joey: Hey! How come my plate less fancy then everyone else's is? Do you not trust me with the fancy Plates? Monica: No, honey. That's a special plate. See it's a game. Whoever gets that plate wins! Joey: Can't believe I won!
The YTA commenter must be sister or mom. A bedroom shouldn't be redecorated without input from the person whose bedroom it is. Also why toss out a perfectly good mattress for a completely different design? Or throw out someone's personal possessions without their permission? This was done either with complete disregard for OP or malice.
The Girl's Name is NOT ON THE DEED TO THE HOME. She lives there by her mother's permission. The only LEGAL stand she has, is the value of the belongings thrown away.
@@Objective-Observerso when you are married but your name is not on the deed of the house you live there by your husband's permission. That means you would be totally fine if he redecorates your room/the kitchen/your personal space to something you totally dislike, even hate? I doubt that.
@@peterhobson3262changing the mattress was the biggest mark of disrespect. I can't sleep on a memory foam mattress because I feel like I'm sinking into it. OP has had her ability to even sleep in what should be her room, ruined.
Story 2: You don't ever set foot in my space if I don't okay it. You DAMN SURE don't change everything in my space and throw away my things without my permission. And expecting a "thank you" for it... No. The screaming part I won't comment on, but the rest, I get it.
Agreed on everything you said including the screaming part. I can't really judge that because people handle emotions differently and she had NO preparation.
If they’re not neurotypical and need that safe space, it can be realllly violating. Especially if it’s been a safe space your whole life! It’s basically like their home was destroyed and replaced. Id cry too and not out of happiness. They didn’t even ask what they wanted or if they even wanted it. It’s defilement.
I'd be screaming, collectibles have sentimental value, memories, and monetary value. Your room is supposed to be a safe haven and if your stuff is missing you have to find everything, go through everything, see what's missing and what needs replaced, I'd start shoving my shit into bags to take to my dad's before I stopped screaming.
On the first story, OP said in a comment that her husband FINALLY apologized (she thinks after MIL called and ripped him a new one) and they’re all thinking SIL and her BF have a drug problem. They’ve both been caught stealing and BF was just let out of jail a few months ago.
Everyone should have cameras up and change the locks just in case. They'll be back with a sob story and will scam, lie, steal again until they hit rock bottom and hopefully get rehabilitated. Drugs and addiction change you. The harder the drug, the faster it destroys your values, ethics, morals and even your humanity.
My parents let us decorate our room how we wanted. Yes it was their house but our rooms were a reflection of our personalities. When I paint and decorate my young kids room I try to make their room a reflection of who they are.
6:54 The sister is not being nice. This tactic of giving people expensive or troublesome gifts you want to give them that they don’t want and then demanding they be grateful is low key abusive.
Story 1: "I gave her a sippy cup and several other kids' dinnerware, and she threw a tantrum and swiped her dishes off the table when i told her why" yeah, nta. She's behaving like an ill-mannered toddler. Very specifically an ill-mannered toddler, because I see toddlers running around outside with a sugar-high who are far less atrocious than that! She doesn't like the plates? Next time, have her bring her own! Or she can take a sippy cup like the tantrum throwing toddler she wants to act
Story 1: Start breaking stuff that means a lot to your husband. When he starts to complain about it, tell him he "owes you an apology" for getting upset with you for breaking his stuff.
Wanting baby clothes that "last" made me laugh. Babies grow pretty fast, they will ruin some clothes with blowouts, but even gucci or prada aren't immune to that.
Regarding the man who is objecting to the term house husband . for the past decade or more women have been complaining about the term house wife… if housewife is a unkind term then how is house husband not.
Story 3: coming from a family with a multitude of allergies I just hate when people can't respect it if you clearly communicate issues with food. SIL could have send the recipe and asked if it was ok to bring. And honestly why can't people just accept a straightforward answer? OP has said multiple times no food, please bring XYZ if you want to bring a gift. It is disrespectful and obnoxious and entitled to then still expect your extra food to be displayed. Now if SIL couldn't trust OP with food for her own allergies or ethics that would be different, but I don't see that here.
Story 1: Stuck on the part where you have proof this person is purposely destroying your property, and you allow them back into the house. All invites should be cancelled. Only reason you should ever be in the same room is if you went to HER house to break HER plates.
I could see allowing one final meal *purely* to pull the prank OP pulled and show the family the video. I mean it's petty, but it also makes the problem clear and lays to rest any question of why SIL is no longer allowed in OP's house, so the family can't get righteously mad at her for "excluding" the poor little... is there a word like "kleptomaniac" but for the seemingly irresistible urge to break things? Anyway, this tactic avoids the rest of the family siding against OP as a group, unless they're horrible people too and are better removed from OP's life. There are, perhaps, better ways to handle this, but this does get everyone on the same page in most memorable fashion. Also, I'd find the listed cost for replacement and point that out to dear hubby, if no one else (obviously they're worth more than the listed cost, but that's a baseline, and for fine china it might be a LOT -- and hubby might take it more seriously if he sees some hard numbers).
Last story, I'd also be commenting on her post "just a helpful reminder everyone, name brand only, anything else is tacky and gives off orphan vibes, and, just to be clear, I didn't say that, Brittany did when I offered mine" 😊
Yep! And I have a strong feeling she was never going to use her nephew’s clothes and just wanted to sell them. So OP dodged a bullet since she wouldn’t have gotten them back and she can save them if either she has another baby or someone who isn’t an ungrateful itch is expecting
Story 4: NTA lets face it if the roles were reversed and OP was calling his wife a "housewife" and similar things, everyone would be calling him TA. Saying he's being degrading to his wife, trying to do a powerplay, or assert dominance or something.
They ARE ah. Woman find it degrading also. The term housewife is the most devaluatie term for woman where no one has respect for. Second comes sahm. Those terms make people look down on them.
Story 1: I'd break something of husbands and tell him the exact same thing sister-in-law told you "it wasn't my style". He's delusional if he thinks this is okay
Oh for- Ugh. People are allowed to not want to be called certain things even if it's "accurate". OP isn't TA for not wanting to be called a house husband. He IS an ahole for admitting it's been bothering him for months and he chose not to say anything until he blew up. The whole situation might have been avoided if he calmly talked it over with his wife after the first incident.
I wouldn't say he's an asshole for staying mum about it, though there's a bit of asshole in the blow-up. But humans get socialized to avoid saying "that bothers me" when they're being teased, mocked, ridiculed, or belittled. We should be promoting the idea that people *should* speak up about it, and that they shouldn't be shamed for doing so. And yeah, people get to decide which labels apply to them, and which ones they reject; that's their right, for the most part. If they feel belittled by a certain term, guess what? Don't use it on them! But just the *way* that his wife uses it tells me she doesn't respect him and doesn't care about his feelings. He's certainly longsuffering, but that marriage may not last so long.
Story 4: You can want to dress your kid in expensive clothes but if you expect someone to be ok with someone calling you tacky for no brand clothes all whilst going on social media asking for money. She is in for a real shock once the baby arrives.
This is a person who has no clue just how fast babies grow. It's really useless to buy designer label clothes for them since they grow out of them so fast. There's no need to buy "nice clothes that will last" for babies because they grow so fast they grow out of them so quickly even really cheap items will last until the baby grows out of them, which in the beginning will be about 2 weeks. I'm kidding. They'll last for 3 weeks before they get too small.
Room redecorating: it's not "nice" to change people's personal space A)without their permission, B)without their knowledge, C)without taking THEIR tastes into account, and D) while throwing out their stuff.
Story 3 LMAO NTA I've been to hundreds of family gatherings and they always say you don't have to bring anything but honestly I feel like a mooch if I don't so what I do is depending on the type of gathering depends on what I bring ...Wine, soda, watermelon, lol and once I brought a karaoke machine for 4th of July learned my entire family can't sing but they sure will try.
As long as it works within the host's restrictions, then you're fine. But heck, if you want to contribute to a meal without contributing directly, consider a gift card for whichever grocery store the host shops at (cuts down on the amount they've spent on the meal) or, if you feel like contributing more, a larger gift card for a place that sells nice kitchen supplies (so that the host can pick out nicer pans or storage containers etc. than they would normally be able to afford). At least, those are presents *I'd* be glad to receive. But bringing a variety of drinks is always welcome, to my mind. Especially if you remember that some people don't like coffee, tea, *or* soda, but would still like something that's not water! (Fruit juice, sports drinks (like Body Armor or Gatorade), sugar-free drinks, and flavored milk are nice alternatives.)
What gets me is that there was a similar story of wife bringing food when specifically told not to (along with badgering the MIL when she tried to get some quiet time) and both the OP (wife's husband) and *MIL* were raked over the coals "being rude to" the wife who was "just trying to be friendly."
@@brigidtheirish Yeah but the story where the MIL just wanted some quiet, SHE was hosting a gathering at HER house, if u want alone time don't host a get together🙄 I saw that story too MIL was rude.
@@arleneclark6369 I love the ableist logic behind the claim that only highly sociable people with a lot of spoons can ever host a family gathering. If I host a get-together for one or two people, I'd assume that I'm their primary form of human contact during that get-together. That would seem normal to me, and the idea of going off by myself would indeed seem rude (and if I had a disability-related need for it, I'd explain that problem, and give them the option of leaving early or of, say, enjoying the garden for half an hour while I got my head back together or whatever). However, if I host for six or eight or a dozen family members who aren't from the same household, I'd assume that they can mingle and enjoy each other's company without needing to monopolize *my* entire evening. If I'm worn out after an hour and wish to retreat to my room to re-center myself so that I can rejoin the group later, or would like to sit back and watch the group have fun while I'm not directly involved, or even just have run out of batteries for the rest of the night (which might be an expected thing or an unexpected thing), I wouldn't want to just kick the whole group out, but I might want to limit or eliminate my contact for part or all of the night. It's not unreasonable to assert a boundary like that, and what that DIL was doing was *incredibly* disrespectful. She knew damn well what the old woman wanted and just badgered her to death until the old woman was through even trying to interact with her as a person, let alone someone she could be cordial with. What DIL was doing was self-centered to the extreme, and she deserved getting shut down and excluded from any future gatherings. You don't need to appreciate why a person has a certain boundary, but you certainly need to respect their right to have them.
The Story about the Husband that takes care of the Home NTA all she had to say was "Im so grateful for my husband being there and be able to take care of the house while im away i know its a lot and i appreciate it" but she kept on going and now shes angry cuz she has help should have kept your mouth shut
Anyone who thinks its because she said “househusband” and glosses over the laughter by his wife and his mother in law who thinks little of him, is an idiot. Replace the word househusband with “Macho Man” and follow that up with ridiculing laughter and it would still be obnoxious.
Buying a house does not mean it's in perfect condition at purchase. Some places need upgrades. She doesn't treat her husband as an equal, he's just an house elf for his wife and inlaws to laugh at.
Story 2: To those of us who actually collect things our collections are SACROSANCT or in others words NOT TO BE F-ED WITH!! So IMO op is NTA, my mom would NEVER dream of messing with my collection of carnival glass!!!
I'm 73, and I still own and treasure things that I have collected since I was a teenager. I educated myself as a poor kid from the deep South, reading Architectural Digest, seeing how things fit together to compliment each other, and evoke a feeling of comfort and elegance. I searched for and bought things that I have loved for decades. At 23 I bought the most beautiful object; a woven antique Ikebana basket shaped like a gourd, mounted on a briar root. It was very expensive for me at 23, but it was irresistable. It still brings me joy. I down-sized and sent a lot of my collections to auction, but that basket sits on a lacquer stand on my dining table with an orchid in bloom in it.
I'm not a fan of how my youngest daughter has her room decorated but it doesn't matter. It would never occur to me, the owner of the house she doesn't pay to live in, to go into her private space & allow my other daughter ro redo everything. I don't care if it's my house. That's disrespectful af & even though she doesn't pay to live here, she still has rights. If you want to do that, you either do it with consent & imput or you dang well wait until that child moves out. That last comment was so ridiculously out of line it pisses me off. These are the parents whose child goes low or no contact with. Your kids are not objects or extensions of yourself. They are whole azz separate people & as such they deserve autonomy, dignity & respect if you expect any of those things in return. Wild behavior. Yikes.
What is out of line is the expectation that you are fostering in your child that they have the right to demand anything from someone who is literally supporting every aspect of their life. Black walls? No, especially with an attitude like that to go with them. Privacy is one thing, I will even agree that throwing out their collections is a bad thing, but that is the parent's house and money and it seems that the child is running the house which is a big no-go. That is how asshole kids end up out in society for other people to have to suffer the entitled behavior of. You want autonomy? Pay rent.
@@AlisonCasilli Do you have a reading comprehension problem or something? Where did I say they could demand to paint their walls whatever color? What I said was after they have made their room how they wanted it, you don't get to go in & change it to be how you want it without consent or until they move out. My kid has stripes on her wall & has a mural she adds to every time she has a good experience. We purchased the paint when she was 13 & she asked if she could do a mural (she's an artist & one of the other room upstairs is her studio). These are not choices I would have made myself but after they have been made (like I highly doubt the kid in the story purchased their paint & carpet by themselves either), you do need to have a discussion to come to an agreement on changes or you need to wait until they move out. Know why the trend of adult kids completely cutting off their parents is now a thing? It's because of your type of attitude. Sure, you could just disrespectfully do whatever you want but that teaches your child that you don't give a rat's behind about their feelings & they'll act accordingly as soon as they are able. I absolutely don't feel bad for any of the parents who have this happen to them as it's nothing but natural consequences for behavior. Disrespect of adult kids gets earned disrespect back. If that's your jam, knock yourself out I guess.
@@AlisonCasilliin what way is OP running the house for having their room decorated to their liking? OP has the right to control their private space w/o a couple of assholes changing everything to what OP hates and throwing away OP’s things. It’s abusive to not allow your children any sort of autonomy, and illegal to make minors pay rent. Children shouldn’t have to pAy rEnT to have their private space to their liking, or to be as autonomous as they can be safely. You sound like an authoritarian asshole who’s kids would cut contact with OP was justified in their anger and doesn’t owe anyone thanks or an apology.
I disagree that OP is the idiot for being insulted about his wife, calling him a house husband. Yes, the term is factual, but it’s more about the way she uses it rather than the term itself. She’s being patronizing and demeaning. She knows it, but does not care. That’s a problem. OP needs to sit her down and they need to have a frank and serious discussion. They need to do it now before the problem gets completely out of hand. if it was reversed, and OP was the one giving his wife, the demeaning treatment the entire sub would be up in arms about it.
“Her house her rules” I could maybe excuse that for the flooring and painting the walls, that could be forgivable. But their BED isn’t in that group. Their own BELONGINGS aren’t in that either. You can’t change someone’s bed and make them uncomfortable while getting rid of their personal belongings and expect to be thanked. If someone messed with my room, traded my memory foam for a stiff bed and dared to get rid of any of my stuff, especially my collector items?? They will not know peace till they FIX IT.
Story 2: Absolutely not! I don’t care that the mother owns the home. OP owned everything in that room and the sister just threw it all away. So children have no safe space because mom owns the home. Gross!
S1: what’s with the hubby. Grandma’s China is precious. You told him and even with the video, he blames you. He has blinders when it comes to his bratty sister. That’s a huge problem and you guys need to solve it. I would demand payment from her as well as replacement. Don’t let this go. That kid is a vicious and destructive. She is not a kid!!!!
@@bonniepulsipher7233 From the sound of it, OP is...but I would have had a major meltdown about having my private space invaded and totally changed with no warning
The person who said that the husband was yta for taking offense to the term "house husband" because it is what it's called really has my petty malicious compliance urges tingling. Man the things you could say that are offensive yet proper in usage would get a person banned like ****, ***, ******** and ******. Not to mention terms some people accept but others do not.
Re REMODEL STORY NTA! And screw HER HOUSE HER RULES until next Tuesday!! WTH is up with that bs? They invaded her personal space, even taking away the bed??? Who does that?? Foam mattresses suck btw… they are terrible for sleeping.
The sister never should’ve changed the room appease every right to be upset while her sister was trying to be nice and helpful. She got a little far into it. She needs to know when to quit.
Story 2, last comment: even if the mother wanted this redecoration, neither her nor older sister had the right to do it without OP's permission, especially not the part where they got rid of OP's possessions!
She should call the cops for theft and destruction of personal property. If she's still a minor, get cps involved. Bet it's not funny or not a big deal then. It's emotional abuse to take away a safe space from a child.
Sigh... calling someone a house husband is redundant. "The word husband comes from the Old Norse hūsbōndi, where hūs meant house and bōndi meant dweller" So calling someone a house husband is calling them a house house dweller. As for "house wife": Wife comes from one of the many old germanic words for woman, making a house wife a house woman, as women most did not wander from the homestead after marriage.
Story 2: I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume OP is autistic, which makes this story extra bad. A lot of us autistic folks really need to have control over our living space in order to feel comfortable, and it can feel really violating when somebody messes with our space. I think if somebody did that to my apartment, i would have a screaming, crying meltdown too. Major major NTA
Story 4: The fact the cheaper clothes have been used and are available as hand-me-downs shows that they are functional and durable. Baby clothes are baby clothes.
This. They grow out of them ridiculously fast and they WILL get messy. Wait until they're old enough to not destroy fancy, expensive clothes, say around 15? 😂 Maybe 28.
House husband story: NTA, its not that OP takes care of the home, its that he doesn't like being called that or the tone it is being used (jokingly at his expense). I absolutely despise when people go "fine I'll change but its the truth", it's also true that it hurts your partner's feelings and you're being a rotted asshole by continuing. It takes zero effort for the wife to respect her husband, and if she doesn't respect her husband then she needs to say something and not make passive aggressive remarks. This has the whole 'well I'm just brutally honest so I won't apology' vibe going on.
Everyone is an idiot. In that story. They both could have done something differently and solved the issues instead of letting them fester and the grow.
@@leesmith4774 He already told her in private that he didn't like being call that and she ignored him and kept it going with her Mom INFRONT of him. Wife is the A$$hole not OP he's just going on strike or while for an apologize SHE own HIM.
@@bluedragonfox when I read and listen to the post he did not mention telling her before he blew up at her. She is an idiot for calling him house husband (instead of husband or using his name), and the passive aggressiveness. But if he had acted as an adult within the first few times and talked to her she probably would have stopped using the term, as he said she would when he blew up at her. There were opportunities a several parts where they both could have chosen differently and not had the blow up and pettiness by both. I am willing to bet that if there had been some conversations when they moved into this new, to them, house about expectations then this whole mess would not have happened. Because it went from him working, and her loan paying for everything while she finished school to her now paying for everything in their "very comfortable" lifestyle. There was probably some aggravation for both of them. From my reading of the post he was feeling emasculated and was insecure about it. I think the emasculation was because he wasn't being a provider as a "stereotypical" man does. I think he should have had at least a part time job outside the house so he could have at least some money if things go bad, just like house wives should. I don't think there are a lot of animation studios in the world, and if they didn't move to a city where there was a studio with an opening he probably wouldn't get a job in his field. So maybe he could have gone back to school for a different degree to help them in the city they are living in. I may be wrong but that was my reading of the situation.
I read and listened to this post several times. I tried putting myself in both people's shoes. From OPs point of view I would have had discussion with my wife about the expectation when we moved into the house, and I would have talked with her about the house husband comments earlier before I got pissed off. From the wife's point of view, I wouldn't use the term house husband and the passive aggressiveness. I also would have had conversations about expectations and suggested the spouse get a job and earn their own money for in case of an Oh Crap, divorce, my death, unexpected issues pop up, and if they did get a job in the future there would be a big unemployment gap to explain. I have had these types of conversations with my wife.
Hey if public shaming will teach her to act like an adult then that's mission accomplished. Story 2: "Her house, her rules." Yeah and her losing contact with her kid because she doesn't give a crap about their opinion.
Story #1: Luckily, I'm more paranoid than OP. Once she made the comment about disliking it, I wouldn't trust her around it. I tend to think that way about things. Of course, the inverse is also true. If someone tells you how much they like something, watch them and watch the object because expect them to try to steal it.
Yeah. It sounds like we've both dealt repeatedly with awful people. Unfortunately you're absolutely right. It's sad that we have to look out for rotten behavior. But, better safe than sorry. I've been stolen from too many times and I will NOT tolerate thieves. Just once and that person is dead to me. Deliberately break something important to me when I've done nothing to you? Also dead to me and those people are NEVER allowed in my home again. It never ends with them.
I could understand if the sister boxed up some of OP's stuff when the room was redecorated, but getting rid of it - that is where the mess up occurred. Why not tell OP these items need to be moved to your Dad's so they aren't here?
House husband opinion. A term doesn't have to be negative to be used in a negative way. I do think his response is immature though. If you don't like being belittled for being something then don't be that. Go get a job and do 50/50 chores.
Nta. First Story. She brought this on herself let your husband know he needs to grow up your parents are on my side and even apologized for her and offered to pay for them. But, all you do is act like your entitled sister.
Story 2 has me wondering if OP is on the ASD spectrum. The visceral reaction to the walls, mattress, etc is just like how I felt when *my* room was changed, and I knew it was coming. My carpet was changed to hardwood, my bed was replaced (both mattress and frame), even my bookshelves were swapped out (I was lucky to be able to fit all my books still). I was told to grow up, despite having a diagnosis for ASD, because "yours is so light you barely got the diagnosis, and we all have a little autism!" (which is, by the way, a *very* damaging mindset to have about people on the spectrum; We got a diagnosis because we *did* have enough of those symptoms to impact our day to day lives, and the fact some of us have said diagnosis is very lucky seeing as it was missed in women for ages). It took me a year to get used to my own room, and I still wind up crying over little things I lost to the change (soft floor that was easier to walk on, soft mattress and pillow that had the right covers and didn't feel like whiskers against my skin the entire time, room to actually stim on my own since doing any of that around others had me ridiculed and that's a regulation thing, etc). If it had all been sprung on me without warning, I'd have been a sobbing screaming mess too. I think OP is *not* the AH at all. Can't talk for a NT person in this situation, but the reaction really *does* feel the same as someone who's ND.
I'm not on the spectrum and I would have had a major meltdown if someone did this to my room as a teenager/young adult....take about a MAJOR invasion of privacy
I wouldn't have minded removing the carpet for hardwood. Rugs exist people. We're planning on re flooring the master bedroom in our house and I told my brother he's getting linoleum and liking it. He can get rugs, but linoleum is easier to clean up spills on then carpet.
@@christinebenson518yeah. Carpets are a magnet for dirt, bacteria, hair, dust, dust mites, etc. And they're a pain to constantly steam clean. Tile or linoleum is much easier to clean and more sanitary. It's better for those with allergies.
Sister in law bringing food story! I Personally would not have thrown her food out, but I would've put her food in her vehicle. Maybe under the seat, so it stinks in a couple of days period! I might have even lied and said, Her husband ate it all before It got to the table! Lol😅
I probably would have left it in the kitchen. And then when she asked about it I would have said, "I didn't cook any cornbread". I would probably also stop inviting them if they can't get with the picture. I wonder if she is doing it for attention.
@@ynmonroeI'd stop that nonsense at the door. Oh, look you deliberately went against the host's wishes and brought something. After being repeatedly told not to. Turn around and put it in your car. No? Door slam.
Children outgrow those smaller sizes sooo fast. Sometimes you are doing good getting them to wear an outfit before realizing it was mismarked, thereby missing their chance to even wear it.
What makes people think that just because a kid doesn’t own the house they live in, they shouldn’t get to make decisions about their own rooms? Authoritarian (and abusive) behavior
They both are idiots. She is for calling him a house husband. He is for not communicating with her about it until he reached the end of his rope, for acting like a petty btch for stopping caring for the house caring for the house because she used an insulting but correct term, the biggest reason is that he feels emasculated but has done nothing to fix the emasculation.
@@holographicwing please don't generalize. They obviously didn't communicate about much of anything beforehand. If the guy wanted to stop being emasculated, he needed to find a job outside the house, even if it wasn't in his field, or go back to school and get a different degree that could lead him to getting a high paying job as well in the area that they live in.
Story 2 the last commenter just ticks me off and guess what A mother who gives a crap about her kids would NEVER change their room without their knowledge consent and input. I have a 5 year old granddaughter and a 6 year old grandson who lives with me last year we redid their rooms and guess who decide the wall colors decorations and picked out the furniture.....THEY DID.....why because THEY are the ones that have to live in that room not ME.
Story 1: I swear to God I’m not violent, but if my SIL was breaking plates I inherited from my grandmother (both my grandmothers were cooler than I’ll ever be), I’d beat her ass with every shard of one of those broken plates. For starters. And then she’d never be allowed in my house or in my presence ever again.
I have my mom's parent's wedding china. My aunt offered me $1,000 for them. I turned her down and said "They're going to Matt." He's my younger brother. We didn't get a ton of stuff from them, but I'm not selling or giving the stuff away.
Story 1: I'd tell husband, I'll start breaking your stuff just because I don't like it and you have to put up with it.
I am pretty sure the brother and sister have an abnormal relationship and the sister is just jealous of the wife
So after many family dinners without incident, all of a sudden SIL has a rash of "Accidents" how obvious can u get??
I wonder if husband don't hate them and sil does him a favor, hence his reaction
Tell her to replace those plates by herself! NTA!
Story 2: The disgustingly overblown ego of someone to redo another person's room without their permission or input.
Her walls where Black, so mum thought she has a drpression and wanted to fix it. This is a mums doing.
@@paulinadeboer3604that’s a bingo.
The it's her house her rules comment is like..... uh it's my stuff tho and your a talentless chump.
It sounds to me that Op is neurodivergent and redecorating or rearranging someone's room like that is abusive. Especially if it's done without their permission or input.
@@4bibimimi That's *exactly* what it sounded like to me, yeah. Every one of those complaints, aside from perhaps the firmness of the bed, stems from a Neurodivergent need (hating surprises, maintaining consistency and order, collecting things, avoiding large amounts of bright/saturated colors, etc.), and even the bed might be a textural issue more than a physical one (I have back pain if I sleep in a bed that's too soft, but I also have some texture issues regarding the bed being just right).
People who just up and change the environment of a Neurodivergent person's private space are bad enough, but then to get made at OP for their quite justified reaction to having their world uprooted? That mom doesn't have a clue how to parent someone with Neurodivergence, and OP is just plain safer at her dad's.
(Should the mom actually care to work with her daughter to upgrade her room to "less depressing", she might suggest dark walls with a *small* amount of colorful trim. E.g. dark navy walls with brighter blue trim, or even painting in some glow-in-the-dark stars. A *little* bit of sensory stimulation is very different from a sensory overload, and that little hint of unusual can be quite heartening.)
The plate breaker is a spoiled monster, and OPs husband is DEFINITELY an enabler.
Story 2: The YTA commenter ignored the little issue that the sister wanted to be THANKED by OP. Mom's house, mom's rules? Well mom can do the thanking. If this redesign was really done at the behest of their mother, why the blazes would OP thank her considering that OP can't stand the redo? If the sister just took it upon herself do to an unwanted and disliked redo, she doesn't get thanks for that either. I'd have been tempted to take pictures and post them on social media saying what an awful designer the sister is. I would wait until the rest of my stuff was out of reach of sister and mother before posting though.
I moved out 6 years ago and except for moving things around that were already in the room so she can keep it more easily clean, my mom left my bedroom as it was. You don't redo someone's private space without permission
@@velvety2006 No YOUR mother abided by that demand from her spawn...not all parents bow to their children's wishes in a house that they did not contribute to financially.
I'm convinced that mom manipulated the sister into believing she was doing something great for OP. Now, she's using sister as a meat shield against OP's wrath.
Story 1: OP has a bigger problem. Why is her husband not standing by? I hope she finds a way to break his stuff!
Yeah, she has a husband problem.
husband is a siscon...he loves his sister obsessively....
Even with video evidence they still want to cover this up! Toxic crazy people.
She could possibly buy him a new console, wrap it up and claim it to be a present for her mother. Then, when SIL breaks it, go "Oh, wait. There is my mother's present. That must be hubby's new console. Well, accidents happen."
Then watch him break down.
Regarding the redecorating story , OP isn't the idiot , managed to find the post and that last YTA is probably the only few calling OP the AH, a comment on the plot explained perfectly,
'Your sister broke the cardinal rule of a consultant (which she is trying to be): she didn’t consult with the end user first. And, in the end, she decorated your room according to her aesthetic without any consideration to what you wanted or what you think looks good. And, if she keeps going on with this attitude, she won’t be working as a designer for long.'
Yeah that 'YTA' comment is so wrong. Like, yes it's her mother's house and her mother is the supposed client, but even in an actual client's re-do you likely wouldn't change the kids' rooms without involving them, and extra when this is your own family... Sister may not have done it intentionally to screw with her, but she also didn't do it in a professional manner either.
@@softqueensaru FRFR if she ever works for a agency who does remodeling , how come I can see the sister being fired in a few weeks if not days -
She'll probably try and get the clients to thank her for improving their home- imaging if she gets something like a rug that the clients are allergic too!
If anyone did that to me, they would regret it forever. The violence of forcibly pushing your design sense on your sister is unforgivable, no consultation, no discussion about colors or finishes, just her running rough-shod over her Sister's refuge. The balls on that bitch! No decent interior designer would ever force their aesthetic on anyone. No decent Mother would allow her child to be so poorly treated.
maybe she should keep to decorating offices or furniture stores
RUclipsrs often cut stories, leaving out pieces of info or just take most controversial comments to get comments here. More comments in their videos,more algorithm points People to their videos
Story 3: If you're repeatedly told that what you're doing isn't helpful and you keep doing it, then you no longer have the excuse of good intentions, you're just being disrespectful and inconsiderate
Story 2: You never redecorate someone's space without their permission. You also never throw out someone's things or consider what they like and don't like. I'd just live with my dad. It's mother's house but it's your room.
The comment regarding being an adult and having clients. She isn't going to keep her clients if she can't consider the client's needs.
There's no way she has clients, This was mommy's way to tell her that she's great no matter what everyone says.
Definitely NTA. If the sister was doing it "for" OP, then why throw out her things? She had a collection, right? How do you go from changing the decoration to actually throwing out more than furniture. Even if the mom wanted a change in decor, why didn't they set OP's personal items aside so that she could decide what to do with it? I personally would have felt violated had it happened to me. It's an invasion of privacy and theft, IMO.
If I was the OP I would be pretty and redecorate their rooms without permission to see how they like it. They clearly were up to something then why they would they do this behind OP's back. They know it's wrong. So don't be surprised if OP decides to cut them out like a cancerous tumor. They only see OP as a resource to exploit.
If i was OP i would be redecorating the sister's room with a baseball bat. And after that the facial structure of the sister as well...
Exactly it makes me wonder if yta comment was sister. Op has no choice to live there considering op sounds underage. I would never thank her the only thing I'll be accepting is I'm sorry for wrecking your space.
That last commenter on the redecorating story is an example why adult children go no contact with parents. Who cares if its her, you dont get to throw out someone's stufg without at least a conversation. My mom did this to my room once. Spend all weekend painting and decorating in tones of blue white and gold, when to a weekend camp and came home to my room painted baby pink. She even ripped out the walls mounted desk i bought ( everything with my own money) and left holes oj the drywall
It is always interesting to me that people are so offended and critical when children stay away from their "dear sweet mother". It never occurs to them that dear old Dad or Sweet grey haired Mom may have run them off, treated them like crap, and were terrible parents to their children.
Even when my own Mother had dementia, her sharp, derisive, judgemental nature was in full effect, she pushed our buttons on autopilot!
Fortunately, she completely lost her mind, and we enjoyed a lovely relationship with this good-natured, appreciative stranger that looked like our Mother for almost two years. It was so nice...
Her house, her rules but not her personal space. OP is NTA but Mom sure in hell is. OP in the first story may need a new husband
Yeah her house ber rules are for like no wild parties or no bringing men home to spend the night or even not leaving dirty dishes in your room.
How a teenager should decorate her room should be completely up to her
Yeah im not going keep letting SIL break my plates 😮 she would have got a paper plate after the 1st time. To go into someone else's home who has invited you to dinner and do this is beyond disrespectful and weird I just don't get people 🤦🏾♀️
i said paper plates as well!!
Nah......Paper Plates are too good for her. She might tear them up. Kids plates are awesome strong and can withstand any abuse.
My MIL had a set of "good dishes" that I thought looked hideous. However I'd never broken any of her plates because I'm not a narcissistic AH (I'm an AH in different ways).
@@peterhobson3262It's such a weird reaction. I don't like it so I'll break it? Are we 5 again?
@@TisOnlyAScratch you can even get separated ones too with animal ears and that stick to the table
Story 2
Changing my private space without asking? Throwing away my collectibles?
Never would I have apologized. Why should the victim apologize to the perpetrator?
I would demand compensation for my destroyed (sold?/stolen) stuff and an apology from sister as well as from the mother who was fine with her doing this to you.
I would also add “before the end of the week or I call the cops for theft and destruction of property. And dad, I’ll call dad too. So get on that.”
Story 1: …WHAT exactly is the husbands argument here…?
His brat sister is purposefully destroying his wife’s sentimental items and all Op did was call her on it.
NTA Op, it’s really telling that MIL and FIL are both on your side and agree that SIL is acting like a spoiled brat.
OP, put the video on social media, with a big warning to all who know SIL that she's a thief and they should keep an eye on their belongings. She deserves to be way more embarrassed than she currently is.
Athlynne - Or, warn the interfering monkeypaws that OP *intends to do this* (your suggestion) if *all* harrassment of OP does not cease, *immediately.*
Changing someone's mattress is way out of line
To be honest, all of it was completely out of line. It would be understandable if OP moved out of the house and took her belongings with her but that’s not the case. Her room was a means for OP to express herself only for her sister to take that away from her
especially since matrasses are very personal preference
First story:NTA and seriously I would not want the sister or the bf over for a very long time! She is spiteful and malicious and destructive. Keep her far away from your home and belongings!
Story 1: NTA. Does your Husband know how expensive China is? Once, believable. Twice, I’m profusely apologizing. 3 times I’m fully aware why you gave me the plastic dish wear.
I'd be tempted to give her a big, bright yellow dog water bowl with her name on it.
I wonder if sil is one of those sisters that feels like the op 'stole' her brother from her
@@velvety2006wouldn't be surprised. Got some incestuous vibes from the husband too.
Story 1: SIL broke several of OP's plates. This was more than about broken plates. SIL was jealous of OP and probably has some weird obsession with her own brother. OP should have accepted MIL's offer to pay for them. OP should never apologize to SIL because SIL deserved to be exposed and humiliated. OP had no support from her husband. He knew his sister was a Thief but made excuses for her. He actually had the nerve to be upset with OP for exposing his sister. She should ask herself if she really wants to stay married to someone who doesn't have her back.
Story 2: NTA. She redecorated someone’s personal space without consulting them? Oh Hun, that attitude isn’t going to get her far in the “Home decor” world.
Now I'm thinking that it's those type of inconsiderate decorators that host those surprise home makeover shows.
maybe she should do decor for offices instead none care how those look anyway as long as there is a desk to from from
It doesn't matter what other "house husbands" might think; OP has expressed his dislike and his wife has totally ignored his feelings on the matter.
Yes. You don't disrespect your partner like that. Whether it be husband or wife. If you don't love them, why are you together? You can at least be civil, if not kind.
And that term house husband is just gross just like house wife. Call it a stay at home partner/husband/wife. When I hear the term house wife/husband it makes my skin crawl like they are only there to take care of the home and the working partner can do what ever they want outside the house.
Also it's not like he's home willingly. He's trying to find work but it's challenging.
@@paulagoeringer9466 - It's the laughter directed *at* him that I'd be mindful of, if the situation were mine.
Does she even love OP...?
The "house husband" (not husband) should start calling the wife "sugar mama", technically that is a true statement....
Yeah, if someone doesn't like your pet name for them and you actually care about them, you stop. Ya know, like a grown up. I'd like to see her face if he calls her sugar momma 😂 what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
@@paulagoeringer9466 that was my thought, if you said something and the person cared about you, then mutual respect would stop the "labeling."
Term househusband: As someone who was not able to work in their field of study, NTA. Being a house husband/ wife is a term of someone who is willingly devoted to that job. Due to circumstances Op did not willingly choose to become one. Op is trying to find footing in the work world and if wife cared, should be supportive by not call him names that are a sore spot. A lot of us spend time, money and resources, to follow our dream careers only to be faced with harsh reality. And yes, wife did emasculate Op. The sentence alone was a cheap shot at his masculinity. The same way it would be offensive for a woman's femininity. It wasn't stated with good faith.
There is nothing wrong with being a househusband if you choose to be one but op can't find work in his field, i wonder if the wifey is gonna pissed when he decided he rather works and takes a job at a supermarket or something
Story 3: NTA. She wasn’t “Helping you out”. Functional she was throwing off your carful planning and etiquette wise she was calling you a bad host.
AnimeMe - Yep, 'third times the charm'...and OP no longer 'owes' SiL an invite to *anything.* 👋
Story two: the YTA commenter must the either the mom or sister
Totally!!
Or completely clueless. Possibly a troll.
If they ever do become a designer , I pray for their clients - and for the sister to the OPs future clients.
@@brigidtheirishnope not a troll, even trolls couldn't come up with such a delusional comment as that commenter. 🤔🤷 Lol
@@anthonygilmour6236 You might be surprised.
So OP is supposed to apologize for embarrassing her SIL for exposing the fact that she's breaking OP's inherited property? And WTF is wrong with OP's husband?!?!?
I'd say "I'll only think about apologizing once she apologizes for breaking my plates."
@@akl2k7No. No, no, no. Never apologize when you did nothing wrong. It only encourages bad behavior to not only continue, but escalate. And they will hold the apology over your head. Such as why did you apologize if you weren't wrong, huh? Don't cater to idiots. It's not healthy.
@@paulagoeringer9466 I'm not saying to apologize.
Remodel story;
“Her house, her rules”
Tell me you’re abusive to anyone who gets close to you in 4 words. As soon as you give a child a room, a child FROM YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS, that room is THEIRS. You may own the entire house but it isn’t yours to do as you please…
You certainly don't *replace the mattress* and mess with *personal belongings.*
So in that case , that commenter shouldn't be allowed to decorate their room or apartment since their parents or landlord owns the space.
@@brigidtheirish Maybe if the mattress is old and full of bugs, but even then, they should have let her know so she could pick out a new one.
It's emotional abuse to take away a child's safe space. To also throw away their belongings is just villain behavior. It's traumatizing to the kid. If it's done repeatedly, it really causes damage.
@@akl2k7 Yes. You bring the person who's going to be sleeping on the mattress along with to pick one that's comfortable. Just like you bring the kid with when buying shoes.
Yeah, I dont get these comments at all. Everyone acts like he chose the situation, when he is just being a supportive spouse. He's made it clear that he is insecure about not having found a job yet...which would likely not be an issue, if he had gotten an actual job while supporting her through law school. This isnt a man/woman thing. This is a respect for your spouse's feelings thing.
Story 1: completely a hundred percent nta for OP in any point of the situation. Let’s back up a minute. OP’s husband didn’t do anything but brush off OP’s concerns about his sister breaking her plates but he goes off on OP when OP humiliated his sister and called her out on her actions in front of the family. Which is really confusing and ridiculous at this point especially since he decided to give OP the silent treatment for not only bringing his sister’s horrible deeds into the light but also for OP not giving an apology which she was demanded to do but shouldn’t have to since she wasn’t the one who did something bad. I think that it was very thoughtful of the parents in law to offer to pay for replacement plates and I agree with OP for declining their offer because they didn’t do anything wrong and they shouldn’t have to be the ones who are paying for their daughter’s wrongdoings. Which OP should definitely make an ultimatum for her sister in law in regards to that. OP should tell her “either you pay for replacement plates or you don’t come to dinner ever again”. And OP should divorce and drop her husband’s ass if he is only going to side with his sister. Because let’s face it. If he was willing to turn a blind eye to what his sister was doing and then go off on his wife for treating his sister like she deserved to be treated then what’s to say that he wouldn’t do the same thing again if his wife decided to call out his sister again and humiliate his sister as well because she decided to escalate things by breaking something else.
Can't believe sil in first story is invited over at all. Also can't believe op is not more upset. I would be LIVID!!!
Yep. I don't understand why she was so blasé about it after the second occurrence. Even without proof there was enough there there to suggest a pattern and bad intentions. Also don't get why she didn't push back at her husband when he brushed her aside the first time.
exactly, the fact that her and the boyfriend are both thieves would have me handing them paper plates on the lawn, you aint coming in my house.
@@satansecretary665 Yeah, if they stole from other people, there's nothing stopping them from stealing from you. I wouldn't be surprised if thieves are more likely to steal from family. Between that and vandalism, they'd be banned. I'd actually say no or low contact until they got their act together.
Joey: Hey! How come my plate less fancy then everyone else's is? Do you not trust me with the fancy Plates?
Monica: No, honey. That's a special plate. See it's a game. Whoever gets that plate wins!
Joey: Can't believe I won!
Story 2: MAJOR BOUNDARY VIOLATION: A person's ROOM is their PRIVATE SPACE and you do NOT make major permanent changes to it WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION.
The YTA commenter must be sister or mom. A bedroom shouldn't be redecorated without input from the person whose bedroom it is. Also why toss out a perfectly good mattress for a completely different design? Or throw out someone's personal possessions without their permission? This was done either with complete disregard for OP or malice.
The Girl's Name is NOT ON THE DEED TO THE HOME. She lives there by her mother's permission. The only LEGAL stand she has, is the value of the belongings thrown away.
@@Objective-Observerso when you are married but your name is not on the deed of the house you live there by your husband's permission. That means you would be totally fine if he redecorates your room/the kitchen/your personal space to something you totally dislike, even hate? I doubt that.
@@peterhobson3262changing the mattress was the biggest mark of disrespect. I can't sleep on a memory foam mattress because I feel like I'm sinking into it. OP has had her ability to even sleep in what should be her room, ruined.
@@nightigal I need a firm mattress as well. I hate staying in a hotel with soft mattresses.
First story, get rid of the husband!
Story 2: You don't ever set foot in my space if I don't okay it. You DAMN SURE don't change everything in my space and throw away my things without my permission. And expecting a "thank you" for it... No. The screaming part I won't comment on, but the rest, I get it.
Agreed on everything you said including the screaming part. I can't really judge that because people handle emotions differently and she had NO preparation.
She's lucky she didn't catch hands. Most people won't take that level of disrespect and theft of personal property.
If they’re not neurotypical and need that safe space, it can be realllly violating. Especially if it’s been a safe space your whole life! It’s basically like their home was destroyed and replaced. Id cry too and not out of happiness. They didn’t even ask what they wanted or if they even wanted it. It’s defilement.
@@LoveEachDay94 This is true for neurotypical people too.
I'd be screaming, collectibles have sentimental value, memories, and monetary value. Your room is supposed to be a safe haven and if your stuff is missing you have to find everything, go through everything, see what's missing and what needs replaced, I'd start shoving my shit into bags to take to my dad's before I stopped screaming.
On the first story, OP said in a comment that her husband FINALLY apologized (she thinks after MIL called and ripped him a new one) and they’re all thinking SIL and her BF have a drug problem. They’ve both been caught stealing and BF was just let out of jail a few months ago.
Everyone should have cameras up and change the locks just in case. They'll be back with a sob story and will scam, lie, steal again until they hit rock bottom and hopefully get rehabilitated. Drugs and addiction change you. The harder the drug, the faster it destroys your values, ethics, morals and even your humanity.
My parents let us decorate our room how we wanted. Yes it was their house but our rooms were a reflection of our personalities. When I paint and decorate my young kids room I try to make their room a reflection of who they are.
Story 2 - Even if the mother gave consent, the sister should have given OP a headsup. This is a major lesson for her in her chosen career.
She needed OP’s PERMISSION AND INPUT. You don’t alter someone’s private space and steal from them with “a heads up”
6:54 The sister is not being nice. This tactic of giving people expensive or troublesome gifts you want to give them that they don’t want and then demanding they be grateful is low key abusive.
WOW JUST FREAKING WOW, if anyone man had said that to his "housewife" reddit would be screaming divorce and get alimony... I hope he does the same...
Story 1: "I gave her a sippy cup and several other kids' dinnerware, and she threw a tantrum and swiped her dishes off the table when i told her why" yeah, nta. She's behaving like an ill-mannered toddler. Very specifically an ill-mannered toddler, because I see toddlers running around outside with a sugar-high who are far less atrocious than that! She doesn't like the plates? Next time, have her bring her own! Or she can take a sippy cup like the tantrum throwing toddler she wants to act
Story 4: UNO REVERSE THAT SHIT. If he said ANY OF THOSE THING if she stayed at home the comments would be yelling "Divorce"
Story 1: Start breaking stuff that means a lot to your husband. When he starts to complain about it, tell him he "owes you an apology" for getting upset with you for breaking his stuff.
Wanting baby clothes that "last" made me laugh. Babies grow pretty fast, they will ruin some clothes with blowouts, but even gucci or prada aren't immune to that.
Regarding the man who is objecting to the term house husband . for the past decade or more women have been complaining about the term house wife… if housewife is a unkind term then how is house husband not.
Story 3: coming from a family with a multitude of allergies I just hate when people can't respect it if you clearly communicate issues with food.
SIL could have send the recipe and asked if it was ok to bring.
And honestly why can't people just accept a straightforward answer? OP has said multiple times no food, please bring XYZ if you want to bring a gift. It is disrespectful and obnoxious and entitled to then still expect your extra food to be displayed.
Now if SIL couldn't trust OP with food for her own allergies or ethics that would be different, but I don't see that here.
Story 1: Stuck on the part where you have proof this person is purposely destroying your property, and you allow them back into the house. All invites should be cancelled. Only reason you should ever be in the same room is if you went to HER house to break HER plates.
I could see allowing one final meal *purely* to pull the prank OP pulled and show the family the video. I mean it's petty, but it also makes the problem clear and lays to rest any question of why SIL is no longer allowed in OP's house, so the family can't get righteously mad at her for "excluding" the poor little... is there a word like "kleptomaniac" but for the seemingly irresistible urge to break things? Anyway, this tactic avoids the rest of the family siding against OP as a group, unless they're horrible people too and are better removed from OP's life.
There are, perhaps, better ways to handle this, but this does get everyone on the same page in most memorable fashion. Also, I'd find the listed cost for replacement and point that out to dear hubby, if no one else (obviously they're worth more than the listed cost, but that's a baseline, and for fine china it might be a LOT -- and hubby might take it more seriously if he sees some hard numbers).
Last story, I'd also be commenting on her post "just a helpful reminder everyone, name brand only, anything else is tacky and gives off orphan vibes, and, just to be clear, I didn't say that, Brittany did when I offered mine" 😊
Yep! And I have a strong feeling she was never going to use her nephew’s clothes and just wanted to sell them. So OP dodged a bullet since she wouldn’t have gotten them back and she can save them if either she has another baby or someone who isn’t an ungrateful itch is expecting
Apparently beggars can be choosers. Lol
Story 4: NTA lets face it if the roles were reversed and OP was calling his wife a "housewife" and similar things, everyone would be calling him TA. Saying he's being degrading to his wife, trying to do a powerplay, or assert dominance or something.
They ARE ah. Woman find it degrading also. The term housewife is the most devaluatie term for woman where no one has respect for. Second comes sahm. Those terms make people look down on them.
Don't invite your sister n law back into your home
Wasn’t op’s fault
Story 1: I'd break something of husbands and tell him the exact same thing sister-in-law told you "it wasn't my style". He's delusional if he thinks this is okay
Oh for-
Ugh. People are allowed to not want to be called certain things even if it's "accurate". OP isn't TA for not wanting to be called a house husband. He IS an ahole for admitting it's been bothering him for months and he chose not to say anything until he blew up. The whole situation might have been avoided if he calmly talked it over with his wife after the first incident.
I wouldn't say he's an asshole for staying mum about it, though there's a bit of asshole in the blow-up. But humans get socialized to avoid saying "that bothers me" when they're being teased, mocked, ridiculed, or belittled. We should be promoting the idea that people *should* speak up about it, and that they shouldn't be shamed for doing so. And yeah, people get to decide which labels apply to them, and which ones they reject; that's their right, for the most part. If they feel belittled by a certain term, guess what? Don't use it on them!
But just the *way* that his wife uses it tells me she doesn't respect him and doesn't care about his feelings. He's certainly longsuffering, but that marriage may not last so long.
OP1: You're not an AH, you're a legend. SIL is unhinged.
Story 4: You can want to dress your kid in expensive clothes but if you expect someone to be ok with someone calling you tacky for no brand clothes all whilst going on social media asking for money. She is in for a real shock once the baby arrives.
Doubt it, people like that tend to have a nice little circle of enablers.
That’s story 5
And she wants „clothes that lasts long“? For a newborn?
Does she expect her daughter to wear the newborn-sized clothes for the next few years?😂
This is a person who has no clue just how fast babies grow. It's really useless to buy designer label clothes for them since they grow out of them so fast. There's no need to buy "nice clothes that will last" for babies because they grow so fast they grow out of them so quickly even really cheap items will last until the baby grows out of them, which in the beginning will be about 2 weeks. I'm kidding. They'll last for 3 weeks before they get too small.
@@Batman-lg2zj oh no the world is going to end cause I made an silly mistake. If it bothers you take a big deep breath and move on.
Room redecorating: it's not "nice" to change people's personal space A)without their permission, B)without their knowledge, C)without taking THEIR tastes into account, and D) while throwing out their stuff.
Story 3 LMAO NTA I've been to hundreds of family gatherings and they always say you don't have to bring anything but honestly I feel like a mooch if I don't so what I do is depending on the type of gathering depends on what I bring ...Wine, soda, watermelon, lol and once I brought a karaoke machine for 4th of July learned my entire family can't sing but they sure will try.
As long as it works within the host's restrictions, then you're fine. But heck, if you want to contribute to a meal without contributing directly, consider a gift card for whichever grocery store the host shops at (cuts down on the amount they've spent on the meal) or, if you feel like contributing more, a larger gift card for a place that sells nice kitchen supplies (so that the host can pick out nicer pans or storage containers etc. than they would normally be able to afford). At least, those are presents *I'd* be glad to receive.
But bringing a variety of drinks is always welcome, to my mind. Especially if you remember that some people don't like coffee, tea, *or* soda, but would still like something that's not water! (Fruit juice, sports drinks (like Body Armor or Gatorade), sugar-free drinks, and flavored milk are nice alternatives.)
Story three: what crazy power play OPs brothers gf is pulling.
What gets me is that there was a similar story of wife bringing food when specifically told not to (along with badgering the MIL when she tried to get some quiet time) and both the OP (wife's husband) and *MIL* were raked over the coals "being rude to" the wife who was "just trying to be friendly."
@@brigidtheirish Yeah but the story where the MIL just wanted some quiet, SHE was hosting a gathering at HER house, if u want alone time don't host a get together🙄 I saw that story too MIL was rude.
@@arleneclark6369 I love the ableist logic behind the claim that only highly sociable people with a lot of spoons can ever host a family gathering.
If I host a get-together for one or two people, I'd assume that I'm their primary form of human contact during that get-together. That would seem normal to me, and the idea of going off by myself would indeed seem rude (and if I had a disability-related need for it, I'd explain that problem, and give them the option of leaving early or of, say, enjoying the garden for half an hour while I got my head back together or whatever).
However, if I host for six or eight or a dozen family members who aren't from the same household, I'd assume that they can mingle and enjoy each other's company without needing to monopolize *my* entire evening. If I'm worn out after an hour and wish to retreat to my room to re-center myself so that I can rejoin the group later, or would like to sit back and watch the group have fun while I'm not directly involved, or even just have run out of batteries for the rest of the night (which might be an expected thing or an unexpected thing), I wouldn't want to just kick the whole group out, but I might want to limit or eliminate my contact for part or all of the night.
It's not unreasonable to assert a boundary like that, and what that DIL was doing was *incredibly* disrespectful. She knew damn well what the old woman wanted and just badgered her to death until the old woman was through even trying to interact with her as a person, let alone someone she could be cordial with. What DIL was doing was self-centered to the extreme, and she deserved getting shut down and excluded from any future gatherings. You don't need to appreciate why a person has a certain boundary, but you certainly need to respect their right to have them.
The Story about the Husband that takes care of the Home NTA all she had to say was "Im so grateful for my husband being there and be able to take care of the house while im away i know its a lot and i appreciate it" but she kept on going and now shes angry cuz she has help should have kept your mouth shut
Anyone who thinks its because she said “househusband” and glosses over the laughter by his wife and his mother in law who thinks little of him, is an idiot.
Replace the word househusband with “Macho Man” and follow that up with ridiculing laughter and it would still be obnoxious.
Last story- babies don't stay 1 size long enough to make them last relevant
Buying a house does not mean it's in perfect condition at purchase. Some places need upgrades. She doesn't treat her husband as an equal, he's just an house elf for his wife and inlaws to laugh at.
Story 2: To those of us who actually collect things our collections are SACROSANCT or in others words NOT TO BE F-ED WITH!! So IMO op is NTA, my mom would NEVER dream of messing with my collection of carnival glass!!!
I'm 73, and I still own and treasure things that I have collected since I was a teenager. I educated myself as a poor kid from the deep South, reading Architectural Digest, seeing how things fit together to compliment each other, and evoke a feeling of comfort and elegance. I searched for and bought things that I have loved for decades. At 23 I bought the most beautiful object; a woven antique Ikebana basket shaped like a gourd, mounted on a briar root. It was very expensive for me at 23, but it was irresistable. It still brings me joy. I down-sized and sent a lot of my collections to auction, but that basket sits on a lacquer stand on my dining table with an orchid in bloom in it.
I'm not a fan of how my youngest daughter has her room decorated but it doesn't matter. It would never occur to me, the owner of the house she doesn't pay to live in, to go into her private space & allow my other daughter ro redo everything.
I don't care if it's my house. That's disrespectful af & even though she doesn't pay to live here, she still has rights. If you want to do that, you either do it with consent & imput or you dang well wait until that child moves out. That last comment was so ridiculously out of line it pisses me off. These are the parents whose child goes low or no contact with. Your kids are not objects or extensions of yourself. They are whole azz separate people & as such they deserve autonomy, dignity & respect if you expect any of those things in return.
Wild behavior. Yikes.
What is out of line is the expectation that you are fostering in your child that they have the right to demand anything from someone who is literally supporting every aspect of their life. Black walls? No, especially with an attitude like that to go with them. Privacy is one thing, I will even agree that throwing out their collections is a bad thing, but that is the parent's house and money and it seems that the child is running the house which is a big no-go. That is how asshole kids end up out in society for other people to have to suffer the entitled behavior of. You want autonomy? Pay rent.
@@AlisonCasilli Do you have a reading comprehension problem or something? Where did I say they could demand to paint their walls whatever color? What I said was after they have made their room how they wanted it, you don't get to go in & change it to be how you want it without consent or until they move out. My kid has stripes on her wall & has a mural she adds to every time she has a good experience. We purchased the paint when she was 13 & she asked if she could do a mural (she's an artist & one of the other room upstairs is her studio). These are not choices I would have made myself but after they have been made (like I highly doubt the kid in the story purchased their paint & carpet by themselves either), you do need to have a discussion to come to an agreement on changes or you need to wait until they move out.
Know why the trend of adult kids completely cutting off their parents is now a thing? It's because of your type of attitude. Sure, you could just disrespectfully do whatever you want but that teaches your child that you don't give a rat's behind about their feelings & they'll act accordingly as soon as they are able. I absolutely don't feel bad for any of the parents who have this happen to them as it's nothing but natural consequences for behavior. Disrespect of adult kids gets earned disrespect back. If that's your jam, knock yourself out I guess.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 Do YOU have a comprehension problem? The OP was demanding. NPC with main character syndrome much?
But your youngest is a child! So according to some people, she doesn’t have a right to control her own space!
@@AlisonCasilliin what way is OP running the house for having their room decorated to their liking? OP has the right to control their private space w/o a couple of assholes changing everything to what OP hates and throwing away OP’s things.
It’s abusive to not allow your children any sort of autonomy, and illegal to make minors pay rent. Children shouldn’t have to pAy rEnT to have their private space to their liking, or to be as autonomous as they can be safely. You sound like an authoritarian asshole who’s kids would cut contact with
OP was justified in their anger and doesn’t owe anyone thanks or an apology.
Seems like SIL is resentful that her mom complimented OPs plates
Sis deserves the dose of What For!!!
I disagree that OP is the idiot for being insulted about his wife, calling him a house husband. Yes, the term is factual, but it’s more about the way she uses it rather than the term itself. She’s being patronizing and demeaning. She knows it, but does not care. That’s a problem. OP needs to sit her down and they need to have a frank and serious discussion. They need to do it now before the problem gets completely out of hand. if it was reversed, and OP was the one giving his wife, the demeaning treatment the entire sub would be up in arms about it.
“Her house her rules”
I could maybe excuse that for the flooring and painting the walls, that could be forgivable. But their BED isn’t in that group. Their own BELONGINGS aren’t in that either. You can’t change someone’s bed and make them uncomfortable while getting rid of their personal belongings and expect to be thanked. If someone messed with my room, traded my memory foam for a stiff bed and dared to get rid of any of my stuff, especially my collector items?? They will not know peace till they FIX IT.
almost sounds like mom is telling her least favorite child to get out of the house without telling them to get out of the house
Story 2: Absolutely not! I don’t care that the mother owns the home. OP owned everything in that room and the sister just threw it all away. So children have no safe space because mom owns the home. Gross!
S1: what’s with the hubby. Grandma’s China is precious. You told him and even with the video, he blames you. He has blinders when it comes to his bratty sister. That’s a huge problem and you guys need to solve it. I would demand payment from her as well as replacement. Don’t let this go. That kid is a vicious and destructive. She is not a kid!!!!
From house husband that pulls his weight to trophy husband that doesn’t 🙄
Sister violated your space, ick
Also sounds like your mom wants you to move out
@@bonniepulsipher7233 From the sound of it, OP is...but I would have had a major meltdown about having my private space invaded and totally changed with no warning
The person who said that the husband was yta for taking offense to the term "house husband" because it is what it's called really has my petty malicious compliance urges tingling. Man the things you could say that are offensive yet proper in usage would get a person banned like ****, ***, ******** and ******. Not to mention terms some people accept but others do not.
Is she your SUGAR MAMA! See if she likes being called that.
@@kathimorrical9912 I honestly think she would like being called a sugar mama.
Re REMODEL STORY
NTA! And screw HER HOUSE HER RULES until next Tuesday!! WTH is up with that bs? They invaded her personal space, even taking away the bed??? Who does that?? Foam mattresses suck btw… they are terrible for sleeping.
The sister never should’ve changed the room appease every right to be upset while her sister was trying to be nice and helpful. She got a little far into it. She needs to know when to quit.
Story 2, last comment: even if the mother wanted this redecoration, neither her nor older sister had the right to do it without OP's permission, especially not the part where they got rid of OP's possessions!
She should call the cops for theft and destruction of personal property. If she's still a minor, get cps involved. Bet it's not funny or not a big deal then. It's emotional abuse to take away a safe space from a child.
they took away her bed I don't feel bad for them at all
Sigh... calling someone a house husband is redundant. "The word husband comes from the Old Norse hūsbōndi, where hūs meant house and bōndi meant dweller"
So calling someone a house husband is calling them a house house dweller.
As for "house wife":
Wife comes from one of the many old germanic words for woman, making a house wife a house woman, as women most did not wander from the homestead after marriage.
I hare it when people do something that I didn’t ask for, didn’t want, don’t like and then expect me to be grateful. It just doesn’t work that way.
Story 2: I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume OP is autistic, which makes this story extra bad.
A lot of us autistic folks really need to have control over our living space in order to feel comfortable, and it can feel really violating when somebody messes with our space. I think if somebody did that to my apartment, i would have a screaming, crying meltdown too. Major major NTA
Story 4: The fact the cheaper clothes have been used and are available as hand-me-downs shows that they are functional and durable. Baby clothes are baby clothes.
This. They grow out of them ridiculously fast and they WILL get messy. Wait until they're old enough to not destroy fancy, expensive clothes, say around 15? 😂 Maybe 28.
I like to knit and crochet but I rather make people a soft toy than baby clothes because of how fast they grow
Good on op3 for having those nice shiny boundary skills! Nta
House husband story: NTA, its not that OP takes care of the home, its that he doesn't like being called that or the tone it is being used (jokingly at his expense). I absolutely despise when people go "fine I'll change but its the truth", it's also true that it hurts your partner's feelings and you're being a rotted asshole by continuing. It takes zero effort for the wife to respect her husband, and if she doesn't respect her husband then she needs to say something and not make passive aggressive remarks. This has the whole 'well I'm just brutally honest so I won't apology' vibe going on.
Exactly!!! She was being demeaning how she said it!
Everyone is an idiot. In that story. They both could have done something differently and solved the issues instead of letting them fester and the grow.
@@leesmith4774 He already told her in private that he didn't like being call that and she ignored him and kept it going with her Mom INFRONT of him. Wife is the A$$hole not OP he's just going on strike or while for an apologize SHE own HIM.
@@bluedragonfox when I read and listen to the post he did not mention telling her before he blew up at her. She is an idiot for calling him house husband (instead of husband or using his name), and the passive aggressiveness. But if he had acted as an adult within the first few times and talked to her she probably would have stopped using the term, as he said she would when he blew up at her. There were opportunities a several parts where they both could have chosen differently and not had the blow up and pettiness by both.
I am willing to bet that if there had been some conversations when they moved into this new, to them, house about expectations then this whole mess would not have happened. Because it went from him working, and her loan paying for everything while she finished school to her now paying for everything in their "very comfortable" lifestyle. There was probably some aggravation for both of them.
From my reading of the post he was feeling emasculated and was insecure about it. I think the emasculation was because he wasn't being a provider as a "stereotypical" man does. I think he should have had at least a part time job outside the house so he could have at least some money if things go bad, just like house wives should. I don't think there are a lot of animation studios in the world, and if they didn't move to a city where there was a studio with an opening he probably wouldn't get a job in his field. So maybe he could have gone back to school for a different degree to help them in the city they are living in. I may be wrong but that was my reading of the situation.
I read and listened to this post several times. I tried putting myself in both people's shoes.
From OPs point of view I would have had discussion with my wife about the expectation when we moved into the house, and I would have talked with her about the house husband comments earlier before I got pissed off.
From the wife's point of view, I wouldn't use the term house husband and the passive aggressiveness. I also would have had conversations about expectations and suggested the spouse get a job and earn their own money for in case of an Oh Crap, divorce, my death, unexpected issues pop up, and if they did get a job in the future there would be a big unemployment gap to explain.
I have had these types of conversations with my wife.
Hey if public shaming will teach her to act like an adult then that's mission accomplished.
Story 2: "Her house, her rules." Yeah and her losing contact with her kid because she doesn't give a crap about their opinion.
Story #1: Luckily, I'm more paranoid than OP. Once she made the comment about disliking it, I wouldn't trust her around it. I tend to think that way about things. Of course, the inverse is also true. If someone tells you how much they like something, watch them and watch the object because expect them to try to steal it.
Yeah. It sounds like we've both dealt repeatedly with awful people. Unfortunately you're absolutely right. It's sad that we have to look out for rotten behavior. But, better safe than sorry. I've been stolen from too many times and I will NOT tolerate thieves. Just once and that person is dead to me. Deliberately break something important to me when I've done nothing to you? Also dead to me and those people are NEVER allowed in my home again. It never ends with them.
I could understand if the sister boxed up some of OP's stuff when the room was redecorated, but getting rid of it - that is where the mess up occurred. Why not tell OP these items need to be moved to your Dad's so they aren't here?
House husband opinion. A term doesn't have to be negative to be used in a negative way.
I do think his response is immature though. If you don't like being belittled for being something then don't be that. Go get a job and do 50/50 chores.
He wasn’t being immature .
Final Story: NTA. Hahaha. Good luck making that Chanel baby onesie last Sis!
No wonder the SIL is so entitled. Everyone enables her.
Nta. First Story. She brought this on herself let your husband know he needs to grow up your parents are on my side and even apologized for her and offered to pay for them. But, all you do is act like your entitled sister.
Story 1- I LOVE WHAT OP did to sister in law! She definitely deserved the kiddy plate and cup!!
Story 2 has me wondering if OP is on the ASD spectrum. The visceral reaction to the walls, mattress, etc is just like how I felt when *my* room was changed, and I knew it was coming. My carpet was changed to hardwood, my bed was replaced (both mattress and frame), even my bookshelves were swapped out (I was lucky to be able to fit all my books still). I was told to grow up, despite having a diagnosis for ASD, because "yours is so light you barely got the diagnosis, and we all have a little autism!" (which is, by the way, a *very* damaging mindset to have about people on the spectrum; We got a diagnosis because we *did* have enough of those symptoms to impact our day to day lives, and the fact some of us have said diagnosis is very lucky seeing as it was missed in women for ages). It took me a year to get used to my own room, and I still wind up crying over little things I lost to the change (soft floor that was easier to walk on, soft mattress and pillow that had the right covers and didn't feel like whiskers against my skin the entire time, room to actually stim on my own since doing any of that around others had me ridiculed and that's a regulation thing, etc). If it had all been sprung on me without warning, I'd have been a sobbing screaming mess too. I think OP is *not* the AH at all. Can't talk for a NT person in this situation, but the reaction really *does* feel the same as someone who's ND.
I'm not on the spectrum and I would have had a major meltdown if someone did this to my room as a teenager/young adult....take about a MAJOR invasion of privacy
Its very natural reaction when someone destroys your space.
I wouldn't have minded removing the carpet for hardwood. Rugs exist people.
We're planning on re flooring the master bedroom in our house and I told my brother he's getting linoleum and liking it. He can get rugs, but linoleum is easier to clean up spills on then carpet.
@@christinebenson518yeah. Carpets are a magnet for dirt, bacteria, hair, dust, dust mites, etc. And they're a pain to constantly steam clean. Tile or linoleum is much easier to clean and more sanitary. It's better for those with allergies.
Sister in law bringing food story!
I Personally would not have thrown her food out, but I would've put her food in her vehicle. Maybe under the seat, so it stinks in a couple of days period!
I might have even lied and said, Her husband ate it all before It got to the table! Lol😅
I probably would have left it in the kitchen. And then when she asked about it I would have said, "I didn't cook any cornbread". I would probably also stop inviting them if they can't get with the picture. I wonder if she is doing it for attention.
@@ynmonroeI'd stop that nonsense at the door. Oh, look you deliberately went against the host's wishes and brought something. After being repeatedly told not to. Turn around and put it in your car. No? Door slam.
@@paulagoeringer9466 Yep. She clearly comes from The Show-Me State, lol. OP needs to show her.
I love when XO giggles.
If someone did that to my china I would have gone one further and gotten one of those toddler plates that suction onto the table.
put her on the kiddy table lol
Children outgrow those smaller sizes sooo fast. Sometimes you are doing good getting them to wear an outfit before realizing it was mismarked, thereby missing their chance to even wear it.
What makes people think that just because a kid doesn’t own the house they live in, they shouldn’t get to make decisions about their own rooms? Authoritarian (and abusive) behavior
Story 4: Why do I get the feeling that if a husband used the term “housewife,” everyone would suddenly be getting up in arms about it?
Because they would be. 🤔🤷
It's not a matter of the term, its a matter of respect. OP says he doesn't like it, and wife brushes him off.
@@darkmask5933 this - comments ignoring that wife is calling him that and then laughing right after - that don't sound like respect at all.
They both are idiots. She is for calling him a house husband. He is for not communicating with her about it until he reached the end of his rope, for acting like a petty btch for stopping caring for the house caring for the house because she used an insulting but correct term, the biggest reason is that he feels emasculated but has done nothing to fix the emasculation.
@@holographicwing please don't generalize. They obviously didn't communicate about much of anything beforehand.
If the guy wanted to stop being emasculated, he needed to find a job outside the house, even if it wasn't in his field, or go back to school and get a different degree that could lead him to getting a high paying job as well in the area that they live in.
Story 2 the last commenter just ticks me off and guess what A mother who gives a crap about her kids would NEVER change their room without their knowledge consent and input. I have a 5 year old granddaughter and a 6 year old grandson who lives with me last year we redid their rooms and guess who decide the wall colors decorations and picked out the furniture.....THEY DID.....why because THEY are the ones that have to live in that room not ME.
What last, baby clothes don’t last the baby goes through the sizes very quickly
Don't become a house husband. There's not a wife on the planet that can respect you for it. They aren't wired that way.
Is husband sleeping with his sister?
I had to review the 1st story. SIL is 32 and hubby is 34. The parents failed somewhere with their parenting.