The Drowning Toddler- I would respond to your sister and her husband: Yes. I made a HUGE mistake. I retreated to privacy to feed the baby, AND I LEFT THE SAFETY OF MY DAUGHTER IN THE HANDS OF MY FAMILY! ABSOLUTELY! I will NEVER put my daughter into danger, by trusting my family to have her best interest at heart. WHO REMOVED HER LIFE VEST?! SHE CANNOT REMOVE IT HERSELF! WHO REMOVED HER LIFE VEST?! THAT SHOULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS PROBLEM! Somone in our family, put her at risk AND I WILL NEVER TRUST ANY OF YOU, AGAIN.
I suspect the one that went right to her to tell her off did. Probably assumed "Oh, she's old enough she probably knows how to swim, she doesn't need this!" and then realized they screwed up and went to blame OP for it.
@@kaileyenns SHE HAD A LIFE VEST ON (that she couldn't take off herself) when OP LEFT HER IN THE CARE OF THE COUSIN. She was supervised and safe when OP left her. She ended up without the life vest, unsupervised and almost drowning. How exactly is this OP's fault ? Please explain how the child ended up without the life vest.
Story 2: Why the actual fuck was the kids life jacket removed? That is the only question that matters and OP is not asking it. Edit: I love the way OP just glosses over her daughters selective mutism AND the fact that her family is racist while she's married to a black man. With a MIXED baby. This is all so complicated and dramatic.
Somebody took that lifejacket off. They're designed so the child CANNOT reach the clips. And then they left a 4yr old by the water. I'd be raising 15 kinds of hell, AFTER thanking the man who saved her.
@@lamwen03 right. Someone took that off. That's the major concern to me. OP is a couple amputee, they were at a kids party, and BIL just so happened to save the kid
Story 2: something is very off with that whole situation. OP left her child in the care of another adult. Those adults screwed up and someone took off the child’s life jacket. Then they verbally attack OP repeatedly. I’m getting very red flags about all this. Something isn’t right.
She left her child with a 22 yo cousin who was probably watching all the kids. She’s not blameless and I’m sure they were all mad with her because she probably does this a lot (neglect one kid for the other).
@@Janjones7735it's not neglect to leave a kid with an agreeing adult for short period of time. If she needs to to to toilet, she should bring her kid with her to toilet? Everyone should take their kid to toilet with them because neglect to ask some other adult to watch the kid for short time? Kid had lifejacket. Kid couldn't remove it herself. Yet kid didn't have life jacket on. Who removed it?
@@Janjones7735you're really pushing this. Whats the angle? Are you the loser 22 year old who was supposed to be watching the child? As family I've left my child with another adult while taking the other for a nap or for a diaper change or bathroom. Thats what real family does for one another. Someone dropped the fucking ball in this family and it wasn't the mother. She had her child in a floatation device(and I have an idea which one as ive used them with my children and grandchildren the buckles in the back and no leg straps as its physically impossible to take them off or "slip out" of them without undoing the back buckles) and she left the child under the supervision of an adult. They all jump on her shit the minute something happens? Naw something is not adding up and I would have called the sheriff for attempted murder if I was her. Yall better grow up jan
1st Story: OP you weren't stuck-up, its called tact. Something Miss Nosy-body and your co-workers don't have, its none of her/their business. She backed you into a corner, so you did what you had to do. She's probably used to getting her way because of her looks, is obviously jealous, and your gut was telling you she was bad news for hubby. If you have to apologize, just make it clear next time boundaries are crossed, you'll go to HR.
OP erred in calling her a bish, even if she was being one. It's already causing workplace blowback. She should go to HR now, before the bish goes in with a sob-story. If pressed, she should give the most corporate word-salad non-pology ever.
@@Procrastinator1948I was thinking that too especially when OP said after she turned 30 she stopped being kind when people asked nosy questions about their finances. Where was the shut the hell up attitude at the party?
Kills me when people say that 20-29 are so young so you need to give them a break for the $hit that they do. Sorry but I they are ADULTS, and should be held to that standard.
Story1...if over the years OP truly took a take no crap attitude, she would have shut down the question at "I hope you don't mind my asking..." Proper response..."Well, I DO mind your asking. It is none of your business and rude if you to ask."
I am extremely surprised that anyone is calling OP the AH in the 2nd story. The only thing she seems to have done wrong is trust her family to watch her kid for 10 minutes.
She’s completely the AH. She left a nonverbal nonswimmer with a 22 yo cousin at a lake shore. You do not leave small kids in the water. If one of the parents isn’t there neither is the kid. Don’t trust other people, especially people you admit you don’t like, with your kids.
@@nancyomalley6286moms not a swimmer my guess is she didn’t fasten the crotch strap and if you don’t those kid life jackets will pop right off. Seen it happen.
@@Janjones7735She never said she didn't like them, they don't like her husband because he's black, a 22yr old is plenty old enough to watch a toddler and prevent them from wandering into the water , there are plenty of 22yr old with their own kids, it's not too young to watch a toddler.
The drowning kid story....holy what?? I have so many questions. Where was the 22F cousin who was supposed to be watching the child? How did her life jacket get taken off when she can't do it herself? How and why did she get in the water when she had shown no interest in doing so all day? How did this child manage to start drowning in a lake while surrounded by at least 3 other adults, one of which was instructed specifically to keep an eye on this kid for the 20-30 minutes the mom needed to feed her other child? Why would the BIL immediately call OP a bad mom, blame her for the whole thing, and make the wild claim that all four year olds should know how to swim? Why did he and sister chase so aggressively for an apology/thanks while OP was at the HOSPITAL with her kid? What exactly did they think OP needed to apologize for? Why did they seemingly show 0 concern for the kid after slapping the water from her lungs? Why is everyone being so hostile to OP? What version of the story did they get? Did the family put this child in danger on purpose because they're racist? Was this attempted murder? Were they just careless with her safety (due to laziness and/or racism) and are trying to push the blame on OP to deflect their own guilt? What is WRONG with this family??? Baffled at the people calling her negligent - she should 100% be able to leave her toddler in the care of another consenting adult for 20 freaking minutes without having to worry about her drowning. Would you consider any parent who hires a babysitter negligent? She was absolutely acting responsibly by instructing the kid about water safety, putting her into a life jacket she couldn't unbuckle on her own, and asking another adult family member to keep an eye on her for a short period when she had to step away to care for her other child. If the cousin didn't think she was capable of watching the kid for whatever reason, she could have and should have said something. And since OP could hear the screaming on the beach from where she was, she obviously wasn't even far away! People also keep saying the child is 'selectively mute' - that is NOT what op said. she said the child signs more often than talks bc much of her fathers family is deaf. The kid is not at all incapable of making noise if needed and does not have any hearing/speech issues. It's a moot point anyway bc no one can speak while they're drowning anyway. The only thing OP apparently did wrong in my opinion is think she could trust her family not to kill her kid for 20 goddamn minutes. Also if my BIL had saved my kid's life i would absolutely be thankful, but the first thing out of my mouth after he came up to me with that hostile garbage would not be 'thank you'. he missed that window of gratitude by being an AH. I repeat: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY????
It was probably the 22 yo who noticed her drowning and alert the other adults. Also, you definitely should not hire a babysitter (which she did not do) to watch your kids swim. You’re asking for trouble. You hire a babysitter to sit with the baby and stay with your toddler!
@@Janjones7735 babysitters do take kids swimming tho? Lol but irrelevant. OP took all reasonable precautions - coaching her kid on safety, making sure she was supervised by an adult at all times, ensuring she was in well fitted safety gear - and a bad thing still happened. Sometimes thems the breaks, but it doesn’t mean she is somehow negligent after the fact. Ok but anyway I spent like 40 mins trawling thru the Reddit post and wow it’s a deep dive with so few questions answered and people were HELLA hostile to OP for a good bit before some reasonable people stepped in. so I’m just gonna compile the facts I gathered in this reply - not directed specifically at you, janjones! You keep on keepin on! 1. OP is a double amputee (legs) which is why she can’t swim very well; her kid is on a waiting list for pro swim lessons which her dad will do with her. 2. Her husband is Mexican, which she states in a comment. Unsure why the post here says he’s black as that’s not how that sentence in the post reads; it says “my husband thinks I should go no contact but he’s never liked them so I’m hesitant to listen”. Sister and BIL are racist/xenophobic toward him, tho, and especially when they are PO’d which is much of the reason why OP didn’t want to engage with them when they texted her. 3. The kid is genuinely selectively mute per OP’s comments, that’s my bad, but OP says she can def be loud and this was not a quiet day; still irrelevant since drowning ppl do not cry out. She does say kid has not been talking much since the incident and has not explained what happened, but has been very clingy and obvs traumatized. Kid is not developmentally disabled or neurodivergent and has no hearing or learning difficulties. She does have a physical disability which affects her potty training (they were rejected from a swim lesson once already for this reason) but not her general mobility. She is scheduled for surgery for this issue in the coming year. 4. Life vest clips in the back and between the kids legs, OP is adamant kid cannot reach it to remove and she often needs assistance herself with the buckles they’re so sturdy. Kid likes the vest and finds it comfortable and sometimes wears it around the house. Further proof she could/would not have taken it off herself. 5. the 22f cousin was not the same cousin whose child was having the bday party. this cousin recently (2 weeks prior?) had a C section and thus was moving slowly, but had her own 3 year old there with her (infant was with father) whom the OP’s kid was playing with. They were sitting a good distance away from the water. OP says she and her husband love and trust this cousin and she is devastated that this happened on her watch. 6. OP’s family “doesn’t believe in breastfeeding” and she claims they would have kicked her out if she tried to feed her younger child right there, so she had been going to her car to do so. She had done this twice so far with no issues. She wanted her kid to be able to keep playing, so asked the cousin to keep an eye on her while she went to feed her other kid, which she says takes 15 mins. 7. OP debriefed with cousin who’s story was thusly: her kid and OP’s kid asked for a snack, so she turned away (literally turned, the cooler was right next to her, but she has to turn slowly due to c section) to get it for them. OP’s kid still had the vest on at this time. When cousin turned back, both kids were gone. She went looking and found her kid in about 30 seconds standing at the water, OP’s kid nowhere to be seen. An undisclosed amount of time later (probably a minute or less), the screaming began. 8. No one who OP has managed to speak to saw who removed the life jacket or where the kid went when they ran from the cousin (or why they did at all). The life jacket has completely disappeared and has not been found. 9. OP has texted many people who were present with little response; has not had the time to make calls while comforting daughter. 10. OP sent BIL a long message with an “apology and explanation” and was left on read as of the last update.
@@Janjones7735She asked the 22yr old to " babysit" for 20 min, that should have been enough, Jesus my 18yr old daughter can do that easily. You are obviously a helicopter parent and that's fine but not everyone is. You say it was probably the 22yr old who noticed her in the water, oh u mean the 22yr old that was supposed to be watching her to make sure that didn't happen??🙄
@@holyfreakinBLEACH Oh, someone was definitely trying to kill her kid or just frame OP as a bad mother. The life jacket hasn't been found? The life jacket the kid could not remove? That's MAJORLY suspicious. I suspect the BIL is the one that did it, since he was conveniently right there to "save" her after she had disappeared, he was someone the kid might trust to go alone with, and he was the first to scream at OP.
Story 2. NTA. The 22 year old cousin who was put in charge of the girl while OP went to feed her toddler is mostly at fault, & the other blame goes to the person who removed the life jacket, unless she did that before neglecting the girl. Toxic family, go NC.
You could “apologize” to the wannabe gold digger in front of everyone: “I apologize that you got upset when you did not receive answers to your intrusive, invasive questions about my husband’s income when it’s absolutely none of your business! I apologize that you’re unable to read social cues. I have two books to gift to you: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” & Emily Post’s latest “Etiquette” book; so you won’t embarrass yourself again.”
another fun one would be 'I apologize i refused to hand my husband to you on a silver platter but perhaps you should seek your wealth around the single men and not the married ones
Story two: WHERE was this 22 year old cousin put in charge of the three year old and, yet, NO ONE mentions?? Did ANYONE bother to think it was the 22 year old that unclipped the life jacket and threw the kid in?!
I'm thinking its janjones who keeps pushing that the op is a shit person for trusting family to watch their child. Shes pushing her agenda awful hard for a stranger. Whats up jan. Bothering you to be labeled a killer?
That’s what I’m saying also what adult in their right mind isn’t hyper vigilant when a mother leaves her child in your care BY WATER?!? and it doesn’t matter if the child is not verbal because drowning is very quiet people always expect screaming like in the movies but not it’s just happy giggles then silence
I'm thinking she just told her child to go and stay by the family while she took care of the baby. I kinda don't believe this story bc this isn't the first time at the lake and I'm 100 percent sure the family knew the child couldn't swim. Also, the child prob was trying to take the vest off and someone took it off bc the child was getting irritated and since she doesn't talk they were trying to help. The reason I'm thinking this way, my friend did this to us. Just left her child with the group and assumed someone would watch him. No one knew and he almost drowned as well
How the hell is OP the negligent one? Her daughter had a life vest on when she went to feed the young one. Who took the vest off? The bil was an ass for talking to OP like that.
There's so much going on with the life jacket story and not enough answers. There was an adult watching her who apparently bailed, but no one seems to be looking at them. The life jacket would have to be removed for her, the child is apparently mixed with a racist family. If she chooses to be mute, that might add extra annoyance to someone who already dislikes her because she's mixed. This reads like a thriller -- yikes. And I get the high emotions of everyone involved, but BIL and sister are focusing on credit and thanks over the serious questions here.
In a comment above this one some one posted ops update it’s buried under other comments but here’s the short version. The son of Bil hates his life vest and refuses to wear his and assumed the ops daughter did as well so he removed and they both jumped into the water bil saw and she was only under the water for a moment before he pulled her out. The cousin found out what happened after an argument and the life jacket went over her shoulders and underneath her and it fastened at the back she wouldn’t have being able to remove it herself at all. Bils son said nothing afraid he’d be in trouble so stayed silent the life jacket is still missing and. Ops family are all silent on what happened. Op and husband have gone no contact with the family now.
Yeah, he employed willful laziness. Anybody with a brain cell, which excludes the husband, could figure it out easily. I mean "mlik" is easy enough to figure it out.
@@lorilancaster5917 doesn't mean she isn't dyslexic, excuse the husband or mean a kid won't have a learning difficulty or some other reason that jerk won't bully them too
If I save someone from drowning I DO NOT NEED TO BE THANKED! I did it because it was the right thing to do! WHO THE HELL asks if she'd rather the chilled drowned because they didn't get a thank you!? If her family agreed to watch the child, it was THEIR responsibility to make sure she was safe. You do not agree to watch a child for someone and then not watch them! I am all sorts of upset now. X.X
If you have to harass people for a thank you then your intentions aren’t genuine. “Hey, OP! I just saved your kid’s life, so you should thank me and worship the ground I walk on.” OP should be glad. Her Sister and BIL not speaking to her sounds like a blessing!
I have a old school friend who won a large lottery prize. Enough to make him independently wealthy and retire at age 30. When people asked him about how much money he had left from his winnings, he just replied, “Enough to hire a security firm to guard myself and my immediate family from potential kidnappers or criminals. And one security guard is watching me every time I’m in public, like right now.”
What do you wanna bet BIL took off the kids life jacket which is why he’s so heavily blaming OP for not teaching her child to swim when all she did was leave her child to be watched by family for 10 minutes while she breast fed her other child and she left her child in proper safety gear ALSO it doesn’t matter one bit if a child is verbal or not when they’re drowning everyone always thinks that people and kids call out when they’re drowning THEY DON’T drowning is incredibly quiet and can happen to any kid very quickly when adults aren’t paying attention IE the adults that OP left her child with which were also her immediate family not only removed the child’s safety gear but either put them in the water after OR removed the gear and then just proceeded to not watch a literal toddler by water while the mother was inside NTA
I also get annoyed with that in the last story that someone says that they’ll be done in a few minutes but then a few minutes turned into 10 to 32 a to a whole hour.
Especially with the person is doing you a solid. He messed around and found out. Hopefully OP has learned to give fewer warnings in the future regardless of whether he is a part of it.
Yeah, if I were The Opie, I would've waited said 5min, asked one more time to go, and another 5min after that I would've just said, "Get your things, because I'm leaving, *now* ", and then made good on that. I did that when someone just announced that I'd be driving him home from a get-together. _"Just a few minutes..."_ "Okay, it's been a few minutes, I'll be out in the car, and will be leaving in 5, with or without you." It was without.
My sister did that a lot... When she was student and visiting, she'd go to bar to meet up her old friends. I agreed to pick her up, I'd be a sleep but i get up, get myself woke up (and tbh by that point i had slept 5-6h) and drove 10min. Bar closed, crowd outside Me calling her "i am in front of x" She "I'll be there" 5 min goes, i call again. She doesn't pick up. I go find her, i tell her let's go. She waves me away saying "I'm middle of story" I tell her car leaves in two minutes and if you are not in it, call a taxi and walk away. She did run to car and got in. Then complained the whole drive me being "stuck up" and yadd yadda. I told her maybe she should have called me after she had finished all stories befoee calling me. I am doing her a favour.
The “mlik” story: NTA. Why on earth wouldn’t he be able to figure that typo out? Either he was trying to make a stupid point or he’s an idiot. Of coarse, both are likely to be true at the same time.
I think there is more to the story than we heard. She was at home, couldn't she go get the groceries right quick? Maybe she always delegates chores that he has to do but doesn't necessarily want to, especially when just getting off work. So he ordered take out, it could have been worse by him not ordering anything to eat. I work at home now, but when I was working outside the house I never invited company over for dinner on a week night, I just wanted to go home cook for the family and relax. I don't understand why OP or anybody else uploads such petty stuff to the internet instead of talk it out with their partner.
@@jennsyk7520 I don’t know why you think we are missing details or there is more to the story. Swinging by the grocery store is a pretty common task for one partner to do while they are out. Not wanting to do a chore doesn’t make it an unreasonable request.
i bet the BIL tossed the kid into the water without the jacket on purpose, it all just seems suspicious with his choice of words and how he keeps hounding for a thanks
No way would I have waited that long for my boyfriend. I would have told him that the train is leaving on time he's either on it or miss it. And then I would leave. And if he blocked me? That would be the end. No consideration, no respect.
ETA not getting a thank you in an emergency doesn't mean you harass someone til they thank you. She should have been watching her kid. Block the racist family
@@Batman-lg2zjIf it's her child it's her responsibility. Period. End of story. No ands or buts, And someone did help her, by literally saving her kids life. Everyone except the kid in that story sucks.
@@AhkleekMaDheekh Except the kid *should* have been safe because she had a *life jacket on.* Someone *removed the life jacket* and let her in the water *specifically* while OP was feeding her other child. This is *attempted murder.*
S1: OP is NTA, but she shouldn't have called the nosy busy-body a beyotch, even if she was being one. This is already causing blowback on OP from co-workers. She should go to HR first before the busybody does. If necessary, she should give the most word-salad corporate non-pology ever.
Story 2: first of all, it's incredibly tacky to demand a thank you like that, they didn't even check in on your daughter or wait the next day, just started blowing up your phone when you didn't immediately respond to the text. Now they won't talk to you over this? That's ridiculous and yes you should say thank you but they shouldn't be this desperate for it. While yes you should have been watching your child, but with like 3 adults there how did none of them see she didn't have on a life jacket?
How are those people supposed to know every song thing about a child that isn’t theirs? Honestly OP is totally the idiot…. Like why didn’t OP at least tell them that the daughter couldn’t swim?
@@madlie2452nah, it very probably just came off because moms not a swimmer who didn’t know what she was doing when she put it in her nonverbal daughter. Kids life jackets won’t stay on without all the straps fastened and since she only mentions the buckles in the back I’d guess she neglected the ones between the legs.
@@Janjones7735 I read the actual story with updates. The girl is not actually mute, her father’s family is deaf and she sometimes feels like just signing instead of talking. The mother also said the girl was strapped in completely to the life jacket, in the back and in between her legs.
Last story: I would have responded to BF's sister with 'are you going to collect his stuff or should I bin it?' That child is a total waste of space and OP can do much better for herself.
Story 1: NTA Coworker: "if you don't mind my asking.." OP: *says she does mind Coworker: *Won't take no for an answer...insults OP OP: responds Coworker: *shocked Pikachu face.
Second Story: Who the hell took off the kid's life jacket! Even if she could swim the child is bound to get exhausted. And I hate to say this but it feels malicious. Like someone took it off to be mean to the kid. (Probably because she is mixed and they don't like the husband)
For that last story, she should block him back and when he unblocks her to send his smug "are you ready to apologize" text he'll see he's blocked and ask his sister to contact her. Then when his sister does she says "when he's ready to apologize and act like an adult, I'm ready to have a sit down. Until then I'll assume he broke up with me and be about my business. Hopefully he gets his head out of his ass and realizes childish, abusive, passive aggressive, tactics won't work before I find another man" This should be the one and only time he pulls this shit
She did ask why do you want to know… OP had every right to shut her down. 2nd story… taking someone to the lake that can’t swim?! Both of you need to go get swimming lessons. Specially if she is a selective mute… But that does not excuse for them taking her life jacket off. ESH!
Story 4: tell your ungrateful daughter that your life doesn't revolve around her anymore, you're not her on call free babysitting. You had plans was enough info, you don't have to explain anything more, and the kids will understand. Also I would call her out for trying to compare your son's wife's being disable for a year, to her just wanting to go out with her husband.
@@catherinep2034she entices her mom with the thought of going to Napa and touring the vineyards only for her to spend the entirety of the vacation babysitting. And when confronted she has the audacity to tell her mom she’s entitled to her babysitting due to her taking leave and helping her son and DIL who was in a tragic accident. And now she is shocked that her mom doesn’t want to travel to see her. Get a clue
The drowning toddler story: make a report to the police and explain that someone TOOK OFF her life jacket while near water. Let the police figure out who is owed apologies and who needs to serve time for attempted murder.
But how tho? Someone else was washing the child, which is a normal thing the child had a life jacket on the next time the mother sees her child. The child no longer has a life jacket on. I don’t understand panic in her head as to why she didn’t question it, but the fact that nobody else is explaining why the child didn’t know have a life jacket on is deeply concerning.
Teaching a toddler to swim is fine, but removing the life jacket was BS and betting BIL did it. Who the frick expects a toddler to have the stamina to swim without a lifejacket or help? I am thinking a BIL. No contact is a good start. Eff that whole family.
Story 1 That ESH commenter has one of the highest horses I've ever seen. While I do think OP is NTA I could understand the ESH verdict because she could have just walked away, but then the commenter just kept going. The suggestion that calling someone a bitch is something you can only do once someone assaults you, steals from you, or something that justifies "losing control." That's just insane.
Story 1: Dad says that whenever men have asked him personal questions in public, he asks them, loudly, if they figured out who gave them the rash. Women get asked who the three different guys they were with on whatever day. Then he walks away. If you decide to apologize, just say "I'm sorry you but are a rude entitled she-cur!"
'you daughter might be blind to the difference between the situations' There is a pretty clear difference between helping out because they were in a car accident and helping because the parents want some time off the difference being the accident. besides why can't the husbands family come over so they have some free time?
Story 2 : Attempted murder of a 4 year old, by a racist couple at family gathering. That would have made headlines. It sounds like the BIL had a last minute thought that they could get in serious trouble if the child died, then decided to blame the OP. Xenophobia and racism right there shouldn't be overlooked when there was already bullying of the father. If I was the OP's husband, I'd file for divorce and full custody. Where it's not the OP's fault for wanting to feed the baby , it is her fault trusting family that has this history. That makes it child endangerment and negligence on her part. The glossing over this in her post only solidifies the matter.
Whoa whoa whoa… someone took off that kid’s life jacket. Then they didn’t watch a disabled child that they were asked to watch?! This isn’t the mother’s fault. She trusted her (racist) family to watch her (biracial and disabled) kid and they didn’t because they don’t care about the child. This isn’t the mother’s fault. She trusted the wrong people and they are blaming her for their negligence. Insane. Never speak to those racists again.
S2: There's so many questions that Op should be demanding answers to. Where was the adult cousin who was suppose to be watching the daughter? Who removed the life jacket in the first place? Yeah, BIL saved her daughter and Op should probably thank him for that but the sister and family are crazy for escalating this and attacking Op. Again, where was the cousin who was literally in charge of watching her?? After the racism reveal, I'm starting to think that there's much more beneath the surface here.
Swin lessons for a 4 year old? Also, how did the life jacket come off and where did it go. Where was the cousin that was watching her while op tended to her othet child?
It's really weird they would be hounding the mom for a thank you instead of "how is she doing?" Especially since her life jacket would be difficult to take off on her own....
The Nosy Co-Worker- Eh. Right Concept; Wrong Words. In Business, there is never an excuse to NOT be High Brow in your responses. 'You are so young and naieve that you obviously don't understand you are being rude, manipulative and ill mannered. I'm done with this conversation.' 'My husband works in finance, and by it's very nature, the salary varies from year to year. If you are an IRS agent, I need to see your credentials and I'll send you to our lawyer and our accountant. ''Yes, we have good jobs and accompanying salaries. Yet, we are careful with our money, and we control our spending day to day... just so we CAN afford nice trips.'
Grammar police husband, he would drive me insane. I can not stand people act like no coma and misspelled word in a freaking text is a HUGE deal. He is treating you like a child. Fudge him
He totally knew what she meant. And if he was stupid enough to not understand or maybe thought it was a brand name, he could have messaged her back saying “coconut mlik??” and she could have replied “typo, meant coconut milk” or something. But really the brain is smart, check this out: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Wonder how the kid got into the water without a life jacket. Since she's a kid, wouldn't be surprised if she had the brilliant idea of risking her life, and I'd be mad as well. But again there's not enough information to decide who's in the wrong (Well, I mean if your kid can't swim don't put 'em in the water). Either way, cutting off contact until there's an apology is an overreaction. Honestly I don't think texting fast and misspelling is a big deal; a little funny. I don't think the husband pretending he didn't understand was necessary. But firstly Op is an adult who can read and write, so at least try to do it correctly. And secondly, it sounds like Op knows this is something that bothers her husband and through her actions she proves she doesn't care. I mean I wouldn't care, it's something so small that it doesnt bother me. But her husband does care, and he cares a lot it sounds like. Last one reminds me of my family. It's always "Oh we're just going to say Hi to everyone and eat and then we'll go home". We get there. We cook. We set up. We eat (and nobody's said a thing to us cause my family is heartless). Everyone talks for hours (everyone except us). We clean up. People talk for more hours. We leave. When I ask about the lie I was told they respond with "Well we can't just come in and eat, then leave!".
Drowning toddler: You never ever leave your baby in water alone without you!!! You are terrible mother! And you can’t even say thank you for saving my child’s life because you didn’t get around to it?! How dare you have more kids
OP1: NTA. You're not stuck up to refuse to answer invasive questions. Flush this "doesn't understand" BS. She insulted you to your face. You hit the Uno reverse card. Go to HR.
I had to literally type out milk for the third-story no matter how I look at it that's just how you spelled the word when I realize my dyslexia kicking in
If you can't swim keep yourself and your children AWAY from water! Sign your kid up for swimming lessons, it's bot hard. I live inna place with TONS of fresh water lakes. Stupid people bring their family's that don't know how to swim toothed lakes some one drowns and then they make ridiculous rules for EVERY ONE. Water is dangerous if you can't swim, get your head out of your butt.
Last story, couldn't agree more with the last comment, been in a similar situation, finally ended the relationship What a Relief it was. OP dump the cretin.
Look, I'm not going to judge OP for the life jacket story but as someone who specializes in water safety, I do want to say a few things: Drowning is the top killer for children under the age of 5. It doesn't matter if they know how to swim. In fact, most drownings happen to children who know how to swim. The parent assumes they don't have to pay attention (because their child is a good swimmer) and then boom! The child is at the bottom of the pool. What happens is the child's arms get tired and they slowly give up. Here are things that will save your child's life.... 1. Do NOT leave your child with someone who is not fully informed on water safety. Most people think swimming is no big deal and they have no idea what to look out for. Especially a 22 year old kid with no children. It takes SECONDS for your child to drown. Seconds. Choose wisely the person who is in charge of your child's life. 2. If your child is 5 and under, you need to be within arms reach at all times. I dont care if they know how to swim. Get in the pool and join them. It's not worth going to the bathroom and coming back to find your child is dead. Need to breastfeed your baby? Take your other child with you. 3. No arm floaties!!! Those are the worst! Drownings are at an all time HIGH because of arm floaties. They always fall off and they gave a false security to parents. Only use a life jacket that connects to the chest. 4. Learn the signs of drowning. It's not what most people envision. You can youtube this but just know drowning is a silent killer. You are not going to see your child screaming "Help! Help" with their arms splashing around. If a child is drowning, it means they cannot breathe. They cannot scream. They will sink to the bottom and that will be it. Parents will usually first be like, "hmmm, where did my child go." And they will find them at the bottom of the pool. 5. Learn CPR. Its just good to know. You can learn it on youtube. The best way to save your childs life is to simply... pay close attention. As someone who has been traumatized by the amount of near death drownings I have witnessed, I refuse to let anyone watch my kid while swimming. It's just not worth it.
Last Story: OP *should* be packing all of BF's stuff up, calling his sister to let her know his stuff was packed, and leaving it on the porch for him to pick up. Put the chains/stops on the door (and call 911 if he tries anything). *Then* change the locks. 🔐
S1- I would have said, “ I can’t disclose how much my husband makes but in our prenup clause, I get 3/4 of his assets, home, cars & the mistress/side chick will owe me $100,000. Without the financial assistance from my husband, proof has to come from paycheck to prove SHE is paying it.” Then let’s see if she’ll STFU AND NOW THIS PRENUP CLAUSE ISN’T A BAD IDEA.
Life jacket story is why I will never EVER leave my kids with anyone. People are so careless and idiotic. Who takes off a child’s life jacket and then proceeds to leave the same child unsupervised. If anyone told me who took off that child’s life jacket I’d rip a damn strip off them. Even when kids can swim they should be wearing life jackets for the first few years pre schoolers get tired fast. This story is so heart breaking, that poor mum did everything right. Had the proper fastest gear, left her in the care of a trusted family member and then came back to be attacked for something that wasn’t her fault. Absolutely awful!
Last story he was the one who should be apologizing to you for his own actions not listening to you. By blocking your number he is acting like a toddler. You need a better boyfriend who respects your wishes to leave early not keeping give me more time.
Story 1 @Go to HR now! She tried in many ways to find out you salary. Having failed with you, she really harassed, stalked and seriously inti idated your GF/wife. She must be reported fo this immediately - she's insane for a sugar daddy.
Story 1 NTA: tell me you're a gold digger without telling me you're a gold digger 😂 My husband encounters this all the time. Young interns trying to net rich older husbands or sugar daddies. He works in Tech. He had a 20 something intern who tried to cling to him during work events and would stalk him in the office. She would badmouth me and say I was too old, fat, etc and he deserved better (i.e. her). He would tell her that her comments were inappropriate and to stop before he reported her to HR. Well she showed up to our house and tried to tell me that she was sleeping with my husband and that I needed to leave, because he was divorcing me to be with her. Funny thing is my husband works for my dad, and the company will go to my brother when dad retires. Little miss gold digger was fired and black listed from my husband's industry. She wasn't the first and she probably won't be the last.
Story one: Only crude people will get a point if you use crude language. This co-worker is not a teenager, she's a mature woman seeking information to wonder if the husband is worth setting her sights on and seduce him. She has game but it's so transparent it's laughable. I don't fault the OP for being rude or crude for some low life who has designs on her husband.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
The Drowning Toddler- I would respond to your sister and her husband: Yes. I made a HUGE mistake. I retreated to privacy to feed the baby, AND I LEFT THE SAFETY OF MY DAUGHTER IN THE HANDS OF MY FAMILY! ABSOLUTELY! I will NEVER put my daughter into danger, by trusting my family to have her best interest at heart. WHO REMOVED HER LIFE VEST?! SHE CANNOT REMOVE IT HERSELF! WHO REMOVED HER LIFE VEST?! THAT SHOULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS PROBLEM! Somone in our family, put her at risk AND I WILL NEVER TRUST ANY OF YOU, AGAIN.
I suspect the one that went right to her to tell her off did. Probably assumed "Oh, she's old enough she probably knows how to swim, she doesn't need this!" and then realized they screwed up and went to blame OP for it.
. . . . Nope don't go around water if you can't swim and haven't taught your kid, it's dangerous and 100%OPs fault
@@kaileyenns SHE HAD A LIFE VEST ON (that she couldn't take off herself) when OP LEFT HER IN THE CARE OF THE COUSIN. She was supervised and safe when OP left her. She ended up without the life vest, unsupervised and almost drowning. How exactly is this OP's fault ? Please explain how the child ended up without the life vest.
@@MdMzzza determined kid can totally take off a life vest. Easily.
the person supposed to be watching the child is the idiot
Story 2: Why the actual fuck was the kids life jacket removed? That is the only question that matters and OP is not asking it.
Edit: I love the way OP just glosses over her daughters selective mutism AND the fact that her family is racist while she's married to a black man. With a MIXED baby. This is all so complicated and dramatic.
I was like "Wait a freaking minute. Circle back around to that part!"
Right? And apparently OP is an amputee
Probably didn't realize it was relevant. She grew up with this shit as the norm.
Somebody took that lifejacket off. They're designed so the child CANNOT reach the clips. And then they left a 4yr old by the water. I'd be raising 15 kinds of hell, AFTER thanking the man who saved her.
@@lamwen03 right. Someone took that off. That's the major concern to me. OP is a couple amputee, they were at a kids party, and BIL just so happened to save the kid
Story 2: something is very off with that whole situation. OP left her child in the care of another adult. Those adults screwed up and someone took off the child’s life jacket. Then they verbally attack OP repeatedly. I’m getting very red flags about all this. Something isn’t right.
OP=Family Scapegoat!
She left her child with a 22 yo cousin who was probably watching all the kids. She’s not blameless and I’m sure they were all mad with her because she probably does this a lot (neglect one kid for the other).
@@Janjones7735it's not neglect to leave a kid with an agreeing adult for short period of time. If she needs to to to toilet, she should bring her kid with her to toilet? Everyone should take their kid to toilet with them because neglect to ask some other adult to watch the kid for short time?
Kid had lifejacket. Kid couldn't remove it herself. Yet kid didn't have life jacket on. Who removed it?
@@Janjones7735you're really pushing this. Whats the angle? Are you the loser 22 year old who was supposed to be watching the child?
As family I've left my child with another adult while taking the other for a nap or for a diaper change or bathroom. Thats what real family does for one another.
Someone dropped the fucking ball in this family and it wasn't the mother. She had her child in a floatation device(and I have an idea which one as ive used them with my children and grandchildren the buckles in the back and no leg straps as its physically impossible to take them off or "slip out" of them without undoing the back buckles) and she left the child under the supervision of an adult.
They all jump on her shit the minute something happens? Naw something is not adding up and I would have called the sheriff for attempted murder if I was her.
Yall better grow up jan
@@Janjones7735i want to know what happend with the life jacket.
1st Story: OP you weren't stuck-up, its called tact. Something Miss Nosy-body and your co-workers don't have, its none of her/their business. She backed you into a corner, so you did what you had to do. She's probably used to getting her way because of her looks, is obviously jealous, and your gut was telling you she was bad news for hubby. If you have to apologize, just make it clear next time boundaries are crossed, you'll go to HR.
I like the response someone suggested of "why do you ask?". Also, a quick "it's none of youir business" would have been my first response.
OP erred in calling her a bish, even if she was being one. It's already causing workplace blowback. She should go to HR now, before the bish goes in with a sob-story. If pressed, she should give the most corporate word-salad non-pology ever.
@@Procrastinator1948I was thinking that too especially when OP said after she turned 30 she stopped being kind when people asked nosy questions about their finances. Where was the shut the hell up attitude at the party?
@@Procrastinator1948i really like the "why do you ask" one it completely puts all the pressure on and nosy rude person to answer the question.
Kills me when people say that 20-29 are so young so you need to give them a break for the $hit that they do. Sorry but I they are ADULTS, and should be held to that standard.
Story1...if over the years OP truly took a take no crap attitude, she would have shut down the question at "I hope you don't mind my asking..." Proper response..."Well, I DO mind your asking. It is none of your business and rude if you to ask."
I am extremely surprised that anyone is calling OP the AH in the 2nd story.
The only thing she seems to have done wrong is trust her family to watch her kid for 10 minutes.
I wouldn't be surprised if the 22 year old took off the life jacket and lied and said that the girl never had the jacket on.
She’s completely the AH. She left a nonverbal nonswimmer with a 22 yo cousin at a lake shore. You do not leave small kids in the water. If one of the parents isn’t there neither is the kid. Don’t trust other people, especially people you admit you don’t like, with your kids.
@@nancyomalley6286moms not a swimmer my guess is she didn’t fasten the crotch strap and if you don’t those kid life jackets will pop right off. Seen it happen.
@@Janjones7735 so you're saying the thing she did wrong was trust her family to watch her kid for 10 minutes.
@@Janjones7735She never said she didn't like them, they don't like her husband because he's black, a 22yr old is plenty old enough to watch a toddler and prevent them from wandering into the water , there are plenty of 22yr old with their own kids, it's not too young to watch a toddler.
The drowning kid story....holy what?? I have so many questions. Where was the 22F cousin who was supposed to be watching the child? How did her life jacket get taken off when she can't do it herself? How and why did she get in the water when she had shown no interest in doing so all day? How did this child manage to start drowning in a lake while surrounded by at least 3 other adults, one of which was instructed specifically to keep an eye on this kid for the 20-30 minutes the mom needed to feed her other child? Why would the BIL immediately call OP a bad mom, blame her for the whole thing, and make the wild claim that all four year olds should know how to swim? Why did he and sister chase so aggressively for an apology/thanks while OP was at the HOSPITAL with her kid? What exactly did they think OP needed to apologize for? Why did they seemingly show 0 concern for the kid after slapping the water from her lungs? Why is everyone being so hostile to OP? What version of the story did they get? Did the family put this child in danger on purpose because they're racist? Was this attempted murder? Were they just careless with her safety (due to laziness and/or racism) and are trying to push the blame on OP to deflect their own guilt? What is WRONG with this family???
Baffled at the people calling her negligent - she should 100% be able to leave her toddler in the care of another consenting adult for 20 freaking minutes without having to worry about her drowning. Would you consider any parent who hires a babysitter negligent? She was absolutely acting responsibly by instructing the kid about water safety, putting her into a life jacket she couldn't unbuckle on her own, and asking another adult family member to keep an eye on her for a short period when she had to step away to care for her other child. If the cousin didn't think she was capable of watching the kid for whatever reason, she could have and should have said something. And since OP could hear the screaming on the beach from where she was, she obviously wasn't even far away! People also keep saying the child is 'selectively mute' - that is NOT what op said. she said the child signs more often than talks bc much of her fathers family is deaf. The kid is not at all incapable of making noise if needed and does not have any hearing/speech issues. It's a moot point anyway bc no one can speak while they're drowning anyway. The only thing OP apparently did wrong in my opinion is think she could trust her family not to kill her kid for 20 goddamn minutes. Also if my BIL had saved my kid's life i would absolutely be thankful, but the first thing out of my mouth after he came up to me with that hostile garbage would not be 'thank you'. he missed that window of gratitude by being an AH. I repeat: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY????
It was probably the 22 yo who noticed her drowning and alert the other adults. Also, you definitely should not hire a babysitter (which she did not do) to watch your kids swim. You’re asking for trouble. You hire a babysitter to sit with the baby and stay with your toddler!
@@Janjones7735 babysitters do take kids swimming tho? Lol but irrelevant. OP took all reasonable precautions - coaching her kid on safety, making sure she was supervised by an adult at all times, ensuring she was in well fitted safety gear - and a bad thing still happened. Sometimes thems the breaks, but it doesn’t mean she is somehow negligent after the fact.
Ok but anyway I spent like 40 mins trawling thru the Reddit post and wow it’s a deep dive with so few questions answered and people were HELLA hostile to OP for a good bit before some reasonable people stepped in. so I’m just gonna compile the facts I gathered in this reply - not directed specifically at you, janjones! You keep on keepin on!
1. OP is a double amputee (legs) which is why she can’t swim very well; her kid is on a waiting list for pro swim lessons which her dad will do with her.
2. Her husband is Mexican, which she states in a comment. Unsure why the post here says he’s black as that’s not how that sentence in the post reads; it says “my husband thinks I should go no contact but he’s never liked them so I’m hesitant to listen”. Sister and BIL are racist/xenophobic toward him, tho, and especially when they are PO’d which is much of the reason why OP didn’t want to engage with them when they texted her.
3. The kid is genuinely selectively mute per OP’s comments, that’s my bad, but OP says she can def be loud and this was not a quiet day; still irrelevant since drowning ppl do not cry out. She does say kid has not been talking much since the incident and has not explained what happened, but has been very clingy and obvs traumatized. Kid is not developmentally disabled or neurodivergent and has no hearing or learning difficulties. She does have a physical disability which affects her potty training (they were rejected from a swim lesson once already for this reason) but not her general mobility. She is scheduled for surgery for this issue in the coming year.
4. Life vest clips in the back and between the kids legs, OP is adamant kid cannot reach it to remove and she often needs assistance herself with the buckles they’re so sturdy. Kid likes the vest and finds it comfortable and sometimes wears it around the house. Further proof she could/would not have taken it off herself.
5. the 22f cousin was not the same cousin whose child was having the bday party. this cousin recently (2 weeks prior?) had a C section and thus was moving slowly, but had her own 3 year old there with her (infant was with father) whom the OP’s kid was playing with. They were sitting a good distance away from the water. OP says she and her husband love and trust this cousin and she is devastated that this happened on her watch.
6. OP’s family “doesn’t believe in breastfeeding” and she claims they would have kicked her out if she tried to feed her younger child right there, so she had been going to her car to do so. She had done this twice so far with no issues. She wanted her kid to be able to keep playing, so asked the cousin to keep an eye on her while she went to feed her other kid, which she says takes 15 mins.
7. OP debriefed with cousin who’s story was thusly: her kid and OP’s kid asked for a snack, so she turned away (literally turned, the cooler was right next to her, but she has to turn slowly due to c section) to get it for them. OP’s kid still had the vest on at this time. When cousin turned back, both kids were gone. She went looking and found her kid in about 30 seconds standing at the water, OP’s kid nowhere to be seen. An undisclosed amount of time later (probably a minute or less), the screaming began.
8. No one who OP has managed to speak to saw who removed the life jacket or where the kid went when they ran from the cousin (or why they did at all). The life jacket has completely disappeared and has not been found.
9. OP has texted many people who were present with little response; has not had the time to make calls while comforting daughter.
10. OP sent BIL a long message with an “apology and explanation” and was left on read as of the last update.
@@Janjones7735She asked the 22yr old to " babysit" for 20 min, that should have been enough, Jesus my 18yr old daughter can do that easily. You are obviously a helicopter parent and that's fine but not everyone is. You say it was probably the 22yr old who noticed her in the water, oh u mean the 22yr old that was supposed to be watching her to make sure that didn't happen??🙄
@@holyfreakinBLEACH Oh, someone was definitely trying to kill her kid or just frame OP as a bad mother. The life jacket hasn't been found? The life jacket the kid could not remove? That's MAJORLY suspicious. I suspect the BIL is the one that did it, since he was conveniently right there to "save" her after she had disappeared, he was someone the kid might trust to go alone with, and he was the first to scream at OP.
@@holyfreakinBLEACHLife jacket evaporated into thin air? Sounds like someone hiding the evidence of either their carelessness or their malicious act.
Story 2. NTA. The 22 year old cousin who was put in charge of the girl while OP went to feed her toddler is mostly at fault, & the other blame goes to the person who removed the life jacket, unless she did that before neglecting the girl.
Toxic family, go NC.
Story 1: Why do people think it's acceptable to ask other's about how much money they make? Stop pocket watching.
And the just walk away comment. Why show respect if the other will not? Be the better person people just need to die out at this rate.
@@jonathanlundquist4668 "be the better person"/"be the bigger person" is just saying "be a pushover"
'You should learn when to take no for an answer and quit being a nosy b-tch' honestly, iconic line.
You could “apologize” to the wannabe gold digger in front of everyone: “I apologize that you got upset when you did not receive answers to your intrusive, invasive questions about my husband’s income when it’s absolutely none of your business! I apologize that you’re unable to read social cues. I have two books to gift to you: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” & Emily Post’s latest “Etiquette” book; so you won’t embarrass yourself again.”
another fun one would be 'I apologize i refused to hand my husband to you on a silver platter but perhaps you should seek your wealth around the single men and not the married ones
@@velvety2006
I call these type of “apologies”
political apologies lol... the kind certain types of politicians give.
Story two: WHERE was this 22 year old cousin put in charge of the three year old and, yet, NO ONE mentions?? Did ANYONE bother to think it was the 22 year old that unclipped the life jacket and threw the kid in?!
I'm thinking its janjones who keeps pushing that the op is a shit person for trusting family to watch their child. Shes pushing her agenda awful hard for a stranger. Whats up jan. Bothering you to be labeled a killer?
That’s what I’m saying also what adult in their right mind isn’t hyper vigilant when a mother leaves her child in your care BY WATER?!? and it doesn’t matter if the child is not verbal because drowning is very quiet people always expect screaming like in the movies but not it’s just happy giggles then silence
I'm thinking she just told her child to go and stay by the family while she took care of the baby. I kinda don't believe this story bc this isn't the first time at the lake and I'm 100 percent sure the family knew the child couldn't swim. Also, the child prob was trying to take the vest off and someone took it off bc the child was getting irritated and since she doesn't talk they were trying to help. The reason I'm thinking this way, my friend did this to us. Just left her child with the group and assumed someone would watch him. No one knew and he almost drowned as well
Story 2: He was never liked because he was black.... WTF. There is alot to unpack in this story
If that was the case the situation would’ve never happened because if anyone was a racist in my family they would be out of my life
@@lorilancaster5917exactly!
2) ems. How did the jacket come off?! If the cousin was watching the child right?! So where were they? How is no one asking these questions?!
They are op isn't answering
@@335chr did it ever occur to you that OP might be traumatized? Their child almost died.
OP1: Report that woman to HR yesterday for harassment, I promise you that if you dont she will give you a ton of grief on the inmediate future.
How the hell is OP the negligent one? Her daughter had a life vest on when she went to feed the young one. Who took the vest off? The bil was an ass for talking to OP like that.
There's so much going on with the life jacket story and not enough answers. There was an adult watching her who apparently bailed, but no one seems to be looking at them. The life jacket would have to be removed for her, the child is apparently mixed with a racist family. If she chooses to be mute, that might add extra annoyance to someone who already dislikes her because she's mixed. This reads like a thriller -- yikes. And I get the high emotions of everyone involved, but BIL and sister are focusing on credit and thanks over the serious questions here.
In a comment above this one some one posted ops update it’s buried under other comments but here’s the short version. The son of Bil hates his life vest and refuses to wear his and assumed the ops daughter did as well so he removed and they both jumped into the water bil saw and she was only under the water for a moment before he pulled her out. The cousin found out what happened after an argument and the life jacket went over her shoulders and underneath her and it fastened at the back she wouldn’t have being able to remove it herself at all. Bils son said nothing afraid he’d be in trouble so stayed silent the life jacket is still missing and. Ops family are all silent on what happened. Op and husband have gone no contact with the family now.
Story 3: That is so fucking deliberate on the husband's part. That is sooooo petty. I'd wager that this man is super petty in other areas too
Yeah, he employed willful laziness. Anybody with a brain cell, which excludes the husband, could figure it out easily. I mean "mlik" is easy enough to figure it out.
Weaponized incompetence
she might have undiagnosed dyslexia too and if they have kids with it imagine how he would treat them also for their spelling
@@madcatladyOP even said she types fast and doesn’t spellcheck.
@@lorilancaster5917 doesn't mean she isn't dyslexic, excuse the husband or mean a kid won't have a learning difficulty or some other reason that jerk won't bully them too
the "swim" story. Oh, it was so obvious the sister/BIL was one of the commenters. Who the hell took the child's life jacket off, that is the question.
S2- op you should’ve gone no contact after you said your family doesn’t like your husband because he’s black tf!?
Story 1: OP is not the A-hole. Coworker was rude first. Blow up her world.
If I save someone from drowning I DO NOT NEED TO BE THANKED! I did it because it was the right thing to do!
WHO THE HELL asks if she'd rather the chilled drowned because they didn't get a thank you!?
If her family agreed to watch the child, it was THEIR responsibility to make sure she was safe.
You do not agree to watch a child for someone and then not watch them!
I am all sorts of upset now. X.X
If you have to harass people for a thank you then your intentions aren’t genuine. “Hey, OP! I just saved your kid’s life, so you should thank me and worship the ground I walk on.” OP should be glad. Her Sister and BIL not speaking to her sounds like a blessing!
I have a old school friend who won a large lottery prize. Enough to make him independently wealthy and retire at age 30. When people asked him about how much money he had left from his winnings, he just replied, “Enough to hire a security firm to guard myself and my immediate family from potential kidnappers or criminals. And one security guard is watching me every time I’m in public, like right now.”
What do you wanna bet BIL took off the kids life jacket which is why he’s so heavily blaming OP for not teaching her child to swim when all she did was leave her child to be watched by family for 10 minutes while she breast fed her other child and she left her child in proper safety gear ALSO it doesn’t matter one bit if a child is verbal or not when they’re drowning everyone always thinks that people and kids call out when they’re drowning THEY DON’T drowning is incredibly quiet and can happen to any kid very quickly when adults aren’t paying attention IE the adults that OP left her child with which were also her immediate family not only removed the child’s safety gear but either put them in the water after OR removed the gear and then just proceeded to not watch a literal toddler by water while the mother was inside NTA
I also get annoyed with that in the last story that someone says that they’ll be done in a few minutes but then a few minutes turned into 10 to 32 a to a whole hour.
Especially with the person is doing you a solid. He messed around and found out. Hopefully OP has learned to give fewer warnings in the future regardless of whether he is a part of it.
I would dump him, she gave him plenty of warnings and made sure he had a ride home. He's acting like a freaking child, blocks her??
Yeah, if I were The Opie, I would've waited said 5min, asked one more time to go, and another 5min after that I would've just said, "Get your things, because I'm leaving, *now* ", and then made good on that.
I did that when someone just announced that I'd be driving him home from a get-together. _"Just a few minutes..."_ "Okay, it's been a few minutes, I'll be out in the car, and will be leaving in 5, with or without you." It was without.
My sister did that a lot... When she was student and visiting, she'd go to bar to meet up her old friends. I agreed to pick her up, I'd be a sleep but i get up, get myself woke up (and tbh by that point i had slept 5-6h) and drove 10min. Bar closed, crowd outside
Me calling her "i am in front of x"
She "I'll be there"
5 min goes, i call again. She doesn't pick up. I go find her, i tell her let's go. She waves me away saying "I'm middle of story"
I tell her car leaves in two minutes and if you are not in it, call a taxi and walk away. She did run to car and got in. Then complained the whole drive me being "stuck up" and yadd yadda. I told her maybe she should have called me after she had finished all stories befoee calling me. I am doing her a favour.
OP2: He lost his right to an apology when he lashed out at you.
The “mlik” story: NTA. Why on earth wouldn’t he be able to figure that typo out? Either he was trying to make a stupid point or he’s an idiot. Of coarse, both are likely to be true at the same time.
Making a stupid point. Guy's a sack of crap.
I think there is more to the story than we heard. She was at home, couldn't she go get the groceries right quick? Maybe she always delegates chores that he has to do but doesn't necessarily want to, especially when just getting off work. So he ordered take out, it could have been worse by him not ordering anything to eat. I work at home now, but when I was working outside the house I never invited company over for dinner on a week night, I just wanted to go home cook for the family and relax. I don't understand why OP or anybody else uploads such petty stuff to the internet instead of talk it out with their partner.
@@jennsyk7520 I don’t know why you think we are missing details or there is more to the story. Swinging by the grocery store is a pretty common task for one partner to do while they are out. Not wanting to do a chore doesn’t make it an unreasonable request.
i bet the BIL tossed the kid into the water without the jacket on purpose, it all just seems suspicious with his choice of words and how he keeps hounding for a thanks
No way would I have waited that long for my boyfriend. I would have told him that the train is leaving on time he's either on it or miss it. And then I would leave. And if he blocked me? That would be the end. No consideration, no respect.
ETA not getting a thank you in an emergency doesn't mean you harass someone til they thank you. She should have been watching her kid. Block the racist family
Wow it wasn’t her fault and someone else could have actually helped her out for a minute .
@@Batman-lg2zjIf it's her child it's her responsibility. Period. End of story. No ands or buts, And someone did help her, by literally saving her kids life. Everyone except the kid in that story sucks.
Who unclipped the life jacket though?
@@AhkleekMaDheekhAfter someone endangered the child by taking off the floatation device built to prevent small children from drowning
@@AhkleekMaDheekh Except the kid *should* have been safe because she had a *life jacket on.* Someone *removed the life jacket* and let her in the water *specifically* while OP was feeding her other child. This is *attempted murder.*
S1: OP is NTA, but she shouldn't have called the nosy busy-body a beyotch, even if she was being one. This is already causing blowback on OP from co-workers. She should go to HR first before the busybody does. If necessary, she should give the most word-salad corporate non-pology ever.
Story 2: first of all, it's incredibly tacky to demand a thank you like that, they didn't even check in on your daughter or wait the next day, just started blowing up your phone when you didn't immediately respond to the text. Now they won't talk to you over this? That's ridiculous and yes you should say thank you but they shouldn't be this desperate for it. While yes you should have been watching your child, but with like 3 adults there how did none of them see she didn't have on a life jacket?
How are those people supposed to know every song thing about a child that isn’t theirs? Honestly OP is totally the idiot…. Like why didn’t OP at least tell them that the daughter couldn’t swim?
@@C4TC4TEveryone knew she couldn’t swim. Someone intentionally took the life jacket off of the child.
I'm more concerned about the obvious attempted murder of the mixed race child by the racist extended family.
@@madlie2452nah, it very probably just came off because moms not a swimmer who didn’t know what she was doing when she put it in her nonverbal daughter. Kids life jackets won’t stay on without all the straps fastened and since she only mentions the buckles in the back I’d guess she neglected the ones between the legs.
@@Janjones7735 I read the actual story with updates. The girl is not actually mute, her father’s family is deaf and she sometimes feels like just signing instead of talking. The mother also said the girl was strapped in completely to the life jacket, in the back and in between her legs.
Last story: I would have responded to BF's sister with 'are you going to collect his stuff or should I bin it?' That child is a total waste of space and OP can do much better for herself.
Story 1: NTA
Coworker: "if you don't mind my asking.."
OP: *says she does mind
Coworker: *Won't take no for an answer...insults OP
OP: responds
Coworker: *shocked Pikachu face.
Second Story:
Who the hell took off the kid's life jacket! Even if she could swim the child is bound to get exhausted. And I hate to say this but it feels malicious. Like someone took it off to be mean to the kid. (Probably because she is mixed and they don't like the husband)
For that last story, she should block him back and when he unblocks her to send his smug "are you ready to apologize" text he'll see he's blocked and ask his sister to contact her. Then when his sister does she says "when he's ready to apologize and act like an adult, I'm ready to have a sit down. Until then I'll assume he broke up with me and be about my business. Hopefully he gets his head out of his ass and realizes childish, abusive, passive aggressive, tactics won't work before I find another man"
This should be the one and only time he pulls this shit
She did ask why do you want to know… OP had every right to shut her down.
2nd story… taking someone to the lake that can’t swim?! Both of you need to go get swimming lessons. Specially if she is a selective mute… But that does not excuse for them taking her life jacket off. ESH!
Story 4: tell your ungrateful daughter that your life doesn't revolve around her anymore, you're not her on call free babysitting. You had plans was enough info, you don't have to explain anything more, and the kids will understand. Also I would call her out for trying to compare your son's wife's being disable for a year, to her just wanting to go out with her husband.
The daughter should've asked beforehand for OP to babysit the kids, not just expect it.
@@catherinep2034she entices her mom with the thought of going to Napa and touring the vineyards only for her to spend the entirety of the vacation babysitting. And when confronted she has the audacity to tell her mom she’s entitled to her babysitting due to her taking leave and helping her son and DIL who was in a tragic accident. And now she is shocked that her mom doesn’t want to travel to see her. Get a clue
N**ger
@@lorilancaster5917 get a clue? How about you read what I wrote again.
@@catherinep2034I was referring that OPs daughter get a clue.
Thank him?!? He almost killed her…I bet he took it off of her on purpose.
The drowning toddler story: make a report to the police and explain that someone TOOK OFF her life jacket while near water. Let the police figure out who is owed apologies and who needs to serve time for attempted murder.
Drowning story I do agree with esh but who removed the kids life jacket?
But how tho? Someone else was washing the child, which is a normal thing the child had a life jacket on the next time the mother sees her child. The child no longer has a life jacket on. I don’t understand panic in her head as to why she didn’t question it, but the fact that nobody else is explaining why the child didn’t know have a life jacket on is deeply concerning.
@@ghostdragon5735 I’m saying someone intentionally removed a 4 year old mute girls life jacket and put her in the water
@@helenlewis2510Thought I was the only one wondering this.
@@helenlewis2510THIS!! OMG That makes this soooooooo much worse .... welcome to SVU/Criminal Minds. Jeebus
Op isn’t at fault here but her family sucks
NO MEANS NO in any situation, even when when talking Finance.
Agree Op was being harassed
Teaching a toddler to swim is fine, but removing the life jacket was BS and betting BIL did it.
Who the frick expects a toddler to have the stamina to swim without a lifejacket or help? I am thinking a BIL.
No contact is a good start. Eff that whole family.
Story two: there are so many different questions that need to be answered.
Story 1
That ESH commenter has one of the highest horses I've ever seen. While I do think OP is NTA I could understand the ESH verdict because she could have just walked away, but then the commenter just kept going. The suggestion that calling someone a bitch is something you can only do once someone assaults you, steals from you, or something that justifies "losing control."
That's just insane.
Who tf asks to be thanked for saving a child’s life?!?!
Story 1: Dad says that whenever men have asked him personal questions in public, he asks them, loudly, if they figured out who gave them the rash. Women get asked who the three different guys they were with on whatever day. Then he walks away.
If you decide to apologize, just say "I'm sorry you but are a rude entitled she-cur!"
Your daughter thinks you owe her a year of child care
Instead of counting her blessings that she wasn’t in her brother’s situation
'you daughter might be blind to the difference between the situations' There is a pretty clear difference between helping out because they were in a car accident and helping because the parents want some time off the difference being the accident. besides why can't the husbands family come over so they have some free time?
S1- I hate people like this. Gods. Take the hint. Move on.
Dont apologize. End of story.
When asked how much you make you should smile, lean in & say it’s in the none of your business range, and walk away😆
Is it just turning 30 where the give a damn turns off? Cus mine was turned off about then too 😂
I'd take her to HR about it.
Story 2 : Attempted murder of a 4 year old, by a racist couple at family gathering.
That would have made headlines. It sounds like the BIL had a last minute thought that they could get in serious trouble if the child died, then decided to blame the OP. Xenophobia and racism right there shouldn't be overlooked when there was already bullying of the father.
If I was the OP's husband, I'd file for divorce and full custody. Where it's not the OP's fault for wanting to feed the baby , it is her fault trusting family that has this history. That makes it child endangerment and negligence on her part. The glossing over this in her post only solidifies the matter.
Who took off her life jacket? I bet he did it.
Story1; The workplace is the perfect place to put somebody in their place.
Whoa whoa whoa… someone took off that kid’s life jacket. Then they didn’t watch a disabled child that they were asked to watch?! This isn’t the mother’s fault. She trusted her (racist) family to watch her (biracial and disabled) kid and they didn’t because they don’t care about the child. This isn’t the mother’s fault. She trusted the wrong people and they are blaming her for their negligence. Insane. Never speak to those racists again.
S2: There's so many questions that Op should be demanding answers to. Where was the adult cousin who was suppose to be watching the daughter? Who removed the life jacket in the first place? Yeah, BIL saved her daughter and Op should probably thank him for that but the sister and family are crazy for escalating this and attacking Op. Again, where was the cousin who was literally in charge of watching her?? After the racism reveal, I'm starting to think that there's much more beneath the surface here.
A good response is “Yes, I do mind. I prefer not to discuss finances. How about them Phillies?” The last sentence was a change of topic.
Coconut mlik is *so* much better than coconut milk.
Seriously, try it. You'll never go back.
Swin lessons for a 4 year old? Also, how did the life jacket come off and where did it go. Where was the cousin that was watching her while op tended to her othet child?
It's really weird they would be hounding the mom for a thank you instead of "how is she doing?" Especially since her life jacket would be difficult to take off on her own....
The Nosy Co-Worker- Eh. Right Concept; Wrong Words. In Business, there is never an excuse to NOT be High Brow in your responses.
'You are so young and naieve that you obviously don't understand you are being rude, manipulative and ill mannered. I'm done with this conversation.' 'My husband works in finance, and by it's very nature, the salary varies from year to year. If you are an IRS agent, I need to see your credentials and I'll send you to our lawyer and our accountant.
''Yes, we have good jobs and accompanying salaries. Yet, we are careful with our money, and we control our spending day to day... just so we CAN afford nice trips.'
Grammar police husband, he would drive me insane. I can not stand people act like no coma and misspelled word in a freaking text is a HUGE deal. He is treating you like a child. Fudge him
He totally knew what she meant. And if he was stupid enough to not understand or maybe thought it was a brand name, he could have messaged her back saying “coconut mlik??” and she could have replied “typo, meant coconut milk” or something.
But really the brain is smart, check this out:
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
OP5: Bro was rude, bro was warned. Flush him.
Trash took Itself out. OP told him the ride was leaving.
He should have asked what happened but being ‘the hero’ is extremely stressful. He was an ass but he saved your child, say thank you.
Great work as always
Wonder how the kid got into the water without a life jacket.
Since she's a kid, wouldn't be surprised if she had the brilliant idea of risking her life, and I'd be mad as well.
But again there's not enough information to decide who's in the wrong (Well, I mean if your kid can't swim don't put 'em in the water).
Either way, cutting off contact until there's an apology is an overreaction.
Honestly I don't think texting fast and misspelling is a big deal; a little funny. I don't think the husband pretending he didn't understand was necessary.
But firstly Op is an adult who can read and write, so at least try to do it correctly. And secondly, it sounds like Op knows this is something that bothers her husband and through her actions she proves she doesn't care. I mean I wouldn't care, it's something so small that it doesnt bother me. But her husband does care, and he cares a lot it sounds like.
Last one reminds me of my family. It's always "Oh we're just going to say Hi to everyone and eat and then we'll go home".
We get there. We cook. We set up. We eat (and nobody's said a thing to us cause my family is heartless). Everyone talks for hours (everyone except us). We clean up. People talk for more hours. We leave.
When I ask about the lie I was told they respond with "Well we can't just come in and eat, then leave!".
Drowning toddler: You never ever leave your baby in water alone without you!!! You are terrible mother! And you can’t even say thank you for saving my child’s life because you didn’t get around to it?! How dare you have more kids
*Final story:* NTA, imagine not caring that _the driver_ is getting fatigued.
Nta. You tried to be nice. She didn't back off.
Who asks people what they’re making in general conversation? That is so tacky and rude.
Morning wine ? Man alcoholics are wild lmao
OP1: NTA. You're not stuck up to refuse to answer invasive questions. Flush this "doesn't understand" BS. She insulted you to your face. You hit the Uno reverse card. Go to HR.
"he was never liked because he's black..."
Are we just going to gloss over that? That's enough reason to go no contact for me!
Story 2: NTA and op isn’t the idiot and op isn’t the idiot .
I had to literally type out milk for the third-story no matter how I look at it that's just how you spelled the word when I realize my dyslexia kicking in
The best answer to the rude person who asks how much you (or anyone in your family makes) is: more than enough. Then smile and walk away.
I was thinking “that’s a funny question to ask since we’re not friends. How about you grow up and stop asking stupid questions before I inform HR?”
Story #2 is a dumpster file with so many unanswered questions
If you can't swim keep yourself and your children AWAY from water! Sign your kid up for swimming lessons, it's bot hard. I live inna place with TONS of fresh water lakes. Stupid people bring their family's that don't know how to swim toothed lakes some one drowns and then they make ridiculous rules for EVERY ONE. Water is dangerous if you can't swim, get your head out of your butt.
Do NOT ask someone how much they or their partner makes. It's insanely RUDE.
27 yr old boyfriend is rather delusional about how adult discussions and agreements work.
How do you learn that someone's been in a tragic accident and taking it as well "I should be given the same help"
Last story, couldn't agree more with the last comment, been in a similar situation, finally ended the relationship What a Relief it was. OP dump the cretin.
I agree completely with the commentor who said op shoulda just walked away.
The almost drowned kid story has me thinking about Munchausen's by proxy, and not by OP. There is just something off in the story.
Story 1: who the heck thinks it's appropriate to ask anyone about their finances, salary or other anything else to do with someone's income.
Look, I'm not going to judge OP for the life jacket story but as someone who specializes in water safety, I do want to say a few things:
Drowning is the top killer for children under the age of 5. It doesn't matter if they know how to swim. In fact, most drownings happen to children who know how to swim. The parent assumes they don't have to pay attention (because their child is a good swimmer) and then boom! The child is at the bottom of the pool. What happens is the child's arms get tired and they slowly give up.
Here are things that will save your child's life....
1. Do NOT leave your child with someone who is not fully informed on water safety. Most people think swimming is no big deal and they have no idea what to look out for. Especially a 22 year old kid with no children. It takes SECONDS for your child to drown. Seconds. Choose wisely the person who is in charge of your child's life.
2. If your child is 5 and under, you need to be within arms reach at all times. I dont care if they know how to swim. Get in the pool and join them. It's not worth going to the bathroom and coming back to find your child is dead. Need to breastfeed your baby? Take your other child with you.
3. No arm floaties!!! Those are the worst! Drownings are at an all time HIGH because of arm floaties. They always fall off and they gave a false security to parents. Only use a life jacket that connects to the chest.
4. Learn the signs of drowning. It's not what most people envision. You can youtube this but just know drowning is a silent killer. You are not going to see your child screaming "Help! Help" with their arms splashing around. If a child is drowning, it means they cannot breathe. They cannot scream. They will sink to the bottom and that will be it. Parents will usually first be like, "hmmm, where did my child go." And they will find them at the bottom of the pool.
5. Learn CPR. Its just good to know. You can learn it on youtube.
The best way to save your childs life is to simply... pay close attention. As someone who has been traumatized by the amount of near death drownings I have witnessed, I refuse to let anyone watch my kid while swimming. It's just not worth it.
Last Story: OP *should* be packing all of BF's stuff up, calling his sister to let her know his stuff was packed, and leaving it on the porch for him to pick up. Put the chains/stops on the door (and call 911 if he tries anything).
*Then* change the locks. 🔐
S1- I would have said, “ I can’t disclose how much my husband makes but in our prenup clause, I get 3/4 of his assets, home, cars & the mistress/side chick will owe me $100,000. Without the financial assistance from my husband, proof has to come from paycheck to prove SHE is paying it.”
Then let’s see if she’ll STFU
AND NOW THIS PRENUP CLAUSE ISN’T A BAD IDEA.
First story - OP, NTI.
I would have a chat with HR before it goes further than that.
Life jacket story is why I will never EVER leave my kids with anyone. People are so careless and idiotic. Who takes off a child’s life jacket and then proceeds to leave the same child unsupervised. If anyone told me who took off that child’s life jacket I’d rip a damn strip off them. Even when kids can swim they should be wearing life jackets for the first few years pre schoolers get tired fast. This story is so heart breaking, that poor mum did everything right. Had the proper fastest gear, left her in the care of a trusted family member and then came back to be attacked for something that wasn’t her fault. Absolutely awful!
Last story he was the one who should be apologizing to you for his own actions not listening to you. By blocking your number he is acting like a toddler. You need a better boyfriend who respects your wishes to leave early not keeping give me more time.
Supposed to be coconut cream any way. People were probably happier with the take out rather than the usual watery curry they usually get.
Story 1 @Go to HR now! She tried in many ways to find out you salary. Having failed with you, she really harassed,
stalked and seriously inti idated your GF/wife. She must be reported fo this immediately - she's insane for a sugar daddy.
OP3: FLIM SPRINGFIELD
Story 1 NTA: tell me you're a gold digger without telling me you're a gold digger 😂
My husband encounters this all the time. Young interns trying to net rich older husbands or sugar daddies. He works in Tech.
He had a 20 something intern who tried to cling to him during work events and would stalk him in the office. She would badmouth me and say I was too old, fat, etc and he deserved better (i.e. her).
He would tell her that her comments were inappropriate and to stop before he reported her to HR.
Well she showed up to our house and tried to tell me that she was sleeping with my husband and that I needed to leave, because he was divorcing me to be with her.
Funny thing is my husband works for my dad, and the company will go to my brother when dad retires. Little miss gold digger was fired and black listed from my husband's industry.
She wasn't the first and she probably won't be the last.
Thanks XOS
Story one: Only crude people will get a point if you use crude language. This co-worker is not a teenager, she's a mature woman seeking information to wonder if the husband is worth setting her sights on and seduce him. She has game but it's so transparent it's laughable. I don't fault the OP for being rude or crude for some low life who has designs on her husband.