I am in that same season of life Teri. We just put my mother-in-law 85 in a skilled nursing facility in St. Petersburg, she is in the end stages of Parkinson’s disease and we are trying to find an assisted-living place for my father-in-law 90. My mother 88 is an assisted-living 3 miles from my house here in NC. It can be depressing but God has given my mom the grace to endure and to age gracefully. You will learn so much from Scott’s mother on how to do just that. I’m glad that she is a believer and a Christian because she will find much comfort in her faith and she will realize that you really don’t need a lot of stuff to live a happy life. She is so blessed that she got to live in her home until age 89. As for us, we just have to try to stay healthy and on our feet and keep a young mindset. It seems the older we get the harder it is to stay active, but that’s when we need to the most. Thank you for being so free in sharing your vulnerability.
Great comment! We (well, me) are trying to stay in shape in body and mind... it's a daily thing of eating right, praying and staying in the word, and movement!
Thank you Teri! This was so inspirational. I have felt a lot like you recently and I need to have a shift in my thinking. I’m NOT an old lady so why am I feeling and dreading it already. It takes the joy out of what I have now. God will look after what’s ahead.
Teri, it is stressful, but such a blessing when the financial part isn't a worry. In 2013 we had to put my FIL in assisted living after a series of strokes got him to a point of not being safe living in the big house out in the country alone. I had never seen a place like where he moved to, but I was ready to move in at 53, lol. All the food and cleaning done for you, sign me up! He chose the smallest unit so we only had to move a small amount of furniture, and the facility took care of the move. I loved going there to visit. We figured he'd live another year, but he absolutely thrived and was there for over seven years (he had to go to a skilled nursing facility at the end because they didn't provide that type of care at the ALF). That was in North Carolina. Two years ago we finally got my mom to agree to assisted living here in Tampa, after my 95 year old aunt moved to the continuous care community across from USF. They lived right across the hall from each other which was great. My mom really should be in Memory Care, but the facility hasn't brought it up so I am not going to either. The community is old and it's not where my brother and I prefer, but they don't have a high turnover of staff which is very important with mom's memory issues. There is one CNA that I absolutely adore and she is so good to my mom (and my aunt before she passed at 96). Yes, it's easy to start thinking we are going to be like that soon. But the reality is, my mom is 25 years older than me, so I most likely have a ways to go before I need help with daily living! So we just gotta live like Lisa❤
Great comment! I'm so glad you found decent places for your parents. THANK YOU for reminding me that I am 20 years younger than my mom.... so I'm not "just around the corner" from having to move for old age. You made me feel so much better!💖
I used to worry as you mentioned about what my future would look like when alone and not able to live in own home anymore. My mother was in nursing home for quite a few years (ALS) and it was depressing when visiting her. Some won't even visit loved ones in nursing homes because it's so often so unpleasant. But as my mother would remind me, this is people's homes now when living there. You are just visiting them in their home. It's unfortunate that there are not better options available though, such as affordable at home care. While there are many wonderful/nice asst. living homes, nice nursing homes are often difficult to find. So I had to change my mindset and decide to be glad that there are options for us as we age and if we have no choice but to live in a nursing home, be glad that there will be somewhere to go and people to take care of my needs if I no longer can. I know there are discussions in government about improving elder care and making it more affordable etc., but I'm not holding my breath. We have just made sure we have enough finances set aside so we can afford the best possible care that we may need in future and not outlive our money. Laurie
You are so right Laurie... we can't outlive our money! LOL. It's a great point to treat the place as our parent's HOME, because that is where they are actually living their life. It was impossible to feel that way when my dad was in Memory Care, because that place, while very nice, was just so sad. Especially the women. We were lucky in that my dad got up and got dressed in his nice clothes and nice shoes (that was the only thing my mom packed for him) so he always "looked" the sharp. Most people that met him couldn't figure out why he was even in there... but paranoia and fear in his mind made it impossible for him to stay in his own home.
Teri you have had so much stress in the last couple years. It can be exhausting. I think you are doing great, the decisions are not easy. Been there done that! Keep smiling and have a positive mindset. Amazing what that does!♥️
Yes, yes, yes. My Dad is in a skilled nursing home, and my Mom is still in her home. It's so hard to see her so upset not to be with him, and to see him in a place where we know is his end spot. It is hard to see nursing homes, but instead of getting depressed, I want to volunteer and go visit a local nursing home, to talk with the residents and give them some company. For us, it has been a struggle financially as well. I live 5 hours away, so it's been tough that way too. It's weird, but I just finished raising kids, and now our responsibility is my parents. Thank you for posting these videos. I feel like you speak my language.
Sharon... I'm so sorry you have the burden of distance and the financial concerns of a nursing home. I have distance with my mom... it's 11 hrs by car, so I usually have to fly. In fact I'm flying to TX really soon to spend a week with her. You have inspired me to make a point to volunteer and make friends with the residents there, which i think will help out my mother-in-law to adjust. Thank you for the great comment... and yes, it's difficult to go straight into parent care, not long after the kids have moved out.
Funny thing……you did seem depressed at the beginning of the video, but we could actually SEE you change your mindset by the end! Good job, Teri, you definitely proved your point!!❤
Understandable, I've had the same experience with family (twice) in the same year. I don't like spending either because I'm always thinking ahead if we have some emergency. I want to reset though
I am in that same season of life Teri. We just put my mother-in-law 85 in a skilled nursing facility in St. Petersburg, she is in the end stages of Parkinson’s disease and we are trying to find an assisted-living place for my father-in-law 90. My mother 88 is an assisted-living 3 miles from my house here in NC. It can be depressing but God has given my mom the grace to endure and to age gracefully. You will learn so much from Scott’s mother on how to do just that. I’m glad that she is a believer and a Christian because she will find much comfort in her faith and she will realize that you really don’t need a lot of stuff to live a happy life. She is so blessed that she got to live in her home until age 89. As for us, we just have to try to stay healthy and on our feet and keep a young mindset. It seems the older we get the harder it is to stay active, but that’s when we need to the most. Thank you for being so free in sharing your vulnerability.
Great comment! We (well, me) are trying to stay in shape in body and mind... it's a daily thing of eating right, praying and staying in the word, and movement!
Thank you Teri! This was so inspirational. I have felt a lot like you recently and I need to have a shift in my thinking. I’m NOT an old lady so why am I feeling and dreading it already. It takes the joy out of what I have now. God will look after what’s ahead.
Teri, it is stressful, but such a blessing when the financial part isn't a worry. In 2013 we had to put my FIL in assisted living after a series of strokes got him to a point of not being safe living in the big house out in the country alone. I had never seen a place like where he moved to, but I was ready to move in at 53, lol. All the food and cleaning done for you, sign me up! He chose the smallest unit so we only had to move a small amount of furniture, and the facility took care of the move. I loved going there to visit. We figured he'd live another year, but he absolutely thrived and was there for over seven years (he had to go to a skilled nursing facility at the end because they didn't provide that type of care at the ALF). That was in North Carolina. Two years ago we finally got my mom to agree to assisted living here in Tampa, after my 95 year old aunt moved to the continuous care community across from USF. They lived right across the hall from each other which was great. My mom really should be in Memory Care, but the facility hasn't brought it up so I am not going to either. The community is old and it's not where my brother and I prefer, but they don't have a high turnover of staff which is very important with mom's memory issues. There is one CNA that I absolutely adore and she is so good to my mom (and my aunt before she passed at 96). Yes, it's easy to start thinking we are going to be like that soon. But the reality is, my mom is 25 years older than me, so I most likely have a ways to go before I need help with daily living! So we just gotta live like Lisa❤
Great comment! I'm so glad you found decent places for your parents. THANK YOU for reminding me that I am 20 years younger than my mom.... so I'm not "just around the corner" from having to move for old age. You made me feel so much better!💖
I used to worry as you mentioned about what my future would look like when alone and not able to live in own home anymore. My mother was in nursing home for quite a few years (ALS) and it was depressing when visiting her. Some won't even visit loved ones in nursing homes because it's so often so unpleasant. But as my mother would remind me, this is people's homes now when living there. You are just visiting them in their home. It's unfortunate that there are not better options available though, such as affordable at home care. While there are many wonderful/nice asst. living homes, nice nursing homes are often difficult to find. So I had to change my mindset and decide to be glad that there are options for us as we age and if we have no choice but to live in a nursing home, be glad that there will be somewhere to go and people to take care of my needs if I no longer can. I know there are discussions in government about improving elder care and making it more affordable etc., but I'm not holding my breath. We have just made sure we have enough finances set aside so we can afford the best possible care that we may need in future and not outlive our money. Laurie
You are so right Laurie... we can't outlive our money! LOL. It's a great point to treat the place as our parent's HOME, because that is where they are actually living their life. It was impossible to feel that way when my dad was in Memory Care, because that place, while very nice, was just so sad. Especially the women. We were lucky in that my dad got up and got dressed in his nice clothes and nice shoes (that was the only thing my mom packed for him) so he always "looked" the sharp. Most people that met him couldn't figure out why he was even in there... but paranoia and fear in his mind made it impossible for him to stay in his own home.
Teri you have had so much stress in the last couple years. It can be exhausting. I think you are doing great, the decisions are not easy. Been there done that!
Keep smiling and have a positive mindset. Amazing what that does!♥️
Thank you so much!
Yes, yes, yes. My Dad is in a skilled nursing home, and my Mom is still in her home. It's so hard to see her so upset not to be with him, and to see him in a place where we know is his end spot. It is hard to see nursing homes, but instead of getting depressed, I want to volunteer and go visit a local nursing home, to talk with the residents and give them some company. For us, it has been a struggle financially as well. I live 5 hours away, so it's been tough that way too. It's weird, but I just finished raising kids, and now our responsibility is my parents. Thank you for posting these videos. I feel like you speak my language.
Sharon... I'm so sorry you have the burden of distance and the financial concerns of a nursing home. I have distance with my mom... it's 11 hrs by car, so I usually have to fly. In fact I'm flying to TX really soon to spend a week with her. You have inspired me to make a point to volunteer and make friends with the residents there, which i think will help out my mother-in-law to adjust. Thank you for the great comment... and yes, it's difficult to go straight into parent care, not long after the kids have moved out.
Funny thing……you did seem depressed at the beginning of the video, but we could actually SEE you change your mindset by the end! Good job, Teri, you definitely proved your point!!❤
Bless you! The staff is the most important thing. It is a bit depressing because we see our future. Ugh.
I hear you!
Understandable, I've had the same experience with family (twice) in the same year. I don't like spending either because I'm always thinking ahead if we have some emergency. I want to reset though