The Part Of "The Machine" Story You've Never Heard
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- Опубликовано: 1 май 2024
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Bert goes back to Russia, Putin meets him and says "it would be an honor to do a shot with The Machine"
In Russia, you do not do a shot with Machine, Machine does shot with you.
Stole this from the original video comment section lmao
Don't ever take a drink from Putin lol
@@LTJG8032 go cry about it somewhere else
@@tunerimpala5658 go act tough for no reason somewhere else
Imagine if Bert went back to Russia and was immediately met with a welcoming party by the Russian mafia for the return of the machine
They would kill him for loose lips
@@randalloshbough6850 Ehhh doubt it. They knew it was a joke. To them it was a joke the whole time.
The only mafia left in Russia is the Moscow mafia and that's lead by Putin. If you've heard the full story, Bert dealt with at least 3 separate mafia groups. The guys where they originally stayed and he introduced himself as the machine to, the guys who ran the trains, and the Moscow mafia that took him to the strip club. He's too high profile a target to kill now for what very little information he dropped about events that took place two decades ago.
Randal Loshbough he would’ve been dead already if the mod didn’t like him talking
Parker Churchill l
That dog was so well behaved
Took me a second 😂
Good boy!
Yo chill I’m on acid and was about to stare at that dog for half an hour😂😂
Ben Jammin gmfu 😂💀
@@slikrick5857 lmao
The crossover we NEEDED!!
NN facts
Agreed
Need Joe to complete the unholy trinity
Wait the story of The Machine is being made into a movie !?!?!? I definitely gotta see that
“The Machine” story would be a great Tarantino movie
Syoski bro I would pay good money to see a movie about this story
Syoski
Tarantino doesn’t do comedy, like ever.
How is a college kid that partied with the mob a Tarantino movie?
His movies are dark and gloomy.
@@Oldsoul305 Uh. No? His movies are visually bright and *contain dark undertones*.
@@Oldsoul305 Tarantino is dark comedy as a person
RenIsNotARat uh,
I’m not talking visually. His movies are dark in subject matter.
Wait the story of The Machine is being made into a movie !?!?!? I definitely gotta see that
National Lampoon's Van Wilder.
@@SufferWithPrideWich one of the 3 movies?
I wonder how many interspecies relationships that they will have for burnt Chrysler
@@SufferWithPride that's a common misconception, Van Wilder was based off of Bert Kriescher in general. Not specifically "The Machine" joke which is being made into a movie.
@@darkapophis4906 You're absolutely right. That's what I was getting at originally. I should've cleared that up. Sorry my guy.
I'm so high, I thought that dog was real for the first 3 minutes 😂
bruh that's a wolf lmao
It’s still a dog
@@kylerbrown2574 no u
I am so high that I paused it to see if I could see it breathing.
It was, dude
Bert is the perfect functioning alcoholic. Sweat pants, dope kicks, expensive down jacket, and always has a great story
Lmao right? Beat red, vocal fry, probably vodka in his cup hahaha
He is also probably going to die of a heart attack and/or liver failure before 2030
I wonder who’s going to play Bert since he was about 50-60 lbs skinnier.
Segura, obviously. He not only looks similar, but he's also about 300 lbs. lighter and can do a pretty spot-on impression of Brent.
Ari
Gotta get the guys who play in the Super Troopers movies and most of the Broken Lizard films. A few of em to play the Russian mobsters at the least.
Adam DeVine
Ryan Reynolds
It's so weird they seem to be in the same room but two different climates
Only Bert could have a story that includes the line, "We robbed me."
The vid has to be 4:20 min long
💨
Nice. 👌
Nice
Oh my god...
Puffy time
I'd like to hear where the story left off, his adventures with the cops.
The story didn't happen
You and me both Monroe
I had heard that partying with the cops was the scariest time he had in Russia since they didn't answer to anybody and pretty much did whatever they wanted. I think there are details involved that he doesn't want to reveal but it sounds like more hijinks were had...
@@billyboblillybob344 "You robbed Americans??? Welcome to Moscow. Here's your gun..."
I heard him tell the story on my local radio station and he told more of the story. He and the cops went to a strip club in moscow, afterwards the cop tossed the keys to bert and said you drive! Bert was like I'm not driving a cop car drunk in moscow! And the cop replied "why not I am police what could happen!?" 😂😂
Bert Kreischer’s whole life story starts with Florida Man........
"Curry smells bad in a lap dance!" has me holding my side in pain...
The crossover we didn’t know we needed
Every time I learn something that wasn’t mentioned about this story in each clip about it and I genuinely can’t get enough
I love everything about this story.
My FAVORITE PART is when Bert reminds everyone he's from Florida when he indicates he KNOWS what stinky strippers are supposed to be like.
The machine is the greatest story I've ever heard. Can't wait for the movie!
The absolute best part of this is the fact that not only did he take their s*** in college but then they signing off on it was the jumping point to him becoming wealthy and famous, amazing
Unless you’re a bert fan.. then you’ve this “version” 20 times lol
This cross over is the fcking awesome!!! Boom Stick and The Machine!!!!
Joe, tom, bryan, bobby, theo, chris, and joey all need to be in the movie. It would make a billion dollars
Notice how ari isn’t on this list
And Eddie Bravo cmon bro
Joe needs to play the don equivalent of the russian mob
Ari and Eddie have to be there too!
@@averyshelton4315 Cause Ari drugged Bert. They've distanced from him since then, even though he thought it would be just a joke.
watch a drunk guy tell the same story for 5 years.
Hes also fat and racist
New story
@@2pacfan56 how is he racist?
Yeah how is he racist
Tommy Ellis it’s an inside joke he’s not racist lmao
I’ve heard of this 😂😂 by far my most favorite stand up comedy episode
“They had just had Indian food 😂 and I had never had Indian food! 😂. Curry! It was Curry? IT WAS CURRY!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣”
2 of my favorite entertainers Bert and Pat! Love this!
"Who gets no touch???"
This is great. I needed this
Bert's giggle brings me life!
For the sake of the future comedy Movie industry we all need to see this Movie...
Two of the greatest legends ever! Pat McAfee and the Machine. I am so honored and so blessed right now
Thank you for this clip, I didn't know there was going to be a movie.
dude definatly deserves all this machine success...his first 2 stand-ups were so funny I almost choked to death lol
I didn’t realize how much I needed this in my life. This is a dream come f***ing true
Bert,lived out a real life Gta hiest.
Awesome!
Igor or Sasha were the Nico Bellics
Can't wait to see this movie
He is really starting to look like the homeless guy that lives down by minnehaha falls
Yea you see him walking Hiawatha every once in awhile lol
In a van down by the river
minnesota??? what
@@fireballninja01 yep grew up next to minnehaha falls
He really do be on the bridge contemplating suicide
So, whenever 2 of my favorite entertainers meet like this, SHIT! Get ready for some good story’s! Waiting for the (MACHINE) movie, Damnit!!!
I never knew this was gonna be made into a movie. But im SO glad about it
At first, I was sceptical of the story but I'm glad to hear it's 100% legit
This shit is straight gold. My favorites sports show paired with my favorite comedian. These two boys together are a powerhouse!
Are posts like this actually real
This story just keeps getting better!
Bert, one of the best comics out there.
Pat. One of the best heels in wrestling
I never thought I would see the machine and pat - Imagine if we could get bravo , Diaz , pat and The machine on the same podcast !
Bert is so real and genuine. He loves his wife and she is awesome and he is a great dad, ...but boy oh boy, does he have some stories!!!!
Pat....literal. Best. Guest. Ever.
And low key great XFL ideas too
Bert for President
Well that's the best Pat McAfee video I've ever seen. He was truly cracking up like I've never seen before. That's what Bert does to people.
Dude that dog didn't move once, such a good boy
THEYRE MAKING A MOVIE!!! HELL YEA
Went to the show and the new material he has is killer!! And of course his old jokes are fire too.
I just watched this movie. Best comedy ever. Top 5. And I could spend hours to find a movie I haven't seen. I had to get a job when I was 14 to pay for my movie habit after my parents cut me off. I used to have a job testing movie content before it was packaged and sent to all the major airlines for inflight entertainment. I literally watched movies for 40 hours a week for 5 years. Best job ever. This movie will be a cult classic that I will watch over and over again. Great till the last line. Perfect ending.
Lol no
Everyone knows deep down that Pat Mcafee is the perfect person to discuss this story with.
The Machine is hilarious. I’ve got to see this movie!
The Machine and the Pat Man in the same room?? Can't be happier😎👌
Perfect title, it drew me in with excitement
I mean, I tell my story of being raised in a religious cult in my comedy routine when I do stand up. It's a great coping mechanism, because it becomes just a story, eventually. Then, it starts to feel like something that happened to someone else, and that's why comedy is the cure for trauma.
Okay, not really a cure, but a great way of dealing with it.
I wonder if they could find Igor, Igor, Igor, the police officer and the teacher too and do something similar to Meet the Walking Dead where they all talk and tell the story after the movie.
That would make it perfect.
Got to see Bert Kreischer on my anniversary in March 2022, and even then at the end of his show he did “The Machine “ bit. Gotta be honest being in East Tennessee we were all a waiting for it drinking beers the whole show but he didn’t disappoint. It was an amazing show for sure!
Thanks for the comments keep watching my movies
Wish there was a longer interview of these two
Bert is literally the funniest guy ever! 😂 and how he laughs at his own jokes so genuine 💚
"SOOOOOO...
...I understand you're The Machine?"
I first heard this story on Frankenstein's Lab and had to pause the video several times to wipe away tears of laughter.
Love this story
I've heard this part before. For sure
Tonight, you drink with us!
My two favorite partiers in one podcast, I’ve never needed soemthing so bad
The ending made my entire life omg
Bert needs to go back to Russia and have a reunion with the two Igors. That would be epic.
Shout out to 4:20
He's so naturally funny!
I was contemplating if I should go 420 while watching this, by the end of your 4 minutes and 20 second video, I took it as a sign from the gods.
That dog is so well behaved cuz he knows it's the Machine.
That Duck Hodges shirt 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
i love that the thumbnail has the video length at 4:20
So goin to see The Machine!!!
I appreciate how the clip is 4 minutes and 20 seconds... hehe
I'm surprised he didnt take his shirt off for the interview lol
Love you burt! You are halarious!
Movie trailer come out last week and I’m pumped!
I really want one of the Russian gangsters to be played by Joe Rogan
Which one would he play though? Igor, Igor, or Igor? :-) probably Sasha. Nobody ever has love for Sasha
idk about Bert's stories sometimes. He apparently had a nearly identical "touch/no touch" misunderstanding in South Africa. I believe the machine story but the guy is all over the place with some of these things. Maybe I listen to his podcast too much...
"The Machine" bit is phenominal!
Wasnt expecting that
it's somehow even funnier to me when he says it without the glow up that he does in the shows, to hear it like a real life story is so interesting, plus it actually got me interested in the movie
Please make this story into a movie! And have Tarantino direct it!
I listen to every podcast he’s done. So yeah I’ve heard it. Funny af too
Pat and Burnt Crysler are a perfect combo
He told this on 2 bears 1 cave.
the two best guys to listen to. I'd love to party with them!
Look how clean the desk is!!!!!
I can’t wait for this movie I really really hope it comes out soon
True story: I visited the home of my late Great Uncle Jimmy. There was a horrific smell in the house. I thought it was his body and that I was smelling formaldehyde or some funeral preservative.
Oh, this was March.
Got home and was met by the same smell. I then thought of it as a dead body smell.
Mom was cooking corned beef for saint Patrick’s day.
So had her dad at Uncle Jimmy’s.
Second smell story: asked my brother to get quills off a dead porcupine for my Native American jewelry project. Smelled awful. Months later I smell this foul odor on a classmate. Why does he smell like a dead porcupine?!
It was CK for Men.
Ha, some of those colognes and perfumes can be hellish to your nose. I remember this one girl back in school who was quite gorgeous and had a crush on her, but for some reason she had on this awful scent that smelled a lot like a very funky urine adjacent smell. But she was otherwise very dolled up, fresh and clean looking. It seemed clear it wasn't a hygiene issue.
Of course there is whole thing with some people make that funky smell via their urine after eating asparagus, but I believe it doesn't affect everyone.
To some people cilantro tastes like soap rather than a classic and great component of many Mexican dishes and fresh salsa. Ok we've went gross back to delicious and now I need some Mexican food ; )
I recommend watching "Tryhard - A Bert Kreischer Documentary"
Damn Pat! Didn't notice over time, but you've definitely leaned out since this was dropped.
That’s amazing
This movie should just be called Van Wilder 2 since it is IRL
Time to rewatch the mob story again
The machine story is epic!!!
4 minutes and 20 seconds, perfection