What an interesting video! I think my ex was emotionally unavailable & avoidant. He pursued me and asked me out to be his girlfriend, then started to pull away. Initially, I thought he would be emotionally mature because he was a good listener and seemed to care about my feelings, but later I realized he couldn't understand them (=my needs not being met). He wasn't aware of his own feelings, he just numbed himself on the phone or TV. I would ask how he felt in X situations but he didn't know what to answer. When we broke up, I asked for feedback and again, it seemed like he never thought about it. I feel sorry for him...
I realized this for the first time, just this week. Avoidant traits, commitmentphobia, and emotional unavailability are actually 3 distinct things (although there is overlap and they often occur together). My mind was blown when I realized that emotional unavailability is often present in committed relationships, not just in situationships or other unsuccessful romantic interactions. Whereas both male and female individuals exhibit avoidance and inability to commit, emotional unavailability mostly occurs in men. It has to do with the way they are brought up and socialized not to show emotion or tears, which is perceived as weakness in the case of guys. Often, men are not in touch with their own emotions and therefore have difficulty recognizing, understanding and responding appropriately to female emotions. Emotionally unavailability manifests itself in ways such as not wanting to cuddle, or say "I love you," or cultivate a close emotional bond with their partner. Emotionally unavailable men often think sex alone equals bonding; they don't recognize the need for and great importance of emotional bonding. They may be kind, helpful, etc. but entirely miss the need for deep emotional connection. Countless wives have complained about this, about not feeling heard or emotionally close to their partner - and have initiated divorce because of it. Just look at the untold YT comments on relationship channels, saying this very thing.
I’m about to get separated from him because there’s no emotional intimacy with him. There’s no working out any issue without making it worse and involving his mother half the times.
The key for Western humanity is to stop trying to figure others out. Isolate for the sake of the hermit path to study YOURSELF. Cease trying to figure out platonic and romantic partners. You are the only one needing change, and you're the only one sufficient to change yourself. Stop dating and focus on personal development. This is a collective project to transmute our trauma.
Also emotional unavailable alcoholic!! That’s what I was dealing with ! Never could talk about anything, and when I brought stuff up, he shut me down !! He finally started a fight and then ghosted me & broke up with me after only 2 months!
As an independent woman and single mother, I tend to naturally attract emotionally unavailable man. They seems to be inpressed with level of my independence in a way that makes them feel like it's more safe as I'm not going to be "a threat" to their autonomy and their independence will not be at any "risk". They are fine to date until the level of commitment in a relationship comes a long... Your videos are the AHA moments to me, highly educative. Do you have any advice on how to break this repetitive cycle? Thanks for sharing 🙏❤️
They're attracted to you out of their unresolved mommy issues. They see you are a mom and subconsciously cling to you to "soothe" himself. Unfortunately, it's not a compliment.
This is a brilliant video! This is deeper than just conversation starter questions. It's really getting to know a person. I would never really think to ask questions like these.
Very true , I was married to such man, and he was the one to push for marriage. Of course I had zero self awareness or emotional intelligence at the time 🙄
I have experienced this type of man many times. I am now with someone that wants to be in a relationship. I’m the one that isn’t sure because I’ve been on my own for many years. I’m 71 and he’s 68. I’m taking it slow for now.
I've always wanted to run my fingers through hair like that. Cute dachshund statue in the back! All too familiar with emotional unavailability in men. Learned the hard way to stay away from them. Thank you for posting this. Good insight.
That's a great insight! However, how would I spot something's wrong and that he's not emotionally available and not suitable for life long partnership? Ppl tell you what you want to hear, so how can I tell there's a red flag in what they're saying?
Listen to what he says about his past relationships and why they ended. The pattern started long before you, and especially if they are unaware of it, they will reveal it in their characterizations of past relationships.
This is what has happened to me. He wants a relationship but doesn't want anything serious, doesn't want us to live together, but he calls me his girlfriend. I've given him 3 years of my life and told him i'm not his ex or previous girlfriend's I'm me. Yet he's so loving with his kids. We talk every day
Sounds like me and im a woman. Thanks for sharing. So the question is why would a woman attract that in the first place? maybe a short cut is to heal yourself first ❤
I totally agree. I’ve been single for about 10 years, dated off and on, but having an honest conversation seems to be incredibly difficult. Maybe people don’t know what they want so they can’t verbalize it well.
Crap I’m the one who married the guy who is completely committed to me but is emotionally unavailable in other areas. We’ve been together since 2010… I wish I had seen this video back then.
I don't think so! Definitely a Not Healthy advice or response. Why? Your breaking trust, becoming the nightmare he fears. Just be honest and upfront and authentic. Otherwise he will precive you as just making relationships hard difficult and manufactured, you become that red flag in his book. It looks clingy, high drama, and a trap. He will not process what your asking for. He will just think your crazy lady. Play your cards cooler then that trap. Nobody opens up and feels safe with anyone play head games like that.
What an interesting video! I think my ex was emotionally unavailable & avoidant. He pursued me and asked me out to be his girlfriend, then started to pull away. Initially, I thought he would be emotionally mature because he was a good listener and seemed to care about my feelings, but later I realized he couldn't understand them (=my needs not being met). He wasn't aware of his own feelings, he just numbed himself on the phone or TV. I would ask how he felt in X situations but he didn't know what to answer. When we broke up, I asked for feedback and again, it seemed like he never thought about it. I feel sorry for him...
I realized this for the first time, just this week. Avoidant traits, commitmentphobia, and emotional unavailability are actually 3 distinct things (although there is overlap and they often occur together).
My mind was blown when I realized that emotional unavailability is often present in committed relationships, not just in situationships or other unsuccessful romantic interactions.
Whereas both male and female individuals exhibit avoidance and inability to commit, emotional unavailability mostly occurs in men. It has to do with the way they are brought up and socialized not to show emotion or tears, which is perceived as weakness in the case of guys.
Often, men are not in touch with their own emotions and therefore have difficulty recognizing, understanding and responding appropriately to female emotions. Emotionally unavailability manifests itself in ways such as not wanting to cuddle, or say "I love you," or cultivate a close emotional bond with their partner.
Emotionally unavailable men often think sex alone equals bonding; they don't recognize the need for and great importance of emotional bonding. They may be kind, helpful, etc. but entirely miss the need for deep emotional connection.
Countless wives have complained about this, about not feeling heard or emotionally close to their partner - and have initiated divorce because of it. Just look at the untold YT comments on relationship channels, saying this very thing.
Ammmmmazing insight!
I’m about to get separated from him because there’s no emotional intimacy with him. There’s no working out any issue without making it worse and involving his mother half the times.
The key for Western humanity is to stop trying to figure others out. Isolate for the sake of the hermit path to study YOURSELF. Cease trying to figure out platonic and romantic partners. You are the only one needing change, and you're the only one sufficient to change yourself. Stop dating and focus on personal development. This is a collective project to transmute our trauma.
I’ve been doing this for over 2 years. I’m realizing a lot about myself.
Also emotional unavailable alcoholic!!
That’s what I was dealing with !
Never could talk about anything, and when I brought stuff up, he shut me down !!
He finally started a fight and then ghosted me & broke up with me after only 2 months!
As an independent woman and single mother, I tend to naturally attract emotionally unavailable man. They seems to be inpressed with level of my independence in a way that makes them feel like it's more safe as I'm not going to be "a threat" to their autonomy and their independence will not be at any "risk". They are fine to date until the level of commitment in a relationship comes a long... Your videos are the AHA moments to me, highly educative. Do you have any advice on how to break this repetitive cycle?
Thanks for sharing 🙏❤️
Resonates
Right there with ya girl
They're attracted to you out of their unresolved mommy issues.
They see you are a mom and subconsciously cling to you to "soothe" himself.
Unfortunately, it's not a compliment.
This is a brilliant video! This is deeper than just conversation starter questions. It's really getting to know a person. I would never really think to ask questions like these.
So glad it was helpful!
Very true , I was married to such man, and he was the one to push for marriage. Of course I had zero self awareness or emotional intelligence at the time 🙄
Same here
Some of those may have high functioning autism. I’ve seen it. They are not nasty and they will be dutiful
Been there done that🙈 Hopefully we'll come across people with clear and good intentions 🙏🏻
I have experienced this type of man many times. I am now with someone that wants to be in a relationship. I’m the one that isn’t sure because I’ve been on my own for many years. I’m 71 and he’s 68. I’m taking it slow for now.
I've always wanted to run my fingers through hair like that. Cute dachshund statue in the back!
All too familiar with emotional unavailability in men. Learned the hard way to stay away from them. Thank you for posting this. Good insight.
That's a great insight! However, how would I spot something's wrong and that he's not emotionally available and not suitable for life long partnership? Ppl tell you what you want to hear, so how can I tell there's a red flag in what they're saying?
Listen to what he says about his past relationships and why they ended. The pattern started long before you, and especially if they are unaware of it, they will reveal it in their characterizations of past relationships.
Wow thank you for this video. Explains perfectly my first marriage in a way I could never quite wrap my head around. 🙏
Always bringing us the important nuances.
This is what has happened to me. He wants a relationship but doesn't want anything serious, doesn't want us to live together, but he calls me his girlfriend. I've given him 3 years of my life and told him i'm not his ex or previous girlfriend's I'm me. Yet he's so loving with his kids. We talk every day
yeah, that's weird. He doesn't know which box to put you in
God calls you to be a wife. Not a girlfriend. No future with this man. Dismantle soul tie and follow Christ.
Narcissist
Sounds like me and im a woman. Thanks for sharing.
So the question is why would a woman attract that in the first place?
maybe a short cut is to heal yourself first ❤
She has to become sexually unawailable until he becomes emotionaly available.
It may not be his fault, but its unknown to him or he has career.
Yay... too right
What about if the man refuses to talk about anything in that time he's triggered?
I’m not sure anyone is capable of having an honest conversation any more . Single for 7 years and still getting heart broken .. should give up
I totally agree. I’ve been single for about 10 years, dated off and on, but having an honest conversation seems to be incredibly difficult. Maybe people don’t know what they want so they can’t verbalize it well.
@@Liz-in8lu nailed it 😢
Crap I’m the one who married the guy who is completely committed to me but is emotionally unavailable in other areas. We’ve been together since 2010… I wish I had seen this video back then.
He tells you he will never be yours.
Bingo!
I don't think so! Definitely a Not Healthy advice or response.
Why? Your breaking trust, becoming the nightmare he fears.
Just be honest and upfront and authentic. Otherwise he will precive you as just making relationships hard difficult and manufactured, you become that red flag in his book.
It looks clingy, high drama, and a trap. He will not process what your asking for. He will just think your crazy lady.
Play your cards cooler then that trap.
Nobody opens up and feels safe with anyone play head games like that.
What should i ask him or do to know?
So you just wanted to stretch the video to 10 minutes without getting to the point? Interesting.
Be his therapeutist 🤦
I think of a man who spends all his time in his boat... an old salt.
Lots of nonsense in a row.
You have cut your hair
I miss the man bun
Oh noooooooooooo :'(