High school is usually where ppl get the most ridicule about their looks. Once you graduate and become responsible for making your own decisions as an adult, looks aren't as important to most ppl as opposed to networking and work ethics.
You know what’s worse? when everyone is in family is attractive. Constantly in your face for not having met the beauty standards and to miss out on a wining generic lottery. You really see the difference between living life on a hard v easy mode.
My parents were attractive in their youth (and many people will still say they're attractive, even when they both are in their late 50s), while I was born average at best because of my grandparents genes. It's painful to know that my narcissistic mother will always have people who will be at her side, no matter what she does to me, just because she's "the pretty one", while the most of people won't believe me and won't support me because I'm "the ugly one". And what I've noticed is that all my friends are average or unattractive, while all my bullies were pretty, popular girls. My friends also grew up in destructive, instabile households, just like me, so we understand each other and emphasize each other.
Please don't run after beauty 😭😭😭. All my life I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be the girl boys had crush on and stuff like that. When I was "desperate" for it it was HELL. I was always comparing myself to all the girls around me (friends, family or not). It made me so miserable. When I turned 16 and I cut my hair, I focused on building myself and it got better. I wasn't the prettiest off them all but I was comfortable with myself. Now I'm 24 and I'm still building my confidence. I don't look at all the beauty standards and stuff like that because it's always changing (look at how everybody wants to be thin). I work with what I have and I make me the beauty standard
"plase don't run after beauty" well i did, and it paid off going into highschool as a kid i was ugly and overweight but after 3 years of fixating on my appearance i'm so glad looking at old pictures i think about how i could still be HER if i followed what family wanted my family still holds that lonely, depressed, anxious, unhealthy version of me on a pedestal now i have many friends (used to feel lucky having 2 or 5) and some friendships started by them complimenting how pretty i am or finding my sense of style interesting. not that they are fake friends but beauty makes you more approachable and confident also i'm lesbian and girls have asked me out for the first time ever this is it, i'm finally living the teenage years i always dreamed of
@@roxas9121 you missed my point. I never say to not improve yourself. You became a better version of yourself great for you. I'm talking about not pursuing the beauty standard and only focusing on you
I grew up ugly AND fat. And along with the issues at home, this made me a very anti social recluse who avoided everything and everyone. Now as an adult, I struggle to make connections with people. I missed out on a lot of typical mile stones growing up and im having to learn all those things most people learn in their youth and adolescence in my adult years. The past 7 months I really started working on myself and learning why I do what I do. Realizing that I basically screwed myself by not just embracing my weird awkward self and just going for “it”. Doing nothing is possibly one of the worse things to do. It only stunts you. I have also dabbled into Buddhism and one of the main reasons for unhappiness is because we’re never satisfied with what we have now. Just accept reality and focus on what you can change.
@@shanak09 Buddhism focuses more on changing the mindset and how you deal with problems within yourself and how you react to unfortunate circumstances. There’s no expectations, just going with the flow and connecting with yourself.
The avoiding part really hit too close to home 😞 As someone who hasn’t been able to look in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach since being a teenager, this whole video is really spot on.
I'm 16, and I'm so sick of feeling like I have to look pretty or else I'm 'unlovable'. Look pretty? For who exactly? A random person down the street? I'll never see them again anyways. I'm sick of people telling me what I'm worth (or what a girl/woman is worth in general) over something as shallow and stupid as looks. You think I'm ugly? Congrats I guess. You don't pay for my food, clothes, or school. So why should I care? As long as I'm constantly improving my personality, intellect, and overall attitude towards myself, I'm fine.
I literally wash my face in the kitchen in the morning because I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror 😢 it’s bad bro…I need to fix ts. I’m afraid to open Snapchat too because I don’t wanna see how I look.
I've been bullied constantly my entire life for no reason. I hate going out because of how i look and I avoid people because of it. I don't think i can ever love mysself and i think no one deserves someone as gross as me
I feel you. But, let's rephrase that, shall we? Instead of 'I don't think I can ever love myself', most of us don't. Sometimes it's okay to just 'like' yourself. We live in a world where hating yourself is the norm, and accepting yourself is seen as rebellious or odd. Also, I'm 16, so girl I know how you feel. My chest is really small, and that insecurity takes over my thoughts every damn day. I have also seen myself as gross, or 'unlovable'. Like no boy on the face of the entire Earth would ever like me. And what if they don't? They can't handle all this sass anyways. Something that has really helped me so far is to not want to be stereotypically pretty, but instead look different and otherworldly, y'know? Who wants to look the same anyways? Listen, does anyone you see down the street pay for your food, rent, clothes, school? No. Anyone you might feel jealous of? Nope, they don't care for you either. So you don't need to give 3 flying fucks about what they think about you, because you don't owe them ANYTHING. If anyone can't see past your 'flaws' (which are only considered flaws because men tell us they are and they think they're all that), then bestie you clearly deserve better. Whether it be in romantic relationships or your friend group, if they don't appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like, they're shallow pieces of shit. Also I see you like Enhypen so you've clearly got taste🔥🔥🔥 Just know that you're not alone in this.
Wait, stop right there!!!! Who do you see, others voices smeared on your body? Where are you ? You are handsome, no lie! Let me tell you from hard knocks, real looks, attractiveness, magnetism is confidence, is uniqueness, individuality, strength. Look back at you haters, look them in the eye, and return all their venom to sender. Who ever convinced you these lies? The truth does not insult the soul! Truth does not destroy you, make you smaller than, limit you. Truth makes you fly, gives you wings, expands, fills your heart! You seem to of internalised taunts from cowards projections. What they say is actually who they are! Find your essence, seek you light, explore who you truly are, try hypnosis, rewire your brain. You can not be crushed by others, you are magnificent, rise!
Bro I'm litterally a hermit now cus every time I enter a new a new social setting thwy litterally ignore. Pretend they don't know my name but talks shit about me behind my back and they use any excuse under the book to hate me. But at the end of the sentence they always ALWAYS mention my looks. I was made fun of once for sitting on a chair.
you're so right about avoidance behaviors. I realize I never had birthday parties during my teenage years either because none of my (albeit toxic) friends would care or acknowledge me. So I wouldn't say anything. I'd also avoid eye contact with people, and when covid hit and I could wear a mask to cover my acne I was finally able to start making eye contact with people. Now I'm 21 and I can do all those things I didn't have as a teenager (acne scars still there tho!) Also I wear like 0 makeup to hide myself anymore because for me makeup was never about fun-- only about hiding myself-- so now I will only wear a bit of mascara/lipstick/blush to have some fun (and I do like how I look with it-- but I can also go places without makeup!) As a teenager I couldn't even step outside without a face full of makeup to hide acne. The only avoidance behavior I still have today unfortunately is only looking at myself in the bathroom mirror if the lights are off, but I'm slowly trying to improve on that. :)
I too was bullied at school and it was usually the girls who wore a lot of makeup who were the ones doing the bullying. To this day I am not comfortable around younger people who wear makeup and it is not something I like to wear myself. Makeup means mean in my experience.
You need carnivour diet, eat one meal a day and avoid carbs because refined carbs hurt you so badly and refined or non refined carbs are addictive so I recommend try eating foods like salmon fish which high vitamin D and anti inflammation, skin lose elasticity die to lack of vitamin D and we know how much vitamin D we lack, most people don't know but they don't even get 100 iu vitamin a day but minimum 600-800 IU on average is required, eat lamb meat, duck meat, fish and other sea food. If your hair is greying try Amla or gooseberries which are recovers dead cells and produces new blood in body and is high in vitamin c with so many antioxidants. Im in similar situation like you and would say even worse that you because I childhood due too much sport's I broke my leg bones multiple times which now I'm suffering more from
The problem is that I want people to consider me extremely beautiful. I just want people to boost my ego by doing nothing, I guess. I don't care about eye/hair/skin colour, I want to have the features that take people's breath away lol But I also want it to be natural to me, I don't want any surgeries or makeup to achieve that. My face is average, wanting all mentioned is the same as wanting to be able to fly without using any tools or transport, except no one can do that, but there are people who have what I want, and that just doesn't let me be in peace with myself
But I also thought about if I had the perfect features for myself that looking in the mirror I would be extremely happy and would be grateful everyday, but everyone else in the world would think I'm ugly. Would that make me insecure? Would I want to be different even then?
this is a desire, a lot of us have especially young girls, the media and instagram makes us feel like admiration is what you want, but i imo appreciation matters more. admiration says 'wow she's so beautiful, i wish i looked like her' appreciation says 'wow she's an amazing person, i'm glad i get to know her'
I do wanna say though I’m going to sophomore year and I hope this helps: You can’t run on the validation of others because that only lasts for a little bit before it runs out and you’re going to be back in that mirror saying negative things about yourself and trying to change yourself for other people just because of someone’s opinion about you. The fact that some people literally take the time out of their day to say rude things just proves how jealous and rude they are and it explains just how a shallow heart and personality they have so always love urself no matter what because you are beautiful!!! ❤ I’ve gotten stuck in the cycle myself of changing myself for other people but if you continue to do that you’re not even going to remember who YOU ARE anymore. Thank you Christina for these amazing videos and your channel it’s made such an impact on me and I hope you have an amazing day. 🫶🏾🫶🏾
As someone with very unusual facial features I promise you it's better to be average/plain looking. People either find me very attractive or very unattractive no in between and I hate it
I've been physically ugly my whole life, as I've got older I've started to care less and I don't let it stop me from doing as many things now, but it still hurts when people stare at me or are unfriendly and always have something negative to say about everything I do or don't do. I can't make friends easily and forget about having a relationship or even being able to get a date. I can't lie the most upsetting part is feeling incomplete and left behind because I haven't and never will experience the things that most people get to and it's purely because of the way I look 😢
Me too man I just tend to focus on the bright side of it though. All my close friends definitely like me for my personality & I have a lot of time & a good amount of money to play with which most married men can't say😂 Got a nice car a few years back & traveled Europe last year. Plan on traveling China, India, & Japan before I turn 30 Living a pretty comfortable & adventurous life, which is more than most people ever get so I stay positive about that I guess no women want to share that with me which sucks but I can't change that so I'll just have fun on my own & with the homies
I think is what is the most painful reality of being born unattractive, you completely miss out on alot of life experiences alot of fun memories and just a mutual connection it's a very cruel fate that is so painful and unbearable it's like watching life go by and you can't participate in it watching other people live your dream life it's very painful
I love that you went into race because when I tell you being black in a majority white school is super tough and annoying which is why I moved from a majority white private school to public school because the environment was absolutely terrible for me and I wish I found your channel sooner before I made the switch because now I’m more confident than ever because of you ❤❤
I have felt this my entire life. From being emotionally neglected as a child to being constantly bullied up until adulthood, I never had a breathing moment to realize this. Now a week ago I turned 23, a couple years ago I made my first friends. Now besides the weight, skin etc I am afraid that I am getting too old to do certain things. Just meeting up with my friends is difficult since they are busy. Spending even more time with myself after everything is extremely painful but I am learning that I need to become my own friend as well. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to be isolated. So thank you for this video, for your whole channel actually. It helps me so much in this journey 💜
It took me a really long time to realize that no matter what I look like, I deserve love and friendship and happiness. Unlearning the thought cycle of "i'll be happy when i'm skinny" or "i'll be happy when I'm in a relationship" was the best thing to ever happen to me.
In my teens I was a skinny boy with acne, and a stutterer on top of that. That being said, my approach was the opposite, I spoke to as many people as possible, and wasn't particularly shy about it. The reactions were often negative, but it made me realize that I could get by, and I had enough friends to back me up. I developed a "thick skin" in the sense that I disregarded most people's opinions, and used those of my group of friends as a guide. The change came later in life, in my early 20s, the acne got better, I looked more masculine, and the stuttering subsided gradually. In retrospect both good and bad came out of this teenage period of my life. I became very resilient, but that resiliency came at a cost. It took me quite a while to let people in, value their thoughts, and become more social in general. I'm also glad my aggression didn't turn inward. I only needed to make a bully hurt enough, even if I didn't win the fight. They would find an easier target. I now have children of my own, and they are the "pretty people", which feels a little weird.
Im going this exact thing right now I’m only 19 but I can’t even process others peoples opinions anymore and it’s starting to push people away bc I take no advice I’ll rather find things out on my own rather than someone warn me
Y’all people called me desperate for wanting a bf in hs and now I have one who is absolutely kind and loving towards me. It’s possible lol. But do they like black girls? Yes, and he accepts all other parts of who I am and will turn the world over for me to be happy unless I physically stop him.
Ty for this, in 9th grade every girl around me had a boyfriend or was talking with someone or had many relationships before (all of them were white or lighskin and some of the boys would not even believe they were black,even if they were), and i always tought that it was bcz of my looks and bcz im black (i still think about it a little bit) now im going to 10th grade and to a new school, but not with purpose of finding a boyfriend, im just going to be me, when its right it will come.
As someone who used to be really ugly but has glown up over the last 2 years, especially the last year, people will always hate you for being ugly at any point in your life. People have seen old pictures of me and treated me differently afterwards.
this triggered the fuck outta me bc at first i was like dam i rly am ugly if the algorithm recommended this n i got flooded w all the things ppl have ever commented abt my body negatively family “friends” strangers boyfriends all the looks of disgust ppl have given parts of my body n i was overcome w a deep sense of shame n inferiority, i forced myself to sit thru it tho n hear u out n im glad i did. its crazy bc i grew up ugly n ive worked so hard on myself to where now ig im coded as pretty but its when ive least felt it, i get the most amount of attention from men n som ppl are so hard on me for seemingly no reason when they werent before but i feel the most miserable too. the pursuit of beauty is endless bc theres always some way to be more beautiful, theres no top to it. its exhausting. n the more i achieve beauty, the more beauty i feel i have left to achieve. there will always be a younger prettier hotter girl, n ive realized that defining my worth by this leads me to very dark places that smtms make me wanna unalive myself. my entire existence revolves arnd controlling n feeding my beauty routines n regimes n still i dont feel pretty enough. i still feel like im tryna prove myself to the ex who said i was “ugly” or my cousin who made fun of me for my leg shape or my other cousin who mocked how thin i was, i still feel like the loser kid in college who got ignored in front of a group of 15+ ppl when tryna join their conversation bc i wasnt hot or cool enough to “sit with them”, i still feel the humilitation of my ex preferring to stare at any other prettier girl than to have a one on one conversation with me, the shame i felt when my own father compared me to my therapist n said she was prettier n that thats why i didnt wanna keep on attending my sessions w her…. the way everyone around me w use me to talk abt how my sister or my friend was “so beautiful” but no one ever said anything abt me…. its no use, the more desperate i am for beauty, the less i feel i have it
Feeling uncomfortable with myself resulted in missing out on a lot of core experiences, i never had any birthday parties, I gave myself back issues bc i was constantly slumping
It hurts when your mom is pretty but you ended up looking like your dad. Now I have a beautiful body , a man's face , good fashion sense and acne ... amazing , isn't it ?😅
i think the part about what u want vs focusin on experience is hard if reality validates that feeling. i grew up a lil chubbier and kinda ugly, and i lost hella weight before my first semester at my first college. when i tell you people were flocking to me like never before. then i gained the weight back and ig got a lil uglier w that. went to a different college and it’s been the toughest struggle just making friends or having ppl want to be around me. like it feels like i have to overcompensate when i have more “unattractive” traits but when it’s the opposite i can just be myself and be accepted. Which is wild cuz I don’t think my mindset ever did a full 180 tbh…
No you’re entirely correct tbh your mindset has absolutely 0 to do with your new school and how your relationships were affected significantly then before. It’s hard for people to accept because it’s a depressing realisation that if your the undesirable to everyone around you, then telling yourself your attractive won’t change anyone else’s opinion if you still look the same. Unattractive people do exist, where people get confused is the grey area of average looking people and personality. A 5 can maybe bump up there attractiveness to a small percentage of extra people through personality that otherwise wouldn’t be interested, but that’s not going to work for a sub 5 the way it did for an average person, even so a 8 doesn’t need personality but with good personality maybe they can become a 9 lets say. Truth is everyone is born with a limit the second they exist, whether you reach that max potential is upto you but not everyone has the same ceiling or the same starting place as everyone else.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan I disagree that attractive people don’t need personalities, they have personalities, but I agree we’re all different in terms of attraction depending on the person.
@@Janet67498 it’s not a make or break for attractive people to get relationships or one night stands or any sort of intimacy from whatever way they swing is more what I mean, sure attractive + good personality means the world is basically your pick for intimacy, attractive without personality you’ll still have super high success rates with people you also find attractive/like. Ugly with personality though you’re options are sparse at best and nobody can deny that, sure Pete Davidson and a few others are exceptions to the rule but that’s the point, it’s not often that people like that bag way more attractive/lots of different partners 247 so people go crazy about because it’s not a common occurrence compared to, attractive person = attractive partner. Ugly person = ugly -average at best partner - no partner most likely if you are of the male category, that’s just how real life works. Even if you had 10/10 looks but no personality that’s something you can easily fix and your starting place is already well above average for success, if your 2 or 3 looks wise with the worlds best personality that’s ever existed you still won’t have much if any success at all and it’s not like you can go for a 2 to 6 looks wise let alone a 10, even if you throw millions upon millions and surgery after surgery it’s physically impossible to go from that ugly to the high end of the attractive person pool. End of the day looks are the most important element for romantic success while also being the hardest thing to improve with everyone having a genetic ceiling that they cap out at and it’s all pure luck what anyone gets which is why people have such a hard time accepting it.
I know this video wasn’t directed towards me as I was never picked on for my looks. But, it was actually the opposite. I was constantly told I was so cute and so pretty all the time that it got to my head and whenever I was “ugly-looking” (imo), my confidence would drop and I couldn’t leave the house. I would constantly desire to be “pretty” or “prettier” even though I was never ugly. The way society puts beauty on the top of anything else really destroys so many peoples confidence and self worth, whether they are conventionally pretty or not.
gonna admit some people are ugly and sometimes im hella ugly but that's cuz I didn't groom myself and felt so ugly that my confidence was in the trenches. yes u can be born not pretty but ur truly ugly if ur personality sucks and if u have no confidence. self care is important y'all
as a current highschooler, this feels like you're the little person on my shoulder telling me everything as an older version of myself would. it's both validating of my experiences and feelings, but gives stances on what can change for the better. action really is the crucial step, and the reinforcement from your videos pushes me to let go of the cycles and mindsets that are holding me back. AND OMG THERES A PODCAST VERSION?? I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINA 🤍
What I will say Dr. Aaliyah is that not only are you incredibly beautiful to me, you are also filled with profound, intelligent insights that so neatly articulate the things that I've experienced living a life of shame and low self-esteem. And it's just a wonderful reminder that this sort of timeless wisdom about the human condition will always be relevant. Talk about being the total package!
as Alessia Cara says "Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything What's a little bit of hunger? I can go a little while longer," she fades away She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within
This was me during my kid and teen years. Severely bullied for my weight then i finally lost it and just wanted to be invisible to no get shamed. Developed an ED which robbed me of 7 years. Now i lift and eat well no longer purge, but people don't realize the damage words and bullying do
I understand that feeling of avoiding!! I’m 17 rn and since I was 6 I became hyper aware on my looks. The thing is that before that, I was a really confident child, so yes, I agree with the belief that insecurities are inserted into our minds from other people. I started to get bullied by my entireee school, they used to call me elephant and throw peanuts at me! At 6 years old… of course anyone would loose their “unbreakable” confidence. Thanks to that, I developed many eating disorders and years of hiding and stuttering when talking to new people, just because I thought I was the ugliest “elephant” around. Right now I feel much better, of course now I’m in high school with new people, I’ve lost the weight, I’ve changed. Still, none of that counts into feeling better if you don’t work out all that crap people put in your head…therapy helped me realize many things. Those people calling you names are never going to give you that validation you crave and that is okay! They aren’t important even if they are your own family (my family used to call me names as well) people are going through their own stuff and aren’t as aware of their words as you might be. We should not wait for them to be aware of their harm, we should not wait for them to accept us, we should stop chasing them. You deserve love, love you and the change that comes with the package. There is beauty in the change of adolescence or even adulthood or any stage, there are always changes and if you don’t like how you look like then do something to change it in a healthy way!!! Not looking like others is what makes you special, but changing into a version you love most is also okay. Emotionally or physically, the discipline of change is positive. Change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you act with your life path.
I think that depends on your sexuality. As what a hetero man may find unattractive in a woman, and non hetero woman will find beautiful. What a hetero woman may find unattractive in a man, a non hetero man may find beautiful. So, you have to figure out who is most important to attract for you according to your sexuality.
you're not delusional for doing this, it's the bare minimum to do. Don't mind ppl who said that you're delulu when you just accept the way who you are. Mind you that they didn't accept themselves either lolll
The biggest thing about beauty is understanding that there are ugly and attractive people out there. You may be ugly but that doesn't mean you are worth less than someone else. There are some things you can do to improve your looks if you want to but understanding who you are and just accepting it can be a great first step to a better mindset. I personally don't feel attractive and I don't care. I do my best to look good for myself and that's all I can do, and in the end it makes me happier. Being ugly is a mindset for most people and is extremely difficult to get out of but if you can you will live a better life
13:29 I can relate to this, Im Indian and I used to have self confidence and my race didn’t concern me. Then I got social media (esp instagram) and I was exposed to how people view Indians. “What race would you not date?” “Indians” “Indian girls are dark and hairy and smelly” All the attractive Indian girls had European features. I have shame when seeing my tan skin and two toned lips. I feel jealous when other races get so much more positive attention. East Asians and Latinas and Arabs and Europeans are fetishized and their features are sought after. I wish I could change my race and become light skinned and be perceived positively like almost every other race.
The problem isnt you, its the rest of the world. The number of dark skin girls of all shades that are so so pretty yet underrated used to shock me. Now dark skinned Indian girls with their healthy hair, their harmonious lips and gracefully shaped eyes? Ugly or unattractive in any way? Just madness!! I tell you its the rest of the world that is weirdly colorist We can change that, by letting dark skin girls, Indian women have their spotlight in movies, make up & hair product ads, shows and series etc. (I know a few series that showcase dark skin Indian women in all yueir beauty) More international representation, more public appreciation the eay they deserve. Then people at wide will finally understand they've been colorist idiots. (And the colorists should be rughtfully shamed) For now then, embrace beauty, embrace a few make up techniques that celebrate your features, colours that celebrate your skin tone, clothing that celebrate your body!! Embrace your beauty
The way you started this video and explained your own experiences honestly made me cry because I've felt the sam way for years since I was a young teen and this made me feel seen in some sort of way that I've never had before, so thank you a lot ❤
In my head I not only look bad and ugly but I’m also annoying and very stupid and a freak. I was bullied frequently so frequently for my looks and my race that I developed such deep insecurities at 10 years old I attempted my life over my looks and my mind..
I felt so called out when you started talking about avoidance behaviors LOL but its better to address it than continuing this self sabotage, as I have said no to invites to hangout with a group of acquaintances before just because i felt ugly. I felt like I’ve let appearance get to me, feeling like I HAVE to look good or else im invalid. It’s been a horrible hyperfixation I’ve had since i was in middle school, and since being told horrible comments as a kid, it just stuck. I am now a high schooler, and I still have this issue, but I’m working on overcoming it through small steps. Thank you Christina!! :)
Right. Many of us didn't realise we were ugly until ppl told us. I legit just assumed I blended in with the woodworks and was an average Joe. Turns out I stand out for all the wrong reasons.
I relate to this video. I remember being 12 and being so disappointed at the way i looked. I tried to compensate by being smart, but it never worked. I tried to be charismatic and a person people would want, but it never worked. I feel like the only thing i can do to be tolerable to people as an autistic woman is to try and be pretty. I've always envied how pretty women never need to give anything to anyone, they can just exist in the world with little issues despite being utterly dull or having little to offer. I feel like i can never shake this feeling because i am swarmed of constant reminders of how disgusting and worthless i am. It doesn't help that my siblings won the genetic lottery and people would always approach me telling me ways i could imrpove my appearance. I can't help but feel getting surgery is the only way i could be free from these feelings because i will never be able to develop my social skills to a point that is enough for normal people no matter how hard i try.
Every family dynamic is unique. My family never put any aesthetic or "girly" standards on their girls and only encouraged us to do well academically (helped both grandmothers and mother were not into fashion and were tomboyish). Grandparents/parents would call us beautiful and cute even if we were little messy gremlins, I only grew up caring about the opinion of my loved ones and not giving a damn about what others would think..but then, getting into the real world and wondering why everyone avoids you or treats you differently..and then learning the truth behind that, its like suddenly waking up in a whole new dimenssion where you must learn the rules of the game from scratch!!
The thing thats not being mentioned isMaternal Support. I lacked this in an extreme way. I have also come across other young guys and girls who have extremely good support. This means the mother really helps you- does lots of clothes washing and drying, gives money for clothes , never shames you if you buy the wrong outfits as its an experiment, helps you organise your closets and drawers , so clothes are never chaotic . Also, they provide endless hot water and dont moan if you want 2 or 3 showers a day and money for beauty products. My family had a major fit when i asked for money for... conditioner!! There are also family members in some families who Really Dont Wantt you to look pretty, well groomed, lovely, as they are very Jealous. This condition is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and lots of daughters especially feel Not Good Enough when the mother has this. You can read a lot about this on you tube.
As a dude, and knowing girls, there is definitely some objective level of physical looks that can make someone look ugly. You might mainly see personality, but I think a majority of people at least subconsciously treat and judge people based on how good looking they are at the surface
The truth of the matter is, while you’re feeling insecure and inferior to others, there are also people feeling insecure and inferior to you. So stay woke, people. Shake it off 😘
I felt like this most of my life to the point where I just avoid most social media, groups, social settings outside of work, etc... and I just started focusing on my hobbies instead, it's very freeing to not participate in such a shallow society.
10:00 this hit so close to home. I have cute outfits in my head that I’ll never have the confidence to wear because I don’t want to get attention and seem like an attention seeker, and I am one because my fears are either not getting compliments on my new hair/clothes or people talking negatively about it. So those clothes end up staying in my closet because I don’t want the potential attention of wearing it. It was so bad that I couldn’t even wear my hair down because the overwhelming negative thoughts of how people might react. Because of that, ever since middle school, I wore my hair in a low ponytail. And my outfits in school were basically leggings/jeans with a shirt and a hoodie or jacket.
As someone who always sticks out like a sore thumb bc of what I wear, don't let others rob you of the joy of looking how you want to. I don't think I'm pretty either, and confidence isn't a linear path, but here are some of the things I do that help me feel more comfortable dressing up: If you have suportive friends, go out with them and let them know about your outfit beforehand, pick a place you've been several times before and are familiar with, go out with something to cover up but, if you can, choose something that doesn't completely cover your outfit (jacket, coat, sweater), maybe change something in your ideal outfit for a piece that you feel more confortable with (think of it like a training wheels outfit), go out with headphones if you're not with friends, dressing up alone at home a few times before going out with your desired outfit. It could also help to talk to a therapist about your insecurities, really get into the root of the issue. I bet you'll look amazing regardless and I wish you the best of luck!
My mom always told me that I have a big nose. I've accepted my appearance, but it took me about 5 years. I'm happy that I could overcome this. Now I see that my nose makes my face unique and attractive.
I agree so much that “ugly” is a personality thing. Like when someone has a lot of bad personality traits it changes the way you see them. To all the people who are like no that’s wrong beauty is objective, that yes I still think beauty is a thing, but the way you act completely overrules how you look.
I’m cooking rn and when you said “don’t look for validation in the same place you lost that validation” I literally froze like why have I never considered that you literally just changed my life
watched this halfway shaving my face and scrubbing my calluses and now im eating rambutan. good video. ive always thought the same thing about people with "inherited attraction" i've met so many people with inherited attractiveness and almost all of them are so lame and has no personality. my sister and i dub them "flavorless people" bc they have no flavor. they might look pretty but watch them fail the bechdel test in under 5 minutes. most of them don't have hobbies or fandoms, they probably don't even know what "fandom" means because all their conversations and interactions with other people revolve around their attractiveness and dating is their only hobby.
I personally got a less common cut of the ugly experience, where I was assumed to be the one that'd one day snap and hurt a bunch of people, due to a disconcerting height, inability to socialize, and being fat. Didn't help that I for the life of me couldn't quite figure out how to shut up about my niche interest that added to that stigma. Because I was presumed to be the future domestic terrorist, people were never openly cruel to me. I just could feel their eyes tracking me as I moved past groups of my peers. Girls would avoid me because I was so unsettling. I'd receive more subtle mockery than others from boys. My presence was never something anyone looked forward to, but they wouldn't usually complain about it either. That deep feeling of unwantedness is something you get accustomed to, but never stops hurting. I did manage to scrape together a few people that didn't dislike me, but the way I went about it was kind of financially self-sacrificial, I'd constantly be the one to provide food at get togethers and activities so that even if they didn't want me for me, they'd want me for my willingness to provide a free meal. Shit sucked, and I'm still dealing with it at 19. I've gotten a little better, but it's very much still present.
I firmly dont give a fck if complete randos think whether I am attractive or not, they dont pay my bills or will be there on my last breath. BUT learning how others perceive you its important in many facets of life is including one's advancement in work, social circles, etc its so damn annoying
Bruh, this one guy at work confessed his feelings to me when covid was still around and we were all wearing masks and as soon as he saw me without a mask, he dipped 💀 I didn’t like him so good riddance but that has traumatized me forever now and I have been hyperfixated on my looks since then. I even have a list of plastic surgery procedures I want to do.
I haven't watched the video yet but I was in a car accident 2 years ago and even before that I always thought I was ugly and fat. I was about 120 pounds at like 9 or 10 and 4'11 (I think) but I was still the skinniest in the family. I was insecure and depressed and never expressed myself. I was and still am shy. Ever since my wreck, I dunno if it's because I almost died and it was a wake up call, but the first couple of months after I got over 200 stitches removed from my face I felt pretty for the first time. There were some days I felt ugly and still am insecure even now. I started a tiktok account and started to cosplay and express myself to my parents. I started taking care of myself and lost weight due to some medicine I was on. This is kinda a yap and probably doesn't have anything to do with the video, but I guess I just wanted to let people know it does get better. I've always told myself it's always bad before it gets better.
Thank you so much for this video, really. I feel like many people talk about this in some way but never have I seen such a detailed video which made me so feel this understood - love your advices!!
I've always felt less than or like I'd never be enough because I'm autistic. I didn't even know I was till I was 13. I spent all those years prior wondering what was wrong with me because I always knew I wasn't like the other kids. My teachers in elementary and middle school were mean to me and hated me so as a result, other kids were mean to me. Autism isn't considered a "pretty" thing to have, and people who do find it attractive most of the time find it attractive because they fetishize it and have a disgusting belief of neurodivergent women like myself. I don't want to be a fetish and I don't want to be considered "ugly" or "bad" because of a neurological disorder I have. I stopped trying in school for a long time because I thought "if other kids can do this and they find it easy, I must just be stupid so what's the point in even caring". I still don't really like this part of myself because it makes things as simple as interacting with others in my life who are mostly neurotypical of things like time management really difficult. To this day I'm still bullied in school for it. It's gonna take a long time for me to accept this part of myself but I really do want to work on it.
Ive never been told i am ugly but i think im ugly. I feel fat, i dont dress well and im too guarded. People make friends with me and i appreciate it but i never feel close to people. Im a huge people pleaser, i probably strive for validation, not compliments.
im not rlly insecure about my looks but about how introverted/shy i am. This part of me makes me believe that i am not good enough cuz i dont have rlly good looks good grades or even a hobby or skill im good at. Even sometimes i feel like my friends two to three dont rlly like me. i wanna build up self confidence so that i can just do better in life. better grades maybe even better friends. thankuu
paused at 10:15 time stamp to write this anyways i totally agree feeling ugly can come down to so much démodé than looks and. a lots of times comes down to how you feel about your self as a person and it’s so hard to change your own view point since you are either yourself all the time
It's so hard being a teenage girl in this society if you're not conventionally attractive. It's not even friends or family that makes it the hardest in this case- it's the boys at my school. I'll be sitting in history and eavesdropping on the boy next to me talk to his friend about another girl, saying things about how she's "too big" and "she's just annoying because nobody will ever want her," even going to lengths to say that they don't even want to be associated with her at all, or seen remotely near her. Of course, this causes me to automatically start spiraling, thinking that these same boys must say the same thing about me behind my back, and the horrible thing is that they probably do. Mind you, they didn't even make an effort to get to know this girl at all, just jumping to conclusions about her solely based off her appearance. It starts to feel like your personality only matters (at least to 14 year old boys) if you are attractive. Only if you're pretty enough for them will they make an actual effort to get to know you before judging- let alone want a relationship with you.
My sense of dread came from, people... if they liked me they treated me badly and if they hated me they also treated me badly... I have only felt accepted by a tiny number of people none of them were immediate family. Acceptance is strong. I don't need to be in a relationship if I have a great friend but it gets harder as I get older because people grow apart, families take the best friends away... it's natural but it sucks and you're left alone with nobody to do anything with or to talk with... acquaintances are best friends to someone but not me... I have never had a boyfriend who liked me for me, it's always something superficial not something that will be foundational to having a relationship... I'm just venting, because this video spoke to me 💯 I'm the ugly girl or duff that is always alone.
This happened TO ME 23:20 when I lost weight (became more attractive) I noticed I never got the chance to ask questions or be inquisitive because everyone was always asking me questions❤ kind of sad😢 Because they'll never know how curious i was about them. but that was something I noticed too
I’ve realised that people who view themselves as ‘ugly’ are usually really attractive. It’s so sad how people thing that they are ugly when they are really beautiful ❤
That part about having new problems once you get to that hypothetical "this will fix me" endpoint is so real. I'm trans and often had the thought that my life wouldnt really begin til I transitioned. But now that I have and I'm happy with my body, theres now a whole new set of problems-- one of which is the total surprise anyone is attracted to me as a lifelong "ugly person" lmao
having this pop up in my recommend there definitely is a mental health crisis in todays youth. We shouldn’t care that much about our looks honestly, take care of yourself and try to look your best. I promise the problem is more in your head and you thinking you are ugly than actually being ugly.
13:38 I feel. I grew up hyper aware of being the only black kid at school and at every catholic function my mom signed me up for growing up. Seeing the prettier paler girls made me feel like that I wasn’t pretty because of my skin tone. I always thought if I were white, I’d be good enough. If I were white, I’d be pretty enough… I always thought being white would get rid of my depression and self hatred. I always envied the paler girls because guys would flirt with them more. Guys would talk to them more. I was totally bro zoned or just.. unseen.
Self acceptance is also an acceptance people leave out. I wanna better myself for better outcomes in life but along the way I also want to accept myself
I feel you. I remember going out with 2 of my friend's. There are 3 of us, 4 other guys who randomly saw us at the mall. All 4 of the guys asked both of my friends for their socials and numbers while i stood there like a mf statue bc they didn't want me. I also remember taking a selfie with my friend and my friend posted it and ppl were asking for an @. So my friend replied with "Oh my friend's @? Its @(insert my account name)." And then they guys would reply "ew no not her @. Whats yours. I wanna get to know you". These situations broke my heart bc what was so bad for me. The second situation happend on the bus ride back from a field trio and the whole bus ride back and when i arrived home, i was in a sour mood. I was so jealous of my friends too bc so many people want them but didn't want me. I almost got mad at my friend but quickly ended that anger without letting it reach her bc shes a sweet girl abt cares abt me sm. Not her fault other ppl think im ugly
I have another story lol. Okay so my friend who i ended my last story abt had to move skl's this year bc she moved. And her first day of skl was today. She got onto a bus and a guy announced to the whole bus that he found her cute and that all of the new girls were ugly but she was gorgeous. That would NEVER happen to me. Queen Elizabeth has a higher chance coming back from the dead than that happening to me. Shes also a cheerleader and she did her first football game at her new skl recently and one of the football boys immediately started crushing on her. If it were me, they would avoid me or only pretend to crush on me so they can see me get excited and laugh at me. Its not like me and my friend are super different personalities wise. We're basically the same person personality wise. We just look diff
I feel like the people who don't understand a subject or topic in a multifaceted and multideciplinary way, compared to some who genuinely do understand it in such a way, show very different sides of people.
i lost weight and everyone treated me better but i thought about “offing” myself because i felt so ugly im not even that bad looking and im working on improving myself.
Sorry but some people are definitely ugly. No question about it. The only reason we know some people are beautiful is because some people are ugly. Saying there are no ugly people is like saying there are no short people. It's intellectually dishonest lol.
I still think I'm ugly, but makeup isn't going to change that for me, and if people don't want to be friends just because I'm "ugly" then idc, don't let them get to you, and someday there will be a time where the true friends stick around!
in highschool i had acne and one day it was particularly bad, I didn't even want to show up to school. but I don't get that choice. as i was walking down the stairs to my next class a guy and his girlfriend were coming up the stairs and the guy literally looked at my face and gasped and said "what is that?" and kept going while his girlfriend followed him giggling telling him "hey don't say that!". i went straight to the girl's bathroom and cried. i skipped the rest of my classes that day and walked back home and laid in bed and just cried. these people went about their day and completely forgot about it, meanwhile, i'm 24 now and still think about it sometimes. that stuff stays with you forever. you can either choose to accept it, or be miserable for the rest of your life. i've learned to accept i'm not the prettiest and learned to be confident. i let my personality shine and remember that different people find different people attractive. now i'm in a happy relationship with someone who loves me and finds me beautiful. meanwhile i doubt that couple even lasted a year after that encounter.
My whole childhood I was spent being called ugly, it carried into my teen years up until around my senior year I overheard some people calling me attractive and I just can’t see anything but ugliness now. Doesn’t help I’m mtf either it just makes it worse
![Quando Rondo - Life Goes On [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eIf3fhMXAow/mqdefault.jpg)
It is so horrible when society tells you you're ugly, but you really aren't. You're gorgeous Christina.
I know right it's what's on the inside that matters and counts the most
High school is usually where ppl get the most ridicule about their looks. Once you graduate and become responsible for making your own decisions as an adult, looks aren't as important to most ppl as opposed to networking and work ethics.
Im like 5'9 and i hate it im trying to convince myself its ok
She is fine asl
@@kimberlyjackson8343Yup that’s why incels exist 😂
You know what’s worse? when everyone is in family is attractive. Constantly in your face for not having met the beauty standards and to miss out on a wining generic lottery. You really see the difference between living life on a hard v easy mode.
My parents were attractive in their youth (and many people will still say they're attractive, even when they both are in their late 50s), while I was born average at best because of my grandparents genes.
It's painful to know that my narcissistic mother will always have people who will be at her side, no matter what she does to me, just because she's "the pretty one", while the most of people won't believe me and won't support me because I'm "the ugly one". And what I've noticed is that all my friends are average or unattractive, while all my bullies were pretty, popular girls. My friends also grew up in destructive, instabile households, just like me, so we understand each other and emphasize each other.
@@peachesandcream22 💚💚 I relate
When ppl look at your sister and say "wow she's so pretty!" And then they look at you and say "and you... have grown a lot" 💀
Hmm have you ever heard of the black pill?
Have a friend and that happened to her. She got away from that hell hole and is married to a sweet, funny guy and they have a baby. 😊
Please don't run after beauty 😭😭😭. All my life I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be the girl boys had crush on and stuff like that. When I was "desperate" for it it was HELL. I was always comparing myself to all the girls around me (friends, family or not). It made me so miserable. When I turned 16 and I cut my hair, I focused on building myself and it got better. I wasn't the prettiest off them all but I was comfortable with myself. Now I'm 24 and I'm still building my confidence. I don't look at all the beauty standards and stuff like that because it's always changing (look at how everybody wants to be thin). I work with what I have and I make me the beauty standard
facts facts facts! this is the way! so proud of you and the progress you've made on your confidence 🥹
YESS 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
"plase don't run after beauty"
well i did, and it paid off going into highschool
as a kid i was ugly and overweight but after 3 years of fixating on my appearance i'm so glad
looking at old pictures i think about how i could still be HER if i followed what family wanted
my family still holds that lonely, depressed, anxious, unhealthy version of me on a pedestal
now i have many friends (used to feel lucky having 2 or 5)
and some friendships started by them complimenting how pretty i am or finding my sense of style interesting. not that they are fake friends but beauty makes you more approachable and confident
also i'm lesbian and girls have asked me out for the first time ever
this is it, i'm finally living the teenage years i always dreamed of
@@roxas9121 you missed my point. I never say to not improve yourself. You became a better version of yourself great for you. I'm talking about not pursuing the beauty standard and only focusing on you
I grew up ugly AND fat. And along with the issues at home, this made me a very anti social recluse who avoided everything and everyone. Now as an adult, I struggle to make connections with people. I missed out on a lot of typical mile stones growing up and im having to learn all those things most people learn in their youth and adolescence in my adult years.
The past 7 months I really started working on myself and learning why I do what I do. Realizing that I basically screwed myself by not just embracing my weird awkward self and just going for “it”. Doing nothing is possibly one of the worse things to do. It only stunts you.
I have also dabbled into Buddhism and one of the main reasons for unhappiness is because we’re never satisfied with what we have now. Just accept reality and focus on what you can change.
That's interesting that you mention Buddhism! I'm starting to learn it right now
Im Buddhist myself theravada Buddhism
Why buddhism?
@@shanak09 Buddhism focuses more on changing the mindset and how you deal with problems within yourself and how you react to unfortunate circumstances. There’s no expectations, just going with the flow and connecting with yourself.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Something that will remain true, forever.
The avoiding part really hit too close to home 😞 As someone who hasn’t been able to look in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach since being a teenager, this whole video is really spot on.
i feel u
I'm 16, and I'm so sick of feeling like I have to look pretty or else I'm 'unlovable'. Look pretty? For who exactly? A random person down the street? I'll never see them again anyways. I'm sick of people telling me what I'm worth (or what a girl/woman is worth in general) over something as shallow and stupid as looks.
You think I'm ugly? Congrats I guess. You don't pay for my food, clothes, or school. So why should I care? As long as I'm constantly improving my personality, intellect, and overall attitude towards myself, I'm fine.
I literally wash my face in the kitchen in the morning because I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror 😢 it’s bad bro…I need to fix ts. I’m afraid to open Snapchat too because I don’t wanna see how I look.
I've been bullied constantly my entire life for no reason. I hate going out because of how i look and I avoid people because of it. I don't think i can ever love mysself and i think no one deserves someone as gross as me
I feel you. But, let's rephrase that, shall we? Instead of 'I don't think I can ever love myself', most of us don't. Sometimes it's okay to just 'like' yourself. We live in a world where hating yourself is the norm, and accepting yourself is seen as rebellious or odd. Also, I'm 16, so girl I know how you feel. My chest is really small, and that insecurity takes over my thoughts every damn day. I have also seen myself as gross, or 'unlovable'. Like no boy on the face of the entire Earth would ever like me. And what if they don't? They can't handle all this sass anyways. Something that has really helped me so far is to not want to be stereotypically pretty, but instead look different and otherworldly, y'know? Who wants to look the same anyways?
Listen, does anyone you see down the street pay for your food, rent, clothes, school? No. Anyone you might feel jealous of? Nope, they don't care for you either. So you don't need to give 3 flying fucks about what they think about you, because you don't owe them ANYTHING. If anyone can't see past your 'flaws' (which are only considered flaws because men tell us they are and they think they're all that), then bestie you clearly deserve better. Whether it be in romantic relationships or your friend group, if they don't appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like, they're shallow pieces of shit.
Also I see you like Enhypen so you've clearly got taste🔥🔥🔥
Just know that you're not alone in this.
@@idkheheMemeMasterstop i crew reading that 😢 so inspirational ily
@@idkheheMemeMaster this comment you wrote shows how aware you are and for a 16 year old ? it is so fascinating to me
Wait, stop right there!!!! Who do you see, others voices smeared on your body? Where are you ? You are handsome, no lie! Let me tell you from hard knocks, real looks, attractiveness, magnetism is confidence, is uniqueness, individuality, strength. Look back at you haters, look them in the eye, and return all their venom to sender. Who ever convinced you these lies? The truth does not insult the soul! Truth does not destroy you, make you smaller than, limit you. Truth makes you fly, gives you wings, expands, fills your heart! You seem to of internalised taunts from cowards projections. What they say is actually who they are!
Find your essence, seek you light, explore who you truly are, try hypnosis, rewire your brain. You can not be crushed by others, you are magnificent, rise!
Bro I'm litterally a hermit now cus every time I enter a new a new social setting thwy litterally ignore. Pretend they don't know my name but talks shit about me behind my back and they use any excuse under the book to hate me. But at the end of the sentence they always ALWAYS mention my looks. I was made fun of once for sitting on a chair.
I always wanted to change my looks for acceptance
only you can validate you
worldly validation is cheap, your own validation is priceless
you're so right about avoidance behaviors. I realize I never had birthday parties during my teenage years either because none of my (albeit toxic) friends would care or acknowledge me. So I wouldn't say anything. I'd also avoid eye contact with people, and when covid hit and I could wear a mask to cover my acne I was finally able to start making eye contact with people. Now I'm 21 and I can do all those things I didn't have as a teenager (acne scars still there tho!) Also I wear like 0 makeup to hide myself anymore because for me makeup was never about fun-- only about hiding myself-- so now I will only wear a bit of mascara/lipstick/blush to have some fun (and I do like how I look with it-- but I can also go places without makeup!) As a teenager I couldn't even step outside without a face full of makeup to hide acne. The only avoidance behavior I still have today unfortunately is only looking at myself in the bathroom mirror if the lights are off, but I'm slowly trying to improve on that. :)
so proud of your progress
@@ChristinaAaliyah thank you!
I too was bullied at school and it was usually the girls who wore a lot of makeup who were the ones doing the bullying. To this day I am not comfortable around younger people who wear makeup and it is not something I like to wear myself. Makeup means mean in my experience.
You need carnivour diet, eat one meal a day and avoid carbs because refined carbs hurt you so badly and refined or non refined carbs are addictive so I recommend try eating foods like salmon fish which high vitamin D and anti inflammation, skin lose elasticity die to lack of vitamin D and we know how much vitamin D we lack, most people don't know but they don't even get 100 iu vitamin a day but minimum 600-800 IU on average is required, eat lamb meat, duck meat, fish and other sea food. If your hair is greying try Amla or gooseberries which are recovers dead cells and produces new blood in body and is high in vitamin c with so many antioxidants. Im in similar situation like you and would say even worse that you because I childhood due too much sport's I broke my leg bones multiple times which now I'm suffering more from
The problem is that I want people to consider me extremely beautiful. I just want people to boost my ego by doing nothing, I guess. I don't care about eye/hair/skin colour, I want to have the features that take people's breath away lol But I also want it to be natural to me, I don't want any surgeries or makeup to achieve that. My face is average, wanting all mentioned is the same as wanting to be able to fly without using any tools or transport, except no one can do that, but there are people who have what I want, and that just doesn't let me be in peace with myself
But I also thought about if I had the perfect features for myself that looking in the mirror I would be extremely happy and would be grateful everyday, but everyone else in the world would think I'm ugly. Would that make me insecure? Would I want to be different even then?
this is a desire, a lot of us have
especially young girls, the media and instagram makes us feel like admiration is what you want, but i imo appreciation matters more.
admiration says 'wow she's so beautiful, i wish i looked like her'
appreciation says 'wow she's an amazing person, i'm glad i get to know her'
I do wanna say though I’m going to sophomore year and I hope this helps:
You can’t run on the validation of others because that only lasts for a little bit before it runs out and you’re going to be back in that mirror saying negative things about yourself and trying to change yourself for other people just because of someone’s opinion about you.
The fact that some people literally take the time out of their day to say rude things just proves how jealous and rude they are and it explains just how a shallow heart and personality they have so always love urself no matter what because you are beautiful!!! ❤
I’ve gotten stuck in the cycle myself of changing myself for other people but if you continue to do that you’re not even going to remember who YOU ARE anymore. Thank you Christina for these amazing videos and your channel it’s made such an impact on me and I hope you have an amazing day. 🫶🏾🫶🏾
this describes me so much omg you’re so real
As someone with very unusual facial features I promise you it's better to be average/plain looking. People either find me very attractive or very unattractive no in between and I hate it
I've been physically ugly my whole life, as I've got older I've started to care less and I don't let it stop me from doing as many things now, but it still hurts when people stare at me or are unfriendly and always have something negative to say about everything I do or don't do. I can't make friends easily and forget about having a relationship or even being able to get a date. I can't lie the most upsetting part is feeling incomplete and left behind because I haven't and never will experience the things that most people get to and it's purely because of the way I look 😢
Me too man
I just tend to focus on the bright side of it though. All my close friends definitely like me for my personality & I have a lot of time & a good amount of money to play with which most married men can't say😂
Got a nice car a few years back & traveled Europe last year. Plan on traveling China, India, & Japan before I turn 30
Living a pretty comfortable & adventurous life, which is more than most people ever get so I stay positive about that
I guess no women want to share that with me which sucks but I can't change that so I'll just have fun on my own & with the homies
Same it's because of how we look nothing else
im so sorry, i know how it feels. in the modern world how you look is so much of how people perceive you.
I think is what is the most painful reality of being born unattractive, you completely miss out on alot of life experiences alot of fun memories and just a mutual connection it's a very cruel fate that is so painful and unbearable it's like watching life go by and you can't participate in it watching other people live your dream life it's very painful
@jointhefun4 sorry if your going through it too. I try not to dwell too much but when it affects every interaction and every part of life it is hard
I love that you went into race because when I tell you being black in a majority white school is super tough and annoying which is why I moved from a majority white private school to public school because the environment was absolutely terrible for me and I wish I found your channel sooner before I made the switch because now I’m more confident than ever because of you ❤❤
The trauma that comes from that is insurmountable
@@SpiritVines yeah it left me with a lot of scars and some are still healing but I’m much better than I was 😊
still recovering from feeling ugly just for my hair type and skin color after being in majority white schools all my life 😢
Same for when your white in an all black school. Not one upping btw just from my experience
Pwi trauma is real ( im still going to a pwi lol)
I have felt this my entire life. From being emotionally neglected as a child to being constantly bullied up until adulthood, I never had a breathing moment to realize this. Now a week ago I turned 23, a couple years ago I made my first friends. Now besides the weight, skin etc I am afraid that I am getting too old to do certain things. Just meeting up with my friends is difficult since they are busy. Spending even more time with myself after everything is extremely painful but I am learning that I need to become my own friend as well. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to be isolated. So thank you for this video, for your whole channel actually. It helps me so much in this journey 💜
That is so good that you discovered all that! 💙
There are so many things in the world to worry about… existing is PAIN
It took me a really long time to realize that no matter what I look like, I deserve love and friendship and happiness. Unlearning the thought cycle of "i'll be happy when i'm skinny" or "i'll be happy when I'm in a relationship" was the best thing to ever happen to me.
In my teens I was a skinny boy with acne, and a stutterer on top of that. That being said, my approach was the opposite, I spoke to as many people as possible, and wasn't particularly shy about it. The reactions were often negative, but it made me realize that I could get by, and I had enough friends to back me up. I developed a "thick skin" in the sense that I disregarded most people's opinions, and used those of my group of friends as a guide.
The change came later in life, in my early 20s, the acne got better, I looked more masculine, and the stuttering subsided gradually. In retrospect both good and bad came out of this teenage period of my life. I became very resilient, but that resiliency came at a cost. It took me quite a while to let people in, value their thoughts, and become more social in general. I'm also glad my aggression didn't turn inward. I only needed to make a bully hurt enough, even if I didn't win the fight. They would find an easier target.
I now have children of my own, and they are the "pretty people", which feels a little weird.
Same story, different gender
Im going this exact thing right now I’m only 19 but I can’t even process others peoples opinions anymore and it’s starting to push people away bc I take no advice I’ll rather find things out on my own rather than someone warn me
Y’all people called me desperate for wanting a bf in hs and now I have one who is absolutely kind and loving towards me. It’s possible lol. But do they like black girls? Yes, and he accepts all other parts of who I am and will turn the world over for me to be happy unless I physically stop him.
Ty for this, in 9th grade every girl around me had a boyfriend or was talking with someone or had many relationships before (all of them were white or lighskin and some of the boys would not even believe they were black,even if they were), and i always tought that it was bcz of my looks and bcz im black (i still think about it a little bit) now im going to 10th grade and to a new school, but not with purpose of finding a boyfriend, im just going to be me, when its right it will come.
(breaks up after 6 months bc he was too nice and wasn't exciting anymore)
why do women want to get into relationships bc their friends are? get into one when you're ready. don't break our hearts for selfish reasons.
As someone who used to be really ugly but has glown up over the last 2 years, especially the last year, people will always hate you for being ugly at any point in your life. People have seen old pictures of me and treated me differently afterwards.
this triggered the fuck outta me bc at first i was like dam i rly am ugly if the algorithm recommended this n i got flooded w all the things ppl have ever commented abt my body negatively family “friends” strangers boyfriends all the looks of disgust ppl have given parts of my body n i was overcome w a deep sense of shame n inferiority, i forced myself to sit thru it tho n hear u out n im glad i did. its crazy bc i grew up ugly n ive worked so hard on myself to where now ig im coded as pretty but its when ive least felt it, i get the most amount of attention from men n som ppl are so hard on me for seemingly no reason when they werent before but i feel the most miserable too. the pursuit of beauty is endless bc theres always some way to be more beautiful, theres no top to it. its exhausting. n the more i achieve beauty, the more beauty i feel i have left to achieve. there will always be a younger prettier hotter girl, n ive realized that defining my worth by this leads me to very dark places that smtms make me wanna unalive myself. my entire existence revolves arnd controlling n feeding my beauty routines n regimes n still i dont feel pretty enough. i still feel like im tryna prove myself to the ex who said i was “ugly” or my cousin who made fun of me for my leg shape or my other cousin who mocked how thin i was, i still feel like the loser kid in college who got ignored in front of a group of 15+ ppl when tryna join their conversation bc i wasnt hot or cool enough to “sit with them”, i still feel the humilitation of my ex preferring to stare at any other prettier girl than to have a one on one conversation with me, the shame i felt when my own father compared me to my therapist n said she was prettier n that thats why i didnt wanna keep on attending my sessions w her…. the way everyone around me w use me to talk abt how my sister or my friend was “so beautiful” but no one ever said anything abt me…. its no use, the more desperate i am for beauty, the less i feel i have it
Body neutrality helped me, also tbh ppl talk about anyone these days, don't let it get to u
@diamondedevil You are def not ugly. You might have to do better at staying away from toxic ppl. Toxic ppl never have anything good to say usually.
Why do so many people act like insecurities are moral failings?
Feeling uncomfortable with myself resulted in missing out on a lot of core experiences, i never had any birthday parties, I gave myself back issues bc i was constantly slumping
It hurts when your mom is pretty but you ended up looking like your dad. Now I have a beautiful body , a man's face , good fashion sense and acne ... amazing , isn't it ?😅
None of that makes you ugly
Brutal
RIGHT I MIGHT AS WELL TRANSITION.
@@vampkyky lol , sometimes I say I'm a trans womsn . Just so that people don't look at me like a failed science experiment 😂
Literally
i think the part about what u want vs focusin on experience is hard if reality validates that feeling. i grew up a lil chubbier and kinda ugly, and i lost hella weight before my first semester at my first college. when i tell you people were flocking to me like never before. then i gained the weight back and ig got a lil uglier w that. went to a different college and it’s been the toughest struggle just making friends or having ppl want to be around me. like it feels like i have to overcompensate when i have more “unattractive” traits but when it’s the opposite i can just be myself and be accepted. Which is wild cuz I don’t think my mindset ever did a full 180 tbh…
No you’re entirely correct tbh your mindset has absolutely 0 to do with your new school and how your relationships were affected significantly then before.
It’s hard for people to accept because it’s a depressing realisation that if your the undesirable to everyone around you, then telling yourself your attractive won’t change anyone else’s opinion if you still look the same.
Unattractive people do exist, where people get confused is the grey area of average looking people and personality. A 5 can maybe bump up there attractiveness to a small percentage of extra people through personality that otherwise wouldn’t be interested, but that’s not going to work for a sub 5 the way it did for an average person, even so a 8 doesn’t need personality but with good personality maybe they can become a 9 lets say.
Truth is everyone is born with a limit the second they exist, whether you reach that max potential is upto you but not everyone has the same ceiling or the same starting place as everyone else.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan I disagree that attractive people don’t need personalities, they have personalities, but I agree we’re all different in terms of attraction depending on the person.
@@Janet67498 it’s not a make or break for attractive people to get relationships or one night stands or any sort of intimacy from whatever way they swing is more what I mean, sure attractive + good personality means the world is basically your pick for intimacy, attractive without personality you’ll still have super high success rates with people you also find attractive/like.
Ugly with personality though you’re options are sparse at best and nobody can deny that, sure Pete Davidson and a few others are exceptions to the rule but that’s the point, it’s not often that people like that bag way more attractive/lots of different partners 247 so people go crazy about because it’s not a common occurrence compared to, attractive person = attractive partner. Ugly person = ugly -average at best partner - no partner most likely if you are of the male category, that’s just how real life works.
Even if you had 10/10 looks but no personality that’s something you can easily fix and your starting place is already well above average for success, if your 2 or 3 looks wise with the worlds best personality that’s ever existed you still won’t have much if any success at all and it’s not like you can go for a 2 to 6 looks wise let alone a 10, even if you throw millions upon millions and surgery after surgery it’s physically impossible to go from that ugly to the high end of the attractive person pool.
End of the day looks are the most important element for romantic success while also being the hardest thing to improve with everyone having a genetic ceiling that they cap out at and it’s all pure luck what anyone gets which is why people have such a hard time accepting it.
I know this video wasn’t directed towards me as I was never picked on for my looks. But, it was actually the opposite. I was constantly told I was so cute and so pretty all the time that it got to my head and whenever I was “ugly-looking” (imo), my confidence would drop and I couldn’t leave the house. I would constantly desire to be “pretty” or “prettier” even though I was never ugly. The way society puts beauty on the top of anything else really destroys so many peoples confidence and self worth, whether they are conventionally pretty or not.
i'm so sorry you went through this, i totally agree, societies obsession with beauty is so damaging
gonna admit some people are ugly and sometimes im hella ugly but that's cuz I didn't groom myself and felt so ugly that my confidence was in the trenches. yes u can be born not pretty but ur truly ugly if ur personality sucks and if u have no confidence. self care is important y'all
as a current highschooler, this feels like you're the little person on my shoulder telling me everything as an older version of myself would. it's both validating of my experiences and feelings, but gives stances on what can change for the better. action really is the crucial step, and the reinforcement from your videos pushes me to let go of the cycles and mindsets that are holding me back. AND OMG THERES A PODCAST VERSION?? I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINA 🤍
slay! always here 4 u
Damn, if YOU’RE considered “ugly” then there’s no hope for me
She isn't
As a man she's like a 6.5 or 7/10 to me. Definitely someone I could date & marry if I met her & liked her as a person
I don’t exist then
Real
What I will say Dr. Aaliyah is that not only are you incredibly beautiful to me, you are also filled with profound, intelligent insights that so neatly articulate the things that I've experienced living a life of shame and low self-esteem. And it's just a wonderful reminder that this sort of timeless wisdom about the human condition will always be relevant. Talk about being the total package!
as Alessia Cara says
"Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything
What's a little bit of hunger? I can go a little while longer," she fades away
She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh
So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror
Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within
This was me during my kid and teen years. Severely bullied for my weight then i finally lost it and just wanted to be invisible to no get shamed. Developed an ED which robbed me of 7 years. Now i lift and eat well no longer purge, but people don't realize the damage words and bullying do
you literally wrote how I feel, grabbed the words and slapped me with them. it was cool, keep up
I understand that feeling of avoiding!! I’m 17 rn and since I was 6 I became hyper aware on my looks. The thing is that before that, I was a really confident child, so yes, I agree with the belief that insecurities are inserted into our minds from other people. I started to get bullied by my entireee school, they used to call me elephant and throw peanuts at me! At 6 years old… of course anyone would loose their “unbreakable” confidence. Thanks to that, I developed many eating disorders and years of hiding and stuttering when talking to new people, just because I thought I was the ugliest “elephant” around. Right now I feel much better, of course now I’m in high school with new people, I’ve lost the weight, I’ve changed. Still, none of that counts into feeling better if you don’t work out all that crap people put in your head…therapy helped me realize many things. Those people calling you names are never going to give you that validation you crave and that is okay! They aren’t important even if they are your own family (my family used to call me names as well) people are going through their own stuff and aren’t as aware of their words as you might be. We should not wait for them to be aware of their harm, we should not wait for them to accept us, we should stop chasing them. You deserve love, love you and the change that comes with the package. There is beauty in the change of adolescence or even adulthood or any stage, there are always changes and if you don’t like how you look like then do something to change it in a healthy way!!! Not looking like others is what makes you special, but changing into a version you love most is also okay. Emotionally or physically, the discipline of change is positive. Change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you act with your life path.
I think that depends on your sexuality. As what a hetero man may find unattractive in a woman, and non hetero woman will find beautiful. What a hetero woman may find unattractive in a man, a non hetero man may find beautiful.
So, you have to figure out who is most important to attract for you according to your sexuality.
I just fear being delusional if I validate myself
you're not delusional for doing this, it's the bare minimum to do. Don't mind ppl who said that you're delulu when you just accept the way who you are. Mind you that they didn't accept themselves either lolll
The biggest thing about beauty is understanding that there are ugly and attractive people out there. You may be ugly but that doesn't mean you are worth less than someone else. There are some things you can do to improve your looks if you want to but understanding who you are and just accepting it can be a great first step to a better mindset. I personally don't feel attractive and I don't care. I do my best to look good for myself and that's all I can do, and in the end it makes me happier. Being ugly is a mindset for most people and is extremely difficult to get out of but if you can you will live a better life
13:29 I can relate to this, Im Indian and I used to have self confidence and my race didn’t concern me. Then I got social media (esp instagram) and I was exposed to how people view Indians. “What race would you not date?” “Indians” “Indian girls are dark and hairy and smelly” All the attractive Indian girls had European features. I have shame when seeing my tan skin and two toned lips. I feel jealous when other races get so much more positive attention. East Asians and Latinas and Arabs and Europeans are fetishized and their features are sought after. I wish I could change my race and become light skinned and be perceived positively like almost every other race.
Skin whitening creams
The problem isnt you, its the rest of the world.
The number of dark skin girls of all shades that are so so pretty yet underrated used to shock me.
Now dark skinned Indian girls with their healthy hair, their harmonious lips and gracefully shaped eyes?
Ugly or unattractive in any way? Just madness!!
I tell you its the rest of the world that is weirdly colorist
We can change that, by letting dark skin girls, Indian women have their spotlight in movies, make up & hair product ads, shows and series etc. (I know a few series that showcase dark skin Indian women in all yueir beauty)
More international representation, more public appreciation the eay they deserve.
Then people at wide will finally understand they've been colorist idiots. (And the colorists should be rughtfully shamed)
For now then, embrace beauty, embrace a few make up techniques that celebrate your features, colours that celebrate your skin tone, clothing that celebrate your body!! Embrace your beauty
The way you started this video and explained your own experiences honestly made me cry because I've felt the sam way for years since I was a young teen and this made me feel seen in some sort of way that I've never had before, so thank you a lot ❤
In my head I not only look bad and ugly but I’m also annoying and very stupid and a freak.
I was bullied frequently so frequently for my looks and my race that I developed such deep insecurities at 10 years old I attempted my life over my looks and my mind..
I felt so called out when you started talking about avoidance behaviors LOL but its better to address it than continuing this self sabotage, as I have said no to invites to hangout with a group of acquaintances before just because i felt ugly. I felt like I’ve let appearance get to me, feeling like I HAVE to look good or else im invalid. It’s been a horrible hyperfixation I’ve had since i was in middle school, and since being told horrible comments as a kid, it just stuck. I am now a high schooler, and I still have this issue, but I’m working on overcoming it through small steps. Thank you Christina!! :)
Ugly isn't a feeling babe , it's a reality and many people experience it
i mean i agree but there are times where i feel ugly even if many people believe im not
Right. Many of us didn't realise we were ugly until ppl told us. I legit just assumed I blended in with the woodworks and was an average Joe. Turns out I stand out for all the wrong reasons.
True it's not just a feeling it's actual reality that exists
I relate to this video. I remember being 12 and being so disappointed at the way i looked. I tried to compensate by being smart, but it never worked. I tried to be charismatic and a person people would want, but it never worked. I feel like the only thing i can do to be tolerable to people as an autistic woman is to try and be pretty. I've always envied how pretty women never need to give anything to anyone, they can just exist in the world with little issues despite being utterly dull or having little to offer. I feel like i can never shake this feeling because i am swarmed of constant reminders of how disgusting and worthless i am. It doesn't help that my siblings won the genetic lottery and people would always approach me telling me ways i could imrpove my appearance. I can't help but feel getting surgery is the only way i could be free from these feelings because i will never be able to develop my social skills to a point that is enough for normal people no matter how hard i try.
Every family dynamic is unique. My family never put any aesthetic or "girly" standards on their girls and only encouraged us to do well academically (helped both grandmothers and mother were not into fashion and were tomboyish). Grandparents/parents would call us beautiful and cute even if we were little messy gremlins, I only grew up caring about the opinion of my loved ones and not giving a damn about what others would think..but then, getting into the real world and wondering why everyone avoids you or treats you differently..and then learning the truth behind that, its like suddenly waking up in a whole new dimenssion where you must learn the rules of the game from scratch!!
You are so real for this, I feel like you’ve unlocked a new path for me
i'm excited for you 🦋
The thing thats not being mentioned isMaternal Support.
I lacked this in an extreme way.
I have also come across other young guys and girls who have extremely good support.
This means the mother really helps you- does lots of clothes washing and drying, gives money for clothes , never shames you if you buy the wrong outfits as its an experiment, helps you organise your closets and drawers , so clothes are never chaotic .
Also, they provide endless hot water and dont moan if you want 2 or 3 showers a day and money for beauty products.
My family had a major fit when i asked for money for... conditioner!!
There are also family members in some families who Really Dont Wantt you to look pretty, well groomed, lovely, as they are very Jealous.
This condition is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and lots of daughters especially feel Not Good Enough when the mother has this.
You can read a lot about this on you tube.
As a dude, and knowing girls, there is definitely some objective level of physical looks that can make someone look ugly. You might mainly see personality, but I think a majority of people at least subconsciously treat and judge people based on how good looking they are at the surface
The truth of the matter is, while you’re feeling insecure and inferior to others, there are also people feeling insecure and inferior to you. So stay woke, people. Shake it off 😘
I felt like this most of my life to the point where I just avoid most social media, groups, social settings outside of work, etc... and I just started focusing on my hobbies instead, it's very freeing to not participate in such a shallow society.
“I’m ugly and I’m proud!” - SpongeBob SquarePants
10:00 this hit so close to home. I have cute outfits in my head that I’ll never have the confidence to wear because I don’t want to get attention and seem like an attention seeker, and I am one because my fears are either not getting compliments on my new hair/clothes or people talking negatively about it. So those clothes end up staying in my closet because I don’t want the potential attention of wearing it. It was so bad that I couldn’t even wear my hair down because the overwhelming negative thoughts of how people might react. Because of that, ever since middle school, I wore my hair in a low ponytail. And my outfits in school were basically leggings/jeans with a shirt and a hoodie or jacket.
As someone who always sticks out like a sore thumb bc of what I wear, don't let others rob you of the joy of looking how you want to.
I don't think I'm pretty either, and confidence isn't a linear path, but here are some of the things I do that help me feel more comfortable dressing up: If you have suportive friends, go out with them and let them know about your outfit beforehand, pick a place you've been several times before and are familiar with, go out with something to cover up but, if you can, choose something that doesn't completely cover your outfit (jacket, coat, sweater), maybe change something in your ideal outfit for a piece that you feel more confortable with (think of it like a training wheels outfit), go out with headphones if you're not with friends, dressing up alone at home a few times before going out with your desired outfit.
It could also help to talk to a therapist about your insecurities, really get into the root of the issue. I bet you'll look amazing regardless and I wish you the best of luck!
My mom always told me that I have a big nose. I've accepted my appearance, but it took me about 5 years. I'm happy that I could overcome this. Now I see that my nose makes my face unique and attractive.
Your nose isn't big. People have told me I have a big nose. I don't. People just say dumb things. And, big noses are pretty!
@@aisnow5788 thanks 😊
I agree so much that “ugly” is a personality thing. Like when someone has a lot of bad personality traits it changes the way you see them. To all the people who are like no that’s wrong beauty is objective, that yes I still think beauty is a thing, but the way you act completely overrules how you look.
Being ugly and awkward makes me feel completely hopeless
Christina, you're an amazing person, I hope you know that
I’m cooking rn and when you said “don’t look for validation in the same place you lost that validation” I literally froze like why have I never considered that you literally just changed my life
"nobody is ugly". Bruh you havent seen me...
watched this halfway shaving my face and scrubbing my calluses and now im eating rambutan. good video. ive always thought the same thing about people with "inherited attraction" i've met so many people with inherited attractiveness and almost all of them are so lame and has no personality. my sister and i dub them "flavorless people" bc they have no flavor. they might look pretty but watch them fail the bechdel test in under 5 minutes. most of them don't have hobbies or fandoms, they probably don't even know what "fandom" means because all their conversations and interactions with other people revolve around their attractiveness and dating is their only hobby.
flavorless i love that - it's true, when you have the looks your personality might be underdeveloped, bc your looks do all the work
I personally got a less common cut of the ugly experience, where I was assumed to be the one that'd one day snap and hurt a bunch of people, due to a disconcerting height, inability to socialize, and being fat. Didn't help that I for the life of me couldn't quite figure out how to shut up about my niche interest that added to that stigma. Because I was presumed to be the future domestic terrorist, people were never openly cruel to me. I just could feel their eyes tracking me as I moved past groups of my peers. Girls would avoid me because I was so unsettling. I'd receive more subtle mockery than others from boys. My presence was never something anyone looked forward to, but they wouldn't usually complain about it either. That deep feeling of unwantedness is something you get accustomed to, but never stops hurting. I did manage to scrape together a few people that didn't dislike me, but the way I went about it was kind of financially self-sacrificial, I'd constantly be the one to provide food at get togethers and activities so that even if they didn't want me for me, they'd want me for my willingness to provide a free meal. Shit sucked, and I'm still dealing with it at 19. I've gotten a little better, but it's very much still present.
Some people have highlighted my broken parts my old me some of my old friends want to like live in my head rent free
I firmly dont give a fck if complete randos think whether I am attractive or not, they dont pay my bills or will be there on my last breath. BUT learning how others perceive you its important in many facets of life is including one's advancement in work, social circles, etc its so damn annoying
Fr
As if those randos dont look like a chewed shoe too💀💀
Wild how sexual intimacy is on the same level in mazlow’s hierarchy of needs as friends and family but if you seek sex you’re seen as a degenerate…
ikr it's crazy
Bruh, this one guy at work confessed his feelings to me when covid was still around and we were all wearing masks and as soon as he saw me without a mask, he dipped 💀 I didn’t like him so good riddance but that has traumatized me forever now and I have been hyperfixated on my looks since then. I even have a list of plastic surgery procedures I want to do.
Feeling rejected by someone you were gonna reject anyways is kinda weird
That's kinda egotistical
What a bum
You shouldn't allow his behavior to affect you to the point of wanting to get a bunch of plastic surgery.
@@arcjessewomen do this to men too
@@badge5575 And? I don't care what gender you are, you can be a degenerate either way
I haven't watched the video yet but I was in a car accident 2 years ago and even before that I always thought I was ugly and fat. I was about 120 pounds at like 9 or 10 and 4'11 (I think) but I was still the skinniest in the family. I was insecure and depressed and never expressed myself. I was and still am shy. Ever since my wreck, I dunno if it's because I almost died and it was a wake up call, but the first couple of months after I got over 200 stitches removed from my face I felt pretty for the first time. There were some days I felt ugly and still am insecure even now. I started a tiktok account and started to cosplay and express myself to my parents. I started taking care of myself and lost weight due to some medicine I was on. This is kinda a yap and probably doesn't have anything to do with the video, but I guess I just wanted to let people know it does get better. I've always told myself it's always bad before it gets better.
Thank you so much for this video, really. I feel like many people talk about this in some way but never have I seen such a detailed video which made me so feel this understood - love your advices!!
this means a lot, thank you sara
I've always felt less than or like I'd never be enough because I'm autistic. I didn't even know I was till I was 13. I spent all those years prior wondering what was wrong with me because I always knew I wasn't like the other kids. My teachers in elementary and middle school were mean to me and hated me so as a result, other kids were mean to me. Autism isn't considered a "pretty" thing to have, and people who do find it attractive most of the time find it attractive because they fetishize it and have a disgusting belief of neurodivergent women like myself. I don't want to be a fetish and I don't want to be considered "ugly" or "bad" because of a neurological disorder I have. I stopped trying in school for a long time because I thought "if other kids can do this and they find it easy, I must just be stupid so what's the point in even caring". I still don't really like this part of myself because it makes things as simple as interacting with others in my life who are mostly neurotypical of things like time management really difficult. To this day I'm still bullied in school for it. It's gonna take a long time for me to accept this part of myself but I really do want to work on it.
Ive never been told i am ugly but i think im ugly. I feel fat, i dont dress well and im too guarded. People make friends with me and i appreciate it but i never feel close to people. Im a huge people pleaser, i probably strive for validation, not compliments.
im not rlly insecure about my looks but about how introverted/shy i am. This part of me makes me believe that i am not good enough cuz i dont have rlly good looks good grades or even a hobby or skill im good at. Even sometimes i feel like my friends two to three dont rlly like me. i wanna build up self confidence so that i can just do better in life. better grades maybe even better friends. thankuu
paused at 10:15 time stamp to write this anyways i totally agree feeling ugly can come down to so much démodé than looks and. a lots of times comes down to how you feel about your self as a person and it’s so hard to change your own view point since you are either yourself all the time
The avoidance part was extremely real for me.
Took much work on myself to finally mostly overcome that.
i really needed to hear this tysm for making this video even with the busy schedules of doctors :)
I whole heartedly appreciate you speaking about people as more than a visual reduction
Alot of people think am ugly am very very beautiful
Yes you are!
It's so hard being a teenage girl in this society if you're not conventionally attractive. It's not even friends or family that makes it the hardest in this case- it's the boys at my school. I'll be sitting in history and eavesdropping on the boy next to me talk to his friend about another girl, saying things about how she's "too big" and "she's just annoying because nobody will ever want her," even going to lengths to say that they don't even want to be associated with her at all, or seen remotely near her. Of course, this causes me to automatically start spiraling, thinking that these same boys must say the same thing about me behind my back, and the horrible thing is that they probably do. Mind you, they didn't even make an effort to get to know this girl at all, just jumping to conclusions about her solely based off her appearance. It starts to feel like your personality only matters (at least to 14 year old boys) if you are attractive. Only if you're pretty enough for them will they make an actual effort to get to know you before judging- let alone want a relationship with you.
My sense of dread came from, people... if they liked me they treated me badly and if they hated me they also treated me badly... I have only felt accepted by a tiny number of people none of them were immediate family. Acceptance is strong. I don't need to be in a relationship if I have a great friend but it gets harder as I get older because people grow apart, families take the best friends away... it's natural but it sucks and you're left alone with nobody to do anything with or to talk with... acquaintances are best friends to someone but not me... I have never had a boyfriend who liked me for me, it's always something superficial not something that will be foundational to having a relationship... I'm just venting, because this video spoke to me 💯 I'm the ugly girl or duff that is always alone.
This happened TO ME 23:20 when I lost weight (became more attractive) I noticed I never got the chance to ask questions or be inquisitive because everyone was always asking me questions❤ kind of sad😢 Because they'll never know how curious i was about them. but that was something I noticed too
I’ve realised that people who view themselves as ‘ugly’ are usually really attractive.
It’s so sad how people thing that they are ugly when they are really beautiful ❤
While the actual ugly people get discriminated against.
this was so helpful, keep up the good work!!
That part about having new problems once you get to that hypothetical "this will fix me" endpoint is so real. I'm trans and often had the thought that my life wouldnt really begin til I transitioned. But now that I have and I'm happy with my body, theres now a whole new set of problems-- one of which is the total surprise anyone is attracted to me as a lifelong "ugly person" lmao
having this pop up in my recommend there definitely is a mental health crisis in todays youth. We shouldn’t care that much about our looks honestly, take care of yourself and try to look your best. I promise the problem is more in your head and you thinking you are ugly than actually being ugly.
13:38 I feel. I grew up hyper aware of being the only black kid at school and at every catholic function my mom signed me up for growing up. Seeing the prettier paler girls made me feel like that I wasn’t pretty because of my skin tone. I always thought if I were white, I’d be good enough. If I were white, I’d be pretty enough… I always thought being white would get rid of my depression and self hatred. I always envied the paler girls because guys would flirt with them more. Guys would talk to them more. I was totally bro zoned or just.. unseen.
this video is so comforting, thank you so much for it
Thank you for trying to help other people, the video was very helpful❤
Self acceptance is also an acceptance people leave out. I wanna better myself for better outcomes in life but along the way I also want to accept myself
I really needed this video, tysm!!
always here
I have many pretty friends but the attention they get when we go out makes me not want to go out with them as much.
I feel you. I remember going out with 2 of my friend's. There are 3 of us, 4 other guys who randomly saw us at the mall. All 4 of the guys asked both of my friends for their socials and numbers while i stood there like a mf statue bc they didn't want me. I also remember taking a selfie with my friend and my friend posted it and ppl were asking for an @. So my friend replied with "Oh my friend's @? Its @(insert my account name)." And then they guys would reply "ew no not her @. Whats yours. I wanna get to know you". These situations broke my heart bc what was so bad for me. The second situation happend on the bus ride back from a field trio and the whole bus ride back and when i arrived home, i was in a sour mood. I was so jealous of my friends too bc so many people want them but didn't want me. I almost got mad at my friend but quickly ended that anger without letting it reach her bc shes a sweet girl abt cares abt me sm. Not her fault other ppl think im ugly
I have another story lol. Okay so my friend who i ended my last story abt had to move skl's this year bc she moved. And her first day of skl was today. She got onto a bus and a guy announced to the whole bus that he found her cute and that all of the new girls were ugly but she was gorgeous. That would NEVER happen to me. Queen Elizabeth has a higher chance coming back from the dead than that happening to me. Shes also a cheerleader and she did her first football game at her new skl recently and one of the football boys immediately started crushing on her. If it were me, they would avoid me or only pretend to crush on me so they can see me get excited and laugh at me. Its not like me and my friend are super different personalities wise. We're basically the same person personality wise. We just look diff
@@gabimarus4834 damn these pretty people living their best life just because they were privileged to be born pretty
life is so unfair
the avoidance thing is so accurate
I feel like the people who don't understand a subject or topic in a multifaceted and multideciplinary way, compared to some who genuinely do understand it in such a way, show very different sides of people.
She has such a nice nose, I'm surprised it was ever an insecurity for her, and her skin is absolutely flawless!
This feels more like a therapy session then my therapist could ever give me, I appreciate this
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I really needed to hear this whole explanation video thank you i think im tearing up. What a life lesson
i lost weight and everyone treated me better but i thought about “offing” myself because i felt so ugly im not even that bad looking and im working on improving myself.
I needed this video so much.
I really needed this today...I needed to hear something like this. Thank you! ❤❤❤
Sorry but some people are definitely ugly. No question about it. The only reason we know some people are beautiful is because some people are ugly. Saying there are no ugly people is like saying there are no short people. It's intellectually dishonest lol.
I still think I'm ugly, but makeup isn't going to change that for me, and if people don't want to be friends just because I'm "ugly" then idc, don't let them get to you, and someday there will be a time where the true friends stick around!
I genuinely loved this video. Thank u! Fave RUclipsr now
in highschool i had acne and one day it was particularly bad, I didn't even want to show up to school. but I don't get that choice. as i was walking down the stairs to my next class a guy and his girlfriend were coming up the stairs and the guy literally looked at my face and gasped and said "what is that?" and kept going while his girlfriend followed him giggling telling him "hey don't say that!". i went straight to the girl's bathroom and cried. i skipped the rest of my classes that day and walked back home and laid in bed and just cried. these people went about their day and completely forgot about it, meanwhile, i'm 24 now and still think about it sometimes. that stuff stays with you forever. you can either choose to accept it, or be miserable for the rest of your life. i've learned to accept i'm not the prettiest and learned to be confident. i let my personality shine and remember that different people find different people attractive. now i'm in a happy relationship with someone who loves me and finds me beautiful. meanwhile i doubt that couple even lasted a year after that encounter.
i felt like you broke the 3rd wall when u mentioned pakistani
As an Indian I felt the same. She knew we are seen as the worst looking race💀
Life's harder for us but we still find ways to thrive regardless
I’ve never understood the whole “big nose = ugly” concept. It is not an ugly feature. No features are ugly, social media is ugly.
and the fake science award goes to....
Hey Christina I love your videos Sooo much it has helped heal my insecurities and helped me realise so much about life as a teenage girl ❤
This whole video you dropped gems🙌🏽 🩷
My whole childhood I was spent being called ugly, it carried into my teen years up until around my senior year I overheard some people calling me attractive and I just can’t see anything but ugliness now. Doesn’t help I’m mtf either it just makes it worse