Yep slow fade - they resent me but I detach myself now. It’s cruel and selfish. So I try not to care about them anymore, it’s hard and it’s taken me months to get to this point.
He seemed so angry with me during the slow fade then ultimate discard. I had no idea why, we never even fought. Definitely tried to get me to end it but oh no sir.
Stop giving avoidants so much grace. They are extremely self absorbed people who put their feelings first even when it’s most detrimental to you. If someone is slow fading you, that is extremely disrespectful and you need to throw some nasty words at their behavior and cut them loose. Gotta stop being so gracious with uncaring people and be bold and assertive with them.
Can they resent simply because things are good and healthy in the relationship and they aren't used to that?? I experienced the slow fade over 7 weeks with the actual break up a week ago and offer of friendship. Everything was better than ever just before the slow fade began.
You also build resentment when they keep telling you to “not bring stuff up from the past” cause I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I ended the relationship with an avoidant after 6 months and 4 months of pulling back. Then I had another relationship where I felt fine but yes I’ll admit I made mistakes and accepted an emotionally manipulative guy who wanted me to be there for him emotionally but wasn’t there for me. He told me he would leave when I confronted him about something and I was very much pregnant so hormonal and angry that he even said that to me because I wasn’t even looking to have kids yet. He would say he wanted to leave every so often and I told him then leave! And he would say but I don’t want to leave…. It was a headache. So I ended up being the one to decide that I didn’t want to be with him or keep putting up with toxic and he got upset and still tried to force me to stay there, I became more resentful because of course I want good for my daughter but it is not working out! Some people bring out the worst in you because they don’t look at themselves. If you want to force something over admitting it isn’t working and just move on…. I wish them both well and am healing myself and moving forward. I didn’t mean to hurt either. This second guy obviously due to a daughter we still deal with each other but when I tell you this guy does no self reflection at all and still you can tell he says stuff to try and trigger me but I don’t let him. He’s just straight up toxic and I thank God that he got me out of that because I felt absolutely empty on the inside wi the the second guy. Save yourselves. Don’t have intimate relations with guys until you really know them and if you see they are as*holes to anyone, they will be towards you as well.
Mine pulled away over the space of a year or so. She had a medical issue that made her wholly dependant on me. I could see her resentment but when her family kept telling her how lucky she was that i was there to take care of her you could see the resentment on her face. She was jealous that her father in particular kept saying how amazing i was for her but she probably never got that from him herself growing up. Nothing i could do about that. And here we are 4 months no contact. A process i had to insist on as she kept contacting me after breaking with me. Clearly she wasn't sure but it's too late now. I've moved on and I've come to terms with not being the one at fault despite her efforts to fault find with me.
May he overcome his fear and his anger and let me in. May he reach out to me, very very very soon! May he recognize how amazing our friendship really truly is 🙏🏻. May he understand and realize how much he loves me and cares about me and misses me. Misses us.
Don't know if it was a slow fade exactly. For me it was more like pushing me away with very disrespectful behaviors and inconsistency until I blocked her because I didnt know what else to do anymore.. It felt like still entertaining her would slowly erode all my self esteem.
@gavinwilliams1687 maybe the label doesnt even matter. It was a horrible experience. But it felt more like a person with very low self esteem that sabotages intimacy in a very cruel way. I dont know if narcs also have histories of self harm for example.
There is no point wasting time and energy trying to keep😮 someone that you are not compatible with . Let them find emotionally unavailable p partners to ..
Jesus - this is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. But Ryan, there must have been something that triggered it, no? My ex was £30k in debt and I think he hadn’t been paying his mortgage so perhaps he was at risk of losing his home, and was too ashamed to tell me? Guess I’ll never know.
When they slow fade, they can come back? Cause when my gf end it she was so happy about it and looked like she moved on inmediatly. It was a 6 years relationship, and the first one for both, me, being anxious i feel like i never existed for her,its amazing and hurts so bad. For the first month i begged, now i really started no contact, maybe it's too late to get her back because i begged and that pushed her away more but at least its not to late to get me back
My husband does this to me and then 12 years later 6 times of asking me for a divorce and me trying to fix everything. He’s finally done because we are in a separation agreement and I am not trying to fix it this time, just trying to meet the agreement.
I sincerely hope you’ve gone no contact with this person who has proven she is completely unworthy of ever having the privilege to speak to you again. She is verbally abusive. Maybe the reason she came into your life is to teach you how to stand up for yourself and how important that is. Just my two cents.
It's mental abuse😢
Yep slow fade - they resent me but I detach myself now. It’s cruel and selfish. So I try not to care about them anymore, it’s hard and it’s taken me months to get to this point.
Helpful information.
He seemed so angry with me during the slow fade then ultimate discard. I had no idea why, we never even fought. Definitely tried to get me to end it but oh no sir.
They are cold & mean & you can feel it & have No idea why. I had the same thing. These kinds of men take you to relationship hell
Thank you for such a valuable info.
Cowards😊
It's so good to hear that this is an actual thing
Then they "lose feelings"
It's so cruel...but the mind reading expectations are just abuse
Stop giving avoidants so much grace. They are extremely self absorbed people who put their feelings first even when it’s most detrimental to you. If someone is slow fading you, that is extremely disrespectful and you need to throw some nasty words at their behavior and cut them loose. Gotta stop being so gracious with uncaring people and be bold and assertive with them.
Speak to them about it... If it does not change, be secure enough to LEAVE. TRUST your instincts!
Can they resent simply because things are good and healthy in the relationship and they aren't used to that??
I experienced the slow fade over 7 weeks with the actual break up a week ago and offer of friendship. Everything was better than ever just before the slow fade began.
Thank you again 🙏
You also build resentment when they keep telling you to “not bring stuff up from the past” cause I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I ended the relationship with an avoidant after 6 months and 4 months of pulling back. Then I had another relationship where I felt fine but yes I’ll admit I made mistakes and accepted an emotionally manipulative guy who wanted me to be there for him emotionally but wasn’t there for me. He told me he would leave when I confronted him about something and I was very much pregnant so hormonal and angry that he even said that to me because I wasn’t even looking to have kids yet. He would say he wanted to leave every so often and I told him then leave! And he would say but I don’t want to leave…. It was a headache. So I ended up being the one to decide that I didn’t want to be with him or keep putting up with toxic and he got upset and still tried to force me to stay there, I became more resentful because of course I want good for my daughter but it is not working out! Some people bring out the worst in you because they don’t look at themselves. If you want to force something over admitting it isn’t working and just move on…. I wish them both well and am healing myself and moving forward. I didn’t mean to hurt either. This second guy obviously due to a daughter we still deal with each other but when I tell you this guy does no self reflection at all and still you can tell he says stuff to try and trigger me but I don’t let him. He’s just straight up toxic and I thank God that he got me out of that because I felt absolutely empty on the inside wi the the second guy. Save yourselves. Don’t have intimate relations with guys until you really know them and if you see they are as*holes to anyone, they will be towards you as well.
Mine pulled away over the space of a year or so. She had a medical issue that made her wholly dependant on me. I could see her resentment but when her family kept telling her how lucky she was that i was there to take care of her you could see the resentment on her face. She was jealous that her father in particular kept saying how amazing i was for her but she probably never got that from him herself growing up. Nothing i could do about that. And here we are 4 months no contact. A process i had to insist on as she kept contacting me after breaking with me. Clearly she wasn't sure but it's too late now. I've moved on and I've come to terms with not being the one at fault despite her efforts to fault find with me.
As an FA, i was slapped in the face when i cried a few times and i started locking myself away very young. Surely this is a big part of my avoidance
May he overcome his fear and his anger and let me in.
May he reach out to me, very very very soon!
May he recognize how amazing our friendship really truly is 🙏🏻.
May he understand and realize how much he loves me
and cares about me and misses me. Misses us.
Oh dear, may you find the strength to realise you deserve better and move on.
Don't know if it was a slow fade exactly. For me it was more like pushing me away with very disrespectful behaviors and inconsistency until I blocked her because I didnt know what else to do anymore.. It felt like still entertaining her would slowly erode all my self esteem.
That sounds more like a narcissist than an avoidant.
@gavinwilliams1687 maybe the label doesnt even matter. It was a horrible experience. But it felt more like a person with very low self esteem that sabotages intimacy in a very cruel way. I dont know if narcs also have histories of self harm for example.
There is no point wasting time and energy trying to keep😮 someone that you are not compatible with . Let them find emotionally unavailable p partners to ..
Facts...
Jesus - this is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. But Ryan, there must have been something that triggered it, no? My ex was £30k in debt and I think he hadn’t been paying his mortgage so perhaps he was at risk of losing his home, and was too ashamed to tell me? Guess I’ll never know.
When they slow fade, they can come back? Cause when my gf end it she was so happy about it and looked like she moved on inmediatly.
It was a 6 years relationship, and the first one for both, me, being anxious i feel like i never existed for her,its amazing and hurts so bad. For the first month i begged, now i really started no contact, maybe it's too late to get her back because i begged and that pushed her away more but at least its not to late to get me back
My husband does this to me and then 12 years later 6 times of asking me for a divorce and me trying to fix everything. He’s finally done because we are in a separation agreement and I am not trying to fix it this time, just trying to meet the agreement.
It sounds like you're talking about my soon to be ex husband :/
i did this but to be fair she called me a dumb twat and when she called i didn’t get an apology just more attacks from nowhere
I sincerely hope you’ve gone no contact with this person who has proven she is completely unworthy of ever having the privilege to speak to you again. She is verbally abusive. Maybe the reason she came into your life is to teach you how to stand up for yourself and how important that is. Just my two cents.
Your maniacal hand movements are so distracting in an otherwise fascinating video.
Close your eyes and listen. Problem solved.