How You Can Control Your Emotions with Dr. Fox - Affective Regulation
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- Опубликовано: 30 май 2024
- Pre-order my latest BPD workbook at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
This video discusses How You Can Control Your Emotions. The emotional dysregulation you feel is a huge part of BPD and it's often associated with many maladaptive beliefs, behaviors, and patterns to control core content,which are those underlying issues that impact how you see yourself and others.
The worksheets are available at: www.drdfox.com/worksheets
Emotion regulation describes a person’s ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. We all use unconscious emotion regulation strategies to cope with difficult situations many times throughout each day.
In this video I provide you with questions to help you explore your emotion dysregulation and encourage your emotion regulation.
Additional tips for regulating emotions:
Take Care of Your Physical Needs: Getting a good night’s rest, eating healthfully, and exercising your body are all essential to being able to feel satisfaction in life. We’ve all noticed how much better we can feel after having a good night of restful sleep or after eating a diet of healthy foods. It can be as though we have an entirely fresh perspective on life and it is much easier to overlook the little things that might have annoyed or upset us otherwise.
• Engage in activities that build a sense of achievement: Doing one positive thing every day can lead to a sense of achievement and contentment. We can each benefit from paying more attention to the positive events in our lives. The things that bring us joy have been shown to decrease negative moods and increase positive moods.
• It’s easier to change thoughts than feelings: Thoughts play a critical role in how we experience a situation. When you notice yourself first becoming upset, try to evaluate what you are thinking that is causing that emotion.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available May 1, 2019, but you can pre-order it now at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RUclips: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
FYI: There was an error in the original of this video, the emotions thermometer was blackened out on accident. It is fixed in this video.
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You are the reason I'm still breathing.
Me too
Hearing your words during this fit of rage I'm experiencing right now ended my "attack" and I immediately felt so low and terrible. But I'm so thankful because I know this episode has passed.
+Jen C that’s awesome. If you were able to do it once, you’ll be able to do twice and so on. Stay strong and keep at it!
Never feel.low and terrible. Sometimes certain things need to be said. Never feel bad when you are expressing yourself. There are all.sorts of manipulations that families do to one another. Then they do the same thing to friends. Sometimes it's best to walk away and continue the conversation later on. There are times when two sides need to sit down and discuss the situation. Unconfronted feelings are usually the source of misunderstandings..one more thing I always say is this: an apology can go a LON G WAY..
I come here when I want to end it all. I hate my brain I hate my lack of control. I hate feeling everything and nothing. You help me calm down...thank you!
Your videos are really helping me, can't thank you enough.
Again you managed to provide me with very important information and tools, always with that calming way of talking. You don't look down at us, but straight in the eyes where you convey a feeling of compassion and wanting to truly help. Thank You, you're doing important work and from the heart, to somebody like me with trust issues, somebody like me that always tries to understand the true soul behind the words, this is a Good Thing. Blessings to the kindhearted.
Yes! Thank You All! Blessings Always!💞💪🙏
I struggle with alot and I was diagnosed 1 year ago with BPD, your videos help me to see that there are ways to cope, and I am so thankful for them because I am terrified when I go through really intense episodes of overwhelming emotions... I have almost succeeded in taking my life 4 times in the past two years and I don't want to die.. I'm very open to taking your videos to heart and giving my all.. having these issues because I have endured 20 years of abuse, isnt easy at all and I'm finally ready to fight for me and change myself, mainly because if something doesn't change, I can't see myself making it past 30. I really appreciate you!! You give me hope!!!
I’m so glad my material is helpful. Be well.
I was dealing with a situation like this earlier today and it made me realize that my reactions have very little to do with reality. As soon as I start interpreting a situation, my thoughts sweep me off my feet. What I ended up doing was using mindfulness to just sit and accept the emotion rather than judge or suppress it. It helped a bit but I have a feeling that I'm going to be referring back to these worksheets the next time this happens.
That's awesome and keep it up. Practice is so important.
Thanks, these are very helpful, long overdue (We should learn this stuff in early school years), I am 37 now and only just learning how to control my emotions rather than them controlling me, strange that I can program a computer, but not calm myself when I feel stressed. It is all skills, but must be natural to most people or it would be taught young right?
I get stuck! When I get emotional and need to think things through it is usually when I can’t get out to go for a walk or remove my situation. For an example I could be at work. I have BPD although I try not to have that work as an excuse for my rocky behavior. I don’t know how to deregulate when I can’t get away from the person I am responding to. I am a manager of a restaurant sort of get the challenge daily. I want to thank you so much for doing these mini sessions for all of us. I can’t find a physiologist in my area to help me with DBT and your videos are very helpful.
hi i am in the same place.Any tips?
It's so frustrating because I'm aware of being triggered on one level, but on another level I often can't control the urge to react because people make me so damned mad.
I don’t have any mental illness that I know of. I’m here desperately learning so I can make it work with my recently diagnosed Ex with BPD. Something that I have realized about myself is that I almost have too much control over my emotions to the point where I feel upset that I don’t get to experience them with the same intensity that others get to. What I mean is that some thing severely and thoroughly may hurt me and I have that desire to cry for a sweet release of pain but either my body or my mind does not let me. This happens with other emotions like rage also. I always find myself wishing that I was able to feel my emotions like other people do because on the rare occasions that I do get to it feels very relieving.
Consciousness, Consciousness, Consciousness. When you are triggered by another’s behavior look within yourself for the fear you need to overcome. Become conscious of it - consciousness makes it appear - then your higher mind will be in the lead and not the lower mind. Higher mind = Higher things
I overshare as someone with BPD, always was giving to selfish ppl & getting nothing in return...but I always am respectful to others, unless it's a partner that is a narcissist then I become a complete monster. However, I've had so many relationships with narcissists that I know when to leave & go no contact now...since the relationship is about them, (gaslighting, projecting, mimicking, smearing, falsely accusing me, etc)I learned not to take it personally... They are in a relationship with themselves & scapegoaters. I deserve respect & acknowledgement, we all do. Everyone is so much happier without a nutcase/psychotic narcissist in their life.
Putting emotions into words is so difficult for me...it feels like that part of my brain is broken...if that makes any sense
use a dictionary
I have the same problem!
I JUST got diagnosed with BPD. Thank you so much for these informational videos
I do need a sense of achievement every day. Thank you, Dr. Fox :D
We all do. Stay strong and keep it up.
My man dealt with this tonight. I cried for an hour and a half because he was emotionally intense, and I nor his parents couldn't help him. I was so hurt for his parents. I will look into therapy with him tomorrow. He went from age 30 to 10 in 5 seconds.
Thank you for the video. Could you please make video about sleep hygiene? I feel like a lot of people underestimate effects of sleep deprivation or sleeping too much on mental health.
I sure will and I agree.
You provide excellent, relavant information in a straightforward manner with such warmth and compassion in your tone! Bless you sir! You are doing a work that is vitally needed in this world.
This man is brilliant in his ability to understand
This is the perfect video for me to listen to because there are times I react very strongly and experience very intense emotions and I think the worst one that I have a hard time dealing with is emotional hurt like the loss of a loved one or if a friend is mad at me and not on talking terms with me, I hate that pain, I cover it up with being angry and mean and it's become such a habit for me to act this way in the last 18 years that now it's hard to get out of it. I actually decided last year around this time when my cat died, that instead of getting mean or trying to run away from the hurt that I'd just let myself hurt and it didn't go over too well, I felt sick, couldn't eat, and I just wanted to lay in bed and hide from the world, it really took the wind out of me to feel such hurt and sorrow, I don't regret it per say, but it was a very intense feeling.
I can't thank you enough for your videos.
I needed this, because my emotions are making me feel like ";" this doesn't belong in my life.
I was actually in need of these advices, thank you!
I’m diagnosed with GAD and BPD, I’ll start DBT group soon, I’m on the list already but even though I’ll 31 soon I don’t see that it can help me, but I’m still looking forward it...
What I use as of now, short-term? Alcohol....you are one of my hero!!! Thank you so much! You ARe Appreciated Dr Fox!!!
Stay the course and DBT is pretty great. Do your best and try to replace the alcohol with something more positive, such as exercise, yoga, meditation, even book clubs or social gatherings without alcohol. Alcohol is a social nucleus, which can make it even harder to get away from. I wish you well.
Dr. Daniel Fox
I don’t go to clubs or anything like that(that always ended horribly, I’m still wondering how I’m not in jail or I didn’t end up with many STDs, even though I never planned whatever I ended up doing), for me alcohol is to shut down my thoughts, I have problem going to sleep because my mind cannot rest, so I drink so I can get my mind off of thinking...that’s when I relax, be able to watch Netflix. I should be telling myself , “it’ll pass, it’ll pass”....it’s a huge cycle, I keep thinking I don’t have a purpose, I’m not being a positive building part of society, if I’m in relationship I don’t trust so I be called “the crazy train”, “the psycho”, “the crazy girlfriend”...so no matter what I do, I end up hurting myself...and yes, I look like an emotionless person, shifting from being a cuddly cat that just wants to be hidden and being so fragile to the screaming abusive crazy, who doesn’t care, but inside I’m suffering so so much I can’t even start to describe...but it’s great that now I see that the problem is me and not others...it’s so complex and when I listen to your videos and how much you understand us, it’s just unbelievable how a mentally healthy person like you can feel us...some videos of yours even made me cry because you make me feel understood and didn’t feel that lost....
I really can’t tell you how much I appreciate your dedication and believing in us!! Thank You again!
DBT saved me. It really helped me, when I tried everything else
@@zsuzsannamolnar1329 How you doing today?
@@zsuzsannamolnar1329 Reading about you it's like my biography. I've started with MBT but quit after few sessions.
Your videos are my survival guide; THANK YOU!
Thank you! Please do video about sleep hygiene
You Sir are the expert in this field. I refer many sufferers of BPD to your channel. Nobody does it like you.
Dr. Fox, you are so very helpful. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful! You’re welcome.
Very helpful videos. I'm recovering from years of IV opiate addiction. I've been regulating my outward emotions better, but I have pain in my chest often from directing that inward... Sleep regulation is a great point too.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much to fix about myself I don't even want to bother 🙄
Educational videos like this make it seem manageable, if I know what is happening for me and why, I can at least know what direction I'm heading for.
Also makes the most of counseling since I'm a bit more informed, we don't waste time explaining basic concepts.
Thanks very much 👍
I watch your videos almost every time I'm having a bad bpd episodes. They are so helpful and you are so calming and insightful. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your videos. Right now I'm having a very difficult time with my bpd.
Thank you for telling me to feel good about the things I CAN do. That means a lot because I'm not just juggling with BPD, but I have MS as well.
I've watched this a few times now and have used the techniques you describe here and I'm so pleased with my new reactions. I've more often than not reacted to situations with "people in authority" I.e. Doctors/bosses/perceived authority very strongly with tears mostly and since implementing this particular technique I was able to see a physician and voice concerns I have without reacting strongly to my perceived abandonment (not feeling heard or validated about my concerns). Thank you so much!!!!
That is so awesome. I am so filled with pride and excitement for you. Keep it up!!! :)
You learn these techniques in DBT it saved me. Learning real coping skills.
which particular technique?
Fantastic! Thank you :)
hi just feeling overwhelmed now and saw your video .... luckily i am over from substance abuse and self harm phase but still i do have issues in regulating my emotions now instead of behave in a extreme manner i do get immensely depressed, which results in restless sleep and loss of apetite i dont like anything to do even those strategies donot work at that moment it makes me stuck and i just feel like these emotions are sucking me from inside ..... and the hardest part is being a bpd its really hard for me to recognize these emotions and even there wasn't any visible triggers .... recently i just had a breakup and whenever i feel overwhelmed i have the strongest urge to go back to that abusive relationship as i feel i m not good enough i m worthless nobody loves me ... and that extreme need of love just sucking my all energy
This is extremely helpful
Your videos have been so helpful especially lately thank you💖
Thank you Dr Fox
Thank you this is indeed helpful!
Fantastic information ty!!
Very helpful
Very , very helpful.
The stop light was something I had never heard of before, but for me really helps and is very effective
Can you do a video about structural dissociation / fragmentation in BPD , and it difference with DID?
Thank you
I found your videos a few days ago. & I already watched so many of your videos. Thank you so much!!! Helped me SO much. Pretty much obsessed with you now lol
You have such a gift for understanding Bpd! It is a life sentence but you have given me hope!!
Just discovered your videos they have been very very helpful cannot thank you enough
This video is so helpful and practical not just for BPD but also for teens and children to learn (traffic light) in regards to conflict in the classroom.
Very helpful! I really appreciate your compassion and the tone of your voice, I found it to have a calming effect on my anxiety and my blood pressure lowered drastically, it's wonderful to feel some relief, thank you so much! I know you must be extremely busy, but do you by any chance do any guided meditations, mantras, or hypnosis videos? Cuz I bet they'd be awesome! 😬 I still can't believe how much calmer I feel right now, amazing! Thanks again!
Dr. fox you are the Man! I very much appreciate these videos; they are helping me grown exponentially.
Thank you for another wonderful video! Your content and worksheets are always a huge help in setting up my day/resetting after an episode toward a grounded and positive orientation. :)
Thank you for your kind words.
Hey. Which worksheets exactly?
Fantastic video SO helpful. I love how you break it down and give a clear picture of the process that takes place during an emotional episode. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge.
+Cheryl Rajewski you’re welcome and thanks for the kind words.
The questions and diagrams help tremendously when dealing with my own clients. Thank you Dr Fox.
Great stuffs... I believe that if you can master this, you can go very far in every aspects of your life...
Thank you for all that you do. I will try these. I get triggered most when I am afraid of abandonment and being left all alone. It will also be good to try to understand why I react the way I do. I wonder if you have any videos that might help me understand why I'm so afraid of being abandoned?
Youre the best, Dr. Fox. This is why I want to buy your workbook!
Sounds good!
Thanks & good job. I'm working on healing from toxic relationships. I do feel more isolated as I educate myself on toxic people (narcissists). It's tough finding the balance between not settling for a toxic relationship (home, work, etc.) and accepting one that is good enough.
Great video 💕💕💕
Thanks for coming
Another good video and because of the issues in my marriage, my emotions do get overwhelming and i express my hurt and anxiety by lashing out at friends and can be very argumentative as well as defensive and this stuff with my marriage cuts deep into my core content because in my childhood i was neglected and singled out for being "different" and i felt i wasnt treated as an equal and felt my feelings were not considered or cared as much as the feelings of others, therefore i engaged in the behaviors i engage in and it causes my defenses to go up. If i feel like im being treated as less than others, i will go from 0 to 60 in no time and I'm a little triggered tonight but im taking a step back, listening to what you're saying, yes these tools are useful and i will indeed try them to regulate my emotions, thank you again Dr Fox, i told my counselor who i do DBT with about you and he thinks its a very good idea that i watch your videos and says it will be a good help for me with my bpd.
I watched this before but i tend to watch your videos more than once because sometimes its the only thing keeping me from doing maladaptive behaviors.... Like tonight.
I find when i feel someone e doesent believe me i get overwhelmed and disociate, disociation is my go to immediately, when i exsperence my emotions its like being waterboarded if i know im going to cry i panic and then disociate guess thats a cycle.. Being vunerable is the hardest i cant... Anger so much easier lol but once i reach a peak i disociate. Avoidance and disociate.....
Thank you Dr Fox, your videos help me.
You are very welcome
Thanks
Wow. Thank you so much for supporting the channel.
Thank you so much, theese were so helpful!
Please make more videos. I recently just burned bridges due to my obsession over someone. I think i really might be borderline. Im tryna make amends and let everything boil over the next few days and months but i feel immense guilt for being so manipulative. Help
Hi Dr Fox, thank you for this video! Can you please re post the links for this video
You to have a good day
+Hk sabek thanks 🙏
Thanks Dr.Fox for these helpful videos that I learned a lot.I have a daughter which shows some traits of BPD but she resists to see a DBT therapist.How can I persuade her to do that.She does not accept that she a problem.
Thanks for responding me.
What do you do if you are mentally ill and in treatment and the people around you torment you and deliberately hurt you ?
I am in NYC
I CALLED APS and they didn't resolve the matter
Sometimes my emotions are so strong, and yet so changing, that it feels like I'm different people, and I can barely recognise myself.
This is really common and I think that it relates to the unstable self image that a lot of individuals experience. I wish you all the best.
Sir please make a video on the fear of losing loved ones .
I have too much energy in my body.I am living in anger and dependent on my emotions I struggle to control.It seems like my brain keeps producing chemicals to keep me always nervous,anxious,and "ready for battle".My body is playing against me.I had the trauma when I was 6,mother left for another country and nobody told me until I found out beacuse they knew how much I would have suffered.We were very deeply connected and all of a sudden I was left alone(with family but not my mother).The radical separation was so bad,I was hospitalized (6yold) many times because of crying and respiratory issues caused by constantly crying.
Interesting , I wish there could have been some more anecdotal emotional regulation techniques instead of emotional deregulation explanations .. the kindness technique was good for banking some positive emotion and the red light analogy was excellent but I feel like is was a after thought is this podcast instead of being the most important point .. we need tools and this was a good start.
These videos are so helpful. But today I totally went over the deep end (episodes all day long over and over) even thinking/talking about suicide which I try to avoid talking about when possible (it scares people/pushes them away). My husband says my bpd should be an easy fix because I just need to minimize my emotions (and then all other symptoms will subside apparently if I do that)but it seems so hard if not impossible. When I talk about suicide he isn’t comforting at all bc he feels like he’s encouraging the disorder. But then it feels like I have no support. He says it doesn’t seem like I’m trying but I really am and it’s so hard. It feels like the emotion intensifies so quickly. Ugh idk just feel so discouraged :( I’m totally fine when I’m not in an episode but when I am it feels like my world is ending :(
+Leah S perhaps he’d be willing to do couples therapy. I wish you well.
Dr. Daniel Fox he’s watched all your videos about BPD so he thinks he fully understands the disorder so I don’t think he would want to. Thanks for replying, it’s nice to have someone that understands us and cares to help since most people think we are crazy and disastrous.
Hi Daniel. Do you have any videos about when your loved ones can’t handle your reactions, so they need to take a time out? This triggers a lot of abandonment feelings, and I know you have many videos about that, but I’m looking for something specifically about when the BPD episodes are too much for loved ones, and how to have understanding and have compassion for them when they do that, without feeling like I am a terrible, harmful person. Perhaps that is something that many of your videos address, but wasn’t sure if you hone in on that particular subject in any particular video. Thanks!! :)
Do a video about sleep. Please!!
Dear Dr Fox, I suffer from severe health anxiety ( mostly about cancer) and everytime I feel a symptom, I need to make sure it's not cancer, (blood tests, scans MRI's etc etc). My fear is so overwhelming that I cannot function unless I've ruled out a disease. How am I supposed to regulate those fears. Thank you
Can you do a video on borderpolar (borderline personality disorder and bipolar ) at the same time
I was diagnosed 2 months ago. I'm 50 years old and just now finding out how many mistakes I've made. My family is gone. I've isolated so much that they were all I had. I don't know how to recover from this loss.
I hope you find the videos helpful and use them as resources to do things differently. I wish you all the best.
Omg I haven’t watched you in awhile :3
How to understand why i react so strongly to my ex husband manipulations?
Hi Dr. Fox, i am looking for the worksheets for the emotional thermometer and for the red light, green light, yellow light. are they on your website?
I don’t know what is wrong with me but I can never find them and I’m too embarrassed to ask so I give up. So glad someone else cannot find them.
Have you had any luck since ?
Let me guess 5 foot 8... am i right bro? love your vids.. Extremely helpful
I dont understand about the red light part. Arent stopping and removing are also considered action? Cuz I give up on people and situations whenever I feel overwhelmed to maintain the calm state but that doesn't help me at all besides making me hating myself more and being isolated and hurting people... Or did I misunderstood?
The stop light is a method to determine if you should engage and assess the situation.
Unable to find worksheets
Its very hard for me to handle fear. Very very hard
Is it possible to accidentally transfer a trauma bond from your npd ex to a new partner (living in a memory)?
Complex PTSD also can cause emotional dysregulation.
I awoke, only to find my lungs empty;
And through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing;
And now my dreams, are nothing like they were meant to be;
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down.
And I'm afraid, to sleep because of what haunts me
Such as, living with the uncertainty
That'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain, just how I'm breaking down.
Someone come and come and save my life!
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides.
And all the worries that occupy the back of my mind...
Could it be, this misery will suffice?
I've become a simple souvenir of someone's kill,
And ike the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill;
Madness fills my heart and soul as if the
Great divide could swallow me whole, oh how I'm breaking down.
Someone come and someone come and save my life.
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead but now it's like the night is taking sides.
And all the worries that occupy the back of my mind;
Could it be, this misery will suffice?
Someone come and, someone come and save my life..
Could it be, this misery will suffice?
- Sleeping sickness by City And Colour (Dallas Green)
😃
Strategy: self pep talk
When he sandwiches you between you and your ex wife it’s a bloody issue. I understand they have a kid together. You can discuss about raising a child. But they talk frequently and occasionally like bffs. So why TF did you divorce. ?
Next I move in. I understand it’s a household before I came. But I thought we should set healthy rules and boundaries but nope. Left me to deal with everything on me own.
So when I flip. I get scarfed down and blame. And stonewalled.
Like this is t a supportive partner.
And it triggered all this crap.
💓💓💓💓💓
Ive been conditioned to feel sad when I see his face 😂
Hahaahahahahaaha my emotions control me hahahahhaha
When you reason yourself into self harm... ugh...
Thank you Dr Fox