My favorite part of therapy is being like "I did this hard thing, it was scary, it sucked, but I did it." And then we celebrate doing the thing. Best part of therapy.
Honestly sharing the gossip and drama with my therapist is so therapeutic! To see her face when I tell her the real time crap my family pulls. I need that feedback that is not okay. I know they're off but he response makes me feel not crazy. I'm not crazy. I've just got family members that make me feel that way. 😂
I think one of the most important things my therapist did for me was to witness my grief and believe me. No one had ever done that for me before. I wasn't allowed to be sad or hurt, or be myself. She showed me I was important enough to listen to. And we laugh a lot! She loves my kids, she cares about me, and I hope everyone can have a therapist as good as she is.
nothing hits the same as when I’m having an okay enough week to talk about good/fun stuff in therapy. or when I really don’t feel up to dealing with things and I decide I’m going to play show and tell with squishmallows/books/basketball cards instead of pushing myself to process. and sometimes show and tell warms me up to talk about the big stuff that’s sitting there feeling scary!
Yes yes yes. Once you are stable, some people need therapy to stay out of crisis. PTSD is like this for me. It's really easy to slip back into the ugly and mean thoughts/behavior patterns without good support and reminders from your T.
13:00 As a kid, I tried to explain that I'm not a broken dishwasher that needs fixing. I was told to just let negative comments, feelings, and experiences go, like water flowing off a duck's back. So i learned to be stoic, silent, and hidden while paddling like mad underneath, to extend the simile- mixed-metaphor.
Amazing video, Mickey. I found with therapy that it made me realize how to create a great life and choose better people - my therapist was my first ever, handpicked, personally invited, salt of the earth human to be a community member in my community. And she was the foundation on how I started choosing people and experiences based on my true value and core values thereafter.
Oh gosh, I wasn’t expecting to get emotional during this video, but the last point about recognizing that behaviours that we are unsatisfied with now, probably served a purpose for us in the past, hit me. I grew up in an emotionally heavy environment and was part of “helping” a parent through some super heavy stuff, so a lot of my later years as a tween/teen, I kind of mentally checked out and would end up watching a lot of tv and staying up late reading. I got some shame from family members and internalized that for myself. I was shamed for not knowing how to get places when I was learning to drive, because I had always had my head in a book when we would drive anywhere and shamed for being glued to the tv instead of going outside or doing something “fun”. But I think after hearing Mickey talking about past behaviours, I think that I was trying to cope with sh*t by going into another world. I found safety in watching tv, somewhere that I could relax and just not think about things. And that doesn’t mean I should feel ashamed, but rather show myself compassion for doing what I could to survive stuff. I still have that fear of being alone with my thoughts, but it is no longer helpful for me, and I’m working on changing that habit and learning to cope in ways that are more helpful to me.
My favorite part of therapy that I didn't expect was just being able to sit and talk about my craft projects that I'm up to and have my therapist suggest different craft stores for me to investigate and check out. Its almost like a way of bringing me back to reality without having to do a mindfulness exercise. Talking about the city we live in, mentioning places and recalling the area around it, and talking about projects (color, texture, tools and their textures and stuff) was just so grounding in a way I didn't realize it could be. Brought a whole new understanding to me and I really did not expect talking about crocheting and quilting in therapy to do that to me lol
This was definitely a good video- definitely like this content. --- And after years now, I am finally speaking up in therapy and finding boundaries and such- at 40. I sent her an e-mail a few days after a session when I realized that the homework she suggest (which she rarely does) really upset me, and then she actually called me, I was so panicked that she was upset or annoyed by my e-mail, when it turns out she apologized and said that she might have suggested xyz because she has a friend that it worked for and "projected" that onto me. Totally warped my brain. A few years early I would have done it, never questioned it, and be upset and just kept plugging along because she was an "expert" - finally now...saying the things and being surprised she doesn't hate me for it, but actually apologized. In the past when I would say something to a friend like that- they would just get pissed and stop being my friend.
Every time I have told myself that maybe I didn't need therapy and that I was ok and probably just being dramatic, I was so not ok and definitely needed therapy and just continued to be in distress until I was doing poorly enough that there was no way to deny it. Even when I know that it's ok to ask for help and that I deserve access to those services, in those moments my internalized mental health stigma sometimes just pops out and does its thing (and, well, capitalism, we can't forget capitalism).
Most of my therapy breakthroughs occur between sessions. I chew over what the therapist said, and slowly wear down my resistance. Plus when I’m alone I’m comfortable crying so processing things alone has that benefit.
My therapist "triggered me" when she told me that I need to accept that the problem I was dealing with was not within my control, as she called it "Serenity prayer work". I was so angry because I already felt so helpless. But it was so true. It took me SO LONG to realize that she was the ONLY person telling me that hard truth.
My therapist has laughed at me out loud at times, bc either my or my people have a hilarious moment. I'm lucky, she's in my corner in the good, bad, and trauma
I needed this. I have therapy tomorrow and I have no idea wtf we're going to talk about and I'd been wondering this morning if this meant I was doing something wrong
6. I didn't know it was trauma I was experiencing in childhood - it FELT traumatic, but it was always about how I and my feelings were wrong - but I am very much aware of it now, and how what little autonomy I gained through blood, sweat, and tears, I have since lost due to capitalism and my family. Yet I can sometimes still be blindsided by how I'm treated by family. I don't forget: it's just impossible to be on high alert 24/7/365 for a while lifetime. Very much needed this video today, Mickey. Love your hair and your attitudes in these vids . . . I'm having A Very Bad Day today. Love to you, your spouse, and kitties and dog.❤
Yes to #3! In my therapy experience in the past, I at first complained about feeling so exhausted and upset after leaving therapy sessions. I didn't realize that there was so much that I hadn't processed that we had to kind of "go there" with my thoughts and feelings to unpack them which was triggering hence the exhaustion and crummy feelings in the beginning. Also, I think of the underlying trauma as a kind of bomb that's just waiting to explode. We spend our lives trying to keep the bomb from going off in our work, parenting, schooling, marriage, etc. But what I found (can't speak for anyone else) is that therapy was a safe place to "let the bomb explode." Therapy is the safe place to be completely overwhelmed until you can take back control of your own narrative.
This is one my favorite videos on the channel. I’m between jobs and therefore insurance and therapists, but these are great things to carry with me into the next season. I love that last point especially.
8:41 I wish more understood this because way too many of my therapists have just tried to shut down therapy when I am in a bad spot and angry at everyone, not even being rude to them or yelling they just ask if I want this session to end, why would u de-escalate so drastically, it makes 0 sense.
I've been in therapy for a long long time. I know the issues and am very open about what is still a big issue. It's frustrating because it's still there! Now I'm dealing with taking care of my stroke patient husband and the 24/7 indescribable crushing stress I'm having to juggle. Therapy now keeps me off the ledge. Yea, ouch. I've been told that I work very very hard at finding the answers and don't shy away! Am I alone?
I really wish I could have gotten therapy to work! I went to a handful over a couple of years, but it made me feel worse and worse until I was so burnt out it was hard to survive. Yet I see other people making a lot of progress and….I’m just really jealous.
Therapy can be fun: I'm grappling with a recent OCD diagnosis, and yesterday I accidentally figured out how I can explain it to myself and others. My therapist said it can help to name your OCD so you can address it and say things like "John is being a dick today." Lightning struck, and I announced that I would name my OCD Ben Shapiro! So we spend most of the rest of the session finding creative ways and reasons to say "F*** you, Ben Shapiro!!!" Made my day :)
Fyi, calling it Ben Shapiro explains OCD: It's a voice that isn't your own that gets stuck in your brain and convinces you that terrible things are correct based on half truths and terrible logic that is juuuust scary enough that you can't ignore it. It makes your world smaller for no good reason and paranoid about the world. It looks like it's reasonable on the outside, but it's all performative and the root of the content is bull.
I am starting therapy at the end of the month and even though i have gone before that was a long time ago and a lot has changed. I am looking forward to the journey
I need therapy but I’ve been nervous about really sharing my thoughts and my true feelings. I’ve been so used to numbing myself and burying my feeling that the thought of accessing that part of my brain is scary. I work in psychiatry and I know it’s helpful and have helped other but it’s hard to take that first step.
Something I actually would like some insight on…I don’t know if my therapist crossed a line recently? She generally has a more blunt, tough love approach, and recently, because I let my own issues get in the way, I came very close to sabotaging a HUGE opportunity I was chosen for at work. I was telling my therapist about it, and she reacted in a way that felt aggressive? She said, “yeah, I’m going to roast you for this, how stupid could you be?? You let your emotions get in the way, and you showed that to your colleagues and you undermined your supervisor!” she had been hard on me before but this felt way more intense. I shut down a little bit and set a boundary with her saying, “listen, I’m trying to be present here but I’m feeling attacked by what you just said and I’m really overwhelmed and have a lot of emotions going on so can we lighten things please?” and she praised me for setting boundaries with her and became more gentle with me. She apologized but she said that she did what she did on purpose to get me to process my emotions. I don’t know if that was an appropriate approach though 😕
I don't know how using "stupid" could be okay, unless she was joking maybe? If you are happy with her overall maybe tell her it bugs you what she said and why, it could be worth the discomfort to clear the air.
Unless you were being a bigot or something, I really don't think it's appropriate for your therapist to call you stupid, nor do I find it reasonable for her to expect your trust and goodwill after she called you that. I also don't find it very competent if she thinks that the way to help you process your emotions is by shaming you rather than figure out how to help you navigate them without 'roasting' you.
I personally wouldn't return if a therapist acted like that towards me... I know for a fact that would make me cry... I personally would find a new therapist.
I had a strange experience with my last therapist where she never seemed to challenge anything I did or said - unless it was obviously bad self-talk. That’s not right, right?
obviously im not a professional or know anything abt ur situation but as a Professional Therapy User (joke) that doesn’t seem right lol. at least in my experience with a therapist i’ve enjoyed working with she always has like. stuff to say and talk about and explore
Hi Mickey, new subby here! Have you ever reviewed or done a video on God Is Gray? I think she is a progressive Christian and has had people upset with her lately. I would love to hear your take on her. 🌻
My favorite part of therapy is being like "I did this hard thing, it was scary, it sucked, but I did it." And then we celebrate doing the thing. Best part of therapy.
Honestly sharing the gossip and drama with my therapist is so therapeutic! To see her face when I tell her the real time crap my family pulls. I need that feedback that is not okay. I know they're off but he response makes me feel not crazy. I'm not crazy. I've just got family members that make me feel that way. 😂
I think one of the most important things my therapist did for me was to witness my grief and believe me. No one had ever done that for me before. I wasn't allowed to be sad or hurt, or be myself. She showed me I was important enough to listen to. And we laugh a lot! She loves my kids, she cares about me, and I hope everyone can have a therapist as good as she is.
This **definitely** came around at the right time for me as I'm starting my first session next month and I didn't know what to expect.
nothing hits the same as when I’m having an okay enough week to talk about good/fun stuff in therapy.
or when I really don’t feel up to dealing with things and I decide I’m going to play show and tell with squishmallows/books/basketball cards instead of pushing myself to process. and sometimes show and tell warms me up to talk about the big stuff that’s sitting there feeling scary!
Yes!! As a therapist and a client these sessions are so life giving. That’s usually the case too that it helps loosen things up a bit!
Yes yes yes. Once you are stable, some people need therapy to stay out of crisis. PTSD is like this for me. It's really easy to slip back into the ugly and mean thoughts/behavior patterns without good support and reminders from your T.
13:00 As a kid, I tried to explain that I'm not a broken dishwasher that needs fixing. I was told to just let negative comments, feelings, and experiences go, like water flowing off a duck's back. So i learned to be stoic, silent, and hidden while paddling like mad underneath, to extend the simile- mixed-metaphor.
Amazing video, Mickey. I found with therapy that it made me realize how to create a great life and choose better people - my therapist was my first ever, handpicked, personally invited, salt of the earth human to be a community member in my community. And she was the foundation on how I started choosing people and experiences based on my true value and core values thereafter.
Oh gosh, I wasn’t expecting to get emotional during this video, but the last point about recognizing that behaviours that we are unsatisfied with now, probably served a purpose for us in the past, hit me.
I grew up in an emotionally heavy environment and was part of “helping” a parent through some super heavy stuff, so a lot of my later years as a tween/teen, I kind of mentally checked out and would end up watching a lot of tv and staying up late reading. I got some shame from family members and internalized that for myself. I was shamed for not knowing how to get places when I was learning to drive, because I had always had my head in a book when we would drive anywhere and shamed for being glued to the tv instead of going outside or doing something “fun”.
But I think after hearing Mickey talking about past behaviours, I think that I was trying to cope with sh*t by going into another world. I found safety in watching tv, somewhere that I could relax and just not think about things. And that doesn’t mean I should feel ashamed, but rather show myself compassion for doing what I could to survive stuff.
I still have that fear of being alone with my thoughts, but it is no longer helpful for me, and I’m working on changing that habit and learning to cope in ways that are more helpful to me.
My favorite part of therapy that I didn't expect was just being able to sit and talk about my craft projects that I'm up to and have my therapist suggest different craft stores for me to investigate and check out. Its almost like a way of bringing me back to reality without having to do a mindfulness exercise. Talking about the city we live in, mentioning places and recalling the area around it, and talking about projects (color, texture, tools and their textures and stuff) was just so grounding in a way I didn't realize it could be. Brought a whole new understanding to me and I really did not expect talking about crocheting and quilting in therapy to do that to me lol
This was definitely a good video- definitely like this content. --- And after years now, I am finally speaking up in therapy and finding boundaries and such- at 40. I sent her an e-mail a few days after a session when I realized that the homework she suggest (which she rarely does) really upset me, and then she actually called me, I was so panicked that she was upset or annoyed by my e-mail, when it turns out she apologized and said that she might have suggested xyz because she has a friend that it worked for and "projected" that onto me. Totally warped my brain. A few years early I would have done it, never questioned it, and be upset and just kept plugging along because she was an "expert" - finally now...saying the things and being surprised she doesn't hate me for it, but actually apologized. In the past when I would say something to a friend like that- they would just get pissed and stop being my friend.
Every time I have told myself that maybe I didn't need therapy and that I was ok and probably just being dramatic, I was so not ok and definitely needed therapy and just continued to be in distress until I was doing poorly enough that there was no way to deny it. Even when I know that it's ok to ask for help and that I deserve access to those services, in those moments my internalized mental health stigma sometimes just pops out and does its thing (and, well, capitalism, we can't forget capitalism).
Most of my therapy breakthroughs occur between sessions. I chew over what the therapist said, and slowly wear down my resistance. Plus when I’m alone I’m comfortable crying so processing things alone has that benefit.
Everytime she talks about how you are allowed feel how you feel I start crying 👀
My therapist "triggered me" when she told me that I need to accept that the problem I was dealing with was not within my control, as she called it "Serenity prayer work". I was so angry because I already felt so helpless. But it was so true. It took me SO LONG to realize that she was the ONLY person telling me that hard truth.
My therapist has laughed at me out loud at times, bc either my or my people have a hilarious moment. I'm lucky, she's in my corner in the good, bad, and trauma
I love this video! Fellow licensed therapist here. Thank you so much for putting these concepts together in such a concise and approachable way!
Your hair looks so good.🌹🌹🌹
Thank you for being kind and educational to us. 💝
I needed this. I have therapy tomorrow and I have no idea wtf we're going to talk about and I'd been wondering this morning if this meant I was doing something wrong
6. I didn't know it was trauma I was experiencing in childhood - it FELT traumatic, but it was always about how I and my feelings were wrong - but I am very much aware of it now, and how what little autonomy I gained through blood, sweat, and tears, I have since lost due to capitalism and my family.
Yet I can sometimes still be blindsided by how I'm treated by family. I don't forget: it's just impossible to be on high alert 24/7/365 for a while lifetime.
Very much needed this video today, Mickey.
Love your hair and your attitudes in these vids . . . I'm having A Very Bad Day today.
Love to you, your spouse, and kitties and dog.❤
Yes to #3! In my therapy experience in the past, I at first complained about feeling so exhausted and upset after leaving therapy sessions. I didn't realize that there was so much that I hadn't processed that we had to kind of "go there" with my thoughts and feelings to unpack them which was triggering hence the exhaustion and crummy feelings in the beginning.
Also, I think of the underlying trauma as a kind of bomb that's just waiting to explode. We spend our lives trying to keep the bomb from going off in our work, parenting, schooling, marriage, etc. But what I found (can't speak for anyone else) is that therapy was a safe place to "let the bomb explode." Therapy is the safe place to be completely overwhelmed until you can take back control of your own narrative.
This is one my favorite videos on the channel. I’m between jobs and therefore insurance and therapists, but these are great things to carry with me into the next season. I love that last point especially.
8:41 I wish more understood this because way too many of my therapists have just tried to shut down therapy when I am in a bad spot and angry at everyone, not even being rude to them or yelling they just ask if I want this session to end, why would u de-escalate so drastically, it makes 0 sense.
do they want u to just take that anger home? damn. thats so unhealthy.
Babe wake up mickey dropped a vid!
This is such an informative video. You really have a great insight and approach to therapy - love it!
I've been in therapy for a long long time. I know the issues and am very open about what is still a big issue. It's frustrating because it's still there! Now I'm dealing with taking care of my stroke patient husband and the 24/7 indescribable crushing stress I'm having to juggle. Therapy now keeps me off the ledge. Yea, ouch. I've been told that I work very very hard at finding the answers and don't shy away! Am I alone?
I really wish I could have gotten therapy to work! I went to a handful over a couple of years, but it made me feel worse and worse until I was so burnt out it was hard to survive. Yet I see other people making a lot of progress and….I’m just really jealous.
Therapy can be fun: I'm grappling with a recent OCD diagnosis, and yesterday I accidentally figured out how I can explain it to myself and others. My therapist said it can help to name your OCD so you can address it and say things like "John is being a dick today." Lightning struck, and I announced that I would name my OCD Ben Shapiro! So we spend most of the rest of the session finding creative ways and reasons to say "F*** you, Ben Shapiro!!!" Made my day :)
Fyi, calling it Ben Shapiro explains OCD: It's a voice that isn't your own that gets stuck in your brain and convinces you that terrible things are correct based on half truths and terrible logic that is juuuust scary enough that you can't ignore it. It makes your world smaller for no good reason and paranoid about the world. It looks like it's reasonable on the outside, but it's all performative and the root of the content is bull.
I am starting therapy at the end of the month and even though i have gone before that was a long time ago and a lot has changed. I am looking forward to the journey
I always look forward to seeing a new video from you on Saturdays. :)
Honestly watching your videos is how I'm slowly working up the nerve to go
Thank you for the vid! I've been in therapy for a very long time and I appreciate u talking abt this matter
Would you be able to do a video on IFS? I’m doing that work with my therapist and it’s sooo healing. I would like to hear your take on it!
I need therapy but I’ve been nervous about really sharing my thoughts and my true feelings. I’ve been so used to numbing myself and burying my feeling that the thought of accessing that part of my brain is scary. I work in psychiatry and I know it’s helpful and have helped other but it’s hard to take that first step.
Thank you so much for this!!! ❤🙏❤️
Something I actually would like some insight on…I don’t know if my therapist crossed a line recently? She generally has a more blunt, tough love approach, and recently, because I let my own issues get in the way, I came very close to sabotaging a HUGE opportunity I was chosen for at work. I was telling my therapist about it, and she reacted in a way that felt aggressive? She said, “yeah, I’m going to roast you for this, how stupid could you be?? You let your emotions get in the way, and you showed that to your colleagues and you undermined your supervisor!” she had been hard on me before but this felt way more intense. I shut down a little bit and set a boundary with her saying, “listen, I’m trying to be present here but I’m feeling attacked by what you just said and I’m really overwhelmed and have a lot of emotions going on so can we lighten things please?” and she praised me for setting boundaries with her and became more gentle with me. She apologized but she said that she did what she did on purpose to get me to process my emotions. I don’t know if that was an appropriate approach though 😕
I don't know how using "stupid" could be okay, unless she was joking maybe? If you are happy with her overall maybe tell her it bugs you what she said and why, it could be worth the discomfort to clear the air.
Unless you were being a bigot or something, I really don't think it's appropriate for your therapist to call you stupid, nor do I find it reasonable for her to expect your trust and goodwill after she called you that. I also don't find it very competent if she thinks that the way to help you process your emotions is by shaming you rather than figure out how to help you navigate them without 'roasting' you.
I personally wouldn't return if a therapist acted like that towards me... I know for a fact that would make me cry... I personally would find a new therapist.
I would personally find a new therapist.
I had a strange experience with my last therapist where she never seemed to challenge anything I did or said - unless it was obviously bad self-talk. That’s not right, right?
obviously im not a professional or know anything abt ur situation but as a Professional Therapy User (joke) that doesn’t seem right lol. at least in my experience with a therapist i’ve enjoyed working with she always has like. stuff to say and talk about and explore
Hi Mickey, new subby here! Have you ever reviewed or done a video on God Is Gray? I think she is a progressive Christian and has had people upset with her lately. I would love to hear your take on her. 🌻
Thank you for this video. 🖤It was very informative.
🖤
If I was great and valuable I have friends and a gf and have a social life and meet people
❤❤❤
💝💝
Starting therapy soon. So I needed to watch this🥰