My bf went thru something similar and I was there to watch it happen... He was married to a woman, his college gf for several years. We were friends at work, he shared with me some of his questioning feelings. Kind of out of the blue. I never would have thought he was gay or bi. He was very masc, hunting, fishing, dead animals heads in his living room, lots of guns kinda man. He told his wife of his feelings and she was, incredibly, understanding. They remained friends. She's a great lady. Our friendship got very intense very quickly. He said he loved me, caught me waaaay off guard,I said he was just lonely, he said no he really loved me and I said no you dont silly. It was more than I was willing to handle, at the time. So I slowed it down. I encouraged him to explore being "gay" So he went to the clubs and was on the hookup apps. All this time im there, as a friend, giving advice, listening to his stories and such. We lived near Orlando so he had a very good time lol This happened over the course of about 2 years. He continued to tell me, randomly, that he loved me. I continued to hold back until eventually I took him seriously. That was over 8 years ago and we are still together. I honestly never thought we would end up together. I assumed he would hook up a lot and eventually find a boyfriend, thats kinda what the gays do around here. He said he always knew we would get together....
@@Jumpoable I prefer masculine men. He just so happens to be uber masculine lol Dont close yourself off to a great person bcuz they're a lil fem not 100% what you think you want. Gays tend to use there "preferences" as requirements ❤
@@Jumpoable Why are you apologizing? And who are you apologizing too? We do not choose whom we are attracted too. No more that we choose being homosexual. Do you apologize for being gay? No reason to say you are sorry to anyone. And any person who might criticize someone else for the type of person for whom they find attractive to is wrong and abusive. It is almost like forcing someone back into the closet, wrong. No apology necessary.
@@Jumpoableno it’s not “too binary” I have similar attractions and come off that way. I get reticule for my privilege as a masc guy that is a femphobe and transphobe. I dont hate anyon one but I am who I am a simple lay back masculine guy that is attracted to the same.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Me as gay recently experiencing it with a straight guy with kid and gf. I was confused when I saw him blushing...
I'm not sure why RUclips suggested this video but im glad it did. Im a straight divorced male - we all our struggles. Not everyone understands themselves and can take such an honest inventory of their life experiences. Thank you for sharing this. A lot of people are going to find a better understanding of themselves through your story.
That is among, perhaps even the most painful coming out experience I've ever heard. Yet the fact you made it through while being able to confront and discuss it is in itself a sign of great emotional strength. And don't for a moment believe you can't have a family. There are countless gay couples, famous and not, male and female, who have wonderful healthy families, and I mean with their own children, often biologically of their own genetics. As so many in these comments have said, it gets better. You're a shining soul and you deserve all happiess.
Hi Jeff, thank you for your comment. If it wasn't for 6 months of weekly counselling, then I probably wouldn't have been able to make the video without crying every other sentence. But it's all in the past now. Thank you for the positive reminder that a familial life is possible, I try my best to remain positive about that. Strength comes in ebbs and flows. Best of wishes to you :)
@@supernonkey 💗So glad to know you've sought out counselling. There's no more shame in that than seeking out a mechanic when your vehicle needs service. You give the impression of someone who feels and thinks deeply, which does test a person sorely but also enriches them. Though it's cliche, the line from The Fantastiks still rings true: "Without a hurt, the heart is hollow." May your life's journey have much more joy in it than sorrow.
It’s not my right to tell anyone else how to experience life, but if I might make an observation…it seems like you’re going through stages of grief surrounding the life that you imagined you would have. And perhaps that feeling is more profound for you because you’ve had a lot of time to develop that fantasy. Time will cure this. You should be kind to yourself in that process. You seem like a deeply empathetic person, and that’s a wonderful trait to have…have that empathy for yourself as well. Regret can only teach you so much. You can move towards a very satisfying and thrilling part of your life if you just accept that you deserve it. Don’t allow the thoughts to torment you…be free
Your story moved me, and thank you for being so open. I feel so connected; you are not alone. I am 32, and throughout my life, I have always tried to be straight. I tried dating women, but it never worked out. Just like you, I couldn't even dare to kiss a girl, let alone have sex with one. I am still a virgin at 32 because I was never able to have sex with a woman and never dared to date men because I didn't accept myself. Fortunately, I have come to accept myself, and I just came out to my family and friends. I am ready to move on and accept that you can't change your sexual orientation. I feel so relieved that I came out but regret having done it so late. I feel I have missed many opportunities and chances to enjoy my life. Hopefully, it's never too late, and I find that special person. I really thank you, Alexander, for your video. Hopefully, it helps other people like me realize they are not alone. I wish I could hug you. I wish you a happy life and hope you also find that person who makes you happy.
i share the same story as yours , but with the difference that i tried sex with a woman because i was curious eventhough didnt enjoyed like a sttraight man would do . but anyway , its never too late / im 31
Penetratingly fragile. Deep. Soft. Aware. And yet painful as hell. Overwhelming. Many others "coming out" seem so shallow and self indulgent. Love your sensitive voice. I do❤
I am a grandfather who happens to be gay. Been with my partner for 40 years. 4 sons and 1 daughter. Lots of grandkids. I have 2 with me right now. I'm raising them to be better men than their fathers ever even thought of. Now that you are on your true path our higher spirit will provide you with all that you desire. Continue to learn to love yourself, be patient and in a few years you will have fond memories and a house full of kids making you feel every ache and pain in your bones. You are as deserving of these things as anyone and raising your kids free of unnecessary evil will bring you great joy and reward that will all by erase all of the pain and make it a distant memory. All these things came to me after 30 yrs old and at the right time in my life. I since so much love and kindness in your voice and there is joy and love in your future. Please let us know how you are getting along.......Sam in Texas.
I knew I was gay at 7years old. I dating many Married men Many whifes know . Gay men want to just have a normal life . Many want to please the family . Then later change minds Gay men go threw Mental issues with this . Pressure for Marriage . I was lucky one whom family was very liberal .God loves Gays too.
As a late bloomer lesbian I loved this video. Lots of unexpected parallels between your journey and mine. Your introspection is next level! Thanks for this :)
Hi lemon grass 👋. It was videos from late bloomer lesbians that gave me comfort when I first came out last year. Indeed, very much that I could relate with. Thank you for your comment. Best wishes to you!
You are much stronger than you realize. The idea of the person you want to be and the life you want to have clashed with the reality of who you are. Many choose to continue lying to themselves and others, in an unhappy marriage with someone of the opposite sex who can't understand why they are both feeling so miserable. Others see no way out and decide to end everything. But you chose to face the truth and open your heart about it to the world. Your childhood traumas prevented you from doing this until this point in your life, but you are still very young. Eventually you'll find someone with whom you'll have a deep emotional and sexual conection. If his goals in life are similar to yours and you live in a country with laws that protect LGBT+ rights, you'll be able to start that family you always wanted, either through adoption or surrogacy. Things will get better, one day at a time. I wish you the best. Stay strong.
Thank you Matias. It was precisely this idea of imagining an unhappy future the was the final straw for me. It wasn't fair for my ex, and she deserved to know the truth. Every single positive, kind and reassuring comment on my video brings me peace. Thank you once again.
So vulnerable, tender, and respectful. Thank you for having the courage to share so much. There are things you said that some people wouldn’t dare admit. Keep learning and growing and being honest with yourself. That will lead you to dreams that you haven’t even imagined yet. ❤
You did a very kind and honorable thing in coming out to your ex-girlfriend so early in the relationship, and perhaps over time she will come to realise that. You did it before moving in together, and before engagement, marriage and kids. You set her free to go find the love she deserves, and you did exactly the same thing for yourself. Take your time, there's no rush. Go on a couple of dates if you want to, but if you're not feeling it give yourself a break. Try a hookup if you want to see what gay sex is all about - you're very handsome, loads of guys would jump at the chance of a one-off hookup with you (be safe, obviously). But if that idea doesn't float your boat, don't do it. You've done the hard stuff in accepting yourself, extricating yourself from a relationship that was unfair on both you and your ex, and coming out to family and friends. Now just relax and see where the journey takes you.
I think that it takes genuine compassion to read the situation like that -- to see that the other person had to make a difficult decision and that it wasn't one sided. During a break up, people are emotional, hurt and read the world in terms of what they didn't get. It's easy to fall into a victimhood mentality. Indeed, perhaps in time she will understand -- if she hasn't already. I don't feel drawn to casual fun at all. It just isn't for me. So I will just take it day by day. It's really difficult to readjust in light of an identity that I couldn't accept for decades. And it will take some time before things change. But I try to keep positive about it all. Maybe I'll make an update video at some point. Thank you for your comment Phil. Best wishes!
@@supernonkey Yea the sooner the better! You did good since you saved her worse heartbreak in the future. And it was a good decision for both of you. Better to recognize it early. For both of your future's. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. Often it's harder. But your both better off with the truth and building lives on your truths.
Very moving story Alexander. My own story has some parallels and differences. Forgive me for sharing it. My hope is that you will find healing in sharing your story, and healing in hearing the stories of others. So let me begin. I recall being 5 years old, in kindergarten. There was a fire drill and the nuns lined us single file outside the door of our classroom. I was at the front of our line. And just a few steps in front of me was the line for an older class. I remember looking up at the older boy, he may have been 11 or 12. I was staring up at him and thinking he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I also remember thinking, "You can't tell anyone that. Ever." I was 5. Throughout my grade school years I was picked on and teased. Accused of being a 'sissy'. Even though I had no idea what that really meant. As the years rolled on the slang for sissy changed and evolved. But the negative connotation of being 'one of those' remained the same. A heady thing when I reached an age to understand some of what it meant and to find the Catholic Church and the grade school thugs were of one mind on the subject. Puberty came late for me. So I grew up with no understanding of what sex was, not even heterosexual sex. I got the idea from films and TV that it had something to do with girls. And something to do with kissing. And since I had no interest in girls I had no interest in sex. Although I had a sense that something was missing and I wasn't engaged in the activities of other high schoolers. Then I met a girl. A singular, beautiful, intellectual girl who looked and acted older than her age. She wanted to become a singer. And she amazed me. Her spoken voice was as if it was sung. And she was a joy to be around. I suppose we became boyfriend and girl friend. It was never formalized. We just bonded in our company. I think at first she liked how I respected her by not hitting on her. But over the course of the year she began to get agitated that I never did. I thought we were doing fine. But one night, as she was leaving, she said to me, "You know, you're probably gay." I froze. Perplexed. I did not think of myself as gay. It stung because it felt like she was saying I was a sissy and all the other negative words slung at be fore the fists followed. And then the next thought that crossed my mind was "I think this means goodbye?" And it was. She never took my call or called me again after that. I still had no idea about sex. And no sexual urges. So while her A year later I was a junior in high school. There was a guy on the track team who was a friend of my best friend, who was also on the track team. The first time I laid eyes on him it was as if I was hit with a ton of bricks. It was the first time in my life I cared for another human being more than I cared for myself. And yet, he had not done anything other than simply being. I remember sitting up that night under a full moon and a sky full of stars asking God why? Because if I was so attracted as I was to him, then the Church - and the bullies- were right. And the only just punishment was eternal damnation. Which I could not make right in my head. I had done nothing wrong other than finding another boy beautiful enough that I cared for his well being more than my own. Two years later I went off to college. My crush forgotten. All the bullying I endured set aside. I figured this my first chance to shape my life the way I wanted. Become the person I wanted to be. I 'assumed' that my interest in males was just a passing fancy. All it would take would be meeting the right woman. We would fall in love. Marry. Start a family. I could be "normal." I changed my dress. Social habits. Became more outgoing. And it worked. 3 months into freshman year I was dating a young woman who was a cheerleader for the Football team. She was beautiful. Sweet. Kind. We got along famously. I even contemplated the idea of marrying her. One day in the spring she invited me to her dorm room to make out. We kissed. Fondled.Undressed. She seemed pleased, I was feeling less and less so. My ears were warm. Not from arousal but a sense of building dread. As I was not aroused. We were naked in her bed. I was laying on top of her looking down at her lovely body, feeling nothing. Nothing. Panicked that this was definitely not going to work, I awkwardly pulled myself off her and apologized that I couldn't go on. I dressed and bolted from her room. I couldn't bring myself to try and explain. We never spoke again even though we had to share the same dining hall for the rest of the semester. It was a nightmare. I lost all illusions that I could be heterosexual. And started the long process of accepting myself as gay. It took awhile. As my Catholic guilt stilted feelings of arousal with men too. Two years on I met my boyfriend. We have been together, married now, for 45 years. It concerns me that you aren't dating. Not that dating is necessary or that dating 'solves all.' My concern is more a question of time. Life is short. Time moves swift. And you, as we all are, you are deserving of happiness. I won't say rush out and try to hook up or pair up. That's not the natural order of bonding.I will say instead, 'open up.' Allow yourself to be in the company of other like minded men and simply 'be'. In time you will meet someone, as I did in high school, who's well being will matter to you as much as your own. And that will be the test that they are worth dating, bonding. Whatever. Be it as a friend. Or life partner. A good life journey is a bit like a doctor's hippocratic oath. First, do no harm. It's a pact you make with yourself and towards others. Friend or life partner. Be kind. Have empathy. Share. Make them important. Trust they will do the same for you. Everything else, including sex, will fall into its natural place. But you have to be open and a bit vulnerable to do that. I'm imagining everything I'm describing here is the opposite of your wicked step mother. As for a family... that too is possible. I have a number of gay friends who have gone on to raise children with their partner. And you can find examples here on RUclips. Check out Dustin and Burton. I say that only as the first, off the top of my head example of what is possible. As a great poet once said: Love lures life on.
Hi, thank you for sharing that with everyone, I hope that typing those words was a cathartic experience -- I can only presume that the length of the comment speaks of the fact that you were able to relate. In reply to your comment I want to say the following: I too was bullied in high-school for being more feminine. This was, always and everywhere, the thing that made me adopt a more masculine demeanor so that I could "fit in". With time this solidified as an identity. I also somehow managed to weave myself into a social milieu that was completely homophobic -- unbeknownst to my true self. This is something that I regret deeply. I might make a follow up video on this actually. As per dating, I am still at a stage where I have to undo years of conditioning relating to romantic and sexual expression (or repression whilst we are at it) with men. I think that I am not someone who will be easy to date, as there is still a lot of healing to do. And that has to happen with someone who is understanding, patient, caring and loving. In my psyche sexuality feels even more overwhelming and dark than it was before this entire incident with my ex happened -- I still recall vividly the totality of what I went through and its been close to a year (it all just compounds). Hence, I am in no rush. Though I agree, life is very short and I feel that time is ticking away, slowly but surely. I've taken onboard your advice to "open up" an to simply "be". Thank you for your comment once again. With very best wishes. -- Alex
Nah I think it's good he's not dating. You might have gotten lucky. Gay men will eat you alive until there's nothing left! I also grew up with an emotionally abusive mother (biological) and an absent father. That plus a homophobic country, no support whatsoever and you have a cocktail for disaster. Despite this I tried to be as emotionally healthy as possible and not hurt other people but for some reason I kept attracting people who would have no problem hurting me. My 3rd year of college I can say I fell in love with a guy. He too wasn't special. He just was and I loved him and I thought he loved me but nah he was still dealing with his own internalized homophobia and didn't treat me that well. He ended up really hurting me severely towards the last day of uni. A memory and act I will never ever forget. Of course I had a better experience right after him but it was too late. The damage was already done. And now.... Anyways, I think you shouldn't open up. Stay the way you are. Cos people are wolves. More so in this so called community.
You have an extraordinary speaking voice, phrasing, and manner of speaking. It is a rare pleasure just listening to you speak, just the sound of your voice conveys a feeling of peacefulness. I hope that you post more often--even if it is simply reading something regardless of content; maybe an interesting article, a short story, or even some poetry.. Thank you so very much.
What made me feel comfortable being myself as a gay man is finding out that being gay is actually not a sin. There's been a lot of misinterpretations, mistranslations, and dogma that many of us have grown with, and undoing all of that has made me feel lighter. It's wonderful.
@@Oldman808Nothing evil about love. You can believe in whatever you want, no one is forcing you to be gay, you live by those rules and let those who don't live the way they want
@@thatamericanbritishbloke5672 it is not a sin. The damage you do by saying this is huge. Hopefully you unlearn that cause that a shitty thing to believe. Trust me gay people aren't going to hell for being gay and heterosexuals aren't going to heaven simply for being straight
Don’t still be bound by that book. Searching for meaning in a book that was meant to destroy you and distort your view on your God that you’re suppose to get to know by yourself not through a book is the exact intention of those who mistranslated and sell it. All that book wants is to manipulate you about who your God is which thus controls the rest of your life. And yes believe it. Believe that corporations and evil forces want you enslaved spiritually and physically. They did it to my ancestors they’ll do it to you.
Insightful and moving Alexander. Thanks. Two small points. TheLGBTQ+ community is not monolithic, it has room for a wide spectrum of beliefs and opinions. What perhaps is the common link is the experience of being different and, hopefully, an effort to be supportive of others with that experience- something you are doing with this video. Secondly, I hope you are aware of the real possibility of a relationship and children. You would clearly be a wonderful parent.
@@girugiru27 think you're confusing the current LGBTQ++ community and gay people in general. Because the community today is, as the comment before yours mentions, very much full of leftist groupthink, with very little "acceptance" and "tolerance" even for moderates such as I. We are way past the community's original purpose, at least in the western world. It's doing more harm than good at this point.
Thanks Alex, I’m 50 and just starting to come out. It is helpful to know I’m not the only person who feels and sees things in similar ways. You give me courage and I’m grateful 🙏
I am stunned. Your story impressed me a lot. It has some aspects similar to my own life. Being gay doesn't mean you can't raise kids. It just means you won't have the perfect 1950s straight family.
Thank you for posting this. I also came to terms with my sexuality well into my 20s. I had two girlfriends in my teens but intimacy didn’t go beyond kissing. I ventured out to explore the gay environment when I was 26 but I treated it like a museum. I met a guy I was really attracted to when I as 29, he seemed interested but I was weary that he was after one thing so I proceeded with caution. I knew nothing of the lifestyle and he was more experienced. I was very emotionally guarded so I resisted his advances of intimacy because while I was attracted to him I wasn’t there yet emotionally. This made him more interested in me because he was extremely attractive and I think I was the first man that he was attracted to that resisted him, so I became a bit of a challenge. He began to show more emphasis in our friendship. I really liked him but just wasn’t ready to cross the threshold into sex with him. We didn’t live close so he started to look for a flat closer to where I lived, this was about two months after we met but everything was too expensive for him. I went with him to see an apartment, it had two bedrooms and I realized if we split the rent we could afford it. So we moved in together but slept in our own rooms. So we were dating roommates but not yet lovers, after three months living together we went to see a movie and we were holding hands, he began holding my hand with both of his and then he lifted my hand and kissed it, something just washed over me in that moment, he turned and looked at me and we kissed very gently, by this time I forgot about the movie and he said to me, “you wanna go?” I nodded yes, we went straight home holding hands all the way, we entered our apartment and went into his room, I sat on his bed, no words were spoken as he undressed in front of me then he came towards me, leaned over and kissed me a bit more deeply. He began to undress me and that night we became lovers! It was my first time and it was amazing! I watched gay porn before but up to that point no one could of told me that being with another man would feel so right! The first time he came he held me so tight and he was sobbing, I though something was wrong but he was experiencing some very strong emotions in the moment, I knew he was very fond of me but now I saw he was in-love with me. I was very fond of him but I didn’t know if I was ‘in love’ with him. He continued being a loving, attentive & patient boyfriend. It wasn’t for another eight months or so when I realized that I was ever so deeply in-love with him. We lasted eight and a half years. He left me for someone else, I tried to hold onto him for dear life until I realized he had already left. I moved out into my own place. I did see him and his new love together and it really hurt me so deeply. It took me about five years to get over him. That was almost twenty years ago and I am still single because I don’t think I could survive another break up. I feel a bit abnormal not having romance in my life but I know now that there is a dark side to love called loss because when love leaves it takes no less than everything! Maybe one day I’ll meet someone that’ll entice me from my tower but until then I will stay still.
What an incredibly ppwerful sharing of your journey of self discovery. The detail of your journey both internally and externally is so well articulated. Your vulnerability and your struggle with vulnerability. The struggle within yourself and the pain you went through is so insightful. As you struggled to come to terms with your sexuality. There is so much h that you shared that I and others identified with shows the depth with you have touched the lives of so many of us. It is so personal and yet universal. You maturity has been hard fought and your wisdom comes through. You are stronger and more fully alive. Words cannot express the thanks for being willing to be so open and honest.
No one is ever promised a 🌹 garden for ever. Spring eventually turns to winter, and with the return to warmer days so is the hope of new love. PEACE 🕊️
You didn't deserve that. 💔 It feels terrible seeing your ex with a new person too soon. But also GET OUT THERE!!! Have fun!! (Stay safe, tho) Even if it's not to date or hookup, try finding a nice hangout or other gay friends! It helps. I also don't feel like I can take another heartbreak, but if love finds me, then I will try to give it a chance(I need to get more money first💀brokie). You have to move on, for your own sake. Some people are only for a few seasons and not most of your life. If someone leaves you fr fr then they're not the love of your life. It's okay. ❤❤❤
@@S.Uranus Wow! Thank you for your empathy and encouragement. The thing is I have been single for so long now that I think I’ve lost the language of romance. My ex did return after many years to say to me what I dreamt he would say, “he was a fool to leave because he realized now that I was the one.” Unfortunately his realization came too late as I have fallen out of love with him. He wanted us to give it another go but there wasn’t anything in me to go back to someone that took their love away from me because they were bored. I told him our past is in the past and we should leave our romance there but I would like us to be friends. He replied that he didn’t want to be “just friends” with me and departed from my life a second time. I was disappointed, he rejected my love and now my friendship. How could I be so wrong about someone I fell for.
This the most comprehensive share about coming out that I’ve seen here on RUclips. Congratulations for having the courage to share so deeply. I’m 79 and didn’t come out until I was about 39. Mine was a gradual and bumpy experience also. Even today, I struggle with the gay “scene,” i.e., extreme and over the top behavior. It was very difficult for me to accept the fact that I would not parent children. Maybe I’ll add to this later . . . your words are causing me to reflect . . .with regard to yourself, I hope you can find more joy in your life and come to terms with being yourself. I don't think what you did with her was negative. We are all human being learning how and what to life for the entirety of our existence. Peace! Also, more gay men are raising children all the time. I hope you don't give up on that dream, unless it is a choice.
Your future is yours to make. Preconceived notions about ourselves can be world flipping but it doesn’t mean we can’t have what we dreamed for ourselves only that it will look different than we imagined. I hope you find a way to embrace your truth with an open heart and love yourself whoever that is. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this. I suddenly realized that I was a lesbian at age 25 while I was in a 6-year long relationship with a man who I loved, so a lot of this was relatable. That breakup was definitely the hardest thing I have gone though, he was furious with me and I had to go no contact. I have a lot of regret about not seeing the signs earlier.
I am sorry that you had to go through that. Sometimes we wake up and realise that we are not the people who we thought we were yesterday -- and at no point is it your fault. I hope that you are being kind to yourself. May you live your fullest life :)
Lesbian? Are you not bi? You literally spent 6 years married to a man you say you were in love with. A real lesbian would not fall in love with a man that way. I find it curious to discover your sexuality only late in life, I've known that I'm gay since I was a child
@@bettedavisweloveyou270 You know, sexuality is a spectrum. Things aren't so rigid. We are humans. We have the capability to love. If you find it curious one discovers and becomes comfortable with their sexuality later in life, you may want to read up on the countless experiences. Instead of being insulting.
@@Aleks_Ovski416 Of course we have the capacity to love anyone, but romantic love is the thing that literally defines homosexuality. Gay men DON'T love women romantically or sexually, anyone who deviates from that is bisexual just like this guy in the video. Some studies point out that basically 90% of society is actually bi, and the case of this guy in the video absolutely reflects these studies. The truth is that gay men in this world are extremely rare, they don't exist on the scale many people think. For me to classify someone as gay is something extreme since few people are really gay. And don't forget this guy had sex with his girlfriend even after telling her he was '''''gay'''''. There's no coherence to it, there's no credibility, there's no reason for me to believe this guy is gay. And it's funny that ''sexuality is only a spectrum'' when we're talking about gay men, because straight people are born straight and die straight, but it seems that within the LGBT community everyone changes their sexuality weekly, monthly or yearly.
You are very strong, brave and kind person. I hope that you have found the inner peace and I am sure that the future holds something very special for you!
Happened upon your video and I commend your candor and honesty. I am significantly older, grew up in a deeply religious home, in a very different time than you (I’m 62), and was also the 27 year old virgin:). My level of repression and denial was incredibly deep…..at some level I knew from the time I was an adolescent there was some sort of same sex attraction but never acted on it, and swore I never would. I desperately wanted to be married and have kids. I met my wife at 27, married at 28, and had 3 beautiful children. The heaviness grew in my 30’s and I came out in my late 40’s after 20 years of marriage. It was incredibly painful for everyone and the years of guilt, feeling like a fraud, etc…were overwhelming. My children remain my crowning achievement, I love them desperately, they accept, love me, and want both their parents happy. But I own the fact that I caused them and my ex-wife significant pain. I have forgiven myself as I never set out to do so, and did my best. I am no longer religious, but my spiritual connection is incredibly strong. Listen to the little inner voice we all have. Accept and love who you are….that has always been a challenge for me, but I know it’s the absolute right way to live. It took years, but I found an incredibly decent, kind and loving person to share my life with. If I can ever answer any questions, you can always message me privately….there is no right answer…everyone’s is different. We get one shot at this, and you deserve happiness. I tried so hard for so long to do what I believed the world expected and what I expected….and in the end, as it always does….the truth came out and I am grateful. I hear pain in your voice and it makes me sad.
Hi Jim, thank you for sharing your story as well. We share many parallels -- insofar as growing up is concerned at least. I am very sorry that you had to pick between authenticity and family. I very much understand just how much churn, dissonance and internal turmoil this brings. The thought of being a father, in a traditional relationship, whilst having to hide a kernel within yourself nearly brought me me to the edge -- though I had mulled over the possibility for around 2 months, completely stuck and afraid. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to grow up in a time where being your authentic self wasn't accepted as it is now -- and try to remind myself that I have it better than generations prior. I will do my best to live my fullest life, and know in my heart that this universe is loving and accepting. Things will take time, but I know that I will come out stronger on the other side. Just wanted to wish you and your family the very best!
Alexander, thank you for sharing your story. It takes guts to put it out there with so much honesty. I hope it helps other guys to come to terms with their own sexuality.
I'm mesmerized listening to and observing you articulate your thoughts and experiences. I hope this was at least somewhat cathartic and liberating for you. For me it was absolutely brilliant. Thank you for sharing! Hugs 🤗.
Alex, this post was gut-wrenching, passionate, and honest. Don't give up on having children. Good parents come in all stripes and flavors. ;-) Thank you for sharing in such an intelligent and sincere manner.
This was incredible, thank you for your honesty. I can relate to so many things. One thing that hardship taught me is that we suffer only when we struggle to let go of our guilt and projections. It's after surrendering to the idea that I wouldn't have kids the way I saw it that two of my friends asked me to be their boys' godfather. I now have the luxury to reparent myself through seeing them grow up before eventually having kids of my own somehow someday and I'm super grateful for that cause they'll be welcomed by someone who's whole and ready to give.
You are very welcome Cyril. I hope that you were able to get something out of my video. One day all of your wishes will come true, and life will be peaceful and fulfilling. Best wishes to you!
What an amazing, captivating story. I didn't intend to listen all the way through but could not stop! I'm hoping that you will become more hopeful and optimistic over time. Thanks for sharing.
Yours is such a powerful coming out story! I'm glad you managed to find your authentic self. It also took me really long to realise I was gay, even though looking back on my life there were plenty of signs from even my early childhood. Still I didn't realise I was gay until I was 23. Even though my own story is different, there is a lot of your story that resonates with mine, as I too came from a conservative background. As such, if you let me, here are my two cents of advice. The first, and this is a hard one, is that your conservative values and your dreams are not lost nor devalued as a gay man. However you will need to unpack them, figure out what is at the core of each of your values, and contrast them to what you now know about yourself. Do so while always remembering that you are a kind and worthy person, that you are good, and that the fact that you are gay (or bi) doesn't change any of that in the slightest. It is here that you'll find you can absolutely build a family and have kids. Furthermore you'll soon see that the struggle you faced now in coming out is a lesson in integrity that you now know better than most, and that you can and should pass it on to the next generation. Also that there is nothing in the "conservative idea of a family" that says building a family should be easy, and plenty that says that a family is something worth fighting for. And if/when you decide to build your own family, the additional obstacles that you'll face as a gay man, are just proof that the family you build is no accident and that it comes from your and your partners love and willingness to fight for it as hard as it's necessary. The second cent is that you shouldn't look for a core message of the LGBTQ+ community. And if there was one, it wouldn't be in collectivism or group identity. You'll soon find that the community is as disjoint as you could possibly imagine. I understand why you see it the way you do though. The community projects itself that way because it does give us strength in face of a society that is often hostile. However from inside you'll see that the LGBTQ+ community treasures individuality more than any other "community" I can think of. We are brought together largely by a common experience in coming out, the struggles we face from people, often including ourselves and our parents, that won't accept us. We're also brought together by our need to find other members of the community. And finally, we are also together by recognising that it'll be up to us to help make things better for future queer people. We generally can't agree on anything else, and this tends to make the community into a royal mess and gives us a whole new set of struggles from mixing those of us looking for love, those of us looking for hookups, those looking for help, those just wondering about, and yeah, a fair share of ass-hats because every community unfortunately has those. I honestly still struggle a lot navigating it, but it is ultimately a good community. Just try to see it with an open mind. Wish you all the best!
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've pondered and re-read what you have tried to say here. We take things a day at a time. Thank you once again. Best wishes to you -- Alex
I've only watched 13 minutes so far. I'm totally struck by your openness and obvious honesty. You are totally raw and I appreciate that. I came out much earlier, but can identify with things you've said. I identify more with my experiences of my first boyfriend I had when I was 10. He went through hell because because of his mother. We reconnected after 43 years. I cut myself off from my mother. I will watch the rest of your video and hear your full story. I'd hug you if I could. Take care young man x
17:21 I had a similar experience. I was in a loving, sexually active straight relationship and I realized one day that *there is just something missing.* I didn't understand why I felt this way, but I could not shake this feeling that there was something missing. This realization was weird because I was in love and I enjoyed the sex we were having, but there was something off with how I felt. Something deeper and more emotional was missing from the relationship. The straight relationship didn't answer my questions. The straight relationship gave me the most important question: Why am I feeling disconnected when I should feel connected in this? I ended the relationship because I had to process how I was feeling and to eventually admit to myself that I wasn't straight.
In all of this I realised that attraction is so deeply nested in our biology -- that it's irreducible. No amount of rationalisations will make one overcome it. It not only dictates where sexual pleasure is felt, but regulates how we feel around others. Well no wonder that the feeling of connectedness wasn't there -- it wasn't to be found with that person. I never thought that sexuality occupied the spiritual, but apparently it does. I hope that you were able to gleam something from my experience, and that you find the connection you sought in your previous relationship. Best wishes!
I hear you and i understand you Alexander. I wish I could give you a big hug if you would allow me. A damaged childhood can be so destructive. The only thing I can promise you is, "it will get better". It took me some years to recover. You are a thinker. It doesn't make life any easier. I also went through some dark places in my past. I had to learn to embrace my younger me and feel sorry for what has happened to him. That's not easy because i made a lot of self-destructive mistakes when i grew up. This year my husband and i will celebrate our 17th anniversary. You are such a smart guy who has lots of love to give and to receive. Not only smart but handsome as well. When you smile in between telling your story, you are so beautiful. You will get there. I promise. Wishing you all the best in life. Greetings from an old 50 years old guy living in the Netherlands.
Thank you for sharing your story. This is part of your healing journey. I got married at 18, thinking it was what I was supposed to do. I was raised in a religious upbringing and it was the source of many heartaches. I finally split at 28 years after my secret of sleeping with my brother-in-law was discovered. My life got very difficult, but at least I was pushed out of the closet. I'm glad I didn't have kids. I am now married to my boyfriend and my life is easier once I accepted myself. You can adopt or have a surrogate carry your child. Believe in yourself, you are brave, beautiful, and intelligent! Your new journey is beginning.
Hi Funky Groove Junkie, very sorry to hear that you had to go through that. There isnt really enough words in the English language to portray the totality of being in the midst of something like that, and I can't imagine what in must have been like to endure that for 10 years. But I am very glad to hear that you are in a better, happier place. Thank you for communicating your story, it is really comforting to hear that people have gone through similar difficult things. I wish you the best in your journey too! :)
Alexander, I appreciate that parts of this story are difficult even now for you to relate. Rest assured that your account is being listened to by mature people who have only compassion for you.
Thank you for sharing your story, this is something I am currently figuring out myself and seeing this story, finding out I am not alone really helped me. Thank you again.
Thank you for this incredible share. I read in the comments that you are not dating. I can relate. I never really felt the urge to come out publicly until I found someone whom I felt I could spend my life with. I had a few occasional lovers over the years but nothing like dating. At 35 I almost gave up and thought : that's it, I'm going to be single all my life... Then I found the love of my life a and we have been together 16 years now. Dating is not for everybody.
Hi Andre, for me personally it's a) introversion, b) not being able to separate sexual contact from love and c) a desire for something long term that make me single. And that's okay, yes it's lonesome but the opposite isn't much better -- especially if it lacks connection. Really glad to hear that you have found your special someone. Maybe one day I will find someone who is right for me. Best wishes to you :)
Your story intersects with what is happening inside me a lot, all the conflicts and psychological obstacles that no one may understand, and finally, the sadly overwhelming feeling.... I respect the fact that you did not celebrate being gay, and did not make of it an achievement, or a social or political identity out of yourself, and did not make your feelings or psychological states another fad for a boring and pathetic story like millions of stories from people like us who find it difficult to accept this part of their lives... just a frightening discovery of a truth that you must live with for the rest of your life. I am very proud of you, and I hope that you Be your best 💓
Coming across this video this morning just made me burst into tears, as I can see the emotional strain and heartache your journey and process has been and I'm sure is still an ongoing self introspection, life changing realisation of one's self. As a 28 year old closeted male myself,who to a certain degree has gone through the same challenges with loneliness for years & struggling with finding someone who you wish to share yourself with, fill that void and give you a sense of a normal life,just like everyone else. Growing up in a very conservative and spiritual family & environment, I can to some length understand how hard this process has been for you and I just want to thank you for sharing this, as it will help me see some sort of light in the darkness that I've been in, worse so in the past couple of months. I can't imagine your process has been nothing but easy and I hope & pray that you don't give up on your dream on having a family as you will one day, you are not alone , I realise that too now, ironically.Your truth, will certainly continue to help many more of people and show them that they are not alone, no matter how different our lives and circumstances maybe.Thank you.
Hi Dane, thank you very much for your reply. Its comments like these that justify why I decided to post this video in the first place. You are not alone! In time I believe that we will all be happy and actualised, precisely in the way that we want for our lives to be -- free of judgement, living our true selves. I wish you the very best!
I found you from a comment on a wavy Jones song caught in a trap. One of my favorite songs. Went to my Town's pride celebration and now that I found this video I feel so much pride. and I am so proud of you it's never too late to come out and I'm so happy that you found out that you are who you are.
Wow! Alex, I can completely empathise with how you feel in some of the chapters throughout this video. Thank you for being so genuine/eloquent in telling your story. I felt really moved by this. As someone with a mild disability, definitely can feel like an outcast/not fitting in on bad days but I always try to see the bigger picture in life. Wishing you all the best as you progress through your journey at your own pace, of course. Take care 😊
Alexander your breaking up with your girlfriend was really "The Kind" thing to do. I am gay and met my partner when I was 17 years old, he 27 and we were together for 48 years until he died. BUT..... I have had many relations with men simuler to your story that had gone on to marry, have a family, but lived a double life. For me that is much more painful and unfair to the woman. Feel proud of yourself that you did "The Right Thing"....I wish you the best.
The intelligence, the insight, the self awareness, the emotional maturity is astounding . Besides being so handsome, so masculine, so modest, so introspective, such observing ego, he is abused for his emotional courage and intellect. Through his abuse by parents he remains so balanced, reflective and such calm in is thought process. His intelligence is well above 125, trapped in a abusive family without any emotional support, this guy is a survivalist. I feel his pain despite his repriessing any thought of retialatory leanings. He is a rara avis. The intellectuality bond I feel with him is torture, since I went through the same abuse. .
Wow, that is quite a sharing. You have put much effort into analyzing yourself and your situation. I hope you can continue the process and find someone who you can bond with on all levels. You are a handsome and intelligent fellow. There are many wonderful guys out there who want the same things you want. I wish you all the best Alexander!!
I suppose if the video didn't go into the full breadth of what I went through then it wouldn't be worth sharing. Thank you for the compliments, and the kind words of reassurance -- I really need to hear them. All the very best to you too!
Alexander, be kind to yourself. You are a sensitive, respectful and beautiful human being. Coming out is a learning experience. Since we are born we grow up in a society that dictates what is considered normal, so no wonder we may struggle going through our identity discovery. Coming to terms with our true sexuality is a process. It does not happen overnight, and it is not linear for that matter, until we finally accept our true self. And in this journey we may challenge ourselves in the confirmation process in relationships with others. It is a testing period with no harmful intentions as we are not sure were we stand in our feelings towards the opposite sex. In the end you can be thankful that you came to peace with your sexuality before embarking in a “permanent” unhappy relationship in the long term. Lots of love and peace in your life journey and do not rule out the possibility of having children. It may happen unconventionally.
Thank you for those comforting words of wisdom -- I agree with everything you have said. Will do my best to live a full life, that is in the moment and not perennially cerebral. By virtue of this I hope to find myself where I want to be. Cheers to you.
Wow, what a powerful and vulnerable account. You spoke so eloquently. You are a genuine person and I hope the best for you. I hope you are able to enjoy your journey.
you are still on a healing process and its ok, if your dream is to have kids, you will have it one day, you will find someone that you will want to be together and have kids with, life will get better and you will grow and see how amazing your future will be, keep healing and i hope to see another video of you soon on a better and more positive note for the future, sending you lots of good vibes and energies
This video is amazing. I have been gay all my life and very aware of it. This could have been me, if i didn't have support from friends and a few family membes. This was the best coming out story/video Ive ever seen. Please make an update video. I really hope you find a great guy and have kids of your own someday. Im building a family of my own now with my soon to be husband... im sending much love and positivity your way!!
There are so many tender and thoughtful responses to your video that I hardly feel any need to comment. You are a beautiful soul, a light to anyone who hears your voice. Since you mentioned your spiritual side, I will describe an event that happened 51 years ago while I was in graduate school. For three months I tried desperately to heal myself from my tortuous hang-ups through introspection and a counselor without any thought of God and without any improvement, but one morning I awoke in my room and from a depth I cannot identify, I raised my fist at the ceiling and sneered as spitefully as possible at a God I didn't believe in, "Why don't YOU do something?" He opened my mind and said very clearly and in a matter-of- fact manner, "My son." I had no time to think about what the experience meant but I burst out into the hottest tears I've ever known, with spasms in the gut. For the rest of my life I have allow that power to make of me whatever he wants because by so doing he is making what He desires and is concentrating my will evermore clearly upon Himself. I'm saying that I finally understand the the love I feel for any individual or particularity of nature is my loving of Him, including especially my recognition of His beauty that resides in the most beautiful person before me--right down to every follicle of a corrugated scrotum or pulsation of arousal or glistening of gentle and longing eyes. The center of the will is His reality, the same reality that we shall inherit forever. There is nothing you have to do with yourself. We are the creatures and He is the Creator. Live.
Alexander, thanks for sharing your story. Things can get better. It's 30 years since I came out and at the time all I could see was darkness. I've now been with my husband for almost 30 years and we've had great life. You CAN have children if you want to. As an overthinker the best advice I can give you is don't overthink. Things CAN work out for you. Take care.
Your courage and openness to tell us your story helped me to heal a very similar experience that I had when I was in university, including the appearance of a protective spirit. Thank you so much, Alexander.
Very glad that my words could be healing. Thank you for your comment Doug. In the essence/core of all that exists there is a beautiful, all-loving harmony. It's gentle an caring -- not wicked or cruel. Very best wishes to you :)
I wish I had a friend like you when I was struggling with my own coming out. In my opinion this vulnerable open and honest share is going to help many people. Thank you.
Hi Art, thank you for communicating that. Its precisely the reason that this video exists -- to help others. And in some sense comfort my past self, because I was desperate to see a video like this, this time around a year ago. Best wishes to you!
If you ever visit Amsterdam, happy to buy you a coffee and play tour guide/ give ideas of the best places. Especially outdoors sites. Keep going strong, and making the best decisions that work for you.
Hey Alexander, that was really brave of you to speak on all this and be so vulnerable. I hope you are feeling more comfortable with yourself. I didn't come out til 33 and it can be tough coming to terms with it but you will eventually be able to feel like you're living free. Much love
What you say and how you say it deeply resonates with me. Even though we all have different experiences, the emotional core of it seems to be quite the same every time. I'm only 22 and I can easily see how my own situation would have escalated for another 5 years. I can relate too much of the panic, anxiety and extreme states of sadness that you described here. This is exactly what the LGBTQ+ community seeks to alleviate! This is why it grows bigger, because everyone deserves to be themselves. The people on the streets are the reason we can come out publically today without even more serious social consequences. I would be happy if after possibly thousands of years of on and off malintegration into society everyone would finally be accepted as a part of the collective instead of being forced into an outcast group that HAS to exist in separation to survive and become accepted. In a society that expects people to be of a differeing personality type, sexuality and strength profile you wouldn't even have conceived of being something different than you are. You'd just have developed healthfully at your own pace. We are all "different", because we are not copies of each other. I wish you a ton of positive experiences in your life and especially that you can find total peace with yourself! That is the most precious thing a human being has. The relationship we have with ourselves begins at our birth and ends with our death. It must be nurtured and taken care of for us to live happily and experience joy. ❤
As a married gay man at 40, with a daughter of 2 years old, starting a family is definitely a possibility today. Also, getting a bit older does wonders for the mental health. I remember being a very anxiety ridden young man. Very spiritual, seeking, but also in a LOT of pain. I'm basically someone else today, for the better.
Indeed, I think mental health improves for men as they age -- I have heard this somewhere. Its the opposite for women unfortunately. Won't be able to produce the citation, but I think its true. Women who are older report much higher levels of mental distress compared to the population average. Thank you for your comment. Best wishes to your family!
I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words but after watching this a few times in a row I just couldn’t remain silent. To say that this video felt like a cathartic experience would be an understatement. I’m so happy you decided to share your story and gave us the gift of knowing that we are not alone in our struggles. I can relate to everything that you said. Growing up gay in Eastern Europe was, at best, bittersweet, and at its worst, quite traumatic. Every moment of joy was tainted by the relentless guilt and shame stemming from my own natural self. But the worst of it all is the profound sense of loneliness that engulfs you when you realize that the love of your dearest people is not unconditional and in fact, your very existence violates those conditions. I am still on the journey to break free from this isolating cycle, but I have at least learned to love myself despite my surroundings. I can only hope and fight for a future where children like me won’t grow up shamed but loved for who they are and stories like ours will one day be confined to the past and serve as a testament to how far we've come. Thank you again Александр Чураков you truly are a remarkable person!
Thank you for your comment. I felt it's full weight because I can relate to everything that you have said. Even with the fact that I had moved to live in the west at the age of 10, I was very much pursued by the pressures of conservative society -- this would ultimately lead me to where I have found myself today. It's a lonely and estranged existence, that I do not wish on anyone. I do not take for granted the fact that I can live an authentic life in the west. But this is not without its troubles and pitfalls. You are not alone, and I hope that you have been able to find comfort in my story. Best wishes to you on your journey. - Саша.
@@supernonkey Bro, you better be putting these writing skills to good use. I've rarely seen people describe things in such a smooth and eloquent manner. And btw I know this is a serious topic, but respectfully... you're quite handsome :D
Everytime the thought came to me that I might be a lesbian I pushed it down immediately. Was too overwhelming. I just couldn't even contemplate that I might be one. Scared the hell out of me. So I just closed my eyes and pretended to be straight.
Hang tight. You obviously are a thoughtful and resourceful person. There is nothing stopping you from having a relationship and a family, if you choose to. Just don't rush into things and make sure not to be infatuated with new love interests for too long, but see through the haze of mere attraction and lust for something more substantial. Everyone's journey is different and while mistakes will be made, it's not a bad thing, it's how we learn. All the best to you and I personally would love to see a video in some time with an update on how you doing (hopefully good)!
Thank you Alexander, I hope you find your happiness. I’m grateful to hear your story, so much of it resonated with my own experience and I hope that more people who are also going through similar things find this video ❤
Your level of self awareness is akin to a god. I’m in awe of your capacity to look at your own life with absolute objectivity. I’ve listened to every single word that came out of your mouth in this video. And though you’re sad, I’m actually celebrating. I’m beyond joyful that we, as a civilization, got to a place where we can be this vulnerable with one another. This video is a tremendous gift to humanity. And I thank you so much for being courageous enough to post it ❤🙏🏾
Salut, thank you for watching the video. I am also very happy that the response to this video has been very heartwarming and positive -- but most importantly vulnerable and sincere. Just wanted to say that my self awareness is more akin to that of a mere mortal, just like everyone else. The divine is always in sight, but behind a fence. Meilleurs vœux.
Listening to you share your story was so moving to me. I hope you are getting better as you come to terms with it all. I know all too well how trauma can wreck your life. Please use this time as you go forward to realize your true strength and be emboldened by it.
Thank you for watching the video -- I hope that you were able to get something out of it. Its really heartwarming to read all of the positive comments; they are precisely what I need to hear. I hope to heal with time. Best wishes to you!
I’m curious if you’ve ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test to learn what your personality type is. There’s some things you said that are common traits of certain personality types. I took the test. At first I thought I was an ENFP, but a future test result on another website said INFJ. With more research I figured out that I am actually a Sigma INFJ one of the rarest personality types. Studying more about my personality type has really helped me understand myself better. Being a rare personality type makes total sense to me, as I have always seen most everyone else as very different from me. Now I understand why. One of my ex boyfriends used to say that I always thought like a girl, not like a guy, which surprised me at the time because people always think I’m straight unless I tell them otherwise. But, he was right, which I understand now after taking the test, as some personality types are considered feminine in their way of thinking, while others are considered masculine. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation either, in fact my heterosexual best friend also has a feminine personality type. In the Navy, we could chat for hours, still can, a connection that isn’t so common for me. You might struggle getting an accurate result from the Myers Briggs test due to childhood trauma. It’s why my first test results were wrong, due to my own childhood trauma. Once I got the new result of INFJ and researched it, I was able to figure myself out. For a while I thought I was just an INFJ, but then I happened upon a video about Sigma INFJ male and that totally hit home as my personality. In my younger years and desire to be straight, despite being gay, I dated and had sex with ladies. I had traditional dreams of marrying and having children. I actually proposed to one lady, but she turned me down. She eventually changed her mind, but by then so had I. Being religious, I was trying to pray the gay away, as well as essentially brainwashing myself. It all came to a head at age 22, when I slept walked on my Navy ship into a gay seduction scenario, giving one of my friend’s a risqué back massage. I woke up in the middle of it evolving into something more and started shaking 🫨 uncontrollably. I told my friend why I was shaking, because I had been sleep walking, excused myself, and went back to bed. I realized immediately after that I had to stop lying to myself and find a boyfriend quick before I ended up sleep walking again. I was in a gay relationship within a week 😅 My girlfriend from age 20 is still my girlfriend today, although completely by default. You see, I never broke up with her when I joined the Navy. We reunited on Facebook a year ago and chat all the time. She’s totally cool about my sexuality, and probably wouldn’t have minded so much had I been honest with her all those years ago when we were an item. Part of intimacy is honesty and women really like that 😉 so I can understand how your ex was still into you after you were honest with her. I knew I was gay as far back as I can remember, not bi, and while sex with women was fine, no issues performing, I wasn’t 100% into doing everything, if you know what I mean. With guys, I don’t have any such limits. That is how I know more than anything else that I am totally gay. 😊 You’re a really sweet guy, both in your heart, and externally 😉 so I would think you are in a much better place now to meet someone who you can fully connect to. Seeing how sensitive you are, I would just be careful about who you date. Best to get to know someone well first, before advancing it to a romantic relationship. Casual sex is fine too just don’t try to make it into something more. The biggest achievement in my life was learning to love myself unconditionally in my mid 20s. It was my greatest achievement because it led me to changing my mindset from limiting negative to powerfully positive and truly enabling me to live an amazing life. I made a video about it all if you’re interested. If you want to chat privately you can find my email on my channel. I care. Gio
This was so refreshing, thank you! I'm also very spiritual and finding people I could relate to has been tricky but it makes them even more priceless when I find them ❤
You're so brave. Thanks for share an important piece of your life with a bunch of strangers :) You help to other people in order to find similarities and feel more calm. It's hard but you'll always have support. At least from one single person. Thanks again, Alex! :D
Thank you Jorge. I hope that by sharing my story I am able to make a difference -- even if it's only small. The universe is loving, and you are never alone in your struggles. Best of luck to you :)
Thanks for sharing. Ill be honest. It sounds like you did the best that you could. The world does not prepare men for such complicated experiences, let alone queer or gay men. I dont think that you should regret anything. You did the best you could with the understanding that you had. And the reason why people share these type of stories is that so that others can avoid making the same mistakes that’s the reason why your story is very valuable and appreciated.
Alex, your story is incredibly heartfelt and sincere. I am amazed by how eloquently you describe your experiences and feelings with what I’m sure is a very personal topic for you. As coincidence would have it, there is a relatively new podcast I have been following called Happy Healthy Homo by Joel Wood and Keegan Hirst that I have found very beneficial to myself as a gay man. As the title implies, the hosts cover several topics that are relevant to men who find attraction to the same sex later in life and that journey towards self-acceptance. I would highly recommend a listen!
Hi Marcel, thank you for you comment and for watching the video. I will do my best to check out the podcast as it does seem very relevant. Best wishes to you! :)
Rough story but appreciate you sharing. Recently someone "awakened" me and I have been going through a transformation as well and I am very spiritual too. Awoke kind of late in my early 30s but glad nevertheless. Healing and self improvement journey is so draining + so tough but my life has been so liberating as of late. Much love.
Alex, you are loved. You are someone's cup of tea. Please don't ever think about hurting yourself. New chapters in your life will be written eventually. ✨️
I’m 22 and truth is that just now I started to understand that I’m gay cause I have never truly liked someone before. But when I imagine myself on a long term relationship it’s always with someone of the same sex. Each individual has its own experience and history. ❤️
I knew I was gay when I was 5 years old so every LGBT individual realizes this at different times in their lives. We are not all cookie cutter images of one another. And most of the LGBT community don't have much in common with those who live in and run the community either through political means or social means so you are not the only one who can't relate to that group think. But without them, we wouldn't have most of what we have in western societies today through their non stop fighting for rights. Sure they go overboard sometimes but don't let those who can't understand where we come from, change the narrative to suit their bigotries.
Totally agree. And don't forgett that LGBT people will always be minority in every given society. There is a fear mongering propaganda by the far right that children will be influenced by LGBT propaganda and become homosexual or transgender. That is far from truth. LGBT people will always be a minority, because majority is always heterosexual. And there is a tendency in a society that when something goes wrong, like for example economic or political situation, minorities are targeted as a scapegoat, like ethnic or sexual minorities. So, never enough of reminding people on horrors of nazi, communist and other totalitarian and untolerant regimes and their persecution of minorities, including sexual minorities.
I call bullshit… you didn’t know you were gay at 5 years old. GTFO. Im gay before you start slinging insults… but that is absolutely bullshit. Also, being gay is NOT an identity… this is getting so stupid. No wonder the backlash is so strong. Gonna loose us gay marriage because people can’t act chill. Smh
Thank you for sharing your story. I related to many elements, nuclear family dreams in shambles, but that doesn’t have to be the end of it, I promise. Hope to see a video in the near future of finding joy in your awakening. Praying for happiness in your endeavors. 🙏❤️
All psychoanalysis aside, you seem very willing to accept and acknowledge the pain of your journey. With self acceptance, please make sure you accept the joy and love in life just as deeply. Drop that pessimism, because your eyes, your thoughts, and your life is completely reborn with self truth.
Hi. I came upon your video by chance. Thank you for posting and the care you put into this. Looking at the comments you have received many heartfelt responses. Relish this and remain positive that love will find you. You will be ready.
Hi Alexander, I must admit, this is the second time watching this wonderful exposition of a "late bloomer" story, and upon the second watch, I find it fascinatingly both beautiful and at the same time gut-wrenching. You are very brave for sharing your story with us. I'm sure this will touch many people's hearts and help them feel a great sense of understanding. Thank you so much for sharing! Best wishes from the U.S. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. It reminded me of my own struggles with my sexuality. I believed I was bisexual also. It was very difficult to navigate through. A rough experience indeed.
Such a sobering oration Alex. I'm also gay and have had some similar experiences as most of us have. I've felt the love and acceptance of God but I struggle with acceptance of that life even though I've dated before and I've been very happy. God bless you and keep you. I hope I'll find happiness in him and trust him to lead me.
Thank you for watching Ryan -- I hope that the video has given you comfort in knowing that there are others who also struggle in the same way. The presence of god has waned in my life since breaking up with my ex, and for a while I felt that god had turned his back on me. I know, however, that with time, everything will return. God bless. Best wishes to you.
Hi, I feel kinda at home in here! I'm also a Christian, Catholic, and I don't want to have sex with a man (I've had sex in the past, I have no curiosity left) but I do want to build a spiritual friendship with another man, live together, respect each other, be affectionate with each other and find God and serve the Church and those in need, I know, too good to be truth haha, maybe two men who are sexually attracted to each other need a community so living in a community, a house where men share their lives as a family is my main goal, the man of my dreams can wait, since I'm into doing God's will and I feel He doesn't want me to go out and seek a man, I feel though that He wants me to stay open and talk to many people. I don't believe in sex outside marriage but I believe even less in men living on their own, that's not God's will, He wants us to have a good life, in which we can love and be loved. Big hug for you guys, God bless you.
Goodness me Alex! Thank you so so much for opening up in the way that you have here. It will undoubtedly help a lot of people either navigate similar choppy waters or bring direction to those who are possibly anticipating similar events. I can also see in the comments that it is helping other people find gratefulness for following their true path having experienced similar confusion and pressures. If I had heard on the grapevine that one of my friends had opened up to someone in the way that you have here I would have been so pleased and relieved for them. The fact that you have put your story here on a public forum, is next level brave and open. I can see that you have received some really heart warming feedback and also some excellent advice about not letting life get away from you. I am glad that you haven't engaged with some of the less than helpful/shallow and weird comments too! I wish you all the very best for the future and hope that you only meet nice, thoughtful and understanding guys that can help you feel happy in your own skin in a way that perhaps you haven't up until now. Of course if they are good kissers too that wouldn't hurt! ;) Thank you again for this video. I will never forget it. Dom
Thank you Dom. I very much appreciate your reply. Indeed, the comments in this video have been a great relief for me, knowing that I am not alone. I could have never guessed that I could make a difference -- even if it was just one person, then in the end it was all worth it. I will do my best to live an authentic life that is in alignment with who I truely am. One day I know that I will be spiritually connected with life again, in the way that I was last year. Best wishes to you as well!
You are a beautiful person, i wish i could tell you how much what you say resonates with me. You are so handsome, sensitive and you have a beautiful inner world. The way you describe things, i could almost touch it. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find love, and someone you can start a family with, because you still can do it. Writing this is difficult because you don't know me but now i feel i know you, at least this little bit, and im struck by the beauty of your soul. Hope it finds its way. Wish i could hug you and brush away all you're sorrow. But thats just not how life goes. You deserve the best. She is hurt now, dont listen to her. She will come around. Focus on your journey, focus on you wellbeing. Take care, lad.
Thank you Filipe for your heartwarming comment! I hope that you were able to glean something personal from my video. Thank you for the support -- it means a lot. Till then we try our best, and hope to live out our dreams. Best wishes to you. Take care!
I had a similar experience where I recognized I was gay at a young age but kind of rejected it - it didn't feel like I could be gay. You hear statistics and you think "oh its 10% of the population, it could never be me then." But its crazy now to realize that I am a part of that small statistic haha. It sucks coming out a little later than other people, because it can feel like you may have missed out on lots of things in life. I never had the stereotypical high school experience, with crushes or stupid silly "relationships" or discovering your sexuality and attraction to other people, I was just so scared to explore that side of myself that lots of opportunities and chances to make friends and find my identity flew past me. But Its never too late to be the person you've always wanted to be and ultimately these experiences are what made me who I am today.
Thank you for being honest!! I am 55 and has been through the same feelings.... always thinking I am at fault. I also come form a background where it was/is against the law, so... still not out. Sad... but true! Still single and hoping that I might find someone at some stage. Good luck for you young man.... you are handsome, pure and honest... you will find some-one who deserves you!
Please please continue with a follow up on how your doing and if you have experienced anything now with a guy or has this only just happened? I wish you the best. I too am struggling with life and what it brings. It is very hard each day to continue but i must and only hope one day it all gets better. I can't wait to hear any follow up and that putting this out there has helped you follow your heart more.
Hi Ash, I've been writing a follow up video -- just need to finalise and then I'll record it. Can't guarantee it will be anytime soon though. To answer your questions, it's been 10 months since I broke up with my ex and I've only really been on a handful of dates, more so trying to change my view of gay men. Don't think I am ready to fall in love again just yet. Thank you for your comment, it gives me some motivation to finish my video and to keep moving forward knowing that other people share my sentiments. Life is difficult, hence we connect folks on the internet. Best of luck to you.
My bf went thru something similar and I was there to watch it happen...
He was married to a woman, his college gf for several years. We were friends at work, he shared with me some of his questioning feelings. Kind of out of the blue. I never would have thought he was gay or bi. He was very masc, hunting, fishing, dead animals heads in his living room, lots of guns kinda man.
He told his wife of his feelings and she was, incredibly, understanding. They remained friends. She's a great lady.
Our friendship got very intense very quickly. He said he loved me, caught me waaaay off guard,I said he was just lonely, he said no he really loved me and I said no you dont silly. It was more than I was willing to handle, at the time. So I slowed it down. I encouraged him to explore being "gay" So he went to the clubs and was on the hookup apps. All this time im there, as a friend, giving advice, listening to his stories and such. We lived near Orlando so he had a very good time lol
This happened over the course of about 2 years. He continued to tell me, randomly, that he loved me. I continued to hold back until eventually I took him seriously. That was over 8 years ago and we are still together.
I honestly never thought we would end up together. I assumed he would hook up a lot and eventually find a boyfriend, thats kinda what the gays do around here. He said he always knew we would get together....
I want a really masc bf.... sorry is that too binary...? But that's what I find attractive....
@@Jumpoable
I prefer masculine men. He just so happens to be uber masculine lol
Dont close yourself off to a great person bcuz they're a lil fem not 100% what you think you want. Gays tend to use there "preferences" as requirements ❤
@@Jumpoable Why are you apologizing? And who are you apologizing too? We do not choose whom we are attracted too. No more that we choose being homosexual. Do you apologize for being gay? No reason to say you are sorry to anyone. And any person who might criticize someone else for the type of person for whom they find attractive to is wrong and abusive. It is almost like forcing someone back into the closet, wrong. No apology necessary.
@@Jumpoableno it’s not “too binary” I have similar attractions and come off that way. I get reticule for my privilege as a masc guy that is a femphobe and transphobe. I dont hate anyon one but I am who I am a simple lay back masculine guy that is attracted to the same.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Me as gay recently experiencing it with a straight guy with kid and gf. I was confused when I saw him blushing...
I'm not sure why RUclips suggested this video but im glad it did. Im a straight divorced male - we all our struggles. Not everyone understands themselves and can take such an honest inventory of their life experiences.
Thank you for sharing this. A lot of people are going to find a better understanding of themselves through your story.
*We all HAVE our struggles...(correction)
I wish all straight guys could have a heart like yours. Thank you for supporting this, means a lot to the community
That is among, perhaps even the most painful coming out experience I've ever heard. Yet the fact you made it through while being able to confront and discuss it is in itself a sign of great emotional strength. And don't for a moment believe you can't have a family. There are countless gay couples, famous and not, male and female, who have wonderful healthy families, and I mean with their own children, often biologically of their own genetics. As so many in these comments have said, it gets better. You're a shining soul and you deserve all happiess.
Hi Jeff, thank you for your comment. If it wasn't for 6 months of weekly counselling, then I probably wouldn't have been able to make the video without crying every other sentence. But it's all in the past now. Thank you for the positive reminder that a familial life is possible, I try my best to remain positive about that. Strength comes in ebbs and flows. Best of wishes to you :)
@@supernonkey 💗So glad to know you've sought out counselling. There's no more shame in that than seeking out a mechanic when your vehicle needs service. You give the impression of someone who feels and thinks deeply, which does test a person sorely but also enriches them. Though it's cliche, the line from The Fantastiks still rings true: "Without a hurt, the heart is hollow." May your life's journey have much more joy in it than sorrow.
Yes, he can still have a beautiful family with a beautiful man and beautiful children whether adopted or biological through surrogacy
It’s not my right to tell anyone else how to experience life, but if I might make an observation…it seems like you’re going through stages of grief surrounding the life that you imagined you would have. And perhaps that feeling is more profound for you because you’ve had a lot of time to develop that fantasy. Time will cure this. You should be kind to yourself in that process. You seem like a deeply empathetic person, and that’s a wonderful trait to have…have that empathy for yourself as well. Regret can only teach you so much. You can move towards a very satisfying and thrilling part of your life if you just accept that you deserve it. Don’t allow the thoughts to torment you…be free
Huh? Same sex couples cant have biological children with eachother.
Your story moved me, and thank you for being so open. I feel so connected; you are not alone. I am 32, and throughout my life, I have always tried to be straight. I tried dating women, but it never worked out. Just like you, I couldn't even dare to kiss a girl, let alone have sex with one. I am still a virgin at 32 because I was never able to have sex with a woman and never dared to date men because I didn't accept myself. Fortunately, I have come to accept myself, and I just came out to my family and friends. I am ready to move on and accept that you can't change your sexual orientation. I feel so relieved that I came out but regret having done it so late. I feel I have missed many opportunities and chances to enjoy my life. Hopefully, it's never too late, and I find that special person. I really thank you, Alexander, for your video. Hopefully, it helps other people like me realize they are not alone. I wish I could hug you. I wish you a happy life and hope you also find that person who makes you happy.
i share the same story as yours , but with the difference that i tried sex with a woman because i was curious eventhough didnt enjoyed like a sttraight man would do . but anyway , its never too late / im 31
Penetratingly fragile. Deep. Soft. Aware. And yet painful as hell. Overwhelming. Many others "coming out" seem so shallow and self indulgent. Love your sensitive voice. I do❤
Deeply personal, eloquent, and brave. Thank you for your story.
I am a grandfather who happens to be gay. Been with my partner for 40 years.
4 sons and 1 daughter. Lots of grandkids. I have 2 with me right now. I'm raising them to be better men than their fathers ever even thought of. Now that you are on your true path our higher spirit will provide you with all that you desire. Continue to learn to love yourself, be patient and in a few years you will have fond memories and a house full of kids making you feel every ache and pain in your bones. You are as deserving of these things as anyone and raising your kids free of unnecessary evil will bring you great joy and reward that will all by erase all of the pain and make it a distant memory. All these things came to me after 30 yrs old and at the right time in my life. I since so much love and kindness in your voice and there is joy and love in your future. Please let us know how you are getting along.......Sam in Texas.
...your a good man ...
Sorry, but you're bi.
I knew I was gay at 7years old. I dating many Married men Many whifes know . Gay men want to just have a normal life . Many want to please the family . Then later change minds Gay men go threw Mental issues with this . Pressure for Marriage . I was lucky one whom family was very liberal .God loves Gays too.
As a late bloomer lesbian I loved this video. Lots of unexpected parallels between your journey and mine. Your introspection is next level! Thanks for this :)
Hi lemon grass 👋. It was videos from late bloomer lesbians that gave me comfort when I first came out last year. Indeed, very much that I could relate with. Thank you for your comment. Best wishes to you!
Thank you Alexander for being so clear and open to share your life with deep moving honesty.
You are much stronger than you realize. The idea of the person you want to be and the life you want to have clashed with the reality of who you are. Many choose to continue lying to themselves and others, in an unhappy marriage with someone of the opposite sex who can't understand why they are both feeling so miserable. Others see no way out and decide to end everything. But you chose to face the truth and open your heart about it to the world. Your childhood traumas prevented you from doing this until this point in your life, but you are still very young. Eventually you'll find someone with whom you'll have a deep emotional and sexual conection. If his goals in life are similar to yours and you live in a country with laws that protect LGBT+ rights, you'll be able to start that family you always wanted, either through adoption or surrogacy. Things will get better, one day at a time. I wish you the best. Stay strong.
Thank you Matias. It was precisely this idea of imagining an unhappy future the was the final straw for me. It wasn't fair for my ex, and she deserved to know the truth. Every single positive, kind and reassuring comment on my video brings me peace. Thank you once again.
So vulnerable, tender, and respectful. Thank you for having the courage to share so much. There are things you said that some people wouldn’t dare admit. Keep learning and growing and being honest with yourself. That will lead you to dreams that you haven’t even imagined yet. ❤
Thank you for your kind words Chris -- it means a lot to read all of the positive comments. I will pursue my dreams steadfastly. Best wishes! :)
You did a very kind and honorable thing in coming out to your ex-girlfriend so early in the relationship, and perhaps over time she will come to realise that. You did it before moving in together, and before engagement, marriage and kids. You set her free to go find the love she deserves, and you did exactly the same thing for yourself.
Take your time, there's no rush. Go on a couple of dates if you want to, but if you're not feeling it give yourself a break. Try a hookup if you want to see what gay sex is all about - you're very handsome, loads of guys would jump at the chance of a one-off hookup with you (be safe, obviously). But if that idea doesn't float your boat, don't do it.
You've done the hard stuff in accepting yourself, extricating yourself from a relationship that was unfair on both you and your ex, and coming out to family and friends. Now just relax and see where the journey takes you.
I think that it takes genuine compassion to read the situation like that -- to see that the other person had to make a difficult decision and that it wasn't one sided. During a break up, people are emotional, hurt and read the world in terms of what they didn't get. It's easy to fall into a victimhood mentality. Indeed, perhaps in time she will understand -- if she hasn't already.
I don't feel drawn to casual fun at all. It just isn't for me. So I will just take it day by day. It's really difficult to readjust in light of an identity that I couldn't accept for decades. And it will take some time before things change. But I try to keep positive about it all.
Maybe I'll make an update video at some point.
Thank you for your comment Phil. Best wishes!
@@supernonkey Yea the sooner the better! You did good since you saved her worse heartbreak in the future. And it was a good decision for both of you. Better to recognize it early. For both of your future's. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. Often it's harder. But your both better off with the truth and building lives on your truths.
Very moving story Alexander. My own story has some parallels and differences. Forgive me for sharing it. My hope is that you will find healing in sharing your story, and healing in hearing the stories of others. So let me begin. I recall being 5 years old, in kindergarten. There was a fire drill and the nuns lined us single file outside the door of our classroom. I was at the front of our line. And just a few steps in front of me was the line for an older class. I remember looking up at the older boy, he may have been 11 or 12. I was staring up at him and thinking he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I also remember thinking, "You can't tell anyone that. Ever." I was 5.
Throughout my grade school years I was picked on and teased. Accused of being a 'sissy'. Even though I had no idea what that really meant. As the years rolled on the slang for sissy changed and evolved. But the negative connotation of being 'one of those' remained the same. A heady thing when I reached an age to understand some of what it meant and to find the Catholic Church and the grade school thugs were of one mind on the subject. Puberty came late for me. So I grew up with no understanding of what sex was, not even heterosexual sex. I got the idea from films and TV that it had something to do with girls. And something to do with kissing. And since I had no interest in girls I had no interest in sex. Although I had a sense that something was missing and I wasn't engaged in the activities of other high schoolers. Then I met a girl. A singular, beautiful, intellectual girl who looked and acted older than her age. She wanted to become a singer. And she amazed me. Her spoken voice was as if it was sung. And she was a joy to be around. I suppose we became boyfriend and girl friend. It was never formalized. We just bonded in our company. I think at first she liked how I respected her by not hitting on her. But over the course of the year she began to get agitated that I never did. I thought we were doing fine. But one night, as she was leaving, she said to me, "You know, you're probably gay." I froze. Perplexed. I did not think of myself as gay. It stung because it felt like she was saying I was a sissy and all the other negative words slung at be fore the fists followed. And then the next thought that crossed my mind was "I think this means goodbye?" And it was. She never took my call or called me again after that. I still had no idea about sex. And no sexual urges. So while her
A year later I was a junior in high school. There was a guy on the track team who was a friend of my best friend, who was also on the track team. The first time I laid eyes on him it was as if I was hit with a ton of bricks. It was the first time in my life I cared for another human being more than I cared for myself. And yet, he had not done anything other than simply being. I remember sitting up that night under a full moon and a sky full of stars asking God why? Because if I was so attracted as I was to him, then the Church - and the bullies- were right. And the only just punishment was eternal damnation. Which I could not make right in my head. I had done nothing wrong other than finding another boy beautiful enough that I cared for his well being more than my own.
Two years later I went off to college. My crush forgotten. All the bullying I endured set aside. I figured this my first chance to shape my life the way I wanted. Become the person I wanted to be. I 'assumed' that my interest in males was just a passing fancy. All it would take would be meeting the right woman. We would fall in love. Marry. Start a family. I could be "normal." I changed my dress. Social habits. Became more outgoing. And it worked. 3 months into freshman year I was dating a young woman who was a cheerleader for the Football team. She was beautiful. Sweet. Kind. We got along famously. I even contemplated the idea of marrying her. One day in the spring she invited me to her dorm room to make out. We kissed. Fondled.Undressed. She seemed pleased, I was feeling less and less so. My ears were warm. Not from arousal but a sense of building dread. As I was not aroused. We were naked in her bed. I was laying on top of her looking down at her lovely body, feeling nothing. Nothing. Panicked that this was definitely not going to work, I awkwardly pulled myself off her and apologized that I couldn't go on. I dressed and bolted from her room. I couldn't bring myself to try and explain. We never spoke again even though we had to share the same dining hall for the rest of the semester. It was a nightmare.
I lost all illusions that I could be heterosexual. And started the long process of accepting myself as gay. It took awhile. As my Catholic guilt stilted feelings of arousal with men too. Two years on I met my boyfriend. We have been together, married now, for 45 years. It concerns me that you aren't dating. Not that dating is necessary or that dating 'solves all.' My concern is more a question of time. Life is short. Time moves swift. And you, as we all are, you are deserving of happiness. I won't say rush out and try to hook up or pair up. That's not the natural order of bonding.I will say instead, 'open up.' Allow yourself to be in the company of other like minded men and simply 'be'. In time you will meet someone, as I did in high school, who's well being will matter to you as much as your own. And that will be the test that they are worth dating, bonding. Whatever. Be it as a friend. Or life partner.
A good life journey is a bit like a doctor's hippocratic oath. First, do no harm. It's a pact you make with yourself and towards others. Friend or life partner. Be kind. Have empathy. Share. Make them important. Trust they will do the same for you. Everything else, including sex, will fall into its natural place. But you have to be open and a bit vulnerable to do that. I'm imagining everything I'm describing here is the opposite of your wicked step mother.
As for a family... that too is possible. I have a number of gay friends who have gone on to raise children with their partner. And you can find examples here on RUclips. Check out Dustin and Burton. I say that only as the first, off the top of my head example of what is possible.
As a great poet once said: Love lures life on.
Hi, thank you for sharing that with everyone, I hope that typing those words was a cathartic experience -- I can only presume that the length of the comment speaks of the fact that you were able to relate. In reply to your comment I want to say the following: I too was bullied in high-school for being more feminine. This was, always and everywhere, the thing that made me adopt a more masculine demeanor so that I could "fit in". With time this solidified as an identity. I also somehow managed to weave myself into a social milieu that was completely homophobic -- unbeknownst to my true self. This is something that I regret deeply. I might make a follow up video on this actually.
As per dating, I am still at a stage where I have to undo years of conditioning relating to romantic and sexual expression (or repression whilst we are at it) with men. I think that I am not someone who will be easy to date, as there is still a lot of healing to do. And that has to happen with someone who is understanding, patient, caring and loving. In my psyche sexuality feels even more overwhelming and dark than it was before this entire incident with my ex happened -- I still recall vividly the totality of what I went through and its been close to a year (it all just compounds). Hence, I am in no rush. Though I agree, life is very short and I feel that time is ticking away, slowly but surely. I've taken onboard your advice to "open up" an to simply "be".
Thank you for your comment once again. With very best wishes. -- Alex
Nah I think it's good he's not dating. You might have gotten lucky. Gay men will eat you alive until there's nothing left! I also grew up with an emotionally abusive mother (biological) and an absent father. That plus a homophobic country, no support whatsoever and you have a cocktail for disaster. Despite this I tried to be as emotionally healthy as possible and not hurt other people but for some reason I kept attracting people who would have no problem hurting me. My 3rd year of college I can say I fell in love with a guy. He too wasn't special. He just was and I loved him and I thought he loved me but nah he was still dealing with his own internalized homophobia and didn't treat me that well. He ended up really hurting me severely towards the last day of uni. A memory and act I will never ever forget. Of course I had a better experience right after him but it was too late. The damage was already done.
And now.... Anyways, I think you shouldn't open up. Stay the way you are. Cos people are wolves. More so in this so called community.
@@supernonkey 🥺
You have an extraordinary speaking voice, phrasing, and manner of speaking. It is a rare pleasure just listening to you speak, just the sound of your voice conveys a feeling of peacefulness. I hope that you post more often--even if it is simply reading something regardless of content; maybe an interesting article, a short story, or even some poetry.. Thank you so very much.
And thank you ever so much for your comment. Will do my best to put something together for another video at some point. Best wishes to you!
What made me feel comfortable being myself as a gay man is finding out that being gay is actually not a sin. There's been a lot of misinterpretations, mistranslations, and dogma that many of us have grown with, and undoing all of that has made me feel lighter. It's wonderful.
Nah, it is a sin but who cares
@@Oldman808Nothing evil about love. You can believe in whatever you want, no one is forcing you to be gay, you live by those rules and let those who don't live the way they want
@@thatamericanbritishbloke5672 it is not a sin. The damage you do by saying this is huge. Hopefully you unlearn that cause that a shitty thing to believe. Trust me gay people aren't going to hell for being gay and heterosexuals aren't going to heaven simply for being straight
@@thatamericanbritishbloke5672 Then having any lusting straight feelings is also a sin.
Don’t still be bound by that book. Searching for meaning in a book that was meant to destroy you and distort your view on your God that you’re suppose to get to know by yourself not through a book is the exact intention of those who mistranslated and sell it. All that book wants is to manipulate you about who your God is which thus controls the rest of your life. And yes believe it. Believe that corporations and evil forces want you enslaved spiritually and physically. They did it to my ancestors they’ll do it to you.
Insightful and moving Alexander. Thanks. Two small points. TheLGBTQ+ community is not monolithic, it has room for a wide spectrum of beliefs and opinions. What perhaps is the common link is the experience of being different and, hopefully, an effort to be supportive of others with that experience- something you are doing with this video. Secondly, I hope you are aware of the real possibility of a relationship and children. You would clearly be a wonderful parent.
Nah its very monolithic. Group thinking, intolerance, and pro left
Nah it’s pretty diverse or at least it has been in my experiences
@@girugiru27 think you're confusing the current LGBTQ++ community and gay people in general. Because the community today is, as the comment before yours mentions, very much full of leftist groupthink, with very little "acceptance" and "tolerance" even for moderates such as I. We are way past the community's original purpose, at least in the western world. It's doing more harm than good at this point.
I'm sharing this video with my boyfriend who started exploring his sexuality at 38. Greetings and blessings to you from Venezuela.
Thanks Alex, I’m 50 and just starting to come out. It is helpful to know I’m not the only person who feels and sees things in similar ways. You give me courage and I’m grateful 🙏
I am stunned. Your story impressed me a lot. It has some aspects similar to my own life.
Being gay doesn't mean you can't raise kids. It just means you won't have the perfect 1950s straight family.
Thank you for posting this. I also came to terms with my sexuality well into my 20s. I had two girlfriends in my teens but intimacy didn’t go beyond kissing. I ventured out to explore the gay environment when I was 26 but I treated it like a museum. I met a guy I was really attracted to when I as 29, he seemed interested but I was weary that he was after one thing so I proceeded with caution. I knew nothing of the lifestyle and he was more experienced. I was very emotionally guarded so I resisted his advances of intimacy because while I was attracted to him I wasn’t there yet emotionally. This made him more interested in me because he was extremely attractive and I think I was the first man that he was attracted to that resisted him, so I became a bit of a challenge. He began to show more emphasis in our friendship. I really liked him but just wasn’t ready to cross the threshold into sex with him.
We didn’t live close so he started to look for a flat closer to where I lived, this was about two months after we met but everything was too expensive for him. I went with him to see an apartment, it had two bedrooms and I realized if we split the rent we could afford it. So we moved in together but slept in our own rooms. So we were dating roommates but not yet lovers, after three months living together we went to see a movie and we were holding hands, he began holding my hand with both of his and then he lifted my hand and kissed it, something just washed over me in that moment, he turned and looked at me and we kissed very gently, by this time I forgot about the movie and he said to me, “you wanna go?” I nodded yes, we went straight home holding hands all the way, we entered our apartment and went into his room, I sat on his bed, no words were spoken as he undressed in front of me then he came towards me, leaned over and kissed me a bit more deeply. He began to undress me and that night we became lovers! It was my first time and it was amazing! I watched gay porn before but up to that point no one could of told me that being with another man would feel so right! The first time he came he held me so tight and he was sobbing, I though something was wrong but he was experiencing some very strong emotions in the moment, I knew he was very fond of me but now I saw he was in-love with me. I was very fond of him but I didn’t know if I was ‘in love’ with him. He continued being a loving, attentive & patient boyfriend. It wasn’t for another eight months or so when I realized that I was ever so deeply in-love with him.
We lasted eight and a half years. He left me for someone else, I tried to hold onto him for dear life until I realized he had already left. I moved out into my own place. I did see him and his new love together and it really hurt me so deeply. It took me about five years to get over him. That was almost twenty years ago and I am still single because I don’t think I could survive another break up. I feel a bit abnormal not having romance in my life but I know now that there is a dark side to love called loss because when love leaves it takes no less than everything! Maybe one day I’ll meet someone that’ll entice me from my tower but until then I will stay still.
What an incredibly ppwerful sharing of your journey of self discovery. The detail of your journey both internally and externally is so well articulated. Your vulnerability and your struggle with vulnerability. The struggle within yourself and the pain you went through is so insightful. As you struggled to come to terms with your sexuality. There is so much h that you shared that I and others identified with shows the depth with you have touched the lives of so many of us. It is so personal and yet universal. You maturity has been hard fought and your wisdom comes through. You are stronger and more fully alive. Words cannot express the thanks for being willing to be so open and honest.
No one is ever promised a 🌹 garden for ever. Spring eventually turns to winter, and with the return to warmer days so is the hope of new love. PEACE 🕊️
Please don’t call it “the lifestyle”, you’re perpetuating harmful conceptions about us, like this is a choice. 😔
You didn't deserve that. 💔 It feels terrible seeing your ex with a new person too soon.
But also GET OUT THERE!!! Have fun!! (Stay safe, tho) Even if it's not to date or hookup, try finding a nice hangout or other gay friends! It helps. I also don't feel like I can take another heartbreak, but if love finds me, then I will try to give it a chance(I need to get more money first💀brokie). You have to move on, for your own sake. Some people are only for a few seasons and not most of your life. If someone leaves you fr fr then they're not the love of your life. It's okay. ❤❤❤
@@S.Uranus Wow! Thank you for your empathy and encouragement. The thing is I have been single for so long now that I think I’ve lost the language of romance.
My ex did return after many years to say to me what I dreamt he would say, “he was a fool to leave because he realized now that I was the one.”
Unfortunately his realization came too late as I have fallen out of love with him. He wanted us to give it another go but there wasn’t anything in me to go back to someone that took their love away from me because they were bored.
I told him our past is in the past and we should leave our romance there but I would like us to be friends. He replied that he didn’t want to be “just friends” with me and departed from my life a second time.
I was disappointed, he rejected my love and now my friendship. How could I be so wrong about someone I fell for.
This the most comprehensive share about coming out that I’ve seen here on RUclips. Congratulations for having the courage to share so deeply. I’m 79 and didn’t come out until I was about 39. Mine was a gradual and bumpy experience also. Even today, I struggle with the gay “scene,” i.e., extreme and over the top behavior. It was very difficult for me to accept the fact that I would not parent children. Maybe I’ll add to this later . . . your words are causing me to reflect . . .with regard to yourself, I hope you can find more joy in your life and come to terms with being yourself. I don't think what you did with her was negative. We are all human being learning how and what to life for the entirety of our existence. Peace! Also, more gay men are raising children all the time. I hope you don't give up on that dream, unless it is a choice.
Your future is yours to make. Preconceived notions about ourselves can be world flipping but it doesn’t mean we can’t have what we dreamed for ourselves only that it will look different than we imagined. I hope you find a way to embrace your truth with an open heart and love yourself whoever that is. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this. I suddenly realized that I was a lesbian at age 25 while I was in a 6-year long relationship with a man who I loved, so a lot of this was relatable. That breakup was definitely the hardest thing I have gone though, he was furious with me and I had to go no contact. I have a lot of regret about not seeing the signs earlier.
I am sorry that you had to go through that. Sometimes we wake up and realise that we are not the people who we thought we were yesterday -- and at no point is it your fault. I hope that you are being kind to yourself. May you live your fullest life :)
Lesbian? Are you not bi? You literally spent 6 years married to a man you say you were in love with. A real lesbian would not fall in love with a man that way. I find it curious to discover your sexuality only late in life, I've known that I'm gay since I was a child
@@bettedavisweloveyou270 You know, sexuality is a spectrum. Things aren't so rigid. We are humans. We have the capability to love. If you find it curious one discovers and becomes comfortable with their sexuality later in life, you may want to read up on the countless experiences. Instead of being insulting.
@@Aleks_Ovski416 Of course we have the capacity to love anyone, but romantic love is the thing that literally defines homosexuality. Gay men DON'T love women romantically or sexually, anyone who deviates from that is bisexual just like this guy in the video. Some studies point out that basically 90% of society is actually bi, and the case of this guy in the video absolutely reflects these studies. The truth is that gay men in this world are extremely rare, they don't exist on the scale many people think. For me to classify someone as gay is something extreme since few people are really gay. And don't forget this guy had sex with his girlfriend even after telling her he was '''''gay'''''. There's no coherence to it, there's no credibility, there's no reason for me to believe this guy is gay.
And it's funny that ''sexuality is only a spectrum'' when we're talking about gay men, because straight people are born straight and die straight, but it seems that within the LGBT community everyone changes their sexuality weekly, monthly or yearly.
@@bettedavisweloveyou270Yapping
You are very strong, brave and kind person. I hope that you have found the inner peace and I am sure that the future holds something very special for you!
Happened upon your video and I commend your candor and honesty. I am significantly older, grew up in a deeply religious home, in a very different time than you (I’m 62), and was also the 27 year old virgin:). My level of repression and denial was incredibly deep…..at some level I knew from the time I was an adolescent there was some sort of same sex attraction but never acted on it, and swore I never would. I desperately wanted to be married and have kids. I met my wife at 27, married at 28, and had 3 beautiful children. The heaviness grew in my 30’s and I came out in my late 40’s after 20 years of marriage. It was incredibly painful for everyone and the years of guilt, feeling like a fraud, etc…were overwhelming. My children remain my crowning achievement, I love them desperately, they accept, love me, and want both their parents happy. But I own the fact that I caused them and my ex-wife significant pain. I have forgiven myself as I never set out to do so, and did my best. I am no longer religious, but my spiritual connection is incredibly strong. Listen to the little inner voice we all have. Accept and love who you are….that has always been a challenge for me, but I know it’s the absolute right way to live. It took years, but I found an incredibly decent, kind and loving person to share my life with. If I can ever answer any questions, you can always message me privately….there is no right answer…everyone’s is different. We get one shot at this, and you deserve happiness. I tried so hard for so long to do what I believed the world expected and what I expected….and in the end, as it always does….the truth came out and I am grateful. I hear pain in your voice and it makes me sad.
Hi Jim, thank you for sharing your story as well. We share many parallels -- insofar as growing up is concerned at least. I am very sorry that you had to pick between authenticity and family. I very much understand just how much churn, dissonance and internal turmoil this brings. The thought of being a father, in a traditional relationship, whilst having to hide a kernel within yourself nearly brought me me to the edge -- though I had mulled over the possibility for around 2 months, completely stuck and afraid. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to grow up in a time where being your authentic self wasn't accepted as it is now -- and try to remind myself that I have it better than generations prior. I will do my best to live my fullest life, and know in my heart that this universe is loving and accepting. Things will take time, but I know that I will come out stronger on the other side. Just wanted to wish you and your family the very best!
Alexander, thank you for sharing your story. It takes guts to put it out there with so much honesty. I hope it helps other guys to come to terms with their own sexuality.
I'm mesmerized listening to and observing you articulate your thoughts and experiences. I hope this was at least somewhat cathartic and liberating for you. For me it was absolutely brilliant. Thank you for sharing! Hugs 🤗.
Alex, this post was gut-wrenching, passionate, and honest. Don't give up on having children. Good parents come in all stripes and flavors. ;-) Thank you for sharing in such an intelligent and sincere manner.
This was incredible, thank you for your honesty. I can relate to so many things. One thing that hardship taught me is that we suffer only when we struggle to let go of our guilt and projections. It's after surrendering to the idea that I wouldn't have kids the way I saw it that two of my friends asked me to be their boys' godfather. I now have the luxury to reparent myself through seeing them grow up before eventually having kids of my own somehow someday and I'm super grateful for that cause they'll be welcomed by someone who's whole and ready to give.
You are very welcome Cyril. I hope that you were able to get something out of my video. One day all of your wishes will come true, and life will be peaceful and fulfilling. Best wishes to you!
What an amazing, captivating story. I didn't intend to listen all the way through but could not stop! I'm hoping that you will become more hopeful and optimistic over time. Thanks for sharing.
This is so powerful brother, the bravery, the vulnerability is inspiring to us all irrespective of sexuality, sending you so much love man! X
Yours is such a powerful coming out story! I'm glad you managed to find your authentic self. It also took me really long to realise I was gay, even though looking back on my life there were plenty of signs from even my early childhood. Still I didn't realise I was gay until I was 23. Even though my own story is different, there is a lot of your story that resonates with mine, as I too came from a conservative background. As such, if you let me, here are my two cents of advice.
The first, and this is a hard one, is that your conservative values and your dreams are not lost nor devalued as a gay man. However you will need to unpack them, figure out what is at the core of each of your values, and contrast them to what you now know about yourself. Do so while always remembering that you are a kind and worthy person, that you are good, and that the fact that you are gay (or bi) doesn't change any of that in the slightest. It is here that you'll find you can absolutely build a family and have kids. Furthermore you'll soon see that the struggle you faced now in coming out is a lesson in integrity that you now know better than most, and that you can and should pass it on to the next generation. Also that there is nothing in the "conservative idea of a family" that says building a family should be easy, and plenty that says that a family is something worth fighting for. And if/when you decide to build your own family, the additional obstacles that you'll face as a gay man, are just proof that the family you build is no accident and that it comes from your and your partners love and willingness to fight for it as hard as it's necessary.
The second cent is that you shouldn't look for a core message of the LGBTQ+ community. And if there was one, it wouldn't be in collectivism or group identity. You'll soon find that the community is as disjoint as you could possibly imagine. I understand why you see it the way you do though. The community projects itself that way because it does give us strength in face of a society that is often hostile. However from inside you'll see that the LGBTQ+ community treasures individuality more than any other "community" I can think of. We are brought together largely by a common experience in coming out, the struggles we face from people, often including ourselves and our parents, that won't accept us. We're also brought together by our need to find other members of the community. And finally, we are also together by recognising that it'll be up to us to help make things better for future queer people. We generally can't agree on anything else, and this tends to make the community into a royal mess and gives us a whole new set of struggles from mixing those of us looking for love, those of us looking for hookups, those looking for help, those just wondering about, and yeah, a fair share of ass-hats because every community unfortunately has those. I honestly still struggle a lot navigating it, but it is ultimately a good community. Just try to see it with an open mind.
Wish you all the best!
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've pondered and re-read what you have tried to say here. We take things a day at a time. Thank you once again. Best wishes to you -- Alex
I've only watched 13 minutes so far. I'm totally struck by your openness and obvious honesty. You are totally raw and I appreciate that. I came out much earlier, but can identify with things you've said. I identify more with my experiences of my first boyfriend I had when I was 10. He went through hell because because of his mother. We reconnected after 43 years. I cut myself off from my mother. I will watch the rest of your video and hear your full story. I'd hug you if I could. Take care young man x
17:21 I had a similar experience. I was in a loving, sexually active straight relationship and I realized one day that *there is just something missing.* I didn't understand why I felt this way, but I could not shake this feeling that there was something missing.
This realization was weird because I was in love and I enjoyed the sex we were having, but there was something off with how I felt. Something deeper and more emotional was missing from the relationship.
The straight relationship didn't answer my questions. The straight relationship gave me the most important question: Why am I feeling disconnected when I should feel connected in this?
I ended the relationship because I had to process how I was feeling and to eventually admit to myself that I wasn't straight.
In all of this I realised that attraction is so deeply nested in our biology -- that it's irreducible. No amount of rationalisations will make one overcome it. It not only dictates where sexual pleasure is felt, but regulates how we feel around others. Well no wonder that the feeling of connectedness wasn't there -- it wasn't to be found with that person. I never thought that sexuality occupied the spiritual, but apparently it does.
I hope that you were able to gleam something from my experience, and that you find the connection you sought in your previous relationship.
Best wishes!
I hear you and i understand you Alexander. I wish I could give you a big hug if you would allow me. A damaged childhood can be so destructive. The only thing I can promise you is, "it will get better". It took me some years to recover. You are a thinker. It doesn't make life any easier. I also went through some dark places in my past. I had to learn to embrace my younger me and feel sorry for what has happened to him. That's not easy because i made a lot of self-destructive mistakes when i grew up.
This year my husband and i will celebrate our 17th anniversary. You are such a smart guy who has lots of love to give and to receive. Not only smart but handsome as well. When you smile in between telling your story, you are so beautiful. You will get there. I promise.
Wishing you all the best in life. Greetings from an old 50 years old guy living in the Netherlands.
Thank you for sharing your story. This is part of your healing journey. I got married at 18, thinking it was what I was supposed to do. I was raised in a religious upbringing and it was the source of many heartaches. I finally split at 28 years after my secret of sleeping with my brother-in-law was discovered. My life got very difficult, but at least I was pushed out of the closet. I'm glad I didn't have kids. I am now married to my boyfriend and my life is easier once I accepted myself. You can adopt or have a surrogate carry your child. Believe in yourself, you are brave, beautiful, and intelligent! Your new journey is beginning.
Hi Funky Groove Junkie, very sorry to hear that you had to go through that. There isnt really enough words in the English language to portray the totality of being in the midst of something like that, and I can't imagine what in must have been like to endure that for 10 years. But I am very glad to hear that you are in a better, happier place. Thank you for communicating your story, it is really comforting to hear that people have gone through similar difficult things.
I wish you the best in your journey too! :)
Alexander, I appreciate that parts of this story are difficult even now for you to relate. Rest assured that your account is being listened to by mature people who have only compassion for you.
Thank you for sharing your story, this is something I am currently figuring out myself and seeing this story, finding out I am not alone really helped me. Thank you again.
You've been on RUclips nearly 20 years and this is your first video? You're my hero!
Thank you for this incredible share. I read in the comments that you are not dating. I can relate. I never really felt the urge to come out publicly until I found someone whom I felt I could spend my life with. I had a few occasional lovers over the years but nothing like dating. At 35 I almost gave up and thought : that's it, I'm going to be single all my life... Then I found the love of my life a and we have been together 16 years now. Dating is not for everybody.
Hi Andre, for me personally it's a) introversion, b) not being able to separate sexual contact from love and c) a desire for something long term that make me single. And that's okay, yes it's lonesome but the opposite isn't much better -- especially if it lacks connection.
Really glad to hear that you have found your special someone. Maybe one day I will find someone who is right for me. Best wishes to you :)
Your story intersects with what is happening inside me a lot, all the conflicts and psychological obstacles that no one may understand, and finally, the sadly overwhelming feeling.... I respect the fact that you did not celebrate being gay, and did not make of it an achievement, or a social or political identity out of yourself, and did not make your feelings or psychological states another fad for a boring and pathetic story like millions of stories from people like us who find it difficult to accept this part of their lives... just a frightening discovery of a truth that you must live with for the rest of your life. I am very proud of you, and I hope that you Be your best 💓
It was truly great to hear your story. You seem so honest. It's tough to be love but not feel the intimacy . I hope all works out for you.
Coming across this video this morning just made me burst into tears, as I can see the emotional strain and heartache your journey and process has been and I'm sure is still an ongoing self introspection, life changing realisation of one's self. As a 28 year old closeted male myself,who to a certain degree has gone through the same challenges with loneliness for years & struggling with finding someone who you wish to share yourself with, fill that void and give you a sense of a normal life,just like everyone else. Growing up in a very conservative and spiritual family & environment, I can to some length understand how hard this process has been for you and I just want to thank you for sharing this, as it will help me see some sort of light in the darkness that I've been in, worse so in the past couple of months. I can't imagine your process has been nothing but easy and I hope & pray that you don't give up on your dream on having a family as you will one day, you are not alone , I realise that too now, ironically.Your truth, will certainly continue to help many more of people and show them that they are not alone, no matter how different our lives and circumstances maybe.Thank you.
Hi Dane, thank you very much for your reply. Its comments like these that justify why I decided to post this video in the first place. You are not alone! In time I believe that we will all be happy and actualised, precisely in the way that we want for our lives to be -- free of judgement, living our true selves. I wish you the very best!
I found you from a comment on a wavy Jones song caught in a trap.
One of my favorite songs.
Went to my Town's pride celebration and now that I found this video I feel so much pride. and I am so proud of you it's never too late to come out and I'm so happy that you found out that you are who you are.
Wow!
Alex, I can completely empathise with how you feel in some of the chapters throughout this video. Thank you for being so genuine/eloquent in telling your story. I felt really moved by this. As someone with a mild disability, definitely can feel like an outcast/not fitting in on bad days but I always try to see the bigger picture in life.
Wishing you all the best as you progress through your journey at your own pace, of course.
Take care 😊
Alexander your breaking up with your girlfriend was really "The Kind" thing to do.
I am gay and met my partner when I was 17 years old, he 27 and we were together for 48 years until he died.
BUT.....
I have had many relations with men simuler to your story that had gone on to marry, have a family, but lived a double life.
For me that is much more painful and unfair to the woman.
Feel proud of yourself that you did "The Right Thing"....I wish you the best.
The intelligence, the insight, the self awareness, the emotional maturity is astounding . Besides being so handsome, so masculine, so modest, so introspective, such observing ego, he is abused for his emotional courage and intellect. Through his abuse by parents he remains so balanced, reflective and such calm in is thought process. His intelligence is well above 125, trapped in a abusive family without any emotional support, this guy is a survivalist. I feel his pain despite his repriessing any thought of retialatory leanings. He is a rara avis. The intellectuality bond I feel with him is torture, since I went through the same abuse.
.
That's such a sad story man. It really makes me appreciate that I wasn't in a relationship before I figured out my sexuality
Thank you for sharing your story
Wow, that is quite a sharing. You have put much effort into analyzing yourself and your situation. I hope you can continue the process and find someone who you can bond with on all levels. You are a handsome and intelligent fellow. There are many wonderful guys out there who want the same things you want. I wish you all the best Alexander!!
I suppose if the video didn't go into the full breadth of what I went through then it wouldn't be worth sharing. Thank you for the compliments, and the kind words of reassurance -- I really need to hear them. All the very best to you too!
Alexander, be kind to yourself. You are a sensitive, respectful and beautiful human being. Coming out is a learning experience. Since we are born we grow up in a society that dictates what is considered normal, so no wonder we may struggle going through our identity discovery. Coming to terms with our true sexuality is a process. It does not happen overnight, and it is not linear for that matter, until we finally accept our true self. And in this journey we may challenge ourselves in the confirmation process in relationships with others. It is a testing period with no harmful intentions as we are not sure were we stand in our feelings towards the opposite sex. In the end you can be thankful that you came to peace with your sexuality before embarking in a “permanent” unhappy relationship in the long term. Lots of love and peace in your life journey and do not rule out the possibility of having children. It may happen unconventionally.
Thank you for those comforting words of wisdom -- I agree with everything you have said. Will do my best to live a full life, that is in the moment and not perennially cerebral. By virtue of this I hope to find myself where I want to be. Cheers to you.
Wow, what a powerful and vulnerable account. You spoke so eloquently. You are a genuine person and I hope the best for you. I hope you are able to enjoy your journey.
you are still on a healing process and its ok, if your dream is to have kids, you will have it one day, you will find someone that you will want to be together and have kids with, life will get better and you will grow and see how amazing your future will be, keep healing and i hope to see another video of you soon on a better and more positive note for the future, sending you lots of good vibes and energies
This video is amazing. I have been gay all my life and very aware of it. This could have been me, if i didn't have support from friends and a few family membes. This was the best coming out story/video Ive ever seen. Please make an update video. I really hope you find a great guy and have kids of your own someday. Im building a family of my own now with my soon to be husband... im sending much love and positivity your way!!
I hope you find the one. He is out there for you. Much happiness ❤️
There are so many tender and thoughtful responses to your video that I hardly feel any need to comment. You are a beautiful soul, a light to anyone who hears your voice. Since you mentioned your spiritual side, I will describe an event that happened 51 years ago while I was in graduate school. For three months I tried desperately to heal myself from my tortuous hang-ups through introspection and a counselor without any thought of God and without any improvement, but one morning I awoke in my room and from a depth I cannot identify, I raised my fist at the ceiling and sneered as spitefully as possible at a God I didn't believe in, "Why don't YOU do something?" He opened my mind and said very clearly and in a matter-of- fact manner, "My son." I had no time to think about what the experience meant but I burst out into the hottest tears I've ever known, with spasms in the gut. For the rest of my life I have allow that power to make of me whatever he wants because by so doing he is making what He desires and is concentrating my will evermore clearly upon Himself. I'm saying that I finally understand the the love I feel for any individual or particularity of nature is my loving of Him, including especially my recognition of His beauty that resides in the most beautiful person before me--right down to every follicle of a corrugated scrotum or pulsation of arousal or glistening of gentle and longing eyes. The center of the will is His reality, the same reality that we shall inherit forever. There is nothing you have to do with yourself. We are the creatures and He is the Creator. Live.
I understand and believe everything you said and it still blew me away and sent shivers over my body. See you on the otherside.
@@driverain2 Grace is utterly free. See you there, and we will know each other.
Alexander, thanks for sharing your story. Things can get better. It's 30 years since I came out and at the time all I could see was darkness. I've now been with my husband for almost 30 years and we've had great life. You CAN have children if you want to. As an overthinker the best advice I can give you is don't overthink. Things CAN work out for you. Take care.
Your courage and openness to tell us your story helped me to heal a very similar experience that I had when I was in university, including the appearance of a protective spirit. Thank you so much, Alexander.
Very glad that my words could be healing. Thank you for your comment Doug. In the essence/core of all that exists there is a beautiful, all-loving harmony. It's gentle an caring -- not wicked or cruel. Very best wishes to you :)
I wish I had a friend like you when I was struggling with my own coming out. In my opinion this vulnerable open and honest share is going to help many people. Thank you.
Hi Art, thank you for communicating that. Its precisely the reason that this video exists -- to help others. And in some sense comfort my past self, because I was desperate to see a video like this, this time around a year ago. Best wishes to you!
If you ever visit Amsterdam, happy to buy you a coffee and play tour guide/ give ideas of the best places. Especially outdoors sites. Keep going strong, and making the best decisions that work for you.
Hey Alexander, that was really brave of you to speak on all this and be so vulnerable. I hope you are feeling more comfortable with yourself. I didn't come out til 33 and it can be tough coming to terms with it but you will eventually be able to feel like you're living free. Much love
What you say and how you say it deeply resonates with me. Even though we all have different experiences, the emotional core of it seems to be quite the same every time. I'm only 22 and I can easily see how my own situation would have escalated for another 5 years.
I can relate too much of the panic, anxiety and extreme states of sadness that you described here. This is exactly what the LGBTQ+ community seeks to alleviate! This is why it grows bigger, because everyone deserves to be themselves. The people on the streets are the reason we can come out publically today without even more serious social consequences.
I would be happy if after possibly thousands of years of on and off malintegration into society everyone would finally be accepted as a part of the collective instead of being forced into an outcast group that HAS to exist in separation to survive and become accepted. In a society that expects people to be of a differeing personality type, sexuality and strength profile you wouldn't even have conceived of being something different than you are. You'd just have developed healthfully at your own pace. We are all "different", because we are not copies of each other.
I wish you a ton of positive experiences in your life and especially that you can find total peace with yourself! That is the most precious thing a human being has. The relationship we have with ourselves begins at our birth and ends with our death. It must be nurtured and taken care of for us to live happily and experience joy. ❤
I maybe will never understand your feelings, but man your story telling is so beautiful and quite intimating! I wish you all the best 💙.
As a married gay man at 40, with a daughter of 2 years old, starting a family is definitely a possibility today.
Also, getting a bit older does wonders for the mental health. I remember being a very anxiety ridden young man. Very spiritual, seeking, but also in a LOT of pain. I'm basically someone else today, for the better.
Indeed, I think mental health improves for men as they age -- I have heard this somewhere. Its the opposite for women unfortunately. Won't be able to produce the citation, but I think its true. Women who are older report much higher levels of mental distress compared to the population average. Thank you for your comment. Best wishes to your family!
I'm struggling to put my thoughts into words but after watching this a few times in a row I just couldn’t remain silent. To say that this video felt like a cathartic experience would be an understatement. I’m so happy you decided to share your story and gave us the gift of knowing that we are not alone in our struggles. I can relate to everything that you said.
Growing up gay in Eastern Europe was, at best, bittersweet, and at its worst, quite traumatic. Every moment of joy was tainted by the relentless guilt and shame stemming from my own natural self. But the worst of it all is the profound sense of loneliness that engulfs you when you realize that the love of your dearest people is not unconditional and in fact, your very existence violates those conditions.
I am still on the journey to break free from this isolating cycle, but I have at least learned to love myself despite my surroundings.
I can only hope and fight for a future where children like me won’t grow up shamed but loved for who they are and stories like ours will one day be confined to the past and serve as a testament to how far we've come.
Thank you again Александр Чураков you truly are a remarkable person!
Thank you for your comment. I felt it's full weight because I can relate to everything that you have said. Even with the fact that I had moved to live in the west at the age of 10, I was very much pursued by the pressures of conservative society -- this would ultimately lead me to where I have found myself today. It's a lonely and estranged existence, that I do not wish on anyone. I do not take for granted the fact that I can live an authentic life in the west. But this is not without its troubles and pitfalls. You are not alone, and I hope that you have been able to find comfort in my story. Best wishes to you on your journey. - Саша.
@@supernonkey Bro, you better be putting these writing skills to good use. I've rarely seen people describe things in such a smooth and eloquent manner. And btw I know this is a serious topic, but respectfully... you're quite handsome :D
Everytime the thought came to me that I might be a lesbian I pushed it down immediately. Was too overwhelming. I just couldn't even contemplate that I might be one. Scared the hell out of me. So I just closed my eyes and pretended to be straight.
Hang tight. You obviously are a thoughtful and resourceful person. There is nothing stopping you from having a relationship and a family, if you choose to. Just don't rush into things and make sure not to be infatuated with new love interests for too long, but see through the haze of mere attraction and lust for something more substantial. Everyone's journey is different and while mistakes will be made, it's not a bad thing, it's how we learn. All the best to you and I personally would love to see a video in some time with an update on how you doing (hopefully good)!
Thank you Alexander, I hope you find your happiness. I’m grateful to hear your story, so much of it resonated with my own experience and I hope that more people who are also going through similar things find this video ❤
Your level of self awareness is akin to a god. I’m in awe of your capacity to look at your own life with absolute objectivity. I’ve listened to every single word that came out of your mouth in this video. And though you’re sad, I’m actually celebrating. I’m beyond joyful that we, as a civilization, got to a place where we can be this vulnerable with one another. This video is a tremendous gift to humanity. And I thank you so much for being courageous enough to post it ❤🙏🏾
Salut, thank you for watching the video. I am also very happy that the response to this video has been very heartwarming and positive -- but most importantly vulnerable and sincere. Just wanted to say that my self awareness is more akin to that of a mere mortal, just like everyone else. The divine is always in sight, but behind a fence. Meilleurs vœux.
@@supernonkey Meilleurs voeux :)
Thanks for the raw honesty and vulnerability! Someone needs to hear this story so kudos to you.
Listening to you share your story was so moving to me. I hope you are getting better as you come to terms with it all. I know all too well how trauma can wreck your life. Please use this time as you go forward to realize your true strength and be emboldened by it.
Thank you for watching the video -- I hope that you were able to get something out of it. Its really heartwarming to read all of the positive comments; they are precisely what I need to hear. I hope to heal with time. Best wishes to you!
I’m curious if you’ve ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test to learn what your personality type is. There’s some things you said that are common traits of certain personality types.
I took the test. At first I thought I was an ENFP, but a future test result on another website said INFJ. With more research I figured out that I am actually a Sigma INFJ one of the rarest personality types.
Studying more about my personality type has really helped me understand myself better.
Being a rare personality type makes total sense to me, as I have always seen most everyone else as very different from me. Now I understand why.
One of my ex boyfriends used to say that I always thought like a girl, not like a guy, which surprised me at the time because people always think I’m straight unless I tell them otherwise.
But, he was right, which I understand now after taking the test, as some personality types are considered feminine in their way of thinking, while others are considered masculine. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation either, in fact my heterosexual best friend also has a feminine personality type. In the Navy, we could chat for hours, still can, a connection that isn’t so common for me.
You might struggle getting an accurate result from the Myers Briggs test due to childhood trauma. It’s why my first test results were wrong, due to my own childhood trauma. Once I got the new result of INFJ and researched it, I was able to figure myself out.
For a while I thought I was just an INFJ, but then I happened upon a video about Sigma INFJ male and that totally hit home as my personality.
In my younger years and desire to be straight, despite being gay, I dated and had sex with ladies. I had traditional dreams of marrying and having children. I actually proposed to one lady, but she turned me down. She eventually changed her mind, but by then so had I.
Being religious, I was trying to pray the gay away, as well as essentially brainwashing myself.
It all came to a head at age 22, when I slept walked on my Navy ship into a gay seduction scenario, giving one of my friend’s a risqué back massage. I woke up in the middle of it evolving into something more and started shaking 🫨 uncontrollably. I told my friend why I was shaking, because I had been sleep walking, excused myself, and went back to bed.
I realized immediately after that I had to stop lying to myself and find a boyfriend quick before I ended up sleep walking again. I was in a gay relationship within a week 😅
My girlfriend from age 20 is still my girlfriend today, although completely by default. You see, I never broke up with her when I joined the Navy. We reunited on Facebook a year ago and chat all the time. She’s totally cool about my sexuality, and probably wouldn’t have minded so much had I been honest with her all those years ago when we were an item. Part of intimacy is honesty and women really like that 😉 so I can understand how your ex was still into you after you were honest with her.
I knew I was gay as far back as I can remember, not bi, and while sex with women was fine, no issues performing, I wasn’t 100% into doing everything, if you know what I mean. With guys, I don’t have any such limits. That is how I know more than anything else that I am totally gay. 😊
You’re a really sweet guy, both in your heart, and externally 😉 so I would think you are in a much better place now to meet someone who you can fully connect to. Seeing how sensitive you are, I would just be careful about who you date. Best to get to know someone well first, before advancing it to a romantic relationship. Casual sex is fine too just don’t try to make it into something more.
The biggest achievement in my life was learning to love myself unconditionally in my mid 20s. It was my greatest achievement because it led me to changing my mindset from limiting negative to powerfully positive and truly enabling me to live an amazing life. I made a video about it all if you’re interested.
If you want to chat privately you can find my email on my channel.
I care.
Gio
Thank you for telling your story, Alexander. You are very brave and your story helps others who are struggling with this issue. Cheers, mate.
This was so refreshing, thank you! I'm also very spiritual and finding people I could relate to has been tricky but it makes them even more priceless when I find them ❤
Thanks for watching Pierre. Not fitting in, and not being able to relate hahah -- story of my life. Best wishes!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I can only feel grateful for taking the time to tell us your story, it really helps our community.
You're so brave. Thanks for share an important piece of your life with a bunch of strangers :) You help to other people in order to find similarities and feel more calm. It's hard but you'll always have support. At least from one single person. Thanks again, Alex! :D
Thank you Jorge. I hope that by sharing my story I am able to make a difference -- even if it's only small. The universe is loving, and you are never alone in your struggles. Best of luck to you :)
you are loved Alex! :)
Thanks for sharing.
Ill be honest. It sounds like you did the best that you could. The world does not prepare men for such complicated experiences, let alone queer or gay men.
I dont think that you should regret anything. You did the best you could with the understanding that you had. And the reason why people share these type of stories is that so that others can avoid making the same mistakes that’s the reason why your story is very valuable and appreciated.
Alex, your story is incredibly heartfelt and sincere. I am amazed by how eloquently you describe your experiences and feelings with what I’m sure is a very personal topic for you.
As coincidence would have it, there is a relatively new podcast I have been following called Happy Healthy Homo by Joel Wood and Keegan Hirst that I have found very beneficial to myself as a gay man. As the title implies, the hosts cover several topics that are relevant to men who find attraction to the same sex later in life and that journey towards self-acceptance. I would highly recommend a listen!
Hi Marcel, thank you for you comment and for watching the video.
I will do my best to check out the podcast as it does seem very relevant.
Best wishes to you! :)
Rough story but appreciate you sharing. Recently someone "awakened" me and I have been going through a transformation as well and I am very spiritual too. Awoke kind of late in my early 30s but glad nevertheless. Healing and self improvement journey is so draining + so tough but my life has been so liberating as of late. Much love.
Alex, you are loved. You are someone's cup of tea. Please don't ever think about hurting yourself. New chapters in your life will be written eventually. ✨️
I’m 22 and truth is that just now I started to understand that I’m gay cause I have never truly liked someone before. But when I imagine myself on a long term relationship it’s always with someone of the same sex. Each individual has its own experience and history. ❤️
I'm 23 gay, the world is changing and looks more welcoming ^_^ I hope for the best !
I knew I was gay when I was 5 years old so every LGBT individual realizes this at different times in their lives. We are not all cookie cutter images of one another. And most of the LGBT community don't have much in common with those who live in and run the community either through political means or social means so you are not the only one who can't relate to that group think. But without them, we wouldn't have most of what we have in western societies today through their non stop fighting for rights. Sure they go overboard sometimes but don't let those who can't understand where we come from, change the narrative to suit their bigotries.
THANK YOU. Perfectly stated.
Perfectly ssid
Totally agree. And don't forgett that LGBT people will always be minority in every given society. There is a fear mongering propaganda by the far right that children will be influenced by LGBT propaganda and become homosexual or transgender. That is far from truth. LGBT people will always be a minority, because majority is always heterosexual. And there is a tendency in a society that when something goes wrong, like for example economic or political situation, minorities are targeted as a scapegoat, like ethnic or sexual minorities. So, never enough of reminding people on horrors of nazi, communist and other totalitarian and untolerant regimes and their persecution of minorities, including sexual minorities.
We are one of the most bigoted intolerant communities there is
I call bullshit… you didn’t know you were gay at 5 years old. GTFO. Im gay before you start slinging insults… but that is absolutely bullshit. Also, being gay is NOT an identity… this is getting so stupid. No wonder the backlash is so strong. Gonna loose us gay marriage because people can’t act chill. Smh
Thank you for sharing your story.
I related to many elements, nuclear family dreams in shambles, but that doesn’t have to be the end of it, I promise.
Hope to see a video in the near future of finding joy in your awakening. Praying for happiness in your endeavors. 🙏❤️
All psychoanalysis aside, you seem very willing to accept and acknowledge the pain of your journey. With self acceptance, please make sure you accept the joy and love in life just as deeply. Drop that pessimism, because your eyes, your thoughts, and your life is completely reborn with self truth.
Hi. I came upon your video by chance. Thank you for posting and the care you put into this. Looking at the comments you have received many heartfelt responses. Relish this and remain positive that love will find you. You will be ready.
Hi Alexander,
I must admit, this is the second time watching this wonderful exposition of a "late bloomer" story, and upon the second watch, I find it fascinatingly both beautiful and at the same time gut-wrenching.
You are very brave for sharing your story with us. I'm sure this will touch many people's hearts and help them feel a great sense of understanding.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Best wishes from the U.S. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. It reminded me of my own struggles with my sexuality. I believed I was bisexual also. It was very difficult to navigate through. A rough experience indeed.
Such a sobering oration Alex. I'm also gay and have had some similar experiences as most of us have. I've felt the love and acceptance of God but I struggle with acceptance of that life even though I've dated before and I've been very happy. God bless you and keep you. I hope I'll find happiness in him and trust him to lead me.
Thank you for watching Ryan -- I hope that the video has given you comfort in knowing that there are others who also struggle in the same way. The presence of god has waned in my life since breaking up with my ex, and for a while I felt that god had turned his back on me. I know, however, that with time, everything will return. God bless. Best wishes to you.
Hi, I feel kinda at home in here! I'm also a Christian, Catholic, and I don't want to have sex with a man (I've had sex in the past, I have no curiosity left) but I do want to build a spiritual friendship with another man, live together, respect each other, be affectionate with each other and find God and serve the Church and those in need, I know, too good to be truth haha, maybe two men who are sexually attracted to each other need a community so living in a community, a house where men share their lives as a family is my main goal, the man of my dreams can wait, since I'm into doing God's will and I feel He doesn't want me to go out and seek a man, I feel though that He wants me to stay open and talk to many people.
I don't believe in sex outside marriage but I believe even less in men living on their own, that's not God's will, He wants us to have a good life, in which we can love and be loved.
Big hug for you guys, God bless you.
Goodness me Alex! Thank you so so much for opening up in the way that you have here. It will undoubtedly help a lot of people either navigate similar choppy waters or bring direction to those who are possibly anticipating similar events. I can also see in the comments that it is helping other people find gratefulness for following their true path having experienced similar confusion and pressures.
If I had heard on the grapevine that one of my friends had opened up to someone in the way that you have here I would have been so pleased and relieved for them. The fact that you have put your story here on a public forum, is next level brave and open.
I can see that you have received some really heart warming feedback and also some excellent advice about not letting life get away from you. I am glad that you haven't engaged with some of the less than helpful/shallow and weird comments too!
I wish you all the very best for the future and hope that you only meet nice, thoughtful and understanding guys that can help you feel happy in your own skin in a way that perhaps you haven't up until now. Of course if they are good kissers too that wouldn't hurt! ;)
Thank you again for this video. I will never forget it.
Dom
Thank you Dom. I very much appreciate your reply. Indeed, the comments in this video have been a great relief for me, knowing that I am not alone. I could have never guessed that I could make a difference -- even if it was just one person, then in the end it was all worth it.
I will do my best to live an authentic life that is in alignment with who I truely am. One day I know that I will be spiritually connected with life again, in the way that I was last year.
Best wishes to you as well!
You are a beautiful person, i wish i could tell you how much what you say resonates with me. You are so handsome, sensitive and you have a beautiful inner world. The way you describe things, i could almost touch it. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find love, and someone you can start a family with, because you still can do it. Writing this is difficult because you don't know me but now i feel i know you, at least this little bit, and im struck by the beauty of your soul. Hope it finds its way. Wish i could hug you and brush away all you're sorrow. But thats just not how life goes. You deserve the best. She is hurt now, dont listen to her. She will come around. Focus on your journey, focus on you wellbeing. Take care, lad.
Thank you Filipe for your heartwarming comment! I hope that you were able to glean something personal from my video. Thank you for the support -- it means a lot. Till then we try our best, and hope to live out our dreams. Best wishes to you. Take care!
I had a similar experience where I recognized I was gay at a young age but kind of rejected it - it didn't feel like I could be gay. You hear statistics and you think "oh its 10% of the population, it could never be me then." But its crazy now to realize that I am a part of that small statistic haha. It sucks coming out a little later than other people, because it can feel like you may have missed out on lots of things in life. I never had the stereotypical high school experience, with crushes or stupid silly "relationships" or discovering your sexuality and attraction to other people, I was just so scared to explore that side of myself that lots of opportunities and chances to make friends and find my identity flew past me. But Its never too late to be the person you've always wanted to be and ultimately these experiences are what made me who I am today.
This video made me cry like a big baby as I identify with so much of what you said!.
I will come back and add to my storey.
would love to see you post more videos !!
You're just a good guy and so honest & genuine about your feelings.
It took me a long time right into my 20s to accept who I am.
No more burdens.
Thanks for sharing your story! I wish you the best Alex. Love and Light 🙏📿
You should start your own podcast. I’d listen!
You can and you will have that family. Re-strategise, don’t pack up. Modern science is a miracle and love is real. I’m glad you shared your story.
Thank you for being honest!! I am 55 and has been through the same feelings.... always thinking I am at fault. I also come form a background where it was/is against the law, so... still not out. Sad... but true! Still single and hoping that I might find someone at some stage. Good luck for you young man.... you are handsome, pure and honest... you will find some-one who deserves you!
Please please continue with a follow up on how your doing and if you have experienced anything now with a guy or has this only just happened? I wish you the best. I too am struggling with life and what it brings. It is very hard each day to continue but i must and only hope one day it all gets better. I can't wait to hear any follow up and that putting this out there has helped you follow your heart more.
Hi Ash, I've been writing a follow up video -- just need to finalise and then I'll record it. Can't guarantee it will be anytime soon though. To answer your questions, it's been 10 months since I broke up with my ex and I've only really been on a handful of dates, more so trying to change my view of gay men. Don't think I am ready to fall in love again just yet. Thank you for your comment, it gives me some motivation to finish my video and to keep moving forward knowing that other people share my sentiments. Life is difficult, hence we connect folks on the internet. Best of luck to you.
@@supernonkeywould love to see a follow up video !