Strategies to protect yourself when communicating with narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I don't know if this woman is aware of the social impact, the lives, that she is helping to save. It's a beacon for so many dealing with the dark.
She 's aware ....she's truly an angel here to help us .
its funny you say this, this morning i woke up. my narcissist husband wanted to hug me before he left or work. He's cheating and knows i know but nonetheless, expects me to be happy . Listening to dr. Ramani, has helped me calm down and try to see a different way of dealing with this. you are right, she is a gift to so many. I wish i can just cry from a mountain top. so tired of this and i often times i'm made out to seem like the bad "guy". I will turn this around today and be more mindful. Have a great day.
Agree 💯
@@Anna-gz2sh I’m so sorry to hear :(
Amen! She has felt like a godsend to me amidst very hard times lately…and once I watched and listened to her for the first time, I knew she understands so much about the relationship issues going on these days especially between empaths and narcissistic people (PD…not speaking of those having traits only but the literal Personality Disorder). I also have recently watched and listened to a man that has been diagnosed with Narcissistic PD, whom come clean about the truth of it all and he was helpful too. I’m very thankful for these experienced, intellectual guides for without them, I would be lost right now and in such a dark place without hope that there is a way out to the light.
Going no contact with my mother is the gift that keeps on giving.
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Same, I feel SO much better!
Same! So healing.
Lol ikr ❤️
Ha love this! ‘If you can’t authentically be yourself in a relationship, then really what is it?’ This is my new mantra 🙏💖😊
💯
I dislike narcs with a passion!
Yes!!!
mic drop
Life's too short to play games. I don't have the time or energy for any more head games.
You are soo right! Appeasing the narcissists is the only way the relationship works and it makes them look good. These relationships are toxic and one-sided. I am no contact with my entire toxic family. These people don't change!
Ditto, there will be no change.
Same here real healing!
I’ve never been happier to be disconnected from these Un loving people
To many kind people out there to endure that nonsense anymore
Blessings on your journey 🙏🌹
Yessss!!! It sucks.
That sentence hurt me so much because it's so true!!! 6 months no contact but d idea of meeting him by chance scares me to my bones (though he's not violent). Seeing d truth makes me so sad for me, for having believed something that was never there and for my beautiful Me being used so carelessly. Yes, facing truth hurts
Yes..I'm clearing my narcs out too..freedom is priceless
When the grandiose narcissist publicly "apologizes" to you in front of their flying monkeys in order to take the "upper hand" and still being able to low communicate and gray rock in the moment is something I was only able to do because of watching your videos. Thank you.
YES!!!!!!
😂
I never initiate conversations anymore. I don’t think he even notices! 😂.
Narcissistic relationships will NEVER change. They will suck your soul and energy to nothing. They will cycle and recycle their “nice” to “ugly” ambushing. They will make you think you are going mad. Your marriage will become a gage of just how much “shit” can you eat. You shouldn’t have to at all.
Seriously. Don’t engage. Remain neutral. Limit conversation. Never forget they will take a pleasant conversation and turn it into a rage. Never forget they are always right. Never forget if you foolishly try and maintain your stand you could end up at the bottom of the basement stairs. You cannot have an opinion. Benignly agree with their opinions. Have NO expectations. They lie to fit their needs. You are on your own. Their work is valuable - yours is nothing. They demand the best treatment - only to treat you with distain. But will vehemently assert, “I treat you good!”.
Listen to Dr Ramani! She has incredible information that will guide you - forewarned is forearmed. It can be hard to listen to her advice when you suddenly realize you have experienced EVERY nuance and abuse of the narc behavior blue print. Nothing special about your experiences….
Hahaha the narcissist called my Dad and told him she'd send me a wedding gift if I sent her a thank you note. I said I didn't want one but was told I needed to accept it to let things move on. accepted the gift gave it to a neighbor and sent a thank you card to her Dad and she lost her mind and sent the letter back 'edited' and WTF written all over it
I say a true apology is a behavior change- otherwise save your lip service boi.
"If you can't authentically engage in a relationship, then really what is it?" EXACTLY. There's no THERE there. Well said, Dr. Ramani!
Yeah this speaks WORLDS
I stood my ground yesterday. He usually manages to work me up so he can say, "Look at how crazy you get." Yesterday I stayed calm and he ended the conversation by shoving his finger in my face and saying, "I did nothing wrong! This is all you." I didn't even respond, but I did make him give me my key back(he just got a key to my place that I'm working on to move away from him) ☺️🙏I can do all things with God by my side❤
Yes!! It feels wonderful, doesn't it?
You're cutting off supply. He'll grow bored of you soon and in my opinion that's the best way to leave. Good luck!
This is what my husband does too. "i didn't do anything!" "i didn't even raise my voice" etc. And of course "you are neurotic" "you need a therapy" "one day you will be in mental asylum" etc.. Typical.
Congratulations! Stay strong
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Consider changing the locks to that key he had. He could have made up a copy.
Very well explained. These people have cognitive distortions and they don't wish to fix these problems.
Having a narcissistic parent is an ongoing battle. When you get their Trojan horse message weekly. Then my siblings say I'm the angry one because I won't fall in line with them and be another enabler. Narcissistic parents don't have a favorite, they just give preferred treatment to the best enabling sibling. Every week I have to deal with a cringe message I have to ignore.
On the rare times Dad (narc) bothers, he ruins it with snarky remarks in addition to nitpicking at me. He's not worth the trouble, I gave up on his crap!
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was to disconnect from every single person in my family.
I'm in the process of doing that myself. We all could use some advice or examples. I'm going through the emotional roller coaster now. I hope you're doing okay
@@danlee4706 all I can say is that it gets easier
I quite agree with you.
It has made feel like pulling rotten leaves from an onion.
For me there were so many bad leaves and I used to wonder if there would ever ever be a healthy leaf.
Today I feel that I finally reached the unspoiled clean white core.
In my mind I can start growing without the bad leaves.
Incredibly painful process
But for me absolutely necessary.
Today I feel pretty good.
It's actually an adventure to find out my authentic self.
@@Dreabee83 Thanks! Hopefully I'll start sleeping better and that will help, I'm sure
AGREED! It took decades of ‘no contact’ interspersed with ‘contact on special occasions’ & evaluation of progress/growth/awareness, if any, until THEY finally discarded me when they realized I was not going to fall for their manipulations.
Thank you Thank you!!! You perfectly explained narcissistic abuse in a nutshell, "there was nothing there, you taking the bait and appeasing them was the only thing that was making the relationship work and actually made them look good, while taking a toll on you"!!!!!!!! What a nugget!!!
Dr Ramani your videos are the only anxiety relief I get. I cannot thank you enough for everything you do for us💜
I hope things improve for you.
Me, too, Heather.
Same. It gives me peace.
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My sociopath mother uses gaslighting with me by her flying monkeys to distort my reality and for crazymaking me. If I use grey rock her then she bully me again and again and using threats to control me.
I am finally done with my husband’s brand of narcissism. He died and I really hope some of you don’t have to wait as long as did. I cannot describe the feeling of freedom and fear. I still would rather be here broke and scared than have his money and narcissism.
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Oh wow, I'm sure that was a rollercoaster of emotions. It's ok not to feel guilty. It takes a lot of courage to free yourself from that. I'm sorry one difficult situation led to another, I hope it works out for you. I wish you lots of strength
Mine died too. I ended up with every single thing he owned. He made sure to throw me out and keep me out for years. It was very peaceful living without him. And now I have my house back. Still peaceful without him. I don't feel guilty. I will never feel guilty. Such a pointless game he insisted on playing. And I ended up being the winner.
The days after a barrage of verbal abuse when they keep asking you what's wrong and you can't answer truthfully are the worst. I am a zombie today
After three years - I finally “ grey rocked“ , “ low contact “ into a “ door slam”. My partner was a diagnosed Narcissist with drug addiction- I can not thank you all enough for a safe supporting environment 🌿 Dr. Ramani is enlightening - thank you
Well done!!! ❤️ sending love and healing to you from South Africa
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Once you know, you go. - HG Tudor. Ie. Door slam. Lol
He is right here on you tube. A narcissist teaching others about narcissists.
I door-slammed drinking buddies after I became sober.
My ex is also an addict. His new supply is an addict and alcoholic. It's taking me awhile to heal but learning from Dr. Ramini is a blessing
I do a thing I think of as 'glitter rock', gray rock with occasional compliments or 'positivity' towards that person. It throws them off their game and keeps (in my situation) me safe. They like hearing nice things and so they walk away happy, having received no emotional ammo they can use against me (Gray Rock). But, as you said, it's not really a true relationship. They don't truly 'know' me and I don't give them anything to work with, so it's not like we ever talk about anything real anyway. It's 'safe' but it's an empty feeling. It's worked successfully for me for MANY years now! So, it CAN work. But you'll never walk away from it 'happy', it's just to keep the peace. Thank you for all you do!!! Your videos have truly transformed the way I see my situation and have given me the support I never got before.
I like this approach! It's sort of what I have ended up doing with the narc in a workplace, pretty much ignore them, but give credit where credit it due, not over the top, just factual. And be careful not to get drawn in again. Drop the complement and move on.
‘Glitter Rock”. I love that!
I do this too wirh my narc family..Low contact, no personal details, emotional distance, sprinkle some glitter, walk away from conversation.
Glitter rock....brilliant!!!
This feels close to how I would describe what I do with my mom. Though idk if I'm full grey rock yet
I only allow 10-30 seconds of talking. Keep it simple like: “if you say so”, “whatever you say”, “mhmm”, “thank you” “no thank you”. But when I leave I’ll go no contact so excited 😆
High ten on that ! 🙌 Ditto for me. " "Yes dear", " you are right" ," I agree" , "Sure, your choice " as long as I coparent. Meanwhile working on my exit :)
@@ai172 Wishing you get free as soon as possible.
@@ai172 yassssssss it’s the biggest betrayal for them when we mysteriously leave and move on with our lives. Imagine that
I'm on my 6th month doing no contact and I have to say, I am in a better place than I was 6 months ago, healing is a really tough and long journey but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get better, to be better. Thank you Dr. Ramani, your videos are very helpful and informative, will always come back and watch whenever I gaslight myself.
Hang in there Ed! I went no contact 2years ago my life has never been better! Blessings on your journey 🙏
My evil grandiose narcissistic ex emailed me 3 times yesterday after 2 years of no contact. She said she was in my town and asked if I wanted to meet up. These people are sick and they never go away! I might have to kill her to end this once and for all. It's the only way to deal with a crazy stalker.
@@bodymindsoul60 Thank you Annie! I will do my best.
Keep going! Keep taking care of yourself and find your peace 🤗🙌🏼
It's kinda crazy how we force ourselves to do things in our life that we DON'T want to do, for the sake of humanity
Absolutely crazy. And even for decades at a time smh
After about 3 decades of self blaming, confusion, hope and fear - I finally went no contact with my narc mother. It’s been about six months, and I feel so much better. It was initially difficult and I felt a little guilty … but not being criticized and belittled and minimized and constantly hurt … has been life changing. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, confident and at peace. My sunshine has come back.
I am living with my parents, and my mum is a narc, I can't go no or low contact yet, but I am grey rocking and shielding myself as much as I can. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Going no contact with my abusive mother was fairly easy because the rest of my family had already quit speaking to her.
My mother is a sociopath and regular gaslighting and insults me with her tution kids. She is playing mind game called gaslighting with me by her tution students and wants to get a reaction out of me. No matter If I responds or not the abuse is unpredictable
No contact has been a literal lifesaver! No more dark thoughts. Happiest I’ve been in ages!
Brooke Lynch,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
No contact and low contact has really been helpful to me.. Now I can focus on my goals, or dreams that were dormant .. In addition, the wanting for everyone to be happy or people pleasing, has faded into the abyss !!
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This is true. I don't know how they achieve it, but it seems like (I'll talk about my experience) i feel like there's no time nor energy to focus on future long term goals because I'm constantly kept in this anxious state where I'm worried if everything is done right and can only plan for 1-2 days ahead..
No contact is the best way. ❤️ So glad I went no contact.
I think they yell until their stress goes down to normal. It's how they regulate. They're not interested in listening or resolving something. And if you don't engage (saying "ok", "i understand" and "i don't know") they either back off or try even more ridiculous things to see your reaction, to see you defend, cry and upset. Because they can't accept the fact that it's them who are "losing it" and it's them who are emotionally unstable. I'm just lucky my narc is not physically violent, otherwise i would be dead long time ago.
Perfectly put. I've gotten texts where you can tell they are yelling. Then I don't respond and I know that this just enrages them more. They just vomit from the mouth some more with toxic phrases that I've come to just laugh at. Their words just bounce off of me now.
I walked away from my narcissist boyfriend about two months ago. I continue to get emails from him... hoovering & love-bombing Part 2. I am debating on whether or not to just block him completely.. I know the answer to this one.
I have had quite a time with depression through this, as I truly loved him.... trauma bonding is a very real thing!
I literally turn to your videos when I get another email from him. It helps me tremendously... it gives me the strength not to respond. Your steady voice keeps me focused on my resolve. Healing one day at a time. The tears still flow, but I never let him know it.
I’ve learned to avoid crying in the presence of my narcissistic siblings. They ridicule me for displaying my vulnerabilities - my hurt & pain. My brother even called me weak for crying - based on a tearful emoji that I posted when I virtually announced my father’s death. “Wow!” I thought, “out of seven children I am the only one who cried? How sad is that?”
Oh cool, I’ve never heard the term
“yellow rock” before. I can definitely see the benefits, especially for co-parenting as you mentioned. Thanks Dr. Ramani. Always learning from you
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I tried everything and after 2 years eventually had to go to NO Contact with my mother.
When I tried grey rock she would have non of it! She stalked me, showed up at my door screaming that she owns me and how dare I !!!!
No contact was my only choice. Happy to say that I found the sweet spot of indifference! So the odd “ no contact” slip up is not a big deal.
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I’m trying to get there 🥺 i’m seeing my mother for the first time on Mother’s Day and I’m panicked and afraid. My only resolve is that I’ve told the rest of my family so they can be aware of her abuse of me.
Wow So Happy for you thank you for sharing this I know I’m not the only one with this kind of mom I feel like mine attached to me spiritually I even moved to another state I do text here and there ..blessing to you 🙏🏽
@@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara I can relate to the spiritual attachment. For most of my life I felt like I was her mirror. She depended upon me reflecting back to her, her beliefs, words and actions. In reality I would just nod in agreement to keep the peace. My Dad did the same. When he passed, her reliance on me and abuse became overwhelming. I’m wishing you great strength and applaud your decision to geographically distance. I wished I had moved away.
I feel grief descending again as I accept the truth of your information and knowledge. Truth is difficult until we break through to joy found beyond.
It took me about a year to accept the truth...
Such profound words on so many levels "Truth is difficult until we break through to joy found beyond"
Often in this life, if it weren't for the deserts we experience, we would never find that other side of it, and ourselves. Same is true of Faith. I would rather crack through & discover the depths & truth than to stay on what was veneer & assumptions. But yes, so shocking and so devastating to discover some people prove themselves to be only veneer & essentially tricked us.
I do believe, and have hope that experiencing such deserts makes us much better versions of ourselves. Hang in there.
Dianna LaMantia,You deserve better
I’m still living with my narcissistic mother and honestly it’s a living hell. I didn’t talk to her for two weeks and I’ve never been happier but now the whole family is calling me and trying to convince me to talk to her “ because she’s hurt lol”
From my experience the narcissist will turn everyone against you--family, relatives, neighbors....everyone but long time friends. They are able to because they put all their time and effort into manipulating. Even those wise to them will eventually fall given time. I hope you can somehow free yourself.
As a youngster I used to tell Dad: “Mom is mad again.” His response was: “She’ll just have to get glad again.” I couldn’t fathom how he was able to shrug 🤷🏻♀️ it off as a child, but as an adult I totally got it. 👍🏻
I understand you sooo well....
I'm so sorry for you, I can relate so much. I could barely stand my mother visiting and staying with me. Last time she didn't even stay 24h and after she left I said to myself: "next time she visits it's a hotel for her". Thankfully the pandemic came... I hope you have someone in your life that has your back. If not, I hope you can find comfort in reading all these comments. Stay strong.
Same
I’ve been no contact for two months. It took a month before the guilt started to fade. Now I am realizing there are more flying monkeys than I originally thought. Blocking those people out of my life too. Thanks for your insight into Narcissism and how to handle it
I did that this morning: blocked a flying monkey. Feel great about it too! It’s liberating.
How can one be in the same camp with the devil; and at the same time, be “friends” with me, who is his / her tormented target.
The thought does not compute. He / she (who can’t make a choice) need not worry about feeling pressured to choose between two opposing individuals, whom he / she claims to care about, equally. Why? Because I made the choice based on what’s in my self loving best interest, for a change. Today, I chose me for me!
“See ya; be ya!”
For more years than I care to remember, I have tried to deal with difficult relationships with a now ex-husband, in the work place and even my sisters. It wasn't until a few years ago that I stumbled upon narcissism. It was a light bulb moment! I was finally able to put the pieces together and make sense of so many situations that never made any logical sense what-so-ever. Thank you for this video and the many others you've shared. It has been an education I will forever be grateful for. I'm creating peace in my life once and for all.
I agree. Didn't know what I was living with.
So much confusion!
( husband. Parents were OK)
Now I'm trying to get away.
Narcissist drain your energy. They say you are crazy when you disengage. So those who issue abuse, lie, manipulate, and love drama are sane. However people who decide not to be abused by them are insane. Okkkkkkay yeah right!
You hit the nail on the head! I thought this behavior in my mother was normal for her and for her it was but, not normal behavior. My whole life I’ve endured this and everyone believes her. I’d began to think maybe it is me, maybe I’m doing all these things, until I started looking up psychological disorders. These videos are helping me but people make me feel like a dog. I do have an aunt that believes me so I’ve been talking to her. She saw this my whole life but my mother mostly took this out on my daddy, now he’s gone so it’s all on me. There are so many people that’s going through this and don’t even realize it’s a disorder and not normal. I had to walk away for myself because the physical abuse started. She constantly gaslight me to everyone. Most people say, well at her age they digress back and some dementia, so I just quit saying anything because they will never understand. I have a medical degree but I didn’t do much in this field. Apparently no field is educated enough, police,churches, and the list goes on. It’s not always age related but I do believe they get worse. I’m so broken because of her. I know I can’t fix her but I can’t take the mental,emotional, physical abuse anymore. I guess people can choose her, I don’t even care anymore because in their eyes it will always be my fault. There really is a need to educate more people in this field to help the people on the other end and not enable them any longer.
Indeed it was always my fault. I went no contact with the remainder of my family. Now they must face themselves
I’m free and never felt better!
I never saw how they constantly projected their anger on to me😬
Blessings on your journey 🙏🌹
My mother has been dead 20 years and her slander is still affecting my life.
You are absolutely right...they do get worst with age!!!
The only people I can be my authentic self with is people who have been through narc abuse. Victims are judged harshly & not believed. I think this hurts the most. Beloved friends didn’t understand. it’s isolating & lonely when your confused & in a sea of pain.
@@lorettanolan5242 you are so right. I have one aunt that believes me because she saw this behavior when I was growing up. She saw her smack my daddy and brother upside the head and the pouting and pruning. My daddy was the victim. I ask my aunt why he put up with that and she said your daddy was a good man. She confirmed everything I’ve figured out this last year and I’m 58 yo and worked in the medical profession until I was in an accident in 2012. I had defended her over the years and I got to thinking about who was standing where and guess what? It was always her there. I feel like a fool but I wasn’t seeing the hitting but people like that don’t change. I’m expected to put up with not only the mental and emotional abuse but also the hitting. Everyone I have spoken to always and I mean always ask how old is she? I just don’t even bother to explain because she will always win. I lost my rental because I moved in with her, not knowing she was going to do this, because I was out there taking care of her, and all her dr. Appointments, etc. she is the best liar on earth. I could go on but it’s gotten me to a dark place. My aunt totally believes and understands me. I just feel so bad that I left my daddy after he got sick with her. I help but I had to work night shift and had a daughter to raise by myself. No one will ever believe you it will always be turned around. They know how to work it. Just try not to doubt what you know is true. 😔
Knowing that I'm not alone in this...gives me the strength to remain " away"... Between Dr. Romani, and Dr. Carter..and God...I can do this.👊👊👊💯👊👊👊
From no contact to low contact....I needed this video, coz I'm confused too🤔. I agree no contact is better and improved my mental health. But over time I choose to forgive but remain low contact with parents. As for a narcissistic boss, no contact is best. Thank God for emails.
Narcissists taught me one thing: yes, there is real evil. And it is godamn clever
There should be a "How To Deal With Toxic and Narcissistic People" taught in every high school as a graduation requirement. Just think of how much more effective people could be, knowing how to keep the workplace and family narc at bay. We could better navigate toxic people and situations and be happier.
Melissa, NPD develops slowly. High school age people probably would not recognize it. Perhaps it could help young women be safe.
The more parents who become aware of these maladaptive patterns, the more will teach their kids about it. This isn't something you take one class on, or even a series of classes. This is lifelong learning. And the only way we can help the younger generations is by teaching it.
That being said, instruction should be given on the PATTERNS that indicate red flags, not so much a named, specific disorder, or labels, because most of us are not qualified to label anyone, and throwing around the word "narcissistic" is becoming a normal occurrence, and watering down the meaning. The labels aren't important, the behavior is.
@@deeh5126 this knowledge is all new. Doctor Ramani practically discovered it. This narc behavior was not identified nor seen as a pathology until very recently. Therefore, labels are very helpful to identify a syndrome.
@@Charity-vm4bt Dr. Ramani is the source I am using- she is the one who says it is PATTERNS, not labels, that matter.
I want to add that she specifically uses the importance of highlighting patterns when dealing with children, especially in co-parent homes. It is not helpful to use labels when helping your children to deal with the unhealthy patterns of the other parent. Teach them the patterns and the way to cope, and the label doesn't really matter.
It's all in her videos.
@@deeh5126 yes! Thanks!
I used yellow rock when i first began studying these personalities but noticed it made my ex delusional that i still wanted to be with him so i then went full grey rock. He went nuts. He started doing all sorts of crazy outrageous things in hopes of getting a reaction out of me. He went as far as posting horrible false things about me on his social media including threats to unalive me and wishing me harm hoping in my opinion i would see it and say or do something. Overtime he has slowly given up. He no longer contacts me as much as hes not getting anything out of it. I wish i would have gone grey rock sooner. Its been a life changer. Its also amazingly allowed me to gather so much evidence against him that i dont think i would have gotten otherwise.
I went no contact. I initially felt some guilt but I’m getting over the hump. Thank you for your great content Dr. Ramani!
I have found 'Low-contact' to be the best of all strategies, especially when you are first getting to know a new narcissist. It turns on their Hoovering/Lovebombing, because they think there is a chance to get more supply from you and realize that you will NOT put up with their BS! Even at work, the fact that you are 'mysterious' almost makes them respect you.
It’s like they accept that they will not ‘win’ this challenge.
In real life, how does low contact look?
@@frankydottir8762 keeping your distance from toxic people or people you don't know who they really are yet and really taking time to feel them out, minimal conversation, don't share personal details, etc.
As an Introvert it’s easy for me to stay away from engaging with people I don’t know well. When someone new crosses my path and seems overly friendly or tells me their “sob story” about how the world is against them aka victim narrative my NPD antenna goes on high alert, so I yellow rock and set boundaries for the engagements quickly. I had to become adept at this since my mom is a narc and my dad is emotionally unavailable.
thank you Dr. Ramani. I work with a board of six people. 2 of the folks on the board use gaslighting and rage, while the other 4 either join in or duck and cover. While I can't leave the job just yet, your insights help me to cope with the harmful reality of the situation.
I went no contact over a year ago and I’m still healing it’s not that easy believe me you need loads of strength and mostly when your going no contact from a covert narcissistic mother
Covert narcs are poisonous scorpions. They constantly create stress and destroy their prey,but pose to the world as victims.
Thanks for your helpful videos. The narcissist in my life is my younger sister. With the information from your videos, I have been able to take responsibility for my actions over the years and change what I’m doing. I think the communication technique I’m using now is a combination of yellow rock and firewall. I’m feeling more peaceful these days, but the narcissist is angry and keeps trying to drag me back into the toxic behavior. This is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but it’s worth the effort.
I went 5 whole years, with flying monkeys sent forth to keep putting things out there to worry me, like ( your mother is in the hospital. They weren't lyin, but she was there for something minor, I'd find out later) thinking they'd get me to reach out.
They even went as far as to pretend to be complete strangers, sending friend requests on FB ( Long story, but trust that I knew) and even spoofing phone numbers.
It was basically a stalk fest.
I believe the more knowledge we have access to regarding all levels of mental health, general heath, meditation etc, talking honestly and openly will help bring mankind together.
Amen.
I have been married for 40 years. My husband gives me the silent treatment all the time. He started it when we were dating, but I was young and naive, and didn’t run because he was really a nice guy and everyone liked him. I used to beg him to talk and tell me what is wrong. Now I just ignore him and go about my day, which isn’t easy because I am now 65, a people person and love to talk. The silent treatment is happening more and more now and he is telling me I don’t care about anything and he has to worry about everything, which is not true. I feel lost and very lonely but at 65 and retired, I’m not sure if I should separate. The kids and grandchildren would be devastated, but I’m sure he won’t change. Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos. Will you do a video on sexual behaviors and narcissism? I feel like he is punishing me with sex when he does start talking. He refuses to go to therapy for any of this.
I freed myself from the narc that I was married to for 20 yrs. I had him take out a small loan and left. You have to ask yourself - Do I look forward to coming home to him? If not - why are you there? You have to figure this out for you. It is about you and your happiness - who cares what other people think?
@@flowergirl2day Spot on! I left mine ten years ago
I turn 60 soon I’m so happy I have the rest of my life to live in Peace 🙌
Blessings on your journey 🙏🌹
I’ve been with my Narc wife just as long. We went on our first date in 1982. If he’s a narc therapy will never work. Been there done that he will never change. If he does it’ll just get worse not better. She pulled her rage on me and it was like something just broke inside of me and I was just done with our marriage. God opened a door for me to walk away and I did. It’s been almost 2 years and I’m waiting on her to sign the papers. She never thought I’d leave but I had to for my own sanity. I never knew how much just walking on the beach could be so peaceful. I’m alone but life is peaceful and I’ll never give up that peace again for anyone.
Let's say you have another 30+ years to live: Do you want to struggle with this situation for that LONG? My grandmother left my grandfather when they were in their mid 60s. Their kids (my parents and aunts and uncles) and us grandkids handled it just fine. We all saw what she was dealing with and certainly wouldn't have wanted her to feel stuck in that situation. Please consider your options. Just because you have been married for a very long time doesn't mean the relationship is healthy or even safe for you now.
Omgosh he gives me the silent angry treatment. I tell him how childish that is and walk away. Whatever dude. So tiring
As someone who has gone from grey rock to yellow rock with my Narc father whom I live with...sometimes when you shift from going zero emotion, zero reaction to giving even the slightest engagement to your Narc...it can feel like you've failed or like all the work you've done is gone. You haven't. Try your best to let go of those negative afterthoughts and remind yourself...you can go right back to grey rock if you felt dissatisfied with what you tried last time...and your Narc will have to accept your changed behavior. Once you go back to your desired level of communication, you'll feel much better. Hope you all get through what you're going through!✌
This is really helpful, thank you. I’m in the same situation
@@cassandres4965 im glad my words could support you in any way. Sorry to hear you are living through the same situation. I know that you'll find your way out of it in time☺️
You sound old enough to move out. What keep u there?
@@conniem2394 Connie - you sound creepy. you don't know my age nor should you know. Focus on improving yourself and your communication.
@@badmanners619 ha ha.you should take your advice. Typical behaviour of a self centred person.i asked you a question and you picked at me. perhaps you the narcissist
Observe don't absorb and don't take nothing they say to heart👍 Dr RAMANI and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋
started watching these videos to recover from my relationship with a narcissist but now i just watch them because i love Dr. Ramani
Gone no contact with a sibling but it made me the bad guy. Have not been to Christmas dinner for the last 3 years. But not having to deal with the lying, gaslighting and disrespect is priceless.
Recently came out of no contact when we lost our mum. Grey rock method worked during the funeral and arrangements. Now back to no contact.
Finally going "no contact" with a sibling I actually felt healthy, sane and free our other sibling took a while but has seen the light and is pretty much no contact also, we're all much more happier and stress free. Our mother is still stuck but "lowish contact" for the sake of the grand children which is understandable.
I throw on my mask and try to keep it light. I didn’t realize that having a narcissist mom and grandma they are empathetic but can also be 🥶 (cognitive dissonance). I learned how to temper my expectations per the person and situation(s) and be open with those whom i can . It feels like a performance with my childrens father cause he is so many people, I had to get off the stage his inability to regulate his emotions is too toxic and so stressful in happy and sad times.
The ultimate performers! 🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭
I got a no contact order just a week ago and it’s been amazing! Lol. I haven’t felt constant anxiety/stomach issues. I’ve been able to take better care of myself and my baby. My hope was that we could split and communicate amicably and we were at first but as soon as he saw I was serious about leaving, he ramped up the harassment. Well he can ramp himself up to the courthouse if he decides to violate it lol
I have an older brother and sister 7 & 10 years older, that I stopped speaking to after my mother's funeral, about 24 years ago. They are still taunting me with insulting emails after all these years. I do not answer them & ignore them, the best I can.... but I want your viewers to know that this "never stops." I have always been their scapegoat, since a baby. No matter what I did to appease them, didn't work. The better I was, the worse & more entitled they got. The more I tried to get along, the more they concocted lies & flying monkeys. I believe that my mother was the enabler that sucked me into their orbit of chaos & they felt that I had to take their abuse. I took a tremendous amount of insanity, even getting hit by my brother before my mother's funeral for talking to my sister because HE was on the phone!
Dr Ramani!! I have been getting a lot of help from your videos. It's honestly helping me handle them better. But, just as you said in the video, so true, there is really no win in these relationships. I have recently started using these techniques and they work. I have been able to avoid many an unfruitful draining conversations and save a lot of my time and energy. But, they do leave me with a bit of pent up frustration because gray rocking / yellow rocking feels like my hands are tied and there's tape on my mouth.
They are holding you prisoner; change your perspective.
“If the people in your circle aren’t contributing to your growth; you are not in a circle, you are in a cage.”
Avoidance, evasion, minimal contact; limited engagement - with narcissistic family members - even at my Dad’s Funeral on April 1, 2022. It worked!
#PoeticJustice
My narcissistic sister (the younger out of 7) and my narcissistic brother (the “elder”), thought that they had excluded me & my son from the Memorial Services program. Well they had excluded every sibling but themselves in the tacky tangible paper program itself. But, they were shocked & surprised that “I” had produced the much praised photo slide show montage; and that my son’s much appreciated & applauded performance on the saxophone had been slipped in at the beginning, before the first entry on the written program order of services.
Then, to top it all off, the audio was mysteriously muted - but only during my #ElderBrother’s presentation of his well rehearsed & dramatic tribute. #Karma!
I am getting better at all these strategies and have gone very low to no contact with my bio family, especially now that the NPD Patriarch has passed away. I still fall into the “what if” and “if only” trap, but with each passing day, it gets easier. I have a family wedding coming up that I can’t avoid, but this channel is helping me cope with the upcoming anxiety, and teaching me the coping skills I need to get through it.
I’m sorry for your Dad’s passing. It’s hard to grieve for a patriarch when it’s in a dysfunctional family with so many mixed emotions, and then the added bonus of having all of the layers of dysfunction and terrible behavior surrounding it all. Added on top of that is often people fighting over inheritance (if your family is anything like mine) and siblings wanting control of the remaining spouse, my Mom. Then, in my family, there was the fact that my overbearing sister in law published a terrible narcissistic obituary that left out 3/4 of my Dad’s life and mentioned herself about 10 times. She also has an odd amount of influence over my family, which another sibling has said contributed to my Dads death. Yet somehow I got made into the scapegoat by this same sibling at the time of my Dads death because she couldn’t handle her grief and lashed out at me. At any case, it’s all so much more terrible around the time these people start dying off so everyone watch out for that!
@@dorkusamericanus I feel you. I can relate to all of that. Let’s help one another muster the strength to get better, stronger & wiser. You are not alone.
@@stevensutlief1914 Keep plugging. We are all getting stronger as a result of this wisdom & guidance. Like you, I am thankful for the knowledge, for it give us the power of self determination. And these tools . . . are amazing. My son said today, why keep reaching for a screw driver, when a drill is within arms reach.
@@consultmlcesqful I definitely already feel so much more hope and better about life and myself having cut off everyone in my family. It’s so freeing to not have their hateful comments all of my life hovering over me anymore.
Learned something New Yellow Rocking. Thank you for the recipes for communication ❤️
I try to do a painted rock. Sort of like yellow rock with firewalling. I paint the rock with superficial things. Things I don't have a real interest in and won't be tempted to engage when things inevitably go sideways.
Dr. Ramani, thank you so much for explaining these levels of involvement. Also for providing legitimacy in backing away, and attaching the warnings. Yellow rock sounds really good. I can’t thank you enough. Much ❤️
Thank you Dr for your advice on yellow rocking . I had come to this way of talking to my ex as a matter of logical thinking over months and month of traumatic experience during our long long break-up. I only came to know about narcacistic personalty disorder only 3 months ago which was the most jaw dropping moment of my life. God bless you for your videos which have been inspirational. Nick
I’ve noticed when I grey rock a lot of narcissist feel it’s okay to touch people like grabbing or getting in the persons face
Whoever needs to hear.... You will heal. And you will be stronger. Be patient with yourself. They wont change. Focus on your healing.
My son alienated me from my grandkids because I had to go “no contact” I tried everything possible but he could not handle me having a relationship with them on any level and all I can say i am glad I was there nanny for the first five years of their lives and we were close up until recently. When they are ready they will find me . My granddaughter sends me short texts but I worry that will cause a conflict with her dad/my son so I am super careful to keep things light and loving. It is brutal there is nothing good about the relationships with narcissistic folks I am sorry….have tried and ended up eating my words . Low contact did not work with my son I tried he found a way to destroy anything positive about the most minor contact. Gray rocking got me into this I did agitate him and he never got bored with being mean
Do you know why he has become like this? Sounds like he keeps some grudge towards you.
I have the same issue with my daughter - an alcoholic! Furthermore, I worked for her company and got all of the abuse I could take. Three years ago - I walked out! No contact! I want no relationship with her! I think she inherited some of this from her past life. I did nothing different with her and her siblings! She is on her own path!
If you can't really be authentic in a relationship,then really,....What is it!?.... this is so nicely said and eye opening!..Soo grateful to you Dr Ramani!
Knowledge is power. Understanding is wisdom. This is an educational video. Doctor Ramani, you are saving lives. Every day someone new is finding your educational video life-saving others need a dose of your wisdom every day to help them stay on top and refine their learning experiences. You might be the only educated person and resource they have to help them grow and understand personal challenges without fear of retaliation. Every day you inspire growth. When the bullies attack you, for your interest in narcissism, think of how we feel, your words and thoughts feel like miracles, a lifeline to our success in understanding and wisdom. Dr. Ramani your videos are the only anxiety relief I get. I cannot thank you enough for everything you do for us💜 Thank you for Being, you are Enough.
I've been able to go no contact with two narcissists and yellow rock with one. No contact was the best solution for me, but yellow rock has helped with a relationship I'm not ready to totally disengage from.
Thank you for explaining this so well Dr. Ramini. I did feel guilt when I used these techniques, but not so much now that I understand narcissism.
Grey rocking a family member and stayed no contact from a former workmate/"friend". So glad with these videos, knowledge is power indeed. Thanks Dr.Ramani and for the whole team.
They are monsters and you shouldn’t see them as anything else. As soon as you give them humanity, they will use it against you
I totally agree there is not one best way to communicate. I try to keep as many "tools" in my "toolbox" as much as possible and I like try new ones from time to time. By trial and error I have learned what "tools" work the best for me and in what situations.
I still think grey-rocking is the way to go as a default rule.
Thank you for this video I am getting Married in October and I have to invite my narcissistic mother because it’s the only way she will let me see my little sister who is 14. However I am aware she will try to make it about herself I am not including her in any of the planning process. She is aware of why I am low contact with her I had sent her a letter explaining how she hurt me and she likes to act like nothings wrong. This explains why I feel so irritated after she tries to send me messages like “I miss you” or “I just need to know about you “ but I just respond with my day is going great and yourself and then she doesn’t respond. It’s just hard explaining my behavior to other people in my life who still try to give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s my mother.
She will ruin your wedding. I know from experience. This may seem very harsh but you will need to hire security to escort her out if she gets out of control. If you have a wedding planner make plans now for the logistics and program of your wedding to dilute her as much as possible. If you have bridesmaids or someone your trust very well explain that you need as little contact with her on your Big Day to minimize as much negativity as possible. You need to have a team in place to have your back.
@@CraftedSaniTea thank you, my fiancé very much knows how she is and we do plan on having a strategy plan around her. When I was 23 (I’m now 26) and we had just started dating he had been on the phone with me when she had tried to physically hurt me because I was starting to grey rock her and I was letting her now I’d be moving out soon (I know now that I shouldn’t have given her that information) so he knows she could physically hurt me out of anger
Hi Dr Ramani! Your talk makes a lot of sense as far as the degrees of breaking away from a group or an individual who controls you and not let you be yourself and not making you feel equal and accepted fully. I have learned that it takes a lot of time to discern these relationship’s and to not blame ourselves of having to gray/ yellow or to go no contact, but we can love and forgive from a distance, it’s our right as human beings to choose who we want to engage ourselves with. There seems to be a lot of narcissist and wolves in sheeps clothing and it all seems like it’s about control and power. Only we as unique individuals can give that power to a narcissist or a wolf in sheeps clothing. Thanks Dr Ramani for letting us know that it’s not our fault.
I’m trying low contact with a family member and now I’m being ghosted!
I have to say it’s upsetting but it also confirms to me that this is why I’m detaching.
Every time I'm unsure I come back here, thank you. I have to focus on what I need and put myself first within reason when I've been taught to give and give.
Grey rocking works for me, cause my narc will only attack when we r alone, she is too married to appearance to do it in public or other people/family around. It's so easy to see now, thanks to all the info from doc R. she is amazing!
I had no idea what I was doing was 'yellow rock'. I tried gray rock but it didnt fit with my personality. When I added 'please' and ' thank you' it felt more authentic for me and I could live with that. Not doing it for him- but for me. Thanks so much for all you do Dr. Ramani you are my voice of reason
I find that after a bit of yellow-rocking, turning away from the narc and allowing myself a little eye roll makes it all more palatable.
Perhaps unfortunately, the most effective techniques for communicating with narcs have become illegal in modern society.
I yellow rock too!
Also, you can "yellow rock" outwardly, whilst "grey rocking" on the inside. Meaning, being nice to them, but keeping your heart protected.
Crazy it took a horrible relationship with a narc and healing from that to realize my whole family is part of the dynamic of narcissism, defending each other. And I've never had a single person in my life i can authentically lean on and have a solid connection with. All the gaslighting made me doubt myself my whole life and finally by the grace of god I realized I'm the only one who is authentic and not crazy in my entire family.
Thank god for you Ramani! I can take the steps to get out of this situation now that I finally know what I'm dealing with. And that the harder I try to make it better & build deeper connections, the worse it gets. I can't wait to get out of being trapped and finally be able to be my authentic self and not have to step on eggshells. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Sadly they have access to everything important, my banks, my savings, my personal info, etc. so now I need to figure out how to finally get them off my back without risking my livelihood
Dr. Ramani is a master without master's ego, like those self-claimed gurus. She saves so many lives.
I am in the process now of trying to get away from a "business partner" who is a vulnerable narcissist. It's so hard because i feel so guilty but the negativity just radiates off of her. I work 40 hours a week with her and i literally feel my light fading. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani, your videos are truly helping me get grounded before i leave. I am technically a vendor in her store but she treats me like an employee and takes 10% of my sales and doesn't pay me. we have been "friends" for 12 years and she acts like i owe her because of my business success. So im not looking forward to the fight she will put up when i go to leave but i am ready to own my own location without all the negative back lash. Thank you again.
Making a list for your firewall can help a lot when you're someone who shares too much too fast. The list can include things you've shared with others in the past and that you now regret because those others later on showed they don't deserve that info. The list can also distinguish between things to never share in the beginning and what to only share after certain periods in any type of relationship.
I learned the hard way to never share with a new love interest that you were a victim of abuse in the past. Even knowledge of family abuse can become a weapon or control mechanism in the hands of a narcissist.
My motto was "pleasant but distant" with my ex-Mother-in-Law. Keep your sharing superficial and positive. If the topic can be twisted and told to others, don't share it. So that you don't get punished for being a snob, make some pleasant but sincere compliments or chit chat with her in front of the other family members. NEVER share problems or insecurities. Before you engage have some conversation topics in mind and little stories to go with them, like a funny incident at the grocery, or something you observed while you were out and about. Any questions about you or your husband, deflect or use humor. It also helped me to observe the interaction as if I were watching it from the corner of the room, or as if it were a play on a stage. It helped me to detach emotionally. When she would make scathing comments or tell stories about others, I would use statements like "how about that", or "is that so" or 'uh-huh". When you do that all the time, and in front of other family members, then when she tells them you said something horrible about them, they are less likely to believe it, if you have never made such comments before about anyone (even her).
Hi Dr R- I have worked in my field for 30 years; consulting for 10 years.
Thank you - I recently started an assignment. Used your knowledge to 1) recognize who my boss was (covert 2Narc), 2) accept the situation I was in, 3) create a plan to Get Out of Situation.
I said I was quitting “to spend more time with my aging mom”. The Covert Narc appreciated this because all he cared about was His Image.
Safety Reach!!! New job!!
I’m so happy and blessed I found you Dr Ramani. I have seen many of your videos and have learned so much from you. I am in a toxic relationship with my husband. I did leave him last April and I am trying to heal. Thanks to you I have come a long way. Always learning something new by watching your wonderfully informed talks. I’m a much stronger woman and have more knowledge regarding narcissism thanks to you.
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate you acknowledging how difficult each of these are.
I think it depends on what level hurricane you're dealing with. for me, it was an entity that wanted to do me in.
I severed it, tied a brick to it and tossed it in the ocean.
let it do what it does with anyone else. I simply say, 'anyone but me'.
Well said!
I have had no contact with my mom for 6 weeks. It’s taken me 49 years to just stop being the fixer, the doer, and constantly trying to get her to understand how her behaviors impact not only me but my siblings and her grandchildren.
My last attempt was taking a week of PTO to clean her house. She’s a hoarder among other things, and this was my 4th attempt to clean up the squalor she and my step dad live in. She started clipping recipes while I was moving bins and furniture to clean a living floor that hasn’t been cleaned in years. She was creating more boxes of stuff to put in the house I was trying to clean so it would be fit to live in and so people from at home care could even come into the house to help them. I was so angry. It took me 5 hours to vacuum and clean the laminate floor that was less than 300 square feet.
The next day she text me and said I didn’t need to continue because I seemed angry and exhausted and that what needed to be done would not happen in the week I had set aside to clean their house. She said her and my stepdad would do it or maybe they wouldn’t and it would just be what it is. Then she said she didn’t want to talk about it because she didn’t want to argue. She never acknowledged I had taken a whole week of work off to get started on a project that would take me more than 6 months to complete on my own.
I waited 2 days to reply saying I agreed and there was nothing left to discuss. The blatant disregard for my time and me using my hard earned vacation time to once again try to help was my final straw. I know this may sound like I’m being mean, but this is a shortened version of the hoarding. She was also an opioid pill popper for decades, yet was very religious to the point of it being cult like. There are over 40 years worth of examples and stories of off the wall behaviors that up until 6 weeks ago I had tried to excuse. The more I’ve learned about narcissism and the gaslighting that comes with it, I see that since I was 7 years old, everything has been abnormal. I have tried to create a family for my son, so he could have a grandma like I had. It’s been impossible and it’s been exhausting. The lies, the rewriting of history, the constant invalidating of my feelings have taken a toll. I’m not sure how to continue to process not having my mother in my life because I have always mustered through the craziness in hopes it would become normal. I was exhausting myself because I was called on often and expected to be the caretaker, problem solver, and to have no life of my own.
I don’t know how to heal or what to anticipate emotionally as birthdays and holidays occur. I find myself worried about my mom and stepdad, but the idea of reaching out and stepping back into my old role sounds like a life sentence I’m not willing to serve.
I’ve gone to therapy over the years. I was told to set boundaries which proved impossible. Maybe I’m weak, but when I tell you the master manipulation that’s occurs is off the charts I’m not exaggerating. I’m exhausted and saddened because I finally realize that all of my efforts were pointless. I worry that when she passes I will feel guilt over not continuing the relationship and just doing what I could, but it was impacting my physical and mental health. I realize I have been conditioned to do, fix, and serve others to my own detriment. I just don’t know how to make peace with this and move forward as a motherless daughter, but I’ve realized this has been the case for over 4 decades of my life. Any suggestions of books, articles, or the type of therapist I should see would be appreciated.
I am ruined by the meanness of my narcissistic family. I can't believe the existence of such horrible people. It makes me sick
My wife has gone no contact with her sister and it’s been really hard for her because it has effected her relationship with her mom, brother, and her nephew whom she used to talk to everyday 😬 but it’s hard especially now after deciding not to attend her sis wedding, afraid of the repercussions of becoming even more ousted by family. 😞
Update: weddings passed now, but now our 11yr old nephew has been instructed by his mom and grandma to not talk to my wife. He told her that when he snuck a FaceTime call with her 😒
My husband made the same choice but with his mother. We are basically kicked out of the family. I find it hard my kids don't know there cousins...but we are so much healthier without his mother around.
Sounds like your wife is the scapegoat. Hopefully she will realize that some family members may NEVER see things the way she does & that’s ok.
This is me. I didn't attend my sister's wedding because she is married to a narcissist and she is the golden child of our narcissistic mother. She tries occasionally to buck the system (once or twice a year) and engage with me in a positive loving way ..but it always ends the same. Silent treatment and my broken heart. I finally went no contact in Feb and it hurts every single moment of every day to not have contact with the sister I mostly raised and the nephew I adore. But I have to protect myself. I have to give my soul the energy I have been feeding them I am done fixing bonds I didn't break!! 😔💙
I did not attend my 87 year old mother’s Birthday party because it was hosted by a den full of snakes. My narcissistic siblings use my lack of deference as a weapon against me, knowing that it was them who gave me cause not to come.
@@consultmlcesqful - Let them have their fun; I’d prefer a 1:1 intimate celebration anyway.
I've experienced being raged at because my affect was too flat and "monotone." I wasn't trying to gray rock, I just naturally get flat & monotone as a defense sometimes when someone's getting angry at me.
Thank you so much for the info and connection thst you provide for people that feel.lost in these difficult relationships. You've really helped me put words to all the mystery and myriad of feelings I've had through the years since childhood. And if nothing else it helps to know someone gets it. My mother is more the silent treatment type and I need to keep hearing reaffirming words that I'm not crazy and not imagining things.
Dr Rams love and appreciate you woman ❤
AGAIN! exactly what my Ramani-buddy and I needed today! we were just working out some strategies this morning! and then you do this video. you must also be a mind-reader!‼️👍🏼♥️ thank you.
As a coparent one needs to behave with unreproachable integrity, avoid taking bait, and avoid being intimidated out of advocating for your children. One must communicate as if you’re communicating with the judge, not as if you’re engaging with the toxic coparent. Can you suggest productive ways to achieve these things?
I just passed the four year anniversary of going no contact with my father. BEST. DECISION. EVER. My sister is unfortunately VERY like him, but she has two little kids that I'm trying to stay in their lives, so low contact it is. I'll deal with her crap on holidays if only for the niece and nephew.
Hi Dr. Ramani, this video is literally saving my life. I’ve gone no contact with my mother for the past two years and I’m seeing her for the first time this Mother’s Day. At first I agreed to go and then out of fear I backed out but I was honest and I told my family why. My family told me they would support me and definitely wanted me to come but I’m so emotionally not ready and so scared. I believe low contact will be the best option when I go on this trip.
Bless you, bless you, bless you. You and your work are a gift to the world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Thanks for another great video, both parents are narcs, and a few cousins too! Trim tight and polite! Luv it.
I went "no contact" with the narcissistic abuser in my life 3 months ago. Then I got a letter from an attorney she hired threatening me with a PPO for my "conduct" of no contact. The length that a narcissist will go to harm another person is amazing. Absolutely ridiculous! Simply walking away for my own mental well being and I'm being threatened with baseless legal action.
Dr Ramani has provided the labels for what I figured out years ago is the way to survive a relationship with my mother: fire-walling and soul-distancing. I've longed for a close and honest relationship with her, but each time I've attempted to be more open and vulnerable and have expressed that this is the kind of relationship I'd like to have with her, she literally has no clue what I'm talking about, and says so: "I've never understood you. You're so serious. You think too much. Why can't you just be happy?" Dr R has also provided a label for my mother's type, "the cheerful narcissist": one who attempts to receive narcissistic supply through toxic positivity, which includes an unremitting focus on her remarkable self and accomplishments and a deep lack of empathy for others' pains and concerns. When she occasionally recognizes that she's not getting the supply she craves from me or other family members, watch out! All her superficial cheeriness flies out the window and she becomes downright mean. So----fire-walling and soul-distancing. I feel sad about it, but my mental and spiritual health depend on it.
I love your realness and authenticity. Thank you Dr. Ramani! Your videos are really helping me.