I hate that Nicole's mom is saying how Azan has to get over the fact that she cheated on him... I bet if the tables were turned she would have an even more negative attitude against him, because if it.
Exactly they're saying he should be over it, but she cheated before she went the first time, came home and cheated again and lied to him,of course he's not over it.
@@Mina-np5pl I can see your point. But i think most families on this show think the person only wants a green card. Azan has said he doesnt want to leave his country. I can see why they believe that. He's Muslim, he's not working, she's supporting him. It's really sad...
I am guessing that the younger brother is often praised as competent by the family when compared to his incompetent older sister and this likely provides him a sense of inflated maturity relative to his age.
I also think when you have a "problem child" who's taking all the attention from the parents, you are sort of forced to be the "responsible" one because you are trying to please your parents, and also there isn't attention left for you so you feel like you don't have room to make mistakes, because they're too busy catching Nicole as she falls to allow you to be irresponsible and just be a kid
Vivvy Gipe I know. Everyone is arguing, and May’s just chilling, listening to something on her headphones, and just living her best life at that moment! 😝
I’m cracking up at Dr. Honda’s response to Nicole’s brother. Also I didn’t even realize how toxic her family truly is. I just thought it was her and Azan
Nope. The family is pretty normal it's Nicole that is a complete dipshit that doesn't are about wellbeing of her child. Nicole is lost cause - the family is trying to look out for the kid and they are still way too understanding to Nicole.
Like dude go back to school and leave the grown ups to talk about the real world! Kmt his attitude is so obnoxious I can’t even. His parents aren’t even stopping him kmt
I completely agree. It's very clear that they've had these conversations in front of him before and that's why he feels so comfortable jumping into it. It's also why they clearly feel comfortable having this conversation in front of May.
This is a perfect example of why adults shouldn't involve kids in family drama. Nicole's brother is totally stressed out, acting a fool, losing respect for his sibling- and at the end of the day, he doesn't have a clue what's really going on.
Paris Jasmine and we KNOW it would be a different story if Azan was the one cheating, but since it’s some Muslim guy from an undeveloped country for them....
Yes like, the guy needs to "get over" the fact that he get to know that she cheated on him for the second time during an interview at her last visit. It's not something from a far resolved conflict, he was told on camera that he was cheated on for the second time. Azan's family has been so nice to Nicole, but they can't reciprocate that not even a little bit, not even hypothetically. The tone of the kid when he states that Nicole sends money to Azan's omg!
As a long-time viewer of 90 day fiance, it's really refreshing to see someone call out Nicole's family. Nicole has her own issues, but I've always found her family to be completely insufferable.
What bothers me is how the mom looks proud when her son berates her daughter. I was terribly abused by my mother and older brother and my other siblings were "triangulated" into the abuse because it was constantly modeled to them that it was okay to mistreat me because I was "the wild one" for being argumentative and self reliant. I remember my mom having the same perverse look on her face when they would gang up on me.
same! it is the core reason of not being able to trust anyone especially in my intimate relationships. not only was I not soothed and loved by my mother but she let other people gang up on me, blamed me for all of her unhappiness and gained attention from others by being the victim, and i remember seeing the 'joy' in her face just like nicole's mom face when others are berating her. so f*cked up. so called this so 'concerned and loving' mother is the reason why it took me years of wrong choices and mistakes to come where i am today. i've been to therapy and still am and finally i am becoming my healthy functioning adult self. i don't talk to my biological family right now and guess what, the fact that i am not talking to them is 'the only problem' they have now. no one in the family asks me how i am doing, why i am doing, they call me to tell me 'how bad daughter i am how much i upset my mother and she doesn't deserve it' etc etc... the fact that my mother ganged up entire family system against me to feel 'loved and supported' is beyond disgusting and i can never forgive her, even if it stems from her childhood traumas. if i can grow out of my pain, so can she. she is 60 years old and wants me to be the 'adult' aka. caregiver to her... all i can say f*ck you, you f*cked up f*cking human work.
Erika Vianey same... my brother and I only started talking in the recent years because he realised how abusive he was and he apologised to me. When my father died, we decided to put things to the past and stick together since we only have each other. Although I forgive him now, the past abuse still shaped me as a human being today and I still struggle with self-deprecating voices he planted in my head. My boyfriend says when I do something wrong, I automatically coil into a corner and become very scared and defensive. It has become a problem between us as this was what protected me when my brother used to beat me whenever I did something wrong and my parents condoning him since they don’t have to be the bad guy.
Well, Nicole thinks she can support a family on a minimum wage job without ever acting like an adult. It's actually sad how much people side with Nicole.
@@sariuca Dr. Honda is always saying the family has no idea what their relationship is like, but I don't think Dr. Honda knows what Nicole is like. She appears to have a long history of making bad choices and their perceived disrespect might simply be due to Nicole's behavior.
I’m 16 years OLDER than my brother and I wouldn’t even talk to HIM LIKE that. Nicoles brother has absolutely NO RESPECT for her as an autonomous person. It’s disgusting
Exactly-I really don't like Nicole-but a dorky 16 year old like him is no position to lecture her on relationships. Plus, his stupid bit about finding Azan a job would be laughable if it wasn't so painful to watch...
@@johnharrison1456 he's an idiot, and the most frustrating part is how the mom just lets him talk like that. Not just disrespecting Nicole but making a fool out of himself. You're a kid, you don't know what you're talking about. I guess that's the kind of guy who grows up to be arrogant and think they're the only intelligent people in the world.
Woahhhh I think we need to step back and remember he’s a 16 yo kid... and he’s much a victim of his moms parenting as Nicole. I know I said and did dumb stuff when I was 16. I don’t think it’s fair to tear this kid down on the internet because (shock horror) a teenager is acting like they know everything.
@@theresuga True-but even for a 16 year old kid-he's pretty obnoxious The main point of us ripping into him is to echo Dr Honda's point that the whole family likes to join in on their putdown of Nicole as a fool. Some people have argued that her parents have a right to do so b/c they're funding her and (though I don't agree with that), but they certainly shouldn't be allowing him to join on this...
"I'll find him a job" I really dislike when people act like finding a job is easy. A close friend had to look for a job for two years before she found employment. My sister has been applying for all kinds of jobs for 2,5 years now and has ventured into starting her own thing because it seems like no one wants to hire her. Sometimes it's just tough. Rant over 😂
Careers are ridiculously hard to find. Especially with bills that have to be paid or trying to potentially rent and be independent! Something tells me Nicole will “find” him a minimum wage entry job that’ll get them nowhere in the long run aside from living paycheck to paycheck
Lilman Yellow definitely!!! At my first long term minimum wage job at subway, I knew a girl with a daughter who worked full time, tirelessly! I watched her from struggling, to managing, to eventually working at HR! It took her about 7 years but with determination, she really made it work. I really hope that is potentially their goals? I’m not sure if Nicole is moving forward with a career path or plans to stay at Starbucks until the opportunity comes to move up!
When you were talking about the scapegoat it reminded me of an episode of Family Guy. Meg stands up for herself and the whole family falls apart. She realizes that the family can only function if everyone hates her. So she apologizes and continues to be terrorized in order to keep the family together.
I just think it's weird they have such a serious conversation in front of May. And that they use such a negative tone in front of her. I remember getting anxious if I felt bad vibes im the air as a child. Hope that May doesn't feel the tension
She can probably feel it. It's also inappropriate to talk to a child's mother that way in front of them, she'll learn to not respect her, and no matter what you think of her capability it's just not ok, even harmful
I think that's part of the toxic and abusive behavior they keep doing to her. they don't really care about talking to her the way that they're talking to her and having these kinds of conversations in front of her daughter because they've clearly had these kinds of conversations in front of other family members before, and that's why the brother feels so comfortable jumping in. It's clear that she has been the scapegoat and the target of some mental and emotional abuse for a long time, and it was easy to do because she clearly has a delay . There's something clearly wrong with nicole, and that made her an easy target for this kind of stuff in her family. I'm not saying it's right, because it's not, but that's probably why they think it's okay to do this in front of her daughter and why they will continue to do this in front of her family and her daughter and probably Azan if he ever gets there.
Psychology by Thomas, the worlds youngest professor of psychology. Completing many decades worth of work in his very short 15 years in this world. 😂😂😂 Also... how is that fetus going to find Azan a job? 😂😂😂
Fun fact: Nicoles father recently got arrested for shoplifting and drugs. I think youre right about grandma having a fear because of her past relationship.
Exactly. My younger brother has always been the perfect child and me the screw up...but he still respected me as his older sister. I would never have let him talk to me like that.
I love how the mom is always saying that Azan should get over the cheating but if it was the other way around and Nicole was the one cheated on..... it would be a different story and Azan would be villain and they would never let him forget that.....
The more I watch, the more I realise that a lot of people would benefit from saying "total speculation" more often when discussing things that don't concern them. Social media attitudes to this show stink... Love your vids, Dr Honda.
I hadn't really watched Nicole and Azan when they were on. I just wanted to comment about the brother.... I was a stupid teenager once, so I try to not be harsh, but that kid rubs me the wrong way. He does sound like a bully (like Dr. Kirk said), and he's very arrogant about it. I just hope he grows out of it eventually. He needs better role models than the ones he seems to have at home.
@Katerine Ella, yes, if he doesn’t change his ways! But I do really hope someone comes along to model better behavior to him. I wasn’t a bully, but I was pretty arrogant at his age. Better people came along to model better behavior to me, and I hope he gets that opportunity too. It’s too sad to see someone so bad early on.
Katerine Ella I was thinking what if I’d turned up to a date and he’d had an arrogant attitude like his? I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date so insufferable that I couldn’t politely wait it out ‘til the end, but I think I’d have to make an exception for him. I just can’t see him having much luck with the ladies when he treats his older sister with such disdain. If you don’t have respect for your older sister, it doesn’t bode well for women in general. Hopefully he’s gay, for his sake; perhaps other men would be able to better tolerate his attitude? Otherwise, incel in the making right there.
I hope he gets the chance to go to an out of state university, or something along those lines. The farther he is from dysfunctional behavior patterns, the better he is.
i think the brother and the mom are emotionally/verbally abusive to nicole. and theres no excuse for that. maybe bullying is another word. by the way you laughing at the little brother is ME lmao hes so annoying
@@kokolatte825 Yes that’s possible...and if that was the case then that would be wrong by from what I’ve seen it doesn’t look like abuse...I’m a child abuse survivor...there’s a difference in toxic behavior and just not the best choice in words and abusive...Besides the good doc here never gives the fam that benefit of the doubt...he called them a mind controlling cult in one video....he makes it seem they are intentionally trying to destroy Nicole....and in my opinion as a therapist your not supposed to give hard subjective biased opinions like that...
Spare Account, The thing about text is it’s hard to communicate tone. With that said, pretty much any comment can come off as patronizing if read in the wrong tone. I read the comment in a kind tone
I feel like the little brother is just repeating things he hears often at home, and perhaps he enjoys feeling like he's ~more mature and level headed~ than his older sister. I think a lot of teens are eager to feel like they're smart and grown up, that's why so many have a know-it-all attitude.
Did... did he just basically say, "If they had two brain cells they'd figure out..." Also she made May call him "daddy" loooooong before Morocco. She made her start saying it to manipulate him into not breaking up with her after the cheating incident.
Nicole's parents asked how old Azan is and Nicole guessed 25, but according to the show's own text cards, he's 24. Even Nicole doesn't know how old he is. O.o
Yeah, something about her not knowing his age seems...odd? Like, you’re invested in him enough to travel multiple times to his country, but you don’t bother to know how old he is? Seems like a small but significant detail in a relationship
Yeah. That's weird. People typically know how old their fiance is. But I would argue that this yet another example of Nicole having some sort of delay.
TheSaiyanPrincess89 Nicole doesn’t do details. Some people are like that. Like when Azan was refused the K1 visa because he had been to Belarus with a former girlfriend and overstayed. She never actually asked him much about it and just glossed over it. Lol.
Admittedly, sometimes when people ask me my own age, it sometimes takes me a few seconds to work it out. It’s not that I’m slow at thinking, it’s just that my age changes every year and it’s not often that I get asked my age to get into the habit of knowing it off by heart each year. If I’m asked my date of birth, that’s a different story, as it’s been the same since I was born 😆
I agree that mom should have told him to be quiet. however, sometimes he seems a lot more mature than she is. He makes very valid points. She has come to HIM for advice. He's been put in that position, not only by Nicole but by the family.
Her brother is sooo damn annoying. I get that he’s been kind of “brainwashed” into taking this role because of the family dynamics, but holy hell does he have to be that obnoxious lmao
I am the scapegoat in my family, I breakdown cry when we visit my older brother house few years back who is the golden child, I didn’t know why i was so sad, and uncontrollably crying front my parents, I only remember the feeling so small, so stupid, and so ugly and insignificant! Mostly SHAME, they looked TA me like I was crazy and unreasonable! After 25 years run away from them, have my own child, live in different country, I still been treat the same way I was 5, I was 15: now I am 40! Unbelievable! Hate it !
I am so sorry. You are good. You are capable. I genuinely hope that you can surround yourself with people who see that in you and remind you of it often.
At 60 I have to stay no contact because being in the presence of my siblings as a group makes me cry still. I have been the scapegoat since I was born...everything was my fault. They had and have jokes that I'm not privy too, so if I say a word or phrase they pre pick they bust out laughing leaving me confused and embarrassed.
Dr. Kirk laughing at Nicole's brother made me feel better when I saw it in the show,. They made what the parents and what the brother said to be the " hard truths" and made Nicole out to be an idiot. Rubbed me the wrong way.
I've learned more in your videos than I've learned in any psych class🤔 Maybe that's because you're such a great teacher & give clear concise information & relatable examples.. Dr. Honda is pretty awesome lol
Re: Mom thinks she married too young/wrong person... Nicole's father has a lengthy criminal record: drugs, DUI, theft, etc. Three times in 6 months this year alone.
@@meaganmerendino195 Co-sponsor Azan was out the window a long time ago, when he was refused a visa. It is clear, he wants to stay in Morocco with her money
The brother's behaviour triggers me so bad. I was the clever one in my family, then i suffered depression and my brother, since then, has no respect to me, he is agressive and narcissist...i wanna cry
I don’t know your family situation but that sounds horrible. Hugs and hopes for better things from a fellow “deserving listener of Dr. Honda’s videos”!!
Thats why families needs big dogs They are great scapegoats, they chew everything, they poo, they pee, everybody can bond over being stressed about them and they can bond over how to get the dogs in line. They learn team work Note: been watching It's Me or The Dog 🤣🖤
Shed probably just treat her like an idiot for picking him. Ie somehow make it about her rather than Azan. Like "I told you so but you didn't listen, and now you messed up."
I think the mom is just scrambling to say anything that will "bulldoze" Nicole into doing what she wants. "Oh Azan is not forgiving you. He'll never forgive you. Break up with him." It doesn't matter what happened. The mom will bring it back to them needing to break up.
It's very normal to expect your parents to be supportive when you're having a hard time. The problem is that she doesn't want a solution and that's all the mum can do...
Exactly! Thats what I'm always telling my girls! Dont bring your troubles to my door if you dont want me say anything! That or tell me what you want from me: do you want me to just listen, are you just venting, or do you want advice? Be clear in what you are asking of me. I'm your mother! I'm not going to sugar coat the b.s.!!! And I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you are in a healthy loving relationship when you aren't! I will call YOU AND HIM/HER OUT! If they don't want to talk about it and they just want to vent, that's ok, too. But they can not be get mad at me when I don't like their partner because all they do is tell me bad things about them...
Honda explains this in one of their earlier scenes together. Her help me dynamic is immediately stopped once she gets the advice and her rebellion dynamic jump in
From my Psych 101 prof, "When you're 16 you think you know everything. At 36 you realize you don't know everything. At 56 you realize you'll never know everything. At 76 you start forgetting everything."
ive learned from these vids that it’s incredibly easy to judge someone, and a lot harder to take a step back and think “WHY are these people acting the way they are”
Sorry to hear that-I like watching them for the same reason-lol. I just had a family gathering and they all sounded exactly like Nicole's when talking about the "brown peoples"...
all i have to say is: wow dr honda. when i first saw these clips, i thought “wow nicole is so immature and her younger brother is so right” but you’ve COMPLETELY changed me - as well as thousands of people’s opinions - on them and helped us realize the deeper problem. wow. thank you for that.
I don’t think it’s racism. I think it is Nicole’s track record with not picking the best partner. The family is probably tired of Nicole’s infatuation with partners that do not treat her well.
There was an episode when she was having dinner with her family and they were talking down about how bad Morocco is. I just feel like it's not there first time making those kind of remarks.
It also doesn't help that her first answer to "what does he do for a living?" is "sometimes I give him money." He doesn't have any kind of employment that she knows of? Really? He is 25 and does nothing? I am not sure that is true but that is her only answer. What are they supposed to think? That sounds bad to me too. They very well could be racist, but wanting a future son-in-law to at least be working part time somewhere isn't unreasonable.
@@LB-gz3ke from previous episodes it sounded like Azan was a personal trainer but due to differing time zones, Nicole didn't like how little time they had to speak to each other, so she wanted him to quit his job whilst she helped send him money to make up for the lack of income
@@ProductiveProcrastination Azan worked at a resort/hotel and he said he got fired because Nicole was constantly calling him. Probably distracting him from his job because she wanted to talk to him constantly.
also you’re really helping me understand that Nicole actually isn’t just a trainwreck in a vacuum and you’re making me realize not everything is just a Nicole problem.
I noticed the brother, at that young age, feels it is his place to "voice his opinions" but he's being very discouraging and in my opinion disrespectful. It's so upsetting to see a younger brother allowed to talk down to his grown sister.
What’s even more upsetting about this is that he rest of the family members aren’t putting him in his place. And it’s possible from where he’s standing that since his family isn’t calling him out, he’s not doing anything wrong, even thou he really is. I’m thinking that the family is disillusioning him into thinking that talking down to Nicole and being disrespectful is okay, when it’s really not.
It’s so interesting to see how many people have VERY strong opinions on Nicole’s life choices. Dr. Honda did not once say he agrees with what she’s doing but being differentiated means not being for or against what someone else chooses to do with their life. This is clearly a very toxic family dynamic and I personally feel, TOTAL SPECULATION that everyone who’s so angry at Nicole and doesn’t see that her family disrespect her also have similar dynamics in their own families. Maybe a sibling or parent who you feel exhausted by. The way people speak to Nicole on the internet is disgusting to me. I’ve always felt that way. Complete strangers treat her even worse than her own family do. Imagine how that makes her feel. Dr Kirk is a professional. A family therapist and he’s worked with families for many years but some of you still want to lay into him and say that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Make it make sense. Learn from the video, share your opinions but please stop being mean to Dr. Kirk. He literally doesn’t HAVE to give us this content and knowledge but he does. Also he mentioned many times that he has thin skin. Be nice. Anyway take of yourself and others because everyone deserves it. We really really do.
I think it would be great if Nicole would interact with May instead of popping on headphones and give her a laptop. Just once couldn't this family quit arguing and bullying and try to have a conversation that included the child??
Dr Honda I agree with you about the little brother. He probably speaks about these things with such confidence because he’s practically parroting the parents. In his mind, his parents are usually right, so he’ll be on the right/“winning” team.
I ve never been so early to any video! Thank you Dr Honda for helping us all reflect more on ourselves. I have had my first therapy session thanks to your advice and encouragements
Maybe the reason Nicole's family is bashing Azan so much for not trusting Nicole is because they don't know that she *literally broke his trust by cheating on him twice*
.... Wait, so they didn't know the whole story? They didn't know why he didn't trust Nicole? Ok, what a shock. She yet again made a horrible choice and then made herself the victim of the situation.
Honestly I think it’s more that they are at the point where they’re feeling if he’s that desperate for a green card, just move on and stop pretending it’s a real relationship, if it was then he could be upset she cheated. If he’s desperate enough for a green card to be with someone he is not attracted to and doesn’t get along with, what’s the difference how dysfunctional it is
I remember dating a guy that I really wasn't even into because my family kept telling me what a bad decision I was making. It was all because he'd been married before and had kids. They considered that "baggage" and told me I was too young to "settle" and would regret it. As I got to know him better, I did not like him as a person but because my family was always barking at me about leaving him for reasons I didn't feel were valid, I stayed with him for 2 years just to assert myself as an individual. So when Dr Honda pointed out how it could push Nicole to make decisions just to prove she can, I really felt that.
Lol I love how shocked you where getting. But I also really love how you question why you feel the way you feel. That’s a great reminder to myself to do that!
I'm in agreement with Dr Honda, for the most part. I do think Nicole's younger brother, is overstepping his bounds. But when I see him act this way, to me it's more reflection of his parents. It makes me think, that the mother allows him to speak freely. as long as what he's saying goes along with what all of them want Nicole to believe. His confidence, and the righteousness of his tone. Speaks to having been told this is our opinion.I believe it's going to hurt him in the future. also when it comes to having a deep connection with your sibling. I think he's doing extreme damage. That he is completely unaware of. The stepfather's job, about look at your daughter. Think about her, and what you're doing to her period shows that he is toting that party line. But he knows exactly what he's doing. Watching this dinner unfold, was extremely horrifying. I am the quiet assertive one in my family. I have never seen a single family occasion, outing of any sort. unfold into merciless bullying of one of the family members this way. We all may not agree, with the other's choice. but we know it isn't our place. To tell them how to live their lives.
I must say everytime I discover that you have posted a new video-it just makes me really happy. Thank you for the inspiring content and your uploading consistency too ❤️
I wonder if they doubt Azan's intentions because they value Nicole so little they can't imagine someone could value her enough to want to marry her just for herself.
I'm from MENA and It's actually very very common for mideasterner and North African men to marry American women for a green card. I know many who have done so and even knew a guy who bragged about it in arabic infront of the woman, knowing she can't understand. It's most likely why Azan is with Nicole. I'm not supporting her family's way of expressing it but I completely understand their anxiety.
Thanks for sharing that perspective...and for using that acronym to describe that region of the world. I learn so much from Dr. Honda and some of the commenters!
@@MuzzyBarker racist or intolerant of intolerance? Americans have the biggest issues with people from countries that ignore human rights because their people believe it’s ok
Ohhhh grabbing the "take care of yourself because you deserve it you really really do" merch sweater I got in the mail today and snuggling up for this 40 min gem!
Dr. Honda....when is it appropriate to tell a child to call a non-biological parent “daddy”? Does that confuse the child if they are being told to call multiple people “daddy”?
My mother in law is married to my husband's stepdad for almost 25 years. They were together most of my husbands childhood. My husband has never once called him dad, and she never made him. I think it's important to give children the choice and not force or influence them to call a new partner mom/dad.
✋🏻 just saying that I don’t (&have never) called any family member by anything other then their first name. My younger half brothers do call “mum & dad” and it’s weird to me. My partner and I are “mummy & daddy” to our toddler- I don’t even know how or why this happened but it’s been natural for us. He’s called his parents mum & dad all his life which is his normal.
@@hahaitsnina Yes. My father raised both me and my brother, and even though my brother is older and has a biological father that he sees and even lived with for awhile, he calls my father Dad. We both do. But my brother wasn't expected to.
23:20 this is evil! Couple os episodes back Azan said that Nicole told her daughter to call him daddy. She does this on purpose. I duslike her more every episode.
This is definitely reminiscent of the Family Guy episode where Meg talks about being a lightening rod for the family’s dysfunction. She eventually lamented to that just being her lot in life instead of continuing to point out everyone’s problems.
Wow, the first time I watched this I didn't pick up on most of this family disfunction, and it makes so much sense. Now I'm realizing I probably missed it because there are echoes of my own family here! This series on Nicole and Azan has been so eye opening! Side note I do still think it was wrong of Nicole to have May call Azan Daddy whether or not her relationship works out. He doesn't need to be called Daddy to be a good stepdad and her instructing May to call him that is just confusing her. It also seems like she's doing that to reel Azan in whenever he loses interest. I don't think using your child in that way is okay. May can choose for herself to call Azan that when she's older if she wants.
Is anyone else the scapegoat of the family? I always knew I was the scapegoat but I had no idea that there was a word for it. Thank you Dr Honda for talking about this theory. I feel for Nicole in a sense because I know what it feels like to be ganged up on by your own family. But then again, she does have a child and she's prioritizing starting a new life with a new man when she really should be prioritizing her daughter's well-being. So her family have a good reason to be concerned.
Oh, Dr., I had to stop and say how much you made me chuckle when you talked about the brother presenting himself as someone who has "been around the block for sooooooo long". Isn't it amazing how he thinks he can give marital advice? :-) :-) The faces you made were hilarious. I don't watch this show but I'm enjoying your chats about it very much.
First, I'm totally in love with these videos. So insightful. I've learned more than i ever have with a face to face therapist lol. The stepfather has always pissed me off. He's got an attitude with and about Nicole which is very demeaning and condescending. It's as if he finds her an irritant in his life. On the extremely slim chance he watches these, I'd like to tell him to maybe stop being an asshole. Nicole was there first, JOE, she's got a right to be in her own family. YOU were the intrusion in her life, not the other way around and she had to put up with your wanna be tough guy bullshit because she was a kid. So, how about you go busy yourself watching old Westerns and trying to copy the cowboys or whatever people your age do and just don't bother with Nicole if she's such a burden on your precious time. You know nothing about anything and are not a father figure to her. Just gtfo when she's around. I'm sure everyone will be much happier, Grandpa.
When the brother pops off with his opinion at dinner, it feels inappropriate. But when he and stepdad comment outside the restaurant, they are being questioned by TLC(90 day). That is manipulated by the show. I don't blame them for that.
I hate that Nicole's mom is saying how Azan has to get over the fact that she cheated on him... I bet if the tables were turned she would have an even more negative attitude against him, because if it.
Exactly they're saying he should be over it, but she cheated before she went the first time, came home and cheated again and lied to him,of course he's not over it.
I think they are trying saying if he can’t get over it and trust her then they need to stop the process of him trying to move to the US.
I see this as them excusing her behavior. Not an uncommon thing
@@juliefisk8066 Yes. I agree.
@@Mina-np5pl I can see your point. But i think most families on this show think the person only wants a green card. Azan has said he doesnt want to leave his country. I can see why they believe that. He's Muslim, he's not working, she's supporting him. It's really sad...
I am guessing that the younger brother is often praised as competent by the family when compared to his incompetent older sister and this likely provides him a sense of inflated maturity relative to his age.
Or her brother hasn't been in failed relationships as a single parent and doesn't plan on supporting a family on minimum wage....
Most likely both options at the same time
I also think when you have a "problem child" who's taking all the attention from the parents, you are sort of forced to be the "responsible" one because you are trying to please your parents, and also there isn't attention left for you so you feel like you don't have room to make mistakes, because they're too busy catching Nicole as she falls to allow you to be irresponsible and just be a kid
Big WOW! No independent thoughts here... You are just parroting things this this psych has said in this, and previous, videos about these two.
Exactly what I was thinking!!
To be honest, I don't like ANYONE in this situation except May.
Vivvy Gipe I know. Everyone is arguing, and May’s just chilling, listening to something on her headphones, and just living her best life at that moment! 😝
Yeesss!!!! They're all a bag of mixed nuts (except May-lol)
May's just vibing lmao
@Ronan Gibson oh great, bots seem to have raided this comment section
You said it! Everyone else has been toxic or abusive one way or another.
I’m cracking up at Dr. Honda’s response to Nicole’s brother. Also I didn’t even realize how toxic her family truly is. I just thought it was her and Azan
definitely speaks to what kind of people the viewers are of this show
@Jesse Garcia yup
This is why I love psychology and sociology. It changes how you see the world. 🤓🧐🤔
Right?!
Nope. The family is pretty normal it's Nicole that is a complete dipshit that doesn't are about wellbeing of her child. Nicole is lost cause - the family is trying to look out for the kid and they are still way too understanding to Nicole.
lmao. the 16 year old saying he will find him a job if azan doesn’t find himself one 🙄🙄
kid, you have so much to learn about the world.
Like dude go back to school and leave the grown ups to talk about the real world! Kmt his attitude is so obnoxious I can’t even. His parents aren’t even stopping him kmt
Appearantly he is believing that he is Dr. Honda version 2.0 😬😂
It’s a white kid. The U.S is basically catered to white people.
@@abyz9774 I'm willing to bet that kid, at that point in his life, had never gotten a job on his own merits.
Imagine a 16 year old turning up and applying for a job for his sisters fiancee on his behalf XDXD
I interpret the younger brother as repeating things older people have been saying about Nicole to him or in his presence.
1000%
Wow, good point!
I completely agree. It's very clear that they've had these conversations in front of him before and that's why he feels so comfortable jumping into it. It's also why they clearly feel comfortable having this conversation in front of May.
I felt like this was taught to him too
This is a perfect example of why adults shouldn't involve kids in family drama. Nicole's brother is totally stressed out, acting a fool, losing respect for his sibling- and at the end of the day, he doesn't have a clue what's really going on.
“It’s starting to sound like racism to me” absolutely the amount of micro aggressions from these people to Azan.....
I agree
dude yes! It’s so awful
It’s like they kind of dehumanize him. When the mom said he needs to “get over” cheating like he’s not a human being with emotions
Paris Jasmine and we KNOW it would be a different story if Azan was the one cheating, but since it’s some Muslim guy from an undeveloped country for them....
Yes like, the guy needs to "get over" the fact that he get to know that she cheated on him for the second time during an interview at her last visit. It's not something from a far resolved conflict, he was told on camera that he was cheated on for the second time. Azan's family has been so nice to Nicole, but they can't reciprocate that not even a little bit, not even hypothetically. The tone of the kid when he states that Nicole sends money to Azan's omg!
As a long-time viewer of 90 day fiance, it's really refreshing to see someone call out Nicole's family. Nicole has her own issues, but I've always found her family to be completely insufferable.
What bothers me is how the mom looks proud when her son berates her daughter. I was terribly abused by my mother and older brother and my other siblings were "triangulated" into the abuse because it was constantly modeled to them that it was okay to mistreat me because I was "the wild one" for being argumentative and self reliant. I remember my mom having the same perverse look on her face when they would gang up on me.
Same! My brothers would bully me and my mother would praise them and join in.
Same, this ruined me forever....
same! it is the core reason of not being able to trust anyone especially in my intimate relationships. not only was I not soothed and loved by my mother but she let other people gang up on me, blamed me for all of her unhappiness and gained attention from others by being the victim, and i remember seeing the 'joy' in her face just like nicole's mom face when others are berating her. so f*cked up. so called this so 'concerned and loving' mother is the reason why it took me years of wrong choices and mistakes to come where i am today. i've been to therapy and still am and finally i am becoming my healthy functioning adult self. i don't talk to my biological family right now and guess what, the fact that i am not talking to them is 'the only problem' they have now. no one in the family asks me how i am doing, why i am doing, they call me to tell me 'how bad daughter i am how much i upset my mother and she doesn't deserve it' etc etc... the fact that my mother ganged up entire family system against me to feel 'loved and supported' is beyond disgusting and i can never forgive her, even if it stems from her childhood traumas. if i can grow out of my pain, so can she. she is 60 years old and wants me to be the 'adult' aka. caregiver to her... all i can say f*ck you, you f*cked up f*cking human work.
Erika Vianey same... my brother and I only started talking in the recent years because he realised how abusive he was and he apologised to me.
When my father died, we decided to put things to the past and stick together since we only have each other.
Although I forgive him now, the past abuse still shaped me as a human being today and I still struggle with self-deprecating voices he planted in my head. My boyfriend says when I do something wrong, I automatically coil into a corner and become very scared and defensive. It has become a problem between us as this was what protected me when my brother used to beat me whenever I did something wrong and my parents condoning him since they don’t have to be the bad guy.
Thank you for sharing that. I felt like my family was the only one. I haven't talked to my brothers since 1990.
Also, all the family looks at Nicole like they are so much better than her...it is actually disgusting. The mom's face looking down on her
Well, Nicole thinks she can support a family on a minimum wage job without ever acting like an adult. It's actually sad how much people side with Nicole.
seriously what is to look up to?!
M did they show that on the show? Cuz i didn’t see it
@@djchaiwallah I don't side Nicole, in fact, I agree with you, but as Dr. Honda said it is the way they are treating her with so much disrespect
@@sariuca Dr. Honda is always saying the family has no idea what their relationship is like, but I don't think Dr. Honda knows what Nicole is like. She appears to have a long history of making bad choices and their perceived disrespect might simply be due to Nicole's behavior.
"US is a very good prize, don't you say?"
...not really, no. I, for one, like health care. *shrug*
Where are you?
@@jennyl3475 Pick a country, just about any other country.
@@ImaginaryMdA Take me with you. :(
We have healthcare. It’s just not free
I mean I think so compare to other countries. Loads of people risk everything to come here.
I’m 16 years OLDER than my brother and I wouldn’t even talk to HIM LIKE that. Nicoles brother has absolutely NO RESPECT for her as an autonomous person. It’s disgusting
Exactly-I really don't like Nicole-but a dorky 16 year old like him is no position to lecture her on relationships. Plus, his stupid bit about finding Azan a job would be laughable if it wasn't so painful to watch...
Especially because they know they’re on tv.... like hype your daughter and boost her up ❄️
@@johnharrison1456 he's an idiot, and the most frustrating part is how the mom just lets him talk like that. Not just disrespecting Nicole but making a fool out of himself. You're a kid, you don't know what you're talking about. I guess that's the kind of guy who grows up to be arrogant and think they're the only intelligent people in the world.
Woahhhh I think we need to step back and remember he’s a 16 yo kid... and he’s much a victim of his moms parenting as Nicole. I know I said and did dumb stuff when I was 16. I don’t think it’s fair to tear this kid down on the internet because (shock horror) a teenager is acting like they know everything.
@@theresuga True-but even for a 16 year old kid-he's pretty obnoxious The main point of us ripping into him is to echo Dr Honda's point that the whole family likes to join in on their putdown of Nicole as a fool. Some people have argued that her parents have a right to do so b/c they're funding her and (though I don't agree with that), but they certainly shouldn't be allowing him to join on this...
"I'll find him a job"
I really dislike when people act like finding a job is easy. A close friend had to look for a job for two years before she found employment. My sister has been applying for all kinds of jobs for 2,5 years now and has ventured into starting her own thing because it seems like no one wants to hire her. Sometimes it's just tough. Rant over 😂
I'm highly experienced, highly educated and been trying for 5 years ...nothing. jobs beyond fast food are hard to find!
@@joywebster2678 ow :( it must be so hard for you. I sincerely hope you'll find something soon!
Careers are ridiculously hard to find. Especially with bills that have to be paid or trying to potentially rent and be independent!
Something tells me Nicole will “find” him a minimum wage entry job that’ll get them nowhere in the long run aside from living paycheck to paycheck
And let's not even talk about finding employment during a pandemic!
Lilman Yellow definitely!!! At my first long term minimum wage job at subway, I knew a girl with a daughter who worked full time, tirelessly!
I watched her from struggling, to managing, to eventually working at HR! It took her about 7 years but with determination, she really made it work.
I really hope that is potentially their goals? I’m not sure if Nicole is moving forward with a career path or plans to stay at Starbucks until the opportunity comes to move up!
When you were talking about the scapegoat it reminded me of an episode of Family Guy. Meg stands up for herself and the whole family falls apart. She realizes that the family can only function if everyone hates her. So she apologizes and continues to be terrorized in order to keep the family together.
Oh yeah! I remember that!
LOL WHAT A FANTASTIC REFERENCE
I just think it's weird they have such a serious conversation in front of May. And that they use such a negative tone in front of her. I remember getting anxious if I felt bad vibes im the air as a child. Hope that May doesn't feel the tension
She can probably feel it. It's also inappropriate to talk to a child's mother that way in front of them, she'll learn to not respect her, and no matter what you think of her capability it's just not ok, even harmful
she did.... trying so hard to focus on her screen. Seen that before :/
True
I think that's part of the toxic and abusive behavior they keep doing to her. they don't really care about talking to her the way that they're talking to her and having these kinds of conversations in front of her daughter because they've clearly had these kinds of conversations in front of other family members before, and that's why the brother feels so comfortable jumping in. It's clear that she has been the scapegoat and the target of some mental and emotional abuse for a long time, and it was easy to do because she clearly has a delay . There's something clearly wrong with nicole, and that made her an easy target for this kind of stuff in her family. I'm not saying it's right, because it's not, but that's probably why they think it's okay to do this in front of her daughter and why they will continue to do this in front of her family and her daughter and probably Azan if he ever gets there.
It looked like she had headphones on? Maybe she was playing music and couldn’t hear what was happening
Doc: He's talking like he's been around the block a few times
Yeah... teenagers tend to do that lol
So true! If I currently had the undeserved confidence that I had as a teenager, I’d be unstoppable 😆
He's definitely at that "know it all" age lol
Favorite movie line, "I'm gonna walk in there with all the undeserved confidence of a straight, white [16yr old] man."
yeah but considering Dr Honda's knowledge and experience, he's pointing it out because the boy's attitude is exaggerated even for his age.
@@pressed4time gosh, at least we’ve al been there lol
Psychology by Thomas, the worlds youngest professor of psychology. Completing many decades worth of work in his very short 15 years in this world. 😂😂😂
Also... how is that fetus going to find Azan a job? 😂😂😂
CWM2992 LMAO 😂. I don’t know if I’d call him a fetus. If he was, he’d definitely put his mom on disability for being one big ass fetus. 😂
I mean...does he even have a job himself?
secret squirrel maybe a paper round 😂
Top comment 😂
Lmao how Dr. Kirk reacted to the stepdads comment
“What do you know about it?”
🤣some reactivity there 😬🖤🔥
I wonder how many times dr. Kirk has said it like that in his head in session with a client. Let it all out Kirk, you're safe here.
we love it
Ah IT'S His Daughter ! He knows her better than someone who has never met her making a RUclips Video !
@@Authentistic-ism right?! Haha hes safe with us 💗🤗
@@HJ-lq9qq yes we do 🖤🔥
Fun fact: Nicoles father recently got arrested for shoplifting and drugs. I think youre right about grandma having a fear because of her past relationship.
Dr Honda seems to be getting a bit frustrated with these people. I hope he keeps making the videos
If I had a younger sibling and they spoke to me like that I’d SLAP the young out of them
Amethyst Emerald mine would be embalmed
I dont think my 2 younger brothers would ever even THINK to speak to me like that
When your parents protect the younger siblings so u can't get to them it empowers them to be rude and disrespectful
Yeah, I got the feeling that was the situation with Dr. Honda's older sister.
Exactly. My younger brother has always been the perfect child and me the screw up...but he still respected me as his older sister. I would never have let him talk to me like that.
I love how the mom is always saying that Azan should get over the cheating but if it was the other way around and Nicole was the one cheated on..... it would be a different story and Azan would be villain and they would never let him forget that.....
Facts
BINGO
“What do you know about it?” Classic Dr. Honda😂🤣😅
The more I watch, the more I realise that a lot of people would benefit from saying "total speculation" more often when discussing things that don't concern them. Social media attitudes to this show stink...
Love your vids, Dr Honda.
Ooh. Dr. Honda got a little feisty around 16 minutes there. "What do you know about it?!"
@Jude Fenwick Around 16 minutes into the video, Dr. Honda says "What do you know about it?" In relation to a comment from Nicole's stepfather.
He was charged up throughout this WHOLE video! 😆
I hadn't really watched Nicole and Azan when they were on. I just wanted to comment about the brother.... I was a stupid teenager once, so I try to not be harsh, but that kid rubs me the wrong way. He does sound like a bully (like Dr. Kirk said), and he's very arrogant about it. I just hope he grows out of it eventually. He needs better role models than the ones he seems to have at home.
I can imagine the kind of husband he will be one day... Puffed up know-it-all
@Katerine Ella, yes, if he doesn’t change his ways! But I do really hope someone comes along to model better behavior to him. I wasn’t a bully, but I was pretty arrogant at his age. Better people came along to model better behavior to me, and I hope he gets that opportunity too. It’s too sad to see someone so bad early on.
Katerine Ella I was thinking what if I’d turned up to a date and he’d had an arrogant attitude like his? I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date so insufferable that I couldn’t politely wait it out ‘til the end, but I think I’d have to make an exception for him. I just can’t see him having much luck with the ladies when he treats his older sister with such disdain. If you don’t have respect for your older sister, it doesn’t bode well for women in general. Hopefully he’s gay, for his sake; perhaps other men would be able to better tolerate his attitude? Otherwise, incel in the making right there.
I hope he gets the chance to go to an out of state university, or something along those lines. The farther he is from dysfunctional behavior patterns, the better he is.
FYI he joined the USMC
i think the brother and the mom are emotionally/verbally abusive to nicole. and theres no excuse for that. maybe bullying is another word.
by the way you laughing at the little brother is ME lmao hes so annoying
Their not..Just concerned family members...
@@LuvuluvuLaChic did you even watch this video
@@avocado184nhs82 Um Yes...What a stupid question...try again...think before you type.
@@LuvuluvuLaChic could they be concerned and also going about it in an emotionally abusive way?
@@kokolatte825 Yes that’s possible...and if that was the case then that would be wrong by from what I’ve seen it doesn’t look like abuse...I’m a child abuse survivor...there’s a difference in toxic behavior and just not the best choice in words and abusive...Besides the good doc here never gives the fam that benefit of the doubt...he called them a mind controlling cult in one video....he makes it seem they are intentionally trying to destroy Nicole....and in my opinion as a therapist your not supposed to give hard subjective biased opinions like that...
When Dr. Honda missed his finger ticking things off, that was so pure
Spare Account, The thing about text is it’s hard to communicate tone. With that said, pretty much any comment can come off as patronizing if read in the wrong tone. I read the comment in a kind tone
Spare Account ‘so pure’ is like saying sweet or adorable- it’s a term of endearment.
@@spareaccount8691 give people the benefit of the doubt online
Spare Account I read the original comment completely fine but funnily enough yours is the one that comes off patronizing
I completely understood that was a sweet comment 😊
I feel like the little brother is just repeating things he hears often at home, and perhaps he enjoys feeling like he's ~more mature and level headed~ than his older sister. I think a lot of teens are eager to feel like they're smart and grown up, that's why so many have a know-it-all attitude.
I think you nailed it. He’s definitely saying this for the alpha parent role to gain acceptance and approval.
Did... did he just basically say, "If they had two brain cells they'd figure out..."
Also she made May call him "daddy" loooooong before Morocco. She made her start saying it to manipulate him into not breaking up with her after the cheating incident.
“Entanglement” per Jada Smith
Nicole's parents asked how old Azan is and Nicole guessed 25, but according to the show's own text cards, he's 24. Even Nicole doesn't know how old he is. O.o
Yeah, something about her not knowing his age seems...odd? Like, you’re invested in him enough to travel multiple times to his country, but you don’t bother to know how old he is? Seems like a small but significant detail in a relationship
Yeah. That's weird. People typically know how old their fiance is. But I would argue that this yet another example of Nicole having some sort of delay.
TheSaiyanPrincess89 Nicole doesn’t do details. Some people are like that. Like when Azan was refused the K1 visa because he had been to Belarus with a former girlfriend and overstayed. She never actually asked him much about it and just glossed over it. Lol.
Admittedly, sometimes when people ask me my own age, it sometimes takes me a few seconds to work it out. It’s not that I’m slow at thinking, it’s just that my age changes every year and it’s not often that I get asked my age to get into the habit of knowing it off by heart each year. If I’m asked my date of birth, that’s a different story, as it’s been the same since I was born 😆
She was maybe trying to make him sound a little older?
Omg the younger brother....🤫 He needs to chill
Telling you now, if my little brother spoke to me like that. I’d never bother talking to him again. 😂
I agree that mom should have told him to be quiet. however, sometimes he seems a lot more mature than she is. He makes very valid points. She has come to HIM for advice. He's been put in that position, not only by Nicole but by the family.
@@pvdm4684 agreed
Typical teenager 🙄
Her brother is sooo damn annoying. I get that he’s been kind of “brainwashed” into taking this role because of the family dynamics, but holy hell does he have to be that obnoxious lmao
Only answer is he is 16 lol.
I am the scapegoat in my family, I breakdown cry when we visit my older brother house few years back who is the golden child, I didn’t know why i was so sad, and uncontrollably crying front my parents, I only remember the feeling so small, so stupid, and so ugly and insignificant! Mostly SHAME,
they looked TA me like I was crazy and unreasonable!
After 25 years run away from them, have my own child, live in different country, I still been treat the same way I was 5, I was 15: now I am 40! Unbelievable! Hate it !
Che Che I’m so sorry that you have to go through that. 💜 I’m glad that you’re happy now and living your life.
Im with you...
I am so sorry. You are good. You are capable. I genuinely hope that you can surround yourself with people who see that in you and remind you of it often.
At 60 I have to stay no contact because being in the presence of my siblings as a group makes me cry still. I have been the scapegoat since I was born...everything was my fault. They had and have jokes that I'm not privy too, so if I say a word or phrase they pre pick they bust out laughing leaving me confused and embarrassed.
I'm so sorry to hear that I'm sending you love and I hope that you can heal these wounds
Dr. Kirk laughing at Nicole's brother made me feel better when I saw it in the show,. They made what the parents and what the brother said to be the " hard truths" and made Nicole out to be an idiot. Rubbed me the wrong way.
I've learned more in your videos than I've learned in any psych class🤔 Maybe that's because you're such a great teacher & give clear concise information & relatable examples.. Dr. Honda is pretty awesome lol
He is also a Professor so that makes complete logical sense. Lol
Re: Mom thinks she married too young/wrong person...
Nicole's father has a lengthy criminal record: drugs, DUI, theft, etc. Three times in 6 months this year alone.
Really, he was arrested 3 times in 6 months? Her real father? Sorry I didn't watch the show only get my info from Dr Honda. Thx
That's interesting... I wonder if that affected him co-sponsoring azan and maybe thsts one reason hes not in the US?
@@meaganmerendino195 you cant cosponsor if you got a record as far as I know- could be wrong but thats what ive heard
@@Hadria7777 Yes. Her biological father. He appears on the show in a later season.
@@meaganmerendino195 Co-sponsor Azan was out the window a long time ago, when he was refused a visa. It is clear, he wants to stay in Morocco with her money
I love when he scoffs at the teenager lmao
"Is that a threat?" 🥋
The brother's behaviour triggers me so bad. I was the clever one in my family, then i suffered depression and my brother, since then, has no respect to me, he is agressive and narcissist...i wanna cry
I don’t know your family situation but that sounds horrible. Hugs and hopes for better things from a fellow “deserving listener of Dr. Honda’s videos”!!
I had a very similar situation💜 sending you love and hugs🤗💜🙏
Thats why families needs big dogs
They are great scapegoats, they chew everything, they poo, they pee, everybody can bond over being stressed about them and they can bond over how to get the dogs in line. They learn team work
Note: been watching It's Me or The Dog 🤣🖤
I love it's me and the dog hahahahh She really is a human trainer
The more parents kick against their daughter’s relationship, the more Nicole becomes further endeared to Azan.
I wonder if the roles was reverse and Azan cheated on Nicole. Would Nicole mother tell Nicole to just get over it.
Shed probably just treat her like an idiot for picking him. Ie somehow make it about her rather than Azan.
Like "I told you so but you didn't listen, and now you messed up."
I think the mom is just scrambling to say anything that will "bulldoze" Nicole into doing what she wants. "Oh Azan is not forgiving you. He'll never forgive you. Break up with him." It doesn't matter what happened. The mom will bring it back to them needing to break up.
I'm very confuse as to why Nicole don't like to take advice from her mother but will tell her things anyway? like what do she expect?
She goes to her mom to do the exact opposite! Typical rebel tendency
It's very normal to expect your parents to be supportive when you're having a hard time. The problem is that she doesn't want a solution and that's all the mum can do...
Exactly! Thats what I'm always telling my girls! Dont bring your troubles to my door if you dont want me say anything! That or tell me what you want from me: do you want me to just listen, are you just venting, or do you want advice? Be clear in what you are asking of me. I'm your mother! I'm not going to sugar coat the b.s.!!! And I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you are in a healthy loving relationship when you aren't! I will call YOU AND HIM/HER OUT! If they don't want to talk about it and they just want to vent, that's ok, too. But they can not be get mad at me when I don't like their partner because all they do is tell me bad things about them...
Honda explains this in one of their earlier scenes together. Her help me dynamic is immediately stopped once she gets the advice and her rebellion dynamic jump in
@@JL_Lux I forgot about that..but you're right. The minute she hears something she doesnt like, that's what she does...
From my Psych 101 prof, "When you're 16 you think you know everything. At 36 you realize you don't know everything. At 56 you realize you'll never know everything. At 76 you start forgetting everything."
ive learned from these vids that it’s incredibly easy to judge someone, and a lot harder to take a step back and think “WHY are these people acting the way they are”
Yes!!! ♥️
I agree, they all seem entitled. Nicole thinks she can grab and push her boyfriend. And her brother 🙄
Her family is almost as bad as mine😬
I feel that. When Dr. Honda was talking about Nicole’s family at the beginning, I thought he was talking about mine. 😅
oof
wow i feel bad for you
At least the mother acknowledges she’s alive. Mine didn’t. I’m the oldest but I was just around for spare body parts in my teenage years
Sorry to hear that-I like watching them for the same reason-lol. I just had a family gathering and they all sounded exactly like Nicole's when talking about the "brown peoples"...
all i have to say is: wow dr honda. when i first saw these clips, i thought “wow nicole is so immature and her younger brother is so right” but you’ve COMPLETELY changed me - as well as thousands of people’s opinions - on them and helped us realize the deeper problem. wow. thank you for that.
😂😂😂😂"and younger brother keep your mouth shot"😂😂😂😂😂😂LOOOOOOOL
It’s so much better when dr Kirk gets spicy
I don’t think it’s racism. I think it is Nicole’s track record with not picking the best partner. The family is probably tired of Nicole’s infatuation with partners that do not treat her well.
There was an episode when she was having dinner with her family and they were talking down about how bad Morocco is. I just feel like it's not there first time making those kind of remarks.
It also doesn't help that her first answer to "what does he do for a living?" is "sometimes I give him money." He doesn't have any kind of employment that she knows of? Really? He is 25 and does nothing? I am not sure that is true but that is her only answer. What are they supposed to think? That sounds bad to me too. They very well could be racist, but wanting a future son-in-law to at least be working part time somewhere isn't unreasonable.
@@blackqueen5330 Now, this kind of thing may indicate racism. Or at least some ignorance/xenophobia. I didn't see that, but I think you are right.
@@LB-gz3ke from previous episodes it sounded like Azan was a personal trainer but due to differing time zones, Nicole didn't like how little time they had to speak to each other, so she wanted him to quit his job whilst she helped send him money to make up for the lack of income
@@ProductiveProcrastination Azan worked at a resort/hotel and he said he got fired because Nicole was constantly calling him. Probably distracting him from his job because she wanted to talk to him constantly.
also you’re really helping me understand that Nicole actually isn’t just a trainwreck in a vacuum and you’re making me realize not everything is just a Nicole problem.
I noticed the brother, at that young age, feels it is his place to "voice his opinions" but he's being very discouraging and in my opinion disrespectful. It's so upsetting to see a younger brother allowed to talk down to his grown sister.
The family doesn't consider nicole grown
What’s even more upsetting about this is that he rest of the family members aren’t putting him in his place. And it’s possible from where he’s standing that since his family isn’t calling him out, he’s not doing anything wrong, even thou he really is. I’m thinking that the family is disillusioning him into thinking that talking down to Nicole and being disrespectful is okay, when it’s really not.
It’s so interesting to see how many people have VERY strong opinions on Nicole’s life choices. Dr. Honda did not once say he agrees with what she’s doing but being differentiated means not being for or against what someone else chooses to do with their life. This is clearly a very toxic family dynamic and I personally feel, TOTAL SPECULATION that everyone who’s so angry at Nicole and doesn’t see that her family disrespect her also have similar dynamics in their own families. Maybe a sibling or parent who you feel exhausted by. The way people speak to Nicole on the internet is disgusting to me. I’ve always felt that way. Complete strangers treat her even worse than her own family do. Imagine how that makes her feel. Dr Kirk is a professional. A family therapist and he’s worked with families for many years but some of you still want to lay into him and say that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Make it make sense. Learn from the video, share your opinions but please stop being mean to Dr. Kirk. He literally doesn’t HAVE to give us this content and knowledge but he does. Also he mentioned many times that he has thin skin. Be nice. Anyway take of yourself and others because everyone deserves it. We really really do.
I think we know who Nicole's family is voting for in 2020.
I think it would be great if Nicole would interact with May instead of popping on headphones and give her a laptop. Just once couldn't this family quit arguing and bullying and try to have a conversation that included the child??
This is on the Tv... and I guess they only want clips when they talking about Azan
She's a sick girl. She was raised by a sick family.
That's what I think.
I know I can’t believe they’re actively choosing to talk to her like this on tv 🤦♀️
As someone who has a brother who talks to her like this... this is extremely validating to hear.
Dr Honda I agree with you about the little brother. He probably speaks about these things with such confidence because he’s practically parroting the parents. In his mind, his parents are usually right, so he’ll be on the right/“winning” team.
I ve never been so early to any video! Thank you Dr Honda for helping us all reflect more on ourselves. I have had my first therapy session thanks to your advice and encouragements
This brother is KILLING ME 😂 I can't believe no one in his family calls him out on his behaviour
They talk at people not with people. Everyone else does it so he imitates them.
Agree with you 100%. This family is super entitled and xenophobic
Dr. Honda, thank you for this daily gift of reaction videos. They are the highlight of my day!
This has been one of my favorite analysis you've done about this couple/family so far! Dr. Honda you are amazing!
Maybe the reason Nicole's family is bashing Azan so much for not trusting Nicole is because they don't know that she *literally broke his trust by cheating on him twice*
No kidding. Not to mention she hid the physical assult argument from them
.... Wait, so they didn't know the whole story? They didn't know why he didn't trust Nicole?
Ok, what a shock.
She yet again made a horrible choice and then made herself the victim of the situation.
Honestly I think it’s more that they are at the point where they’re feeling if he’s that desperate for a green card, just move on and stop pretending it’s a real relationship, if it was then he could be upset she cheated. If he’s desperate enough for a green card to be with someone he is not attracted to and doesn’t get along with, what’s the difference how dysfunctional it is
My thoughts exactly!
I’m pretty sure they know about the cheating. I don’t know if they know that she did it twice though.
Her brother should be her ally, not her enemy. It's enough that she's getting it from her mom.
Mom: "Everyone is dumb except for me"
Son: "Nicole you're dumb"
Mom: "That boy's got his mommas brains"
I remember dating a guy that I really wasn't even into because my family kept telling me what a bad decision I was making. It was all because he'd been married before and had kids. They considered that "baggage" and told me I was too young to "settle" and would regret it. As I got to know him better, I did not like him as a person but because my family was always barking at me about leaving him for reasons I didn't feel were valid, I stayed with him for 2 years just to assert myself as an individual. So when Dr Honda pointed out how it could push Nicole to make decisions just to prove she can, I really felt that.
Haha. Dr. Honda you are so funny! "What do you know about it?" LOL You totally caught me off guard with that. That was good!
Lol I love how shocked you where getting. But I also really love how you question why you feel the way you feel. That’s a great reminder to myself to do that!
I'm in agreement with Dr Honda, for the most part. I do think Nicole's younger brother, is overstepping his bounds. But when I see him act this way, to me it's more reflection of his parents. It makes me think, that the mother allows him to speak freely. as long as what he's saying goes along with what all of them want Nicole to believe. His confidence, and the righteousness of his tone. Speaks to having been told this is our opinion.I believe it's going to hurt him in the future. also when it comes to having a deep connection with your sibling. I think he's doing extreme damage. That he is completely unaware of. The stepfather's job, about look at your daughter. Think about her, and what you're doing to her period shows that he is toting that party line. But he knows exactly what he's doing. Watching this dinner unfold, was extremely horrifying.
I am the quiet assertive one in my family. I have never seen a single family occasion, outing of any sort. unfold into merciless bullying of one of the family members this way. We all may not agree, with the other's choice. but we know it isn't our place. To tell them how to live their lives.
I love Dr. Honda’s laugh when nicole’s brother talks 😁
I love when they show the family and you talk about family systems!
I must say everytime I discover that you have posted a new video-it just makes me really happy. Thank you for the inspiring content and your uploading consistency too ❤️
"nothing against teenagers, but, uhhhhhhhh, what do you know about it?" LOVE IT!
I think they knew Azan’s age. It seems like they were asking again to reiterate that Azan is too old to be getting money from Nicole.
“I missed my finger” bless dr Honda
I wonder if they doubt Azan's intentions because they value Nicole so little they can't imagine someone could value her enough to want to marry her just for herself.
I'm from MENA and It's actually very very common for mideasterner and North African men to marry American women for a green card. I know many who have done so and even knew a guy who bragged about it in arabic infront of the woman, knowing she can't understand. It's most likely why Azan is with Nicole. I'm not supporting her family's way of expressing it but I completely understand their anxiety.
Thanks for sharing that perspective...and for using that acronym to describe that region of the world. I learn so much from Dr. Honda and some of the commenters!
I'm from USA and it's very common for Americans to be racist.
Thank you! We just get called racist when we talk about the facts because we are white
@@MuzzyBarker racist or intolerant of intolerance? Americans have the biggest issues with people from countries that ignore human rights because their people believe it’s ok
@@sarahapple5844 racist
you’re spoiling us with these 40 min vids dr honda THANK you
The brother is a young male mother!!!!!🤣
I’m waiting for the day Dr. Honda acknowledges how freaking cute May is.. she’s so adorable
“What do you know about it?!” Dr. Honda had me cackling right there 😂
This is like normal family dynamic to me I didn't know it was so dysfunctional
I think the brother repeats what he has heard from other family members
Ohhhh grabbing the "take care of yourself because you deserve it you really really do" merch sweater I got in the mail today and snuggling up for this 40 min gem!
I feel so uncomfortable finishing this video being the "scapegoat" in my family...
Honestly liked how the therapist dismantled that younger brothers actions.
Dr. Honda....when is it appropriate to tell a child to call a non-biological parent “daddy”? Does that confuse the child if they are being told to call multiple people “daddy”?
Yes...Any human being with basic common sense can tell you that...
My mother in law is married to my husband's stepdad for almost 25 years. They were together most of my husbands childhood. My husband has never once called him dad, and she never made him. I think it's important to give children the choice and not force or influence them to call a new partner mom/dad.
✋🏻 just saying that I don’t (&have never) called any family member by anything other then their first name. My younger half brothers do call “mum & dad” and it’s weird to me.
My partner and I are “mummy & daddy” to our toddler- I don’t even know how or why this happened but it’s been natural for us. He’s called his parents mum & dad all his life which is his normal.
@@hahaitsnina Yes. My father raised both me and my brother, and even though my brother is older and has a biological father that he sees and even lived with for awhile, he calls my father Dad. We both do. But my brother wasn't expected to.
It is never appropriate to tell a child to call anyone mummy or daddy. You do not tell a child to call a man daddy who is not their parent
Dr Kirk is our greatest asset and we must protect him at all costs.
23:20 this is evil! Couple os episodes back Azan said that Nicole told her daughter to call him daddy. She does this on purpose. I duslike her more every episode.
Also Nicoles family are really mean to her, so I find this sad for her.
This is definitely reminiscent of the Family Guy episode where Meg talks about being a lightening rod for the family’s dysfunction. She eventually lamented to that just being her lot in life instead of continuing to point out everyone’s problems.
Wow, the first time I watched this I didn't pick up on most of this family disfunction, and it makes so much sense. Now I'm realizing I probably missed it because there are echoes of my own family here! This series on Nicole and Azan has been so eye opening!
Side note I do still think it was wrong of Nicole to have May call Azan Daddy whether or not her relationship works out. He doesn't need to be called Daddy to be a good stepdad and her instructing May to call him that is just confusing her. It also seems like she's doing that to reel Azan in whenever he loses interest. I don't think using your child in that way is okay. May can choose for herself to call Azan that when she's older if she wants.
the whole scape goat thing reminds me of Meg from family guy and how everyone gangs up on her. Nichole reminds me of Meg
Is anyone else the scapegoat of the family? I always knew I was the scapegoat but I had no idea that there was a word for it. Thank you Dr Honda for talking about this theory. I feel for Nicole in a sense because I know what it feels like to be ganged up on by your own family. But then again, she does have a child and she's prioritizing starting a new life with a new man when she really should be prioritizing her daughter's well-being. So her family have a good reason to be concerned.
19:01 - the moment the therapist starts to analyze himself. PURE GOLD!!
For someone who chooses not to work he sure does call Nicole lazy a lot.
Oh, Dr., I had to stop and say how much you made me chuckle when you talked about the brother presenting himself as someone who has "been around the block for sooooooo long". Isn't it amazing how he thinks he can give marital advice? :-) :-) The faces you made were hilarious. I don't watch this show but I'm enjoying your chats about it very much.
First, I'm totally in love with these videos. So insightful. I've learned more than i ever have with a face to face therapist lol.
The stepfather has always pissed me off. He's got an attitude with and about Nicole which is very demeaning and condescending. It's as if he finds her an irritant in his life.
On the extremely slim chance he watches these, I'd like to tell him to maybe stop being an asshole.
Nicole was there first, JOE, she's got a right to be in her own family. YOU were the intrusion in her life, not the other way around and she had to put up with your wanna be tough guy bullshit because she was a kid. So, how about you go busy yourself watching old Westerns and trying to copy the cowboys or whatever people your age do and just don't bother with Nicole if she's such a burden on your precious time. You know nothing about anything and are not a father figure to her. Just gtfo when she's around. I'm sure everyone will be much happier, Grandpa.
When the brother pops off with his opinion at dinner, it feels inappropriate. But when he and stepdad comment outside the restaurant, they are being questioned by TLC(90 day). That is manipulated by the show. I don't blame them for that.