I am American and one of my ex boyfriends was Moroccan. He was also much gentler than Azan. I once asked him if he would say anything if I gained too much weight and he said "Yes because I would be concerned for your health and wouldn't you want me to say something because if I saw you in a bad situation and ignored it I would not be a responsible boyfriend/friend." I 100% believe something related to Moroccan culture is going on here and Azan might mean it in a very different way than most Americans would interpret it.
I would expect my husband to at least ask me if I realize I've gained weight..... if that's the issue. Nicole is stupid to have stayed after the 55% comment. Or when he cancelled the wedding the 1st time and the 2nd time and when he didnt go to Grenada. Am I missing any other signs
It's like seeing someone is anorexic or an alcoholic or drug addict, you want that person to take care of themselves and stop slowly kill themselves because they don't want to put in the effort or they really need professional help. I think they are both young and this is definitely not a relationship they both should be pursuing because at this point in time they want different things. But, the people saying he's just shallow and wants her to be skinny are missing the whole point. Being skinny doesn't necessarily mean you're active and fit, and he didn't start off telling her to change until he realized the crappy food she ate and that she got so winded so quickly going up the sand dune. I've always been within my bmi, and I dated a guy who was active and fit, but he would complain that I didn't go on hikes with him, I slept too much, and I needed to eat healthier. Just because I don't intake more calories than I burn in a day, means that my ex was really concerned about my health and wanting to share his activities and Azan is more concerned about the way she looks? Doesn't make sense to me. He did mention that he was surprised by her being bigger than he thought, which didn't immediately turn him off, they still spent the night together. Being fat is an indicator of poor health globally, but in America our culture is going through a weird "accept me as I am" movement because fat people were vilified and harrassed severely, which is unacceptable. Whereas other countries know that it is just plain out not good for you to be fat, just like doing drugs, alcoholism, and anorexia, and want you to be the best version of yourself. I don't see anything wrong with him wanting that, but I do know that Nicole being from America is going to take it the wrong way because we tell obese people every day that you do you because it's your life and you can be big and beautiful, which we would never say to a person with a different eating disorder or addiction.
They’re just not compatible. He’s obviously not physically attracted to her as she is, and is trying to let her know that it’s a dealbreaker if she doesn’t lose weight. If she has no intention to make that change, they have nothing more to discuss. It’s over.
100% agree. I wish more people sought therapy or worked on themselves to realize their self-worth. A lot of people stay in unfulfilling relationships because to some degree, they feel like they can't do better or they wouldn't find anyone else.
Anyone with half a brain can understand that he wants her thinner. He is trying to sell it nicely, but his attraction to her IS impaired by her weight. Forcing him to say it isn't just makes her look stupid. I get frustrated by excuse making. She is damaged, her mom is controlling, etc. She. Is. Not. Smart.
The problem is she’s only physically attracted to him. She doesn’t care about his lifestyle, culture, way of life etc. And she’s not willing to learn. She’s looking for instant gratification.
@@ThePoptartjunkie All she wants is some hot looking guy to be into her and give her sex and PDA. She couldn't care less what HE wants. She obviously doesn't respect his culture or his interests.
I wonder if Dr. Honda ever gets sick of watching the same people repeat the same toxic patterns. Thank you Dr. Honda for putting in all this grueling work for our education and entertainment!
@@rishaa682 I think the original poster meant that they KNOW Dr Honda deals with this but it must be tiring to see people repeating the same crap over and over with results that don't differ.
It bothers me that she is blaming May for her habits right in front of May. You can see May bend over and cover her face like she hears it and is taking it in.
Hello, their four-year-old daughter is in the same bed with them. If Nicole is in bed all day that means her daughter is in bed all day and night. Nicole is not taking her for a walk, to the park, teaching her to read books. Doctor please don't ignore these very important points
There's another issue to consider. I don't know how long has Nicole chatted with Azan online but in person, she's spent around 4 months with him so far and yet, she's allowed him to change her infant daughter - who had literally met him there for the first time and known him for what, a week or two?! Now, I'm not accusing Azan of anything but letting strangers this close to your kids is stupid and dangerous and is one of the signs that Nicole doesn't care about baby May and her well-being as she should
Also, diapers for a 4 years old? Is it just me or she should be potty trained by now? Not a mom, but an aunt and my nephew was fully potty trained before 3 and a half
badanka87 it depends on the kid and their needs. My son wasn’t potty trained until he was almost 5. Kids aren’t going to spend forever in diapers. But I don’t think that’s indicative of neglect. Also comparing kids you know to other kids is dumb as they all learn and develop differently.
@@zombiekore Still, the "average" is around 3. Plenty of kids fall outside that average but sometimes kids don't get potty trained because the parent doesn't want to bother. It can take a lot of work and patience and it's "easier" to just keep them in diapers.
You don't have to change a child that age over night... You certainly don't have to feed her overnight. She is not a newborn desperate for the breast every 2-3 hours
@@LuvuluvuLaChic She is definitely not potty trained, but a child that age is not waking you to change her pamper overnight, and they're not waking you up to eat (unless they didn't get any dinner) She's just lying.
They talked online for months. She misrepresented her appearance to the extent that he was surprised by her size when she arrived in Morocco. She also promised to work out. He now has to accept her despite her lies because it isn't nice to body shame?
I don’t think he meant it that way. It is true that Nicole trucked Azan about her appearance, butAzan doesn’t have to accept her if he feels that she is not the right person for him. However, body shaming is still not acceptable and won’t always give the desired response. It will definitely lower the person’s self esteem, but it may not push them to the gym.
@@crazyworld6793 Yes...Nicole who is an adult and whines bc she "doesn't eat vegetables." I'm sick of Nicole. She gets mad he brings up her weight but she has zero problems throwing her massive girth around blocking Azan, shoving and bullying him.
Azan might be having problems translating his thoughts into English, however im just speculating. Sometimes ive noticed that I judged a person harshly when English is another persons 2nd language. only to realise that they are trying to articulate and translate their opinions not as I have perceived it.
This! Most of my friends aren't native English speakers and they come across very mean sometimes but it's just because they have limited vocabulary so they can't say what they mean. And sometimes they might get frustrated and that adds even more harshness
Nicole is inconsistent and unreliable, which makes a horrible foundation in the early stages of a relationship. Azan's behavior about the workouts can seem silly but it doesn't really feel out of place. She can't keep big commitments like not cheating or little commitments like eating good, exercising, or even waking up at a normal time, shes done nothing to show Azan shes dependable in the slightest but she expects him to move across the world to be with her. She's just selfish.
I think the cheating thing messed him up. cause like you said, he's taking the promise for her to workout and applying it to other things. this means he's still upset and probably the language barrier is making it hard for him to truly express himself.
Ok, how is an adult (who is not sick ) sleeping till 3 not lazy? She isn’t a15 year old she is grown with a child. Sorry but it doesn’t seem like she trying. They are clearly not a good match.
It’s not judgmental to be concerned that she’s sleeping too much. That’s definitely not normal, functional or something to be excused away. If she does have a disorder or condition, it needs to be addressed instead of being like “oh that’s just how Nicole is.”
Elia Simons Azan has seen much more of her than we have to make that “judgment” 🤷♀️ I don’t agree with negative shaming to make her feel worse about herself, but coddling her with all these excuses is not productive either.
The Doctor is always capping for Nicole...He doesn't take any opinions about Nicole from the ppl who know her as just reality...That just maybe what her mom, dad, brother and sister have said about Nicole...might just be true...he's always twisting it, as if Nicole is this victim...He rarely places any of the accountability onto Nicole..I don't see him really doing this with any body else...so its kind of weird..
I wonder why Nicole is sleeping so late, at this point Azan said they'd been in Morocco for 1 month, so you would think they would have a routine by then. I wonder if she was used to others taking care of May and she could do whatever she wanted and being in Morocco she had to be a full time mom? Or maybe it was depression from being around Azan all the time and seeing it wasn't the fairytale she's been trying to make happen
After my kids I developed thyroid issues that leave you exhausted. It's not at all unusual for pregnancy/post partum to trigger thyroid issues. If I knew Nicole I'd be asking when she last had a thyroid panel
She may have some thyroid or other medical issues. Weight gain and lethargy are viewed by uneducated (about the science behind weight gain) folks like Azan as mere laziness.
Also, she could have anaemia. We all know that she really doesn’t like to eat vegetables (fries being her go to staple), so it’s very possible. With anaemia, you can sleep all day and still feel tired. It feels as if you never slept. Or maybe she has a vitamin D deficiency? Though with her living in (Miami?) or visiting (Morocco) a sunny place, I doubt it. We are all trying to give Nicole the benefit of the doubt here. Dr Kirk himself even indicated that there is a possibility that she’s using Mae as an excuse. TOTAL SPECULATION of course. Poor Mae 🥺
It's not a promise that falls into the "same category", according to "most people", but it's still a promise. If she doesn't genuinely mean it when she said she would try to live a healthy lifestyle but rather just said it for the moment because that's what Azan wanted to hear, then don't say it at all to give Azan the false hope. A promise is a promise, big or small. Follow through if you mean it; otherwise, don't promise in the first place at all. If I were dating a guy who promised me that he would quit smoking but still smokes all the time, then I will have trust issue with him too and get tired of him after a while.
BeiBei Zhao cannot agree more. If not changing her lifestyle and body is a deal breaker for him and she knows it, she should just break up with him instead of making promises she doesn’t intend to keep. She’s able to stood up for herself saying that she is her own woman and will not change because of anyone else, then why not ending things quickly even though it’s hard, instead of getting into a situation where both of them know they will never compromise? Of course she is not legally or morally obliged to follow through with the promise, and he cannot pressure her to do so, but as the promise is made to him and involves his trust and emotion, he has the right to remind her that ‘hey, how about keeping your words?’. His manner is problematic, but i don’t think he’s unjustifiable in holding her accountable.
To me it seems like the question Nicole asked "would it be a deal breaker if i can't do this stuff?" (lose weight, etc) was hard for Azan to answer, because if he says 'yes' he looks like an asshole (justifiably), but he if says 'no' hes basically giving Nicole a pass to barely try in the first place (since in his mind she's lazy). It isn't his right to ask her to lose weight, totally agree, but I don't really think she wants to change at all, she just wants to say she will to keep Azan around. My personal opinion/observation is that Nicole has (been coddled a lot or something, and) never fully had to rely on herself. She's always had a safety net (which is fine to an extent), but rather than give her the strength to fly on her own knowing she has support, it's created an immaturity and self control issues in her which she uses to always get what she (thinks she) wants from other people some how (just by seeing her family's interactions with her- not saying it's okay). I feel bad for the daughter personally, she's not learning great habits, and in that regard I can see why Azan is concerned (whether or not he's going about it in an appropriate way), but obviously everyone is entitled to raise their kids how they want. Total speculation- lol :p
I checked her Instagram a while ago and apparently she did lose a lot of weight. She's still heavy but she's at a point were she feels very comfortable in her body. I don't know how much she weighs now (none of my business tbh) but I think her post said around the time this was filmed she was 300+ So being able to put in effort I don't think she's lazy. I mean she puts in so much work to chase after Azan without any support (from family), works a full time job, and is a single mom. She may not have a full hustle mode some people have. But I don't think she's inherently lazy just because she doesn't wanna work out with Azan.
@@madelinefrazier5357 She didn't work out between visits to Azan either...She has plenty of financial support from her family...and isn't working at all in Morocco. Good for her on the weight loss, though.
@@madelinefrazier5357 In this case I'm not directly linking her weight to what i am perceiving as lazy. i don't know for fact she does or does not work a full time job, let alone takes care of her child most of the time either so I can't comment or side one way or the other. For me, it's really just her attitude.
My ex once opened up to me that he always wanted and expected me to lose weight. Basically - all 4 years or our relationship he was not happy with how I looked. And note I was not overweight just not super thin... I asked "so why did you even start dating me?" Him "I hoped you would "grow out of it". I was 16 he was 20 at the time...it was a disaster from the start.
I feel Dr. Honda, who is usually pretty fair, is very biased in this Nicole and Azan series. He makes it seem like everything is everyone else but Nicole's issues. It's her mom's problems, Azan's problems. Nicole is 23 years old. It's her own responsibility to have a job, take care of her own health, look after her own child, instead of milking her mom's money to send to Azan and talking her step parents into sponsoring her fiancee.
Maybe it's just because the series itself tries to emphasize her incompetences so much that he finds it necessary to compensate for it by pointing out that she's not the only (or even the major) problem in the situation.
It’s possible that he’s thinking the same thoughts as everyone else in private, but just doesn’t want to say it in front of a camera: maybe it has to do with what’s morally ethical as a therapist. It’s also possible that he may not want to say anything until he has enough data that he needs to finally come out and say what we’ve all been thinking. It’s also possible that he’s just being open-minded. 🤷🏽♀️
Just because he doesn't agree with your views of Nicole doesn't necessarily mean he's being biased. I think he's been quite fair while discussing their situation. He's spoken about how she will suck people in to look after her in a way and how she benefits from that. Most people would just stop at "she's so immature". But I've personally appreciated how he's added an "unpopular" yet enlightening perspective to Nicole's personality.
I agree, it seems like he roots for the under dogs and the people that most people who watch the show don’t really like because he feels they’re “wounded” in some way and need help
I don’t know if this matters at all Dr Kirk buuuut Nicole would send altered photos to Azan. I forget the source but I saw a few and she did look thinner in them but not drastically. I don’t think he anticipated her body type because he was presented something else
he could have broken up with her after seeing what she looks like instead of inviting her again with her daughter just to try to shame the fat out of her
@@visitjessiechan if you already have developed feelings for both of them it is very difficult. Easier said than done. Nicole was the one that lied to him about it and made him fall in love with her
@@sariuca yes, she catfished him. Yes, break ups are hard. But if he doesn't find her attractive anymore and will not unless she does an incredible amount of work to change for him (losing considerable weight is incredibly difficult and research shows that the vast majority of people who do so, will just regain it eventually), breaking up with her is the right thing to do.
I also find it strange that Nicole listed everything she has to do for May like it’s a job. I’m a single mother as well. Everything I do regarding my son is just a normal part of my daily life. I don’t view it as a separate thing. Her statement just came off odd to me.
If Nicole is having problems with may, maybe she should develop a constant routine for may like eating, playing, naptime, watch tv, ect . Of course it wont always be on point but it help her get some more down time once in a while
During this time Nicole would post often on social media in the middle of the night. So it was all the time. She acts like a teenager and thats why Grandma feels like she needs to swoop in to help.
I don't think it's her acting like a teenager. She usually exhibits really high emotional intelligence while talking to Azan. It might've been a coping mechanism. She seems to be in a certain "survival mode": constant fighting and being in a crossfire (Azan- her family) must be really draining so she stays up REALLY late in order to postpone and shorten the stressful episodes.
Is that why? Or did that get explained and it was determined that both the mother and daughter play their part in that relationship dynamic. Also this almost 40yr old was up on social media and gaming last night.... Might go full "teenager" n have a nap today. ;)
i'm assuming by "help" your referring to how her mother has a pattern of abuse with her? its really quite gross how many people on this channel justify abuse
She's full of excuses. I know many parents, including single parents, who work full time and raise child/children without grandparents' help, and also try to get their own exercises in because it's important for physical and mental health. They don't sleep until 3-4 pm. They barely even sleep past 8 am on the weekend, since their kids wake up at 7 am. She is lazy and unmotivated. It's not shaming. It's honesty.
I wonder if May was having issues sleeping over there? Maybe they’re up and down all night and sleeping in shifts due to the time difference. I can’t imagine someone sleeping from 9pm to 4pm the next day.
@@ModernSouthernBelle I definitely understand napping when your child naps bc they're up during the night and you don't get enough sleep... But if your child is awake during the day and you're sleeping until 3... Like, who is feeding and watching and changing her? I'm wondering if he is exaggerating or if she is just napping with may to catch up on sleep or what
@@lulutwentytwo Agreed. Dr. Honda was even looking for excuses for her. At least in America Nicole has her mom to look after May, but in Morocco no one else. Maybe that's one reason why the grandma was so worried about Nicole bringing May to Morocco with her. The grandma was right again.
Reality... Azan cant get a visa or k-1 because he has gotten in trouble in a different country and also he is known to go from woman to another from U S trying to get here. Our country wants nothing to do with him!!! He has been alot of bad before meeting Nicole
We really don't need anything from that shock couple. Mohammed wanted a green card from the obligatory desperate, unattractive, manipulative American who wants/demands for paid affection, but Danielle has no money & sewer-puss♨️🤸, so Mohammed fled 🏃🏽 to another target. NEXT PLEASE! 😒💅
Imma have to give it to Azan. He was shocked when they met in person cuz he didn’t think she was so big - not sure how. But she promised to do better and didn’t. She isn’t 160-180 lbs she is pretty over weight. It isn’t too shocked for someone to want them to lose weight
I feel like Azan got misled when they first met online, maybe Nicole used pictures of herself that were older etc... I still don't get why he's engaged to her if he's only 55% attracted to her tho... like clearly asking her to lose weight is going to either take a long time or is going to damage their relationship so why doesn't he find someone that he doesn't need to nag to change in order for them to be attractive to him?
I'm a psych major, thinking about going into grad school for clinical mental health counseling. I love watching these videos, and really getting a feel for how a therapist would handle situations like these.
His mom was saying she didn't want Nicole staying at her house anymore she slept all day and had Azan changing may diapers she really is lazy;him telling her to lose weight is not something she going to do I believe she is a emotional eater ijs my opinion only
I think she overeats because it has never sunk in that there are boundaries in life. She can do what she wants when she wants and there are np consequences. She is wearing the consequences of her over eating, but she loves to say "He should love me as I am".
I don’t like how much he bothers her about it...but being an active guy who takes care of himself maybe he wants a partner with the same interests. He should find someone that he has more in common with and let her do her thing. Not nice for her to be put down all the time over it.
They are young. Around their age, I stayed with a guy with a drinking problem for 3 years hoping he would change. Lots of people stay for people they love, even if they have an addiction or different "lifestyle."
I appreciate that you're being as fair as possible to Nicole, but even if she has all these health issues shd MAY have that would cause her to sleep a lot... Can we just admit that a young, healthy man wouldn't find this behavior attractive? Especially if he is a fit, active person?
No he can't admit to that, because he's from Seattle and is obviously coming from a very heavy progressive leaning and that would definitely not be the political correct way of saying things.
I will add something to this discussion. I have known many thin women who act just as Nicole has within this video. They would sleep all day stay up all night and use the same excuses “the kids kept me up all-night” they were also incredibly lazy. I wonder if the behavior is still seen as unattractive from your stand point or undesirable, even though the women are thin? From my experience, people will often put up with a conventionally attractive woman’s BS. While degrading woman who aren’t considered conventionally attractive for doing the same thing.
I think that's kind of the point. If he's not attracted to that, he isn't forced to stay. If these things are dealbreakers for him, which is understandable and he's entitled to that, they should've discussed that before getting engaged. Hobbies/interests like hiking or going to the gym, those are things that people usually discuss in the first stages of dating.
@@surrenderjones7439 If your a super model, then yes...Most men will put up with a lot a crap..but that doesn't mean they will put up with it forever...really attractive women still find themselves single all the time...Now for the average women, whose also conventionally attractive..then no...No body is putting up with it...
Wendy I totally agree couples should have discussions about what they expect from one another. If Nicole expects acceptance of her size/behavior she needs to find a partner who accepts her regardless, Azan as well. I’m just wondering if her behavior would still be distasteful to him if she was in shape? Or if people in the comments section would be blasting her behavior as well if she was thin? It’s a very interesting topic.
I agree! I had 3 kids under 5. I also had depression. I never, ever slept until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I never did it when I had one kid! My son had a terrible case of colic, he couldn't latch on properly, he rarely slept through the night, I also had terrible post partum depression. Still...never slept until 3 or 4 in the afternoon! I didnt have anyone to help me. She has been enabled by her family to behave this way!
Nicole bulldozes her family till she gets her way ...Mai was problay raised by family members till she met Azan then decides to go Morocco and uses Azan family members for babysitting..Nicole is lazy and a bully ..
I grew up in a family of hard working single black mothers....some who worked multiples jobs, others who went to college, while working full time and some did both while having multiple kids...and none of them slept till 4pm...They couldn't afford such luxuries...Just because Nicole is a mother, does Not in anyway mean she's not lazy...and comparing race or skin color to someone being over weight is inappropriate...I can't change my race...Nicole can change her size and no one was every enslaved for being fat...
Dr. Honda, please continue reviewing this couple! its the first one where there seems to be a big split in the opinions of Dr. Honda and the audience. I personally believe he is giving Nicole waaay to much leaway and giving none to Azan, disregarding the languag barrier. Also, seeing how different people interpret the word fat is fascinating. some react like its the worst insult you could call someone, while others treat it like a factual observation...
I’m kinda like Azan, if someone promises st I think they are going to do it. It’s disappointing if they don’t and I start to not trust what they say. I don’t think it’s fair to subjectively judge a hard and soft promise.
Totally agreed! Dr. Honda even said Azan was using Nicole not following through her promise as an excuse to shame her. That's so biased and unfair to Azan!
BeiBei Zhao Agree! Also, to say it’s not really a big deal to promise to exercise and then not do it, is biased. It’s obviously a big deal to Azan. I don’t think it’s right to judge promises as “soft promise” bc everyone breaks those promises (dr Honda’s words). How about if Nicole didn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t have promised. Different things are important to diff ppl and healthy is obviously important to Azan. I don’t think it’s okay to judge that as not being important or being okay to break a promise about that. Personally, I don’t think Nicole gives a shit about being healthy. And they probably aren’t a good match. I think azan is trying to help her, and I think he’s trying to change her. Which isn’t fare to Nicole. But she should just say “I’m not going to be that person.” Instead of promising to keep him interested.
I also think part of it is that Azan wants her to have the same interests as him, he likes to be active and go to the gym and hike and Nicole isn’t as interested in that. I understand where he’s coming from, but you can’t change someone’s interests and hobbies if they just aren’t interested, pressuring them is just going to push them away more.
Anna A. That's a super valid feeling too, but if it's such a big dealbreaker for him, you'd figure they would talk about that before getting engaged. Usually interests/hobbies is one of the first things you ask someone about when you're dating, so I find it shocking that these differences are only coming up now.
@@NeverShoutNever45454 That's kind of on him though? I make sure to get my bigger dealbreakers out of the way ASAP, or address them at some point before making any commitments. It wouldn't have been hard to open up a conversation about her relationship with exercise and food.
Wendy they probably did have some discussion of it, but it’s hard to really know how someone is over the phone. Also English is his second language who knows if he did try to communicate and it just didn’t come off strongly
@@NeverShoutNever45454 She doesn't seem to be shy about saying that exercise and nutrition isn't her thing though. Of course it's impossible to know wether she lied about it or not before, but English is my second language too and I don't think it's super hard to see if someone has a super positive or super negative opinion on such a broad topic. I can imagine him having difficulties with more abstract conversations on philosophical topics that might have advanced vocabulary, but just picking up on wether someone likes or dislikes something is pretty basic.
Its not about her body not conforming to Victoria secret model standards. Shes morbidly obese and is dying. She has a kid. She needs support and empathy but just body positivity saying its good to be morbidly obese same goes for alcoholics and addicts i guess
I completely agree that we should not shame people for how they look but you are spot on. This is not about "that shirt doesn't look good on her because she is too heavy" this is about "she is obese and that has undeniable, negative health consequences". People often just ignore that and leave it out of the equation! It's absurd. This isn't just a looks issue. This is a health issue and said health issues don't just impact the person who is obese, it raises our collective insurance rates, etc. And people make SO MANY excuses. "Maybe she has health problems"... "maybe it's genetic"...listen, people in the US have the same genes as people all over the rest of the world (and particularly Europe) yet America's rate of obesity is off the charts. It comes down to poor lifestyle choices and often ignorance. A lot of Americans simply have no clue what constitutes a healthy diet. Is that their own fault? To a point, no. But to a point yes. When you're 12, you can't be blamed for what is around you and what you're being taught. But when you're 32, you sure as hell can get on Google and educate yourself and take ownership of how you live. I have thyroid issues, so I've gone up a couple of sizes and its hard because my metabolism has just tanked. But at the same time, I've gained an amount of weight that still places me into a healthy and medically acceptable weigh range. I have family members with the same thyroid issues. So I get it. And I'll be the first to tell you that using your thyroid as an excuse is BS. Thyroid issues will make you put on weight easier because your metabolism will slow down but if you're eating normally/reasonably you will not all of a sudden go from a size 4 to a size 22! While I agree with the idea of the body positivity notion and that we ought not to shame people, too many people have morphed it into making excuses and trying to accept unhealthy, negative behaviors and their consequences.
I feel like Dr. Honda is making excuses for Nicole constantly! She is entitled and whiny and immature. She may be tired - but she has a child to care for! She lays in bed until 3 - WHAT is May doing during this time? Playing on her phone? She has a responsibility to that child and if she has a medical need to sleep that much, she needs to address it and get her crap together! Having May laying around all day is terrible.
Wombat Numbat thank you! So its okay to sleep in bed with a child all dat doing nothing? Also she could change her eating habits, she has a daughter... she is lazy
@@crazyworld6793 I agree. She is not acting like an adult - she's a mom and needs to think about what her daughter needs. When my kids were toddlers, I would have loved to sleep half the day! But you don't because your kids need to get up and be fed and get dressed and play outside, etc. etc. If she has a medical reason that makes her unable to function, then she needs to see a doctor and have help with her mom duties (which she has in the US with gma.) This would indicate that travelling outside the country by herself with her young daughter is something she is simply not qualified to do. Is she expecting Azan or his family to care for May while she sleeps through half the day? She's selfish and immature and used to whining until she gets her way and someone else takes over the tasks she's rather not do.
lolll this ep reminds me of my friend and her bf. She was really frustrated that he had unhealthy habits like not working out and eating crap as well. She tried to get him to work out and saying oh he wants to he cannn... but it was obvious to me he was just pretending to go along and saying yes yes yes to get her off his back lol... but he never really changed and they broke up at the end. i guess this is like a thing lot of couple experiences. I kinda didn't understand this...why not just date someone who's already to their standard..like dont date fat ppl if you dont like fat..just date other ppl who are as active or fit as you...
Not to defend Azan; however, I somewhat understand his frustration. I briefly dated a male version of Nicole. Someone who was badly out of shape and despite having diabetes neglected his health. We once took a short bike ride and I literally thought the person was going to have a heart attack. I, of course, couldn’t say anything. Yet, it was shocking to witness and hard not to feel burden by this person’s bad lifestyle choices.
Yeah for me personally someone not taking care of their health - e.g. Being very overweight and not trying to lose weight, smoking, heavily drinking, uncontrolled type II diabetes.. For me that's just a red flag and I would feel like if you can't take care of yourself then you probably can't take care of a relationship either. I've been there, done that. You cant change people. So I think while azans concerns are valid, he probably just needs to realise she probably will not change these things about herself and he needs to decide if he's willing to be with her as she is or not.
I think you're being a little unfair to Azan. How many women assume that a man loves them because of the changes he makes for her? how many rom-coms in romance movies do you see the the man make some dramatic change for the woman he loves? Azan has been cheated on and he sees Nicole's as inconsistent and untrustworthy. I think the idea that he has a right is a misinterpretation and instead what he means is that he thinks it's okay that he asked her to change like not cheating or losing weight the same way Nicole seems to think she has a right to ask him to be more affectionate in public even if he's not as comfortable about it because of his culture. Because to both of them it's something that you changed because you're in love with your partner. I think there's a misinterpretation of what "a right" is. When I hear Azan speak I hear somebody who is worried that she doesn't actually love him.
Unpopular opinion but I’m on Azan’s side on this. I do agree that he could be gentler and a little less pushy and not pressure her or belittle her so much. However, she also expects him to fulfill his promises. We’ve seen her lifestyle and she doesn’t make much of an effort. Which is fine if she didn’t promise that she is actually gonna make an effort. They’ve been together for years and she’s had time to lose weight. More importantly she said she felt in love with Azan since she first saw his pictures. In other words, she fell for his looks. So understandably Azan also wants someone healthier and more fit.
You're right. If she wants a man that takes care of his body she needs to take care of her body too. She thinks she's superior because shes from the USA and he is from Morocco. She is a awful person.
Why didn’t he just pick someone who shares his passion for health and fitness? I NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS ABOUT SOME PEOPLE!!!! They pick someone completely opposite from what they want and harass the person into changing. Why?! Do they just get off on controlling and shaming someone? If so they need to hit up a fetish type site and enter a consensual relationship with someone who enjoys being shamed and controlled. It’s like when cheaters constantly enter monogamous relationships. Just stay single or be upfront about your non monogamy. There’s so much unnecessary pain and drama in the world that’s 100% avoidable.
Uhh...Dr.Kirk if someone lays hands on your mother they will catch these hands!! Also, I briefly dated a Moroccan man, he was protective of me but he never commented me on my body(I can stand to lose a good 20 or 30 pounds) what I wore out or anything I did. Granted our interaction was brief but I don't think he would have anyways but I'll never find out. Anyways my experience doesn't speak for all Morroccan men but that's just my 2 cents.
How can it be comparable: shaming someone for their skin color (something they are born with and they have no possibility to change) to someone being lazy and waking up at 3pm (something they can actually act on and is not healthy for her and especially for her child)
Because both have to do with identity, and actually a lot of weight and even sleep issues aren't by choice, they're often the product of bad health, not the cause of it. Lots of health issues cause weight gain and poor sleep-- just one of them maybe it's laziness but with both symptoms I'm guessing Nicole has an underlying health issue.
@@sistermadrigalmorning233 I don't know if everyone considers weight as part pf their identity, cause it is something that fluctuates and changes with life situations. true that some health issues cause tiredness and weight gain. but the majority is due to poor eating habits and not much movement. perhaps it is cause she doesn't get enough nutrients due to her poor eating habits (she doesn't eat veggies and all) that she has no energy but she is a single mother, moving with and for her child would be part of her daily life.
Even if these habits are by choice, it's still their choice. It can be okay depending on the circumstance - parenting is a complicated thing, so if they go through a phase where she has trouble sleeping and she gets tired taking care of her without his support, we don't need to pathologize that necessarily. Like he said in previous episodes, we don't know what the best option is for someone until we see the outcome of that. The criticism on laziness is also incredibly subjective and unconstructive since it's such a superficial view on things. Nicole works and is a single mother. Even if she did start slipping on those responsibilities, it's likely due to depression or another genuine issue that Hassan as her partner could work through with her instead of judging her intention and thinking it's just a character fault with no real reasoning behind it.
@@Wendy-yu3hg perhaps it could be depression or she is used to having someone help (her mother) and not shouldering her responsibility alone. you'd only know if it is her habit or not by asking the people she usually lives with. but a person who doesn't take responsibility for their laziness will never change, be it depression, lack of nutriments any other sickness or a habit.. if she doesn't recognize it as an issue she will never seek professional help for it. and until know she is denying it.
@@GHo224 Sure, but we don't know that this is as much of a recurring thing as he says. Jetlag usually takes a couple of weeks to fully wear off - she's on a five hour difference. If she's jetlagged and not getting her full sleep, waking up at what would be 10am in Florida makes sense!
“We don’t have to guess as an audience” Dr. Kirk. We KNEW what he was insinuating. From the moment he met her me mentioned that she was “big a little bit”. I agree with people having the right to their own body. And that is Nicole’s decision only. But would you say the same thing to someone who was bulimic? Would their partner have the right to tell them they need help or that their size isn’t healthy? I’m curious as a deserving listener👂
Bulimic is not comparable to Nicole being overweight, unless you know for a fact that she is overweight to the extent that it is causing her health problems. Perhaps if she was morbidly obese, you would have a case here. Without access to Nicole's health records, I would assume it's actually more comparable to someone being skinnier than you're used to, so you constantly pressure them to eat more.
PinkCatsy that is a valid point ! So thank you for pointing that out. She is obese and maybe not morbidly but enough to where I imagine it impacts her negatively in various ways. Thats why I thought to use “bulimic” as an example. Being skinnier than what were used to does not negatively impact someone. So the comparison there is unfair in my opinion. I could be terribly wrong ! Which is why I thought to ask. My question is “Is it my body my choice when the body is too skinny to be considered healthy?”
eau de UwU I’m not sure what men you’ve run into. But the ones I know are not into people who look ill. There is no need for name calling in a comment section from a psychology platform. If you can’t respond respectfully, keep your hateful words to yourself. 👎🏼
eau de UwU “Don’t be asinine” is what you stated. What you’re saying is”don’t be stupid” so yes my feelings were hurt. A lot of people come to this channel for therapeutic reasons and calling them such things is extremely triggering and not okay. I am a woman who grew up in the US with the same cartoons, ideals, pressure as I imagine you did. I am also a woman who looks healthy but is not mentally. So, to say I’m sheltered to that is the same thing as saying I live under a rock and am clueless to these issues. I am not. My question was. If it was the opposite. If a woman was extremely skinny and could not climb up a hill or was struggling to do minimal exercise, sleeping all day and eating minimally to the point people were concerned for her (that I think would be considered unhealthy. There are different stages of bulimia/eating disorders as there are different stages of obesity) would it then be okay to say “I think my girlfriend is unhealthy and I would like her to gain a little weight for her health” Would we still preach and say, “It’s her body her choice” ?? And no one has answered that question yet. I am all for women loving their bodies. I am all for your body your choice. But when it starts to affect you emotionally, personally and physically then I question whether that is “okay”.
Maybe I am in the wrong, but really think Nicole is too young to be so heavy. I have struggled with weight issues all my life and I would have loved to have a partner who would have offered to help me be healthier. She has tried to lose weight, but I dont think she takes it seriously...no big change since she started.
"That isn't just in America, it's everywhere. Men should help their women". I mean yeah, that's pretty basic. This is the bare minimum in a relationship. One helps the other. Especially when it involves children.
That's not really the culture of most Moroccan families, though. I was very surprised to hear his friend say this, which is why I don't believe the conversation was authentic.
@@runwaychick7 Yeah, it sounded really weird to me too. I imagine that's not a reality for a lot of people (if not most), but it should be. I'm not saying their culture is wrong, but it's quite sad if you put it in perspective. They might not feel like that, but that's all they really know. English isn't my first language. Sorry for anything. I would like to elaborate more, but I guess I'm quite limited.
Exactly. You are exactly right. They have nothing to compare it to. And it's a very homogeneous society, so people can't really do things differently without being judged. So a man has his role and a woman has her role.
Although it's odd that he'd be expected to change her diapers. Not because he is male, just because they don't know each other that well. Just seems weird.
@@tinabellea You are not limited at all. Your response was very well written. There is another couple on 90 Day where the man is from Nigeria and the woman from America. Michael and Angela. They have the same issue. In Nigeria the man is the head and rules the family. Angela takes issue with this and it is a serious problem with them.
I love exercise for my mental health, it REALLY helps my ADHD, but I only got to that point AFTER I realized I didn't have to hate my body to sweat my ass off, only AFTER I found something I actually enjoyed. Not everyone likes the gym. I love swimming, my boyfriend is a climber and my mom is perfectly fine with her dancing lessons. This is purely coming from me, but I think starting a journey with the sole purpose of losing weight is actually very detrimental to the long run. I much rather make some 'experience achievements', for instance, if it wasn't for this darn pandemic, I'd be training to scuba dive, last year was pole fitness, one year my bf and I got into dancing - think tom and darcey with none of the class and grace. If he wants her to look a certain way, he needs to LISTEN to what she has to say!
the reason why I think this is a better approach is that I dealt with EDs, there's always the Goal, but whenever I reached them, I changed them. It didn't work, I gained it back, rinse and repeat. If my focus is to physically prepare to something, I'm always trying new things, I'm always looking forward to something. My current goal is to end this quarantine doing a handstand. Getting there!
Hey Dr. Kirk Honda! I am actually responding to your question for Feedback from the Paul and Karine #2 video. Theme 1: Your videos have helped me tremendously, about learning from my behavior, understanding other people's behavior and just being more compassionate in general I think. So please, continue, it is such a great reminder from day to day to try to understand others. Theme 2: Maybe just try to not speak to the reality starts before making the videos but definitely speak to them afterward if they are reaching out to you and you of course want to talk to them. Why shouldn't you talk to a human being only because you made a video about them? Isn't it also a great learning curve for you to maybe get feedback on your theories and suspicions?
I am not saying it is okay, but from what I understand it is a cultural thing and his phrasing is because of a communication barrier. Typically, men in Morocco are dominant and run the household. I truly believe Azan is saying Nicole has to lose weight because he wants her to be healthy. Sometimes with communication barriers, things can come off more blunt and harsh because there are boatloads of softer words in English that aren't commonly taught.
Morocco used to have a law that stated rapists had to marry their victims. I am sure not everyone in Morocco holds those views culturally but marital rape is legal, domestic violence is under policed and they used to let rapists marry their victims. The position of women or how men view women culturally needs to still evolve is my point.
It's not ok to shame Nicole about her weight - no one "tries" to be overweight - it's her unwillingness to try anything Azan likes to do such as go to the gym, go for a walk, try new foods. If your potential spouse really loved to fish, or go to jazz clubs, or play tennis, or go to the beach, you would at least be willing to try to enjoy those things together and support their interests as well. She doesn't even want Azan to have a job because he wouldn't be at her beck and call whenever she wants to talk on the phone. When you love someone, you want them to be at their best and give them emotional support. Telling him not to work is a disservice to him and selfish and controlling of her.
These episodes featuring Nicole and Azan has proved my concerns about Dr. Honda with respect to extreme bias towards people of different cultural backgrounds and who aren’t American...not balanced or fair at all! At least many persons in the comments are seeing Azan’s perspective because he ignores it completely! If you said that you don’t understand Moroccan culture then maybe don’t comment on it or educate yourself.
I think Dr Honda just might not like Azan, and perhaps a little unfairly. But I do think he misses some of the cultural nuances, like in another countries lazy isn’t necessarily an insult. And talking about a loved ones weight isn’t that big of a deal either. There is a little bias here toward Nicole, like he said breaking a “soft” promise was fine, that Azan should realize it wasn’t a real promise. I’m a little surprised, but no one is perfect. :)
I really don’t think it’s wise to group race and weight into the same category in terms of shame. We don’t get the choice to be born a race, but weight? There’s an option.
Let's be real here, Nicole would not go out with or want to be married to a 400 lb man oh, but she expects him to be married to her at her weight. She has no insight.
I was thinking the same thing! She wants a hot looking guy but expects him to overlook her being out of shape and not taking the least bit care of herself. I personally do not care about her weight, if she is happy with herself, good for her! However, she wants acceptance without expectation
@Ylva Bjarnson Azan knew that she was overweight before he met her. If he didn’t want a fat woman he isn’t obligated to date Nicole, nobody forced him, he can take some accountability for his choice. Furthermore, this point is incredibly sizeist. A fat person is just as attractive as a slimmer or slender person and doesn’t owe the slender person weight loss. Your perception of fat people being inferior to slender people is just due to brainwashing from fleeting beauty standards sold to you by an industry designed to profit on insecurity. Sizeism hurts thin people too.
@@pam1667 Put himself in his position for a moment. You date a girl online - she never sends you full body photo ( his reaction when they 1 meet), at the same time you signed a contract with the production crew of this show so you can't back off. You are active guy and like going to the gym - you take your girlfriend for a walk in the desert and camel ride that should be a really fun thing to do - but she ends up basically kneeling on the sand because she can't walk anymore and believe frozen chicken nuggets are healthy ... Yes it all due to brainwashing for him to want a parter who he can take for a walk without her ending up kneeling over.
I am moroccan and yes it is true. In morocco people shame one another by someones weight. In certain areas if your big your wealthy.. but that is changing because of the media, singers, actresses etc.. the hourglass and big butt is now the standard. So yes.. if I go to morocco, I was born in belgium and I live in amsterdam now, they call me fat and it's normal to call you that way. I am sorry to say that and I know the women of morocco will react to this but they dont have anything else to do, it is changing.. i havent been to morocco for 7 years now.., but they also accept men who talk to them like that. I walk down the streets in Morocco, my bmi is normal, and they call me fat. The men in morocco are raised as princes as women are raised to serve them. Its changing.. thankfully, but yeah this guy doesnt know better, he is raised this way. Edit And the translation from darija to english, is not correctly done.
People talk about the culture thing here with Azan. Is it a culture thing for a man without disability to accept money on monthly basis from his fiancee who is a single mom and barely makes her own living on her own?
love hearing/watching u, Dr. Kirk. I keep saying the same thing but keep wanting to say over and over, " I appreciate watching your kindness, compassion, and psychological info." just watching your kindness in action helps me and I think will help others. thank u, thank u, thank u! love to hear the inner dialog I can use to help myself see others in a light that promotes healthy relationships. Dr. Kirk, u rock!!!
It's been perfectly acceptable to shame smokers (yes, they are the kind of addicts that America decided should be shamed and outcast) in America for two decades, but you can't tell someone that they need to be healthier because they are obese? I don't agree with you on how the color of one's skin is just like being obese. The former, you can never choose or change. Obesity is a health epidemic that, in the majority of cases, is a result of consuming more energy (calories) than one expands. Overeating over a long period of time. I don't think that stating that Nicole, as young as she is, is terribly out of shape and it's not healthy at all for her to hardly be able to walk more than a few steps without running out of breath, is the same as shaming someone for being white or black. I know that fat-acceptance is a very trendy SJW movement, and I don't think every trendy SJW movement is necessarily a smart thing to promote just because it's trendy.
Hi Dr Kirk! I just wanted to point out that it is VERY normal in our culture to be told to lose weight, even by strangers. I grew up in Seattle and my family growing up constantly put pressure on weight loss and singled out family members who gained weight. After going through eating disorder treatment, this is actually a pretty normal thing. I agree with you I don’t think this is right, but I think most women have experienced being told to lose weight by a friend, partner, or family member.
I just have your videos playing in the bg while i get my school work done and its been the best thing ever! Your voice is so soothing and I am able to get work done and concentrate! Love this channel
One more comment Dr. Honda. A promise is a promise is a promise. If someone says they’re gonna do something, they better do it. Otherwise, why make a promise? A promise is a huge commitment in most culture. Going back on one’s word is a no-no.
May has been dragged across the many time zones, away from her primary caregiver grandma..we expect her to already sleep and pee on schedule? Her little world is a mess right now.
Sometimes I’ll rewatch old reaction videos. I’ll either get a good reminder or catch something I didn’t before. And then I just like hearing dr Honda in the background!
Me before this video: Dr. Honda hasn't self disclosed whether he has children, but he has disclosed several times about his pets, so I am going to assume he's not a parent. When he said "maybe Nicole just likes to stay in bed all day" while her DAUGHTER is right next to her being entertained by a screen: nope, nope nope nope.
I'd be very surprised to find out he and his wife have children just based on his evaluations, but I could be wrong. I'm a mom of two children who suffers with chronic pain, I also "would like to stay in bed all day" seriously? Even after procedures, ect. my husband has to tell me to take it easier. I'm a lazy person, I'm not trying to sound like some great hero, but when you have children, a daughter as young as Mae, you cannot be pulling that. If she's like that in Morocco, what is she like at home? Astounding.
I dated a man from a similar culture for a few years and he would call me lazy fairly often, even though I'm not overweight and I have a chronic illness. I don't know for sure if it's part of his culture, but I do know at least it's common in his family to call people lazy or bluntly tell people things that we'd consider rude. They believe that outright telling people their faults is helpful to get them to better themselves. He also wanted me to bluntly tell him areas where he could improve in his life so that he could be the best version of himself, including telling him things like "your stomach is getting big, you need to do more ab exercises", etc. Again, I don't know if it's a cultural thing or not but I can say that the way Azan talks is very similar to my ex.
People are really going hard on behalf of Nicole‘s behavior, and I get it, if you’re an adult, you should behave like an adult. But, if you were treated like a child and also have been conditioned to think you don’t have the ability to execute adult decisions, it can be mentally incapacitating. For the people who have zero patience for Nicole, that kind of attitude can help keep her exactly where she is. People need to be approach her with patience and care about her problems instead of constantly pointing them out and making her feel even worse. I’m sure Nicole realizes she’s not perfect but, just like how her mother speaks to her in such a condescending tone, approaching her in this “you are lazy; you aren’t a good mother; you’re unhealthy, you etc.” type of manner is not helping! No wonder she’s laying in bed for countless hours and avoiding living life. I’m just asking the spectators to come from a place of understanding rather than a place of impatience and sheer unkind behaviors. P.S. I haven’t seen the original footage of the show. I’m watching it just the way Dr. Honda posts it. So I understand that I might be missing some key elements but, I still believe it dies not refute my point about Nicole’s behavior.
I will note that no one in these comments is saying anything TO Nicole. No one here is trying to give her advice. We are discussing what we see in these video clips and ppl are giving their opinions.
@@mrsa6925 @Mary Gleason Ok; 25 days is a long time to not be used to the timezone... Before when I commented, I thought she just might be that she isn't used to experiencing jetlag and might have been accidentally prolonging it. It reminded me of a time when I had a friend visit for a while from overseas who had never traveled before-- she was homesick and would message people from home until the very early hours and then would need to sleep all day to recover. I don't think she really realized it was jet lag that caused her to be alert so late at night, but it was also the homesickness that made her want to keep in touch with people even though it meant not synching up with the timezone she was in. It was just something that came to mind that might also play into things but you're right, it might not explain things fully.
Even if it isn't her daughter who is keeping her from getting restful, good quality sleep, I'm sad to see how judgy people are about Nicole sleeping until 3 pm. She could have a sleep disorder. I have a sleep disorder and I didn't want to sleep all day, I couldn't stay awake and it made me so incredibly frustrated that I couldn't do what I needed to do. With medication I am back to a normal person's amount of sleep. She also could have sleep apnea due to her weight.
OR...She could just be an entitled, LAZY, privileged, spoiled brat...thats use to her mom and sister picking up the slack and just getting away with it...Why are ppl so hell bent in making excuses for the girl...she's not a child...if she had a sleeping disorder and has never addressed it and she's a mom...Then thats also irresponsible...I swear ppl like you is the reason why most ppl get through life blaming every body else for their problems...never just being accountable..
I doubt that she has sleep issues. Because keep in mind that she lives with her family in the same house when in the US. And if she has sleeping issues, would’ve members of her family taken notice of this and have gotten her medically treated by now. The same applies if she has depression with anti-depressants. So, I don’t think her reason for sleeping all day has to do with medical issues. It could be that she’s just a night owl who’s typically more active in the night than the day. Or she was up all night doing something and didn’t fall asleep until early morning.
Carter Wolffe I get what you're saying, but she has a young daughter to take care of. Disorder or not, you can't leave a toddler unattended while you sleep all day.
It took me 2 years of symptoms to get diagnosed. Most people with narcolepsy aren't diagnosed for over a decade. Although you would think that people would see a doctor, some doctors blame it on something else (mine blamed my tiredness on a vegan diet), others just think that's normal for them. I thought that because my classes were really hard that I needed that much sleep. It wasn't until I was self inflicting pain to stay awake that I got a second opinion and was immediately referred to a sleep doctor. It's easy to have your concerns misdiagnosed as depression or just being told you need to motivate yourself instead of getting proper care.
Usually I don't support fat-shaming a partner into losing weight. But considering the fact that Nicole CATFISHED Azan into the relationship, I feel like he's not totally in the wrong here. He only consented to a relationship with a woman that he thought was skinnier than Nicole led him to believe she is. After they met, Azan admitted that he's only 55% attracted to her 😂 He only stayed with her because of the emotional connection they developed, but if the physical aspect was a lie from the beginning, then I think he has SOMEWHAT of a right to pester her into losing weight. To live up to the expectation that Nicole HERSELF set from the beginning.
Great assessment Dr. H. All this makes me see both of them in totally different lights from when I originally watched these episodes. Sensitive cultural differences here in this episode, which is part of what makes 90 day bae fascinating. Thanks for providing thoughtful commentary and sort of adjudicating what is fair and what is out of bounds on cross-cultural relationship issues such as those raised in these clips, especially related to bodily autonomy, scheduling, trajectory (whether she will change in the way HE wants etc.).
My Muslim ex explained the idea of marital 'rights' to me as in Islam one of the rights that a married couple has is the fundamental right of man over his wife to be obeyed - which can be a challenge to embrace for those of us from cultures with different notions around the language of 'rights.' The woman also has a set of rights. I don't profess to have in-depth knowledge about this subject, just sharing that the language of 'rights' was part of negotiation toward marriage that I experienced. And that negotiation ultimately failed as I could not breach the cultural divide.
Anybody who cares about Nicole would ask her to lose weight. It’s not about body shaming. She’s obese and that’s not good for her health in the long term. Plus May’s diet doesn’t seem to be the healthiest so she potentially at risk too. It’s about time people stop being so sensitive and appreciate azans bluntness. It’s good for her in the long term. He has every right to tell her to lose weight, it’s just like asking someone to stop smoking.
I agree with Azan. Everyone has the right to ask things of their partner, and their partner has the right to accept or decline that request to change. My boyfriend has made it clear that he doesn't like unhealthy/overweight women (and I don't want to be one either,) so I stay slim. 🤷🏻♀️ It works for us. If I got fat it would 100% be a problem for our relationship because that's not his preference, and that's okay.
I don't think it would have been bad for Azan to say "yes, it is a dealbreaker." She literally made him lose his job demanding he be available to talk whenever she wants. This is one of the few things we've seen Azan ask for-- this is something he obviously wants to be able to share with her (being able to work out/go hiking/jogging with her)-- and if she doesn't want to to compromise with him on this then it is absolutely in Azan's right to say "yeah, it is" and walk away. EDIT:: Furthermore, given Nicole HAS cheated on Azan, possibly twice, of course Azan is going to see any broken promise as a red flag.
Honestly I don't think Azan should still be with Nicole considering he has many issues with her and her behaviour (which is fine I guess, they just aren't a good match)
What bothers me the most is that Azan is not telling the truth about why he wants Nicole to exercise and change her diet. I don't believe he is truly worried about her health. He doesn't care that much if she's healthy or not, he just wants her to loose weight because he doesn't like the way she looks. When someone pretends to be concerned about a fat person's health, it is hardly ever motivated solely by a genuine desire to improve that person's quality of life. When you dig a little deeper, you quickly discover that the expression of such concerns is prompted by feelings of contempt (even disgust) learnt in societies that systematically undervalue and discriminate against fat people.
I just wanna say it's not culturally okay to say "I think it's my right if I ask her to lose weight" in the Moroccan culture. It's him as a person who's the problem in this
I’m west African (born in UK) but I live in Vietnam, Asia... Anyway, one thing that I’ve learned is that westerners will always be offended when it comes to the way that both Africans and Asians are blunt about excess weight. Unfortunately, it is really embarrassing to be told to that you’re overweight but most of the time it’s actually true! In this case, Azan has probably tried saying it nicely but Nicole is full of excuses. Hopefully, she’s able to do it in her own time. Losing weight is not easy and super depressing ...
So the promises Nicole makes towards her future husband aren't' important, because they aren't important to the doctor, so Nicole should be able to break those promises and Azan should just suck it up and shut the F up about it...Are you sure your a licensed doctor?
Another thing to keep in mind about Azan's perspective: a lot of times these translations don't do justice to what the speaker is actually expressing. As we know, producers (especially of shows like this) value drama or their narrative more than actually portraying the true sentiments of their subjects. Thank you for another excellent video, Dr. Honda, and for always keeping it professional!
I have never met anyone that was actually lazy. I've met a lot of damaged people, people afraid to fail, people frozen by past failures, people with no sense of self, people with medical conditions, people with lots of pain. Also - jet lag.
Yay! Thank you for saying this. As a mom of a toddler, I often get asked if my husband babysits or helps with our child. We both work full time. It is so frustrating.
What concerns me the most about Nicole's sleeping until 3-4pm is that when they were still in America it seemed like May was always up doing things throughout the day with her grandmother and other people. So if Nicole isn't getting up until the late afternoon, who's giving May her breakfast, lunch, playing with her, etc? That might be why she doesn't sleep through the night in Morocco; she's getting little stimulation during the day so that's when she sleeps too.
What I am wondering is... are none of these couples actually compatable and not having problems early on in their relationship? The first year of my relationship was the easiest. No fights at all. That came much later.
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“You should not be using these videos as a replacement for therapy”
Me: *laughs nervously*
Same. 😂
Aww, but his videos are so helpful!
Therapy involves a lot more than just learning about therapy.
I am American and one of my ex boyfriends was Moroccan. He was also much gentler than Azan. I once asked him if he would say anything if I gained too much weight and he said "Yes because I would be concerned for your health and wouldn't you want me to say something because if I saw you in a bad situation and ignored it I would not be a responsible boyfriend/friend." I 100% believe something related to Moroccan culture is going on here and Azan might mean it in a very different way than most Americans would interpret it.
Americans are kinda skewed
Come on, he doesn't like her and wants that she change. That's all.
I would expect my husband to at least ask me if I realize I've gained weight..... if that's the issue. Nicole is stupid to have stayed after the 55% comment. Or when he cancelled the wedding the 1st time and the 2nd time and when he didnt go to Grenada. Am I missing any other signs
It's like seeing someone is anorexic or an alcoholic or drug addict, you want that person to take care of themselves and stop slowly kill themselves because they don't want to put in the effort or they really need professional help.
I think they are both young and this is definitely not a relationship they both should be pursuing because at this point in time they want different things. But, the people saying he's just shallow and wants her to be skinny are missing the whole point. Being skinny doesn't necessarily mean you're active and fit, and he didn't start off telling her to change until he realized the crappy food she ate and that she got so winded so quickly going up the sand dune.
I've always been within my bmi, and I dated a guy who was active and fit, but he would complain that I didn't go on hikes with him, I slept too much, and I needed to eat healthier. Just because I don't intake more calories than I burn in a day, means that my ex was really concerned about my health and wanting to share his activities and Azan is more concerned about the way she looks? Doesn't make sense to me. He did mention that he was surprised by her being bigger than he thought, which didn't immediately turn him off, they still spent the night together.
Being fat is an indicator of poor health globally, but in America our culture is going through a weird "accept me as I am" movement because fat people were vilified and harrassed severely, which is unacceptable. Whereas other countries know that it is just plain out not good for you to be fat, just like doing drugs, alcoholism, and anorexia, and want you to be the best version of yourself. I don't see anything wrong with him wanting that, but I do know that Nicole being from America is going to take it the wrong way because we tell obese people every day that you do you because it's your life and you can be big and beautiful, which we would never say to a person with a different eating disorder or addiction.
@@compubijou yes, yes, and yes!
They’re just not compatible. He’s obviously not physically attracted to her as she is, and is trying to let her know that it’s a dealbreaker if she doesn’t lose weight. If she has no intention to make that change, they have nothing more to discuss. It’s over.
seriously. it seems pretty clear. like im sure he loves her, but he's not attracted to her due to her physique.
100% agree. I wish more people sought therapy or worked on themselves to realize their self-worth. A lot of people stay in unfulfilling relationships because to some degree, they feel like they can't do better or they wouldn't find anyone else.
Anyone with half a brain can understand that he wants her thinner. He is trying to sell it nicely, but his attraction to her IS impaired by her weight. Forcing him to say it isn't just makes her look stupid. I get frustrated by excuse making. She is damaged, her mom is controlling, etc. She. Is. Not. Smart.
The problem is she’s only physically attracted to him. She doesn’t care about his lifestyle, culture, way of life etc. And she’s not willing to learn.
She’s looking for instant gratification.
@@ThePoptartjunkie All she wants is some hot looking guy to be into her and give her sex and PDA. She couldn't care less what HE wants. She obviously doesn't respect his culture or his interests.
I wonder if Dr. Honda ever gets sick of watching the same people repeat the same toxic patterns. Thank you Dr. Honda for putting in all this grueling work for our education and entertainment!
I imagine as a therapist he sees people repeat toxic patterns all the time. That is why they are in therapy.
@@LB-gz3ke ikr what do these people think therapists do all day lol
even with repetitive patterns of behavior, there is always some surprising new case ( kinda Ángela or Baby girl mannnn theyre monsters )
@@rishaa682 I think the original poster meant that they KNOW Dr Honda deals with this but it must be tiring to see people repeating the same crap over and over with results that don't differ.
@@brandydacanay5743 they were talking about the tv show
the best part of my mornings is seeing Dr. Honda post a new video
the best part is seeing dr. hondas "yikes!" face on my feed
Same! It’s like, “Coffee ☕️ ok. Now a new episode 😁”
isywood I agree!! It isn’t a Dr. Honda vid without the “yikes 🤨”
Its the best part of my bedtime routine 🤣✌
BIG FACTS
It bothers me that she is blaming May for her habits right in front of May. You can see May bend over and cover her face like she hears it and is taking it in.
That's her way I would suspect. Blaming everyone else for her problems. I guarantee you, nothing is her fault
Hello, their four-year-old daughter is in the same bed with them. If Nicole is in bed all day that means her daughter is in bed all day and night. Nicole is not taking her for a walk, to the park, teaching her to read books. Doctor please don't ignore these very important points
Ylva Bjarnson excatly, little girl is on the ipad all the time
There's another issue to consider. I don't know how long has Nicole chatted with Azan online but in person, she's spent around 4 months with him so far and yet, she's allowed him to change her infant daughter - who had literally met him there for the first time and known him for what, a week or two?! Now, I'm not accusing Azan of anything but letting strangers this close to your kids is stupid and dangerous and is one of the signs that Nicole doesn't care about baby May and her well-being as she should
Also, diapers for a 4 years old? Is it just me or she should be potty trained by now? Not a mom, but an aunt and my nephew was fully potty trained before 3 and a half
badanka87 it depends on the kid and their needs. My son wasn’t potty trained until he was almost 5. Kids aren’t going to spend forever in diapers. But I don’t think that’s indicative of neglect. Also comparing kids you know to other kids is dumb as they all learn and develop differently.
@@zombiekore Still, the "average" is around 3. Plenty of kids fall outside that average but sometimes kids don't get potty trained because the parent doesn't want to bother. It can take a lot of work and patience and it's "easier" to just keep them in diapers.
You don't have to change a child that age over night... You certainly don't have to feed her overnight. She is not a newborn desperate for the breast every 2-3 hours
True...it is possible that she isn't potty train yet...which would be a shame but thats a possibility.
@@LuvuluvuLaChic She is definitely not potty trained, but a child that age is not waking you to change her pamper overnight, and they're not waking you up to eat (unless they didn't get any dinner) She's just lying.
@@lulutwentytwo Yeah kids need stability and some routine...it's healthy for their development...in Nicole's case that might lacking...
@@Boobalopbop True and agreed..
👏🏻 EXACTLY!!! There is not one good quality I can find in this girl that would make him want to be with her.
They talked online for months. She misrepresented her appearance to the extent that he was surprised by her size when she arrived in Morocco. She also promised to work out. He now has to accept her despite her lies because it isn't nice to body shame?
L B he asked her literally just to change her eating habits... she has a daughter & nuggets are NOT okay
I don’t think he meant it that way. It is true that Nicole trucked Azan about her appearance, butAzan doesn’t have to accept her if he feels that she is not the right person for him. However, body shaming is still not acceptable and won’t always give the desired response. It will definitely lower the person’s self esteem, but it may not push them to the gym.
@@crazyworld6793 Yes...Nicole who is an adult and whines bc she "doesn't eat vegetables." I'm sick of Nicole. She gets mad he brings up her weight but she has zero problems throwing her massive girth around blocking Azan, shoving and bullying him.
bellissima78 lol at ‘massive girth’. 🤣😂😩
There’s no way he’d video chat her and not see how fat her face is 🙄 it was dumb that he was surprised about her weight
Azan might be having problems translating his thoughts into English, however im just speculating. Sometimes ive noticed that I judged a person harshly when English is another persons 2nd language. only to realise that they are trying to articulate and translate their opinions not as I have perceived it.
This! Most of my friends aren't native English speakers and they come across very mean sometimes but it's just because they have limited vocabulary so they can't say what they mean. And sometimes they might get frustrated and that adds even more harshness
Yeah I think when he says lazy he doesn't mean it as harsh as it sounds in english
@@inezketchup 100% I noticed Dr Honda took that as literal as well
Nicole is inconsistent and unreliable, which makes a horrible foundation in the early stages of a relationship. Azan's behavior about the workouts can seem silly but it doesn't really feel out of place. She can't keep big commitments like not cheating or little commitments like eating good, exercising, or even waking up at a normal time, shes done nothing to show Azan shes dependable in the slightest but she expects him to move across the world to be with her. She's just selfish.
she has the mentality of a 16 year old
Yes. Yes. Yes. 100% yes.
I think the cheating thing messed him up. cause like you said, he's taking the promise for her to workout and applying it to other things. this means he's still upset and probably the language barrier is making it hard for him to truly express himself.
Ok, how is an adult (who is not sick ) sleeping till 3 not lazy? She isn’t a15 year old she is grown with a child. Sorry but it doesn’t seem like she trying. They are clearly not a good match.
She may have a sleeping disorder. It's bad to judge people for sleeping too much.
It’s not judgmental to be concerned that she’s sleeping too much. That’s definitely not normal, functional or something to be excused away. If she does have a disorder or condition, it needs to be addressed instead of being like “oh that’s just how Nicole is.”
@@kelaba it sure is not judgemental. no one said the opposite.
calling a person lazy for sleeping a lot is judgmental
Elia Simons Azan has seen much more of her than we have to make that “judgment” 🤷♀️ I don’t agree with negative shaming to make her feel worse about herself, but coddling her with all these excuses is not productive either.
The Doctor is always capping for Nicole...He doesn't take any opinions about Nicole from the ppl who know her as just reality...That just maybe what her mom, dad, brother and sister have said about Nicole...might just be true...he's always twisting it, as if Nicole is this victim...He rarely places any of the accountability onto Nicole..I don't see him really doing this with any body else...so its kind of weird..
I wonder why Nicole is sleeping so late, at this point Azan said they'd been in Morocco for 1 month, so you would think they would have a routine by then. I wonder if she was used to others taking care of May and she could do whatever she wanted and being in Morocco she had to be a full time mom? Or maybe it was depression from being around Azan all the time and seeing it wasn't the fairytale she's been trying to make happen
You hit the nail on the head with the first guess...She's use to others helping her take care of May, like her mother and sister...
After my kids I developed thyroid issues that leave you exhausted. It's not at all unusual for pregnancy/post partum to trigger thyroid issues. If I knew Nicole I'd be asking when she last had a thyroid panel
The latter just breaks my heart
She may have some thyroid or other medical issues. Weight gain and lethargy are viewed by uneducated (about the science behind weight gain) folks like Azan as mere laziness.
Also, she could have anaemia. We all know that she really doesn’t like to eat vegetables (fries being her go to staple), so it’s very possible. With anaemia, you can sleep all day and still feel tired. It feels as if you never slept. Or maybe she has a vitamin D deficiency? Though with her living in (Miami?) or visiting (Morocco) a sunny place, I doubt it.
We are all trying to give Nicole the benefit of the doubt here. Dr Kirk himself even indicated that there is a possibility that she’s using Mae as an excuse. TOTAL SPECULATION of course. Poor Mae 🥺
I'm tired of Nicole making excuses for all of her bad behavior.
@Amethyst Emeraldapparently he's married to his cousin
I'd settle for the host just stopping making excuses for all her bad behavior.
"She cheated on him one and a half times"
Well, cant say Ive heard that one before.
Hahahah thanks for another great vid.
It's not a promise that falls into the "same category", according to "most people", but it's still a promise. If she doesn't genuinely mean it when she said she would try to live a healthy lifestyle but rather just said it for the moment because that's what Azan wanted to hear, then don't say it at all to give Azan the false hope. A promise is a promise, big or small. Follow through if you mean it; otherwise, don't promise in the first place at all. If I were dating a guy who promised me that he would quit smoking but still smokes all the time, then I will have trust issue with him too and get tired of him after a while.
BeiBei Zhao cannot agree more. If not changing her lifestyle and body is a deal breaker for him and she knows it, she should just break up with him instead of making promises she doesn’t intend to keep. She’s able to stood up for herself saying that she is her own woman and will not change because of anyone else, then why not ending things quickly even though it’s hard, instead of getting into a situation where both of them know they will never compromise? Of course she is not legally or morally obliged to follow through with the promise, and he cannot pressure her to do so, but as the promise is made to him and involves his trust and emotion, he has the right to remind her that ‘hey, how about keeping your words?’. His manner is problematic, but i don’t think he’s unjustifiable in holding her accountable.
To me it seems like the question Nicole asked "would it be a deal breaker if i can't do this stuff?" (lose weight, etc) was hard for Azan to answer, because if he says 'yes' he looks like an asshole (justifiably), but he if says 'no' hes basically giving Nicole a pass to barely try in the first place (since in his mind she's lazy). It isn't his right to ask her to lose weight, totally agree, but I don't really think she wants to change at all, she just wants to say she will to keep Azan around. My personal opinion/observation is that Nicole has (been coddled a lot or something, and) never fully had to rely on herself. She's always had a safety net (which is fine to an extent), but rather than give her the strength to fly on her own knowing she has support, it's created an immaturity and self control issues in her which she uses to always get what she (thinks she) wants from other people some how (just by seeing her family's interactions with her- not saying it's okay). I feel bad for the daughter personally, she's not learning great habits, and in that regard I can see why Azan is concerned (whether or not he's going about it in an appropriate way), but obviously everyone is entitled to raise their kids how they want. Total speculation- lol :p
@Jude Fenwick But is her laziness a deal breaker?
I checked her Instagram a while ago and apparently she did lose a lot of weight. She's still heavy but she's at a point were she feels very comfortable in her body. I don't know how much she weighs now (none of my business tbh) but I think her post said around the time this was filmed she was 300+
So being able to put in effort I don't think she's lazy. I mean she puts in so much work to chase after Azan without any support (from family), works a full time job, and is a single mom. She may not have a full hustle mode some people have. But I don't think she's inherently lazy just because she doesn't wanna work out with Azan.
@@madelinefrazier5357 She didn't work out between visits to Azan either...She has plenty of financial support from her family...and isn't working at all in Morocco. Good for her on the weight loss, though.
@@madelinefrazier5357 In this case I'm not directly linking her weight to what i am perceiving as lazy. i don't know for fact she does or does not work a full time job, let alone takes care of her child most of the time either so I can't comment or side one way or the other. For me, it's really just her attitude.
@Jude Fenwick I agree tbh, just trying to be impartially polite. (sorry i accidentally deleted my comment.)
My ex once opened up to me that he always wanted and expected me to lose weight. Basically - all 4 years or our relationship he was not happy with how I looked. And note I was not overweight just not super thin... I asked "so why did you even start dating me?" Him "I hoped you would "grow out of it". I was 16 he was 20 at the time...it was a disaster from the start.
What does Mai do when Nicole is asleep till 3-4pm?
Amanda Lonergan i would like to know as well
And what does she eat all day?!
The first scene indicates that she just messes around on the phone till she wakes up, that is a lot of screen time waiting for mom to care for you
Mai problay sits around and plays with a few toys and watches TV not much..
Nicole sleeps all day doesn't want to face reality or responsibilty..!
I love how Dr Honda gives everyone grace and talks about reasons for behavior instead of judgement. I wish Dr Honda had millions of viewers 💙
I feel Dr. Honda, who is usually pretty fair, is very biased in this Nicole and Azan series. He makes it seem like everything is everyone else but Nicole's issues. It's her mom's problems, Azan's problems. Nicole is 23 years old. It's her own responsibility to have a job, take care of her own health, look after her own child, instead of milking her mom's money to send to Azan and talking her step parents into sponsoring her fiancee.
I feel like he talks a lot of her problems too, just puts it perspective
Maybe it's just because the series itself tries to emphasize her incompetences so much that he finds it necessary to compensate for it by pointing out that she's not the only (or even the major) problem in the situation.
It’s possible that he’s thinking the same thoughts as everyone else in private, but just doesn’t want to say it in front of a camera: maybe it has to do with what’s morally ethical as a therapist. It’s also possible that he may not want to say anything until he has enough data that he needs to finally come out and say what we’ve all been thinking. It’s also possible that he’s just being open-minded. 🤷🏽♀️
Just because he doesn't agree with your views of Nicole doesn't necessarily mean he's being biased. I think he's been quite fair while discussing their situation. He's spoken about how she will suck people in to look after her in a way and how she benefits from that. Most people would just stop at "she's so immature". But I've personally appreciated how he's added an "unpopular" yet enlightening perspective to Nicole's personality.
I agree, it seems like he roots for the under dogs and the people that most people who watch the show don’t really like because he feels they’re “wounded” in some way and need help
I don’t know if this matters at all Dr Kirk buuuut Nicole would send altered photos to Azan. I forget the source but I saw a few and she did look thinner in them but not drastically. I don’t think he anticipated her body type because he was presented something else
he could have broken up with her after seeing what she looks like instead of inviting her again with her daughter just to try to shame the fat out of her
@@visitjessiechan if you already have developed feelings for both of them it is very difficult. Easier said than done. Nicole was the one that lied to him about it and made him fall in love with her
@@sariuca yes, she catfished him. Yes, break ups are hard. But if he doesn't find her attractive anymore and will not unless she does an incredible amount of work to change for him (losing considerable weight is incredibly difficult and research shows that the vast majority of people who do so, will just regain it eventually), breaking up with her is the right thing to do.
Yeah but if someone catfished you, but they said they'll get there for sure and you have feelings. Idk what id do tbh
I also find it strange that Nicole listed everything she has to do for May like it’s a job. I’m a single mother as well. Everything I do regarding my son is just a normal part of my daily life. I don’t view it as a separate thing. Her statement just came off odd to me.
No to mention she did it IN FRONT OF May. As if the kid wouldn't understand this.
If Nicole is having problems with may, maybe she should develop a constant routine for may like eating, playing, naptime, watch tv, ect . Of course it wont always be on point but it help her get some more down time once in a while
During this time Nicole would post often on social media in the middle of the night. So it was all the time. She acts like a teenager and thats why Grandma feels like she needs to swoop in to help.
I don't think it's her acting like a teenager. She usually exhibits really high emotional intelligence while talking to Azan. It might've been a coping mechanism. She seems to be in a certain "survival mode": constant fighting and being in a crossfire (Azan- her family) must be really draining so she stays up REALLY late in order to postpone and shorten the stressful episodes.
@@owlberry5997 👏👏👏
There's a time difference...
Is that why? Or did that get explained and it was determined that both the mother and daughter play their part in that relationship dynamic.
Also this almost 40yr old was up on social media and gaming last night.... Might go full "teenager" n have a nap today. ;)
i'm assuming by "help" your referring to how her mother has a pattern of abuse with her? its really quite gross how many people on this channel justify abuse
She's full of excuses. I know many parents, including single parents, who work full time and raise child/children without grandparents' help, and also try to get their own exercises in because it's important for physical and mental health. They don't sleep until 3-4 pm. They barely even sleep past 8 am on the weekend, since their kids wake up at 7 am. She is lazy and unmotivated. It's not shaming. It's honesty.
💯
Fr I'm a single parent and there's no possible way you could sleep until 3pm unless you're severely neglecting your child.
I wonder if May was having issues sleeping over there? Maybe they’re up and down all night and sleeping in shifts due to the time difference. I can’t imagine someone sleeping from 9pm to 4pm the next day.
@@ModernSouthernBelle I definitely understand napping when your child naps bc they're up during the night and you don't get enough sleep... But if your child is awake during the day and you're sleeping until 3... Like, who is feeding and watching and changing her? I'm wondering if he is exaggerating or if she is just napping with may to catch up on sleep or what
@@lulutwentytwo Agreed. Dr. Honda was even looking for excuses for her. At least in America Nicole has her mom to look after May, but in Morocco no one else. Maybe that's one reason why the grandma was so worried about Nicole bringing May to Morocco with her. The grandma was right again.
Azan never coming to the USA he doesn't want to come
no one wants to lol
He wanted the $$$.
Reality... Azan cant get a visa or k-1 because he has gotten in trouble in a different country and also he is known to go from woman to another from U S trying to get here. Our country wants nothing to do with him!!! He has been alot of bad before meeting Nicole
Could you also react to Danielle and Mohamed? They had a lot of troubles and it would be interesting to see.
I second the Motion!!
I third the Motion!
Fourth!
Yes please!
We really don't need anything from that shock couple. Mohammed wanted a green card from the obligatory desperate, unattractive, manipulative American who wants/demands for paid affection, but Danielle has no money & sewer-puss♨️🤸, so Mohammed fled 🏃🏽 to another target. NEXT PLEASE! 😒💅
Imma have to give it to Azan. He was shocked when they met in person cuz he didn’t think she was so big - not sure how. But she promised to do better and didn’t. She isn’t 160-180 lbs she is pretty over weight. It isn’t too shocked for someone to want them to lose weight
I feel like Azan got misled when they first met online, maybe Nicole used pictures of herself that were older etc... I still don't get why he's engaged to her if he's only 55% attracted to her tho... like clearly asking her to lose weight is going to either take a long time or is going to damage their relationship so why doesn't he find someone that he doesn't need to nag to change in order for them to be attractive to him?
Bicole is medically considered obese - there is no way around it.
I'm a psych major, thinking about going into grad school for clinical mental health counseling. I love watching these videos, and really getting a feel for how a therapist would handle situations like these.
I thought a promise WAS an obligation, I didnt know it was different levels lol
Agreed. There's a difference between "I'll try to work out more" and "I promise to work out more"
His mom was saying she didn't want Nicole staying at her house anymore she slept all day and had Azan changing may diapers she really is lazy;him telling her to lose weight is not something she going to do I believe she is a emotional eater ijs my opinion only
I think she overeats because it has never sunk in that there are boundaries in life. She can do what she wants when she wants and there are np consequences. She is wearing the consequences of her over eating, but she loves to say "He should love me as I am".
Well according to the doctor then mom is a horrible overbearing manipulator, so obviously we can't take anything the mom says seriously.
LiveLoveLifeandTravel His mom isn’t overbearing I don’t think. Also, if someone is overbearing that doesn’t mean we can’t trust a word they say.
@@rubyrayne8 I was being sarcastic and I agree with you...
Azan is like a broken record about her weight/fitness. Why be with her if he is bothered by her body/health so much?
I don’t like how much he bothers her about it...but being an active guy who takes care of himself maybe he wants a partner with the same interests. He should find someone that he has more in common with and let her do her thing. Not nice for her to be put down all the time over it.
I think that he said in another episode that he didn’t know she was this size but he was already attached to her i guess
They are young. Around their age, I stayed with a guy with a drinking problem for 3 years hoping he would change. Lots of people stay for people they love, even if they have an addiction or different "lifestyle."
I wonder if this weight topic took place once in a while and the show decided to highlight it. Showing their “biggest” conflict.
She’s clinging on because she has low self esteem and is desperate for something to work, he’s clinging on because he enjoys the money
I appreciate that you're being as fair as possible to Nicole, but even if she has all these health issues shd MAY have that would cause her to sleep a lot... Can we just admit that a young, healthy man wouldn't find this behavior attractive? Especially if he is a fit, active person?
No he can't admit to that, because he's from Seattle and is obviously coming from a very heavy progressive leaning and that would definitely not be the political correct way of saying things.
I will add something to this discussion. I have known many thin women who act just as Nicole has within this video. They would sleep all day stay up all night and use the same excuses “the kids kept me up all-night” they were also incredibly lazy. I wonder if the behavior is still seen as unattractive from your stand point or undesirable, even though the women are thin?
From my experience, people will often put up with a conventionally attractive woman’s BS. While degrading woman who aren’t considered conventionally attractive for doing the same thing.
I think that's kind of the point. If he's not attracted to that, he isn't forced to stay. If these things are dealbreakers for him, which is understandable and he's entitled to that, they should've discussed that before getting engaged. Hobbies/interests like hiking or going to the gym, those are things that people usually discuss in the first stages of dating.
@@surrenderjones7439 If your a super model, then yes...Most men will put up with a lot a crap..but that doesn't mean they will put up with it forever...really attractive women still find themselves single all the time...Now for the average women, whose also conventionally attractive..then no...No body is putting up with it...
Wendy I totally agree couples should have discussions about what they expect from one another. If Nicole expects acceptance of her size/behavior she needs to find a partner who accepts her regardless, Azan as well. I’m just wondering if her behavior would still be distasteful to him if she was in shape? Or if people in the comments section would be blasting her behavior as well if she was thin? It’s a very interesting topic.
Yay! New video. Still think Nicole is given too many excuses but that just me
I agree! I had 3 kids under 5. I also had depression. I never, ever slept until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I never did it when I had one kid! My son had a terrible case of colic, he couldn't latch on properly, he rarely slept through the night, I also had terrible post partum depression. Still...never slept until 3 or 4 in the afternoon! I didnt have anyone to help me. She has been enabled by her family to behave this way!
Nicole bulldozes her family till she gets her way ...Mai was problay raised by family members till she met Azan then decides to go Morocco and uses Azan family members for babysitting..Nicole is lazy and a bully ..
I grew up in a family of hard working single black mothers....some who worked multiples jobs, others who went to college, while working full time and some did both while having multiple kids...and none of them slept till 4pm...They couldn't afford such luxuries...Just because Nicole is a mother, does Not in anyway mean she's not lazy...and comparing race or skin color to someone being over weight is inappropriate...I can't change my race...Nicole can change her size and no one was every enslaved for being fat...
Dr. Honda, please continue reviewing this couple! its the first one where there seems to be a big split in the opinions of Dr. Honda and the audience.
I personally believe he is giving Nicole waaay to much leaway and giving none to Azan, disregarding the languag barrier.
Also, seeing how different people interpret the word fat is fascinating. some react like its the worst insult you could call someone, while others treat it like a factual observation...
I’m kinda like Azan, if someone promises st I think they are going to do it. It’s disappointing if they don’t and I start to not trust what they say.
I don’t think it’s fair to subjectively judge a hard and soft promise.
Same, like why make a promise if you're going to break it? People should say what they mean, promises are supposed to hold weight and be meaningful
Totally agreed! Dr. Honda even said Azan was using Nicole not following through her promise as an excuse to shame her. That's so biased and unfair to Azan!
💯
BeiBei Zhao Agree! Also, to say it’s not really a big deal to promise to exercise and then not do it, is biased. It’s obviously a big deal to Azan. I don’t think it’s right to judge promises as “soft promise” bc everyone breaks those promises (dr Honda’s words). How about if Nicole didn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t have promised. Different things are important to diff ppl and healthy is obviously important to Azan. I don’t think it’s okay to judge that as not being important or being okay to break a promise about that. Personally, I don’t think Nicole gives a shit about being healthy. And they probably aren’t a good match. I think azan is trying to help her, and I think he’s trying to change her. Which isn’t fare to Nicole. But she should just say “I’m not going to be that person.” Instead of promising to keep him interested.
I also think part of it is that Azan wants her to have the same interests as him, he likes to be active and go to the gym and hike and Nicole isn’t as interested in that. I understand where he’s coming from, but you can’t change someone’s interests and hobbies if they just aren’t interested, pressuring them is just going to push them away more.
Anna A. That's a super valid feeling too, but if it's such a big dealbreaker for him, you'd figure they would talk about that before getting engaged. Usually interests/hobbies is one of the first things you ask someone about when you're dating, so I find it shocking that these differences are only coming up now.
Wendy totally, but I get the idea Azan did know but thought he could change her.
@@NeverShoutNever45454 That's kind of on him though? I make sure to get my bigger dealbreakers out of the way ASAP, or address them at some point before making any commitments. It wouldn't have been hard to open up a conversation about her relationship with exercise and food.
Wendy they probably did have some discussion of it, but it’s hard to really know how someone is over the phone. Also English is his second language who knows if he did try to communicate and it just didn’t come off strongly
@@NeverShoutNever45454 She doesn't seem to be shy about saying that exercise and nutrition isn't her thing though. Of course it's impossible to know wether she lied about it or not before, but English is my second language too and I don't think it's super hard to see if someone has a super positive or super negative opinion on such a broad topic. I can imagine him having difficulties with more abstract conversations on philosophical topics that might have advanced vocabulary, but just picking up on wether someone likes or dislikes something is pretty basic.
Its not about her body not conforming to Victoria secret model standards. Shes morbidly obese and is dying. She has a kid. She needs support and empathy but just body positivity saying its good to be morbidly obese same goes for alcoholics and addicts i guess
your comment is morbidly dramatic
"is dying", lmao
I completely agree that we should not shame people for how they look but you are spot on. This is not about "that shirt doesn't look good on her because she is too heavy" this is about "she is obese and that has undeniable, negative health consequences". People often just ignore that and leave it out of the equation! It's absurd. This isn't just a looks issue. This is a health issue and said health issues don't just impact the person who is obese, it raises our collective insurance rates, etc.
And people make SO MANY excuses. "Maybe she has health problems"... "maybe it's genetic"...listen, people in the US have the same genes as people all over the rest of the world (and particularly Europe) yet America's rate of obesity is off the charts. It comes down to poor lifestyle choices and often ignorance. A lot of Americans simply have no clue what constitutes a healthy diet. Is that their own fault? To a point, no. But to a point yes. When you're 12, you can't be blamed for what is around you and what you're being taught. But when you're 32, you sure as hell can get on Google and educate yourself and take ownership of how you live.
I have thyroid issues, so I've gone up a couple of sizes and its hard because my metabolism has just tanked. But at the same time, I've gained an amount of weight that still places me into a healthy and medically acceptable weigh range. I have family members with the same thyroid issues. So I get it. And I'll be the first to tell you that using your thyroid as an excuse is BS. Thyroid issues will make you put on weight easier because your metabolism will slow down but if you're eating normally/reasonably you will not all of a sudden go from a size 4 to a size 22!
While I agree with the idea of the body positivity notion and that we ought not to shame people, too many people have morphed it into making excuses and trying to accept unhealthy, negative behaviors and their consequences.
@@deemah3602 its why they call it morbidly obese and shes in that category.
Exactly! She cant change her eating habits? She has a young child who is eating this gross fast food.
SprtWlf9 exactly! I completely agree with you!
I feel like Dr. Honda is making excuses for Nicole constantly! She is entitled and whiny and immature. She may be tired - but she has a child to care for! She lays in bed until 3 - WHAT is May doing during this time? Playing on her phone? She has a responsibility to that child and if she has a medical need to sleep that much, she needs to address it and get her crap together! Having May laying around all day is terrible.
Wombat Numbat thank you! So its okay to sleep in bed with a child all dat doing nothing? Also she could change her eating habits, she has a daughter... she is lazy
@@crazyworld6793 I agree. She is not acting like an adult - she's a mom and needs to think about what her daughter needs. When my kids were toddlers, I would have loved to sleep half the day! But you don't because your kids need to get up and be fed and get dressed and play outside, etc. etc. If she has a medical reason that makes her unable to function, then she needs to see a doctor and have help with her mom duties (which she has in the US with gma.) This would indicate that travelling outside the country by herself with her young daughter is something she is simply not qualified to do. Is she expecting Azan or his family to care for May while she sleeps through half the day? She's selfish and immature and used to whining until she gets her way and someone else takes over the tasks she's rather not do.
Doctor, please stop defending this horrible woman. She abandoned her daughter!
lolll this ep reminds me of my friend and her bf. She was really frustrated that he had unhealthy habits like not working out and eating crap as well. She tried to get him to work out and saying oh he wants to he cannn... but it was obvious to me he was just pretending to go along and saying yes yes yes to get her off his back lol... but he never really changed and they broke up at the end. i guess this is like a thing lot of couple experiences. I kinda didn't understand this...why not just date someone who's already to their standard..like dont date fat ppl if you dont like fat..just date other ppl who are as active or fit as you...
Not to defend Azan; however, I somewhat understand his frustration. I briefly dated a male version of Nicole. Someone who was badly out of shape and despite having diabetes neglected his health. We once took a short bike ride and I literally thought the person was going to have a heart attack. I, of course, couldn’t say anything. Yet, it was shocking to witness and hard not to feel burden by this person’s bad lifestyle choices.
Yeah for me personally someone not taking care of their health - e.g. Being very overweight and not trying to lose weight, smoking, heavily drinking, uncontrolled type II diabetes.. For me that's just a red flag and I would feel like if you can't take care of yourself then you probably can't take care of a relationship either. I've been there, done that. You cant change people.
So I think while azans concerns are valid, he probably just needs to realise she probably will not change these things about herself and he needs to decide if he's willing to be with her as she is or not.
I think you're being a little unfair to Azan. How many women assume that a man loves them because of the changes he makes for her? how many rom-coms in romance movies do you see the the man make some dramatic change for the woman he loves? Azan has been cheated on and he sees Nicole's as inconsistent and untrustworthy.
I think the idea that he has a right is a misinterpretation and instead what he means is that he thinks it's okay that he asked her to change like not cheating or losing weight the same way Nicole seems to think she has a right to ask him to be more affectionate in public even if he's not as comfortable about it because of his culture. Because to both of them it's something that you changed because you're in love with your partner.
I think there's a misinterpretation of what "a right" is.
When I hear Azan speak I hear somebody who is worried that she doesn't actually love him.
Unpopular opinion but I’m on Azan’s side on this. I do agree that he could be gentler and a little less pushy and not pressure her or belittle her so much.
However, she also expects him to fulfill his promises. We’ve seen her lifestyle and she doesn’t make much of an effort. Which is fine if she didn’t promise that she is actually gonna make an effort. They’ve been together for years and she’s had time to lose weight.
More importantly she said she felt in love with Azan since she first saw his pictures. In other words, she fell for his looks. So understandably Azan also wants someone healthier and more fit.
You're right. If she wants a man that takes care of his body she needs to take care of her body too. She thinks she's superior because shes from the USA and he is from Morocco. She is a awful person.
Why didn’t he just pick someone who shares his passion for health and fitness? I NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS ABOUT SOME PEOPLE!!!! They pick someone completely opposite from what they want and harass the person into changing. Why?! Do they just get off on controlling and shaming someone? If so they need to hit up a fetish type site and enter a consensual relationship with someone who enjoys being shamed and controlled. It’s like when cheaters constantly enter monogamous relationships. Just stay single or be upfront about your non monogamy. There’s so much unnecessary pain and drama in the world that’s 100% avoidable.
He " picked" her cause she was the Only one stupid enough to believe he " loves" her AND she sends his thousands of dollars a MONTH
Uhh...Dr.Kirk if someone lays hands on your mother they will catch these hands!!
Also, I briefly dated a Moroccan man, he was protective of me but he never commented me on my body(I can stand to lose a good 20 or 30 pounds) what I wore out or anything I did. Granted our interaction was brief but I don't think he would have anyways but I'll never find out. Anyways my experience doesn't speak for all Morroccan men but that's just my 2 cents.
How can it be comparable: shaming someone for their skin color (something they are born with and they have no possibility to change) to someone being lazy and waking up at 3pm (something they can actually act on and is not healthy for her and especially for her child)
Because both have to do with identity, and actually a lot of weight and even sleep issues aren't by choice, they're often the product of bad health, not the cause of it. Lots of health issues cause weight gain and poor sleep-- just one of them maybe it's laziness but with both symptoms I'm guessing Nicole has an underlying health issue.
@@sistermadrigalmorning233 I don't know if everyone considers weight as part pf their identity, cause it is something that fluctuates and changes with life situations. true that some health issues cause tiredness and weight gain. but the majority is due to poor eating habits and not much movement. perhaps it is cause she doesn't get enough nutrients due to her poor eating habits (she doesn't eat veggies and all) that she has no energy but she is a single mother, moving with and for her child would be part of her daily life.
Even if these habits are by choice, it's still their choice. It can be okay depending on the circumstance - parenting is a complicated thing, so if they go through a phase where she has trouble sleeping and she gets tired taking care of her without his support, we don't need to pathologize that necessarily. Like he said in previous episodes, we don't know what the best option is for someone until we see the outcome of that.
The criticism on laziness is also incredibly subjective and unconstructive since it's such a superficial view on things. Nicole works and is a single mother. Even if she did start slipping on those responsibilities, it's likely due to depression or another genuine issue that Hassan as her partner could work through with her instead of judging her intention and thinking it's just a character fault with no real reasoning behind it.
@@Wendy-yu3hg perhaps it could be depression or she is used to having someone help (her mother) and not shouldering her responsibility alone. you'd only know if it is her habit or not by asking the people she usually lives with. but a person who doesn't take responsibility for their laziness will never change, be it depression, lack of nutriments any other sickness or a habit.. if she doesn't recognize it as an issue she will never seek professional help for it. and until know she is denying it.
@@GHo224 Sure, but we don't know that this is as much of a recurring thing as he says. Jetlag usually takes a couple of weeks to fully wear off - she's on a five hour difference. If she's jetlagged and not getting her full sleep, waking up at what would be 10am in Florida makes sense!
“We don’t have to guess as an audience” Dr. Kirk. We KNEW what he was insinuating. From the moment he met her me mentioned that she was “big a little bit”. I agree with people having the right to their own body. And that is Nicole’s decision only. But would you say the same thing to someone who was bulimic? Would their partner have the right to tell them they need help or that their size isn’t healthy? I’m curious as a deserving listener👂
Cecilia C me too! There is a good show super big vs. Super skinny...
i think dr.kirk gives her a big pass
Bulimic is not comparable to Nicole being overweight, unless you know for a fact that she is overweight to the extent that it is causing her health problems. Perhaps if she was morbidly obese, you would have a case here. Without access to Nicole's health records, I would assume it's actually more comparable to someone being skinnier than you're used to, so you constantly pressure them to eat more.
PinkCatsy that is a valid point ! So thank you for pointing that out. She is obese and maybe not morbidly but enough to where I imagine it impacts her negatively in various ways. Thats why I thought to use “bulimic” as an example. Being skinnier than what were used to does not negatively impact someone. So the comparison there is unfair in my opinion. I could be terribly wrong ! Which is why I thought to ask. My question is “Is it my body my choice when the body is too skinny to be considered healthy?”
eau de UwU I’m not sure what men you’ve run into. But the ones I know are not into people who look ill. There is no need for name calling in a comment section from a psychology platform. If you can’t respond respectfully, keep your hateful words to yourself. 👎🏼
eau de UwU “Don’t be asinine” is what you stated. What you’re saying is”don’t be stupid” so yes my feelings were hurt. A lot of people come to this channel for therapeutic reasons and calling them such things is extremely triggering and not okay. I am a woman who grew up in the US with the same cartoons, ideals, pressure as I imagine you did. I am also a woman who looks healthy but is not mentally. So, to say I’m sheltered to that is the same thing as saying I live under a rock and am clueless to these issues. I am not. My question was. If it was the opposite. If a woman was extremely skinny and could not climb up a hill or was struggling to do minimal exercise, sleeping all day and eating minimally to the point people were concerned for her (that I think would be considered unhealthy. There are different stages of bulimia/eating disorders as there are different stages of obesity) would it then be okay to say “I think my girlfriend is unhealthy and I would like her to gain a little weight for her health” Would we still preach and say, “It’s her body her choice” ?? And no one has answered that question yet. I am all for women loving their bodies. I am all for your body your choice. But when it starts to affect you emotionally, personally and physically then I question whether that is “okay”.
Maybe I am in the wrong, but really think Nicole is too young to be so heavy. I have struggled with weight issues all my life and I would have loved to have a partner who would have offered to help me be healthier. She has tried to lose weight, but I dont think she takes it seriously...no big change since she started.
By the looks of it she grew up heavier, so her parents fault in many ways. And if its all you've known it is hard to get out of the cycle.
"That isn't just in America, it's everywhere. Men should help their women". I mean yeah, that's pretty basic. This is the bare minimum in a relationship. One helps the other. Especially when it involves children.
That's not really the culture of most Moroccan families, though. I was very surprised to hear his friend say this, which is why I don't believe the conversation was authentic.
@@runwaychick7 Yeah, it sounded really weird to me too. I imagine that's not a reality for a lot of people (if not most), but it should be. I'm not saying their culture is wrong, but it's quite sad if you put it in perspective. They might not feel like that, but that's all they really know.
English isn't my first language. Sorry for anything. I would like to elaborate more, but I guess I'm quite limited.
Exactly. You are exactly right. They have nothing to compare it to. And it's a very homogeneous society, so people can't really do things differently without being judged. So a man has his role and a woman has her role.
Although it's odd that he'd be expected to change her diapers. Not because he is male, just because they don't know each other that well. Just seems weird.
@@tinabellea You are not limited at all. Your response was very well written. There is another couple on 90 Day where the man is from Nigeria and the woman from America. Michael and Angela. They have the same issue. In Nigeria the man is the head and rules the family. Angela takes issue with this and it is a serious problem with them.
I love exercise for my mental health, it REALLY helps my ADHD, but I only got to that point AFTER I realized I didn't have to hate my body to sweat my ass off, only AFTER I found something I actually enjoyed. Not everyone likes the gym. I love swimming, my boyfriend is a climber and my mom is perfectly fine with her dancing lessons.
This is purely coming from me, but I think starting a journey with the sole purpose of losing weight is actually very detrimental to the long run. I much rather make some 'experience achievements', for instance, if it wasn't for this darn pandemic, I'd be training to scuba dive, last year was pole fitness, one year my bf and I got into dancing - think tom and darcey with none of the class and grace.
If he wants her to look a certain way, he needs to LISTEN to what she has to say!
the reason why I think this is a better approach is that I dealt with EDs, there's always the Goal, but whenever I reached them, I changed them. It didn't work, I gained it back, rinse and repeat. If my focus is to physically prepare to something, I'm always trying new things, I'm always looking forward to something.
My current goal is to end this quarantine doing a handstand. Getting there!
It is his right to ask but it's also her right to chose. If this causes a rift then that's life. He just asked lol
Hey Dr. Kirk Honda! I am actually responding to your question for Feedback from the Paul and Karine #2 video. Theme 1: Your videos have helped me tremendously, about learning from my behavior, understanding other people's behavior and just being more compassionate in general I think. So please, continue, it is such a great reminder from day to day to try to understand others. Theme 2: Maybe just try to not speak to the reality starts before making the videos but definitely speak to them afterward if they are reaching out to you and you of course want to talk to them. Why shouldn't you talk to a human being only because you made a video about them? Isn't it also a great learning curve for you to maybe get feedback on your theories and suspicions?
So much new content, I can't seem to keep up! Thank you Dr. Kirk 💗
I am not saying it is okay, but from what I understand it is a cultural thing and his phrasing is because of a communication barrier. Typically, men in Morocco are dominant and run the household. I truly believe Azan is saying Nicole has to lose weight because he wants her to be healthy. Sometimes with communication barriers, things can come off more blunt and harsh because there are boatloads of softer words in English that aren't commonly taught.
Morocco used to have a law that stated rapists had to marry their victims. I am sure not everyone in Morocco holds those views culturally but marital rape is legal, domestic violence is under policed and they used to let rapists marry their victims. The position of women or how men view women culturally needs to still evolve is my point.
It's not ok to shame Nicole about her weight - no one "tries" to be overweight - it's her unwillingness to try anything Azan likes to do such as go to the gym, go for a walk, try new foods. If your potential spouse really loved to fish, or go to jazz clubs, or play tennis, or go to the beach, you would at least be willing to try to enjoy those things together and support their interests as well. She doesn't even want Azan to have a job because he wouldn't be at her beck and call whenever she wants to talk on the phone. When you love someone, you want them to be at their best and give them emotional support. Telling him not to work is a disservice to him and selfish and controlling of her.
These episodes featuring Nicole and Azan has proved my concerns about Dr. Honda with respect to extreme bias towards people of different cultural backgrounds and who aren’t American...not balanced or fair at all! At least many persons in the comments are seeing Azan’s perspective because he ignores it completely! If you said that you don’t understand Moroccan culture then maybe don’t comment on it or educate yourself.
I think Dr Honda just might not like Azan, and perhaps a little unfairly. But I do think he misses some of the cultural nuances, like in another countries lazy isn’t necessarily an insult. And talking about a loved ones weight isn’t that big of a deal either.
There is a little bias here toward Nicole, like he said breaking a “soft” promise was fine, that Azan should realize it wasn’t a real promise. I’m a little surprised, but no one is perfect. :)
I really don’t think it’s wise to group race and weight into the same category in terms of shame. We don’t get the choice to be born a race, but weight? There’s an option.
Let's be real here, Nicole would not go out with or want to be married to a 400 lb man oh, but she expects him to be married to her at her weight. She has no insight.
I was thinking the same thing! She wants a hot looking guy but expects him to overlook her being out of shape and not taking the least bit care of herself. I personally do not care about her weight, if she is happy with herself, good for her! However, she wants acceptance without expectation
Julie Fisk I know. This relationship sounds very one-sided.
Ylva Bjarnson Brilliant point!
@Ylva Bjarnson Azan knew that she was overweight before he met her. If he didn’t want a fat woman he isn’t obligated to date Nicole, nobody forced him, he can take some accountability for his choice. Furthermore, this point is incredibly sizeist. A fat person is just as attractive as a slimmer or slender person and doesn’t owe the slender person weight loss. Your perception of fat people being inferior to slender people is just due to brainwashing from fleeting beauty standards sold to you by an industry designed to profit on insecurity. Sizeism hurts thin people too.
@@pam1667 Put himself in his position for a moment. You date a girl online - she never sends you full body photo ( his reaction when they 1 meet), at the same time you signed a contract with the production crew of this show so you can't back off. You are active guy and like going to the gym - you take your girlfriend for a walk in the desert and camel ride that should be a really fun thing to do - but she ends up basically kneeling on the sand because she can't walk anymore and believe frozen chicken nuggets are healthy ... Yes it all due to brainwashing for him to want a parter who he can take for a walk without her ending up kneeling over.
Petition for a shirt that just says “yikes!” 🖐🏼
I am moroccan and yes it is true. In morocco people shame one another by someones weight. In certain areas if your big your wealthy.. but that is changing because of the media, singers, actresses etc.. the hourglass and big butt is now the standard.
So yes.. if I go to morocco, I was born in belgium and I live in amsterdam now, they call me fat and it's normal to call you that way. I am sorry to say that and I know the women of morocco will react to this but they dont have anything else to do, it is changing.. i havent been to morocco for 7 years now.., but they also accept men who talk to them like that. I walk down the streets in Morocco, my bmi is normal, and they call me fat. The men in morocco are raised as princes as women are raised to serve them.
Its changing.. thankfully, but yeah this guy doesnt know better, he is raised this way.
Edit And the translation from darija to english, is not correctly done.
He would much rather stay in Morocco and have her go back to the US and continue to send him money.
Yep-Nicole is mostly the one creating this situation, but Azan is far from blameless...
People talk about the culture thing here with Azan. Is it a culture thing for a man without disability to accept money on monthly basis from his fiancee who is a single mom and barely makes her own living on her own?
YES!
love hearing/watching u, Dr. Kirk. I keep saying the same thing but keep wanting to say over and over, " I appreciate watching your kindness, compassion, and psychological info." just watching your kindness in action helps me and I think will help others. thank u, thank u, thank u! love to hear the inner dialog I can use to help myself see others in a light that promotes healthy relationships. Dr. Kirk, u rock!!!
It's been perfectly acceptable to shame smokers (yes, they are the kind of addicts that America decided should be shamed and outcast) in America for two decades, but you can't tell someone that they need to be healthier because they are obese? I don't agree with you on how the color of one's skin is just like being obese. The former, you can never choose or change. Obesity is a health epidemic that, in the majority of cases, is a result of consuming more energy (calories) than one expands. Overeating over a long period of time. I don't think that stating that Nicole, as young as she is, is terribly out of shape and it's not healthy at all for her to hardly be able to walk more than a few steps without running out of breath, is the same as shaming someone for being white or black. I know that fat-acceptance is a very trendy SJW movement, and I don't think every trendy SJW movement is necessarily a smart thing to promote just because it's trendy.
Hi Dr Kirk! I just wanted to point out that it is VERY normal in our culture to be told to lose weight, even by strangers. I grew up in Seattle and my family growing up constantly put pressure on weight loss and singled out family members who gained weight. After going through eating disorder treatment, this is actually a pretty normal thing. I agree with you I don’t think this is right, but I think most women have experienced being told to lose weight by a friend, partner, or family member.
I just have your videos playing in the bg while i get my school work done and its been the best thing ever! Your voice is so soothing and I am able to get work done and concentrate! Love this channel
One more comment Dr. Honda. A promise is a promise is a promise. If someone says they’re gonna do something, they better do it. Otherwise, why make a promise? A promise is a huge commitment in most culture. Going back on one’s word is a no-no.
May has been dragged across the many time zones, away from her primary caregiver grandma..we expect her to already sleep and pee on schedule? Her little world is a mess right now.
Young children pee on a schedule? It’s not just based on how much they drink?
Sometimes I’ll rewatch old reaction videos. I’ll either get a good reminder or catch something I didn’t before. And then I just like hearing dr Honda in the background!
If she has been there for a month she should be used to the time there and sleeping till 3 is absolutely LAZY!!!!
Might be depression
You have no idea why she is sleeping that much.
Me before this video: Dr. Honda hasn't self disclosed whether he has children, but he has disclosed several times about his pets, so I am going to assume he's not a parent.
When he said "maybe Nicole just likes to stay in bed all day" while her DAUGHTER is right next to her being entertained by a screen: nope, nope nope nope.
he has at least one daughter
I'd be very surprised to find out he and his wife have children just based on his evaluations, but I could be wrong.
I'm a mom of two children who suffers with chronic pain, I also "would like to stay in bed all day" seriously? Even after procedures, ect. my husband has to tell me to take it easier. I'm a lazy person, I'm not trying to sound like some great hero, but when you have children, a daughter as young as Mae, you cannot be pulling that. If she's like that in Morocco, what is she like at home? Astounding.
Mm you feed her? At night. Yet she does not wake her during the day?
I dated a man from a similar culture for a few years and he would call me lazy fairly often, even though I'm not overweight and I have a chronic illness. I don't know for sure if it's part of his culture, but I do know at least it's common in his family to call people lazy or bluntly tell people things that we'd consider rude. They believe that outright telling people their faults is helpful to get them to better themselves. He also wanted me to bluntly tell him areas where he could improve in his life so that he could be the best version of himself, including telling him things like "your stomach is getting big, you need to do more ab exercises", etc. Again, I don't know if it's a cultural thing or not but I can say that the way Azan talks is very similar to my ex.
People are really going hard on behalf of Nicole‘s behavior, and I get it, if you’re an adult, you should behave like an adult. But, if you were treated like a child and also have been conditioned to think you don’t have the ability to execute adult decisions, it can be mentally incapacitating. For the people who have zero patience for Nicole, that kind of attitude can help keep her exactly where she is. People need to be approach her with patience and care about her problems instead of constantly pointing them out and making her feel even worse. I’m sure Nicole realizes she’s not perfect but, just like how her mother speaks to her in such a condescending tone, approaching her in this “you are lazy; you aren’t a good mother; you’re unhealthy, you etc.” type of manner is not helping! No wonder she’s laying in bed for countless hours and avoiding living life. I’m just asking the spectators to come from a place of understanding rather than a place of impatience and sheer unkind behaviors.
P.S. I haven’t seen the original footage of the show. I’m watching it just the way Dr. Honda posts it. So I understand that I might be missing some key elements but, I still believe it dies not refute my point about Nicole’s behavior.
I will note that no one in these comments is saying anything TO Nicole. No one here is trying to give her advice. We are discussing what we see in these video clips and ppl are giving their opinions.
Sounds to me like he’s looking for another type of woman.
re: sleeping-- um, maybe she is jet lagged and the producers cut it in to make it look like it was happening the whole time?
But didn’t Azan say that Nicole has already been in Morocco for about a month? Shouldn’t she be over jet lag by then?
sobrash Why didn’t Nicole herself mention jet lag then?
This was 25 days after she arrived
@@mrsa6925 @Mary Gleason Ok; 25 days is a long time to not be used to the timezone... Before when I commented, I thought she just might be that she isn't used to experiencing jetlag and might have been accidentally prolonging it. It reminded me of a time when I had a friend visit for a while from overseas who had never traveled before-- she was homesick and would message people from home until the very early hours and then would need to sleep all day to recover. I don't think she really realized it was jet lag that caused her to be alert so late at night, but it was also the homesickness that made her want to keep in touch with people even though it meant not synching up with the timezone she was in. It was just something that came to mind that might also play into things but you're right, it might not explain things fully.
Even if it isn't her daughter who is keeping her from getting restful, good quality sleep, I'm sad to see how judgy people are about Nicole sleeping until 3 pm. She could have a sleep disorder. I have a sleep disorder and I didn't want to sleep all day, I couldn't stay awake and it made me so incredibly frustrated that I couldn't do what I needed to do. With medication I am back to a normal person's amount of sleep. She also could have sleep apnea due to her weight.
OR...She could just be an entitled, LAZY, privileged, spoiled brat...thats use to her mom and sister picking up the slack and just getting away with it...Why are ppl so hell bent in making excuses for the girl...she's not a child...if she had a sleeping disorder and has never addressed it and she's a mom...Then thats also irresponsible...I swear ppl like you is the reason why most ppl get through life blaming every body else for their problems...never just being accountable..
@Aa Latvian And thats a problem...
I doubt that she has sleep issues. Because keep in mind that she lives with her family in the same house when in the US. And if she has sleeping issues, would’ve members of her family taken notice of this and have gotten her medically treated by now. The same applies if she has depression with anti-depressants. So, I don’t think her reason for sleeping all day has to do with medical issues. It could be that she’s just a night owl who’s typically more active in the night than the day. Or she was up all night doing something and didn’t fall asleep until early morning.
Carter Wolffe I get what you're saying, but she has a young daughter to take care of. Disorder or not, you can't leave a toddler unattended while you sleep all day.
It took me 2 years of symptoms to get diagnosed. Most people with narcolepsy aren't diagnosed for over a decade. Although you would think that people would see a doctor, some doctors blame it on something else (mine blamed my tiredness on a vegan diet), others just think that's normal for them. I thought that because my classes were really hard that I needed that much sleep. It wasn't until I was self inflicting pain to stay awake that I got a second opinion and was immediately referred to a sleep doctor. It's easy to have your concerns misdiagnosed as depression or just being told you need to motivate yourself instead of getting proper care.
Usually I don't support fat-shaming a partner into losing weight. But considering the fact that Nicole CATFISHED Azan into the relationship, I feel like he's not totally in the wrong here. He only consented to a relationship with a woman that he thought was skinnier than Nicole led him to believe she is. After they met, Azan admitted that he's only 55% attracted to her 😂 He only stayed with her because of the emotional connection they developed, but if the physical aspect was a lie from the beginning, then I think he has SOMEWHAT of a right to pester her into losing weight. To live up to the expectation that Nicole HERSELF set from the beginning.
There is something wrong with both of them but especially nicole
lmao. yes.
Great assessment Dr. H. All this makes me see both of them in totally different lights from when I originally watched these episodes. Sensitive cultural differences here in this episode, which is part of what makes 90 day bae fascinating. Thanks for providing thoughtful commentary and sort of adjudicating what is fair and what is out of bounds on cross-cultural relationship issues such as those raised in these clips, especially related to bodily autonomy, scheduling, trajectory (whether she will change in the way HE wants etc.).
I love this channel so much but now I’ve started psych analyzing everyone in my life 😅
The highlight of my day is being called "deserving listener" ❤️
My Muslim ex explained the idea of marital 'rights' to me as in Islam one of the rights that a married couple has is the fundamental right of man over his wife to be obeyed - which can be a challenge to embrace for those of us from cultures with different notions around the language of 'rights.' The woman also has a set of rights. I don't profess to have in-depth knowledge about this subject, just sharing that the language of 'rights' was part of negotiation toward marriage that I experienced. And that negotiation ultimately failed as I could not breach the cultural divide.
Anybody who cares about Nicole would ask her to lose weight. It’s not about body shaming. She’s obese and that’s not good for her health in the long term. Plus May’s diet doesn’t seem to be the healthiest so she potentially at risk too. It’s about time people stop being so sensitive and appreciate azans bluntness. It’s good for her in the long term. He has every right to tell her to lose weight, it’s just like asking someone to stop smoking.
I agree with Azan. Everyone has the right to ask things of their partner, and their partner has the right to accept or decline that request to change. My boyfriend has made it clear that he doesn't like unhealthy/overweight women (and I don't want to be one either,) so I stay slim. 🤷🏻♀️ It works for us. If I got fat it would 100% be a problem for our relationship because that's not his preference, and that's okay.
Yep, exactly! I don't get why Azan is still with her if he's only 55% attracted...
Why? Couse he is unemployed and she sends him money. Isnt it obvious?
I don't think it would have been bad for Azan to say "yes, it is a dealbreaker." She literally made him lose his job demanding he be available to talk whenever she wants. This is one of the few things we've seen Azan ask for-- this is something he obviously wants to be able to share with her (being able to work out/go hiking/jogging with her)-- and if she doesn't want to to compromise with him on this then it is absolutely in Azan's right to say "yeah, it is" and walk away.
EDIT:: Furthermore, given Nicole HAS cheated on Azan, possibly twice, of course Azan is going to see any broken promise as a red flag.
Honestly I don't think Azan should still be with Nicole considering he has many issues with her and her behaviour (which is fine I guess, they just aren't a good match)
What bothers me the most is that Azan is not telling the truth about why he wants Nicole to exercise and change her diet. I don't believe he is truly worried about her health. He doesn't care that much if she's healthy or not, he just wants her to loose weight because he doesn't like the way she looks. When someone pretends to be concerned about a fat person's health, it is hardly ever motivated solely by a genuine desire to improve that person's quality of life. When you dig a little deeper, you quickly discover that the expression of such concerns is prompted by feelings of contempt (even disgust) learnt in societies that systematically undervalue and discriminate against fat people.
I definitely agree. I highly doubt most people are genuinely concerned about her health.
Another great video, thanks Dr Honda !
I just wanna say it's not culturally okay to say "I think it's my right if I ask her to lose weight" in the Moroccan culture. It's him as a person who's the problem in this
Thank you!
Judging by the comments we are a lot of issues in western culture regarding weight and ablism. The relationship is a bad fit and that's it.
I’m west African (born in UK) but I live in Vietnam, Asia... Anyway, one thing that I’ve learned is that westerners will always be offended when it comes to the way that both Africans and Asians are blunt about excess weight. Unfortunately, it is really embarrassing to be told to that you’re overweight but most of the time it’s actually true! In this case, Azan has probably tried saying it nicely but Nicole is full of excuses. Hopefully, she’s able to do it in her own time. Losing weight is not easy and super depressing ...
So the promises Nicole makes towards her future husband aren't' important, because they aren't important to the doctor, so Nicole should be able to break those promises and Azan should just suck it up and shut the F up about it...Are you sure your a licensed doctor?
Another thing to keep in mind about Azan's perspective: a lot of times these translations don't do justice to what the speaker is actually expressing. As we know, producers (especially of shows like this) value drama or their narrative more than actually portraying the true sentiments of their subjects.
Thank you for another excellent video, Dr. Honda, and for always keeping it professional!
I have never met anyone that was actually lazy. I've met a lot of damaged people, people afraid to fail, people frozen by past failures, people with no sense of self, people with medical conditions, people with lots of pain. Also - jet lag.
Bottom line is they're both just incompatible with each other haha
Yay! Thank you for saying this. As a mom of a toddler, I often get asked if my husband babysits or helps with our child. We both work full time. It is so frustrating.
What concerns me the most about Nicole's sleeping until 3-4pm is that when they were still in America it seemed like May was always up doing things throughout the day with her grandmother and other people. So if Nicole isn't getting up until the late afternoon, who's giving May her breakfast, lunch, playing with her, etc? That might be why she doesn't sleep through the night in Morocco; she's getting little stimulation during the day so that's when she sleeps too.
What I am wondering is... are none of these couples actually compatable and not having problems early on in their relationship? The first year of my relationship was the easiest. No fights at all. That came much later.