Characteristics of a narc mother: 1) Jealousy 2) Trying to turn out the daughter's bright light 3) Competition 4) Devaluing 5) Control 6) No sense of dissociation. 7) Trying to make the daughter physically ill. 8) No support during important milestones.
@@anon_ya Birthdays, anniversaries, graduation ceremonies, child birth - these are days when a narc mother rues the very birth of her daughter. While it's sad, it's best for the daughter to move away for her safety and sanity.
She didn't even come to the Hospital for my eight week stay for cancer treatments, or when I graduated from college, and she told no one!! She introduced me as the mistake (to everyone she met) even after my 49th birthday - sadly I was the one who took care of her in her old age, cuz my sister walked away!! Now my sister has become the extention and has turned everyone away from me, by lies about mom's decisions after death. So, I'm finally done with it all!!!
@@2022TJ First of all, strength, and a big sibling hug to you. Please excuse my language, but trash can never honor treasure. I'm happy that you finally walked away from it all, but you could have used the way your mom avoided all of your important milestones as an excuse to walk away much earlier. However, better late than never.
My mother turned everyone against me telling them lies about me about the things I never did intentionally or unintentionally.she spoiled my relationship with almost every one in my life. she always tried to make me bad personality. After watching this I can relate myself and glad that at least someone is my side.
OMG! My mother did that too! And when I broke up with my ex she went out of her way to track him down and tried to dig up dirt on me (what dirt? I honestly have no idea). So it must be she’s projecting her own crap onto me. I hope for your sake you’ve gone no contact. Otherwise they completely screw up your life. God bless
They will even try to turn your children against you and tell you bad things about yourself. Then try to project their hate on you and falsely accuse you of everything they do. It’s insanity. My mother has even stated, “I am the best looking thing in this house” nothing said prior to this prompted this response but it revealed a lot.
Yep…being a 72 year old daughter of this mother….you deal with it the rest of your life. Not surprisingly now as I look back, when she died many many years ago I was relieved and have not missed her for a second. I spent so many adult years trying and trying with her, but I did not fully understand narcissistic personality disorder. If I had, perhaps I could have saved myself years of physical,emotional and even spiritual trauma.
I'm 65. My mother died 7 years ago and I don't miss her. Shec was a covert narcissist. Nobody believed me. My siblings still don't even though she abused them as well.
@@karlabritfeld7104 I hear that! My only sibling is an alcoholic narcissist…..so, nothing to be gained but try to stay as mentally healthy for myself and as little contact as possible….sad…. But that is the reality of it….blessings to you
51. Lost over a decade trauma bonded. Broke that chain last year. Now waiting for some money to leave. Then no contact forever! If she died rn, I would be at peace. She's a demon. They're all demons. I truly believe this. Pure evil. Smfh.
I'm sorry that you went through that. But God still have you hear for a reason. Perhaps you can create videos and share your experiences with the world, write a book, or whatever the case may be. God will give you beauty for your ashes. And God will allow pain to be a part of your purpose. Forgive her and forgive yourself and ask the Lord to help you to move forward on a healthy way in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. I pray your strength in the LORD IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN.
How sad u suffered all ur life,it took me in to my 30s to disguard her and I am glad I did,I'm 10 years on of no contact and it's a relief I will be very relieved when she passes away
This was hard to watch as it really was sad for the child. I cannot imagine having a Mother like that. Sooo sorry for anyone who had this growing up. :(
Yes, and they turn all of the siblings, friends, boyfriends and family members against the daughter also. All the while the mother seeming most nicest person. The hate they have for their child is beyond anything you can ever imagine. They slowly kill their child physically and emotionally. The golden child is given everything though. It is beyond evil.
My mum is very, very covert narc. I couldn't see it until the last few years and I'm 46. This was so hard for me to swallow. I've always been a mummy's girl and the obedient daughter. It breaks my heart that she wasn't who I thought she was. I recently changed career from office to care work. She said: oh you might be good at that cos you've got empathy. 1/ I said what? do some people *not* have empathy? She said your dad tells me I've not! Pretty much summing up her narcissism in one word! Plus I had to digest that narcs really and truly don't feel for others at all! 🤯😔 And 2/ She never supported me in office work and it always affected my performance 😢 And 3/ Of course she looks like she supports me doing care work with the elderly....now that she is becoming elderly herself....funny that huh......!
You don't even need to be sexually assaulted to experience the limits a narcissistic mother can go to to deny your reality. You just get used to being violated in every single way. And all she will do will be defending the perpetrator (or being the perpetrator)
My mother felt sorry for and flirted with my abusive husband. She loved younger men that were my age or younger, I guess because it made her have the fantasy of being young and unburdened.
Do you know you can link your phone remotely with your partner's phone and gain full access to all his/her social media accounts, photos, videos, and even his/her messages without any notice with the evidence found you will be able to confront him/her with that and he/she couldn't deny it anymore and stopped, Sometimes you are to make the step first, for your relationship to work click and send a Dm✅#ceo_of_hackers10
Spot on! When my mother separated from my dad, she had a male friend who she allowed to remain in the house when she left for work he took his clothes off and jumped into bed with me at 6am I was 10 years old when I told her, her response was ‘so what!’ He continued to groom me and she never did anything to protect me. One thing Danish you left out was the physical abuse - I got from my mother, it was never anything I did but the beatings were from her own frustrations and mood at the time and they were brutal, she would grab me from my hair bring me down to the floor and kick me endlessly and punch me repeatedly in the face and head. She felt entitled to destroy me, on one particular occasion she grabbed a bag that had 3 glass bottles inside and she hit me repeatedly across the face and head with it, within seconds my face was black purple and 3 times the size, it took over a month for the bruises and swelling to go down. I also have a brother who is a narcissist and she allowed him too to bash the crap out of me leaving blood splatter down the corridor walls as I tried to escape him. When he would bash me, I screamed for her help she responded by ignoring me and walking out the back door. On top of that she repeatedly told me I was the child she didn’t want, I was the child that was conceived because she was raped by her husband (total lie to put herself as a victim, my father is not a physically violent man) and repeatedly told me that she wanted to have an abortion but my father refused to sign the papers. And of course triangulate my brother to hate me for no reason other than I exist. My life was hell! I never received any compassion or understanding from anyone and deep down I truly believe that most if not all humans are innately evil, selfish, self serving and narcissistic. When I have confided my past to someone even without too much detail I find that, that person too will start to abuse me so I either continue to choose the wrong people or the world is 99.9% full of narcissistic assholes. So I’ve isolated myself and I have found peace, comfort, security and contentment finally in my life and the only person I console with is God.
I hear you, my abusive covert narc mother physically abused me as well. ( and allowed others to abuse me in many ways, physical and MUCH more), The emotional abuse, though, was worse. And can you imagine how horrible that abuse was if its worse than the physical... No contact! It's a lifesaver.
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 honestly, I cannot say the emotional abuse was worse than the physical, it’s all together so horrific so incredibly traumatic. I was the scapegoat, I got gaslighted and everything was all my fault even existing was my fault, if I ever spoke I was told to shut up my only escape was the love I had for my cat and even when my mother could hear me playing with my cat I was yelled at to shut up. My mere presence repulses her, the rage I can see in her eyes is like looking at the devil. I remember when I was 11 years old walking out of my bedroom she charged down the corridor I could see she was going hell for leather to hit me first of all I didn’t know what I had done and I became completely paralysed in fear and urinated myself she dragged me back into the bedroom and whipped me with her leather belt, so tell me what’s worse? I too am doing no contact, it’s such a relief. Just remember you’re not alone, bless you.
This was my mother exactly! Seduction of my husband, my rape as a child and never allowing a relationship with my father. She was the meanest person I've ever known. She died two years ago. I was so relieved that she was dead. I took a photo of her in her casket. I keep the photo on my phone to remind myself she is dead. Thank you for your video. This helps me to know that I'm not the only one who has suffered a mother like mine. My mother showed me the person I never wanted to become. I can honestly say I've never for one day been like my mother. I thank God for my life. I thank God that HE was with me then and is with me now. My mother didn't inherit the kingdom of God. I'm sure of that! I will never be with her again on earth or in heaven. That life is my past. My present life is good.God is with me! Thank you so much! Your video is a gift to me.❤️
Your life sounds exactly like mine ! When My Evil Mother Dies , I’ll be Dancing 💃 in the Streets! Ding 🛎️ Dong , The Witch 🧙♀️ is Dead ! Finally total Peace ☮️ God Bless and Be with You 🙏💕
She emotionally abused me by using me as a therapist and talking about her problems and conflicts with my father. This even got to the point that she told me I was an unexpected pregnancy and my dad was insisting on abortion because they were not ready to have me! Gaslighting was her main manipulative behaviour, I remember telling her that I wish I had a camera to record what she did/said before and now denying. Believe me, whatever she did is still hurting me deeply…
this was my story.... I am alive.... they did everything to take me out no counseling could help. me... people never believe me... height of narcissistic mother having close relationship with my narcissistic ex...
Hi Danish and everyone . I was adopted so I thought she hated me because I wasn't hers , blood parents can be worse perhaps , I met mine and she is also , she is the same to my blood siblings , a double mother of sickness . My adopted mom did all that you described and more , the most painful thing was she would find a girl as different from me and tell me what a pretty little girl she was , if my Dad dared to praise me no one would have peace . Good video thank you . I hope this will help people also , happy new week ahead sweet people .
If the narc mom isn’t successful at love, they sure gonna want your vitality and sense of desirability to be smashed. People who grow up with loving clearly healthy parents have no idea how awful life is without that.
It’s so brilliant to hear these behaviours just listed out as FACTs. I had this experience but never got to even believe it myself, because she was so protected by her Victim story. Her awful behaviour was given a pass by everyone. Anytime I tried to defend myself I was reprimanded because she’d had a ‘difficult childhood’ but she’d actually had a pretty lucky one! I just can’t believe these women get away with such criminal behaviour. My mother was also a feminist.. all about WOMEN’S rights. But she really meant HER rights. I feel nauseous just thinking about her. What a hypocrite she was.
My mother went to a doctor’s appointment and a staff person addressed her as “sweetie”, and my mother said she told her off and said she is a professional woman. I said I love it when people call me sweetie, or darling, and that the lady who did that has told the whole office about you and has a new therapist.
Humbly, I'm in my 30s and I'm 🎶 hotter, better, smarter, stronger 🎶than my mom will ever be, because I've always had to put in extra efforts my whole life just to maintain my light that she's dedicated herself to dimming. 💯
Thank you for this. It is what it is. There was no basic care, supervision and lots of hunger. Since childhood, my dad gets in trouble if he’s nice to me. She bullies and rages at all of us. It is exhausting. It feels good to be validated. No one on the outside understands. My sister and I live back home with them and its a living hell.
@@jbrown2908 Its scary because we were raised to believe we NEED them. We are old and do not have basic life skills, like the ACA program without alcohol issues (just dysfunction). I don’t think i will feel safe wherever I’d move to. Its a mess but I will work on that.
My mom put me down and shamed me no approval no love just hardness. I’m just now discovering me at 67. I thought I was defective. A man narcissist tried to have a relationship with me so that woke me up. I am healing now ✝️🙏💕
When my sister got married during the ceremony my mother fainted as to steal her attention and scene. The same reaction to the funeral of my grandmother, while we were crying over her body my mother was drying her hair with a anger face which I didn’t get back then. When they were downing the coffin, guess what, my mom fainted as to say how much she was suffering and needed to steal the scene… when I was a teenager I hated my mom but she used to send me to church so the priest would control me and send me back home feeling shame and guilt for her misbehaving….. I believe many of us share such a drama queen mother events.
My mother told me that if I ever had a child, she would not support me emotionally etc and would want nothing to do with my child. I never had children, but if I did, I would never want them to meet my narc parents.
I got pneumonia. I remember lying on the bed whimpering with the fever. My whimpers kept waking me up. Throughout all of it, my mother never ONCE took my temperature. After the fever broke, I went back to school right away because I felt I would get better care there if my airway got blocked. The doctor phoned my mom and he was furious that I went to school. And my mom said "Well, if she WANTS to go, I can't stop her"....Putting the blame on me. A few years later I was in the hospital and not expected to live. My mother wanted me to find somewhere else to live because she 'didn't have time to look after an invalid'.
I know someone whose mother's narcissism came to surface suddenly as she got married. She appeared jealous of her married life and interfered endlessly making her life hell. She competed with her son in law for daughter's attention and abused both.
This is my story as well. Does anyone else also struggle with loneliness because of all the abuse? Or let me rephrase: its AFTER i found out both my mom and dad are narcs and two falied marriages with narcs, and I got into therapy that the loneliness set in. As people around me seemed to be in happy marriages and their kids doing well etc and me being afraid to trust so easily again and because many of my friends also turned out to be not so healthy for me (i just spent yearss in social settings nit knowing i was dealing with abuse and narcissistic people so once I woke up and got educated and therapy, i realised how lonely it actually has been and still is cause I an now warding off toxic people in my life… Man..
My mother died a year and a half ago. I was talking to my uncle and he started crying saying he missed his sister, my reply was I don't. We talked about how she told us kids on mothers day how if she had it to do over she wouldn't have us. I called her a few days later and told her she really hurt my feelings when she said that. Her reply? You know you were all mistakes with that nasty chuckle of hers. Of course that is just one thing out of a lifetime of verbal abuse about how no one would love me because I was fat and on and on and on. My uncle suggested that i read up on narcissism. I found you. Listening my chest was so heavy, and tears flowed, I had my answer why my mom disliked me so much. Thank you for your videos, using them as a tool to heal.
What clicked for me is that I used to get upset if my husband didn’t relay details from conversations with family members, and now I realize it was the indoctrination of my N mother who had to know everything!! Thank you for mentioning this, as it revealed yet another symptom I experienced from N abuse! I no longer behave this way, but now I know WHY!!😀
I experienced all 6 with my abusive covert narc mother. If I had to pick the worst one, I would say it's the devaluing/lack of validation. It's so shaming to have a MOTHER , of all people, who gives you zero support, positive feedback, etc. & instead, puts you down, to your own face, to family, and to strangers alike. I thought a mother was supposed to love her child not despise them... BTW having a codependent husband or boyfriend can facilitate the narc mothers triangulation as much as or more than having a narc husband/bf. I experienced that in the past as well. Wow this video really was spot on. Hardest one ever for me to watch, so very close to home.... No contact, it's a pure lifesaver.
Christmas, 1998. I was 25, a promising young scholar, totally unprepared for motherhood and pregnant with my first baby. I went over to my mother's place and she made a long speech about my ignorance about everything, and what a terrible and incompetent mother I would become. That was the day I realised that my mother hated me from the bottom of whatever she had instead of a soul. When my mother died, I did not mourn her. I was sad because I never had a mother. There's an empty space in my life where a mother is supposed to be. I just hope that this self-centered thought does not indicate a narcissistic tendency in me.
Thank-you for this. Yes she was unavailable to me. She regretted having a child. I was the only child and felt I was a burden. She violated my boundaries and gave no support. Everything you said resonates with me.
I’ve heard, “I am being punished for having children by your father” or “your father’s seed is cursed, you’re just like your father, mentally unstable” I grew up having to see my sexual abuser at family events. My mom still accuses me today of lying about it. Yet, for years she used my fears of SA to weasel her way into my home under the guise of “protecting my children” when it was her they needing protecting from. They will use what you share against you then accuse you being a bad daughter for not communicating.
Wow 😢 crazy how alike they all are my mom would say the same thing about dad bad seed and also the SA stuff it’s sickening I suffered a lot but now I am finally healing with info of what’s really taking place . Thank God!
My heart goes out to anyone who experienced this abuse. May God bless you with the strength and resilience needed to thrive. This is so hard to listen to. I am thankful I never experienced this. 🙏
Wow I can't believe u hit the mother's disconcern for their daughters health. yes! I needed to go to the hospital for kidney stones and she told me I was making up the pain because I had to be a junkie that just wanted pills and wouldn't take me. That was a Thursday. When it was too much for my body again on Sunday she demanded gas money so I could get to the hospital for treatment. I'm just a transaction for her! And now my sister wants to claim all these things I told her were lies and mom isn't a narcissist and "do you even know what a narcissist is?" When I have spent countless hours for over a year doing my own research and she never has even began a research journey of her own. Needless to say I no longer have relationships with either of them. God bless you Danish! You have taught me so much along with Shahida Arabi ❤.
you are so knowledgeable and educated on these issues of narcissistic people and situations, my own mother was an alcoholic as well as a narcissist, and everything you have said in this session resonated in every area of my life, even including the sexual abuse. you have helped me to see and come to some kind of understanding about my own thoughts and feelings about my childhood as well as my parents, I hope I can finally heal, our mother ruined our lives, I was the oldest so I had to assume the responsibilities of my younger sister, and 2 brothers, I had to assume our mother role in our family, till I left home at sixteen, and even after that she tried to continue her constant assault, the only way to avoid it was completely avoiding her company,
Wow Ellen we had the same narc mother...sorry for what you went thru. Everything Danish said here resonated with me. I experienced it all to the nth degree on steroids. Bitter lol. My covert abusive narc mother attempted to ruin my life as well. I finally went no contact in my 40s, that was 14 yrs ago so very late in the game for me. I hope you are healing. I know I am, danish's videos help me immensely.
My malignant mother used to add her medication and sleeping pills to my morning coffee.. My sister caught her... My sister got beat up for speaking up I'm grateful I have such a wonderful baby sister.. She's just 16 but much wiser than I ever could be🙏🏼 She actually called me a Bitch when I told her that her relative abused me She wouldn't give us food every time we kids tried to protect someone Abused our father...verbally and physically And we felt guilty...couldn't speak up... We would just get beat up It stopped when I started working...making money She got more interested in my money and my fiancee That's when I said to myself... Time to let go💜 My health is improving (mental and physical) I want to forgive her and heal
My mother treated me like an ego massager like some men use a big truck or a snarling Rottweiler. She had an image and I was a part of building and maintaining it. She used my accomplishments to maintain her image and to lord over other mothers as the best mother in the neighborhood. As a consequence my life was curated and stage managed to a great degree. Even my friends were chosen for me. My mother was a housewife who worked three hours a day as a playground aide at a local elementary school so she had the time to volunteer at the schools that I attended multiple times a week. She would use that access to charm secretaries and teachers into giving her confidential information about the students in my class. Then, she would choose my friends for me. All that these girls has in common was they were prissy mean girls and they had parents in whose social circle my mother desperately wanted to be accepted. I did not fit in with them and my mother told me to figure out a way to make them like me. I tried to no avail and the result was these mean girls bullied me because I stuck around. I didn’t have anywhere else to go because my mother would not accept any other girls. Meanwhile, nice girls, whose parents did not have impressive jobs and social connections were told they could not be friends with me. If my mother had to say so to the nice girls’ mothers faces, she did so. I will never forget my mother laying into one woman that my mother did not think was a good enough to count her daughter as my friend. I have never seen any other woman behave the way my mother did and I am forty-seven and work at a school. My mother was arrogant, pompous, and harsh to that poor woman.
I'm so sorry you experienced that. I recently learned that my mother turned friends away at the door without even telling me. She was sick of kids coming round and all the noise and chaos! I remember just looking out of windows at kids playing together, wondering why nobody loved me. That played out all my life, in every social scenario. I now live alone at 46, with cats. I lost my family. I hit rock bottom. Thank God 💯 😊 🙏 that He heard my cry and lifted me up. Much better these days 🙏 🤲 I still watch life through windows. But at least I'm learning to understand why now.
You are so right! I never did anything right, and I could never please my Mom. She was a narcissist, but I only realized it recently. She died in 2020. I still have not cried, even though I was her caregiver for the last 2 years of her life. She verbally abused me One time while I was caring for her. Only one. My Dad saw it, and my reaction (I went suddenly to the kitchen to get away from the situation.) He told me not to take it to heart because she was sick. I believe he probably had a word with her, because that was the last time she did so. I an 66 now. I feel like I should cry for her, but I just hurt. No tears. My brother was her favorite. She always made sure to tell me any unfavorable remarks he made about me, and she probably made up some of it. My brother and I didn't speak for years. We made up in 2020. I don't seek his company because I feel that I am not "good enough" and that I am not welcome. Long long story. I never knew about narcissism. I don't know if it would have helped. I spent half my life trying to please her, and the other half being the black sheep of my family. But at age 33, I got married. My mom truly loved my husband, but she was never pleased with me, no matter what I did. And I really did try. 💔
My mother used to sit me down for long conversations about why I was frustrated. I’d tell her that I just wanted a hug every once in a while or an “I love you”, and my mother’s only response was “I’m not a touchy feely person.” Nothing ever came out of the conversation aside from me feeling like I was annoying and clingy. Now I don’t ever tell her when I’m frustrated with her because I truly believe that nothing will come out of it. She also commonly ignores me when I’m in pain. One time I broke my ankle and she told me it would be fine. She brought me to my grandma’s that night, and my grandma was the one to convince her to take me to the hospital, and I always wonder.. if my grandma hadn’t convinced her, would she have just left me to suffer?
Wow. You hit on so many issues. I had pneumonia when I was 8. I was sent home from school and coughing like crazy. No comfort instead I was ignored and weak. I was a burden to her like how date I get sick andale her depressed life worse. My dad worked afternoon to midnight, so he didn't see me. For weeks I wasn't taken to a doctor until finally, my dad insisted. An x-ray revealed I had pneumonia. No care, no warmth, I felt ony own and scared to be around her. She didn't protect me many times.
Another straight to the heart video Danish, I've experienced most of these things all my life . I had been made to feel guilty for being born and having a disability was something my father made sure to shame me for, he made it known that a child of his own wouldn't be born so imperfect as me , as such he also made sure I never carried his Last name . My mother however did take me for medical treatment , as a baby . Later on in life when my parents divorced my mother would make sure I knew that I owed her for being able to walk since I wasn't born perfect , I also owed her for taking care of my needs and for being alive . She let me know that my father hated her and their marriage broke because of how I was born and I had caused the problems in her life (My father was an abusive alcoholic ) She was also physically violent, she would beat me with anything she had close to her, however her weapon of choice was a sjambok, I had marks on my body for a long while . These beatings were from frustration or mood changes, mostly when the man she was secretly with would leave to visit his family in a far off town, once I got a hiding because the 6 year old me dared to tell a neighbor that I was hungry after being home from school for a while. Once while visiting relatives an uncle had almost molested me and I was afraid he would get to my 5 year old sister so I managed somehow to get to the next room that my mom and gran were asleep in , when I told her what had happened, she just said shut up and told me to go back to the room and sleep .As a teen I was made ashamed that I had breasts and was growing up, all of the clothes I wore was 3 sizes too big , my school skirts were midcalf instead of just below the knee. My mother would go through my things in a sneaky way and remove what she didn't like or didn't want me to have , she destroyed a diary of mine because it had certain truths she didn't want known . When those truths were finally revealed, she acted like I was at fault, because I thought these things, they had come true so I was to blame . She had no thought for myself or my sister and would just get physical with this man anywhere she liked . There was never any affection or praise for anything . If she felt what I had done was good, it was only because I was her daughter that I did well . Stonewalling was her weapon of choice and still is , she once didn't speak to me for a week because I cooked something she didn't like, she also made sure my stepfather wouldn't speak me or my younger brother ,whenever anything happend that she didn't like she would make everyone treat me like a leper . I once had an entire church congregation and my entire neighborhood hate me and gossip about me , the reason , my mother had twisted the truth of me saving her from being stabbed and beaten by a romantic partner of hers , I had gotten hurt but she turned the story that I had attacked them and I was provoking the man so things got out of hand .She never had anything nice to say to me , they were always in the negative, like I'd never stand on my own 2 feet , I'd amount to nothing in this life . When I had a male friend visit me really late one night , she said to me, "he doesn't respect you, that's why he didn't make time for you earlier in the day .I always forgave her because she was my mom , but December 2021 had me open my eyes clearly and say enough, no mother is supposed to treat a child the way she has for so long .
3:34 OMG! She didn’t save me from harm… when my dad shouted me out or slapped me, she was standing and watching me in pain. Later she was like this is not important be grateful for having parents or you are so sensitive
omg yes.... alwayssssssss being grateful for everything... she would bring it up for like 10 years ago. I didnt even want to ask anything anymore... because I knew.... I would have to be gratefull for the rest of my life for something really small...
Had I known this as a teenager, it sure would have saved me a lot of years of nonsense. I'm so glad there's this information available to younger generations now.
This is me to a T, I spent many years saying why can't I have a mom and dad like yours to my friends. I have said many times I always felt I wasn't really wanted. The thing that resonates most is being caught up in my parents marriage, I only said to her recently that they are like a pair of kids and I'm the scapegoat in the middle. My mom would fill me with the bullet and when I fired it she would say 'oh don't argue with your father' . The worst was when my brother married a narc who abused me daily and broke up my marriage and my mother didn't support me in any way at all. My saving grace has been self help books 'stop all criticism now' and 'i am safe are my stock phrases! 58 and just walking away but hard when you live across the road......
My mother and I have never gotten along well. I always thought it was me. But as a 65 year old daughter of a narcissistic mother, I can now look back and see how she was never emotionally available to me. The thing that she did to me all the time, and still does even in her old age, is to complain about me to my dad. My dad and I have always shared a close bond, and I think my mom was jealous of it. She pitted my dad against me at every turn. He is wrapped around her little finger, and so when she told him I had upset her or hurt her feeling, he would come after me. The rule in our family as I grew up was DO NOT UPSET YOUR MOTHER. I tried my best not to but I could never be good enough for her. Now, I have been her caregiver for the past six years. She still pulls the same old stunts and has tried over and over to get my dad to come at me. My dad tells me he is tired of it, and while he once forced me to apologize to her regardless of who was wrong or right, he no longer does that to me. We walk on eggs shells around her because she is critical and any little thing sets her off into a huge tantrum, meltdown, whatever it is called. It is a relief to me to discover what my mother is and that I am not crazy, she really was a bad mother to me. But she put on airs to make everyone think she was mother of the year. I love her, but I need to heal. I'm working on it. I think the only thing worse than a narcissistic mother is a narcissistic mother with dementia, which my mom now has. No filters left, she'll say anything. I've made up my mind that I will take care of her for however long I physically can, or until I reach the age of 70, if she is still alive then. After I'm 70 I will be visiting her in a nursing home.
I could only have a relationship with my dad if my mom was off doing other things in her life Life was good when she wasn’t around pure chaos when she returned
My mum likes to hold things against me for years and brings it up just about every year. She’s done it for 30 years to my dad and 20 years to my brother. It’s very hard to love someone who brings up the worst time of your life cause they know it’ll hurt you.
My mother is a narcissist, the most abusive part was when she kept telling her friends and even my friends that I am the worst daughter, acting as if she did nothing.. bad naming me to everyone I know
7:25 "People say you only have one mother, but they forget to say that you only have 1 life (which gets destroyed by staying in contact with such a mother)." Danish Bashir
When I was young she demanded that I never call her "Mom" in public. She wanted to pretend that I was not her child. If I forgot, she would become furious and tell me to stay away from her. As I got older she would flirt with my boyfriends and husband.
100%!!! My mom always put down my goals and dreams, then encourage me and say how talented I am just to put me down again. I've had self doubt for years. I'm more confident in myself now but a bit is still there. When she met her narcissistic husband (perfect match I'd say 😒😤) I didn't feel comfortable with how fast their relationship was growing especially since I was still living with her . I was 18 at the time and we didn't have a place to live, I was doing online school and they (mom and Narc) told me to drop out cuz I was doing poorly at the time. I didn't want to, but they decided for me. He was horrible. He even threatened to get into a knife fight with me for no reason. I guess the way I was standing upset him. My mom did nothing. And I couldn't talk to her about anything anymore because whatever I would say she would repeat back to him even after I asked her to keep it a secret. I know I left out many details but this post is getting long so I won't go into anything else, but I'll quote and switch up some words from a Chris Rock stand up special: "You wanna know something about Narcissistic Mothers? These mothers want credit for some shit they're supposed to do. A narcissistic mother will say shit like, "I take care of my kids". You're SUPPOSED TO you dumb motherfucka!" 😅 Thought I'd end on a laugh. Keep healing and keep shining! ❤
Wait how did you meet my mom? Lol seriously, what was the worst part? This is tough to decide. Telling me she wished I was aborted as a child, her hitting on my husband was probably one of the sickest points, constantly putting me down to those around me, cheating on my father causing him to abandon me, countless boyfriends she exposed me to, the abusive stepfather, devaluing, stonewalling, inproper supervision leading to sexual assualt, blameshifting and trying to come between me and my kids. She is now forever banished. Life has been soo good since. But unfortunately I married narcissists but thats another story. 😭
It's like these women share a handbook on how to be the sh!ttiest parent. My mother was exactly like yours, the things I went through and put up with and was exposed to has left a stain on my soul.
She already blocked opportunity and both narcissist parents worked together to sabotage me and dull my light. They are now living in wealth and prosperity while keeping a controlling eye on me, I am trapped. God help me. Don’t let them win
I always knew my mother has some mental health issues but it's not until very recently I discovered she has narc traits. 1) Always guilt tripping me 2) Never, ever apologizing for anything which leads to 3) Gaslighting 4) Devaluing: snarky comments, critizising, humiliating language 5) Love bombing one second, next second throwing a massive rage fit 6) Emotional blackmail
She did not want to attend my graduation ceremony from college because she said "it is all bs". She expected me to let her live with me and take care of her when she got older. I have not spoken to her in 23 years.
A son of a single narc mother here. Everyone tells me that i have only one mother and im sick of it. Its like they tell me to love the devil. I can tell you most of this video i can compare to my monster mother whom becouse today i have psychical problems. 2. I always felt stupid around her, year by year even more. She always Had to be right in discusion, even if she wasnt, and when she knew that she wasnt she could just blame me for anything almost out of context wchich was impossible to have my own opinion around her (my whole family have same problem with her) Also, when i was 13 years old i've already knew that i went to be a psychologist, i was really into it. When I told her about this, she just dumped me by sying that i would not afford a place to meet clients, that is too hard, you have to have your business and itd hard to run and i wont make it. So as a kid I just believed my only parent. Around 3 years Later wanted to be a guitarist, i've already played for 3 years and i was good at it. After i told her she even yelled at me that its stupid idea, im stupid, and i better find a (In her beliefs) "normal" job, like builder, a job that has a "future". I kept playing guitar at home but less every month. 2 years in, already technical school, told her i want to be paramedic, and of course she told me that i am too irresponsible for this job, that i am thinking of, better go and work as a builder. (...?) Same school around one or two years Later i wanted to be neurologist, and i was already afraid to tell her but i Had no other to tell this about, most ppl were the same, and my friends, I was afraid they will shit on me aswell, so i told her. So she answered that i am irresponsible, and i dont study enough and i am lazy, everything with laughs on me. I have up on my Dreams. Today, anything i am starting to be intrested in i give up around couple of months and I stay being uneducated.. What a miserable life she gave me. 4. No empathy almost at all, no when needed the most. Always cutting my wings at all stages of my life, even when im 24 Now, she can say to me out loud in front of everyone that im stpid, at someones birthday party. That is no respect to her, i didnt do anything bad to her then really. 5. Oh of course. It was always a good weapon against me used in half of discussions, but i always felt like what I am supposed to do, kill myself so u don't have to pay for me? I've once asked that what she would do if I would want to kill myself oneday and she told me thst if I am suicidal, to never ever talk to her. (...?) so i never did. 6. "IT was hard for me to have You and your Sister without your father and You were Such a bad Kids" is everything i Had to hear to understand that she Had really hard time to keep going but for gods sake why she dumped all my Dreams just to told me i am not enough, not Smart, not responsible, and i should go to work as a builder for a minimum wage? What kind of mother is this? I hate her. I dont have father, and i hate my Mother, i dont feel any other feeling that thst for her, for me or anyone. PS. My father died when i was 1years Old in a car accident. I was porn addict since 4th grade primary school and i fight with it to this day. I had hygiene problem as a Child so ppl didnt liked me especially girls, they were always lauginh at me, so this is also trauma for me. I used to meet very ugly girls even after i started to take care of my higiene when i was 16 years Old. (i Look better than on image) I was not Lucky in love because girl in my class wchich i loved and did everything for her like a simp, she was fucking other dudes and sucking their dicks wchich i Discovered Later wchich gave me depression. (told her 3 Times every year i love her and she ignored it so i left her, and she felt an urge to revenge on me (...?)) I was in a relationship with this girl i've met on internet she was obese, but after few years i motivated her for training and she looks fine now. I left her this summer after 4 years. We worked over the border so we Had good money, and in last year we decided to stsy in Poland. I had to work my arse off because she was struggling to find a job in a fking huge over half a milion ppl city for half time we spend there. I worked like 220 hours every Month, and after many hours of work during the day i still went out with her dog and kept training him. She couldn't find a job, and she didnt teach her dog to shit outside (it was a newborn) so Now hes an adult he pee and shit in the house. Then she told me i dont spend much time with her (how could i working 220 hours to spend more) And The Last I Discovered she sucked dicks and fuckers other dude. So i left. Now I am all alone and i dont even love myself because of my Mother. I went back to my Mother after leaving my ex and started work, but i couldn't handle the toxic atmosphere in that work so i left that and i was too depressed to start anything new. Told my mom I will go abroad after christmas. Whoever i tell that my mom is the numer one source of my problems they dont believed me cause they have been told by her thst im irresponsible and Łazy whole life. Even now when I tell them im depressed they laugh at me that im just lazy and i dont have Kids to worry about. What a miserable life i have with them all, i just want to be left alone, go work and study and go to therapy. Sorry for bad English have a nice day.
This is to the detail my mother and me... triggers and tears, my stomach is twisted so badly just hearing this.. oh my goodness how do you get the details so on point. You telling my story, i felt like i had a voice again. Please Danish stick to this! You are going to be popular and people are going to run to you for answers. I want to take your course
I had a bladder infection at 17 for 3 days I was in her bed being sick, shaking and sweating before she took me to the doctors. 😢 I had bad IBS and forgot my medication for it, so she said she would go home and get it. She didn’t and I was in agony all night. I wish I could go bk and be there for my younger self. Walked on eggshells forever. She hates that I have a good life now. I just pitty her atm and wish she could be happy.
Thank you so much. NM started her evil on Me at birth. I was so ugly. She would set Me down and ask Me why I did it. Why did I choose to be so ugly? I can't remember sexual abuse. I remember an old man take took a nap with Me. Starting about three or four she started slapping Me in the face a couple of times a day. She would say come here and bam slap. Back then girls wore dresses to school. The principal asked my NM not to spank Me so hard because the other children and teachers didn't like to see my bruises on my legs
Whenever I would share anything with her, she'll like have to one up me and go like "Oh I went through that as well." I recently had an acl surgery and she goes like "Oh I have felt that too. I cant walk". Over time I just learned to smile and nod and not share anything.
She was cruel. Always making fun of me and belittling me with people, complaining and gossiping about me, controlling me with food and diets (i developed an eating disorder young) , she would go out with my friends, would copy my interests and take the credits, sometimes even my boyfriends (flirting and complaining about me) . I am 51 now and spent my entire life figuring out what was wrong with me. Therapy selfhekpbooks videos broken relationships with narc men, etc etc. Until my daughter (14) became depressed from my ex narc husband and her dad and I met a therapist who said you have cptsd and both your parents were narcs. I couldnt believe it. Eight emdr sessions into the therapy and I slowly feel alive and myself for the first time in my life. Danish your videos helped me to get out of the disbelieve shock I am dealing with a narc mom and my dad was also. Its very hard to allow this realisation. But her cruelty sadisticness disdain from hugs or any physical contact with me growing up, jealousy, mocking my choices in life, discarding ny broken hand as Ah youre being too baby grow up (it was broken for a week until i was finally brought to the doctor I was 10) …. I always thought it was normal. Growing up . I niw grieve the loss of half my life. Let the healing begin ❤
You explains everything very clearly and my mother is like a witch I too need your support and help from healing the wounds that my mother gave to me on my soul and heart .which can't be forgiven not in this life or hereafter
As an adult, she once told me "don't try to be so normal". She was not protective, supportive and she did not wanted me not to tell anyone about my sexual abuse (from my father's brother) and told me never to tell my father.
#1 abuse tactic narc mother did- make me feel stupid/incapable/naive (almost handicapped), in order to isolate & control me, but THEN make me feel like a financial & lifelong burden, and THEN demand gratitude for all this. “You’ll never be able to make it on your own”, “you can’t drive, it’s just too much for you”, “I spend all this money on you, do all these things! Drive you around!” THEN- you make the leap and move out (more like run for your life out), and suddenly she hits you with “I should have had an abortion!!!!” the day she finds your suitcase packed at the top of the stairs. But I thought I was a burden? 🤔 So you didn’t want me (like you literally just said you wish I was dead/never born) but you don’t want me to leave? 🤔🤨 And I’m supposed to be grateful for all of this, still want to continue a relationship, send you Mother’s Day cards (which literally are the most God-aweful awkward thing for me to pick out NONE of them describe my feelings) Oh, and THEN use the Bible and her emotions to try and manipulate me into believing I’m spiritually obligated to be around her/spend time with her, and also tells me how sad/depressed she is that I moved many states away and never visit. How about- it makes me physically ill to even THINK about a visit from her (and my father who is also a narc), it makes me sad to be around them. They’ve told all the adults in my home county I grew up around and all their friends that I’m an alcoholic and super selfish….. And how about, following the Commandment to “honor your father and mother) probably has some qualifiers like in order to be honored they have to BE a real mother/father, not reptiles that abuse their young. Whatever. I have my own friends in new states. That my narc parents don’t know and will never know.
I’m getting this all off my chest because my younger sisters are still in her grasp. I was 4 I put my own clothes on and I did my make up with a new make up set I had for my bday. I remember turning around and smiling because I liked my make up, she said “ you can’t go like that, you look like a clown”. I was 4! Well I cried obviously. I wanted spice girl shoes and I came home from school and she’d bought herself a pair and left them in plain sight. I cried then too.
She wants me to be her psychologist. Gossips about my dad. Broke us up. Blames me for her woes. The list goes on...practically everything Mr Bashir talks about.
Yep. That is totally it. All of it, except that I was not sexually abused ever. Aaaaall the rest is spot on! Everything. From A to Z. We call her KGB 007 where everything she finds out or you say, can and absolutely will be used against you. What hurt the most, was her driving wedges between my father and me by lying ALL the time. She could not stand it when we talked or laughed together. I grieved not having any semblance of a mother and not having a closer relationship with my dad, for many, many years. And anger. I embraced it because it gave me the strenght to walk away and crawl out of the whole shit show, it kept me motivated to make something out of myself, all the while promising myself that I would be a loving mom and cherish my children. I made it on all counts 🙂 what is left now is contempt which takes the form of absurd humor and seeing the ridicule in a whole range of things, including her.
My ball started rolling the day my mom said I was a mistake when I was born I was 47 years old at the time.I would talk to someone about my mom, and this lady would say it sounds like she a Narcissists I said what that, I started looking on the internet my mother my mother, and today is 5 years she died, and I went to see her in the hospital, and she Stonewall me, and I don’t even miss her , she was miserable woman
I remember she was pregnant with my sister and we were getting in a car and she started hitting her very pregnant belly screaming saying she hated it and hopes it dies etc. god knows what else she did because my sister was in IC for a week. She’s done nice things but she’s mentally ill.
I clicked on this video thinking maybe one or two signs might match my mother....instead I watched this feeling like Danish had done a personal video to me. Apart from the sexual abuse point everything else is my mother to the tee. Its both relieving and saddening to watch these videos. Relief to know you weren't going mad for all those years growing up but sad because you know you have a narcissistic parent, you know why you are the way you are now and why you'll never have the relationship you wish you had with your parent that you witness others having. Holidays reinforce this even more with Christmas being a particularly painful one. I hope everyone else out there who has/is going through the pain and misery of a narcissistic parent feels they're not alone after seeing this video and comments. If anyone wants a chat, or to offload feel free to hit me up.
My momster called me fat & accused me of being anorexic in the same brief conversation. Whenever I introduced her to a significant other, she'd tell him about me, *_"She's not that bright."_* In order to get a free painting and, at the same time, malign me, in front of the entire extended family, she accused me of stealing my own art! I kid you not. She coveted this one landscape of an English laneway I'd painted then started lying to people she BOUGHT it and that I then *_STOLE_* it to sell to someone else and therefore, I *_OWE_* her a free painting and am an art thief of my own art.
The way I got raped by my father in my sleep and my mother did not believe me . This is so eye opening. I really appreciate you for clarifying this years and years and years of feeling crazy my mom dropped me off at the police station she was never supportive or there for not even asked me the full story only reacted when I confirmed penetration that happened when I was 19 I’m 23 now and I’m finally getting it . Please pray for me
My mum is covert narcissist and the worst thing she done to me and my sister is ask from us (without really asking) to hide her cheating our father for more than 15 years (he lived in other country) ..the reason to do that was : our father didnt love her,he treated her bad,she was so unhappy with him,he cheated her all life,and so on..when we ask her to leave our father ,she said to us that we do not need to mix in her personal life,cause she's not mixing in our private life..she spend all life in triangulation ,telling me how my sister and my father hurt her,they were unfair to her,she is a victim...I believed until my 34,that my mum is just emotionaly unstable,immature,i thought she was even bit stupid...the truth hit me just by the case (by the trigger who was not even so much important or big) and that was the moment when it looks to me like I had lost my mind ,like going crazy...still know to gaslight myself ,but at least I dont feel guilty anymore feeling cold and selfish.
Characteristics of a narc mother:
1) Jealousy 2) Trying to turn out the daughter's bright light 3) Competition 4) Devaluing 5) Control 6) No sense of dissociation. 7) Trying to make the daughter physically ill. 8) No support during important milestones.
@@anon_ya Birthdays, anniversaries, graduation ceremonies, child birth - these are days when a narc mother rues the very birth of her daughter. While it's sad, it's best for the daughter to move away for her safety and sanity.
She didn't even come to the Hospital for my eight week stay for cancer treatments, or when I graduated from college, and she told no one!! She introduced me as the mistake (to everyone she met) even after my 49th birthday - sadly I was the one who took care of her in her old age, cuz my sister walked away!! Now my sister has become the extention and has turned everyone away from me, by lies about mom's decisions after death. So, I'm finally done with it all!!!
@@2022TJ First of all, strength, and a big sibling hug to you. Please excuse my language, but trash can never honor treasure. I'm happy that you finally walked away from it all, but you could have used the way your mom avoided all of your important milestones as an excuse to walk away much earlier. However, better late than never.
@@2022TJ The mistake? Wow, you sure don't sound like one! If you helped your Mom out in her old age, you were the Blessing and I give you that name!!
@newinhaven Standard modus operandi of a narc mother.
My mother turned everyone against me telling them lies about me about the things I never did intentionally or unintentionally.she spoiled my relationship with almost every one in my life. she always tried to make me bad personality. After watching this I can relate myself and glad that at least someone is my side.
OMG! My mother did that too! And when I broke up with my ex she went out of her way to track him down and tried to dig up dirt on me (what dirt? I honestly have no idea). So it must be she’s projecting her own crap onto me.
I hope for your sake you’ve gone no contact.
Otherwise they completely screw up your life. God bless
She sounds like my mother.
They will even try to turn your children against you and tell you bad things about yourself. Then try to project their hate on you and falsely accuse you of everything they do. It’s insanity. My mother has even stated, “I am the best looking thing in this house” nothing said prior to this prompted this response but it revealed a lot.
Totally relatable
I experienced the same thing... I simply stayed cold with her. And left her... She still does the same thing. I don't personalise anything now.
Yep…being a 72 year old daughter of this mother….you deal with it the rest of your life. Not surprisingly now as I look back, when she died many many years ago I was relieved and have not missed her for a second. I spent so many adult years trying and trying with her, but I did not fully understand narcissistic personality disorder. If I had, perhaps I could have saved myself years of physical,emotional and even spiritual trauma.
I'm 65. My mother died 7 years ago and I don't miss her. Shec was a covert narcissist. Nobody believed me. My siblings still don't even though she abused them as well.
@@karlabritfeld7104 I hear that! My only sibling is an alcoholic narcissist…..so, nothing to be gained but try to stay as mentally healthy for myself and as little contact as possible….sad…. But that is the reality of it….blessings to you
51.
Lost over a decade trauma bonded.
Broke that chain last year.
Now waiting for some money to leave.
Then no contact forever!
If she died rn, I would be at peace.
She's a demon.
They're all demons.
I truly believe this.
Pure evil. Smfh.
I'm sorry that you went through that. But God still have you hear for a reason. Perhaps you can create videos and share your experiences with the world, write a book, or whatever the case may be. God will give you beauty for your ashes. And God will allow pain to be a part of your purpose. Forgive her and forgive yourself and ask the Lord to help you to move forward on a healthy way in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN. I pray your strength in the LORD IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN.
How sad u suffered all ur life,it took me in to my 30s to disguard her and I am glad I did,I'm 10 years on of no contact and it's a relief I will be very relieved when she passes away
This was hard to watch as it really was sad for the child. I cannot imagine having a Mother like that. Sooo sorry for anyone who had this growing up. :(
Yes, and they turn all of the siblings, friends, boyfriends and family members against the daughter also. All the while the mother seeming most nicest person. The hate they have for their child is beyond anything you can ever imagine. They slowly kill their child physically and emotionally. The golden child is given everything though. It is beyond evil.
@@jamartinez5708 yes it is true..
Yes they exists..it is very painful when nobody believes you after talking about it.
My mum is very, very covert narc. I couldn't see it until the last few years and I'm 46. This was so hard for me to swallow. I've always been a mummy's girl and the obedient daughter. It breaks my heart that she wasn't who I thought she was.
I recently changed career from office to care work. She said: oh you might be good at that cos you've got empathy.
1/ I said what? do some people *not* have empathy? She said your dad tells me I've not! Pretty much summing up her narcissism in one word! Plus I had to digest that narcs really and truly don't feel for others at all! 🤯😔
And 2/ She never supported me in office work and it always affected my performance 😢
And 3/ Of course she looks like she supports me doing care work with the elderly....now that she is becoming elderly herself....funny that huh......!
I did.
You don't even need to be sexually assaulted to experience the limits a narcissistic mother can go to to deny your reality. You just get used to being violated in every single way. And all she will do will be defending the perpetrator (or being the perpetrator)
My mother felt sorry for and flirted with my abusive husband. She loved younger men that were my age or younger, I guess because it made her have the fantasy of being young and unburdened.
horrible but true 😵😡
Right anytime I was bullied in school or anyone disrespect me in life she takes their side even if it's an abusive man.
Do you know you can link your phone remotely with your partner's phone and gain full access to all his/her social media accounts, photos, videos, and even his/her messages without any notice with the evidence found you will be able to confront him/her with that and he/she couldn't deny it anymore and stopped, Sometimes you are to make the step first, for your relationship to work click and send a Dm✅#ceo_of_hackers10
My mom never believed me she dropped me off at the police station I was at svu by myself all night she was home . Relaxing I hate her
Spot on! When my mother separated from my dad, she had a male friend who she allowed to remain in the house when she left for work he took his clothes off and jumped into bed with me at 6am I was 10 years old when I told her, her response was ‘so what!’ He continued to groom me and she never did anything to protect me.
One thing Danish you left out was the physical abuse - I got from my mother, it was never anything I did but the beatings were from her own frustrations and mood at the time and they were brutal, she would grab me from my hair bring me down to the floor and kick me endlessly and punch me repeatedly in the face and head. She felt entitled to destroy me, on one particular occasion she grabbed a bag that had 3 glass bottles inside and she hit me repeatedly across the face and head with it, within seconds my face was black purple and 3 times the size, it took over a month for the bruises and swelling to go down.
I also have a brother who is a narcissist and she allowed him too to bash the crap out of me leaving blood splatter down the corridor walls as I tried to escape him. When he would bash me, I screamed for her help she responded by ignoring me and walking out the back door.
On top of that she repeatedly told me I was the child she didn’t want, I was the child that was conceived because she was raped by her husband (total lie to put herself as a victim, my father is not a physically violent man) and repeatedly told me that she wanted to have an abortion but my father refused to sign the papers.
And of course triangulate my brother to hate me for no reason other than I exist.
My life was hell!
I never received any compassion or understanding from anyone and deep down I truly believe that most if not all humans are innately evil, selfish, self serving and narcissistic. When I have confided my past to someone even without too much detail I find that, that person too will start to abuse me so I either continue to choose the wrong people or the world is 99.9% full of narcissistic assholes.
So I’ve isolated myself and I have found peace, comfort, security and contentment finally in my life and the only person I console with is God.
I hear all that and just say I am sorry this happened to you. Glad you got a chance to tell of your pain. Blessings
@@katybebop Thank you, I appreciate your response. Blessings to you too.
@@jbrown2908 Thank you, God bless you. Maybe one day soon.
I hear you, my abusive covert narc mother physically abused me as well. ( and allowed others to abuse me in many ways, physical and MUCH more), The emotional abuse, though, was worse. And can you imagine how horrible that abuse was if its worse than the physical...
No contact! It's a lifesaver.
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 honestly, I cannot say the emotional abuse was worse than the physical, it’s all together so horrific so incredibly traumatic.
I was the scapegoat, I got gaslighted and everything was all my fault even existing was my fault, if I ever spoke I was told to shut up my only escape was the love I had for my cat and even when my mother could hear me playing with my cat I was yelled at to shut up. My mere presence repulses her, the rage I can see in her eyes is like looking at the devil.
I remember when I was 11 years old walking out of my bedroom she charged down the corridor I could see she was going hell for leather to hit me first of all I didn’t know what I had done and I became completely paralysed in fear and urinated myself she dragged me back into the bedroom and whipped me with her leather belt, so tell me what’s worse?
I too am doing no contact, it’s such a relief. Just remember you’re not alone, bless you.
This was my mother exactly! Seduction of my husband, my rape as a child and never allowing a relationship with my father. She was the meanest person I've ever known. She died two years ago. I was so relieved that she was dead. I took a photo of her in her casket. I keep the photo on my phone to remind myself she is dead. Thank you for your video. This helps me to know that I'm not the only one who has suffered a mother like mine. My mother showed me the person I never wanted to become. I can honestly say I've never for one day been like my mother. I thank God for my life. I thank God that HE was with me then and is with me now. My mother didn't inherit the kingdom of God. I'm sure of that! I will never be with her again on earth or in heaven. That life is my past. My present life is good.God is with me! Thank you so much! Your video is a gift to me.❤️
Your life sounds exactly like mine ! When My Evil Mother Dies , I’ll be Dancing 💃 in the Streets! Ding 🛎️ Dong , The Witch 🧙♀️ is Dead ! Finally total Peace ☮️ God Bless and Be with You 🙏💕
She emotionally abused me by using me as a therapist and talking about her problems and conflicts with my father. This even got to the point that she told me I was an unexpected pregnancy and my dad was insisting on abortion because they were not ready to have me! Gaslighting was her main manipulative behaviour, I remember telling her that I wish I had a camera to record what she did/said before and now denying. Believe me, whatever she did is still hurting me deeply…
this was my story.... I am alive.... they did everything to take me out
no counseling could help. me...
people never believe me...
height of narcissistic mother having close relationship with my narcissistic ex...
Me too. (Hug from afar)
It was either her need for constant control, or her inability to let me individuate.
All of this and more…
Hi Danish and everyone . I was adopted so I thought she hated me because I wasn't hers , blood parents can be worse perhaps , I met mine and she is also , she is the same to my blood siblings , a double mother of sickness . My adopted mom did all that you described and more , the most painful thing was she would find a girl as different from me and tell me what a pretty little girl she was , if my Dad dared to praise me no one would have peace . Good video thank you . I hope this will help people also , happy new week ahead sweet people .
If the narc mom isn’t successful at love, they sure gonna want your vitality and sense of desirability to be smashed. People who grow up with loving clearly healthy parents have no idea how awful life is without that.
It’s so brilliant to hear these behaviours just listed out as FACTs.
I had this experience but never got to even believe it myself, because she was so protected by her Victim story. Her awful behaviour was given a pass by everyone. Anytime I tried to defend myself I was reprimanded because she’d had a ‘difficult childhood’ but she’d actually had a pretty lucky one!
I just can’t believe these women get away with such criminal behaviour. My mother was also a feminist.. all about WOMEN’S rights. But she really meant HER rights. I feel nauseous just thinking about her. What a hypocrite she was.
My mother went to a doctor’s appointment and a staff person addressed her as “sweetie”, and my mother said she told her off and said she is a professional woman. I said I love it when people call me sweetie, or darling, and that the lady who did that has told the whole office about you and has a new therapist.
Same!!
Humbly, I'm in my 30s and I'm 🎶 hotter, better, smarter, stronger 🎶than my mom will ever be, because I've always had to put in extra efforts my whole life just to maintain my light that she's dedicated herself to dimming. 💯
Thank you for this. It is what it is. There was no basic care, supervision and lots of hunger. Since childhood, my dad gets in trouble if he’s nice to me. She bullies and rages at all of us. It is exhausting. It feels good to be validated. No one on the outside understands. My sister and I live back home with them and its a living hell.
@@jbrown2908 Its scary because we were raised to believe we NEED them. We are old and do not have basic life skills, like the ACA program without alcohol issues (just dysfunction). I don’t think i will feel safe wherever I’d move to. Its a mess but I will work on that.
My mom put me down and shamed me no approval no love just hardness. I’m just now discovering me at 67. I thought I was defective. A man narcissist tried to have a relationship with me so that woke me up. I am healing now ✝️🙏💕
When my sister got married during the ceremony my mother fainted as to steal her attention and scene. The same reaction to the funeral of my grandmother, while we were crying over her body my mother was drying her hair with a anger face which I didn’t get back then. When they were downing the coffin, guess what, my mom fainted as to say how much she was suffering and needed to steal the scene… when I was a teenager I hated my mom but she used to send me to church so the priest would control me and send me back home feeling shame and guilt for her misbehaving….. I believe many of us share such a drama queen mother events.
My mother told me that if I ever had a child, she would not support me emotionally etc and would want nothing to do with my child. I never had children, but if I did, I would never want them to meet my narc parents.
I got pneumonia. I remember lying on the bed whimpering with the fever. My whimpers kept waking me up. Throughout all of it, my mother never ONCE took my temperature. After the fever broke, I went back to school right away because I felt I would get better care there if my airway got blocked. The doctor phoned my mom and he was furious that I went to school. And my mom said "Well, if she WANTS to go, I can't stop her"....Putting the blame on me. A few years later I was in the hospital and not expected to live. My mother wanted me to find somewhere else to live because she 'didn't have time to look after an invalid'.
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I know what you’re talking about and am sending you a sisterly hug.
I know someone whose mother's narcissism came to surface suddenly as she got married. She appeared jealous of her married life and interfered endlessly making her life hell. She competed with her son in law for daughter's attention and abused both.
Yes Absolutely She puts you in harms way and loves doing it.
This is my story as well. Does anyone else also struggle with loneliness because of all the abuse? Or let me rephrase: its AFTER i found out both my mom and dad are narcs and two falied marriages with narcs, and I got into therapy that the loneliness set in. As people around me seemed to be in happy marriages and their kids doing well etc and me being afraid to trust so easily again and because many of my friends also turned out to be not so healthy for me (i just spent yearss in social settings nit knowing i was dealing with abuse and narcissistic people so once I woke up and got educated and therapy, i realised how lonely it actually has been and still is cause I an now warding off toxic people in my life… Man..
Mine same story
My mother died a year and a half ago. I was talking to my uncle and he started crying saying he missed his sister, my reply was I don't. We talked about how she told us kids on mothers day how if she had it to do over she wouldn't have us. I called her a few days later and told her she really hurt my feelings when she said that. Her reply? You know you were all mistakes with that nasty chuckle of hers. Of course that is just one thing out of a lifetime of verbal abuse about how no one would love me because I was fat and on and on and on. My uncle suggested that i read up on narcissism. I found you. Listening my chest was so heavy, and tears flowed, I had my answer why my mom disliked me so much. Thank you for your videos, using them as a tool to heal.
What clicked for me is that I used to get upset if my husband didn’t relay details from conversations with family members, and now I realize it was the indoctrination of my N mother who had to know everything!! Thank you for mentioning this, as it revealed yet another symptom I experienced from N abuse! I no longer behave this way, but now I know WHY!!😀
We can't help mimicking our parents. It's how we were raised. It's ingrained.
I experienced all 6 with my abusive covert narc mother. If I had to pick the worst one, I would say it's the devaluing/lack of validation. It's so shaming to have a MOTHER , of all people, who gives you zero support, positive feedback, etc. & instead, puts you down, to your own face, to family, and to strangers alike. I thought a mother was supposed to love her child not despise them...
BTW having a codependent husband or boyfriend can facilitate the narc mothers triangulation as much as or more than having a narc husband/bf. I experienced that in the past as well.
Wow this video really was spot on. Hardest one ever for me to watch, so very close to home....
No contact, it's a pure lifesaver.
Christmas, 1998. I was 25, a promising young scholar, totally unprepared for motherhood and pregnant with my first baby. I went over to my mother's place and she made a long speech about my ignorance about everything, and what a terrible and incompetent mother I would become. That was the day I realised that my mother hated me from the bottom of whatever she had instead of a soul.
When my mother died, I did not mourn her. I was sad because I never had a mother. There's an empty space in my life where a mother is supposed to be. I just hope that this self-centered thought does not indicate a narcissistic tendency in me.
Thank-you for this. Yes she was unavailable to me. She regretted having a child. I was the only child and felt I was a burden. She violated my boundaries and gave no support. Everything you said resonates with me.
I’ve heard, “I am being punished for having children by your father” or “your father’s seed is cursed, you’re just like your father, mentally unstable” I grew up having to see my sexual abuser at family events. My mom still accuses me today of lying about it. Yet, for years she used my fears of SA to weasel her way into my home under the guise of “protecting my children” when it was her they needing protecting from.
They will use what you share against you then accuse you being a bad daughter for not communicating.
Wow 😢 crazy how alike they all are my mom would say the same thing about dad bad seed and also the SA stuff it’s sickening I suffered a lot but now I am finally healing with info of what’s really taking place . Thank God!
My heart goes out to anyone who experienced this abuse. May God bless you with the strength and resilience needed to thrive. This is so hard to listen to. I am thankful I never experienced this. 🙏
We are our own Superheroes ❤
Wow I can't believe u hit the mother's disconcern for their daughters health. yes! I needed to go to the hospital for kidney stones and she told me I was making up the pain because I had to be a junkie that just wanted pills and wouldn't take me. That was a Thursday. When it was too much for my body again on Sunday she demanded gas money so I could get to the hospital for treatment. I'm just a transaction for her! And now my sister wants to claim all these things I told her were lies and mom isn't a narcissist and "do you even know what a narcissist is?" When I have spent countless hours for over a year doing my own research and she never has even began a research journey of her own. Needless to say I no longer have relationships with either of them. God bless you Danish! You have taught me so much along with Shahida Arabi ❤.
you are so knowledgeable and educated on these issues of narcissistic people and situations, my own mother was an alcoholic as well as a narcissist, and everything you have said in this session resonated in every area of my life, even including the sexual abuse. you have helped me to see and come to some kind of understanding about my own thoughts and feelings about my childhood as well as my parents, I hope I can finally heal, our mother ruined our lives, I was the oldest so I had to assume the responsibilities of my younger sister, and 2 brothers, I had to assume our mother role in our family, till I left home at sixteen, and even after that she tried to continue her constant assault, the only way to avoid it was completely avoiding her company,
Wow Ellen we had the same narc mother...sorry for what you went thru.
Everything Danish said here resonated with me. I experienced it all to the nth degree on steroids. Bitter lol.
My covert abusive narc mother attempted to ruin my life as well. I finally went no contact in my 40s, that was 14 yrs ago so very late in the game for me.
I hope you are healing. I know I am, danish's videos help me immensely.
My malignant mother used to add her medication and sleeping pills to my morning coffee..
My sister caught her...
My sister got beat up for speaking up
I'm grateful I have such a wonderful baby sister.. She's just 16 but much wiser than I ever could be🙏🏼
She actually called me a Bitch when I told her that her relative abused me
She wouldn't give us food every time we kids tried to protect someone
Abused our father...verbally and physically
And we felt guilty...couldn't speak up...
We would just get beat up
It stopped when I started working...making money
She got more interested in my money and my fiancee
That's when I said to myself...
Time to let go💜
My health is improving
(mental and physical)
I want to forgive her and heal
My mother treated me like an ego massager like some men use a big truck or a snarling Rottweiler. She had an image and I was a part of building and maintaining it. She used my accomplishments to maintain her image and to lord over other mothers as the best mother in the neighborhood. As a consequence my life was curated and stage managed to a great degree. Even my friends were chosen for me.
My mother was a housewife who worked three hours a day as a playground aide at a local elementary school so she had the time to volunteer at the schools that I attended multiple times a week. She would use that access to charm secretaries and teachers into giving her confidential information about the students in my class. Then, she would choose my friends for me. All that these girls has in common was they were prissy mean girls and they had parents in whose social circle my mother desperately wanted to be accepted. I did not fit in with them and my mother told me to figure out a way to make them like me. I tried to no avail and the result was these mean girls bullied me because I stuck around. I didn’t have anywhere else to go because my mother would not accept any other girls.
Meanwhile, nice girls, whose parents did not have impressive jobs and social connections were told they could not be friends with me. If my mother had to say so to the nice girls’ mothers faces, she did so. I will never forget my mother laying into one woman that my mother did not think was a good enough to count her daughter as my friend. I have never seen any other woman behave the way my mother did and I am forty-seven and work at a school. My mother was arrogant, pompous, and harsh to that poor woman.
I'm so sorry you experienced that.
I recently learned that my mother turned friends away at the door without even telling me. She was sick of kids coming round and all the noise and chaos!
I remember just looking out of windows at kids playing together, wondering why nobody loved me.
That played out all my life, in every social scenario. I now live alone at 46, with cats. I lost my family. I hit rock bottom.
Thank God 💯 😊 🙏 that He heard my cry and lifted me up.
Much better these days 🙏 🤲
I still watch life through windows. But at least I'm learning to understand why now.
You are so right! I never did anything right, and I could never please my Mom. She was a narcissist, but I only realized it recently. She died in 2020. I still have not cried, even though I was her caregiver for the last 2 years of her life. She verbally abused me One time while I was caring for her. Only one. My Dad saw it, and my reaction (I went suddenly to the kitchen to get away from the situation.) He told me not to take it to heart because she was sick. I believe he probably had a word with her, because that was the last time she did so. I an 66 now. I feel like I should cry for her, but I just hurt. No tears. My brother was her favorite. She always made sure to tell me any unfavorable remarks he made about me, and she probably made up some of it. My brother and I didn't speak for years. We made up in 2020. I don't seek his company because I feel that I am not "good enough" and that I am not welcome. Long long story. I never knew about narcissism. I don't know if it would have helped. I spent half my life trying to please her, and the other half being the black sheep of my family. But at age 33, I got married. My mom truly loved my husband, but she was never pleased with me, no matter what I did. And I really did try. 💔
My mother used to sit me down for long conversations about why I was frustrated. I’d tell her that I just wanted a hug every once in a while or an “I love you”, and my mother’s only response was “I’m not a touchy feely person.” Nothing ever came out of the conversation aside from me feeling like I was annoying and clingy. Now I don’t ever tell her when I’m frustrated with her because I truly believe that nothing will come out of it. She also commonly ignores me when I’m in pain. One time I broke my ankle and she told me it would be fine. She brought me to my grandma’s that night, and my grandma was the one to convince her to take me to the hospital, and I always wonder.. if my grandma hadn’t convinced her, would she have just left me to suffer?
Wow. You hit on so many issues.
I had pneumonia when I was 8. I was sent home from school and coughing like crazy. No comfort instead I was ignored and weak. I was a burden to her like how date I get sick andale her depressed life worse.
My dad worked afternoon to midnight, so he didn't see me. For weeks I wasn't taken to a doctor until finally, my dad insisted. An x-ray revealed I had pneumonia. No care, no warmth, I felt ony own and scared to be around her. She didn't protect me many times.
Another straight to the heart video Danish, I've experienced most of these things all my life . I had been made to feel guilty for being born and having a disability was something my father made sure to shame me for, he made it known that a child of his own wouldn't be born so imperfect as me , as such he also made sure I never carried his Last name . My mother however did take me for medical treatment , as a baby . Later on in life when my parents divorced my mother would make sure I knew that I owed her for being able to walk since I wasn't born perfect , I also owed her for taking care of my needs and for being alive . She let me know that my father hated her and their marriage broke because of how I was born and I had caused the problems in her life (My father was an abusive alcoholic ) She was also physically violent, she would beat me with anything she had close to her, however her weapon of choice was a sjambok, I had marks on my body for a long while . These beatings were from frustration or mood changes, mostly when the man she was secretly with would leave to visit his family in a far off town, once I got a hiding because the 6 year old me dared to tell a neighbor that I was hungry after being home from school for a while. Once while visiting relatives an uncle had almost molested me and I was afraid he would get to my 5 year old sister so I managed somehow to get to the next room that my mom and gran were asleep in , when I told her what had happened, she just said shut up and told me to go back to the room and sleep .As a teen I was made ashamed that I had breasts and was growing up, all of the clothes I wore was 3 sizes too big , my school skirts were midcalf instead of just below the knee. My mother would go through my things in a sneaky way and remove what she didn't like or didn't want me to have , she destroyed a diary of mine because it had certain truths she didn't want known . When those truths were finally revealed, she acted like I was at fault, because I thought these things, they had come true so I was to blame . She had no thought for myself or my sister and would just get physical with this man anywhere she liked . There was never any affection or praise for anything . If she felt what I had done was good, it was only because I was her daughter that I did well . Stonewalling was her weapon of choice and still is , she once didn't speak to me for a week because I cooked something she didn't like, she also made sure my stepfather wouldn't speak me or my younger brother ,whenever anything happend that she didn't like she would make everyone treat me like a leper . I once had an entire church congregation and my entire neighborhood hate me and gossip about me , the reason , my mother had twisted the truth of me saving her from being stabbed and beaten by a romantic partner of hers , I had gotten hurt but she turned the story that I had attacked them and I was provoking the man so things got out of hand .She never had anything nice to say to me , they were always in the negative, like I'd never stand on my own 2 feet , I'd amount to nothing in this life . When I had a male friend visit me really late one night , she said to me, "he doesn't respect you, that's why he didn't make time for you earlier in the day .I always forgave her because she was my mom , but December 2021 had me open my eyes clearly and say enough, no mother is supposed to treat a child the way she has for so long .
3:34 OMG! She didn’t save me from harm… when my dad shouted me out or slapped me, she was standing and watching me in pain. Later she was like this is not important be grateful for having parents or you are so sensitive
omg yes.... alwayssssssss being grateful for everything... she would bring it up for like 10 years ago. I didnt even want to ask anything anymore... because I knew.... I would have to be gratefull for the rest of my life for something really small...
Had I known this as a teenager, it sure would have saved me a lot of years of nonsense. I'm so glad there's this information available to younger generations now.
This is me to a T, I spent many years saying why can't I have a mom and dad like yours to my friends. I have said many times I always felt I wasn't really wanted. The thing that resonates most is being caught up in my parents marriage, I only said to her recently that they are like a pair of kids and I'm the scapegoat in the middle. My mom would fill me with the bullet and when I fired it she would say 'oh don't argue with your father' . The worst was when my brother married a narc who abused me daily and broke up my marriage and my mother didn't support me in any way at all. My saving grace has been self help books 'stop all criticism now' and 'i am safe are my stock phrases! 58 and just walking away but hard when you live across the road......
My mother and I have never gotten along well. I always thought it was me. But as a 65 year old daughter of a narcissistic mother, I can now look back and see how she was never emotionally available to me. The thing that she did to me all the time, and still does even in her old age, is to complain about me to my dad. My dad and I have always shared a close bond, and I think my mom was jealous of it. She pitted my dad against me at every turn. He is wrapped around her little finger, and so when she told him I had upset her or hurt her feeling, he would come after me. The rule in our family as I grew up was DO NOT UPSET YOUR MOTHER. I tried my best not to but I could never be good enough for her. Now, I have been her caregiver for the past six years. She still pulls the same old stunts and has tried over and over to get my dad to come at me. My dad tells me he is tired of it, and while he once forced me to apologize to her regardless of who was wrong or right, he no longer does that to me. We walk on eggs shells around her because she is critical and any little thing sets her off into a huge tantrum, meltdown, whatever it is called. It is a relief to me to discover what my mother is and that I am not crazy, she really was a bad mother to me. But she put on airs to make everyone think she was mother of the year. I love her, but I need to heal. I'm working on it. I think the only thing worse than a narcissistic mother is a narcissistic mother with dementia, which my mom now has. No filters left, she'll say anything. I've made up my mind that I will take care of her for however long I physically can, or until I reach the age of 70, if she is still alive then. After I'm 70 I will be visiting her in a nursing home.
I could only have a relationship with my dad if my mom was off doing other things in her life
Life was good when she wasn’t around pure chaos when she returned
My mum likes to hold things against me for years and brings it up just about every year. She’s done it for 30 years to my dad and 20 years to my brother. It’s very hard to love someone who brings up the worst time of your life cause they know it’ll hurt you.
WOW I already know my mother was a narcissist by your opening statements.Every thing you have said I have experienced.
My mother is a narcissist, the most abusive part was when she kept telling her friends and even my friends that I am the worst daughter, acting as if she did nothing.. bad naming me to everyone I know
The blatant hypocrisy was nauseating and enraging! 😤
This hurts to see specially#3 spot on .....she supported the person and called me terrible names.
7:25 "People say you only have one mother, but they forget to say that you only have 1 life (which gets destroyed by staying in contact with such a mother)." Danish Bashir
So true 💔
When I was young she demanded that I never call her "Mom" in public. She wanted to pretend that I was not her child. If I forgot, she would become furious and tell me to stay away from her. As I got older she would flirt with my boyfriends and husband.
Word for word, every last word. She did all of this to me.
100%!!! My mom always put down my goals and dreams, then encourage me and say how talented I am just to put me down again. I've had self doubt for years. I'm more confident in myself now but a bit is still there. When she met her narcissistic husband (perfect match I'd say 😒😤) I didn't feel comfortable with how fast their relationship was growing especially since I was still living with her . I was 18 at the time and we didn't have a place to live, I was doing online school and they (mom and Narc) told me to drop out cuz I was doing poorly at the time. I didn't want to, but they decided for me. He was horrible. He even threatened to get into a knife fight with me for no reason. I guess the way I was standing upset him. My mom did nothing. And I couldn't talk to her about anything anymore because whatever I would say she would repeat back to him even after I asked her to keep it a secret. I know I left out many details but this post is getting long so I won't go into anything else, but I'll quote and switch up some words from a Chris Rock stand up special:
"You wanna know something about Narcissistic Mothers? These mothers want credit for some shit they're supposed to do. A narcissistic mother will say shit like, "I take care of my kids". You're SUPPOSED TO you dumb motherfucka!"
😅 Thought I'd end on a laugh.
Keep healing and keep shining! ❤
Wait how did you meet my mom? Lol seriously, what was the worst part? This is tough to decide. Telling me she wished I was aborted as a child, her hitting on my husband was probably one of the sickest points, constantly putting me down to those around me, cheating on my father causing him to abandon me, countless boyfriends she exposed me to, the abusive stepfather, devaluing, stonewalling, inproper supervision leading to sexual assualt, blameshifting and trying to come between me and my kids. She is now forever banished. Life has been soo good since. But unfortunately I married narcissists but thats another story. 😭
It's like these women share a handbook on how to be the sh!ttiest parent. My mother was exactly like yours, the things I went through and put up with and was exposed to has left a stain on my soul.
How can we escape? I don’t want this evil lady ruining my life! It is not fair!
She already blocked opportunity and both narcissist parents worked together to sabotage me and dull my light. They are now living in wealth and prosperity while keeping a controlling eye on me, I am trapped. God help me. Don’t let them win
I always knew my mother has some mental health issues but it's not until very recently I discovered she has narc traits.
1) Always guilt tripping me
2) Never, ever apologizing for anything which leads to
3) Gaslighting
4) Devaluing: snarky comments, critizising, humiliating language
5) Love bombing one second, next second throwing a massive rage fit
6) Emotional blackmail
Thank you! Your videos are appreciated and SO helpful to give us hope. Peace to you!
She did not want to attend my graduation ceremony from college because she said "it is all bs". She expected me to let her live with me and take care of her when she got older. I have not spoken to her in 23 years.
Funny how they expect you to give them in old age what they never gave you as a child. Entitled demons.
A son of a single narc mother here. Everyone tells me that i have only one mother and im sick of it. Its like they tell me to love the devil. I can tell you most of this video i can compare to my monster mother whom becouse today i have psychical problems.
2. I always felt stupid around her, year by year even more. She always Had to be right in discusion, even if she wasnt, and when she knew that she wasnt she could just blame me for anything almost out of context wchich was impossible to have my own opinion around her (my whole family have same problem with her)
Also, when i was 13 years old i've already knew that i went to be a psychologist, i was really into it. When I told her about this, she just dumped me by sying that i would not afford a place to meet clients, that is too hard, you have to have your business and itd hard to run and i wont make it. So as a kid I just believed my only parent.
Around 3 years Later wanted to be a guitarist, i've already played for 3 years and i was good at it. After i told her she even yelled at me that its stupid idea, im stupid, and i better find a (In her beliefs) "normal" job, like builder, a job that has a "future". I kept playing guitar at home but less every month.
2 years in, already technical school, told her i want to be paramedic, and of course she told me that i am too irresponsible for this job, that i am thinking of, better go and work as a builder. (...?)
Same school around one or two years Later i wanted to be neurologist, and i was already afraid to tell her but i Had no other to tell this about, most ppl were the same, and my friends, I was afraid they will shit on me aswell, so i told her. So she answered that i am irresponsible, and i dont study enough and i am lazy, everything with laughs on me. I have up on my Dreams. Today, anything i am starting to be intrested in i give up around couple of months and I stay being uneducated.. What a miserable life she gave me.
4. No empathy almost at all, no when needed the most. Always cutting my wings at all stages of my life, even when im 24 Now, she can say to me out loud in front of everyone that im stpid, at someones birthday party. That is no respect to her, i didnt do anything bad to her then really.
5. Oh of course. It was always a good weapon against me used in half of discussions, but i always felt like what I am supposed to do, kill myself so u don't have to pay for me? I've once asked that what she would do if I would want to kill myself oneday and she told me thst if I am suicidal, to never ever talk to her. (...?) so i never did.
6. "IT was hard for me to have You and your Sister without your father and You were Such a bad Kids" is everything i Had to hear to understand that she Had really hard time to keep going but for gods sake why she dumped all my Dreams just to told me i am not enough, not Smart, not responsible, and i should go to work as a builder for a minimum wage? What kind of mother is this? I hate her. I dont have father, and i hate my Mother, i dont feel any other feeling that thst for her, for me or anyone.
PS.
My father died when i was 1years Old in a car accident.
I was porn addict since 4th grade primary school and i fight with it to this day.
I had hygiene problem as a Child so ppl didnt liked me especially girls, they were always lauginh at me, so this is also trauma for me.
I used to meet very ugly girls even after i started to take care of my higiene when i was 16 years Old. (i Look better than on image)
I was not Lucky in love because girl in my class wchich i loved and did everything for her like a simp, she was fucking other dudes and sucking their dicks wchich i Discovered Later wchich gave me depression. (told her 3 Times every year i love her and she ignored it so i left her, and she felt an urge to revenge on me (...?))
I was in a relationship with this girl i've met on internet she was obese, but after few years i motivated her for training and she looks fine now. I left her this summer after 4 years. We worked over the border so we Had good money, and in last year we decided to stsy in Poland. I had to work my arse off because she was struggling to find a job in a fking huge over half a milion ppl city for half time we spend there.
I worked like 220 hours every Month, and after many hours of work during the day i still went out with her dog and kept training him.
She couldn't find a job, and she didnt teach her dog to shit outside (it was a newborn) so Now hes an adult he pee and shit in the house.
Then she told me i dont spend much time with her (how could i working 220 hours to spend more)
And The Last I Discovered she sucked dicks and fuckers other dude. So i left.
Now I am all alone and i dont even love myself because of my Mother.
I went back to my Mother after leaving my ex and started work, but i couldn't handle the toxic atmosphere in that work so i left that and i was too depressed to start anything new. Told my mom I will go abroad after christmas.
Whoever i tell that my mom is the numer one source of my problems they dont believed me cause they have been told by her thst im irresponsible and Łazy whole life. Even now when I tell them im depressed they laugh at me that im just lazy and i dont have Kids to worry about.
What a miserable life i have with them all, i just want to be left alone, go work and study and go to therapy.
Sorry for bad English have a nice day.
Truth , truth, truth.... Everyone of these points are dead on!!!
This is to the detail my mother and me... triggers and tears, my stomach is twisted so badly just hearing this.. oh my goodness how do you get the details so on point. You telling my story, i felt like i had a voice again. Please Danish stick to this! You are going to be popular and people are going to run to you for answers. I want to take your course
WOW powerful insights ❤
Please do an episode where you talk about how a person can be so different from the rest of their family.
I had a bladder infection at 17 for 3 days I was in her bed being sick, shaking and sweating before she took me to the doctors. 😢
I had bad IBS and forgot my medication for it, so she said she would go home and get it. She didn’t and I was in agony all night.
I wish I could go bk and be there for my younger self.
Walked on eggshells forever. She hates that I have a good life now.
I just pitty her atm and wish she could be happy.
Thanks so much for making these videos! It helps save my sense of sanity and self after a lifetime of narc abuse and think to many others, too ❤
Thank you so much.
NM started her evil
on Me at birth.
I was so ugly.
She would set Me down and ask Me why I did it. Why did I choose to be so ugly?
I can't remember sexual abuse.
I remember an old man take took a nap with Me.
Starting about three or four she started slapping Me in the face a couple of times a day. She would say come here and bam slap.
Back then girls wore dresses to school. The principal asked my NM not to spank Me so hard because the other children and teachers didn't like to see my bruises on my legs
Whenever I would share anything with her, she'll like have to one up me and go like "Oh I went through that as well." I recently had an acl surgery and she goes like "Oh I have felt that too. I cant walk". Over time I just learned to smile and nod and not share anything.
Thanks 🙏
She was cruel. Always making fun of me and belittling me with people, complaining and gossiping about me, controlling me with food and diets (i developed an eating disorder young) , she would go out with my friends, would copy my interests and take the credits, sometimes even my boyfriends (flirting and complaining about me) . I am 51 now and spent my entire life figuring out what was wrong with me. Therapy selfhekpbooks videos broken relationships with narc men, etc etc. Until my daughter (14) became depressed from my ex narc husband and her dad and I met a therapist who said you have cptsd and both your parents were narcs. I couldnt believe it.
Eight emdr sessions into the therapy and I slowly feel alive and myself for the first time in my life. Danish your videos helped me to get out of the disbelieve shock I am dealing with a narc mom and my dad was also. Its very hard to allow this realisation. But her cruelty sadisticness disdain from hugs or any physical contact with me growing up, jealousy, mocking my choices in life, discarding ny broken hand as Ah youre being too baby grow up (it was broken for a week until i was finally brought to the doctor I was 10) …. I always thought it was normal. Growing up . I niw grieve the loss of half my life. Let the healing begin ❤
You explains everything very clearly and my mother is like a witch I too need your support and help from healing the wounds that my mother gave to me on my soul and heart .which can't be forgiven not in this life or hereafter
That's my wife and mother , every single point is valid , superb
As an adult, she once told me "don't try to be so normal". She was not protective, supportive and she did not wanted me not to tell anyone about my sexual abuse (from my father's brother) and told me never to tell my father.
My mom’s famous line after I’d say sorry “ well u should be “
My mother read my diary when I was 16. It still hurts. She want to take over The whole family, and she is 84.
😣 its so hard to watch the video
😮 omg my mouth just popped open when you were talking about the sexual abuse and how the Mom would blame it on the kid., that happened to me 😢😮😢😢
#1 abuse tactic narc mother did- make me feel stupid/incapable/naive (almost handicapped), in order to isolate & control me, but THEN make me feel like a financial & lifelong burden, and THEN demand gratitude for all this. “You’ll never be able to make it on your own”, “you can’t drive, it’s just too much for you”, “I spend all this money on you, do all these things! Drive you around!”
THEN- you make the leap and move out (more like run for your life out), and suddenly she hits you with “I should have had an abortion!!!!” the day she finds your suitcase packed at the top of the stairs.
But I thought I was a burden? 🤔
So you didn’t want me (like you literally just said you wish I was dead/never born) but you don’t want me to leave? 🤔🤨
And I’m supposed to be grateful for all of this, still want to continue a relationship, send you Mother’s Day cards (which literally are the most God-aweful awkward thing for me to pick out NONE of them describe my feelings)
Oh, and THEN use the Bible and her emotions to try and manipulate me into believing I’m spiritually obligated to be around her/spend time with her, and also tells me how sad/depressed she is that I moved many states away and never visit.
How about- it makes me physically ill to even THINK about a visit from her (and my father who is also a narc), it makes me sad to be around them. They’ve told all the adults in my home county I grew up around and all their friends that I’m an alcoholic and super selfish…..
And how about, following the Commandment to “honor your father and mother) probably has some qualifiers like in order to be honored they have to BE a real mother/father, not reptiles that abuse their young.
Whatever. I have my own friends in new states. That my narc parents don’t know and will never know.
Bachha what if it's mother of a narcissistic daughter ? Wd b highly grateful if u put sm light on this as well
I’m getting this all off my chest because my younger sisters are still in her grasp.
I was 4 I put my own clothes on and I did my make up with a new make up set I had for my bday.
I remember turning around and smiling because I liked my make up, she said “ you can’t go like that, you look like a clown”.
I was 4! Well I cried obviously.
I wanted spice girl shoes and I came home from school and she’d bought herself a pair and left them in plain sight. I cried then too.
4 years old and wearing makeup???? Major dysfunction there.
Yes to everything thanks for validating ❤🙏🏽💯🥰
Years of stress, confusion and madness.. critical consciousness and validation...I appreciate your videos. Thank you Bashir
Thank you for this video. She is unavailable emotionally and continues to do so. I have come to terms that as she ages, she is getting worse.
yesss i a agree with you....
She wants me to be her psychologist. Gossips about my dad. Broke us up. Blames me for her woes. The list goes on...practically everything Mr Bashir talks about.
Silent treatment and coldness
Yep. That is totally it. All of it, except that I was not sexually abused ever. Aaaaall the rest is spot on! Everything. From A to Z. We call her KGB 007 where everything she finds out or you say, can and absolutely will be used against you.
What hurt the most, was her driving wedges between my father and me by lying ALL the time. She could not stand it when we talked or laughed together.
I grieved not having any semblance of a mother and not having a closer relationship with my dad, for many, many years. And anger. I embraced it because it gave me the strenght to walk away and crawl out of the whole shit show, it kept me motivated to make something out of myself, all the while promising myself that I would be a loving mom and cherish my children. I made it on all counts 🙂 what is left now is contempt which takes the form of absurd humor and seeing the ridicule in a whole range of things, including her.
So that’s my mother!
This one was for me - I experienced all 6 of this with my mother - thank you 🙏 Danish - you validate my going no contact.
My ball started rolling the day my mom said I was a mistake when I was born I was 47 years old at the time.I would talk to someone about my mom, and this lady would say it sounds like she a Narcissists I said what that, I started looking on the internet my mother my mother, and today is 5 years she died, and I went to see her in the hospital, and she Stonewall me, and I don’t even miss her , she was miserable woman
I remember she was pregnant with my sister and we were getting in a car and she started hitting her very pregnant belly screaming saying she hated it and hopes it dies etc.
god knows what else she did because my sister was in IC for a week.
She’s done nice things but she’s mentally ill.
I suffer everyday because of her but I never let her win. I have a great life. 😊
I clicked on this video thinking maybe one or two signs might match my mother....instead I watched this feeling like Danish had done a personal video to me. Apart from the sexual abuse point everything else is my mother to the tee. Its both relieving and saddening to watch these videos. Relief to know you weren't going mad for all those years growing up but sad because you know you have a narcissistic parent, you know why you are the way you are now and why you'll never have the relationship you wish you had with your parent that you witness others having. Holidays reinforce this even more with Christmas being a particularly painful one. I hope everyone else out there who has/is going through the pain and misery of a narcissistic parent feels they're not alone after seeing this video and comments. If anyone wants a chat, or to offload feel free to hit me up.
The narc mother also hates giving gifts to the daughter. She wants your life.
My momster called me fat & accused me of being anorexic in the same brief conversation.
Whenever I introduced her to a significant other, she'd tell him about me,
*_"She's not that bright."_*
In order to get a free painting and, at the same time, malign me, in front of the entire extended family, she accused me of stealing my own art! I kid you not. She coveted this one landscape of an English laneway I'd painted then started lying to people she BOUGHT it and that I then *_STOLE_* it to sell to someone else and therefore, I *_OWE_* her a free painting and am an art thief of my own art.
The way I got raped by my father in my sleep and my mother did not believe me . This is so eye opening. I really appreciate you for clarifying this years and years and years of feeling crazy my mom dropped me off at the police station she was never supportive or there for not even asked me the full story only reacted when I confirmed penetration that happened when I was 19 I’m 23 now and I’m finally getting it . Please pray for me
I had narcissistic mother and husband, tortured by both..
This is taken from my life itself. Thank you so much❤
Spot on!
Thank you ♥️
Yes. This is very accurate.
Danish much appreciation and gratitude to u..ur content is beneficial and very helpful
Please keep up the excellent job ur doing
My mum is covert narcissist and the worst thing she done to me and my sister is ask from us (without really asking) to hide her cheating our father for more than 15 years (he lived in other country) ..the reason to do that was : our father didnt love her,he treated her bad,she was so unhappy with him,he cheated her all life,and so on..when we ask her to leave our father ,she said to us that we do not need to mix in her personal life,cause she's not mixing in our private life..she spend all life in triangulation ,telling me how my sister and my father hurt her,they were unfair to her,she is a victim...I believed until my 34,that my mum is just emotionaly unstable,immature,i thought she was even bit stupid...the truth hit me just by the case (by the trigger who was not even so much important or big) and that was the moment when it looks to me like I had lost my mind ,like going crazy...still know to gaslight myself ,but at least I dont feel guilty anymore feeling cold and selfish.