Adult Children from Narcissistic Families: The Lost Child
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
- The Lost Child, or Invisible Child is a child who grew up in a narcissistic family, and is either forgotten or ignored by the rest of the family.
Unlike the golden child, or the scapegoat, and sometimes considered as shy, this child hides in plain sight putting a lot of effort into being unnoticed. They comply and obey without question and become quite self sacrificing towards others, not so much to gain the narcissistic parent's approval, but escape their wrath, rage, and unkind humour.
Following years of neglect from narcissistic parents they often struggle with boundaries and assertiveness in adulthood.
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I was the Lost Child and would become the Scapegoat if I ventured downstairs from the safety of my isolated bedroom. Other than food, shelter, and hand-me-down clothes I raised myself alone. I am no contact with what is left of my biological family and find life much more peaceful. My narc mother would still love to pit the 2 Golden Children against the other Lost/Scapegoat children if we had anything to do with them. I was an afterthought for them and most attention from them was hostile, mocking, or belittling anyway.
I feel you. So sorry. They are sick. Sending you much L❤️VE and strength and peace.
i had very similar experience, especially staying in your room for safety, which they hated, hang in there all the best
I was the lost child, and I was constantly teased by my narcissistic stepdad and my golden child brother. I got myself into trouble whenever I stood up and defended my scapegoat younger sister. I don't associate with my stepdad or my brother, and my relationship with my mother is distant.
Early on in my relationship with my partner, I felt like a burden whenever I "took up his time." And felt like I had to give something in return. And it took multiple times of him telling me "I'm choosing to spend my time with you because I want to" for me to lose that mentality. He's been loving and supportive throughout all my healing, and we like watching your videos together ❤
I am still lost into adulthood. I always felt not valued. Invisible ignored. Even now. I find it hard making friends and creating healthy normal relationships. I was bullied at school. I always felt isolated even in my own family. I always have a feeling of not being good enough. Such high standards, pressure , chronic stress, chronic anxiety, negativity, walking on eggshells. Low self esteem is the worse, and social anxiety and the rest.
Poor baby!.... Me too.... Keep on going, keep on growing! ❤
I feel relate too. Its hard for me to heal my attachment issue.
This guy is spot on and so is your comment.
@@sophiec544 you are WORTHY! See how beautiful you truly are!... Don't carry burdens that are not yours to carry ANYMORE... Your actually a golden child if GOD and very, very Special.
This is me, 30 year old man that is a ghost to the world.
I ended up developing BPD because of it, I also think I have ASPD as well.
This is such an accurate portrait, right down to the business-like approach to conflicts and hiding talents and achievements. Hello to everyone in the comments! From one Lost Child who’s slowly allowing myself to be seen and known by healthy people, I send you hugs and say there is hope and healing out there.
Hiding and isolating helped me feel safe as a child but make me feel stuck and sad at 55 years old. Learning to trust people, believing people want to spend time with me is very difficult; especially if you have had a lifetime of being ignored, taken advantage of and ridiculed. Therapy certainly helps somewhat , but its up to the “ lost child” adult to take risks and learn to be social. The alternative is to become a lonely, sad person who only talks to her cat and dog.
I’m 47 and can I ever relate. I hope for you as for myself that we can learn to step out and take risks and to become social again. All the best. Stop by Christian audiobooks and sermons channel. I know finding God has brought me a lot of peace. Jesus is that friend that will always love you and never forsake you.
I’m the scapegoat but I relate to a lot of the descriptions of the lost child - common themes
Yes it's true we have difficulty promoting ourselves. We think all criticism is waiting, so we barely try
Lost because you were scapegoated. The two-fer! ;)
Exactly,. Well. Said!
We become snarter from ALL the alone time we get and start to appreciate the quietness ( Peace) life offers and start rebuilding a new life, carefully! Much Love and Light, Peace and Unity Brothers and Sisters...you got this!!! After trying to be with a family that continually wanted and left me for dead, one too many times!!! I found life loving each moment of IT... happy finally!
Step by step, day by day, It does get easier! Do it for you!
You’re a success story. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you. This guy is spot on
@@JF32304 thank you..but Iam a woman..you may be surprised at what I truly do know. Hang in there...your life is about to change in ways you can't possibly fathom right now...all for the better , Sweetness...in the home stretch now...top of the 9th..inning...grab a diaper and some popcorn for this one!... You got this! Much Love.
Remember.. Love and TRUTH Conquer ALL
Exactly describes me.
This is who I’ve become abs now unlearning at 63. It’s been one helluva ride these past few years as I’m unpacking the life I have and creating a life meant for me.
Thank you so much 🦋⚖️🦉🎭
This makes things fall into place. My brother who got dealt the 'golden boy card' is still stuck in that toxic swamp.
In childhood and young adulthood, any accomplishment or achievement was claimed, by my parents, as their own as though I had nothing to do with it.
I’ve never had this subject addressed before in this way. I also never thought of myself as the Lost Child. After listening to this I can say that I, in my childhood, was exactly the child described. It evolved into precisely what is being described here. I feel like I’ve been found.
Thank you so much Darren F. Magee
Hey, Darren, I have been watching your content for quite some time now and you have just described me perfectly. I have a lot more understanding of myself now as well as the dynamics that have been at play. Thank you.
This applies to me greatly. My dad is viewed as this great family chief who is completely infallible and he according to his sister "has my best interests at heart" I tend to laugh hilariously at this point!!! It has been suggested that I go on retreat later this year with others who are similarly emotionally challenged.
Looking for all the invisible children who disappeared into addiction … it can’t just be me? Alcohol was the perfect emotional escape from my feelings and my family (until it wasn’t any more). Bright side: getting sober 20 years ago has differentiated me from my alcoholic parents more than anything else could ever do. They’re aware of me now, alright! As a mature sober woman, I make them very uncomfortable. My relationship with my parents has always been tense and conditional.
I’m dating a woman who was a lost child in her dysfunctional family. Although I’m not sure if she has become a covert narcissist by now. She doesn’t take almost any accountability of her own actions and constantly victimising herself when arguing.
This defines my personality.
My twin sister was the scapegoat. My older sister was the golden child. I was the lost child.
But in families with only 2 there is often not a lost, scapegoat and a golden child. My brother is the golden child and I’m the scapegoat and also invisible and lost child kind of played both roles which I think is common. Thanks for your content Darren very helpful !
Thank you for your very supportive and validating message Darren. God bless you❤
damnitt ... i missed the live again .... by this [___] much.
Found you via Richard Grannon. Thank you for your work 🙏
This is me. A lifetime of recovery
That's what I hate about it.
Go for what you love. Dont give up ❤❤❤
I'm the youngest of three and was the lost child but became the scapegoat at times, when both my sisters, especially the middle golden child, had left home. My elder sister who certainly sees herself as the scapegoat developed narcissistic personality disorder, and the golden child sister has narcissistic traits too. Neither see it in themselves of course, and my elder sister accuses me and my other sister of it. Not sure how I escaped being a narcissist!? As a lost child adult, I think other people sense that weakness in you and try to take advantage. There are a lot of vultures out there!
Do you have any videos about sibling adult relationships when they were raised in a narcissistic or dysfunctional family? I’m particularly interested in what adult “golden child” and “lost child” sibling relationships look like as adults.
Is it possible to be the lost black sheep? So much of this describes me to a tee, but I was no doubt the black sheep.
Happy New Year Darren and everyone! Very interesting video, of course, thank you. I wonder if an invisible one can switch or alternate with the scapegoated one or can go together? I have mixed feelings about this. Thank you as always!❤
My invisible brother has not taken my side as the scapegoat before or after I went no contact and I have sent him info about the roles (golden, lost, scapegoat...). He has sided with my narcissistic mother and sisters.
It was another nail in my coffin; I thought he had more integrity but I was wrong.
I think my question is the same, or similar to, yours. Can one person be treated as both scapegoat and lost child?
@Lyrielonwind he may be still afraid or în denial?
Yes roles can shift, I made a video previously on the changing roles if you’d find that interesting?
@DarrenFMagee yes of course, very interesting. Thank you so much!
The ultimate way to try to be invisible can be to attempt self forever sleep. Be careful out there. Get some help.
This is me!
Can a lost child develop avoidant personality disorder?
It's quite probable.
It's likely.
I would say so, as a way of protection.
Wow, me. 😢
Oh. This’ll be me, then.
What would be a good thing to focus on during therapy for this? CBT? Attachment? Would be grateful for some guidance
🌱🌏💚 🖖🏼
Ples,, ples ples ples ples ples ples gods,,, save me protect me and my family allover from,nacists,,ples,, ples ples ples all to pray for us ples secretly confidentially silently silently silently silently silently excesive silently peacefully peacefully peacefully ples few months frwrds ples ples ples ples ples ples
Invisible🪶 im Healing, thank you friend. It all resonates.