My husband would tell me that I wasn’t on his level and that I was ALWAYS negative. I don’t really like looking at myself in the mirror. I was the one working and taking care of my home and he was the one who was on drugs. My dad was in the home but didn’t raise me. I don’t know what a good man is to be honest and I feel like I can’t be in a relationship anymore because my trust for men is gone. No! I’m not into women but I just rather be alone because I can’t get hurt.
Boom! There you go. It’s those jokes that people think is funny that hurt the most. You don’t even have to explain anything. Just say you need space and walk away.
Spot on. I don’t have children yet and I went to a date with this dude. He told me in a joking manner “you aborted your babies and flushed them in toilets”... i was so shocked i couldn’t even talk. I never committed abortion. He immediately realized what he said and apologized but i was done. I went back to my place dizzy. He sometimes try to message me but i am disgusted by him. I can’t imagine what kind of abuse a man like that can put u through after a few months of dating. Scary.
Fact! I'll never let another man disrespect me or devalue me just gain control. If he can't love me just as I am, he keep it moving and find what he "think" is better. Someone will find you one day and want to lock you down because he identifies value.
The problem is, almost all men uplift you in the beginning. Not just in the courting period. But in the lovebombing period, and perhaps in the entire first year, or even 2, 3 years into the relationship. And THEN he starts putting you down. First with the seemingly innocent poking, then the openly hurtful jokes, then just the plain dismissive, hurtful words. It is hard to just get up and leave them then. Children or none, you got attached. You have invested yourself in this relationship, if with nothing else, with empathy and compassion and love for them. What kind of a person would I be if I left my partner within weeks or months of him changing for the worse? I do what I expect of the other side. I try to understand. I try to see if he's right in some aspect, I try to see if I myself contributed to his change somehow. I am proud of this feature of my character. I would never change it just to experience less pain in life. All the pain I lived from a man that claimed he was mine, it's on him. I'm proud of it. It's on MEN to change for the better. For real, all men, all throughout the world. It's NOT ON ME to become more rational and calculated, and a cold observant of pros and cons, while I am chosing my soul partner. IT'S NOT ON ME TO BECOME MORE LIKE A MAN in order finally not to be hurt by a man. It's on men to learn empathy from women and adapt much more to them, i.e. to adapt to our, women's way of loving unconditionally, with compassion, empathy, and compromise. Right, girls? In this sense, the solution would be that e.g. a good pastor, hint, hint, starts preaching to MEN on how they should change. Giving a lot of lectures on how men should behave, and what they should learn to feel. Like empathy, and love. And on how men must learn to cultivate giving encouragement to their woman. Regardless of whether they are pursuing her, or dating her, or have been dating for years already. Good wise MEN must start educating all other 90% of MEN in order for a true change to take place in male-female relations in today's society. I am appealing to all good pastors, school teachers, sports coaches, dads, father figures, big brothers, older cool boys in the hood, etc, here.
@@megibg890 Thank you, Megi. Thank you for reading through this entire comment of mine.😊 And thank you for your feedback. The fact that you understand everything I said, and took time to say it to me, made me feel less alone in this world. The world filled with men-centered men, and women who are (missing the point by) focusing so hard on how to adapt to the men's way of doing things and men's way of creating interpersonal relationships. We need to stop being stupid, girls.
@@miovicdina7706 your comment was excellent and so true. It's like women are always doing the work, going to therapy and nurturing. Watching videos on how to get the guy while many me focus on how to get the hook up the quickest way. Lies to tell to get laid and don't do the work to be better or are less invested in these videos. They need to step up too! They're quick to put the burden on women and they are also responsible but they don't want to be.
So true ,I'm in a toxic marriage for 17year being falsely accused, degraded even infront of my kids making me feel less than women .His always putting me down I'm so tired and I know I deserve better .abuse is abuse .
1 a real man never shames a woman.. a boy does. 2 A real man doesn’t abuse any woman ! Especially one he loves or has any feelings for..he’s suppose to protect her
You are doing irreparable damage to yourself when you stay with someone who is Shaming you, Belittling you, or Tearing you down. Once he gets you he begins to Erode your soul with intentionally hurtful, demeaning words. Thank you so much, Bishop Blakes, for these eye-opening words of Truth! We have to start with our standards and stop being distracted by clowns!!! Stop Allowing these clowns to talk to you any kind of way!
As women we go through so much in our daily lives along with hormones, carrying babies, periods, PMS, looking good, exercising, dieting, being virtuous, family issues . We got through too much to deal with UNNECESSARY crap from men.
Pastor, this was actually one of your best videos because almost every women encountered a man that wants to tear them down verbally with his words. This message was led by the holy spirit and the enemy is angry because it's going to wake up a lot of ladies. That's why you're getting so many thumbs down. God bless you and keep speaking from your heart. You are a spiritual father to so many. We love you back. 💕
I understand totally left the man I had three kids by & 30 years because to me my self worth finally stepped in & was victorious. God healed the mental abuse I suffered & now He is the one that is guiding my life choices. Without Him in my life I will fall victim or continue not see what He presents to me as red flags to not allow myself under no circumstances to involve myself in a deep relationship with a man with immature qualities that cannot have my best interests at heart in terms of having a real relationship with him because of his low character & behaviors that lack common decency & knowing how to treat me as a woman.
I recognized my husband worked overtime in the beginning of our relationship to diminish me. He constantly shamed me for everything, diminished my self esteem with words and then moved on cheating on me for 8 years! A true narcissist, to say the least. More like a demon in human form. It took me 5 years to work on myself and build myself up to be able to destroy the soul tie. Still not over yet, I still need to get divorced. As soon as a men starts to shame you, run for your life! If you stay you’ll end up in a demonic cycle where only the strength of God can get you out off and it will cost you YEARS!
Some men can only feel good about themselves, by constantly critiquing you. Instead of working on himself.. he constantly tries to belittle.. criticize.. put dwns.. triangulation... gaslighting.. it really whittles away at the love you once freely had for him.
My ex deliberately got my family involved to try and play with my emotions in front of them and they did nothing. I was 28 a man came through my mother and stated he found a woman he wants to marry but never thought it was me. I think the guy was uncertain as I've known him for a while. He made an excuse why he needs to stay by my place for a week. And the hell started and ended there. I asked him direct bout the woman he wanted to marry, he could never clarify. I knew he was know good but has good prospects following his PhD in Cambridge he took all he knew about me and used against me, belittled me, and tried to pressure me for sex which I declined many times as I was observing him. Unfortunately I gave in but some how I knew to get the pill as I had not had unprotected itamcy with him before but sensed something could happen which was strange and I was the one to prevent it. Him being heavily invested in the church I expected more from him before taking such risks. But trusted him enough to see where he wanted to take things. I stopped it instantly and he said do you not want a baby. I just looked at him like no not like this. After he left he messaged me asking if I would consider civil partnership I said know he can find someone else. And thank God he has since found someone else. But they way i was treated based on him calling woman at night in my home and correcting him and then doing it again and also infrint of my mother to trigger me. Left me with such fury with anger as years before he came I made efforts to keep my distance following his remark after refusing to be his girlfriend, he stated" I have virgins back home waiting for me" instantly I knew the type of man he was. And when he returned I thought with age he would age gracefully. Well he did but not privately. His woman is not a o the radar but academically what can sustain him as him on his own is like a child and he does not invest in women so the woman would need to invest in herself. The way he presents himself no is a false character and I get shun for not going with a disrespectful man. That used my family and my needs as a woman to try trap me and agree to a poor deal. I realised how much I love myself when I left him but the men that come through my mother are destroyers of women. Unfortunately my mother despises my father and has proj3cted that on me since a child. She is evil and vindictive and even laughed about how she encouraged him to come knowing his intentions that he passes through her. She insulted me to have children with any type of man. Because he is in the church has a PhD he has reelected even bad seeds are in church deliberately seeking to defile women. Ephesians 5 teach both men and woman how it is done and it is the woman that will confirm the man is good. For through his actions his wife will submit but women these days take deals that are not a covenant eith God as intended but to cover up what they have done. Then wonder why things happen in their familes. Before next chaper opens how you close the previous always spiritually that man's home based on what I have observed in the community. If anyone asked asked him any man that dame through my mother what they first did to assist me as a woman, they will get tongue tide. And they hide behind close doors like they respect themselves. I never tempted nor sought after these men as i knew their spirit but get suprised that certain men that people will hail and praise are actuallish pure rubbish in sprit and flesh. Now I have another foolish African contacting me to have his baby, he has money but would be the worst head of the home based on how he treats me. If I mention Ephesians 5 he will overlook and refer me to chapter 6. And I'm sure you can imagine which verse!!!!
@@RCBlakesJr. ...can you do a a segment for young men and women just entering adulthood trying to identify healthy people to date? Parents can tell their sons and daughters all day long that is not the one for you or this is not the right time to date. Sometimes young adults just can't or won't receive the information from a parent.
Well said Margy I Phillips! My husband is a good man. I know he is from what he does and says. Yet, sometimes he says "trust me" and I once replied "Every man says that, how can I take it (that statement) at face value?".
A lot of time, people react to past trauma, not realising....in many cases, it is 'unconscious behaviour'. Once you become aware of how you 'really' act and be, then if your behaviour is not up to your standard, you will never do that again. It's true, self awareness. When someone says I would never do that, you will probably see them doing it, and at that point it is up to you to point it out. Then it gives the opportunity for the person to change. If they don't, then you have to take steps to get out, or build a skin, knowing that they will do it again, as well as be like that to other people.
It's just so sad how many men just hurt women and watch them cry. They're fine watching women cry because they're sorry excuses for men. Pathetic. And it's even sadder that women with suck dads go after guys that suck just like dad then chase after a love that they will never have with those monsters.
Past trauma. I grew up with abuse as the main form of communication. I’m learning to not expose nobody else to that. I be working hard to give my girl positive affirmations and I try to build her up. I recognized some patterns and cut it out. I know how I grew up it was crazy. Can’t pass that on
I recently removed myself from a narcissistic relationship. He use to tell me that I was too smart, or I would find him giving me mean looks whenever I would get dressed. I guess he was upset that I was attractive. As time went on when he would be angry he would say the most vile and mean things that a person could possibly say to me. I have never been verbally disrespected to that degree ever in my life. I guess it’s a good thing that my self esteem was high because nothing he said ever made me question my worth. I question my own worth by staying and putting up with it whether it had an effect on me or not. I did notice that I began to change. I had to become mean and heartless to deal with him in order to defend myself from his attacks. I broke it off after realizing that I could not be the best version of myself with him.
Smart....I basically had a similar situation and had to do the same and am so happy everyday I did walk away its been over six years and I am single but I know a better mind partner is God's plan for me
Exactly! It is not our responsibility to build a man. We built ourselves they can build their selves as well! If we can be stable, they can be stable as well. A man that needs to be built was not raised right and it is not our responsibility to raise them. The hold him down days are done! The girls that hold a man down and are ride and die girls are the ones that get played every single time. Don't fall for it ladies!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Overall, don't be with someone, man or woman, who brings down your self esteem to extremely low levels, or makes you afraid. Accept constructive criticism, but not hate speech.
Thank you for telling the truth in love. It’s hard to believe that we have allowed misogyny has become a norm in this culture. Is this a symptom of mental depression to control? Agape
I cried most of the time in my 4 years marriage..i always thought it was me..coz thats how he put it..tears became my life until i walked out two months ago..i made it through..
@@loulifaith6747took me 7 years. 2016, I should’ve left him when I first met him. His red flags were loud and clear! But narcs know just what to say and do to keep interested. 6 months in and now im hooked, nice guy shit out the window. He was fucking up my life while living his. 2019 worst year of my life. 2020 I started slowly gaining strength, day by day, but I wasn’t ready, not til this year. I prayed on it, something came over me and got tired. Im in the gym and look the best I’ve looked in awhile. When you’re truly tired. YOURE GOING TO LEAVE, I don’t miss him, I don’t feel anything for him. And I pray my mindset continue to WAKE UP. He’s going to try and try .. Good luck to you and stay strong ❤
For real tho,and that he does. But what's so crazy about it is,he told me he doesn't ever want to hear anything about my past relationship.but continue speaking about the one's he's been with. Who are his children mother's, and how they did him wrong. But it's like he's punishing for what they done.
I wish I paid attention to this but I do know his ex we are not friends or anything but he talked horribly about her and she's not all that innocent I should of ran then he is equally just as bad as her
Sometimes they put the previous relationship on a pedestal to make u feel like trash. He used to do that to me and put me on a pedestal as well when he wanted to her his other childs mother. He broke me down without me even noticing
@@christinamorris3126 yesssssssssss mines did that to me as well I never through my other kids father in his face either. He used to always compare us and I got a government job and she works in retail but he would make it like shit was better or something but could barely provide for her child or barely keep at roof. I had my on place for 21 years!!!!!
Wow, goodgirlgonebad that's messed up. These men's act just like little boys who never got to go outside to play. They ask GOD for a good woman, but when they get her.they doesn't know how to treat her. But what goes around comes around, cause GOD doesn't like ugly.and he ain't to fund of the pretty
My father always said in warning me against dysfunctional people “Their going down and their going to bring you down with them”. I loved him so much! Thank you for your wisdom-I feel you are a gift to many!!!
I broke free yesterday and changed my locks, I tried to offer him the little belongings he had through my sister or his mother and he refused! God help me please, let me love myself again!
Girl....I cut it Cold Turkey right before the new year... 8 years of NOTHING but Heartache Depression and Loneliness. Every time he did something he'll give me some money or buy me something but we never spend no time with cuz he was out doing other stuff... I'm sitting home being faithful..I'm feeling so wonderful and free...no more toxic phone conversations no more excuses why you can't go nowhere with me but you out everywhere else.... I'm living my best life right now... beside the covid LOL..... He's made a couple of attempts I don't answer nothing.... In my second month I'm not talking to him and I know that I would never speak to him ever again...he don't deserve none of my attention... I'm mad at myself for not doing it sooner....Rats need to stay in the Gutter... I will never allow anybody to mistreat me ever again....and that's facts... I'm glad you're doing well
ladies get yourself an account purposely for self esteem, anytime you feel a man or anybody is trying to get to you unfavorably, go deposit in that account to remind yourself that no one can empty it...
This is the video I watched a year ago that helped me make the decision to file for divorce and leave my toxic 28 year marriage for good. Every single word resonated with me and brought confirmation after confirmation. I am forever grateful to Bishop & Lady Blakes. They helped me get out of my own way and now I am happy, healthy, healed and whole. Praise God for true deliverance and the Grace to move on with my life!🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️🙌🏾🙌🏾
Glory to God❤ please go for counselling and develop healthy self esteem. I just came out of an abusive relationship too in June and he still calls me with new numbers wondering how I could be serious about walking away from him
Some of these men hand pick women who have been through countless amount of trauma, and without parents,... imagine not having a father or a mother to guide her . After the massive mind games, you become the angry woman, he then blames your trauma.. And now your are left with even more trauma. And convinced it’s you.
This!!! Also we as women should never reveal our trauma to new men, they will later throw it back in our faces like you said as blame or use it against us to have their diabolical way.
Everything you said is why I had to leave my daughters dad. Anytime I tried to say what I didnt like about how he treated me he use to say I'm masculine. I know what God says about me and my future.
@@kitlee7372 That's a bunch of b.s. This person called her masculine to put her down and insult her. That's what they do. Most of these men are cruel and evil. They don't feel good about themselves, and they will say or do anything to make their partner feel bad about themselves.
@@gidgethrobowski3860 I've been in toxic relationships and me saying it brings out masculine energy. Is the truth we all have a feminine energy and masculine energy and love is the most feminine energy ever ever. Whatever the situation is when we are forced 2 fight it does activate our masculine energy and there's nothing wrong with it
“It’s only little boys that fight with women.” Such a true statement, especially in regards to my ex. He was constantly arguing with me for 3 years about my past mistakes (that weren’t mistakes, it was reaction to his constant abuse and shaming me and I grew sick of it and started biting back despite tolerating it for at that point too damn long). And on top of that, he was fighting with his mom about his childhood that neither of them could change! She disowned him because she got sick to death of her son blaming and shaming her for her past knowing damn well he didn’t know shit about it to be judging her for it.
Thank you so much for your words here. I experienced the same. Any “man” who comes for his own mama is the ultimate coward. God sees that and brings these grown boys low.
Yes a little boy trapped in their childhood wounds and scars from their mothers discipline and they disobey and blame their mothers for the choices they make.Then they hurt women, they hate women. Agree Amen
I'm going through this right now. I have been married to him 15 years. He gets angry and belittle me tear me down.. Tells I'm not worth it . No black man want me. I would have a life style like I have with him. I'm done!
@@vergenialawrence1443 I walked away from a 8 year marriage an 3 children. He told me upon meeting me he was gonna break me. He did, cheating while I was pregnant, having a girlfriend, told me no one would want me with children. I had my own getting into the marriage. He has nothing. I own my house. He’s in his grandma’s basement bashing me now.
@@Dime.Society So a dude told you TO YOUR FACE that he was going to break you, yet you married and had kids with him anyway? He wasn't even trying to hide his intentions or lie to you, yet you got involved anyway. Women like you I cannot have any sympathy for.
I was seeing a man for about 2 weeks .. he was charming and courteous but almost too much flattery. Anyway, on our second date he became excessively drunk . When I refused to go home with him and set my boundaries regarding communication, he called me an ungrateful B” and refused to get out my car . Next morning he called and said he had no memory of this behavior he apologized and said that not his character . But ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. he is BLOCKED and DELETED
Brenda Borden That’s definitely not love my sister. No man who loves his wife says those things. He hates himself so he cannot love you. In a healthy marriage we disagree...may even get a little angry, but the love & respect is still there because it is a part of the foundation. In an abusive marriage, you walk on eggshells and the person says the most hateful things. Then they’ll come back around with false promises. Changed behavior is the best apology. God does not want you abused. A man breaks covenant when he abuses his wife. And sometimes God didn’t want that person for us - but we wanted them and He gave us to our desires. Then we ask God to bless a mess He wasn’t in, in the first place. Ask God to show you what spirit you are dealing with. He will show you. Be prepared for the answer & be obedient to His instruction. An abuser will always use your emotions against you so you must think logically for your sanity. Praying for you. May God bless and protect you. 🙏🏽
Still luv your GLOBES MY FAVORITE SIR AND HE TRY TO BE REALISTIC EXACTLY THAT DADDY AND THE PRINCESS HAD EXACTLY A NARRISICT SIR SOMEWHERE THAT CAN ONLY SHAME THEMSELVES...DO A MAN NOT HAVE NO WHERE TO LAY HIS HEAD TO TAKE A WOMEN OR MAN TO SOME ARE BI SIR AND SMELL SMOKING A LOT OF CIGARETTES NO MATTER HOW MANY SHOWERS THEY TAKE SIR BAD HABITS LEAD TO BAGGAGE SIR CLOWNS WITH CROWNS SIR... EXACTLY NO BLAMERS FRAMERS GAMERS ONLY USING RX TYPES SICK MEN EXACTLY HIGHLY EXPERIENCED THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD EXACTLY TYE CROSS SHE CARRIES...THANK YOU JESUS...OR NI ONES APPROVAL...YOUR FANTASTIC....AND THANK YOU LORD FOR A FATHER FOR 38 YEARS SIR THAT REALLY MATTERS PARENTS IN MEN AND WOMEN LIFES GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Sometimes as I listen to these powerful videos, I begin to feel overwhelmed at all the mistakes I’ve made and I don’t even know where to start to change myself. Jesus, please help me so that I can help my daughters.😭.
I feel you sister, I'm thinking the same thing: I send the videos to my daughter's and encourage them to listen to the messages, and I pray 🙏 💗 The Lord to give them eyes to see, and ears to hear God's voice, and recognize their own value. All things are possible when you pray. We can get this
I share these videos to my fb groups. I am not sure if I can share it with my RUclips channel without his copyrights being violated. So, I never share it with my channel. I am not sure how that works on RUclips. Better safe than sorry.
After a series of situationships, I took it upon myself to start dating god. Through that I found peace. After that the game changed. Anything that was not peaceful, I did not entertain. I found myself in union with god and months later I met my fiancé.
I've never met a man who has tried to build me up and never try to break me down. I see so much greatness in me, yet they all seem to be intimidated or overshadowed by my light. So, I am quick to get rid of ppl and dedicate my time to learning new things and deepening my spirituality.
This made me think of women like Ciara and Cassie. They were both with men that society would deem "10s" They left these men and eventually MARRIED men who people constantly say are corny or not as fly as the previous men..but Ciara and Cassie appear to be extremely happy with these "corny" guys who will show the world how much they love them. And yes... Many men hate women. When I say this they think I'm calling them gay,when honestly most gay men I know LOVE women.
Future never was a 10 a -10 more like it. Russell was always been a 10. Nope never would have talked to future just listen to his disrespectful music towards women.
@@christinamorris3126 thank you Rev.i appreciate you...men especially black men is tired of being knock everywhere they go especially the Church they are put down every where.. you got lie down women out here...and men are being put down
@@supa407 Kids generally respect their fathers better, though, and generally won't try to test their fathers as much as their mothers. That is because, at least in a two parent home, they see that the father's are getting the last say in things and mothers not really allowed input. It is even worse if the mother is trying to be a disciplinary when need it be and try to set boundaries and structure and the father vetoes it, and too loose with the kids. A lot of women are taught to go along with what the man says and do not question it, even when clearly wrong.
Don't feel bad you're not the only one but when you find that you've made these mistakes in this is when I'm doing ramp up your self care and focus on you and what you really want
My parents have been together for over 30 years and my Dad is definitely a 2-3 type of man. Watched him tear, beat, and break my mother and us down our entire childhood. I pray that she would leave him now it seems like she's just waiting for him to die off. He's 72 and still the same. I cant visit their home without getting upset I hate how he speaks to her and treats her. She doesnt believe in divorce. My mother is educated and my Grandfather (her Dad) was the total opposite of my father. A truly great man. I dont understand why she chose so low. All my siblings have been one or other. Abuser or victim. The cycle must & will end..
@@candycane146 me too. I paid dearly for it too. I’m blessed to still be alive. So many people are quick to feel sorry for me but I have to correct them to let them know I take responsibility for my part. I was ignored flags that were beyond red.
It's not too late. Moving on is doable. Consult Domestic Violence professional organizations for help if necessary. One day God may use you to help others be delivered in the same way. Project yourself ahead 5 years from now and look back on what you did to move forward. You can do all things through Christ who is our strength.
I met a guy that did all of that towards me and I couldn't understand why but felt it would pass if I continued to show I cared,, I WAS SO WRONG Thank you for the understanding that you've given me. I never gave in and I haven't given up. Only hurt ppl, hurt ppl and he was a real clown
Truth. My (ex) husband began shaming me..the day after our wedding while on the honeymoon. I mistakenly thought I just needed to be a better wife. I wised up after ten years of it, left and divorced him. Wish I'd done it sooner.
Sweetie, what a heartache.💔 It sounds like you were ensnared by a Narcissist. It's so typical of them that once they've nailed it down, they devalue you, and the huge change on the wedding night or the day after is so common among everyone who's married one. My grandma was the same with my Narcissist grandfather. I've attracted a lot of Narcissists, and not one has been able to keep up the 'good guy' act (facade) long enough for me to commit to any of them. They can't get past ten weeks. I'm glad that you're free now.
I am in the same boat. I need to get out. It's hard because of the children we have. We are coming up on 11 years in May. I pray that I get out soon. My heart hurts almost every day.
I experienced the same on my honeymoon. Thought I needed to improve as well. It took me 6 years with the knowledge from these videos to figure it out. Kudos to you.
I went through a 3 year separation to the male I married not knowing he was a narcissist. As soon as we were married he turned into someone else. I just took him back for the children 3 months ago. 1 month was good after that he became his old self 😩.......I'm starting to drift away because it's not what I wanted. Hang in there, eventually you will know what to do even if it's slow.
The Lord have been telling me that He wants us to use this season of singleness for a deep healing. He wants us to seek counseling/therapy. They have online therapy named Better Help. Use this time to learn how to play an instrument, learn how to cook new dishes, travel if you can, go to school, and so on and so forth. But use this time to fully develop who you are, and most importantly build your relationship with Christ. Not just follow traditions, but truly seek His face while it may be found.
I believe that word is true! I bought a guitar and thought about going back to school Amen!!! I just got out of the qorst shortest lived relationship of my life omg! God loves me too much even let me hurt myself that much.... He was a covert narcissits I swear!! I am praying that God heals my heart b/c all my relationships with men have been soo terrible I am about to give up.... But i know its b/c I need to heal and wait on God. He knows better. !
Become the person you want to attract. On the journey, you'll fall in love with you and the Lord, others, and forget that you're even alone. What's important, really...
That's not gonna stop these clowns from trying you though. You're still gonna attract various types. Having those standards and boundaries and not being afraid to put your foot down when they start is what helps.
I just went through a break up and my mom sent this to me. I’m so thankful to have a spiritual woman in my life who helps me to find wisdom. Thank you for this message ❤️
Growing up, my father beat me and told me that "men only want whats between you legs". I learned about sex from the porn spilling out of my uncles closet. When I got taken in by my cousin and her sisters, I grew up hearing messages about how unreliable, abusive and deceitful men were. Growing up with these messages made being with sick men normal. The times I dated good men id sabotage it believing that he must be dumb or desperate to want someone like me and that if he spent enough of time with me he's throw me away after sex. This mentality held firm until this year once I started seeking therapy. Your words are really needed to help those of us who grew up the way I did.
Oh sweetie im so sorry you were hurt deeply in many levels. So young i know the feeling. .i was alone for ten years living my life until i made a poor choice that cost me so much pain to myself and family .i pray everyday to be free of my abuser and to not pick sick men no more to love myself deeply and to mother myself. So i wont feel so empty inside god heal me free me still being abused .my body my temple. Ur not alone .i seem to only pic thugs abusers guys with bad tempers .i want to be free i have batherd woman syndrome now .the longer you stay the more they take ur soul away .seek god first. God is greater than man.
I’ve learned that this type of man is called a narcissist. The realization that I’ve spent my life married to one has completely devastated me. It’s a new revelation and those who’ve experienced it say this type of person just doesn’t change. I’m most disheartened and broken right now. New to your channel. I appreciate your insight.
Mrs. H. You are correct, I found his page last year after I discovered I was married to one. After only 69 days I filed for divorce and walked away! Still today I am figuring out how I ended up there are still doing self work. I wish you the best.... your journey won’t be easy but definitely worth it. Stay strong 💪☺️
Pimika Humphries Wow! If I had known like you, I’d have done the same thing. Thank you for sharing and for your kind words. I’m working through so much right now.
@@ms.a806 if God wanted you to meet your husband during a pandemic it would have happened, God is greater and nothing can stop His will for your life. Continue to work on yourself and be patient. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart. 💞🙏🏾
@@ms.a806 things are slowed in your mind not in God's mine keep yourself up you have to go to the grocery store you have to go to the doctor and there is many places God is not sleep
same here all i got was yelling,rage and misunderstood over something that doesnt such reactions...and he sees nothing wrong with the shame he brings in my life nor does he believe his abusive
@@4GiftedHands i honestly know that the man i married isnt normal theres something wrong nobody normal acts like that...i respond he screams honestly i know that he hates me due to his actions i believe people with such disorders are capable of something fatal hence i need out before its too late...been married 8 months and i cant live with an energy vampire i don't know how u did it 4 20years u have persistence...god bless,are u in a happier place now?hope u find healthy love and honestly healing is essential...i just want 2 focus on me 4 years without any male destruction coz the eyes are deceiving and the world is filled with narcs
Exactly jokes then accusations to justify demonic actions. I started the roller coaster ride in my late teens. Now 40 married and two beautiful children later. Thanks to RUclips channels like Pastor Blakes and other counsel. I deserve better and my kids deserve a peaceful home not a false picture of a family to the outside world. So much shame but I'm praying and fighting for a happy life after 40. Amen
Yyyeesss. My husband even crossed the line. He tried belittling me infront my father. My father thinks I'm a genius . He know my husband was talking smack. My father thinks highly of all his children. He invested a lot into all his children. My husband with his insecure broken self really crossed the line
I don't care too much about the toys but when the last guy I was seeing started criticising my Christianity.... I was done. Same guy was always talking about his wealthy ex.... It took 2 months and I waved goodbye. Best decision ever
I've had this done to me once, but I can assure you it won't happen again. 2018 with this narcissist taught me a valuable lesson. Abuse me once, it's over, done with and I pray that he understands the N and the O. What this man did to me, it made me never in life quickly trust another man again.
I was with someone for three years that was a narcissist jealous controlling insecure and just because he was a church goer I thought he would be different...lies..I build him up he tore me down with words I left and more happier than I ever been in my life in a long time.
I was so called “in a relationship” with a guy with whom we were living together. I was a Christian at the time-Still is, but I knew better. Anyway, I never could reconcile being with him and living a truly Christian life. It’s like I had to choose between him and my relationship with God. Needless to say, my relationship with God suffered a LOT by being with this guy. Well I would put him out and let him come back over and over again bc he would always have a sob story for me. To be honest, I don’t think I ever really like him (as a person) but it was an ungodly soul tie. The last time I put him out the apartment we lived in he told me “You’re trash, you got 5 kids. No man wants you, I’m the only man that’ll deal with you”. Mind y’all I’m putting HIM out of my home. The audacity. That guy was a real clown, but Thank God I cut him out of life completely. Listening to Pastor Blakes helped me tremendously!!
Once Saved Always Saved is not true. We're in a world wide apostasy now. Most preachers are teaching that there are Christian fornicators, Christian drug addicts, Christian swindlers, Christian porn addicts, alcoholics, etc.. Some teach that it is has to be a "practice or habitual of lifestyle" sinning to put you back on the road to hell. Please check out this link- it is a matter of eternity. www.evangelicaloutreach.org/anothergospel.htm www.evangelicaloutreach.org/practice-sin.htm
All praises To The Most High you put him out and stuck to your decision. Your story sounds like mine. I packed up one day he went to work with my 2 boys and Im 5months pregnant. I moved back to my hometown 15hrs away from that demon. Stay strong Sis! 💛💛💛
I sob over the wasted time, not the loser man boy. And yes the time was wasted even though lessons were learned. Ovaries don't care about life lessons.
@@trob9100 Stay Encouraged! God cares about your ovaries! Didn't He promise Sarah she'd have a child?! His Plan is so much better than ours. Not to minimize your circumstances but, we don't always know who we're supposed to nurture and teach or raise...Peace.
I really needed this. I didn’t get this teaching from my dad. He left when I was 6 months. I am 50 now and it’s never too late to learn. I have learned and I am grateful to you for this lesson.
This is one of the best lectures I have heard dealing with my situation. Wow everything Blake said is right. Especially when he talked about reacting after years of abuse. A woman really will feel like she is losing her sanity when a man abuses her especially mentally.
Yes, this is true. I had to look back and see that I was in a sunken place and the continued abuse was keeping me there, but I’m so thankful for my relationship with God because He illuminated the real me that He created before I was conceived. It was hard to see that again though all of the devaluing and degrading words, but God took me through a timeline and showed me where I was before I met him, how life started to dim throughout our time together, and where I am now-coming back to myself. Peace is reigning and I feel like a plant that was stepped on and cut, but the root remained(Jesus) and He’s nurturing it back to life and health.
This is so true I never imagined myself going crazy but I started to. I disappeared this week for 2 days and left all my kids on my children's father and that included a 15 day baby. I realized something bad is gonna happen. I picked my kids back up after I had time to myself mentally and I will not have anything to do with him again. Everything he has put me through this idiot could be in prison.... He has no boundaries. He says the most cruel things to me infront of the children. He curses me in public. He emails the office manager to get me off the lease. He threw out my stuff in the street and put a sex toy on top to humiliate me. Hes called the cops on me just because I didnt react to him. I cant believe what I have been put through...... Im done and im taking back my sanity and my children need me...
We stop praying for them and satan uses them to attack you. He doesn’t want any marriages because God instituted it.. spiritual warfare must take place to save your marriage
WHEN I LET HIM GO LAST WK IT REALLY FEALT GOOD HE MADE ME UN EZ IN MY BODY IT JUST WASNT A GOOD FEALING WITH HIM AROUND I LOOKED IN HIS FACE & SAW NOTHING NICE HE WAS MEAN & WORKED AT A MORGUE I SAID A MEAN SPIRIT LATCHED ON TO U JUST COULDNT TAKE IT NOMORE
No you are not number 1,...God should be and then he should love you out of that. Satan is using him to belittle you!! We wrestle not against flesh and blood. You have to pray or God to teach him how to love you and you respect him, how to see you as God sees you. The enemy does not want marriages to stand..open up your eyes and read the Word of God..LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER!!!
You certainly were not alone in that situation. I know if it had not been for the grace and mercy of God...I would not have made it this far. I'm so thankful that the Bishop RC Blakes is imparting this wisdom to those that are coming behind us. "Lord let these words of wisdom, coupled with the power of Holy Spirit, bring understanding, healing, help and rescue to the many that need it. Also Father, may even the men that need help, hear it and understand that it's not to bash them and deem them worthless....but instead, to bring the light into the darkness of their own existence and experiences, that they too can get deliverance and live! You came that WE would have life and that life more abundant. You came for us ALL GOD. THANK YOU! In Jesus name"
@@sherriesteele-petty2998 I had a “come home to Jesus” moment not that long ago in regards to this topic. I was with a bad guy and lived with him. When looking on my bookcase, the Precious moments Bible my grandma gave me as a little girl spoke to me. I hadn’t opened it since I was a child. I grabbed it from the shelf and noticed a piece of paper being used as a bookmark. I opened to that page and it was a prayer for god to protect me from the wicked man, not to let his abusive ways win. I cried and knew my grandma was leading me down the right path. My faith has also been a huge reason I’m still here. Thanks for sharing, my sister.
@@gypsywolf2061 ...... That right there..... IS PRECIOUS & PRICELESS!!! ❤️✝️💖✝️❤️ I pray you come into ALL that our glorious Father has prepared for you darling!
Very much needed . I am going through a separation now from my husband he is cold as ice and claims to be religious and reads his Bible all the time.He left me when I was pregnant and gave him a chance after baby born and he was very nasty to me. I’m praying for a blessing when me and my two sons move out soon into our place .
...'he is cold as ice and claims to be religious and reads his Bible all the time'... Very dangerous kind of humans. I'm dealing with one as I type this message. A true narcissist
Depends on who you are talking to. Because we live in such a shallow world, it is hard to attract the right opposite gender if they generally feel you are too ugly. Never mind if you have the right personality or attitude. The like minded and right people have their nose up at me, and I'm perty much invisible to them. The more similarity I have with someone, the more they seem to can't stand me.
It's just so hurtful. Yesterday he called me the B word and I told him that is not okay. Instead of apologizing he said "you can call me a B since I called you one." to which I responded "I would never call you that." All he said was "Good, at least now you respect me." And he kept referring to me by the word. Mind you, before this we were not in any sort of altercation really that would warrant him feeling disrespected, he was just blasting music while we drove. After he said that I was silent and brought it up once more when we parked. When he still showed no remorse I just said I want to go home to which he said "follow your heart" chuckled, and continued to walk into the gym that we had just driven to. It took everything in me to stay calm, and to remain calm while I waited for my Lyft ride at the neighboring store. As soon as I got home I had a breakdown basically and felt so disappointed. He said this the time right after I told him I loved him for the first time, and I had started planning a project to make him that day (I sew clothes.) It just hurt that as soon as I fell for him he showed his true colors I guess. The only way I was able to follow through with my boundary despite my strong feelings for him is imagining what I would want for my future daughter if she was in a similar situation. And the knowledge that in dating I'm not only looking for a partner for myself, but also a father for my kids so I need to be stern in my standards not only for my own sake. Sure maybe I could dismiss this behavior and suck it up for myself if I fall for someone. But the thought of my future husband treating my kids with utter indifference makes my stomach churn. I haven't heard anything from him since and don't expect to so am just trying to get over it but it is hard as it took so much for me to open up to him after bad experiences in the past. And I really thought he cared, and was a nice loving guy but he acted like a completely different person yesterday. I guess someone can only keep up a facade for so long. Always remember: "Love is patient, love is kind." Even if you love them, be strong enough to hold your boundaries, you can always cry into your pillow later and eat ice cream, but you won't alway be able to recover the dignity that is destroyed. Worse, down the line you may not be able to heal the broken hearts of the innocent kids you create with them. And doing so is building myself into the type of woman I would be happy for my future daughter to look up to. I never want my future kids to think unhealthy relationship dynamics are okay, I would feel so guilty if they mimicked it. I'm so grateful my mom chose my father who is an amazing man who I can use as an example of what it means to be the loving, devoted leader of a family, and who normalized healthy love to the point where I'm not addicted to and instead am repulsed by avoidant behavior, and I want to do the same for my future kids.
Abuse and love do not coexist..Period..By I'm done I out there..Bags packed car full of gas and Im gone no looking our turning back..No access to my life No contact..Good writtens
@@noroxxx2349 I got a whole new # & after 3 years he's contacting my kids. Wow you haven't found better....of course you're not! I'm good, me & Jesus 🙏
A very cruel way men these days have to deal with women and break them is by ghosting them and be extremely inconsistent...almost bipolar. That shakes a woman's peace and self esteem. Ladies, preserve the peace in your castle.
Pastor, I start dating this guy. After, I had been single for a long time. Well, we were watching t.v. and Janet Jackson came accross the screen. He says, I would love a woman like that! I said, When I was younger, I looked better then Janet Jackson.And I still look good! He is out my life! Thank you so much for the wisdom you have received from God. And thank you, Lisa for what you do.🌷
My ex would've turned it on me and called me insecure and jealous. That im not a whole, healthy woman that he's looking for to marry. Glad u have enough self love and confidence 2 dump him.
I appreciate this message. I didn't realize I was with such a broken man. For 5 years I dealt with his angry aggressive abusive cycle thinking back from the time I first got with him. Me thinking as woman I could show him real love but it turned into a battle. I felt torn down unappreciated devalued you name it. No amount of love would ever make him happy. I finally bust the bubble he put me in and gained back control. Now my journey has been on self love and healing from the trauma I experienced.
I’m going through the same situation including aggression, verbal and emotional abuse. I was even told “black women are the downfall of black men” I knew at this time I was with a bitter broken man. This behavior showed up in the 9th year of the relationship. I’m done in my mind and that’s where it starts for me...I’m soooo done😏
It is a spirit sent to destroy marriages... happens every 5 years or leading up to it. Don’t be done with him start praying for him and watch God change him
I hear your heart MOG. You are speaking facts I removed myself from even trying to date. It’s been 9 years of soberness from the soul tie. God showed me my exit. Now I’m just looking forward to being a wife one day. I’m a Nurse and raised our son alone and now our 11 y/o daughter alone. The best feeling I’ve had is learning that he married. It may sound weird, but helped me move on. The Lord opened a door for me relocate to Hawaii and here I am on this beautiful island Covid or not I see the hand of God on my life and our children’s lives. Shalom🕊
Separated right now due to some of this! I thought that he was going to be different! 10 years older than me but it was worse. Narcissistic treatment tore me down but I believe God’s word and I am taking one day at a time! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
💯 Started dating one 4 weeks later I was out the worse experience ever never again sorry for the decent older men out there these clowns in crowns are making you look bad
When you’re a 10 women he has to work overtime to diminish your self worth if he isn’t a 10. The whole Kingdom depends on healthy Queens. So many great words. Glad I found you! I’m going to look into your books. Thank you.
I'd go further and say that it's Narcissism that causes the conflict and drama. Narcissists are addicted to the attention, and power-trip on our tears and upset. They enjoy our pain.
You have confirmed something that I have always felt about a man like that. He really don't like women. He don't mind using her for whatever reason that satisfies him and his ego. But, for some reason he has some kind of animosity against women. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. TEACH!
I'm in this situation rn been 9 yrs on and off and I want out. We have a daughter together and I don't make much to afford anything we have. Prayers pls.
Get out asap. ilIf not the kid will become a narcissist too. They don't change only time changes. It will age you and depress you dear. I'm speaking from experience.
9 yrs too, one 8 yrs old too, but we live 4000 fight miles or air miles apart.I think this is what keep me talking to him our princess,I don't want to but ,I can't think to cut him off his child
A man Insecurities makes him feel like he need to destroy a good woman in order to feel complete or in charge
So true‼️
My husband would tell me that I wasn’t on his level and that I was ALWAYS negative. I don’t really like looking at myself in the mirror. I was the one working and taking care of my home and he was the one who was on drugs. My dad was in the home but didn’t raise me. I don’t know what a good man is to be honest and I feel like I can’t be in a relationship anymore because my trust for men is gone. No! I’m not into women but I just rather be alone because I can’t get hurt.
You are absolutely right
@@aliciaoliver1579 You are not alone
Yes
As soon as a man, even jokingly, tears you down-walk away.
Boom! There you go. It’s those jokes that people think is funny that hurt the most. You don’t even have to explain anything. Just say you need space and walk away.
TRUE!!!
The Joke is On HIM He is A FOOL Unto Himself.
Spot on. I don’t have children yet and I went to a date with this dude. He told me in a joking manner “you aborted your babies and flushed them in toilets”... i was so shocked i couldn’t even talk. I never committed abortion. He immediately realized what he said and apologized but i was done. I went back to my place dizzy. He sometimes try to message me but i am disgusted by him. I can’t imagine what kind of abuse a man like that can put u through after a few months of dating. Scary.
Fact! I'll never let another man disrespect me or devalue me just gain control. If he can't love me just as I am, he keep it moving and find what he "think" is better. Someone will find you one day and want to lock you down because he identifies value.
I agree he's checking your temperature to see if you will let it slide, if you do he knows he can manipulate and gaslight you!
A man uplifts his woman, never puts her down...great message
Amen Real Men
The problem is, almost all men uplift you in the beginning. Not just in the courting period. But in the lovebombing period, and perhaps in the entire first year, or even 2, 3 years into the relationship. And THEN he starts putting you down. First with the seemingly innocent poking, then the openly hurtful jokes, then just the plain dismissive, hurtful words. It is hard to just get up and leave them then. Children or none, you got attached. You have invested yourself in this relationship, if with nothing else, with empathy and compassion and love for them. What kind of a person would I be if I left my partner within weeks or months of him changing for the worse? I do what I expect of the other side. I try to understand. I try to see if he's right in some aspect, I try to see if I myself contributed to his change somehow. I am proud of this feature of my character. I would never change it just to experience less pain in life. All the pain I lived from a man that claimed he was mine, it's on him. I'm proud of it. It's on MEN to change for the better. For real, all men, all throughout the world. It's NOT ON ME to become more rational and calculated, and a cold observant of pros and cons, while I am chosing my soul partner. IT'S NOT ON ME TO BECOME MORE LIKE A MAN in order finally not to be hurt by a man. It's on men to learn empathy from women and adapt much more to them, i.e. to adapt to our, women's way of loving unconditionally, with compassion, empathy, and compromise. Right, girls? In this sense, the solution would be that e.g. a good pastor, hint, hint, starts preaching to MEN on how they should change. Giving a lot of lectures on how men should behave, and what they should learn to feel. Like empathy, and love. And on how men must learn to cultivate giving encouragement to their woman. Regardless of whether they are pursuing her, or dating her, or have been dating for years already. Good wise MEN must start educating all other 90% of MEN in order for a true change to take place in male-female relations in today's society. I am appealing to all good pastors, school teachers, sports coaches, dads, father figures, big brothers, older cool boys in the hood, etc, here.
@@miovicdina7706 SO WELL SAID GIRL!! Hats off!!!
@@megibg890 Thank you, Megi. Thank you for reading through this entire comment of mine.😊 And thank you for your feedback. The fact that you understand everything I said, and took time to say it to me, made me feel less alone in this world. The world filled with men-centered men, and women who are (missing the point by) focusing so hard on how to adapt to the men's way of doing things and men's way of creating interpersonal relationships. We need to stop being stupid, girls.
@@miovicdina7706 your comment was excellent and so true. It's like women are always doing the work, going to therapy and nurturing. Watching videos on how to get the guy while many me focus on how to get the hook up the quickest way. Lies to tell to get laid and don't do the work to be better or are less invested in these videos. They need to step up too! They're quick to put the burden on women and they are also responsible but they don't want to be.
For all the women who are being abused. As soon as you leave that situation the healing process begins.
Yes!!
@@clickbackbrainso what are you waiting for, just dump his a$s😅
Amen
Yes 💯✅
Felt the healing taking place as soon as I walked away
The 65 people who “thumbs downed” this video must be the type of men he is talking about.
I do believe you got that one right 👍
Say that!
My thoughts exactly
The “alpha males” lol
RIGHT
Never continue with ANYONE WHO SHAMES YOU. Friends, family, employers PERIOD.
That Part
AMEN
Yes, I literally quit a job because of this!
💯
You better 🗣🗣🗣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👌🏾💅🏿
"If you don't see your self worth you will sell yourself cheap!"
So true 💯
I'm cheap, and stupid too.
Amen.
Still pecious priceless diamonds ya'll whether Any1 knows it or not!!
So are you ladies saying y'all are 4 sale....wow! never thought i would hear this....
"If you can't see your own self worth you always sell yourself cheap. " 🙏🏾🙌🏿
So true ,I'm in a toxic marriage for 17year being falsely accused, degraded even infront of my kids making me feel less than women .His always putting me down I'm so tired and I know I deserve better .abuse is abuse .
@@michellemiggel7484 you definitely deserve better.
Right
Preach it dear!
"A true man understands that the Whole Kingdom is dependent on healthy Queens" RC Blakes
I agree
Absolutely 🙏🏽💕
❤❤
1 a real man never shames a woman.. a boy does.
2 A real man doesn’t abuse any woman ! Especially one he loves or has any feelings for..he’s suppose to protect her
“He knows he doesn’t qualify but she doesn’t know that.” That made me laugh bc he’s right.
My child’s father😭😢😣
😢
My story lol
Sounds like a narc ex I had. He was highly under qualified but I didn’t know it
Oh yeh
You are doing irreparable damage to yourself when you stay with someone who is Shaming you, Belittling you, or Tearing you down. Once he gets you he begins to Erode your soul with intentionally hurtful, demeaning words. Thank you so much, Bishop Blakes, for these eye-opening words of Truth! We have to start with our standards and stop being distracted by clowns!!! Stop Allowing these clowns to talk to you any kind of way!
As women we go through so much in our daily lives along with hormones, carrying babies, periods, PMS, looking good, exercising, dieting, being virtuous, family issues . We got through too much to deal with UNNECESSARY crap from men.
Amennn!
I love this comment.
I love your comment..I am trying to leave someone now...I am tired of dealing with unnecessary things * I finally realized I do deserve better. 😑😊
Amen!!!
Held to high standards of perfection, too. Don't forget.
When a person shames a another... That is their self esteem coming out of their mouth... SMH
So true
Pastor, this was actually one of your best videos because almost every women encountered a man that wants to tear them down verbally with his words. This message was led by the holy spirit and the enemy is angry because it's going to wake up a lot of ladies. That's why you're getting so many thumbs down. God bless you and keep speaking from your heart. You are a spiritual father to so many. We love you back. 💕
💯👌👍👏🤝💆♀️
So true. I always tell my friends, " the meaner and uglier a person acts shows you how unhappy and miserable they are inside. "
@@stayreal5083 well these narcissistic people I know must hate themselves because I love Myself
My husband of 19 years tried to break me!!
I left him!!!
Praise God
See I feel you. But my family put it our heads that we need to stay in a horrible marriage no matter what cause God doesnt disapproves of divorce.
I wish I could hear more of your story!
I'm serious! That is if you want to.
19 years for me to . thank you jesus that you kept me strong enough to leave!!
I understand totally left the man I had three kids by & 30 years because to me my self worth finally stepped in & was victorious. God healed the mental abuse I suffered & now He is the one that is guiding my life choices. Without Him in my life I will fall victim or continue not see what He presents to me as red flags to not allow myself under no circumstances to involve myself in a deep relationship with a man with immature qualities that cannot have my best interests at heart in terms of having a real relationship with him because of his low character & behaviors that lack common decency & knowing how to treat me as a woman.
I recognized my husband worked overtime in the beginning of our relationship to diminish me. He constantly shamed me for everything, diminished my self esteem with words and then moved on cheating on me for 8 years! A true narcissist, to say the least. More like a demon in human form. It took me 5 years to work on myself and build myself up to be able to destroy the soul tie. Still not over yet, I still need to get divorced.
As soon as a men starts to shame you, run for your life! If you stay you’ll end up in a demonic cycle where only the strength of God can get you out off and it will cost you YEARS!
Agree with all
We're all proud if you 👑
God bless
what happened to you?
Absolutely right 👉.
Yes definitely! I am a demonic cycle being married to my very narcissistic husband for 38 yrs. He is trying to destroy my soul! 😢
Some men can only feel good about themselves, by constantly critiquing you. Instead of working on himself.. he constantly tries to belittle.. criticize.. put dwns.. triangulation... gaslighting.. it really whittles away at the love you once freely had for him.
I am a widow who has a friend from high school that I've been dating for last few months and this describes him perfectly. Shaking my head.
So TRUE....
My ex deliberately got my family involved to try and play with my emotions in front of them and they did nothing. I was 28 a man came through my mother and stated he found a woman he wants to marry but never thought it was me. I think the guy was uncertain as I've known him for a while. He made an excuse why he needs to stay by my place for a week. And the hell started and ended there. I asked him direct bout the woman he wanted to marry, he could never clarify. I knew he was know good but has good prospects following his PhD in Cambridge he took all he knew about me and used against me, belittled me, and tried to pressure me for sex which I declined many times as I was observing him. Unfortunately I gave in but some how I knew to get the pill as I had not had unprotected itamcy with him before but sensed something could happen which was strange and I was the one to prevent it. Him being heavily invested in the church I expected more from him before taking such risks. But trusted him enough to see where he wanted to take things. I stopped it instantly and he said do you not want a baby. I just looked at him like no not like this. After he left he messaged me asking if I would consider civil partnership I said know he can find someone else. And thank God he has since found someone else. But they way i was treated based on him calling woman at night in my home and correcting him and then doing it again and also infrint of my mother to trigger me. Left me with such fury with anger as years before he came I made efforts to keep my distance following his remark after refusing to be his girlfriend, he stated" I have virgins back home waiting for me" instantly I knew the type of man he was. And when he returned I thought with age he would age gracefully. Well he did but not privately. His woman is not a o the radar but academically what can sustain him as him on his own is like a child and he does not invest in women so the woman would need to invest in herself. The way he presents himself no is a false character and I get shun for not going with a disrespectful man. That used my family and my needs as a woman to try trap me and agree to a poor deal. I realised how much I love myself when I left him but the men that come through my mother are destroyers of women. Unfortunately my mother despises my father and has proj3cted that on me since a child. She is evil and vindictive and even laughed about how she encouraged him to come knowing his intentions that he passes through her. She insulted me to have children with any type of man. Because he is in the church has a PhD he has reelected even bad seeds are in church deliberately seeking to defile women. Ephesians 5 teach both men and woman how it is done and it is the woman that will confirm the man is good. For through his actions his wife will submit but women these days take deals that are not a covenant eith God as intended but to cover up what they have done. Then wonder why things happen in their familes. Before next chaper opens how you close the previous always spiritually that man's home based on what I have observed in the community. If anyone asked asked him any man that dame through my mother what they first did to assist me as a woman, they will get tongue tide. And they hide behind close doors like they respect themselves. I never tempted nor sought after these men as i knew their spirit but get suprised that certain men that people will hail and praise are actuallish pure rubbish in sprit and flesh. Now I have another foolish African contacting me to have his baby, he has money but would be the worst head of the home based on how he treats me. If I mention Ephesians 5 he will overlook and refer me to chapter 6. And I'm sure you can imagine which verse!!!!
The same thing goes for some women as well
Looking at a good man through the eyes of trauma equals having a distorted view of a good man.
That’s very good
@@RCBlakesJr. ....thanks for all your videos!
Before I watched this, I had always noticed that I was married to a immature man.
@@RCBlakesJr. ...can you do a a segment for young men and women just entering adulthood trying to identify healthy people to date?
Parents can tell their sons and daughters all day long that is not the one for you or this is not the right time to date. Sometimes young adults just can't or won't receive the information from a parent.
Well said Margy I Phillips! My husband is a good man. I know he is from what he does and says. Yet, sometimes he says "trust me" and I once replied "Every man says that, how can I take it (that statement) at face value?".
I can never understand how some people/men can have such evil intent to purposely cause heartache and
pain
A lot of time, people react to past trauma, not realising....in many cases, it is 'unconscious behaviour'. Once you become aware of how you 'really' act and be, then if your behaviour is not up to your standard, you will never do that again. It's true, self awareness. When someone says I would never do that, you will probably see them doing it, and at that point it is up to you to point it out. Then it gives the opportunity for the person to change. If they don't, then you have to take steps to get out, or build a skin, knowing that they will do it again, as well as be like that to other people.
Rn I'm hurting, it's driving me crazy. I have a kid in play, I need provisions. How can I walk away?
Hurt people hurt leople
It's just so sad how many men just hurt women and watch them cry. They're fine watching women cry because they're sorry excuses for men. Pathetic. And it's even sadder that women with suck dads go after guys that suck just like dad then chase after a love that they will never have with those monsters.
Past trauma. I grew up with abuse as the main form of communication. I’m learning to not expose nobody else to that. I be working hard to give my girl positive affirmations and I try to build her up. I recognized some patterns and cut it out. I know how I grew up it was crazy. Can’t pass that on
I recently removed myself from a narcissistic relationship. He use to tell me that I was too smart, or I would find him giving me mean looks whenever I would get dressed. I guess he was upset that I was attractive. As time went on when he would be angry he would say the most vile and mean things that a person could possibly say to me. I have never been verbally disrespected to that degree ever in my life. I guess it’s a good thing that my self esteem was high because nothing he said ever made me question my worth. I question my own worth by staying and putting up with it whether it had an effect on me or not. I did notice that I began to change. I had to become mean and heartless to deal with him in order to defend myself from his attacks. I broke it off after realizing that I could not be the best version of myself with him.
Smart....I basically had a similar situation and had to do the same and am so happy everyday I did walk away its been over six years and I am single but I know a better mind partner is God's plan for me
Praise God
Your story sounds like mine. Thanks for your transparency❤
And yet you still choose to stay with him the whole time
You could have just dumped him from the first moment he did that to you but okay keep making excuses for your behavior
I dont need a man who has to get ready he should already be ready.
Thats why I said he has to be ready exactly.
Exactly
Preach Sis!
Exactly! It is not our responsibility to build a man. We built ourselves they can build their selves as well! If we can be stable, they can be stable as well. A man that needs to be built was not raised right and it is not our responsibility to raise them. The hold him down days are done! The girls that hold a man down and are ride and die girls are the ones that get played every single time. Don't fall for it ladies!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
angelawhite9665choose the person whose nature is good, not his nature is bad
It's sad at how many men hate women. This stems from a mother wound.
EXACTLY!!! His mother didn't love him or want him.
@@nataliasolakian6717 Or she made him her surrogate husband, and he dispised it but couldnt voice it. Mothers do this all the time to boys.
@@charchar7897 I don't unserstand...
@@nataliasolakian6717You don't understand what?
@@charchar7897 the woman made the man her surrogate husband. What does this have to do with a mother wound?
Overall, don't be with someone, man or woman, who brings down your self esteem to extremely low levels, or makes you afraid. Accept constructive criticism, but not hate speech.
So true
Family. Friends. Colleagues and especially your Partner. Keep negative people away...get out of Toxic Relationships.
Thankyou 🙏🏻♥️
God bless you for sharing the truth and helping others stuck in unhealthy relationships. You’re a bright light for The Lord.✝️
Thank you for telling the truth in love. It’s hard to believe that we have allowed misogyny has become a norm in this culture. Is this a symptom of mental depression to control? Agape
I cried most of the time in my 4 years marriage..i always thought it was me..coz thats how he put it..tears became my life until i walked out two months ago..i made it through..
So proud of you!
How long did it take you to build up the courage to leave?
@@loulifaith6747took me 7 years. 2016, I should’ve left him when I first met him. His red flags were loud and clear! But narcs know just what to say and do to keep interested. 6 months in and now im hooked, nice guy shit out the window. He was fucking up my life while living his. 2019 worst year of my life. 2020 I started slowly gaining strength, day by day, but I wasn’t ready, not til this year. I prayed on it, something came over me and got tired. Im in the gym and look the best I’ve looked in awhile. When you’re truly tired. YOURE GOING TO LEAVE, I don’t miss him, I don’t feel anything for him. And I pray my mindset continue to WAKE UP. He’s going to try and try .. Good luck to you and stay strong ❤
I walked away in April❤
@@theluxury_hairconnectllcGood for you. It took me 10 years to get the courage to walk away. Peace be still that it’s not 11 years.
How he talks about his former relationships will tell you everything you need to know.
For real tho,and that he does. But what's so crazy about it is,he told me he doesn't ever want to hear anything about my past relationship.but continue speaking about the one's he's been with. Who are his children mother's, and how they did him wrong. But it's like he's punishing for what they done.
I wish I paid attention to this but I do know his ex we are not friends or anything but he talked horribly about her and she's not all that innocent I should of ran then he is equally just as bad as her
Sometimes they put the previous relationship on a pedestal to make u feel like trash. He used to do that to me and put me on a pedestal as well when he wanted to her his other childs mother. He broke me down without me even noticing
@@christinamorris3126 yesssssssssss mines did that to me as well I never through my other kids father in his face either. He used to always compare us and I got a government job and she works in retail but he would make it like shit was better or something but could barely provide for her child or barely keep at roof. I had my on place for 21 years!!!!!
Wow, goodgirlgonebad that's messed up. These men's act just like little boys who never got to go outside to play. They ask GOD for a good woman, but when they get her.they doesn't know how to treat her. But what goes around comes around, cause GOD doesn't like ugly.and he ain't to fund of the pretty
I'm 54 years old, and this is the advice I wish I was given 35 years ago, thank you :)
yup....
Yessss yessssss
Same
Same
Me too, I really wish I knew this. Would have saved so many people from heart ache.
My father always said in warning me against dysfunctional people “Their going down and their going to bring you down with them”. I loved him so much! Thank you for your wisdom-I feel you are a gift to many!!!
Pastor, that message was for ME!! Thank you!!
Said was going 2 take me 2 HELL w/ him!!!
This is so true he"s speaking the truth
True story
Thanks Daddy ❤️
Never Be with a man that makes you afraid.... 🇨🇦 Very good advice ✅
"I'm a pastor I'm an author," you're also a spiritual father figure to us as well.
Thank you! I have never heard any man state or acknowledge that woman are reacting to the abuse she suffered!
Thank god for y u wake me up with ur video I play it I learn from it thank u so much
Y are so true
I broke free yesterday and changed my locks, I tried to offer him the little belongings he had through my sister or his mother and he refused! God help me please, let me love myself again!
Dominique u gonna be ok God will lead abd provide just keep trysting him giving him the Glory and Praise!! 💜🙏
@@demetriashafi7858 I feel so much better now, this was almost 2 months ago ❤️❤️❤️❤️ God Bless you & thank you for your encouraging words!
Girl....I cut it Cold Turkey right before the new year... 8 years of NOTHING but Heartache Depression and Loneliness. Every time he did something he'll give me some money or buy me something but we never spend no time with cuz he was out doing other stuff... I'm sitting home being faithful..I'm feeling so wonderful and free...no more toxic phone conversations no more excuses why you can't go nowhere with me but you out everywhere else.... I'm living my best life right now... beside the covid LOL..... He's made a couple of attempts I don't answer nothing.... In my second month I'm not talking to him and I know that I would never speak to him ever again...he don't deserve none of my attention...
I'm mad at myself for not doing it sooner....Rats need to stay in the Gutter... I will never allow anybody to mistreat me ever again....and that's facts...
I'm glad you're doing well
@@BOSSLADY-cu8vs this is letting i told mt self today 🙃
@@BOSSLADY-cu8vs Your comment spoke to me so boldly. I can understand and relate. You have such strength ! Courage and most importantly God!
ladies get yourself an account purposely for self esteem, anytime you feel a man or anybody is trying to get to you unfavorably, go deposit in that account to remind yourself that no one can empty it...
That’s a great idea
These lessons should be included in the school curriculum.
Will do
I like that thankyou for the advice
Thank you, that's great advice. I am going to start that today in real need to build my reserves up.
This is the video I watched a year ago that helped me make the decision to file for divorce and leave my toxic 28 year marriage for good. Every single word resonated with me and brought confirmation after confirmation. I am forever grateful to Bishop & Lady Blakes. They helped me get out of my own way and now I am happy, healthy, healed and whole. Praise God for true deliverance and the Grace to move on with my life!🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️🙌🏾🙌🏾
Amen to that 😄
That is beautiful! 🙏❤️🙏
Glory to God❤ please go for counselling and develop healthy self esteem. I just came out of an abusive relationship too in June and he still calls me with new numbers wondering how I could be serious about walking away from him
Am so happy for you ❤
Congratulations Ma'am 🎉🎉
Some of these men hand pick women who have been through countless amount of trauma, and without parents,... imagine not having a father or a mother to guide her . After the massive mind games, you become the angry woman, he then blames your trauma.. And now your are left with even more trauma. And convinced it’s you.
I know someone like this in real life. HE LOVES DAMAGED WOMEN. Then he damages them more!
A boiling hot mess🥵 !
This!!! Also we as women should never reveal our trauma to new men, they will later throw it back in our faces like you said as blame or use it against us to have their diabolical way.
@@AyesheAlwaysLovely Well, at least you can honestly say you met the devil.
@@lovingme1st973 Lol. I tell you. That is the devil 😈 for real.
A mind Jedi trick
My ex belittle me. Told me I’m not worth loving or being a mother. I am now in the process of divorcing him
Well done you. All the best 2021 🙏🏻😁
Not by yourself unfortunately. I’m glad you are making the break.🙏🏽
And don’t look back. Pls ensure you check your deficiencies so that you don’t attract this type again. After all, you are what you attract.
Why did the narc ass cross the rd. he thought it was a boundary 😂
You are worthy of everything Olodumare intended for you. ASE
Everything you said is why I had to leave my daughters dad. Anytime I tried to say what I didnt like about how he treated me he use to say I'm masculine. I know what God says about me and my future.
It’s nothing masculine about you❤️ very beautiful
Bravo...!!!
I believe the masculine energy from a woman comes out when the relationship isn't right
@@kitlee7372
That's a bunch of b.s. This person called her masculine to put her down and insult her. That's what they do. Most of these men are cruel and evil. They don't feel good about themselves, and they will say or do anything to make their partner feel bad about themselves.
@@gidgethrobowski3860 I've been in toxic relationships and me saying it brings out masculine energy. Is the truth we all have a feminine energy and masculine energy and love is the most feminine energy ever ever. Whatever the situation is when we are forced 2 fight it does activate our masculine energy and there's nothing wrong with it
“It’s only little boys that fight with women.” Such a true statement, especially in regards to my ex. He was constantly arguing with me for 3 years about my past mistakes (that weren’t mistakes, it was reaction to his constant abuse and shaming me and I grew sick of it and started biting back despite tolerating it for at that point too damn long). And on top of that, he was fighting with his mom about his childhood that neither of them could change! She disowned him because she got sick to death of her son blaming and shaming her for her past knowing damn well he didn’t know shit about it to be judging her for it.
Thank you so much for your words here. I experienced the same. Any “man” who comes for his own mama is the ultimate coward. God sees that and brings these grown boys low.
Yes a little boy trapped in their childhood wounds and scars from their mothers discipline and they disobey and blame their mothers for the choices they make.Then they hurt women, they hate women. Agree Amen
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭😯
Deep and so true that's a dam shame to smh
True
It’s never too late to hear a healthy father daughter talk. Thank you for the words I needed to hear.
My dad passed away I never really got a chance to meet him . and I feel like he’s speaking to me tonight through this pastor .
Amen sister's,!!
This ❤
im leaving my husband of 14 years, he is so controlling and shames me continually
Praying for you Lois. May God lead you.
I'm going through this right now. I have been married to him 15 years. He gets angry and belittle me tear me down.. Tells I'm not worth it . No black man want me. I would have a life style like I have with him. I'm done!
@@vergenialawrence1443 I walked away from a 8 year marriage an 3 children. He told me upon meeting me he was gonna break me. He did, cheating while I was pregnant, having a girlfriend, told me no one would want me with children. I had my own getting into the marriage. He has nothing. I own my house. He’s in his grandma’s basement bashing me now.
Fly birdie fly!
@@Dime.Society So a dude told you TO YOUR FACE that he was going to break you, yet you married and had kids with him anyway? He wasn't even trying to hide his intentions or lie to you, yet you got involved anyway. Women like you I cannot have any sympathy for.
I was seeing a man for about 2 weeks .. he was charming and courteous but almost too much flattery. Anyway, on our second date he became excessively drunk . When I refused to go home with him and set my boundaries regarding communication, he called me an ungrateful B” and refused to get out my car . Next morning he called and said he had no memory of this behavior he apologized and said that not his character . But ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. he is BLOCKED and DELETED
Abuse and love do not coexist. 💜 That’s abuse in any form. Your healed & unhealed eyes choose men very differently.
My husband abusive but tells me he loves me after he says he hates me pray I'll find a safe way out. He is a pastor's son so he knows the Bible.
@@brendaborden5954 when he goes to work, pack your things, and leave. Praying for you
Amen!
Brenda Borden That’s definitely not love my sister. No man who loves his wife says those things. He hates himself so he cannot love you.
In a healthy marriage we disagree...may even get a little angry, but the love & respect is still there because it is a part of the foundation. In an abusive marriage, you walk on eggshells and the person says the most hateful things. Then they’ll come back around with false promises. Changed behavior is the best apology. God does not want you abused. A man breaks covenant when he abuses his wife. And sometimes God didn’t want that person for us - but we wanted them and He gave us to our desires. Then we ask God to bless a mess He wasn’t in, in the first place. Ask God to show you what spirit you are dealing with. He will show you. Be prepared for the answer & be obedient to His instruction. An abuser will always use your emotions against you so you must think logically for your sanity. Praying for you. May God bless and protect you. 🙏🏽
Still luv your GLOBES MY FAVORITE SIR AND HE TRY TO BE REALISTIC EXACTLY THAT DADDY AND THE PRINCESS HAD EXACTLY A NARRISICT SIR SOMEWHERE THAT CAN ONLY SHAME THEMSELVES...DO A MAN NOT HAVE NO WHERE TO LAY HIS HEAD TO TAKE A WOMEN OR MAN TO SOME ARE BI SIR AND SMELL SMOKING A LOT OF CIGARETTES NO MATTER HOW MANY SHOWERS THEY TAKE SIR BAD HABITS LEAD TO BAGGAGE SIR CLOWNS WITH CROWNS SIR... EXACTLY NO BLAMERS FRAMERS GAMERS ONLY USING RX TYPES SICK MEN EXACTLY HIGHLY EXPERIENCED THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD EXACTLY TYE CROSS SHE CARRIES...THANK YOU JESUS...OR NI ONES APPROVAL...YOUR FANTASTIC....AND THANK YOU LORD FOR A FATHER FOR 38 YEARS SIR THAT REALLY MATTERS PARENTS IN MEN AND WOMEN LIFES GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Ladies, ask yourself: What do I want (on a deeper level)?
Once you can truly answer that, let that be your standard and don’t ever deviate from it.
Yes thank you my love
Yes! This is it. Thank you
Sochi Knows. Is true .
Yes maam!
Yesss thank you for saying this
"you're not attracted to the good ones" this hit me hard
@chaz Whitfield Wow!
Sometimes as I listen to these powerful videos, I begin to feel overwhelmed at all the mistakes I’ve made and I don’t even know where to start to change myself. Jesus, please help me so that I can help my daughters.😭.
I feel you sister, I'm thinking the same thing: I send the videos to my daughter's and encourage them to listen to the messages, and I pray 🙏 💗 The Lord to give them eyes to see, and ears to hear God's voice, and recognize their own value. All things are possible when you pray. We can get this
I share these videos to my fb groups. I am not sure if I can share it with my RUclips channel without his copyrights being violated. So, I never share it with my channel. I am not sure how that works on RUclips. Better safe than sorry.
Feeling you sister, but it's never too late. NEVER!!
I feel just the same. We are never too old to learn 🙏🏾. Keep your head up good better best one love
Yup
After a series of situationships, I took it upon myself to start dating god. Through that I found peace. After that the game changed. Anything that was not peaceful, I did not entertain. I found myself in union with god and months later I met my fiancé.
ChilliepepperZ D this is so inspiring
@@Britney_StLouis I agree👏👏👏
Yes Ma'am it is only Good who totally has your best interest in Heart.
Amien
Beautiful! Praise God!
I've never met a man who has tried to build me up and never try to break me down. I see so much greatness in me, yet they all seem to be intimidated or overshadowed by my light. So, I am quick to get rid of ppl and dedicate my time to learning new things and deepening my spirituality.
Me either. Thank u for this
That's right.
This made me think of women like Ciara and Cassie. They were both with men that society would deem "10s" They left these men and eventually MARRIED men who people constantly say are corny or not as fly as the previous men..but Ciara and Cassie appear to be extremely happy with these "corny" guys who will show the world how much they love them.
And yes... Many men hate women. When I say this they think I'm calling them gay,when honestly most gay men I know LOVE women.
Yesss I agree with you :)
Exactly!
Future never was a 10 a -10 more like it. Russell was always been a 10. Nope never would have talked to future just listen to his disrespectful music towards women.
I would never have deemed those men 10s sweetie. Yuck.
Girl you are speaking volumes 🗣🗣🗣
The approval treadmill . I’ve been on it and it wore me out. My hair, my skin, my kindness, my body
Healing before moving on is very important.
I agree. It's vital for all relationships.
Well, if you're like me...then you'll question everything.
Yes!!
I need healing in my soul n my mind
@@krystalrussell1783 amen
I just went through this. Everything you are saying is true. He cut me down til I felt like there was nothing left. I finally broke free.
I know the feeling sister. Thank you for the inspiration 👏👏👏
Well done girl - Empower yourself everyday and know your Divine Feminine inside you who knows Her Worth!
Im happy you made out, so many women don't
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽So happy you free sis...❤️
Me too! You get tired of getting cut down til you start to believe it you have to get away
Whoever is reading this may God bless you with the desires of your heart in the name of JESUS Amen 🙌🙌🙌☝️🙏
Amen
I've waited 42 years for GOD to turn my frog into a prince. Now he has shown me I need to hold out and wait for my Boaz to arrive...
May God bless you too,dear heart!🙏😊
Amen
@@christinamorris3126 thank you Rev.i appreciate you...men especially black men is tired of being knock everywhere they go especially the Church they are put down every where.. you got lie down women out here...and men are being put down
I have endured over 20 years of verbal abuse from my husband- it’s time to go. Thank you for your video. It reinforces what must be done.
What type of things would he say?
@@BeyanNYChow is that helping her? There’s no need to even reinforce the negative energy by repeating it.
I wish you happiness and healing sister…May God bless you and keep you safe 🙏🏾❤️
You are strong ❤️
I'm going through the same thing. Is like I'm numb at this point I don't even answer him no more I just shut down.
Yes that is true about a lot of people not being fathered. Even though the father was present.
Even though the mothers was present All day long a lot of kids weren’t parented. That would interfere with them being in the loop on Facebook you know
Thanks u on Point
Man you are so correct. Mine is still here and I still can't figure out why he was there , but really wasn't
mine wasn’t in my life til i turned 18 now he puts me down just like bullying i’ve experienced at school sometimes i feel like he’s jealous of me
@@supa407
Kids generally respect their fathers better, though, and generally won't try to test their fathers as much as their mothers. That is because, at least in a two parent home, they see that the father's are getting the last say in things and mothers not really allowed input. It is even worse if the mother is trying to be a disciplinary when need it be and try to set boundaries and structure and the father vetoes it, and too loose with the kids. A lot of women are taught to go along with what the man says and do not question it, even when clearly wrong.
You are helping but it hurts! Some of us wasted 20 years with 3's.
Don't feel bad you're not the only one but when you find that you've made these mistakes in this is when I'm doing ramp up your self care and focus on you and what you really want
You mean third party shit.
Always get it dont know why...
I give my all and the men choose the enemy...
More useful than me...
It's NEVER too late...
My parents have been together for over 30 years and my Dad is definitely a 2-3 type of man. Watched him tear, beat, and break my mother and us down our entire childhood. I pray that she would leave him now it seems like she's just waiting for him to die off. He's 72 and still the same. I cant visit their home without getting upset I hate how he speaks to her and treats her. She doesnt believe in divorce. My mother is educated and my Grandfather (her Dad) was the total opposite of my father. A truly great man. I dont understand why she chose so low. All my siblings have been one or other. Abuser or victim. The cycle must & will end..
There was something hidden in him, very mean and I did not see it until it was too late.
You saw it and chose to ignore the signs...including myself.
I wonder y at the beginning we don't c the signs until its to late. The signs of toxic individuals
@@candycane146 me too. I paid dearly for it too. I’m blessed to still be alive. So many people are quick to feel sorry for me but I have to correct them to let them know I take responsibility for my part. I was ignored flags that were beyond red.
It's not too late. Moving on is doable. Consult Domestic Violence professional organizations for help if necessary. One day God may use you to help others be delivered in the same way. Project yourself ahead 5 years from now and look back on what you did to move forward. You can do all things through Christ who is our strength.
They went to great lengths to conceil their true nature from you. Stop blaming your selves for falling prey to a practiced, professional con artist.
I met a guy that did all of that towards me and I couldn't understand why but felt it would pass if I continued to show I cared,, I WAS SO WRONG
Thank you for the understanding that you've given me. I never gave in and I haven't given up. Only hurt ppl, hurt ppl and he was a real clown
Truth. My (ex) husband began shaming me..the day after our wedding while on the honeymoon. I mistakenly thought I just needed to be a better wife. I wised up after ten years of it, left and divorced him. Wish I'd done it sooner.
Sweetie, what a heartache.💔
It sounds like you were ensnared by a Narcissist.
It's so typical of them that once they've nailed it down, they devalue you, and the huge change on the wedding night or the day after is so common among everyone who's married one.
My grandma was the same with my Narcissist grandfather.
I've attracted a lot of Narcissists, and not one has been able to keep up the 'good guy' act (facade) long enough for me to commit to any of them. They can't get past ten weeks.
I'm glad that you're free now.
I am in the same boat. I need to get out. It's hard because of the children we have. We are coming up on 11 years in May. I pray that I get out soon. My heart hurts almost every day.
I experienced the same on my honeymoon. Thought I needed to improve as well. It took me 6 years with the knowledge from these videos to figure it out. Kudos to you.
I went through a 3 year separation to the male I married not knowing he was a narcissist. As soon as we were married he turned into someone else. I just took him back for the children 3 months ago. 1 month was good after that he became his old self 😩.......I'm starting to drift away because it's not what I wanted. Hang in there, eventually you will know what to do even if it's slow.
Still in marriage after 18 yrs , i try to get out when the insult were more then i cancel due to fear not be able to be enough alone 😒
The Lord have been telling me that He wants us to use this season of singleness for a deep healing. He wants us to seek counseling/therapy. They have online therapy named Better Help. Use this time to learn how to play an instrument, learn how to cook new dishes, travel if you can, go to school, and so on and so forth. But use this time to fully develop who you are, and most importantly build your relationship with Christ. Not just follow traditions, but truly seek His face while it may be found.
Amen x
I believe that word is true! I bought a guitar and thought about going back to school Amen!!! I just got out of the qorst shortest lived relationship of my life omg! God loves me too much even let me hurt myself that much.... He was a covert narcissits I swear!! I am praying that God heals my heart b/c all my relationships with men have been soo terrible I am about to give up.... But i know its b/c I need to heal and wait on God. He knows better. !
Yes mam, so true. Looking for friends to like waiting to exhale ladies and something new ( movie) true girlfriends
You have no idea how important it was for me to read this right now. Thank you for writing this.💝
Amen. God needs some strong queens and we're getting ourselves ready 👑
Become the person you want to attract. On the journey, you'll fall in love with you and the Lord, others, and forget that you're even alone. What's important, really...
Amen... I’m on my journey now. It’s been a struggle but worth every moment
That's not gonna stop these clowns from trying you though. You're still gonna attract various types. Having those standards and boundaries and not being afraid to put your foot down when they start is what helps.
Us women, especially sensitive women, we deserve so much better than to be treated like crap by men
I just went through a break up and my mom sent this to me. I’m so thankful to have a spiritual woman in my life who helps me to find wisdom. Thank you for this message ❤️
Thank you Pastor!!!! You are a blessing for me! Now, I am working on me and my dreams with the help of the Lord. I am so happy!
The type of Mom I will be to my babies 🥰🙏🏾
Growing up, my father beat me and told me that "men only want whats between you legs". I learned about sex from the porn spilling out of my uncles closet. When I got taken in by my cousin and her sisters, I grew up hearing messages about how unreliable, abusive and deceitful men were. Growing up with these messages made being with sick men normal. The times I dated good men id sabotage it believing that he must be dumb or desperate to want someone like me and that if he spent enough of time with me he's throw me away after sex. This mentality held firm until this year once I started seeking therapy. Your words are really needed to help those of us who grew up the way I did.
❤️
❤️
This brings joy to my heart. That you got therapy and to help you. You are going to be an inspiration to others. ❤
Oh sweetie im so sorry you were hurt deeply in many levels. So young i know the feeling. .i was alone for ten years living my life until i made a poor choice that cost me so much pain to myself and family .i pray everyday to be free of my abuser and to not pick sick men no more to love myself deeply and to mother myself. So i wont feel so empty inside god heal me free me still being abused .my body my temple. Ur not alone .i seem to only pic thugs abusers guys with bad tempers .i want to be free i have batherd woman syndrome now .the longer you stay the more they take ur soul away .seek god first. God is greater than man.
This spoke to me on a deep level. Thank you for sharing your heart and insight ❤
I’ve learned that this type of man is called a narcissist. The realization that I’ve spent my life married to one has completely devastated me. It’s a new revelation and those who’ve experienced it say this type of person just doesn’t change. I’m most disheartened and broken right now.
New to your channel. I appreciate your insight.
Mrs. H. You are correct, I found his page last year after I discovered I was married to one. After only 69 days I filed for divorce and walked away! Still today I am figuring out how I ended up there are still doing self work. I wish you the best.... your journey won’t be easy but definitely worth it. Stay strong 💪☺️
Pimika Humphries Wow! If I had known like you, I’d have done the same thing. Thank you for sharing and for your kind words. I’m working through so much right now.
It will get better i promise you keep walking with God. Remember he is close to the Broken Hearted. I lost 20 yrs But God.
@Shoshanna it's sad I didn't even want to turn in my marriage license for the certificate after the wedding bc I was having doubts
Mrs. H. Yesss!
From 471 thumbs to over 35k. This message is so necessary to us fatherless girls. I had to learn this the hard way.
I'll be 36 next month, God willing 🙏🏾
I'm not married nor do I have children... yet🙏🏾
#SavedAndSingle
Me too. I was really praying and hoping this year I would meet my husband but COVID seemed to have slowed things down
@@ms.a806 if God wanted you to meet your husband during a pandemic it would have happened, God is greater and nothing can stop His will for your life. Continue to work on yourself and be patient. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart.
💞🙏🏾
@@ms.a806 things are slowed in your mind not in God's mine keep yourself up you have to go to the grocery store you have to go to the doctor and there is many places God is not sleep
Me to. Praying
@@dimediamond 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I just went through this in my marriage... it started off as jokes.
same here all i got was yelling,rage and misunderstood over something that doesnt such reactions...and he sees nothing wrong with the shame he brings in my life nor does he believe his abusive
Tshegofatso Mokonoto 20 years with a man that has now been diagnosed as bipolar and narcissistic... what a roller coaster ride it was.
@@4GiftedHands i honestly know that the man i married isnt normal theres something wrong nobody normal acts like that...i respond he screams honestly i know that he hates me due to his actions i believe people with such disorders are capable of something fatal hence i need out before its too late...been married 8 months and i cant live with an energy vampire i don't know how u did it 4 20years u have persistence...god bless,are u in a happier place now?hope u find healthy love and honestly healing is essential...i just want 2 focus on me 4 years without any male destruction coz the eyes are deceiving and the world is filled with narcs
Exactly jokes then accusations to justify demonic actions. I started the roller coaster ride in my late teens. Now 40 married and two beautiful children later. Thanks to RUclips channels like Pastor Blakes and other counsel. I deserve better and my kids deserve a peaceful home not a false picture of a family to the outside world. So much shame but I'm praying and fighting for a happy life after 40. Amen
Yyyeesss. My husband even crossed the line. He tried belittling me infront my father. My father thinks I'm a genius . He know my husband was talking smack. My father thinks highly of all his children. He invested a lot into all his children. My husband with his insecure broken self really crossed the line
I don't care too much about the toys but when the last guy I was seeing started criticising my Christianity.... I was done. Same guy was always talking about his wealthy ex.... It took 2 months and I waved goodbye. Best decision ever
Exactly
I've had this done to me once, but I can assure you it won't happen again. 2018 with this narcissist taught me a valuable lesson. Abuse me once, it's over, done with and I pray that he understands the N and the O. What this man did to me, it made me never in life quickly trust another man again.
I was with someone for three years that was a narcissist jealous controlling insecure and just because he was a church goer I thought he would be different...lies..I build him up he tore me down with words I left and more happier than I ever been in my life in a long time.
Same here🤔🤬
Same with me 12 years worth of Hell arguing screaming match very insecure good-looking and good in bed but horrible human being and very toxic
Having the strength to leave is the real blessing! Thxs for helping me find my strength 🙏🏾
Good for you 👏👏👏👏
Same. Here! Currently in the process of leaving.
I was so called “in a relationship” with a guy with whom we were living together. I was a Christian at the time-Still is, but I knew better. Anyway, I never could reconcile being with him and living a truly Christian life. It’s like I had to choose between him and my relationship with God. Needless to say, my relationship with God suffered a LOT by being with this guy. Well I would put him out and let him come back over and over again bc he would always have a sob story for me. To be honest, I don’t think I ever really like him (as a person) but it was an ungodly soul tie. The last time I put him out the apartment we lived in he told me “You’re trash, you got 5 kids. No man wants you, I’m the only man that’ll deal with you”. Mind y’all I’m putting HIM out of my home. The audacity. That guy was a real clown, but Thank God I cut him out of life completely. Listening to Pastor Blakes helped me tremendously!!
I am going through the same thing, I ask God to keep me strong in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen Amen Amen 😍
Once Saved Always Saved is not true. We're in a world wide apostasy now. Most preachers are teaching that there are Christian fornicators, Christian drug addicts, Christian swindlers, Christian porn addicts, alcoholics, etc.. Some teach that it is has to be a "practice or habitual of lifestyle" sinning to put you back on the road to hell. Please check out this link- it is a matter of eternity. www.evangelicaloutreach.org/anothergospel.htm www.evangelicaloutreach.org/practice-sin.htm
All praises To The Most High you put him out and stuck to your decision. Your story sounds like mine. I packed up one day he went to work with my 2 boys and Im 5months pregnant. I moved back to my hometown 15hrs away from that demon. Stay strong Sis! 💛💛💛
@@lisariddick69 He sure will. Thank you for your encouragement ❤️
@@yemedemure414 God will see you through. You and your kids will be fine. And this is one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.
"You're not attracted to the good ones, they turn you off!" Revelation!
This is the best thing I’ve heard as I walk away from a toxic man who’s done exactly what you’ve just said and I’m NEVER going back there
"You have been conditioned to believe the 3 is a 10".... THAT IS 💯
I am sobbing to this. Currently going through the death of a relationship from a BOY.
Me too. It's hurts so bad but realizing that the relationship is not good for us is the first step to our healing. Strength and blessings to you!🤎🤎
💛💛💛💛
I sob over the wasted time, not the loser man boy. And yes the time was wasted even though lessons were learned. Ovaries don't care about life lessons.
@@trob9100 Stay Encouraged! God cares about your ovaries! Didn't He promise Sarah she'd have a child?! His Plan is so much better than ours. Not to minimize your circumstances but, we don't always know who we're supposed to nurture and teach or raise...Peace.
Congrats! 🎊
It's good to see a man giving positive advice to women. Only a man knows what another man is and does and what motivates him. Thank you pastor.
I really needed this. I didn’t get this teaching from my dad. He left when I was 6 months. I am 50 now and it’s never too late to learn. I have learned and I am grateful to you for this lesson.
This is one of the best lectures I have heard dealing with my situation. Wow everything Blake said is right. Especially when he talked about reacting after years of abuse. A woman really will feel like she is losing her sanity when a man abuses her especially mentally.
Ugh so true . It’s really sad how many men hate women. Gotta be careful out here when dealing with men .
Yes, Lord. Yes indeed.😩
Yes, this is true. I had to look back and see that I was in a sunken place and the continued abuse was keeping me there, but I’m so thankful for my relationship with God because He illuminated the real me that He created before I was conceived. It was hard to see that again though all of the devaluing and degrading words, but God took me through a timeline and showed me where I was before I met him, how life started to dim throughout our time together, and where I am now-coming back to myself. Peace is reigning and I feel like a plant that was stepped on and cut, but the root remained(Jesus) and He’s nurturing it back to life and health.
This is so true I never imagined myself going crazy but I started to. I disappeared this week for 2 days and left all my kids on my children's father and that included a 15 day baby. I realized something bad is gonna happen. I picked my kids back up after I had time to myself mentally and I will not have anything to do with him again. Everything he has put me through this idiot could be in prison.... He has no boundaries. He says the most cruel things to me infront of the children. He curses me in public. He emails the office manager to get me off the lease. He threw out my stuff in the street and put a sex toy on top to humiliate me. Hes called the cops on me just because I didnt react to him. I cant believe what I have been put through...... Im done and im taking back my sanity and my children need me...
🙏🙏🙏🙏
You have described my ex husband to a tee!! Makes me sad, some men can be so evil! Thank you.
Yes,yes,yes,make me sad iwant to cry scream.
I can so relate to this for my past with my x too.
We stop praying for them and satan uses them to attack you. He doesn’t want any marriages because God instituted it.. spiritual warfare must take place to save your marriage
WHEN I LET HIM GO LAST WK IT REALLY FEALT GOOD HE MADE ME UN EZ IN MY BODY IT JUST WASNT A GOOD FEALING WITH HIM AROUND I LOOKED IN HIS FACE & SAW NOTHING NICE HE WAS MEAN & WORKED AT A MORGUE I SAID A MEAN SPIRIT LATCHED ON TO U JUST COULDNT TAKE IT NOMORE
No you are not number 1,...God should be and then he should love you out of that. Satan is using him to belittle you!! We wrestle not against flesh and blood. You have to pray or God to teach him how to love you and you respect him, how to see you as God sees you. The enemy does not want marriages to stand..open up your eyes and read the Word of God..LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER!!!
I wish my dad would have taught these things to me. I had to learn on my own but at least I finally learned :)
Gypsy Wolf, you look stunning
Good for you, my sister.
You certainly were not alone in that situation.
I know if it had not been for the grace and mercy of God...I would not have made it this far. I'm so thankful that the Bishop RC Blakes is imparting this wisdom to those that are coming behind us. "Lord let these words of wisdom, coupled with the power of Holy Spirit, bring understanding, healing, help and rescue to the many that need it. Also Father, may even the men that need help, hear it and understand that it's not to bash them and deem them worthless....but instead, to bring the light into the darkness of their own existence and experiences, that they too can get deliverance and live! You came that WE would have life and that life more abundant. You came for us ALL GOD. THANK YOU! In Jesus name"
@@sherriesteele-petty2998 I had a “come home to Jesus” moment not that long ago in regards to this topic. I was with a bad guy and lived with him. When looking on my bookcase, the Precious moments Bible my grandma gave me as a little girl spoke to me. I hadn’t opened it since I was a child. I grabbed it from the shelf and noticed a piece of paper being used as a bookmark. I opened to that page and it was a prayer for god to protect me from the wicked man, not to let his abusive ways win. I cried and knew my grandma was leading me down the right path. My faith has also been a huge reason I’m still here. Thanks for sharing, my sister.
@@gypsywolf2061 ......
That right there..... IS PRECIOUS & PRICELESS!!!
❤️✝️💖✝️❤️
I pray you come into ALL that our glorious Father has prepared for you darling!
Very much needed . I am going through a separation now from my husband he is cold as ice and claims to be religious and reads his Bible all the time.He left me when I was pregnant and gave him a chance after baby born and he was very nasty to me. I’m praying for a blessing when me and my two sons move out soon into our place .
Same. I feel your pain.
@@stephthecreative6312 I’m sorry praying you get through
@@bwalk59 🙏🏾💕
I've been exactly where you are and after 20 years of marriage I filed for divorce in July and I am already feeling free. God is great.
...'he is cold as ice and claims to be religious and reads his Bible all the time'... Very dangerous kind of humans. I'm dealing with one as I type this message. A true narcissist
Guard your heart since from it comes the issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23 Amen.
Healing...spiritually, mentally, financially, and physically.
(*_*)(っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )(◕ᴗ◕✿)(･-･) \(･◡･)/ヾ(˙❥˙)ﾉ
Amen so true
It's us who attract the wrong ones, that's why you must do the inner work to attract the good ones.
Depends on who you are talking to. Because we live in such a shallow world, it is hard to attract the right opposite gender if they generally feel you are too ugly. Never mind if you have the right personality or attitude.
The like minded and right people have their nose up at me, and I'm perty much invisible to them. The more similarity I have with someone, the more they seem to can't stand me.
It's just so hurtful. Yesterday he called me the B word and I told him that is not okay. Instead of apologizing he said "you can call me a B since I called you one." to which I responded "I would never call you that." All he said was "Good, at least now you respect me." And he kept referring to me by the word. Mind you, before this we were not in any sort of altercation really that would warrant him feeling disrespected, he was just blasting music while we drove. After he said that I was silent and brought it up once more when we parked. When he still showed no remorse I just said I want to go home to which he said "follow your heart" chuckled, and continued to walk into the gym that we had just driven to. It took everything in me to stay calm, and to remain calm while I waited for my Lyft ride at the neighboring store. As soon as I got home I had a breakdown basically and felt so disappointed. He said this the time right after I told him I loved him for the first time, and I had started planning a project to make him that day (I sew clothes.) It just hurt that as soon as I fell for him he showed his true colors I guess. The only way I was able to follow through with my boundary despite my strong feelings for him is imagining what I would want for my future daughter if she was in a similar situation. And the knowledge that in dating I'm not only looking for a partner for myself, but also a father for my kids so I need to be stern in my standards not only for my own sake. Sure maybe I could dismiss this behavior and suck it up for myself if I fall for someone. But the thought of my future husband treating my kids with utter indifference makes my stomach churn. I haven't heard anything from him since and don't expect to so am just trying to get over it but it is hard as it took so much for me to open up to him after bad experiences in the past. And I really thought he cared, and was a nice loving guy but he acted like a completely different person yesterday. I guess someone can only keep up a facade for so long. Always remember: "Love is patient, love is kind."
Even if you love them, be strong enough to hold your boundaries, you can always cry into your pillow later and eat ice cream, but you won't alway be able to recover the dignity that is destroyed. Worse, down the line you may not be able to heal the broken hearts of the innocent kids you create with them. And doing so is building myself into the type of woman I would be happy for my future daughter to look up to. I never want my future kids to think unhealthy relationship dynamics are okay, I would feel so guilty if they mimicked it. I'm so grateful my mom chose my father who is an amazing man who I can use as an example of what it means to be the loving, devoted leader of a family, and who normalized healthy love to the point where I'm not addicted to and instead am repulsed by avoidant behavior, and I want to do the same for my future kids.
This is a powerful message you have given. ❤❤Stand strong it's his loss not yours.
👏👏👏 I hope all is well with you , kudos for taking a stand
Abuse and love do not coexist..Period..By I'm done I out there..Bags packed car full of gas and Im gone no looking our turning back..No access to my life No contact..Good writtens
You are strong and worth so much.
I can tell
Never look back💞💝🙏
*riddance
Well done sis. Blocked and deleted my clown
Wow...thought it was only me who just moved on three week's back
@@noroxxx2349 I got a whole new # & after 3 years he's contacting my kids. Wow you haven't found better....of course you're not! I'm good, me & Jesus 🙏
32 years old, with no kids and not yet married. " It's definitely not over" Thank you Pastor. 😊
Thank you , trying to divorce after 20 yrs , 10 years of abuse , rather be alone with the lord and my cat 🐈 . 🌺
May just wake up but don't count on. Once they do that for so long it's easy breezy for them to do
A very cruel way men these days have to deal with women and break them is by ghosting them and be extremely inconsistent...almost bipolar. That shakes a woman's peace and self esteem. Ladies, preserve the peace in your castle.
Pastor, I start dating this guy. After, I had been single for a long time. Well, we were watching t.v. and Janet Jackson came accross the screen. He says, I would love a woman like that! I said, When I was younger, I looked better then Janet Jackson.And I still look good! He is out my life! Thank you so much for the wisdom you have received from God. And thank you, Lisa for what you do.🌷
What an idiot !! and good for you !!!! You did the right thing for sure
Just bc he said that? Or is there something else?
👍👍👍👍👍
My ex would've turned it on me and called me insecure and jealous. That im not a whole, healthy woman that he's looking for to marry. Glad u have enough self love and confidence 2 dump him.
I appreciate this message. I didn't realize I was with such a broken man. For 5 years I dealt with his angry aggressive abusive cycle thinking back from the time I first got with him. Me thinking as woman I could show him real love but it turned into a battle. I felt torn down unappreciated devalued you name it. No amount of love would ever make him happy. I finally bust the bubble he put me in and gained back control. Now my journey has been on self love and healing from the trauma I experienced.
Just happened to me literally....
This hit home for me....I am with a man to show him true love and years later I'm being verbal & emotional abused....this is so hurtful.
I’m going through the same situation including aggression, verbal and emotional abuse. I was even told “black women are the downfall of black men” I knew at this time I was with a bitter broken man. This behavior showed up in the 9th year
of the relationship. I’m done in my mind and that’s where it starts for me...I’m soooo done😏
It is a spirit sent to destroy marriages... happens every 5 years or leading up to it. Don’t be done with him start praying for him and watch God change him
You have to start Spiritual warfare ... don’t say anything else to him just pray!!!
I hear your heart MOG. You are speaking facts I removed myself from even trying to date. It’s been 9 years of soberness from the soul tie. God showed me my exit. Now I’m just looking forward to being a wife one day. I’m a Nurse and raised our son alone and now our 11 y/o daughter alone. The best feeling I’ve had is learning that he married. It may sound weird, but helped me move on. The Lord opened a door for me relocate to Hawaii and here I am on this beautiful island Covid or not I see the hand of God on my life and our children’s lives. Shalom🕊
Character is key. Material don’t equal qualified. You’re videos are life changing and much appreciated. 💌
Separated right now due to some of this! I thought that he was going to be different! 10 years older than me but it was worse. Narcissistic treatment tore me down but I believe God’s word and I am taking one day at a time! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
💯 Started dating one 4 weeks later I was out the worse experience ever never again sorry for the decent older men out there these clowns in crowns are making you look bad
When you’re a 10 women he has to work overtime to diminish your self worth if he isn’t a 10. The whole Kingdom depends on healthy Queens. So many great words. Glad I found you! I’m going to look into your books. Thank you.
"It's only little boys who fight w women," SPEAK!
I'd go further and say that it's Narcissism that causes the conflict and drama.
Narcissists are addicted to the attention, and power-trip on our tears and upset. They enjoy our pain.
Although, this was posted 3yrs ago this is a right now word for me. This was so needed. I’m so embarrassed by the things I allowed to happen
You have confirmed something that I have always felt about a man like that. He really don't like women. He don't mind using her for whatever reason that satisfies him and his ego. But, for some reason he has some kind of animosity against women. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. TEACH!
For the most part this is true. its because they were taught the wrong things about women.
Also showed
I'm in this situation rn been 9 yrs on and off and I want out. We have a daughter together and I don't make much to afford anything we have. Prayers pls.
I will pray that you be delivered from that situation..
Run cc it will affect ur children
Get out asap. ilIf not the kid will become a narcissist too. They don't change only time changes. It will age you and depress you dear. I'm speaking from experience.
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 sending strength your way
9 yrs too, one 8 yrs old too, but we live 4000 fight miles or air miles apart.I think this is what keep me talking to him our princess,I don't want to but ,I can't think to cut him off his child
I'm learning my worth and who's worthy of my time Amen
“ if your allowing the same game after a certain age, you moved from victim to volunteer.” 🙋🏻♀️ 🤦♀️
Good gosh 😮😢