What is Dependent Personality Disorder? Kati Morton
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- Опубликовано: 11 янв 2015
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I have so many personality disorders they cancel each other out
lmao!! XD I can sooo relate to this lol
that got to be frustrating
yea I just thought I had avoidant personality disorder but now this one as well sounds a lot like me.. wtf
Same
it's so annoying. and you can't tell the difference between disorders because scientists apparently don't give two flying f*cks about mental illness research. "Do i have BPD? Oh wait, no, maybe i have atypical depression? Oh wait, do i have avoidant personality disorder? but wait...that's kinda like BPD....and social anxiety disorder" so annoying!
I'm SO dependent on people. I get so attached too easily :( and then get scared they'll leave me or get bored or sick of me.
I use to be like that also.but after going to church, therapy and reading self helps have changed my life.
king nick that may have not been DPD
Travel And Be Happy I think so too (though I kind of vacillate... I do feel confident at times)... But I also want to be a dependable person myself most of all...
same .....very same
Same here
Remember: these mental disorders are descriptions of how you ended up. Don't take a diagnosis to be the final word, a prescription. People can learn new habits, even if the disorder doesn't go away. We are complex beings.
This is such good, I give u gold star ⭐
and that's on cognitive behavioral therapy
yesss it needed to be said!!
Thank you for saying this. This woke me up.
oh, sure. If you're not embracing society you're avoidant personality disorder or asocial personality disorder or whatever the psychiatrist kooks can cook up in their heads. If you are embracing people, you're "dependent personality disorder." You're either an introvert, an extrovert or, if sometimes you like to see people, all of a sudden you're an ambivert. It extends further than psychiatric drugs to medicate "the symptom." There-is-no symptom. It's ALL a ruse to validate the psychiatric fields psychiatric opinion-structures (because that's all it actually is) on what's mentally ill versus what's mentally healthy (hence the flipflopping element), to put labels on everything and to help their own pockets with pointless psychoanalyst sessions and help the pockets of big pharma with selling psychiatric drugs.
In the original text, the only "mental illness" listed was manic-depression, now more widely called bipolar, paranoid psychosis and precognitive dementia, now known to be called schizophrenia. That's it! There was nothing else listed. And even those are debatable. So you sometimes feel happy every now and then and other times feel sad, and that's a sign that in your happy state, you could go off the rails? Sounds pretty theoretical at this point, on the verge of science fiction theoretical in fact. So because you're thinking outside the box, it's a sign of early onset schizophrenia? Again, a power grab and a finance grab. Not to mention the idea of chemical imbalance (pure illusion, all legitimate forms of mental illness are issue-driven, i.e. PTSD related) and the even more ridiculous idea of "branch off-sets" of mental illness such as manic-depression or schizophrenia. Well, you've got a problem there, as soon as you say someone is "manic-depressive-ish" or "schizophrenia-ish" anyone could be labeled anything anytime. Psychiatry is at best, damn close to pure illusion, a ruse designed mainly to capitalize a profit. For once in your life, deter yourself from the greedy bully capitalists that are psychiatrists and big pharma and stop going with the zombie collective slave system.
Being diagnosed with this put everything into perspective for me. My greatest fear is having to live on my own. I remember getting really sick several times in the past several years, and each time thinking very clearly that I would love to stay this sick all the time so that I can be taken care of. It scared me, especially because it felt so right.
I always knew I am not 'normal'. I grew up in a Japanese family with a very strict father. My mom is very caring and I love her to death, but she was obsessed with my grades. Come to think of it, I probably never had a real rebellious stage that most kids are considered to go through. I always listened to what my parents said, studied pretty hard for every exam and got good grades in schools. This probably contributed to this aspect of my personality. I was lost when I went into the real world with a bunch of adults. Yes, I used to be a smart student when I was a kid, but now, I have a really hard time making decisions on my own because I got so used to being told what to do.
Thank you for making this video because I've been struggling for quite a while now. That lonely feeling is no joke. I have no energy to take care of myself especially on weekends because I'm so tired from putting up a front that I am a 'normal' adult on weekdays.
I hope that someday my situation will get better.
I have a son now, but I will NEVER EVER try to lay out his life for him.
Mikiko T I really understand you. I had the same situation for a quite while especially in the school, i was same silent non rebellious kid, but I didnt even realize that I was too dependent on my mom . And didnt even realized that i usually tend to search for friend witch i could depend too much on. i study now in other city so now i start to take more decisions by myself its kinda still hard to be more independent bc i still phone mom and ask basic life stuff bc i think that i will make poor choice
Wow this really puts things into perspective for me. Thanks for sharing, hope all is well with you and your family.
This is so relatable, m not alone
Omg your comment made me feel like i was throat punched everything you said I'm going through now. I didnt have strict parents quite the opoosite but when I got pregnant i needed my mom to tell me how to do everything. Then my husband at 15 which ended up being a horrible situation that set me straight up for years of abuse. What did i do after that? Oh i left him and just found someone else to tell me what to do every waking moment of my life and when he isnt here i just dojt know what to do. I'm seeking therapy for sure. Its nice to know I'm not alone although I dont wish this kind of stuff on anyone else. Heartbreak & abuse are the only words that sum up my life
Mikiko, I can relate! I never went through a rebellious stage as a teenager either! I had no desire to learn to drive a car when my friends did. My then husband taught me how to drive when, I was 21. 🙄. Mikiko, do your best to grow, change and thrive! You can do it! So can I !
I am such a sensitive person. I have a lot of issues when it comes to doing things without someone's opinion affecting my choices. It's frustrating!
I am suffering from this so badly rn in this time in my life. It’s the worst thing ever.
I have dpd, and avoidant personality disorder. So, in other words, I'm fucked.
literally same holy fuck
+websurfin2010 I just want to respond to this because the idea that other people read this and might believe it scares me: of course you're not fucked. I realize this is meant to be funny but, well, those words can be painful and take away hope. Speaking from experience here, you can absolutely work on it and it can tooootally get soooo much better and even almost completely disappear. SO. There's your bit of hope if you needed it. 8)
Thanks...
+websurfin2010 Google breathing techniques against stress, they work great. You should also start practicing meditation.
DepthOfField no offense but i really don't think breathing techniques are gonna help with dpd at all.:/ that could help your general mental state or if you're having a panic attack but dpd is more about fears of abandonment and submissive,clingy behavior, being scared to care for yourself etc.
I suffer with this, and it's a really difficult thing to live with. I'm strongly dependent on my partner in relationships. It's destroyed me, and has resulted in a lot of failure. I'm very needy, and clingy. It's to where I can't even take days off away from my boyfriend, otherwise I feel lost. And once I lose that person I'm dependent on, I jump right into another relationship, because I NEED someone to depend on. I absolutely hate being this way. I try to change.. I try to act like a completely different person most times, because I know that if I am too dependent, my relationship will fail, and I will lose the person I need most. But I always fall back to my dependency ways.. I've always been this way. I don't want to be anymore, but I don't know how to change. 😔
Katelyn Hamblin i am with you.
I'm 19, and I have been enjoying alone time. I just wouldn't want it all the time, ya know?
+Katelyn Hamblin
at least you can jump right into another relationship. I can't even get a date because no girls want to date me.
+Katelyn Hamblin you also said this in the bpd lol
Katelyn Hamblin Yes, in my youth I had clingy girlfriends that we're crying on my shoulder witch I miss by the way, see her tears represented fear of loosing any good ♂ man that gives her the attention and devotion that she seeks aka, fear of rejection! Well, I love women who can cry on their mans shoulder, she's a better ♀ woman in my eyes for doing so! Love to all the Ladies with a proper upbringing, yes I feel your pain, God bless!
I just got diagnosed today officially and correctly with borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. I feel my greatest fear in life is moving out of my parents house (I'm 24) and not being able to care for myself. My parents are verbally abusive and toxic and I need to move out for my mental safety but I'm too afraid to do so. I'm currently seeing a new therapist who is helping me with DBT therapy and I hear good things will come from it. My greatest relief with not being bipolar (my previous diagnosis, incorrect) is that personality disorders are not genetic so this is not something that I have to take meds for and when I was born, I had no disorders mentally nor physically. This is because of shitty parenting from a narcissistic dad and alcoholic mother who knew nothing of what care and love is and still don't know. They're both selfish and will manipulate me to satisfy their sick desires. I am currently dealing with resentment towards them and NEED to move out but my dpd makes that impossible. This is literally a nightmare.
You literally just described my life as well. Let's both take care of ourselves and take this one step at a time. We will get through this. I also have OCPD and its tough but im learning to slowly block the noise and take care of myself more, wishing you all the best and luck and love in the world :)
Out of complete left field I got diagnosed with this today and it makes so much sense because I've always struggled with doing anything without people there to emotionally support me. No matter how bad I want to do something I can't do it if someone won't be there with me.
It's depleting to be around a dependent person. They can't handle boundaries and need so much reassurance that there's nothing left for the other person. They don't seem to see ir care that they are sucking people dry...even with boundaries.
Kati, my biggest fear IS that I will not be able to care for myself. My mother always told me that without her I wouldn't be able to care for myself. My disabilities mean that mean I can't shower on my own so I have home health care. However, I've been able to maintain an apartment on.my own. So I'm always having to remind myself that my mom was wrong because she's not in my life anymore and I'm still working on getting my degrees and have held successful writing jobs and other things.
technically if someone made a machine to shower you, you could be indy, am i correct?
It sounds as though you're doing really well despite everything, well done!
Yes. My current home is inaccessible. I cannot get into a regular tub. I am trying to move out, but that's a long process-especially for someone on a fixed income.
You'll always have Care. My mom was like that.
I struggle with this enormously alongside BPD and it's both running and ruining my life. I depend on people unnecessarily and when I really shouldn't need to because I'm so scared of managing alone. I have a huge fear of abandonment and rejection and fear losing people in my life so greatly that I will go to almost any lengths to ensure I don't lose them. I am so full of self-hatred for the way I am and would give anything to not be like this :(
I'm 27 and I just recently got diagnosed with this and was shocked at how accurate it was. I had no idea this is what I felt, somehow. I wouldn't have learned I had this until my boyfriend of eight years left me. I feel so lost and hopeless and I can't even take care of simple tasks on my own. It turns out my boyfriend had an Overcontrol personality disorder so that's why we felt suited to each other... but he decided he didn't want to help me with my depression or anxiety any more and dumped me. I quickly turned to a friend who wanted to date me but I just couldn't stop seeing my now ex-boyfriend. I feel completely lost without him. So that guy left me for his own sake and now I'm left desperately trying to get my ex back because I hate myself so much I don't want to be alone. I have no faith in myself at all. Small mistakes just confirm that I'm worthless. I know this all started with my parents growing up and how they constantly told me I was a bad person and would often ask "what's wrong with you?!" when I made a mistake. When they tried to teach me something and I didn't do it right or it took me too long they'd take over in a huff like I was incompetent. I don't even know how to begin to feel confident in myself. It's so easy to say "just start doing things for yourself" but I don't WANT to. It's scary and it hurts when I make mistakes because my mind and heart tell me it's because I'm worthless.
I was diagnosed with this disorder..it answered a lot of my behaviors. I hate feeling like I depend on someone just to do basic things
Dependency is often deeply rooted into some issues one might have had since childhood or may b while growing up...
I am diagnosed with this and it makes life really hard. I view the world thru rose colored glasses and have a child like view on life and i know this and i wish i could stop it! parents please treat your children with love and don’t be narcissistic or an alcoholic.
This makes me so worried for my future... My mom is very controlling and does everything for me, for example, clean my room, do my laundry, drive me to and from work, etc. and I'm 25, and despite people telling her to stop, she has forced me to develop this as well as avoidant PD. Like others in the comments, I'm afraid of what will happen after my parents are gone and they're in their 60s and 80s (I was adopted). I've been in therapy on and off since the age of six but was never given a diagnosis for a PD, just GAD, SAD, depression and bipolar disorder when I was hospitalized for self harming but I do not agree with that diagnosis to this day. I wish I could stop wearing some kind of mask in therapy and open up fully to discuss my issues and maybe get some help but it's so hard. I have no friends right now and am very isolated and I only see my issues spiraling downward as time goes on...
Yes, I have the same problem. My mom always ran my life, told me what to do, did everything for me, treated me like a child, etc. etc. When I became an adult I had no idea how to do anything for myself or how to cope with the adult world. In the '80's I went to a therapist and he taught me assertiveness training. Since the '80's I've gone around asserting myself and doing things for myself. I still have some problems, but it's gotten better.
Take your time to open up in therapy. It takes time to open up. That’s normal. Go at your own pace.
I've been told I have this. I take care of myself and do my best to make my own decisions, but I have tried to adapt my life to guys I've been with and have sacrificed a lot to be with them. I also jump from relationship to relationship very fast and have a very hard time going to sleep if there is no guy in my life. I want to do all kinds of things, but I will never attempt to do them if I have no one to do them with.
Austin Schaible you may have bpd also
Oooh yeah that last bit is exactly me. I always feel I need to have someone to do things with...
Austin are you still feeling this way?
I have never related to something more… I latch onto people and am consumed by securing the relationship with them and as soon as they leave I latch onto a new person
What if you are the person they depend on? How should one cope with that. What can you say and do and what not?
Did you figure it out?
As a person who is dependent on others I am curious about this also
@@ThoughtProvokingVlogs we are asking the opposite thing here.
For you, as being dependant on others; self monitoring, self reflecting, cognitive training, behavioural training, knowledge, self discipline and trusting both in yourself and in others can be valuable tools to mitigate the damage caused by your dependency. If you gain the confidence to stand on your own legs you won't need others like you do now.
And for us, the people who have people that depend on us to an extreme extent in our life;
Setting up boundaries, acknowledging their struggle but not giving into it by enabling it or feeding it. Being clear and honest, and maybe even sharing our feelings on the matter.
Example; the girl I'm with telling me she loves me and misses me 30 times in a day.
My response: I know you care about me, but by telling me that many times you are removing the value of those words. It's like eating cake.
If you have one slice once in a while it will be an amazing experience you will want more of.
But if you are forced to eat an entire cake every day, it will become an unpleasant experience, even sickening.
So tell me you love me and miss me once in a while, and I will be happy, but right now, the amount you're abusing it is becoming annoying.
The other side of this coin is when this need of affirmation becomes manic. They become afraid that we don't love them and miss them back when we don't respond like they do.
"Don't you love me and miss me?? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad?"
When this happens you acknowledge that they are afraid, but ask the important questions;
Am I still here, talking to you, being with you? If yes, then why are you afraid?
And, by being afraid I don't care about you anymore, you are not trusting me - if there is a problem you should trust me that I would tell you, so being afraid of something that hasn't happened and might not happen at all is wasteful and breeds negativity.
If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldnt be here. But I am. So trust that I do still care about you.
Even if I don't tell you all the time.
Again. The cake. I want my words to be truly meaningful when I say them. I don't want to say them because I feel I have to - or I will loose you. I want to say them because I truly mean them.
That way I'm setting up boundaries over what she can expect of me, while giving her the knowledge of why I'm doing it this way.
But of course being dependant is who she is right now, so I know this is an ongoing battle where I will have to remind her many times before she becomes accustomed to it. And that's fine. Patience and understanding.
I won't get truly angry, but I will not be afraid to show her how this is affecting me emotionally - because seeing how it affects me can be valuable tools for her to understand the extend of her dependency.
@Ligeia D.Aurevilly of course I don't want to live like that.. And yes, the person is mentally unstable.
But everyone has baggage. I know her issues well, because of past experience with those problems.
And because of my knowledge, I can be her guide as she figures it out.
We are both working together in fixing our problems, so that our future together will be nice.
And every now and then she surprises me, she is starting to get it, starting to understand.
It takes time to build a steady foundation.
Every relationship will come to a point where it will be tested. This will either strengthen or destroy the relationship. Some tests take longer to finish, others will be shorter but a lot harder.
I have always been the kind of person to slowly rip off a bandaid, prolonging the pain but avoiding the critical hit of a quick rip.
@Ligeia D.Aurevilly you need a bandaid because there is a wound.
Wounds are different for everyone..
Some wounds are small, and heal fast.
Other wounds are big, and getting one could kill you from blood loss.
Some wounds get infected, and will kill you slowly and painfully in a confusing fever.
But most wounds heal over time, some leave you scarred forever, some heal perfectly.. And they all tell a story, bringing experience, wisdom and clarity with it.
Recognising what type of wound you have early on is important for your success in treating it.
I believe in your ability to recognise and treat your wounds with the appropriate action, you know yourself best. Best of luck to you!
I have DPD and it's such a struggle. I have such deep depression because all the people I depend on leave me, saying I'm clingy and annoying. So I'm just too scared to even try to have regular friendships and avoid everyone.
I've got a question. Why does everyone think that people with dpd act like they are 5?
@@themelancholysystem4481 because it is like being around a child. The person can be age appropriate and functional in some ways but in others it is like being with a child who needs constant help, instruction, approval, guidance, etc. It's draining to be in the "adult" role 24/7 around an adult who is not independent and does not have a visible disability.
I seek someone after I end a friendship but it takes a few years until I find another person who i “idolize” and give all my attention and energy to. But then that friendship ends once again.
Can you have a mild version? Like you can do basic stuff but things like driving or getting a full time job are just too daunting?
I think these symptoms fall under similar but different diagnoses, just because the DSM is very specific.
But I am right there with you my friend. I got a full time job and quit before I even spent two weeks there, and then had to be talked down from jumping into traffic on my way home because I felt so hopeless and pathetic. I also still haven't learned to drive and most likely won't anytime soon. You can message me if you ever need to talk about this stuff (&that goes for anyone else reading this)
I have the same issue. It feels horrible. Even gathering the energy and will to go take a walk somewhere is a lot for me.
@@zoephoenix7806 question what other issues?
That is so me. I am 25 and no job and don't know how to drive...
Has everyone here at some point been on some form of prescribed or street drug?
i love living another day learning that I have a new personality disorder to add to the list with no knowledge of how to heal any of them
I personally do not hav this disorder but I'm just wondering how would one try to recover from this?
I haven't been alone since before I was 13. I'm detached from my family so all my social energy goes mostly to romantic relationships. If one ends, I hop between short, meaningless ones as a time killer until I find my next long-term person. My attachments to them are real, it's just that they form so quickly and I tend to rush headlong into them with anyone who shows me compassion and genuine care, thinking "you're not like the others, I'm safe with you!"
I stayed in an abusive relationship for almost 5 years because I couldn't handle the thought of being alone (among other things, but that was what it always came back to). I genuinely don't believe I could survive on my own... But I also don't really worry that I'll have to, because I know people find me attractive so I know I could "do what I have to" to stay off the streets... God I'm so fucked up.
I can relate to all of this. I have been struggling with every thing you mentioned since I was 12... I am always scared of losing my parents. I know this is going to sound horrible but I wish that I can die before my parents because I don't think I can be by myself... I can only trust my parents. Especially my mom.
hey..me too! exactly what u said about dieting before my parents.
Same here! I’m also just afraid to get old cause I’m on disability and if I live too long there may be no one that can/will care for me and make sure I’m treated with respect. I’m terrified to go to a nursing home now and maybe that will change. I have no children for fear I’d pass all my many disabilities on to any children I might have. I have a cat. She gets her basics and love but she misses out on a lot due to my issues. She oddly enough has her own issues getting along with guests and me ugh😆 But I refuse to be a “burden” to anyone if I can help it. So where will that leave me when I need 24 hr care, nowhere!!! My cat can’t save me she’ll be gone anyways. And this fear only got stronger when my grandma who worked in a nursing home told me how some of the nurses would secretly abuse their patents and for that reason she at this very point in time dears nursing homes because of this. I can barely do the minimum of self care but if I have to I will move in with her to save her because she was also my foster mom when my narcissistic Mom went to far I was in a “orphanage” and the courts put me in gramma’s care.
I’m really going to discus this with my counselor tomorrow because it has to be addressed. If her son, only 5 years younger than me-I’m 38, doesn’t step up to care for her I fear my gramma and I will be in MY care and that scares me to no end!
I hope you know though I don’t know you I care!!! I support the fact that you can get yourself in a good place in your mind where you can take care of yourself!! I believe in you!! And I wish I could help you more but all I can do is send you my support and love ❤️!
You are not “alone” and I encourage you to do what I’ve been meaning to but haven’t done and that’s finding a support group😊
Yes, I know I hate people giving me advice cause I’ve heard it all but I’m hoping if you feel this way you will look up any mental health support group and just call or stop in n check it out! Cause you can leave the minute you walk in if it’s too much. I’m going to because I’m sick of what I feel is being a burden on my family n friends. Even though rationality tells me my mind is lying to me and they do n
NOT see me as a burden. I know where to go, I know their number, I just gotta get there. Cause I know someone’s got to relate. Someone!
So don’t lose hope my friend, please! I know I sound mental as hell but that’s because I am and I’ll admit to it. But that doesn’t make you or me or anyone a bad person if they have mental health issues❤️
If I’ve offended you in anyway I’m sorry. I’m not inside your head. Thanks for hearing me out if you read this long babble😂😂 of a response😜 Sending you peace ✌️ Love ❤️ and Happiness 😃 stay strong✌️👍
The same happens to me since I can remember and my mum died this year. Losing her was awful, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be because I still have my father, but when he goes out, I'm constantly afraid he's going to die and I'll be left all alone. Thing is, when those things actually happen (if they happen), it's not so bad. Our brains make us think it's the end of the world, but it isn't.
I rely on my parents even though Im over the age of 18!
My friend is textbook this disorder. I thought she was just excessively needy. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Now I can move on because giving the therapy she needs is way above my pay grade. What's scary is the camping trip our families take next week. I wish I could back out. She has already been plotting for help with meal prep and setting up her tent and keeping the kids occupied and making them behave. And I know she means for me to do it all. She has a husband! I'm already exhausted by her.
I've been diagnosed with DPD last year, I'm 25. I've been discussing it with my therapists and watching many many videos to understand it, but the way you explained here was like a turn on a key I haven't access before! As I type I'm connecting several moments and facts and understanding more of myself and how to fight this! I'm crying LOL Thank you!
I have been diagnosed with DPD as of yesterday, and I cannot shake off the shame that I am experiencing - the stigma, and the sheer reality of the diagnostic criteria, "should I cut everyone out of my life to become independent and not affect my relationships?", etc.
i never even considered i could have this, i thought for a while i had BPD. I was just told by my psychiatrist i have Bipolar 2 (which i expected) and Dependant personality disorder, which makes SO much sense! It's crazy how much htis fits. Any decision i make (as basic as what i'll wear or if my hair looks good) has to go by two or three important people with my life. And my two biggest depressive episodes, lasting up to almost a year coincide with break ups! I'm really really so shocked at how much it fits and whenever i read about it i was like "nah, not me."
Having the bipolar mood swings since a very young age 16, or so, and this dependency made it really hard to diagnose me...after a stint at a psych ward they were conviced i was borderline, but my psychatrist that knew me longer disagreed profusley. Diagnosing is so hard and such a long journey ):
(sorry for any spelling mistakes, english is not my first language!)
If anything I have moderate DPD. Besides that, I have Depression and Anxiety. I'm also a low-key Hypochondriac.
Hey guys, I've actually been diagnosed with DPD. If I had to describe what it is actually like, it would be like being unable to say or do anything without knowing if it is alright. Never wanting to do anything, and always trying to avoid doing things. The main reason I feel that way is because of fear. When I think of doing something that I have not seen as okay from my dad I get a feeling of fear that prevents me from doing it. It can range from extreme anxiety (I know he doesn't like this behavior) to milder anxiety (I don't know if he likes this or doesn't like this behavior), to no anxiety (I'm doing something with him, or I have seen him do this thing before). I'm constantly monitoring what I do, and I can't really do anything comfortably right now except play video games and occasionally leave the house to get food. I am also 30, and I have never been employed because my dad has never told me or asked me to get a job.
I just dropped out of one of my college classes because I was unable to write a 6 page essay on an assigned book. The book was not difficult to read, but it was very difficult to do the act of reading. I kept stopping because of very strong anxiety and fear. Every essay I have written in college is written 2 days before it is due, and this time I really just didn't feel like putting myself in that kind of stress, so I dropped the class instead of writing the essay. I drop 1 to 2 classes a semester like this, and I have a lot of W's.
Those are a few examples of what DPD is like. Hopefully it can help someone here know if they might have DPD. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
P.S. if you think you have DPD please go see a psychiatrist for an actual diagnosis and get proper medical treatment.
What can i do when i am 27 and need mom to take to hospital and cant ask her because she wont allow. I dont know how money is handled either.
i used to struggle with this,i came a long way by helping myself!
so I'm basically screwed
I don’t like assuming I have certain diagnosis- but this really hits close to home.
This describes my friend pretty much. After her divorce she started claiming people to do anything for her, she's constantly scared to do anything alone (even being home or taking a shower). Her therapist does nothing and the few people that still deal with her issue are exhausted and mentally drained. She just keeps going downhill and no one knows what to do or what would help her.
I also like how you adopt the second-person pronoun to discuss disorders even though you don't likely have most of them yourself. It has a calming and destigmatizing effect.
I have a driving license but afraid to drive after that. My dad or sis would drive me around. Also due to social anxiety or avpd I can't get a job and unable to get money to survive. Also I let my parents to do the talking for me. That applies also with friends.
You have no idea how much I relate to this...
yeah same w driving, i dont do it, only certain short routes that i consider safe for most part, but i haven't driven for some months now. i never wanna drive, it's horrible on the road, ppl crazy out there n dont care.
So all and I mean all of the descriptions she read off just scream my name. I broke down in tears because I just thought it was how I was raised but I have a constant fight in my head about all this.
I have DPD and it is hard to deal with but I am slowly getting better. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and everything has been good so far. I use to let my DPD get in the way of relationships as well as my BPD but not anymore.
in my country, getting access to help for mental health is like diy dentistry.
Thank you so much for this .
Kati you're amazing :) thanks for everything you do!!
Sometimes people are raised as children to not trust their own choices.. Because mom and dad ALWAYS knew better. That's a learned behavior. Another thing to take into account.
U r so good now i understand what is DPD thank u so much
Thanks for the video
Thanks it helps.
I totally understand that it’s normal for a child to be dependent upon their parent, but I was super dependent from a very early age. Haven’t gotten diagnosed yet but I’ve recently found this, and am actually wondering why none of my therapists ever suggested it. Ty for ur info.
So what is the difference between DPD and Co-dependency? I also notice that a lot of parents play controlling mind tricks on their kids...What if a kid constantly hears stuff like "You always start things and never finish them." Or stuff like "Who would really love you?" or "I always thought you were kind of slow?" How much of it is dealing with the inner-critic inside? I also know of several families where the parents enable the son or daughter to not make decisions that lead to independence. What happens when the parents pass and the adult child is unable to take care of him or herself?
Paul Delgadillo exactly my mother said loads stuff about me and I struggle as think people will reject
There's no such thing as codependency in clinical terms, just DPD.
I have dependent personality disorder along with histrionic and borderline personality traits. I’ve been told that I constantly cling to people and excessively ask for reassurance from others.
Story of my life :(
I got a job at a vet clinic for my first time while in vet school and I was fired because of this not that I knew at the time but this was why.. my boss and co workers said that I don’t take the extra steps to move up and i got in a funk about it because I literally had my dream job in the palm of my hands
I like that you are going more and more into detail about different mental health issues! Like I've been here from the very very begining (and I miss that time a lot where we all interacted and knew each other), but it's great how you explain all of this.
xx
Katie is so amazing man. Idk what it is but she’s so perfect for these delicate subjects, I feel so lucky to have found you thru the ymh fam. Will always recommend your content first, educational and super fucking comforting. Ily🤟
There is *much wisdom* in this beautiful young clinician.
And I am grateful for her counsel.
Kati,
Wow thank you!
Of all topics this is one, I’ve never had quite understood.
While watching/listening I had quite a few “epiphany moments”
Like, all the pieces to the puzzle started coming together. It’s time to journal! Thank you for ALL you do!
Its absolutely terrifying and extremely embarrassing to have this disorder. I have this and Im so scared to even show this video to my family because I am so scared theyre going to leave. I know its silly and irrational to think that way, but its a very real fear. Im so tired of living like this. Im sure a lot of others who are suffering feel the same way.
Thank you Kati, I am a 3rd year student in the UK and just been looking at personality disorders. This video is particularly pertinent at the moment. Keep them coming. :)
I wish there were people with DPD discussing their struggles on RUclips. I feel so alone with this disorder.
You did a good job of explaining how situational factors are important to consider before diagnosing someone with a personality disorder, because people are so quick to see themselves in descriptions and can become confused about what's really going on with them.
Welcome back Katie! YUL is missing u ;)
I got diagnozed with this and with avoidant personality disorder. Yay. I'm sure that if I'm alone, I'll get sick and I'll just die. Anyway, these videos are great. Thanks for making them! Now I'm not seeing a therapist, but I'll try to pick it up again.
time to add another one to the list
Felt like you are reading my life which I was suffering through but was unable to understand my emotions. I was raised by emotionally absent parents, and, this followed me into my adulthood as well. I always felt like I am being always at the wrong end and need to make up with others by apologizing regardless of my actual fault. Thanks for untangling my emotions. I hope I will be able to understand my emotions better and will help me to become a better person. God bless you Kati and keep uploading such great videos. MANY MANY THANKS!
This is so interesting Kati! I didn't know much about this disorder until this video. :)
"goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support of others. To a point of voluntary to do things which might feel unpleasant"
Has my whole world up in a knot, i dont feel safe with my mind alone
I don't think I have this but I relate to this a lot. I always think other people know better than me. And even if I think they're making the wrong choice, I won't say anything because I just think they're "probably" making the right choice, so I'll just go along with it.
Glad you're back :)
Sometimes it looks like ppl pleasing and fear of confrontation, especially at work
so glad you did this video! i was one of the ones messaging to understand more about dependency and co-dependency. i wrote you on your website, tumblr, and here on youtube and i am so happy you made a video about it!! thank you :) it was really hard to watch and a lot to digest because it is something i struggle with. i had no idea until now how afraid i am of ending up all alone and having to figure out how to completely take care of myself in all areas... looking back, i think that is why my coming of age into adulthood has been so difficult and is still so difficult now as a 26.5 year old unemployed... ahhhhhh haha well thanks :)
Girl, I'm about to be 26 next month and I didn't even know this was a thing until today after my psychiatrist appointment. You are not alone!!!
I was writing an Villian's successor type character and this really helped.
I need to talk about this to my therapist. Anytime anyone ignores me, I go nuts. Feeling depressed, lost, or helpless. If someone talks to someone without me, I'll normally cry and tell at them. I'm terrible in hygeine. I need my mom to tell me to do so. I can't do stuff like saying no. I switch from friend to friend because my friends think I'm to clingy :(
I fit all of these.
I didn't know before that such a thing exists, very interesting
thank you Kat for the video
My 28 year old brother has been dependent on my parents his whole life. He even studied his least favorite subject in college for 6 years to keep them pleased. After college he couldn't find a job and he never left the house. He has almost no friends and has never been in a relationship.
This year my parents decided to really help him find a job and they spent their whole savings and went under major debt to help him start a business. He was very eager about it at first, but as the job progressed and the responsibilities seemed too much, he just gave up and he refuses to go to work now.
My family has been struggling with this issue for years and my parents never agreed with seeking help no matter how much I told them to. Today finally my mother admitted that this whole situation needs professional help.
I hope anyone struggling with similar issues realizes that it's ok to get help. I just want my family to be ok :(
I relate to a number of these aspects, however I live alone so it's not a disorder but the aspects I relate to are a problem for me, like starting projects or continuing projects without support.
I want friendship series 🙏
Very good 🎉
Thank you for mentioning why you should be careful when diagnosing yourself with DPD. Especially with the disability part because I have mild cerebral palsy, low vision, and feet deformities. If you didn't, I probably would've thought I have DPD because I am SUPER afraid of living by myself, I'm not even sure if I would know how to take care of myself and I am 21 years old. However, I'm working on learning how to do things like cook, clean, etc.
I think I may have this. I always thought I felt this way because of my Aspergers.
All the time with a every decision i cant decide because i think i would make the wrong choice. My solution was to say " I dont know" , "I cant decide"
Lol.. I remember when I went to therapy and when I had to talk about something I just say "I don't know".. I was so afraid to say something than didn't like it to the therapist.. I don't know if that fits in this disorder..
Sorry for mistakes, my english is poor..
I feel like I’ve been feeling like this since eighth grade. I just finish high school and I feel like struggle with fearing of being alone.
I was diagnosed manager depression disorder, PTSD complex, dependent personalty disorder with avoidance. It is a lot all at once. But I know why I have the personalty disorder. Dr said because of extreme trauma as a kid. I am in some ways doing better, and some ways not so much. I don't trust easy, and its not for no reason. I also dependent on others, to a point. I have a home health aide, but because I have a brain tumor, and have memory loss. However, I do avoid others. I really hope that my life changes. I used to be more out going in the past. Since I got sick I've really declined which is hard. I do believe that things can change. I just need to push myself to do the things I'm afraid of. One thing that does help me is my service dog. She is helps a lot, and gives me comfort that I need and helps with anxiety and fear when I'm alone, as well out in the community.
Wow..I match up to all of the criteria's mentioned . Damn!! Can anybody tell me what sort of help did u take and what has generally happened in any session?
i can't wait to see my counselor my parents are a trigger for me, and my bff mother loves and respect me more so i go to her and my bff for anything.. i can take care of myself, just not motivation.. i get depressed and i feel i stay home and don't talk to anyone, but my bff i still have to talk to constantly for advice..if this makes sense
I would love to see your diagnosis or opinion on a person with dependent personality disorder that's in a relationship with a narcissist
what is odd is I felt like this started when I met him. I wasn't like this before the relationship, its been 11 years and the emotional abuse seems to get worse, and it's harder for me to deal with it be cause I have children with him. to me, I don't want to break the family up, but I don't want sacrifice my sanity at the same time.
+Jabbster07 I know what you mean
Jabbster07 that is what narcs do to people. Find a good therapist. They can help you tremendously.
Jabbster07 you can find so much good material on a channel called " from surviving to thriving "
I have a true story, and I need some help. There will be some swearing so watch out
This is also true. I once was friends with someone who I consider to have the insanely high end of the narcissism meter thingy. I'm not going to share any names, but if she's reading this she knows who she is. A lot of times people talk about abusive relationships to be things that only belong to romantic situations but I was stuck in an abusive friend relation. People also say that boys are usually he ones abusing the girls but I'm a boy and and she was abusing me (Yes she was abusing me. She meets all the criteria. I almost commit suicide because of her)
About 1 and a half months ago I finally cracked and fucking screamed at her on the phone and I'm happier then I have ever been.
I met her in year 1 at primary school and we had a lot in common so we talked a lot, we both came from pretty poor families and had both had fairly bad situations in our lives so we were friends, she insulted me a lot but it was fine since it was a normal friendly play insult thing. She had anxiety, this will be important later.
I eventually grew a crush on her and asked her out in year 2 but here's where shit hit the fan. She said no, bit me and kicked me in the balls. When I told the teacher she started crying and saying "I'm sorry it was my anxiety" and I was pissed. On the way out of the school she bit me again and I pushed her and she started crying, her mum apparently saw this and thought "well shit, My daughters triggered so I might as well be too"
After a while we kinda grew apart but we still talked occasionally. But she was doing some shit. Her mum was spreading or ours in the school that my mum was a prostitute and that I had beat up a kid. I was scared because everyone hated me and my mum. I had never been really scared but I was at that point.
Apparently within this timeframe (year 2 - year 4) her father was abusive and dangerous, and she was living in poor conditions.
So I move to a new school to get away from her and have a new start. But you know what. She. Fucking. Followed. Me. I was on a gifted and talented class and so was she so we talked a lot because of common interests and also coming from the same school. But as fine as I was to be friends with her, something had changed about her. You know when you talk to someone that you haven't seen in a while and there really weird and not how you remembered them to be? Well it was this, except now she was truly dangerous.
It was at this point that I believe she had blossomed on to a fully blown, crying to get out of trouble, verbally abusive narcissist.
She followed me to ruin my life.
From the first day of tear 5 following, she fucking destroyed me with verbal attacks "no one loves you" "you need to die" "you really are Alice of worthless garbage" "everything you like is shit" "you're a fucking weeaboo and you know it"
She held a grudge against me just because I didn't get ducking abused. JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT GET ABUSED!
One day I had enough, I walked down to my kitchen, went into my cut relay draw and you know how this went.
The knife knife wasn't sharp enough to break past my skin but I had a pretty deep scar for about half a year.
Because I was in a gifted and talented class I made friends with a lot of the year sixes, and then they left and now I'm in year six. Yeah I'm only 11 and this has all happened.
But once the older kids (who were protecting me, totally forever in debt to my older friends, I would be dead if not for you guys
I have BPD and my best friend (my FP) has DPD (I've become their depended). Because of this, we heavily depend on each other. I'm trying to learn more about this so that I can help them and know what's kinda going on. Thank you so much.
Hows that working for you pushing your best friend away
This is my favourite hair length on you!
I'm diagnosed with DPD and I can confirm it's very controlling.
How does Dependent Personality Disorder differ from co-dependency?
Thanks!
just_be
See Sam Vaknin's video on this "codependence and dependent personality disorder"
Susanne C I would if I could understand what he says.
Two very different things but the fella above described it perfectly.
just_alexa Anyone can have moments of codependency but DPD is much more pervasive and life long and all encompassing. Codependency is not itself a diagnosis. Does that help?
I need someone to diagnose me with this because this sounds EXACTLY like what is happening to me. It’s making sense now.
I feel like emotionally abusive people will try to foster this kind of lack of self confidence.
They do
My mom for example
My mother does
Yep. Marriage after 22 years to someone on the npd spectrum. I see I am dependent / avoidant type. Not super but certainly somewhere on this scale. But behavior is learned and can be unlearned.
What if some one has DPD-BPD-PSTD?
What the hell do with them.
I think I have the opposite problem. I'm very avoidant.
Totally me.i struggle with this everyday
I have atleast 2-3 of these consistently, one of these is not believing i can do the project right, another is needing others opinions to make a decision. I've improved on these points, but I still have a way to go. I looked up this video because I feel like something is wrong with me, I feel like in a way i am mentally dependent, I would depend on my sister to talk for me as a kid and never really learned how to do things myself because others would always do it for me. I felt very strangled and eventually gave up doing it for myself.
a lot throughout my life I am finding someone new to talk to or telling someone I will be there to listen because I feel that's important. At the same time though I feel I am only there because I need someone, because I don't really have anyone. I am fine when I am out and about and with my friends once or twice a week but sometimes when I am stuck at home I wish I have my younger niece to come help me, because I don't want to get back up, or I just feel like I want someone there to help me clean when I am so exhausted or I just want someone to want to talk to me and sit with me. I don't want them to feel they have to do all this. I want someone to do it because they want to. I've been pretty quiet the past month or so about a lot of personal problems because I just been feeling like people around me are not as close as they use to be