Bad Vegan: Blaming the Gaslighting Victim
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- Опубликовано: 6 апр 2022
- After having watched Bad Vegan, I couldn't help but want to share my take on this documentary.
The largely negative response Sarma has received from the general public as well as the media just shows to me that 99% of people have no understanding of what gaslighting is and how it works. (And neither does Chris Smith, the director of the documentary by the way.)
Instead of blaming the victim, we should raise awareness and change the laws to make sure that gaslighters, psychopaths, con-artists, and narcissists are properly punished for the damage they cause.
#badvegan #gaslighting #netflix
Let me know what you thought of the documentary and of Sarma's story. I'd love to know what you think.
Also, huge shoutout to Dr. Kirk Honda and Humberto who have done an amazing in-depth analysis of Bad Vegan here: ruclips.net/video/Xwc5e6ds_BA/видео.html
Thank you for bringing attention to this doc.
My hairdresser had a similar experience. She had owned her own salon for years. A man approached her, over time gained her trust and became her business partner. He worked her over somehow so that he came out in the end owning her salon. She pretty much had to start over in her 50’s.
After some research she found he had done this to others.
This might be less gaslighting and more scamming but seem quite similar.
I plan on watching this doc now and will leave a review on IMDB.
Thanks for posting this, I agree it was unsettling the way she was portrayed, the way he was kind of let off the hook for being “smart” and “manipulative”… her reality was totally dismantled and he was a puppet master and abuser. I think this highlights that anyone can be a victim of abuse and coercive control. They kind of missed an opportunity to really open it up and understand it and educate about coercive control.
I'm so glad you agree Christyn! I feel like filmmakers who tackle topics like this have a big responsibility to portray it in the right way and I don't think they've done it justice.
Please rewrite the documentary, the way that it should have been written!
Exactly..because male dominated film industry, isn't going to out themselves.
your gaslighting short, was absolutely amazing. I wanted it to continue it was like watching myself ..the journey
Totally agree. Agreed!
Dr Sam Vaknin differentiates that gaslighting is more the psychopath than the narcissist. However the result of what both do has the same result on their victims. Psychopaths abuse for their personal gain. Narcissists start an all out nuclear war on you without preconception. The narcissists goal is the shared fantasy. If still listening refer to Sam's latest on Jan 17 2024. Cheers
Thank You Dear .What you have said about gaslihting makes me feel i am stable.I am grateful that i came to this youtube video.Madam i have lived questioning my sanity each day for 2.5 year.I was painful.I have lost weight so much that people ask me what happen .I thought they were exaggerating.Your videos on Gaslighting has given me environment to see the people asking about my weight loss as Normal observers.Thank you .
Well done!I totally agree with you 🫶🙏🏻Salma was a victim of abuse and people still don’t get it.
I watched it. And yes, you have a point. No psych docs to explain how Salma became the “perfect victim.”
I bet every person blaming her has believed an outrageous lie in their past but can't seem to understand how she can believe an outrageous lie.. why ? Cause they haven't been through that exact thing! We do live in a society where the person playing the victim is cuddled and the person who is the victim gets labled as the bad guy , smh. I agree with you so much! Didn't even watch the documentary cause it was getting me upset, saw right through the fear mongering !
I'm glad you agree. Just doesn't seem fair to me how the media condemns a person who has experienced such terrible psychological abuse.
@@TatjanaAnders It's so true and I also truly believe that the corrupt people can easily confuse and hurt good people with this type of society. I think if we stop listening to what's coming out of people's mouths (as you know our memories don't always serve us when trying to protect us) and started focusing on actions and how they treat you physically and verbally, in my opinion, is the only time we will be able to weed out this kind of behavior and not learn to idiolize or normalize this bad behavior of tearing down someone else to get ahead. ❤️
Sarma swindled her first husband out of those two businesses. She was a dishonest person who experienced the negative consequences of several bad decisions.
Thankyou Tatjana, I agree with you. Sarma has not been shown much compassion for such a traumatic and life altering experience. For such a driven and inspiring woman, surely she deserves more support.
Totally! Even though they talk about Sarma's past achievements in the show, it kinda gets brushed over pretty quickly and then they just really drive their "sensationalist" narrative of her being just as guilty as her abuser, which is not acceptable in my eyes.
well said 💗🙏
Once you have the Context of Socialization of women and men in Patriarchal colonialism societies, it gives you an entirely NEW CONTEXT to view narcissism from.
It’s like she is in a two-person cult,brainwashed and manipulated by him totally 😢
I completely agree with you Tatjana. The whole film had a backwards perspective, and I felt for Sarma having a clear understanding of gaslighting. Watching how Stranges broke her down could have been a teachable moment for the world had they flipped the documentary to the right lenses and brought in the right experts. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, they've really missed the opportunity here! Apparently, they've even spent a whole day interviewing a therapist for the show, but then decided not to use any of it! Outrageous!
Fascinating topic...
Cheers Tatjana
thank you
The more I learn about narcissism, I feel like I can spot narcissists or narcissistic traits quicker and quicker. I barely started the show and immediately knew Sarma was the victim of narcissistic abuse. I guess having a narcissistic father helps you notice the similarities as well, but now I know what behaviours and tactics they use and what they are called.
Anthony just took it all to the extremes though.
She was a narcissist as well, but got outmaneuvered
The whole thing was edited to make her appear culpable for her demise. It's a shame because I'm a grown accomplished woman and an empath and I GET Sarma and empathize with what she went through.
Exactly !! 💯
100%!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its "Okay" because Patriarchy had taught us all to Protect men above everyone else.
It's a shame you stopped posting videos. The reality is SO many abuse cases don't even get to court because the belief is that the general public don't understand more subtle types of abuse. They should be tried by specialists, therapists etc. This documentary is so damaging, but it's produced by men, in a patriarchal society where they villanise women for everything so men don't get held accountable
I apologise for being absent - I am working on a feature film version of Your Reality ,which I know will have a bigger impact than the short (and it's taking much longer than expected to raise the funds for it - probably because the film industry is filled with narcissists who can't relate 😂). However, you're right - I do need to post more educational content on this topic. I think that whilst there is much more awareness about gaslighting now than a few years ago, it's still so prevalent, it's scary.
@@TatjanaAnders it really is very scary, and education is SO needed. I didn't even know what gaslighting was until I was about 36/37 and I endured an almost 16 year abusive marriage, he never hit me, but did everything else and the damage is incredible. Just over 2 years free, so much therapy and DA courses, educating myself was the key. So validating to know that his behaviour actually had patterns and names, and learning about cognitive dissonance and trauma bond etc is helping me to leave the guilt behind. A full length film would be great (and I totally get it, those with power are often narcissistic and don't want to promote things that will shine a light on their own behaviour) though shorter videos are easy to digest... Not sure where abouts you are, but perhaps a women's charity might help support you. The DA course in on at the moment uses some videos. Seeing the behaviour in action, in other people, can help fully connect what you've read / heard about the behaviour and what you experienced yourself. Even now sometimes I briefly doubt what happened, then seeing something reinforces that it did happen. Keep up the great work ❤️
I think a tip off is the biased title, suggesting vegans are crazy and stupid.
Oh please she is a total crook.
No, I'm sorry but I don't agree with your theory. Here's what surprised me the most: Sarma would say frequently "He made me wire him more money" or "He made me do this (or that)". She also said - "We somehow ended up in Tennessee" (or wherever it was they ended up). This proves to the viewer that she claims to have had no agency whatsoever over her actions. She ALLOWED herself to be manipulated by this loser. If she was a not very bright person, I'd feel sorry for her; but she's A VERY BRIGHT, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSWOMAN!!! How is it possible that she walked away from her thriving restaurant? How could she possibly leave her very loyal workstaff in the lurch like she did? When they were in Las Vegas, she could've left. She could have left at any time and returned to NYC and her life there. But she didn't. She chose to stay with that creepy, fat, ugly loser. Why did she even marry him? Because she thought, in the beginning, that he had lots of money. Towards the end of the Netflix docu-series I actually got bored. I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.
You don’t have to be a dumbass to become a victim of narcissistic abuse- it happens every day, to all sorts of people- even intelligent ones like Sarma.
Nothing to do with intelligence.