I was an elementary school teacher for 30 years. Cortisol through the roof. It was relaxing to come back home from teaching 25 kids all day to being with my 2 kids. For me , the teaching profession was harder than raising my 2 kids
Well it involves kids and 2 vs 25 yeah. Thats crazy though I used to baby sit my neighbors 6 kids and they entertained each other they were far less stress inducing than babysitting my friends cousin. My daughter now is just like her. Some kids take more energy. I was so stressed babysitting Samantha it was constant hypervigilance with her. She also has ADHD like me. My neighbors kids were mostly neurotypical. One of her daughters is on the spectrum. She was the more challenging one of the 6 but because the other siblings knew how to help her during one of her breakdowns it really helped. Samantha my friends cousin smart kid but in constant need for attention. She was just like me when I was young according to my mom and on top of it all she looked like me and people thought at 17 years old she, 7 at the time, was my child lol. I was like I would have had to have her at 10. Anyway funny my daughter looks just like her too lol. Love them all of course but as challenging as she was she was the one I have more memories of. My kiddo now is the only one and unlike babysitting I cant give her back to her mother since that is me lol. Some kids are easier to handle. More kids like being a teacher means more chances having interactions with challenging kids. You lucked out your kids werent those kids. My kiddo from the time she was a baby scared the heck out of me sometimes. No one tells you how wicked smart kids can be super young babies I was told eat sleep and poop and cry. My kiddo was sneaky too but in an interesting way. Like falling on her stuffed animals at 4 months old and crying for me to get attention. In her dads care she "fell" on stuffed animals. Thought she was scared heard her crying came running in. I knew nothing else about that situation until it happened again. However I came in before she was finished. She army crawled to the side of the bed hung off (backed straight off the edge) looked over while hanging there and tossed her self into the stuffed toys and screamed not knowing I saw her. At 3 almost 4 she was sent to her room for a 5 minute time out, and she of course kept saying she had to go to the bathroom. I said ok but time out doesn't keep going while in the bathroom. After the 5th time I was like no more you need to stay in your room. She yells saying she has to pee and I said no I dont think so. Stay in your room she threw a little fit but I walked away. 2 minutes after she saw her fit wasnt working and was quiet I hear a sudden loud crying and yelling. I come in and she points at her bed and yells she peed the bed and it was MY FAULT. I noticed her once full water bottle minutes ago was now close to empty. I mention that I notice the bottle. I said "you wouldnt have tossed all this water on my bed to pretend you peed the bed. No way. Hmm let me smell" she looked panicked that her little trick was going badly. I said I can tell its just water and asked her why she would do that to make me feel bad. Inside I was like holy shite shes so young wtf is happening??? Someone had to teach my child at school when she started plus a couple dozen other kids. So I can see where teacher (well good teacher some really are overpaid babysitters I had plenty of those teachers and the good ones that cared and understood the impact they have on kids makes a big difference were few and far between sadly) should be on this list. As its like being a temporary parent to 2 dozen kids at the same time. That is crazy. My kiddo when my ex and I were seperating had been watched by my mother while I worked from home (phone sex operator so kiddo needed a space away while I worked). She was home Monday and she is sighing looking at some birds. I ask what is up? She said "baby bird has no mommy and no daddy. (Looks excited) the mommy bird flew back, but where is the daddy bird (sad face). I wasnt sure wtf to say to that, but I stayed calm and said to her that mommy bird went to get food for the baby bird and I dont know where the daddy bird went but the mommy bird for sure will always be back even if she has to leave sometimes its for the baby bird. This was at 4 almost 5. Anyway when I say challenging and always having to think on my feet, always having to try and have an answer to another random question, always having to be an investigator because my kiddo would sometimes do ridiculously high level sneaky things for her age for attention or out of anger. Ha ing ADHD myself and tending to already be like that myself it helped. It was still super stressful especially dealing with trying to keep myself more regulated so I could function. Thankfully your kids were less challenging than you kids at school, the odds were in your favor there being out of 25 kids there is going to be at least, bare minimum, one like my Ivy lol. Likely more. Kids in general are somewhat challenging. Neurodivergent kids multiply that. Once upon a time I was one. We want to understand our world around us and are far more active about getting that information than most kids because we feel like outsiders a lot of the time. Not always understanding someone elses reactions to certain things. Not always being the best at getting our own feelings either. For me hyperfocusing on the analytical side of situations it sometimes has me not in my feelings. When sometimes I need to be. Add an abusive homelife where my parents/gma who raised me and her second husband were alcoholics and violent ones (not happy drunks sadly. If one is going to be one a happy drunk is still hard to deal with but much less than a violent drunk wanting to fight with another). Well it kept me in my head more than my feelings and internalizing panic attacks, high pain tolerance due to dissociation issues and so on. I was teachers students once. I could tell the difference between those who tried and those who passed out papers didnt teach us anything and then complained constantly if students werent passing. That boy with the long blonde hair mad the ahole teacher for not taking educating students and then yelling at them because them not passing is her paycheck. Yep I was a kid like that one. 5th grade I yelled at the ahole who was my teacher because she was never in her classroom hardly, she wasnt doing her job. I was getting hit with books while she chit chatted in other classrooms. This blow up came from me telling her about them attacking me when she walked back into our classroom. She said she didnt have time for this (maybe if she stayed in her fking classroom and did anything she would have the time when shes in the classroom) I told her she better make time because its her job. That she is a terrible teacher. What kind of teacher refuses to teach their kids because she believed the last year teacher was supposed to. They werent. See my age kids in that school were during a transition period. They decided the year I was in 4th that 4th grade teachers would need to teach long division. That it would start the next year. Some teachers got a head start though it wasnt a requirement. My teacher didnt. The cow in 5th grade said tough crap for us she wasnt doing it we should have learned it last year. Who the fk does that. Anyway we want to learn those of us neurodivergent kids that are tired of crap enough to fight about will fight you if you drop the ball with our education. Some people need a reality check. Overpaid babysitters for sure need that. Good teachers get frustrated like anyone but they care about their impact and work to teach the kids. I really wish there wasnt such a demand for teachers to the point they will allow any shitey teacher to be there. My 5th grade teacher when in her classroom had also pulled kids by their hair, hit them, bullied them like an elementary age child. She was horrid. My mom complained and they said oh she loves kids she adopts "kids no one wants" her daughters were from China. 90s were an interesting time. Supposedly better times but not quite. Anyway neurodivergent kids are super challenging. The good teachers didnt always get the resoonses they wanted from me but they ALWAYS had my respect. From Kindergarten to graduation. We remember those of you that actually cared about not only us but all the kids. Those that wanted the best for us because we just werent names on a call sheet we were going to be adults someday and the gravity if that wasnt lost on them. I dont wish to be home 24/7 with my one child, I love her with my whole heart but I home schooled her before and we did digital school at some point. I dont have the level of patience needed to teach a child that is just like me lol. Beyond what we teach as mothers she needs her main education to be with teachers. She butts my head to no ends when it comes to school work and with teachers she doesnt have that same combative attitude. I think its a territory thing. At school that is the teachers territory, an adult who doesnt have to love them lol. At home she knows that no matter what she has me and she can sometimes push to get her way (try to pick my battles to keep some level of peace because she will die on every hill).
Sorry for the many many typos. I have two modes. One is being a perfectionist and always correcting my mistakes and the other being Im trying to teach myself to let it go when it comes to online interactions like social media because that perfectionist side will drive me insane being internet communication will never be right and I hated correcting everyones emails and messages before I could read them. I instead decided I wouldnt see it. I wont let it register to my brain that way anymore which becomes kind of out of mind out of sight. I am only adding this disclaimer because you are a teacher and the typos are likely very bothersome. I dont do in the middle very well so correcting my mistakes here would lead to the urge to correct all interactions online, not just on my end, which there arent enough hours in the day and not worth it lol. Spelling and grammer I decided is not the hill Im willing to die on.
Its true I know After my husband walked out I had 2 boys to care for Their dad never helped and rarely visit them. Then he moved states away two years after he walked out. And I didn’t get child support Even though the judge ordered him to pay He lived many states away and the courts never went after him I had no family to help me And I remember lying in the bed crying often I felt alone and didn’t know what to do I remarried And finally had someone to be there to help me with the boys. The years of stress caused me to get sick and I had to have surgery
I totally get that. A coupke days ago I spent an hour and a half cleaning the kitchen and dining room. My 3 year old was being so well behaved when he comes into the kitchen covered in a powder.. he had taken a box of pankcake mix and painted my room with it 🥴😵😭 it then took me 2 hours to clean that mess up..
Being a single mom is no comparison to being a mother of a special needs child. It is said that the stress alone. has been compared to the stress of being on the Frontline of a war... So there's that 🤷🏼♀️
Yup, it’s hard and we wake up everyday and do it anyway. We are all doing hard shit, overcoming the hard shit is what gives us purpose and strength. I’m not living for other people’s sympathy. Cultivating inner strength is the long game and nobody said it was easy.
Im not trying to sound insulting or dismissive, but I believe we all knew the vast importance of having a mom when being raised- but (and I’m not taking anything away from mothers) have y’all seen the data of how important they are finding having a father in the home is though? Like, basically without a father figure a child has a far higher percentage to wind up in prison, commit violent acts, and wind up with addictions. Heck they’re even finding out if a child only has a single father in the home they still have a better chance NOT to develop these problems compared to a single mom.
No. It is better for a child to be in a healthy one parent home than an unhealthy 2 parent household. You’re obviously just trying to be an a-ss Im not even sure what your comment is adding to the conversation than liking to hear yourself talk.
I definitely agree that being a single SAHM is stressful. However, I'd like to know who was polled, how many people were polled l, etc. There are a lot of jobs that are stressful in an abundance of ways. People need to learn that statistics are just numbers that can be manipulated to achieve the results you want.
Being a mom is NOT hard. Roofing is hard, concrete work is hard, oilfield work is hard, being a cop is hard, firefighter is hard, etc etc. Being a mom is not hard yall just want something to complain about. There is nothing about your daily duties as a mom in America that even comes close to being hard compared to the careers ive listed and so many others. Gtfoh. The only moms that have it hard are those in theird world countries and they dont even complain like yall
My wife was sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar. I quit work and looked after 1 teen in a wheelchair, a toddler and a newborn. Did that for 5 years. Absolute doddle. Went back to work because I was bored.
If it's so hard how come I was able to do it for my brother at 12 years old while juggling school and the child minding job my mum was supposed to be doing? And I had less stress and trouble, and was less tired and had more time than when I went and got a real job years later. Obvious answer is it's not that hard.
It's not about them being terrible but when you have children, especially multiple children, sometimes emotions run high, siblings argue, crying happens etc and these things in turn affect you emotionally. Children are not bad in my opinion as a rule but they are human beings who are learning to regulate their emotions just like we all did when we were small and that can definitely impact your own stress levels as a parent.
I was an elementary school teacher for 30 years. Cortisol through the roof. It was relaxing to come back home from teaching 25 kids all day to being with my 2 kids. For me , the teaching profession was harder than raising my 2 kids
Well it involves kids and 2 vs 25 yeah. Thats crazy though I used to baby sit my neighbors 6 kids and they entertained each other they were far less stress inducing than babysitting my friends cousin. My daughter now is just like her. Some kids take more energy. I was so stressed babysitting Samantha it was constant hypervigilance with her. She also has ADHD like me. My neighbors kids were mostly neurotypical. One of her daughters is on the spectrum. She was the more challenging one of the 6 but because the other siblings knew how to help her during one of her breakdowns it really helped. Samantha my friends cousin smart kid but in constant need for attention. She was just like me when I was young according to my mom and on top of it all she looked like me and people thought at 17 years old she, 7 at the time, was my child lol. I was like I would have had to have her at 10. Anyway funny my daughter looks just like her too lol.
Love them all of course but as challenging as she was she was the one I have more memories of. My kiddo now is the only one and unlike babysitting I cant give her back to her mother since that is me lol.
Some kids are easier to handle. More kids like being a teacher means more chances having interactions with challenging kids. You lucked out your kids werent those kids.
My kiddo from the time she was a baby scared the heck out of me sometimes. No one tells you how wicked smart kids can be super young babies I was told eat sleep and poop and cry. My kiddo was sneaky too but in an interesting way. Like falling on her stuffed animals at 4 months old and crying for me to get attention. In her dads care she "fell" on stuffed animals. Thought she was scared heard her crying came running in. I knew nothing else about that situation until it happened again. However I came in before she was finished. She army crawled to the side of the bed hung off (backed straight off the edge) looked over while hanging there and tossed her self into the stuffed toys and screamed not knowing I saw her.
At 3 almost 4 she was sent to her room for a 5 minute time out, and she of course kept saying she had to go to the bathroom. I said ok but time out doesn't keep going while in the bathroom. After the 5th time I was like no more you need to stay in your room. She yells saying she has to pee and I said no I dont think so. Stay in your room she threw a little fit but I walked away. 2 minutes after she saw her fit wasnt working and was quiet I hear a sudden loud crying and yelling. I come in and she points at her bed and yells she peed the bed and it was MY FAULT. I noticed her once full water bottle minutes ago was now close to empty. I mention that I notice the bottle. I said "you wouldnt have tossed all this water on my bed to pretend you peed the bed. No way. Hmm let me smell" she looked panicked that her little trick was going badly. I said I can tell its just water and asked her why she would do that to make me feel bad.
Inside I was like holy shite shes so young wtf is happening??? Someone had to teach my child at school when she started plus a couple dozen other kids. So I can see where teacher (well good teacher some really are overpaid babysitters I had plenty of those teachers and the good ones that cared and understood the impact they have on kids makes a big difference were few and far between sadly) should be on this list. As its like being a temporary parent to 2 dozen kids at the same time. That is crazy.
My kiddo when my ex and I were seperating had been watched by my mother while I worked from home (phone sex operator so kiddo needed a space away while I worked). She was home Monday and she is sighing looking at some birds. I ask what is up? She said "baby bird has no mommy and no daddy. (Looks excited) the mommy bird flew back, but where is the daddy bird (sad face). I wasnt sure wtf to say to that, but I stayed calm and said to her that mommy bird went to get food for the baby bird and I dont know where the daddy bird went but the mommy bird for sure will always be back even if she has to leave sometimes its for the baby bird. This was at 4 almost 5.
Anyway when I say challenging and always having to think on my feet, always having to try and have an answer to another random question, always having to be an investigator because my kiddo would sometimes do ridiculously high level sneaky things for her age for attention or out of anger. Ha ing ADHD myself and tending to already be like that myself it helped. It was still super stressful especially dealing with trying to keep myself more regulated so I could function.
Thankfully your kids were less challenging than you kids at school, the odds were in your favor there being out of 25 kids there is going to be at least, bare minimum, one like my Ivy lol. Likely more.
Kids in general are somewhat challenging. Neurodivergent kids multiply that. Once upon a time I was one. We want to understand our world around us and are far more active about getting that information than most kids because we feel like outsiders a lot of the time. Not always understanding someone elses reactions to certain things. Not always being the best at getting our own feelings either.
For me hyperfocusing on the analytical side of situations it sometimes has me not in my feelings. When sometimes I need to be. Add an abusive homelife where my parents/gma who raised me and her second husband were alcoholics and violent ones (not happy drunks sadly. If one is going to be one a happy drunk is still hard to deal with but much less than a violent drunk wanting to fight with another). Well it kept me in my head more than my feelings and internalizing panic attacks, high pain tolerance due to dissociation issues and so on. I was teachers students once. I could tell the difference between those who tried and those who passed out papers didnt teach us anything and then complained constantly if students werent passing. That boy with the long blonde hair mad the ahole teacher for not taking educating students and then yelling at them because them not passing is her paycheck. Yep I was a kid like that one. 5th grade I yelled at the ahole who was my teacher because she was never in her classroom hardly, she wasnt doing her job. I was getting hit with books while she chit chatted in other classrooms. This blow up came from me telling her about them attacking me when she walked back into our classroom. She said she didnt have time for this (maybe if she stayed in her fking classroom and did anything she would have the time when shes in the classroom) I told her she better make time because its her job. That she is a terrible teacher. What kind of teacher refuses to teach their kids because she believed the last year teacher was supposed to. They werent. See my age kids in that school were during a transition period. They decided the year I was in 4th that 4th grade teachers would need to teach long division. That it would start the next year. Some teachers got a head start though it wasnt a requirement. My teacher didnt. The cow in 5th grade said tough crap for us she wasnt doing it we should have learned it last year. Who the fk does that. Anyway we want to learn those of us neurodivergent kids that are tired of crap enough to fight about will fight you if you drop the ball with our education.
Some people need a reality check. Overpaid babysitters for sure need that. Good teachers get frustrated like anyone but they care about their impact and work to teach the kids. I really wish there wasnt such a demand for teachers to the point they will allow any shitey teacher to be there.
My 5th grade teacher when in her classroom had also pulled kids by their hair, hit them, bullied them like an elementary age child. She was horrid. My mom complained and they said oh she loves kids she adopts "kids no one wants" her daughters were from China. 90s were an interesting time. Supposedly better times but not quite.
Anyway neurodivergent kids are super challenging. The good teachers didnt always get the resoonses they wanted from me but they ALWAYS had my respect. From Kindergarten to graduation. We remember those of you that actually cared about not only us but all the kids. Those that wanted the best for us because we just werent names on a call sheet we were going to be adults someday and the gravity if that wasnt lost on them.
I dont wish to be home 24/7 with my one child, I love her with my whole heart but I home schooled her before and we did digital school at some point. I dont have the level of patience needed to teach a child that is just like me lol. Beyond what we teach as mothers she needs her main education to be with teachers. She butts my head to no ends when it comes to school work and with teachers she doesnt have that same combative attitude. I think its a territory thing. At school that is the teachers territory, an adult who doesnt have to love them lol. At home she knows that no matter what she has me and she can sometimes push to get her way (try to pick my battles to keep some level of peace because she will die on every hill).
Sorry for the many many typos. I have two modes. One is being a perfectionist and always correcting my mistakes and the other being Im trying to teach myself to let it go when it comes to online interactions like social media because that perfectionist side will drive me insane being internet communication will never be right and I hated correcting everyones emails and messages before I could read them. I instead decided I wouldnt see it. I wont let it register to my brain that way anymore which becomes kind of out of mind out of sight. I am only adding this disclaimer because you are a teacher and the typos are likely very bothersome. I dont do in the middle very well so correcting my mistakes here would lead to the urge to correct all interactions online, not just on my end, which there arent enough hours in the day and not worth it lol. Spelling and grammer I decided is not the hill Im willing to die on.
Its true
I know
After my husband walked out
I had 2 boys to care for
Their dad never helped and rarely visit them. Then he moved states away two years after he walked out.
And I didn’t get child support
Even though the judge ordered him to pay
He lived many states away and the courts never went after him
I had no family to help me
And I remember lying in the bed crying often
I felt alone and didn’t know what to do
I remarried
And finally had someone to be there to help me with the boys.
The years of stress caused me to get sick and I had to have surgery
Underwater welders are chillin.
❤
I had 5, with no help, so yes, it is extremely hard, exhausting and emotional
I totally get that. A coupke days ago I spent an hour and a half cleaning the kitchen and dining room. My 3 year old was being so well behaved when he comes into the kitchen covered in a powder.. he had taken a box of pankcake mix and painted my room with it 🥴😵😭 it then took me 2 hours to clean that mess up..
The constant interruptions is what gets me. LET ME GET SOMETHING F*CKING DONE!!
Being a single mom is no comparison to being a mother of a special needs child. It is said that the stress alone. has been compared to the stress of being on the Frontline of a war... So there's that 🤷🏼♀️
Yea try combining both
Did they take into account working in retail!? I've been a stay at home Mom and it's better than working in retail!!
Absolutely bought my 2 up good co parenting though but damm it was a struggle 🙏🏻 but rewarding too ❤️
Yup, it’s hard and we wake up everyday and do it anyway. We are all doing hard shit, overcoming the hard shit is what gives us purpose and strength. I’m not living for other people’s sympathy. Cultivating inner strength is the long game and nobody said it was easy.
Wait what about nannies or daycare workers?
It is hard, specially when you have a special needs child. (My son is also autistic and nonverbal). But in the end it is all worth it 🙂
Totally agree! I raised 4 children by myself it has far been the most challenging job of my life!
I’m a mom and a behavioral health nurse, does this count as a double whammy…?
I worked in an emergency room and I am a mother. I guess I might be stressed 😂😵💫
hells yeah that's exactly why I didn't become a mother
They say it’s worth it … but is it tho? Kinda don’t want kids anymore
Im not trying to sound insulting or dismissive, but I believe we all knew the vast importance of having a mom when being raised- but (and I’m not taking anything away from mothers) have y’all seen the data of how important they are finding having a father in the home is though? Like, basically without a father figure a child has a far higher percentage to wind up in prison, commit violent acts, and wind up with addictions. Heck they’re even finding out if a child only has a single father in the home they still have a better chance NOT to develop these problems compared to a single mom.
No. It is better for a child to be in a healthy one parent home than an unhealthy 2 parent household. You’re obviously just trying to be an a-ss Im not even sure what your comment is adding to the conversation than liking to hear yourself talk.
Oh please, where does this research come from? Try being a cop!
Try being an art teacher at an elementary school
No
I definitely agree that being a single SAHM is stressful. However, I'd like to know who was polled, how many people were polled l, etc. There are a lot of jobs that are stressful in an abundance of ways. People need to learn that statistics are just numbers that can be manipulated to achieve the results you want.
Being a mother is a job that never ends. Everyone else gets to clock out.
@@Arginne I do agree. I think because there isn't a clock, it is a class of its own.
@@Arginne I'm just saying that statistics need more questions to be asked how the result was granted.
Being a mom is NOT hard. Roofing is hard, concrete work is hard, oilfield work is hard, being a cop is hard, firefighter is hard, etc etc. Being a mom is not hard yall just want something to complain about. There is nothing about your daily duties as a mom in America that even comes close to being hard compared to the careers ive listed and so many others. Gtfoh. The only moms that have it hard are those in theird world countries and they dont even complain like yall
My wife was sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar. I quit work and looked after 1 teen in a wheelchair, a toddler and a newborn. Did that for 5 years. Absolute doddle.
Went back to work because I was bored.
I can vouch for that!
I wonder if the cortisol spikes are exponentially higher with more kids?
My current experience says perhaps not. More kids= more embracing the chaos = less cortisol spikes because I am out of f’s 😅😂
Definitely. I couldn’t handle anymore
You aren't a single parent the father is around
Yes she is!!!!! Co parenting
Data also shows that the children are at a disadvantage compared to being raised by a single male
If it's so hard how come I was able to do it for my brother at 12 years old while juggling school and the child minding job my mum was supposed to be doing? And I had less stress and trouble, and was less tired and had more time than when I went and got a real job years later.
Obvious answer is it's not that hard.
Did you really think you were adding to the conversation with that one or do you just like to hear yourself talk?
@@Arginne do you have an actual argument or do you just like to hear yourself talk?
If your kids are terrible I can see how motherhood is difficult.😊
It's not about them being terrible but when you have children, especially multiple children, sometimes emotions run high, siblings argue, crying happens etc and these things in turn affect you emotionally. Children are not bad in my opinion as a rule but they are human beings who are learning to regulate their emotions just like we all did when we were small and that can definitely impact your own stress levels as a parent.
I remember when you used to be funny. What happened?