I love you so much, thank you for being here. I'm crying again bc I thought so long and hard if I should make this video or not because I didn't know how you would react but thank you, I'm glad I shared this with you. I'm feeling so many emotions right now, but mostly good.
Knowing how hard you worked on your skin, I can imagine that it was devastating. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that and I am glad you had people who could be there for you. You are still amazing. You had some really big obstacles on your journey. I hope to see you more here and I am curious to see where you go from here.
There’s literally nothing for you to apologise for if anything I’m sorry you had to go through this💗 as for feeling hypocritical it’s not always easy to apply to yourself what your encourage to others especially through difficult times, thank you so much for coming back on here. Take as much time as you need to feel yourself on this platform again💗
Hey Ivan, Thank you for opening up and sharing your story and the pain you went through for the past few years. You did what you had to for your own health and well being. Thank you for being raw and transparent with your pain, experience, and feelings. Be authentic and true to yourself. I hope as you go on this healing journey, you will find purpose and fullfilment in what you love, and love to do. I'm excited to see the person you will become in the future! Much love! 🖤
I missed you so much Ivan. But there was no need to apologize for taking time for yourself. Being insecure about your skin as an influencer is completely valid. So happy to see you back & that you’re doing better & I’m excited for you as well
I am so sorry for the things you went through. I pray that your skin will continue getting better along with your mental health. And also, please do not call yourself a hypocrite for telling your audience to love themselves when you had trouble doing so yourself. What you went through is not easy and could affect any person no matter how much they love and accept themselves. You’re beautiful and please take all the time you need to heal mentally. We subscribers will always be here to support you.
I missed you so much. Every once in a while I would just think to myself "I really hope Ivan is doing okay." You were the first person I ever knew of who came out as non-binary and your presence made it so much easier for me to accept myself. I'm so glad you're doing better, and you never have to apologize for taking care of yourself. We all love you so much. I'm really glad you're back and I can't wait for this new era of Ivan.
This is my first time watching you and there was a reason RUclips recommend your video to me. I'm sure many, myself included, can relate to what you went through on some level. I'm glad you have opened up and shared this part of your life with us.You do not owe anybody anything and taking care of yourself is always the priority. Reading all the comments it is clear you have touched a lot of people and i hope you see and recognise all the love. I can feel the sincerity and love you emanate just from this one video.
Was constantly wondering how you were doing during your time away so sorry that happened to you but very glad that you are at a better place mentally now ♡ Always rooting for your happiness, Ivan 🤍🫶🏽🤍
i love you ivan. i’ve been watching you for so long. i’m really proud of how far you have come & i really missed you while you were gone. it has been such a hard few years and it has been so isolating... i hope you continue to do what is best for you, but i also can’t wait to have you back regularly 🥰
Ivan, please know that I understand completely and am here to support you. I too have had to battle so many similar aspects. This last year for me was a very hard straw, I had always been proud that my skin had never looked my age but this year I have had to deal with bad scarring from skin cancer. It has been such a kick in the shin, but your videos have been a bit of therapy as it gives me hope that when I am self conscious of my scars you have given me some skills to help conceal them in the hopes to restore my confidence. So please do remember you do touch our lives, we just hope we touch yours as well.
As someone whose been with severe acne for years without anything working I wanna give you a hug cuz I finally feel you’re someone I can relate to! I’m myself looking into chemical peels and lasers and now I’m terrified! At the same time I going through a scary relationship and I’m scared of loosing it too. it feels like I'm watching a cliff near. I understand you. giving so much love out to you!
Hey Ivan, First and foremost, thank you for sharing--it took courage just to be vulnerable. I've missed you, I've missed your content. You said that you thought you were filling a void when the pandemic starts but you actually have kept me company when I was quarantined. Your videos are so powerful, you have no idea how it inspired and gave me confidence. Whenever people ask me if I have any favorite RUclipsr, you're literally the first on top of my head. I've never felt more comfortable just to explore using makeup, exploring my fashion, etc. Similar to you, I grow up in a conservative family from Southeast Asia. I've sent you some DMs just wishing that you'd read how I felt every time your posts have moved me. Keep doing what you're doing and I'm and always be moved by how you've made my dark days brighter and how you've boosted my confidence. Thank you for being you. I'm 100000000% you've touched so many lives with your content. I know there are people like me out there who have enjoyed being with you through your contents. You've worked hard and we all know it. I'm so proud of you and so should you towards how you're growing. I wish you all the joy and happiness. You are a beautiful human being and I'm saying this just to remind you how much you've helped me grow. Again, thank you so much. Keep moving forward :)
Thank you so much for sharing Ivan. Recently I got a burn around my eyes and it got infected. I am currently feeling very low and insecure. Your video reminds me that things will get better and I am not alone. Thank you. Xoxo.
i clicked this so fast. Ivan- i love and missed you so MUCH!💗 not me crying from excitement- (while watching) the rawness of you speaking about feeling hypocritical preaching about self-love battling it within yourself- it really resonates with me so please know you are not alone... its definitely a journey. i'm still on my own personal growth journey etc. the break was well deserved- and i'm so happy that you took this time to really dive into who you are as you continue to evolve into your person your videos have brought me so much comfort, so i hope we are able to bring you comfort as well💗 again- I love you so much! Thank you for being vulnerable with us talking about everything thats happened- i appreciate it so so much
Wow, what an outstandingly, heart-breakingly beautiful human being! So sorry you've had a rough time the last couple of years. It has been particularly tough on outgoing, sharing types of people- extroverts so to speak. The isolation has been choking for them. Glad you are feeling better. So glad YT recommended your channel. Hang in there!
Shocked to hear how you've been hurting. All the monotonous nights I spent this past dreadful year constantly wondering who, out there, could be feeling as lonely as me. I'm going back in time to give you a hug because I really needed it. *SQUEEEEZE*
Hii you ^^ I know we don't know each other, but I give you a hug because nobody should feel lonely especially if it's not their choice 🫂 Hope you'll have a great day/week and that you are happy or will find all the happiness you deserve 😊 Love ya 🧡
you got me tearing up sis. as someone who has a rough past couple years i appreciate you being so vulnerable w/ us. i hope things continue to get better for you!
Screw them. they don't know what they messed, and how much worth it to have someone as you in their life, just look what did you made and how much people they loves you and hase your back, you can do it and move on it will be hard at first you going to break down but you going to know that if they're fine without you also can be fine without them and if I were you I will be thankful for what I have done in this period of time and proud of myself. Look see if your health going to be good without these people then go for it. I don't know you very much I watched a few videos of yours and started to like, really hh you really gave me hope and that anyone can make some dreams come true you maybe didn't notice but you do give that energy that "me and you going to do it cheer up"so thank you so much for what you've done and what you're going to do thank you. I'm not really good at expressing feelings not good at English as well but I try hhh, I hope this massage got to your big heart and I hope you get better soon I'm dying to see your next video we love you remember that ^o^
I just saw the notification for the video not long after I shared a post about my drawing on Instagram, I’m so happy to see you posting again, I’m happy you took a break to find yourself and I’m sad to hear all your struggles but I hope all the people who truly love and appreciate your videos will always be there for you even if you need time away, you will always be loved 💕always you are beautiful not just on the outside but on the inside 🙈
Oh wonderful, beautiful Ivan!!!!! How absolutely fantastic it is to see you!!! Many, many thanks for sharing what you have gone through this past year, being vulnerable and trusting us enough to tell your experiences!!! We adore you, and we are here for you, delightful Ivan!!!!! 😀
I first found you on IG some months ago, but a content creator I found on YT had you listed under their favorites, and I recognized your name and came to your page right away to subscribe. I’m so glad you kept going. I’m so glad you sought help when you knew you needed it. I’m so grateful to have found you and to get glimpses of the kind of person you are. What you’ve chosen to share and continue to share has impacted me deeply, and I want you to know that you have helped me to embrace my own rawness and truth. You are such a beautiful person. No matter what you are doing or not doing, you are loved and you are worthy. Sending love always from New Orleans 💜
This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I just want to reach through the screen and hug you. You're strong for still being here. It's not easy to turn pain and suffering into something, but just know your story will raise awareness. Your story will support others going through something similar. Much love to you during this tough time, Ivan 💜 Edit: When you said, "I've got this, you've got this," I started crying. Belief is so beautiful and powerful. It's how I got through my depression/suicidal thoughts. To whoever is reading this, believe in yourself.
I only watched a few of your videos over the last few years so I don’t have a ton of context but watching you in this video just makes me want to give you the biggest hug. You are so so so brave. I don’t even really know you but I feel really proud of you. You’ve obviously had to sit with yourself and your hurt a lot the last year and it’s very apparent that it was, and probably still is, painful and uncomfortable. You are so strong and amazing!! Sending love your way 💕
I cried so much watching this and it was healing for me too somehow. I hope youll experience so much happiness coming up now. i rly hope you get to heal fully and be happier
Not me crying as soon as the video started! Honestly, for whatever reason you became a comfort person really quickly and when you want away, it was hard to not be able to watch your videos. However, knowing that you've been going through such a difficult and life changing time makes me incredibly proud of you. Proud because of how strong, resilient and compassionate you are and have become. You are a beautiful, wonderful and sensational person. Please take your time to property heal and find yourself. I admire you.
I'm super glad to see you are back Ivan! I'm so sorry that all those things happened to you but it's nice to see that you are becoming more understanding and accepting of yourself. Don't listen to the negative words from those people. You are my favourite skin care youtuber without a doubt and have helped my skin immensely.
Been subscribed for a few yrs now , and I rarely comment on literally anything on youtube. But I had to say.... glad you're back & seriously take all the time you need, youtube will always be here. Seems like a lot of people I know (off & online ) have been going through some transformative experiences in the past few yrs ( myself included). you're not alone , you reinforced that with your video and here I am doing the same in my writing . Be well
Oh sweetie... You are NOT a hypocrite. It's wonderful to see you're better. Cry, scream, let it all out... there's no other way to deal with emotins, you need to express them, or they will blow you up from the inside. From now on, everything will be only better, Ivan! You have so much support. I'm happy that you shared this with us. And... Be who you are, Love. Not who you suppose to be ❤. Sending you a big package full of love!
I can relate so much to the things you talked about TwT its totally understandable how depressed you felt about your skin (and everything else you mentioned too!) since our skin is our closest contact to the world, one of our most defining physical traits and we even say "i feel nice/awful/etc in my skin" and especially since you made so much effort to take care of it, it must have been devastating to see all that go to waste. i recently had a really bad skin condition all over my body and even on my face sometimes and i too, was devastated by it because ive been to intense therapy this year and worked a lot on myself and i felt like it was so so not fair that when i was finally in a much better place mentally, my physical health just had to get in the way of me feeling content. eventually my rashes disappeared and im doing kind of okay mentally as well but i know i cant neglect myself and im doing my best to work on and take care of myself. im so sorry you had to go through these hard times, but i think its so admirable that you decided to learn to be okay by yourself, i love that for you!! i feel like most people put too much emphasis on relationships and neglect themselves in the meantime. they are probably way too scared of being lonely so they give themselves up just to have someone around at all times. while i understand that, i do my best to put myself first and i never stay in relationships i dont feel fulfilled in because I realized that being alone doesnt have to mean im lonely. it gives me the chance to be with me, to work on myself, to do things for me and to feel okay on my own and i value that more than anything. to see that you are also walking this road makes me so happy and validated💞 also, about crying: i dont see it as a weakness but more as a strenght! being so vulnerable and open and honest about your feelings is something i have to work on a lot and im so in awe of you for being able to do it. i learned that feeling your feelings and being honest with yourself and the world about them is one of the most important things and its so much healthier than pressing them down until they make you sick! so i guess what im saying is: im so so so proud of you and i love love love you so much! im glad you could take this break and although i missed you i hope you wont hesitate to take a break whenever you need it and put yourself first❤️ you are such a bright little star on my horizon, giving me hope and reminding me of whats important in my journey of trying to love myself. like you said, we grow every day and if we can support each other through the good and the hard times i think we can make it✨ sorry this got so long haha, im r_kives_ on insta btw and i leave long comments on there too sometimes lololol anyway, sending you love and im looking forward to your next video!!❤️
Aww, Ivan,, I missed you so much!! I'm so sorry about everything that happened to you, thank you for opening up to us about it and I'm glad you're in a better headspace now.
I love you too Ivan. I'm going through some bad shit now too and I spend a lot of time crying and feeling useless and I identify with you A LOT. Thank you for being so sweet, for making me company sometimes e just exist with the power of being you. Take your time, we are not alone
oh fuck, I'm so glad you're okay. things that change your face, even temporarily, can really affect your own idea of WHO YOU ARE. I just have a big bump (from falling) on my forehead that turned into a black eye (from the migration of blood and swelling moving downwards via gravity), and I was getting so depressed just from a few days of that. months of that is so awfully rough on the psyche. but you are so beautiful, from inside out, and I'm glad you're still with us (of course) and still talking. you are LOVED and you ARE love. FYI, I was a serial monogamist and didn't give myself a break until maybe 7 years ago -- and I'm 57 now. I'm sorry you're going through pain, but I'm glad you're not waiting as long as I did. I'm slow at healing and learning personal growth/emotional stuff and these past 7 years has really helped me feel more together on my own terms. most people don't need that kind of time, I'm sure, but I did and still do. when I'm ready to have a partner again, I'll look, but for now, I've learned so much more empathy, more about other people and their perspectives and experiences, and I love living a more stable life. you will do well too, my sweet youtube friend.
First time coming across your channel but I'm crying watching your video. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Wish I could just give you a big hug through the screen. You're a much loved and hope you keep doing better. Much much much love.
I’m happy to see you and hear that you’re feeling better after taking a much needed break. I’ve always appreciated how vulnerable you are and how open you talk about your mental health and self esteem, especially as a male, I know that it’s really hard to do that. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your skin and I can’t imagine how you felt during the process of trying to heal it and having to wait for it to start healing significantly. People really underestimate how much of an impact your skin has on your well-being and self esteem and it can cause so much anxiety and depression if you’re struggling with burns, skin conditions and/or severe acne. We all care so much about you and you never need to apologize for needing time to heal. I’m just happy to hear that you’re doing okay now and you have a good support system who cared for you at your lowest. As someone with low esteem and who used to have interest in whomever showed attention to me too, it’s so hard to spend time with yourself and self reflect on those things. Being loving and compassionate to yourself is so hard when struggling with anxiety and depression but you deserve it so much and you also deserve someone who genuinely loves you and respects your choices. It hurts so badly when the person you love makes you feel bad about yourself or shames you for exploring your interests but to be courageous and continue to stay true to yourself takes so much strength. You are a kind and positive soul and with some healing and self care work I hope you start to feel that way and become more kind to yourself too. Thank you for updating us and I’m so happy you’re feeling better enough to let us know what’s been going on. I wish you all the best and will be keeping an eye out for your content and posts on Instagram ❤️
Ivan love glad to see you again with your beautiful smile and also it’s okay was worried about you but glad to see you again a lot of things have happened in my life I had my graduation from my two year college that I previously attended and also got rejected by a guy that I confess to and didn’t feel the same about me so I was heartbroken but watched your videos to help me get back together and also currently facing a eating disorder is that whenever I eat something I get looked down on by my parents and my siblings tell them to stop because If they don’t I could fall into a further eating disorder and also I started at a new college in Manhattan last year and about to enter my senior year of college at this one but I’m happy to see you again my heart got so happy and skipped a beat when I saw you also I had ring worm on my arm it was painful I covered my arm with a sweater just wanting to hide it and currently fighting a small depression I had I cried and didn’t eat a lot my heart broke when you started crying I just locked myself up in the bathroom also I just want to reach into the screen and hug you and relationships suck I had two broken hearts in high school freshman and junior year and I started dating when I was 15 years old and stopped dating when I was 18 years old and now 23 years old girl I’m still single also you are beautiful and adorable and I’m willing to do whatever it is for you weather it means packing my bags and giving you comfort and happiness and attention I would drop everything for you and don’t listen to the outside world they are just toxic we love you for being you we will always be here waiting for you your health comes first also I have been watching you since I was 20 years old these past 3 years you have helped me tremendously with my depression and stress and disorder that I’m slowly getting over but also now I’m getting over the obstacles that are in my way and thanks to you I have conquered them and felt proud of my self I love you with all my heart and soul I would give you my heart to keep you alive and keep making more people happy and joyful
It was nice to see you again! I am glad you are better and I hope things will go even better. I will always be happy to see you whenever you come back with a new video. 💜
Ivan, this video is crushing me, I am so sorry you where hurt. Those others had to of known about you before they dated you, and they are so WRONG for what they said and how you where treated, just sticking me. I have trust issues, serious heart break too I have had, gave my ALL and wasn't enough for them. God I could go one and on and it's not about me, its about you beautiful human, You Got This!!!!!! Much Love!!! ❤️🙏❤️
OMG, we missed you so much! I was talking about you with a friend yesterday! You was there for me when i was on a really hard time during pandemic and you dont even know how much it means to me that you are okay now and we know, thats real life and the fact that you are here letting us know how much it hurts, how much life can hurt sometimes, its bc we still here for you and you still being a home for us to watch, like a closed friend of us. so i think i never said this before, but thank you so much for your videos and your channel, for all the good moments that you shared with us! I'm so happy, i hope you are doing well & healthy, just taking your time and i'll be sending you lots of love and good energy, take care, my friend💖
Ivan please don't be so hard on yourself. ❤️ Just so glad that you're alright now and I was so worried about you and I was so scared. You're the one that help me with going through life and ever since I discovered you and I learn to take of myself now and knowing what's best. Honestly hearing you're story and how strong you are being to keep back tears I just wanna hug 🫂 you and because it just really heartbreaking 🥺 now I am so sorry that you've gone through so much. Keep on trying, just keep on trying. Love you 💕 you'll be Alright
I appreciate your openness, and I’m glad you’re back. You are talented, beautiful and valued. I always liked your sincerity, even when you were hiding parts of yourself, you’ve always come across as genuine and vulnerable which helps me to feel less alone. I hope your healing keeps going well, you deserve to be confident and happy. Much love!
I’m so happy to see you, Ivan. I’m so sorry to hear of your recent struggles. I hope you continue to push back on any shame and find comfort in knowing there are those of us who are cheering for you. 🤗
Your video popped up on my timeline and this is my first time watching you and i just want to say that YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A REAL HUMAN WITH REAL FEELINGS AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I thank you for this message and video, i believe this was the universe sending you to me, i relate to what you have experienced and felt especially for this past couple of years. It is not easy but know that you are not alone; stay healthy and blessed my love. I wish you all success and happiness. You got this!!! 💚🙏🏼
Dear Ivan, Appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. It is what I always appreciated about you. I was grateful for you being so approachable when I went to KCON LA a few years back. I hope you find that focus and glad you have amazing folks who care are around you. YES, you are taking the steps forward to be better YOU. We are works in progress. I am glad you are starting to think of YOURSELF as someone to decide to date the next person and not just letting the next person choose you only. The Pandemic definitely made it hard for me as well as I am an extrovert. Not seeing people was tough for me too. Keep being YOU -authentic. Love and hugs always to you and stay awesome.
You have nothing to apologize for. Similar to you with your skin journey, I used to have super clear skin but once I started birth control my face was full of acne. I am still struggling with acne and also the insecurities of going out. I blamed myself for going on birth control even though I chose to because my period cramps were making me faint or throw up. Your vulnerability is a strength Ivan and I am proud of you for coming this far. This video really affirmed to me that I am not alone in my feelings and struggles. Thank you for sharing. Sending you lots of love!
ohmygod ivan :( as a long time subscriber it breaks my heart to hear about everything you went through this past year. i hope i can give you at least a little comfort by telling you that you're more than your skin, despite it being the thing your youtube channel revolved around. what happened can't be taken back. and at times when the guilt is gnawing in your thoughts remind yourself how ultimately people will still love you and want to be your friend. that you're not a hypocrite for sometimes not being able to love yourself. you're a kind person and you have been so unfairly treated by people you held dear. i'm so glad you had the right support around you during these hard times. i hope things will get easier for you and that you continue exploring your identity. what's most important right now is that you take time to continue to heal mentally from the trauma that you went through. sending lots of love
Aw I’m so happy that you are back, but if you ever need another break you can take the time again. You should know everyone of us here are here for you and we love you. Just remember even when you are encouraging us but aren’t doing it for you, everyone is always harder on themselves than on others, so don’t feel like a hypocrite. Just look out for yourself and we will always be here💕 stay strong!!
i'm glad you're doing better now. i resonated so much about feeling hypocrite while preaching about self love because self love is so so hard sometimes. it's really a journey. take care of yourself 💗
Oh Ivan, I am so sorry that you have been going through all this. Your strength to persevere despite all you have gone through is truly a testament of your character, strength, and beauty! NEVER FORGET IT! You now have beauty and wisdom. Wow! I empathize so much with you because I used to be thin and muscular( I modeled) until I gained ALOT of weight from medication and depression and I felt so embarrassed and judged I wanted to literally hide and just cease to exist. I think when we have been defined by a certain way for so long, losing what we feel gives us value and appeal makes us feel unstable and lost as to what our value and identity is. We all know its rooted in trying to fill a void of feeling inadequate deep down inside. It boils down to unapologetic self love, and I KNOW 😒 it's so cliche because we keep hearing it, but I fight to accept and love myself everyday, because I deserve it and you do too! Remember that the world and the "haters" will always have something to say, the good, bad, ugly, but you have to eventually get to point of not giving a FU*K. Live your life authentically your scars and all and be compassionate to yourself because the last thing you need to do is join all the naysayers in hating yourself on top of everyone else.DO NOT LET THEM WIN! You look beautiful and deserve the best, keep your chin up, you got this! 🤗
Yay! Love to have you back! I always loved your calming aura, and how honest you were about your feelings. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and I'm glad you took yours. Wishing you a wonderful rest of the year and onwards!
You have no idea how much you were missed. It gave me so much joy to see your face in my subscriber inbox again. Your videos are definitely not going into the void. They were very helpful to me during the pandemic and I can't thank you enough for that. I'm so sorry to hear about the journey you have gone through these past few months and I'm glad to hear you are in a better place. I'm looking forward to seeing this new journey of self discovery as I am on one of my own at 30. Sending you so much love!
Your videos always made my days so much better!! I'm so glad you're okay. I'm also sorry that you've been going through hard times. You're helping many people just by being real with your struggles and emotions. We will always support you and we'll understand if you need breaks in the future. Love you! 😘
I've never watched your videos before, but I have to say this is one of the realist video's I have ever seen. I just want to give you a hug. New subscriber for sure 💜
Going through the same here... it’s not easy I can relate to a lot of things you mentioned you’re not alone. Stay strong you will get out of this a stronger💕💕💕
The joy I got just seeing you pop up in my sub box 🥹💜 love your videos! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That is not easy to deal with. I’m so happy you’re in a better place and I hope that you’re able to continue to feel better! We’re happy to have you back whenever 💜
hi ivan i’ve been a silent viewer for so so long-literally since i was 16/17 and i’m 21 now. you’ve helped me so much and bring me so much comfort with coming to terms with my sexuality and just being who i am, especially as someone with an asian family/background too. you’ve also taught me a lot about makeup and skincare (as a teen girl and even now i still learn so much from you with techniques and products). i just wanted to say thank you so much for being vulnerable and open and i love your youtube videos, but also your tiktok and insta as well! i’m so glad you took the time to heal and go through the motions and take time as your own pace. i hope things only look up for you from here on out, and the bumps you may encounter are only tiny speed bumps. hehe all the best!
OMGGGGGGGGGGG IVANNNNN I ALMOST CRIED RN ! I HAVE BEEN SO CONFUSED AND WONDERING FROM MONTHS WHY YOU WEREN'T UPLOADING ANYTHING AND WAS TOO WORRIED. After weeks I opened youtube and the first video popped up was yours. I feel really happy to see you hereee. MISSED YOU A LOT IVAN !!! GLAD U R SAFE . SO PROUD OF YOU FOR GOING THROUGH ALL THOSE TOUGH TIMES
i am so sorry this happend too you, dont apologize for taking a break. you come first and your period of healing mentally, emotionally and phsyically , i am happy too see you back. lets all grow and heal together❤
Ivan, you’re a pure soul and im so sorry that you had to go thru that. I couldnt imagine this happening to me either. I hardly feel this emotional over this sort of ‘why i left youtube’ video but i find myself lowkey tearing up :(
Hey Ivan, thank you very very much for sharing. This really struck a chord with me. The suffering a major event, the feeling stupid, the retreat from life, the shame, the unraveling of all things including those you thought were stable, the questioning of your entire life, the insecurity, the worrying about your own safety…oof, let me just stop it there, you get it. For me, the event was dropping out of my phd program in philosophy after a complete breakdown of my mental health-despite having worked my entire adult life to get there, having endured the years of criticism and doubt, despite desperately wanting to make parents proud who barely graduated high school - I was the one who couldn’t ultimately handle it (or so I told myself), I was the the one who failed myself. Blah blah blah, self loathing. I don’t have any advice though I wish I did (philosophers study life but have no leg up in these things unfortunately lol) but it sounds to me like you’re finding your way! These life events pierce our very being and what pours out floods out everything we thought we knew about ourselves, about the world. My hope is that in the long run, as we re-find our way and chart that new course, eventually there’s solace and healing in all we’ve learned and developed. In the wreckage and fallout of my career change I also found so much that wasn’t right that I may not have questioned had everything not come to a sudden stop-including, as in your case, observations about my gender, sexuality, and relationships both romantic and platonic. Things are slowly taking shape in my life, and I feel like I’m also on a path. To hear you describe yours with such empathy but also honesty and patience, spoke to me on an otherwise ordinary, anxiety filled day-the kind when you sorta lose sight of the progress you’ve been making. So thank you, Ivan. It really helps even to just know others are on the path. I actually subbed your channel during this past year, loved your content, and didn’t quite understand why it had kinda stopped. Really happy you’re okay. Really happy you know your community has your back. I’ll be keeping my eye out for updates and any other sign of that beautiful smile! (No pressure tho!) You got thisss!
We love you and I know that your going through a hard time I'm happy that your doing better now so not pressure yourself. Take it little by little no rush we love you so much and take care of yourself.
💗 thank you for being so vulnerable, thank you for sharing. you've helped me through dark times, and im forever grateful, and i hope you know you deserve the world and more 💌
Aw ivan!!! I really feel for you. I went thru something similar towards the last half of 2020 when I suddenly developed very severe acne and gained some weight. I realized a large part of self love is self grace: being able to give yourself grace when it feels hard to love yourself. I’m so happy to hear you’re doing better. Also I relate so much to your sensitivity and emotionality lol. Can I ask what your big 3 is?
when i watched this video amd saw u crying it broke my heart bc in all ur videos u always seem so happy but being sad is also a very important emotion and not many people can show it like u do💓💓i can not even imagine how hard this was for u and i think this „youtube break“ was only for ur best and im just so glad ur back. i will always support u on here and instagram too bc u taught me so much valuable things in life and im so happy that ur back again. ur strong ivan and kewp fighting!!❤️❤️💓i love u so much💓💓💓🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻ur not alone🥺🥺
I love you! You look fabulous! :) aww don't cry. you are a wonderful person and you have helped a lot of people feel better about themselves and to see themselves as good people. *HUG*
Thank you so much for sharing. You are the main person online that actually teached and helped me with self love and acceptance. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I know that everybody goes through some hard times, but it ALWAYS gets better! Thanks so much for sharing, teaching and creating a supporting environment! ✨
After watching Freesia's videos, Ivan was introduced. GL Ivan and I wish you all the best on your journey! Your cool, unique words can't express enough more than once or twice! Thank you, and have a great day, week, month, or upcoming year! Gonna support you, and you have inspired me already!
I love you so much, thank you for being here. I'm crying again bc I thought so long and hard if I should make this video or not because I didn't know how you would react but thank you, I'm glad I shared this with you. I'm feeling so many emotions right now, but mostly good.
we're proud of you! always remember that we got your back
We love and appreciate you Ivan☺️💕
Sending a big huggg, we love youuuu
We missed you so much 💜
So happy to have you back. Thank you for sharing and know that you are loved.
Knowing how hard you worked on your skin, I can imagine that it was devastating. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that and I am glad you had people who could be there for you. You are still amazing. You had some really big obstacles on your journey. I hope to see you more here and I am curious to see where you go from here.
Thank you 🥺❤️
There’s literally nothing for you to apologise for if anything I’m sorry you had to go through this💗 as for feeling hypocritical it’s not always easy to apply to yourself what your encourage to others especially through difficult times, thank you so much for coming back on here. Take as much time as you need to feel yourself on this platform again💗
We’re proud of you and we love you❤
Thank u so much 🥺
Stay strong! You got this hugs
don’t feel bad for leaving. Your mental and emotional health is important and know that we all care about you :D 💛
I don't even need to watch the video, it's ok. we missed you too. but we all waited :))
Hey Ivan,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your story and the pain you went through for the past few years. You did what you had to for your own health and well being. Thank you for being raw and transparent with your pain, experience, and feelings. Be authentic and true to yourself. I hope as you go on this healing journey, you will find purpose and fullfilment in what you love, and love to do. I'm excited to see the person you will become in the future!
Much love! 🖤
I missed you so much Ivan. But there was no need to apologize for taking time for yourself. Being insecure about your skin as an influencer is completely valid. So happy to see you back & that you’re doing better & I’m excited for you as well
Thank you so much for this
I am so sorry for the things you went through. I pray that your skin will continue getting better along with your mental health. And also, please do not call yourself a hypocrite for telling your audience to love themselves when you had trouble doing so yourself. What you went through is not easy and could affect any person no matter how much they love and accept themselves. You’re beautiful and please take all the time you need to heal mentally. We subscribers will always be here to support you.
proud of you friend 🤍
I missed you so much. Every once in a while I would just think to myself "I really hope Ivan is doing okay." You were the first person I ever knew of who came out as non-binary and your presence made it so much easier for me to accept myself. I'm so glad you're doing better, and you never have to apologize for taking care of yourself. We all love you so much. I'm really glad you're back and I can't wait for this new era of Ivan.
This is my first time watching you and there was a reason RUclips recommend your video to me. I'm sure many, myself included, can relate to what you went through on some level. I'm glad you have opened up and shared this part of your life with us.You do not owe anybody anything and taking care of yourself is always the priority. Reading all the comments it is clear you have touched a lot of people and i hope you see and recognise all the love. I can feel the sincerity and love you emanate just from this one video.
You dont owe us an apology angel 💕 we're just so hsppy you're back, and on my birthday too so thank you so much 💖
Was constantly wondering how you were doing during your time away so sorry that happened to you but very glad that you are at a better place mentally now ♡
Always rooting for your happiness, Ivan 🤍🫶🏽🤍
i love you ivan. i’ve been watching you for so long. i’m really proud of how far you have come & i really missed you while you were gone. it has been such a hard few years and it has been so isolating... i hope you continue to do what is best for you, but i also can’t wait to have you back regularly 🥰
Ivan, please know that I understand completely and am here to support you. I too have had to battle so many similar aspects. This last year for me was a very hard straw, I had always been proud that my skin had never looked my age but this year I have had to deal with bad scarring from skin cancer. It has been such a kick in the shin, but your videos have been a bit of therapy as it gives me hope that when I am self conscious of my scars you have given me some skills to help conceal them in the hopes to restore my confidence. So please do remember you do touch our lives, we just hope we touch yours as well.
As someone whose been with severe acne for years without anything working I wanna give you a hug cuz I finally feel you’re someone I can relate to! I’m myself looking into chemical peels and lasers and now I’m terrified! At the same time I going through a scary relationship and I’m scared of loosing it too. it feels like I'm watching a cliff near. I understand you. giving so much love out to you!
Hey Ivan,
First and foremost, thank you for sharing--it took courage just to be vulnerable. I've missed you, I've missed your content. You said that you thought you were filling a void when the pandemic starts but you actually have kept me company when I was quarantined. Your videos are so powerful, you have no idea how it inspired and gave me confidence. Whenever people ask me if I have any favorite RUclipsr, you're literally the first on top of my head. I've never felt more comfortable just to explore using makeup, exploring my fashion, etc. Similar to you, I grow up in a conservative family from Southeast Asia. I've sent you some DMs just wishing that you'd read how I felt every time your posts have moved me. Keep doing what you're doing and I'm and always be moved by how you've made my dark days brighter and how you've boosted my confidence.
Thank you for being you. I'm 100000000% you've touched so many lives with your content. I know there are people like me out there who have enjoyed being with you through your contents. You've worked hard and we all know it. I'm so proud of you and so should you towards how you're growing. I wish you all the joy and happiness. You are a beautiful human being and I'm saying this just to remind you how much you've helped me grow. Again, thank you so much. Keep moving forward :)
This means so much to me, thank you for sharing 🥺❤️🥹
We missed you Ivannnn, everytime I asked myself if you were okay, glad you're back! Take care ;)
Thank you so much for sharing Ivan. Recently I got a burn around my eyes and it got infected. I am currently feeling very low and insecure. Your video reminds me that things will get better and I am not alone. Thank you. Xoxo.
Honestly can’t wait to see your future videos! Glad to hear you’re doing better. Continue to take care of yourself
i clicked this so fast. Ivan- i love and missed you so MUCH!💗 not me crying from excitement-
(while watching) the rawness of you speaking about feeling hypocritical preaching about self-love battling it within yourself- it really resonates with me so please know you are not alone... its definitely a journey. i'm still on my own personal growth journey etc.
the break was well deserved- and i'm so happy that you took this time to really dive into who you are as you continue to evolve into your person
your videos have brought me so much comfort, so i hope we are able to bring you comfort as well💗 again- I love you so much! Thank you for being vulnerable with us talking about everything thats happened- i appreciate it so so much
Wow, what an outstandingly, heart-breakingly beautiful human being! So sorry you've had a rough time the last couple of years. It has been particularly tough on outgoing, sharing types of people- extroverts so to speak. The isolation has been choking for them. Glad you are feeling better. So glad YT recommended your channel. Hang in there!
Shocked to hear how you've been hurting. All the monotonous nights I spent this past dreadful year constantly wondering who, out there, could be feeling as lonely as me.
I'm going back in time to give you a hug because I really needed it. *SQUEEEEZE*
Hii you ^^
I know we don't know each other, but I give you a hug because nobody should feel lonely especially if it's not their choice 🫂
Hope you'll have a great day/week and that you are happy or will find all the happiness you deserve 😊
Love ya 🧡
you got me tearing up sis. as someone who has a rough past couple years i appreciate you being so vulnerable w/ us. i hope things continue to get better for you!
Screw them. they don't know what they messed, and how much worth it to have someone as you in their life, just look what did you made and how much people they loves you and hase your back, you can do it and move on it will be hard at first you going to break down but you going to know that if they're fine without you also can be fine without them and if I were you I will be thankful for what I have done in this period of time and proud of myself. Look see if your health going to be good without these people then go for it. I don't know you very much I watched a few videos of yours and started to like, really hh you really gave me hope and that anyone can make some dreams come true you maybe didn't notice but you do give that energy that "me and you going to do it cheer up"so thank you so much for what you've done and what you're going to do thank you. I'm not really good at expressing feelings not good at English as well but I try hhh, I hope this massage got to your big heart and I hope you get better soon I'm dying to see your next video we love you remember that ^o^
I just saw the notification for the video not long after I shared a post about my drawing on Instagram, I’m so happy to see you posting again, I’m happy you took a break to find yourself and I’m sad to hear all your struggles but I hope all the people who truly love and appreciate your videos will always be there for you even if you need time away, you will always be loved 💕always you are beautiful not just on the outside but on the inside 🙈
You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I am so proud of you.
Oh wonderful, beautiful Ivan!!!!! How absolutely fantastic it is to see you!!! Many, many thanks for sharing what you have gone through this past year, being vulnerable and trusting us enough to tell your experiences!!! We adore you, and we are here for you, delightful Ivan!!!!! 😀
Poor babe. I’m sending you so much love
I first found you on IG some months ago, but a content creator I found on YT had you listed under their favorites, and I recognized your name and came to your page right away to subscribe. I’m so glad you kept going. I’m so glad you sought help when you knew you needed it. I’m so grateful to have found you and to get glimpses of the kind of person you are. What you’ve chosen to share and continue to share has impacted me deeply, and I want you to know that you have helped me to embrace my own rawness and truth. You are such a beautiful person. No matter what you are doing or not doing, you are loved and you are worthy. Sending love always from New Orleans 💜
I'm sorry for what happened on you, Ivan~ Please don't be too hard on yourself. We are always here for you~ We will always welcome you warmly❤️🔥💕🥺
sending you so much love 💗 we’ll always support you!
This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I just want to reach through the screen and hug you. You're strong for still being here.
It's not easy to turn pain and suffering into something, but just know your story will raise awareness. Your story will support others going through something similar. Much love to you during this tough time, Ivan 💜
Edit: When you said, "I've got this, you've got this," I started crying. Belief is so beautiful and powerful. It's how I got through my depression/suicidal thoughts. To whoever is reading this, believe in yourself.
I only watched a few of your videos over the last few years so I don’t have a ton of context but watching you in this video just makes me want to give you the biggest hug. You are so so so brave. I don’t even really know you but I feel really proud of you. You’ve obviously had to sit with yourself and your hurt a lot the last year and it’s very apparent that it was, and probably still is, painful and uncomfortable. You are so strong and amazing!! Sending love your way 💕
I cried so much watching this and it was healing for me too somehow. I hope youll experience so much happiness coming up now. i rly hope you get to heal fully and be happier
Not me crying as soon as the video started! Honestly, for whatever reason you became a comfort person really quickly and when you want away, it was hard to not be able to watch your videos. However, knowing that you've been going through such a difficult and life changing time makes me incredibly proud of you. Proud because of how strong, resilient and compassionate you are and have become. You are a beautiful, wonderful and sensational person. Please take your time to property heal and find yourself. I admire you.
I'm super glad to see you are back Ivan! I'm so sorry that all those things happened to you but it's nice to see that you are becoming more understanding and accepting of yourself. Don't listen to the negative words from those people. You are my favourite skin care youtuber without a doubt and have helped my skin immensely.
Been subscribed for a few yrs now , and I rarely comment on literally anything on youtube. But I had to say.... glad you're back & seriously take all the time you need, youtube will always be here. Seems like a lot of people I know (off & online ) have been going through some transformative experiences in the past few yrs ( myself included). you're not alone , you reinforced that with your video and here I am doing the same in my writing . Be well
Oh sweetie... You are NOT a hypocrite. It's wonderful to see you're better. Cry, scream, let it all out... there's no other way to deal with emotins, you need to express them, or they will blow you up from the inside.
From now on, everything will be only better, Ivan! You have so much support. I'm happy that you shared this with us. And... Be who you are, Love. Not who you suppose to be ❤. Sending you a big package full of love!
I can relate so much to the things you talked about TwT its totally understandable how depressed you felt about your skin (and everything else you mentioned too!) since our skin is our closest contact to the world, one of our most defining physical traits and we even say "i feel nice/awful/etc in my skin" and especially since you made so much effort to take care of it, it must have been devastating to see all that go to waste. i recently had a really bad skin condition all over my body and even on my face sometimes and i too, was devastated by it because ive been to intense therapy this year and worked a lot on myself and i felt like it was so so not fair that when i was finally in a much better place mentally, my physical health just had to get in the way of me feeling content. eventually my rashes disappeared and im doing kind of okay mentally as well but i know i cant neglect myself and im doing my best to work on and take care of myself. im so sorry you had to go through these hard times, but i think its so admirable that you decided to learn to be okay by yourself, i love that for you!! i feel like most people put too much emphasis on relationships and neglect themselves in the meantime. they are probably way too scared of being lonely so they give themselves up just to have someone around at all times. while i understand that, i do my best to put myself first and i never stay in relationships i dont feel fulfilled in because I realized that being alone doesnt have to mean im lonely. it gives me the chance to be with me, to work on myself, to do things for me and to feel okay on my own and i value that more than anything. to see that you are also walking this road makes me so happy and validated💞 also, about crying: i dont see it as a weakness but more as a strenght! being so vulnerable and open and honest about your feelings is something i have to work on a lot and im so in awe of you for being able to do it. i learned that feeling your feelings and being honest with yourself and the world about them is one of the most important things and its so much healthier than pressing them down until they make you sick! so i guess what im saying is: im so so so proud of you and i love love love you so much! im glad you could take this break and although i missed you i hope you wont hesitate to take a break whenever you need it and put yourself first❤️ you are such a bright little star on my horizon, giving me hope and reminding me of whats important in my journey of trying to love myself. like you said, we grow every day and if we can support each other through the good and the hard times i think we can make it✨ sorry this got so long haha, im r_kives_ on insta btw and i leave long comments on there too sometimes lololol anyway, sending you love and im looking forward to your next video!!❤️
Aww, Ivan,, I missed you so much!!
I'm so sorry about everything that happened to you, thank you for opening up to us about it and I'm glad you're in a better headspace now.
omgggg i missed you so much i’m so happy seeing this notification i hope u are well and happy ivan u bring me so much comfort
I love you too Ivan. I'm going through some bad shit now too and I spend a lot of time crying and feeling useless and I identify with you A LOT. Thank you for being so sweet, for making me company sometimes e just exist with the power of being you. Take your time, we are not alone
oh fuck, I'm so glad you're okay. things that change your face, even temporarily, can really affect your own idea of WHO YOU ARE. I just have a big bump (from falling) on my forehead that turned into a black eye (from the migration of blood and swelling moving downwards via gravity), and I was getting so depressed just from a few days of that. months of that is so awfully rough on the psyche. but you are so beautiful, from inside out, and I'm glad you're still with us (of course) and still talking. you are LOVED and you ARE love.
FYI, I was a serial monogamist and didn't give myself a break until maybe 7 years ago -- and I'm 57 now. I'm sorry you're going through pain, but I'm glad you're not waiting as long as I did. I'm slow at healing and learning personal growth/emotional stuff and these past 7 years has really helped me feel more together on my own terms. most people don't need that kind of time, I'm sure, but I did and still do. when I'm ready to have a partner again, I'll look, but for now, I've learned so much more empathy, more about other people and their perspectives and experiences, and I love living a more stable life. you will do well too, my sweet youtube friend.
I'm so sorry you had to suffer through this alone. I am so sorry this happened to you. Hugs. Thank you for sharing your story. 💯💕
thank you for sharing, ivan. i’m going through my first breakup, so this was very helpful to hear. we love you 💖
First time coming across your channel but I'm crying watching your video. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Wish I could just give you a big hug through the screen. You're a much loved and hope you keep doing better. Much much much love.
This is my first ever comment in RUclips, and I think you're brave for what you've had going thru. JIA YOU !
Oh my goodness, I'm sorry that happened to you, I still love, love, love you!!!! ❤️
I’m happy to see you and hear that you’re feeling better after taking a much needed break. I’ve always appreciated how vulnerable you are and how open you talk about your mental health and self esteem, especially as a male, I know that it’s really hard to do that. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your skin and I can’t imagine how you felt during the process of trying to heal it and having to wait for it to start healing significantly. People really underestimate how much of an impact your skin has on your well-being and self esteem and it can cause so much anxiety and depression if you’re struggling with burns, skin conditions and/or severe acne.
We all care so much about you and you never need to apologize for needing time to heal. I’m just happy to hear that you’re doing okay now and you have a good support system who cared for you at your lowest.
As someone with low esteem and who used to have interest in whomever showed attention to me too, it’s so hard to spend time with yourself and self reflect on those things. Being loving and compassionate to yourself is so hard when struggling with anxiety and depression but you deserve it so much and you also deserve someone who genuinely loves you and respects your choices. It hurts so badly when the person you love makes you feel bad about yourself or shames you for exploring your interests but to be courageous and continue to stay true to yourself takes so much strength. You are a kind and positive soul and with some healing and self care work I hope you start to feel that way and become more kind to yourself too.
Thank you for updating us and I’m so happy you’re feeling better enough to let us know what’s been going on. I wish you all the best and will be keeping an eye out for your content and posts on Instagram ❤️
Ivan love glad to see you again with your beautiful smile and also it’s okay was worried about you but glad to see you again a lot of things have happened in my life I had my graduation from my two year college that I previously attended and also got rejected by a guy that I confess to and didn’t feel the same about me so I was heartbroken but watched your videos to help me get back together and also currently facing a eating disorder is that whenever I eat something I get looked down on by my parents and my siblings tell them to stop because If they don’t I could fall into a further eating disorder and also I started at a new college in Manhattan last year and about to enter my senior year of college at this one but I’m happy to see you again my heart got so happy and skipped a beat when I saw you also I had ring worm on my arm it was painful I covered my arm with a sweater just wanting to hide it and currently fighting a small depression I had I cried and didn’t eat a lot my heart broke when you started crying I just locked myself up in the bathroom also I just want to reach into the screen and hug you and relationships suck I had two broken hearts in high school freshman and junior year and I started dating when I was 15 years old and stopped dating when I was 18 years old and now 23 years old girl I’m still single also you are beautiful and adorable and I’m willing to do whatever it is for you weather it means packing my bags and giving you comfort and happiness and attention I would drop everything for you and don’t listen to the outside world they are just toxic we love you for being you we will always be here waiting for you your health comes first also I have been watching you since I was 20 years old these past 3 years you have helped me tremendously with my depression and stress and disorder that I’m slowly getting over but also now I’m getting over the obstacles that are in my way and thanks to you I have conquered them and felt proud of my self I love you with all my heart and soul I would give you my heart to keep you alive and keep making more people happy and joyful
It was nice to see you again! I am glad you are better and I hope things will go even better. I will always be happy to see you whenever you come back with a new video. 💜
I was happy to welcome you back on Insta and just as happy now to welcome you back to youtube. Love you always, glad you're back!
Ivan, this video is crushing me, I am so sorry you where hurt. Those others had to of known about you before they dated you, and they are so WRONG for what they said and how you where treated, just sticking me. I have trust issues, serious heart break too I have had, gave my ALL and wasn't enough for them. God I could go one and on and it's not about me, its about you beautiful human, You Got This!!!!!! Much Love!!! ❤️🙏❤️
OMG, we missed you so much! I was talking about you with a friend yesterday! You was there for me when i was on a really hard time during pandemic and you dont even know how much it means to me that you are okay now and we know, thats real life and the fact that you are here letting us know how much it hurts, how much life can hurt sometimes, its bc we still here for you and you still being a home for us to watch, like a closed friend of us. so i think i never said this before, but thank you so much for your videos and your channel, for all the good moments that you shared with us!
I'm so happy, i hope you are doing well & healthy, just taking your time and i'll be sending you lots of love and good energy, take care, my friend💖
Ivan please don't be so hard on yourself. ❤️ Just so glad that you're alright now and I was so worried about you and I was so scared. You're the one that help me with going through life and ever since I discovered you and I learn to take of myself now and knowing what's best.
Honestly hearing you're story and how strong you are being to keep back tears I just wanna hug 🫂 you and because it just really heartbreaking 🥺 now I am so sorry that you've gone through so much. Keep on trying, just keep on trying. Love you 💕 you'll be Alright
Thank you so much for putting it out there that breaks are needed sometimes
I appreciate your openness, and I’m glad you’re back. You are talented, beautiful and valued. I always liked your sincerity, even when you were hiding parts of yourself, you’ve always come across as genuine and vulnerable which helps me to feel less alone. I hope your healing keeps going well, you deserve to be confident and happy. Much love!
We love and understand you! It is good that you took time for yourself and we are so proud of you for overcoming this difficult time❤️
You are beautiful as you are...sorry for what you went and what you are going through. Continue to heal and feel better.
I’m so happy to see you, Ivan. I’m so sorry to hear of your recent struggles. I hope you continue to push back on any shame and find comfort in knowing there are those of us who are cheering for you. 🤗
Your video popped up on my timeline and this is my first time watching you and i just want to say that YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A REAL HUMAN WITH REAL FEELINGS AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I thank you for this message and video, i believe this was the universe sending you to me, i relate to what you have experienced and felt especially for this past couple of years. It is not easy but know that you are not alone; stay healthy and blessed my love. I wish you all success and happiness. You got this!!! 💚🙏🏼
Love u so much 💖 don’t say sorry for taking care of you first !
Love you so much Ivan! Sending you so much love you way, try to be not so hard on yourself 😭💞💞💞💞
Dear Ivan, Appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. It is what I always appreciated about you. I was grateful for you being so approachable when I went to KCON LA a few years back. I hope you find that focus and glad you have amazing folks who care are around you. YES, you are taking the steps forward to be better YOU. We are works in progress. I am glad you are starting to think of YOURSELF as someone to decide to date the next person and not just letting the next person choose you only. The Pandemic definitely made it hard for me as well as I am an extrovert. Not seeing people was tough for me too. Keep being YOU -authentic. Love and hugs always to you and stay awesome.
You have nothing to apologize for. Similar to you with your skin journey, I used to have super clear skin but once I started birth control my face was full of acne. I am still struggling with acne and also the insecurities of going out. I blamed myself for going on birth control even though I chose to because my period cramps were making me faint or throw up. Your vulnerability is a strength Ivan and I am proud of you for coming this far. This video really affirmed to me that I am not alone in my feelings and struggles. Thank you for sharing. Sending you lots of love!
ohmygod ivan :( as a long time subscriber it breaks my heart to hear about everything you went through this past year. i hope i can give you at least a little comfort by telling you that you're more than your skin, despite it being the thing your youtube channel revolved around. what happened can't be taken back. and at times when the guilt is gnawing in your thoughts remind yourself how ultimately people will still love you and want to be your friend. that you're not a hypocrite for sometimes not being able to love yourself. you're a kind person and you have been so unfairly treated by people you held dear. i'm so glad you had the right support around you during these hard times. i hope things will get easier for you and that you continue exploring your identity. what's most important right now is that you take time to continue to heal mentally from the trauma that you went through. sending lots of love
Aw I’m so happy that you are back, but if you ever need another break you can take the time again. You should know everyone of us here are here for you and we love you. Just remember even when you are encouraging us but aren’t doing it for you, everyone is always harder on themselves than on others, so don’t feel like a hypocrite. Just look out for yourself and we will always be here💕 stay strong!!
i'm glad you're doing better now. i resonated so much about feeling hypocrite while preaching about self love because self love is so so hard sometimes. it's really a journey. take care of yourself 💗
Oh Ivan, I am so sorry that you have been going through all this. Your strength to persevere despite all you have gone through is truly a testament of your character, strength, and beauty! NEVER FORGET IT! You now have beauty and wisdom. Wow! I empathize so much with you because I used to be thin and muscular( I modeled) until I gained ALOT of weight from medication and depression and I felt so embarrassed and judged I wanted to literally hide and just cease to exist. I think when we have been defined by a certain way for so long, losing what we feel gives us value and appeal makes us feel unstable and lost as to what our value and identity is. We all know its rooted in trying to fill a void of feeling inadequate deep down inside. It boils down to unapologetic self love, and I KNOW 😒 it's so cliche because we keep hearing it, but I fight to accept and love myself everyday, because I deserve it and you do too! Remember that the world and the "haters" will always have something to say, the good, bad, ugly, but you have to eventually get to point of not giving a FU*K. Live your life authentically your scars and all and be compassionate to yourself because the last thing you need to do is join all the naysayers in hating yourself on top of everyone else.DO NOT LET THEM WIN! You look beautiful and deserve the best, keep your chin up, you got this! 🤗
Yay! Love to have you back! I always loved your calming aura, and how honest you were about your feelings. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and I'm glad you took yours. Wishing you a wonderful rest of the year and onwards!
You have no idea how much you were missed. It gave me so much joy to see your face in my subscriber inbox again. Your videos are definitely not going into the void. They were very helpful to me during the pandemic and I can't thank you enough for that. I'm so sorry to hear about the journey you have gone through these past few months and I'm glad to hear you are in a better place. I'm looking forward to seeing this new journey of self discovery as I am on one of my own at 30. Sending you so much love!
Your videos always made my days so much better!! I'm so glad you're okay. I'm also sorry that you've been going through hard times. You're helping many people just by being real with your struggles and emotions. We will always support you and we'll understand if you need breaks in the future. Love you! 😘
Thank you 🥹❤️❤️
I've never watched your videos before, but I have to say this is one of the realist video's I have ever seen. I just want to give you a hug. New subscriber for sure 💜
We love you, Ivan! Thank you for sharing your journey 💕 especially to your viewers. Can’t wait to see what the future holds!!!
Thank you for showing your vulnerable side.
ivan, thank you for sharing. im glad youre doing better!! im routing for you
Going through the same here... it’s not easy I can relate to a lot of things you mentioned you’re not alone. Stay strong you will get out of this a stronger💕💕💕
I couldn't help but cry, this felt so raw. You are so brave and so strong, it's humbling 💕
💓💓💓💓
The joy I got just seeing you pop up in my sub box 🥹💜 love your videos! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. That is not easy to deal with. I’m so happy you’re in a better place and I hope that you’re able to continue to feel better! We’re happy to have you back whenever 💜
i’m so glad you’re back :) you’re beautiful no matter what
hi ivan i’ve been a silent viewer for so so long-literally since i was 16/17 and i’m 21 now. you’ve helped me so much and bring me so much comfort with coming to terms with my sexuality and just being who i am, especially as someone with an asian family/background too. you’ve also taught me a lot about makeup and skincare (as a teen girl and even now i still learn so much from you with techniques and products). i just wanted to say thank you so much for being vulnerable and open and i love your youtube videos, but also your tiktok and insta as well! i’m so glad you took the time to heal and go through the motions and take time as your own pace. i hope things only look up for you from here on out, and the bumps you may encounter are only tiny speed bumps. hehe all the best!
OMGGGGGGGGGGG IVANNNNN I ALMOST CRIED RN ! I HAVE BEEN SO CONFUSED AND WONDERING FROM MONTHS WHY YOU WEREN'T UPLOADING ANYTHING AND WAS TOO WORRIED. After weeks I opened youtube and the first video popped up was yours. I feel really happy to see you hereee. MISSED YOU A LOT IVAN !!! GLAD U R SAFE . SO PROUD OF YOU FOR GOING THROUGH ALL THOSE TOUGH TIMES
i am so sorry this happend too you, dont apologize for taking a break. you come first and your period of healing mentally, emotionally and phsyically , i am happy too see you back. lets all grow and heal together❤
Ivan, you’re a pure soul and im so sorry that you had to go thru that. I couldnt imagine this happening to me either. I hardly feel this emotional over this sort of ‘why i left youtube’ video but i find myself lowkey tearing up :(
Oh Ivan, I'm so sorry. That's a lot of pain. I'm thankful for you and that you shared this.
Hey Ivan, thank you very very much for sharing.
This really struck a chord with me. The suffering a major event, the feeling stupid, the retreat from life, the shame, the unraveling of all things including those you thought were stable, the questioning of your entire life, the insecurity, the worrying about your own safety…oof, let me just stop it there, you get it. For me, the event was dropping out of my phd program in philosophy after a complete breakdown of my mental health-despite having worked my entire adult life to get there, having endured the years of criticism and doubt, despite desperately wanting to make parents proud who barely graduated high school - I was the one who couldn’t ultimately handle it (or so I told myself), I was the the one who failed myself. Blah blah blah, self loathing.
I don’t have any advice though I wish I did (philosophers study life but have no leg up in these things unfortunately lol) but it sounds to me like you’re finding your way! These life events pierce our very being and what pours out floods out everything we thought we knew about ourselves, about the world. My hope is that in the long run, as we re-find our way and chart that new course, eventually there’s solace and healing in all we’ve learned and developed. In the wreckage and fallout of my career change I also found so much that wasn’t right that I may not have questioned had everything not come to a sudden stop-including, as in your case, observations about my gender, sexuality, and relationships both romantic and platonic. Things are slowly taking shape in my life, and I feel like I’m also on a path. To hear you describe yours with such empathy but also honesty and patience, spoke to me on an otherwise ordinary, anxiety filled day-the kind when you sorta lose sight of the progress you’ve been making. So thank you, Ivan. It really helps even to just know others are on the path.
I actually subbed your channel during this past year, loved your content, and didn’t quite understand why it had kinda stopped. Really happy you’re okay. Really happy you know your community has your back. I’ll be keeping my eye out for updates and any other sign of that beautiful smile! (No pressure tho!) You got thisss!
Sending love 💕 I hope that you will continue to share your journey with us
We love you and I know that your going through a hard time I'm happy that your doing better now so not pressure yourself. Take it little by little no rush we love you so much and take care of yourself.
💗 thank you for being so vulnerable, thank you for sharing. you've helped me through dark times, and im forever grateful, and i hope you know you deserve the world and more 💌
Aw ivan!!! I really feel for you. I went thru something similar towards the last half of 2020 when I suddenly developed very severe acne and gained some weight. I realized a large part of self love is self grace: being able to give yourself grace when it feels hard to love yourself. I’m so happy to hear you’re doing better. Also I relate so much to your sensitivity and emotionality lol. Can I ask what your big 3 is?
when i watched this video amd saw u crying it broke my heart bc in all ur videos u always seem so happy but being sad is also a very important emotion and not many people can show it like u do💓💓i can not even imagine how hard this was for u and i think this „youtube break“ was only for ur best and im just so glad ur back. i will always support u on here and instagram too bc u taught me so much valuable things in life and im so happy that ur back again. ur strong ivan and kewp fighting!!❤️❤️💓i love u so much💓💓💓🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻ur not alone🥺🥺
This is actually the first video of yours I came across, just wanted to say, thank you for sharing your story. Clearly, you are loved
You Got This ✊.. Love You 💜
I love you! You look fabulous! :) aww don't cry. you are a wonderful person and you have helped a lot of people feel better about themselves and to see themselves as good people. *HUG*
Thank you so much for sharing. You are the main person online that actually teached and helped me with self love and acceptance. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I know that everybody goes through some hard times, but it ALWAYS gets better! Thanks so much for sharing, teaching and creating a supporting environment! ✨
After watching Freesia's videos, Ivan was introduced. GL Ivan and I wish you all the best on your journey! Your cool, unique words can't express enough more than once or twice!
Thank you, and have a great day, week, month, or upcoming year! Gonna support you, and you have inspired me already!
Thank you for sharing your story, it's inspirational. Please know that we love you inside and out and are here to support you ❤️
You are loved and beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your story 💕