They've added a lot of cool stuff recently! I did the giveaway just out of curiosity, and I'm super excited to find some more niche items (phrasing to keep it both PG and vague 😂)
I'm not sure if you're aware, but the "gift card" that I got was just the Black Friday Deal everyone gets. It was a bit disappointing and felt deceitful.
Someone needs to remind this woman that testosterone cannot be “activated” through touch, it can only be increased through chemical changes within the body. If she’s getting “excited” by tickling, she’s probably got something different going on 💀
Girl Defined really has a special talent for just promoting the other side of the same toxic coin of purity culture.. "All you had of value was your virginity. Now all you have of value is your fertility and as an object of pleasure."
which survivors of fundie culture (women) have said that they've felt lost and confused after having sex after marriage because the thing that's been drilled into their head as THE thing that gives them value and makes you special (as a woman, because of course men's purity isn't valued and you cant expect men to stay virgins until marriage 🙄😒) is now gone, now that she's married and they doesn't know what's supposed to make them special now that it's gone. Its so unhealthy to judge people based on "purity" and virginity and to stow their worth in such things. virginity shiuldnt be used as a value judgement or what makes you special or worthy of respect and love.
@@elleofhearts8471 Exactly! I just wish they'd at least advocate for taking it slow, communication with your partner about how you feel, value as a person having nothing to do with sex, and that's really the bare minimum. Not to mention that if you do struggle in a marriage, not only is divorce not an option in fundieland. But now you're a used woman. No one would want you. It all makes me so sad but happy I got out. I just wish if these ladies were going to grift, sell makeup or shoes or something that's not actively harming people.
@@laurengarcia1023 I'm glad you were able to escape :D please enjoy your fundie-free life to the fullest. Its funny you mention divorce because evangelicals (a subset of fundies) has the highest divorce rate among all Christian sects. I hear you about adjustments too. I cant quite put my finger on what it is that seems to encourage not being honest and direct about your feelings in general and specifically with your spouse in fundie world, but that element is there. its like you have to mask and you cant ever let the mask slip to reveal human flaws beneath. You cant express the negative side of being human or your personal struggles because so much of fundie culture is wrapped up in conditional acceptance and external appearances which makes for a culture of constant masking and lying that doesnt even end between spouses. Probably because marriages get formed on false pretenses too. heteronormativity and hetero patriarchy are two hellova drug. Then there's the grifting!! like yeah if you're gonna grift people at least sell something harmless or somewhat useful. I think its the fact that traditionally, succesful grifts never went the way of harmlessness that speaks for why no one goes for selling something innocuous. with grifts you have to promise the moon and the stars so people will buy. And you have to prey on their insecurities and vulnerabilities. Its a really ugly industry .
They are extremely reductive about 'womanhood' and 'manhood' to the point it's laughable that their anti-trans rethoric is centered around 'just because you take these hormones doesn't mean you're a man now !?!?!?!'
Yeah, like a lot of people, when they go on T as part of hormone replacement therapy, might see increased libido as a side effect, but not everyone does- and also those are cases of someone’s *very personal experience* of having less testosterone and then suddenly having a lot more, requiring an adjustment period. It doesn’t mean that just because cis men statistically tend to have higher testosterone than cis women that all cis men are horny all the time. It’s so much more complicated than that.
I always thought so too, until I started taking testosterone for transitional purposes, and holy hell did my libido skyrocket! It's still simplistic to say testosterone is the ONLY thing in play, but it sure did have a huge impact on drive!
If you do have the urge to hate-buy Bethy's sex course, plenty of people on youtube have already done it and given thorough summaries and reviews. Give them your clicks instead of giving her your money and validation!
Being raised mormon has literally ruined my sex life. I've been married for 25 years and it's still a struggle for me. The overwhelming message from church is that if you have a vagina you are not supposed to enjoy sex. You are supposed to pretend to, only to keep your husband interested enough so he doesn't sin but your pleasure is totally irrelevant. It should be a crime to raise children to hate themselves because of your imaginary friend.
Oh my gosh yes, as a former fundie I felt this 😢 I was taught your pleasure is at best irrelevant but at worst wrong and dangerous, even when directed at your husband. But not desiring sex with your husband also makes you bad and wrong and broken. It's literally an impossible situation 😞
Oh my God, I'm so glad I left Mormonism before I managed to get married. I'm asexual, I have since discovered, so my experience with sex isn't what I expected. I would have been absolutely miserable as a Mormon wife trying to be whatever my husband wanted.
"Genitals flapping together" 😂😂😂 I'm cracking myself up imagining Bethy using that phrase instead of the word sex. Just her in her lil headband being like "hey guys, buy my ultimate genitals flapping together course"
I'm happy to see you back but I'm sorry you were in pain making this video, Mickey! Please take all the time you need while recovering, we will be here.
Yes, for real. As someone who works in the medfield - specifically doing FMLA/disability applications - *please* do not overwork yourself after a surgery. Seen too many people who had to go on long-term disability because they went back to work too soon and were hurt by it. Please take it easy. 🙏 ❤
Yes!! 'We will be here' is such a gentle and loving thing to say, and I 100% agree. Whether the next upload is in 2 days or 5 months, I'll be here. I wish you a good recovery Mickey!! Take care of yourself the way you want us to take care of ourselves :)
Haha this sent me! But you know, this weird take made me suddenly wonder why so many people are ticklish. I’m NOT, and so I sometimes accidentally tickle my little daughter or a partner because I don’t get the reflex. But this made me actually want to know what causes ticklishness. It seems the working hypothesis is that it’s our instinctive reaction that serves as a way to protect the more vulnerable parts of our bodies. Which sounds reasonable when you consider the typical ticklish zones tend to be places like the stomach, the neck, and the underarms.
She's entitled to her opinion but like... LOTS of people disagree - not just receivers but performers of oral pleasure. Like what kind of limits that a married Christian might get a little intense about is *she* thinking of? Touching buttcheeks? Leaving the lights on?
Bethany seems to be under the impression that you can brainwash yourself into being a good, sexy wife. She talks about how Christian women having unsatisfactory sex lives is a problem but not from a 'we need to care about women's pleasure' standpoint, because then she'd put responsibility on men too but "what to do to stop being boring in bed and how to hack your brain into stop being miserable during sex". Her content is "how to please a man by acting enthusiastic about your role as a sexual servant". She won't talk about consent, specifics of anatomy, setting boundaries. She actually discourages women from searching for what pleases them the most and settling down for it. She straight up says 'dont say no if you never tried and experiment in bed'. The only person who benefits from a woman forcing herself to say yes and thinking her pleasure is her responsibility only, is her abusive husband Also none of this will work if partners don't love and respect each other. If your partner does not arouse you, does not make you happy or comfortable, sex will never be good, full stop. Everything else is a cope. Run from this relation
Idk but that woman's whole "women need sleep and naps for better sex" feels like some weird convoluted justification to her partner that she needs more breaks from carrying the weight of the entire household. I cant begin to get into all the ways that just perpetuates toxic dynamics 😷
There is some truth to that point, but I agree that the reason she said it is probably not in good faith. Generally speaking, every function your body is capable of suffers if your body is lacking proper sleep, especially libido. It’s sad that the point of her video seemed to be “sleep more so you can please your husband more” rather than something productive.
She is correct, though. Better sleep does equal better sex. The issue was, she meant better sex for the MALE. It has nothing to do with us as females. Our pleasure does not exist to Christians typically. It's all about keeping the male partner happy, so that they don't cheat, and if they do cheat it is still YOUR FAULT. Yep. If he's cheating, that means you weren't putting out enough. This is why ALL religion is bad, because every religious practice comes with extreme sexism placed solely on the female sex, while the male sex gets away with literally everything
On the testosterone thing, it literally just doesn’t makes sense. For people with vaginas, their testosterone is highest during their period and estrogen is highest during ovulation.
It's definitely not simplistic! We believe that both testosterone and estradiol modulate desire, then there's the conversion path between the two to confuse things some more. There is evidence for the effectiveness of low dose T therapy for improving se-ual function in post menopausal women, but other studies suggesting it doesn't help. Jury is still out!
@@irradiated_woman8016Hormones are complicated, I have PCOS and have higher testoterone than I should and I certainly have no more libido, I actually have no s3x drive at all, the only time in my life I had it was right after starting taking BC and it was only the first month.
I don't know how much I apply to an average woman, as I have PMDD and suffer from mood changes before my period, but I find I only want sex in a very fragile way (like I easily get the ick) when I ovulate, but become somewhat of an animal on my peroid. I am guessing for me it's what's going on my head, though.
Bethy trying to tell anyone that they need to keep themselves open to spicy things, when she believes ANYTHING outside of married, heterosexual sex is a sin and openly judges…yeah…
Honestly i feel really bad for Bethany. It’s crystal clear that she doesn’t seem to enjoy her married life at all and dave just as well seems to openly despise her. That must suck.
Isn't Dave actually gay? He and the other girl defined's husband were "converted", weren't they? That's probably part of why their marriage is miserable. He's a traumatized closeted gay man and she's... her.
Makes sense. Their faith literally sets them up to hate each other. If it was loving it wouldn‘t be about dominating, submission, being an object and having little value and always repressing your humanity and feelings. It‘s a brutal form of self surveillance and self harm in the sense of emotional self blackmail. Christianity like that only works with fear and coping for the parties that are seen as the object and as lesser so it makes sense really. If they had more self confidence and more self acceptance they wouldn‘t still be doing it.
"Or your husband will leave you." Is a very real fear. I'm a lesbian and I have this deep seated fear because of my history of abuse. I was shown at 9 that my value is my body. But that idea is so widespread even for people who have no abuse history. Just growing up in America is us being taught that we are sexual objects first, human beings second.
As a man in a marriage who fits that description, I can confirm. But I actually look at it from the standpoint that I live there too, and taking care of our home is not just one person’s responsibility. The added “appreciation” is just a fringe benefit 😉
it is helpful in getting women worked up since they typically need more than physical stimulation. feeling supported as well as not being exhausted from doing more chores around the house is a good way to raise a woman's libido.
I've been in 4 long term relationships and 1 of them a 7 year marriage. I've never had any issues with house work it's been common sense for us to clean up when we can and understand if the other is sick or something they may not. I see people bring this up all the time and I think if they feel like this about a basic life experience they won't work out and should just break up now.
You know what I bloody love? The fact that you straight up said ‘hey guys I’m going through it, please be kind’ instead of trying to put on a facade and over-exert yourself trying to convey energy that you just don’t have atm. Honestly feel like this is something I need to do more of 🤩 Also, LOL at this advice
I cant imagine those who are raised in purity culture and they get married, and find out they are gay or a sexual. I cant imagine the trauma that has caused.
and the amount of denial, internalized homophobia and other internalized phobias, cheating, resentment and bitterness, lies, self hate, and general feelings of being trapped and bleakness.
Right? I think about that too. It’s so cruel and unnecessary. So much unnecessary suffering. Life is already confusing and hard! Why do these people insist on this self inflicted suffering?! (was a rhetorical question, I know the answer)
Well, it's not exactly "self inflicted" if the culture you were born in inflicts it on you. I don't think, though, that people in purity culture that are gay will realize it to a greater extent. It's just not on their minds as a possibility. If they are unmarried, everything will be fine, they will get praised for "not showing indecent interest" in the other gender. Maybe they have a 'very close friendship' with a member of their gender and never really realize what it is and why they don't quite like things in the bedroom. And, you have to say, honestly, it's better for them this way! Because realizing what you are and knowing you can never have a fully happy life within your community and hating yourself(!) for it is so much worse. It's messed up, that is.
@@boys-ie5tt i think the situation is way more complex than that. Gay men aren't attracted to little boys, that's pe*ophiles. Even when talking about denial, they don't magically get attracted to minors. I think it's dangerous to blame gay men, If repressed or not for pedophilia in religious communities because once again being gay doesn't magically make you attracted to children and being attracted to little boys doesn't make you gay but a pe*ophile
I always wonder where these people get their weird sex ideas. Does your mom sit you down and tell you? Bethany has also said the ladies at church like to push these ideas. She even said women at church got married and said sex was miserable from the wedding night on. Gee I wonder why
I think its been embedded into fundie culture for a long time and also it might come from their own biblical interpretation. Its like something everyone knows but doesn't get talked about openly or directly. Thats why bethy thinks giving a sex course is groundbreaking. Because it probably is in fundie world because they're probably just that repressed and weird about sex.
From my experience growing up/living in the same type of fundie Bethy comes from, sex is talked about a lot. Purity culture is obsessed with it. Some pastors can't get through a sermon without talking about it (like mine couldn't) even when the topic has nothing to do with sex. Ideas get passed down and around from everyone: parents, pastors, teachers, leaders, congregants, friends. And because it's so insular you don't get many ideas outside of what you're told unless you go looking for it yourself (which is highly discouraged). Ultimately, I think a lot of the ideas stem from the need to uphold the patriarchy and Christian supremacy at all costs. The problem with Bethany's "groundbreaking" sex ideas is that while centering women's *I mean WIVES'* sex lives positively IS against evangelical norm, she isn't actually challenging the patriarchal or Christian supremacist systems that are at the root of it all. Wives are "allowed" some sexual pleasure as long as they stay within the confines of the systems. Sex is still the reward of marriage (instead of partnership) and now sex is also the solution to marriage issues (which was always taught but with a focus on the husband's needs
So the one thing I really think we should not be criticizing Bethany for is that she is trying to help. She fumbles and bumbles and does not break out of her community's belief. But within these confines, she tries to encourage herself and others. That still makes her a terrible authority on life, sex and family advice, not saying that.
28 days with no caffeine??? That's awesome! Caffeine withdrawal is a tough one; you're on a great track! Also, props to you for sitting through Bethany's bullshit while you're still recovering. You are much appreciated!
And the sexism. at the same time no expectations or accountability for men whatsoever. Not to say that anyone should be pressured into anything period.
the part about "testosterone receptors" and her mentioning that you apparently have some in your armpits and therefore "don't let strangers tickle you" just makes me think she has an armpit fetish that she's trying to feel better about and normalize so people don't think she's weird
It feels like she's skipping a step here. Yes, Christian women have been traumatized by toxic teachings, Yes it would be nice to all of a sudden shake off the trauma and start having fun safe sexy times, but there's acknowledgment and healing that needs to happen. She's repeating what a lot of Christian marriage books say: "You should have sex all the time for your husband, but no one wants to have sex with an unenthusiastic partner. . . so just be enthusiastic, even if your needs aren't being met!"
Ummmm, no. I am not taking s*x advice from a woman who turned down a full college scholarship to make a career of promoting a toxic purity culture, whose own marriage may or not be very stable, and whose ONLY ambition in life was to get married and have babies.
i don’t think bethany is deconstructing. she’s just rebranding. i think in order to deconstruct you have to get to the root of your beliefs and get outside of your echo chamber. i don’t think she’s going to dig that deep. but maybe one day she will, who knows.
Song of Solomon being used as a sex manual in the context of “Godly marriage” always makes me cringe…. King Solomon had nearly 1000 wives and “concubines.” Someone correct me if I’m wrong-but I don’t think he was actually even married to the Shulanite. I think she was one of the “concubines.” But then we all know Bethy is no more a biblical scholar than she is a sexologist 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Eh. Rulers having multiple marriages and concubines isn't weird or a scandal. Multiple wives wasn't disallowed under the rules of the Old Testament and the New Testament didn't say anything about marriage is one man and one woman. The Middle East to this day has cultures that continue to practice multiple wives. Traditionally, these practices require the man to be able to support a household for each wife. I'm not sure why you'd think wives would be some kind of issue. Israel is a real place and the Old Testament is apart of the written lore of the country's history. King David likely was a real ruler. No evidence exists for Solomon. The author of the Song of Solomon was likely another artist writing pop songs or poems for the young people of his day. I mean, I would 100% read Prince lyrics to learn to think dirty and it makes perfect sense that religious folk would turn to Biblical Barry White, too. And speaking of nonexistent? 1,000 is a number that indicates that some of the accounting in the bible isn't feasible. His wives & concubines are allegory, more similar to the way people scream migrants these days from the xenophobic fear of outsiders. Concubines were often gifts from other rulers ; Wives were of royal blood. All hailed from groups outside of Israel. Think of the size of the holy land today--where would one find 700 women of ruler blood--even if they included every Bedouin tribe, they could not find 700 women for 1 man. It's also a humblebrag about how rich Israel and King Solomon was--he had 700 households and housing for 300 concubines.
@loftyludrothOn a positive spin, the Song of Solomon is used to say "God definitely did not ban pleasure" also the song mentions marriage to Sulamite, OP was wrong on that, and unmarried lovers sneaking out at night to meet and fool around It actually encouraged me when I was finding myself in my fundie upbringing
Me and my bf had a talk about our hard no’s, things we really like, things we’d specifically like to try, etc. before we ever had s🤡x. It made our first time really good bc we both knew what the other person preferred and their boundaries right off the bat.
My husband and I have sex less frequently than we ever have (like a couple of times a month) and we are the happiest we’ve ever been together. I told some girlfriends and they looked flabbergasted and were so shocked bc they said if they didn’t have sex for a week they’d feel like their spouse doesn’t find them sexy anymore or was cheating? It’s so strange that as a society we feel like we have to meet a sexy time quota in order to feel accomplished or loved in our relationship. I feel really free being able to just be with my partner and get spicy when we want to and it’s naturally sensual. Instead of forcing ourselves to (and yes, even men are not in the mood all the time and feel the need to ‘preform’). It’s really sad to not feel comfortable telling your life partner you’re not in the mood and them understand.
My husband and I rarely have sex for a combination of reasons I won't get into here but anytime I talk to my friends about it they always like, think it's indicative of a larger issue? And it's like, we're perfectly happy rarely doing it, and when we do it it's great. I honestly think the only real problems have stemmed from people outside our relationship making us think it was a problem! I'm so glad someone else experienced this too.
Another harmful part of purity culture is this assumption that men always want sex. It really doesn't prepare women to be rejected. When your male partner says "no" you have to assume something is horribly wrong with you, because "men always want sex"! I wonder if a lot of those responses from your girlfriends are rooted in that line of thinking. When my partner and I transitioned from living apart to moving in together, the amount of sex we had dropped. It used to concern me a lot, and I was insecure about him not finding me attractive, etc. After a lot of conversations and time I got over those insecurities. Now I feel like we have way better sex, just less frequently. It works well for us.
Dr Jennifer Degler is a licensed Psychologist, but unfortunately she is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, who recommend celibacy for same sex attracted people
It’s so disgusting how they acknowledge that humans are sexual beings with different variants of needs, but if you aren’t born straight, or if you no one loves you enough to marry you, then they expect you to easily suddenly no longer have the needs that they get to satisfy.
@@katrinaoliver4167But don't dare be ace and reject it either, because then you're also unnatural and wrong and should be popping a bunch of babies, those people don't make sense.
To be fair to Bethy, the idea that when you are in a relationship you are responsible for meeting your partners sexual "needs" is a common sentiment even outside of purity culture. Many secular people believe this. Dr Psych mom is a popular blogger who once said that you should suck it up and have sex when you don't want, just like you'd clean up your partners puke if they were sick. I'd love to hear see a reaction video to her, or even to the subreddit dead bedrooms.
“Women only have 1/10 of the testosterone of men” ma’am there are some AFAB people who have higher testosterone levels than some AMAB people. This lady was literally just saying imaginary things. Like not one thing that woman said was true. Truly appalling
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite The point is that the divergence between the highest levels and the lowest between each sex is so great, that distinguishing between the sexes purely by hormonal levels is pointless. If CIS women can have higher testosterone levels (at their highest) than CIS men (at the lowest end), and vice versa, CIS men can have higher Estrogen levels than CIS women; then the entire premise falls flat.
@@kezia8027 no that wasn't her point she was talking about testosterone being needed for sexual and that women only have a 10th. But that is not correct. I know that what she said was incorrect but what you're trying to argue is not even what was being discussed
I have arseloads of testosterone despite being a cis woman. Polycystic ovaries and being pretty queer & socially kinda *masc* • yeah, that lady & bethany know next to nothing about desire, edochinology, the neuroscience of desire, & ANYTHING remotely sane. I have ptsd from religious trauma & multiple s.abuses fully stemming from purity culture. TY @Mickey Atkins for taking down these toxic cruel fools & their misogyny. ♥︎♡♡♥︎♥︎♡♡♥︎
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite Actually, maybe you need to take a step back, because you're the one misinterpreting things here. My point was that dividing between trans and cis men, purely due to an assumed difference in testosterone levels, is not only inaccurate, but further stigmatizes, and spreads misinformed opinions and ideologies. We do not currently understand the role that testosterone and estrogen play on sexual desire. We know next to nothing about the complexities of hormones, and how they affect or interact with us on an individual level. How much testosterone someone has is not directly linked to their sex drive, and also, someone's sex (not their gender) is also not necessarily indicative of their hormonal levels, or how those hormones affect their sexuality. Believe it or not, there can be multiple things that are true at once in a statement, and me pointing out the fallacy of the premise, does not dilute the accuracy of the statement that the other comments made by Bethany were also inaccurate.
“They’re trying to minimize their own suffering” RIGHT?! I thought that too lmaooo it is wild watching this tap dance of them trying to make this fundamentally horrific structure they live under to work. Well work is giving too much credit actually (spoiler alert: it doesn’t work. It has never worked. And “not getting divorced” isn’t a measure of success for something working lmaooo especially when so many women never did and continue to not have that option) they’re trying to ensure it’s perpetuation.
I’m 63, I've had too many relationships before finding my true love. My wife is my best friend, we can talk about anything. Trust is massively important, and is probably the best argument against no sex before marriage. It should be essentially two equals working together, not a woman pleasing a man or one partner in a single gender relationship always pleasing the other. Both people should feel sexually satisfied. My best sex advice is the 5 be's, be honest, be safe, be open, be respectful and be yourself.
Ugh! I hate hate hate the no boundaries video so much! As someone who was a virgin when I got married but also was a victim of childhood SA I ABSOLUTELY had and currently have sexual boundaries with my husband! I told him verbatim that I wanted our first time to be slow and sensual and not fast like you see in movies (the only context I had at the time) and now we have agreed upon boundaries that are essential to the experience of trust in our relationship. What kind of crap is she pedaling over there?!
If a silly argument ruins your mood, it’s not a silly argument. It goes a lot deeper than that and it’s usually not just up to one partner to fix it. Yes sex became a burden in my marriage because he went from we were both having lots of fun to, I was an exhausted mom who didn’t want to put out every day when I was taking care of him like one of the children. No normal body wants to sleep with someone who has turned into one of the children in the house. Especially if they yell at you about sex. So…now I’m asexual I guess because he’s a p0rn addict. He’s a sick addicted roommate instead of a husband and father. Refuses to get help. I refuse to take ANY of the blame for the choices HE made alone for our marriage. All I need to do now is tell him to open up the marriage so I can start looking for physical intimacy elsewhere.
This... no one wants to F a man they have to mother Literally nothing makes me drier than my partner being incompetent, inconsiderate, selfish, and demanding.
I recently quit nicotine and there’s no way I could give up caffeine as well unless it was medically necessary for some reason. I hope quitting goes well for you! I quit with a salt nic vape & slowly reduced the percentage down to zero. It was pretty easy, but I also stretched out out over a long period of time
Oh my Lord yeah one addiction at a time. I dunno, some people like to shed every single bad habit at once like a chrysalis and that is super rad for them, but not I...
You're never supposed to have boundaries, you're just supposed to be a sex object for your godly husband to use at his whim. And before that, you're not supposed to have boundaries because that assumes bodily autonomy, which you're not allowed to have.
while also building up sex to be this incredibly mutually fulfilling and intuitive experience that will exceed every expectation only to be disappointed at least and traumatized at worst on your wedding night and no longer possessing the thing you were told makes you special and pure and no guidance on how to navigate those feelings or how to communicate from there.
Hello Mickey I am predominantly a lurker but this summer finally got a email and youtibe to comment and engage and I watched the pod eppy (episode) of you talking in depth abt this surgery and all the up hill battles around it and wanted to say I’m so so so happy to see it went through and that hopefully the result after the pain subsides will give you a lot more comfort and all!!!! I was prayin hard for that bc likewise you’ve made such a difference in creating a safe space to discuss this topics here on RUclips ! So happy to see things went well and you’re back :-)
Lol yeah. Receptor locations have no inherent relationship to circulating hormone levels. It also bugged me that she was like "I have NO IDEA why we have T receptors in our ARMPITS!" How about... Because... That's a part of the body that changes quite a lot during puberty.... Like the bits and the nips... And the brain. Hello??? Is this not obvious??
I’d rather listen to Sister Cindy’s _Give That Girl a Margarita_ routine while undergoing a root canal than hear any advice from Bethany, or Paul and Morgan.
The thing about sleep making you want sex is so funny to me. Like, yeah? Oh people are more likely to want sex when they aren't tired/hungry/generally uncomfortable. Which, yeah, I guess, but like why are you saying that like it's news?
Oh girl, I had top surgery a handful of years ago, so I empathize so much with you and your boobs, lol. I hope your getting some good rest and using ice packs liberally. The recovery from that surgery is beastly. Be kind to yourself, and I promise you’ll eventually be able to lift your arms again.
Thank you for your thoughts on this topic! I've had to do a lot of learning about this after growing up fundamentalist lol. Also I wish you well with your recovery. Bouncing back from surgery is no joke
i don’t think she understands boundaries as a concept at all. you can set a boundary of not wanting to do something, & then give your consent to try that same thing eventually. boundaries are not always permanent, they’re a safeguard to make sure someone doesn’t end up violated & traumatized.
As much a Girl Defined drives me nuts sometimes, Bethany is TRYING. She is trying to help women have better sex lives. I was raised in the Church and I am still a Christian. I think her and Francis Winslow are the only Christian women I have heard say that oral sex is ok and that is the only way many women can have an orgasm. She has also said many times that women deserve the time is takes to reach orgasm. It is refreshing to hear these things. This is compared to a pastor I read about who said women should show up to sex with their husband already turned on and ready for intercourse......but these same people say masturbation is a sin. How exactly does a woman turn herself on???
Hahaha. Instructions unclear, only managed to turn on some appliances (Seriously though, great point. Do they really think we're so "emotional " that we can just WILL ourselves into arousal? I guess they do...)
I largely agree, but to be fair she has said similar things about not expecting your husband to turn you on (she called it bringing “dry bones” to the bedroom)
@@abbywolf9701 yeah, I should have made it clear that I was speaking about purity culture in general. At this point she probably has a lot of cognitive dissonance about sex, because it's nearly impossible to to be both independently turned on and not making use of the M word to figure yourself out. 😂
Pretty sure dav (I think that’s how he spells it?) has talked about how much he disliked that bethy talks about their sex life. I get the vibe that he did not consent to her sharing such explicit details of their sex life and early marriage on the Internet. He always looks so uncomfortable when she ropes him into filming a video
Welcome to the IBTC!!! 🤗 Sorry your bobos are hurting but the ladies look fabulous! I hope you're happy with the results. You look comfortably uncomfy so I hope the answer is yes. Sending healing vibes!
Actually, I sort of have personal experience in how testosterone effects a woman. When I was in my early 20s I was diagnosed with having too much testosterone. I was very interested in sex. It didn't mean it was good, but since I was single for the whole thing it did get me into situations I shouldn't have gotten into. Over 25 the whole thing sorted itself out and now I'm bordering on asexual.
It can affect people differently because it really depends on the balance, I had high T and really low everything else so it just made me gain weight and be hairy, also not have a period for most of the year, the only time it impact libido in any way was when I started BC, but it was for a short time.
A person I used to know told me she had high testosterone (dont remember the reason but idk dont think it matters) and she was horny on main, overall pretty aggressive but also had a lot of trauma so not sure what was a symptom of that, or an effect of hormones
I think the saddest oart about bethy's "sex advice" is that it scares young girls who are curious about sex. It makes them think that it's a chore, and it won't be fun, or that you have to do it to keep your husband happy. Thats BS. And its scary to think about it like that! If everyone around you tells you that your body is for someone else's pleasure, you're going to feel uncomfortable about it. Thats how i felt when me and my bf first had sex. I thought i had to look sexy and appealing so he could have a good time. And it hurt. And i thought i shouldn't tell him because it'll ruin the moment. But then i started watching Mickey, and everything changed. I'm not afraid to speak up about my needs or wants during sex. I enjoy myself now. He enjoys himself because he knows im enjoying myself. We both mutually have gotten better because we talked about it in a mature and respectful way. But girls aren't always going to have that positive influence. They're going to have Bethy. And they're going to perpetuate this belief that sex is performative and you need to do it whenever your partner wants it. Thats sick. And i feel sorry for those little girls.
Oh no! The cats out of the bag now! I've been telling my partner that I've been too tired for sex due to my chrinic pain condition, shift work and children but actually I've been deliberately getting less sleep to with-hold sex to punish him. Stupid sex course letting out all my secrets. I've also been letting strangers tickle me. For free! Should I be charging?
Love your videos. Always makes my day❤️ I’m happy you are talking about all these differend religious toxic ideas. From a person who grew up in a very religious family i’m so glad there’s people out there making avarness for these topics. Also makes me feel understood since sometimes I still get my head same ideas and opinions same kind that bethany talks about. They are not mine but something my parents have very well put in my head. So it’s nice to hear opinions on these topics from a smart nice person like you. 💕
Thank you so much for making these videos debunking all this fundamentalist Christian BS. I grew up in that mess, and I'm still deconstructing after 8 years of intensive trauma therapy. Living with my fundie parents doesn't help as I can't escape it (I'm 40, and my LGBTQ ass is not allowed to have ANYONE over, because SIN!), so these videos give me validation and information to hold my line. Heal quickly! Surgeries suck, so take care of yourself!
I exited Fundamentalism right as the whole "Purity Culture 2.0" thing was gaining traction. *Really* weird to go so long being in the dark about sexuality, and then getting a Sex Ed course during premarital counseling that taught you more in 1 hour than you'd learned in your entire life. I had my own experiences that didn't cause it to be such a huge shift for me (my "rebellious" period, which I was made to feel a lot of shame for.) I can't imagine what it's like for all those young people going into it totally blind. It makes me feel sick.
Hey! Id love if you did like an "ask mickey" section, like maybe we could email in scenarios and anonymously ask for advice on certain things. I just love your balanced approach and your insightful takes. Would literally turn to you with any of my problems 😅
When I was a teenager I heard about a close family friend being scared and not coming out of the bathroom on her wedding night, and then when I read basically the same thing in Twilight it made me even more afraid of the deed
Low energy Mickey is also adorable / sexy. Dont sweat it 🤗 Also dont push yourself! If you need time off, take time off. You have tons of content we can play on repeat. 😘 (PS did they give you arm stretches to do? Make sure you do those! I still have limited movement on one side from my surgery 10 years ago.)
Great video! Yes, too many people only understand purity culture as sexual repression and overlook the expectation fundamentalists have that married women are always sexually available to their husbands. Bethy making her content all about sex the second she got married isn’t hypocrisy or an about-face, it's the flipside of the exact same coin. The ultimate goal of these communities is the complete control of women. Anyways, I was raised fundamentalist and you hit the nail on the head every moment of this video, loved it!
Anybody else think Bethaniel's reactions in these IG Reels are really obnoxious? With all the loud "MMMs" and "YEAHs" and nodding, it comes off as super phony and condescending.
I am so happy that I found you this is a great channel I sympathize with being in pain and I feel so bad that you were without caffeine I personally had to go without caffeine for a while and I used Chaga which is a mushroom natural thing it’s kind of like coffee but it worked for me thank you for being who you are. On a sidenote I just want to say you are absolutely gorgeous
my sex drive peaked at 16, which is when my hormones were at their highest during my first (estrogen-dominant) puberty. close second was about 5 years into testosterone therapy, but my god nothing will top how stupidly high my libido was as a teen. also, going on t changed my sex drive 0 for the first 5 yrs lol, so hard to say if that's even why i had the second spike (i think getting out of a stale ltr did it...)
People who extol "Good Christian family values" really don't like acknowledging that Abrahamic religions are largely based around the history of a guy who had his first child with a slave, because his wife didn't think she could bear one for him. And his grandson, Jacob, who had 12 children by four different women. There's the biblical family, for you.
I love your commentary on Girl Defined a lot and your content in general! Thank you for addressing these extremely harmful ideologies that they're pushing. I'm an exvangelical that was about as far right as you could be, and I genuinely hope that some day Bethany and Kristen and all the other fundie's will realize just how toxic their beliefs are. Some of the things that Bethany say's do make me think that she might be in the early stages on deconstruction, this is just my opinion as someone's who has deconstructed. Whether she is or isn't, again, thank you for addressing their content and telling everyone just how hurtful it is! 💜
I feel like Bethy and many other evangelicals use the word "beautiful" for things that they clearly don't understand or are trying to cover up, like the bad sex she is describing at 9:56.
That lady talking about how sleep makes your testosterone levels better and all I could hear was that sound bite from Schitts creek. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard…” 😂😂
On the contrary! It's a clever life hack for exhausted mums who have no help with the kids because it is women's work and never get much sleep yet are expected to be ready for sex and aroused whenever their husband wants. "You know, my T-levels are just too low. If you want sexytimes, you have to make sure I have lots more sleep."
Hope recovery is going well for you and your testosterone receptors (nipples). As someone that had top surgery I'll never judge someone for holding their boobs cuz oof the swelling is no joke!
I completely disagree that Bethy talking about her disappointment in her sex life is inherently hurtful to her husband. I think having these open and honest conversations about sex, even if it’s bad (or just not as good as expected) sex are important in moving towards good, enjoyable, fulfilling sex. Of course, typically these conversations happen between the partners and ideally she and her partner not only talked about this, but talked about her discussing their sex life publicly first. Without being in their relationship, I don’t think that we can know if this crosses a boundary for him or hurts him.
as a trans guy who isnt yet on testosterone, who also has sexual dysfunction cuz of trauma (from this exact concept from back when i was girl moding), the idea that its all just my responsibility to fix and i just need more testosterone or more this or more whatever has been a constant pervasive demon in my head lol, but i have to accept that while i need t for dysphoria reasons, my body is not literally inherently made to give pleasure and not recieve it. like this is why i didnt think i was trans for so long cuz i thought that it was just i am inherently miserable because god made women to be for men or whatever.
FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS FOR TOYS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/vibe/mickeyatkins-yt
They've added a lot of cool stuff recently! I did the giveaway just out of curiosity, and I'm super excited to find some more niche items (phrasing to keep it both PG and vague 😂)
I'm not sure if you're aware, but the "gift card" that I got was just the Black Friday Deal everyone gets. It was a bit disappointing and felt deceitful.
Just ordered myself a little something with your giveaway! Thank you!
@@shireads2954 That's what I got too just the regular black Friday code.
“Bethany, don’t let strangers tickle you” I didn’t realize we needed someone to say that out loud
It sounded like a very specific intervention, like, 😦
Now another rule for purity?
@@helenr4300 idk I think this is more along the lines of common sense 😅 I’ve never wanted a stranger to tickle me a day in my life, have you?
Someone needs to remind this woman that testosterone cannot be “activated” through touch, it can only be increased through chemical changes within the body. If she’s getting “excited” by tickling, she’s probably got something different going on 💀
I mean, the Fundies aren’t big on bodily autonomy, so she may not have heard that before…
Girl Defined really has a special talent for just promoting the other side of the same toxic coin of purity culture.. "All you had of value was your virginity. Now all you have of value is your fertility and as an object of pleasure."
which survivors of fundie culture (women) have said that they've felt lost and confused after having sex after marriage because the thing that's been drilled into their head as THE thing that gives them value and makes you special (as a woman, because of course men's purity isn't valued and you cant expect men to stay virgins until marriage 🙄😒) is now gone, now that she's married and they doesn't know what's supposed to make them special now that it's gone.
Its so unhealthy to judge people based on "purity" and virginity and to stow their worth in such things. virginity shiuldnt be used as a value judgement or what makes you special or worthy of respect and love.
@@elleofhearts8471 Exactly! I just wish they'd at least advocate for taking it slow, communication with your partner about how you feel, value as a person having nothing to do with sex, and that's really the bare minimum. Not to mention that if you do struggle in a marriage, not only is divorce not an option in fundieland. But now you're a used woman. No one would want you. It all makes me so sad but happy I got out. I just wish if these ladies were going to grift, sell makeup or shoes or something that's not actively harming people.
@@laurengarcia1023 I'm glad you were able to escape :D please enjoy your fundie-free life to the fullest.
Its funny you mention divorce because evangelicals (a subset of fundies) has the highest divorce rate among all Christian sects.
I hear you about adjustments too. I cant quite put my finger on what it is that seems to encourage not being honest and direct about your feelings in general and specifically with your spouse in fundie world, but that element is there. its like you have to mask and you cant ever let the mask slip to reveal human flaws beneath. You cant express the negative side of being human or your personal struggles because so much of fundie culture is wrapped up in conditional acceptance and external appearances which makes for a culture of constant masking and lying that doesnt even end between spouses. Probably because marriages get formed on false pretenses too. heteronormativity and hetero patriarchy are two hellova drug.
Then there's the grifting!! like yeah if you're gonna grift people at least sell something harmless or somewhat useful. I think its the fact that traditionally, succesful grifts never went the way of harmlessness that speaks for why no one goes for selling something innocuous. with grifts you have to promise the moon and the stars so people will buy. And you have to prey on their insecurities and vulnerabilities. Its a really ugly industry .
the whole "testosterone = horny" thing is so simplistic and reductive, that woman is full of it.
having T is a matter of having strength and energy
They are extremely reductive about 'womanhood' and 'manhood' to the point it's laughable that their anti-trans rethoric is centered around 'just because you take these hormones doesn't mean you're a man now !?!?!?!'
Women have testosterone, too. And it has nothing to do with sexual desire or attraction.
Yeah, like a lot of people, when they go on T as part of hormone replacement therapy, might see increased libido as a side effect, but not everyone does- and also those are cases of someone’s *very personal experience* of having less testosterone and then suddenly having a lot more, requiring an adjustment period. It doesn’t mean that just because cis men statistically tend to have higher testosterone than cis women that all cis men are horny all the time. It’s so much more complicated than that.
I always thought so too, until I started taking testosterone for transitional purposes, and holy hell did my libido skyrocket! It's still simplistic to say testosterone is the ONLY thing in play, but it sure did have a huge impact on drive!
If you do have the urge to hate-buy Bethy's sex course, plenty of people on youtube have already done it and given thorough summaries and reviews. Give them your clicks instead of giving her your money and validation!
RUclipsr “Pinely” took her sex course for singles & his video is hiLaRiOuS!
@shadygirlxoxo thank you, I found it and plan on watching it after this video 😂 Always been curious lol
Check out Rachel Oates! She has a super informative video about the whole course
Being raised mormon has literally ruined my sex life. I've been married for 25 years and it's still a struggle for me.
The overwhelming message from church is that if you have a vagina you are not supposed to enjoy sex. You are supposed to pretend to, only to keep your husband interested enough so he doesn't sin but your pleasure is totally irrelevant.
It should be a crime to raise children to hate themselves because of your imaginary friend.
Oh my gosh yes, as a former fundie I felt this 😢 I was taught your pleasure is at best irrelevant but at worst wrong and dangerous, even when directed at your husband. But not desiring sex with your husband also makes you bad and wrong and broken. It's literally an impossible situation 😞
Oh my God, I'm so glad I left Mormonism before I managed to get married. I'm asexual, I have since discovered, so my experience with sex isn't what I expected. I would have been absolutely miserable as a Mormon wife trying to be whatever my husband wanted.
"Genitals flapping together" 😂😂😂 I'm cracking myself up imagining Bethy using that phrase instead of the word sex. Just her in her lil headband being like "hey guys, buy my ultimate genitals flapping together course"
😂😂😂😂😂
It doesn't sound very appealing that way.😬
😂
Omg headbands at 40 😢 I love a good headband but I'm not trying to look ridiculous at mine and hers advanced age.
I'm happy to see you back but I'm sorry you were in pain making this video, Mickey! Please take all the time you need while recovering, we will be here.
my face hearing this lady talk about testosterone receptors in our armpits: 😦
@@meowiestwoI haven't laughed that hard in a while. 😮😂
Yes, for real.
As someone who works in the medfield - specifically doing FMLA/disability applications - *please* do not overwork yourself after a surgery.
Seen too many people who had to go on long-term disability because they went back to work too soon and were hurt by it. Please take it easy. 🙏 ❤
💜
Yes!! 'We will be here' is such a gentle and loving thing to say, and I 100% agree. Whether the next upload is in 2 days or 5 months, I'll be here. I wish you a good recovery Mickey!! Take care of yourself the way you want us to take care of ourselves :)
I’m so tired of the very real problem of strangers tickling me! Just walking down the road and boom! A tickle monster! Ugh. So annoying.
😂😂😂
Haha this sent me! But you know, this weird take made me suddenly wonder why so many people are ticklish. I’m NOT, and so I sometimes accidentally tickle my little daughter or a partner because I don’t get the reflex. But this made me actually want to know what causes ticklishness.
It seems the working hypothesis is that it’s our instinctive reaction that serves as a way to protect the more vulnerable parts of our bodies. Which sounds reasonable when you consider the typical ticklish zones tend to be places like the stomach, the neck, and the underarms.
@@BeckBeckGoWhile that’s probably right, tickling is also something that turns people on…😬
@@BeckBeckGoI'm wildly ticklish. I guess I have rapid firing testosterone receptors, especially under my arms, lol.
Bethy: 'don't put boundaries, be adventurous, be open minded.' Also Bethy, realtively recently: 'oral is disgusting and gross!'
She's entitled to her opinion but like... LOTS of people disagree - not just receivers but performers of oral pleasure.
Like what kind of limits that a married Christian might get a little intense about is *she* thinking of? Touching buttcheeks? Leaving the lights on?
What the heck is she even talking about then? Like what adventures does she want us to go on? Handholding vs no handholding?
@@annamelvina216 let's not suggest open-mouth kissing vs closed, she'll faint
Damn. I am somewhere between feeling sorry for her and wishing she would take more worldly advice and broadcast less
@@annamelvina216🤣💀🥀
Bethany seems to be under the impression that you can brainwash yourself into being a good, sexy wife. She talks about how Christian women having unsatisfactory sex lives is a problem but not from a 'we need to care about women's pleasure' standpoint, because then she'd put responsibility on men too but "what to do to stop being boring in bed and how to hack your brain into stop being miserable during sex". Her content is "how to please a man by acting enthusiastic about your role as a sexual servant". She won't talk about consent, specifics of anatomy, setting boundaries. She actually discourages women from searching for what pleases them the most and settling down for it. She straight up says 'dont say no if you never tried and experiment in bed'. The only person who benefits from a woman forcing herself to say yes and thinking her pleasure is her responsibility only, is her abusive husband
Also none of this will work if partners don't love and respect each other. If your partner does not arouse you, does not make you happy or comfortable, sex will never be good, full stop. Everything else is a cope. Run from this relation
If anyone is looking for better advice, I really benefitted from Daniela Schiftan's and June Plã's books
Idk but that woman's whole "women need sleep and naps for better sex" feels like some weird convoluted justification to her partner that she needs more breaks from carrying the weight of the entire household. I cant begin to get into all the ways that just perpetuates toxic dynamics 😷
To me, it sounds like a clever life-hack.
There is some truth to that point, but I agree that the reason she said it is probably not in good faith. Generally speaking, every function your body is capable of suffers if your body is lacking proper sleep, especially libido. It’s sad that the point of her video seemed to be “sleep more so you can please your husband more” rather than something productive.
She is correct, though. Better sleep does equal better sex. The issue was, she meant better sex for the MALE. It has nothing to do with us as females. Our pleasure does not exist to Christians typically. It's all about keeping the male partner happy, so that they don't cheat, and if they do cheat it is still YOUR FAULT. Yep. If he's cheating, that means you weren't putting out enough. This is why ALL religion is bad, because every religious practice comes with extreme sexism placed solely on the female sex, while the male sex gets away with literally everything
On the testosterone thing, it literally just doesn’t makes sense. For people with vaginas, their testosterone is highest during their period and estrogen is highest during ovulation.
It's definitely not simplistic! We believe that both testosterone and estradiol modulate desire, then there's the conversion path between the two to confuse things some more. There is evidence for the effectiveness of low dose T therapy for improving se-ual function in post menopausal women, but other studies suggesting it doesn't help. Jury is still out!
Maybe she's overgeneralizing from men onto women?
@@irradiated_woman8016Hormones are complicated, I have PCOS and have higher testoterone than I should and I certainly have no more libido, I actually have no s3x drive at all, the only time in my life I had it was right after starting taking BC and it was only the first month.
I don't know how much I apply to an average woman, as I have PMDD and suffer from mood changes before my period, but I find I only want sex in a very fragile way (like I easily get the ick) when I ovulate, but become somewhat of an animal on my peroid.
I am guessing for me it's what's going on my head, though.
Testo helps women with sensitivity, especially women with menopause
Bethy trying to tell anyone that they need to keep themselves open to spicy things, when she believes ANYTHING outside of married, heterosexual sex is a sin and openly judges…yeah…
Honestly i feel really bad for Bethany. It’s crystal clear that she doesn’t seem to enjoy her married life at all and dave just as well seems to openly despise her. That must suck.
Right. She started out in love with love, wound up with a male in bed with mo experience and they are both miserable!!!!00
Isn't Dave actually gay? He and the other girl defined's husband were "converted", weren't they? That's probably part of why their marriage is miserable. He's a traumatized closeted gay man and she's... her.
I wouldn't be surprised if Beth becomes the subject of a future fundy sex scandal.
Makes sense. Their faith literally sets them up to hate each other. If it was loving it wouldn‘t be about dominating, submission, being an object and having little value and always repressing your humanity and feelings. It‘s a brutal form of self surveillance and self harm in the sense of emotional self blackmail. Christianity like that only works with fear and coping for the parties that are seen as the object and as lesser so it makes sense really. If they had more self confidence and more self acceptance they wouldn‘t still be doing it.
"Or your husband will leave you." Is a very real fear. I'm a lesbian and I have this deep seated fear because of my history of abuse. I was shown at 9 that my value is my body. But that idea is so widespread even for people who have no abuse history. Just growing up in America is us being taught that we are sexual objects first, human beings second.
I read a study loooong time ago that men who help around the house in hetero cis marriages often have more "woo-hoo time" than those who don't.
As a man in a marriage who fits that description, I can confirm.
But I actually look at it from the standpoint that I live there too, and taking care of our home is not just one person’s responsibility.
The added “appreciation” is just a fringe benefit 😉
it is helpful in getting women worked up since they typically need more than physical stimulation. feeling supported as well as not being exhausted from doing more chores around the house is a good way to raise a woman's libido.
I've been in 4 long term relationships and 1 of them a 7 year marriage. I've never had any issues with house work it's been common sense for us to clean up when we can and understand if the other is sick or something they may not. I see people bring this up all the time and I think if they feel like this about a basic life experience they won't work out and should just break up now.
You know what I bloody love? The fact that you straight up said ‘hey guys I’m going through it, please be kind’ instead of trying to put on a facade and over-exert yourself trying to convey energy that you just don’t have atm. Honestly feel like this is something I need to do more of 🤩
Also, LOL at this advice
I cant imagine those who are raised in purity culture and they get married, and find out they are gay or a sexual. I cant imagine the trauma that has caused.
and the amount of denial, internalized homophobia and other internalized phobias, cheating, resentment and bitterness, lies, self hate, and general feelings of being trapped and bleakness.
hey... It's me.... I'm the trauma.
Right? I think about that too. It’s so cruel and unnecessary. So much unnecessary suffering. Life is already confusing and hard! Why do these people insist on this self inflicted suffering?! (was a rhetorical question, I know the answer)
Well, it's not exactly "self inflicted" if the culture you were born in inflicts it on you.
I don't think, though, that people in purity culture that are gay will realize it to a greater extent. It's just not on their minds as a possibility.
If they are unmarried, everything will be fine, they will get praised for "not showing indecent interest" in the other gender. Maybe they have a 'very close friendship' with a member of their gender and never really realize what it is and why they don't quite like things in the bedroom.
And, you have to say, honestly, it's better for them this way! Because realizing what you are and knowing you can never have a fully happy life within your community and hating yourself(!) for it is so much worse.
It's messed up, that is.
@@boys-ie5tt i think the situation is way more complex than that. Gay men aren't attracted to little boys, that's pe*ophiles. Even when talking about denial, they don't magically get attracted to minors. I think it's dangerous to blame gay men, If repressed or not for pedophilia in religious communities because once again being gay doesn't magically make you attracted to children and being attracted to little boys doesn't make you gay but a pe*ophile
she still has yet to apologise for being the cause of a lot of these girls' hangups about sex in the first place.
problematic people never think they're causing harm tbf
I always wonder where these people get their weird sex ideas. Does your mom sit you down and tell you? Bethany has also said the ladies at church like to push these ideas. She even said women at church got married and said sex was miserable from the wedding night on. Gee I wonder why
I think its been embedded into fundie culture for a long time and also it might come from their own biblical interpretation. Its like something everyone knows but doesn't get talked about openly or directly. Thats why bethy thinks giving a sex course is groundbreaking. Because it probably is in fundie world because they're probably just that repressed and weird about sex.
From my experience growing up/living in the same type of fundie Bethy comes from, sex is talked about a lot. Purity culture is obsessed with it. Some pastors can't get through a sermon without talking about it (like mine couldn't) even when the topic has nothing to do with sex. Ideas get passed down and around from everyone: parents, pastors, teachers, leaders, congregants, friends. And because it's so insular you don't get many ideas outside of what you're told unless you go looking for it yourself (which is highly discouraged).
Ultimately, I think a lot of the ideas stem from the need to uphold the patriarchy and Christian supremacy at all costs. The problem with Bethany's "groundbreaking" sex ideas is that while centering women's *I mean WIVES'* sex lives positively IS against evangelical norm, she isn't actually challenging the patriarchal or Christian supremacist systems that are at the root of it all. Wives are "allowed" some sexual pleasure as long as they stay within the confines of the systems. Sex is still the reward of marriage (instead of partnership) and now sex is also the solution to marriage issues (which was always taught but with a focus on the husband's needs
So the one thing I really think we should not be criticizing Bethany for is that she is trying to help. She fumbles and bumbles and does not break out of her community's belief. But within these confines, she tries to encourage herself and others. That still makes her a terrible authority on life, sex and family advice, not saying that.
28 days with no caffeine??? That's awesome! Caffeine withdrawal is a tough one; you're on a great track! Also, props to you for sitting through Bethany's bullshit while you're still recovering. You are much appreciated!
Yeah, me and my adhd brain would not be coping, I didn't drink coffee for a week and It was haaaard.
Imagine the caffeine withdrawals and the added headache of listening to that woman oh god
_"Im gonna hold my boobs. (...) Leave me alone about it."_ -Mickey
Relatable content.
it's wild to me the jump they expect women to make to go from nothing to try everything omg
And the sexism. at the same time no expectations or accountability for men whatsoever.
Not to say that anyone should be pressured into anything period.
My Christian community did put that pressure in everyone.
the part about "testosterone receptors" and her mentioning that you apparently have some in your armpits and therefore "don't let strangers tickle you" just makes me think she has an armpit fetish that she's trying to feel better about and normalize so people don't think she's weird
Are we in the 1600's!? I feel like they just hand degrees out now. 😂
Rachel Oates has an incredible deep dive where she bought the course and reviewed it!
It feels like she's skipping a step here. Yes, Christian women have been traumatized by toxic teachings, Yes it would be nice to all of a sudden shake off the trauma and start having fun safe sexy times, but there's acknowledgment and healing that needs to happen. She's repeating what a lot of Christian marriage books say: "You should have sex all the time for your husband, but no one wants to have sex with an unenthusiastic partner. . . so just be enthusiastic, even if your needs aren't being met!"
Ummmm, no. I am not taking s*x advice from a woman who turned down a full college scholarship to make a career of promoting a toxic purity culture, whose own marriage may or not be very stable, and whose ONLY ambition in life was to get married and have babies.
i don’t think bethany is deconstructing. she’s just rebranding. i think in order to deconstruct you have to get to the root of your beliefs and get outside of your echo chamber. i don’t think she’s going to dig that deep. but maybe one day she will, who knows.
Song of Solomon being used as a sex manual in the context of “Godly marriage” always makes me cringe…. King Solomon had nearly 1000 wives and “concubines.” Someone correct me if I’m wrong-but I don’t think he was actually even married to the Shulanite. I think she was one of the “concubines.”
But then we all know Bethy is no more a biblical scholar than she is a sexologist 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Eh. Rulers having multiple marriages and concubines isn't weird or a scandal. Multiple wives wasn't disallowed under the rules of the Old Testament and the New Testament didn't say anything about marriage is one man and one woman. The Middle East to this day has cultures that continue to practice multiple wives. Traditionally, these practices require the man to be able to support a household for each wife. I'm not sure why you'd think wives would be some kind of issue.
Israel is a real place and the Old Testament is apart of the written lore of the country's history. King David likely was a real ruler. No evidence exists for Solomon. The author of the Song of Solomon was likely another artist writing pop songs or poems for the young people of his day. I mean, I would 100% read Prince lyrics to learn to think dirty and it makes perfect sense that religious folk would turn to Biblical Barry White, too.
And speaking of nonexistent? 1,000 is a number that indicates that some of the accounting in the bible isn't feasible. His wives & concubines are allegory, more similar to the way people scream migrants these days from the xenophobic fear of outsiders. Concubines were often gifts from other rulers ; Wives were of royal blood. All hailed from groups outside of Israel. Think of the size of the holy land today--where would one find 700 women of ruler blood--even if they included every Bedouin tribe, they could not find 700 women for 1 man. It's also a humblebrag about how rich Israel and King Solomon was--he had 700 households and housing for 300 concubines.
@@Kimberly_Sparklesyou've completely missed the point.
@loftyludrothOn a positive spin, the Song of Solomon is used to say "God definitely did not ban pleasure" also the song mentions marriage to Sulamite, OP was wrong on that, and unmarried lovers sneaking out at night to meet and fool around
It actually encouraged me when I was finding myself in my fundie upbringing
Mickey reminding us that she wants to be super clear is the cutest thing, imo. Good luck on that recovery
Me and my bf had a talk about our hard no’s, things we really like, things we’d specifically like to try, etc. before we ever had s🤡x. It made our first time really good bc we both knew what the other person preferred and their boundaries right off the bat.
My husband and I have sex less frequently than we ever have (like a couple of times a month) and we are the happiest we’ve ever been together. I told some girlfriends and they looked flabbergasted and were so shocked bc they said if they didn’t have sex for a week they’d feel like their spouse doesn’t find them sexy anymore or was cheating? It’s so strange that as a society we feel like we have to meet a sexy time quota in order to feel accomplished or loved in our relationship. I feel really free being able to just be with my partner and get spicy when we want to and it’s naturally sensual. Instead of forcing ourselves to (and yes, even men are not in the mood all the time and feel the need to ‘preform’). It’s really sad to not feel comfortable telling your life partner you’re not in the mood and them understand.
My husband and I rarely have sex for a combination of reasons I won't get into here but anytime I talk to my friends about it they always like, think it's indicative of a larger issue? And it's like, we're perfectly happy rarely doing it, and when we do it it's great. I honestly think the only real problems have stemmed from people outside our relationship making us think it was a problem! I'm so glad someone else experienced this too.
Another harmful part of purity culture is this assumption that men always want sex. It really doesn't prepare women to be rejected. When your male partner says "no" you have to assume something is horribly wrong with you, because "men always want sex"! I wonder if a lot of those responses from your girlfriends are rooted in that line of thinking.
When my partner and I transitioned from living apart to moving in together, the amount of sex we had dropped. It used to concern me a lot, and I was insecure about him not finding me attractive, etc. After a lot of conversations and time I got over those insecurities. Now I feel like we have way better sex, just less frequently. It works well for us.
I know I’m in for a treat when a video opens with laughter.
Yes 😂💀💀💀💀 those are the best cold opens lol
Most importantly, just flabbergasted laughter and a (surely no pun intended) ... come again? xDD
Dr Jennifer Degler is a licensed Psychologist, but unfortunately she is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, who recommend celibacy for same sex attracted people
Why do we allow these people to be licensed? It seems like the standards are too low.
It’s so disgusting how they acknowledge that humans are sexual beings with different variants of needs, but if you aren’t born straight, or if you no one loves you enough to marry you, then they expect you to easily suddenly no longer have the needs that they get to satisfy.
@@katrinaoliver4167But don't dare be ace and reject it either, because then you're also unnatural and wrong and should be popping a bunch of babies, those people don't make sense.
To be fair to Bethy, the idea that when you are in a relationship you are responsible for meeting your partners sexual "needs" is a common sentiment even outside of purity culture. Many secular people believe this. Dr Psych mom is a popular blogger who once said that you should suck it up and have sex when you don't want, just like you'd clean up your partners puke if they were sick. I'd love to hear see a reaction video to her, or even to the subreddit dead bedrooms.
And I think that too many women in particular feel this pressure no matter what background.
I'm down for not being sleep deprived is good for sex, but it's not going to do a damned thing to fix a thoughtless partner.
I mean this in a good way, I swear!!!
We need a tally of "I just wanna be super clear!" I love it! I giggle every time!
“Women only have 1/10 of the testosterone of men” ma’am there are some AFAB people who have higher testosterone levels than some AMAB people. This lady was literally just saying imaginary things. Like not one thing that woman said was true. Truly appalling
I'm pretty sure it's actually one fifth as much normally
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite The point is that the divergence between the highest levels and the lowest between each sex is so great, that distinguishing between the sexes purely by hormonal levels is pointless.
If CIS women can have higher testosterone levels (at their highest) than CIS men (at the lowest end), and vice versa, CIS men can have higher Estrogen levels than CIS women; then the entire premise falls flat.
@@kezia8027 no that wasn't her point she was talking about testosterone being needed for sexual and that women only have a 10th. But that is not correct.
I know that what she said was incorrect but what you're trying to argue is not even what was being discussed
I have arseloads of testosterone despite being a cis woman. Polycystic ovaries and being pretty queer & socially kinda *masc* • yeah, that lady & bethany know next to nothing about desire, edochinology, the neuroscience of desire, & ANYTHING remotely sane.
I have ptsd from religious trauma & multiple s.abuses fully stemming from purity culture. TY @Mickey Atkins for taking down these toxic cruel fools & their misogyny. ♥︎♡♡♥︎♥︎♡♡♥︎
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite Actually, maybe you need to take a step back, because you're the one misinterpreting things here.
My point was that dividing between trans and cis men, purely due to an assumed difference in testosterone levels, is not only inaccurate, but further stigmatizes, and spreads misinformed opinions and ideologies.
We do not currently understand the role that testosterone and estrogen play on sexual desire. We know next to nothing about the complexities of hormones, and how they affect or interact with us on an individual level.
How much testosterone someone has is not directly linked to their sex drive, and also, someone's sex (not their gender) is also not necessarily indicative of their hormonal levels, or how those hormones affect their sexuality.
Believe it or not, there can be multiple things that are true at once in a statement, and me pointing out the fallacy of the premise, does not dilute the accuracy of the statement that the other comments made by Bethany were also inaccurate.
“They’re trying to minimize their own suffering” RIGHT?! I thought that too lmaooo it is wild watching this tap dance of them trying to make this fundamentally horrific structure they live under to work. Well work is giving too much credit actually (spoiler alert: it doesn’t work. It has never worked. And “not getting divorced” isn’t a measure of success for something working lmaooo especially when so many women never did and continue to not have that option) they’re trying to ensure it’s perpetuation.
I’m 63, I've had too many relationships before finding my true love. My wife is my best friend, we can talk about anything. Trust is massively important, and is probably the best argument against no sex before marriage. It should be essentially two equals working together, not a woman pleasing a man or one partner in a single gender relationship always pleasing the other. Both people should feel sexually satisfied. My best sex advice is the 5 be's, be honest, be safe, be open, be respectful and be yourself.
you can fully trust someone without being married, so it's not really a decent argument.
@@chlyri Not a decent argument for what? Where have I even hinted that you can't trust someone without being married.
@@chlyriThat's his point. He said it's the best argument *against* saving sex for marriage, not *for*.
😂 “don’t let strangers tickle you” 🤣
Ugh! I hate hate hate the no boundaries video so much! As someone who was a virgin when I got married but also was a victim of childhood SA I ABSOLUTELY had and currently have sexual boundaries with my husband! I told him verbatim that I wanted our first time to be slow and sensual and not fast like you see in movies (the only context I had at the time) and now we have agreed upon boundaries that are essential to the experience of trust in our relationship. What kind of crap is she pedaling over there?!
If a silly argument ruins your mood, it’s not a silly argument. It goes a lot deeper than that and it’s usually not just up to one partner to fix it. Yes sex became a burden in my marriage because he went from we were both having lots of fun to, I was an exhausted mom who didn’t want to put out every day when I was taking care of him like one of the children. No normal body wants to sleep with someone who has turned into one of the children in the house. Especially if they yell at you about sex. So…now I’m asexual I guess because he’s a p0rn addict. He’s a sick addicted roommate instead of a husband and father. Refuses to get help. I refuse to take ANY of the blame for the choices HE made alone for our marriage.
All I need to do now is tell him to open up the marriage so I can start looking for physical intimacy elsewhere.
This... no one wants to F a man they have to mother
Literally nothing makes me drier than my partner being incompetent, inconsiderate, selfish, and demanding.
@christopherjohnson8814you ain’t gettin none
Oh no, 28 days with no caffeine? Idk if I could do that…
im bout to quit nicotine (again) and the idea of giving up caffeine as well is just terrifying
I recently quit nicotine and there’s no way I could give up caffeine as well unless it was medically necessary for some reason. I hope quitting goes well for you! I quit with a salt nic vape & slowly reduced the percentage down to zero. It was pretty easy, but I also stretched out out over a long period of time
@@lindseystein9676thank you, and well done!
Oh my Lord yeah one addiction at a time. I dunno, some people like to shed every single bad habit at once like a chrysalis and that is super rad for them, but not I...
Anyway good luck to the quitters in here-love, an expert quitter (and some day maybe a permanent quitter too 😅)
never been so early, wanted to say i adore your videos, they are so educational and great to watch!
So you are suppose to go from virginity to having no boundaries? 😮🤔
You're never supposed to have boundaries, you're just supposed to be a sex object for your godly husband to use at his whim. And before that, you're not supposed to have boundaries because that assumes bodily autonomy, which you're not allowed to have.
while also building up sex to be this incredibly mutually fulfilling and intuitive experience that will exceed every expectation only to be disappointed at least and traumatized at worst on your wedding night and no longer possessing the thing you were told makes you special and pure and no guidance on how to navigate those feelings or how to communicate from there.
Hello Mickey I am predominantly a lurker but this summer finally got a email and youtibe to comment and engage and I watched the pod eppy (episode) of you talking in depth abt this surgery and all the up hill battles around it and wanted to say I’m so so so happy to see it went through and that hopefully the result after the pain subsides will give you a lot more comfort and all!!!! I was prayin hard for that bc likewise you’ve made such a difference in creating a safe space to discuss this topics here on RUclips ! So happy to see things went well and you’re back :-)
"Don't let strangers tickle you."
?!?!?
Why on earth would ANYONE let strangers come up and start tickling them?
I don't remember my anatomy classes as well as I used to... But Im pretty sure that's not how hormones work?
Lol yeah. Receptor locations have no inherent relationship to circulating hormone levels. It also bugged me that she was like "I have NO IDEA why we have T receptors in our ARMPITS!"
How about... Because... That's a part of the body that changes quite a lot during puberty.... Like the bits and the nips... And the brain. Hello??? Is this not obvious??
@@irradiated_woman8016 I just about fell over laughing when she said it. Like, girl, if tickling turns you on, it's really okay!
Great video as always. Glad you're recovering well from your surgery!
I’d rather listen to Sister Cindy’s _Give That Girl a Margarita_ routine while undergoing a root canal than hear any advice from Bethany, or Paul and Morgan.
Lmfao
I would definitely prefer Bethany to P&M. They really depress me
Advertising 101- if there's not a need for what you're selling, create a need for it
I mean this is the basis of their entire 'business'... create/perpetuate a problem (purity culture) and sell the cure (bethys sex course) 🙄
its so funny when you can tell someone is offering a solution thats in search of a problem rather than a solution to solve an existing problem
I need a T-shirt that says " I'm holding my Boobs. Just like, leave me alone about it." 😂
Your reactions are the best! Thank you for your information and humor! All the best.
The thing about sleep making you want sex is so funny to me. Like, yeah? Oh people are more likely to want sex when they aren't tired/hungry/generally uncomfortable. Which, yeah, I guess, but like why are you saying that like it's news?
Oh girl, I had top surgery a handful of years ago, so I empathize so much with you and your boobs, lol. I hope your getting some good rest and using ice packs liberally. The recovery from that surgery is beastly. Be kind to yourself, and I promise you’ll eventually be able to lift your arms again.
It's the first video of hers that I've watched.
Why did she get a top surgery ?
@@hadiyahabib7990 She got breast reduction surgery. Essentially the same thing, just less removed than I had.
Thank you for your thoughts on this topic! I've had to do a lot of learning about this after growing up fundamentalist lol. Also I wish you well with your recovery. Bouncing back from surgery is no joke
I really love that all the content creators who cover the toxicity of purity culture follow through by being sponsored by sex toy companies 🙌🙌
i don’t think she understands boundaries as a concept at all. you can set a boundary of not wanting to do something, & then give your consent to try that same thing eventually. boundaries are not always permanent, they’re a safeguard to make sure someone doesn’t end up violated & traumatized.
As much a Girl Defined drives me nuts sometimes, Bethany is TRYING. She is trying to help women have better sex lives. I was raised in the Church and I am still a Christian. I think her and Francis Winslow are the only Christian women I have heard say that oral sex is ok and that is the only way many women can have an orgasm. She has also said many times that women deserve the time is takes to reach orgasm. It is refreshing to hear these things. This is compared to a pastor I read about who said women should show up to sex with their husband already turned on and ready for intercourse......but these same people say masturbation is a sin. How exactly does a woman turn herself on???
Hahaha. Instructions unclear, only managed to turn on some appliances
(Seriously though, great point. Do they really think we're so "emotional " that we can just WILL ourselves into arousal? I guess they do...)
They don't care if you're turned on. They only care if you're there for your husband. By ready they mean physically there and ready to disassociate.
I largely agree, but to be fair she has said similar things about not expecting your husband to turn you on (she called it bringing “dry bones” to the bedroom)
@@abbywolf9701 yeah, I should have made it clear that I was speaking about purity culture in general. At this point she probably has a lot of cognitive dissonance about sex, because it's nearly impossible to to be both independently turned on and not making use of the M word to figure yourself out. 😂
try also the Bare Marriage podcast - Sheila Gregoire
it’s the IBTC Mickey reveal!!!
Awww I love this comment
I’ve been getting ads for IBTC bras and I’ve never felt more honored to be spied on by my phone 😂
I love that you include non-monogamous people by saying "partnerS" - thank you so much 💜🥰
Pretty sure dav (I think that’s how he spells it?) has talked about how much he disliked that bethy talks about their sex life. I get the vibe that he did not consent to her sharing such explicit details of their sex life and early marriage on the Internet. He always looks so uncomfortable when she ropes him into filming a video
Welcome to the IBTC!!! 🤗 Sorry your bobos are hurting but the ladies look fabulous! I hope you're happy with the results. You look comfortably uncomfy so I hope the answer is yes. Sending healing vibes!
Actually, I sort of have personal experience in how testosterone effects a woman. When I was in my early 20s I was diagnosed with having too much testosterone. I was very interested in sex. It didn't mean it was good, but since I was single for the whole thing it did get me into situations I shouldn't have gotten into. Over 25 the whole thing sorted itself out and now I'm bordering on asexual.
It can affect people differently because it really depends on the balance, I had high T and really low everything else so it just made me gain weight and be hairy, also not have a period for most of the year, the only time it impact libido in any way was when I started BC, but it was for a short time.
A person I used to know told me she had high testosterone (dont remember the reason but idk dont think it matters) and she was horny on main, overall pretty aggressive but also had a lot of trauma so not sure what was a symptom of that, or an effect of hormones
Most people are pretty interested in sex in their early twenties, just saying.
I think the saddest oart about bethy's "sex advice" is that it scares young girls who are curious about sex. It makes them think that it's a chore, and it won't be fun, or that you have to do it to keep your husband happy. Thats BS. And its scary to think about it like that! If everyone around you tells you that your body is for someone else's pleasure, you're going to feel uncomfortable about it. Thats how i felt when me and my bf first had sex. I thought i had to look sexy and appealing so he could have a good time. And it hurt. And i thought i shouldn't tell him because it'll ruin the moment. But then i started watching Mickey, and everything changed. I'm not afraid to speak up about my needs or wants during sex. I enjoy myself now. He enjoys himself because he knows im enjoying myself. We both mutually have gotten better because we talked about it in a mature and respectful way. But girls aren't always going to have that positive influence. They're going to have Bethy. And they're going to perpetuate this belief that sex is performative and you need to do it whenever your partner wants it. Thats sick. And i feel sorry for those little girls.
@christopherjohnson8814 your mom
My favorite part about your videos is the immediate questioning of "oh crap what did i just walk into" that your intros provoke 😂❤😂 love ya Micky
Oh no! The cats out of the bag now! I've been telling my partner that I've been too tired for sex due to my chrinic pain condition, shift work and children but actually I've been deliberately getting less sleep to with-hold sex to punish him. Stupid sex course letting out all my secrets.
I've also been letting strangers tickle me. For free! Should I be charging?
At the beginning, I thought your sound was off! XD
Nope, you just had all your words stunned right out of you lol 😂
Sending healing vibes your way! Glad to see you back! Thank you for always providing evidence-backed information on this subject. 💙
9:46 - "When you waited to have SEX...now what??" ........Why is she in a car for this? Is she hiding?
“you have to give your husband sex whenever he wants!!!1”
thats easy for a beard to say.
"But what if I want sex more than he does?"
Love your videos. Always makes my day❤️
I’m happy you are talking about all these differend religious toxic ideas. From a person who grew up in a very religious family i’m so glad there’s people out there making avarness for these topics. Also makes me feel understood since sometimes I still get my head same ideas and opinions same kind that bethany talks about. They are not mine but something my parents have very well put in my head. So it’s nice to hear opinions on these topics from a smart nice person like you.
💕
Thank you so much for making these videos debunking all this fundamentalist Christian BS. I grew up in that mess, and I'm still deconstructing after 8 years of intensive trauma therapy. Living with my fundie parents doesn't help as I can't escape it (I'm 40, and my LGBTQ ass is not allowed to have ANYONE over, because SIN!), so these videos give me validation and information to hold my line. Heal quickly! Surgeries suck, so take care of yourself!
@christopherjohnson8814 Hi! I'm in Texas
15:54 "Come again??" They wish... 😏😂
I exited Fundamentalism right as the whole "Purity Culture 2.0" thing was gaining traction.
*Really* weird to go so long being in the dark about sexuality, and then getting a Sex Ed course during premarital counseling that taught you more in 1 hour than you'd learned in your entire life.
I had my own experiences that didn't cause it to be such a huge shift for me (my "rebellious" period, which I was made to feel a lot of shame for.) I can't imagine what it's like for all those young people going into it totally blind. It makes me feel sick.
Hey! Id love if you did like an "ask mickey" section, like maybe we could email in scenarios and anonymously ask for advice on certain things. I just love your balanced approach and your insightful takes. Would literally turn to you with any of my problems 😅
When I was a teenager I heard about a close family friend being scared and not coming out of the bathroom on her wedding night, and then when I read basically the same thing in Twilight it made me even more afraid of the deed
Low energy Mickey is also adorable / sexy. Dont sweat it 🤗 Also dont push yourself! If you need time off, take time off. You have tons of content we can play on repeat. 😘 (PS did they give you arm stretches to do? Make sure you do those! I still have limited movement on one side from my surgery 10 years ago.)
Great video! Yes, too many people only understand purity culture as sexual repression and overlook the expectation fundamentalists have that married women are always sexually available to their husbands. Bethy making her content all about sex the second she got married isn’t hypocrisy or an about-face, it's the flipside of the exact same coin. The ultimate goal of these communities is the complete control of women. Anyways, I was raised fundamentalist and you hit the nail on the head every moment of this video, loved it!
Feel better soon, Mickey. Thank you for making a video, even though you weren't feeling 100%
Anybody else think Bethaniel's reactions in these IG Reels are really obnoxious? With all the loud "MMMs" and "YEAHs" and nodding, it comes off as super phony and condescending.
Mickey love your new highlights. 😍 and love it when you talk about christian fundamentalism.
I am so happy that I found you this is a great channel I sympathize with being in pain and I feel so bad that you were without caffeine I personally had to go without caffeine for a while and I used Chaga which is a mushroom natural thing it’s kind of like coffee but it worked for me thank you for being who you are.
On a sidenote I just want to say you are absolutely gorgeous
sleep => better anything, well yeah, if anyone is exhausted then not interested in most activities
Me, a trans man, listening to that quack talk about testosterone 👁️👄👁️
I'm a person with Pcos and I feel the same, High T has never made me horn (even though it may work fot some people) , it just made me hairy.
my sex drive peaked at 16, which is when my hormones were at their highest during my first (estrogen-dominant) puberty. close second was about 5 years into testosterone therapy, but my god nothing will top how stupidly high my libido was as a teen. also, going on t changed my sex drive 0 for the first 5 yrs lol, so hard to say if that's even why i had the second spike (i think getting out of a stale ltr did it...)
She talks about Solomons "wife" like he didn't famously have hundreds....
People who extol "Good Christian family values" really don't like acknowledging that Abrahamic religions are largely based around the history of a guy who had his first child with a slave, because his wife didn't think she could bear one for him.
And his grandson, Jacob, who had 12 children by four different women.
There's the biblical family, for you.
I love your commentary on Girl Defined a lot and your content in general! Thank you for addressing these extremely harmful ideologies that they're pushing. I'm an exvangelical that was about as far right as you could be, and I genuinely hope that some day Bethany and Kristen and all the other fundie's will realize just how toxic their beliefs are. Some of the things that Bethany say's do make me think that she might be in the early stages on deconstruction, this is just my opinion as someone's who has deconstructed. Whether she is or isn't, again, thank you for addressing their content and telling everyone just how hurtful it is! 💜
I feel like Bethy and many other evangelicals use the word "beautiful" for things that they clearly don't understand or are trying to cover up, like the bad sex she is describing at 9:56.
That lady talking about how sleep makes your testosterone levels better and all I could hear was that sound bite from Schitts creek. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard…” 😂😂
On the contrary! It's a clever life hack for exhausted mums who have no help with the kids because it is women's work and never get much sleep yet are expected to be ready for sex and aroused whenever their husband wants. "You know, my T-levels are just too low. If you want sexytimes, you have to make sure I have lots more sleep."
Hope recovery is going well for you and your testosterone receptors (nipples).
As someone that had top surgery I'll never judge someone for holding their boobs cuz oof the swelling is no joke!
Man, I'd give anything to find a therapist like you. Mickey you're the best!
"don't let strangers tickle you" is so strangely ominous oh my god
I completely disagree that Bethy talking about her disappointment in her sex life is inherently hurtful to her husband. I think having these open and honest conversations about sex, even if it’s bad (or just not as good as expected) sex are important in moving towards good, enjoyable, fulfilling sex. Of course, typically these conversations happen between the partners and ideally she and her partner not only talked about this, but talked about her discussing their sex life publicly first. Without being in their relationship, I don’t think that we can know if this crosses a boundary for him or hurts him.
He's been in multiple videos saying it makes him uncomfortable when she talks about their sex life online.
@@raywilliams212 oh okay. That does change my mind about her specific situation. That is not cool of her.
Last time I checked testosterone was an endogenous hormone. There are no “receptors” that the testosterone needs to latch onto
tbh your face expressions when you're shocked/cringing are priceless, and i like the way you talk about these issues. wishing you a quick recovery! :]
I'm a very sex positive person, but I'd pay money just to never hear that woman say the word genitals again. Why does she say it like that??
as a trans guy who isnt yet on testosterone, who also has sexual dysfunction cuz of trauma (from this exact concept from back when i was girl moding), the idea that its all just my responsibility to fix and i just need more testosterone or more this or more whatever has been a constant pervasive demon in my head lol, but i have to accept that while i need t for dysphoria reasons, my body is not literally inherently made to give pleasure and not recieve it. like this is why i didnt think i was trans for so long cuz i thought that it was just i am inherently miserable because god made women to be for men or whatever.
Don’t let strangers tickle you took me OUTTTT!😂😂😂
🤔🤯😳🤢
@christopherjohnson8814REPORTED.