This Is How To Fix Your Life
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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Half-assing is better than no-assing. Thanks, Dr K, I'm gonna go out for a walk now.
😁👍
there's a saying i like. "if its worth doing its worth doing poorly"
like brushing your teeth. if you can't make 2 minutes, 10 seconds and a quick rinse is still better than nothing.
That's a great quote
Cringe.
@@oscarlove4394if that's the case, go skydiving.
I need to watch this every single day to remind myself to try
Amen to that brother.
Tip, set an alarm with a link to this short lol
Thanks for the idea, I need to do the same thing. Going to implement this.
Bro this is so true i feel you
real, bro.
I started working out by doing simple 5-10min exercises every day. Over time, I craved more intensity as I was (very) slowly building my strength. Now I can work out for over 30 minutes any time I want to and I thank myself for starting out at only 5 mins... because otherwise, I would have given up. And 5-10 minutes of moving your body is better than not trying at all♥️
This is encouraging! I’ve started by getting back into stretching and even that makes a huge difference. Seeing your comment I’m gonna give myself permission to do just a 5 min workout after stretching 😁 gotta start somewhere
That's what happened to me, I've been trying for years to workout but I could only keep up for a week then I would give up and not want to continue and after that I would spend months and almost years without trying because I already did and failed, but last month I've started working out with a little bit, 10 minutes of work per day if i wasn't busy that day and suddenly I can constantly do exercise almost everyday, and if for some reason I couldn't do it one day, I do not beat myself up about it and I've never been happier in regards to working out
This sort of perfectionism was inculcated by the public school system. Think about it. If you ever failed, it was a black mark on your permanent record, AND it meant that everything in the future would be harder because you didn't understand the fundamentals. It's literally a positive feedback loop of failure.
Very true. You either feel condemned to eternal failure very early on, or you live with the spectre of failure looming over you until it inevitably gets you one day and derails your life. What wonderful values we’re instilling in our kids
@@Fluff-gl6yr Just look at the history why public schools were made. There is a reason the rich don't send their children there.
Well add this to being Asian and also coming from a poor background and you get the pressure x 100. That was my childhood. Getting one thing wrong would leave me in tears even if I was doing better than everyone else.
@@xdlr22 Yeah, that's really rough.
That is so true, but some people after experiencing one of those, would learn to accept their current results and do better the next time around. @Fluff-gl6yr
Very true. I'm currently facing this issue with wanting to date. I want to put myself out there. But, in the same vain I'm worried I'm not enough and everyone will reject me.
But, if I don't try, I'll never meet someone. So, like it or not I just need to accept pain and do it.
The problem a lot of people face with dating is viewing rejection as failure. Really, the correct way to approach it is as a learning opportunity. You can understand what does and doesn't work and when someone is into you. As you grow and improve your courtship skills, you will eventually come across someone who finds the qualities you possess highly desirable. The point is to enjoy the process, or you will become bitter and only make things harder.
Deciding what experiences other people are allowed to have for them is rude. You say "they won't like me", you just robbed them of their ability to choose for themselves. That's not cool.
Be you, and like you said, practice makes perfect. Also though, I recommend getting in touch with what it is you actually want out of relationship. A story has been taught to us societally that we are supposed to rely on our partner for all of our emotional burdens....that shit needs to be spread out between friends, colleagues, family, yourself, aaaaaand your partner. If you don't have the others in place first, you will sabotage your relationships.
@@jfrydom Agreed 100%. My issue is I've been fed a very toxic belief of physical appearance, $ex drive, money, success, etc . . . Superficial things. Beyond healthy exercises or has a steady job.
So, despite getting past the depression and body dysmorphyia. I still carrie this fear of "insufficient" in those superficial areas, i.e., abs, certain income level.
But, while there are shallow people out there. I need to understand that, that isn't everyone.
But, thank you. I know you're right.
@@farfromirrational948 Agreed. I've told myself the same about, "deciding for others."
As for the why. Already on the positive side of that. I want to date and am hopeful for a relationship. I don't need them.
I'm fine with being alone. I'm responsible for my growth, love, and happiness.
A happy, healthy, loving relationship is built on trust and respect. Where both parties feel safe, secure, and supported.
Thank you, for the advice and reminder.
@@Dragonmoon8526 sounds like you're quite the catch brother. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that when you find the right people, they won't be able to get enough of you. Then you start dealing with the issues of having to hurt feelings by honoring your own boundaries 😭🤣. What a strange world we live in.
Feeling called out hard...
and good because I do this too often and needed a reminder doing anything, however small, is more progress than doing nothing.
Let’s encourage each other to do a small something daily rather than not doing it at all 😊
It’s like something that came to me the other day “Doing something is a lot better than doing a whole lot of nothing.”
Yesssss. This is one of the most concrete, actionable pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten. Depressed perfectionists and traumatized adults who think they aren’t enough need to hear this. ❤ thank you
About the exercise thing, i've found that microdosing work outs throughout the day is a great way to exercise without even having to dedicate time to it.
Need to walk to the bathroom? Or anywhere and not in too much of a hurry? Do some lunges on your way there. Standing or sitting at a desk? Find some simple stretches or exercises you can do while you work, such as squats or side to side stretches.
A little goes a long way
Your peculiar diction conjures a vivid image of what flavor of person you may be. I’m picturing a fit and frivolous 20-something beanie-wearing, bearded man from LA 😂
@VyvienneEaux nah, not quite fit yet, dont wear beanies, not 20 yet, and not from LA. Wouldn't quite say I'm frivolous either.
Just sharing some tips that've been working well for me that I've learned from MovementbyDavid, Strength Side, and Mulligainz.
😲👏👏😼right!!
Those tiny actions absolutely add up over time. It all goes towards your goals.
The reverse is also true. Just an extra cookie or skipping a just 10 minute walk isn't a big deal *once*. But over time, repeatedly, it adds up to sabotage your progress.
Even if you don't get fit, you'll have a good laugh.
I needed to hear this. I'm diagnosed with ADHD primarily inattentive. I've been stuck and haven't been able to try to start exercise routines for myself, and I've been worried about starting and stopping and having to start again. I'm in the same situation regarding my hygiene habits. I struggle with brushing and flossing my teeth and showering, it's so hard to take care of myself, I don't feel like I will survive.
Life is about momentum. Doing even the small, can start the change to big
A lot of grew up woth rhe "if you're not going to do it right, dont bother" kind of parent.
But we have to remind ourselves that anything worth doing, is worth doing badly.
this is why there's a saying that the only bad work out is the one you don't show up for, and that you should focus on building routine rather than focusing on the results.
I needed that. Currently applying for a job. And everytime I see a vacency I know it will be a no 99% of the time... and I don't want to hear a no again.
Yes! This is how I get into my routines. I try to be a little better, doing not enough but I started.
I'm great when I have momentum and I can use that to steamroll ahead. It's just that initial movement that feels insurmountable until I'm past it.
I have this philosophy: move. balance. understand.
Step one to anything is just wiggle around, moving is better than not moving.
Step two is balancing, do more of the good, less of the bad, and you’ll start heading in the right direction.
Step 3 is understand. Understand the details, fine tune your craft, and you go from novice to intermediate to expert.
Think of it like flying. The plane first makes small movements around the runway, usually not in the direction of the destination. Then it takes one big leap in the general direction of the destination. Then it fine tunes it’s path so it’s not just to the country, state, city, or even building. It lands on a specific piece of runway, a mile long, 99.99+% of the time. That’s expertise.
It’s about the journey, not the destination. Don’t try hard, work hard at trying.
finally a salient and well-articulated video that gets the whole point across in 30 seconds instead of leaving you hanging lol
in all seriousness though, this is a really important concept that i’ve been trying to implement for a long time. over time, doing *something* is better than doing nothing, but in the moment, not doing enough brings its own pain. that’s the part i’ve been struggling with.
it’s hard to focus on the process over the result when the process itself is imperfect and causes its own pain. failing because you didn’t do enough weirdly feels more satisfying, or least more relieving, than trying to engage in a half measure consistently over a long period of time.
i also struggle with the pitfall of not being able to continuously motivate myself to the point of automating a task. i can’t engage in a task long enough to build discipline because doing something makes me feel more accomplished than i actually am, and then i feel bad about my efforts not being enough, so i quit anyway.
good message, but it’s more complicated in reality, at least for me.
Have you read atomic habits?
Bro, INCREDIBLE advice. I've been working out regularly for 2 years. When I started, I felt so insecure. I didn't know how to do any exercises, or what muscles to train, anything. I felt like I was just gonna fail in a few weeks anyway. But I went anyway. Eventually, I paid a trainer to teach me some real things. Now, I'm the fittest I've ever been. It's not about trying to go from couch potato to Sam Sulek in 6 months. It's about just doing something. And if it makes progress, even small progress, it's working. Keep doing it.
This is legendary advice. Just some of the stuff that dr k sends out that is absolutely incredible
These shorts have been very helpful. I'm struggling with finding motivation for academic projects that I take on in my spare time, and missing awesome opportunities because I procrastinate exactly because I'm afraid it will be not enough.
It’s stuff like this that makes hidden in plain sight so effective! The it’s not enough translates to effort vs worth it’s obvious and gets us everytime anyway
You’re so good at what you do you’re so good you’re practical yet you’re fun and cool. You’re extremely professional. I really appreciate all of your great advice.
This actually helped me so much in this moment, im worried about checking on my siblings because I feel like I don’t have the perfect circumstances to relay back to them and the stuff that has been monumental progress for me isn’t much on paper
This is revolutionary for me. Thank you so much!
You have no idea how much I need this right now. I've been telling myself "what's the point?", "it's too much work", "it's gonna take a lot of time and effort", "in the end not of which is gonna be enough". Reminds me to take one step at a time because they're gonna matter in the long run.
Dr. K...
You are a life saver..
Thankyou so much..❤
Hey dr K.
I have managed to drastically improve my mental, framework for reality aswell as emotional stability. I managed to achieve alot, with my partner and myself. And the help of psychedelics. But finding your content has been such a swell addition to further improve myself in ways i havent even thought of. As an autist for whatever reason its very easy. To follow ur thought process etc. I love that you provide all this for free for everyone its very much apprecited. U are awesome buddy ❤
An important reminder: your inner critics are all trying to protect you, but they actually hold you back from the level of success you could achieve.
This piece of advice is something i heard almost a year ago, idk if it was from dr K or someone else, but the realization of how often i would refuse to do something because it wouldnt be enough to achieve a certain goal shocked me. I started applying the philosophy of always doing something over doing nothing and gradually it led to what i actually wanted to achieve.
It is amazing how just listening to Dr. K makes me feel like a better person. Still a lot to work on, but listening to this makes it feel like it might happen
I recall reading a tumblr post years ago about how anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed. Doing something poorly is better than not doing anything at all.
Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly. That's the mindset my brother lives by and it has helped him tremendously!
Thanks, needed this
I half-assed going to the gym for months, but I still made progress. Eventually, the habit of going consistently despite not working out that hard made it easier and easier for me to put in more and more effort. I essentially went from someone who never exercised to being in great shape just by slowly but consistently making an effort.
I've learned this through stress. I wanted to study 6 hours and got myself frustrated cause it seemed unsusteinable the way I was doing things. Instead, putting myself to a ridiculous schedule of a half hour day in programming and a little more in things I really like had me going for progress.
This is the single thing that holds me back the most in life.
Holy hell this is life changing insight that was right before my eyes the whole time
The key to having a life is simply this. Brilliant.
My mother constantly tells me that I'm not enough, now I'm proud of it! 💪🏻
Decided to adopt this mentality when it comes to singing/music, always being insecure and thinking I won't be good enough. But just gotta get started and enjoy it. Embrace your imperfection and realize everyone was not enough at one point.
Trying and failing is how you gain wisdom and a better understanding of your own limits. Never trying is how you never improve.
This is so true and so fundamental
This is probably the single most vital advice for anyone who is down right now
This is actually such a powerful thing he said right here bro
I learned this from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. It doesn't matter if your current ability is not enough, make it a habit, and you'll eventually get to that level.
I’m so I found this channel. Each one of these shorts makes me think about things in ways i haven’t before, and is just what i need to hear.
I did this with men who were interested in me, good ones sometimes. I was not enough in my mind. I am over this. Healthy relationship here I come.
THANK YOU 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Wow!! This is the best advice on the internet! Hands down!
This approach also helps you build momentum to get to good enough.
I've been watching your shorts a lot lately. The lil nuggets of wisdom you give are great honestly. Thank you for sharing all that you've learned 🙏💖
I literally just got done living this out at my job.
Yesterday was my last day of training after 5 weeks. When I started, I was definitely not doing enough to stay where I am. Now, I’m doing more than enough, easily. Perfect timing to be seeing this lol
Thank you dr.k, for these past few months I've had a fear over a few exams, and the one im currently giving, I won't be doing that good, but that's okay, thank you.
I read on a random youtube vid a comment that has made me do so may excersize sessions I wouldn't otherwise do:
"Anything worth doing is worth half-assing"
I think its important with things like excercize cause sure the day I do 15 min of cardio instead of 30 is not gonna make me any slimmer doing 10 push ups instead of 100 is not gonna make you stronger, but its not just about those push ups with excerzice its about the doing it *every day* cause 100 push ups arent gonna make you stronger if you do them once and never again, 30 min cardio isnt gonna make you slimmer if you only do it once either. But pushing yourself to do it even a bit, makes doing the full set tomorrow alot easier
My parents told us to go after what we want and don't let rejection deter you.
A lot of it is understanding the time it takes will pass either way. You can either look back in 10yrs and say I did it imperfectly or you can look back and say I didn't even try. I'd rather at least say I did it than not
You're amazing Dr K!
Doing “not enough” when it comes to working out made a huge difference over the last few years (cutting out sugar, even just “mostly”, made a noticeable difference as well). All it took was a cheap flat bench, cheap pull up bar and some dumbbells (the most expensive part).
I started telling myself I have to stop trying to make things perfect because it discourages me from doing anything at all, and started to try and make things just a little bit better
i read a quote "if something is worth doing, then is worth doing bad"
and it was this exact description
This is soooo typical of my life. I had the potential to become a sports professional in my childhood but my cousin was already a sports professional and always had someone to compare myself to and NEVER felt good enough. But I had no guidance. I judged myself so incredibly hard because his success was always out of reach because he has always been 10 years older than me
My life was changed when my therapist really got into me that sometimes it's okay to half-ass things. That it's not always "go big or go home".
Regarding this I always told myself "doing is better than not doing", whatever the outcome or unnoticeable it is.
I was told when I was young that if I wasn't ready to do it right the first time, I may as well not do it at all. Nice to hear they were wrong.
I really needed this today.
Hearing it last week would have been better.
This is my perspective on perfectionism. It doesnt make me perform better, it keeps me from doing SO MANY THINGS just cuz I have this delusion that it has to be a certain way. NO, it just has to BE
Well, the thing is (in transactional analysis) this is a driver called "be perfect" which makes you feel not enough. But, the permission is "do enough". So your advice is actually really good. Do the thing you "think" isn't enough
This reminded me of the phrase: "everything worth doing is worth doing poorly"
Doing is more important than doing it perfectly
This. What helped me trying things im anxious of is having some type of administrative work. When i noticed how average person is dumb and tends to half ass everything, i started to embody the it is what is mindset
It's not about the victory, it's about the fight.
With all the shallow self improvement gurus online, this guy here gives actual solid advice to put into practice. Thank you very much.
Totally about me, except I feel that if I fail I will be not just devastated - I'll be devastated to the point where I lose all remnants of energy and hope, fall lower than I am now, be unable to climb back and eventually die. I'm literally afraid to destroy myself more.
Gonna have this on loop.
thanks i really needed this
Exactly
You must understand & know you can handle it regardless
really needed this🙌🏻🙌🏻
I going to apply in my life .
Thanks so much.
❝the real success comes not from the thing that you are working or not working,real success comes from doing. ❞
I think it summarizes pretty well why interacting with my mom makes me so apathetic. Every time I do something, it's not enough. It makes me feel that I'm not enough. The goal post is moving the moment I make a step towards it.
It's so heartbreaking to try again.
The only way of getting around it that really works for me - is to work in silence, not showing my results, good or bad. Keeping it in darkness, concealing it behind chaos. I'll be a disgrace anyway, so she doesn't have to know what I'm doing.
It makes me feel as weak as a child.
Or just evil if I actually do something and keep it as a secret.
It is actually a miracle that I have a job, and I do it well.
My only addiction is sugar and I'm fighting it this year.
And so on.
I'm doing well, if I think rationally about it.
But to my mom there is nothing to praise me about. The focus is always on my weaknesses, like not having children. I'm not going to tell her that a couple years ago I wanted to have a child, but couldn't because of some issues. She will just morally destroy me if she learns about it. There's no chance for me to be vulnerable with her, I tried and regretted it badly.
Can I just rant a little bit more?
I see how this advice is good, it really is. But how can I apply it? Right now I don't see moving out as an option. Besides this place partly belongs to me.
I can't believe how logically and and sound this argument can be condensed in less than 1-min.
Because you really aren't enough. Therefore you have to work at it, going through failures and to learn from them, in order to improve and get better. Having that negative thought that "you're not enough" isn't just a pain protection mechanism, the other half of it is that it's also an alarm system to call you into action to become better than who you are, ie. You're not good enough, so let's do something about it to be good enough.
Dr. K, can you please share full link to this video? I was seriously looking for a video to help me with problem on your channel yesterday. Thanks!
When you're on this video look either below the channel @ or above the title and you'll find the full video
Many of us simply have that feeling because we weren’t good enough to find a positive feedback loop when we were children. We got chastised and yelled at by teachers and bullied by other children to the point where it became a bad feedback loop.
Started doing 10 sit-ups and 10 pushups a day and running a few miles a week. It has changed the way I look at myself in the mirror even tho it doesn’t seem like a lot
Here's the fact:
You need to practice and build your strength in that field to reach the point where you can do it and it affects other parts than itself.
Excersise for 20 minutes, you get better at excersising, and eventually you will get good enough to work out for muscle, or worn out enough for weight loss.
Study for 5 minutes, eventually you will be good enough to study the extra 10 or 20 minutes for the info to stick
Talk to yourself like you're citing a movie. Eventually you'll be able to respond dynamically enough to yourself to the point where you can respond to strangers. I recommend asking questions instead of talking about your opinion, since people like to be prompted to talk, rather than hearing someone talk about themselves.
To many people tried to screw me over or go out of there way to shit talk me. I didn't need to be one of them.
This man knows my brain inside and out
Wow, I immediately fell in love with your words!
This came to my recommendation after months of not being able to do anything and sleeping throughout the day, I thought that everything i do will not be good enough to get me somewhere! I am almost losing it!
I've had to force myself to accept finished over perfect, because perfection doesn't get things done. Thanks for the reminder that this can be applied to other things as well.
Ur right and thank you
Yeah the problem is that there is too much effort that gets wasted in the process and everyone that struggles with this was abused by someone that said "do it perfect or dont even try" on a regular basis. And tbh id rather not get beat up over it when i inevitably fail at my goal. So id rather just not do it at all. It sucks to be stuck but its much better than to remind myself im worse than everyone at everything snd have zero worth because of that.
Aren't you the guy that called another comment cringe for saying half-assing is better than nothing? Your mentality here explains everything. You're externalising your self-worth toward others, rather than internalising it. No wonder you dunked on the other person, you're projecting your failure on others.
Exercise is something you can grind at no matter how bad you are and make gains. Get that sense of accomplishment every day no matter how little and you will change over time. Keep pushing.
I just tell myself i won't be able to do it, and remain pessimistic. But i still try to do it, because to try and fail is often better than not doing it at all. And there is a chance you will succeed.
This is something that I learned after figuratively falling flat on my face really hard. Three years ago, I wasn't sure I'd ever get my Bachelor Degree. Now I'm staring down the path of a Doctorate, terrified and excited in equal parts.
(Edited for Grammar)
As someone who has recently gone from unemployed loser with a degenerate sleep schedule to unemployed loser with a normal sleep schedule, this clip has genuinely reassured me. I had to throw the kitchen sink at my sleep problems over several months, but instead it feeling better, it just feels a bit depressing not to have my sins hidden from the world by the night anymore. Still, progress is progress 😂
Perseverance is key and I know it but it's so hard sometimes
I remember PTs actually saying this (that it wont be enough) to me, (a newbie) just because I couldn't afford their training plans. Fucked up to just demoralize a person right off the bat like that.
I started aiming for a C average which made doing school easier to do and I've been getting A's. I also started just walking after school which evolved into jogging and now calisthenics over the past few months