My parents' "garden" is like the one immediately outside my window that I'm looking at right now. Covered in snow, everything made of old, ugly stone, nothing living in it at all. And that scenery in the LITERAL view, the one I'm looking at, has not changed for months. THEIR scenery, the figurative one, has not changed for YEARS. Dad's actually talking about packing it in, now, and usually, it's mom threatening to divorce him, not the other way around. The man was literally on his deathbed with cancer (he's fine now) and she was saying, "When you're well, we're through. Little Jimmy just got too big for mommy to carry." In my mind, that is the only unforgiveable thing she's ever done. There's no point in confronting them about it; I've tried. I'm 3q1 years old and my mom still treats me like a child. The last time I tried to get them to play nice, as it were, she started BELLOWING at me, and when I went to walk away, she said to me, "Oh no, you wanted to be in this, you GET to be in this." She then proceeded to scream at me for twenty minutes about how she's the victim. Mom is very partial to the winding diatribe, except that she'll scream it. On. And on. And on. and on. And on. Until you're just so broken down with it that your brain's empty. Sooooooo, here's my situation... 1. I can't move out. 2. My parents HATE. Each. Other. 3. If I intervene, I'm screamed at. 4. If I don't intervene, there is nowhere in the house I can't hear them fighting. 5. They will not, of course, go to therapy, or even talk about it like adults. Mom has even said when I recommended therapy once, and she actually laughed, "You stupid girl: I don't have time for that! When I'm at therapy, who's going to pay the bills? Who's going to go to work? Who's going to make the meals? Mommy has WORK to do, Lillian. No one else is going to do it." No. I'm not exaggerating.
@@JonathanDecker, and the problem is (thank you, by the way), I know you can't give me professional help online. I'm not even American. I just want to know how to harden my heart to it, if you can tell me that. I'm REALLY sensitive to other people's emotions: I both laugh and cry sympathetically. So it's like this crushing weight in the air that just saps all my energy any time either or both of them are home. LESS with dad, but he understands me emotionally. On the one hand, this receptive being is who I am, and I don't want to change who I am, but on the other, if I don't change from flesh to stone, I'm going to keep getting hurt in a situation in which I have no power. I'm an adult and I feel like I have the emotional capacity of a child. Mom's approach, if nothing else, has taught me that an adult needs to be carved from stone. Walls everywhere. ...Can you tell I don't like her approach? My superego says "Tat Tvam Asi" ("That Thou Art": it's among the most sacred Sanskrit phrases, equating the individual with All There Is), but my id says that I'm weak, can't help, will NEVER be able to help, and, unfortunately, my experiences reinforce my id, not my superego. And no I'm not a Freudian. I don't like Freud. His approach strikes me as reductionist.
Normal? Yes. But that doesn't mean it's ideal. Many couples need a tune-up after being together a long-time, to help resolve small issues that have become large.
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I so needed to hear the part there's "a lot of crap that actually is for your good." I have so much respect for your work!
Thanks Janet! So good to hear from you!
Loved it!
Thank you!
My parents' "garden" is like the one immediately outside my window that I'm looking at right now. Covered in snow, everything made of old, ugly stone, nothing living in it at all. And that scenery in the LITERAL view, the one I'm looking at, has not changed for months. THEIR scenery, the figurative one, has not changed for YEARS. Dad's actually talking about packing it in, now, and usually, it's mom threatening to divorce him, not the other way around. The man was literally on his deathbed with cancer (he's fine now) and she was saying, "When you're well, we're through. Little Jimmy just got too big for mommy to carry." In my mind, that is the only unforgiveable thing she's ever done. There's no point in confronting them about it; I've tried. I'm 3q1 years old and my mom still treats me like a child. The last time I tried to get them to play nice, as it were, she started BELLOWING at me, and when I went to walk away, she said to me, "Oh no, you wanted to be in this, you GET to be in this." She then proceeded to scream at me for twenty minutes about how she's the victim. Mom is very partial to the winding diatribe, except that she'll scream it. On. And on. And on. and on. And on. Until you're just so broken down with it that your brain's empty. Sooooooo, here's my situation...
1. I can't move out.
2. My parents HATE. Each. Other.
3. If I intervene, I'm screamed at.
4. If I don't intervene, there is nowhere in the house I can't hear them fighting.
5. They will not, of course, go to therapy, or even talk about it like adults. Mom has even said when I recommended therapy once, and she actually laughed, "You stupid girl: I don't have time for that! When I'm at therapy, who's going to pay the bills? Who's going to go to work? Who's going to make the meals? Mommy has WORK to do, Lillian. No one else is going to do it."
No. I'm not exaggerating.
I'm so sorry. That's so heavy to live with.
@@JonathanDecker, and the problem is (thank you, by the way), I know you can't give me professional help online. I'm not even American. I just want to know how to harden my heart to it, if you can tell me that. I'm REALLY sensitive to other people's emotions: I both laugh and cry sympathetically. So it's like this crushing weight in the air that just saps all my energy any time either or both of them are home. LESS with dad, but he understands me emotionally. On the one hand, this receptive being is who I am, and I don't want to change who I am, but on the other, if I don't change from flesh to stone, I'm going to keep getting hurt in a situation in which I have no power. I'm an adult and I feel like I have the emotional capacity of a child. Mom's approach, if nothing else, has taught me that an adult needs to be carved from stone. Walls everywhere.
...Can you tell I don't like her approach? My superego says "Tat Tvam Asi" ("That Thou Art": it's among the most sacred Sanskrit phrases, equating the individual with All There Is), but my id says that I'm weak, can't help, will NEVER be able to help, and, unfortunately, my experiences reinforce my id, not my superego. And no I'm not a Freudian. I don't like Freud. His approach strikes me as reductionist.
wow right on time
Nice!
❤
Thank you!
Is it normal to fuss with each other more as we age?
Normal? Yes. But that doesn't mean it's ideal. Many couples need a tune-up after being together a long-time, to help resolve small issues that have become large.