As a 17y/o growing up in a Abstinence only education , your videos have done wonders for me. I have become in charge of my sexuality , great a communicating and being able to understand all the things vital for a healthy sex life. Thank you for all that you do for kids like me
Some of you have asked about my shirt. I wore it for this episode to support the LGBT+ lovers out there. The shirt is from a campaign that Tyler Oakley did to raise money for LGBT+ organizations and I'm not sure it's possible to get anymore but you can ask him.
Thanks for the ally-ship toward the LGBT+ alloromantics in the room, which are those who experience romantic attraction… But you erased the existence of the letter A from the acronym by not at least alluding to the experiences of aromantics. Here’s how you could’ve done better: connect “falling in love” with *romantic* love and an experience/response of romantic attraction. At the minimum this specifies the type of love that is referenced when people use that phrase. Mentioning other types of love - sexual, emotional, platonic - would have been even better, as that makes space for other loves beyond the romantic kind. Specifically naming aromantics as persons who may not experience “falling in love” would have been phenomenal and truly inclusive, but I understand there’s a lot of information to convey in these short videos. By not doing the above-mentioned minimum you contribute to assumptions that normalize “falling in love” as an experience that everyone can feel, which is part of amatonormativity. Frankly Dr. Doe, your oversight hurts and further invalidates my experiences. Maybe consider adding an addendum to this video or referencing what I’ve shared here in some other way? There are members of your audience who would directly appreciate a correction (i.e. myself and other aro-spec persons), and other viewers would benefit from seeing your positive response to a callout. I’ve taken the time to share my pain and disappointment with you cause I’ve come to respect your work and appreciate your voice. I believe you can and will do better in the future.
sexplanations Are the phases in a different order for demisexuals? I'm kinda getting to know this girl. Last year I identified myself as a lesbian, which I still think is accurate. I just think I might experience less sexual intrigue than my peers, including her. I really don't know if demisexual fits yet, she's my first relationship and I don't know her that well yet.
First relationship: I was told I didn't move fast enough. Second relationship: I was told I was rushing too much. Third relationship: closely tied with solitary insanity. And they lived happily ever after.
When I fell in love for the first time, I had no idea what was happening because it had never happened to me before. I had all these emotions and didn't know how to adequately express them. She was way too adorable to handle, and I resonated with her on every level, even levels I didn't even know I had. Her spirit inspired me super abundantly. But over those 3 days, I didn't know I was falling in love. I'd never felt the way I did before. And once I had fallen in love (even before realizing it), I thought she was the one. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with her, and have found supreme happiness with the one I loved with all my heart. My goodness, is falling in love always this crazy? Oh, and I might add that she's the first person I've ever loved with all my heart. I've had strong infatuations before that took up their own small sections of my heart, but she took my whole heart. I could literally feel it. I loved her with all my heart; not just one section of it. She's the first person I've ever fallen in love with. And, I'm gonna stop here cuz I'll start going in circles if I don't. Can you tell me if my process was linear or all over the place? I just realized, I think I just wasn't ready for how immensely the resonance between her and my spirit would amplify our frequencies. I just wasn't ready, and it completely blew my mind. But I didn't know what was happening, so it was so confusing. I'd never resonated so much so deeply with anyone, and were it not that she's straight, maybe that resonance could have gone somewhere past friendship. Sorry I dumped all this on you. The more I talk about it, the more I learn about it. It was my first time falling in love. The first time is always confusing, right?
Ugh yusssss, this was so timely for me! Especially realizing that one person might be at a different stage than you are! (They are at acceptance and oh shit life is still on! And you’re in the consumption bursting with feels)
How sweet! Love this explanation. When I fell in love it felt so incredible I kept thinking reality interrupting our time together was a punishment 😍. 30yrs later we still feel like newlyweds and have a trackable cycle from “I’m IN love” to “I love you”. Throughout is trust and gratitude; our relationship doesn’t feel real, just beautiful.
I think the most important thing to me is finding someone who accepts me for me and when I say I have OCD or PTSD, they believe me and don't abandon me when it acts up. I love someone I can just be silly with and have a conversation about things. They don't always have to agree with me; if I don't like pasta and they think it's the back bone to society, that's okey. I know that sounds specific; it's because it is. lol I'm really happy at were I am in my relationship with my boyfriend and the feeling of being safe and free is amazing. Like I said before I have a lot of mental illnesses and it's not something I've really experience before. It's great.
I got an ad before seeing the video! I've never been so excited about any ad in my life. You deserve every penny you can earn. Awesome video, as always, Dr. Doe('s team).
This was well-timed. I have been wondering whether I am falling in love or not, or if that's an irrational thing to think. I believe that I am falling, but I am just not quite ready to say it yet.
When I think "sprung," I think boners. Which isn't inaccurate, but doesn't get the whole picture. I have a feeling it might mean more, so will look into it, then! EDIT: Yup, that's it.
It really is a beautiful thing, it reminds me of this poem: the lesson of the moth by Don Marquis i was talking to a moth the other evening he was trying to break into an electric light bulb and fry himself on the wires why do you fellows pull this stunt i asked him because it is the conventional thing for moths or why if that had been an uncovered candle instead of an electric light bulb you would now be a small unsightly cinder have you no sense plenty of it he answered but at times we get tired of using it we get bored with the routine and crave beauty and excitement fire is beautiful and we know that if we get too close it will kill us but what does that matter it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while so we wad all our life up into one little roll and then we shoot the roll that is what life is for it is better to be a part of beauty for one instant and then cease to exist than to exist forever and never be a part of beauty our attitude toward life is come easy go easy we are like human beings used to be before they became too civilized to enjoy themselves and before i could argue him out of his philosophy he went and immolated himself on a patent cigar lighter i do not agree with him myself i would rather have half the happiness and twice the longevity but at the same time i wish there was something i wanted as badly as he wanted to fry himself
I think it’s really interesting that you note the stages aren’t necessarily linear. I’ve only been in love once, but personally, I find it highly unlikely that I’d get to any stage without knowing the sort of things that you describe coming up in the “fitness testing stage”. For me this has to do with being greyromantic in a way that borders on demi, so it’s interesting to compare your descriptions and discussion of the matter to how I think about this sort of thing. Great video as usual!
Same! Although I recently developed a serious crush on someone and seem to be following the exact progression of stages as described in the video. Usually I'd describe myself as demiromantic, so this current situation might just be an outlier.
Is it normal to second-guess whether or not the person is all that great? Along the lines of the tweet that said it’s like realizing you’re high, when I’m high I always go through cycles of being totally consumed by it & convinced, & then having moments when I try to test myself & prove to myself that I’m actually totally sober. And I feel like that’s what I’m doing now with this person. One moment I’m so sure they’re perfect, then I’m coming up with reasons they’re not, just because I want to be realistic or can’t believe love would happen to me. A lot of people say it’s one of those “when it happens, you’ll know” things, but then I’m worried that I’m totally kidding myself.
I met my partner at work and he has been the only person other than my papa that I felt safe with. Upon first meeting him I just felt at home and when we had to part ways and go home I found myself immediately missing him and wanting to text him. Its been 6 months since we met and 4 months since we started dating and im still completely smitten. I've gone through all the stages but I am now constantly repeating Stage 2, just seeing his name pop up on my screen makes me incredibly happy regardless of how I was feeling that day or at that point.
Me and my first boyfriend dated for 3 years and he didn't pay much attention to me towards the end so i broke up with him. It's been 2 years now and i still cry sometimes cause i still consider him my bestfriend. But its getting better... I remember one time i broke down in the middle of a parking lot weeping over and over again "i want my shaney" so its comforting to know how far I've come, but it's also terrifying because I'm worried I'll never feel as strongly about someone again.
Jenna White, I can't tell you that you'll feel the same way about another human being again, I don't know that. I can't guarantee that. But I can tell you that your heart is a beautiful and resilient thing, and when you feel like falling down life usually finds a way to get you something to lean on.
I want to say thank you for all the videos, I have been scared about sex and intimate relationships ( especially with the opposite sex) and you channel makes me learn about sex bit by bit
Thank-you for making this wonderful video! When I fell in love for the second time a couple months ago and I felt overwhelmed and kind of alone in these big feelings I was having. It's really comforting to see these stages outlined here.
From someone who has put this to the test, its not just a bunch of physical chemicals, there's another part of it which connects to it all that is the cause to the effect. When you meet someone and you like them to any degree and for whatever reasons you have, those things you like quickly turn into appreciation, and the more you desire and enjoy these qualities whatever they may be, physical, their voice, their....vibe, its likely a combination of things, but whatever they are, you appreciate them more and more, built on the foundation of you liking qualities that they have, that appreciation blooms eventually into love, this usually happens when you dig deeper into the individual and find more that you like about them and you begin to appreciate those qualities they have, the more this happens the more love begins to germinate and poof, you're in love!
this is maybe the most well-constructed youtube video i've ever seen, such a diverse range of perspectives but with your own philosophy coming through, and absolutely fascinating
Have fallen 2 x in love.This feeling that is so great and becomes so painful when one or both fall out of love ,especially if long relationship. Folks never take your so for granted .
Had a pretty intense Acceptance moment in my relationship earlier this week, but I'm really happy that we worked together to solve the problem and I think we are crystalizing so beautifully :)))
I recently have come to the thought I could be falling for someone, but I’m the type to question it because I’d think “how would I know?” However, this particular person effected me much differently than others in the past. This video is making me think I could be falling. I’m not used to this, but I might be happy about this.
Thank you dr. Doe, I lived way to long in unsureness. Now I know I have been falling in love for 2 times. Living in total abstinence is horrible, yep living with hardly any masturbation will make you a Spock with the secret sexual burn outs & frustrations (and blue balls lol). Thank you that you are so open about attraction, the whole love thingie. It brings peace & a a sort of comfort. I'm glad my good friends have given me the courage to write poetry and stories and my late coming out gave me the guts to write about all kinds of sexual relations. And writing gives me warm and fuzzy feelings. Especially writing poetry. Thank you (waves shyly and thinking she looks so cute..sigh) Marco
Very interesting to hear this deconstruction, it's one of those subjects people don't want to de-mystify by picking it apart but this really helped me think about my experience of love. As a person who has thought/said/felt I was "in love" more times than I can count I'm surprised to notice that I haven't felt half of these feelings many times at all. I think everyone decides when they are "in love" at different stages, and for me I guess I don't wait - it's that 'intrigue' bit that I've experienced countless times. Maybe that explains why I've said it "too soon" so many times. It's the "playing house" part that I enjoy the most though, because I don't get there unless things are *really* good. Definitely going to save this video to share with potential loves in the future.
Strangely, little you describe resonates with my experience. Love for me is just caring for and about a person while mutually enjoying each others company. Not sure if anyone here has had a similar experience, but "bursting, blossoming, head over heels" just doesn't happen for me.
In my opinion all of those stages you mentioned last about 9 months. After nine months the layers begin to peel of, and you will begin to see that person true heart. Falling in love is a part of human life. It’s perfectly normal to fall in Love. Falling OUT of love is another story.
Love is a word. We use it to describe attachment, obsession, lust, etc. It’s basically like being addicted to a drug. We are with people for selfish reasons, and when a person is no longer a benefit, they are discarded. You may seem to me so much to someone one moment, and then nothing at all. What to do.
I've never even gotten to the first stage. I identify as aromantic, and I feel incredibly bad about it, but honestly don't want to fall in love either. I was quite scared of watching this, because these things are always presented as if they're supposed to be relatable, as if you should look forward to them, as it's the only goal in life and the only thing worth living for. For all I know, I'm never going to experience that. I am okay and comfortable with that myself, way more comfortable than the thought of falling in love, but the things I mentioned previously just make me feel so horrible about myself for that. I know it could change, sure, the label aromantic might only be temporary, but I really doubt it is at this point. When I was younger, I used to feel broken or even predatory, because there was no desire for a relationship past friendship, though I wanted sexual intimacy and I think that really terrified me. By now, I've actually managed to watch this video. It made me feel uncomfortable, to be honest. But I got through it now, it is educational in the end and honestly, I'm somewhat proud of myself. I used to be so repulsed by this topic, and even though I can't relate to it at all, I'm starting to overcome that repulsion and accept that my experiences just aren't these. [There was no other point to this comment than talk myself out a bit, goal achieved. 😅]
I believe we need to make a clear line between attraction and love. Attraction isn't a choice, but love IS a choice. Love is the moment when the logical & emotional sides of your brain meet and both agree that being with another person is good for you. I don't believe "love" should be used flippantly, and that we all need to come to some basic agreement on what it means. I don't believe Shakespearean love is love according to my definition, and that Romeo & Juliet have confused countless people. Attraction isn't a choice. Love is. Remember that and you'll be able to avoid making rash decisions that are only informed by how you're feeling. I'm so glad that you mentioned this in Stage 7.
I love you and your content !!! Thank you so much for everything you do for us. Thank you for being useful to society and teaching us important stuff about life ! You are an incredible woman and I wish you a wonderful international women's day! ❤️
This video is really interesting. It helps me get a "handle" on this abstract (to me at least) concept. Until recently, I was not a believer in the idea of being or falling "in love". I was too idealistic in my first real relationship.. my thought "Real love is forever." When it ended, I concluded that I had been deluding myself and there was no way "it" had ever been the way I thought it was... therefore, there was no such "thing". Now, some 12 years later, I've found someone that has renewed my belief. I am happy but stuck in one the first few stages (even after two years-is that good?) due to the distance between us..
Going through this right now, for the first time perhaps. I'm 35, sort of figured this kind of rush was like believing in Santa, people have just been lying to me about it's reality my whole life. Can't be real. Feels fucking real. Head spinning.
I found the love of my life, she's passed away from colon cancer, but I'm a different person now. Thank you my Pamela😘😚. And I hope to meet someone I can love again at this level. We totally enjoyed each other at so many levels, she was a sexual animal! So incredibly worth it, despite the crushing grief. Never stop being curious about love!
Dr.Doe must be spying on me somehow. Making this video when I’m actively in stage 2 with a new girl. Hopefully this goes well. Great content yet again. Thanks for the video.
i’ve been thinking about love in general these past few days and have come to realize i have never felt this way about anyone before. what i want to know is how i can trigger a reaction to fall in love and if its a rational or irrational thing.
There is no such thing as, "falling in love." Love is either present or it isn't because we do not choose who we love. The "falling" part is nothing more than the time it takes you to identify that you love that person; or that you don't. Or on this case, the involuntary steps that are taken to identify it. One thing is certain: it's very exciting!
My SO's mom says that you should never marry someone until you've seen them get angry with you. A year into our relationship, and we're still waiting to even disagree on something. XD
lim·er·ence - (noun) the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. Love is ultimately temporary. The rest is social constraint.
Steve Quincey THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP “LIMERENCE”!!! That directly relates to Lindsey’s stage that she called “euphoria” and another oversight in the research of this episode. As many of my other comments mention, the absence of any discussion of romantic attraction and how “falling in love” is an expression of that is another huge oversight. As to the later part of your comment, that comes off like mansplaining in a “but actually” form. For the love you mention as “ultimately temporary,” please specify that as “romantic love” as there are many other valid types of love that can and due endure. Bonding isn’t simply social constraint. There are many adaptive advantages to remaining connected vis-a-vis pair-bonding born from romantic attraction and what Dr Doe comes to call crystallization (or something like that).
I wonder where wrapping your arms around someone and not wanting to let go falls in on your list.I love when she falls asleep in my arms , showing trust.
I knew I was somewhere on the ace spectrum, but wasn't really sure about any of it. This video has really confirmed it for me, I can't picture any of this happening to me and that's okay
Tesa Do you mean the aro (as in aromantic) spectrum? Being asexual is valid and wonderful in its own right, and you can experience romantic attraction and still be ace/asexual. As an aromantic person who experiences sexual attractions (i.e. allosexual), letting you in that while asexuality and aromantism are often concurrent, ace and aro are not synonymous.
I phrased it that way because I'm not sure where on the spectrum I am yet. I know that ace and aro aren't synonymous. I'm probably aro and grey/demisexual but I'm still figuring things out.
My intrigue is usually the sort that doesn't lead to falling in love. It's kinda like I have questions, those are answered, and then I move on. The only time I've gotten to the other stages was when my (now) ex asked me out and then I was already in the mindset of "I guess this is my boyfriend now." I dunno why that happens :3 Maybe it's because I'm asexual...
This was weirdly timely! I JUST noticed someone has a crush on me, and that made me intrigued in him! Wow. I think I'm in stage 6 with someone else, though it's one-sided. Ah well, these feelings are great!
I fall for people very easily, but try to avoid the limerance hormonal feelings. What I do instead is try to focus upon altruistic love because I think it is more real and helpful. But this has the effect that people I love dislike it for being too impersonal.
Me and this girl recently hit it off and we both really like each other. Problem is, we’re going to different high schools next year. What should I do?
The Voidstrider - Or you could be on the aromantic spectrum. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, maybe it’s a rare experience for you. Regardless, please don’t listen to voices that tell you to “try,” because you’re completely valid and whole regardless of your capacity to “fall in [romantic] love.”
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
As a 17y/o growing up in a Abstinence only education , your videos have done wonders for me. I have become in charge of my sexuality , great a communicating and being able to understand all the things vital for a healthy sex life. Thank you for all that you do for kids like me
Molly Stephens I would also recommend "Guys we fucked" podcast. It's a bit vulgar and direct but they talk really openly everything about sex.
Matic Leva I agree with both
Especislly as someone who went through abstinence only education left me ignorant
Yes!! This!! Dr. Doe has changed my life, I'm so grateful for these videos
Some of you have asked about my shirt. I wore it for this episode to support the LGBT+ lovers out there. The shirt is from a campaign that Tyler Oakley did to raise money for LGBT+ organizations and I'm not sure it's possible to get anymore but you can ask him.
sexplanations love the shirt and thank you for supporting lgbt+!!!
Thanks for the ally-ship toward the LGBT+ alloromantics in the room, which are those who experience romantic attraction… But you erased the existence of the letter A from the acronym by not at least alluding to the experiences of aromantics. Here’s how you could’ve done better: connect “falling in love” with *romantic* love and an experience/response of romantic attraction. At the minimum this specifies the type of love that is referenced when people use that phrase. Mentioning other types of love - sexual, emotional, platonic - would have been even better, as that makes space for other loves beyond the romantic kind.
Specifically naming aromantics as persons who may not experience “falling in love” would have been phenomenal and truly inclusive, but I understand there’s a lot of information to convey in these short videos. By not doing the above-mentioned minimum you contribute to assumptions that normalize “falling in love” as an experience that everyone can feel, which is part of amatonormativity. Frankly Dr. Doe, your oversight hurts and further invalidates my experiences.
Maybe consider adding an addendum to this video or referencing what I’ve shared here in some other way? There are members of your audience who would directly appreciate a correction (i.e. myself and other aro-spec persons), and other viewers would benefit from seeing your positive response to a callout. I’ve taken the time to share my pain and disappointment with you cause I’ve come to respect your work and appreciate your voice. I believe you can and will do better in the future.
sexplanations Are the phases in a different order for demisexuals? I'm kinda getting to know this girl. Last year I identified myself as a lesbian, which I still think is accurate. I just think I might experience less sexual intrigue than my peers, including her. I really don't know if demisexual fits yet, she's my first relationship and I don't know her that well yet.
sexplanations what if you have had girlfriends that you loved but haven’t been in love with
Thank you,
my falling in love steps
1.try
2.try too hard
3.fail
Danno [insert last name here] 100% same...
I see you've been reading my book
"How to fail at life"
And got to chapter 3 " relationships"
Mary Jerome well I learned from the best
First relationship: I was told I didn't move fast enough. Second relationship: I was told I was rushing too much. Third relationship: closely tied with solitary insanity. And they lived happily ever after.
Danno [insert last name here] I can't relate cuz everyone wants me to date them
When I fell in love for the first time, I had no idea what was happening because it had never happened to me before. I had all these emotions and didn't know how to adequately express them. She was way too adorable to handle, and I resonated with her on every level, even levels I didn't even know I had. Her spirit inspired me super abundantly. But over those 3 days, I didn't know I was falling in love. I'd never felt the way I did before. And once I had fallen in love (even before realizing it), I thought she was the one. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with her, and have found supreme happiness with the one I loved with all my heart.
My goodness, is falling in love always this crazy?
Oh, and I might add that she's the first person I've ever loved with all my heart. I've had strong infatuations before that took up their own small sections of my heart, but she took my whole heart. I could literally feel it. I loved her with all my heart; not just one section of it. She's the first person I've ever fallen in love with. And, I'm gonna stop here cuz I'll start going in circles if I don't.
Can you tell me if my process was linear or all over the place?
I just realized, I think I just wasn't ready for how immensely the resonance between her and my spirit would amplify our frequencies. I just wasn't ready, and it completely blew my mind. But I didn't know what was happening, so it was so confusing. I'd never resonated so much so deeply with anyone, and were it not that she's straight, maybe that resonance could have gone somewhere past friendship.
Sorry I dumped all this on you. The more I talk about it, the more I learn about it. It was my first time falling in love. The first time is always confusing, right?
Not surprised to see you here, afterall it is you that recommended this channel to me.
Ugh yusssss, this was so timely for me! Especially realizing that one person might be at a different stage than you are! (They are at acceptance and oh shit life is still on! And you’re in the consumption bursting with feels)
As a Norwegian hearing you say "forelsket" was hilarious! xD So so wrong, but very very cute.
How sweet! Love this explanation.
When I fell in love it felt so incredible I kept thinking reality interrupting our time together was a punishment 😍.
30yrs later we still feel like newlyweds and have a trackable cycle from “I’m IN love” to “I love you”. Throughout is trust and gratitude; our relationship doesn’t feel real, just beautiful.
rubymimosa ahhh so sweet! I want this.... I think
I think the most important thing to me is finding someone who accepts me for me and when I say I have OCD or PTSD, they believe me and don't abandon me when it acts up. I love someone I can just be silly with and have a conversation about things. They don't always have to agree with me; if I don't like pasta and they think it's the back bone to society, that's okey. I know that sounds specific; it's because it is. lol I'm really happy at were I am in my relationship with my boyfriend and the feeling of being safe and free is amazing. Like I said before I have a lot of mental illnesses and it's not something I've really experience before. It's great.
great! how do i uninstall it
Schwanenhaelschen ooOoOh edgy
Same 💔
Hahaha if it’s gone on long enough *you don’t*
@@babyfox3324 how was it edgy? This was funny as hell
Hahaahhahaha xD
Did anyone have someone special in their mind as she talked?
dragonAgeAnimeFriends :* love your username
Calvin McLaughlin Thank You ^_^
I may have thought of two or three people… ㄟ(ツ)ㄏ
dragonAgeAnimeFriends :* you're welcome. And to answer your question, yes I had someone in mind too.
Yupp. But it wasn't with a horrible pain this time, I'm happy to say.
I got an ad before seeing the video! I've never been so excited about any ad in my life. You deserve every penny you can earn. Awesome video, as always, Dr. Doe('s team).
Stage 8 is the realest. Falling in love over again is the best feeling.
Stage 9 is realizing she plays on Xbox and i play on PlayStation
:c
I loved this video! Thank you for making this enjoyable content
This was well-timed. I have been wondering whether I am falling in love or not, or if that's an irrational thing to think. I believe that I am falling, but I am just not quite ready to say it yet.
You might want to look into 'sprung'
When I think "sprung," I think boners. Which isn't inaccurate, but doesn't get the whole picture. I have a feeling it might mean more, so will look into it, then!
EDIT: Yup, that's it.
It really is a beautiful thing, it reminds me of this poem:
the lesson of the moth by Don Marquis
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
Thank you, Doctor Doe. This episode made me very happy. And then a little sad... But then happy again.
Twitterpation should be a fetish for getting likes on twitter.
Watts The Safeword lol
I think it’s really interesting that you note the stages aren’t necessarily linear. I’ve only been in love once, but personally, I find it highly unlikely that I’d get to any stage without knowing the sort of things that you describe coming up in the “fitness testing stage”. For me this has to do with being greyromantic in a way that borders on demi, so it’s interesting to compare your descriptions and discussion of the matter to how I think about this sort of thing. Great video as usual!
Indeed! But sometimes I wonder if I even know what love is…
Same! Although I recently developed a serious crush on someone and seem to be following the exact progression of stages as described in the video.
Usually I'd describe myself as demiromantic, so this current situation might just be an outlier.
Is it normal to second-guess whether or not the person is all that great? Along the lines of the tweet that said it’s like realizing you’re high, when I’m high I always go through cycles of being totally consumed by it & convinced, & then having moments when I try to test myself & prove to myself that I’m actually totally sober. And I feel like that’s what I’m doing now with this person. One moment I’m so sure they’re perfect, then I’m coming up with reasons they’re not, just because I want to be realistic or can’t believe love would happen to me. A lot of people say it’s one of those “when it happens, you’ll know” things, but then I’m worried that I’m totally kidding myself.
I met my partner at work and he has been the only person other than my papa that I felt safe with. Upon first meeting him I just felt at home and when we had to part ways and go home I found myself immediately missing him and wanting to text him. Its been 6 months since we met and 4 months since we started dating and im still completely smitten.
I've gone through all the stages but I am now constantly repeating Stage 2, just seeing his name pop up on my screen makes me incredibly happy regardless of how I was feeling that day or at that point.
Thank you for teaching me how to write a romance arc.
As someone recently married and sorta struggling with it.... this was actually strangely comforting.
It was so lovely to see my tweet at the beginning of this video! I'm honored! ❤️
Me and my first boyfriend dated for 3 years and he didn't pay much attention to me towards the end so i broke up with him. It's been 2 years now and i still cry sometimes cause i still consider him my bestfriend. But its getting better... I remember one time i broke down in the middle of a parking lot weeping over and over again "i want my shaney" so its comforting to know how far I've come, but it's also terrifying because I'm worried I'll never feel as strongly about someone again.
Jenna White,
I can't tell you that you'll feel the same way about another human being again, I don't know that. I can't guarantee that. But I can tell you that your heart is a beautiful and resilient thing, and when you feel like falling down life usually finds a way to get you something to lean on.
Dane Scott this was very sweet. Thank you.
You are most welcome.
I want to say thank you for all the videos, I have been scared about sex and intimate relationships ( especially with the opposite sex) and you channel makes me learn about sex bit by bit
Thank-you for making this wonderful video! When I fell in love for the second time a couple months ago and I felt overwhelmed and kind of alone in these big feelings I was having. It's really comforting to see these stages outlined here.
From someone who has put this to the test, its not just a bunch of physical chemicals, there's another part of it which connects to it all that is the cause to the effect.
When you meet someone and you like them to any degree and for whatever reasons you have, those things you like quickly turn into appreciation, and the more you desire and enjoy these qualities whatever they may be, physical, their voice, their....vibe, its likely a combination of things, but whatever they are, you appreciate them more and more, built on the foundation of you liking qualities that they have, that appreciation blooms eventually into love, this usually happens when you dig deeper into the individual and find more that you like about them and you begin to appreciate those qualities they have, the more this happens the more love begins to germinate and poof, you're in love!
this is maybe the most well-constructed youtube video i've ever seen, such a diverse range of perspectives but with your own philosophy coming through, and absolutely fascinating
never thought LOVE could have an explanation. ...
you broke it down like theories & equation... LOVED IT!!
I'm so in love with humanity
Have fallen 2 x in love.This feeling that is so great and becomes so painful when one or both fall out of love ,especially if long relationship. Folks never take your so for granted .
I feel so CALLED OUT.
Had a pretty intense Acceptance moment in my relationship earlier this week, but I'm really happy that we worked together to solve the problem and I think we are crystalizing so beautifully :)))
I recently have come to the thought I could be falling for someone, but I’m the type to question it because I’d think “how would I know?” However, this particular person effected me much differently than others in the past. This video is making me think I could be falling. I’m not used to this, but I might be happy about this.
Thank you dr. Doe, I lived way to long in unsureness. Now I know I have been falling in love for 2 times. Living in total abstinence is horrible, yep living with hardly any masturbation will make you a Spock with the secret sexual burn outs & frustrations (and blue balls lol). Thank you that you are so open about attraction, the whole love thingie. It brings peace & a a sort of comfort. I'm glad my good friends have given me the courage to write poetry and stories and my late coming out gave me the guts to write about all kinds of sexual relations. And writing gives me warm and fuzzy feelings. Especially writing poetry. Thank you (waves shyly and thinking she looks so cute..sigh) Marco
I feel all warm and cozy just listening to your explanation.
“Falling in love is something you may never do”
Oh okay.
dr doe I love your videos, they always touch me deeply
Very interesting to hear this deconstruction, it's one of those subjects people don't want to de-mystify by picking it apart but this really helped me think about my experience of love. As a person who has thought/said/felt I was "in love" more times than I can count I'm surprised to notice that I haven't felt half of these feelings many times at all. I think everyone decides when they are "in love" at different stages, and for me I guess I don't wait - it's that 'intrigue' bit that I've experienced countless times. Maybe that explains why I've said it "too soon" so many times. It's the "playing house" part that I enjoy the most though, because I don't get there unless things are *really* good. Definitely going to save this video to share with potential loves in the future.
Strangely, little you describe resonates with my experience. Love for me is just caring for and about a person while mutually enjoying each others company. Not sure if anyone here has had a similar experience, but "bursting, blossoming, head over heels" just doesn't happen for me.
In my opinion all of those stages you mentioned last about 9 months. After nine months the layers begin to peel of, and you will begin to see that person true heart. Falling in love is a part of human life. It’s perfectly normal to fall in Love. Falling OUT of love is another story.
This is interesting to watch as an aromantic person
Love is a word. We use it to describe attachment, obsession, lust, etc. It’s basically like being addicted to a drug. We are with people for selfish reasons, and when a person is no longer a benefit, they are discarded. You may seem to me so much to someone one moment, and then nothing at all. What to do.
I've never even gotten to the first stage. I identify as aromantic, and I feel incredibly bad about it, but honestly don't want to fall in love either. I was quite scared of watching this, because these things are always presented as if they're supposed to be relatable, as if you should look forward to them, as it's the only goal in life and the only thing worth living for. For all I know, I'm never going to experience that. I am okay and comfortable with that myself, way more comfortable than the thought of falling in love, but the things I mentioned previously just make me feel so horrible about myself for that. I know it could change, sure, the label aromantic might only be temporary, but I really doubt it is at this point. When I was younger, I used to feel broken or even predatory, because there was no desire for a relationship past friendship, though I wanted sexual intimacy and I think that really terrified me. By now, I've actually managed to watch this video. It made me feel uncomfortable, to be honest. But I got through it now, it is educational in the end and honestly, I'm somewhat proud of myself. I used to be so repulsed by this topic, and even though I can't relate to it at all, I'm starting to overcome that repulsion and accept that my experiences just aren't these. [There was no other point to this comment than talk myself out a bit, goal achieved. 😅]
That's actually awesome that you're comfortable with yourself. Keep being you :))
You don't need a relationship to be happy, trust me.
All this is true. Just yes. Thank you Dr. Doe!
mrs.doe you are not like other chanle on this topic you have a perfect mix of troth and not being inaproite
She used my tweet! *squeeeeeeee!*
Generally I feel stage 1 about others and they never feel that way about me so I'm just gonna go be a monk.
Love this video and it really helped me a lot on sorting out my feelings and making it a lot more understandable! Thanks for being awesome!
As usual a enjoyable video that answers most if not all questions
Your passion is both contagious in your videos and intimidating lol
Really amazing video. Could you maybe make a video about falling out of love
I believe we need to make a clear line between attraction and love. Attraction isn't a choice, but love IS a choice. Love is the moment when the logical & emotional sides of your brain meet and both agree that being with another person is good for you. I don't believe "love" should be used flippantly, and that we all need to come to some basic agreement on what it means. I don't believe Shakespearean love is love according to my definition, and that Romeo & Juliet have confused countless people. Attraction isn't a choice. Love is. Remember that and you'll be able to avoid making rash decisions that are only informed by how you're feeling. I'm so glad that you mentioned this in Stage 7.
You're such a great doctor, wish there would be more like you :)
I love you and your content !!! Thank you so much for everything you do for us. Thank you for being useful to society and teaching us important stuff about life ! You are an incredible woman and I wish you a wonderful international women's day! ❤️
This video is really interesting.
It helps me get a "handle" on this abstract (to me at least) concept.
Until recently, I was not a believer in the idea of being or falling "in love".
I was too idealistic in my first real relationship.. my thought "Real love is forever."
When it ended, I concluded that I had been deluding myself and there was no way "it" had ever been the way I thought it was... therefore, there was no such "thing".
Now, some 12 years later, I've found someone that has renewed my belief.
I am happy but stuck in one the first few stages (even after two years-is that good?) due to the distance between us..
I think I'm falling in love😥 either stage 1 or 2. Thanks for the vid😊 I love your shirt!
As an aromantic person this video is really really fascinating
Going through this right now, for the first time perhaps. I'm 35, sort of figured this kind of rush was like believing in Santa, people have just been lying to me about it's reality my whole life. Can't be real. Feels fucking real. Head spinning.
This is a great video. But Falling in Love only once a lifetime, and not even possibly staying with that person, how sad. Makes me worry for myself.
im so glad i found your channel
This helped me so much! Thanks Dr.Doe!!
This helped me so much thank you
This is such an amazing video, it puts it all into place
I found the love of my life, she's passed away from colon cancer, but I'm a different person now. Thank you my Pamela😘😚. And I hope to meet someone I can love again at this level. We totally enjoyed each other at so many levels, she was a sexual animal! So incredibly worth it, despite the crushing grief. Never stop being curious about love!
It's a form of irrationality or insanity that inevitably fucks you up in the end. But it feels wonderful at the time.
FaerieKim have you ever seen the movie The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? You should watch it! It's a great movie :')
**** **** yeah it's a favourite of mine. Got it on dvd.
Dr.Doe must be spying on me somehow. Making this video when I’m actively in stage 2 with a new girl. Hopefully this goes well. Great content yet again. Thanks for the video.
i’ve been thinking about love in general these past few days and have come to realize i have never felt this way about anyone before. what i want to know is how i can trigger a reaction to fall in love and if its a rational or irrational thing.
This describes my relationship with my hand so perfectly...
This makes me really curious about the stages of falling out of love with someone.
There is no such thing as, "falling in love." Love is either present or it isn't because we do not choose who we love. The "falling" part is nothing more than the time it takes you to identify that you love that person; or that you don't. Or on this case, the involuntary steps that are taken to identify it. One thing is certain: it's very exciting!
My SO's mom says that you should never marry someone until you've seen them get angry with you. A year into our relationship, and we're still waiting to even disagree on something. XD
I like the decision to incorporate a small blooper at the end of the video,
I get to stage 3 quite often. But i haven't met anyone that have gotten me to stage 4+, but looking forward to it! 😁
This is my favorite Doe hairstyle thus far.
every time i watch one of your videos i experience intrigue! :D
This was literally the funniest, most accurate video ever.
No one can tell you what love is. It's an instinct. You will just know it when you feel it
lim·er·ence - (noun) the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. Love is ultimately temporary. The rest is social constraint.
Is it? How do we know that you aren't a shinigami?
Steve Quincey THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP “LIMERENCE”!!! That directly relates to Lindsey’s stage that she called “euphoria” and another oversight in the research of this episode. As many of my other comments mention, the absence of any discussion of romantic attraction and how “falling in love” is an expression of that is another huge oversight.
As to the later part of your comment, that comes off like mansplaining in a “but actually” form. For the love you mention as “ultimately temporary,” please specify that as “romantic love” as there are many other valid types of love that can and due endure. Bonding isn’t simply social constraint. There are many adaptive advantages to remaining connected vis-a-vis pair-bonding born from romantic attraction and what Dr Doe comes to call crystallization (or something like that).
I wonder where wrapping your arms around someone and not wanting to let go falls in on your list.I love when she falls asleep in my arms , showing trust.
It would be really interesting if you did a review about the Crave vibrator necklace!
I knew I was somewhere on the ace spectrum, but wasn't really sure about any of it. This video has really confirmed it for me, I can't picture any of this happening to me and that's okay
Tesa Do you mean the aro (as in aromantic) spectrum? Being asexual is valid and wonderful in its own right, and you can experience romantic attraction and still be ace/asexual. As an aromantic person who experiences sexual attractions (i.e. allosexual), letting you in that while asexuality and aromantism are often concurrent, ace and aro are not synonymous.
I phrased it that way because I'm not sure where on the spectrum I am yet. I know that ace and aro aren't synonymous. I'm probably aro and grey/demisexual but I'm still figuring things out.
Been there it was not a good time nothing but pain and sadness.
“But we’ll see” 😂😂😂
Wow... This makes a lot of sense right now... Since I'm kinda falling in love with someone right now 😍 thank you Dr. Doe!
i love that shirt soooo much!
I think my brain is just completely busted man I get these all at once
Dr. Lindsey Doe...falling in love with you...making love, sex, and all the questions we're uncomfortable with okay...and awesome!
This just makes me sad
I'm 31 and I never felt anything beyond stage 2. They always broke my heart before that.
What is wrong with me?
D.M.S. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. You just didn’t found the right person yet.
The worst part of falling in love is when the object of your affections doesn't share the same feelings. Its devastating.
My experience of being in love has been so different from this that I wonder if I have even been experiencing the same emotion.
My stages:
1. Hanging Out
2. Infatuation
3. Fear
4. Break Up
5. Love Too Late
Needed this.
My intrigue is usually the sort that doesn't lead to falling in love. It's kinda like I have questions, those are answered, and then I move on. The only time I've gotten to the other stages was when my (now) ex asked me out and then I was already in the mindset of "I guess this is my boyfriend now." I dunno why that happens :3 Maybe it's because I'm asexual...
This was weirdly timely! I JUST noticed someone has a crush on me, and that made me intrigued in him! Wow. I think I'm in stage 6 with someone else, though it's one-sided. Ah well, these feelings are great!
can’t wait to fall in love
I fall for people very easily, but try to avoid the limerance hormonal feelings. What I do instead is try to focus upon altruistic love because I think it is more real and helpful. But this has the effect that people I love dislike it for being too impersonal.
Me and this girl recently hit it off and we both really like each other. Problem is, we’re going to different high schools next year. What should I do?
I wish I could fall in love again.
The Voidstrider - Or you could be on the aromantic spectrum. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, maybe it’s a rare experience for you. Regardless, please don’t listen to voices that tell you to “try,” because you’re completely valid and whole regardless of your capacity to “fall in [romantic] love.”