Get John Gray's complimentary relationship course here: www.marsvenus.com/ & FREE 10 Secrets About Men (Every Woman Needs To Know) HERE: whatrealmenwant.com/
I'm 52 and very fit and beautiful. I look as good now in my bikini as I did in my twenties. Yes, I birthed children. Men are attracted to me all the time, but I'm at such a happy peaceful place in life that I don't care if they find me attractive, which causes even more interest from men. What I'm saying is what makes you beautiful is both from the inside and out. You doing have to be fit etc. I'm certainly no gym nutt, I have some good genes but that's not what brought me PEACE. I read some awful comments in here from some men saying women lose their value as time goes on... 😂 yeah, maybe with a narcissist that thinks like that... But not with a good man... Enjoy your life and don't live it to please men, please yourself, enjoy your bliss and you'll meet the right man, if you want one. 💖 Don't let these fools on here make you feel bad oh ur past ur prime etc ... You're past a person like that abd be glad. God bless 🙏
Yes because men seem to only care minimally about women anyway and relationships. They say the do but when your in one a relationship they care most about what interest them. A lot of women stop caring about themselves then become unhappy because they aren’t getting what they need from him.
Beautifully said you intervene literally of me texted my ex a narcissist. To say hello but God said no ma,xme. And it was after ur comment ty beautiful ....
You speak truth. Except for one thing. You said "you'll meet the right man, if you want one." That doesn't always happen. Sometimes a woman never meets the right man. That woman has to accept that and be secure on her own. Building estrogen doesn't attract men. Although that helps.
I completely agree ..why try to keep a man sounds like we are caging an animal a hamster 😂😂....why shud the lady make such effort to keep a leash on the dog ..love shud be all encompassing mutually
Precisely! 👌🏽✌🏽 My man is a dime a billion (as am I) but he wasn’t THIS hard to get/keep. If he chooses one day to leave (which I highly doubt he ever will), he’s free to be; love liberates, not binds. Nonetheless, I love John Grey. I grew up with neglectful, abusive and absent parents. He taught me to love my man and understand the BASICS of his masculinity, like, his needs of physical, mental, emotional and platonic needs. Not saying men are basic, I’m no feminist. They just see/think visual but still want to be loved.
I agree with maybe 50% of this. I read his Mars/Venus book many years ago and had my second ex-husband read it. I'm now in a wonderful relationship with a very traditional man in that I make him feel loved and fully admired every day and I love this fact. He does the same for me. It works for US. Also, I did everything wrong in the beginning, according to this by having sex "too soon" and it's working just fine "for us." Everyone and every relationship is different. I'm a young 66 and he's a young 70. We're in love and talk/text every single day. Just wanted to put this out there.
Well as an older woman who has had 2 marriages success ones I might add. I was widowed twice. If my guy only is close to me when his teststerone level is up it would be like riding a roller coaster. There is more to a relationship than keeping him horny. He needs to step up to the plate and treat his woman right regardless of his hormones. Love and caring is a choice not just chemicals.
To Michelle Marchant Johnson, thank you for not interrupting Dr Gray and allowing him to finish his thought process. I've see a few other hosts interviewing him, trying to get good advice for women and all they do is interrupt him and cause him to lose his train of thought. You are doing a great job!
Exactly, you waited for him to reveal his knowledge with no need to challenge. Was that being in your feminine? I’m here because of the earlier interview with Dr Gray 3 years ago. Thank you for providing the forum
You know that All of John's videos are Timeless treasures just as All video's are , Can always go back search them out !! What's good Young people be able find all knowledge they'll need help them if theirs No One person for any of them to confide in ask questions. Just internet search that's one thing they'll know how Do ...
I think drawing him is amount the things that we can do, but keeping him is more like his choices of staying.. Coz girls can do all they can still if the guy is immature then they won't stay... Or if the guy wants something else that the girl can't offer yet then he won't stay either... So in 1st case it's hopeless coz we can't change anyone and waiting for them to grow up is not an op... In the 2nd case.. the women have to change herself to give what he wants, even so he might still be leaving.. At end of day ppl chose what suits them the most, so unless u can hit that cord right they probably won't stay.. The question is how well u can hit it right and can u sustain hitting it right most of the time to give the impression that both of you are compatible....
John's words of advise surpass all the other relationship coaches out there. If we continue to be ignorant of the psychological & biological make of the male & female hormones, we will continue to have failed connections. I can't wait to implement these tips with my s/o. Thanks for sharing. Powerful 🥰
Go with you heart, resilience, all your instincts.... doesn't have to be so analytical..... Love grows if it is love between two. Just be yourself,whoever you are....
21:00 how to make him feel successful: that makes sense; good idea; you are right, giving point of view 27:00 don't complain ( Feel you are not good enough)； love is about authentically loving, communicate tactically so as to be heard, to be connected； 33:00 not demanding; truly feels the truth that this guy makes it difference in my life 43:30 criticising/correcting little things have big influence on men 45:50 unconditional love is about not taking away points 50:00
Sounds like a full-time job without pay! If a guy isn't aware of his own worth and needs your constant manipulation to feel good, you'd be better of taking care of yourself 😊
@@curiouskitten It's not a job, it's a way of communicating so you can be heard. I don't think you got the message that men and women think differently, if you're not willing to learn how to communicate effectively, you might as well just hang out with your girlfriends.
I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much. He said something that hurt my feelings so I said "it's no big deal.." then I continued to briefly share my feelings regarding something he said. It went over very well and he apologized immediately and said he had been insensitive. We had a great evening and we're both ok after the discussion. THANK YOU JOHN GRAY!!!!!!!
These videos are SOOO good! The women of the 50’s truly knew what they were doing. Us women today learned masculine behaviors which are really problematic in relationships. If we don’t know our design as women and men as men then we ruin things. This video was good!
I agree. I think north american popular culture which is run by a media monopoloy is programming us to be stupid to be honest and at war with eachother because it weakens the family, communities and relationships... a weak population can easily be attacked and controlled.
Very true. As women, we need to build up ourselves First. We cannot give when we coming from a place of lack or needy. As a woman I need to fill my cup first only then I can truly give.🙏
this is a not proved common prejudice..life is not that hard--you can learn this "with your partner" while you be with him, in a marriage as well! this is not neccessary , to be a perfect person before! no one is.. start from the point you are,.sometimes you need more than one man, marriage to learn who and when it is the right one or time!we learn through each other, not only after each other😉
OMG! I feel like I’ve found the Holy Grail with your posts Dr Gray. Thank you sooo much!!! You might have saved my marriage! I was taking sooo much personally and overreacting. Life changing insight!❤️
He offers up sage wisdom but I offer a caveat. Men in their teens and 20s and even early 30s are more motivated to chase a woman. Men are motivated for either sex or to settle down and have a family. They have two strong motivations to pursue women. That game changes some when a man moves into his 40s and 50s especially if he’s gone through a soul crushing divorce and has been financially devastated. Men at that age want to know women have some skin in the game. They want to know the woman likes them. A woman, a mature woman, need not chase a man but she does need to let him know that she likes him. This business of ignoring the guy or being aloof or showing no interest does not work with middle-age man. I’m pretty sure he lives in Santa Barbara where I lived for years and I wish I could meet him at some café on State Street and sit down and tell him that making broad sweeping statements may not be good for women of all ages, just some.
This can be true on some cases Robyn, but most of my clients are 40's, 50's and 60's. Yes, these mature men do need to know a woman likes them and that they have a shared interest, but most of the men they meet do pursue them if the woman doesn't step into the more masculine role. So many mature women have a tendency to step into the masculine role which can make men more passive and lazy when it comes to dating. In fact, many mature men are very clear about what kind of woman they would like to be with and show up like they mean it when a woman doesn't step in and start doing the heavy lifting. I think it's a balance and think that John's main point in this video is that many people (men and women) get out of balance hormonally and otherwise. Thanks for watching!
As a 38 year old guy I totally agree with what you said Robyn. I can only speak for myself but I feel as though playing hard to get isn't necessary with most men. We are more simple and not turned off by a woman showing affection because we don't view someone showing attraction as being needy or lower status. We think when a woman likes us and shows it, "She likes me, great!" And I don't mean financially, I mean we need to know that you like us and that you need an emotional connection. Of course I don't mean needy to the extent of being a mess, but just that you need someone in your life and we can fill that for you. That is a real turn on and makes us feel masculine and important.
I agree with you when we are talking about a healthy man. But when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, this isn’t how a relationship goes. They will take everything they can from you and drain you dry and then ask for more without giving anything in return. And if you want to discuss something? They will tell you how wrong you are and that you are crazy.
Untill you love yourself first and put yourself above him, he will keep doing that. I'm getting to the conclusion that "bitches" are luckier with men. When we overgive to a man he just doesn't respect us.
Do you mean someone with diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a VERY serious and rare mental illness, or just someone who doesn't do what you want? I am so tired of people throwing this term around to label anyone they disagree with. We all have narcissistic traits. We all have "egos." If someone doesn't want to discuss something that isn't important to you, walk away. Your allowing yourself to be used, doesn't automatically create an NOPD diagnosis.
This is so enlightening! I wish I had known this many years ago when I was first married. It took the first 25 years of our marriage to finally relate to each other the last 30 years. How much better our marriage could have been with this kind of knowledge. Those first years there was no emotional intimacy. Only now, do I understand fully. How I wish I still had my sweet husband who passed away a few years ago. I am hoping to not make the same mistakes if love should come my way again. Thank you for the insight!
@@emmieherbert6283 Hi Emiri,I’m so sorry for you lost,I know how it feels to lost a loved one.....I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends?? Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
Yep, loved this video! This info will help with dealing with my adult son, who is challenged and will always live at home. I see his frustration daily. I realize now why he goes straight to his room after work. I usually ask too many questions! About work, life, etc. no wonder we are so distant. I'll do better now. Thank YOU!
I love your message Michelle that women need to own their value. When a woman respects herself by not sleeping with a man, it causes him to respect her and work hard to please and 'win' her, and she feels great because she has not compromised her values, and like you said she won't feel used. And thanks John for clarifying the things that cause a man to truly bond with a woman.
Some men have been damaged because of lack of home training,they never knew what love is because they never experience love between their parents or educated about love by their parents....Men heart are the purest until they got broken, it takes men with good home training (which is known as gentlemen)to understand you don’t have to make anyone feel same pain he felt.
This is such an eye opener for me. Topics like this need to be taught in school. Perhaps this will reduce divorces. This is about life lessons. It allows men and women understand why men and women act certain way. If I've known about this while I was married there probably less chaos at home. Instead of blaming each other, blame it on the hormones playing havoc in our bodies. Thanks for sharing your wisdom Dr Gray.
He's not explaining why men & women act a certain way. He's telling women to behave a certain way in order to attract & keep men. Sort of a grooming school for girls...how to be a proper gf and wife. Like those finishing schools for "young ladies," so they learn social skills to attract the right kind of boys, in view to become their wives. The reality is that if women are going to earn a good living, excel at their careers, get along in the world dealing with buying cars & houses & dealing with house repairs and yard work, she's better off sticking with the traits necessary to do those things. Those traits, according to John Gray, are masculine. If I were to act the way he suggests, I wouldn't be able to care for or provide for myself properly. I don't think men want helpless women, any more. They want partners to walk through life with them and help with the burdens, and men are willing to help with the cooking & such. They are still feminine and masculine, when it counts. But let's face it, when a sink needs unclogging, a woman is gonna have to use her masculine skills to attack that drain with a snake.
@@BlackNella Maybe because schools are more concerned with getting you educated enough to enter the workforce and or graduating droves of children that aren't as ready (slipping through the cracks come to mind). It's the way of K-12 in the West (in the U.S.). Maybe they also think that relationships are "too personal" to be taught. I think it also depended on the age of the students. I mean, you don't expect to teach these things, relational skills in romantic/domestic relationships to a four year old would you??! I think those are the reasons why. Maybe teenagers and young adults could benefit, maybe that is what you mean, but yeah, most academic environments care more about STEM education and traditional subjects like History, Poly Sci, etc. than personal relationships of people! I think they teach kindergarteners to share their toys and to be nice to others. I've also seen junior high school students get taught this, but it's been decades obviously since I was in elementary and junior high school. I just saw a huge poster years ago at my old junior high stating "Be nice to people" so they ARE being taught, just not maybe relationship/romance stuff. Maybe they thought it was supposed to be automatic? Anyway..
@@donnab8345 I agree with you in many ways. I think younger men these days have more feminine aspects then men had in `older days`and today women is more self driven ☺️
Now, later in my life, having made all the "mistakes" talked about here, I feel deeply the truth of sooooo much that he talks about here and it feels like an absolute godsend!!!! Thank you so much for posting!!!
Agree, but he's saying that's the way the guys testosterone works. Don't like either but that's how it goes. We'd get more love & attention from our dogs than men can give us.. Trade him in for a dog & stay celebate. 😅
Oddly enough, he's saying he'll bounce back, if a woman does that. Maybe that's true, if the man loves her and just wants some space for a while. I don't think "being successful" builds testosterone. I don't know of any science that says that. Gray doesn't cite any evidence of that. If that were true, when men's testosterone levels drop, doctors would prescribe "make more money" or "work harder so you're more successful" or "do manly things." But what a dr does is prescribe the blue pill or testosterone. Same thing w/estrogen. Going thru menopause, doctors don't say "spend more time being emotional and being around men" to raise your estrogen level. They prescribe hormones.
@@nyxnightlinger7719 Well, women can be that way sometimes, too. I have been, on occasion. It has nothing to do with not caring for the man. Sex drive is sex drive, and love is love. They are sometimes sharing of the same thing, but sometimes are different. Men often fall asleep afterwards, I've found. That's fine. I do, too. As long as he lets me lay on chest or cuddle a while afterwards, I'm good.
@@nyxnightlinger7719 Me, too. Of course, there are times when you're both going to sleep at night, or maybe in the morning. I have no problem with him kissing me, then hopping up & getting dressed & starting his day. I do that, too. Of course, if he acts like he doesn't know your name, that's a different thing entirely & doesn't have to do with him going to work afterwards. That will reveal itself in so many ways, if a woman is looking for it (I repeatedly fail to recognize this, though. I have a blind spot about giving him the benefit of the doubt, when I shouldn't do that.)
At about the 16 min. mark - since I know how to endure “awkward silence,” NOW I know to use that skill. Thank you!!! I have just started a relationship, so understanding how he behaves (& thinks) is GREAT! It’s nice to know this time can FINALLY be different, and work out!!! It’s wonderful that I NEED TO back off and relax! We have verbally shared with each other that neither of us is in a hurry; so now I can let my behaviors and choices match that! 😎. Since I want to get to know him, now I know that letting him know who I am is a better way to go! This will be so nice to just kick back, take things slow, and not worry that anything is wrong! Learning how testosterone CHEMICALLY does what it does at certain stages in a man is so very helpful! I never knew/understood any of that. This is a GREAT video! I want the best for him as well as for myself. Finally I can be excited about our future together instead of worried about our future together!!! 😎
This was the most important video on male and female dynamics I have ever seen. Demystified the whole reason guys need space!!! I think it just healed my relationship anxiety!!! 🙌
I will ALWAYS ask 1 or 10 or 100 questions if I need to or feel to! Bc above all, before his feelings are my own! If I need to know I will ask. If he is afraid of questions…best to know ASAP!
Because you were curious you listened and were open-minded and understanding. When a person is cares about how someone else feels it shows respect and understanding which is very important.
As someone who came from toxic family dynamics and horrible models for a future romantic relationship, I appreciate this video so much! It helps me understand so much that I never got to witness and learn growing up. I’m interested in someone for the first time in 10 years 😂 and I’m super excited, but I can’t help but think of my past history 😮 however a lot of that was acting out the trauma that I’ve since gotten therapy for. Luckily the past decade of my life has been about cultivating a life I love and being someone I love, so I feel ready to open my heart for the right person. But the whole testosterone/estrogen piece was revelatory, as were so many other insights shared here. Thank you!
Pulling away might be a sign that a guy needs to pump himself up. Atleast when I did this. I felt drained. Good communication is the key. Tools that I posses now could´ve saved the relationship ( I had almost 2 yrs relationship)
@@dukmccuck7390 If the person is not your best friend and you can't communicate then lust will not carry a relationship. When a guy rejects a person to me there was never a real relationship to begin with. Real love lasts.
@@iamyoutoo1 there it is.You will be alone for life.Or in reality you will find a person who appreciates you and yall communicate and work well together.Don't listen to the people who say you will be alone forever.That's them wanting to force their views on you.There is the right person for everyone.
Ditto! Love this. I could listen to John Gray for hours. He is so knowledgeable and excellent explaining everything. Such an enjoyable pleasure watching and listening. Thank you! ;
I believe that the only truth is to be honest and always sincere, not game our " different methods " bond the soul of him and be happy with what it brings to both of you! ❤
It is true that men love being needed and appreciated. I wish I'd realized that when I was younger. We all like that. Women, too. But men will eventually leave, if they don't get that. Women stay, usually, I think.
I have been watching John's interviews for sometime and i am in a new relationship, i have been trying to find the formula from what he has been trying to teach. It is really hard actually while you have your own struggles and you are in a newly relationship. So what i have come to as a conclusion is: respect yourself, love yourself, be yourself, be happy, respect your partner, love your partner. Simple, but the hardest mission is "be yourself" in my relationship. It takes all the effort.
I’ve thankfully slipped into my feminine energy, being and not doing. Nurturing and give compliments when they are required and accepting him for his own faults and my own… We just have this vibe and he understands me ❤
Everytime my mind becomes hopeless and i am drowning in my overthinking mind ocean and feeling unhappy and not enough, i watch John and i open my heart to my bf again, and i put one simple step with a big smile and he comes to me with 2 steps.
But how can a woman just be confident and independent and find a guy who isn’t constantly soooo ridiculously needy? I’m almost 30 and never in my whole life have I been with a guy who is confident in himself and who doesn’t need constant texts, validation, always asks for frequent time together when we are just getting to know each other, etc. After this I’m realizing that by not aggressively pursuing him I’m raising his testosterone levels, but to get him to calm down I’d have to be someone I’m not. Are there couples out there who can just be chill and enjoy their time together and time apart…? I’m so done with clingy men.
How about be happy without a man. Draw yourself closer. Love yourself. Get to know yourself. You might find having a man is not nearly fulfilling as having yourself.
But Dr. John always says men & women need one another but what about gay lovers.? Does he mean that for them as well? I wonder. He'd prolly say one is usually more masculine & feminine than the other. 😅 in the same difference? A topic to be discussed..
Ive been there for seven years after bfeaking uo with my ex who we li ed together for 4 years. And it just gets lonely even if you find yourself and love yourself. Of course you have to do all this and accept yourself to be ready for a next relationship. So it can be better than the past. But im telling you 7 years of self healling and self love. Ive got to the point that i just need a male companion.
My husband and I have started sleeping together after a long time. I’m 64 he’s 74. This is helping us immensely. Work on being good in bed for your man . If you fight take him to bed. Be the boss!!! It’s working for us. If I have something coming up and I’m stressedI I ask my husband to take me to bed. I hope this isn’t tmi.. it’s meant to help other couples.
@Dr.JohnGray thank you so much for your enlightening podcasts. I have been listening to your podcasts for 3 days now and have shared them with a couple of my adult single daughters whom would like to have a forever relationship with a man. I think I raised them to be too independent yipes. They are 37 and 42 now. I am also going to send your podcasts to 7 of my grandsons so they can glean an understanding on themselves and inter-relationships. You take the misunderstanding out of confusion. Thank you so much! 💓
@West pac Thanks - I appreciate the careful effort that you put in to explaining the fabric of a man. It is helpful and if women understood this better it would result in less chaotic relationships likely. Now, question for you - do you think there are things for men to learn about women that would also diffuse the age old battle of the sexes?
@West pac Thank you - indeed I found much value in what you wrote - there is a lot that rings true. Thank you for taking the time. Also, I hope I did not communicate any feminist leanings in my comments - I abhor what modern feminism had done. Interesting analogy with lock and key. Though it strikes women as... hmmm the key does not place the same constraints upon itself as it requires of the lock. Surely the lock has equal longings for an exclusive, loyal adoring key, so to speak 🤔😂 And since you have been so generous in your response, I have another question. You have explained what men want - many of us women (those of us who try to understand men as they are and not as we wish them to be) are designed to learn these things and do our best to supply that want. Example, in my own marriage, I have put a high wall around myself and do not get within 10 feet of any kind of friendship with any man not my husband. My vows are made of concrete, and I fulfil my need for intimate friendship with other women. But - am I to relegate my relationship with my husband to that comparable to a dog/master? What advice for one who longs for a connection (conversation) and meaningful talk with the one closest to me? I love learning about life, philosophy etc and I want a lifelong companion in this. Is this too much, too much. I do see that philosophy has been the traditional domain of men, so I think it is a reasonable hope. And so, as you have shared your insights on what drives men, I will share mine on women. We are made to be more than servants to a mans appetites. As faithful locks, we feel crushed and deflated if we serve no greater purpose than supplying a mans basic needs. And, if we are not given some signs of being prized by our man for our inner person, our thoughts, opinions, goals, there is a part of us that sinks down and dies - a part that cannot be fed by other sources such as women friends or family or children. And when we die inside, the joyful service we long to provide becomes sterile and painful even. Does this make sense? There has to be an acknowledgment of how men function. I think your previous message did a fantastic job of this. At what point do we require men to see the woman for her design and realize that in the family, in the home, she longs to respect, admire and nestle under the protective wing of her man, knowing her value as an individual. Far too often, women feel they could be swapped out no problem, for any female willing to supply the needs...
@West pac ok west pac - I listened to the podcast, and I’m 1/4 way through that fascinating woman book. 🤓 I’m not a knee jerk reaction type so I am willing to look at these things. And I find this information interesting - due to my own beliefs and what I’ve learned, these ideas are not super shocking to me. You have presented your perspective pretty clearly and I have invested the time to review. I’ll continue reading the fascinating woman book - it’s written in a painfully clunky style, but I’ll read for content. These are ideas worthy of discussion. Are you willing to review content that (I believe) fills out this discussion? You can watch this guy on 1.75 speed, he’s a slow talker. But I’d be quite interested to hear your impression of this video. ruclips.net/video/VbqyINpofP4/видео.html 😀 If you are willing to invest the time as I have, I think we can have a good discussion
Thank you Michelle and John! I love this video! It was good to know more about John’s history. John’s wisdom is very beneficial in learning on how to connect with men. I am a very feminine and masculine woman. I am also very loving, generous, and love giving authentic compliments to build people up and showing them that they are seen for who they are. I do struggle sometimes with balancing timing and over sharing my feelings, because I have so much love to give. It is always done out of kindness. I am very aware of other’s body language and facial expressions. I do my best to empower others authentically. For the first time in my life, I feel seen and heard for who I am and it feels amazing!!!
No. 1) YOU have to have a "great" SMILE and a "good" personality! Period! No. 2) YOU have to have a "good" sense of HUMOR! No. 3) YOU have to be willing to CHALLENGE ME, in some way! Anyway, need I say more! lol 😎
Most men I know don’t like all the details verbally … actually every man ! Guys that give boring mundane details …ugh ! Now getting to know what we can share with each other that is of interest now that offering to each other is what gives value …..not boring details ……. Watch a man get distracted , glazed over eyes , with al those details …..
I need Jesus to feel full and satisfied in life where I'm not needy at all for a guy, I may like to have a relationship but i'm not needy of one and you are right guys do act different regarding this. Neediness i'd say for both sides is a turn off. I'm complete in my relationship with Jesus and it makes me confident and joyful regardless if someone wants a relationship or not😀
Tired of some Christians saying all you need is Jesus. Gods word says it is Not Good for man or wo-man to be alone. Adam had God and still “needed” a mate. And one is not exclusive to other as God is omnipotent.So say it aloud and proud, “I want and need a mate”. Thank God for this desire.
This is so amazing. I read Men are From Mars and now I'm addicted to listening to this. A huge cause of anguish and issues in my past relationship was exactly what he describes - I felt he never listened to me because as soon as I mentioned an issue he'd give me a solution and then if I kept talking or ever brought it up again he'd be so confused and then annoyed and then angry. In turn I felt he didn't care at all... I'm going to try these techniques of appreciation and how to gently ask for what I need and see how it goes!
Hi Janet, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends?? Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
Hang on , did I hear that, correctly? Give too much info, during conversation AND make him work for it, by getting to know me. How exactly do you suggest we proceed?
Most of what he’s saying about men should be most men, because I’m none of that. There has to be a push and pull in every situation. All around this is a great conversation
You are so spot on John, in spite of the popular narrative that men and women are the same. Thank-you so much for your knowledge and books. It has changed my life for the better.
@Ibrahim hamada Well, thanks for the compliment again. That photo is about 5 yrs. old, but I am getting close to 70 years. You are my children's age. Have a good day!
I’m watching this in 2024, I’m 30yo and I just had a breakup. I eventually gifted my ex boyfriend “Beyond Mars & Venus”, I complained about him not reading, but guess what? I didn’t read everything myself!! The result: him bringing the breakup up whereas I should’ve been less bothered and more occupied with my own life instead of dedicating so much of my time to a BOYFRIEND. John pretty much help us ladies, to improve our Self Love through love relationships. And this is amazing, cause we become less needy, more confident and naturally they tend to bond better. But instead of that, we’re controlling things and wanting them to be like us. Focus on YOU whenever you’re bothered by him🙏🏼♥️
Woah! PLEASE do a ted talk or a RUclips video on the biological ways we as therapists can help people with bipolar and other so called personality disorders !
I have found it helpful to compare my male relationships to my female relationships. When I have a new female relationship, I always take it slow. I don’t expect the woman to like me straight away.
I like everything about this except the idea to not ask questions. I want to know my man! It's lonely without him. I want him to interest me, stimulate my imagination, be a companion. How can we be close if he only knows me and I don't know him?
This man is excellent I will never listen to any of these other dating people he explains everything I get a better idea of what men are feeling or not feeling very good ideas I had no idea that man was so complicated
This is so good, but where are these men that you speak of?? We have a real issue in society today, men have become lazy, because women are capable of doing the majority of the work, especially in the dating phase! It seems as though if we want a relationship, we have to fall in line or get in line because these men are far and few between the ones that will actually put forth the effort in the right way to build that attraction.
Sharing goes both ways. Women don't always want to do all the talking either. Otherwise, it's boring. It's like we're just carrying the relationship. Maybe give advice about women & men who don't have low self-esteem and men who don't constantly need to be reassured.
Sometimes people aren’t open to receive deep love due to fear ! I know I have been -- and met a man who I know mirrored that fear -- emotionally mature people will go the mile without games ! And I’m glad I haven’t got big toes 😆😂
Question: If I show affection towards a man while he’s just standing or sitting and just feel affection towards him, am I doing a wrong thing? I’m affectionate and love to hug and show my love for a person.
He's not entirely wrong but not completely right either. As I was listening to him, it brought to my mind my parents' relationship, which I can't figure out yet. My mom is a bully, a narcissist, and I can't stand being an hour with her. My dad is patient, and caves to her. She runs his a**, controls him in every way, is never happy, constantly demanding s**, and he does everything for her and more. He spends all day with her, they work together, he follows her everywhere, does all that she says, even goes shopping with her and I never see him wanting to run off to get his testosterone levels up. I can't believe I'm sane given what I grew up with. So I'm still puzzled by this theory here. It's not 100% accurate.
That’s because a narcissist is never pleased. Men want to feel wanted and know that what he is doing makes his woman happy. However, narcissists will emotionally and mentally abuse you to the point where you’ll be emotionally devastated and dependent on them. You’ll do everything for them and they’ll still be ungrateful and blame you for being inadequate. You’re self-worth will be so low that you can’t imagine finding someone actually better for you. It’s infuriating. This is from someone with both a narcissistic father and sister. It sucks. :/
i think the "say what you think" is a good thing, depending on what the issue is, if the women/guy said, you are not accomplished enough/your not this etc....then you know what is lacking, and can improve on that, surely it can be said in a nicer way, but it does direct you to the issue without needing to guess.
Thank you for making things clearer about the testosterone/estrogen situation. I now understand more about their actions/reactions are because of the biology in our bodies. Other videos I've seen haven't gone into detail about that.
Hi Michelle, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends?? Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
Hi i always seem to answer the phone when my boyfriend calls me isit amistake i do not want to look eedy what should i do we do not live together i always miss him and if i do not here from hi i feel ery anxious i am 64 and i just feel very lonely
Thank you so much. She speaks for so many women of today and was so validating. This empowers such healthiness and relationships and I just thank you so much for speaking out for all the women of today and yesterday.
Hi I appreciate this video As Iam third born of 7 women And haven’t understand what men are made of especially in relationships A mother of 3 sons Having no brother So you know now how I never understood men Iam not in a relationship Iam Divorced Why? Never understand Man I needed this information in primary school Thanks 🙏 I will listen to you over again to see if I can understand All I knew was womens hormones I appreciate this 🙏
Hi Dr.John Gray Great work. I'm the one who pull away. He made me pay The bill,,,then I made a Mistake of cooking for him once..then God If i didn't have the strength to put a stop..he will be inviting himself To be at my place everyday eating at my costs..I Couldn't breath suffocating..I never seen a man like this..& the thing after 4 month's,,his not even trying to come closer,,, No romantic,, Not generous.. It's like wathever Dinners he payd for meals,,he was having free meals At my place,, It's like he give with one hand,, &takes with other hand.. & he claims to be rich..but act very poor..I'm not after money,,,I need to fell loved,,, I fell he needs a second mum..
When we met, my ex was thrilled that I was independent, and that I did not NEED him, but I WANTED him, that was far more flattering to him. AND that I wanted him for sex, that was even more flattering. 3 years later I suffered a stroke, and became disabled and unemployed. I definitely NEEDED him, then, and he did, to some extent, step up to the plate, but, HE no longer NEEDED or WANTED me, because I was no longer the attractive, independent, sexy woman he was so proud of. So I NEEDED his help, a lot, but I became more of a nuisance than somebody he wanted to care for and help. Consequently, he dumped me and got a better woman, who WANTED him, didn't NEED him to help her do ordinary stuff. If wanting to help and care for a woman was a man's top priority, all disabled women would have no difficulty getting a man, they would just have to demonstrate that they NEED a man's help, and we would be swamped with guys who want us, instead of being ignored or dumped by men who once loved and wanted us.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I have been through something similar. I thought my husband was my forever person. We had a beautiful life... until my health blew up. He became very angry. He was embarrassed and ashamed of me, and disappointed that he "lost his wife". Somehow I was supposed to understand and show him empathy, compassion, and caring even though he wasn't able to reciprocate.
Just Brilliant John Gray!!!! A million thank yous for all the wealth of your knowledge and for your kind firmness too. It is fascinating and very very fulfilling listening to you.
I believe everything u say 100 percent ! ....has happened to me in a few relationships, dont give a man to much...so dont try & be a man ,be the woman , he needs to take care of us
Ty For explanation of how men see women’s beauty when their testosterone is high. That’s really helpful especially to older women. Some women think because they think they look great men will to. They don’t!!! So this is really helpful for me. I’m 64. And obviously past my prime;) Super helpful!!!
@Heretolearn believe me you are not past your prime. As a mature woman… I have me in their 20’s flirting an complimenting me. It’s of course because I don’t look my age. I never have. And I believe I have a “ youthful exuberance “. Age is just a number. And it’s how you carry yourself. So in your 50’5 and even 60’s men half your age will still be looking at you. And find you “ intriguing “. So just put MR. Gray’s tools into practice and go for it. Blessings. God put us in relationships. We all need someone ❤️
Get John Gray's complimentary relationship course here: www.marsvenus.com/
& FREE 10 Secrets About Men (Every Woman Needs To Know) HERE: whatrealmenwant.com/
I'm 52 and very fit and beautiful. I look as good now in my bikini as I did in my twenties. Yes, I birthed children. Men are attracted to me all the time, but I'm at such a happy peaceful place in life that I don't care if they find me attractive, which causes even more interest from men. What I'm saying is what makes you beautiful is both from the inside and out. You doing have to be fit etc. I'm certainly no gym nutt, I have some good genes but that's not what brought me PEACE. I read some awful comments in here from some men saying women lose their value as time goes on... 😂 yeah, maybe with a narcissist that thinks like that... But not with a good man... Enjoy your life and don't live it to please men, please yourself, enjoy your bliss and you'll meet the right man, if you want one. 💖 Don't let these fools on here make you feel bad oh ur past ur prime etc ... You're past a person like that abd be glad. God bless 🙏
👑 Queen 👑
Yes because men seem to only care minimally about women anyway and relationships. They say the do but when your in one a relationship they care most about what interest them. A lot of women stop caring about themselves then become unhappy because they aren’t getting what they need from him.
Beautifully said you intervene literally of me texted my ex a narcissist. To say hello but God said no ma,xme. And it was after ur comment ty beautiful ....
@@TheMallyjoe and I'm 53 so your opinion weighed in tonight woot
You speak truth. Except for one thing. You said "you'll meet the right man, if you want one." That doesn't always happen. Sometimes a woman never meets the right man. That woman has to accept that and be secure on her own. Building estrogen doesn't attract men. Although that helps.
If a man is so hard to keep maybe he isn’t keeping material. Throw the whole man away.
Lol
😂😂😂
I completely agree ..why try to keep a man sounds like we are caging an animal a hamster 😂😂....why shud the lady make such effort to keep a leash on the dog ..love shud be all encompassing mutually
Yes throw the whole thing away lock stock barrel...why does estrogen have to treat testosterone with kids gloves??? I mean why
Precisely! 👌🏽✌🏽 My man is a dime a billion (as am I) but he wasn’t THIS hard to get/keep. If he chooses one day to leave (which I highly doubt he ever will), he’s free to be; love liberates, not binds. Nonetheless, I love John Grey. I grew up with neglectful, abusive and absent parents. He taught me to love my man and understand the BASICS of his masculinity, like, his needs of physical, mental, emotional and platonic needs. Not saying men are basic, I’m no feminist. They just see/think visual but still want to be loved.
I agree with maybe 50% of this. I read his Mars/Venus book many years ago and had my second ex-husband read it. I'm now in a wonderful relationship with a very traditional man in that I make him feel loved and fully admired every day and I love this fact. He does the same for me. It works for US. Also, I did everything wrong in the beginning, according to this by having sex "too soon" and it's working just fine "for us." Everyone and every relationship is different. I'm a young 66 and he's a young 70. We're in love and talk/text every single day. Just wanted to put this out there.
Well as an older woman who has had 2 marriages success ones I might add. I was widowed twice. If my guy only is close to me when his teststerone level is up it would be like riding a roller coaster. There is more to a relationship than keeping him horny. He needs to step up to the plate and treat his woman right regardless of his hormones. Love and caring is a choice not just chemicals.
you are right Barbara. sorry about your late spouses, you sound like one who knows how to hold down her end. Im Jeffery
Thank you
I don’t think you really understand what he is saying. Or you wouldn’t have said that.
Amen
Believe me, I agree but I think he's just trying to stick to the topic, I'm going to look for one on how my man can draw me closer lol.
This man could give us world peace! Give him a medal and a talk show. 🏅🥈🎖🥉
You're right Rachelle! Thanks for watching and for your comments too!
One where people call in
@@mindtheprivacy
M
He deserves it!!!
To Michelle Marchant Johnson, thank you for not interrupting Dr Gray and allowing him to finish his thought process. I've see a few other hosts interviewing him, trying to get good advice for women and all they do is interrupt him and cause him to lose his train of thought. You are doing a great job!
Exactly, you waited for him to reveal his knowledge with no need to challenge. Was that being in your feminine? I’m here because of the earlier interview with Dr Gray 3 years ago. Thank you for providing the forum
Yes she is so good at this 🤍
I hope this man can live forever and keep recording this videos to teach us and improve the world. He’s sooo different than any other dating guru.
You know that All of John's videos are Timeless treasures just as All video's are , Can always go back search them out !! What's good Young people be able find all knowledge they'll need help them if theirs No One person for any of them to confide in ask questions. Just internet search that's one thing they'll know how Do ...
Drawing a man closer is not the real problem, keeping him...now that's the challenge.😀
@@hawaiigirl8089 😂😂😂
Yep
I think drawing him is amount the things that we can do, but keeping him is more like his choices of staying.. Coz girls can do all they can still if the guy is immature then they won't stay... Or if the guy wants something else that the girl can't offer yet then he won't stay either... So in 1st case it's hopeless coz we can't change anyone and waiting for them to grow up is not an op... In the 2nd case.. the women have to change herself to give what he wants, even so he might still be leaving.. At end of day ppl chose what suits them the most, so unless u can hit that cord right they probably won't stay.. The question is how well u can hit it right and can u sustain hitting it right most of the time to give the impression that both of you are compatible....
@@osirusj275 You're point is appreciated. Thank you.
@@vernaharris4700 welcome
John's words of advise surpass all the other relationship coaches out there. If we continue to be ignorant of the psychological & biological make of the male & female hormones, we will continue to have failed connections. I can't wait to implement these tips with my s/o. Thanks for sharing. Powerful 🥰
Go with you heart, resilience, all your instincts.... doesn't have to be so analytical..... Love grows if it is love between two. Just be yourself,whoever you are....
21:00 how to make him feel successful: that makes sense; good idea; you are right, giving point of view 27:00 don't complain ( Feel you are not good enough)； love is about authentically loving, communicate tactically so as to be heard, to be connected； 33:00 not demanding; truly feels the truth that this guy makes it difference in my life 43:30 criticising/correcting little things have big influence on men 45:50 unconditional love is about not taking away points 50:00
Q
Thank you
Sounds like a full-time job without pay! If a guy isn't aware of his own worth and needs your constant manipulation to feel good, you'd be better of taking care of yourself 😊
@@curiouskitten It's not a job, it's a way of communicating so you can be heard. I don't think you got the message that men and women think differently, if you're not willing to learn how to communicate effectively, you might as well just hang out with your girlfriends.
I thought men were supposed to be so easy going
Lord have 🥺 mercy
If it's hard then it wasn't meant to be , let him go .
🤣🤣🤣
I have a wonderful husband whom I love very much. He said something that hurt my feelings so I said "it's no big deal.." then I continued to briefly share my feelings regarding something he said. It went over very well and he apologized immediately and said he had been insensitive. We had a great evening and we're both ok after the discussion. THANK YOU JOHN GRAY!!!!!!!
Thank your for sharing Elizabeth! You are fortunate to have a wonderful husband that you love very much! Thanks for watching and for your comment too!
This is WAY better than A LOT of dating coach rhetoric.
indeed it is
its what SheraSeven has been saying for the past decade too. Check her youtube channel.
Some relationship coaches on RUclips have great advice! Don't knock them.
These videos are SOOO good! The women of the 50’s truly knew what they were doing. Us women today learned masculine behaviors which are really problematic in relationships. If we don’t know our design as women and men as men then we ruin things. This video was good!
I agree. I think north american popular culture which is run by a media monopoloy is programming us to be stupid to be honest and at war with eachother because it weakens the family, communities and relationships... a weak population can easily be attacked and controlled.
We had to.
Very true. As women, we need to build up ourselves First. We cannot give when we coming from a place of lack or needy. As a woman I need to fill my cup first only then I can truly give.🙏
That's right Mirella! Thanks for watching and for leaving a comment too!
You have to put your oxygen mask on first, before you can help or take care of anyone else.
Fill to overflow and give from the overflow ✨✨✨💖💖💖
this is a not proved common prejudice..life is not that hard--you can learn this "with your partner" while you be with him, in a marriage as well! this is not neccessary , to be a perfect person before! no one is..
start from the point you are,.sometimes you need more than one man, marriage to learn who and when it is the right one or time!we learn through each other, not only after each other😉
OMG! I feel like I’ve found the Holy Grail with your posts Dr Gray. Thank you sooo much!!! You might have saved my marriage! I was taking sooo much personally and overreacting. Life changing insight!❤️
Thanks for watching Merrie and for your kind comments too!
Yes I love this. Wish I would have known this before
I can’t believe how complicated men and women are chemically!
I have NEVER heard a man know so much about women!!! I LOVE IT!!!!
He said years ago that his wife helped him understand women.
He offers up sage wisdom but I offer a caveat. Men in their teens and 20s and even early 30s are more motivated to chase a woman. Men are motivated for either sex or to settle down and have a family. They have two strong motivations to pursue women. That game changes some when a man moves into his 40s and 50s especially if he’s gone through a soul crushing divorce and has been financially devastated. Men at that age want to know women have some skin in the game. They want to know the woman likes them.
A woman, a mature woman, need not chase a man but she does need to let him know that she likes him. This business of ignoring the guy or being aloof or showing no interest does not work with middle-age man. I’m pretty sure he lives in Santa Barbara where I lived for years and I wish I could meet him at some café on State Street and sit down and tell him that making broad sweeping statements may not be good for women of all ages, just some.
This can be true on some cases Robyn, but most of my clients are 40's, 50's and 60's. Yes, these mature men do need to know a woman likes them and that they have a shared interest, but most of the men they meet do pursue them if the woman doesn't step into the more masculine role. So many mature women have a tendency to step into the masculine role which can make men more passive and lazy when it comes to dating. In fact, many mature men are very clear about what kind of woman they would like to be with and show up like they mean it when a woman doesn't step in and start doing the heavy lifting. I think it's a balance and think that John's main point in this video is that many people (men and women) get out of balance hormonally and otherwise. Thanks for watching!
My guy felt bad and rejected when I pulled away felt like he wasn’t doing something right
As a 38 year old guy I totally agree with what you said Robyn. I can only speak for myself but I feel as though playing hard to get isn't necessary with most men. We are more simple and not turned off by a woman showing affection because we don't view someone showing attraction as being needy or lower status. We think when a woman likes us and shows it, "She likes me, great!" And I don't mean financially, I mean we need to know that you like us and that you need an emotional connection. Of course I don't mean needy to the extent of being a mess, but just that you need someone in your life and we can fill that for you. That is a real turn on and makes us feel masculine and important.
Unfortunately, most of the men I know and are in their 40ies are not like this and move to 20year old girls.
@@micheledoddkelton6598 pc pc cg cg
I agree with you when we are talking about a healthy man. But when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, this isn’t how a relationship goes. They will take everything they can from you and drain you dry and then ask for more without giving anything in return. And if you want to discuss something? They will tell you how wrong you are and that you are crazy.
Untill you love yourself first and put yourself above him, he will keep doing that. I'm getting to the conclusion that "bitches" are luckier with men. When we overgive to a man he just doesn't respect us.
Yrs, that is true!
Yes. Narcissists are a different animal and their treatment of their partner has nothing at all to do with what their partners do or don't do.
Do you mean someone with diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a VERY serious and rare mental illness, or just someone who doesn't do what you want? I am so tired of people throwing this term around to label anyone they disagree with. We all have narcissistic traits. We all have "egos." If someone doesn't want to discuss something that isn't important to you, walk away. Your allowing yourself to be used, doesn't automatically create an NOPD diagnosis.
This is so enlightening! I wish I had known this many years ago when I was first married. It took the first 25 years of our marriage to finally relate to each other the last 30 years. How much better our marriage could have been with this kind of knowledge. Those first years there was no emotional intimacy. Only now, do I understand fully. How I wish I still had my sweet husband who passed away a few years ago. I am hoping to not make the same mistakes if love should come my way again. Thank you for the insight!
my husband passed away 2020 and this really helps me reflect on our rel and bring so much understanding :)
@@emmieherbert6283 Hi Emiri,I’m so sorry for you lost,I know how it feels to lost a loved one.....I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
I think many of us wish we had know this earlier in our lives Arvis! Thanks for watching and for your comments too!
Yep, loved this video! This info will help with dealing with my adult son, who is challenged and will always live at home. I see his frustration daily. I realize now why he goes straight to his room after work. I usually ask too many questions! About work, life, etc. no wonder we are so distant. I'll do better now. Thank YOU!
I love your message Michelle that women need to own their value. When a woman respects herself by not sleeping with a man, it causes him to respect her and work hard to please and 'win' her, and she feels great because she has not compromised her values, and like you said she won't feel used. And thanks John for clarifying the things that cause a man to truly bond with a woman.
@@colainebradly786
Jeffrey you want to know everyone more. It’s not special when your attention is offered so indiscriminately.
Some men have been damaged because of lack of home training,they never knew what love is because they never experience love between their parents or educated about love by their parents....Men heart are the purest until they got broken, it takes men with good home training (which is known as gentlemen)to understand you don’t have to make anyone feel same pain he felt.
This is such an eye opener for me. Topics like this need to be taught in school. Perhaps this will reduce divorces. This is about life lessons. It allows men and women understand why men and women act certain way. If I've known about this while I was married there probably less chaos at home. Instead of blaming each other, blame it on the hormones playing havoc in our bodies. Thanks for sharing your wisdom Dr Gray.
He's not explaining why men & women act a certain way. He's telling women to behave a certain way in order to attract & keep men. Sort of a grooming school for girls...how to be a proper gf and wife. Like those finishing schools for "young ladies," so they learn social skills to attract the right kind of boys, in view to become their wives. The reality is that if women are going to earn a good living, excel at their careers, get along in the world dealing with buying cars & houses & dealing with house repairs and yard work, she's better off sticking with the traits necessary to do those things. Those traits, according to John Gray, are masculine. If I were to act the way he suggests, I wouldn't be able to care for or provide for myself properly. I don't think men want helpless women, any more. They want partners to walk through life with them and help with the burdens, and men are willing to help with the cooking & such. They are still feminine and masculine, when it counts. But let's face it, when a sink needs unclogging, a woman is gonna have to use her masculine skills to attack that drain with a snake.
I’ll never understand why navigating relationships is not taught in schools. Relationships are the foundation of everything.
@@BlackNella Maybe because schools are more concerned with getting you educated enough to enter the workforce and or graduating droves of children that aren't as ready (slipping through the cracks come to mind). It's the way of K-12 in the West (in the U.S.). Maybe they also think that relationships are "too personal" to be taught. I think it also depended on the age of the students. I mean, you don't expect to teach these things, relational skills in romantic/domestic relationships to a four year old would you??! I think those are the reasons why. Maybe teenagers and young adults could benefit, maybe that is what you mean, but yeah, most academic environments care more about STEM education and traditional subjects like History, Poly Sci, etc. than personal relationships of people! I think they teach kindergarteners to share their toys and to be nice to others. I've also seen junior high school students get taught this, but it's been decades obviously since I was in elementary and junior high school. I just saw a huge poster years ago at my old junior high stating "Be nice to people" so they ARE being taught, just not maybe relationship/romance stuff. Maybe they thought it was supposed to be automatic? Anyway..
You're right Marilyn! Thanks for watching and for leaving a comment too!
@@donnab8345 I agree with you in many ways. I think younger men these days have more feminine aspects then men had in `older days`and today women is more self driven ☺️
Now, later in my life, having made all the "mistakes" talked about here, I feel deeply the truth of sooooo much that he talks about here and it feels like an absolute godsend!!!! Thank you so much for posting!!!
Agree, this blew my mind
hey Bev, how are you doing today, Im Jeffery
Agreed!!
IF HE PULLS AWAY EVERY TIME, LET HIM GO, AND DON'T TURN BACK LADIES!😉💞
Wisdom.😊🙌❤
Agree, but he's saying that's the way the guys testosterone works. Don't like either but that's how it goes. We'd get more love & attention from our dogs than men can give us.. Trade him in for a dog & stay celebate. 😅
Oddly enough, he's saying he'll bounce back, if a woman does that. Maybe that's true, if the man loves her and just wants some space for a while. I don't think "being successful" builds testosterone. I don't know of any science that says that. Gray doesn't cite any evidence of that. If that were true, when men's testosterone levels drop, doctors would prescribe "make more money" or "work harder so you're more successful" or "do manly things." But what a dr does is prescribe the blue pill or testosterone. Same thing w/estrogen. Going thru menopause, doctors don't say "spend more time being emotional and being around men" to raise your estrogen level. They prescribe hormones.
@@nyxnightlinger7719 Well, women can be that way sometimes, too. I have been, on occasion. It has nothing to do with not caring for the man. Sex drive is sex drive, and love is love. They are sometimes sharing of the same thing, but sometimes are different. Men often fall asleep afterwards, I've found. That's fine. I do, too. As long as he lets me lay on chest or cuddle a while afterwards, I'm good.
@@nyxnightlinger7719 Me, too. Of course, there are times when you're both going to sleep at night, or maybe in the morning. I have no problem with him kissing me, then hopping up & getting dressed & starting his day. I do that, too. Of course, if he acts like he doesn't know your name, that's a different thing entirely & doesn't have to do with him going to work afterwards. That will reveal itself in so many ways, if a woman is looking for it (I repeatedly fail to recognize this, though. I have a blind spot about giving him the benefit of the doubt, when I shouldn't do that.)
At about the 16 min. mark - since I know how to endure “awkward silence,” NOW I know to use that skill. Thank you!!! I have just started a relationship, so understanding how he behaves (& thinks) is GREAT! It’s nice to know this time can FINALLY be different, and work out!!! It’s wonderful that I NEED TO back off and relax! We have verbally shared with each other that neither of us is in a hurry; so now I can let my behaviors and choices match that! 😎. Since I want to get to know him, now I know that letting him know who I am is a better way to go! This will be so nice to just kick back, take things slow, and not worry that anything is wrong! Learning how testosterone CHEMICALLY does what it does at certain stages in a man is so very helpful! I never knew/understood any of that. This is a GREAT video!
I want the best for him as well as for myself. Finally I can be excited about our future together instead of worried about our future together!!! 😎
please explain the “awkward silence” skill???
Thanks for watching and for your comments too Ailene!
Learning about the hormones and how they affect us is really transformative. Thank you so much for this!
This was the most important video on male and female dynamics I have ever seen. Demystified the whole reason guys need space!!! I think it just healed my relationship anxiety!!! 🙌
This is THE FIRST time I’ve heard incredibly important information about relationships. So comprehensive and bold
I will ALWAYS ask 1 or 10 or 100 questions if I need to or feel to! Bc above all, before his feelings are my own! If I need to know I will ask. If he is afraid of questions…best to know ASAP!
Because you were curious you listened and were open-minded and understanding. When a person is cares about how someone else feels it shows respect and understanding which is very important.
As someone who came from toxic family dynamics and horrible models for a future romantic relationship, I appreciate this video so much! It helps me understand so much that I never got to witness and learn growing up. I’m interested in someone for the first time in 10 years 😂 and I’m super excited, but I can’t help but think of my past history 😮 however a lot of that was acting out the trauma that I’ve since gotten therapy for. Luckily the past decade of my life has been about cultivating a life I love and being someone I love, so I feel ready to open my heart for the right person. But the whole testosterone/estrogen piece was revelatory, as were so many other insights shared here. Thank you!
When he pulls away I am done with him. No relationship is better.
Pulling away might be a sign that a guy needs to pump himself up. Atleast when I did this. I felt drained. Good communication is the key. Tools that I posses now could´ve saved the relationship ( I had almost 2 yrs relationship)
@@dukmccuck7390 If the person is not your best friend and you can't communicate then lust will not carry a relationship. When a guy rejects a person to me there was never a real relationship to begin with. Real love lasts.
Congratulations on being alone the rest of your life, lol. People need space sometimes. Especially men so they can recharge testosterone.
@@iamyoutoo1 Better alone without a guy than alone with a guy. People have pets/family/friends. The whole world is our family.
@@iamyoutoo1 there it is.You will be alone for life.Or in reality you will find a person who appreciates you and yall communicate and work well together.Don't listen to the people who say you will be alone forever.That's them wanting to force their views on you.There is the right person for everyone.
This is 1 hour of complete and utter priceless golden wisdom!!! Thankyou so much for this!
You're welcome Sarah! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching and for leaving a comment too!
Ditto! Love this. I could listen to John Gray for hours. He is so knowledgeable and excellent explaining everything. Such an enjoyable pleasure watching and listening. Thank you! ;
Hormone levels can make a huge impact in relationships. I found this with low serotonin in my family
❤️ "A relationship is being authentically loving"
True x
I believe that the only truth is to be honest and always sincere, not game our
" different methods " bond the soul of him and be happy with what it brings to both of you! ❤
It is true that men love being needed and appreciated. I wish I'd realized that when I was younger. We all like that. Women, too. But men will eventually leave, if they don't get that. Women stay, usually, I think.
Hes so insightful.. i almost feel like im healing just listening to his wisdom
I have been watching John's interviews for sometime and i am in a new relationship, i have been trying to find the formula from what he has been trying to teach. It is really hard actually while you have your own struggles and you are in a newly relationship. So what i have come to as a conclusion is: respect yourself, love yourself, be yourself, be happy, respect your partner, love your partner. Simple, but the hardest mission is "be yourself" in my relationship. It takes all the effort.
I’ve thankfully slipped into my feminine energy, being and not doing. Nurturing and give compliments when they are required and accepting him for his own faults and my own…
We just have this vibe and he understands me ❤
WOMAN! GET RID OF THOSE MAN!!! A GREAT MAN THAT WANTS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CONSISTENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. 😉💞
Nizza Ybarra:
That's true. Consistency is everything
You're so idealistic
What if he's effeminate & the shy type,? Lol
Another comment judges without understanding the video🙄no wonder men pull away. No man or woman is perfect
@@danam358 GET A STRONG MAN THAT CAN HANDLE EVERY SITUATION WITH LOVE & UNDERSTANDING. NOT A MAN THAT PULLS AWAY WITH EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM.😉
Everytime my mind becomes hopeless and i am drowning in my overthinking mind ocean and feeling unhappy and not enough, i watch John and i open my heart to my bf again, and i put one simple step with a big smile and he comes to me with 2 steps.
But how can a woman just be confident and independent and find a guy who isn’t constantly soooo ridiculously needy? I’m almost 30 and never in my whole life have I been with a guy who is confident in himself and who doesn’t need constant texts, validation, always asks for frequent time together when we are just getting to know each other, etc. After this I’m realizing that by not aggressively pursuing him I’m raising his testosterone levels, but to get him to calm down I’d have to be someone I’m not. Are there couples out there who can just be chill and enjoy their time together and time apart…? I’m so done with clingy men.
How about be happy without a man. Draw yourself closer. Love yourself. Get to know yourself. You might find having a man is not nearly fulfilling as having yourself.
But Dr. John always says men & women need one another but what about gay lovers.? Does he mean that for them as well? I wonder. He'd prolly say one is usually more masculine & feminine than the other. 😅 in the same difference? A topic to be discussed..
I’m just having to face the reality of being single. Divorce will happen between us.
Bravo so true
Facts
Ive been there for seven years after bfeaking uo with my ex who we li ed together for 4 years. And it just gets lonely even if you find yourself and love yourself. Of course you have to do all this and accept yourself to be ready for a next relationship. So it can be better than the past. But im telling you 7 years of self healling and self love. Ive got to the point that i just need a male companion.
My husband and I have started sleeping together after a long time. I’m 64 he’s 74. This is helping us immensely. Work on being good in bed for your man . If you fight take him to bed. Be the boss!!! It’s working for us. If I have something coming up and I’m stressedI I ask my husband to take me to bed. I hope this isn’t tmi.. it’s meant to help other couples.
It’s definitely not!!
74? Wow! Good for him and you! 😊
Thank you very much.
I have new boyfriend of 3 months.
I am still nervous around him.
Your advice helps tremendously.
@Dr.JohnGray thank you so much for your enlightening podcasts. I have been listening to your podcasts for 3 days now and have shared them with a couple of my adult single daughters whom would like to have a forever relationship with a man. I think I raised them to be too independent yipes. They are 37 and 42 now. I am also going to send your podcasts to 7 of my grandsons so they can glean an understanding on themselves and inter-relationships. You take the misunderstanding out of confusion. Thank you so much! 💓
Your so right women don't have role models. We NEED to learn more about this
So right on…when women really like many times, they give too much …Men are hunters…let them hunt and stop going after and go hunting them.
Thanks for your comments and for watching too Roxie!
@West pac
Ahhh interesting.
What is his motivation? Do older men just not need closeness?
@West pac
Thanks - I appreciate the careful effort that you put in to explaining the fabric of a man. It is helpful and if women understood this better it would result in less chaotic relationships likely.
Now, question for you - do you think there are things for men to learn about women that would also diffuse the age old battle of the sexes?
@West pac
Thank you - indeed I found much value in what you wrote - there is a lot that rings true. Thank you for taking the time.
Also, I hope I did not communicate any feminist leanings in my comments - I abhor what modern feminism had done.
Interesting analogy with lock and key.
Though it strikes women as... hmmm the key does not place the same constraints upon itself as it requires of the lock.
Surely the lock has equal longings for an exclusive, loyal adoring key, so to speak 🤔😂
And since you have been so generous in your response, I have another question.
You have explained what men want - many of us women (those of us who try to understand men as they are and not as we wish them to be) are designed to learn these things and do our best to supply that want.
Example, in my own marriage, I have put a high wall around myself and do not get within 10 feet of any kind of friendship with any man not my husband.
My vows are made of concrete, and I fulfil my need for intimate friendship with other women.
But - am I to relegate my relationship with my husband to that comparable to a dog/master? What advice for one who longs for a connection (conversation) and meaningful talk with the one closest to me? I love learning about life, philosophy etc and I want a lifelong companion in this. Is this too much, too much. I do see that philosophy has been the traditional domain of men, so I think it is a reasonable hope.
And so, as you have shared your insights on what drives men, I will share mine on women.
We are made to be more than servants to a mans appetites. As faithful locks, we feel crushed and deflated if we serve no greater purpose than supplying a mans basic needs.
And, if we are not given some signs of being prized by our man for our inner person, our thoughts, opinions, goals, there is a part of us that sinks down and dies - a part that cannot be fed by other sources such as women friends or family or children.
And when we die inside, the joyful service we long to provide becomes sterile and painful even.
Does this make sense? There has to be an acknowledgment of how men function. I think your previous message did a fantastic job of this.
At what point do we require men to see the woman for her design and realize that in the family, in the home, she longs to respect, admire and nestle under the protective wing of her man, knowing her value as an individual. Far too often, women feel they could be swapped out no problem, for any female willing to supply the needs...
@West pac
ok west pac - I listened to the podcast, and I’m 1/4 way through that fascinating woman book. 🤓
I’m not a knee jerk reaction type so I am willing to look at these things. And I find this information interesting - due to my own beliefs and what I’ve learned, these ideas are not super shocking to me.
You have presented your perspective pretty clearly and I have invested the time to review.
I’ll continue reading the fascinating woman book - it’s written in a painfully clunky style, but I’ll read for content.
These are ideas worthy of discussion.
Are you willing to review content that (I believe) fills out this discussion?
You can watch this guy on 1.75 speed, he’s a slow talker. But I’d be quite interested to hear your impression of this video.
ruclips.net/video/VbqyINpofP4/видео.html
😀
If you are willing to invest the time as I have, I think we can have a good discussion
Thank you Michelle and John! I love this video! It was good to know more about John’s history. John’s wisdom is very beneficial in learning on how to connect with men. I am a very feminine and masculine woman. I am also very loving, generous, and love giving authentic compliments to build people up and showing them that they are seen for who they are. I do struggle sometimes with balancing timing and over sharing my feelings, because I have so much love to give. It is always done out of kindness. I am very aware of other’s body language and facial expressions. I do my best to empower others authentically.
For the first time in my life, I feel seen and heard for who I am and it feels amazing!!!
I read every word you wrote, you sound like an Angel trapped in a human body.. it will be an honor to know you more. Im Jeffery
Wow ❤️Good luck to both of you here. I wish you both a great friendship.
Yes Erin! John has a very interesting history! Thanks for watching and for your kind comments as always! You are wonderful! :-)
You spoke my entire life in simple powerful words
No. 1) YOU have to have a "great" SMILE and a "good" personality! Period!
No. 2) YOU have to have a "good" sense of HUMOR!
No. 3) YOU have to be willing to CHALLENGE ME, in some way!
Anyway, need I say more! lol 😎
Most men I know don’t like all the details verbally … actually every man ! Guys that give boring mundane details …ugh ! Now getting to know what we can share with each other that is of interest now that offering to each other is what gives value …..not boring details ……. Watch a man get distracted , glazed over eyes , with al those details …..
Wow! This was so helpful! Can’t say thank you loud enough! Perfect timing…
I need Jesus to feel full and satisfied in life where I'm not needy at all for a guy, I may like to have a relationship but i'm not needy of one and you are right guys do act different regarding this. Neediness i'd say for both sides is a turn off. I'm complete in my relationship with Jesus and it makes me confident and joyful regardless if someone wants a relationship or not😀
I wish I could like this X1,000! Amen!!
Tired of some Christians saying all you need is Jesus. Gods word says it is Not Good for man or wo-man to be alone. Adam had God and still “needed” a mate. And one is not exclusive to other as God is omnipotent.So say it aloud and proud, “I want and need a mate”. Thank God for this desire.
This is so amazing. I read Men are From Mars and now I'm addicted to listening to this. A huge cause of anguish and issues in my past relationship was exactly what he describes - I felt he never listened to me because as soon as I mentioned an issue he'd give me a solution and then if I kept talking or ever brought it up again he'd be so confused and then annoyed and then angry. In turn I felt he didn't care at all...
I'm going to try these techniques of appreciation and how to gently ask for what I need and see how it goes!
Your talk mirrored reality better than what most relationship coaches advise...I guess I learned alot from your books.
Hi Janet, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
I have read all of his books too!
Hang on , did I hear that, correctly? Give too much info, during conversation AND make him work for it, by getting to know me. How exactly do you suggest we proceed?
This is the second day's in row I have come upon Dr John Gray's information on relationships between men and women. I'll get my pen and take notes.
Most of what he’s saying about men should be most men, because I’m none of that. There has to be a push and pull in every situation. All around this is a great conversation
You are so spot on John, in spite of the popular narrative that men and women are the same. Thank-you so much for your knowledge and books. It has changed my life for the better.
Thanks for watching and for your comments too Lynda! Best wishes to you!
@@MichelleMarchantJohnson I like your channel too, I think your questions are great!
@Ibrahim hamada Thank-you for the compliment, but I have a romantic interest, and don't do online dating.
@Ibrahim hamada Well, thanks for the compliment again. That photo is about 5 yrs. old, but I am getting close to 70 years. You are my children's age. Have a good day!
Unconditional love. Yes love is the answer. Seeing your partner through loving eyes.
It helps for a woman to respect a man definitely
Genuine connection etc it’s far easier that way to appreciate him.
WOOW!! #johngray If I didn't think ALREADY you are the BEST RELATIONSHIP Coach of this Century! Great advice! Ladies...we don't owe MEN Anything!
@West pac Darling no one can replace me. I'm irreplaceable and living the LIFE in Milan...with my Two adorable cats. Meooow 🐱
I’m watching this in 2024, I’m 30yo and I just had a breakup. I eventually gifted my ex boyfriend “Beyond Mars & Venus”, I complained about him not reading, but guess what? I didn’t read everything myself!! The result: him bringing the breakup up whereas I should’ve been less bothered and more occupied with my own life instead of dedicating so much of my time to a BOYFRIEND. John pretty much help us ladies, to improve our Self Love through love relationships. And this is amazing, cause we become less needy, more confident and naturally they tend to bond better. But instead of that, we’re controlling things and wanting them to be like us. Focus on YOU whenever you’re bothered by him🙏🏼♥️
OMG! Thank you so much for sharing. It's amazing! God bless both of you! Thank you!
Isn't it wonderful to learn something after the fact.
Thank you for this information ❤extremely helpful and informative.. what great ideas 🤗💖
Woah! PLEASE do a ted talk or a RUclips video on the biological ways we as therapists can help people with bipolar and other so called personality disorders !
I have found it helpful to compare my male relationships to my female relationships. When I have a new female relationship, I always take it slow. I don’t expect the woman to like me straight away.
I like everything about this except the idea to not ask questions. I want to know my man! It's lonely without him. I want him to interest me, stimulate my imagination, be a companion. How can we be close if he only knows me and I don't know him?
Dr. Gray - you have changed my life forever! Thank you!!!
Many men never pull away or detach.. Some ladies pull away or detach.. We are not designed to feel more or love more.. It is up to individuals..
This is the best video that i have ever watched nowadays about this subject!
“Oh my God, she’s got big toes” 😭😂😂😂 that caught me off guard
Hahahaha
😂🤣🤣
"The KIND of love you give him empowers him..."
This man is excellent I will never listen to any of these other dating people he explains everything I get a better idea of what men are feeling or not feeling very good ideas I had no idea that man was so complicated
Dr John Gray is the best. I love your message. It makes a lot of difference in my life.
This is so good, but where are these men that you speak of?? We have a real issue in society today, men have become lazy, because women are capable of doing the majority of the work, especially in the dating phase! It seems as though if we want a relationship, we have to fall in line or get in line because these men are far and few between the ones that will actually put forth the effort in the right way to build that attraction.
Sharing goes both ways. Women don't always want to do all the talking either. Otherwise, it's boring. It's like we're just carrying the relationship. Maybe give advice about women & men who don't have low self-esteem and men who don't constantly need to be reassured.
Sometimes people aren’t open to receive deep love due to fear ! I know I have been -- and met a man who I know mirrored that fear -- emotionally mature people will go the mile without games ! And I’m glad I haven’t got big toes 😆😂
😂😂😂😂 indeed!!!
Question: If I show affection towards a man while he’s just standing or sitting and just feel affection towards him, am I doing a wrong thing? I’m affectionate and love to hug and show my love for a person.
Has someone made you feel it might be wrong? I do the same
He's not entirely wrong but not completely right either. As I was listening to him, it brought to my mind my parents' relationship, which I can't figure out yet. My mom is a bully, a narcissist, and I can't stand being an hour with her. My dad is patient, and caves to her. She runs his a**, controls him in every way, is never happy, constantly demanding s**, and he does everything for her and more. He spends all day with her, they work together, he follows her everywhere, does all that she says, even goes shopping with her and I never see him wanting to run off to get his testosterone levels up. I can't believe I'm sane given what I grew up with. So I'm still puzzled by this theory here. It's not 100% accurate.
That’s because a narcissist is never pleased. Men want to feel wanted and know that what he is doing makes his woman happy. However, narcissists will emotionally and mentally abuse you to the point where you’ll be emotionally devastated and dependent on them. You’ll do everything for them and they’ll still be ungrateful and blame you for being inadequate. You’re self-worth will be so low that you can’t imagine finding someone actually better for you. It’s infuriating. This is from someone with both a narcissistic father and sister. It sucks. :/
@@artistrg3487 Jezebel/Ahab complex, like a hand in a glove.
i think the "say what you think" is a good thing, depending on what the issue is, if the women/guy said, you are not accomplished enough/your not this etc....then you know what is lacking, and can improve on that, surely it can be said in a nicer way, but it does direct you to the issue without needing to guess.
Thank you so much Dr John Gray for sharing this video.
May God bless you and your family .
Thank you for making things clearer about the testosterone/estrogen situation. I now understand more about their actions/reactions are because of the biology in our bodies. Other videos I've seen haven't gone into detail about that.
I loved that book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. I also saw you years ago for a workshop in Ft. Lauderdale Florida. Great session!
Hi Michelle, it’s nice meeting you here.. I’m Edward, it would be nice getting to know you,if that’s ok with you? My mom once said good friends are never too much to have. if you don’t mind, can we be friends??
Lovely smile you got there on your profile picture, it can brighten up the most darkest atmosphere of any man’s world😊.
Hi i always seem to answer the phone when my boyfriend calls me isit amistake i do not want to look eedy what should i do we do not live together i always miss him and if i do not here from hi i feel ery anxious i am 64 and i just feel very lonely
Thank you so much. She speaks for so many women of today and was so validating. This empowers such healthiness and relationships and I just thank you so much for speaking out for all the women of today and yesterday.
Hi I appreciate this video
As Iam third born of 7 women
And haven’t understand what men are made of especially in relationships
A mother of 3 sons
Having no brother
So you know now how I never understood men
Iam not in a relationship
Iam Divorced
Why?
Never understand Man
I needed this information in primary school
Thanks 🙏
I will listen to you over again to see if I can understand
All I knew was womens hormones
I appreciate this 🙏
Hi Dr.John Gray
Great work.
I'm the one who pull away.
He made me pay
The bill,,,then I made a Mistake of cooking for him once..then God
If i didn't have the strength to put a stop..he will be inviting himself
To be at my place everyday eating at my costs..I
Couldn't breath suffocating..I never seen a man like this..& the thing after 4 month's,,his not even trying to come closer,,,
No romantic,,
Not generous..
It's like wathever
Dinners he payd for meals,,he was having free meals
At my place,,
It's like he give with one hand,,
&takes with other hand..
& he claims to be rich..but act very poor..I'm not after money,,,I need to fell loved,,,
I fell he needs a second mum..
When we met, my ex was thrilled that I was independent, and that I did not NEED him, but I WANTED him, that was far more flattering to him. AND that I wanted him for sex, that was even more flattering. 3 years later I suffered a stroke, and became disabled and unemployed. I definitely NEEDED him, then, and he did, to some extent, step up to the plate, but, HE no longer NEEDED or WANTED me, because I was no longer the attractive, independent, sexy woman he was so proud of. So I NEEDED his help, a lot, but I became more of a nuisance than somebody he wanted to care for and help. Consequently, he dumped me and got a better woman, who WANTED him, didn't NEED him to help her do ordinary stuff. If wanting to help and care for a woman was a man's top priority, all disabled women would have no difficulty getting a man, they would just have to demonstrate that they NEED a man's help, and we would be swamped with guys who want us, instead of being ignored or dumped by men who once loved and wanted us.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I have been through something similar. I thought my husband was my forever person. We had a beautiful life... until my health blew up. He became very angry. He was embarrassed and ashamed of me, and disappointed that he "lost his wife". Somehow I was supposed to understand and show him empathy, compassion, and caring even though he wasn't able to reciprocate.
Just Brilliant John Gray!!!! A million thank yous for all the wealth of your knowledge and for your kind firmness too. It is fascinating and very very fulfilling listening to you.
Thank you to Michelle too, you have a lovely and sensible touch.
Thank you Dr. Gray and Michelle! I need to keep it to re watch 😊👍🙏🙏
Had never heard of Angry man syndrome and it was low testosterone!! This is so understandable!
As i often say to myself, please, be careful what you wish for!
I am literally falling in LOVE with Dr's content
I believe everything u say 100 percent ! ....has happened to me in a few relationships, dont give a man to much...so dont try & be a man ,be the woman , he needs to take care of us
First time on your platform
Wow I have learned so much from this
Thank you 🇬🇧
Thank you ... brilliant, especially on the subject of going slow! You are wise and learned on the needs of men. Thank you !!
Ty For explanation of how men see women’s beauty when their testosterone is high. That’s really helpful especially to older women. Some women think because they think they look great men will to. They don’t!!! So this is really helpful for me. I’m 64. And obviously past my prime;) Super helpful!!!
The younger guys are attracted to older women...
@@kristibatchelor5311 yes that’s true;)
@Heretolearn believe me you are not past your prime. As a mature woman… I have me in their 20’s flirting an complimenting me. It’s of course because I don’t look my age. I never have. And I believe I have a “ youthful exuberance “. Age is just a number. And it’s how you carry yourself. So in your 50’5 and even 60’s men half your age will still be looking at you. And find you “ intriguing “. So just put MR. Gray’s tools into practice and go for it. Blessings. God put us in relationships. We all need someone ❤️
No one is really past their prime --- unless you have a serious health issue!