My mom was a narcissist and she married me to her relative narcissist. Almost 50 years of narcissist abuse … I just recently started watching you clips and got my closure on my mother and husband. They are both trying to ruin the little life I have left by smearing me. Please make clips on That
The Narcissist TRAINS their Victims… 1) To believe that Not Asking for Anything at All in a Relationship is NOBLE. 2) To BECOME REACTIVE. 3) To Believe You’re A Horrible Person. 4) To Live in FEAR. 5) To Kill Your Emotions. 🙏🏻Blessings! 🌸☀️🕊🍃
I identify with the killing of emotions. Especially in childhood. In my 30's I was diagnosed with depression and I was told that depression is anger suppressed and turned against yourself. I've been doing this for most of my life. I liked the phrase "that you are only as good as your last mistake". This was true in my childhood home as my mother was a sadistic narcissist and nothing I ever did was of any consequence I was considered a burden and a useless person. Even today she tells me this, at least she did as, I no longer have contact 4+ yrs and I am so glad I did.
After ten years of not seeing the narc he wanted to destroy my marriage. I get depressed, I have given myself the blame that I don't talk so well and that's why I don't stand up for myself. But then I see that it wasn't me. I started to see that I was to nice and he was so bossy ..depression is for me Sadness and blaming my own person. Anger for letting me hurting again and again.and still Loving your parents. So you doesn't stand up for yourself thinking of his feelings instead of your own
Yea me too I was abused loudly from age 8 to 16 so hid in my room 24/7 but would hear it through the door terrified, I became very silent & repressed & withdrawn
So sorry to hear that!! In my experience, this happened to me with them too. But they made out I'd a chronic mental health condition instead as they tried to control the narrative with me as well.
In my case: 1) Not asking for anything is noble. So spot on. I have been a solo mom and homemaker for 30 years 2) Emotions cannot be expressed and impossible to discuss without being insulted or denied. 3) The relationship is performance based. If I do my duties, I have value in this marriage. He never notices or acknowledges me for my raw self 4) He always puts me in a position to explain, defend and prove something no matter what the subject is. 5) He is not capable of intimacy and avoids it. He makes me settle for a bare minimum such as a kiss on the forehead, a little emoji, etc. ( Anger and sadness are buried in my pillow every night when I go to sleep. There is always a streak of sadness when I am around him or imagine myself with him in the future. I'm getting ready to call it quits.
I finally realized in looking at my life that all of the men with whom I had relationships only wanted what they could get out of me. Not one cared for who I was inside.
@@susanmercurio1060 I am sorry to hear that. Empathetic people usually end up with selfish people. I did not have a lot of relationships to notice a pattern before this 30 year long marriage with him, a narcissistic man I have recently figured out. As a highly empathetic person when I was young and naive, I thought and believed that I could handle all kinds of imperfections, physical and behavioral. I was dead wrong! I now know I lacked self-worth to notice all the red flags, and there were way too many :(
Perfect description "puppet". They dehumanize you, training you to be their pet. They don't like pets or children, so they add us to that list. Sad that many people choose to live that way, feeling worthless and unloved!!
Thank you Danish for analyzing and describing the Puppet Master Narc. This layer is foundational for understanding the tactics of these stingy, sadistic characters that train victims to live in fear, terror and feeling like a burden for simply being human with ordinary needs. They can drive anyone to the edge of extinction with the tactics highlighted in this brilliant survey! 👌💖👌
Every time I listen to your advice, Danish, I can physically feel and hear my pulse rate speed up and my face start to get hot. Because it's all true. I can understand every word you are saying. It is all true. I cannot even imagine how you survived TWO narcissists and as a small child. This type of person is the most evil on the earth.
Yeh be very careful of that. I had not spoken with my ex narcissist in one month suddenly he contacted me and next I let him visit me. Biggest mistake I will not let it happen again and will not take him back. But it has taken me backwards again. Don't fall for going back to him
@@MelanieWard-ni1em My biggest problem is he contacts my dad. I know once court is done I can be finished with any "niceties" I need to show him on my part. However my father is retired and has a work shop for a hobby. My ex knows this and asks my father to do jobs for him. Even wants to have the restraining order amended to be able to come by the house.
I have this feeling too. It's so hard even when i take my pills from the doctor or drink countless beer i only can low the bad feeling, but the bad feeling is there 24 hours
This is exactly what happens, the narcissist grooms you to be the selfless self because they want you to become a slave with no self. If you are trapped in a relationship with a narcissist you are trapped in hell on earth.
I experienced all the points with my narcissistic family and with ex husband and his family. But now I got divorced and no contact with my family. Now i healed from all these
a couple counselors told me i must use my “healthy anger” …. What !! healthy anger 😲 i learned to avoid anger at all costs . i never wanted to be discribed as a angery person . like my dad or ex .. anger causes, to this day a deep fear and sadness.. that was my training.. i don’t know if i will ever understand that consept . “ healthy anger “. thank you Danish . you are helping a whole generation 👍🏼
This is so true for African women, we were trained from a very young age to be men doormats. Since I was a kid I always heard, "All men cheat" "If a man is violent, the woman surely deserved it" "Confronting a man is disrespectful" "Women should be submissive to their husbands no matter what they do" etc I didn't have the right to be just my own person with feelings, I was trained to believe that to be a "good wife" or "daughter" I should throw my personality away. It partly succeeded as I learned to shut down my emotions when I was around people but as a result, I developed social anxiety.
They really do want me to kill my emotions. I'm trying to let myself feel everything. To sit with anger and not feel like a terrible person. I just write it all down. I've been in fear since i can remember. It just became so normal to be in survival mode. At least i have more awareness now. There is less shame and self blame. Thank you Danish 🙏 Hope you are enjoying your weekend 🥰
The narcissists think you are their servants. They train you to whatever they want, and you have to obey otherwise. I was young and naive, raised by my parents to be respectful, loving, caring and etc. In no time, I'm in my 20s. It's time to leave the nest. I met a guy in which I thought loving and caring with a sweet smile. Unknowingly, the man is the reverse of me. The very first day of our marriage, that sweet face with a sweet smile became a poker face. What's wrong? I asked. He won't say a word. He's so quiet. I didn't know that was the silent treatment. I cried. What I did wrong? I have no idea what's going on. The day that's supposedly a good day turned disgusting and disappointed. Since then, the person that I thought was kind, caring and loving. He's no longer the person that I used to know. Every day is a nightmare. Like I can't breathe. Danish is so right. All the above are true. The vivacious, outgoing girl became withdrawn, shy, and hated the crowd. One summer day sitting alone in the backyard, like someone told me to do this, do that. Don't let yourself go down. You're not that girl that you're supposed to be. I guess it was my guardian angel talking to me. I finally got the courage to say no to him. At one time, I became supernova. He got shocked. I finally learned how to deal with the narcissist. Today, there's no way I will let him gaslight, manipulate, or control me. I told him, you're not my God. I have a life to live like anybody else. On purposely, I don't wash dishes. I wash whenever I feel like it. I don't do whatever he tells me to do. I ignored him. I avoid confrontation. I gave him a complete silent treatment. If he tries to gaslight me. I go to the washroom pretending I need it. Love bombing? That, too, is not working for him. I don't know where he's getting his supply. If he got one or two, I pray he moves there. And I will thank them for taking over.
I discovered the covert narcissist label after I had walked away. Once you discover it, you remember 1000s of odd incidents which match. The criticisms disguised as jokes, the smirk, the ghosting and gaslighting. The breadcrumbs are reward/response training. You stick around for the rewards which are unpredictable. Eventually breadcrumbs cease but you still react, anticipating you reward. When you look back you kick yourself for missing that she trained you like Pavlov's dogs and you didn't see it.
Yes. Train not to ask for anything. Always trying to say what others have said. Examples from other families (often times made up scenarios). It’s conditioning you to act noble. Dont ask for anything. Do everything for the narc. Dont take days off. Vacations are bad etc. It’s all conditioning you to serve and do it quietly. It’s spiritual.
It's called conditioning, right? If you're unfortunate enough to have narcissistic parents, that conditioning will be there from a young age, and it usually comes in double, with the father being the violent one and the mother always being the poor little thing. And that's why this is the worst case of narcissistic abuse there is, because the child has no way of defending themselves, making it clear that the others are horrible too.
What helped me was to take at least 2 weeks of little and no contact at all - in order to detox from the narc and start to think and feel for myself again. Of course the love bombing started again, but, I was stronger and able to finally realize I wanted OFF her crazy demonic drama rollercoaster. That’s NO way to live a happy life. It was a choice! Wasn’t easy but I finally chose ME! Your videos are incredibly eye opening and validating. So many things I could never put into words because I was sooooo gaslit and confused. I finally have clarity and am able to find my words for my feelings of abuse. Thank You ❤❤❤
They love the ' Cool girl' the one who never asks for much, who is ok with their behaviours. Basically a passive repressed trauma wounded nice girl. I was that. The experience woke me up to myself. I was needy. Not anymore. 2 years of solitude and healing l see the crazy toxic person he is. I attracted my shadow. Scary shit.
He always pulled out the camera phone soon as my face changed 😮. after 5 yrs of his bullshit life filled with baby mamas & sucking up to family ...I called it quits. Life will get better!!
I was trained very hard to do house chores since my childhood....and till the date I work so hard that 5 minutes rest or break makes me anxious and guilty.... Very often I wake up in midnight worrying that I have to finish this or that work.......🙏
Yes, all 5, and they all serve to silence you and keep you from speaking up and getting help. I still need help recovering from all 5, but I think I'd like to learn more about overcoming #1 as I am seeing that in a big way now in my son who also became a target of his narc dad, and is even resisting my help, and worse as PA is at play. Thank you, Danish, for this safe space to connect and heal. Bless your heart.
Thank you Danish, you are helping us. Psychotherapists cannot understand it unless someone has experienced it and healed it. you help us heal properly.❤❤❤
I raised my 2 kids alone from any help form him. He said he earned the money as I was a stay at home Mom and so his 'work' was done at 5:pm and he watched TV until 10:00pm every night. He was fixated at the 10pm rule. He went up alone as I had 2 babies. After a while when I'd ask for help and never got it I stopped asking for help as he said I should be able to do it why am I asking for his help?
Yup and he's happy to support another woman, besides you to take care of the kids! Nothing women do anymore is respected; cooking, cleaning, teaching the kids, knitting/sewing, I'd tell mine to go ahead and divorce me, he'd have less money, least they got to get out of the house, live in adult world, never mind you know what a diff it made in the kids' lives, he slandered me to our daughter and she shuns me, not very smart with her finance's family all in EU, oh well, my son's amazing as is his girlfriend, always remember you probably freaked him out as to how strong you were and still are! ❤
@joseenoel8093 I'm sorry you went through that. Shame on your daughter for not getting your point of view, researching her own information, and forming her own opinion.
My narcissistic mother...Fear is Big for with me in my household! And then my covert narcissistic ex husband was totally something else, he would antagonize and then when I reacted it was me always! I was raised to believe everything was my fault!
Working on not feeling guilty for having real emotions, and knowing that they really do not have any and not let them manipulate you to not having real natural emotions🎉
You are so amazing ,Mr Bashir🙌🏽👏🏽👍🏽💖...I just love listening to you & remembering ALL the ways the narc ex used to torment me, as I am finally recovered, it no longer triggers me...I have to keep an eye on my daughter in law who is using many of these tricks on my son😵😒..but thankfully whenever he comes to me I can give him some advice , especially after one of your videos🤗..blessings🎉
I visited my covert narcissistic mother today with a relative. During our visit, she was asking how a malignant narcissistic family member was doing who molested his daughter. She even asked how the daughter was doing. My mother wasn't concerned about how I was doing. My mother abandoned, neglected, and abused me during my entire life. Today made me sad because it made me realize that my own mother has never cared about my well-being.
Goodness 💔😢 I'm in my 40s and am only now realizing how much I was raised to bow to narcissists in my life. Yes, that's right, multiples😢 As to which one I would like to work on, I'm not exactly sure all of them. I am breaking Free slowly but surely. Praise the Lord!! I'm so grateful for the patience That Jesus has with His sheep... And even when we are hurting, He so tenderly carries as close to His heart.
Thank you so much, your videos are incredibly accurate. I have a question: my former narcissistic female colleague often took pictures of me, especially during afterwork events, but was always reluctant to send them to me afterwards (the photos were normal, like random portrait photos, nothing special). She would "keep them" and I never understood exactly why, do you have any explanation pls.? A video on the relationship of the narc and the physical appearance of their victim/pray would be perhaps interesting (perhaps you have done it already). Again, thank you a thousand times.
The thing I seem to struggle with after going NC is just feeling happiness and joy. I just got hired at a very good job that comes at a life saving moment, and I feel nothing but depression and anxiety. I question if I will even be good enough for the job (which is ridiculous because my old job was the same thing and I was there for 5 years). I wish I could feel happiness and pride or just neutral.
Sorry about your plight. But my advice is to see a therapist, don't be afraid to change them until you find one that suits you. Every day look in the mirror and say I am worthy, I am blessed, I will do my job to the best of my abilities, and I will have a great day! Live a life of gratitude. After all you woke up narc free, and in good enough health to go to work, read a good book. It may be hard at first but replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It can start with thinking of a good movie or a good book you may have read or some cheerful past experience. This will help to reset your mind. Good luck in your healing journey! Your happiness is not determined by man, but by a greater power!
In a family, narassist plays a mind game with the entire family members and ensures that none should talk eachother because if they speak each other it is easy to identify the issues or can understand who is playing the blame game, so narassist builds a drastic gap between each other and also with the help of evil spirit blocks the mind of entire family members. I have seen this happened until most of them were dead without knowing the truth. I feel in a family, if one person is spiritual, he or she will come to know the entire truth at a specific time which means as per universe guidance.
I’d just get battered LATER…& if my mother tried to intervene, she’d get it too. And now, my own grown child has chosen to live under these circumstances along with her children. She wasn’t raised that way, I can’t comprehend why she’s left everything, including herself, behind.
There is a lot of Truth in this video. Still, on the anger - related part, i have an impression that sometimes some of us might need not to kill but to - how to say - modulate our anger . . . in order not to act in a similar way to toxic narcs. Also, because too much anger can kill other aspects of our authentic selves. Just my two cents. I want to underline that what i said is not necessarilly suitable for every person that might read this comment.Thanks for your work.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I love this hairstyle on you. I wish I could get my hair to do something like this, but it's not happening for me.
Reactive abuse that is something that is a game for al days..and for me something that played al the time. When you tell something important they dont listen and walk away if you are nothing for them, when there are people visiting and you say something its always wrong what you say..the undermind everything you say , when i started talking he said no that not true she said good buy. So you are the one that see things wrong, you are the one that are difficult, say stupid things about others, make you upset you know what happens, so he wants to make you mad and stand up for your self ..but the people that is visiting on that moment look at you, you try to defend your self and everything you say makes that no one believes you, because you are the one thats fights to be right. When you don't bite in his actions and talking furter he interrupt you so everone listen to him and want to take the conversation over. So you have nothing to say he is funniest he talk better then you . This way he makes you insecure So you say nothing anymore, and listen to him. You are his nothing good to serve his drinks like a waitress
Sometimes, I wonder are the parents who oppose their child's choice of partner just on pretext of religion or caste are narcissists? If the guy and girl are good for one another and they can live happily with one another, why do they obstruct their happiness? Is honorkilling just a proof of narcissism?
Danish, could you please elaborate a clip talking about why narcicist victims prefer horror gender in movies? I read a brief reel that relates this with trauma. Thanks!!!
omg so sorry Darnish that you went threw that i have a Narrsist luck for me i haven’t physically met him but by text he is so controlling he hates me crying he makes me show him my bank account i know it sounds crazy but honestly he is so over powering and he makes me do pictures for him lucky for me he is gone just know he dose the disappears ever so often but i know he will be back
The narc I know is training me to not ask any questions or react. I should say respond when he is flirting with another woman right in front of me if I do ask anything it’s considered overreaction. It is not a question of respect to him and our marriage I’m immediately labeled And dismissed and he will say something like oh you’re starting a fight again and that’s when my anxiety level goes up the roof and I say no I’m not overreacting. I feel like you’re disrespecting. You’ll never get an answer from a narcissist no answers no accountability no nothing. It’s training in action!!
My narcissistic husband has stolen my daughter's childhood. She could not be innocent. She had to walk in egg shells along with me. Now he is older ashehe is now making an attempt to recover in my view, but it is too late. It's a sad thing .
God Bless you...Overt narc fathers and covert narc mothers families are disgusting..throw in toxic golden siblings..welcome to hell...Jesus saves ❤ 🙏 amen
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My mom was a narcissist and she married me to her relative narcissist. Almost 50 years of narcissist abuse … I just recently started watching you clips and got my closure on my mother and husband.
They are both trying to ruin the little life I have left by smearing me. Please make clips on That
@@narcabusecoach Why are my comments being deleted?
Danish these workshop in urdu? If you did it in urdu it will be more eady to understand i want to enrolled in these workshops
Danish please Do an episode about Narcissist Maternal Uncles. I think my maternal uncle is a total narcissist.
The Narcissist TRAINS their Victims…
1) To believe that Not Asking for Anything at All in a Relationship is NOBLE.
2) To BECOME REACTIVE.
3) To Believe You’re A
Horrible Person.
4) To Live in FEAR.
5) To Kill Your Emotions.
🙏🏻Blessings! 🌸☀️🕊🍃
Thx👍🏽💥
I've never heard anything so precise about narcissistic parents in my life! 😲
Agree 💯!! In my narcissistic "parents" cases too, so spot on
Danish is truly a blessing to us! ❤
Of course
Really thanks to almight he has given me mentally peace . Coup up from my wife torture.
And you can let them know that's why they're so angry because you refuse to be their puppet!
I identify with the killing of emotions. Especially in childhood. In my 30's I was diagnosed with depression and I was told that depression is anger suppressed and turned against yourself. I've been doing this for most of my life. I liked the phrase "that you are only as good as your last mistake". This was true in my childhood home as my mother was a sadistic narcissist and nothing I ever did was of any consequence I was considered a burden and a useless person. Even today she tells me this, at least she did as, I no longer have contact 4+ yrs and I am so glad I did.
The depression of spirit is one of the most devastating results of narcissistic abuse.
@@kerrytaggart8206Amen 😞
After ten years of not seeing the narc he wanted to destroy my marriage.
I get depressed, I have given myself the blame that I don't talk so well and that's why I don't stand up for myself.
But then I see that it wasn't me.
I started to see that I was to nice and he was so bossy ..depression is for me
Sadness and blaming my own person.
Anger for letting me hurting again and again.and still Loving your parents. So you doesn't stand up for yourself thinking of his feelings instead of your own
Yea me too I was abused loudly from age 8 to 16 so hid in my room 24/7 but would hear it through the door terrified, I became very silent & repressed & withdrawn
So sorry to hear that!! In my experience, this happened to me with them too. But they made out I'd a chronic mental health condition instead as they tried to control the narrative with me as well.
In my case: 1) Not asking for anything is noble. So spot on. I have been a solo mom and homemaker for 30 years 2) Emotions cannot be expressed and impossible to discuss without being insulted or denied. 3) The relationship is performance based. If I do my duties, I have value in this marriage. He never notices or acknowledges me for my raw self 4) He always puts me in a position to explain, defend and prove something no matter what the subject is. 5) He is not capable of intimacy and avoids it. He makes me settle for a bare minimum such as a kiss on the forehead, a little emoji, etc. ( Anger and sadness are buried in my pillow every night when I go to sleep. There is always a streak of sadness when I am around him or imagine myself with him in the future. I'm getting ready to call it quits.
He's autosexual, gay, bi, addicted to porn, or all of the above.
I finally realized in looking at my life that all of the men with whom I had relationships only wanted what they could get out of me. Not one cared for who I was inside.
@@Meadows1966-st3wl narcissists autosexual, attracted to same sex, addicted to porn , or all three.
@@susanmercurio1060 I am sorry to hear that. Empathetic people usually end up with selfish people. I did not have a lot of relationships to notice a pattern before this 30 year long marriage with him, a narcissistic man I have recently figured out. As a highly empathetic person when I was young and naive, I thought and believed that I could handle all kinds of imperfections, physical and behavioral. I was dead wrong! I now know I lacked self-worth to notice all the red flags, and there were way too many :(
You are right! You deserve better❤
Perfect description "puppet". They dehumanize you, training you to be their pet. They don't like pets or children, so they add us to that list. Sad that many people choose to live that way, feeling worthless and unloved!!
Thank you Danish for analyzing and describing the Puppet Master Narc. This layer is foundational for understanding the tactics of these stingy, sadistic characters that train victims to live in fear, terror and feeling like a burden for simply being human with ordinary needs. They can drive anyone to the edge of extinction with the tactics highlighted in this brilliant survey!
👌💖👌
And they so hate it when you get out of the relationship and they get evidence you are looking after yourself and won't take their abuse any longer!
Every time I listen to your advice, Danish, I can physically feel and hear my pulse rate speed up and my face start to get hot.
Because it's all true.
I can understand every word you are saying.
It is all true.
I cannot even imagine how you survived TWO narcissists and as a small child.
This type of person is the most evil on the earth.
I am scared of him sneaking back into my life. I want to be able to keep an emotional distance.
❤
Yeh be very careful of that. I had not spoken with my ex narcissist in one month suddenly he contacted me and next I let him visit me. Biggest mistake I will not let it happen again and will not take him back. But it has taken me backwards again. Don't fall for going back to him
@@MelanieWard-ni1em
My biggest problem is he contacts my dad.
I know once court is done I can be finished with any "niceties" I need to show him on my part. However my father is retired and has a work shop for a hobby. My ex knows this and asks my father to do jobs for him. Even wants to have the restraining order amended to be able to come by the house.
Narcs are so f’d up
This is exactly the way I grew up with NM
No.5....Killing of my inner emotions led to extremely painful even for the rest of life...😢so much
❤
I have this feeling too. It's so hard even when i take my pills from the doctor or drink countless beer i only can low the bad feeling, but the bad feeling is there 24 hours
This is exactly what happens, the narcissist grooms you to be the selfless self because they want you to become a slave with no self. If you are trapped in a relationship with a narcissist you are trapped in hell on earth.
I experienced all the points with my narcissistic family and with ex husband and his family. But now I got divorced and no contact with my family. Now i healed from all these
a couple counselors told me i must use my “healthy anger” …. What !! healthy anger 😲 i learned to avoid anger at all costs . i never wanted to be discribed as a angery person . like my dad or ex .. anger causes, to this day a deep fear and sadness.. that was my training.. i don’t know if i will ever understand that consept . “ healthy anger “. thank you Danish . you are helping a whole generation 👍🏼
This is so true for African women, we were trained from a very young age to be men doormats. Since I was a kid I always heard, "All men cheat" "If a man is violent, the woman surely deserved it" "Confronting a man is disrespectful" "Women should be submissive to their husbands no matter what they do" etc I didn't have the right to be just my own person with feelings, I was trained to believe that to be a "good wife" or "daughter" I should throw my personality away. It partly succeeded as I learned to shut down my emotions when I was around people but as a result, I developed social anxiety.
They really do want me to kill my emotions. I'm trying to let myself feel everything. To sit with anger and not feel like a terrible person. I just write it all down. I've been in fear since i can remember. It just became so normal to be in survival mode. At least i have more awareness now. There is less shame and self blame.
Thank you Danish 🙏 Hope you are enjoying your weekend 🥰
I’m moving on..living my good life. No more bs from my step siblings. No contact.
The narcissists think you are their servants. They train you to whatever they want, and you have to obey otherwise. I was young and naive, raised by my parents to be respectful, loving, caring and etc. In no time, I'm in my 20s. It's time to leave the nest. I met a guy in which I thought loving and caring with a sweet smile. Unknowingly, the man is the reverse of me. The very first day of our marriage, that sweet face with a sweet smile
became a poker face. What's wrong? I asked. He won't say a word. He's so quiet. I didn't know that was the silent treatment. I cried. What I did wrong? I have no idea what's going on. The day that's supposedly a good day turned disgusting and disappointed. Since then, the person that I thought was kind, caring and loving. He's no longer the person that I used to know. Every day is a nightmare. Like I can't breathe. Danish is so right. All the above are true. The vivacious, outgoing girl became withdrawn, shy, and hated the crowd. One summer day sitting alone in the backyard, like someone told me to do this, do that. Don't let yourself go down. You're not that girl that you're supposed to be. I guess it was my guardian angel talking to me. I finally got the courage to say no to him. At one time, I became supernova. He got shocked. I finally learned how to deal with the narcissist. Today, there's no way I will let him gaslight, manipulate, or control me. I told him, you're not my God. I have a life to live like anybody else. On purposely, I don't wash dishes. I wash whenever I feel like it. I don't do whatever he tells me to do. I ignored him. I avoid confrontation. I gave him a complete silent treatment. If he tries to gaslight me. I go to the washroom pretending I need it. Love bombing? That, too, is not working for him. I don't know where he's getting his supply. If he got one or two, I pray he moves there. And I will thank them for taking over.
I discovered the covert narcissist label after I had walked away. Once you discover it, you remember 1000s of odd incidents which match. The criticisms disguised as jokes, the smirk, the ghosting and gaslighting. The breadcrumbs are reward/response training. You stick around for the rewards which are unpredictable. Eventually breadcrumbs cease but you still react, anticipating you reward. When you look back you kick yourself for missing that she trained you like Pavlov's dogs and you didn't see it.
Omgosh spot on for just learning what a narcissist is
Yes. Train not to ask for anything. Always trying to say what others have said. Examples from other families (often times made up scenarios).
It’s conditioning you to act noble. Dont ask for anything. Do everything for the narc. Dont take days off. Vacations are bad etc.
It’s all conditioning you to serve and do it quietly. It’s spiritual.
It's called conditioning, right? If you're unfortunate enough to have narcissistic parents, that conditioning will be there from a young age, and it usually comes in double, with the father being the violent one and the mother always being the poor little thing. And that's why this is the worst case of narcissistic abuse there is, because the child has no way of defending themselves, making it clear that the others are horrible too.
Their meanness is more accepted as we had to accept to survive and onto more surviving with a relationship, unfortunately with one! 🤷🙃🌈🎃
The roles can be reversed. Or different kinds. A covert narcissistic mother and a covert narcissist dad. That was mine.
💯% well said!! In my experience, both my narcissistic "parents " both as nasty & manipulate as much as each other so I was sadly on my own.
Spot on
I am trying to learn to be human again
It pains so bad
I tried everything to be a great wife and mother
At one point I could almost not speak
Children should be seen and not heard. Right?
So should all adults.
My sleep is deprived after leaving the narc
Read Psalm 91 and 23 at midnight out loudly and believe the blessing in your life. Fast and pray.
What helped me was to take at least 2 weeks of little and no contact at all - in order to detox from the narc and start to think and feel for myself again. Of course the love bombing started again, but, I was stronger and able to finally realize I wanted OFF her crazy demonic drama rollercoaster. That’s NO way to live a happy life. It was a choice! Wasn’t easy but I finally chose ME!
Your videos are incredibly eye opening and validating. So many things I could never put into words because I was sooooo gaslit and confused. I finally have clarity and am able to find my words for my feelings of abuse. Thank You ❤❤❤
Number 1 rule with narcissist. You can never win.
They love the ' Cool girl' the one who never asks for much, who is ok with their behaviours. Basically a passive repressed trauma wounded nice girl. I was that. The experience woke me up to myself. I was needy. Not anymore. 2 years of solitude and healing l see the crazy toxic person he is. I attracted my shadow. Scary shit.
The triggering for sure. So good to realize that your energy is best left to not believe what is being said and not respond to it.
He always pulled out the camera phone soon as my face changed 😮. after 5 yrs of his bullshit life filled with baby mamas & sucking up to family ...I called it quits. Life will get better!!
I was trained very hard to do house chores since my childhood....and till the date I work so hard that 5 minutes rest or break makes me anxious and guilty.... Very often I wake up in midnight worrying that I have to finish this or that work.......🙏
Not to diagnose, but that _reeks_ of C-PTSD.
Sorry dear.
@@riddhidharaiya5032 I was raised the same way. It's a struggle for me to let go of the feeling that I have to get up and DO something.
Have you ever chipped concrete in 5°f outside?
Understanding this people is a science. I had no chance as a child growing up with this kind of parents
Yes, all 5, and they all serve to silence you and keep you from speaking up and getting help.
I still need help recovering from all 5, but I think I'd like to learn more about overcoming #1 as I am seeing that in a big way now in my son who also became a target of his narc dad, and is even resisting my help, and worse as PA is at play.
Thank you, Danish, for this safe space to connect and heal. Bless your heart.
Thank you Danish, you are helping us. Psychotherapists cannot understand it unless someone has experienced it and healed it. you help us heal properly.❤❤❤
I raised my 2 kids alone from any help form him. He said he earned the money as I was a stay at home Mom and so his 'work' was done at 5:pm and he watched TV until 10:00pm every night. He was fixated at the 10pm rule. He went up alone as I had 2 babies. After a while when I'd ask for help and never got it I stopped asking for help as he said I should be able to do it why am I asking for his help?
Yup and he's happy to support another woman, besides you to take care of the kids! Nothing women do anymore is respected; cooking, cleaning, teaching the kids, knitting/sewing, I'd tell mine to go ahead and divorce me, he'd have less money, least they got to get out of the house, live in adult world, never mind you know what a diff it made in the kids' lives, he slandered me to our daughter and she shuns me, not very smart with her finance's family all in EU, oh well, my son's amazing as is his girlfriend, always remember you probably freaked him out as to how strong you were and still are! ❤
@joseenoel8093 I'm sorry you went through that. Shame on your daughter for not getting your point of view, researching her own information, and forming her own opinion.
same here....
Omg
You are so so right. All this I am experiencing with my husband
You are a strong person to have endured this pain. God bless you. You are trying to help others now.
Thanks so much for the enlightenment...
God bless you
My narcissistic mother...Fear is Big for with me in my household! And then my covert narcissistic ex husband was totally something else, he would antagonize and then when I reacted it was me always! I was raised to believe everything was my fault!
I faced Every thing u said .. which is horrible.. Thanks alot danish for clearing some of my doubts 🙏
My narcissist Father treats me like a puppet since my childhood in every manner
Working on not feeling guilty for having real emotions, and knowing that they really do not have any and not let them manipulate you to not having real natural emotions🎉
All 5 of them.
Well I'm done , thanks for the video
You are so amazing ,Mr Bashir🙌🏽👏🏽👍🏽💖...I just love listening to you & remembering ALL the ways the narc ex used to torment me, as I am finally recovered, it no longer triggers me...I have to keep an eye on my daughter in law who is using many of these tricks on my son😵😒..but thankfully whenever he comes to me I can give him some advice , especially after one of your videos🤗..blessings🎉
I've experienced all these tactics, but the one I'd like most to work on is "killed emotions". 😢 Thank you, Danish. 💕
You speak such truth.
So sorry Danish the hell you had go through and see how strong you are and human ❤
You are so funny! x) But I understand the amount of frustration that must underline it.. it's relatable. Anyway, thanks for the video. These help.
😢 sorry for you🎉 I hope you can relax and learn to feel real joy!
Thank you Danish for your Insight & Expertise..🌟
It is so helpful..❤️🩹
You are a Blessing to the Universe🌠
Peace be with you🕊🌿🕯
Michigan, USA🌲
Thank you
Danish❤
I literally had to listen to that in parts...this was too intense...
I visited my covert narcissistic mother today with a relative. During our visit, she was asking how a malignant narcissistic family member was doing who molested his daughter. She even asked how the daughter was doing. My mother wasn't concerned about how I was doing. My mother abandoned, neglected, and abused me during my entire life. Today made me sad because it made me realize that my own mother has never cared about my well-being.
Wow yes. I can see that secret…trained to react etc…so true..so devious..the poor victim…
Goodness 💔😢
I'm in my 40s and am only now realizing how much I was raised to bow to narcissists in my life. Yes, that's right, multiples😢
As to which one I would like to work on, I'm not exactly sure all of them. I am breaking Free slowly but surely.
Praise the Lord!! I'm so grateful for the patience That Jesus has with His sheep... And even when we are hurting, He so tenderly carries as close to His heart.
Excellent
The narcissists in my life are enraged because I won't go into the "fawn" response of the "Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn" responses.
@susanmercurio1060 Good for you! Keep at it and keep them enraged so they use up THEIR energy on THEIR own garbage for once!
@@sbfabtfc1 They're dumping it on me. I just got a police report and I applied for a Restraining Order to stop them.
What's that? Like comply
@@ghostsheet777Look up "fawn" in a dictionary
@@susanmercurio1060 its probably as many words to describe the meaning of fawn, as telling me to look it up myself would be 😂
Thank you❤
U r a good explainer
Thank you so much, your videos are incredibly accurate. I have a question: my former narcissistic female colleague often took pictures of me, especially during afterwork events, but was always reluctant to send them to me afterwards (the photos were normal, like random portrait photos, nothing special). She would "keep them" and I never understood exactly why, do you have any explanation pls.? A video on the relationship of the narc and the physical appearance of their victim/pray would be perhaps interesting (perhaps you have done it already). Again, thank you a thousand times.
Same thing happened with my colleagues but they will afterward send my photos. But will not be ready to take photos with me
The thing I seem to struggle with after going NC is just feeling happiness and joy. I just got hired at a very good job that comes at a life saving moment, and I feel nothing but depression and anxiety. I question if I will even be good enough for the job (which is ridiculous because my old job was the same thing and I was there for 5 years).
I wish I could feel happiness and pride or just neutral.
Sorry about your plight. But my advice is to see a therapist, don't be afraid to change them until you find one that suits you. Every day look in the mirror and say I am worthy, I am blessed, I will do my job to the best of my abilities, and I will have a great day! Live a life of gratitude. After all you woke up narc free, and in good enough health to go to work, read a good book. It may be hard at first but replace negative thoughts with positive ones. It can start with thinking of a good movie or a good book you may have read or some cheerful past experience. This will help to reset your mind. Good luck in your healing journey! Your happiness is not determined by man, but by a greater power!
In a family, narassist plays a mind game with the entire family members and ensures that none should talk eachother because if they speak each other it is easy to identify the issues or can understand who is playing the blame game, so narassist builds a drastic gap between each other and also with the help of evil spirit blocks the mind of entire family members. I have seen this happened until most of them were dead without knowing the truth.
I feel in a family, if one person is spiritual, he or she will come to know the entire truth at a specific time which means as per universe guidance.
I’d just get battered LATER…& if my mother tried to intervene, she’d get it too. And now, my own grown child has chosen to live under these circumstances along with her children. She wasn’t raised that way, I can’t comprehend why she’s left everything, including herself, behind.
There is a lot of Truth in this video. Still, on the anger - related part, i have an impression that sometimes some of us might need not to kill but to - how to say - modulate our anger . . . in order not to act in a similar way to toxic narcs. Also, because too much anger can kill other aspects of our authentic selves. Just my two cents. I want to underline that what i said is not necessarilly suitable for every person that might read this comment.Thanks for your work.
Danish please Do an episode about Narcissist Maternal Uncles. I think my maternal uncle is a total narcissist.
you are helping God knows how many 😢
I hate my ex. Danish, you nailed it again.
I unfortunately accepted the hoover in 2017...now I'm dealing with parental alienation. I'm out but dealing with this
Fear
2.Kanal ist Narc con...Paula.❤❤❤sie macht es genauso super wie du. ihr beide seid mein Vater und Mutter, die mir helfen, zu genesen..❤❤❤
This has nothing to do with anything, but I love this hairstyle on you. I wish I could get my hair to do something like this, but it's not happening for me.
Off topic but I love that shirt
Reactive abuse that is something that is a game for al days..and for me something that played al the time.
When you tell something important they dont listen and walk away if you are nothing for them, when there are people visiting and you say something its always wrong what you say..the undermind everything you say , when i started talking he said no that not true she said good buy. So you are the one that see things wrong, you are the one that are difficult, say stupid things about others, make you upset you know what happens, so he wants to make you mad and stand up for your self ..but the people that is visiting on that moment look at you, you try to defend your self and everything you say makes that no one believes you, because you are the one thats fights to be right.
When you don't bite in his actions and talking furter he interrupt you so everone listen to him and want to take the conversation over. So you have nothing to say he is funniest he talk better then you . This way he makes you insecure
So you say nothing anymore, and listen to him. You are his nothing good to serve his drinks like a waitress
Sometimes, I wonder are the parents who oppose their child's choice of partner just on pretext of religion or caste are narcissists? If the guy and girl are good for one another and they can live happily with one another, why do they obstruct their happiness? Is honorkilling just a proof of narcissism?
Danish, could you please elaborate a clip talking about why narcicist victims prefer horror gender in movies? I read a brief reel that relates this with trauma. Thanks!!!
I've literally walked on broken glass to try to kill my emotions...
Right on 😂
I have all these responses because both my mother and husband are maligned narcissists and psychopaths.
Please discuss what therapy is suitable for nurcesist,
omg so sorry Darnish that you went threw that i have a Narrsist luck for me i haven’t physically met him but by text he is so controlling he hates me crying he makes me show him my bank account i know it sounds crazy but honestly he is so over powering and he makes me do pictures for him lucky for me he is gone just know he dose the disappears ever so often but i know he will be back
Book for December please with good notice for those of us who work and need to arrange our schedules around it.
I have been there twice never again .
The narc I know is training me to not ask any questions or react. I should say respond when he is flirting with another woman right in front of me if I do ask anything it’s considered overreaction. It is not a question of respect to him and our marriage I’m immediately labeled And dismissed and he will say something like oh you’re starting a fight again and that’s when my anxiety level goes up the roof and I say no I’m not overreacting. I feel like you’re disrespecting. You’ll never get an answer from a narcissist no answers no accountability no nothing. It’s training in action!!
what they be doing to my young child after and while did same tome-_- thnx
My narcissistic husband has stolen my daughter's childhood. She could not be innocent. She had to walk in egg shells along with me.
Now he is older ashehe is now making an attempt to recover in my view, but it is too late.
It's a sad thing .
God Bless you...Overt narc fathers and covert narc mothers families are disgusting..throw in toxic golden siblings..welcome to hell...Jesus saves ❤ 🙏 amen
i see all of them in myself
A seraphim to them the God...
My husband is a kind human ❤sometimes bipolar 😢
😂 I am born rebel. 😂
💯
💯✅
My mother is narcissist
Pls make im hindi
Make in hindi pls
♥️🇦🇺♥️🇦🇺♥️🇦🇺I Treasure YOUR AND ADVICE♥️🇦🇺♥️🇦🇺♥️😏♥️🇦🇺♥️😏♥️😏