It's call me by your name bc of the Greek thing that humans were made in pairs, 4 arms 4 legs and 2 heads but cut in half so they wouldn't be too powerful so call them by your name is claiming them as your self again, basically a convoluted way of calling them your soulmate That's what I've heard at least
@Akshita Shukla right? initially I thought it was weird and narcissistic calling someone by your own name in the moment but this is more understandable
I think it also has that idea of “He’s more myself than I am” (Wuthering heights) not that I’m saying it’s a reference, just that the idea is underlying it is similar.
It's also a reference to Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. The pair is mentioned in the song Mystery of Love too. The story goes that the Persian queen saw Alexander and Hephaestion and assumed that Hephaestion was Alexander. She went up to Hephaestion pleading "please, Alexander, spare my life and my family's life." When she realized her mistake, the real Alexander stepped forward and told her "you are not mistaken for this man too is Alexander." This moment was basically Alexander claiming how close of a companion Hephaestion was. They were one in the same.
The meaning behind the expression "call me by your name and I'll call you by mine": An ancient greek myth says that, in the beginning, a human was a creature with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs, but then Zeus split it apart for some reason and the only way they could find their other half was by calling the other by their name. If the other part responded, it meant it was the right half. So that's how you'd find your soulmate.
@@vishnurcu1948 I thought it was because of tale between Alexander and Hephaestion. It goes something like :after winning a battle in Persia, Alexander and Hephaestion visited the Persian royal family. Mistaking Hephaestion for Alexander, the Queen of Persia knelt before Hephaestion to plead for her and her families lives. When she realized her mistake she was embarrassed, but Alexander pardoned her, saying, ‘You were not mistaken, mother, for this man too is Alexander’. In this story, Alexander considers his lover to be him, literally calling him by his own name. The parallels between Elio and Oliver, and Hephaestion and Alexander are obvious
@@erikperhs_ it's actually the lyrics of mystery of love: "Like Hephaestion, who died Alexander's lover Now my riverbed has dried Shall I find no other?" I mean it's a story. It can have multiple interpretations
I think I would be more okay with the age gap if Oliver looked like a 24 year old student, and not a 35 year old dad, tbh. Those shorts did no one any favours
In Italy I believe the age if consent was 14, which certainly isn’t good, but the characters are 17 and 23 so idk, it never really felt like it was an abusive relationship in any way, or one-sided. I think it really is, as cindy puts it, about the experience of a first love, especially for someone gay, who often finds it in someone much older. I didn’t really find it more problematic than it should be, meaning, it might be problematic, but it’s quite real. Btw the book is also really beautiful and gorgeously written.
I hate when people use this as a justification because lowered age if consent is so teenagers cannot be prosecuted for having sex with other teenagers. NOT for adults to have sex with teens. Like, I really want people to hear themselves when they say these kinds of things. Also Oliver is 24.
I see a lot of people bringing up the fact age of consent is younger in European countries, but most consent laws were created so teenagers won’t get in trouble for having sex with other teenagers, not so adults can get away with going after kids. In this movie specifically the age gap isn’t that bad (I mean as a 23 year old I have no desire to be in relationships with teenagers but I digress). But having to bring up the legal age of consent just makes it a weird excuse for weird behavior to me lol
The age of consent is irrelevant, but in Europe it is much more common for teenagers in their late teens to date people in their 20s. And yes, it's slimy and gross, but it's a common way people experience first love and I don't see why we can't have movies that explore that.
Yeah where I live 14 is the age of consent but only with people up to the age of 16 i think? And above that i don't think there's an age limit but i might be wrong idk
Yeah, that’s why I get a bit sad when people refer to wlw books as lesbian instead of sapphic. As a pan girl it kinda makes me feel invalidated when one of the characters is bi or pan but the relationship is referred to as a lesbian relationship. I’m pretty sure there’s a gender swapped alternative to sapphic which is achillean but it’s not really used as much.
@@sakinaalia1067 I'm pan too and it bothers me when people use "gay" or "lesbian" as umbrella terms. If i'm in a relationship it should be termed as pan(my sexuality)-(my partners sexuality) couple and not term it as "lesbian or straight" couples.
So weird to see you asking about "why is nobody working?" or "how do people sustain this life?". It's summer guys, they're on vacation! Of course they're not doing anything all day, they went there to relax
I am literally about 7 minutes in and I am questioning if these people are uncultured?? They complain about shorts, how the egg was eaten? Have they explored outside the american culture? Like they are literally asian and it's very weird as an asian myself how someone who has been in two cultures not grasp that there are different aesthetics and traditions everywhere. And its visibly summer on the movie. Is common sense not too common? Also, the fact that they're a hetero couple kinda irks me.
@@larkwong7925 they are not a couple, Ellias is gay (they were just joking), but yeah kind of agree with you that they were looking at everything through american pov!
Ngl as mich as I didn’t like the actual plot of the story, the visuals and aesthetics are very nice Also when Elias said That’s such a weird way to eat an egg when it’s literally how so many Europeans eat their eggs (especially in Germany) I screamed
Omg I thought it was a comment about how it overflows because Oliver is messy but I just realised that I've never seen soft boiled eggs (besides Eggs Benedict if you count that) in American TV...
as someone who’s loved this movie for awhile now i feel a lot of people including me love the movie because of the cinematography, because Luca has said they used the same camera for each shot, which i find incredible and the line “call me by your name and i’ll call you by mine” basically is a old saying meaning i love you or something like that.
Yes, the cinematography and overall setting and atmosphere of the movie is one of the reason why I love it so much. But also because I think both actors did a great job in depicting the characters feelings towards each other. It felt very real.
That’s a good point. But it has a lot to do with the casting. Timothée Chalamet easily passes for sixteen and *rmie H*mmer doesn’t seem a day under thirty-five.
The age difference thing is interesting because of the cultural differences. In the US the age of consent is 18, but in Italy, a lot of Europe, and lots of European colonial countries like New Zealand and Australia the age of consent was then and remains today 16 or younger. So this relationship dynamic, where there is an age difference of anywhere from 5-10 years but the younger person is over 16, is still quite common, legal, and considered fairly normal. My parents were 17 and 24 when they met, same as Oliver and Elio in the book, and 19 and 26 when they married. I'm in NZ. This was and remains a total non-issue. You start to consider grey areas when you add a power differential. For eg., in all these places, it still wouldn't be okay for a 25yo teacher and a 17yo student to be in a relationship. But in this film/book, Oliver is a university student and there is no significant power differential between him and Elio. He's just a visiting student over the summer. The age difference dynamic was badly over-emphasised in the movie though by casting Armie Hammer as Oliver, who was in his late twenties and looks MUCH OLDER than Timothee Chalamet (I think their age gap was slightly larger than their characters, but Timothee genuinely pulls off 17yo no worries whereas Armie Hammer looked like he was in his late twenties rather than early twenties, as he was). IMO, these types of age gap relationships still do require some scrutiny, as the POTENTIAL for abuse is higher, but in many places they're not inherently "bad" as everyone in that culture has grown up considering 16 as the age of consent, and their understanding of relationships has been shaped by that.
Thank you! age gap romances are not inherently bad there could be a higher chance of abuse depending on power dynamics but they are not inherently bad. Sometimes it irks me that some people when they see a relationship with more then a 5 year difference they automatically assume with there is some sort of abuse happening. I understand that age gaps can be dangerous and people should be careful with power dynamics and yes some relationship just shouldn't happen i.e teacher student. But some age gap relationships are no more dangerous then other relationships. Meaning some are just normal relationships dealing with normal relationships problems but with a 10 year difference.
I didn’t know Americans had a problem with age gaps. My grandparents literally have an age gap of 13 years (she was 21 and he was 34 when they married because she was pregnant). I mean, it’s different when one party is a teenager, but I’d still look at the individual relationship and not call every single age gap relationship horrible and abusing.
Honestly, there are some movies you need to watch alone. Shut the light off and enjoy it. I don't know if it's just me, but some movies I can't watch with my friends. I put shields all over me so no one can see me get emotional. Anyway that's my thing I guess. I liked the movie, but the book was amazing, it was prose.
I watched this in 2018 and back then everyone praised it, now everyone seemed to hate it. I still love the movie and thought the movie is sensual and the way they depict the relationship and how they flirt is just sneaky, and it could be interpreted as creepy. I do think that the casting of Armie Hammer as Oliver is sooo off, they should've casted more young looking actor, and probably not so tall. it makes things look creepy. Regardless, because i enjoyed both the book and the movie, i think this story was meant to be harmless.
I also respect ellias and cindy for being super mature and understanding at the end with their analysis despite not really feeling the movie, most peoppe would just slander unreasonably.
i didn't think it was creepy at all. i don't get why people think it's creepy besides maybe the age gap. i am not going to watch this video now or read anymore comments that i've seen some comments because i don't want my perception of the movie to change lol
I see a lot of people giving "yeah but it's Europe so no big deal" trearment to the age gap criticsm and as an European I just want to say that it solves nothing. Yeah, the age of conset for us is 16 or lower in some countries- but the fact that this is legal doesn't make it less "problematic" and uncomfortable and that's kind of the point. They are on a diffrent maturity levels and their relationship is not entierly healthy. Yeah, in some European countries (some is important here because im kind of tired of this generalization) relationships between people under 18 and 20 something is more common, but that doesn't mean people are always fine with it and don't see it as potentialy harmful to teenagers in such relationships. Like it would be legal for 19 and 30 year okay to get together but it still can be potentialy creepy and unhealthy.
the amount of people defending their dynamic as healthy and normal is so funny to me. it is still really weird, but it's only romanticized because it's shown from timothy's naive pov. imagine watching this through the older guy's pov, who is engaged, but has this weird summer fling with a 17 year old boy?? like it's not as cute as people are making it out to be lmao, just cause the "age of consent is 16 in europe" or whatever so it's "normal"...
This, like just because it is "legal" doesn't make it normal. I found the film to be more of a tragedy of watching a naive youth fall in love with someone who was older and ultimately abusing their position.
As long as everyone is of legal age and everything is consensual it's not my place to judge. After all, who gets to decide what form of love is acceptable? You?
girl it’s a movie. it’s allowed to explore relationships that might be taboo and it doesn’t mean anything more than that, stick to cartoons or something more attuned to your delicate sensibilities
My major issue with the movie was that he was a young looking 17 year old and Oliver was an old looking 24 year old. Could have easily been 15 and 30. For me it just looked creepy.
Elio is supposed to be 17 and Oliver 24, so while this is still super inappropriate, Oliver isn’t like super old. I got the feeling you thought he was 35+ (like with Elios dad and Oliver being nearer in age?) Not saying this isn’t still so not ok. 7 years is a lot in this age range.
Age of consent is 14 in Italy. I was 17 and my first love was 24 and thank goodness nothing of the typical US puritanical is present in my country still. Of course it was consensual.
17 is practically grown tho.I was 24 and my husband was 42 when we met and I still mess with people by calling him my dad in public. and give a big ole smoochie.
I haven’t seen anyone comment about this but multiple women called out Armie Hammer (Oliver) for sexual, emotional abuse, rape & a bunch of other messed up stuff. Idk if u guys knew about this before but it definitely affected my enjoyment of the movie ://
i mentioned this and andre aciman's pedophilia in a comment on this video yesterday or the day before and i cant seem to find it in the comments anymore (maybe it never posted or something?) but yeah...
mmm idk, i guess the age gap was less glaring to me because of the context that they're living in-super conservative, religious culture and era (and armie hammer doesn't really look that old to me lolz). the thrill and relief of finding someone like you (gay) and interested in you, the mutual understanding that they have... just trumps the taboo for me. they were both discovering things about themselves during their time together. i didn't enjoy the book as much, but the atmosphere and cinematography of the film really got me. but yeah, i guess it's not for everyone!
the time period is very important because they are bisexual Jewish men in Italy in the middle of the AIDS epidemic. knowing this, I do think that in a small town like that a young man getting to explore that part of his sexuality for the first time with an older man that is more secure about his sexual life is more understandable. the age gap is still not good tho!
okay look. I LOVE this movie so so much so I am possibly slightly biased in trying to "defend" it. Yes age gaps in relationships are kinda weird. I have been in relationships with someone 10 yrs older than me and I found it totally fine at the time but looking back it really is just a weird power dynamic. Because both assume you're on an equal power level but usually you just aren't. And that gives so much more power to the older person which in turn would have to be suuper aware and sensible about it but often isn't. At least that's my take on it. Back to the movie. Technically in the book the age gap is about 6 years and I really don't feel like that is too bad for a summer fling especially when the younger person is as activly after it as elio is. And on the other hand the book at least is to some degree about confessing things humans do that you would normally never even tell your friends about. About making you feel less weird and challenging our societal expectation of what is normal to think or do (yes the book is kinda crazy and in ways i didnt always personally love either but I do feel like there is more at play than trying to make the audience uncomfortable). Anyways during the first lookdown I got SUPER into the movie and the book and I have watched so many interviews with both Luca Guadagnino (the director) and Andre Acaiman (the author) and they are such lovely and thoughtful people, I really appreciate their perspective on life and how they share some of that through their work (not reeeally an excuse tho, I know). Luca is always kind of reserved about the age gap - I mean the actors have a 9year gap and while timothee actually looks around 18, armie hammer totally looks like he's in his mid-30s. Kinda yikes, yes. Luca always says that they just work very well chemestry wise on screen - which they do. They do. Also Luca was at the time of the movie in a relationship with someone almost 10years younger than him so uhm simply on that level I can understand that it might be kinda uncomfortable to have everyone pointing out how inappropriate the age gap in your movie is. Last point that I kinda have ambivilant feelings about is how much things being portrayed in media have to be rolemodels. I am defenitely a strong defender of showing "appropriate" content especially to younger audiences (but uhm its kinda hard already to settle on what is and isnt appropriate sometimes). And I don't think you can excuse media with "well if you think this is endorsing this behavior its obviously your personal fault" because thats not how a society works. Of course the works of fiction we consume influence us. But I also feel like this movie just shows what a realistic experience of first love is in such a carfeul and emotional way that I can't be mad at it. Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I am so sorry I know nobody asked for this haha. Fun Fact: the author of the film script is kinda pissed that there was no full frontal nudity in the movie haha.
Still a bit sus but the age gap is only 7 years, so he's much closer in age to elio than the dad, thankfully! The actors age gap is bigger than the characters!
I really appreciate that we all are so aware of age gaps and Things like that (because it IS Important!) But i don't know, it also doesnt sit right with me to say this relationship between elio and Oliver is not 'valid' only because of age - don't get me wrong but its not like its impossible between two people who have a 7 year age gap to Fall in love. Isnt it more important when we talk about grooming and all that kind of Stuff to really Look at the way that abusive relationships work and not immediatly say "oh theres an age gap so it MUST be abusive" - does anybody get what I mean?!
Not necessarily abusive imo BUT it's most likely impossible that you'll ever be on the same standing as them, talking about age gaps when youre in completely diff phases of life, like almost no 24 year old will listen to everything their 17 year old companions says, it's how we view teenagers and how they're still dependent on adults, there will always be some level of infantalisation on the older one's side towards the younger and that's just not a healthy foundation for a relationship, their needs are diff at those ages as well. Love just simply doesn't conquer all
@@aimun5255 I don't know about that, I wouldnt generalize that because I know many older couples that have a bigger age gap, they still seem lucky and isnt that what counts? :/
@@sarafinayam9034 it's just my observation, I come from a culture and country where age gaps are pretty common, my own parents are 10 years apart, and the power usually resides with the older partner, while many are comfortable couples, there's often some amusement and "you don't know better yet" when it comes to decision making, personally I find it insulting and wouldn't want a relationship like that
I think reducing this story to the age gap is wrong, the book gives a much more in depth view. And Oliver is only 24 but because Armie Hammer is older people thought it was weird. The message of the movie is literally LOVE IS LOVE - and sometimes it’s the most random and unexpected people we feel attractions toward. They are both bisexual but feel that a relationship with a woman is what they should be doing while also falling in love with a man. I think this story simply calls for open-mindedness in love and life.💚
It definitely doesn't help that armie is even older, and is awful. Sadly would make the movie hard if not impossible for me to care about, but wouldn't exactly be the story/age gaps fault
@@sophitiaofhyrule “Love is love” has been used by the LGBTQ community for a long time and p*dos overtaking that is disgusting and absolutely not the intention behind that saying and you know that. It’s also only love if it’s consensual, so it doesn’t apply to p*dos in any case
Call My By Your Name is undoubtedly my favorite film in life, I identified a lot with it, not to mention that it is profound, from the direction, script, photography, soundtrack, ambiance, performances. mainly from Timmy and Armie to the 80s vibe with looks, watches, Elio's bracelet, shoes, bikes, the village where they live, everything. Everything. Everything in this film and in the cinematographic universe is simply magnificent, the book too, argh. I'm crying just remembering. I loved that reaction from you two, laughed a lot and cried for the thousandth time, really, best reaction. Ellias and Cindy supremacy!!! #outbreak
Love the video!! I’m surprised when you were talking about the time you didn’t mention how homophobic the 80s was (AIDS panic etc), so the escapism of a story like this & the dad’s supportive speech hits different in that context - age gap definitely yikes not helped by casting of Armie Hammer - Oliver is meant to be a grad student so I always thought in the book he was like 22?
My friend really wanted to see this film but could not, because in her country, for example, this film was shown in a limited number of cinemas, and the book could only be read in an amateur translation. It wasn't until the film was released that the book was translated and published, but you certainly won't find it in your local library. In her country, the age difference of 7 years is not a problem, but homosexual relationships are. People in the United States tend to forget that being gay in many parts of the world is still unacceptable and even dangerous. Therefore, people read this book or watch a movie and do not think about the age difference, because they want to see those relationships and those feelings that they have to hide, because society is still not ready to accept them. I consider it a privilege to condemn and hate this film/book, because the characters have a difference in age, while in some parts of the world they are hated because the heroes of this story are gay.
I think both perspectives are valid. Especially if someone has experienced dating someone much older when they are still a teenager. I don't think it's a privilege because in my perspective, I focus a lot on the age gap because of my own experiences with being in a relationship with an unhealthy power dynamic. I definitely agree that not everyone has access to books and media that show healthy LGBTQIA+ relationships, but there is a reason why people think the age difference is a problem.
I agree with your comment. But I wanted to say that it's still unacceptable and dangerous in the US to be gay too, or queer in general. From another country's perspective it might look like we have the freedom to be gay with no consequence, but people get beat up and even killed for being queer in this country. We're no better than any of the ones you're referring to. I hope things get better for all of us.
The director, Luca Guadagnino, put an excessive amount of effort to create a sensuous landscape in Italy. That's why he lingers on the beautiful shots of Italy and the sounds and tastes and adds to the screenplay to accentuate all of it, its soooo beautiful
Guys theirs a french movie called summer of 85 with subtitles on amazon prime which is amazing. Its is so elegant and beautiful and well directed. It so emotional as well. Please react to that guys. You guys would love it.
As someone whose fav book and movie is CMBYN, I feel like you gain more appreciation for the movie after reading the book bc while it’s a great adaptation, the book shows you all of Elio’s thoughts, which you might not understand while watching. I definitely recommend reading it, even if you just wanna read pretty writing. Also I feel like a lot of people don’t know that Oliver is 7 years older - he’s 24. While it’s still not great, I think a lot of people think he’s over 30 since Armie looks older. And I think the age of consent is 16 in Italy so it’s not illegal, but I feel like a lot of the controversy could’ve been avoided if Elio was just 18 😭 It also kinda confuses me why people will ship characters with the same age gap with one being a teenager - Stiles and Derek, Aria and Ezra, Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing - and not think those are weird but think this one is? Is it because Armie looks older? I really don’t know the answer
@@Sacrificallamba hmm Elio’s actually very mature and also not a virgin bc of his relations with Marzia before Oliver, and even before Oliver, he had a crush on another guy (which is mentioned in the book)
The age of consent in Italy is 14 years, with a close-in-age exception that allows those aged 13 to engage in sexual activity with partners who are under the age of 18, provided that the age gap between them is less than 3 years. people in different cultures need to understand that there is no one single social environment globally. People in various cultures throughout history and currently mature differently. Personally for me if two persons hit puberty and reach the age of mental maturity (able to reason and distinguish between right and wrong) then it should be okay because they are adults. although I understand that the age gap may be disturbing for people in certain cultures due to power dynamics, it does not take away the right of adults (mentally mature) to make their own decision and make mistakes to grow in life. In my opinion, putting an age number of individuals across cultures is childish because it falls into subjective reasoning while considering puberty as well as mental maturity of individuals is more practical because it's objective. otherwise, you cant solve these issues.
Both Elio and Oliver are bi, not gay. Please don't erase the bisexuality of the characters, guys ':) Also, please read the book Cindy :D Also also, subscribing to Ellias because I love!
Did you read “Find Me”,, the sequel book…Elio seems pretty Gay & Oliver still loves Elio. I know so many people who say they are BI & eventually they get into a serious relationship with a person of same sex- married. When society FULLY accepts all sexual orientations, I’ll believe it more. Check out RUclips coming out vids where so many say they are BI to their parents to have the parents ease into 🏳🌈 Lily Tomlin said the same thing.
@@robertn800 What about it ? That’s just bisexual erasure. You can perdure liking someone of a certain gender without making your attraction to another gender disappear. You think that Bi people can only stay bi if they get into a throuple and marry both a man and a woman or what ? Them being in a same sex marriage means absolutely horseshit and the fact that people use the bisexual label as some wort of weird bridge is honestly really disrespectful and invalidating, and so are you.
@@robertn800 "Eventually they get into a serious relationship with a person of same sex - married." Okay, and? A bisexual person loving someone of the same sex does NOT erase their bisexuality. Likewise, a bisexual person loving someone of another sex does NOT erase their bisexuality.
@@robertn800 It is so cringe reading your comment because people of our community had fought and sacrificed so much to defy social norms and so we can now live as our true selves - just for people like you to sit there and be like, "Well, I'd believe in the existence of a community if only society fully accepted them." Literally STFU.
One thing I find weird about this situation is that people will defend the age gap in this movie till their dying breath and that it was nominated for best picture. Yet James Charles was canceled and disowned because he was 22/23 and had a relationship with someone the same age as Elio. I’m not saying that this right, I don’t condone that or the age gap in this movie. I’m just saying that I feel like people pick and choose a lot when it comes to these situations. Similar cases, own being praised in the media, one being heavily criticized in the media.
For me as problematic as this relationship dynamic is, Elio is a character that I heavily identified with. While I'm a cis woman, I think Elio's sexual awakening into BISEXUALITY (because people like to get rid of that part) is something that I can relate to. The way he gravitates towards adults vs being around kids is something else I identified with. He is precocious but also really sheltered and naive. I was like that a lot as a teenager and even now in my 20s. And like you both mentioned, I had a relationship when I was 18 with a 28 year old. I lost my virginity to him and so it did hit close to home for me too. I felt so bad for him towards the end... also knowing the type of guy Timothée Chalamet is in real life (not bad just so unlike his character in some ways), I was impressed with him. I enjoy both book Elio and film Elio. I just wish that they got someone who was actually in their 20s to play Oliver. Timothée was 20 years old or so here but he looked younger. Maybe even a stockier guy around his real age could have worked better because Armie looked so much older.
I hate that this was hugely marketed as this wonderful GAY movie when both of them are kind of bi/pan/have/had relationships with girls/women. idk just feels bi erasure-y to me also the age gap is weird af
The movie was about a romance between a couple of guys. That certainly can be fairly deemed as gay. It's not a gay movie. That would apply to pornography and nowhere else. It's a movie about a romance where those involved are of the same sex. Your problems about how the protagonists are identified, or not identifie as bi or pan are ridiculous. At the time when the relationship takes place being openly gay.was much more risky. Many gay people were forced into opposite sex relationships where they didn't have genuine romantic feelings for their partners. This was a common way to be in the closet, and it still is. This whole idea about "bi erasure" you should dump It's an invalid concept. You seem to have bought into ideas going around that are bullshit. There is no such thing as pansexuality. You need to develop critical thinking skills
Correct me if I'm wrong. The movie is more than 2 hours long and the book is more than 250 pages, not once did Elio nor Oliver say "I Love You" to each other and yet that's what they show and that's what they make us feel.
the age of consent in italy is 14, and you also have to keep in mind that relationships with fairly large age gaps aren´t rare in europe, so as a european myself i never really understood why people think of their relationship as an abusive one
Fr, it's funny watching Americans reacting to Call Me By Your Name because here it's nothing to write home about at all, it's not even that bad like 17 is pretty grown, if it was 14 or 15 then I'd get it though
Fairly large gaps are quite rare here in Europe, what are you talking about? Everyone frowns upon adults dating teenagers. Age of consent is just so teenagers won't get in trouble dating other teenagers, not for adults to get away with sleeping with them. Quite disturbing what you're defending.
@@sanxxxx I'm American but I've seen so many Europeans defending crazy age gaps such as 15 and 25+ because they say it's "normal" in most of europe. Interesting to see someone saying something different... ig it just depends on what of europe youre from.
I really love this comment section here! I agree with so many people and I am so glad to hear some positive opinions about cmbyn as recently this movie was hated as hell espacially on Twitter. I actually love the book and film and all this hate speech about it made me really sad and i really questioned my own liking of the story even though I loved it so much at first. Of course there are a few strange and questionable aspects but I think thats no reason to cancel the whole story. It just makes me happy to see that there are still a few people left who share my opinion and dont hate this movie completly.
Dude I was just telling my boyfriend how I can't really distinguish Armie Hammer or Tom Hardy in a sea of people. Cindy saying she couldn't remember who he was confirms (for me) that he has the most generic good looking white guy looks 😂
I agree with cindy, I think the movie was trying to depict the experience of first love and was entirely from Elio's POV. I get why people resonate with the movie, it's tough for any lgbtqia+ esp in the 80s, and this type of relationship is so common that it's validating to see it shown onscreen. It's also a rare depiction of bi/pan men in movies so I see why people feel a strong connection to the film and characters. I guess my only conflicted feelings are with how Oliver was never shown to be problematic in any way for going for Elio despite him being a teenager, even by his parents. If the age of consent in italy is 14 it makes sense, but even if it's legal there's still a power differential. Not as big as 10 - 15 years but when one person is a teenager and the other is already a working adult, there is a big diff in maturity, perspective and romantic experience and Elio's shown to be left high and dry without closure after Oliver left which imo makes Oliver look worse. Like I know it's tough for Oliver too being closeted and having to hide his feelings for everyone of the same gender for more years than Elio, but Idk I still feel like it doesn't justify going for someone barely graduating school it just explains why he did. I think the movie could have everything remain the same, but add in some acknowledgement from other characters that Oliver took advantage of Elio instead of painting it as completely unproblematic and sad, that Oliver did no wrong and that Elio would never find true love again after. That part didn't sit with me right, if others disagree that's fair tho I won't take away the value you took from the movie, just sharing why I think and also feel that people felt uncomfy watching the way the director depicted their story.
You need the book to actually understand the movie Bc the movie has so many holes , the book talks about the emotions they’re feeling waaaaaay better than the movie explains / shows it
not to kill the party but to me the book is *absolutely* terrible. no offence to the author. so glad i watched the movie first because i would’ve never watched after reading that book. and i didn’t even finish the book. couldn’t!
Honestly, I feel really weird to read some of the replies, my parents have an age gap (16 to be precise) and even I was a bit weirded out by the age gap in this movie, like my mother was like 22/23 when she met my dad who was 38/39 so at least she HAS some life experience out of highschool, whereas this boy is either still in school, or barely got out of school But this is a story of the past, so this makes sense to have this teenage boy to fall in love with a 24, especially if it’s a gay relationship, and like, he doesn’t know any better, it’s just story about his past relationship with a guy working for his father, so it (barely) passes in my book
I'm half Belgian half Italian and tbh nobody finds this relation problematic here, Elio is 17, almost an adult, Oliver is 24 and hasn't finished studying, they just are both students (I'd be unconfortable if Oliver was 24 but a working man out of school and into work life since several years). We are considered as adults at 18 here. And we are more shocked by Americans calling this pedophilia when it involves a nearly adult person perceived as a child. 😉
@@lightlawliet3526 agreed. I know a 24 years old stem student who just finished college and gosh he could be 18, I couldn't see the difference. Not because he is partying and such, he totally isn't, he is way too serious but he is so immature in his way of thinking the world and of understanding others. It would shock me more if he started dating a working woman of 27 than a studying woman of 20 tbh.
I'm Brazilian and the age of consent here is 14. It makes me so shocked to see how people care about the age gap thing. Like you said, they're both students! And if you read the book, you'll see Elio is faaar from being naive.
It's call me by your name bc of the Greek thing that humans were made in pairs, 4 arms 4 legs and 2 heads but cut in half so they wouldn't be too powerful so call them by your name is claiming them as your self again, basically a convoluted way of calling them your soulmate
That's what I've heard at least
@Akshita Shukla right? initially I thought it was weird and narcissistic calling someone by your own name in the moment but this is more understandable
I think it also has that idea of “He’s more myself than I am” (Wuthering heights) not that I’m saying it’s a reference, just that the idea is underlying it is similar.
It's also a reference to Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. The pair is mentioned in the song Mystery of Love too. The story goes that the Persian queen saw Alexander and Hephaestion and assumed that Hephaestion was Alexander. She went up to Hephaestion pleading "please, Alexander, spare my life and my family's life." When she realized her mistake, the real Alexander stepped forward and told her "you are not mistaken for this man too is Alexander." This moment was basically Alexander claiming how close of a companion Hephaestion was. They were one in the same.
@@m.a.2658 it is a reference in the book (if i remember it right)
Is it Plato, right?
i remember the word i was thinking of during the peach scene!! so basically timothee turned the peach into a fl*sh light
Cindy's comment is at 69 likes, nobody touch it ever
@@EnaJarales ᴏʜ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇy ᴅɪᴅ.
Please make a channel together! That would be everything.
I love that your only comment is about a fl*shlight
Exactly I saw this and was like……😟
The meaning behind the expression "call me by your name and I'll call you by mine":
An ancient greek myth says that, in the beginning, a human was a creature with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs, but then Zeus split it apart for some reason and the only way they could find their other half was by calling the other by their name. If the other part responded, it meant it was the right half. So that's how you'd find your soulmate.
thanks for commenting this
@@vishnurcu1948 I thought it was because of tale between Alexander and Hephaestion. It goes something like :after winning a battle in Persia, Alexander and Hephaestion visited the Persian royal family. Mistaking Hephaestion for Alexander, the Queen of Persia knelt before Hephaestion to plead for her and her families lives. When she realized her mistake she was embarrassed, but Alexander pardoned her, saying, ‘You were not mistaken, mother, for this man too is Alexander’. In this story, Alexander considers his lover to be him, literally calling him by his own name. The parallels between Elio and Oliver, and Hephaestion and Alexander are obvious
@@Silversubs29078 Well, what I saw was something different, but ok
@@erikperhs_ it's actually the lyrics of mystery of love:
"Like Hephaestion, who died
Alexander's lover
Now my riverbed has dried
Shall I find no other?"
I mean it's a story. It can have multiple interpretations
@@Silversubs29078 Omgg cryin that's so romantic
there’s no way I’d be able to watch the peach scene with someone sitting next to me without dying of awkwardness 🥲
I watched this movie in a theater with my mom and her boyfriend and obviously a bunch of other people and it was… quite unpleasant, lol
Lol , I watched that movie in class... And I tell u , it was more than awkward
MY SISTER LAST YEAR AT THE AGE OF 13 DECIDED IT WOULDVE BEEN A GREAT IDEA TO WATCH CMBYN W MY DAD. I RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE I SWEAR
@@notyourregularfairy4332 At
I think I would be more okay with the age gap if Oliver looked like a 24 year old student, and not a 35 year old dad, tbh. Those shorts did no one any favours
True, I recently watched an animated film with a gay couple that has the same age gap and it never felt weird.
either way its weird but like ur right, the age gap does look even larger
@@lilypond5158 not to be that person but may i know the name of the movie?
@@soumoditasaha1087 umibe no etranger, I'm not a gay romance kind of girl but even I enjoyed this.
hope you like it too.
@@lilypond5158 thank you! ^^
In Italy I believe the age if consent was 14, which certainly isn’t good, but the characters are 17 and 23 so idk, it never really felt like it was an abusive relationship in any way, or one-sided. I think it really is, as cindy puts it, about the experience of a first love, especially for someone gay, who often finds it in someone much older. I didn’t really find it more problematic than it should be, meaning, it might be problematic, but it’s quite real. Btw the book is also really beautiful and gorgeously written.
Exactly. In Brazil the age of consent is 14 too
It gets weirder when knowing the author admitted to being attracted to young girls :)
@@inlandempyre oh no 😖 yeah…. that’s cringe
I hate when people use this as a justification because lowered age if consent is so teenagers cannot be prosecuted for having sex with other teenagers. NOT for adults to have sex with teens. Like, I really want people to hear themselves when they say these kinds of things. Also Oliver is 24.
It still does not mean that it is okay. But I don't think Oliver is a groomer or predator.
I see a lot of people bringing up the fact age of consent is younger in European countries, but most consent laws were created so teenagers won’t get in trouble for having sex with other teenagers, not so adults can get away with going after kids. In this movie specifically the age gap isn’t that bad (I mean as a 23 year old I have no desire to be in relationships with teenagers but I digress). But having to bring up the legal age of consent just makes it a weird excuse for weird behavior to me lol
exactly! Also, different countries have different ages of consent, so how do you even decide with which to go.
The age of consent is irrelevant, but in Europe it is much more common for teenagers in their late teens to date people in their 20s. And yes, it's slimy and gross, but it's a common way people experience first love and I don't see why we can't have movies that explore that.
@@KingaZajacNNR but there are countries that have 12 years old as the age consent and that's an even more dicey number.
Yeah where I live 14 is the age of consent but only with people up to the age of 16 i think? And above that i don't think there's an age limit but i might be wrong idk
Me as a 22 year old woman thinking of a minor in that way makes me sick honestly it is a very weird way to justify that behavior
anyone: calling this movie gay and problematic
me: excuse me, they're both BI okay, it's very explicit in the book, so bi and problematic, thank you
I think they say gay as an umbrella term
@@shiro6880 yeah i was speaking in general terms,
I strongly dislike that gay nowadays doesn't necessarily mean a homosexual and that it became an umbrella term
Yeah, that’s why I get a bit sad when people refer to wlw books as lesbian instead of sapphic. As a pan girl it kinda makes me feel invalidated when one of the characters is bi or pan but the relationship is referred to as a lesbian relationship. I’m pretty sure there’s a gender swapped alternative to sapphic which is achillean but it’s not really used as much.
@@sakinaalia1067 I'm pan too and it bothers me when people use "gay" or "lesbian" as umbrella terms. If i'm in a relationship it should be termed as pan(my sexuality)-(my partners sexuality) couple and not term it as "lesbian or straight" couples.
"This is your culture you should explain it to me." Me to my straight friend watching twilight for the first time.
"ugh italian summers"
"anyway this is wonderwall"
So weird to see you asking about "why is nobody working?" or "how do people sustain this life?". It's summer guys, they're on vacation! Of course they're not doing anything all day, they went there to relax
it's an American perspective, they never stop working poor things
it’s bc they’re rich 😑
also the Italian lifestyle is very slow and calm , people will close up shop in the middle of the day go home and nap and come back
I am literally about 7 minutes in and I am questioning if these people are uncultured?? They complain about shorts, how the egg was eaten? Have they explored outside the american culture? Like they are literally asian and it's very weird as an asian myself how someone who has been in two cultures not grasp that there are different aesthetics and traditions everywhere. And its visibly summer on the movie. Is common sense not too common? Also, the fact that they're a hetero couple kinda irks me.
@@larkwong7925 they are not a couple, Ellias is gay (they were just joking), but yeah kind of agree with you that they were looking at everything through american pov!
Ngl as mich as I didn’t like the actual plot of the story, the visuals and aesthetics are very nice
Also when Elias said That’s such a weird way to eat an egg when it’s literally how so many Europeans eat their eggs (especially in Germany) I screamed
Same with the egg for me😂😂
same him commenting on the egg reminded me how American they are
INTERESTING
@@ellias Hahhaha
Omg I thought it was a comment about how it overflows because Oliver is messy but I just realised that I've never seen soft boiled eggs (besides Eggs Benedict if you count that) in American TV...
as someone who’s loved this movie for awhile now i feel a lot of people including me love the movie because of the cinematography, because Luca has said they used the same camera for each shot, which i find incredible and the line “call me by your name and i’ll call you by mine” basically is a old saying meaning i love you or something like that.
Yes, the cinematography and overall setting and atmosphere of the movie is one of the reason why I love it so much. But also because I think both actors did a great job in depicting the characters feelings towards each other. It felt very real.
I also love the panning long shot during Elio's subtle confessional scene. It's so good.
The Age gap is exactly the same in Dirty Dancing 17 and 23 no one seems to have a problem with it there
oooh? i've never heard or seen it 💀
That’s a good point. But it has a lot to do with the casting. Timothée Chalamet easily passes for sixteen and *rmie H*mmer doesn’t seem a day under thirty-five.
@@tinymxnticore there’s 10 years difference between Armie and Timothée and 8 years between Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey
@@ryno1509 I was referring to how old they seem on screen, not their actual ages.
Does anyone know the ages in Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights because honestly I prefer that one and I don't feel like googling
The age difference thing is interesting because of the cultural differences. In the US the age of consent is 18, but in Italy, a lot of Europe, and lots of European colonial countries like New Zealand and Australia the age of consent was then and remains today 16 or younger. So this relationship dynamic, where there is an age difference of anywhere from 5-10 years but the younger person is over 16, is still quite common, legal, and considered fairly normal. My parents were 17 and 24 when they met, same as Oliver and Elio in the book, and 19 and 26 when they married. I'm in NZ. This was and remains a total non-issue.
You start to consider grey areas when you add a power differential. For eg., in all these places, it still wouldn't be okay for a 25yo teacher and a 17yo student to be in a relationship. But in this film/book, Oliver is a university student and there is no significant power differential between him and Elio. He's just a visiting student over the summer. The age difference dynamic was badly over-emphasised in the movie though by casting Armie Hammer as Oliver, who was in his late twenties and looks MUCH OLDER than Timothee Chalamet (I think their age gap was slightly larger than their characters, but Timothee genuinely pulls off 17yo no worries whereas Armie Hammer looked like he was in his late twenties rather than early twenties, as he was).
IMO, these types of age gap relationships still do require some scrutiny, as the POTENTIAL for abuse is higher, but in many places they're not inherently "bad" as everyone in that culture has grown up considering 16 as the age of consent, and their understanding of relationships has been shaped by that.
AMEN to your comment! 🙏🏽
Thank you! age gap romances are not inherently bad there could be a higher chance of abuse depending on power dynamics but they are not inherently bad. Sometimes it irks me that some people when they see a relationship with more then a 5 year difference they automatically assume with there is some sort of abuse happening. I understand that age gaps can be dangerous and people should be careful with power dynamics and yes some relationship just shouldn't happen i.e teacher student. But some age gap relationships are no more dangerous then other relationships. Meaning some are just normal relationships dealing with normal relationships problems but with a 10 year difference.
@@rachelamontes THIS!!! Totally agree! 🙌🏽
I didn’t know Americans had a problem with age gaps. My grandparents literally have an age gap of 13 years (she was 21 and he was 34 when they married because she was pregnant). I mean, it’s different when one party is a teenager, but I’d still look at the individual relationship and not call every single age gap relationship horrible and abusing.
in this particular type of movie with is setting and period, it s a very nuanced conversation to have and not just black or white, agreed!
Cindy: "I can't watch explicit scenes."
Also Cindy: [loves smut and calls herself a pervert]
Honestly, there are some movies you need to watch alone. Shut the light off and enjoy it. I don't know if it's just me, but some movies I can't watch with my friends. I put shields all over me so no one can see me get emotional. Anyway that's my thing I guess. I liked the movie, but the book was amazing, it was prose.
Feel you!!
yes agreed. the book is just pure art and the movie is very well shot
the epic duo comes togheter once again and i’m here for it
The title should be Cindy hating on Timothe Chalamet for 30 minutes straight
hating on CMBYN for 30 minutes straight except the Italian summer* there I fixed it
I watched this in 2018 and back then everyone praised it, now everyone seemed to hate it. I still love the movie and thought the movie is sensual and the way they depict the relationship and how they flirt is just sneaky, and it could be interpreted as creepy. I do think that the casting of Armie Hammer as Oliver is sooo off, they should've casted more young looking actor, and probably not so tall. it makes things look creepy. Regardless, because i enjoyed both the book and the movie, i think this story was meant to be harmless.
I also respect ellias and cindy for being super mature and understanding at the end with their analysis despite not really feeling the movie, most peoppe would just slander unreasonably.
i didn't think it was creepy at all. i don't get why people think it's creepy besides maybe the age gap. i am not going to watch this video now or read anymore comments that i've seen some comments because i don't want my perception of the movie to change lol
@ Piers Nivans I don’t think it helps that Timothy looks extremely young while Armie Hammer looks like he could be in his 30s.
@@maximo_lopez i don't think Armie does
@@piersnivans5983 exactly my thoughts
Cindy’s just using this movie to flirt and I’m HERE for it
yes!
I see a lot of people giving "yeah but it's Europe so no big deal" trearment to the age gap criticsm and as an European I just want to say that it solves nothing.
Yeah, the age of conset for us is 16 or lower in some countries- but the fact that this is legal doesn't make it less "problematic" and uncomfortable and that's kind of the point. They are on a diffrent maturity levels and their relationship is not entierly healthy.
Yeah, in some European countries (some is important here because im kind of tired of this generalization) relationships between people under 18 and 20 something is more common, but that doesn't mean people are always fine with it and don't see it as potentialy harmful to teenagers in such relationships.
Like it would be legal for 19 and 30 year okay to get together but it still can be potentialy creepy and unhealthy.
wait EX GIRLFRIEND 😭😭😭 love isn't real anymore 😭😭😭😭😭
Wait were they dating, I'm so confused??
@@peanuthead5280 they weren't dating, just joking about it
@@peanuthead5280 It’s sort of an inside joke on both of their channels, where they pretend to be dating 😂
im gay as fuckkk sorry haha
@@ellias story of my life
the amount of people defending their dynamic as healthy and normal is so funny to me. it is still really weird, but it's only romanticized because it's shown from timothy's naive pov. imagine watching this through the older guy's pov, who is engaged, but has this weird summer fling with a 17 year old boy?? like it's not as cute as people are making it out to be lmao, just cause the "age of consent is 16 in europe" or whatever so it's "normal"...
This, like just because it is "legal" doesn't make it normal. I found the film to be more of a tragedy of watching a naive youth fall in love with someone who was older and ultimately abusing their position.
As long as everyone is of legal age and everything is consensual it's not my place to judge. After all, who gets to decide what form of love is acceptable? You?
@@leinahstarr7007 How did Oliver abuse Ellio?
@@leinahstarr7007ho! here comes the expert on what suppose to be normality
girl it’s a movie. it’s allowed to explore relationships that might be taboo and it doesn’t mean anything more than that, stick to cartoons or something more attuned to your delicate sensibilities
My major issue with the movie was that he was a young looking 17 year old and Oliver was an old looking 24 year old. Could have easily been 15 and 30. For me it just looked creepy.
feel good being a virtuous asshole?
"you're bigger than your picture"
cindy: hehe that's what I said to you ☺💖
ellias: 🤭
Elio is supposed to be 17 and Oliver 24, so while this is still super inappropriate, Oliver isn’t like super old. I got the feeling you thought he was 35+ (like with Elios dad and Oliver being nearer in age?)
Not saying this isn’t still so not ok. 7 years is a lot in this age range.
Yeah, in Italy tho the age of consent is 16 so idk
@@aliflash0 still feels icky. I loved the movie tho. I chose to ignore that part since it’s still just fiction.
Age of consent is 14 in Italy. I was 17 and my first love was 24 and thank goodness nothing of the typical US puritanical is present in my country still. Of course it was consensual.
17 is practically grown tho.I was 24 and my husband was 42 when we met and I still mess with people by calling him my dad in public. and give a big ole smoochie.
7 years age gap is still normal in my country :v
You just talked over the dad's entire speech at the end and all you heard was the part about aging bodies. That speech made the movie for me.
I haven’t seen anyone comment about this but multiple women called out Armie Hammer (Oliver) for sexual, emotional abuse, rape & a bunch of other messed up stuff. Idk if u guys knew about this before but it definitely affected my enjoyment of the movie ://
i mentioned this and andre aciman's pedophilia in a comment on this video yesterday or the day before and i cant seem to find it in the comments anymore (maybe it never posted or something?) but yeah...
Ellias' hair IT'S SO CUTEEEE!!!!
Cindy is a whole ass mood here!
Can relate to Cindy's reaction so much in all of the foot scenes!
Elias out here holding back tears while Cindy is just making snarky comments
mmm idk, i guess the age gap was less glaring to me because of the context that they're living in-super conservative, religious culture and era (and armie hammer doesn't really look that old to me lolz). the thrill and relief of finding someone like you (gay) and interested in you, the mutual understanding that they have... just trumps the taboo for me. they were both discovering things about themselves during their time together. i didn't enjoy the book as much, but the atmosphere and cinematography of the film really got me. but yeah, i guess it's not for everyone!
the time period is very important because they are bisexual Jewish men in Italy in the middle of the AIDS epidemic. knowing this, I do think that in a small town like that a young man getting to explore that part of his sexuality for the first time with an older man that is more secure about his sexual life is more understandable. the age gap is still not good tho!
i usually love you guys and it was funny watching this but man this commentary was so american
I kinda get what you mean, it was still funny in a way ;D
I didn't get what u meant. what happened?
@@sk8aintstr813 sorry just wanted to tell you that I love your nickname
@@disasterwriter3241 thank you;))
yeah same ngl
okay look. I LOVE this movie so so much so I am possibly slightly biased in trying to "defend" it. Yes age gaps in relationships are kinda weird. I have been in relationships with someone 10 yrs older than me and I found it totally fine at the time but looking back it really is just a weird power dynamic. Because both assume you're on an equal power level but usually you just aren't. And that gives so much more power to the older person which in turn would have to be suuper aware and sensible about it but often isn't. At least that's my take on it. Back to the movie. Technically in the book the age gap is about 6 years and I really don't feel like that is too bad for a summer fling especially when the younger person is as activly after it as elio is. And on the other hand the book at least is to some degree about confessing things humans do that you would normally never even tell your friends about. About making you feel less weird and challenging our societal expectation of what is normal to think or do (yes the book is kinda crazy and in ways i didnt always personally love either but I do feel like there is more at play than trying to make the audience uncomfortable).
Anyways during the first lookdown I got SUPER into the movie and the book and I have watched so many interviews with both Luca Guadagnino (the director) and Andre Acaiman (the author) and they are such lovely and thoughtful people, I really appreciate their perspective on life and how they share some of that through their work (not reeeally an excuse tho, I know). Luca is always kind of reserved about the age gap - I mean the actors have a 9year gap and while timothee actually looks around 18, armie hammer totally looks like he's in his mid-30s. Kinda yikes, yes. Luca always says that they just work very well chemestry wise on screen - which they do. They do. Also Luca was at the time of the movie in a relationship with someone almost 10years younger than him so uhm simply on that level I can understand that it might be kinda uncomfortable to have everyone pointing out how inappropriate the age gap in your movie is.
Last point that I kinda have ambivilant feelings about is how much things being portrayed in media have to be rolemodels. I am defenitely a strong defender of showing "appropriate" content especially to younger audiences (but uhm its kinda hard already to settle on what is and isnt appropriate sometimes). And I don't think you can excuse media with "well if you think this is endorsing this behavior its obviously your personal fault" because thats not how a society works. Of course the works of fiction we consume influence us. But I also feel like this movie just shows what a realistic experience of first love is in such a carfeul and emotional way that I can't be mad at it.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I am so sorry I know nobody asked for this haha.
Fun Fact: the author of the film script is kinda pissed that there was no full frontal nudity in the movie haha.
Cindy the peach scene is my absolute nightmare in the book its bad, its real bad.
help only americans would say shit like "maybe age gap relationships are common in Europe" love you guys tho
hahaha
Still a bit sus but the age gap is only 7 years, so he's much closer in age to elio than the dad, thankfully! The actors age gap is bigger than the characters!
Bigger, true, but only by 2 years
7 years is a huge age gap wtf
Growing up with parents who had a 10-year age gap, 7 doesn't seem like that much to me...
Cindy’s disgust towards feet is so me 😂
My favourite part is the panning long shot during Elio's subtle confessional scene. The acting and the cinematography are chef's kisses.
*Me watching any other colab* :...meh
*Me watching Elias and Cindy collab* : YES GORGEOUS SHOW STOPPING INCREDIBLE ENCORE
Mark my words, someone's writing a fanfic of CMBYN starring you and Cindy (minus the age gap of course.) Question is, who's wearing the SHORTS???
Where can I readdddddd?
thanks for the idea
I really appreciate that we all are so aware of age gaps and Things like that (because it IS Important!) But i don't know, it also doesnt sit right with me to say this relationship between elio and Oliver is not 'valid' only because of age - don't get me wrong but its not like its impossible between two people who have a 7 year age gap to Fall in love. Isnt it more important when we talk about grooming and all that kind of Stuff to really Look at the way that abusive relationships work and not immediatly say "oh theres an age gap so it MUST be abusive" - does anybody get what I mean?!
Not necessarily abusive imo BUT it's most likely impossible that you'll ever be on the same standing as them, talking about age gaps when youre in completely diff phases of life, like almost no 24 year old will listen to everything their 17 year old companions says, it's how we view teenagers and how they're still dependent on adults, there will always be some level of infantalisation on the older one's side towards the younger and that's just not a healthy foundation for a relationship, their needs are diff at those ages as well. Love just simply doesn't conquer all
@@aimun5255 I don't know about that, I wouldnt generalize that because I know many older couples that have a bigger age gap, they still seem lucky and isnt that what counts? :/
@@sarafinayam9034 it's just my observation, I come from a culture and country where age gaps are pretty common, my own parents are 10 years apart, and the power usually resides with the older partner, while many are comfortable couples, there's often some amusement and "you don't know better yet" when it comes to decision making, personally I find it insulting and wouldn't want a relationship like that
Yep. Completely agree.
I think reducing this story to the age gap is wrong, the book gives a much more in depth view. And Oliver is only 24 but because Armie Hammer is older people thought it was weird.
The message of the movie is literally LOVE IS LOVE - and sometimes it’s the most random and unexpected people we feel attractions toward. They are both bisexual but feel that a relationship with a woman is what they should be doing while also falling in love with a man. I think this story simply calls for open-mindedness in love and life.💚
It definitely doesn't help that armie is even older, and is awful. Sadly would make the movie hard if not impossible for me to care about, but wouldn't exactly be the story/age gaps fault
Yess, hate it when they reduce the story to the age gap
You realize "Love is love" can be used to defend p3d0philia, right?
@@sophitiaofhyrule “Love is love” has been used by the LGBTQ community for a long time and p*dos overtaking that is disgusting and absolutely not the intention behind that saying and you know that.
It’s also only love if it’s consensual, so it doesn’t apply to p*dos in any case
@@emiliaburgos5404 why are yall acting like it's not something to be concerned abt
Please, why was the sexual tension between Cindy and Elias stronger than Elio and Oliver?! 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
Cindy every 10 minutes being like “you’re such an old soul “… me loving an old soul: 😍😍😍
Call My By Your Name is undoubtedly my favorite film in life, I identified a lot with it, not to mention that it is profound, from the direction, script, photography, soundtrack, ambiance, performances. mainly from Timmy and Armie to the 80s vibe with looks, watches, Elio's bracelet, shoes, bikes, the village where they live, everything. Everything. Everything in this film and in the cinematographic universe is simply magnificent, the book too, argh. I'm crying just remembering. I loved that reaction from you two, laughed a lot and cried for the thousandth time, really, best reaction. Ellias and Cindy supremacy!!! #outbreak
cindy broke my heart when she said its common to get into a relationship with older people when ur 17 and get warped bc it happened to me...
Love the video!! I’m surprised when you were talking about the time you didn’t mention how homophobic the 80s was (AIDS panic etc), so the escapism of a story like this & the dad’s supportive speech hits different in that context - age gap definitely yikes not helped by casting of Armie Hammer - Oliver is meant to be a grad student so I always thought in the book he was like 22?
I hate that we have had to see Ellias and Cindy's relationship end in such a public way😭
Wait what?
@@angelicaamora11 It's a joke coz of how people speculated that they were together when they first made a video together
Not me…Public ? I thought it was just her & Elio 🤔
I like how Elio is the one that takes the initiative while also being the indecisive/frustrated two-timer.
Definitely. Elio was the predator.
My friend really wanted to see this film but could not, because in her country, for example, this film was shown in a limited number of cinemas, and the book could only be read in an amateur translation. It wasn't until the film was released that the book was translated and published, but you certainly won't find it in your local library. In her country, the age difference of 7 years is not a problem, but homosexual relationships are. People in the United States tend to forget that being gay in many parts of the world is still unacceptable and even dangerous. Therefore, people read this book or watch a movie and do not think about the age difference, because they want to see those relationships and those feelings that they have to hide, because society is still not ready to accept them. I consider it a privilege to condemn and hate this film/book, because the characters have a difference in age, while in some parts of the world they are hated because the heroes of this story are gay.
That’s really well said, I think you nailed it honestly
I think both perspectives are valid. Especially if someone has experienced dating someone much older when they are still a teenager. I don't think it's a privilege because in my perspective, I focus a lot on the age gap because of my own experiences with being in a relationship with an unhealthy power dynamic. I definitely agree that not everyone has access to books and media that show healthy LGBTQIA+ relationships, but there is a reason why people think the age difference is a problem.
I agree with your comment. But I wanted to say that it's still unacceptable and dangerous in the US to be gay too, or queer in general. From another country's perspective it might look like we have the freedom to be gay with no consequence, but people get beat up and even killed for being queer in this country. We're no better than any of the ones you're referring to. I hope things get better for all of us.
y'all are talking over the best partssss, like the dad's speech :'(
the feet massaging scene gives me death note flashbacks
The director, Luca Guadagnino, put an excessive amount of effort to create a sensuous landscape in Italy. That's why he lingers on the beautiful shots of Italy and the sounds and tastes and adds to the screenplay to accentuate all of it, its soooo beautiful
Turned off from the whole movie because of armie hammer, would watch you reacting to it tho because that's how much I love you both
"Oh girl, he's not even thinking about you" LMAO AKJSAKJJSKDSH
When I watched and read Call me by your name it became my entire personality and I haven’t looked back since 🥺😅
Lmao me
Same and still love it haha
lmao mood
"you already ate my peach anyway" I'M CRYING LOL
Guys theirs a french movie called summer of 85 with subtitles on amazon prime which is amazing. Its is so elegant and beautiful and well directed. It so emotional as well. Please react to that guys. You guys would love it.
The hair style with the little clips is peak UwU
As someone whose fav book and movie is CMBYN, I feel like you gain more appreciation for the movie after reading the book bc while it’s a great adaptation, the book shows you all of Elio’s thoughts, which you might not understand while watching. I definitely recommend reading it, even if you just wanna read pretty writing.
Also I feel like a lot of people don’t know that Oliver is 7 years older - he’s 24. While it’s still not great, I think a lot of people think he’s over 30 since Armie looks older. And I think the age of consent is 16 in Italy so it’s not illegal, but I feel like a lot of the controversy could’ve been avoided if Elio was just 18 😭
It also kinda confuses me why people will ship characters with the same age gap with one being a teenager - Stiles and Derek, Aria and Ezra, Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing - and not think those are weird but think this one is? Is it because Armie looks older? I really don’t know the answer
The age of consent in Italy at the time was 14.
You Elio is a virgin teen, still conflicted about his sexuality. It is the lack of experience and maturity from his end that makes people question it.
@@Sacrificallamba hmm Elio’s actually very mature and also not a virgin bc of his relations with Marzia before Oliver, and even before Oliver, he had a crush on another guy (which is mentioned in the book)
he looks not a day over 24 to me. i thought the casting was great
@@jk_945 i will read the book now!
"I'm a simp to anybody who shows me kindness" why do I relate to this so much and why did I laugh my hardness.
The age of consent in Italy is 14 years, with a close-in-age exception that allows those aged 13 to engage in sexual activity with partners who are under the age of 18, provided that the age gap between them is less than 3 years. people in different cultures need to understand that there is no one single social environment globally. People in various cultures throughout history and currently mature differently. Personally for me if two persons hit puberty and reach the age of mental maturity (able to reason and distinguish between right and wrong) then it should be okay because they are adults. although I understand that the age gap may be disturbing for people in certain cultures due to power dynamics, it does not take away the right of adults (mentally mature) to make their own decision and make mistakes to grow in life. In my opinion, putting an age number of individuals across cultures is childish because it falls into subjective reasoning while considering puberty as well as mental maturity of individuals is more practical because it's objective. otherwise, you cant solve these issues.
Both Elio and Oliver are bi, not gay. Please don't erase the bisexuality of the characters, guys ':)
Also, please read the book Cindy :D
Also also, subscribing to Ellias because I love!
Did you read “Find Me”,, the sequel book…Elio seems pretty Gay & Oliver still loves Elio. I know so many people who say they are BI & eventually they get into a serious relationship with a person of same sex- married. When society FULLY accepts all sexual orientations, I’ll believe it more. Check out RUclips coming out vids where so many say they are BI to their parents to have the parents ease into 🏳🌈 Lily Tomlin said the same thing.
@@robertn800 What about it ? That’s just bisexual erasure. You can perdure liking someone of a certain gender without making your attraction to another gender disappear. You think that Bi people can only stay bi if they get into a throuple and marry both a man and a woman or what ? Them being in a same sex marriage means absolutely horseshit and the fact that people use the bisexual label as some wort of weird bridge is honestly really disrespectful and invalidating, and so are you.
@@robertn800 What the fuck, bro?
@@robertn800 "Eventually they get into a serious relationship with a person of same sex - married." Okay, and? A bisexual person loving someone of the same sex does NOT erase their bisexuality. Likewise, a bisexual person loving someone of another sex does NOT erase their bisexuality.
@@robertn800 It is so cringe reading your comment because people of our community had fought and sacrificed so much to defy social norms and so we can now live as our true selves - just for people like you to sit there and be like, "Well, I'd believe in the existence of a community if only society fully accepted them." Literally STFU.
I absolutely loved the movie. Recently just finished the book and so so many things made sense
The way I knew this was a collab with cindy before I even clicked on the notification
CINDY BEING TIMOTHEE'S STAND-IN LMAO make this happen please
Elio is the bookish representation we need more of in films
One thing I find weird about this situation is that people will defend the age gap in this movie till their dying breath and that it was nominated for best picture. Yet James Charles was canceled and disowned because he was 22/23 and had a relationship with someone the same age as Elio. I’m not saying that this right, I don’t condone that or the age gap in this movie. I’m just saying that I feel like people pick and choose a lot when it comes to these situations. Similar cases, own being praised in the media, one being heavily criticized in the media.
this, exactly ^^^. i find both age gaps uncomfortable and am so surprised how willing people are to defend
Yep, not to mention that the author's comments about young girls adds a weird context to this movie/book.
@@lifeisbutadream2856 exactly!
i’m crying i love this so much
For me as problematic as this relationship dynamic is, Elio is a character that I heavily identified with. While I'm a cis woman, I think Elio's sexual awakening into BISEXUALITY (because people like to get rid of that part) is something that I can relate to. The way he gravitates towards adults vs being around kids is something else I identified with. He is precocious but also really sheltered and naive. I was like that a lot as a teenager and even now in my 20s. And like you both mentioned, I had a relationship when I was 18 with a 28 year old. I lost my virginity to him and so it did hit close to home for me too. I felt so bad for him towards the end... also knowing the type of guy Timothée Chalamet is in real life (not bad just so unlike his character in some ways), I was impressed with him. I enjoy both book Elio and film Elio. I just wish that they got someone who was actually in their 20s to play Oliver. Timothée was 20 years old or so here but he looked younger. Maybe even a stockier guy around his real age could have worked better because Armie looked so much older.
I'm living for ellias' hair!!! The little hairpins are so cute i cant-----
I hate that this was hugely marketed as this wonderful GAY movie when both of them are kind of bi/pan/have/had relationships with girls/women. idk just feels bi erasure-y to me
also the age gap is weird af
The movie was about a romance between a couple of guys. That certainly can be fairly deemed as gay. It's not a gay movie. That would apply to pornography and nowhere else.
It's a movie about a romance where those involved are of the same sex. Your problems about how the protagonists are identified, or not identifie as bi or pan are ridiculous. At the
time when the relationship takes place being openly gay.was much more risky. Many gay people were forced into opposite sex relationships where they didn't have genuine romantic feelings for their partners. This was a common way to be in the closet, and it still is. This whole idea about "bi erasure" you should dump It's an invalid concept. You
seem to have bought into ideas going around that are bullshit. There is no such thing as pansexuality. You need to develop critical thinking skills
“Why would he have a girlfriend?” Lol huh?
iirc, the book explained the nosebleed. Oliver was foot-playing with Elio under that busy table and Elio was overwhelmed or something.
i physically gasped when cindy said she didn't like timothy chalamet LIKE MAM
She hasn't learnt how to love her Timothée body self yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong. The movie is more than 2 hours long and the book is more than 250 pages, not once did Elio nor Oliver say "I Love You" to each other and yet that's what they show and that's what they make us feel.
I’m actually reading this book rn Elio is kind of creepyyy in the book ngl
i thought olivers the creepy one?
@@jo.k.4210 read the damn book mate and you’ll see…. There is absolutely no comparison between the book and the movie I swear!
eh he's just a teenage boy... ofc he's gonna have weird thoughts
okay i'm also reading the book rn and yes Elio is creepy, like that time when he snuck into Oliver's room... jeez.
@@maya-kn1yf it was just a shock is all lol bc I saw the movie first and there’s just so much difference in his character
As an Asian myself, I didn't expect both of these reactors to be so uncultured but welp, Americans.
exacltyyyy!!!! very demure and mindful, no? haha
Dialogue is so important on this movie because they almost word by word from the book. Why you talk while they're talking.
“I don’t like Timothee chalamet” my eye TWITCHED
LOVE THIS DUO ❤️❤️
And yes, Ellias, I feel like you would love Italy! Or any southern Europe country really 😊
Love this video!!
cindy when i first started watching her: despite popular belief, i am straight
cindy now: i want an older woman to seduce me
the age of consent in italy is 14, and you also have to keep in mind that relationships with fairly large age gaps aren´t rare in europe, so as a european myself i never really understood why people think of their relationship as an abusive one
Fr, it's funny watching Americans reacting to Call Me By Your Name because here it's nothing to write home about at all, it's not even that bad like 17 is pretty grown, if it was 14 or 15 then I'd get it though
Fairly large gaps are quite rare here in Europe, what are you talking about? Everyone frowns upon adults dating teenagers. Age of consent is just so teenagers won't get in trouble dating other teenagers, not for adults to get away with sleeping with them. Quite disturbing what you're defending.
@@sanxxxx I'm American but I've seen so many Europeans defending crazy age gaps such as 15 and 25+ because they say it's "normal" in most of europe. Interesting to see someone saying something different... ig it just depends on what of europe youre from.
14??? Bro 14 is a fetus. No no no.
@@sanxxxx so what if dating with adults.love is love
It’s the pure chaos for me, your honour 😭😂
Lmao "Oliver is closer in age to his father than to Elio"
So Elio's father is 30 lol? He became a father at 13?
"Ugh... Italian summers"
"Anyway, here's Wonderwall"
I really love this comment section here! I agree with so many people and I am so glad to hear some positive opinions about cmbyn as recently this movie was hated as hell espacially on Twitter. I actually love the book and film and all this hate speech about it made me really sad and i really questioned my own liking of the story even though I loved it so much at first. Of course there are a few strange and questionable aspects but I think thats no reason to cancel the whole story. It just makes me happy to see that there are still a few people left who share my opinion and dont hate this movie completly.
I feel you. I experienced exactly the same
My opinion on the movie: beautiful gowns. 🙂
HAHAHHAHAHA
beautiful scenery
aretha!!
Dude I was just telling my boyfriend how I can't really distinguish Armie Hammer or Tom Hardy in a sea of people. Cindy saying she couldn't remember who he was confirms (for me) that he has the most generic good looking white guy looks 😂
I agree with cindy, I think the movie was trying to depict the experience of first love and was entirely from Elio's POV. I get why people resonate with the movie, it's tough for any lgbtqia+ esp in the 80s, and this type of relationship is so common that it's validating to see it shown onscreen. It's also a rare depiction of bi/pan men in movies so I see why people feel a strong connection to the film and characters. I guess my only conflicted feelings are with how Oliver was never shown to be problematic in any way for going for Elio despite him being a teenager, even by his parents.
If the age of consent in italy is 14 it makes sense, but even if it's legal there's still a power differential. Not as big as 10 - 15 years but when one person is a teenager and the other is already a working adult, there is a big diff in maturity, perspective and romantic experience and Elio's shown to be left high and dry without closure after Oliver left which imo makes Oliver look worse. Like I know it's tough for Oliver too being closeted and having to hide his feelings for everyone of the same gender for more years than Elio, but Idk I still feel like it doesn't justify going for someone barely graduating school it just explains why he did.
I think the movie could have everything remain the same, but add in some acknowledgement from other characters that Oliver took advantage of Elio instead of painting it as completely unproblematic and sad, that Oliver did no wrong and that Elio would never find true love again after. That part didn't sit with me right, if others disagree that's fair tho I won't take away the value you took from the movie, just sharing why I think and also feel that people felt uncomfy watching the way the director depicted their story.
You need the book to actually understand the movie Bc the movie has so many holes , the book talks about the emotions they’re feeling waaaaaay better than the movie explains / shows it
i fell asleep during this movie and woke up during the peach scene. needless to say, i didn’t finish it
"you are louder about the shorts than the age gap" I mean-
not to kill the party but to me the book is *absolutely* terrible. no offence to the author. so glad i watched the movie first because i would’ve never watched after reading that book. and i didn’t even finish the book. couldn’t!
this movie is the only thing that makes me proud of being italian lmao Italy is beautiful, come visit Ellias❤️
I would die to see Cindy and Ellias in Italy reenacting these scenes 😅
The way Europeans are breaking their backs trying to defend this movie is so funny to me.
Honestly, I feel really weird to read some of the replies, my parents have an age gap (16 to be precise) and even I was a bit weirded out by the age gap in this movie, like my mother was like 22/23 when she met my dad who was 38/39 so at least she HAS some life experience out of highschool, whereas this boy is either still in school, or barely got out of school
But this is a story of the past, so this makes sense to have this teenage boy to fall in love with a 24, especially if it’s a gay relationship, and like, he doesn’t know any better, it’s just story about his past relationship with a guy working for his father, so it (barely) passes in my book
I'm half Belgian half Italian and tbh nobody finds this relation problematic here, Elio is 17, almost an adult, Oliver is 24 and hasn't finished studying, they just are both students (I'd be unconfortable if Oliver was 24 but a working man out of school and into work life since several years). We are considered as adults at 18 here. And we are more shocked by Americans calling this pedophilia when it involves a nearly adult person perceived as a child. 😉
and 24 isn't as old as people make it sound like tbh.
@@lightlawliet3526 agreed. I know a 24 years old stem student who just finished college and gosh he could be 18, I couldn't see the difference. Not because he is partying and such, he totally isn't, he is way too serious but he is so immature in his way of thinking the world and of understanding others. It would shock me more if he started dating a working woman of 27 than a studying woman of 20 tbh.
I'm Brazilian and the age of consent here is 14. It makes me so shocked to see how people care about the age gap thing. Like you said, they're both students! And if you read the book, you'll see Elio is faaar from being naive.
exactly! I live in Switzerland and ppl don't have a problem with it here either
Exactlyyy, couldn't have said it better