Loneliness is NOT a lack of number of relationships but a lack of DEPTH in relationships. 1000 surface relationships online will never replace 1 deep relationship with a real human.
A R that's a rough perspective. We all build our opinions through our own experiences, no one can say your wrong. My experiences tell me that good people do exist.
A R there are people out there who will be a genuine friend but if someone is getting pleasure out of someone else's suffering then that just shows that they are not only sadistic but suffering as well. Happy people don't like to see people suffer, only those who are suffering too do.
@@NewBlueTrue and that is what makes me so angry. Even the basic minimum of continuous effort is too much. We live in a fast world - fast food, fast fashion, fast consumerism and sadly, fast friendships & relationships.
@@annikesta8796 I’ve been doing a lot of history learning in terms of human beings day to day interactions and the way their cities/communities were structured and what I have found is many people lived in very close, walkable distance from each other. They were constantly interacting with all types of people every single day. Why would someone worry about whether or not they have friends if their social needs are being met by the people they interact with day to day. And don’t forget people back then had more free time to nurture their personal relationships because work wasn’t treating them like slaves. I don’t think people back then were better at being friends, but actually had more opportunities for human interaction so they didn’t feel as lonely. So, what I am trying to say is we need to restructure our societies so it is easier for people to interact with others so their social needs can be met instead of relying on people who can’t or won’t put effort into maintaining a friendship.
@@NewBlueTrue I've read similar things! It's very interesting. There's a video on what North Korean defectors missed most about their old homes and they basically confirmed what you've typed above. But I don't neccesarily think that it's just the structure. Nothing has really changed in my hometown since my childhood, but it used to be the standard for people to just come and go into each other's households as they pleased. I do think it has something to do with a new sense of privacy that came from the changed working conditions you mentioned above. After being bombarded with social interaction @ work and then seemingly on social media, I feel like a lot of people's social batteries are just drained at the end of the day. Also: there is no need for friends to come over and physically tell you about what's happened to them today when you could witness it live in their facebook/instagram/whatsapp stories. Maybe there's just a lack of topics for people to begin with.
The best interview, yet. I decluttered my life and removed social media apps off my phone. I found myself going for walks and eating my lunch at the park. Within a week, I began to feel better.
That is great.. I have done the same and it is really great.. just be careful not to slip backwards over time. I have deleted those apps a number of times and always went back... and after reading this, I am going to delete again today..
My loneliness is hightened when I get a break from work. I am a teacher so I'm quite busy during the semester. For my whole life I've been in school and I'm used to being busy. Slowing down makes me feel like I don't have any use.
Social media is essentially just self-advertisement: "look at me! See how perfect I am! See what a happy and beautiful life I have!" Eventually, you come to realize that everybody is advertising and nobody is buying. Truly a hollow enterprise.
yeh that's actually pretty spot on. pretty sad hey. We could all take away their power by not following, but people seem to love to follow. As tho by following they somehow take on some of their fame or perfection. When really the follower gets nothing.
It also depends. I use social media to keep in touch with family and close friends only. I don't rely on likes to validate me. Remember social media is a tool and it's up to you how you use it
Well put. This realization was the catalyst in removing myself from social media entirely. I'm back to living/experiencing life for my own gratification, no ulterior recognition needed. People can start depending on the synthetic reassurance to feel good about themselves, sucking the authenticity out of living. To each their own, not here to judge. We're all searching.
Little did he know, ever see movie stranger than fiction? Great flick, I do a cover of whole wide world over here, may find something else to enjoy as well. Stay safe out there.
I really like the sound quality Matt, considering no visual mic's. I also like how you're not interrupting the man constantly with affirmations like 'uhu, yes, ok, I understand'. You just let the man speak and ask very hands-on questions. Good one!
im going to make an educated guess that matt is now using a mic boom? but yeah I agree, very clear interview, cuts out all the bullshit - keeps the viewer focused on the person talking which I LOVE!
It is also to be noticed that the dude knows what to say and what seems irrelevant. So he finds an end to his comment, his story whatever. A LOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THIS ABILITY *getting a little angry* :*
@@thathandsomedevil0828 Who says that? So be safe and complacent after watching the news because you don't live in Syria or Ethiopia, while continuing the 9-5 rat race you been given in exchange of your life? Thanks but I will pass and decide to create my own reality where I am responsible for my actions and life in general
@@timebender83 more power to you buddy, I am just glad I make enough at the moment to pay the bills, stay afloat and not be a burden to my parents. I don't know about you but it's fucking cold outside and my supplier just charged me for this month's heating bill. It's not ideal but that is my reality, right now.
@@mattdavella Yeah Matt! You really really really change lives! Can't write how glad I am. Thanks for share those reflections with the world, man. I'm a brazillian guy and your videos teach me more than english language... They teachs me resistance!
My mom used to tell me; ‘a person needs to figure out how to be alone without being lonely’. Once you have achieved that, you’re ready to have a healthy relationship with others.
@Justice is Right 1st step is to realise that if you're not comfortable in your own company, it can be impossible to make connections with anyone else. Start by learning to become comfortable in your own company. Also, don't expect too much as expecting too much won't do you any good. Keep it simple. If people refuse, just keep looking and focus on those who accept (they'll come, no forcing it). This won't happen overnight but over time. To fight loneliness, try to establish a meaningful connection with people. Loneliness is a normal feeling once in a while but don't let it consume you, become you or become something far worse. Social pain is so painful it can break anyone. It'll be hard but you make a friendship and maybe create a new family. Family doesn't mean blood relation, it means a very strong connection between a group of people. It's why close friends can be considered family. This won't be easy but it's achieveable, it's created to happen. All humans are made like that
If you develop a good relationship with yourself, accept your flaws and strengths as they are, you'll never be truly alone.. You will attract good energy, as long as you create good energy within yourself.
Sir Joelsuf: Yeah, high school, but pre school and especially first, in the womb and out of the womb teachers schooling us. And , now all is influenced by soc. media, and main stream media.
agreed, but i dont think it's always gonna be like this. think about it, we're in the teenage years of social media and the internet- if its bad right now it's because we're new to it all and still figuring out how to pull all the right ropes. i think there'll be a time when things are more regulated and less chaotic. kind of like adulthood?? kind of
I'm off FB, Twitter, Insta, tv and even media for 3 years now. I was expecting relief, but I's like getting your head out of the smartphone, looking around you and there is nobody there that sees or notices you Its like the world is not speaking the same language anymore. A loss of social skills even. Saying hi to a total stranger seems wrong these days. So...I feel even more depressed.
I know how you feel. My friends used to tell me I was always on my phone. Once I with out a phone (it broke on deployment) I realized that everytime I went out with my friends the script had flipped & we would go out to eat, go out drinking, etc. & they would spend more time snapping what we were doing than actually enjoying it. I got back on Social Media to keep in touch with them (since im out of the military) but honestly I feel just as depressed & lonely with it as I was without it. Idk maybe im crazy.
I did the same thing! I had a social media detox but realized that I felt more alone too because no one reaches out anymore and when I reach out, it’s not reciprocated. I feel out of touch and fall out of touch with “friends” (any friend). So in a way, it’s a necessary evil because that’s just how society is nowadays. I still want to meet some real genuine people in real life
Personal improvement in this case is like recycling to stop catastrophic climate change, even if you do get your mental house in order it will do no good if you are surrounded by basketcases....I hate to be a doomsayer on this kind of video but the end is near, we need large scale solutions (like getting rid of consumerism/capitalism and/or worker co-ops) or all will be for nought....we need everyone in the game if we are to save some portion of the biosphere, we need to help as many as possible in the shortest time frame. It's not a question of resources, it's a question of political will....
I'm a guy born in the 90's and damn, do I miss those time where life was much simpler. Social media killed my social life, everyone is virtual nowadays.
Oh yeah ever since iphones came out i was curious why i was all alone for a long time why my social life just disappeared. Movies in the iPhone generation hit different because in the movies the teenagers were socializing and best friends doing homework at each others house and having fun taking selfies and doing funny things. But in reality a lot of us are disconnected in real life. It can be a very empty mundane boring existence. No social life. No friends. Barely a sex partner here and there & just hanging out with my family
Matt's content doesn't feel so hyping, full of temporary energy or whatsoever. It's so chill and doesn't feel like it's forcing this thing down your throat. My absolute favorite RUclipsr thus far.
This is true. I was oddly depressed living in the US. Moved back home to India after 12 years and instantly felt better. I think it has a lot to do with the number of humans around you and how many of them actually touch you....literally.....either on purpose or mistakenly. Nothing can replace human touch.
ruclips.net/video/m5Hzd2TeMA0/видео.html watch this video. it explains everything. I am also not from the US but I live in the US. The video made so much sense. The problem with the video is that it can be offensive to some people.
I think it also has to do with the quality of people. I'm born and raised in the US but I don't like the people here. The best job I've ever had was with foreigners. They just don't care about the stupid little things like we Americans do. And most of the time their attitudes are great.
I stopped going to school with my phone. I literally don't even bring it with me. I have noticed I feel much less anxious and I strive to make conversation with real people more, and my satisfaction from social interaction has gone up like crazy.
Congratulations, you have to reinforce basic behaviors. This generation has no self control. A little self control and you can use your phone just fine
I got grounded from my phone for two weeks and during that time I felt amazing bc although I felt more anxious in social situations I was much better about making eye contact and not getting distracted or impulsively looking at it when I’m uncomfortable.
Hey, bro, write a short e-book about that, what happened, how you got to that idea and why it is logical move and put it somewhehere for people to download.
*The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. I'm trying to keep my world intact, so I work on my self and on my animations every single day!*
Unless a sabre tooth cat is about to eat you in the next second, Or you are looking at starvation by famine, Or a horrible disease is eating you alive, You are leagues ahead of your ancestors. You are the reason your ancestors existed. Do them proud. Survival is the name of the game...
The hardest part is having a tribe who’re are all addicted to their phones so you end up not actually getting to spend time with them because even when youre all together they’re not really *there*
I’m from England and in my late 40’s and been isolated and lonely all my life and it’s getting worse . We need to speak up about this epidemic there’s no shame in talking only shame in keeping quiet
Ed thanks for replying and I have to agree as a bad diet certainly won’t help . Many of us tend to eat junk food which can’t help . I also hydration with clean filtered water is imperative to refresh us and aid clarity and brain function 🤔
Wahid Khaliq salam maybe a bit of a personal question but what do we have to lose really: are you married? Feel free not to answer if this is out of your comfort zone! Wish you the best in shaa allah
@@wahidkhaliq4776 Well, we all need connection. Obviously when it comes to love or sex, it'll be different for everyone. People will have sex with people they are sexually attracted to or maybe they won't have sex which is ok, having a connection is the main thing. Love is a different kind of connection that we build up with family and/or others. The love for your partner is different to the one you have with biological/fostered/in-law. I could be stating the obvious but just to make sure, was that the you made or you had another idea?
You are wrong. The aim of advertising is to bring people value that can increase their quality of living. To do that, sometimes advertisers need to go to dirty tricks, but it is all for the good
@@vladstepanenko3741 Do you genuinely believe that? The purpose of advertising is to sell products, and that first means convincing you that you want the product. Pretty straightforward.
"The internet arrives and it looks a lot like the things we've lost but really it's nothing more than a parody of the things we've lost" That's profound
The internet is good for lots of things but for friendships is mostly a loss. By loss I mean a loss of social interaction. It's not a substitute for real life. Playing fifa online game is not the same as playing 5-aside football with friends.
But they also said that this train was in motion before the internet, it's the rampant consumerism and mass media advertising that is depressing us, the internet just kicked it into overdrive...I'd call it status-ism...going all the way back to the nuclear family and the cold war jingoism...gotta keep up with the Jones'. Better dead than red. We've been dancing this waltz for three generations, now we have to stop the music at its height and I for one am dubious that we can. But I always hope for the best and expect the worst...
I've quit social media - Haven't had Facebook/Twitter for two years and quit Instagram 12 weeks ago. It's the way forward if you actually want to start living again.
@@KeikoFXDesigns I find RUclips is different for me - I only really watch comedy videos and documentaries. But I guess for some people it's similar to other social platforms.
Life is inherently sick when you have to eat other living things just to stay alive. It's always been a stupid race and at the end if you make it you grow old and die. Whoop a doodle do
"If you think that life is about money, and status, and showing off, you're gonna feel like shit. It's not the exact quote from Confucius..." Nah man I'm pretty sure that's it word for word.
6LACK1AB REAL NIGA BOI I just cleaned my out. Sold more than half on Poshmark. I have 3 shirts, 10 t-shirts, 2 pants and 3 sweatshirts. I donated 3 trash bags full.
@@msgirly6827 how is it unrealistic? The interviewee literally says we are bombarded with advertisement messages in a way that rewires our fundamental thinking. You don't see the double standard of then showing advertisement in a video that tells you how it can become a problem? I liked the choices Matt made for creating this video for us. Thanks, man.
@@bambooexpress sooo he shouldnt be able to provide for himself then? Him putting ads on this video wouldnt make the message less authetic whatsoever. Some of us understand that we live in reality. Therefore we still need money to feed our relatives and ourselves.
Socializing actually makes me feel more depressed and frustrated because I see all these people who have deep relationships with other human beings be it romantic or platonic and it reminds me of my inability to achieve that so I become angry and return to my cave where I can forget all of that shit and regain my illusory happiness.
I am the same. I see all of my cousins married to their loved ones having kids and living the life I have always had a dream of living, it makes me unhappy and sad that I may never have that kinda life.
"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war... Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." - Tyler Durden | posted 20y ago
@Happycam - TV is passive entertainment; we absorb content made by others. It's a poor babysitter. Computer games, online gaming and social media are introduced to babies and toddlers; it's the new pacifier. It seems like connecting, but often leaves one feeling empty and isolated.
@@wholeshebang1 Watching tv at least you hear human voices and see human faces. That at least fosters a connection with humans. Computer games, not so much. Neither is a good baby sitter. The boomers were raisedon tv and at least know how to interact with people. The millennials text to each other on dates while sitting across the table from each other.
I was thinking how eye opening that part of Fight Club was when I saw it as a kid 20 years ago. Released in 1999. Yet here we are exactly 20 years later and by and large men have forgotten the lessons of Fight Club. I was thinking about why this is. Been watching some videos on female hypergamy and how women are attracted to men with high status. Well by definition, not all men can be high status. So one way men signal their social status is by buying and displaying expensive consumerist bullshit. Watches, sneakers, plasma TV, fast sports car, etc. So I wonder how much of this consumerist, materialistic displaying is men trying to show social status to get more friends and by extension, women.
I was brought up as a kid in the 1970s / 80s in London. We had a fixed family home, I knew about half the people in my street, we even went on holidays with a few of the other families. My dad worked hard, doing double shifts in a factory but I got to see him quite a lot, and he was always around at the weekend. My mum stayed at home at looked after the family, and also looked out for the neighbours, and the elderly and needy in the local area. We were a working class family, but very happy, and sociable. Nowadays, couples in London are both working hard to pay for a box to live in, and may not know their neighbours at all. This is not having a go at the current generation, it is just that the economy has squeezed the life out of people.
Ya $ capitalism....The mighty dollar$..For profit! Money may not make you happy, but it may give you the freedom to find it! Balance is the equation we have a problem with! Work Play!
@James Daniel Smith Becoming a parent is the worse thing you can do no matter what society you live in. Children are nothing but shit machines for half their childhood.
I'm an introvert but I still like having friends or doing things with people...sometimes. I like to say "I like to be alone, not lonely." Because there's a difference.
Thank you so much for this comment and and I agree and understand completely. I was always very introverted, not a lot of people are welcome in my home. But I have always had a number of friends, acquaintances and meaningful relationships in my life. I love striking up conversations with random strangers, you never know who you'll meet. I love to party! I love adrenaline and I'm competitive, but then I go home to a safe place be with myself. My home is my Sanctuary. I see so many people that lack social skills claiming to be introverts. They can't look people in the eye, can't stand up for themselves, have mood swings and triggers when confronted. Half of RUclips comments are people letting everyone know how much they hate other people! These are not healthy behaviors and people are going around putting a label on it feel better about themselves. It comes from a place of denial, honestly kind of scares me. It just makes me so sad, I just want to hug everybody dammit! LOL. "Hey mother f*****, you need love! Stop pretending like you don't" lol.
@@arifali6762 To be able being from time to time *alone* & doing sth for yourself like reading a book...and being always *lonely* is difference. Being sometimes alone is okay..but being always lonely, not.
You're not alone . My family has disowned me , so I have no contact with them. I'm partly to blame for this , but I tried to make things right on my end. Though it's hurtful , I also remind myself that I don't want to be where I'm unwanted and not respected. I've had different circumstances in my own life that's caused me to be alone . I don't mind this for much of the time , but I also like to interact with others . We all need each other. Sometimes the loneliness will get me and I'll feel an emotional pain. It's not a good feeling.
We need to come together and be kind to each other Reaching out on here to others Ask who lives in your town And do they want to meet at a park to talk or lunch And concerts six or 8 feet apart during this pandemic and still enjoy each other’s company and maybe make a new friend
@@deren2001 well for me it another way around i found my friends after high school in collage i found 1 good friend and in the military i found 3 good friends that we hangout alot every once or even twice a week and im very glad that i finale made long lasting friends, considering i was alone after 6th grade until i finished high school.
I know that scene too well. Been a rough go and lot of self reflection here. Visit a goofy old fart trying to give some help to others in similar boats, boats against the current, We can beat this.
This was one of the most valuable 21 minutes I've ever spent on RUclips. Amazing interview, with such an important and meaningful message! Thanks Matt and Johann!
Go watch Johann Hari's TED Talk(s) (I think there are two, can't remember for sure, there's definitely at least one though). He says a lot of the same material but it's one of the best/ most important TED Talks I've ever seen; if you liked this you'll absolutely like the other videos too
Robin Williams said " I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
holy shit he's right. I've always liked it when i'd go on trips away from my family, alone, by myself. At home, I am the loneliest I could possibly be. Our relationships with each other is a complete lie...
I don't really ever comment on youtube. But this video is incredible. Thank you Matt for providing tremendous value to my life, from minimalism, to your great podcast episodes. As well as tremendous inspiration as a fellow film maker and content creator. I look forward to every new video!
I love losing myself in a virtual world in video games :] to me its much better than real life. Maybe if ppl get depressed is bec time exist...eventually we all gonna die no matter what.
That machine is capitalism, which only cares about your happiness as so far as it affects your productivity; capitalism also naturally benefits from magnifying materialistic desires.
Can you make a video on how to find, establish, and maintain relationships? It's such a basic human thing, but I would love to hear your two cents on it.
Mark Decile good idea! I hope to make a video about this myself soon. The health of our relationships depends on our exchange of value for each other. When it's not balanced enough, one person will eventually walk away, and find value elsewhere. We are designed by nature to find ways to feel value... Because it give us significance and purpose in life. And relationships are one of the best ways to do that. But in such an individualisitic society, we misplace value into "success" in status and income...individual success. We resign our significance to power and capability above others. Your friends who don't reciprocate your love are just distracted. And they're not to blame.. It's just the nature of our competitive, pressured, and (for now) flawed society. Your best bet in such a world is to KNOW your own value, love it, and to give it to everyone you know. The FEW that give it back... Are the people who belong in your life. They are here to validate your existence. You are here for a reason. But it's up to you to use what you have to push your purpose forward. It's definitely not easy. But it's all we have...many of us are in the same boat! I hope you know your value, and I wish you the best in using it to make this world just that much better ☺️
If I may chime in on that one I'd like to say linger a few minutes more when you are around other people to just see them hear them and let your body langauge express your genuine interest in knowing or helping in small ways. Like holding the door for others or asking a simple question like how your day going a d pausing to hear with responsive expression and playfulness. It just seems to me that we are like kids in a way who just want to share and belong.
5:00 saying stuff like "NO ONE really knows me, I have NO ONE I could turn to in a crisis" might also point to higher self obsession. How many times have you heard people say they have no friends, and then it comes out that they do? But what they really mean is "I don't have any PERFECT friends."
My oldest and best friend I met when he was just 4 years old. He's 58 now. We haven't lived in the same city for over 37 years but we still talk via phone at least 2-3 times per month. We're some 4.5 hours drive time away from one another so visits are now infrequent. However, each time we speak it's as if there's been no break in communication or distance. We long ago made it clear to one another how much we value our friendship. We're extremely lucky to have one another.
The worst part for me is when I have nice dreams about my authentic self, connecting with people and friends from the past and childhood, and then waking up and realized that now I'm really alone, and isolated, Everyone seems to avoid me now. . That pain is so hard.
People can start forming a Connection meet up friend groups on Facebook pages Even during the pandemic you can sit apart to talk laugh tell jokes play music , have a picnic And reach out to other people that feel the same way
That’s literally the same feeling I’ve been having most of the time... my friends seems to avoid me, and I ask myself “why?” sometimes I already know the answer maybe is because they are too busy today, but sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to be part of them even though I knew most of my friends for a long time now I guess... I’ll be alone.. since they don’t want me..
Yeah me too tomie. And I am twice your age. If you think it's bad now, wait till you get older. I always dream of the dear friends I had in my youth. Always. I think we all do. Once they married, moved, etc, I never heard from them. I'd lost touch with them long ago. I moved interstate and know that many ppl I knew back in my home town have died since. Trust me, it gets harder as you get older. You have youth on your side - I don't. My folks emigrated out here (Australia) so after they died, I found myself all on my own. Not one of their family or relatives followed them out here. This is quite common here. I'm married, but my husband is stuck abroad unable to come out here. Haven't seen him in ages. My life is a living HELL on my own. I just live for when we can be together again. I never imagined things would take such a dive like this. This Coronavirus has well & truly f****d our lives up, good and proper. I am so depressed that it leaves me speechless just thinking of my life now. When I think of the past, it all seems like it was just a dream, not real. Nothing is certain in life these days anymore.
As I sit in my lonely little apartment feeling sad and isolated I realize in a weird way I'm connected to millions who also feel the same way. It doesnt change the mood but it is slightly comforting knowing that in a weird way I still have company even during some the loneliest moments of life
it's ok,fam,I'm with u,be in this world not of this world,never give up your humanity for a microchip,can anyone say era of the living dead,tech zombies rule
This man hit the nail on the head. It's what I've said and felt for years( also was on antidepressants for over 20 years) No one to turn to causes great depression and anxiety. Like being on a flotation device in the middle of an ocean. No one to reach out to is a horrible, frightening, painful existence.
Emilio Gomez I deleted Facebook about a year ago and the affects were amazing and immediate. After a few days of FOMO, I felt like a gained my life back. I could not recommend dumping Facebook any higher
Same here, deleted the app and it was just gone! This is actually me trying to socialize right now on a RUclips comment, instantly motivated by the video... 🤔 LETS DO THIS!!😬👊🏼
I uninstalled Facebook from my phone for 3 months and would only occasionally check it via browser on my computer because some of my family members live in another country. I noticed that my life got simpler, I no longer care how I look/what I do. I don't care to impress anymore lol
This is the BEST video I've seen in ages and believe me I watch a lot of them. I have thought often of how I used to have friends and now I have none. I have many acquaintances but nobody close to me. My husband is pretty close but not now or ever probably will be as close as I wish. I've attributed this loneliness in my life to many things but this video and all the comments made me feel better only in the sense that I'm not alone in this. I have thought about forming an organization that deals with this on a human to human - face to face (not face-book) level. There needs to be a humanity RESET!
But nobody respect a person who is not doing showoff on instagram.... I mean only dual personality people on instagram get more respect in there real life I had seen this...
I learned about this man on the Joe Rogan podcast and he undoubtedly, along with Jordan Peterson and Sebastian Junger, saved my life. When he first appeared on the podcast I was absolutely at the lowest point of my life, I was not leaving bed, my mother had just died a horrific death, I moved away for college for the first time and, due to my mothers death, family was tending to life back home while I was alone. I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have anyone… Not even my mom! I gained 30 lbs, slept all day, I hated the fact I was given life, I wanted this to end. For years I just wanted the to end. And then I heard this man’s interview. And then I heard Sebastian’s and Jordan’s. This man absolutely gave me my life back to me. I’m getting emotional recalling it just because I don’t know where I would’ve been without him agreeing to go on the Joe Rogan podcast. More than one time I had a rope around my neck ready to end it, and I didn’t, and this man’s work and dedication made sure that it will never be there again… This man give me my life back, and all these men agave me the tools to make life worth living. Thank you, sir. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
That's so amazing to read, my friend and I'm glad you didn't end it all. As someone who has Depression and battled it for 20 years, it always galvanizes me whenever I read comments like yours as well as see people like Johann Hari talk. Stay well and keep strong :-) \o/
Sequins, I'm over joyed they helped you. I'm not suicidal, but I'm trying hard to change a lot of chaos in my life. Your comment does giv me hope. Thanks for sharing!
Patricia King I went from a fat and depressed college burnout, to a healthy, 25 y/o girl, college grad, in love with my man and owning a home with him. I have A LOT of shit to figure out, but hot damn I’m happy. For once, I’m happy. If I can do it, I know anyone can ☺️
In the old days when you were lonely you could go to a coffee shop, the gym, the mall and you would meet people. Now days you go places & everyone's got their ear buds on, their all in there own little world...😩😫
@@anahiv9082 I really feel sad for the young people.. I have work with the Elderly they end up very lonely but now days young people are lonely & depressed so sad..😖😣😩😫
I consider myself an introvert, and it’s true that I often enjoy being alone and it’s sort of a way to recharge. However, I *crave* genuine human interaction. For humanity to survive, I think we need physical communication and reassurance from other human beings that we look up to and enjoy being around. I get so lonely because I get so anxious when trying to hang out with new people. I feel as though since nobody ever texts me first to hang out, that nobody cares enough to want to be around me. When these things do eventually happen I then have to figure out what to do with people and make sure they are having fun, even if I’m just enjoying being around them. I don’t know where I’m going with this, and I’m not sure what the point is, but when I do have genuine interactions with people I enjoy being with, it’s one of the best feelings ever and I *crave* that.
At least i am so relieved to know that there is someone in this entire world that feels the same exact things that i do feel. If you want to, we could talk and exchange each other email. It would be a true pleasure for me to talk with you and know much more about your personality. Xoxo from italy (:
Hey Ryan, when you write about your loneliness and you feel nobody ever texts you first to hang out, I can totally relate to this. In my situation I seemingly have many friends, but still im feeling very lonely, and like you said I feel like a lot of the times the initiative has to come from me and when they already made plans i'm always invited to join them, but it's that feeling of them not thinking about me first to go plan something. It would be good for my self esteem if i didnt need to put so much effort in. When i'm in my loneliness downward spiral I start to see things as a confirmation of why my friends are meeting each other without inviting me or why im single (no one likes me, they think i'm boring, im not adding value to the company, etc.). These thoughts might be partly true or maybe not, but in any case theyre not helping me. So when im feeling lonely and sad the thing that helps is being around friends, so then i just text whoever I think is available and hope someone wants to meet up with me. You write about being an introvert. I consider myself definetely also more on the introvert side. But for me i's not about being less social or wanting to spend time by yourself. Introvert to me is just not being the person at the party with the biggest mouth or who starts a conversation with random strangers easily. I am social, but just a bit more quiet en shy and I prefer smaller groups of people to hang out with than bigger groups, but I still like to meet new people, make friends, etc. Anyway, not sure where i'm going with this either XD How are you feeling? How are you dealing with your loneliness at the moment? You got any advice? Take care, Charlotte
As a fellow introvert I can relate so much. Social situation with people I don’t know well enough can make me very drained. Deep connections on the other hand are revitalizing so to say, I get my needs fulfilled.
Same. I'm 26 and I live on my own and use to being alone, but mentally.... I just can't do it anymore after being an outcast and never really fitting in any I've been. And I have pretty much accepted I'll never be happy with myself, my life, or with anyone else. I'm tired of being disappointed over and over again. Been trying to make changes and better myself, but I'm so tired of focusing on me and improving myself for a potential someone to come into my life. I just broke up with my girlfriend after a year and half of being together in sort of a long distance relationship. She use to live 30mins away when we were dating, but then moved 30mins further away for more job opportunities. Even when she only live 30mins away she would never visit me on the weekdays to have dinner with me or anything and always insisted she was too busy. Obviously things got worse when she moved further as we only saw each other probably 1 time a month sometimes 2 every other weekend. I tried my best to make things work and talk things out with her, but my efforts fell on deaf ears it felt like because she never put me first in the entirety of us dating. + Due to covid she basically stopped seeing me for a total of 2-3months before I finally just said fuck it and broke up with her. She claimed she loved me and always cried every time I would try to fix our relationship. Been trying to heal emotionally and mentally ever since May. Trying to put my self out there dating again, but it just feels to hopeless at this point. My single best friend of 13 years is just so wrapped up in his life doing things for his abusive girlfriend. I probably only see him like once a month whenever he busy doing whatever. I don't like to my coworkers about my personal life, but that's pretty much the only social interaction I get all week. My family never hits me up about anything. Only person I can actually kinda talk to on a daily basis is my mom, but it's just gets boring not having anyone my own age to talk to.
*LONELINESS is a state of mind, which arises when we don't create value for others.* We think that we deserve to be loved and appreciated just for the sake of it. But the truth is, human species have evolved due to communication and symbiotic relationship with each other. Growing together. Help me - help you. It becomes even harder, when technological advancements have devalued and extracted human communication in contemporary way of living. Creating value for others will open up doors for new interpersonal relationships.
This is why I speak to strangers children when they say "hi" (and wave) because they see me and they (unapologetically) want to be seen and acknowledge!
I have an 18 month old daughter. Who loves to wave & say hi to everyone. You’d be amazed how many people see her but ignore her. Breaks my heart. I absolutely love when people acknowledge her & share kindness. 💜
🗿 There's something UNEXPECTED & DISARMING about children who wave and/or say "Hi" when they're out & about with their parents. It says something about the parents. I too, try to always acknowledge their presence by returning the greeting. These kinds of social encounters tend to remind me that if kids (and DOGS) seem to like me, I must be doing SOMETHING right with my life❗ ✔.
Language is such a novel concept at that age. The idea that you can use words to communicate with people just seems so exciting at first. Then you slowly figure out that most people are total crap and the novelty wears off.
Being alone is highly underrated. You will come to learn overtime that people we call our friends are often times only in it for what you can do for them, sometimes it's family too. Be very, very careful who you give your loyalty to.
AGREE 100%. CHEERS FOR SAYING IT LIKE IT IS, BUDDY!! PEOPLE HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT AT CREATING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS. TRUE FRIENDSHIP REQUIRES FAITHFULNESS, COMRADESHIP, LOYALTY, COMMITMENT, BONDING, EVEN COMPLICITY. AND OF COURSE IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO GIVE THEIR E-DEVICES A BREAK AND USE THEM ONLY FOR COMMUNICATION. SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS...
While there are a lot of shallow and selfish people out there, picking and choosing the right people is part of building that relationship. You aren't committing to a lifetime of loyalty the first time you meet someone. While it can hurt to find out that some people only want to take advantage, it is better to find out and then move on rather than continuing that relationship blindly. The path to building and creating these friendships and relationships can be difficult and lead you to places you would never expect, but achieving the final goal of that long lasting connection is always worth it.
If people like you are shunning others, you are a part of the problem. Of course you be careful about who you give your loyalty to, but being receptive to those who reach out to you wanting nothing of you but acknowledgement is what is right. It's common courtesy and human decency.
@@BigBadJerryRogers : i dont shun anyone....but i have been used up and walked on so much in the name of socalled friendship that i have learned to see the bullshit coming. So get off your soap box and knock it off with your holier than thou crap.
Pick your friends upwards, people that bring you up and you want to strive to be like. I was stepping down for a long time later realizing I always felt used or too helpful. I stepped up to higher quality people and that made me have to straighten up to keep up. Friends that made me want to be a better person just from being around them.
I wanted this interview to last longer, it was so interesting. Then I realized that "we're not made to talk to screens" and I went out grab a coffee with a friend.
so true....when folk ask me "oh, what do you do" i start listing off all my favourite hobbies and activities and they proceed to look very perplexed.....our paying job does not define us although, i know, most of society would have us believe otherwise, eh?! lol
I'm lonely because I always make an effort to contact and visit my friends and spend time with them while still having to work each week like them but they rarely do the same for me.
@@shanewreck2322 It is. Most guys who are smart and interesting to talk to are discussing views about how the world will end. I've evaluated and analysed all of the options, and hearing them talking about it gets boring. Meanwhile, but bad things are happening in the world, and they don't want to talk about the *solutions* to these problems, making them shy and ultimately boring friends to be around. They just don't want to take any risks 😑 I want to go rock climbing in the mountains, and skiing. But none of my friends are fun enough do that, or they fear getting judged too much 🙄
@@thethinkingbeing9817 I suggest going skiing by yourself then. When you arrive at the ski area, you'll find your tribe. Like minded individuals who ALL want to be there. I know, I've been a ski bum for 30 years. :)
You don't have to be depressed man! That's the good thing about being aware :) All people are lonely from time to time! Loneliness is not solely a bad thing if you learn to accept it as part of life
"We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives us abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynnical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much, and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More that cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities life will be violent, and all will be lost." Chaplin got it right a long time ago
I think we need a culling. We're not designed to give a shit about 7.6 billion look-a-likes. We're designed to care about roughly 150 at most. Plus, we're really fucking this planet up. A culling is inevitable. Don't know what form it will take, but it'll cut the population down to size.
One reason I feel alone is that I feel I can't properly express my opinions anymore at the risk of upsetting the wrong person and potentially losing my job, or having slander thrown at me online. I'm not an internet celeb or anything but cancel culture has made me extremely paranoid about what I say and who I say it to, and this is on top of pre-existing social anxiety.
You're absolutely right. In fact, that is the goal of cancel culture and leftist liberal culture: To keep us separated and divided, hating and being suspicious of your family, friends, and neighbors, and, especially, take away our freedom of expression. THIS is the foundation of a TOTALITARIAN FASCIST STATE. This is how the KGB, and the Gestapo kept everyone living in fear.
The original poster in this reply just needs to be themself. Finding an honest, genuine individual with no agenda in this environment is akin to stumbling over a diamond. I don't have to agree with everyone in my life, or even like them. But when I respect someone it might be the largest compliment I have to offer. And I respect people who are genuine. If you pay attention, you'll recognize them when you meet/see them.
It actually depends. What if those things grant you experiences that bring value and/or joy to your life? Let's say you buy a game to play and you stream for a living, you're successful and you enjoy what you do. That statement is a "one-size fits all" statement that is just a hasty generalization.
Opposite for me. I’m less depressed/frustrated now that I don’t have to interact on a daily basis with bullies and wheedlers - particularly in the work place. I’m happier gardening alone.
Agreed - the silver lining in getting fired was being released from the daily bullying at work. People in general have caused me a tremendous amount of hurt. I can be me when by myself. Although it still freaks me out when asked at the dr's office for an emergency contact!
I think Johann is very right and I want to add something more. Society and social media doesn't only disconnected us from other people. They disconnected us from OURSELVES.
I'm not a millennial so I'm not part of the group that is "supposed" to be on every social media site. The only one I am on is facebook which I log into and check like 4 times a year. I only created the account because I had some friends and family that bugged me into it. And a few people I knew decades ago have found me there and messaged me. When anyone asks me about twitter or instagram or any others I just tell them I have absolutely no interest in them.
I had one and even though you follow topics and people after spending more than half an hour you really don't see anything new no matter how much you refresh the page so I got bored
I have a Facebook account but i dont use it, i have an instagram acciunt that i made 5 years ago and its connected to facebook but i dont use it, i have a twitter account but i dont use it(i dont tweet unless i see something interesting but thats rare... i just look at what youtubers im interested in tweet), i have an WhatsApp account but thats for my class group and for sending pictures to people i know... i barely use social media for social interactions tho im most active on youtube where i comment the most... irl i dont talk that much to like my classmates but i do talk to old friends from time to time... im kind of an introvert despite finding it easy to talk to people... but most of the time i just dont feel like it... and geez im born in 2002 and im not that much into social media lol
We judge each other to harshly. We lose patience to quickly. We under value each other. To quick to dismiss another human being with faults without looking at our own.
Ha! The iron y there is a lot fewer people go to bars because they don't have to in order to meet people. You used to have to go because there were no apps or chat rooms. And of course in the bars you'll see plenty of people interacting on their phones instead of with the people around them.
@@BigBadJerryRogers True. But there are many alternatives nowadays to the bar scene when it comes to meeting new people. What people are yearning for is genuine connection; that *sense of belonging.*
Social media has a huge negative effect on my happiness. I have a wonderful life and I know that but it's a comparison trap, I find myself always comparing my life to others highlight reel and its detrimental to mental health
Advertising was my career and guess what...I ended up depressed, lonely and alcoholic to boot. It finally conflicted with my authentic self. Today I've shelved promoting consumerism, I have what I need, I reject materialism...the TV is OFF and the booze is OUT. I invest in friendship, community, helping others freely and my spirituality. I have much more positive energy and seem to attract the same. I had to change my thinking and it was so well worth it.
Today I had a 45 minute chat with a stranger on a dirt road in the hills of southern Utah. We exchanged names, shook hands and wished one another a good day. Set aside your phone and practice saying the words "hello" and "good morning".
word warrior I gave a couple of Lyft rides today and felt a genuine connection with my riders. At work (sales), I am acting all day and all my interections are just that, an act, only a means to an end.
You're one of those annoying people who think they're saving the world by annoyingly approaching stranger for a conversation in the name of going back to "the good old days". If someone is not making eye contact with you, moving in a way that says "I want to talk to you", etc. leave them the fuck alone. Funny how old heads always complain about this generation LaCk oF sOciAL sKiLLs yet they always miss the basic cues that people don't want to talk to them.
@@tbg6070 I'm one of those annoying people. I figure we need to connect more than we need our solitude. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, I assume they can say so. If they don't say so, it's on them. Yes, I'm old, but people are the same today as they were centuries ago. I talk. If you don't want to talk to me, say so.
I strongly agree with this man's assertion about loneliness. I suggest that our separation form nature, though is key to the feelings of loneliness. Putting your hands in soil and feeling the rhythms of the earth is of the highest importance. So glad that was brought up. Blessings to all.
This i can see. Whenever I feel off, I go for a hike. If I feel im getting into a routine of stress, I head out and camp. I come back and feel great for weeks!
New semester in college and most people are too busy on the smart phones texting to want to network and make new friends. I found myself being the only person in the class putting up an effort to converse while others were glued to their phones. Boy was I happy to see my last semester friend after class...
Listening to Johann's thoughts and comments on advertising makes me really grateful that you've been consistent in your decision to keep this channel ad free, Matt. We're so used to seeing ads constantly that it's almost imperceptible when they're not there, but it is so appreciated. Keep up the stellar work!
Great interview, it’s one of the reasons I never used social media and can’t stand it, it’s hollow, talking to people through screens is completely deafening. People think those who don’t use social media are crazy but the reality is is that I don’t have these problems with stress and loneliness.
I totally agree that people need genuine human interaction, and I realize that is what is lacking in my life. My question here is how do you interact and find this kind of connection with others? People are so closed off, busy or preoccupied. It's seems almost impossible to connect, and I find this really disappointing and frustrating.
Learn base guitar or drums, the guitar players will fight for you. I realize how lonely i would have been without music. When i go play guitar by the lake there are always people who stop walking and take some time to watch me or sometimes even talk. It give me the feeling i exist when we make eye contact, maybe we never meet again but there was a connection and appreciation.. Maybe sport is better for you, i cant stand competition spirit.
Truth is, everybody are YEARNING for true and real connections! But they are afraid, disconnected and as you say they "occupy" themselves with non-sense (most of the time). But if you dare to open up and you show that REAL connection is still a thing, people will respond to you! Don't be afraid to connect if you feel there is a connection to begin with - because life is short and fear of what that person MIGHT be like is all your own perspective - you actually don't know for sure if they are really "busy", "preoccupied" or anything else.. Most people put on their "blinders" and run!
For example i have begun forcing myself out of my comfort zone by daring to ask ladies that suggests interest in me somehow. Before i would just smile and move on - but i really wanted to approach her, because hey, you never know. Maybe it is the start of something good for you. So these days i have started not to think so much about what they might think if i approach, or if i overanalyzed the signals etc. I just switch off my thoughts and i approach - of course i only approach if i really can see that there is an interest from her, like alot of eye contact or smiles etc. It´s sooooo easy to just pass up so many opportunities for engaging new things - whether that is a relationship of some sort, or whatever it is. And you will really only lose if you dont act upon it, because you will have regrets! Life gives you opportunity for a reason so you should act on it! Most people are afraid of doing this because of aaaaaaaaall kinds of reasons that they make up in their own heads. That´s the first step to become happier and generally just be more in tune with life, thats constantly going on around you.. IF you just open up in that area and capitalize on the opportunities, amazing things will start to happen in your life - i promise.
I used to do the same, at my worst it was months, I’m selectively mute, but since I now have a mic when gaming im at least talking to someone each day even if for a little
If you are in the city, try making friendly small talk with your local cashier, doorsman, driver, etc. If you can handle being alone for a while, then this amount of exposure may be enough to keep a sane and somewhat social mind. Family/relatives is also another option if you'd like.
@@LifeLongRunner Small talk is okay, sure, but its more meaningful to just be real and upfront. Some can really dig it, some can't. Pick your people, vet them, choose who is good for you, and repeat.
@@CrummyVCR Good advice for those who will stick around in your life for a while. People tend to relocate as life goes on. But if you have the will, effort, and energy to develop an ongoing relationship with a certain group of individuals, all the power to you.
The irony is that we are getting depressed because our tribe is disbanding but at the same time, other people are our greatest source of pain, anger and depression!
Robin Williams Quotes. I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
Nah its you who makes you depressed others make you sad but a chemical imbalance and dwelling in self pity rather than getting out of bed and doing something.
Video games, posting pictures, sending texts, video calls, parents chasing us out of the home because we're 'adults', friends disassociating with high school friends because we're doing better than them, people want to speak more than to listen, people are competing instead of complementing each other, status is more respected than reputation of your personality. We just lack love, physical touch, belonging to a tribe, and feeling safe. ❤️
This guy really has done his research. These are all the things I have also come to learn in my own research as well. We lost our tribe and we need that now more than ever.
Excerpts for my reference: "What consumer objects do you think you have to have? How do you think your life will be different when you've got them?" "What are moments you actually felt your life was meaningfull, satisfying? How could you build more of that into your life, and less of seeking the junk value stuff."
@Xx BigBoss xX Well I believe that everything, things, relations, but also traditions and beliefs has value, as long as YOU think it does. For example, I'm an atheist but I think that religion has value for those that believe in it, it can indeed make their lives more meaningful. It all depends on your perception of the world. If human relations don't have a high value for you, that's ok. I'm sure that there is something else that you value in life. Besides, materialistic possessions CAN make your life better in a measurable way, there are some things which I find very valuable and usefull, and I know that I would be less happy without them.
i moved to a tiny village in the Philippines and i am an old man 71, ill...and when i feel lonesome, i go outside and walk around, and me being a stranger, people here, always smiling, say hello sir, to me, they initiate this greeting even to a stranger as i am..they are respectful of all people, calling everyone Sir, or MUM...smile, say GOOD MORNING SIR...and i was told many times that they would rather be poor than rich.
"People here, always smiling, say hello sir, they initiate this greeting even to a stranger, they are respectful to all people" ....you don't see that here in America, if those people move here, they will be treated like shit. It's sad to see that....... Most Americans seems fake! It's obviously part of their culture. Acting kind and friendly, but being completely cold and indifferent.
@@jackieberke4096 I'm from Ireland and I agree that somethings wrong. It really does seem that people were happier poorer. Our communities are destroyed because no one meets face to face anymore. When poor we would all help each other and encourage people to help their communities. Nowadays everyone has their head bent into their smartphones and don't notice anything happening around them.
When I collected for the March of dimes at school l went door to door.. The poorer greeted me and gave me what they could... The big or fancy house treated me like a criminal....as a social worker the real sincerity came more often from those who had to face big painful problems... And no... They were not there for a handout... Most wanted work or respect... Hard to find for them... Or Us sometimes..
@MrMahuike You're romanticizing poverty & living conditions in the Philippines. The reality is the Philippines are full of poor desperate people who long for a better life and dream of getting the chance to migrate to the US/Australia/Europe... I never received that many marriage proposals resp. strangers trying to hook me up with some poor but very young village girl than when I travelled the Philippines (island hopping), and I thought Thailand was bad before I visited the Philippines the first time. As an Ex-pat you're welcome as long as you're spending money there, but try to open a business, hire staff or buy land and having a house built and see what happens. frankly reading your description the term "noble savage" (in the literary tradition) comes to mind and people who're familiar with the concept know it's no offense to the indigenous population.
Sounds a lot like a modern version of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the lack of natural interaction and connection is chopping off the top half of his pyramid. Great video, need to find the full interview for more.
Funny how Facebook was built for the mission of "Connecting everyone around the World", yet that just made people insecure and not-willing to make real friends in real life, because it just became too easy & pleasing to make internet-friends. The kind of 'hollow' relationship that is discussed in the video.
Keeping it ad-free...wow! Matt, you wouldn‘t imagine how much I appreciate that and respect I habe for that. I recently unsubbed from a lot of big youtubers who thought they could just push in 5+ ads on a 15min video.
there's a google chrome and firefox free extension called "ublock origin" that you can get for free from the "add-ons" settings in the menu in the upper right. problem solved lel
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
As that poem goes, life is a dream within a dream. When I look back onto the days of my youth, I always feel I am reliving old dreams. I never thought I would end up sad and alone. I cry by myself. Yes life goes by in a flash. Our youth, missed opportunities, lost much loved ppl in my life, made mistakes, bad choices, etc. I know much is gone - lost. There's no going back to the old days of happiness, but I firmly believe all will return one day when I will be reunited with the ppl and friends I so badly miss, so long since I saw them last, once my time here on Earth is up. When we believe and trust in the Lord, we shall know love and joy once again, and then eternally. This life is brief but painful.
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Thanks for watching. Share this with someone who needs it.
Mr Matt you really inspire me to be more and more successful! Thank you
Great video 👌🏽
You are an amazing RUclipsr!!! Keep doing what you do
when you watch this at 6 am to start your day off right. thanks matt!
Strong Message! Feels good to be understood!
Loneliness is NOT a lack of number of relationships but a lack of DEPTH in relationships.
1000 surface relationships online will never replace 1 deep relationship with a real human.
True but we probably also need a true community and a role in it, as we evolutionarily did.
A R that's a rough perspective. We all build our opinions through our own experiences, no one can say your wrong. My experiences tell me that good people do exist.
A R there are people out there who will be a genuine friend but if someone is getting pleasure out of someone else's suffering then that just shows that they are not only sadistic but suffering as well. Happy people don't like to see people suffer, only those who are suffering too do.
This is the truth. I have plenty of friends, but none with any depth. Just a bunch of cliches and stolen jokes.
I'm sorry, maybe this is a stupid question... But, where do you find these real humans?
“The relationship between social media and social life is like the relationship between porn and sex.” Wow that really struck me.
Eesa Özil yes! Porn is really bad for society
I think this is a really important quote that a lot of people probably overlook because they wouldn't want to give up social media
@Jake Witzacker which benefits?
It's not that porn is bad, it just tells you that it won't fill your real needs. That doesn't make it bad.
@@Chris-bw5zk the difference between a reality and fantasy maybe?
"Everyone's connected, but no one is connecting."
Marco Garcia Good one
You've hit the nail on the head, Marco!
No intimacy
How true
True
what's really messed up is that two people can admit to be lonely but still not make friends with each other
Friendship requires effort and from what I’ve seen, most people don’t actually put effort into their friendships. Probably why they’re not friends
So true
@@NewBlueTrue and that is what makes me so angry. Even the basic minimum of continuous effort is too much. We live in a fast world - fast food, fast fashion, fast consumerism and sadly, fast friendships & relationships.
@@annikesta8796 I’ve been doing a lot of history learning in terms of human beings day to day interactions and the way their cities/communities were structured and what I have found is many people lived in very close, walkable distance from each other. They were constantly interacting with all types of people every single day. Why would someone worry about whether or not they have friends if their social needs are being met by the people they interact with day to day. And don’t forget people back then had more free time to nurture their personal relationships because work wasn’t treating them like slaves. I don’t think people back then were better at being friends, but actually had more opportunities for human interaction so they didn’t feel as lonely.
So, what I am trying to say is we need to restructure our societies so it is easier for people to interact with others so their social needs can be met instead of relying on people who can’t or won’t put effort into maintaining a friendship.
@@NewBlueTrue I've read similar things! It's very interesting. There's a video on what North Korean defectors missed most about their old homes and they basically confirmed what you've typed above. But I don't neccesarily think that it's just the structure. Nothing has really changed in my hometown since my childhood, but it used to be the standard for people to just come and go into each other's households as they pleased. I do think it has something to do with a new sense of privacy that came from the changed working conditions you mentioned above. After being bombarded with social interaction @ work and then seemingly on social media, I feel like a lot of people's social batteries are just drained at the end of the day. Also: there is no need for friends to come over and physically tell you about what's happened to them today when you could witness it live in their facebook/instagram/whatsapp stories. Maybe there's just a lack of topics for people to begin with.
Loneliness is fine when you're not feeling down, but when you're lost in life damn it hits hard
Definitely
Yes true
Boom!
My ultimate advice: No liquor. No couch. No sweatpants. = Things will just happen!!
So true
The best interview, yet. I decluttered my life and removed social media apps off my phone. I found myself going for walks and eating my lunch at the park. Within a week, I began to feel better.
Good on you Carrie Ann :)
That is great.. I have done the same and it is really great.. just be careful not to slip backwards over time. I have deleted those apps a number of times and always went back... and after reading this, I am going to delete again today..
My loneliness is hightened when I get a break from work. I am a teacher so I'm quite busy during the semester. For my whole life I've been in school and I'm used to being busy. Slowing down makes me feel like I don't have any use.
I had deleted and decided that I'm not going to waste my time on them anymore, yet It did not help me as much as I thought....
gonna try this
Social media is essentially just self-advertisement: "look at me! See how perfect I am! See what a happy and beautiful life I have!" Eventually, you come to realize that everybody is advertising and nobody is buying. Truly a hollow enterprise.
yeh that's actually pretty spot on. pretty sad hey. We could all take away their power by not following, but people seem to love to follow. As tho by following they somehow take on some of their fame or perfection. When really the follower gets nothing.
Not exactly, if done right social media can be an instrument for good. But point taken, social media is horrible for social connections.
It also depends. I use social media to keep in touch with family and close friends only. I don't rely on likes to validate me. Remember social media is a tool and it's up to you how you use it
Well put. This realization was the catalyst in removing myself from social media entirely. I'm back to living/experiencing life for my own gratification, no ulterior recognition needed. People can start depending on the synthetic reassurance to feel good about themselves, sucking the authenticity out of living. To each their own, not here to judge. We're all searching.
Social media is just people posting propaganda about how their life is going...
Little did he know that this video title would have a COMPLETELY different meaning a year later
Was looking for this comment 🤣
Little did he know, ever see movie stranger than fiction? Great flick, I do a cover of whole wide world over here, may find something else to enjoy as well. Stay safe out there.
So true
When I saw the title, I thought this had to do with the virus
@@random23287 honestly... So did I 😂🤣
I really like the sound quality Matt, considering no visual mic's. I also like how you're not interrupting the man constantly with affirmations like 'uhu, yes, ok, I understand'. You just let the man speak and ask very hands-on questions. Good one!
im going to make an educated guess that matt is now using a mic boom? but yeah I agree, very clear interview, cuts out all the bullshit - keeps the viewer focused on the person talking which I LOVE!
i hated the audio quality! can't hear a goddmamn thing!!
It is also to be noticed that the dude knows what to say and what seems irrelevant. So he finds an end to his comment, his story whatever. A LOT OF PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THIS ABILITY *getting a little angry* :*
most people are not pursuing wealth, just constantly struggling to stay employed and pay the bills, & thats depressing
That is a very sad and suicidal way to live one's life
@@timebender83 For most people, that's reality. You gotta play the cards life deals you.
@@thathandsomedevil0828 Who says that? So be safe and complacent after watching the news because you don't live in Syria or Ethiopia, while continuing the 9-5 rat race you been given in exchange of your life? Thanks but I will pass and decide to create my own reality where I am responsible for my actions and life in general
@@thathandsomedevil0828 In other words I would give the deck back for reshuffling and deal me new cards
@@timebender83 more power to you buddy, I am just glad I make enough at the moment to pay the bills, stay afloat and not be a burden to my parents. I don't know about you but it's fucking cold outside and my supplier just charged me for this month's heating bill. It's not ideal but that is my reality, right now.
Your videos change lives, they really do. Thank you.
Sounds like a line from a song.
Thanks so much for watching, Skylar. It really means a lot to read comments like there.
Yep!! If you hadn't said it already, I would :)
They really don't.
@@mattdavella Yeah Matt! You really really really change lives! Can't write how glad I am. Thanks for share those reflections with the world, man. I'm a brazillian guy and your videos teach me more than english language... They teachs me resistance!
My mom used to tell me; ‘a person needs to figure out how to be alone without being lonely’. Once you have achieved that, you’re ready to have a healthy relationship with others.
Gary - your mother is correct . No one told me this but I figured the same thing due to life experiences
I love this
WOW!
@Justice is Right 1st step is to realise that if you're not comfortable in your own company, it can be impossible to make connections with anyone else. Start by learning to become comfortable in your own company. Also, don't expect too much as expecting too much won't do you any good. Keep it simple. If people refuse, just keep looking and focus on those who accept (they'll come, no forcing it). This won't happen overnight but over time. To fight loneliness, try to establish a meaningful connection with people. Loneliness is a normal feeling once in a while but don't let it consume you, become you or become something far worse. Social pain is so painful it can break anyone. It'll be hard but you make a friendship and maybe create a new family. Family doesn't mean blood relation, it means a very strong connection between a group of people. It's why close friends can be considered family. This won't be easy but it's achieveable, it's created to happen. All humans are made like that
If you develop a good relationship with yourself, accept your flaws and strengths as they are, you'll never be truly alone..
You will attract good energy, as long as you create good energy within yourself.
Social media has pretty much turned the world into a giant high school that never ends lol.
Sir Joelsuf: Yeah, high school, but pre school and especially first, in the womb and out of the womb teachers schooling us. And , now all is influenced by soc. media, and main stream media.
so true
That's an easy conclusion to reach if one's ideas about the world are formed from social media.
I dropped out after FB
agreed, but i dont think it's always gonna be like this. think about it, we're in the teenage years of social media and the internet- if its bad right now it's because we're new to it all and still figuring out how to pull all the right ropes. i think there'll be a time when things are more regulated and less chaotic. kind of like adulthood?? kind of
I'm off FB, Twitter, Insta, tv and even media for 3 years now. I was expecting relief, but I's like getting your head out of the smartphone, looking around you and there is nobody there that sees or notices you Its like the world is not speaking the same language anymore. A loss of social skills even. Saying hi to a total stranger seems wrong these days. So...I feel even more depressed.
Hi franky
I know how you feel. My friends used to tell me I was always on my phone. Once I with out a phone (it broke on deployment) I realized that everytime I went out with my friends the script had flipped & we would go out to eat, go out drinking, etc. & they would spend more time snapping what we were doing than actually enjoying it. I got back on Social Media to keep in touch with them (since im out of the military) but honestly I feel just as depressed & lonely with it as I was without it. Idk maybe im crazy.
@@es_three232 Society has gone crazy, not you
I did the same thing! I had a social media detox but realized that I felt more alone too because no one reaches out anymore and when I reach out, it’s not reciprocated. I feel out of touch and fall out of touch with “friends” (any friend). So in a way, it’s a necessary evil because that’s just how society is nowadays. I still want to meet some real genuine people in real life
Personal improvement in this case is like recycling to stop catastrophic climate change, even if you do get your mental house in order it will do no good if you are surrounded by basketcases....I hate to be a doomsayer on this kind of video but the end is near, we need large scale solutions (like getting rid of consumerism/capitalism and/or worker co-ops) or all will be for nought....we need everyone in the game if we are to save some portion of the biosphere, we need to help as many as possible in the shortest time frame. It's not a question of resources, it's a question of political will....
Matt D’Avella deserves his own Netflix series
His movie Minimalism is already on Netflix
@@meevil24 its not his
Yes! Matt should get a netflix special for his messages and filmmaking skills
@@jomoody798 He directed it though
Nah, he would be too good for Netflix ...
I'm a guy born in the 90's and damn, do I miss those time where life was much simpler.
Social media killed my social life, everyone is virtual nowadays.
Now many people live in an artificial world, so they are lonely.
Oh yeah ever since iphones came out i was curious why i was all alone for a long time why my social life just disappeared. Movies in the iPhone generation hit different because in the movies the teenagers were socializing and best friends doing homework at each others house and having fun taking selfies and doing funny things. But in reality a lot of us are disconnected in real life. It can be a very empty mundane boring existence. No social life. No friends. Barely a sex partner here and there & just hanging out with my family
Life isn’t the same since 2012/13
🎉@@moonlightstargem1006
Matt's content doesn't feel so hyping, full of temporary energy or whatsoever.
It's so chill and doesn't feel like it's forcing this thing down your throat.
My absolute favorite RUclipsr thus far.
This comment made me think of Shane Dawson lol
Adam Ny II Yoo I'm taking pyscgology next year :) is it good?
OTech lol if you get a good teacher. But yes it’s amazing you understand people and yourself even more in depth
@@oj4191 most of the students there have some problems themselfes, when starting studeing psychology.
oooh throwing shade at a lotta youtubers there 😂😂
You're doing important work, man. Keep it up.
Thanks, Daniel.
Surely he can get it up! or else, the blue pill
It sucks cause I remember having friends back in the day.
Bunch of traitors eh?
Black Jesus I done have friends anymore they all left me
And I left them it didn’t work out
No one cares anymore even if you have time to meet
You would have lost contact with most of them anyway. Friends for life ended with mobility.
This is true. I was oddly depressed living in the US. Moved back home to India after 12 years and instantly felt better. I think it has a lot to do with the number of humans around you and how many of them actually touch you....literally.....either on purpose or mistakenly. Nothing can replace human touch.
ruclips.net/video/m5Hzd2TeMA0/видео.html watch this video. it explains everything. I am also not from the US but I live in the US. The video made so much sense. The problem with the video is that it can be offensive to some people.
@@cebedojames Some people are offended by everything, so no surprise there haha
Indians in the US make good money but are all lonely. Whites are too but they are born out of loneliness lol
@@cebedojames This comment took me down a long rabbit trail. Very interesting, I've always wanted to travel but now I'm definitely going!
I think it also has to do with the quality of people. I'm born and raised in the US but I don't like the people here. The best job I've ever had was with foreigners. They just don't care about the stupid little things like we Americans do. And most of the time their attitudes are great.
I stopped going to school with my phone. I literally don't even bring it with me. I have noticed I feel much less anxious and I strive to make conversation with real people more, and my satisfaction from social interaction has gone up like crazy.
Congratulations, you have to reinforce basic behaviors. This generation has no self control. A little self control and you can use your phone just fine
@@KiraIRL I agree, but if that's the approach they want to use and it works for them, then great! Sometimes we need to get back to basics.
I got grounded from my phone for two weeks and during that time I felt amazing bc although I felt more anxious in social situations I was much better about making eye contact and not getting distracted or impulsively looking at it when I’m uncomfortable.
They are doing this on purpose they want us to feel more lonely. Social media is evil.
Hey, bro, write a short e-book about that, what happened, how you got to that idea and why it is logical move and put it somewhehere for people to download.
*The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. I'm trying to keep my world intact, so I work on my self and on my animations every single day!*
when you shake the coca cola can and when you open it it all fizzes out and you cant do shit.
Unless a sabre tooth cat is about to eat you in the next second, Or you are looking at starvation by famine, Or a horrible disease is eating you alive, You are leagues ahead of your ancestors. You are the reason your ancestors existed. Do them proud.
Survival is the name of the game...
I didn't realise that was happening to me until I read that
Please don't fucking like comments bcos they are in bold
Peter Pober *I know right*
The hardest part is having a tribe who’re are all addicted to their phones so you end up not actually getting to spend time with them because even when youre all together they’re not really *there*
.. and when you ask them something you have to wait for them to finish with their phone
Louis G. I stopped hanging out with people like that, that shit is annoying
Or wanting more deep and meaningful conversations but everyone around you is too shallow so you don't have friends because you can't stand drivel
Very True ..
"Alone Together" by Sherry Turkle
I’m from England and in my late 40’s and been isolated and lonely all my life and it’s getting worse . We need to speak up about this epidemic there’s no shame in talking only shame in keeping quiet
Ed thanks for replying and I have to agree as a bad diet certainly won’t help . Many of us tend to eat junk food which can’t help . I also hydration with clean filtered water is imperative to refresh us and aid clarity and brain function 🤔
Dont be lonely. Say hello. Everone does sometimes feel lonely as well. Thats just a bit of it
Wahid Khaliq salam maybe a bit of a personal question but what do we have to lose really: are you married? Feel free not to answer if this is out of your comfort zone! Wish you the best in shaa allah
Chels without sounding sarcastic .... there is an assumption by many that everyone is or should be heterosexual when not everyone is .
@@wahidkhaliq4776 Well, we all need connection. Obviously when it comes to love or sex, it'll be different for everyone. People will have sex with people they are sexually attracted to or maybe they won't have sex which is ok, having a connection is the main thing. Love is a different kind of connection that we build up with family and/or others. The love for your partner is different to the one you have with biological/fostered/in-law. I could be stating the obvious but just to make sure, was that the you made or you had another idea?
"The whole machine(advertising) is built around making us feel inadequate, then making us buy the solution."
#realstuff
Insightful explanation. Nailed it.
It operates exactly like religion.
Amen!
You are wrong. The aim of advertising is to bring people value that can increase their quality of living. To do that, sometimes advertisers need to go to dirty tricks, but it is all for the good
@@vladstepanenko3741 Do you genuinely believe that? The purpose of advertising is to sell products, and that first means convincing you that you want the product. Pretty straightforward.
"The internet arrives and it looks a lot like the things we've lost but really it's nothing more than a parody of the things we've lost"
That's profound
The internet is good for lots of things but for friendships is mostly a loss. By loss I mean a loss of social interaction. It's not a substitute for real life. Playing fifa online game is not the same as playing 5-aside football with friends.
@@pow9606 absolutely, it's like the movie surrogates, hopefully someday people wake up from this trance and get back to their real lives.
But they also said that this train was in motion before the internet, it's the rampant consumerism and mass media advertising that is depressing us, the internet just kicked it into overdrive...I'd call it status-ism...going all the way back to the nuclear family and the cold war jingoism...gotta keep up with the Jones'. Better dead than red. We've been dancing this waltz for three generations, now we have to stop the music at its height and I for one am dubious that we can. But I always hope for the best and expect the worst...
Check out this film when you get the time: ruclips.net/video/eJ3RzGoQC4s/видео.html
I've quit social media - Haven't had Facebook/Twitter for two years and quit Instagram 12 weeks ago. It's the way forward if you actually want to start living again.
RUclips can be just as bad man.
and you somehow ended up on this video still... great.
@ yeah just browsing and came across this...
@@KeikoFXDesigns I find RUclips is different for me - I only really watch comedy videos and documentaries. But I guess for some people it's similar to other social platforms.
@@MitfordWilliams do you feel happier? I'm in Australia, I'm lonely
I loved the junk food analogy making us physically sick, while social media is making us mentally sick.
I signed off fb years ago because I got sick of pics of people eating their junk food!
@@TheBlackSheepDiaries Discord App isnt any better tbh but ngl i feel connected on there somehow
Life is inherently sick when you have to eat other living things just to stay alive. It's always been a stupid race and at the end if you make it you grow old and die. Whoop a doodle do
Sven I agree!
Mmmmmmhmm...🤢🤮
"If you think that life is about money, and status, and showing off, you're gonna feel like shit. It's not the exact quote from Confucius..."
Nah man I'm pretty sure that's it word for word.
Lol
6LACK1AB REAL NIGA BOI I just cleaned my out. Sold more than half on Poshmark. I have 3 shirts, 10 t-shirts, 2 pants and 3 sweatshirts. I donated 3 trash bags full.
Hahaha, almost fell out of my chair
That's what everyone is trying to chase, it's sad. Once you realize all of that is fake you're on your way to finding happiness.
He perfectly describes me of last 10 years ... no friends, no one to turn to in a crisis situation, lonely, isolated and deeply depressed
Your not alone. I'm right there with you. No for reals look behind you. 👻 JK...I'm in your closet.🤓
My faith in Jesus has helped me through a lot of lonely times. Couldn't have got through life without Him
i feel the same way yogi mom... same exact way!! 🤔
Me 2 GOD help us all.
@Lance Gotti God
I respect Matt so much for keeping the channel advertisement-free.
Thats how you know authenticity !
@@-r3d-056 why because someone is trying to make some dough?? Just because a channel wants to eat they not legit??
@@punjab1captain Thank you. Sometimes people are so unrealistic.
@@msgirly6827 how is it unrealistic? The interviewee literally says we are bombarded with advertisement messages in a way that rewires our fundamental thinking. You don't see the double standard of then showing advertisement in a video that tells you how it can become a problem? I liked the choices Matt made for creating this video for us. Thanks, man.
@@bambooexpress sooo he shouldnt be able to provide for himself then? Him putting ads on this video wouldnt make the message less authetic whatsoever. Some of us understand that we live in reality. Therefore we still need money to feed our relatives and ourselves.
Socializing actually makes me feel more depressed and frustrated because I see all these people who have deep relationships with other human beings be it romantic or platonic and it reminds me of my inability to achieve that so I become angry and return to my cave where I can forget all of that shit and regain my illusory happiness.
Same
Me too.
I am the same. I see all of my cousins married to their loved ones having kids and living the life I have always had a dream of living, it makes me unhappy and sad that I may never have that kinda life.
I’ve finally found someone like me!
I feel exactly the same. Hope I can once make relationships that will be as valuable as other peoples
"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war... Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." - Tyler Durden | posted 20y ago
wish my parents knew this before putting me to watch TV.
@Happycam - TV is passive entertainment; we absorb content made by others. It's a poor babysitter. Computer games, online gaming and social media are introduced to babies and toddlers; it's the new pacifier. It seems like connecting, but often leaves one feeling empty and isolated.
@@wholeshebang1 Watching tv at least you hear human voices and see human faces. That at least fosters a connection with humans. Computer games, not so much. Neither is a good baby sitter. The boomers were raisedon tv and at least know how to interact with people. The millennials text to each other on dates while sitting across the table from each other.
We have been in constant war since 2003.
I was thinking how eye opening that part of Fight Club was when I saw it as a kid 20 years ago. Released in 1999. Yet here we are exactly 20 years later and by and large men have forgotten the lessons of Fight Club.
I was thinking about why this is. Been watching some videos on female hypergamy and how women are attracted to men with high status. Well by definition, not all men can be high status. So one way men signal their social status is by buying and displaying expensive consumerist bullshit. Watches, sneakers, plasma TV, fast sports car, etc. So I wonder how much of this consumerist, materialistic displaying is men trying to show social status to get more friends and by extension, women.
I was brought up as a kid in the 1970s / 80s in London. We had a fixed family home, I knew about half the people in my street, we even went on holidays with a few of the other families.
My dad worked hard, doing double shifts in a factory but I got to see him quite a lot, and he was always around at the weekend.
My mum stayed at home at looked after the family, and also looked out for the neighbours, and the elderly and needy in the local area.
We were a working class family, but very happy, and sociable.
Nowadays, couples in London are both working hard to pay for a box to live in, and may not know their neighbours at all.
This is not having a go at the current generation, it is just that the economy has squeezed the life out of people.
Chubbychecker182, life is sucked all the way out! Thanks for your comment 👍.
Yes the Economy and the DISCONECT between people, families or whomever with Smart Phones for example.
Recession time.
Ya $ capitalism....The mighty dollar$..For profit! Money may not make you happy, but it may give you the freedom to find it! Balance is the equation we have a problem with! Work Play!
@James Daniel Smith Becoming a parent is the worse thing you can do no matter what society you live in. Children are nothing but shit machines for half their childhood.
I'm an introvert but I still like having friends or doing things with people...sometimes.
I like to say "I like to be alone, not lonely." Because there's a difference.
Thank you so much for this comment and and I agree and understand completely. I was always very introverted, not a lot of people are welcome in my home. But I have always had a number of friends, acquaintances and meaningful relationships in my life. I love striking up conversations with random strangers, you never know who you'll meet. I love to party! I love adrenaline and I'm competitive, but then I go home to a safe place be with myself. My home is my Sanctuary. I see so many people that lack social skills claiming to be introverts. They can't look people in the eye, can't stand up for themselves, have mood swings and triggers when confronted. Half of RUclips comments are people letting everyone know how much they hate other people! These are not healthy behaviors and people are going around putting a label on it feel better about themselves. It comes from a place of denial, honestly kind of scares me. It just makes me so sad, I just want to hug everybody dammit! LOL. "Hey mother f*****, you need love! Stop pretending like you don't" lol.
Yes! This comment fits me so well.
What is the difference please explain?
@@arifali6762
To be able being from time to time *alone* & doing sth for yourself like reading a book...and being always *lonely* is difference.
Being sometimes alone is okay..but being always lonely, not.
@@manichispanic5234 hit the nail right on then head there. Wow. Could not have said it any better myself.
This hit deep. This explains this sadness I feel sometimes because I thought it was me. No, friends or family.
Sending you hugs! Hang in there! We keep each other company in our loneliness. Hope that alleviates your loneliness a little bit
@@wentinggao3064 a big hug to u too🤗🤗
You're not alone . My family has disowned me , so I have no contact with them. I'm partly to blame for this , but I tried to make things right on my end. Though it's hurtful , I also remind myself that I don't want to be where I'm unwanted and not respected. I've had different circumstances in my own life that's caused me to be alone . I don't mind this for much of the time , but I also like to interact with others . We all need each other. Sometimes the loneliness will get me and I'll feel an emotional pain. It's not a good feeling.
We need to come together and be kind to each other
Reaching out on here to others
Ask who lives in your town
And do they want to meet at a park to talk or lunch
And concerts six or 8 feet apart during this pandemic and still enjoy each other’s company and maybe make a new friend
It's crazy I used to have friends I connected with and who really knew me and I knew them. I don't have those connections anymore.
Shout out to you! I really believed it was me...
I feel the same way. I had actual friends...and now I don't.
@Michelle Staunton depends on you try to talk to people that you seem are good and try to form a friendship
@@deren2001 well for me it another way around i found my friends after high school in collage i found 1 good friend and in the military i found 3 good friends that we hangout alot every once or even twice a week and im very glad that i finale made long lasting friends, considering i was alone after 6th grade until i finished high school.
I know that scene too well. Been a rough go and lot of self reflection here. Visit a goofy old fart trying to give some help to others in similar boats, boats against the current, We can beat this.
This was one of the most valuable 21 minutes I've ever spent on RUclips. Amazing interview, with such an important and meaningful message! Thanks Matt and Johann!
Go watch Johann Hari's TED Talk(s) (I think there are two, can't remember for sure, there's definitely at least one though). He says a lot of the same material but it's one of the best/ most important TED Talks I've ever seen; if you liked this you'll absolutely like the other videos too
MATT I SWEAR YOU READ MY MIND! everytime im lost, you release a video related to my problem. keep on keeping on. one of my favourite youtubers
sooo you're lonely???
@@samaritan29 we are
Yes we are
I agree Lauren
Thanks, Lauren. I really appreciate that.
Robin Williams said " I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
holy shit he's right. I've always liked it when i'd go on trips away from my family, alone, by myself. At home, I am the loneliest I could possibly be. Our relationships with each other is a complete lie...
I don't really ever comment on youtube. But this video is incredible. Thank you Matt for providing tremendous value to my life, from minimalism, to your great podcast episodes. As well as tremendous inspiration as a fellow film maker and content creator. I look forward to every new video!
Thanks, talkercv. I really appreciate you leaving this comment.
“we live in a machine that gets us to neglect what is important about life”
I love losing myself in a virtual world in video games :] to me its much better than real life. Maybe if ppl get depressed is bec time exist...eventually we all gonna die no matter what.
Pokiblue everybody dies but not everybody lives
That machine is capitalism, which only cares about your happiness as so far as it affects your productivity; capitalism also naturally benefits from magnifying materialistic desires.
Can you make a video on how to find, establish, and maintain relationships? It's such a basic human thing, but I would love to hear your two cents on it.
Mark Decile me too. I feel like we’ve forgotten how to keep friends...
Yes Please
There is No one answer .that's the most complicated thing in life and you probably have to figure it out on your own I guess
Mark Decile good idea! I hope to make a video about this myself soon. The health of our relationships depends on our exchange of value for each other. When it's not balanced enough, one person will eventually walk away, and find value elsewhere. We are designed by nature to find ways to feel value... Because it give us significance and purpose in life. And relationships are one of the best ways to do that. But in such an individualisitic society, we misplace value into "success" in status and income...individual success. We resign our significance to power and capability above others. Your friends who don't reciprocate your love are just distracted. And they're not to blame.. It's just the nature of our competitive, pressured, and (for now) flawed society. Your best bet in such a world is to KNOW your own value, love it, and to give it to everyone you know. The FEW that give it back... Are the people who belong in your life. They are here to validate your existence. You are here for a reason. But it's up to you to use what you have to push your purpose forward. It's definitely not easy. But it's all we have...many of us are in the same boat! I hope you know your value, and I wish you the best in using it to make this world just that much better ☺️
If I may chime in on that one I'd like to say linger a few minutes more when you are around other people to just see them hear them and let your body langauge express your genuine interest in knowing or helping in small ways. Like holding the door for others or asking a simple question like how your day going a d pausing to hear with responsive expression and playfulness. It just seems to me that we are like kids in a way who just want to share and belong.
5:00 saying stuff like "NO ONE really knows me, I have NO ONE I could turn to in a crisis" might also point to higher self obsession. How many times have you heard people say they have no friends, and then it comes out that they do? But what they really mean is "I don't have any PERFECT friends."
My oldest and best friend I met when he was just 4 years old. He's 58 now. We haven't lived in the same city for over 37 years but we still talk via phone at least 2-3 times per month. We're some 4.5 hours drive time away from one another so visits are now infrequent. However, each time we speak it's as if there's been no break in communication or distance.
We long ago made it clear to one another how much we value our friendship. We're extremely lucky to have one another.
The worst part for me is when I have nice dreams about my authentic self, connecting with people and friends from the past and childhood, and then waking up and realized that now I'm really alone, and isolated, Everyone seems to avoid me now. . That pain is so hard.
People can start forming a Connection meet up friend groups on Facebook pages
Even during the pandemic you can sit apart to talk laugh tell jokes play music , have a picnic
And reach out to other people that feel the same way
wow just wow
That’s literally the same feeling I’ve been having most of the time... my friends seems to avoid me, and I ask myself “why?” sometimes I already know the answer maybe is because they are too busy today, but sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to be part of them even though I knew most of my friends for a long time now I guess... I’ll be alone.. since they don’t want me..
Wow this really hits home for me!
Yeah me too tomie. And I am twice your age. If you think it's bad now, wait till you get older. I always dream of the dear friends I had in my youth. Always. I think we all do. Once they married, moved, etc, I never heard from them. I'd lost touch with them long ago. I moved interstate and know that many ppl I knew back in my home town have died since. Trust me, it gets harder as you get older. You have youth on your side - I don't. My folks emigrated out here (Australia) so after they died, I found myself all on my own. Not one of their family or relatives followed them out here. This is quite common here. I'm married, but my husband is stuck abroad unable to come out here. Haven't seen him in ages. My life is a living HELL on my own. I just live for when we can be together again. I never imagined things would take such a dive like this. This Coronavirus has well & truly f****d our lives up, good and proper. I am so depressed that it leaves me speechless just thinking of my life now. When I think of the past, it all seems like it was just a dream, not real. Nothing is certain in life these days anymore.
As I sit in my lonely little apartment feeling sad and isolated I realize in a weird way I'm connected to millions who also feel the same way. It doesnt change the mood but it is slightly comforting knowing that in a weird way I still have company even during some the loneliest moments of life
it's ok,fam,I'm with u,be in this world not of this world,never give up your humanity for a microchip,can anyone say era of the living dead,tech zombies rule
@@jameshogue7878 preach
We live in 2019 but out minds body and souls are still rooted in ancestral routine. Y’all better join a hiking group or something.
RunningFromAdults I want to go hiking but my friends don’t want to go with me. hiking group... never thought of that thank you 😊 have a great day!
I love hiking but live in a city where there is not a single mountain within 400km :/
Hiking group in Greece...Hahahahah.No.We have so many mountains but not hiking groups :(
I'm kind Greece? I’m jealous. It’s beautiful there. The architecture. ❤️ I live in NYC.
@@Nel_gb Yeah it is but it would be a lot better without crisis ;)
This man hit the nail on the head.
It's what I've said and felt for years( also was on antidepressants
for over 20 years)
No one to turn to causes great depression and anxiety. Like being
on a flotation device in the middle of an ocean.
No one to reach out to is a horrible, frightening, painful existence.
Real interesting talk. I noticed the less I use social media, I feel less sad, now I just need to socialize more.
Emilio Gomez I deleted Facebook about a year ago and the affects were amazing and immediate. After a few days of FOMO, I felt like a gained my life back. I could not recommend dumping Facebook any higher
Same here, deleted the app and it was just gone!
This is actually me trying to socialize right now on a RUclips comment, instantly motivated by the video... 🤔
LETS DO THIS!!😬👊🏼
Why don’t we form a group to motivate and hold each other accountable?
I uninstalled Facebook from my phone for 3 months and would only occasionally check it via browser on my computer because some of my family members live in another country. I noticed that my life got simpler, I no longer care how I look/what I do. I don't care to impress anymore lol
This is the BEST video I've seen in ages and believe me I watch a lot of them. I have thought often of how I used to have friends and now I have none. I have many acquaintances but nobody close to me. My husband is pretty close but not now or ever probably will be as close as I wish. I've attributed this loneliness in my life to many things but this video and all the comments made me feel better only in the sense that I'm not alone in this. I have thought about forming an organization that deals with this on a human to human - face to face (not face-book) level. There needs to be a humanity RESET!
Yes u are right
But nobody respect a person who is not doing showoff on instagram.... I mean only dual personality people on instagram get more respect in there real life I had seen this...
I think that's brilliant....so do it. .😁
We’re not alone in the fact that we’re alone. How utterly sad.
I learned about this man on the Joe Rogan podcast and he undoubtedly, along with Jordan Peterson and Sebastian Junger, saved my life. When he first appeared on the podcast I was absolutely at the lowest point of my life, I was not leaving bed, my mother had just died a horrific death, I moved away for college for the first time and, due to my mothers death, family was tending to life back home while I was alone. I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t have anyone… Not even my mom! I gained 30 lbs, slept all day, I hated the fact I was given life, I wanted this to end. For years I just wanted the to end. And then I heard this man’s interview. And then I heard Sebastian’s and Jordan’s. This man absolutely gave me my life back to me. I’m getting emotional recalling it just because I don’t know where I would’ve been without him agreeing to go on the Joe Rogan podcast. More than one time I had a rope around my neck ready to end it, and I didn’t, and this man’s work and dedication made sure that it will never be there again… This man give me my life back, and all these men agave me the tools to make life worth living. Thank you, sir. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
That's so amazing to read, my friend and I'm glad you didn't end it all. As someone who has Depression and battled it for 20 years, it always galvanizes me whenever I read comments like yours as well as see people like Johann Hari talk.
Stay well and keep strong :-) \o/
You’ve come a long way, hope you learned lessons.
I will pray for you. I understand.
Sequins, I'm over joyed they helped you. I'm not suicidal, but I'm trying hard to change a lot of chaos in my life. Your comment does giv me hope. Thanks for sharing!
Patricia King I went from a fat and depressed college burnout, to a healthy, 25 y/o girl, college grad, in love with my man and owning a home with him. I have A LOT of shit to figure out, but hot damn I’m happy. For once, I’m happy. If I can do it, I know anyone can ☺️
@@Sequins_ you go girl!!!!! 😉
In the old days when you were lonely you could go to a coffee shop, the gym, the mall and you would meet people. Now days you go places & everyone's got their ear buds on, their all in there own little world...😩😫
Felix Bofil as a teenager, I try to go out to meet people but it seems like no one wants to communicate):
@@anahiv9082 I'm just saying now it's ten times worse because everybody's got their earbuds on they don't even make eye contact..😎🙄
Yes! Especially at school, even the teachers allow us to wear earbuds just so kids won’t be distracting. It’s really sad & pathetic tbh 🤦🏽♀️
@@anahiv9082 I really feel sad for the young people.. I have work with the Elderly they end up very lonely but now days young people are lonely & depressed so sad..😖😣😩😫
Felix Bofil so true ! 😢
I consider myself an introvert, and it’s true that I often enjoy being alone and it’s sort of a way to recharge. However, I *crave* genuine human interaction. For humanity to survive, I think we need physical communication and reassurance from other human beings that we look up to and enjoy being around.
I get so lonely because I get so anxious when trying to hang out with new people. I feel as though since nobody ever texts me first to hang out, that nobody cares enough to want to be around me. When these things do eventually happen I then have to figure out what to do with people and make sure they are having fun, even if I’m just enjoying being around them.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, and I’m not sure what the point is, but when I do have genuine interactions with people I enjoy being with, it’s one of the best feelings ever and I *crave* that.
At least i am so relieved to know that there is someone in this entire world that feels the same exact things that i do feel. If you want to, we could talk and exchange each other email. It would be a true pleasure for me to talk with you and know much more about your personality.
Xoxo from italy (:
Hey Ryan, when you write about your loneliness and you feel nobody ever texts you first to hang out, I can totally relate to this. In my situation I seemingly have many friends, but still im feeling very lonely, and like you said I feel like a lot of the times the initiative has to come from me and when they already made plans i'm always invited to join them, but it's that feeling of them not thinking about me first to go plan something. It would be good for my self esteem if i didnt need to put so much effort in.
When i'm in my loneliness downward spiral I start to see things as a confirmation of why my friends are meeting each other without inviting me or why im single (no one likes me, they think i'm boring, im not adding value to the company, etc.). These thoughts might be partly true or maybe not, but in any case theyre not helping me. So when im feeling lonely and sad the thing that helps is being around friends, so then i just text whoever I think is available and hope someone wants to meet up with me.
You write about being an introvert. I consider myself definetely also more on the introvert side. But for me i's not about being less social or wanting to spend time by yourself. Introvert to me is just not being the person at the party with the biggest mouth or who starts a conversation with random strangers easily. I am social, but just a bit more quiet en shy and I prefer smaller groups of people to hang out with than bigger groups, but I still like to meet new people, make friends, etc.
Anyway, not sure where i'm going with this either XD
How are you feeling? How are you dealing with your loneliness at the moment? You got any advice? Take care, Charlotte
Preach, brother, preach!
As a fellow introvert I can relate so much. Social situation with people I don’t know well enough can make me very drained. Deep connections on the other hand are revitalizing so to say, I get my needs fulfilled.
Same. I'm 26 and I live on my own and use to being alone, but mentally.... I just can't do it anymore after being an outcast and never really fitting in any I've been. And I have pretty much accepted I'll never be happy with myself, my life, or with anyone else. I'm tired of being disappointed over and over again. Been trying to make changes and better myself, but I'm so tired of focusing on me and improving myself for a potential someone to come into my life.
I just broke up with my girlfriend after a year and half of being together in sort of a long distance relationship. She use to live 30mins away when we were dating, but then moved 30mins further away for more job opportunities. Even when she only live 30mins away she would never visit me on the weekdays to have dinner with me or anything and always insisted she was too busy. Obviously things got worse when she moved further as we only saw each other probably 1 time a month sometimes 2 every other weekend. I tried my best to make things work and talk things out with her, but my efforts fell on deaf ears it felt like because she never put me first in the entirety of us dating. + Due to covid she basically stopped seeing me for a total of 2-3months before I finally just said fuck it and broke up with her. She claimed she loved me and always cried every time I would try to fix our relationship. Been trying to heal emotionally and mentally ever since May. Trying to put my self out there dating again, but it just feels to hopeless at this point.
My single best friend of 13 years is just so wrapped up in his life doing things for his abusive girlfriend. I probably only see him like once a month whenever he busy doing whatever.
I don't like to my coworkers about my personal life, but that's pretty much the only social interaction I get all week.
My family never hits me up about anything. Only person I can actually kinda talk to on a daily basis is my mom, but it's just gets boring not having anyone my own age to talk to.
*LONELINESS is a state of mind, which arises when we don't create value for others.*
We think that we deserve to be loved and appreciated just for the sake of it.
But the truth is, human species have evolved due to communication and symbiotic relationship with each other. Growing together.
Help me - help you. It becomes even harder, when technological advancements have devalued and extracted human communication in contemporary way of living. Creating value for others will open up doors for new interpersonal relationships.
I wish everyone could see this comment. Every single person on this planet. Thank you for this.
“The cost of sanity, in this society, is a certain level of alienation,”
Terence Mckenna
terence mckenna made me realize im not crazy but that most of society is actually crazy
This is why I speak to strangers children when they say "hi" (and wave) because they see me and they (unapologetically) want to be seen and acknowledge!
Haha.. same here.
I have an 18 month old daughter. Who loves to wave & say hi to everyone. You’d be amazed how many people see her but ignore her. Breaks my heart. I absolutely love when people acknowledge her & share kindness. 💜
🗿 There's something UNEXPECTED & DISARMING about children who wave and/or say "Hi" when they're out & about with their parents. It says something about the parents. I too, try to always acknowledge their presence by returning the greeting. These kinds of social encounters tend to remind me that if kids (and DOGS) seem to like me, I must be
doing SOMETHING right with my life❗ ✔.
Language is such a novel concept at that age. The idea that you can use words to communicate with people just seems so exciting at first. Then you slowly figure out that most people are total crap and the novelty wears off.
ultimately useless, only meaningful close connections will fulfill you
Being alone is highly underrated. You will come to learn overtime that people we call our friends are often times only in it for what you can do for them, sometimes it's family too. Be very, very careful who you give your loyalty to.
AGREE 100%. CHEERS FOR SAYING IT LIKE IT IS, BUDDY!! PEOPLE HAVE BECOME COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT AT CREATING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS. TRUE FRIENDSHIP REQUIRES FAITHFULNESS, COMRADESHIP, LOYALTY, COMMITMENT, BONDING, EVEN COMPLICITY.
AND OF COURSE IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR PEOPLE TO GIVE THEIR E-DEVICES A BREAK AND USE THEM ONLY FOR COMMUNICATION.
SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS...
While there are a lot of shallow and selfish people out there, picking and choosing the right people is part of building that relationship. You aren't committing to a lifetime of loyalty the first time you meet someone. While it can hurt to find out that some people only want to take advantage, it is better to find out and then move on rather than continuing that relationship blindly. The path to building and creating these friendships and relationships can be difficult and lead you to places you would never expect, but achieving the final goal of that long lasting connection is always worth it.
If people like you are shunning others, you are a part of the problem. Of course you be careful about who you give your loyalty to, but being receptive to those who reach out to you wanting nothing of you but acknowledgement is what is right. It's common courtesy and human decency.
@@BigBadJerryRogers : i dont shun anyone....but i have been used up and walked on so much in the name of socalled friendship that i have learned to see the bullshit coming. So get off your soap box and knock it off with your holier than thou crap.
Pick your friends upwards, people that bring you up and you want to strive to be like. I was stepping down for a long time later realizing I always felt used or too helpful. I stepped up to higher quality people and that made me have to straighten up to keep up. Friends that made me want to be a better person just from being around them.
I wanted this interview to last longer, it was so interesting. Then I realized that "we're not made to talk to screens" and I went out grab a coffee with a friend.
...be honest. How many times did you check your phone?
:)
If last longer on patreon
You have a "real world" friend? 😯
this first thing people ask
"what's your job?"
then they gauge the situation
...then they decide on f you "worth" their time.
so true....when folk ask me "oh, what do you do" i start listing off all my favourite hobbies and activities and they proceed to look very perplexed.....our paying job does not define us although, i know, most of society would have us believe otherwise, eh?! lol
I don't ask, I just check their LinkedIn.
this is so true. since I lost my job I am a nobody.
@@sheilahollley7129 don't believe those lies and don't perpetuate them!! screw what they think!!
I'm lonely because I always make an effort to contact and visit my friends and spend time with them while still having to work each week like them but they rarely do the same for me.
ha similar, but with my family:(
me too
I feel it's happening with Everybody !
@@shanewreck2322 It is. Most guys who are smart and interesting to talk to are discussing views about how the world will end. I've evaluated and analysed all of the options, and hearing them talking about it gets boring. Meanwhile, but bad things are happening in the world, and they don't want to talk about the *solutions* to these problems, making them shy and ultimately boring friends to be around. They just don't want to take any risks 😑
I want to go rock climbing in the mountains, and skiing. But none of my friends are fun enough do that, or they fear getting judged too much 🙄
@@thethinkingbeing9817 I suggest going skiing by yourself then. When you arrive at the ski area, you'll find your tribe. Like minded individuals who ALL want to be there. I know, I've been a ski bum for 30 years. :)
Shout out to all of my depressed loners
Austin Starke we out here 👌
feels bro :( no job, no friends, fml :(
Hello! :)
:(
You don't have to be depressed man! That's the good thing about being aware :) All people are lonely from time to time! Loneliness is not solely a bad thing if you learn to accept it as part of life
@@SonyCamry things will turn around for sure
"We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in.
Machinery that gives us abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynnical.
Our cleverness, hard and unkind.
We think too much, and feel too little.
More than machinery, we need humanity.
More that cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities life will be violent, and all will be lost."
Chaplin got it right a long time ago
I think we need a culling. We're not designed to give a shit about 7.6 billion look-a-likes. We're designed to care about roughly 150 at most. Plus, we're really fucking this planet up. A culling is inevitable. Don't know what form it will take, but it'll cut the population down to size.
@@Ii_Argus_iI Oh jeez
Replies to this comment got weird. I just wanted to say I love that quote by Chaplin.
One reason I feel alone is that I feel I can't properly express my opinions anymore at the risk of upsetting the wrong person and potentially losing my job, or having slander thrown at me online. I'm not an internet celeb or anything but cancel culture has made me extremely paranoid about what I say and who I say it to, and this is on top of pre-existing social anxiety.
yes that has made it worse, because you don't want to break the wall in the fear that you will get attacked for it.
Just be considerate to people and situations. You will be all right
You're absolutely right. In fact, that is the goal of cancel culture and leftist liberal culture: To keep us separated and divided, hating and being suspicious of your family, friends, and neighbors, and, especially, take away our freedom of expression. THIS is the foundation of a TOTALITARIAN FASCIST STATE. This is how the KGB, and the Gestapo kept everyone living in fear.
@@ct4074 divide and conquer
The original poster in this reply just needs to be themself. Finding an honest, genuine individual with no agenda in this environment is akin to stumbling over a diamond. I don't have to agree with everyone in my life, or even like them. But when I respect someone it might be the largest compliment I have to offer. And I respect people who are genuine. If you pay attention, you'll recognize them when you meet/see them.
Experiences are more important than things.
Right On.
100%
What if I'm experiencing my things?
It actually depends. What if those things grant you experiences that bring value and/or joy to your life? Let's say you buy a game to play and you stream for a living, you're successful and you enjoy what you do. That statement is a "one-size fits all" statement that is just a hasty generalization.
@NPC Trailer Switch, Celebrity NPC in that case, a trip
please make a video about digital decluttering, i want to do it but don't know where and how to start
Check out Marie Kondo's cleaning up series on Netflix! It'll definitely help you figure out how to go about it.
Delete absolutely everything from your phone. Be very selective with what you choose to redownload. Bye.
it's not just the phone, though. My computer plays a huge part in my daily routine. A lot of hours go to waste that way.
Nathaniel Drew makes similar videos to Matt and he has a video on this!!! Highly recommend.
i think matt has a videó about what he has on his phone, and switching it to black and white.
"social media is a parody of the things we've lost". that is a very interesting argument.
Opposite for me. I’m less depressed/frustrated now that I don’t have to interact on a daily basis with bullies and wheedlers - particularly in the work place. I’m happier gardening alone.
Agreed - the silver lining in getting fired was being released from the daily bullying at work. People in general have caused me a tremendous amount of hurt. I can be me when by myself. Although it still freaks me out when asked at the dr's office for an emergency contact!
I think Johann is very right and I want to add something more.
Society and social media doesn't only disconnected us from other people.
They disconnected us from OURSELVES.
💯💯💯💯💯💯
👏👏👏
I think its cause we are disconnected from God
@@evapatrikova4134 jesus is from the holy hentai bible i read minutes ago
*Watches Matt D'Avella's new video*
*Instantly feels like a better person*
*Reads Martin's comment*
*Instantly feels better*
Martin, I do too!
Every time I say I don't have instagram people look at me like I'm crazy , like I'm missing out something special. 😂😂
I'm not a millennial so I'm not part of the group that is "supposed" to be on every social media site. The only one I am on is facebook which I log into and check like 4 times a year. I only created the account because I had some friends and family that bugged me into it. And a few people I knew decades ago have found me there and messaged me. When anyone asks me about twitter or instagram or any others I just tell them I have absolutely no interest in them.
I had one and even though you follow topics and people after spending more than half an hour you really don't see anything new no matter how much you refresh the page so I got bored
I have a Facebook account but i dont use it, i have an instagram acciunt that i made 5 years ago and its connected to facebook but i dont use it, i have a twitter account but i dont use it(i dont tweet unless i see something interesting but thats rare... i just look at what youtubers im interested in tweet), i have an WhatsApp account but thats for my class group and for sending pictures to people i know... i barely use social media for social interactions tho im most active on youtube where i comment the most... irl i dont talk that much to like my classmates but i do talk to old friends from time to time... im kind of an introvert despite finding it easy to talk to people... but most of the time i just dont feel like it... and geez im born in 2002 and im not that much into social media lol
i'm in my 20s and don't have any social media, well except YT obviously, if you can count that.
and it's great lmao.
I'm very curious to know, the people who do not have social media here, are you overall happier in life?
Loneliness is a slow, silent killer and will break you down. We all need to be touched and matter to someone. I wish I had an answer.
Bless all suffering with being alone , feeling alone 🙌💞 it is no joke .
Let us all feel support
People are quick to judge 😖
We judge each other to harshly. We lose patience to quickly. We under value each other. To quick to dismiss another human being with faults without looking at our own.
monjiaitaly 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
One solution from a TV show:
"Sometimes you want to go where every body knows your name and they're always glad you came."
-- _Cheers TV show_
I think about this phrase all the time.
Ha! The iron y there is a lot fewer people go to bars because they don't have to in order to meet people. You used to have to go because there were no apps or chat rooms. And of course in the bars you'll see plenty of people interacting on their phones instead of with the people around them.
@@BigBadJerryRogers True. But there are many alternatives nowadays to the bar scene when it comes to meeting new people. What people are yearning for is genuine connection; that *sense of belonging.*
Social media has a huge negative effect on my happiness. I have a wonderful life and I know that but it's a comparison trap, I find myself always comparing my life to others highlight reel and its detrimental to mental health
Advertising was my career and guess what...I ended up depressed, lonely and alcoholic to boot. It finally conflicted with my authentic self. Today I've shelved promoting consumerism, I have what I need, I reject materialism...the TV is OFF and the booze is OUT. I invest in friendship, community, helping others freely and my spirituality. I have much more positive energy and seem to attract the same. I had to change my thinking and it was so well worth it.
John Connor you sound like a lovely person. Your bio picture is scary tho.
@@michelleolak7898 Just a Terminator movie fan...on my spiritual days off lol.joke.
@@johnconnor2074 haha
Today I had a 45 minute chat with a stranger on a dirt road in the hills of southern Utah. We exchanged names, shook hands and wished one another a good day. Set aside your phone and practice saying the words "hello" and "good morning".
word warrior Yes God Bless!
word warrior I gave a couple of Lyft rides today and felt a genuine connection with my riders. At work (sales), I am acting all day and all my interections are just that, an act, only a means to an end.
You're one of those annoying people who think they're saving the world by annoyingly approaching stranger for a conversation in the name of going back to "the good old days". If someone is not making eye contact with you, moving in a way that says "I want to talk to you", etc. leave them the fuck alone. Funny how old heads always complain about this generation LaCk oF sOciAL sKiLLs yet they always miss the basic cues that people don't want to talk to them.
You don't have to set aside your phone. Just keep in mind who's boss.
You can say hello anywhere, and most people will respond.
@@tbg6070 I'm one of those annoying people. I figure we need to connect more than we need our solitude.
If someone doesn't want to talk to me, I assume they can say so. If they don't say so, it's on them. Yes, I'm old, but people are the same today as they were centuries ago. I talk. If you don't want to talk to me, say so.
I strongly agree with this man's assertion about loneliness. I suggest that our separation form nature, though is key to the feelings of loneliness. Putting your hands in soil and feeling the rhythms of the earth is of the highest importance. So glad that was brought up. Blessings to all.
This i can see. Whenever I feel off, I go for a hike. If I feel im getting into a routine of stress, I head out and camp. I come back and feel great for weeks!
i prefer the gyrations of the earth
New semester in college and most people are too busy on the smart phones texting to want to network and make new friends. I found myself being the only person in the class putting up an effort to converse while others were glued to their phones. Boy was I happy to see my last semester friend after class...
Thank you for using your platform to talk openly about mental health. Many people can relate to this
Hey! I remember your channel mate! :)
@@SomethingToThinkAbout2002 Hey bud!
Listening to Johann's thoughts and comments on advertising makes me really grateful that you've been consistent in your decision to keep this channel ad free, Matt. We're so used to seeing ads constantly that it's almost imperceptible when they're not there, but it is so appreciated. Keep up the stellar work!
Just install an ad blocker and your life will get better
You are doing an amazing job Matt, you never cease to make me reconsider my lifestyle choices and change for the better. Thank you for everything.
Great interview, it’s one of the reasons I never used social media and can’t stand it, it’s hollow, talking to people through screens is completely deafening. People think those who don’t use social media are crazy but the reality is is that I don’t have these problems with stress and loneliness.
I totally agree that people need genuine human interaction, and I realize that is what is lacking in my life. My question here is how do you interact and find this kind of connection with others? People are so closed off, busy or preoccupied. It's seems almost impossible to connect, and I find this really disappointing and frustrating.
I agree; I once was an extrovert--and now I can't connect.
Learn base guitar or drums, the guitar players will fight for you. I realize how lonely i would have been without music. When i go play guitar by the lake there are always people who stop walking and take some time to watch me or sometimes even talk. It give me the feeling i exist when we make eye contact, maybe we never meet again but there was a connection and appreciation.. Maybe sport is better for you, i cant stand competition spirit.
Truth is, everybody are YEARNING for true and real connections! But they are afraid, disconnected and as you say they "occupy" themselves with non-sense (most of the time). But if you dare to open up and you show that REAL connection is still a thing, people will respond to you! Don't be afraid to connect if you feel there is a connection to begin with - because life is short and fear of what that person MIGHT be like is all your own perspective - you actually don't know for sure if they are really "busy", "preoccupied" or anything else.. Most people put on their "blinders" and run!
For example i have begun forcing myself out of my comfort zone by daring to ask ladies that suggests interest in me somehow. Before i would just smile and move on - but i really wanted to approach her, because hey, you never know. Maybe it is the start of something good for you. So these days i have started not to think so much about what they might think if i approach, or if i overanalyzed the signals etc. I just switch off my thoughts and i approach - of course i only approach if i really can see that there is an interest from her, like alot of eye contact or smiles etc. It´s sooooo easy to just pass up so many opportunities for engaging new things - whether that is a relationship of some sort, or whatever it is. And you will really only lose if you dont act upon it, because you will have regrets! Life gives you opportunity for a reason so you should act on it! Most people are afraid of doing this because of aaaaaaaaall kinds of reasons that they make up in their own heads. That´s the first step to become happier and generally just be more in tune with life, thats constantly going on around you.. IF you just open up in that area and capitalize on the opportunities, amazing things will start to happen in your life - i promise.
@@keldraalpine7091 me, too -- but it's taken Covid to do this.
Sometimes i go for about 2-3 days without speaking to anyone. It really hurts.
Benjamin Ronns it wont hurt to reach out to others and stay in touch. I wish you good!
I used to do the same, at my worst it was months, I’m selectively mute, but since I now have a mic when gaming im at least talking to someone each day even if for a little
If you are in the city, try making friendly small talk with your local cashier, doorsman, driver, etc. If you can handle being alone for a while, then this amount of exposure may be enough to keep a sane and somewhat social mind. Family/relatives is also another option if you'd like.
@@LifeLongRunner Small talk is okay, sure, but its more meaningful to just be real and upfront. Some can really dig it, some can't. Pick your people, vet them, choose who is good for you, and repeat.
@@CrummyVCR Good advice for those who will stick around in your life for a while. People tend to relocate as life goes on. But if you have the will, effort, and energy to develop an ongoing relationship with a certain group of individuals, all the power to you.
This man is brilliant. Love his expressive verbage...very similar manner in relation to my conversations with my best friend.
i feel depressed because everything in life is so painfully temporary.
Borderland Films we need our tribes..but the big tech doesn’t want us to be in tribes they can’t control... they’ll then brand you as something bad
Except your perseverance..
Even the depression...
Only a relationship whit God Stays forever. One thing that amazes me is how stable God is. He is always there.
Thanks Matt for sharing your insight. From someone who is suffering from depression and loneliness this hits hard.
lol I found Matt D'Avella looking for Black Friday deals watch his video and a year later I'm still here
Wow. Thanks for sticking around.
Same lol
Matt D'Avella thank you Matt for improving our lives and thanks for the reply
Matt D'Avella how did u start filmmaking
The irony is that we are getting depressed because our tribe is disbanding but at the same time, other people are our greatest source of pain, anger and depression!
Robin Williams Quotes. I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
It's so true. People, try and treat each other better!
@@joemunoz1476 Oh Jeez, man, that's where I am.
@@incognitotorpedo42 Find Jesus.. I'll pray for you tonight.
Nah its you who makes you depressed others make you sad but a chemical imbalance and dwelling in self pity rather than getting out of bed and doing something.
Video games, posting pictures, sending texts, video calls, parents chasing us out of the home because we're 'adults', friends disassociating with high school friends because we're doing better than them, people want to speak more than to listen, people are competing instead of complementing each other, status is more respected than reputation of your personality.
We just lack love, physical touch, belonging to a tribe, and feeling safe. ❤️
Ppl are too superficial - phoney! They put on an act showing they are happy while it's not so.
This guy really has done his research. These are all the things I have also come to learn in my own research as well.
We lost our tribe and we need that now more than ever.
The gap between our expectations of life and our daily reality are so great we become stressed and depressed.
Excerpts for my reference:
"What consumer objects do you think you have to have? How do you think your life will be different when you've got them?"
"What are moments you actually felt your life was meaningfull, satisfying? How could you build more of that into your life, and less of seeking the junk value stuff."
@Xx BigBoss xX Well I believe that everything, things, relations, but also traditions and beliefs has value, as long as YOU think it does. For example, I'm an atheist but I think that religion has value for those that believe in it, it can indeed make their lives more meaningful. It all depends on your perception of the world.
If human relations don't have a high value for you, that's ok. I'm sure that there is something else that you value in life.
Besides, materialistic possessions CAN make your life better in a measurable way, there are some things which I find very valuable and usefull, and I know that I would be less happy without them.
Probably one of the most insightful videos I have seen on the subject.
I am depressed and lonely for over 25 years
i moved to a tiny village in the Philippines and i am an old man 71, ill...and when i feel lonesome, i go outside and walk around, and me being a stranger, people here, always smiling, say hello sir, to me, they initiate this greeting even to a stranger as i am..they are respectful of all people, calling everyone Sir, or MUM...smile, say GOOD MORNING SIR...and i was told many times that they would rather be poor than rich.
"People here, always smiling, say hello sir, they initiate this greeting even to a stranger, they are respectful to all people" ....you don't see that here in America, if those people move here, they will be treated like shit. It's sad to see that....... Most Americans seems fake! It's obviously part of their culture. Acting kind and friendly, but being completely cold and indifferent.
@@jackieberke4096 I'm from Ireland and I agree that somethings wrong. It really does seem that people were happier poorer. Our communities are destroyed because no one meets face to face anymore. When poor we would all help each other and encourage people to help their communities. Nowadays everyone has their head bent into their smartphones and don't notice anything happening around them.
@@jackieberke4096 that's the long term effects of the American dream setting in
When I collected for the March of dimes at school l went door to door.. The poorer greeted me and gave me what they could... The big or fancy house treated me like a criminal....as a social worker the real sincerity came more often from those who had to face big painful problems... And no... They were not there for a handout... Most wanted work or respect... Hard to find for them... Or Us sometimes..
@MrMahuike You're romanticizing poverty & living conditions in the Philippines. The reality is the Philippines are full of poor desperate people who long for a better life and dream of getting the chance to migrate to the US/Australia/Europe...
I never received that many marriage proposals resp. strangers trying to hook me up with some poor but very young village girl than when I travelled the Philippines (island hopping), and I thought Thailand was bad before I visited the Philippines the first time. As an Ex-pat you're welcome as long as you're spending money there, but try to open a business, hire staff or buy land and having a house built and see what happens. frankly reading your description the term "noble savage" (in the literary tradition) comes to mind and people who're familiar with the concept know it's no offense to the indigenous population.
Sounds a lot like a modern version of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the lack of natural interaction and connection is chopping off the top half of his pyramid.
Great video, need to find the full interview for more.
Funny how Facebook was built for the mission of "Connecting everyone around the World", yet that just made people insecure and not-willing to make real friends in real life, because it just became too easy & pleasing to make internet-friends. The kind of 'hollow' relationship that is discussed in the video.
Keeping it ad-free...wow! Matt, you wouldn‘t imagine how much I appreciate that and respect I habe for that.
I recently unsubbed from a lot of big youtubers who thought they could just push in 5+ ads on a 15min video.
Lukas T add blocker lol
Try and use Bitchute. Some quality YT producers have switched.
there's a google chrome and firefox free extension called "ublock origin" that you can get for free from the "add-ons" settings in the menu in the upper right. problem solved lel
Why would I want to give money to a anti-speech, hence anti-American company like YT?@Olivia Dove
No doubt. But you can't get to the truth if you limit speech! @Olivia Dove
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
As that poem goes, life is a dream within a dream. When I look back onto the days of my youth, I always feel I am reliving old dreams. I never thought I would end up sad and alone. I cry by myself. Yes life goes by in a flash. Our youth, missed opportunities, lost much loved ppl in my life, made mistakes, bad choices, etc. I know much is gone - lost. There's no going back to the old days of happiness, but I firmly believe all will return one day when I will be reunited with the ppl and friends I so badly miss, so long since I saw them last, once my time here on Earth is up. When we believe and trust in the Lord, we shall know love and joy once again, and then eternally. This life is brief but painful.