AITA For Getting My Friend Nicer Gifts Than My GF? - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- AITA For Getting My Friend Nicer Gifts Than My GF? - REACTION
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Today on my channel, we are reacting to some posts on one of the spiciest Reddit threads around, AITA.In this video, a man asks if he is the AH for getting his best friend nicer gifts than his girlfriend, a man asks if he is the AH for ditching his girlfriend for being late all the time, and another asks if he is the AH if he made a joke about his brother's affair at his wedding.
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Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I crack a joke or two. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
Edited by Timothy Dunsmore
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She's not even expecting him to buy her expensive things, but thoughtful personlized ones, and he just gets her "whatever" that's the problem, and well, yeah, he is an a hole
Absolutely! He's treating her like an afterthought.
My ex usually wasn't thoughtful about gifts, but this one time he found a beautiful antique brass pepper grinder that was missing the knob on the crank. He went to the machine shop at his job and used a lathe to make a new one from a piece of brass, and it was perfect! I love to cook, and adore antique kitchen gadgets so it was a perfect, thoughtful gift for me. Another woman might have been offended by getting "cookware", but he knew what kind of things I like.
Too bad he was a jerk and left me, moving in with his side chick, but I still love that pepper grinder and use it daily! 😄
Also that he thinks he doesn't have to put in any effort is somehow a compliment to her
My first thought on this guy was: This might not be as much of a case of an a*hole as of the straight man syndrome.
That guy is not an a*hole, he just has zero awareness of relationships.
I think he is an a-hole, but mostly because he is completely clueless rather it being intentional. He really needs to learn how to try to look at how his actions from someone else’s perspective. That being said, if my boyfriend ever said he appreciated that he didn’t have to put any effort or thought into my gifts, I think I would have decked him.
He’s an AH, but he’s been given a chance to salvage his relationship. His gf didn’t throw a fit, but was finally able to get him to see what he is doing. The next step is to talk to his friend and tell them that he has to put his gf first. If their friendship is that strong, she might get a little hurt at first, but best friend will get over it. Bestie might even suggest nice stuff he can get for his girlfriend.
The wedding was the PERFECT PLACE for that joke. That´s what she gets for harassing her new step-childs mother. Disgusting behavior and I´m glad her new brother in law said something- especially public like that. I might be an Ahole, but I´m a nice one to nice people!
Agreed. People get away with this behavior because no one has the huevos to call them out on it. Not me. My big assed Texan mouth gets all over that shit. 🤣
I agree. In fact he didn't go hard enough lol
Haha same I would do it too. Brother and new wife as assholes.
I agree I would defiantly do this if I was put in a similar situation.
We need to stop this bs concept that weddings are sacred ground and nobody is allowed to call out the bride or groom for being AH. If you want respect, be respectable 🤷🏻♀️
Like my...just kidding, who else laughed at the sibling making the joke at the wedding? I got so much satisfaction from that lol...especially since now the new wife realizes she too is replaceable.
Exactly! I was the other woman once (in high school), until I realized that if he and I were ever actually officially dating, that I could never trust him. He cheated to be with me, so what was stopping him from cheating on me?
That hormonal rush stopped real quick and I grew the F up.
yup i loved it, lol
Loved it, thought they deserved it, tbh. Where else would they have felt shame for their actions? 🤷♀️
I think it’s an “Everyone Sucks Here” ruling for me.
The new wife is just… awful.
The brother is terrible for not dealing with his new wife treating his ex like garbage.
And the OP is just… hilarious with that audacity. Was it the time and place? No. Was it just desserts? Probably. 😂
I absolutely would have laughed in person, and probably clapped too.
I remember the guy with chronically late wife. There was another post - they divorced. It wasn't just about being late. She was a classic Main Character, and as soon as he refused to cater to her she became openly disrespectfull. He did some soul searching, analyzed their relationship and left. Good for him.
Best thing he could do🥳
Good for him
the fackt that her friend left her shuld have been a red flag.
That last one had me in stitches, the fact the guy dismissed the texts his new wife was sending his ex and the mother of their child, I feel he deserved it and so did she.
Thank you! I'm happy someone else noticed the mention of their child. The OP was really dismissive of that part. But to have an affair is already terrible, but to do it when there is a child involved is even worse.
They deserved it.
I wonder if him allowing harassment would be enough to cut off his part of the custody
If you have a family with that person you should always keep things cordial for the child’s sake. You don’t have to love them anymore but you both have to keep things stable for the well-being of that child. Kids come first. Respect the person who helped bring that blessing into your life.
Period.
"He set the bar too high and now he'll have to come up with a way to top it at his brother's next wedding"
I screeeeam laughed 😭
SO DID I!!! And I snorted Pepsi out my nose it was so frickin funny!
Yup, and you know there’s gonna be a next wedding; a guy who marries his side piece is just creating a job opening!
Last story: Considering the context and the fact that the new wife was involved and how she behaved, the wedding was the *PERFECT* place to make that joke! 😂
Yep, they both deserved it.
Is it like wrong of me to kinda have wanted him to make a slideshow of the texts and be like "See you guys at his next wedding!"
@@lunargames5246 That is diabolical, I love it!
@@lunargames5246 no that would be perfect! They should know how Abby was suffering due to bad cheating husband even after divorce.
@@lunargames5246 YES!!! Or while being kicked out, call out the new wife on all those text. I don't see how the grandparents would allow their grandchild to be around the new wife after that. It was just disgusting how she used the child as a tool to harass Abby.
My ex husband was exactly like the OP. His female best friend always took priority and was obviously favored.
I put my foot down and was under the impression that things had chilled out. Fast forward years later and as it turns out, he was having an affair with her the entire time.
Don't be me. If it feels wrong, get out asap.
Holy crap! That guy is such an asshat! Sorry you went through that
Its shocking that women tolerate those...
I think its the pressure to be open minded and such.
But if its feel wrong and you have generally healthy social interactions your gut is right - something is off
I don't know if I could stomach a relationship in which my partner had that kind of relationship with anybody, not just women. I refuse to be anything but first priority and that's simply out of respect.
i dated someone who was giving all kinds of red flags when I met him. in hindsight, he clearly is on the spectrum, probably suffering from a severe case of OCPD. he was obsessed with adhering to all kinds of odd rules and principles, and i found it strange that he'd prioritize his ex-girlfriend over me. It's been over 6 years since we broke up and I'm with someone who makes me happy and who makes me a priority. This OP's bizarre priorities reminds me of my ex. LOL.
I hope you're doing better.
As a woman who isn't materialistic, I still want thought put into gifts. I mention things I like or want all the time, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. My husband will even just be like, "If you want it, buy it." He doesn't realize that him making the effort to get me things I like is the actual gift vs me just buying it for myself.
My husband is the same way. What I do, however, is tell my daughter what I want and she in turn says to my husband, "Hey! I'll bet mom would really like..." Manipulative? Maybe. But it works.
I agree with you 💯%!! "If u want it so much just go get it or order it"🙄 it's not about that it's about how desperately we just want them to show us every now&thn that they were in fact listening when we said we wanted etc.etc.
No matter how big or small😕
My hubby kinda occasionally drops the ball on gifts for birthday and Christmas so I just pick stuff now and tell him "this honey, this is I want this for Christmas/ birthday etc..." it works for us but I've only got to mention food like. Hum those big roast beef wraps from Gorden foods were so good the day and boom next day he'll grab them on way home from work lol. Or I'm craving chili ftom Wendy's and he will grab some for me lol
Or like last mothers day. My friends asked what I got for mothers day. When I said. Hubby got me 2 cubic yards of good dirt. They all look at me like 😳😳I said he buried me in it lol. But I garden and he had to haul/dump and move those yards of soil into my new raised beds it was the perfect gift for me lol. But I'm weird. This year I asked for a rolling, fat tire, seat for my garden as scooting around the garden with my 5 gallon bucket is a pita lol
I totally get what you meant. I too want someone to just show that they listened instead of not giving a fu** about me. Especially since they're people I actually care. At this point I'm so pissed at people giving me things I'm grateful for but frankly has no need for them except to gather dust in the corner, I just ask people to send me money if they wanna give me a gift. Like geezuz is it THAT rare to find someone that cares??
More proof that men and women are from different planets. Some of them just don't get it and never will.
Honestly I think that wedding joke should be obligatory at affair weddings. Call it out, IDT cheaters actually deserve to live without it hanging over their head and IMO that means it’s always fair game. They were happy enough with themselves to get married after destroying someone else’s life, let them own it.
Agreed, not to mention that John was okay with his new wife harnessing abby which is awful on so many levels
My thoughts exactly.
My ex married the woman he was cheating on me with right after our divorce. I found out yesterday they were both crying all over tiktok to their thousands of followers because he cheated on her with a bunch of girls 😂 sweet karma
@@kaylaw489 BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@candacernelson5074 Even his family members who hated me for years started messaging me being like “yeah.. it was him. We see that now. You weren’t crazy like he said.”
In the words of Captain Raymond Holt: VINDICATIONNNNNN
About the man who left a store to go to a (planned) movie in the same mall: his wife knew what movie they were going to and where it was. All she had to do was walk to the theater, show ticket or buy ticket, and go to the movie. Worst case scenario, she wouldn't be able to sit next to husband. Choices and consequences.
Exactly.
Quite drama to act like he's in the wrong, imo.
yup. she acted like a child that got left at a store, rather than a grown adult. unless the husband had ALL the money, theres ZERO reason to blame him. I can understand being hurt but the guilt tripping him and acting like she'd never be able to see the movie again is what makes me think shes manipulating
Agree. I'm always early, my hubby is borderline late at times. If we have plans, he knows exactly what time. 9/10 times, he's on time. If not, it's easy to buy 2 seperate tickets beside each other seeing where we go, your tickets are digital now.
I'm his wife, not his mum lol He can get his own butt there on time without me harassing him. Granted, he wouldn't just keep shopping if we had movie plans though. Same if we had dinner plans.
Yup, at first glance at the question I was like: "yeah, YTA, for going home and leaving her just to be petty because you don't wanna accompany her shopping".
Throughout the telling I was: YTA for marrying that worthless excuse of a woman, but definitely NTA for leaving her, I'd have left her sooner and not miss even the previews.
I'm terrible with time (just learnt there's something called time blindness, will check if it applies to me), but I'd never do what she does. I do try to get on time it's just that I have a tendency to sometimes fail, but if someone alerts me my tardiness might cause trouble, I'd leave allot he shopping behind, not dismiss him.
She sure was ready & on time for the pre movie shopping!
Wedding was the most perfect place for that joke. He had an affair and his new partner was harassing his ex and he did nothing. They totally deserved that. Cheaters do not get nice things
The brother and the new wife belong together, hope they stay together forever so they don't go out and ruin anyone else's lives
Same! 🎉🎉🎉 You don't want to be called out for being a cheater and a homewrecker, than don't be one. Plain and simple.
OP of implies he "breaks the bank" for his bestie. That's weird. Why would you spoil your friend and not the person you supposedly love and cherish?
Yeah kind of reminds me of JD, Turk and Eliott from Scrubs
I sure he is spoiling the one he cherishes.
My ex and his bff always bought expensive gifts for each other but they both made A LOT more money than I did so he spent what his friend spent. I didn't really mind because he still spent more on me than I did on him (though I did try and make up for it with my gifts being thoughtful and taking time and effort)
Also as a friend, I'd be uncomfortable with a man giving me better presents that his girl. If he thinks I have great taste, I'd be happy to help find better gifts for the SO. Spend your money on your women, people! Your true friends will find it completely normal.
@@andrewthezeppo that makes sense though; they buy each other gifts, not just your ex buying expensive gifts for his bff.
I completely understand giving your best friend thoughtful gifts that can be expensive, cause you are close BUT that same effort should be put into your girlfriend’s gifts. If not more thought or more expensive, it shows who matters. Just because she doesn’t demand these “expensive” gifts doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve it.
Just because she’s low maintenance doesn’t mean she deserves the bare minimum. I have this issue in every relationship. I’m grateful for anything but due to that I attract “minimum effort” men.
I have had the same in my history
This is why I'm high maintenace
Yep. Pisses me off.
Same. Unfortunately, some people think "low maintenance" means NO maintenance.
Girl same! I'll never date a guy again that had a high maintenance or very young ex cause then they treat me like the cool girl and don't do shit.
The gift one made me upset, cuz I don't have much money, but I would go out of my way to at least research and try to find (sometimes MAKE) thoughtful gifts for others. It costs close to nothing, and I still get to see them happy because what I gave was niche and fit perfectly with their interests.
You're a gem in this world. I hope you get appreciated all the time 😊
The brothers speech at the wedding was perfect. He and Abby had been friends for 15 years by then, so I can understand him sticking up for her against the new bride-to-be who was sending nasty text messages to Abby for no other reasons than just to be a bully.
One day, when the brother is sick of this wife and looking for his next one, he will learn the wisdom in those words "my brother will never let his wife stop him from finding the love of his life". Standing ovation. to the younger brother. Personally...YOU ARE NOT THE AH.
Okay I'm going to say it. Is there a chance he secretly wants to be with his best friend but is trapped in the friend zone? It kinda sounds like he's trying to woo her and show her nobody will come before her. My best guy friend years ago always bought me expensive gifts/jewelry and whatever for his atm girlfriends. Finally I had to coax him into getting a girl he was getting serious with an equally nice Christmas present. She ended up bringing me the necklace and telling me, "He's in love with you and until you completely let him go he will never commit to anyone." I went to talk to him about her being "crazy" and found him not denying the fact he had feelings. We ended up trying to date but I just wasn't into him that way and we haven't spoken in years. Plot twist, the girlfriend took my place as the "spoiled best friend" for years after we broke it off and he continued his odd habits. He finally found someone who told him to choose, that he couldn't live without and gave up his best girlfriend stuff. They're married. I was recently told this by the girlfriend whom ended up my replacement as bff. She said she was in love with him but realized she would never be enough no matter what role she played for him. I've heard of so many guys being in love with their women besties that friend zone them.😬 No way could I be the girlfriend in that situation.
Thing with this is, we don't know the texts and why they text them or why the husband things they're harmless. Maybe the ex is harrasing them and the new wife just responded in kind.
I don't t think it's really the brothers business.
I admire how much he cares about his friend honestly and I'm not saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is always true but there's a reason that's a saying... I agree that bringing it up at the wedding is perfect. Also I think he should date Abby - seems like he truly cares about her and just wants the best for her.
@@silentsaturn7604 But regardless, the brother admitted to cheating on his friend. That deserves some kind of backlash, right?
@@rachelbrown8127 I doubt it. There was an age gap(she was his tutor when he was in elementary) and for most people, in-laws are family too. She was his sister-in-law and the mother of his niece or nephew. And it was likely this way for at least a few years. It's really unrealistic for someone to keep "hidden affections" for such a long time, this isn't a soap opera. Proper adults, aren't usually so destructive that they would cling onto feelings that would destroy a family with kids.
nono, the wedding joke was GORGEOUS. What a shitty person to bully your partners ex, she HAD IT COMING
The wedding was the BEST place. Let both entire families know. Petty justice is still justice.
YES!!!
The best place, and it should be followed by completely cutting them off from his life.
No one needs people like that in their life.
And it let's both families know that CPS will be called if the new step mom even looks at that kid wrong. Hopefully the whole family will be holding the new petty wife accountable.
The one commenter was 100% right. He is like a wedding vigilante. Breaking wedding etiquette but also serving up justice. Plus OP’s brother married his friend, treated her terribly, OP has a history of speaking without thinking in front of crowds (got in trouble at school for it). Then proceeded to hand OP a microphone. What did he expect really 🤷🏼♀️
As someone with ADHD (diagnosed since I was a child) and time blindness, I still try to respect people's time by setting a million alarms and notes in my calendar because my issues shouldn't become someone else's issue. I let people know about my issues ahead of time but it's only to work better as a "team" as friends and keep each other accountable. It's literally no excuse to be HOURS late!!
When I'm late it's usually because your time is so important to me that it makes me panic, so I have to check everything a million times and return home to reconfirm the stove is indeed off at least twice because the stress of wanting to be on time for you makes me absolutely convinced that I am doing something vital wrong and will cause a disaster with my incompetence.
Either that or I lost my keys because I put them in that one spot where I'm sure to easily find them so I can get out the door faster. Spoiler: one always ends up forgetting the special place.
Autism and ADHD are fun when you combine them with severe anxiety and complex trauma.
That being said, I do keep people updated on why and when I'm late, if I am. And usually I manage to be on time because I build in an extra hour and a half (literally) as a buffer for my issues.
My friends know that if I'm late, I'm having a rough rough day, week probably.
I have the same time blindness and I’m so guilty about it. I believe I have dyscalculia (not diagnosed, but I recognize a lot of it in myself) and timing is a part of that. I make sure to apologize and try to keep it to only 2-5 minutes late but it can get bad.
People just need to be aware and be respectful about it. It happens and it can be frustrating on either side but the way the girl just shoved everyone off whenever they mentioned it :/ that’s unfair and immature.
I have ADHD too. I hate being late so I leave early.
Another time-blind ADHDer here, I actually have chronic earliness because I can't do anything for the 30 min before I'm supposed to leave...
I have adhd as do a lot of my friends, im always 10-15 mins late, one friend is always 20 mins late, one friend is always 45 mins late and one friend is always 1 hour late, only one of my friendship group is on time and we basically plan around this by giving each other different meet times earlier than we intend to be there so no ones ever late ahaha, not okay to be super late and flakey
Wedding joke: NTA they're cheaters, harassers, and Abby needs to take the screenshots of the harassment to custody court.
Also...that shit was funny.
Agreed 😂 I'd do it too to tho
Before a comment called them a shit disturber, I was definitely thinking "justified A**hole", because yeah in the moment it's a**hole behaviour, but in the grand scheme, definitely not the worst person in the room. Like, who's the real a**hole, someone making a joke about an affair or the cheaters themselves? Sometimes you get to be the a**hole as a treat~
It was! Honestly, I would have said more and it would not be a joke, maybe a really fun wholesome ppt with.... screenshots, bring in the real mess.
that's exactly what I'm thinking...hopefully she does and OP defense her side during the court case...
Agreed. That poor woman! She was going through so much already... that 'joke' was well deserved.
I think the wedding was the PERFECT venue for this. (And OP gets extra points for smoothness, cleverness, and just the much needed tinge of irony.) The “bride” constantly harassing the ex was completely uncalled for and thus makes the “bride” ineligible for any bridal protection she might otherwise have deserved.
I’d love to see the video of this!
I agree... & I bet the video was awesome 😅
My thoughts to glad to see someone else commented similar viewpoints💙💙
I laughed my head off
Exactly what I thought when Charlotte said it might not have been the right place. 🤣
I honestly think it was a well deserved and perfectly executed rebuke.
I agree. Not the a-hole.
On the contrary, wedding was the best place to confront them because obviously, talking to them other times doesn't work. Abby is a wonderful girl and that should never have hurt her. Since they can taunt her about her broken marriage, they should have the guts to hear the criticism.
But that's just my opinion.
THIS!!! The brother and his ho were the a-holes! They SHOULD have been called out for their behavior! That idiot betrayed his wife and his marriage vows (guess he didn't mean them, huh?).
So, yeah. NTA! A bit of a cheeky fella, but NTA.
Facts! Both of them deserve each other. I hope Abby finds a new man that will love her and their child.
I agree
agree with this wholeheartedly
I absolutely, 100% agree. NTA!
First one: girlfriend addressed it in such a healthy way. Looks like guy doesn’t understand.. just cause someone is happy with the little things, doesn’t mean they deserve little
I think OP's joke at the wedding was absolutely devine and perfectly placed. You can stir pots all you want but remember everyone has their own kitchen to stew in. New gf had no business interacting with ex wife and as an adult she decided to literally be a home wrecker 🤑🤢
Thiiiisssss
Exactly!
What does op mean?
@@brandon2brown operator. . . It's the word they use for the person that posted the story
@@brandon2brown Actually it means Original Poster.
the wedding was definitely the place to do it, let EVERYONE know exactly what type of people they are.
The wedding was absolutely the best place to bring it up. He deserves a medal. Maybe him and Abby will end up together. He seems to care more about her than his brother ever did
That last one, I think the wedding was the best place to say the "joke" because that's where it carried its weight. Had the gf not been harassing the ex-wife and the brother been so "eh" about it, the joke would've been uncalled for. But the gf was a b*tch and the brother was an asshole so imo, they got what they deserved and the OP is NTA.
Exactly! I don't think the guy's an asshole. He's karma.
this, I agree. if it was said elsewhere it would still get an "eh whatever" from bride and groom. but putting that in public where the whole wedding knows something happened? that'll have a lasting effect.
@@alley6950 However, the OP will probably not be asked to give another speech.
@@twiggystardust9573 Is karma an ahole? No. Sometimes you reep what you sow.
Yes, I was thinking the same. For me the OP is not the AH
In the first scenario- I don’t think the gf is even upset about the price disparity, I think it has everything I do with the lack of thought and effort from the boyfriend where as he puts in a ton of thought and effort (and money) into gifts for his best friend… I think she has every right to be a little upset and I think he is the a$$hole
Agreed. People seem to ignore the fact that he himself admits he puts no effort into her gifts because she’s “easy”.
@@karisworldgaming4832 It literally comes down to “It’s the thought that counts” and he puts no thought into it…
The fact that he writes "and she is the happiest when I do so" about the allegedly platonic friend is speaking volumes. He cares more about the platonic gf than about the actual gf. The situation was probably that he would have liked to date her, but she was never interested, yet enjoys his attention (and the gifts clearly) and he still keeps a bit of hope up that one day she will see him as more than a friend and until then keeps her "happiest" by breaking the bank for her and spoiling her with gifts. Meanwhile, it's very convenient that his girlfriend is low maintenance because this way he gets to spend all his money on the "platonic" girl, the one he actually wants.
You took the words right out of my mouth. Like, if he cares that much about making his female friend that is supposedly platonic happy, he should grow a backbone and break up with his current girlfriend and come to terms with his real feelings for this "platonic" friend. It's absolutely ridiculous that he thinks his actual girlfriend only deserves the bare minimum/being an afterthought. In my opinion, he's 50% an a**hole and 50% have no awareness of who he actually cares/loves.
And I'm sure the "platonic" bestie knows exactly what sort of tension she's causing in the relationship, too, and no doubt feeds off of it. The girlfriend needs to walk unless she wants to be the first runner up for the rest of her life.
It is not weird though to be closer and know more about the tastes of someone you known for longer. I do not get the exaltation of a romantic partner and demonising closeness in platonic relationships.
Friendships are often a lot more stable so it should be fair to prioretise someone you have known for years on end, over someone newer. Of cause it is the girlfriends good right to want prioretising, but then she has to search for a partner who too does not value platonic relationships so they are on equal footing. Demanding a parter, that becomes you slave in everything and holds no outside conections simply is not fair and that's what I hear in this comment section that call a partner a bad person for not just existing for their partners happyness alone and sacrificing friendships for a girl that might leave him once the hormonrush is gone.
A partner that prioretise friends is not a bad person, simply because they are not the right one for you. Moralising who we love is idiotic and not meeting someone's expectations is not the same as wronging them.
@@SingingSealRiana By that logic, a person who does - as you say - prioritise their platonic friendships over their girlfriend/wife will inevitably end up alone, because it is highly unlikely that they will find a partner who is willing to always come second place and the "friend" first place. It is very important to also keep friendships outside of romantic relationships, but they should not be given priority over someone who is supposed to be your life companion and future family. I am a woman and I have male friends, but nothing would ever possess me to demand to be prioritised over their girlfriends, no matter how long we have known each other. Regardless of how "new" the relationship is, I always consider a new gf of a friend to be a potential friend for myself, not a rival for their attention.
Exactly. He loves his GF based on his explanation because she is convenient.
My ex husband was bad about this. He'd literally wasted his entire paycheck on his friends and expect me not to be bothered by it. I lost it on him on our 1st Valentine's Day when he spent most of his petty cash entertaining his friend out of town and I had to pay for my own valentine's dinner..
Though his generously giving heart was one of the things I appreciated about him I would have appreciateed it centered much more If he focused his generosity back towards us & our home. Needless to say I'm not married to ex husband anymore but we do stay friends. Of course this habits haven't improved and He's back living in poverty.
But if that is what makes him happy in life more power to him °~•.♡.•~°
Sounds like he's just bad w money & needs to learn how to stop his people-pleasing behavior to me.
Seriously, he's lighting himself on fire (financially) to keep others warm. Not healthy, I hope he gets some therapy!
@@FirstnameLastnames”others” except his wife? If he thinks that it’s okay to please others on the valentine day when your wife is alone at home then he is an a hole. Even if he has people-pleasing behavior he should have his priorities.
I generally agree about the chronically late one and would have also left. I also think it’s inconsiderate to be routinely late. However, I do have a good friend with ADHD, which does allow me to appreciate that some people just have poor time management, get easily side-tracked, etc. For them, they often also sabotage themselves (missing deadlines, etc.) and it is a lack of skill, not compassion.
I came here to say something similar. My husband has ADHD. He doesn’t purposely forget to do things or manage his time, but it’s a struggle.
Exactly! My husband and I cannot stand to be late. But my father in law and sister in law both suffer from ADHD and get easily distracted and have very poor time management. Which helps me appreciate that's it's not always just chronic laziness or lack or respect for people's time. Some people can't help it.
I think you said that perfectly. I am someone who struggles with being late, I have a processing problem and as a result small tasks take me longer that the average person. That in itself isn’t an excuse for lateness, but more a problem I have to overcome. People calling me out for it when it inconveniences them is important and I think everyone should have a cut off point. Tough love can sometimes be the only option in my opinion. (BTW this message took me an age to make)
Yeah that part of the video was difficult for me to watch. I don’t want to waste my or other peoples time but I get lost and stuck in my adhd mind.
Thank you I was thinking about saying something similar, as someone who is autistic and adhd I really struggle to do things on time but it’s not that I don’t care because I have breakdowns about being late because I feel awful.
Regarding the chronic lateness, one of my friends has ADHD - they care they just struggle to be anywhere on time because of how their brain works. Obviously not the case with this girl shopping but yeah, just not a blanket thing
Yes this true, It’s always a struggle for me to be on time anywhere, or when I am running on time I end up being late because of my chronic forgetfulness, like I forgot my Wallet now I have to go back and get it. It sucks, but like they say you don’t know until you’re in someone else’s shoes. But yeah in this case the girlfriend really didn’t care.
Yes I thought the exact same thing, you just managed to pack it up in a nice small message :p
Exactly! Everyone in this comment section is so unforgiving
@@lilfizz1619 agreed. Mental illness can also make one chronically late, and it’s disheartening to see how many ppl have no understanding of or empathy for that.
It used to annoy me until I understood why. Like I still get annoyed but I know it's not on purpose 😅 I'm also chronically late partially due to mental health and partially bcoz I'm either helping someone or something comes up last minute that I have to deal with first 😅😅
The AITA thread of Reddit is my favorite, I could spend hours and hours reading all scenarios. Sometimes I can't believe what I'm reading and can't believe that some people are that evil.
Believe it. You haven't dealt with my "family" or ex.
I have often gone down the AITA reddit-hole only to emerge bleary-eyed at 5am wondering what the heck happened to the time. I have had to institute a no-reddit, no-youtube, no-news rule at bedtime
With the gift store, my husband, former boyfriend, always got me something creative and fun even if he didn't know what I would like. One year he got me a 3D printed puzzle jar that had a handmade necklace inside. It was a cheap gift, but it is still one of my favorites because even if he didn't know what I liked or what i wanted, he made something for me. So the boyfriend in that story is an AH because he doesn't seem to really care about his GF.
He wants to date his best friend but she friend zoned him years ago, so he settled for his gf. Its not that hard to figure out guys.
I thought so too
I had the same thought
Bingo. That was the first thing that popped into my head.
And she is using him for expensive gifts
Yeah, yikes. Heterosexual opposite sex “best friends” are always super suspicious. Don’t take that bs
He did the exact right thing at the wedding. Letting family get away with stuff just because they're family just gets worse and worse. I'd do this without even thinking about it. Having no family is much better than having a toxic family.
Damn straight!
Yeah! It should've been done sooner, but at least at the wedding EVERYONE knows what an a**hole that brother is.
You getting involved in your families private relationship business and deliberately trying to ruin their new relationship makes you the toxic one.
@@silentsaturn7604 if it's a stranger then who cares but if you say "family" then i think you gotta make them understand where they are going wrong so that they can be a better person
As the OP said the new "wife" was harassing/ humiliating/ bullying the ex-wife but can't take a harsh joke...... i don't think she's a good person she got the man should have moved on and let the ex-wife move on but she was deliberately making things difficult for the ex-wife so i think she deserved some shade.
The OP didn't try to "ruin" the new relationship just indirectly called their cheating asses out i think the one who's lifes somehow got ruined (hopefully for the time being) was the kid and the ex-wife.
@@silentsaturn7604 He literally told his brother to grow up and not be a selfish, toxic, cheating asshole, but his brother brushed him off basically saying "it's not that bad". That joke was DESERVED
As a former chronically late person myself, I can say with absolute certainty that for me it was a symptom of a bigger problem. When I took steps to improve my mental health, I stopped being late for everything.
Not saying its like that for everyone, and it didn't really seem like that was the case for the OP's gf (although you never know), but just something to consider I guess
@@Lindseyisloony you sure got a lot of audacity
As someone with ADHD who has lateness problems due to time blindness, I agree with Wed: she had no shame! I always feel awful even when I'm five minutes late. I don't like wasting other people's time because lord knows I waste enough of my own as it is getting caught up in unimportant things because my brain doesn't know how to prioritize and misjudging how long it takes me to do things to plan out the sequence of events right. Like, yes, this is an issue I deal with because of my bigger problem of ADHD. But one, it's my job to manage my behaviors that stem from my ADHD because I'm aware of it, and two, I'm never not apologetic when I find that I drop the ball!
@@Lindseyisloony well yeah. No need to explain, I already know how crappy it made me feel 😂
Although I don't think I can properly judge someone based on a reddit post, I did say I didn't think the OP's gf was like us
I just wanted people to know that people like us exist, and to maybe think a little before judging a chronically late person
@@beauregarden Thank you! This was me, exactly. When you're in pain it's hard to always consider how other people are going to feel about something. Some days I felt I was barely surviving. Social etiquette was the least of my concerns. That being said, my mom's like the wife in the video and will ramble on, shop on, etc, etc, not giving a shit that other people are waiting on her, which is different.
@@hawklegs6940 never heard of time blindness but now wander if it’s what happens to me. I set alarms to be on time and still I will suddenly realize time passed and don’t even know how. It takes a lot of effort and multiple notifications for me to get anywhere on time. Work from home has been amazing because the more I have to spend on commute the more I am likely to get distracted and be late. And very few people understand. Most assume you just don’t care.
The first OP treats his gf like a placeholder while he waits to get out of the friend zone with his bestie. He’s grateful that he doesn’t have to spend a lot of money on his gf so he can spend it on the girl he really wants. I hope she dumped him!
My sister has REALLY expensive tastes. Her husband buys her the expensive gifts but that doesn’t mean that the rest of us don’t. We listen to her and get her other things we know she likes. And she’s as appreciative of our cheap gifts as she is with the ones her husband gets her. She’s generous when buying gifts as well but doesn’t expect expensive gifts from anyone other than her husband.
OP is the a-hole. You can put thought into getting your gf a gift that does not break the bank
Exactly! Also your sister sounds awesome and sweet
@@kayleighandhercat1351 she really is. ❤️👭
The gift story makes me think of my birthday last year. My ex got me earphones, which are great don't get me wrong and a single towel hook. The earphones were clearly used with earwax still on them and the charging cable missing.
Eventhough I mostly like every gift someone gets me, I really couldn't get over how he used the present or gave me something that was straight up dirty. Also the hook.... it was something else. I guess you could see the disappointment in my face, because in the end he called me entitled and ungrateful.
Needless to say, we're not together anymore.
thats actually disgusting
He giving you second hand gifts 💀 thank god it's over
Bro even a second hand gift is ok if it's clean and convenient, but bro with earwax? Nah I'll burn ya house down ew. I wish you level up and find someone who gets you nice things
Good riddance
I don't mind second hand gifts, but damn 😂
Ooh, the joke at the wedding, I appreciate the sentiment, now here's hoping the ex wife managed to show the court the crap the new wife/then gf was sending to her about her child and exhusband... very useful in deciding who is actually interested in the best interest and welfare of the child.
To all the chronically late people who don't care about other people's time: time is the one thing you can never get back. Money can be recouped, relationships can be repaired. But nobody can make up for lost time. Once it's gone, it's gone. My college science teacher even said, "Sleeping more today doesn't make up for lack of sleep yesterday. The body doesn't 'make up' for lost time; it just keeps going forward and so does time."
I think the wedding was the best time to talk about it, I loved it.
No human being with the slightest decency would send a message like that to Abby, the bride is shameless and so is his brother.
Well said❤
I think it was well deserved and appropriate. Besides - pointing out the fact that the groom and his bride are TAH's doesn't make the messenger TAH - it just proves AH's hate the truth.
As someone who has been diagnosed with ADD, I am soneone who is constantly late. I HATE it! One thing that comes with ADD is the lost concept of time and distance. I try not to use it as an excuse but seriously, I can't jusdge what 15 minutes v. 30 minutes feels like. I can look at a watch and see that the time for me to leave is approaching but I'm not done doing what I need to do... all a part of the condition. So before you get upset at the person, make sure they don't have a legit reason. My husband knows this so we communicate with each other. He gives me time checks and helps me manage my time. It takes patience but we're working it out. As far as OP's wife, she don't give a shit... I at least feel a sense of urgency. So what I'm asking is, please don't group all late people into one category because I at least care that I'm making people wait for me and I adjust... this woman does not.
High five to the last one for the guy sticking up for what it right by defending his friend. The new SIL is clearly a “mean girl/bully” and too often those type of people are just shrugged off. Can you do more videos on AITA for sticking up for people??!
Wow, getting a girlfriend random, thoughtless, whatever gifts just because you think she'll put up with it? Definitely the AH.
He is the moment!!!!! He did what he had to do, shouldn’t feel bad at all!!!! NOT the a hole. Wedding is the prefect place to do what he’ve done!!!
EXACTLY!! like bruh what they did was so awful and disgusting they deserved to be called out in the wedding so people would know how horrible they are
He saw the opportunity and took it.
The sibling bringing up the affair at the wedding…I love it. Perfectly done.
While I wholeheartedly agree the late wife was the AH in this situation (she was warned of the lateness and ignored it, so she deserved what happened here), keep in mind that there are some mental illnesses and neurodivergent conditions that cause a real thing call "time blindness". It's not the case for everyone of course, but talk to your friends and loved ones if their constant lateness makes you feel disrespected, have that honest conversation. Those with time blindness are generally very sorry and try, but know it isn't something they can necessarily help. Work together to find solutions for you both (such as my friend that I text half an hour before we are going to meet up so she can reorient herself or remind her to create an alarm on her phone so it isn't always me that has to do the reminding) that way you both feel seen and understood :)
Yes, I just commented that. I have ADHD and I am constantly late event though I’m constantly rushing to places so I can be on time
@@nutelloza Me too. I often forget very necessary things and it will always throw me into a tizzy that also makes my forgetfulness worst. The quilt is awful and the effort is there. It's just invisible.
Thank 👏you👏 I came to the comments just to see if anyone else said something before I did. Seriously, thank you.
This right here! I've has this issue since I was a little girl to the point I would get called slow poke or my mother would say I just dilly dally all day long. I don't intentionally try to end up being late to things and even leave early just to end up being late anyways. Even when I'm being fast I'm still called slow moving.
I feel like this is a great solution even for people without mental illness, work together to find a solution like the situation you and your friend have!
The gift givers girlfriend said she’s tried to talk with BF about upping his gift giving game for her, and he’s still at the beginning of the relationship where she showed gratitude for his gifts, but to know he gives thought for friend and just picks up anything for GB, yes he’s the AH.
I’m also part of adult adhd gang - I’ve struggled with timeliness since childhood and use a lot of energy to stay focused when I need to be on time. It took years of refining a system of multiple alarms and reminders to be mostly in time now. That being said, I have never dismissed a friend when we were going to a movie or something and if I’m running late I tell them to go ahead of me and I’ll catch up. Doesn’t sound like shopping GF’s situation, but some people struggle with keeping track of time for legit reasons.
What I didn't like was his internalized dialogue of thinking that her behavior meant that he was completely unimportant to her. I wonder if he ever expressed it that way before now, or even asked her why she acted in that way. I've learned over the years that interpreting other people's thoughts even through their actions can be dangerous, and it's better to just try asking. It is REALLY easy when you are dealing with someone neurodivergent to believe that they are doing something on purpose, out of spite or maliciousness, or laziness, etc. When actually they have either never considered their actions in that context at all, or honestly can't control their behavior in that moment. HE seems like he is someone who always likes to be somewhere early, and maybe she has learned this and doesn't take him seriously anymore. Either way, I hope they talked it out, and dug into the real and perceived motivations behind actions, and the emotions those elicited.
This. Time blindness is so real and frustrating, when it feels like your whole life is a giant scramble from one thing to the next. This is not an example of that. Girl is actively blowing off reminders and causing everyone around her obvious distress. That said I would like to know her take on it all, because she must have some justification in her mind
YES THANK YOU I honestly have never been able to explain the time blindness very well so I always just thought I was a freak. People would usually just ignore my attempts at explaining it and brush it off as irresponsibility. I have to try really hard just to stay under 25 minutes late for anything regular and for one-off events it’s easier to track bc I stress too much and my anxiety overtakes the ADHD for a moment.
@@stephasauurus One thing that works for me is a big white board calendar I can write EVERYTHING on- from work to school to social gatherings, and then set alarms on my phone 1hr+ before for ones that aren't actively on my mind. Does require you to remember to use it, but it's huge andin plain sight in my room so it's not an "out of sight, out of mind" situation.
Definitely feel you though, no coping mechanism is perfect and there is no system that works for everyone. It's a struggle for sure
There's a huge difference between losing track of time and ignoring the person telling you TWICE that it IS time to leave.
I agree -the guy with the chronically late wife should have just said, “I don’t want to miss the previews. I’ll see you when you get there.” That way she doesn’t think he’s been abducted by aliens, and she still gets the point. But absolutely he had every right to go on without her.
I have a friend who is chronically late. I usually tell her we need to be somewhere about a half hour before we really do. We are often STILL late. 🥴
I have upgraded to an hour
Agreed! And that way she can't shift blame
Because he's in love with his best friend but stayed in the friend zone... so he doesn't love his girlfriend.
My dad always says about my mam, “she’s either fifteen minutes late or fifteen minutes early.” Which is true, and in the last couple months I’ve been at least twenty minutes early to every deadline, sometimes even earlier. I am transforming her into the early 😂
I agree 💯. It gets the point across without being so brutal. I fully believe it's not what you say, it's how you say it. A lot of situations can be avoided if you just word things differently.
I’m chronically late because I really struggle with executive dysfunction. BUT this lady picking out more outfits to try on while the movie is literally starting isnt “chronic lateness”, it’s narcissism. She liked the feeling of people waiting for her.
Right! Being late wasn’t the problem in this specific instance. He told her the movie is about to start and instead of wrapping up her purchases she found more stuff to go try on. He left only after that. If she was so upset and wanted to watch the movie then she should have finished up at her husband’s reminder.
Thank you! I also struggle with lateness because of my ADHD but I at least make an effort, and if I were in that exact situation if the person I was with said, "Movie's starting soon." I would be like, "Oh OK, let's go!" and not be dismissive and keep trying things on. She could've put the jeans on hold and returned to the store later or the next day, but she chose to ignore him. People who know me know I make an effort and I always feel bad when I am late and communicate when I am running late but she doesn't seem to care. I realize that we're seeing his biased POV, but that scenario says a lot.
11:12 wedding was perfect place, she tried to address it privately and it was dismissed
Not me literally coming to comment this exact thing!!!
First dude definitely seems to have a thing for his friend, and said female friend likely doesn't have a real thing for him. He likes that his girl is "cheap" but yet spends more $$ and time on, "his friend " anyway...yea...dude definitely is the asshole.
Exactly
Right, sounds like he really wants the friend but she friend zoned him.
Oh god... My wife is impossible to buy gifts for! As a result, I have taken to quietly listing EVERYTHING she mentions throughout the year on my phone (I love cellphones existing nowadays!) so I have a list at the end of the year. Honestly though, as many things as she mentions she never goes into "gift" gift things. She dislikes jewelry, bath stuff, and all the typical stereotypical things that people always seem to suggest so I usually just compile all the things and make something that will usually accommodate all the things she wants. Last year, I made her an office chair with rollerblade wheels... She loves it! Although, sometimes I do get worried when she goes through my phone because she has happened across my list once.
What a fabulous idea! I hope your wife is as good to you as you are to her!
@@titian-red - Thank you! My bride has put up with me and my silliness for 35+ years and she spoils me rotten.
Why does she go through your phone? Looking for the list?
You rock! I treasure the gifts that someone actually put time and effort in. That chair sounds great. Does she zoom across the room in it? 😃🛼
I like to repurpose and recondition old things. I found an old 1950s era office chair once that I reupholstered to look ridiculous. It was white fur with an embroidered and bejeweled crown emblem made of velvet and gold trim. I painted the metal parts with shiny red lacquer paint. It was over-the-top tacky, but I loved my "throne"!
I highly suspect that my fiancée has a similar list. I try to do the same but am too paranoid about her finding it. Unfortunately, one of the things she has mentioned more than once is a very specific type of Polaroid film and I can never remember the letters and numbers long enough to write it down.
So, the chronic lateness one - I have recently been diagnosed with ADD and I've been chronically late all my life. It doesn't matter how hard I try (for anything) I can never seem to get myself together to get anywhere on time. It's the thing I hate most about myself. I 100% respect other people's time and it utterly mortifies me that I'm like this. That being said, I don't think the OP was an a-hole about this at all and can fully understand why he did what he did.
Its funny how it changes between people ai, i have ADD and im notoriously early to everything, the idea of being late causes far more stress for my brain.
Thanks for this information. I use to stop making plans with people who are late for everything. this may be a reason and not just being a bad friend.
@@shazzaisdabest1 yea, I was supposedly diagnosed with ADHD when I was really little, but I absolutely cannot stand to be late to things like appointments or getting people to work on time, and seeing all the other posts about people struggling because of it (which is totally valid, btw and I hope it gets better!) kinda made me go into a denial thing like "am I sure I might still suffer from this?"
This is exactly what I was going to say also. I think another argument can be made for people that just have a bad sense of time (which is where I stand) or internal clock. I know people who have an excellent internal clock and just know when ten mins have past but I don’t have that skill. I can lose track of time from one second to the next and no matter how hard I try I still struggle with meeting time. Everyone I knows this about me and just like you it’s the thing I hate the most about myself. And I also respect peoples time so much which is why I end sitting there with a pit in my stomach filled with guilt when I was trying so hard. AND I also agree that he was NTA because I get the frustration and it seems like she was acting in a selfish way but I just hope people understand that there could be some other side to it not just that those who are late are selfish because that’s not always true regardless of what your perspective is.
You are self sabotaging, and you could train yourself if it was important to you
Oh gods that first one hit me. I always put thought and effort into surprising my ex fiancé with gifts at christmas or birthdays, i'd have listened to what he commented on throughout the year even if it meant spending a little bit extra just to make him smile. He was never that observant and would just ask me to make him a wish-list under £50 (I get money isn't the be all end all but he was never short on money and I often was). One year I asked if he could get me my first set of DnD dice with flowers in. Showed him pics of dice with forget me nots or cherry blossom flowers.... He got me some cheap mass-produced dice with tiny flowers that looked anaemic just because he found some dice from the same company that had skulls inside and it was on a deal. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was livid and he ruined a special moment. Don't even get me started on the engagement ring 😵💫
I never understand why women who know that their boyfriends are cheaters are thinking, "This guy is gonna make a good husband." If he is able to cheat with you he is gonna cheat on you. You are not special.
Maybe because the mentality of "With me it's different" or "I'll change it. It's my duty."
My cousin had two friends. One of them is a cheater, the other was one of their best friends.
They ended friendship three years ago, and ¿coincidence? this ex best friend been dating this cheater three years.
My cousin's words: "She told me that with her he'll be different! Because she's special! I cannot, cousin!"
Exactly!
Well, with that pair, there's double the chance of someone cheating! If I was OP, I'd be placing bets on who'll be first, and how long till it happens! 🤣
My bestie met a guy he cheated to be with her then he cheated on her I told her not to smh
They are stupid. They think he created, because she's the right one, and once they are together, he will not cheat anymore.
For the first Reddit post about the Boyfriend buying only expensive stuff for his girl friends and the GF really shows how much he didn’t prioritize her. I had one friend who I was romantically interested in and I remember him saying that he really liked this one anime because of what one character said I found it on a shirt and gave it to him for a present and he loved it. I knew this because I actually listened and paid attention if you really love and care about someone you will know what they love and want. This to me shows that he has never paid attention to his GF and I hope she breaks up with him. Because obviously his priorities are elsewhere which is so sad 😭
My ex was the same I had to wait for 3 weeks for him to buy me a £5 potted plant while he was travelling on holiday and partying with his buddies
Needless to say he's gone now
Right? Like I don't tell my bf to buy me stuff nor do I expect him to because he's tight on budget but he bought me gifts that I actually adored. Cos he listened to my interests!!!! He put thought into it. Even wrote a letter on a small notebook to go along with those gifts.
Smh at people prioritising others and not their s.o.
In the first story the guy straight up said that he can give his girlfriend chocolate and she would be grateful umm what ? He can keep saying he isn't interested in his female best friend but it seems like he's trying to impress her more than his actual girlfriend. It's extremely weird that he pampers his bestfriend and just buys random shit for his girlfriend. Love your videos Peace and love to you and your family 💙💚💙💚💙💚
I agree, like what even?
He would drop girlfriend in a hot minute if his "friend" suddenly showed some interest.
I'm also a chronically late person, it's something I work really hard to overcome and do my best to communicate with people so that they aren't inconvenienced and know it is not because I don't care. It sounds like the wife is not at the stage of admitting she has a problem, let alone doing something about it. I think he is NTAH, but they're probably going to need couples counseling.
Brothers wedding joke was spot on. LOVED IT! I would have done something similar and not worried about being an AH. If your sibling can't call you out, who can? Yeah, it was at the wedding, but they did give him that 'platform'. Isn't it normal to 'roast' the groom? Not normally a fan of someone saying "it was just a joke", but I would stand by that one.
Since OP didn't mention having a chance to toast the "Groom and his Home Wrecker" at the bachelor party, this seems like the least he could do.
How the heck does one stay composed when someone marries the person they cheated with, anyway? Attended the wedding of hubby's work friend and his batshit crazy gf; wore black outfit and thought that was bad enough. Yeah, they divorced a year or two later.
And he was just telling the truth! The speech is ALWAYS about how the married couple got together!! I thought it was hilarious!! 🤣
As the friend who was "always late" I declare a big NTAH. If she wanted to see the movie so badly, when husband said that previews were starting she would have said, "okay. Let's go but I want to come back after the show to try on these jeans". She is just too selfish to make plans with.
I think I saw another video about a very similar story the other day. The GF was the OP and found receipts of gifts her BF planned for his friends and her. Everyone got gifts for over 1000 $ and hers was about 30ish $. The rest was basically the same. The GF was accused of being materialistic and the BF seemed like not giving a sh*t about her.
1:53 his bros don’t like video games, sports tickets, concerts, tools, etc? something tells me this guy never even thought about buying one of his male buddies a gift even once. My guess his “bgf” put the guy in the “friendzone” years ago and he’s become comfortable with his lot with her but always tries to show how much he cares for her by buying her nice things. But best believe if she ever showed a genuine romantic interest in him he would be out of his current relationship so fast there would be a “him” shaped hole in the wall.
Chronically Late: I do make exceptions for people who have legit issues recognizing the passage of time. My mom has ADHD. One of her issues used to be lateness. Or just forgetting that she's at the grocery store, not the cafe for a chat. I had to call it to her attention. She had no idea at all until she stopped to think about it. Once aware of it, the solution was setting alarms, verbal reminders, and making sure she wasn't distracted until (for lack of better phrasing) she was able to train herself onto these things.
I was looking for this comment. I also have adhd
Exactly!! It kind of is upsetting to see people go off about how late people just don't care. Its not the case unless you can *actually* tell they dont care. And not assume.
I also have ADHD and it's a time management issue, it's a huge struggle and not about caring or not.
There's so many things I care about but I can't do them, focus or are late to see because of it.
I totally agree with you on this, but the woman in this thread seemed to really simply don't care. She was warned so many times and was not paying attention to his needs, only hers (and not even all her needs...)
What was he to do? Physically drag her from the store to the cinema?
I was looking for this comment. I am rarely late because I overslept. But I'm often running late because I got distracted and lost track of time. I have one alarm that wakes me up, an alarm that is know you really got to get moving, you need to leave now, and sometimes an alarm that's for if you haven't left by now there is no way you can be on time.
Yes.
I grew up in a family where my Dad allowed my Mom to be late, "As long as it's not important", so I grew up being late to lots of things, but learned to set my own alarms or otherwise have notifications about the time. After my husband mentioned that he didn't appreciate coming second to my getting around to going out, I put forth an effort and got over myself.
After I ended up with brain damage, I lost my time sense. I really can't tell if something happened an hour ago or yesterday or if I need to prepare for something tomorrow or next week. I frequently need to check what day of the week it is, and then try to set alarms so I can internalize that. It sucks.
My husband has been patient but has started stepping in and saying I'm back-sliding again. I mean, he's probably not wrong, but I do the best I can with what I have to work with. It's frustrating on both sides.
The wedding one 10/10. As someone who's father is on their 5th marriage I wish I could have said something like that. Though our new "family" game between all of the siblings (new and old) is just to take bets on how long that marriage is going to last the night of the wedding.
I also hate being late. When we were dating, my husband was always late. He was running a business, so he always got a pass. The day of our wedding I jokingly said “if you’re late, don’t bother coming in” He was sooo early 😂
Not kidding, a friend of mine missed the first 90 minutes of his own bachelor party (it started with a guided tour, and we had to go without him). So for the wedding, the bride and her family told him the wrong time (two hours early) to be on the safe side.
That first one: my husband immediately: ya you kinda are. Before hearing the story and than concluded he AH. 😂
The bro had it coming, he’s not hearing the damage he has done and how the then mistress was treating his then wife. Obviously the brother’s behaviour has impacted on everyone. She is replaceable. My bio father was like this he passed away on his own in another country.
Re: the lateness thing, I think it depends a lot on attitude and degree of lateness. I struggle with punctuality because my ADHD makes it hard for me to manage time. I can set alarms, start getting ready 2 hours in advance, know exactly what time I need to leave, and still somehow end up running 5 minutes late. I hate it, and I am embarrassed every time, but nothing I do is going to change the way my brain is wired. All the planning in the world won't stop me from somehow getting distracted and losing track of time. For important things, I usually try to build in extra time when I'm scheduling with people, so there's a 15 minute buffer and my 5 minutes of lateness still means I/we arrive where we're going 10 minutes early. It's not ideal, but it works. On the other hand, if someone is _choosing_ to be disrespectful of people's time and not even acting remorseful that people are waiting on them, that's a whole other issue. Also there's a huge difference between being 5 minutes late and being an hour late, especially for something like a movie.
Same here. I'm also a late person, dont do it on purpose but am very aware of it. I often tell people to go ahead without me if I'm falling too behind and show up later, because I dont want anyone else to be affected. I do manage to make most scheduled appointments on time though, usually because the hard deadline (and usually late fees for doctors and things) pushes me to be on time for those and plan to get there waaaaay early. (I usually trick myself by mistyping the appointment time in my phone to be 15 minutes earlier lol🤣)
I was hoping someone else would say this. I hate being late, but my ADHD makes time management feel impossible. I can schedule so much buffer time, but it's hard for me to know how much time has passed, or not get completely distracted without trying too. Time blindness is too real for me. I can only cram in so many alarms/clocks into my day. 😅 Alarms are not always appropriate either. I had my "you need to leave for work" alarm go off when I was signing a bank loan, and the loan officer was confused when I explained what it was for. Like sorry dude, I am normally at home right now. I understand why people feel this strongly about people being late, I really do. I don't like getting my time wasted either, so I really do my damnedest to be on time. I don't like feeling like the asshole. However, if someone tells me we're running late or going to be running late, then I will drop my shit and go. It's bullshit to be told you're going to be late and go "okay but let me just put these jeans on."
@@crystalh450 Oh, I absolutely agree. He should’ve just told her “the movie is starting and I’m going now. If you finish shopping and want to join me, you know where to find me!” Leaving without saying anything seems more like a childish retaliation than a rational response.
I'm loving the ADHDers being like "NO" here ahaha bc even though we can be late often, we aren't doing it out of disrespect and TRY to fix it.
(Another ADHD-er here. Lol.) I think the biggest difference between someone who is chronically late because of a _mental issue_ and someone who is chronically late because _they don't care_ are two completely different things that most people know the difference between. Like people know when you're genuinely sorry and don't like that part of yourself. That said, the example in the video isn't about someone being flaky, necessarily, it's someone dragging someone else down with them. With ADHD, unless we're literally chasing squirrels or whatever and need someone to keep us on track, that shouldn't be an issue.
That said, which I think you seem to be doing well at, is that our ADHD is our responsibility, so if we know that we're a late person, we have to do things to compensate. Which means leaving the buffer and the like. And it's a good way to go about it too. Works for me as well. Lol.
The wedding was absolutely the right place to do it. The home wrecker 100% deserved it
agreed
I was coming here to say the thing about ADHD and lateness too and I see loads of other people did it too. I am chronically late- I try really really hard and I absolutely respect other people and I feel awful about it. I know it seems like it should be easy but it’s really not if you’ve got some kinds of neuro issues. I’ve struggled with it my whole life. I don’t expect to be let off the hook because of having ADHD and I don’t let myself off the hook but I deserve some understanding. It’s not as simple as late= disrespect.
That said in this situation (from what I can tell) I do agree the wife was probably the Ahole. That doesn’t sound like ADHD to me, it sounds like selfishness.
I was in a relationship with a man who did the same. He would be super considerate of his girl best friends feelings. She was also always hugging and clinging on to him and sending him intimate details of her hookups. As understanding as I am, it started to get on my nerves. I also never once got a gift that he got me without being vocal about it. No birthday gift, no anniversary gift etc. That being said, I still tried to be as understanding as I could but I noticed he would always have her in mind while going shopping and would pick up something for her when when I was there with him. What I'll say is I'm glad this relationship is in the past tense.
I love how these types are always claiming that there's nothing going on, just good friends,- bullshit, bullshit.
9 times out of 10, there's always something going on, or they hook up straight after you dump them!!
The last one made my day. I thought it was hilarious. His support to 'Abby' was beyond sweet and I loved it.
I spit my soda out hearing the wedding joke. Honestly if I was there I probably would have did the same thing and laughed hahaha. Gosh that was funny.
As a chronically late person…I understand this guy. I always give my husband an escape route so I don’t ruin his thing. Unfortunately for me…I get extreme anxiety when I know I have to be someplace. In my own case, (and to my own defense…lol) it is not a lack of respect for other people…it is a lack of focus that I have always struggled with. I also have quite a few OCD tendencies which have me going back into my house at least 3 times to fix something, or get something I forgot. My family hates it, and I do, too…
As a solution, I go through my freak out the day before…I have even slept in my hair and makeup if we have a morning thing. Or…I will just stay up all night for simple petty joy of sitting on the couch holding the keys while the hubby gets ready (RARE).
Being on a 2 week vacation with my mother gave me so much anxiety, I barely ate (on a cruise ship!) So, for you “always on time people”, have a little empathy for folks like me. As a grown woman, I have been to therapy, taken meds, and appointments still really stress me out…but I have found little things I can do to appear normal…it’s not like anybody would know I spend 48 hrs preparing for a 3 hour engagement. I do know people who simply don’t care, and I want to burn them with fire for their nonchalant ways. But for me, I understand what it takes to be a grownup. All we can do is try our best in this life 🤷🏾♀️
#wheresmyphone #theseshoeshurt #youcallmom #takethecar #icantthinkwhenyoustareatme #whyiseverypartyduringmyperiod
As someone with fairly severe ADHD and being visually impaired, time management is NOT my friend. I am 30 yrs old and have struggled with this since childhood. I always feel horrible if i’m ever late and it affects someone else, so i always try my hardest to respect others’ time, but my perception of time is quite skewed along with getting distracted easily. I do think the wife was pretty dismissive though and that’s kinda rude and inconsiderate to her spouse. It’s unfair to label all people like this as uncaring, because i and many others absolutely DO care, it’s just a huge struggle. This woman individually may not care or may not be very self aware, but that doesn’t make it true for everyone.
Set an alarm. All the time. It's part of being an adult.
I feel this on a spiritual level but in the reverse as I am chronically early. Tell me to show up at 1 and here I am anywhere between 6 to 11. My brain panics so much about being late that I cause a completely different issuse. I am only late if I don't feel great just because it seems to make my brain not process time well though looking at the post I do agree that the wife was way too dismissive to a point where I don't think it is ADHD and just someone who doesn't notice how their behavior is affecting everyone.
@@John-tr5hn Shaming people the way you've been doing is entirely unhelpful and misses the point. You're not saying anything profound or new. That's very basic advice most people who are chronically late have already tried. Alarms don't work the same way for everybody, so they aren't always effective.
For example, I can only use alarms to maintain a standard wake-up schedule (I already wake up early) and for unusual reminders. The more I hear an alarm (same time every day, i.e. the sort of thing you'd set for work or school), the less effective it is for me. In order for them to continue being helpful in the long-term, I have to make them elaborate and change things like taglines and alarm sounds constantly. I can't do this reliably (I've tried) because I'm forgetful as well. I have to use other methods.
If you're going to comment so much, at least try to understand the conversation and give genuine, detailed advice instead of being a snarkly a-hole.
@@John-tr5hn I do this. It doesn't help most of the time. Like... I have alarms to remind me to eat. Something that logically everyone has a natural urge for, and should be simple to remember, right?
Well. if I'm editing a photo or writing a paragraph, I'll snooze it a couple times, or I might accidentally dismiss it while I'm finishing my task. I will not remember the food. Then hubs will finish work, notice there isn't any dishes and ask what I had to eat. Nothing. I ate nothing. despite having alarms set. For something my body needs.
@@John-tr5hn Doesn’t always help.
- Someone who has ADHD
Chronic lateness can be a symptom of several mental illnesses like ADHD. It’s not always about not caring about other peoples time but sometimes the pure inability to either do something or be able to take in account things like how long it takes to get somewhere. Of course, it’s not always the case and not always an excuse. But in some cases it’s something to take into account - if the person communicates that and/or shows regrets for their actions. OPs wife doesn’t seem to fall into that category though.
Thank you for your comment.
Undiagnosed, but chronically late to a lot of things. I hate it honestly, i could be getting ready for something 5 hours beforehand, and somehow the last 2 slip by so fast, the next thing i know... Super late.🤕
Diagnosed ADHD and “time blindness” is a real struggle. Especially if I am in a “hyper focus” because it doesn’t matter how often I look at a clock or someone tells me the time, my brain is only going to register whatever I’m hyper focused on and nothing else, including food, bathroom, sleep, etc.
Thank you I had no Idea how to say this lol
I wanted to comment this too thanksb
Thank you for commenting this, I was just about to. I’ve really struggled with time awareness my entire life and it kinda hurt my feelings to hear Charlotte make that blanket statement about chronically late people. I have severe ADHD and it’s something that takes a lot of effort to manage. I’m finally making improvements to my time management skills and not being as late as frequently as I have been in the past.
Best case scenario, I think OP’s wife is very sensitive about whatever issues she has with time and it’s preventing her from growing past them and managing her time better. Every time someone confronts her she feels small and hates that feeling so she lashes out. OP really needs to sit down with his wife and have a serious and calm discussion about her time management and it’s consequences and implications.
The brother was the asshole, and I love it. He should have printed out the texts and spread them out among the guests.
I was in a wedding where during the speeches the best man told the story of the bride and grooms first kiss. But this was bad because at the time of their first kiss, the bride had been in a relationship with someone else for five years. Everyone went aww because they didn't know, but myself, the bride, and most of her bridesmaids were all cringing.
Charlotte, I know these videos are meant to be mostly funny, but when you talked about how "people always being late means they don't value you or your time", it reminded me of something my family and I learned after I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I want to educate you (and anyone else who would like to learn) on this.
Like I said, I have ADHD (and it's pretty pronounced, too) and people like me often have this thing called "time blindness". From what research has been done on it, it's currently understood that this effect is the brain failing to passively interpret sensory information that "normal" (also called "neurotypical") brains associate with the passing of time. This means that the brain is often physically unable to consciously (ie intentionally) or unconsciously understand the passage of time in the same way a "normal" brain would. Basically, while you might be able to tell the difference between five and ten minutes, I cannot do that without literally placing my full attention on the passing time. Even then, it is very very difficult.
In my day-to-day life, I rely heavily on alarms set on my phone as well as constantly checking the time on my watch in order to stay on schedule. I am able to compensate for my inability because I am aware of it. Many people with undiagnosed ADHD or those who are not educated about their brain's differences can be completely unaware that their brain processes time differently, only noticing that other people are constantly upset with them for being late, too early, or completely missing things. I was like that before my diagnosis. I never understood why everyone else found keeping a schedule so easy while I struggled endlessly.
I know that lateness is not always caused by time blindness, and sometimes people really do not care about others, but if a person has shown care in other ways and yet is always late, try to be a little more understanding. I know it's frustrating because you find this task of timekeeping so easy. Believe me, I have experienced extreme frustration with myself over this very same thing.
For me, im always late because i tend to have no concept of time(ive heard ADD can be a cause). My anxiety makes me hate being late but no matter how hard i try i am late so much. I appreciate my boyfriend helping me keep track of time and being patient with me. But i never do it on purpose. I am working on it and making sure to get ready earlier so i have extra time.
Oh thank god cause this is exactly my situation. Most people don't understand chronically late people are late mostly cause we don't feel the time passing by, we have no concept of time. People need to be more aware of mental health struggles instead of finding an easy explanation behind it.
@@user-hf7kj9dp1f ....and people with those issues need to manage it when it effects others...
When it comes to the gift, the GF seems more upset about the time, thought, and effort going in to choosing the perfect gift for the friend, rather than the actual cost. Rightly so. Remember the old adage “It’s the thought that counts”? He should be rejoicing that his GF is no gold digger and be putting twice the effort into pleasing her with thoughtful gifts, and worrying less about the Princess. It would be interesting to see how long the Princess would stick around if she got random cheap gifts.
Being chronically late can be attributed to certain mental health things. ADHD I see people say, I will also add anxiety. I am late a lot (though generally only for the social gatherings) and and as someone with an array of mental whackiness its not due to sitting around and doing fuck all until its time to go. Usually involves a lot of running around getting ready, often falling into spells of mental dissaray, some frustrations, sometimes because of other people around, sometimes due to the upcoming event itself, not being able to find shit i need because shit memory is a thing etc. I can be in full GO mode, get up early and STILL somehow end up slightly late. That being said, the wife in the video is definitely not one of those. Theres being frazzled under pressure, and then theres whatever that is, which to me seems a bit more of a choice rather than anything else (though who knows)
Wow, my ex claimed he couldn't afford a £5 potted plant for Woman's day while travelling for holiday, going out with his friends for drinks, meals, concerts etc., buying gifts for others and an expensive couch. Asking money for groceries as "he was broke" even if I never did when shopping for food myself. Yes, total AHOLE if you put your partner LAST
By the way, I'm ill and off work ATM, he had no problem taking money of me towards his bills
I see why he’s an ex. 😉
@@davidguidry657 thank you 😊 🙏
Are people supposed to give you gifts on a made up holiday like that? Not shitting on you and obviously if you felt unappreciated that's one thing and you were right to end the relationship but that's very different than being given garbage for birthday's and christmas and the like.
@@Gna_d54 that's a genuine holiday in Europe it celebrates women, mums etc it's very important in my country. Also I showered him with gifts for Christmas, Valentines Day and his birthday while having money struggles
Anyone who has an affair and is ok with the affair partner harassing and bullying the ex they already victimized, deserves to get shit on at their wedding. The brother is just mad because he got roasted in front of everyone who probably didn't know what happened.
Also, I hope his ex takes the texts to her lawyer and fights for more custody. This kind of harassment is what loses people custody.
Perfectly said, took the words right out of my mouth!! Why are assholes so upset when someone points out WHY they are an asshole?? Lol
I 100% agree
My thing with the chronically late partner isn’t even that she isn’t concerned about his time. It’s that she knows she’s stressing out her partner and she just doesn’t care.
Exactly!!! And the gall to be mad about missing the movie as if it’s her partner’s fault when he was clearly making an effort to make sure they catch it. Sometimes people are chronically late because of things like adhd, which can mess with your perception of time and ability to plan things but clearly not with this woman - it seems intentional. I may sound mean when I say this but maybe if her partner started pulling more stunts like this, she’d realize what others feel like when they miss things or are wayyyy too late for things because of her.
exactly... I understand time blindness and this wasn't it
Being chronically late is not the issue here; as many commenters have pointed out, ADHD and other conditions can legitimately impact people's ability to show up on time. But most people with this problem understand how frustrating it is for the people in their lives, and appreciate when their friends and family help keep them on track. If the wife was upset about missing the movie, she shouldn't have ignored her husband when he told her it was time to go. Yeah, he probably should have texted her his plans, but she is also presumably capable of getting to the movie theater on her own. I know lots of people with ADHD, and if their tardiness will inconvenience anyone, they generally tell us to get a head start without them, because they respect other peoples' time.
My husband loves things. So many that it’s hard to remember them all, so when we started dating, I kept a running list in my notepad of everything he mentioned liking or wanting and he was shocked with how good I was at giving gifts. I’m not, I just write it down so I can remember and it’s not a hard thing to do! Even for people who don’t care much about getting gifts, getting something they mentioned offhandedly six months ago can mean A LOT.
My dad is one of those cronically late people who doesnt care about other peoples time. I absolutely hate having to go anywhere with him. However, I turned out to be one of those people who are often late and feel horrible about it. I do think it might be an ADHD thing though. Zoning out and completely losing track of time staring at the wall is something I do all too often
Edit: I always text to let the person know I'll be late, he never does
This is pretty much my predicament except neither me or my dad have ADHD or any other diagnosed mental health problems other than anxiety for me and depression for my dad.
@@humanoid_freak that will absolutely do it. Time blindness isn’t specific to ADHD!
Would you dismiss someone telling you TWICE that it's time to leave?
I understand u my friend.
This is literally my dad. He’s always late and will even get upset if others start without him. At MY 4th of July party HE texted my siblings telling them what time my party was even though we (mine & my husband’s family) planned for 3 hours before the time he told my side of the family when to come. Then proceeded to be 30 min late after the time he told my side when to show up for MY party. Cept unlike my brother and sister, I had no plans to work my party around his schedule…by the time him & my mom finally showed up everyone had already eaten so him & my mom had to eat cold leftovers. He had gotten so used to my siblings and others waiting on him to show like he’s the dang king of England-nope, I PLANNED the party, I PAID for all the food, and I got PERMISSION to do the fireworks on MY land…he really thought that because he couldn’t make it till 3 in the afternoon (he didn’t actually get there till 3:30ish) did not mean AT ALL I was just going to reschedule JUST FOR HIM?! 🤣🤣 He was so “confused” and SO pissy, asking where’s all the food went, there wasn’t enough chips…uh, we started at noon!! He’s the only one who wanted to start so dang late..my brother & sister are cucked so my sis showed up at 1 but my brother was there at 3… But my husband and I have kids & grandkids of our own-he’s never treated me the same since but it’s okay, I make sure to show up to ALL his “parties” 30 minutes late now (no worries, I tell my mom beforehand) and I don’t complain about it. He’s been late to everything all my life cause he has 0 respect for others. So just like he taught me, I don’t dish it out unless I can take it. And I take it like a champ. We’re the last ones to show up and first ones to leave but we are on time to EVERYONE else’s events and parties. He doesn’t respect my husband, and he doesn’t respect our blended family…but apparently nobody taught him that respect can go both effing ways 😎 My husband is chronically on time to everything but after years of dealing with my dad, he now does the same thing to him… I mean, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, right!?
I’ve seen several comments about being chronically late being a symptom of ADHD and I totally agree. I used to struggle with this a lot. BUT you can’t use it as an excuse every time you affect the people around you. The lady probably had undiagnosed ADHD and had been enabled for her whole life so she was able to make being late part of her personality and never had to face consequences for it (my mom is the same way, I had to unlearn a lot of behaviors I got from her in order to live as a time blind ADHDer with my 10 minutes early Generalized Anxiety husband) The other part of ADHD is getting super emotional about small things that feel like rejection. so I’m sure she was genuinely hurt by being left out of the theater, but she had to learn her lesson.
I’m glad so many people agree with my sentiments on the wedding joke. I have also never laughed this hard over one of charlotte’s post. Full on cackling at 6am eating breakfast.
I just want to mention this as a possible reason. I have adult ADHD and one of the tendencies (for lack of better terms) is always being late. The difference being I hate making people wait. I've missed out on many important activities or opportunities because of it. The only way I can explain it is,,.... I'm getting ready to go somewhere and I know I have to leave at 1:30 to make it on time. I look at the clock and see it's 12:55. It is impossible for me to add time in my mind therefore making it 12:55 continuously until I look at the clock again. Of course, then it's 1:40. If I have a clock in front of me that I can't not see then I will know time. I swear it is not an excuse. I never laugh it off and think everyone expects me to be late because I'm special. Often I'm crying in my car or cancelling plans or just not making any to avoid this disorder all together.
That sounds rough, I have difficulties with telling how much time has passed too. Luckily alarms really help me out, as soon as I know I have to do something I set 3 alarms for it haha. Hopefully you'll find something that works for you too :)
This! I have ADHD and I have the same problem with time management. I have a giant analog clock in my bathroom (no, seriously, it's massive) in order to get ready for work sort of on time. Disrespecting other's time and not understanding time itself are two different things. If I had a minute for every time I heard some variation of "I am NEVER late and I don't understand how anyone could be." or "Just leave earlier!" I would never be late either. XD
This is me too.. I've just had to put alarms or keep remembering to look at the clock or just leave when I see I have the time.
i just commented something similar but i’m so glad i’m not the only on thinking this! it is actually the most annoying thing! i also have ADHD
Yep. With ADHD our brain literally cannot handle sensing how much time has passed or estimating how long something will take to do. I am chronically late too, and it's not for lack of trying. We actually do care. I've ran for things too many times to count - especially now living in a place with public transportation.
Once, I actually worked out with my job that I could clock in up to 30mins before my shift. I wasn't considered technically late until 15mins after my actual start time. So, it took that much flexibility to stop being late for work - which I obviously cared about. I considered the earlier time my goal, so I could then be up to 44mins late without it counting (traffic was an hour.. so there is that element).
There's a huge difference between this and that story. I would have left her too. She wasn't running late.. she was there and decided to do something else intentionally. It's a, do I spend a bunch of time doing my makeup in the bathroom when I'm already late, or do I put it on in the car at traffic lights while texting my ETA?
It honestly helps to have friends who also tend to run late. Then neither of you care if the other is 15mins late. Communication is key though.
Another good showing Miss Charlotte and I am so thrilled that you get to use your gavel so often now!
Side note: I really like that you explain your position and don’t just render the verdict. Your thought process and rationale speaks to why you’re so wholesome and we all find you delightful!
im chronically late but i have ADHD and can't afford my meds so getting my scattered brains together is what's holding me back, not "im shopping go away." i mostly solved it by always being 20+ minutes early though--i do still sometimes have problems but im mostly fine.
Same; there's just a zone out moment where I could be so hyperfocused on one thing that I honestly lose track of time and then suddenly 2 hours has passed and I'm hating myself for not keeping an eye on time. Also love the MHA reference in your name!
I would love my husband to buy me expensive things. But I try not to ask for anything expensive, because I don’t want to be needy or a burden. If I found out he was spending more money on someone else I would flip out, because if you can buy it for them why not do it for me instead of them.
My wife would be happy with half a packet of M&Ms, but I always spend more on her than anyone except my grandchildren's special birthdays. I really put a lot of effort into what I buy her because she is hemiparuplegic and buying her something she'd like and can use can be difficult. I once bought her an Alexa forgetting her aphasia (oops!). I've learnt Weird Fish, Sketchers and underwear always go down well as surprise stocking filler. She can get them on and Sketchers fit over her splint. I have now developed a great trick, I say "What would you like for your birthday/Christmas? If you say nothing, you know I’ll get it wrong."
My best friend from Uni days is female and has expensive taste, I buy her jokey presents.