Is it ok to say 'queer'?
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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Jessica, I am a 70 yr. old female who 'loves' being able to use the word Queer. I am happy to have a word that serves as an umbrella to encompass all the feelings I have. This was a wonderful video. 😇🙏🌈🐭
Thank you so much ❤️🌈🥰
It's great to see you older LGBTQ/LGBTQ-supporting people here. I hope you have an amazing day.
I've proudly identified as queer since the mid 80s and have spent that entire time explaining to fellow LGBTQI+ people that I get to choose what I want to call myself and that I will afford them the same respect. I like the word for the reason you mention- it doesn't go into detail, it lets me keep my sexuality and gender private.
after all, often these words were negative because society deemed what they were describing as 'bad'. When we reclaim these things and wear them proudly, we're basically just saying "Yes, we are this thing, -I- am this thing, and I am not ashamed of what I am/who I am". I do remember queer being used in a very negative way when I was younger- and as a closeted queer kid, it feels pretty good to proudly say YES, I am a queer person (of various flavors of queerness). My presentation and identity are not necessarily as uncomplicated as you want them to be- and that's fine.
side note: my lil queer friend group often jokingly uses "that's so gay" about things, solely to set each other up to go "yeah, I know" lol
My first introduction to the word queer was completely outside of any reference to sex/gender etc. It was in the book "A little Princess", the first book I was able to choose for myself for reading at school. I'd been dealing with some ableism the year before (overbite + wonky teeth therefore physically couldn't speak properly so assumed to not have reading comprehension and only allowed access to the basic reading books), so it's got some emotional significance to it. The main character in the book is described as queer meaning strange/odd, and her being odd is one of her greatest strengths in that book, so in way I've found the word to be quite a bit comforting.
I now identify as queer, partially because trying to explain both asexuality and aromanticism can be complicated and time consuming and there's no word other than queer that's both as conveniently understandable and accurate. And the other reason is I genuinely like the word.
I also self identified as one of the "weirdos" in school. And I like that queer has the sort of vague nonstandard meaning with needing to be entirely specified in every parameter.
This is s really interesting topic. Im asexual and also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but I wouldnt use the term queer for myself. This is mainly because I do not feel as connected to the broader queer community. Im aro-spec, but definitly hetro oriented. For a large part of my life I have seen myself as straight, and while realising Im ace/ aro. I still do not feel very connected to people who are gay for example. There are definitly some shared experiences, so I totally get why other aroace people identify as queer, but my person experience and the way i view myself is not what I would see as "queer".
* waves * in queer boomer
This was super interesting! I've known queer used to be a slur, but it's never felt like one to me. I'm pretty young (20) so it's always been very normal me for me and my friends to use it, to the point that I forgot that not everyone may be comfortable with it. I personally love it, it's fun to say, easy to use for a group of noncis/hetero people, and it encapsulates my gender too! (I'm bi, which is technically gender neutral but I'm also gender queer so I feel like queer reflects that more!)
I'm queer. My identity is fluid, it alienates me from the majority of people in Eastern Europe and I love the radical, political edge the word possesses.
P.S. Regarding reclamation of slurs. My friend sometimes calls himself "підор" or "підорас" (basically, post-Soviet F-slur) because he thinks it's funny and is not ashamed of his identity as a bi guy.On the other hand, my other friend - also a bi guy - is uncomfortable with the term and never uses it to describe himself or other queer men.
Is that term related to the same root as 'pederast'? It reads like it might be, but cognates are so tricky sometimes.
@@silverjade10 Definitely, Wikidictionary says it stems from USSR-era prison slang.
i worked on an aids/infection control ward in the late 1980s. there was a lot of ignorance and fear and i used to get pretty angry with it all...even those who should have been better educated such as drs
After watching this I want to be the Queer Aunt who teaches the next generation about queer history and celebrities. The only queer person I knew of when I started my journey was Elton John and it was the 2010ish.
I was confused about the word as a straight cis-het gen-X guy. I had started to think that it had been universally accepted and could now be used as a synonym for LGBTQ+ (and obviously a more elegant one). So thanks for this. This is definitely a word for people like me to use cautiously and only in very specific contexts.
I personally use queer and see it as more inclusive b/c I'm on the acespec and my gender is kindof up in the air (I think demiflux is the closest descriptor) and LGBT+ just feels a little like "yeah, of course we accept it, just not where I can see it" when it comes to those types of identities in particular. Although when I'm talking to people who I'm not sure will understand that me saying queer doesn't give them permission to use it, I'll still say LGBTQIA+
PSA: Ncuti is spelled Rwandan, which is different from English. The N is actually silent and the name is pronounced somewhat like Shootee.
As a lesbian cis woman who is in a relationship with an asexual trans woman, this video was incredibly informative and enjoyable. Thank you so much
P.S. Off topic, holy crap your style is amazing ❤
I’ve been thinking about this recently because I made a new friend who does drag and they use a (German) former slur (that’s now pretty much re-claimed - by people WITHIN the community) as part of their social media handles. My mum follows them too and when we talked about this new friend she used the word. but when she said the word it made me hesitate bc it did not feel right? But full disclosure, I’m not too comfortable saying the word myself, bc I have not been in many queer German spaces, i haven’t heard it in positive context often enough i guess? I still feel a bit sensitive about words I remember still being used as slurs/insults when I was a child?
Watching this because one of my children is gay and I want to make sure I say the right thing, according to the LGBTQ+ community.
Excellent!
Thank you so much for offering your perspective and knowledge, Jessica ! As a proud disabled and bi woman, I value your voice a lot 💖
Even though I love using the term 'queer' for myself, and I also find it easier to pronounce than LGBTQIA+ haha, I never quite know when and with whom it's appropriate. This is simply because I am French, so in my country and primary language, I would imagine that the process of reclaiming 'queer' has most definitely not been the same, historically speaking.
I recently heard (from a friend) of a point of view I had no idea about : they consider that queer people are indeed part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but that the opposite is not necessarily true - meaning that, to them, 'queer' would only be an accurate label for LGBTQIA+ people who also defy the gender binary, or relationship models. So to them, 'queer' wouldn't apply to gay or trans people who conform to societal norms, I guess. I found that stance quite interesting, as I had never heard of such a distinction. So although I don't agree with them, I feel like it's not my place to tell them they are wrong, nor do I feel like I am in the wrong for having a personal preference for the term. I don't even know if the term has a different significance in French, since the vast majority of the media I consume is from English speakers! Btw, if French speakers read my comment, I'd be very interested to talk about it in the replies below !
In my queer family and friends group, "gay" means "bad," but in an 80's "bad" way, i.e. "good."
10:26 my dad constantly says "that's so gay" as an insult even though his own brother (my uncle) is gay and I don't know how to get him to stop
Even though “gay man” is the way I’d describe myself nowadays, the word “queer”, being amorphous yet decidedly non-hetero, was absolutely critical for me coming out, because, for me in the mid 1990’s, “gay” had more baggage than “queer”.
It's good to hear you acknowledge that queer is easier to say than LGBTQ-etc. I feel that use of the word rather than the acronym can help a little to encourage acceptance and inclusion, and is less of an in-your-face label.
As a bisexual woman, I have started using the term ‘Rainbow Family’ as an inclusive term in my small town. Easier to say than LGBTQ+ and has definite fun vibes. But I also totally hang signs in my shop for our Senior Center Queer Bingo Night.
Fascinating. I'm of the age and location that Gay was just casually and widely used as a slur and insult, everything was like "thats sooo f-ing gay" "don't be gay" etc so like, queer was one of the few ones in my area that I didn't hear spat out all the time.
I define myself as queer because I feel a sense of community outside of the cisheteros as well as being bi. But mostly commenting to push down the homophobic/transphobic comments. 😂
Personally I've never liked the word so much and have had bad experiences with people using it maliciously in the past. It's not so bad as the f word of course but still, I get the idea behind trying to reclaim it but I can't get over the association I've had of people using the word to belittle and other me in the past. It still feels like a hurtful word to me.
it's worse because the people using the f slur aren't pretending to be on my side
I am 49, I use Queer regularly. It is just so much easier than trying to give a more specific phrase.
I won’t forget the discrimination and violence older LGBTQ+ ppl faced back then, but I’m really glad younger members of the community have reclaimed the word. I’ve always known I wasn’t straight but I felt uncomfortable using Bi to deceive myself bc I never had a romantic experience with a girl/woman. Internalized biphobia is a BITCH and really kept me from accepting myself. A couple of years ago I watched a video where someone used queer as a label for themselves and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. So yeah, I’m queer, and I might keep that or maybe call myself Bi if I get more comfortable with it in the future. For now tho, I’m glad queer has been reclaimed
I came into the tail end of the derogatory use of the word "queer" as I was recognizing my own queerness as a kid. While I was growing up there were a variety of other words used in a negative way to describe folks that weren't straight & cis and honestly I still have a hard time readily utilizing those (unless someone explicitly asks to be referred to in that way) even though some are actively being reclaimed. So I can begin to see where that may be challenging with the word "queer" as well since it was associated with so many harmful things.
But like many others, queer is a nice umbrella term to cover many bases. So as someone who is non-binary, pansexual and a bit strange, describing myself as "generally queer" is far easier that rattling off all of the different pieces 🏳🌈🏳⚧ But when it comes to addressing the community as a whole, I tend to default to "LGBTQIA+"
You are brilliant ❤
My friends and I have reclaimed the "that's so gay" insult lmao especially when one of us shows affection to our SAs. It usually goes "that's gay!" "Damn right" *continues kissing/hugging their partner* 😂😁 also I love the term queer, because I would rather say queer than have to explain what an aro/ace lesbian is 😅 and it's none of their business anyway
I turn 44 in December. I self identify as queer and genderqueer. Along with various labels that fall under queer and genderqueer. I have had issues figuring out my sexual orientation. The only thing that's been clear is that I am not straight. So queer is a great term. I currently am thinking that I am a greysexual lesbian that isn't 100% lesbian because John Barrowman AKA Captain Jack Hotness, exists. But I have identified as so many things over the years that I am not sure if I will ever really figure it out. So Queer is really the best term for my sexual orientation. I am think about ditching other sexual orientation labels and just using queer.
As a non-binary, trans, bi+ person who is a younger member of Gen X, I find "queer" to be a wonderfully versatile word to describe both my gender and sexual orientation at the same time, though as a social science researcher, it can also obscure specific details useful in conducting robust research with queer communities, which is less helpful (while still being quite liberating for the people who use the label precisely because of how broad it can be). When I was in university in the mid-late 1990s, "queer" was just starting to be reclaimed and used as an umbrella term more broadly, and I fully supported using it over the alphabet soup that was still just "LGBT" at the time, but the students just one year above me were against it because of the trauma of it having been used as a slur for so long, so I think my age group were probably among the first to adopt it as a reclaimed umbrella term. I'm currently working on writing a book about queer culture from an anthropological perspective, and I think that exploring the nuances of its use will be a critical part of the book precisely because of the mixed views of using the queer label.
Ah, slur associations, people can't take over a word if you gatekeep its definition from them. It's a mind game most people don't seem to understand nowadays, once a word becomes something to utilize in an us vs them dynamic, it's definition becomes mobile, but not impossible to defend.
Any words you want unless you're on a platform or disrupting the public peace (ie: guiding an audience or mob to target and grief another)
Neutering the speech may not seem like a huge ordeal but it's literally the reason we cannot solve tasks like abortion for example
I started say Queer mostly because I'm dyslexic so I can't remember the acronym and don't want to sound like an idiot and also because I'm aroace but won't use it for people who dont like it.
I don't use the word queer but it's more of a personal preference. I guess growing up trying to "look normal" at all costs had its part to play in said preference, but having undone most of the work of dismantling internalized transphobia and homophobia in my head, I see absolutely no problem in people identifying with the word queer, in fact it makes me happy to see people finding a label they feel it fits them. And while, techically speaking, I would fit in many definitions of the word queer, if someone in the LGBTQ+ community were to describe me as such I woudn't feel offended at all, I just personally don't feel it describes me the best. (Though it feels wierd when someone outside uses it, kind of like when a parent tries to speak in the generational language of their children and just fails miserably)
Although if someone were to use it as an insult I would probably say I am queer proudly just to see their reaction, as I'm all in for the reclaiming of that word for those whom it fits.
Anne Lister reference FTW!
Thanks for the great video! I'm a Gen Xer who currently uses the word "queer" to describe myself because my sexuality is more complex than the traditional labels recognize. The reclamation of "queer" has been instrumental to understanding myself in a world that prefers binaries and simple answers. ❤
I am here, I am queer and I do not fear!
I had to explain the lgbtq plus communities use of the word queer to a baby lesbian who thought that it was still derogatory and defamatory. I use it myself for myself. You might note that there was an American version of the TV show Queer as Folk set in Pittsburgh but I think it was filmed in Toronto it ran from 2000 to 2005. It even had a lesbian married couple in it how very forward thinking they were.:-)
im be honest here i use it because its so so much easier then saying lgbtq+ also i can only remember the acronym half the time
I use queer for myself because my whole identity is an alphabet gang of its own…
And for labels… if you don’t want me to claim any, you should not put any on me on the first time…
I don’t think it’s members of lgbtqia+ community who insist the most on putting gender labels on babies yet to be born or to put the straight label on everyone by default…
And I am French and, as many non native English speakers, the word « queer » only has the reclaiming/ self identifying meaning.
I use Queer for myself, mostly because other labels don't describe the full me
I miss Klaus Nomi.
First! I hope you ears are feeling better, Jessica, and that the pain of your losses is lessening somewhat. 🎀🩷🎀
Thank you so much 🥰❤️
@@jessicaoutofthecloset You’re very welcome. My heart really hurt for you when you talked about losing people.
Also, I really appreciate all that you do to educate, empower, and uplift.
I'm both strange and peculiar, but not queer.
Your continual acknowledgement of asexuality and aromanticism makes me so happy. Thank you for being so inclusive when covering queer topics 💜
Yes! I feel like I use "queer" for myself (cishet ace) because I don't want people to question my place in the LGBT+ community. It's also self-affirming that I'm part of it (while recognizing that I have not experienced the discrimination many in the community have) .
@@divergentdreamer Hello, fellow cishet ace! I feel exactly the same way. :)
literally this
Yes, it feels so nice being seen :)
@@divergentdreamersame again. cishet demisexual, it's just easier than explaining the nuance, especially when writing articles
I'm just a guy. A Gen-X dude. I do very basic guy stuff and like feminine women. I have a trans sister, however, and although I may not inuitively understand the nuances of gender identity, I am infinitely appreciative of discussions like this. It makes me happy to know that my beloved sister is included, appreciated, and understood by many, and ever more, through the existense of a video like this.
Thank you for bringing this to the world.
Thank you for supporting your sister and seeking out knowledge. You sound like an awesome brother. You and your sister are lucky to have each other.
I use queer to describe myself for similar reasons, it’s easier to say than LGBTQ+, it’s not inherently a bad word, and it’s taking the power back from the bigots. But when describing the LGBTQ+ community, I use that phrase (or LGBTQIA+) because not everyone in the community is comfortable with describing themselves as queer, and that’s okay.
I use queer because I fall into a bunch of the groups that are under the umbrella and it's just a lot easier than naming them all.
I agree 100% with everything you said. I do the same
I’m the same. I say LGBT+ for the umbrella term when I don’t know how the person I’m talking to feels about it. At the same time, I refuse to stop referring to MYSELF as queer. It feels like a good compromise, as it doesn’t invalidate either of our identities.
I tend to use both LGBTQ+ and Queer as Community terms, but with some differences, as there's sometimes some political and ideological differences. I think there are two communities, and while there's significant overlap, sometimes they're in opposition to one another. So, sometimes I'll say something like "the LGBTQ+ and/or Queer Communities", and other times I'll highlight one side or the other.
I call myself queer, two spirit and polyromantic.
But if someone from the community didn’t like me saying it around them I wouldn’t.
I’m both strange and don’t conform to what society demands regarding gender, romance, and sex. I’m queer in both senses of the word and I embrace the term hard.
As an autistic sapphic nb, I agree.
Saaaaaame
Big same!! People have already called me ‘weirdo’ and ‘freak’, it’s like reclaiming two birds with one stone lmao
I feel the same way.
Same here
Thank you for doing so much to preserve our gay, queer, and trans history, and to strengthen our culture
In Germany 'queer' is used widely within the community and also by organisations etc. without much of a negative connotation (as far as I can tell, I'm only 24). Like many loanwords from English the original meaning or literal translation gets lost and it's just used in the modern sense of the word. So thank you to all the activists who reclaimed the word and gave us an easy way to describe the vast LGBT+ community in 1 word!
It's not an umbrella term. Most gay men find the term offensive. Doesn't surprise me that you're young and I'm willing to bet you're female too- you won't understand it's history or the experience many have had with this vile term.
I (cis/het) and my trans friend have used "queer" in our personal discussions, and while we've never used it in a bigoted manner, this was very affirming about how to be sure I'm using it respectfully, even just between the two of us
😂😂 cis/het why TF do you need to clear that up? Werid
@cherrywilson6267 for context? Because I'm not someone that falls under the "queer" umbrella term, but still using another community's reclaimed slur and explaining why 💀 I don't see why you think that's an issue or why _you're_ being weird about it, you okay?
@cherrywilson6267 nvm I've seen your other comments, you're just a bigoted troll 🤮
@@gwendolynrobinson3900 I think Cherry is probably a transphobe who has gotten lost. There's this common idea in transphobic groups that if you're cis or heterosexual it doesn't need to be specified because it should be assumed to be "the norm"... which just seems to be a way to force the onus onto LGBTQ+ people to state their gender and sexual identities, even in conversations like this where LGBTQ+ people should be the main voices.
It's very silly, but it's also very nasty. It serves as an attempt to _other_ LGBTQ+ people even in conversations about themselves, about the LGBTQ+ community, and is one of many attempts to erase some of the language that enables those conversations.
Basically, pay no attention to Cherry. They are probably a transphobe, and of course it makes sense to supply the context that you are cishet in a conversation about LGBTQ+ terminology. Of course it does.
I'm cishet too, and if I just replied saying "I call many of my queer friends queer too, but only if they use it themselves" you'd have no reason to actually assume I was cishet. In fact, you might assume I were LGBTQ+ because it is more common within the community than outside of it (which is where you and I are; outside of it, even though we have friends within it) and also my RUclips profile pic is the colours of the trans flag 🏳⚧ (I just really like the colour pink though).
So yes, I am cishet too and I'd generally refer to a lot of my friends as queer but only because I know those particular friends prefer it. Those friends come from all across the LGBTQ+ spectrum and what they tend to like about it is that it provides a sense of collective identity. But in general, I wouldn't use it to describe anyone I didn't know unless it were clear that it were their preference... and only if it's relevant, but I think that goes without saying.
Thank you so much for always educating and speaking on things most people may not even think it's important to discuss. Much love from a queer disabled human🖤 you help so many people learn, grow and just love themselves too.
Thank YOU so much for your comment - this has made my day 🥰
I love the word but for some reason I have a hard time pronouncing queer, both in English and my native language so I don’t really use it in conversation ☹️
I started using queer when my wife came out as trans ten years ago. I'm straight but it's really too much hassle to explain how a straight woman ended up married to another woman so saying I am in a queer relationship felt like the easiest way of describing our situation.
You are technically not in a queer relationship though. Your wife's biology didn't change, therefore, your relationship status didn't change.
@@erin6945pretty sure she knows more about her relationship status than you... I'm not sure anyone's biology has anything to do with that
@@mael2039 If we're going by the definition of queer, then yes, biology does matter.
@@erin6945 You may be surprised to learn TRANS PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY CHANGE THEIR BIOLOGY, to the point that it may go unnoticed to medical professionals depending on the depth of examination.
If you would like to continue spouting off transphobia I’m sure myself and others will be glad to clarify any misinformation you decide to spread.
@@PeachNEPTR I'm not being transphobic. Their hormones change, and there can be physical changes. Their sex is not changed. If her wife is a biological male and she is a biological female they are not in a queer relationship. Words matter. Definitions matter.
I really appreciate the inclusion that queer isn't the right word for everyone!! My identity feels so solid to me that if someone uses the word queer, feels sort of like it's "just easier" than my preferred labels. It can accidentally erase people's preferred labels. So I appreciate bringing that attention!!! Even though I'm from gen z, it reminds me of how people can accidentally say "oh but sexuality is fluid!" And I'm like, "mines not, my asexuality is solid as a rock 😂"
Haven't thought of that, thank you for your perspective
I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable with the term "sexuality is fluid." It seems like to much of a generalization. I prefer to say "sexuality CAN be fluid" because I’m right there with you when it comes to mine.
I feel like queer describes me on a much deeper level than my sexuality. I am bi, i am a woman, but deeper than that i am Queer and that word feels all encompassing to the many complex experiences and feelings I have and will continue to have.
I like it because it is one word that covers both multiple relevant labels for one person, and the labels for multiple people. My wife is a trans lesbian, and I am a bi cis woman. But we are both queer, and our relationship is queer. Most of our friends are queer, including some who don't really identify with any specific "letter" in the LGBTQ+ umbrella, either through ambivalence or because nothing quite fits (oftentimes this can happen with people whose partners transition, and don't really feel like they fit any label)
Jessica does such a great job of presenting sensitive topics.
I was in my 20’s during the 1990’s and I had no idea that is when the reclaiming of “queer” started. How did I miss this? I thought it was just the past few years that it happened.
This is exactly why videos like this are so important. It is easy to forget the path that got us to where we are today.
As someone who's a lot younger, I can't obviously know, but I think it may be because terms like that firstly get reclaimed in very radical, political circles and most queer people - especially, teenagers - don't hang out in such places.
Actually I’ve found the exact opposite- queer is actually *less* popular than before the last few years. Despite using the term Queer for myself for my whole-ass life, suddenly around 2015 I started getting yelled at that queer was a SLUR, ONLY a slur, could only be PERSONALLY reclaimed, and was NOT to be used as an umbrella term.
Quite a moment of “getting ‘educated’ by people younger than me about things that I lived through and can personally remember pretty well”
@@zhenia2511 true, I definitely was not in radical circles back then.
@@jaspersgrimoire wow! What a terrible experiences you’ve had. It is so interesting how things are different for everyone. People like that are hard to convince that we all don’t have the same feelings about things. One way is not the right way for everyone.
@@jennifers5560 eh, there’s always been some pushback against the term from exclusionists who don’t like that it includes more people than the acronym, I was just confused why the opinion was spreading like mildew. (The answer to that was terfs learning to pipeline better, unfortunately.)
As a Gen X Queer person who absolutely had the term targeted at them, I am proud of the progress we have made and I'm proud to call myself Queer.
I hear Millennial/Gen Z people reclaiming f@&&0t and I did have a very visceral reaction to that word at first but the more I hear it, the less the reaction is.
I feel like it will be reclaimed, too.
I am a gen z queer and the f word has been used against me too. It makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time i am angry that just words can hurt that much. Maybe i will reclaim it one day.
I hear some younger people (mostly Gen Z) reclaiming the f slur, but I agree, it's way too fresh for me to do so. I have this mix of emotions when I hear it. Part recoiling and part joy that these kids don't feel any fear or discomfort in using or hearing the word. I feel like each generation of the community is doing work to make the next generation's life a little safer, and little more joy-filled.
I'm a Gen X Queer person...one of those queer elders, I guess...and that means I'm part of that generation that was wearing motorcycle jackets and being militantly queer in the streets protesting...and...we didn't just reclaim queer, we also reclaimed F@ggot...and Dyk3...and a number of other slurs. So that reclaimation is part of our history. Dyk3s to Watch Out For, Dyk3s on Bikes. And as for f@ggot...Queer Nation had lots of plakards and T-Shirts with people loudly proclaiming themselves as f@ggots. If you look at queercore bands of the 90s it is all over there as well.
Jessica, thanks for bringing up Queer Nation, and not forgetting Gen X. I was watching a different RUclips video essay on the word queer, and it went from Oscar Wilde to the 1950s...to today...just skipping over Queer Nation completely. But then, the thesis of that video essay was mostly, "Old queers are conservative and assimilationist and that is why they all hate the word queer, whereas we young'uns love the word queer because we are all radical."
Last note: the 1980s/90s definition of the reclaimed word queer is not the same definition as the one people are using it today. Today it is an umbrella term that basically refers to almost anyone and everyone. Super broad. In the 90s, it was an umbrella term that referred to people who were radically oppositional to heteronomativity. There was a saying people'd would say back then sometimes: "He may be gay, be he's not queer"...and that was not a compliment. So Log Cabin Republicans were not queer. But also, back then we would often see straight leather people as queer. So...the term queer has gone through lots of definitional changes over time.
Oh wow. As an older millennial I have always seen that queer has been often used as a slur but it never had a deep effect on me. But as soon as you said fa88ot my gut twisted, even though it never applied to me. Not that I ever failed to tread carefully when using queer, but your comment really made it hit home just how taboo that queer must feel to some people if they feel the way I feel about fa88ot (I don't really like typing it even).
I knew a guy that self identified as a "big ol f(a)g". So some reclaming of the term has already happened. At with in regards to British cigarettes. But not as much in regards to British meat products made by Mr. Brain.
In New Zealand we use "the rainbow community" when talking about our communities - it nicely avoids the issues with using the word queer, and everyone knows what it means.
Personally, I think of myself as queer, but it depends who I'm around whether I described myself that way or not - I'm very aware that many people my age have had it used against them.
I really wish “the rainbow community” would be popular in the US! I think I’ll start using it myself and see how it goes!
That would be such a cool term to use in my language. I do not speak english in my country and I always struggle with describing or talking about the LGBTQ+ community because I never know if I should use queer. Because it's just shorter to say. But a lot of cishet people don't know the term... i also always say queer when talking about lgbtq+ folks and this video made me realiesed that while yes I may identify with queer not everyone in the lgbtq+ community does. So I now really have to think about what I will say instead. I don't want to hurt people.
I've said "rainbow people" and sometimes "Skittle Squad." But I call my bisexual self queer.
Kia Ora! I love that term, too. It also really upsets the Christian conservatives.🌈
@@natashabonica4205 Best thing about it ;-)
I really do appreciate this video! I use the word queer to describe myself as an AroAce person, mostly because I find that people who experience romantic and/or sexual attraction *even if they are allies* find it hard to understand and grasp what it means to be AroAce. I use queer as un umbrella term, because it makes me feel more comfortable talking about my queerness to other people.
Me personally, I just ask any given person if they’re okay with the term.
I used to hate it, as I often got called it growing up with the upmost hatred targeted at me for various reasons, mostly focusing on my queerness as well as my mental and physical disabilities.
I'm here disabled and queer! and I love your videos
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that 🥰💜
@@jessicaoutofthecloset :) thank you for all you do with your videos and everything
Hello fellow queer, disabled human!!
@@sturmykins lolo Hi how ya doin?
I'm a queer identified therapist and I have been using the word queer in my therapeutic practice. I make a point to give a brief disclaimer on my use of the term in groups or presentations because I think it's important. I appreciate you highlighting the part about "gender critical feminists" and I plan to incorporate this information into my next big presentation where I use the term queer. Thank you!
This video is great. So informative and really nuanced! I completely agree that people should use the terms/labels that are comfortable for them and we should follow their lead. My wife and I use queer to describe ourselves as "not straight" bc we're not interested in being more specific than that. I use "queer community" among other LGBTQIA+ friends who I know don't mind the term. With strangers I use "LGBTQIA+ community".
HANG on! When I came out last year, I started my social media post with “I’m here! I’m queer! And YES I’m sincere!” I had no idea I was quoting older activists! I guess a good rhyme is truly timeless haha 😄this makes me happyyyy
I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.
I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.
@@Codeexcited yeah I think you’re right!
I have found “queer” very helpful to describe myself because it quickly communicates “not straight/heteronormative” in a way that doesn’t necessarily invite specific questions-especially those I don’t have clear answers for yet, myself. Even as I lean more into identifying more specifically as a lesbian somewhere on the ace spectrum, I still find “queer” fun and useful, especially to identify with a broader community of LGBTQ+ folk and refer to friends who also like the term.
I have been deeply unaware of my sexuality for most of my life, so really didn’t get a lot of bullying about it growing up (of course as a millennial I certainly remember “that’s so gay” being thrown around). So “queer” is not traumatic for me personally, for which I’m VERY grateful, and certainly do not take for granted. I am also so grateful for people who take the time to educate and who share their lives so publicly, like you do, Jessica. Thank you for being here!
The closest I get to the LGBTQ++ community is to consider myself an ally, so this video was very clarifying for me! I'm an older milennial and English is not my first language, so when I saw the term for the first time it was only in a positive way by people labeling themselves as queer - I had *no* idea it had so much nuance and could be so contentious! This is the type of thing they don't cover in English classes...
However, now *I* am an English teacher and I try to make sure to include as much of the culture around the language in my lessons, so I'm very grateful for this video!
Just out of curiosity: as a teacher of English as a second language, do you teach the singular pronoun "they" in grammar classes?
@@edisonlima4647 yes, I do! I use it myself pretty frequently and I teach it as well! It's pretty difficult for my students to learn though, not because of any ideology or anything like that, but because their first language is gendered (Portuguese).
@@AmandaNieviso you’re confusing them…what a winner you are
@@cherrywilson6267 oh don't worry, English is already pretty confusing for them, it's not my doing at all! It's a feature of the English language that things (nouns) don't have a gender, and in Portuguese they do. So even if I chose not to teach that specific part, they'd be confused already... They use "she" to refer to things as a spider or a table because in Portuguese these are female words. Yeah, I'd say I'm a winner for guiding them through learning a new language with a completely different way of classifying words indeed!
@@AmandaNievi PERIODDDD
You're always so loving, Jessica. This is what drew me to your channel in the first place. You always seem to know when to use humor, too. These are gifts, and you use them to make the world a better place. Thank you.
She is so good at talking about hard issues without alienating people.
I find it fascinating that you referred to younger people using queer, and older people finding it too traumatic, because I've always heard it the other way around. I've seen many discussions on Tumblr which started with a younger person (millenial or gen z) saying that queer is a slur, and we all need to update our language and stop using it. Then an older person (boomer or gen x) will explain that they use that word to describe themselves, because they're old enough to have fought to reclaim it in the 80s and 90s, and that it upsets them to be told the labels they identify with aren't good enough anymore. That usually leads into a discussion about younger people not knowing their LGBTQ+ history, due to the disconnect between the generations, as you mentioned in the video. I suppose the fact that you've heard it in reverse is yet more evidence that our community isn't a monolith!
Being on the older side, I was neutral about the word when I was young but now it has picked up various implications that I absolutely oppose. Even the idea of "community" is problematic.
The part about "old labels not being good enough" works both ways. Young Qs are drawing all sorts of negative inferences about older Ls and Gs.
@@seto749 I've always liked the idea of us being a community, having something in common that brings us together. Celebrating the good times, and relying on each other through the bad times, though I know it doesn't always work out that way. Honestly curious, what in your experience has made it problematic?
@@catrinahorsman1637 As the group included expanded to gargantuan proportions, our interests became far more often directly conflicting and it became clear than only being able to share one space would force it to be so bland that nobody would find it affirming. Simply destroying the mechanism that privileges people who aren't any of us doesn't work; the mechanism will just work in a different direction. A large conglomerate of smaller communities might operate sufficiently closely to what you want to see.
@seto749 yeah but that happens automatically if enough people feel that way, yk. I dont know what huge differences in needs there might be Accept... people who hate trans women don't what to have them around. But yk, spaces for asexuals don't just erase spaces for allo gays or something like that. The thing is, that what the lgbtq Community is all fighting against is norms about Sexuality and gender/Sex we ALL don't fit in. And incidentally gender, Sex and Sexuality can't be seperated completely from one another. Yes, you could imagine a world where there is no homophobia but transphobia, but homophobia actually just exists because society had an Idea that humans must be devided into two genders which shall not sleep with one another. It was ingrained in what a woman or what a man is. I think it's erasing history by not seeing that the struggles have historically exact the same roots. And nowadays cis homosexual people just have a little more privilege over trans people that it's often a thing of privilege not wanting to acknowledge that we were once all treated the same. And that's upsetting. Trans, inter and a-spec people were always there, you can't say that now where they are noticed, they suddenly have different goals.
@@seto749that is to say: the group is not expanded because it has a broader range of things under the term but because more people can openly show themselves and there are new words to finer describe more nuanced experiences... so don't jump on the lgbtq phobic train in deviding us even if you might not be the one and only seemingly dominant experience narrative any more. It's easy to confuse that with being oppressed... but it's not the same.
The only people I've interacted with who are LGBTQ+ and have a problem with the word "queer" are Gen Z. As an elder millennial, kids on the playground didn't even know the word "queer." Appreciated that you mentioned that for us, "that's so gay" is what we grew up with. My read is that young people who reject the word want to make clear that they don't want to be part of the existing community for whatever reason.
That's mostly the fault of those folks mentioned at the end of the video; the "drop the t" trash and such. They're great at making the most ridiculous stuff to sound reasonable, and since younger folks haven't yet found the community they're easier to manipulate.
@@ThomasSturm100 percent. Don't be loudly out/be conservative looking / Don't complain or ask for more messages to the young lgbt+ members before they can get a good community around them is damaging.
OMG, JESSICA... YOU'RE GAY? I have watched for years (love all the queer history, chronic illness, and adorable family content) and never knew you and your wife were gay. I am totally betrayed!!! Why have you never said anything to your audience?
/s of course. People are so weird. Love y'all and hope all is well this week.
I’ve always had lots of queer/LGBTQIA+ friends and in the past year discovered that I’m also queer. The word queer allowed me to not have an answer to what my sexuality is and still find a sense of community🥰 I’m still in that journey of figuring myself out, and it is confusing enough to come out to people once, let alone having to correct myself and be like “oh actually I was wrong I’m not bi I’m $&@%…”😂 However I definetly feel so much more educated in this word after watching this video and thank u Jessica for always be our LGBTQIA+ story telling parent🥰
It can help to instead of framing it/thinking of it as you having been "wrong" before, to instead frame it as being more accurate and up-to-date now.
If I used to say my favourite colour was blue and now say it's teal, that doesn't mean that I was wrong before, I'm just using a different label now. And It might mean I don't like navy any more, or it might mean I like shades that other people might call green, or it might mean that I like all sorts of shade of blue but as different shades become more common(in fashion and design etc) I realised that I particularly like this kind of blue.
🤷♀️It might help, but also it's totally fine to like all sorts of colours and/or not have a favorite too😊
I see queer as being kind of like the N word in that queer folk can use it, but I'ma be either uncomfy or mad if a cishet straight person uses the word. Obviously not comparing it exactly because to me the N word is a bigger slur.
My favorite term of endearment for my fellow LGBTQIA+ folks is Queerios because I think it's cute. Most queer folks that I say it around like it too.
But also like, if someone tells me they don't want to be called queer even by fellow gays, I'ma respect that, no question. It all comes down to personal preference.
I love the word 'queer'! I'm cisgender (female), but my sexuality is extremely fluid and I'm still figuring it out. So when I'm coming out to my friends, I never know what term to use. I usually say I'm gay or queer because it's a lot easier to identify myself using those broad terms. I'm also disabled and neurodivergent. The disabled community, as Jessica has talked about before, have reclaimed multiple derogatory terms, including gimp and cripple. I personally don't use gimp or cripple (unless I'm trying to be funny about how disabled I am, like 'omg, I'm such a cripple!), but I know many people who identify as one of these terms. It's the same idea in the LGBTQ+ community as it is in the disabled community. Some people prefer to use the once-derogatory terms to describe themselves or a group of friends. Some people don't use these terms themselves, but they aren't offended by it because they know that some people use it. And for some people, these terms are offensive because of how they used to be used. And if you're not a part of the community and you're not sure if it's appropriate, just pay attention to the words the person uses. Or better yet, ask them what word they would like you to use to describe them. Disability, special needs, crip, etc.
I'm also Queer and Disabled and use Cripple sometimes for myself. Usually with humor and around people who are comfortable with it. Also I've stolen "you're harassing a Cripple!" from the "gay pirate show" recently around my family lol
Thanks for this! It was very interesting and informative! And something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately! I have 2 LGBT+ kids, 16 and 13 yrs old… one is a transgender male (and not really expressive of any kind of sexuality) and the other is more genderfluid/nonbinary (and very openly bisexual). Also, my younger sister, who lives with our family, is asexual/aromantic.
So, I used the word “queer” a couple weeks ago as an umbrella term for these dear ones which is how I thought of it, and how I’d been hearing it used for quite a while) and the 16 yr old seemed surprised and asked me if that was an okay word for me to use (since I’m a straight, cis woman).
As a teen in North Wales in the 1980's. I often had kids I did not even know run up to me, calling me ''Queer!'' before I had even understood my own identity. One lad even walked right up to me in the street to ask, ''Are you bent ?'' (which was another slur used for homosexuals). I imagine he might still be stood there, scratching his head in confusion, after I replied, ''No, I'm perpendicular !''. :) I am glad we reclaimed the word Queer as an umbrella term that can mean whatever the individual wants it to mean. When it comes to using negative connotations for words, I was quite annoyed when, for many years it was quite common for youngsters to use 'gay' for anything that was not good. For example, ''That coat is so gay.''or ''His trainers are so gay.'' (I wrote this comment half way through watching the video and when the moment I continued to watch, you spoke about this very topic !) :) xx
I honestly love the word 'bent' as a very literal way of saying 'not straight'. I used it for myself for a long time because I didn't have a better term. I knew I wasn't gay or lesbian, nor exactly bisexual, and didn't learn the words (or concepts) asexual or biromantic, (or nonbinary,) until I was in my 40s; but I knew I wasn't straight. I still think it's the best overall description of what I am, although I usually use queer when speaking to other people.
I don't think there's a term for LGBTQ+ (including LGBTQ+) that hasn't been used as a slur in some way, so I figure why not just pick the one you like for you.
As a queer person with severe scoliosis I find the word bent quite funny to use for myself now. Sadly I live in a not English country xD
@@Alalea17 I like that you have retaken a negative word on two different levels to find your own descriptive. I guess that we all have our own personal journeys with words and phrases. For example, back in high school in Britain in the mid 1980's, Duncan Norvelle was on TV with his exaggerated flamboyant persona. One of his most famous catchphrases became the bane of my life, as I had kids of all ages running up to me during break times, frequently shouting, ''Chase me, chase me !''. I hadn't even realised or figured out who I was, myself at the time. Years later, I went to a theatre production he was in, and I could only feel contempt for what I felt his portrayal had instigated others to put me through. (Those were just my feelings at the time.)
It feels like a slap in the face every time I hear it. I’d rather be called racial slurs, honestly, because at least the people doing it aren’t insisting they’re on my side.
Then tell the poeple around you to not use it? For a lot of us (including myself) using the word queer is just a way to describe ourselves
As a bisexual woman with a complicated relationship with my sexuality, I find the term queer to be an incredibly helpful way of referring to who I am. Many of my friends and family members are LGBTQ+ as well, and using the umbrella turm queer is a frequent occurrence. I am also an autistic person who has many strange or untraditional interests and characteristics, so the word works doubly for me.
Up until my late 20s, queer was just another word for weird and gay meant happy or was someones name. I didn't hear these used in reference to sexuality until I was an adult. My Mum always used homosexuality or lesbianism to describe non-heterosexuality so those were the words I learned. She didn't even start using the word gay this way until I was in my 30s. My Mum didn't like using slang too much, so that might be why. Thank you for this video...made me think about how I was raised and how lucky I was to have a Mum that understood that the world is not just straight.
I self-identify as queer, because I’m an agender demisexual panromantic person and that is a mouthful.
I HATE the word "queer." My gay friends are not "strange," or "peculiar." And as far as the "taking back" or "reclaiming" of slurs...words have power, and no matter how much repurposing goes on, the original power of the word, no matter how dilute, remains. I will never use any applicable slur to refer to myself or others. Best to let the words die, and use positive language. Your mileage may vary.
Are you calling someone "a Queer"? Yeah thats a problem.
Are you calling yourself Queer? No, that's not a problem, altho people on the internet will tell you it is because THEY don't like being called Queer.
I personally use it because the conversations I've had with people have always, without fail, brought up how exhausting the acronym can be at times, and as a queer person, I have to agree. So I use the term 'queer' in place of the acronym for two reasons:
1. People will know what group I'm talking about anyways, and if not it's easy to clarify, and
2. Saying "LGBTQ+" so often slows my speech down to a near halt, and that upsets me since I like to keep a consistent pace. That slowing down is also why the acronym is often brought up as a problem in my conversations, mostly from the other party noticing the pace going from 100 to 30 almost instantly and taking the opportunity to bring it up.
Me and my late mom always wished we had a simpler way of referring to the community because we would talk about my identity and the laws surrounding it often, with her not quite understanding and me trying to explain it to her, but there seemed to be a sort of wall that didn't allow all knowledge to reach her. I personally think it was the generational gap, "it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks" and all that.
I like that we have an umbrella term (because LGBTQIA+ is a mouthful), but I do wish it was a different word. I'm Gen X, so I came up in a time when "queer," seemed acceptable, even polite (and unfortunately when "gay," was an insult). Still, I'd prefer something more respectful to our elders who suffered under that term.
I agree with you and I’d like to say that as a younger person I don’t like it either. I personally still attach it to mistreatment and bigotry. While everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and feelings I do wish there was another word.
I use queer to describe myself because I'm a cis hetero woman, living happily married to a trans woman. And I look like/pass for a lesbian (which is fine) but I'm not one. And explaining this to people is generally, none of their business and often confusing or potentially insulting. I love my wife. She is a woman. However, I'm not attracted to other women and have validated that out in my college years. I will fight anyone who says that because I'm 'het' and married to a trans woman she's not really a woman or that I must therefore be bi. Hence, queer. In a lesbian marriage.
Do I use the word queer. No. Its not really a part of my vocab.
Does the word queer upset me? Also no.
I enjoyed the dynamic with Jessica asking questions and informing one another
Both hairstyles are beautiful
I found it amusing that straight hair Jessica was “straight” 😄
I'm an older "milanial" and I still don't feel comfortable even saying it !
What a great video! I am Queer! I use the word Queer to describe my gender and sexuality because it feels right! I reclaimed queer for myself and cishetero-society can pry it from my cold, ded fingers.
this was a lovely video!! i love the word "queer" to describe myself but i've always been aware of others who don't -- thank you for specifying the difference between people who find the word a reminder of past trauma, and people who try to ban it for exclusionary reasons. (also, very entertained by the fact that the cishet ally that was asking all the questions had Straight(tm) hair, lol)
this is a genuinely fantastic resource for actual information on the history of the word. i’ve personally always used queer to describe myself (probably from around the age of 14 or so) and while i had a base understanding of the history, this was super informative, and helped fill out the gaps in my knowledge
as an aside, ncuti gatwa’s name is pronounced “shooty.” when he was first announced as the next doctor, i had a really hard time figuring out how his name was actually pronounced
Great video! I don't use queer myself, not fond of it. I guess I like it alright in an activism sense but not really beyond that (and for people who are into reclaiming it, very cool). I read a lot of classic fiction, so I mostly associate queer with "weird or abnormal", and I don't find it beneficial for me to call myself "abnormal" solely based on my being a lesbian. I used to use it, back when I was a teenager, but that was mostly because I didn't accept myself as a lesbian, and I didn't want to call myself such. Now, I don't use it at all though, if I can help it. I'm not keen on it as an umbrella term, particularly when it's used by folks who aren't LGBT+. I'm in university right now, and sometimes it feels like everyone uses queer rather than LGBT+, regardless of whether they're LGBT+ themselves. And it often seems like it's to avoid particular words, the same way I avoided the word lesbian when I was younger. For example, we recently read a lesbian Beauty and the Beast retelling in one of my classes, and everyone but me, professor included, was calling it queer rather than lesbian or sapphic.
I am an AFAB genderfluid/ genderqueer nonbinary person who happens to be lucky enough to like femme gender presentation often enough to have a good amount of passing privilege. My partners are cis-het men: I have the same option that, for instance, bisexual cis folks in heterosexual relationships have, to just keep my head down and not be targeted. Identifying, and loudly, as “queer” is important to me BECAUSE I have so much privilege. It feels like cheating, to let people who will not or cannot “hide” take the brunt of the various -phobias while I skate by. Shock, mom and dad- I AM one of “those damn queers.”
I’m not as brave as I want to be, so I don’t always live up to this. It’s still Important to me. Self identifying as queer feels like a tether reaching back to the LGBTQIA+ generation before, saying “This is who I stand with; these people you despised and treated with derision. These are my people.”
How's this for a take, I find the acronym offensive. Reason being is it is warped, slashed and changed around to fit the user's needs, and depending on what you choose to include, exclude, and put in which order can be used as a means to weaponize the label against certain members of the group.
It's especially exclusive to the Asexual community, who not only get the end of the acronym whenever it is even included, but many people say it stands for "ally", or that we are meant to share the "A" with anyone who happens to start with it.
Queer is what it is. You can't abridge or limit it, you can't mock it by overextending it, and it leaves nobody out. And the people who attack it the most are the same people who often take office to anyone other than cis gay and lesbian people being represented.
I’ve used the term queer to describe myself for a while but now it seems to increasingly become a term that pisses of transphobes because of its gender neutrality as you mentioned, so I make a point to use it more. Anything to piss of the transphobes lol 😂
The intresting thing about being a swedish gen Z queer is that I have never had to experience the word in a bad way. If anything it has less negative congentations than both gay and homosexual because I've actually heard people use them.
But then again we have our own controversial words
Thanks for this breakdown. I do say queer about myself/friends/family, but I did find myself hesitating to use it in conversation with members of my LGBTQ+ group at work. I suppose subconsciously the word queer still carries a bitter taste.
I am a gay man who doesn't like the word queer, doesn't relate to it, and doesn't relate to people who use that word to describe themselves.
I like to use the word queer because it's a lot easier to explain than genderfluid and my sexuality is pretty hard for me to define.
I've tried on the other "more acceptable" labels like bi or pan and even "questioning" over the years and none felt as good a fit as queer. My sexuality ebbs and flows, sometimes I'm open to anyone and sometimes it's just one gender and I've had periods when I've had no interest in anything, even a relationship. So I just felt like I was lying half the time or was still figuring it out and considered immature for that. Queer is the only label that feels right 🤷🏻♀️
For context I'm an elder millennial/Gen Xer who came of age in the Washington, DC ( USA capital) metro area. My dad's gay and my mother is pan and my eldest daughter is trans. 😊