As an asexual, I tend to use “queer”, because I don’t want to deal with having to educate random strangers on what asexuality is. It’s obscure enough that many people don’t know, or don’t believe.
As a straight-cis-white man I have also found that there is no single correct way to refer to people. There is, however a sure-fire way to find out. ASK THEM!
@@beepbopboop3221 which was really my point in the first place. It's pretty much always going to be best to just ask someone what you should call them rather than trying to come up with some catch-all term based on your assumptions.
As a rainbow community term, that's so lovely and beautiful 💜🌈✨ (Side note: I moderately like lavender as a color but absolutely loath it as smell/favor- it just reeks me 😵💫 don't hate me!
My mother uses the Word "Regenbogen Gemeinde" vor LGBTQIA+. It means "Rainbow Community". She uses this term because she can´t remember the Term LGTBQIA+. She is not part of the Community but I am. I like the term "Rainbow Community", because in it, it has the color that LGBTQIA+ brings in the society. My mother refers with that Term to the Rainbow Flag. And all the other flags are colorful too, expacialy if seen all together. I´am from Germany by the way.
I really like Rainbow Community. I struggle so much to say or even write L...G...B...T...Q...A...I...+. I have to stop and sound out each letter bc it does not at all roll off the tongue and an 8 syllable word is hell when you have speech or cognitive issues. That's why I usually default to "queer" bc I can both say it and spell it with ease. But Rainbow Community doesn't have a negative history, so that's my new one. 👍
I'm a lesbian, and I also use the term "rainbow community" or "rainbow family". I sometimes also trip over all these letters. "Rainbow community" sounds so much more alive and fun!
@@twofacedmikuor all those people who will make a huge fuss saying crap like: “why isn’t the term ‘non-binary’ good enough for you?” “Just use they/them why do you have to be special or different?” “all these neopronouns are actually very ableist” or even “ugh, what next people are going to start humoring those who are ‘plural’ or ‘other kin’. It’s making us look bad”. I really hate those people. Lots of people, significantly higher then Gen-Pop, that are those things are themselves disabled, or autistic. (Should be stated that one of the current explanations for why this disparity of disabled and autistic people being in these spaces is because those kinds of people are more willing to be honest with themselves, or less able to be dishonest with themselves.) I stand proud with other kin and those with dissociative identities.
@@twofacedmiku I could not agree more. As a biromantic asexual woman I've been called everything from monster to prude. I'm told that I'm not queer enough for the queer community and not straight enough to be part of the heteronormative community. I've been offered all kinds of treatments from pills to hypnosis to try to fix me. I've even sadly thought about ending it all in the past because nobody in my family, friends or even people I came to for help thought that asexuality was real. I will ALWAYS stand up for all members of the LGBTQIA+ community because I know how damning and hurtful it is to not have your identity acknowledgesd. A community divided cannot stand on its own.
@quack9000the same companies that are trying to destroy pride for most companies it's just a performance. That said I agree as a kinkster myself BDSM history and LGBTQ+ are entangled. The saddest part is people are having their leather gear ruined at pride by people trying to make it 'children safe' when it's an adult event. It's the whole weaponization of kids to just destroy our spaces.
I'm a Norwegian bisexual lady (now maybe adopting the term "ambisextrous" after watching this video), and "queer" or an umbrella term for LGBT+ people in general is "skeiv" (there are LGBT+ organizations with "skeiv" in their name"). It directly translates to "crooked", which I think is cute because in English, "straight" means hetero, so you get straight and crooked.
@@Draggonny This is because in a totally different context, 'straight' means 'honest' as in 'straight-arrowed', 'straight shooter', like...someone who doesn't talk around things, or change direction, or have an 'angle', etc. So 'crooked' as the opposite of 'straight' in THAT context came to mean dishonest. But we recognise that the same word can mean different things in different contexts all the time. It's just when those words acquired those meanings in living memory that things are funny. We all think of the language we're used to as eternal and immutable. But it's not. It's constantly in flux. NB I'm not saying you can't feel however you do about the word 'crooked' and I absolutely agree that 'wonky' is superior anyway. But even 'wonky' has negative connotations, because it refers to something that is off-kilter, crooked, asymmetrical, not quite right, etc. I think we probably need to embrace the concept and the word simultaneously? Maybe? I don't know.
I wonder if that's at all related to the English word "skeevy" which describes an off-putting or unsettling vibe, usually in the context of a person. In English, you can also describe a dishonest person as "crooked". In other words, you could call the same types of people as both "crooked" and "skeevy". Similar root words, maybe? Interestingly enough, the word "queer" can sometimes be used in a similar way to the word "skeevy" to mean that something felt off in a way that creeped you out.
I'm just learning that I'm asexual. I'm 42 and until your videos I always thought there was something wrong with me. Thanks Jessica for helping me and others understand that we are just a different type of normal
Also realized I’m on the ace spectrum when I was 40 (demisexual). Also always thought there was something wrong with me. This kind of content has been so helpful
Hi! Some videos that helped me learn a lot about sex, desire, intimacy, etc. was Hannah Witton's one's about spontaneous vs reciprocative arousal and how attraction, desire, and arousal interact to create all types of asexual and allosexual people. It made me realize that the way I feel (or don't feel) desire/arousal/attraction was completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I'd highly recommend them!
Ayyy, cheers! I realized I'm asexual a couple years ago at 34. I felt broken until then and worried that I was "incapable of true love", and it was such a relief to find that there are others like me and that we are not broken at all. I'm still doing some pondering and "coming to terms" with some aspects within that ace-spec identity, but I am so much more comfortable with myself. I wish the same for you!
@@idobelieveinfaeries Yeah, when I came out in the 90’s, most of our friends were older, gay guys. They are the ones that introduced me to using “family” that way. There was more fear about being identified in public, but you wanted to be able to tell each other who was safe without being obvious about it. And if anyone overhead you, they just figured you were related to that person. 😀
In my country, people sometimes say "team". It's not super inclusive: usually, it's used as "he plays for his own team" (gay) or "he scores a goal in his own gates" (the same). Sometimes, people say "plays for both teams" (bi).
The part about so many events being centered around alcohol is a big part of why my "If I ever become rich" dream is opening a queer space that's alcohol free! A place with books, coffee, tea, food, & comfy spaces to sit & perch. 😊
It is deeply heartwarming to find out the reason why L comes first, because I have always been confused since the L was a later invention. I never knew about the 'blood sisters' groups and damn it really brings a tear to my eyes. I cannot believe I never knew this, and it honestly hurts that this has never been covered in the books on LGBT+ I have read.
It's my favourite piece of queer history because it encompasses so many of the larger themes of the historical (Western) queer experience. Bigotry and suffering but also solidarity, compassion, and individual people fighting lonely battles to help others. And yeah, I get teary every time I think of it.
I still struggle with the term queer. I grew up with my grandmother using it. It was never used as a slur towards gay people. It was used as "Isn't that strange" or "Isn't that odd". She would say things like "It was raining like cats and dogs one minute. They next there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Isn't that queer." I see how that easily was turned into a slur against gay people, it still feels seriously odd to me. My brain never makes that connection when I hear it. That's absolutely a me thing though.
The word queer only ever reminds me of Jack Skellington saying "How queer!" in one of the Nightmare before Christmas songs. They use it in a similar way but then positive, if you know what I mean
@quack9000 Yup a bundle of sticks generally used for fire wood, still does in the UK or a brand of Meat balls made by a company called Brains amongst others.
@quack9000 Correct. In some places it is also used as another way of saying cigarette. My comment in no way dismisses the fact queer is used as a slur against our community. It just is meant to explain why my brain does not connect that word with the community. Because it connects it to being strange or odd.
My sister spent the vast majority of her life hiding who she really was as a lesbian because of fear. I hated that she felt like this for so long. I will support anyone on their journey and if using a different word or pronoun helps you to fully feel who you really are...baby I'm there for you. To the haters...go pound sand. You're not needed.
I am a trans woman. I am also asexual and homoromantic. But because homoromantic asexual is a bit of a mouthful. When asked to describe that part of my identity I use the useful portmanteau of Gayce. Combining the words Gay and Ace. I think this combining of words is useful for those of us with slightly more obscure sexual and romantic orientations. Although I do feel for the panromantic asexuals. Their portmanteau is simply Pance.
Gayce is great! I currently consider myself biromantic ace, but since my romantic interests vary and I'm not completely sure what I'm into, I often just drop it and say ace. Chances are if they want to know I find they'll ask about it eventually anyway
I like the concept of QUILTBAG but it makes me think of insults like d**chebag, dirtbag, and gasbag. I do like the idea of an acronym we can make into a word!
Asexuality as a group was mentioned back during the Kinsey studies. That gave us the 1-6 Kinsey Scale thingy. Kinsey had another category called “X” for us. They didn’t use the term, but he acknowledged our existence in the 60s.
As a pansexual, I have never really felt included in the community even though I have been embraced by some parts of it. Pansexuality is often side eyed in ways that confuse me at this point in society but I guess unless the letter is up front and center in the community, it does not exist. As a pansexual, I assure everyone, we do exist, and I take pride in knowing members of the community that actually recognize and acknowledge that as well.
That's part of why I came up with PHAB: Pansexual, Homosexual, Asexual, Bisexual. And it sounds fabulous. As I was posting a comment on here a couple of minutes ago I realized that you could include Intersex and trans with IT for ITPHAB or PHABIT. "Phab It" could also mean to make something queer AKA fabulous.
I feel you to an extent. I'm pan too, I think the side-eyes come from a lot of people (both inside and outside the community) who tend to think people just use Pan to try and be more "special" than bi people, are biphobic, or are transphobic. That is not the case, obviously, and when I try to explain it to people I've found something that's effective and mostly accurate to my experience, especially when talking to someone outside the community who's likely only familiar with gay and bi: I tell people to think of it as almost a subcategory of being bi. All pan people are technically bi, but not all bi people are pan. I also usually add on that Pan has more to do with attraction to personality rather than attraction to one's gender. Could I use the term Bi for myself? sure, but it wouldn't be entirely accurate. Besides, Pan jokes are fun :)
I feel this!!! A fellow pan that is very tired of explains that no, I’m not bi, yes they are different. no you don’t have to understand it but don’t question my identity PLEASE
Eyllo another pan! Its nice to see more! Yeah the whole pan is just a different way to say Bi or a sub category is odd. Because for the longest time I thought I was Bi but like I liked everything?! But when I was told the Bi means not just liking male or female I kinda went. Ok. And stayed Bi.. then I found Pan and I just went.. omg me! Idk why but it felt right. I say that Bi is liking humans where as a pan person id date pretty much anything as long as the chemistry is right. But I've never found a good descriptor of pan. Pan is just yes if right. To me.
@@silver6364 I believe the largely accepted definition of pan is “attraction regardless of gender”, while bi is “attraction to multiple genders”. I am also pan, but I get why some people get confused about the differences!
In my country, NZ, we often refer to the LGBTQIA+ community as the rainbow community. I quite like this as a work around but it doesn’t work so well for individual identity - I don’t think anyone is referring to themselves as “rainbow” lol. We also have a word in te reo Māori (our indigenous language), takatāpui, which is sometimes used to refer to the community as a whole and other times reserved for members of the indigenous group who identify in that way. I think it’ll be interesting to see how the ‘languaging’ of this changes over the next few years!
Here's a little bit of history for you. When I started University in 1994 at the University of Florida, the university's organization for LGBTQ+ students had just changed its name within the past year from GLSU, which meant Gay and Lesbian Student Union, to LGBSU, Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Student Union, in part to be more bi inclusive, and also to put the L first because of the traditional marginalization of women. I lobbied to get it changed to also include a T for trans people, since our membership and our services were already trans inclusive and we had trans representation on our leadership committee, but there was pushback at that time. I believe they are now called the Pride Student Union, which goes along with the trend among younger queer people today of eschewing traditional labels in favor of more inclusive terms. I love this exploration of Lavender Linguistics and look forward to exploring it further in my own research and writing! Edit: Also, when I started graduate school at Florida State University in 1998, their student group WAS called the LGBTSU, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Student Union. So in my part of the world, I'd date the addition of the T to the late 1990s and early 2000s.
We need to bring back "Lambda" (the Greek letter λ), that's what my college queer student org was called, and it was founded in 1972. There are still some orgs and book awards that use it.
@@erraticonteuse Just a fun fact, but a college org called Lamda Lamda Lamda in the Revenge of the Nerds movie franchise was where minority and "othered" students were welcomed and joined.
That seems about consistent with the Northeast as well. I think the current trend of broad labels of relatively unspecified meaning could work if there were a second tier for more specific needs; if the large umbrella organization has to do everything there will be too many conflicts of interest.
I love how chill your videos are. I find often online, and especially in some trans places, there's often a lot of focus on the homo and transphobia in society, where as your videos always feel like a secret club for just us queers to discuss topics within the community and have some fun while at it. I also love your continued support and revognition of a-spec identified! Thank you!
My Offspring is part of the LGBTQ+ community. When I'm tired, this dyslexic person can have problems with strings of letter. That's when I use the terms 'Rainbow Mafia', or 'Alphabeti Spaghetti'. Both are used with love, and just because I can't get the individual letters out in any recognisable order. If I'm around people who I don't know I will take the extra effort get it right.
As far as I am aware, the use of those terms with mafia is more satirical reclamation/powering down of those terms. I have yet to personally seen it used negative way.
Would love to see you make a video about intersectionality. I'm brazilian, and like most of us, I have a multi racial background (Angolan, indigenous, Portuguese and many more). Along with being a agender afab lesbian, my cultural background is also important and I believe that if you support the community, you should support every background even if you aren't familiar with it. Religion, ethnicity, culture and other things that make up peoples identities should also be considered, as oppression can be, and is intersectional.
There are many resources on the topic, but I would recommend if available in english Intersectionality by Carla Akotirene and the collection Feminismos plurais lead by Djamila Ribeiro, a brazilian black feminist philosopher.
As an Ace I feel more offend than not feel as if im "not queer enough" and "not actually queer" as if Im being locked out of queer community and feel other queer people would reject a valid place for to join them It's a huge anxiety for me I guess that's why I call myself a space Ace as someone who has no place in any community and just floats in outer space
I will break knees on your behalf if someone tells you you don't fit in the community, signed a trans pan guy who was given his space to figure out I was trans because the ace community encouraged me to find out who i am on my own time
I'm very late to this video and comment (oops) but I wanted to give a nod in solidarity from one Ace to another. I know she's trying to be inclusive, but unfortunately it's been made loud and clear by the community that "A is for A11y". :/
@@KristiChan1 By who? Has the LGBT+ official stated this? Because that really sucks! Damn I'm disappointed you'd think that community knowing what it's like be invalided and othered from cishet norm society would want us involved! Now I'm really to stop supporting the whole community if they are going to do us dirty!
@@diamondgirl698 Just from personal experiences and external observations over the years. There's a handful like Jessica who are supportive, but people like her are few and far between. I've no experience with any IRL groups (practically a desert for any kind of queer group where I live), but online, unless it was specifically for people who're ace (strictly ace or ace in addition to being any other combo of letters), there's a lot of pushback. Even aces who identified with say, lesbian or bi would mention their frustration that the people from their other group would dismiss their ace aspect, even if they claimed to support them entirely; you can forget it if you're a straight ace, they think you're definitely fake. I know some Aces are fighting for our rights to be in the LGBT+ space, which is admirable and I hope someday they'll be successful, but until then we need our own communities to fight against the discrimination towards us. Sorry, didn't mean to be a downer, just been around the block is all.
I'm pan/demi/gender fluid. I used to call myself polysexual because I figured I had man to woman feelings, women to men, women to women, and men to men. Polysexual. I LOVE ambisextrous.
i like the term queer for myself- it’s an easy way to get the point across to others that i’m not cishet, whilst not having to explain my whole identity at once. it’s also a great term for me because i’m still figuring things out, and it’s complicated! lol. but i don’t use it as a catch-all term because of the word’s history. i normally just say lgbt+ because it’s easily understood by others and it’s easy to say. i’m fine with the + being used to denote my own identity, which doesn’t fit neatly into the l, the g, the b, or the t.
I like the word queer specifically because it's harder to be turned into a gatekeeping term, either 'not in the acronym' style or 'we should remove this from the acronym' style. It's explicitly inclusive. Plus it's easier to say 'I'm queer' than 'I'm a demiromantic bisexual enbi' (As for the 'a is for ally' bs - The version of it I most often hear (mostly from aphobes) is 'a is for ally which is code for closeted' - to which my response has always been - then why are you outing them by putting them into the acronym? Additionally, it is _deeply_ unhelpful to set the assumption that the only reason someone would support us is if they're secretly one of us)
Friends of Dorothy is something I think we should bring back. Personally though, I use LGBTQIA+, because I know intersex and a-spec people and must acknowledge them because they’re cool
@@IndustrialParrot2816 friends of dorothy is far older, originating back in the polari days even. referred to the sequel to the wizard of oz, where dorothy's friends are called 'a queer bunch, but true friends'. there's an argument that the death of the actor for dorothy triggered stone wall, as many of the black trans women who started the revolt have talked about how they were drunk from the funeral aftermath the knight before. while order of blahaj is funny, it lacks the queer history of friends of dorothy. (also polari was a language spoken from the 1890s to 1970s by british queers that took from romani, italian and british english slang. used to prevent arrest. originated in performance culture, it's a sort of solidarity between marginalised groups like the romani people and the shared experiences of queer people of all kinds during this period. i may be ranting but the language is very cool and dying out. the word for 'change sex' (to transition is how you would probably translate it now) was remould, and in true 19 and 20th century queer language there had to be 5 words for police. sorry for infodumping)
I think that having the label be more inclusive than not is very on brand (for lack of a better term) for the community itself. I think that it does get rather absurd when you have a 6 or 7 letter acronym that can't be pronounced phonetically, but considering how a great part of the ethos of this is to be inclusive and defend each other's rights as a collective, it's worth the mouthful, at least in official settings. In my common day vernacular at least, I tend to use more "crass" terminology, both for myself and my friends hehe.
This is why I love Quiltbag. It's inclusive AND pronounceable, and evocative of a complex and beautiful...well, quilt (I was going to say tapestry, to avoid being repetitive, but a tapestry isn't a quilt, so...). And I like that it harkens back to the AIDS quilt as well. And it also has Mary Poppins imagery of her like...carpet bag thing that held so much more than it appeared to be able to hold (although, again, a carpet is not a quilt, but still).
@@FlailTVoh this is lovely 💕🤗 I'd not come across QUILTBAG before, think it's brilliant. I really need to find a way to insert that into a conversation and utterly baffle people! Can't wait to see the faces of certain people who make only half an effort to be accepting with absolutely no understanding at all...this is going to be fun! I'm going to have such a laugh with my kind and loving straight friends too.😂 I'm a QUILTBAG, yay!!
I personally love the word queer as a shorthand, because i love the idea of being weird as being reclaimed as a descriptor (esp since im also autistic). but ive also never had it weaponized against me, so i really respect people not wanting it as the generally accepted term. I just know i hate including specific identities in the term for the general community, because it always calls someone "other"(i recognize this seems contradictory given what i just said about queer lol but i reserve the right to make no sense). Like on forms when theyre trying to be inclusive by saying "male" "female" and "other". It just makes me feel bad. You dont have to understand the particular labels i use to give me the option to be just as worthy of being seen and named. I guess everybody's feelings about this are complicated. I started writing this comment thinking i had a pretty solid, set opinion and i just talked myself into a circle.
I agree. It’s so frustrating sometimes how often people are like “why can’t you just use they/them?” It’s like they don’t understand how unseen you feel when some genders get to have special specific terms and you just get defaulted to “other”. Not to mention that They/Them includes men and women, so… it’s not even as specific as “other”; in being neutral it became “devoid of gender” which mightn’t described oneself at all. Xenogender solidarity.
@@IsaacMyers1That makes sense. I tend to picture gender as male/female/both/neither because some non-binary trans identify as mixed gender and others identity as have neither male nor female aspects. Having pronouns and titles that would more accurately reflect non-binary and intersex people would be really cool. It would also help us to step away from the male/female/other way of thinking as a society. Mx works well for people who consider themselves to be mixed gender. Maybe Nx for people who are neither?
@@Draggonny We need like, the gender version of the mathematical "nan" "number" (Not A Number, which is functionally something that goes beyond just being infinite and simply leaves the range of being numerical at all. a "I transcend beyond provided labels and their limits", in other words)
To answer the question about how we say it in other languages, I'm French, and we largely also say LGBT(QIA)+, because the first letters of those words are the same than in english, and it's a widely (=internationally) accepted term. We also use queer, maybe more than in english speaking countries, considering it hasn't been used as a slur here like it has there. It might also be a generationnal thing (I'm 21)
Back in the day, when bisexuality was first acknowledged by the queer community as a group, it was described as “not straight, not gay”. So asexuals, aromantics, etc. were included with them. The term asexual came later, but there have been asexuals as part of the struggle since the beginning. In the 90s, we split off into our own group, but the two groups have maintained a mutual support approach towards each other. We bond heavily because bi-erasure and ace-erasure both happen.
Love that Brazil was mentioned, learning english I had a culture shock about how queer culture is so different in other countries, things that are considered "queer" change based on the local culture, Brazilian queer culture has so many things that are unique to us that don't even exist in other countries, from simple things like the lesbian coconut rings to whole gender identities that are tied to our history and society
@@Draggonnylove this, 😂though now I shall Google it with just slightly less excitement ...😊 Edit: oh wow...in googling it I found the wonderfully named dressingdykes website, how excellent. 😁
Ambisextrous is such an amazing word omg. Flexual is another one I've heard. Love your videos Jessica, and thank you for being inclusive whilst also open to learning more.
The other thing with "not everyone knows as children" is that sometimes we did know, we just didn't have the language for it. Growing up "girl" felt like a label that was slapped on me, and then I was judged for not fitting it. I literally called puberty torture and was **laughed at by adults!!** I didn't learn that trans people existed till I was 16 (yes, I grew up under a rock called the Roman Catholic church). Then as an adult I learned about non-binary people and 🤯 it just immediately felt right.
Oh my goodness, this is me. Except I'm probably on a longer time frame being sixty-five now and only having learned to understand my true non-binary nature from Jessica here in the last couple of years. It's been a long road of continuing awakenings, thank goodness my wife/civil partner has stayed by my side throughout the forty years of discovery.🙏
@@judebrown4103 aww, I'm so glad you have someone by your side. My partner is just awesome and my biggest supporter. We've both been going on a journey of discovery for the past several years. But we care about each other so we make it work, even when it's not easy. Ever since getting out from under my parents thumb I've been trying to figure out what was really me, and what was the mask I fabricated to survive. It's been hard but it's so worth it.
Relatable. I'm not trans, but gay. I grew up extremely sheltered (homeschooled, basically in a fundamentalist cult lol), and I had zero language for what I was experiencing. With no language, no models, and no "map" to chart the way, I literally didn't understand I was properly gay until after college. 💀 As soon as the pieces fit together... it's like every light in the house turned on.
@@AurorXZ that sounds a lot like my partner. She was homeschooled fundamentalist baptist and **yikes** her access to information was restricted. Her "history" education was reading the Bible.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I just have to say that on your early point about queer identities not being simply, adult, in nature is so important!!! It's such a historically based modern talking point and as a young person, I've had no idea how too tell people that we aren't radicallizing the kids; we just don't want to be seen as a radical idea anymore. To have families and love, and have that love be valued...just thank you. It's a gift to be able to say something new and to be able to encourage more kindness. Such a brilliant perspective. ❤
I don't disagree with your overall point. I will say though that "just wanting families and love" doesn't align with many queer folks goals or identities. I do _not_ want to fit in with cishet normative society. I am radical (in many senses of the word) and although I don't want to "fit in" I do want access to the same rights and basic freedom from discrimination. Respectability politics has a long and fairly ugly history in the queer community. Modern iterations include things like the UK's LGB Alliance and the US Gays Against Groomers. These are extreme examples but they are the end result if you follow the queer respectability path far enough. And for those queer folk who are seeking a more cishet normative lifestyle (marriage, white picket fence and 2.5 kids) that's great and they should have it! But framing that as _the_ battle for the LGBT+ community leaves out all of us who don't have those goals and honestly can paint a target on our backs. Said with all respect and the understanding that you were in no way intending to exclude anyone.
@CorwinFound I didn't exclude anyone though.. excepting aromantics, which, im sorry. But i still think that even they can have wants like respect from the community for their relationships, or even just lives and interests. I didn't say that we (the lgbt community) JUST want families and love . I said we just don't want to be seen as the radical idea anymore. I never said there was only one problem, I was just stating, I'm happy to have a good answer; because I never have before. I'm happy to consider it, because there ARE issues within the community regarding grooming and consent, and that's used too attack the community, saying that essentially... we're all just perverts;" keep the bedroom private, idc who you f***, or what you have between your legs, as long as i dont hear about it." Is just damaging In that context. If only we could live in that world. I'm happy some people are trying to get over their sexism (which is a whole nother conversation of scapegoating, BUT) they don't need to make queer culture dissappear to make their point. And it's often counter to the point. That there are issues that need help, and often unequating from queer folk, because pervs are literally in every group. No, being queer is so much more then sex!! Our lives and our loves. That's what I was discussing, and I don't think those are exclusive to a cishet idea of a white picket fence, you pushed that on my statement.. I'm not trying too attack you, just being clear. Sorry in advance. Thanks for reading if you did. 😊
Okay... Two things. On the minor side, you literally said "we just want families and love..." and "not be seen as radical." Those descriptions of the queer community do _not_ apply to everyone or maybe even the majority. But onward to a more concerning comment. The queer community does _not_ have a consent or grooming problem. Statistically people in the LGBT+ community are *far* less likely to engage in PDF file behaviour than cishet people. Not saying it doesn't happen - there are horrible people of every sort in any demographic - but to engage with the idea queer folk have a special and inherently different relationship with that issue is deeply problematic. I'd go so far to say that the comment is trans/homophobic. And yes, afterwards you stated there are these issues in all communities but you _started_ with "there ARE issues with grooming and consent in LGBT+ communities." You started with the biggest (and massively erroneous and bigoted) attack against the queer community. To bring the two aspects together, let's talk drag. Do you believe that drag culture (and gender non-conformity more broadly) is as valid of legal protection as marriage equality? Both are based on personal expression and freedom but one is unquestionably more "radical" (or is perceived as such.) Drag falls well outside of your description of "families and love" and has been a recent target right wing based accusations as "grooming" behaviour that is inappropriate for the eyes of children. (And yes, there is "adult" drag performance that I wouldn't be comfortable having a 10 year old watch, but that is happening in adult, age restricted environments and is no different than cishet standup. I probably wouldn't be comfortable with a 10 year old at most adult standup events I've been to.) You say you are young. All I'd say to that is be careful with your words and ingestion of right wing talking points. Bringing up the "grooming and consent" as a problem in the queer community is worrisome at minimum.
I don't know why, but the order of the letters in the acronym LGBTQ+ always interested me. It does seem to roll off the tongue better than GLBT, but I never really considered that a legitimate reason. I mean, if you're going to have a specific order for something, especially letters, I just figure it makes sense for it to be alphabetically ordered (BGLQT+). So the history of why L came first, though it might seem insignificant, was (to me at least) really interesting. Aside from that, as a trans, asexual lesbian, this video was really cool!
Not that I object to anything you said, I just feel compelled (for which fact I can probably thank my AutiHD) to point out that usually what we think rolls off the tongue better is just whatever we're used to hearing. Whether that's because the acronym or initialism itself is more familiar, or just a particular letter/sound/syllable order or combination carrying over from another context (like maybe we think company or band names with a shorter first word and a longer second word sound better because we have a NAME in which our first name is short and last name is long, so that rhythm is familiar and therefore more pleasing to our ear...to give one example).
Oh that dress... 🔥 and the pearls and the red velvet headband... 👌 It all looks so quintessentially Christmas. ❤ Also, thanks for all the work you did to make this video. I'm continually impressed by the depth of your research and your ability to speak so fast!
Queer history resource: the Making Gay History podcast!!! Particularly the first season. It’s oral history, much of it with real recordings of important lgbt people of the 20th century. It’s taught me so much and I can’t recommend it more!
Something important that I didn't hear you talk about, it even showed up in the final poll, is "LGB". Do NOT use "LGB" as this is a term used to intentionally exclude trans people, it's not just an easier shorthand for the full acronym!
I tend to default to queer by habit, though usually just as a generality or to describe myself and folks I know identify with it. It's not a word I want to force on anyone.
I’m a late twenties transguy/non binary and I joined a local trans zoom group during covid. Everyone else was a older transwoman. At least 40 and up to 70 It was a very different feeling than being online with people my age. They’d say how these made up names like Kai doesn’t help transmen be accepted (because one that tried the group for a session was called that) Calling each other trannies (I get it’s reclaiming) and talking a lot of trash about any transwomen in the group who didn’t want surgery or didn’t wear their dress/hairpiece all the time (like one lady who was very scared and stressed so she opted for “boy mode” most of the time to make nipping to the shops easier and just wore a hoodie and jeans. (Which is fine for women to wear anyways, so?) And in particular one who told me I need to hang out with more cis people cause trans people are getting kooky with all this non binary rubbish and people will never accept us. I need to spend time with men and learn to be one It just ended up being a very toxic environment. Reminds me of popular girls at school talking trash
Goes to show that even trans people can be close minded and regressive. Also, they’re really dumb if they think Kai is a made up name. I mean technically all names are made up, but Kai is no more made up than any other name. It’s also lowkey racist since it is a very common name in various Asian and Pacific Islander cultures.
@@SarastistheSerpent Yeah, a lot or community infighting even within just trans itself Well, honestly they’re all older white ladies from England so… yeah, there’s going to be some racism there even if they don’t see it
This is all really upsetting and awful! I'm sorry you experienced that. Also, my autistic brain is extremely stuck on them saying that "Kai" is a made-up name. Because, not to quote Thor/the MCU or anything, but all names are made up! As if someone, at some point, didn't have to come up with names like "John" or "Jennifer"? And... isn't Kai the name of the boy captured in the original Hans Christian Anderson Snow Queen which is from, y'know, the mid-19th century? And also just a name from various Scandinavian/Nordic/maybe Germanic countries? Isn't it also a not-uncommon name from various Pacific island cultures? I just???
@@yarnpenguin it’s okay. I live in a conservative town so it’s unavoidable. Not a lot of open mindedness here And yeah, every name had to be created at some point. Honestly it’s probably not English enough for them, or they don’t consider it could just be a non English name
I fell in love a little more when you quoted River Song.❤ Thank you for all you put out there. Seeing a normal couple is inspiring. I am a late in life lesbian, but for the first time in my life, marriage is something I would like. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
I'm aromatic and asexual. I've had someone complain to me about how we are just adding terms when talking about it. When I was a teenager I tried to figure out whether I was attracted to men or women but couldn't figure it out, I went with the default of straight simply because I didn't know what I was attracted to. I tried dating but it was very obvious I didn't have any attraction to anyone despite trying to have. Then I came across asexuality and aromanticism and a lot of stuff made sense. I go by queer sometimes partially because people don't tend to understand aromanticism at all and asexuality barely.
Absolutely basic rights and medical access are a much higher priority than the right word. But language is so often an accurate way to gauge overall attitudes of both individuals and organizations. Think of all the different slurs the queer community has has used against them and how often people freak out over pronouns. The battle over language is often a "placeholder" for deeper, more impactful battles. If someone refuses to use basic inclusive language, they are probably also okay with discrimination in other areas and you have been forewarned by their word use. Also love your discussion of 2S as a Canadian. Being from white, colonizer stock myself I appreciate that it isn't my place to define the term and the idea that it is inherently undefinable is just lovely to me.
The Liberal Democrats in the UK have an internal organisation for queer members, which is officially called "LGBT+ Liberal Democrats", but is universally known to its members and widely by allies within the party simply as "Plus" or Plus Lib Dems. Centring the + rather than any of the individual letters is, in my experience, a good reminder that identities aren't limited by a list, and has done a good job of helping resist the anti-trans LGB movement's attempts to enter the Lib Dems. Some queer people within the Lib Dems call (or called) themselves "plussies" as a result - which I always liked because of the similarity to plushies, and I like the idea of being especially cuddly and reassuring because we're queer.
Thank you for giving more knowledge and understanding my brother (we were very close until his death on 09/11 at the WTC fin NYC)and one of my close friends better. I was, for more then 25 years, working in the Equal Opportunity & Affirmative Action and Diversity for a major corporation in the USA. Love learning and becoming more understanding and accepting of my family members.
My main annoyance with the acronym is when it gets used for a singular person instead of their actual identity. It's fine to say that someone is "a member of the LGBTQ+ community" if you don’t know their identity (e.g. if you know someone is attracted to the same gender but don’t know whether they're also attracted to different genders), but they're not "an LGBTQ+ person".
Interesting point! Outside of "queer" (which many LGBT+ people are uncomfortable with) there isn't a good umbrella term. Maybe "not cishet" which is awkward at minimum. The problem is that a _lot_ of us are intersectional in the community. I'm a trans guy. But I'm also a bisexual person who also is comfortable with being called a gay guy. And coming to terms with being asexual. So, if someone wanted to label me overall, outside of "queer" or "part of the LGBT+ community" there isn't a really good option. My guess is that queer is going to become the default, casual term over time. Although hearing that come out of the mouth of a cishet person will be weird if it gets there.
Agreed. The only commonality I have with the rest of the letters is that I'm "not a stereotypical straight and cis person." It's not a shared positive trait linking us together-it's defined by a social and political negative, and honestly, a deep part of me refuses to be categorized against my oppressor. They do not define me-I simply love other men!
Thank you for this, Jessica. In a world where people so often turn their backs on us (even people with the community) your videos are always welcoming, comforting, and inclusive.
the biggest difficulties i've seen reguarding 2 Spirit (speaking as one that would fall into that camp) is: 1. there is debate over the veracity of the term, as many (i can't say most, idk. but at least anecdoatally) don't want people to think that these folks have 2 spirits in them. They do not have man+woman souls/spirits, but a single spirit that is just... them. 2. the term also exists in some part (similar to agender) as opposition to the concept of gender that is forced upon the communities (that is, opposed to the genders located within the frameworks of cis and trans) and individuals within the community are often pushed out of trans/queer spaces (actively, or via how the dialogue goes), but are also not cis. At least in my case, when i hear trans people talk about their experiences, none of them are reminiscient of mine... but I am for definately sure not cis either. 3. Unless I misunderstood what was being said (or forgot a part, as is want to happen): 2Spirit is not technically a single identity in the same way that Queer isn't technically a single identity, but an umbrella group for the myriad of identities that exist in the many indigenous communities. Though e.g. Jeremy and Frank may both be 2 Spirit, their genders aren't (likely) going to be the same. Some similar experiences, but possibly wildly different social expectations/roles.
Recently I was telling people about a heritage meeting for my community. The ANHPI community. People had only heard AAPI so I said “we’re like the LGBTQ community, we keep adding letters”. It landed very well with people who come from both categories. I don’t mind IA but I always felt like the Q+ stood for the rest of the colors under the rainbow, so to speak.
i have to take issue with using the Q for questioning cos as a bisexual people have used term questioning to state that bisexuality does not exist, many people have said to me that i am just questioning and when i have found the answer i will pick a side, trust me i have found my self as a bisexual
I love Jessica's queer history videos so much. I feel like I learn so much which is so nice because I feel like I was never taught queer history in school, I've had to research it all myself so finding an easily accessible, easy to understand source of lots of queer information is super nice
I'm an LGBT person who totally accepts all sexualities and identities but i just say those first letters because it's easier, it's more known and there would still be so much more letters left out. I would like to use a name that represents them all without listing them but they are not as common so many people wouldn't understand them
as an aro/ace person, tks for this video. When speaking English I love to use the term queer or aro ace to describe myself. In my native language, Spanish, I use the term asexual / arrománitca. Most people have no idea what i mean in Uruguay. But more and more are learning about this identity. We are still told we "just haven't met the right person yet" and it's infuriating and erases our identy quite a bit. Although, to be fair, I suppose most queer people are told that at some point or another.
Thank you Jessica for the very informative disclosure of the various terms in which we decided to be call. Back in the 1970's when I came out, there was only gay and lesbian and only one flag. It is great to have everyone included.
Love your famoly photos. I had my mother and a step mother for while (my mother is bisexual). I always said that if my mother had stayed with her instead of moving on to my step fathers, my life would have been much better. My mother never chose good men. Ever. I have never understood the hate and anger toward lgbtqia+ community. As a lover of history, I know they have always been around even though we havent always had terms for them and to think they aren't in history and are "new" is ignorant. Two spirit is actually a great example of this. You can also see it accepted in many ancient communities. Plus, I have lgbtqia+ family members amd friends and to me, it's normal. So to my kids, it's normal. Even though I ended up being cishet, I will always stand by them.
I’m asexual myself, and I grew up with it just being said as lgbt or gay or lesbian or homosexual if it was even mentioned, and the only objection I had to more letters being added was that I always had to look it up for myself every time I saw it written down a bit differently after that, and every time I saw a different acronym that was new to me it would also never have an explanation of what it meant within the article I was reading, not even just after the first usage within the article like is common with most acronyms, as if it was already widely understood what it meant and that I was already horribly outdated and behind the times. I still haven’t figured out what the most used and accepted terminology right now is because I see it written down in so many different ways by different people in different places, or what the most recently added letters and numbers are short for. I’m hopeful that you are going to explain all that in this video and then I can stop feeling so horribly uninformed and ignorant about all the details. I’m usually not especially social and that makes it a lot harder for me to keep up with understanding things if and when the accepted vocabulary for anything updates or changes. 0:33 okay, finished writing and editing, continuing to watch the rest of the video now. Okay finished watching, and as usual you answered everything I wanted to know, and even gave some information that I didn’t even know existed, wonderful informative video as always. I think after hearing all the different variations I might go with lgbt+ or lgbtq+ because it’s short, not too difficult to say, and recognizable by most people for what it means while including all of the other people that aren’t described in the letters being included with the plus, I don’t think I had heard of it being said as lgbt+ before watching this video so thank you for introducing it to my vocabulary, and thank you for explaining what all of the rest mean as well.
Fun fact No. 2: The Polish equivalent to the word ‘fruity’ is ”ciepły”, which literally means warm (it’s also inportant to remember that in Poland, the word “ciepły” isn’t as much popular as a word for 'gay’ as much as the word “pedał”).
Interesting! Because old people in Germany use(d) the word "warm" (=warm) for "gay". I read it was short for "warmer Bruder" (warm brother), used in the early 20th century, which had been a term centuries ago that described some kind of very close relationship between men, maybe some kind of lavender marriage: "like a brotherhood out pf the warmth of their love for each other". Maybe it was similar in Polish?
@@elektra121 I did some reaserch And it turns out that the origin of the word ”ciepły” as in gay actually comes from the german Warmer bruder. Apparently, during ww2 german SS officers would sometimes use the term ‘warmer bruder’ as a way to refer to gay men infront of Polish people, And then Polish would themself use the word “ciepły” as in gay.
Jewish person here ^^ Androgynous, tumtum and ay'lonit are actually specifications of different intersex traits. Saris is a male who was castrated, often times in order to serve female royalty without having any "accidents" happen (I know, right? 💀). The term was fortunetaly used to reffer to a phenomenon of other ancient cultures, like the Persion kingdom, since in judaism castratation is stricktly prohibited.
Hearing you mention South Africa and learning more about Lavender Linguistics made me so happy ❤ as a baby to the community you have helped me so much to be more accenting myself and my own queer identity- thank you Jessica!!!
I've hear in spanish the term "alphabet mafia" (la mafia del alfabeto) witch is use like the alfabet soup as a silly way of calling the comunity but with the added reference to it being something ilegal for a long time
I personally love the term Alphabet Mafia. In Hebrew we often use the term הקהילה הגאה - hakehila hagea - which translates to the pride or proud community
This is the first time I've heard of lavender linguistics! Oh but you should try to look into Filipino gay lingo. Our queer community has created their own language that uses Filipino and English terms. It's like a iykyk kind of thing. I've seen a wikipedia article about it and there may be some scholarly linguistic studies about it. I've even seen a Filipina RUclipsr do a whole video about gay lingo words she knew or didn't know the meaning of. I find it fascinating.
Interestingly, the German word for gay (schwul) is never used as an umbrella term. In the younger generation, the English words gay or queer are used as umbrella terms instead. Variations of LGBTQ+ (including German versions like LSBTI*) are also used. I'm not sure if it's ever used in the English speaking world like that, but rainbow family (Regenbogenfamilie) is used for queer families here (even in academics), which sounds so lovely! I do understand why people are confused, it IS confusing sometimes, especially when different words are used for the same identity and some of those were or are slurs. I myself am confused sometimes and I would consider myself quite educated on queer issues. I usually use queer (both in English and German) as an umbrella term unless someone tells me it makes them uncomfortable. I find that fair because it is easy to say and understand, it is a word I feel comfortable using for myself, and it fits better with the fluidity and openness of the community than all those acronyms. I know not everyone agrees with that, but we will never find a term everyone agrees with (and again, I would never call someone queer directly if they expressed discomfort with it). I also don't mind cishet people using queer to describe us, but I understand why some people do. Maybe we should collectively rebrand ourselves as the rainbow community because it has never been a slur, isn't excluding anyone, is easy to say, and has a really positive connotation. What's not to love? But generally, intentions mean more to me than the words used. I'd rather have someone use outdated language while telling me they love me the way I am than pass a discriminating law while using politically correct terminology. Words ARE important, but there are bigger issues out there. I've seen and participated in discussions and arguments about terminology that went nowhere and didn't accomplish anything. Sometimes it's better for your own mental health to shrug it off and focus on something more impactful.
Another great video. It's so nice to hear you speaking in a posh accent about the subjects you do. Not only is your content interesting, amusing and informative but it's so refreshing to hear your accent coupled with your authenticity. Thank you for doing what you're doing
I personally use Queer to refer to all of my identities, it's a way to "sum it up". I wasn't aware that some people do not like it, I will definitely keep that in mind going forward. Also as someone who is xenogender, I personally feel like MOGAI includes that part of me.
I identify as pansexual, which isnt one of the letters used in what I always heard the community referred to as a teen and the way I usually refer to it now out of habit (LGBT). I dont feel less represented by the term, and I do agree that in some ways adding in too many letters for the sake of inclusivity can make it more confusing, open it up to more criticism, and may even make someone feel less included if they're not one of the identities represented in the more inclusive LGBTQIA+ (I guess I'd be part of the plus) as they may wonder why those identities were important to include while theirs was not. I also understand the need for representation for those who feel marginalized, under represented, or like their identity is unseen or even erased even within the community they're supposed to be a part of. I guess my take on it is we should all try our best to be inclusive AND be understanding and forgiving of others who (in good faith) use the "wrong" term.
Jessica, thank you for very comprehensive explanation. My son is happily married to his partner, whom I love dearly as my own son. I always thought that we really wouldn't need all the acronyms if society all over the world stopped the verbal and emotional segregation of all the human beings. That all came from different religious beliefs over the centuries. I also believe that in the future, however long it will take, but we all going to be just human beings, living however we want and loving whomever we want.
Our rigid system of gender and sexuality, with 2 distinct and opposing genders is a pretty new concept. The resistance to this oppressive concept is, by necessity, even newer. This gender and sexuality construct seems to be fraying at the edges. A *lot* of resistance movements cropped up, in different places, and inside different communities and contexts, and now they *appear* to clash, as all of them have exploded online (that glorious, contextless place, out of time and space), where all kinds of people, especially younger people, can meet outside the watchful eye of parents, and without needing to leave the house. A lot of this linguistics is very important online, where all people have are their words. These conversations of the "right" language have always existed, but they've really grown loud online. Seems like it's going to stay that way.
I honestly needed this incredibly friendly and inclusive segment from you. As someone who is asexual and gender fluid, it is often extremely difficult to explain to family with questions how they should refer to me. Why do they still dress in clothing that we think adheres to the gender binary? Why is their hair long? Does that mean they're a different person now? This just... was exactly what I needed this morning as I prepare to see the whole crew for the holidays. As someone who has spent a LOT of time learning about queer and LGBTQIA+ cultures around the world and how colonialism dismantled their place in society, it is often very hard to explain to extremely white American peers and family that just because the term isn't in their vernacular, doesn't mean the messy and fun crockpot of feelings inside me aren't real and haven't always been there. I personally love that we are entering an era where so many individuals, especially those young, can find a way to be included. I know, had I grown up with more inclusion, my life would have made a lot more sense XD. Also, if you want a really interesting topic of queer and trans identities, I recommend the rabbit hole of the devadasi in Indian culture. Not only was their gender seen in society, but it was considered extremely holy and sacred. I love your videos so much and wish you and Claudia, Rupert, and your families the merriest of holidays! Please enjoy a bit of rest and take care!
I hadn't seen that source for asexual history before! That should be added to the timeline of asexual history wikipedia page! Btw, there are older mentions of asexuality too, the wikipedia timeline is pretty good although there's still much more being uncovered from the past
Thank you, Jessica, for a wonderful video into queer history (as always!) and for validating asexuality--I'm glad to see it is becoming more widely accepted. I am loving the lavender linguistics. As for my usual language around the community, I usually say LGBTQ (the + waves in and out) in person, but use GSRM when writing and prefer it. Partly because I don't really like that the additions to the full LGBT acronym have started to feel more like highlighting who doesn't fit into the larger label rather than feeling more inclusive, and partly because GSRM feels more like acknowledging that many people aren't just one part of the community--for example, I fit in the G, S, and R in GSRM. But, I appreciate the history behind the language and WHY we've gotten here.
I live in Canada. In my community there is a small store that sells queer and indigenous iteams made by people in the community. It is called the quilt bag. Glad to know where that comes from
I prefer queer just because it's all inclusive feeling to me. If I want to get specific I just talk about my labels. But I also love quiltbag. I sometimes use Rainbow Army.
One that I wish had caught on is FABGLITTER (Fetish, Allies, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Intersexed, Transgender, Transsexual Engendering Revolution). IIRC, it was coined in the 1990s by the editors of a bisexual magazine called Anything that Moves. Of course, the "A" could be repurposed for ace people today. It's rather flashy for some contexts, but could be fun. The collective noun could be "fabglitteratti". It does seem that an umbrella term is needed for people who fall afoul of heteronormative rules.
As far as I'm concerned, the 'alphabet soup' phrase is more applicable to all of the gov't agencies that collectively are known by their acronyms. When multiple agencies are involved in an investigation it's definitely an alphabet soup, especially since several letters are repeated. I love Rainbow Mafia however. My favorite gay joke was told to me by a very flamboyant friend (who made the joke that much better by his delivery of the punchline), but people underestimate the physical, conspiratorial and collective power of the LGBTQIA+ community, and being seen as an international Mafia just hits different than a weak kid to bully for being different from the 'normal' people. Come for 1, face us all.
As a civil servant your comment made me internally wince. We use so many acronyms that no acronym reference guide includes even half of them and many of them are used for 2 or more different things because there are only so many letters in the alphabet. Even my job title has an acronym in it. Why can't we juat use our words like regular humans?
I think while in most cases the phrase "it's just a phase" has been used against the LGBTQIA+ community and its youth in particular, I feel like I want society to reach a point where labels and coming out are unimportant. Bc for instance coming out as bi, then homosexual, then trans heterosexual, as one example of a progression, should just be as normalized and natural as aging. Like we learn and evolve as people as we age, and experience new things, or learn about new things , or meet new people. Like listing one's romantic/sexual partners or lack thereof without anything but the chronology being relevant to explain to others is the vibe I hope for. Like other people's relationships and sexual preferences shouldn't be dissected by strangers and casual acquaintances.... only people very close to a person should even know personal details....
That’s how it should’ve been all along, unfortunately there are grown adults in this world who throw a temper tantrum when they see a sexuality or gender that doesn’t line up with what is typically deemed acceptable. Society really took a step backwards.
I tend to use LGBT and usually have my tongue tripping over more initials. I like the term quiltbag because it's easier to say, but it brings up memories of my mom's sewing bag.😊
I really enjoy all of your videos, particularly on lavender linguistics. I’m demiromantic, and probably asexual, though maybe demisexual as well. Through the last year of second guessing my gender and sexuality, I’ve found a lot of solace in the fact that even if I get some of it wrong, I won’t just not be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I’ve learned to listen to my emotions and love me for who I am instead of just shoving it all into the back of my mind constantly. Your videos and others have been a huge help, as I live in a very non accepting area, and with a non accepting parent. So thank you. Always.
x-gender is used in Japan and Watase Yuu, author of Fushigi Yuugi came out with that. (English pronouns They/ them) Interestingly enough for Korea, LGBTQIA has reached mainstream for the pride parades, but there is a history of the oldest religion in Korea, Mugyo supporting the existence of LGBTQIA. BTW, I'm not saying that SK is rainbows year around--there's still things SK has to tackle in this regard which includes a frightening amount of people who think if you're gay you automatically have AIDS. But I do think it's neat that the majority of the homegrown religions have automatic inclusion of the queer community. Donghak and Mugyo being most notable. And sometimes that makes me think colonization did a ton of damage in that area.
“RAINBOW PEOPLE”! That’s my favorite, from a comment on another of your videos saying it’s used in Australia or New Zealand! (My heartfelt apologies for not remembering which country it was.)
As an asexual, I tend to use “queer”, because I don’t want to deal with having to educate random strangers on what asexuality is. It’s obscure enough that many people don’t know, or don’t believe.
Same for me, but with gender. I align with genderfluid the most, but I usually tell people I’m non-binary just bc it’s easier that way.
Same. I'm ace and non-binary (specifically demiguy) and I just don't feel like explaining that 15 times a day.
Same. I’m pansexual and use queer most of the time for the exact same reason.
@@waffles3629 - To be fair, I still haven’t figured out an acceptable answer to “How are you?” either. Because nobody wants to hear the real answer.
@@goatkiller666 yep, like how dare we honestly answer a question we were asked? I often reply "alive" and "not too bad".
As a straight-cis-white man I have also found that there is no single correct way to refer to people. There is, however a sure-fire way to find out. ASK THEM!
Isn't there at least 1? Their preferred name? Otherwise, yes, I agree.
@@beepbopboop3221 and what do you do if you don't know their name?
@MainlyHuman when people meet they introduce themself. I give my name and they give theirs. If I meet them again and I have forgotten then I ask.
@@beepbopboop3221 which was really my point in the first place. It's pretty much always going to be best to just ask someone what you should call them rather than trying to come up with some catch-all term based on your assumptions.
This man knows how to ally!
Lavender linguistics sound like an excellent scent profile. As an ace with an appreciation for all genders and sexes, this is delightful.
omg yes! I would definitely wear that scent
It sounds like a LGBTQIA+ book shop.
Lavender and fresh books, the best smell.
@@neoqwerty hear me out: old books
As a rainbow community term, that's so lovely and beautiful 💜🌈✨
(Side note: I moderately like lavender as a color but absolutely loath it as smell/favor- it just reeks me 😵💫 don't hate me!
My mother uses the Word "Regenbogen Gemeinde" vor LGBTQIA+. It means "Rainbow Community". She uses this term because she can´t remember the Term LGTBQIA+. She is not part of the Community but I am. I like the term "Rainbow Community", because in it, it has the color that LGBTQIA+ brings in the society.
My mother refers with that Term to the Rainbow Flag. And all the other flags are colorful too, expacialy if seen all together.
I´am from Germany by the way.
I really like that!
Rainbow community is one of the terms we use in NZ too.
I really like Rainbow Community. I struggle so much to say or even write L...G...B...T...Q...A...I...+. I have to stop and sound out each letter bc it does not at all roll off the tongue and an 8 syllable word is hell when you have speech or cognitive issues. That's why I usually default to "queer" bc I can both say it and spell it with ease. But Rainbow Community doesn't have a negative history, so that's my new one. 👍
Regenbogen Gemeinde. I love that. I am learning German and that is my new favorite. Your mother sounds wonderful by the way.
I'm a lesbian, and I also use the term "rainbow community" or "rainbow family". I sometimes also trip over all these letters. "Rainbow community" sounds so much more alive and fun!
As an asexual person, thank you for holding plenty of space for our little corner of the queer community.
Not sure we count as a "little" corner since there are enough of us to take over Denmark lol
@@genera1013 Comparatively little, then.
By denying new ideas of identity we become the very thing we swore to destroy
The recent hate towards asexuality is a great example of this
@@twofacedmikuor all those people who will make a huge fuss saying crap like: “why isn’t the term ‘non-binary’ good enough for you?” “Just use they/them why do you have to be special or different?” “all these neopronouns are actually very ableist” or even “ugh, what next people are going to start humoring those who are ‘plural’ or ‘other kin’. It’s making us look bad”. I really hate those people. Lots of people, significantly higher then Gen-Pop, that are those things are themselves disabled, or autistic. (Should be stated that one of the current explanations for why this disparity of disabled and autistic people being in these spaces is because those kinds of people are more willing to be honest with themselves, or less able to be dishonest with themselves.) I stand proud with other kin and those with dissociative identities.
@@twofacedmiku I could not agree more. As a biromantic asexual woman I've been called everything from monster to prude. I'm told that I'm not queer enough for the queer community and not straight enough to be part of the heteronormative community. I've been offered all kinds of treatments from pills to hypnosis to try to fix me. I've even sadly thought about ending it all in the past because nobody in my family, friends or even people I came to for help thought that asexuality was real. I will ALWAYS stand up for all members of the LGBTQIA+ community because I know how damning and hurtful it is to not have your identity acknowledgesd. A community divided cannot stand on its own.
@@twofacedmikurecent?
@quack9000the same companies that are trying to destroy pride for most companies it's just a performance.
That said I agree as a kinkster myself BDSM history and LGBTQ+ are entangled. The saddest part is people are having their leather gear ruined at pride by people trying to make it 'children safe' when it's an adult event. It's the whole weaponization of kids to just destroy our spaces.
I'm a Norwegian bisexual lady (now maybe adopting the term "ambisextrous" after watching this video), and "queer" or an umbrella term for LGBT+ people in general is "skeiv" (there are LGBT+ organizations with "skeiv" in their name"). It directly translates to "crooked", which I think is cute because in English, "straight" means hetero, so you get straight and crooked.
I'm choosing to think of it as closer to "wonky" just because "crooked" has negative connotations.
omg same in arabic?? like exactly??
@@Draggonny This is because in a totally different context, 'straight' means 'honest' as in 'straight-arrowed', 'straight shooter', like...someone who doesn't talk around things, or change direction, or have an 'angle', etc. So 'crooked' as the opposite of 'straight' in THAT context came to mean dishonest. But we recognise that the same word can mean different things in different contexts all the time. It's just when those words acquired those meanings in living memory that things are funny. We all think of the language we're used to as eternal and immutable. But it's not. It's constantly in flux.
NB I'm not saying you can't feel however you do about the word 'crooked' and I absolutely agree that 'wonky' is superior anyway. But even 'wonky' has negative connotations, because it refers to something that is off-kilter, crooked, asymmetrical, not quite right, etc.
I think we probably need to embrace the concept and the word simultaneously? Maybe? I don't know.
An old slur for queer people was to call us "bent" or "benders" in opposite to "straight". That one hasn't been reclaimed, unlike queer.
I wonder if that's at all related to the English word "skeevy" which describes an off-putting or unsettling vibe, usually in the context of a person. In English, you can also describe a dishonest person as "crooked". In other words, you could call the same types of people as both "crooked" and "skeevy". Similar root words, maybe? Interestingly enough, the word "queer" can sometimes be used in a similar way to the word "skeevy" to mean that something felt off in a way that creeped you out.
Being dyslexic, QUILTBAG is the only acronym I can manage to spell correctly most of the time, so QUILTBAG+ it is for me.
It makes me think of those ugly Vera Bradley bags.
Yup its not an issue for me but my dyslexia dose this to other things so I know where your coming at it from
Quiltbags are awesome. They are a thing made of many things used to lift up all the things.
Omg I love it
I've just commented similar
I'm just learning that I'm asexual. I'm 42 and until your videos I always thought there was something wrong with me. Thanks Jessica for helping me and others understand that we are just a different type of normal
Also realized I’m on the ace spectrum when I was 40 (demisexual). Also always thought there was something wrong with me. This kind of content has been so helpful
Hi! Some videos that helped me learn a lot about sex, desire, intimacy, etc. was Hannah Witton's one's about spontaneous vs reciprocative arousal and how attraction, desire, and arousal interact to create all types of asexual and allosexual people. It made me realize that the way I feel (or don't feel) desire/arousal/attraction was completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I'd highly recommend them!
Welcome to the Ace community!
Ayyy, cheers! I realized I'm asexual a couple years ago at 34. I felt broken until then and worried that I was "incapable of true love", and it was such a relief to find that there are others like me and that we are not broken at all.
I'm still doing some pondering and "coming to terms" with some aspects within that ace-spec identity, but I am so much more comfortable with myself. I wish the same for you!
We could be twins! I'm also aro ace and have only in the last few years come to realize the term exists and it represents me.
Very good informational video!
My group of friends just say “family” to describe anyone in our community. “Did you meet Joanie? She’s family.”
I have heard this but not much by my generation. Its so sweet, I wish we could bring this back
@@idobelieveinfaeries Yeah, when I came out in the 90’s, most of our friends were older, gay guys. They are the ones that introduced me to using “family” that way. There was more fear about being identified in public, but you wanted to be able to tell each other who was safe without being obvious about it. And if anyone overhead you, they just figured you were related to that person. 😀
That's how my new coworkers introduced me to other queer workers. "She's family" was a safe code in front of patients and unsafe coworkers. ❤
@@kaseydexter9736 nice!
In my country, people sometimes say "team". It's not super inclusive: usually, it's used as "he plays for his own team" (gay) or "he scores a goal in his own gates" (the same). Sometimes, people say "plays for both teams" (bi).
The part about so many events being centered around alcohol is a big part of why my "If I ever become rich" dream is opening a queer space that's alcohol free! A place with books, coffee, tea, food, & comfy spaces to sit & perch. 😊
I have a friend (US) who is doing exactly that! We need more spaces without alcohol
Asking on behalf of the rest of the ace community: will there be cake? That's important. Very important!
@@morinomajou and pie. Lots of pies
You’re giving away the master plan….
It is deeply heartwarming to find out the reason why L comes first, because I have always been confused since the L was a later invention. I never knew about the 'blood sisters' groups and damn it really brings a tear to my eyes. I cannot believe I never knew this, and it honestly hurts that this has never been covered in the books on LGBT+ I have read.
It's my favourite piece of queer history because it encompasses so many of the larger themes of the historical (Western) queer experience. Bigotry and suffering but also solidarity, compassion, and individual people fighting lonely battles to help others. And yeah, I get teary every time I think of it.
I just assumed it was easier to say it that way rather than the "gee" slurring with the "ell" if saying GLBT quickly
I still struggle with the term queer. I grew up with my grandmother using it. It was never used as a slur towards gay people. It was used as "Isn't that strange" or "Isn't that odd". She would say things like "It was raining like cats and dogs one minute. They next there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Isn't that queer." I see how that easily was turned into a slur against gay people, it still feels seriously odd to me. My brain never makes that connection when I hear it. That's absolutely a me thing though.
The word queer only ever reminds me of Jack Skellington saying "How queer!" in one of the Nightmare before Christmas songs. They use it in a similar way but then positive, if you know what I mean
@@Roanmonster Don't tell one of my friends this but...I still have never seen that movie.
@quack9000 Yup a bundle of sticks generally used for fire wood, still does in the UK or a brand of Meat balls made by a company called Brains amongst others.
@quack9000 Correct. In some places it is also used as another way of saying cigarette.
My comment in no way dismisses the fact queer is used as a slur against our community. It just is meant to explain why my brain does not connect that word with the community. Because it connects it to being strange or odd.
I find it odd that a stormy day where it’s raining like cats and dogs is normal, but when it’s clear skies and the sun is out…it’s queer. 🌈🤔
My sister spent the vast majority of her life hiding who she really was as a lesbian because of fear. I hated that she felt like this for so long. I will support anyone on their journey and if using a different word or pronoun helps you to fully feel who you really are...baby I'm there for you. To the haters...go pound sand. You're not needed.
Oh bless you, I'm so sorry your sister had to live like that. There but for the grace of god would I have been. 🤗
I am a trans woman. I am also asexual and homoromantic.
But because homoromantic asexual is a bit of a mouthful. When asked to describe that part of my identity I use the useful portmanteau of Gayce. Combining the words Gay and Ace.
I think this combining of words is useful for those of us with slightly more obscure sexual and romantic orientations. Although I do feel for the panromantic asexuals. Their portmanteau is simply Pance.
I use biro-ace. Fairly easy to roll off the tongue without having to smush things together. I love Gayce though, it's perfect.
As someone whose panromantic and on the ace spectrum, I think pance is very funny, if a bit unfortunate 😂 I love gayce though!
As a panromantic asexual, it's a struggle.
Gayce is great! I currently consider myself biromantic ace, but since my romantic interests vary and I'm not completely sure what I'm into, I often just drop it and say ace. Chances are if they want to know I find they'll ask about it eventually anyway
I generally say ace/alloro if I'm in a space I am comfortable to discuss the difference.
I like the concept of QUILTBAG but it makes me think of insults like d**chebag, dirtbag, and gasbag. I do like the idea of an acronym we can make into a word!
OMG same! I thought it was just me lol
It made me think of those insults as well!
The main one on my mind though was the archaic insult of carpetbagger.
Yeah, but I like the idea of calling ourselves the Quilt Gang.
Yup, even as a quilter the term quiltbag didn't bring positive associations.
Asexuality as a group was mentioned back during the Kinsey studies. That gave us the 1-6 Kinsey Scale thingy. Kinsey had another category called “X” for us. They didn’t use the term, but he acknowledged our existence in the 60s.
As a pansexual, I have never really felt included in the community even though I have been embraced by some parts of it. Pansexuality is often side eyed in ways that confuse me at this point in society but I guess unless the letter is up front and center in the community, it does not exist. As a pansexual, I assure everyone, we do exist, and I take pride in knowing members of the community that actually recognize and acknowledge that as well.
That's part of why I came up with PHAB: Pansexual, Homosexual, Asexual, Bisexual. And it sounds fabulous. As I was posting a comment on here a couple of minutes ago I realized that you could include Intersex and trans with IT for ITPHAB or PHABIT. "Phab It" could also mean to make something queer AKA fabulous.
I feel you to an extent. I'm pan too, I think the side-eyes come from a lot of people (both inside and outside the community) who tend to think people just use Pan to try and be more "special" than bi people, are biphobic, or are transphobic. That is not the case, obviously, and when I try to explain it to people I've found something that's effective and mostly accurate to my experience, especially when talking to someone outside the community who's likely only familiar with gay and bi: I tell people to think of it as almost a subcategory of being bi. All pan people are technically bi, but not all bi people are pan. I also usually add on that Pan has more to do with attraction to personality rather than attraction to one's gender. Could I use the term Bi for myself? sure, but it wouldn't be entirely accurate. Besides, Pan jokes are fun :)
I feel this!!! A fellow pan that is very tired of explains that no, I’m not bi, yes they are different. no you don’t have to understand it but don’t question my identity PLEASE
Eyllo another pan! Its nice to see more! Yeah the whole pan is just a different way to say Bi or a sub category is odd. Because for the longest time I thought I was Bi but like I liked everything?! But when I was told the Bi means not just liking male or female I kinda went. Ok.
And stayed Bi.. then I found Pan and I just went.. omg me! Idk why but it felt right. I say that Bi is liking humans where as a pan person id date pretty much anything as long as the chemistry is right. But I've never found a good descriptor of pan. Pan is just yes if right. To me.
@@silver6364 I believe the largely accepted definition of pan is “attraction regardless of gender”, while bi is “attraction to multiple genders”.
I am also pan, but I get why some people get confused about the differences!
In my country, NZ, we often refer to the LGBTQIA+ community as the rainbow community. I quite like this as a work around but it doesn’t work so well for individual identity - I don’t think anyone is referring to themselves as “rainbow” lol. We also have a word in te reo Māori (our indigenous language), takatāpui, which is sometimes used to refer to the community as a whole and other times reserved for members of the indigenous group who identify in that way. I think it’ll be interesting to see how the ‘languaging’ of this changes over the next few years!
Here's a little bit of history for you. When I started University in 1994 at the University of Florida, the university's organization for LGBTQ+ students had just changed its name within the past year from GLSU, which meant Gay and Lesbian Student Union, to LGBSU, Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Student Union, in part to be more bi inclusive, and also to put the L first because of the traditional marginalization of women. I lobbied to get it changed to also include a T for trans people, since our membership and our services were already trans inclusive and we had trans representation on our leadership committee, but there was pushback at that time. I believe they are now called the Pride Student Union, which goes along with the trend among younger queer people today of eschewing traditional labels in favor of more inclusive terms. I love this exploration of Lavender Linguistics and look forward to exploring it further in my own research and writing!
Edit: Also, when I started graduate school at Florida State University in 1998, their student group WAS called the LGBTSU, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Student Union. So in my part of the world, I'd date the addition of the T to the late 1990s and early 2000s.
We need to bring back "Lambda" (the Greek letter λ), that's what my college queer student org was called, and it was founded in 1972. There are still some orgs and book awards that use it.
@@erraticonteuse Just a fun fact, but a college org called Lamda Lamda Lamda in the Revenge of the Nerds movie franchise was where minority and "othered" students were welcomed and joined.
That seems about consistent with the Northeast as well. I think the current trend of broad labels of relatively unspecified meaning could work if there were a second tier for more specific needs; if the large umbrella organization has to do everything there will be too many conflicts of interest.
I went to the Evergreen State college in Washington state in the early 2000s. The group there was The Evergreen Queer Alliance or EQA for short.
Given the 2020s...how are they faring now?
As an ally turned asexual I can confirm that many allies can discover later in life that they are also LGBTQ+. Thanks for this great history lesson.
Same, but I found out I was bi 😂
Same. I'm figuring I'm NB and probably agender.
So... to stay straight I have to be homophobic?
Same! Realized I was ace, then slowly realized that I was bisexual and demiromantic!
Omg same I was an ally and then a year ago I found out that I'm an agender demigirl and a biromantic asexual (and btw my pronouns are she/they)💕💕
I personally do use LGBTQIA+ but I wonder if that's because being demisexual I just feel like I'm obviously including myself by including the A 😂
I love how chill your videos are. I find often online, and especially in some trans places, there's often a lot of focus on the homo and transphobia in society, where as your videos always feel like a secret club for just us queers to discuss topics within the community and have some fun while at it. I also love your continued support and revognition of a-spec identified! Thank you!
My Offspring is part of the LGBTQ+ community. When I'm tired, this dyslexic person can have problems with strings of letter. That's when I use the terms 'Rainbow Mafia', or 'Alphabeti Spaghetti'. Both are used with love, and just because I can't get the individual letters out in any recognisable order. If I'm around people who I don't know I will take the extra effort get it right.
I have a Shirt that says "alphabet mafia"
Fellow dyslexic here. FWIW, I use QUILTBAG+, and even spellcheckers accept it nowadays.
Haha I love alphabeti spaghetti! I might have to steal that one lol
As far as I am aware, the use of those terms with mafia is more satirical reclamation/powering down of those terms. I have yet to personally seen it used negative way.
@@IsaacMyers1 I have. But it was too cool of a phrase not to appropriate.
"Alphabet mafia" is one of my favorites, and it makes me feel safer.
Would love to see you make a video about intersectionality. I'm brazilian, and like most of us, I have a multi racial background (Angolan, indigenous, Portuguese and many more). Along with being a agender afab lesbian, my cultural background is also important and I believe that if you support the community, you should support every background even if you aren't familiar with it. Religion, ethnicity, culture and other things that make up peoples identities should also be considered, as oppression can be, and is intersectional.
There are many resources on the topic, but I would recommend if available in english Intersectionality by Carla Akotirene and the collection Feminismos plurais lead by Djamila Ribeiro, a brazilian black feminist philosopher.
As an Ace I feel more offend than not feel as if im "not queer enough" and "not actually queer" as if Im being locked out of queer community and feel other queer people would reject a valid place for to join them
It's a huge anxiety for me
I guess that's why I call myself a space Ace as someone who has no place in any community and just floats in outer space
I will break knees on your behalf if someone tells you you don't fit in the community, signed a trans pan guy who was given his space to figure out I was trans because the ace community encouraged me to find out who i am on my own time
I'm very late to this video and comment (oops) but I wanted to give a nod in solidarity from one Ace to another. I know she's trying to be inclusive, but unfortunately it's been made loud and clear by the community that "A is for A11y". :/
@@KristiChan1 By who? Has the LGBT+ official stated this?
Because that really sucks! Damn I'm disappointed you'd think that community knowing what it's like be invalided and othered from cishet norm society would want us involved!
Now I'm really to stop supporting the whole community if they are going to do us dirty!
@@diamondgirl698 Just from personal experiences and external observations over the years. There's a handful like Jessica who are supportive, but people like her are few and far between.
I've no experience with any IRL groups (practically a desert for any kind of queer group where I live), but online, unless it was specifically for people who're ace (strictly ace or ace in addition to being any other combo of letters), there's a lot of pushback. Even aces who identified with say, lesbian or bi would mention their frustration that the people from their other group would dismiss their ace aspect, even if they claimed to support them entirely; you can forget it if you're a straight ace, they think you're definitely fake.
I know some Aces are fighting for our rights to be in the LGBT+ space, which is admirable and I hope someday they'll be successful, but until then we need our own communities to fight against the discrimination towards us.
Sorry, didn't mean to be a downer, just been around the block is all.
@@KristiChan1 so there's no official place where it's stated? It's just person to person, group to group thinking?
I'm pan/demi/gender fluid. I used to call myself polysexual because I figured I had man to woman feelings, women to men, women to women, and men to men. Polysexual.
I LOVE ambisextrous.
Also pan/Demi and I too love ambisextrous
@@rebeccagittens4946 high five!
*isn't alone*
*cheesy smile*
Hee.
In Spain (and I think in some other countries) people usually call us "LGTB", I'm not sure why they switched it up
My mom calls it the rainbow club, which I found so endearing that I started using it as well!
i like the term queer for myself- it’s an easy way to get the point across to others that i’m not cishet, whilst not having to explain my whole identity at once. it’s also a great term for me because i’m still figuring things out, and it’s complicated! lol. but i don’t use it as a catch-all term because of the word’s history. i normally just say lgbt+ because it’s easily understood by others and it’s easy to say. i’m fine with the + being used to denote my own identity, which doesn’t fit neatly into the l, the g, the b, or the t.
I like the word queer specifically because it's harder to be turned into a gatekeeping term, either 'not in the acronym' style or 'we should remove this from the acronym' style. It's explicitly inclusive. Plus it's easier to say 'I'm queer' than 'I'm a demiromantic bisexual enbi'
(As for the 'a is for ally' bs - The version of it I most often hear (mostly from aphobes) is 'a is for ally which is code for closeted' - to which my response has always been - then why are you outing them by putting them into the acronym? Additionally, it is _deeply_ unhelpful to set the assumption that the only reason someone would support us is if they're secretly one of us)
Friends of Dorothy is something I think we should bring back. Personally though, I use LGBTQIA+, because I know intersex and a-spec people and must acknowledge them because they’re cool
Oh, I just wrote about that, hadn't seen your comment. 🤗
Ah ik familiar with order of blåhaj but not friends of Dorothy
@@IndustrialParrot2816 friends of dorothy is far older, originating back in the polari days even. referred to the sequel to the wizard of oz, where dorothy's friends are called 'a queer bunch, but true friends'. there's an argument that the death of the actor for dorothy triggered stone wall, as many of the black trans women who started the revolt have talked about how they were drunk from the funeral aftermath the knight before.
while order of blahaj is funny, it lacks the queer history of friends of dorothy.
(also polari was a language spoken from the 1890s to 1970s by british queers that took from romani, italian and british english slang. used to prevent arrest. originated in performance culture, it's a sort of solidarity between marginalised groups like the romani people and the shared experiences of queer people of all kinds during this period. i may be ranting but the language is very cool and dying out. the word for 'change sex' (to transition is how you would probably translate it now) was remould, and in true 19 and 20th century queer language there had to be 5 words for police.
sorry for infodumping)
I think that having the label be more inclusive than not is very on brand (for lack of a better term) for the community itself.
I think that it does get rather absurd when you have a 6 or 7 letter acronym that can't be pronounced phonetically, but considering how a great part of the ethos of this is to be inclusive and defend each other's rights as a collective, it's worth the mouthful, at least in official settings. In my common day vernacular at least, I tend to use more "crass" terminology, both for myself and my friends hehe.
This is why I love Quiltbag. It's inclusive AND pronounceable, and evocative of a complex and beautiful...well, quilt (I was going to say tapestry, to avoid being repetitive, but a tapestry isn't a quilt, so...). And I like that it harkens back to the AIDS quilt as well. And it also has Mary Poppins imagery of her like...carpet bag thing that held so much more than it appeared to be able to hold (although, again, a carpet is not a quilt, but still).
@@FlailTVoh this is lovely 💕🤗 I'd not come across QUILTBAG before, think it's brilliant. I really need to find a way to insert that into a conversation and utterly baffle people! Can't wait to see the faces of certain people who make only half an effort to be accepting with absolutely no understanding at all...this is going to be fun! I'm going to have such a laugh with my kind and loving straight friends too.😂 I'm a QUILTBAG, yay!!
I personally love the word queer as a shorthand, because i love the idea of being weird as being reclaimed as a descriptor (esp since im also autistic). but ive also never had it weaponized against me, so i really respect people not wanting it as the generally accepted term. I just know i hate including specific identities in the term for the general community, because it always calls someone "other"(i recognize this seems contradictory given what i just said about queer lol but i reserve the right to make no sense). Like on forms when theyre trying to be inclusive by saying "male" "female" and "other". It just makes me feel bad. You dont have to understand the particular labels i use to give me the option to be just as worthy of being seen and named. I guess everybody's feelings about this are complicated. I started writing this comment thinking i had a pretty solid, set opinion and i just talked myself into a circle.
I agree. It’s so frustrating sometimes how often people are like “why can’t you just use they/them?” It’s like they don’t understand how unseen you feel when some genders get to have special specific terms and you just get defaulted to “other”. Not to mention that They/Them includes men and women, so… it’s not even as specific as “other”; in being neutral it became “devoid of gender” which mightn’t described oneself at all. Xenogender solidarity.
@@IsaacMyers1That makes sense. I tend to picture gender as male/female/both/neither because some non-binary trans identify as mixed gender and others identity as have neither male nor female aspects. Having pronouns and titles that would more accurately reflect non-binary and intersex people would be really cool. It would also help us to step away from the male/female/other way of thinking as a society. Mx works well for people who consider themselves to be mixed gender. Maybe Nx for people who are neither?
@@Draggonny I'm agender and use Mx. for work but Nx. is giving me LIFE I might actually use that instead
@@Draggonny We need like, the gender version of the mathematical "nan" "number" (Not A Number, which is functionally something that goes beyond just being infinite and simply leaves the range of being numerical at all. a "I transcend beyond provided labels and their limits", in other words)
To answer the question about how we say it in other languages, I'm French, and we largely also say LGBT(QIA)+, because the first letters of those words are the same than in english, and it's a widely (=internationally) accepted term.
We also use queer, maybe more than in english speaking countries, considering it hasn't been used as a slur here like it has there. It might also be a generationnal thing (I'm 21)
Back in the day, when bisexuality was first acknowledged by the queer community as a group, it was described as “not straight, not gay”. So asexuals, aromantics, etc. were included with them. The term asexual came later, but there have been asexuals as part of the struggle since the beginning. In the 90s, we split off into our own group, but the two groups have maintained a mutual support approach towards each other. We bond heavily because bi-erasure and ace-erasure both happen.
The origins of "All or Nothing"
Love that Brazil was mentioned, learning english I had a culture shock about how queer culture is so different in other countries, things that are considered "queer" change based on the local culture, Brazilian queer culture has so many things that are unique to us that don't even exist in other countries, from simple things like the lesbian coconut rings to whole gender identities that are tied to our history and society
I just had to google "lesbian coconut rings" and was slightly disappointed it wasn't a dessert.
Oh I need to know more now!
@@Draggonnylove this, 😂though now I shall Google it with just slightly less excitement ...😊
Edit: oh wow...in googling it I found the wonderfully named dressingdykes website, how excellent. 😁
Ambisextrous is such an amazing word omg. Flexual is another one I've heard. Love your videos Jessica, and thank you for being inclusive whilst also open to learning more.
The other thing with "not everyone knows as children" is that sometimes we did know, we just didn't have the language for it. Growing up "girl" felt like a label that was slapped on me, and then I was judged for not fitting it. I literally called puberty torture and was **laughed at by adults!!** I didn't learn that trans people existed till I was 16 (yes, I grew up under a rock called the Roman Catholic church). Then as an adult I learned about non-binary people and 🤯 it just immediately felt right.
Oh my goodness, this is me. Except I'm probably on a longer time frame being sixty-five now and only having learned to understand my true non-binary nature from Jessica here in the last couple of years. It's been a long road of continuing awakenings, thank goodness my wife/civil partner has stayed by my side throughout the forty years of discovery.🙏
@@judebrown4103 aww, I'm so glad you have someone by your side. My partner is just awesome and my biggest supporter. We've both been going on a journey of discovery for the past several years. But we care about each other so we make it work, even when it's not easy.
Ever since getting out from under my parents thumb I've been trying to figure out what was really me, and what was the mask I fabricated to survive. It's been hard but it's so worth it.
Relatable. I'm not trans, but gay. I grew up extremely sheltered (homeschooled, basically in a fundamentalist cult lol), and I had zero language for what I was experiencing. With no language, no models, and no "map" to chart the way, I literally didn't understand I was properly gay until after college. 💀 As soon as the pieces fit together... it's like every light in the house turned on.
@@AurorXZ that sounds a lot like my partner. She was homeschooled fundamentalist baptist and **yikes** her access to information was restricted. Her "history" education was reading the Bible.
@@waffles3629 Ha! Yep, Baptist also. I hope you're both doing well. ❤
I taught my mother LGBTQIA+ by making her say it as a word lol, El Jibbity Kia Plus :)
El-Jibbity sounds like the name of a Klatchian character from Discworld.
As someone who loves sewing I really love the term "quiltbag". Mogai is also a cool sounding term. ❤
Comment for the algorithm
Thank you so much for sharing this. I just have to say that on your early point about queer identities not being simply, adult, in nature is so important!!! It's such a historically based modern talking point and as a young person, I've had no idea how too tell people that we aren't radicallizing the kids; we just don't want to be seen as a radical idea anymore. To have families and love, and have that love be valued...just thank you. It's a gift to be able to say something new and to be able to encourage more kindness. Such a brilliant perspective. ❤
I don't disagree with your overall point. I will say though that "just wanting families and love" doesn't align with many queer folks goals or identities. I do _not_ want to fit in with cishet normative society. I am radical (in many senses of the word) and although I don't want to "fit in" I do want access to the same rights and basic freedom from discrimination.
Respectability politics has a long and fairly ugly history in the queer community. Modern iterations include things like the UK's LGB Alliance and the US Gays Against Groomers. These are extreme examples but they are the end result if you follow the queer respectability path far enough.
And for those queer folk who are seeking a more cishet normative lifestyle (marriage, white picket fence and 2.5 kids) that's great and they should have it! But framing that as _the_ battle for the LGBT+ community leaves out all of us who don't have those goals and honestly can paint a target on our backs.
Said with all respect and the understanding that you were in no way intending to exclude anyone.
@CorwinFound I didn't exclude anyone though.. excepting aromantics, which, im sorry. But i still think that even they can have wants like respect from the community for their relationships, or even just lives and interests.
I didn't say that we (the lgbt community) JUST want families and love . I said we just don't want to be seen as the radical idea anymore. I never said there was only one problem, I was just stating, I'm happy to have a good answer; because I never have before.
I'm happy to consider it, because there ARE issues within the community regarding grooming and consent, and that's used too attack the community, saying that essentially... we're all just perverts;" keep the bedroom private, idc who you f***, or what you have between your legs, as long as i dont hear about it." Is just damaging In that context. If only we could live in that world. I'm happy some people are trying to get over their sexism (which is a whole nother conversation of scapegoating, BUT) they don't need to make queer culture dissappear to make their point. And it's often counter to the point. That there are issues that need help, and often unequating from queer folk, because pervs are literally in every group.
No, being queer is so much more then sex!! Our lives and our loves. That's what I was discussing, and I don't think those are exclusive to a cishet idea of a white picket fence, you pushed that on my statement.. I'm not trying too attack you, just being clear.
Sorry in advance. Thanks for reading if you did. 😊
Okay... Two things. On the minor side, you literally said "we just want families and love..." and "not be seen as radical." Those descriptions of the queer community do _not_ apply to everyone or maybe even the majority. But onward to a more concerning comment.
The queer community does _not_ have a consent or grooming problem. Statistically people in the LGBT+ community are *far* less likely to engage in PDF file behaviour than cishet people. Not saying it doesn't happen - there are horrible people of every sort in any demographic - but to engage with the idea queer folk have a special and inherently different relationship with that issue is deeply problematic. I'd go so far to say that the comment is trans/homophobic.
And yes, afterwards you stated there are these issues in all communities but you _started_ with "there ARE issues with grooming and consent in LGBT+ communities." You started with the biggest (and massively erroneous and bigoted) attack against the queer community.
To bring the two aspects together, let's talk drag. Do you believe that drag culture (and gender non-conformity more broadly) is as valid of legal protection as marriage equality? Both are based on personal expression and freedom but one is unquestionably more "radical" (or is perceived as such.) Drag falls well outside of your description of "families and love" and has been a recent target right wing based accusations as "grooming" behaviour that is inappropriate for the eyes of children.
(And yes, there is "adult" drag performance that I wouldn't be comfortable having a 10 year old watch, but that is happening in adult, age restricted environments and is no different than cishet standup. I probably wouldn't be comfortable with a 10 year old at most adult standup events I've been to.)
You say you are young. All I'd say to that is be careful with your words and ingestion of right wing talking points. Bringing up the "grooming and consent" as a problem in the queer community is worrisome at minimum.
I don't know why, but the order of the letters in the acronym LGBTQ+ always interested me. It does seem to roll off the tongue better than GLBT, but I never really considered that a legitimate reason. I mean, if you're going to have a specific order for something, especially letters, I just figure it makes sense for it to be alphabetically ordered (BGLQT+). So the history of why L came first, though it might seem insignificant, was (to me at least) really interesting. Aside from that, as a trans, asexual lesbian, this video was really cool!
Not that I object to anything you said, I just feel compelled (for which fact I can probably thank my AutiHD) to point out that usually what we think rolls off the tongue better is just whatever we're used to hearing. Whether that's because the acronym or initialism itself is more familiar, or just a particular letter/sound/syllable order or combination carrying over from another context (like maybe we think company or band names with a shorter first word and a longer second word sound better because we have a NAME in which our first name is short and last name is long, so that rhythm is familiar and therefore more pleasing to our ear...to give one example).
Oh that dress... 🔥 and the pearls and the red velvet headband... 👌 It all looks so quintessentially Christmas. ❤
Also, thanks for all the work you did to make this video. I'm continually impressed by the depth of your research and your ability to speak so fast!
Queer history resource: the Making Gay History podcast!!! Particularly the first season. It’s oral history, much of it with real recordings of important lgbt people of the 20th century. It’s taught me so much and I can’t recommend it more!
Lavender will not clash with your hair. Thank you for your continuous conversations about our lively community!
Thank you for the very VERY queer content you make, Jessica
Something important that I didn't hear you talk about, it even showed up in the final poll, is "LGB". Do NOT use "LGB" as this is a term used to intentionally exclude trans people, it's not just an easier shorthand for the full acronym!
I tend to default to queer by habit, though usually just as a generality or to describe myself and folks I know identify with it. It's not a word I want to force on anyone.
Personally I love the GRSM (Gender, romantic, sexual minority) acronym as it is both shorter and more inclusive.
@@linusgustafsson2629 Romantic and sexual attraction are two very different things.
I’m a late twenties transguy/non binary and I joined a local trans zoom group during covid.
Everyone else was a older transwoman. At least 40 and up to 70
It was a very different feeling than being online with people my age.
They’d say how these made up names like Kai doesn’t help transmen be accepted (because one that tried the group for a session was called that)
Calling each other trannies (I get it’s reclaiming) and talking a lot of trash about any transwomen in the group who didn’t want surgery or didn’t wear their dress/hairpiece all the time (like one lady who was very scared and stressed so she opted for “boy mode” most of the time to make nipping to the shops easier and just wore a hoodie and jeans. (Which is fine for women to wear anyways, so?)
And in particular one who told me I need to hang out with more cis people cause trans people are getting kooky with all this non binary rubbish and people will never accept us. I need to spend time with men and learn to be one
It just ended up being a very toxic environment. Reminds me of popular girls at school talking trash
Goes to show that even trans people can be close minded and regressive.
Also, they’re really dumb if they think Kai is a made up name. I mean technically all names are made up, but Kai is no more made up than any other name. It’s also lowkey racist since it is a very common name in various Asian and Pacific Islander cultures.
@@SarastistheSerpent Yeah, a lot or community infighting even within just trans itself
Well, honestly they’re all older white ladies from England so… yeah, there’s going to be some racism there even if they don’t see it
This is all really upsetting and awful! I'm sorry you experienced that. Also, my autistic brain is extremely stuck on them saying that "Kai" is a made-up name. Because, not to quote Thor/the MCU or anything, but all names are made up! As if someone, at some point, didn't have to come up with names like "John" or "Jennifer"? And... isn't Kai the name of the boy captured in the original Hans Christian Anderson Snow Queen which is from, y'know, the mid-19th century? And also just a name from various Scandinavian/Nordic/maybe Germanic countries? Isn't it also a not-uncommon name from various Pacific island cultures? I just???
@@yarnpenguin it’s okay. I live in a conservative town so it’s unavoidable. Not a lot of open mindedness here
And yeah, every name had to be created at some point. Honestly it’s probably not English enough for them, or they don’t consider it could just be a non English name
@@yarnpenguin Yes, Kai is quite a common name in Germany, so it probably also was in Denmark.
I fell in love a little more when you quoted River Song.❤ Thank you for all you put out there. Seeing a normal couple is inspiring. I am a late in life lesbian, but for the first time in my life, marriage is something I would like. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
A common term used in Aotearoa NZ is “rainbow community” which I’m a big fan of :)
Great vid!
I'm aromatic and asexual. I've had someone complain to me about how we are just adding terms when talking about it. When I was a teenager I tried to figure out whether I was attracted to men or women but couldn't figure it out, I went with the default of straight simply because I didn't know what I was attracted to. I tried dating but it was very obvious I didn't have any attraction to anyone despite trying to have. Then I came across asexuality and aromanticism and a lot of stuff made sense. I go by queer sometimes partially because people don't tend to understand aromanticism at all and asexuality barely.
Same here! If I would not have met my demi-soulmate I don't know how I would have been seen and how I would have defined myself..
As an aromatic, ace, and possibly agender person I am grateful to be included.😊
Absolutely basic rights and medical access are a much higher priority than the right word. But language is so often an accurate way to gauge overall attitudes of both individuals and organizations. Think of all the different slurs the queer community has has used against them and how often people freak out over pronouns. The battle over language is often a "placeholder" for deeper, more impactful battles. If someone refuses to use basic inclusive language, they are probably also okay with discrimination in other areas and you have been forewarned by their word use.
Also love your discussion of 2S as a Canadian. Being from white, colonizer stock myself I appreciate that it isn't my place to define the term and the idea that it is inherently undefinable is just lovely to me.
The Liberal Democrats in the UK have an internal organisation for queer members, which is officially called "LGBT+ Liberal Democrats", but is universally known to its members and widely by allies within the party simply as "Plus" or Plus Lib Dems. Centring the + rather than any of the individual letters is, in my experience, a good reminder that identities aren't limited by a list, and has done a good job of helping resist the anti-trans LGB movement's attempts to enter the Lib Dems.
Some queer people within the Lib Dems call (or called) themselves "plussies" as a result - which I always liked because of the similarity to plushies, and I like the idea of being especially cuddly and reassuring because we're queer.
Labour also has LGBT+ Labour
Thank you for giving more knowledge and understanding my brother (we were very close until his death on 09/11 at the WTC fin NYC)and one of my close friends better. I was, for more then 25 years, working in the Equal Opportunity & Affirmative Action and Diversity for a major corporation in the USA. Love learning and becoming more understanding and accepting of my family members.
My main annoyance with the acronym is when it gets used for a singular person instead of their actual identity. It's fine to say that someone is "a member of the LGBTQ+ community" if you don’t know their identity (e.g. if you know someone is attracted to the same gender but don’t know whether they're also attracted to different genders), but they're not "an LGBTQ+ person".
Interesting point! Outside of "queer" (which many LGBT+ people are uncomfortable with) there isn't a good umbrella term. Maybe "not cishet" which is awkward at minimum.
The problem is that a _lot_ of us are intersectional in the community. I'm a trans guy. But I'm also a bisexual person who also is comfortable with being called a gay guy. And coming to terms with being asexual. So, if someone wanted to label me overall, outside of "queer" or "part of the LGBT+ community" there isn't a really good option.
My guess is that queer is going to become the default, casual term over time. Although hearing that come out of the mouth of a cishet person will be weird if it gets there.
Agreed. The only commonality I have with the rest of the letters is that I'm "not a stereotypical straight and cis person." It's not a shared positive trait linking us together-it's defined by a social and political negative, and honestly, a deep part of me refuses to be categorized against my oppressor. They do not define me-I simply love other men!
my smol relative (4 years old) calls us all "pride pin people" - affectionately. lmfao i'll take it!
That's really wholesome. Bless
Thank you for this, Jessica. In a world where people so often turn their backs on us (even people with the community) your videos are always welcoming, comforting, and inclusive.
the biggest difficulties i've seen reguarding 2 Spirit (speaking as one that would fall into that camp) is:
1. there is debate over the veracity of the term, as many (i can't say most, idk. but at least anecdoatally) don't want people to think that these folks have 2 spirits in them. They do not have man+woman souls/spirits, but a single spirit that is just... them.
2. the term also exists in some part (similar to agender) as opposition to the concept of gender that is forced upon the communities (that is, opposed to the genders located within the frameworks of cis and trans) and individuals within the community are often pushed out of trans/queer spaces (actively, or via how the dialogue goes), but are also not cis. At least in my case, when i hear trans people talk about their experiences, none of them are reminiscient of mine... but I am for definately sure not cis either.
3. Unless I misunderstood what was being said (or forgot a part, as is want to happen): 2Spirit is not technically a single identity in the same way that Queer isn't technically a single identity, but an umbrella group for the myriad of identities that exist in the many indigenous communities. Though e.g. Jeremy and Frank may both be 2 Spirit, their genders aren't (likely) going to be the same. Some similar experiences, but possibly wildly different social expectations/roles.
Recently I was telling people about a heritage meeting for my community. The ANHPI community. People had only heard AAPI so I said “we’re like the LGBTQ community, we keep adding letters”. It landed very well with people who come from both categories. I don’t mind IA but I always felt like the Q+ stood for the rest of the colors under the rainbow, so to speak.
i have to take issue with using the Q for questioning cos as a bisexual people have used term questioning to state that bisexuality does not exist, many people have said to me that i am just questioning and when i have found the answer i will pick a side, trust me i have found my self as a bisexual
I love Jessica's queer history videos so much. I feel like I learn so much which is so nice because I feel like I was never taught queer history in school, I've had to research it all myself so finding an easily accessible, easy to understand source of lots of queer information is super nice
I'm an LGBT person who totally accepts all sexualities and identities but i just say those first letters because it's easier, it's more known and there would still be so much more letters left out. I would like to use a name that represents them all without listing them but they are not as common so many people wouldn't understand them
as an aro/ace person, tks for this video. When speaking English I love to use the term queer or aro ace to describe myself. In my native language, Spanish, I use the term asexual / arrománitca. Most people have no idea what i mean in Uruguay. But more and more are learning about this identity. We are still told we "just haven't met the right person yet" and it's infuriating and erases our identy quite a bit. Although, to be fair, I suppose most queer people are told that at some point or another.
Thank you Jessica for the very informative disclosure of the various terms in which we decided to be call. Back in the 1970's when I came out, there was only gay and lesbian and only one flag. It is great to have everyone included.
Love your famoly photos. I had my mother and a step mother for while (my mother is bisexual). I always said that if my mother had stayed with her instead of moving on to my step fathers, my life would have been much better. My mother never chose good men. Ever.
I have never understood the hate and anger toward lgbtqia+ community. As a lover of history, I know they have always been around even though we havent always had terms for them and to think they aren't in history and are "new" is ignorant. Two spirit is actually a great example of this. You can also see it accepted in many ancient communities. Plus, I have lgbtqia+ family members amd friends and to me, it's normal. So to my kids, it's normal. Even though I ended up being cishet, I will always stand by them.
I’m asexual myself, and I grew up with it just being said as lgbt or gay or lesbian or homosexual if it was even mentioned, and the only objection I had to more letters being added was that I always had to look it up for myself every time I saw it written down a bit differently after that, and every time I saw a different acronym that was new to me it would also never have an explanation of what it meant within the article I was reading, not even just after the first usage within the article like is common with most acronyms, as if it was already widely understood what it meant and that I was already horribly outdated and behind the times. I still haven’t figured out what the most used and accepted terminology right now is because I see it written down in so many different ways by different people in different places, or what the most recently added letters and numbers are short for. I’m hopeful that you are going to explain all that in this video and then I can stop feeling so horribly uninformed and ignorant about all the details. I’m usually not especially social and that makes it a lot harder for me to keep up with understanding things if and when the accepted vocabulary for anything updates or changes. 0:33 okay, finished writing and editing, continuing to watch the rest of the video now.
Okay finished watching, and as usual you answered everything I wanted to know, and even gave some information that I didn’t even know existed, wonderful informative video as always. I think after hearing all the different variations I might go with lgbt+ or lgbtq+ because it’s short, not too difficult to say, and recognizable by most people for what it means while including all of the other people that aren’t described in the letters being included with the plus, I don’t think I had heard of it being said as lgbt+ before watching this video so thank you for introducing it to my vocabulary, and thank you for explaining what all of the rest mean as well.
Fun fact No. 2: The Polish equivalent to the word ‘fruity’ is ”ciepły”, which literally means warm (it’s also inportant to remember that in Poland, the word “ciepły” isn’t as much popular as a word for 'gay’ as much as the word “pedał”).
Interesting! Because old people in Germany use(d) the word "warm" (=warm) for "gay". I read it was short for "warmer Bruder" (warm brother), used in the early 20th century, which had been a term centuries ago that described some kind of very close relationship between men, maybe some kind of lavender marriage: "like a brotherhood out pf the warmth of their love for each other". Maybe it was similar in Polish?
@@elektra121 I did some reaserch And it turns out that the origin of the word ”ciepły” as in gay actually comes from the german Warmer bruder. Apparently, during ww2 german SS officers would sometimes use the term ‘warmer bruder’ as a way to refer to gay men infront of Polish people, And then Polish would themself use the word “ciepły” as in gay.
@@CitizenOfPoland Wow, that's so interesting! Thank you!
Jewish person here ^^ Androgynous, tumtum and ay'lonit are actually specifications of different intersex traits.
Saris is a male who was castrated, often times in order to serve female royalty without having any "accidents" happen (I know, right? 💀). The term was fortunetaly used to reffer to a phenomenon of other ancient cultures, like the Persion kingdom, since in judaism castratation is stricktly prohibited.
Daughter: "In the LGBT..."
Mother: "Isn't it LGBTQIA+ now?"
Daughter: "You can shorten it to LGBT"
Mother: "Why not shorten it to L then?
I tend to use Rainbow community/ crew/ family when referring to a part of the community without specifically calling out which section of the family
Hearing you mention South Africa and learning more about Lavender Linguistics made me so happy ❤ as a baby to the community you have helped me so much to be more accenting myself and my own queer identity- thank you Jessica!!!
I've hear in spanish the term "alphabet mafia" (la mafia del alfabeto) witch is use like the alfabet soup as a silly way of calling the comunity but with the added reference to it being something ilegal for a long time
Love the alphabet mafia term, mostly because it is just very silly and goofy
I personally love the term Alphabet Mafia. In Hebrew we often use the term הקהילה הגאה - hakehila hagea - which translates to the pride or proud community
This is the first time I've heard of lavender linguistics!
Oh but you should try to look into Filipino gay lingo. Our queer community has created their own language that uses Filipino and English terms. It's like a iykyk kind of thing. I've seen a wikipedia article about it and there may be some scholarly linguistic studies about it. I've even seen a Filipina RUclipsr do a whole video about gay lingo words she knew or didn't know the meaning of. I find it fascinating.
I sometimes say I'm part of the rainbow mafia, rainbow brigade or fabulous folks, but my usual go-to is LGBT+ for brevity.
Yh, I also usually use queer or rainbow/alphabet mafia around my queer friends, but go with LGBTQ in non-queer settings
THE ALPHABET MAFIA
Interestingly, the German word for gay (schwul) is never used as an umbrella term. In the younger generation, the English words gay or queer are used as umbrella terms instead. Variations of LGBTQ+ (including German versions like LSBTI*) are also used. I'm not sure if it's ever used in the English speaking world like that, but rainbow family (Regenbogenfamilie) is used for queer families here (even in academics), which sounds so lovely!
I do understand why people are confused, it IS confusing sometimes, especially when different words are used for the same identity and some of those were or are slurs. I myself am confused sometimes and I would consider myself quite educated on queer issues. I usually use queer (both in English and German) as an umbrella term unless someone tells me it makes them uncomfortable. I find that fair because it is easy to say and understand, it is a word I feel comfortable using for myself, and it fits better with the fluidity and openness of the community than all those acronyms. I know not everyone agrees with that, but we will never find a term everyone agrees with (and again, I would never call someone queer directly if they expressed discomfort with it). I also don't mind cishet people using queer to describe us, but I understand why some people do.
Maybe we should collectively rebrand ourselves as the rainbow community because it has never been a slur, isn't excluding anyone, is easy to say, and has a really positive connotation. What's not to love?
But generally, intentions mean more to me than the words used. I'd rather have someone use outdated language while telling me they love me the way I am than pass a discriminating law while using politically correct terminology. Words ARE important, but there are bigger issues out there. I've seen and participated in discussions and arguments about terminology that went nowhere and didn't accomplish anything. Sometimes it's better for your own mental health to shrug it off and focus on something more impactful.
Another great video.
It's so nice to hear you speaking in a posh accent about the subjects you do. Not only is your content interesting, amusing and informative but it's so refreshing to hear your accent coupled with your authenticity. Thank you for doing what you're doing
I personally use Queer to refer to all of my identities, it's a way to "sum it up". I wasn't aware that some people do not like it, I will definitely keep that in mind going forward.
Also as someone who is xenogender, I personally feel like MOGAI includes that part of me.
I identify as pansexual, which isnt one of the letters used in what I always heard the community referred to as a teen and the way I usually refer to it now out of habit (LGBT). I dont feel less represented by the term, and I do agree that in some ways adding in too many letters for the sake of inclusivity can make it more confusing, open it up to more criticism, and may even make someone feel less included if they're not one of the identities represented in the more inclusive LGBTQIA+ (I guess I'd be part of the plus) as they may wonder why those identities were important to include while theirs was not. I also understand the need for representation for those who feel marginalized, under represented, or like their identity is unseen or even erased even within the community they're supposed to be a part of. I guess my take on it is we should all try our best to be inclusive AND be understanding and forgiving of others who (in good faith) use the "wrong" term.
Jessica, thank you for very comprehensive explanation. My son is happily married to his partner, whom I love dearly as my own son. I always thought that we really wouldn't need all the acronyms if society all over the world stopped the verbal and emotional segregation of all the human beings. That all came from different religious beliefs over the centuries. I also believe that in the future, however long it will take, but we all going to be just human beings, living however we want and loving whomever we want.
Our rigid system of gender and sexuality, with 2 distinct and opposing genders is a pretty new concept. The resistance to this oppressive concept is, by necessity, even newer. This gender and sexuality construct seems to be fraying at the edges. A *lot* of resistance movements cropped up, in different places, and inside different communities and contexts, and now they *appear* to clash, as all of them have exploded online (that glorious, contextless place, out of time and space), where all kinds of people, especially younger people, can meet outside the watchful eye of parents, and without needing to leave the house. A lot of this linguistics is very important online, where all people have are their words. These conversations of the "right" language have always existed, but they've really grown loud online. Seems like it's going to stay that way.
i dont think ive ever been this early! i love your videos!
I honestly needed this incredibly friendly and inclusive segment from you. As someone who is asexual and gender fluid, it is often extremely difficult to explain to family with questions how they should refer to me. Why do they still dress in clothing that we think adheres to the gender binary? Why is their hair long? Does that mean they're a different person now? This just... was exactly what I needed this morning as I prepare to see the whole crew for the holidays. As someone who has spent a LOT of time learning about queer and LGBTQIA+ cultures around the world and how colonialism dismantled their place in society, it is often very hard to explain to extremely white American peers and family that just because the term isn't in their vernacular, doesn't mean the messy and fun crockpot of feelings inside me aren't real and haven't always been there. I personally love that we are entering an era where so many individuals, especially those young, can find a way to be included. I know, had I grown up with more inclusion, my life would have made a lot more sense XD.
Also, if you want a really interesting topic of queer and trans identities, I recommend the rabbit hole of the devadasi in Indian culture. Not only was their gender seen in society, but it was considered extremely holy and sacred.
I love your videos so much and wish you and Claudia, Rupert, and your families the merriest of holidays! Please enjoy a bit of rest and take care!
as a sapphic ace im quite a fan of the term 'alphabet mafia' 😈
same here
I hadn't seen that source for asexual history before! That should be added to the timeline of asexual history wikipedia page! Btw, there are older mentions of asexuality too, the wikipedia timeline is pretty good although there's still much more being uncovered from the past
Thank you, Jessica, for a wonderful video into queer history (as always!) and for validating asexuality--I'm glad to see it is becoming more widely accepted. I am loving the lavender linguistics.
As for my usual language around the community, I usually say LGBTQ (the + waves in and out) in person, but use GSRM when writing and prefer it. Partly because I don't really like that the additions to the full LGBT acronym have started to feel more like highlighting who doesn't fit into the larger label rather than feeling more inclusive, and partly because GSRM feels more like acknowledging that many people aren't just one part of the community--for example, I fit in the G, S, and R in GSRM. But, I appreciate the history behind the language and WHY we've gotten here.
I live in Canada. In my community there is a small store that sells queer and indigenous iteams made by people in the community. It is called the quilt bag.
Glad to know where that comes from
I prefer queer just because it's all inclusive feeling to me. If I want to get specific I just talk about my labels. But I also love quiltbag. I sometimes use Rainbow Army.
One that I wish had caught on is FABGLITTER (Fetish, Allies, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Intersexed, Transgender, Transsexual Engendering Revolution). IIRC, it was coined in the 1990s by the editors of a bisexual magazine called Anything that Moves. Of course, the "A" could be repurposed for ace people today. It's rather flashy for some contexts, but could be fun. The collective noun could be "fabglitteratti".
It does seem that an umbrella term is needed for people who fall afoul of heteronormative rules.
As far as I'm concerned, the 'alphabet soup' phrase is more applicable to all of the gov't agencies that collectively are known by their acronyms. When multiple agencies are involved in an investigation it's definitely an alphabet soup, especially since several letters are repeated. I love Rainbow Mafia however. My favorite gay joke was told to me by a very flamboyant friend (who made the joke that much better by his delivery of the punchline), but people underestimate the physical, conspiratorial and collective power of the LGBTQIA+ community, and being seen as an international Mafia just hits different than a weak kid to bully for being different from the 'normal' people. Come for 1, face us all.
As a civil servant your comment made me internally wince. We use so many acronyms that no acronym reference guide includes even half of them and many of them are used for 2 or more different things because there are only so many letters in the alphabet. Even my job title has an acronym in it. Why can't we juat use our words like regular humans?
@@Draggonny You have my sympathy. If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure the idea came from an episode of NCIS LA.
I think while in most cases the phrase "it's just a phase" has been used against the LGBTQIA+ community and its youth in particular, I feel like I want society to reach a point where labels and coming out are unimportant. Bc for instance coming out as bi, then homosexual, then trans heterosexual, as one example of a progression, should just be as normalized and natural as aging. Like we learn and evolve as people as we age, and experience new things, or learn about new things , or meet new people. Like listing one's romantic/sexual partners or lack thereof without anything but the chronology being relevant to explain to others is the vibe I hope for. Like other people's relationships and sexual preferences shouldn't be dissected by strangers and casual acquaintances.... only people very close to a person should even know personal details....
That’s how it should’ve been all along, unfortunately there are grown adults in this world who throw a temper tantrum when they see a sexuality or gender that doesn’t line up with what is typically deemed acceptable. Society really took a step backwards.
I tend to use LGBT and usually have my tongue tripping over more initials. I like the term quiltbag because it's easier to say, but it brings up memories of my mom's sewing bag.😊
❤
I really enjoy all of your videos, particularly on lavender linguistics. I’m demiromantic, and probably asexual, though maybe demisexual as well. Through the last year of second guessing my gender and sexuality, I’ve found a lot of solace in the fact that even if I get some of it wrong, I won’t just not be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I’ve learned to listen to my emotions and love me for who I am instead of just shoving it all into the back of my mind constantly. Your videos and others have been a huge help, as I live in a very non accepting area, and with a non accepting parent. So thank you. Always.
x-gender is used in Japan and Watase Yuu, author of Fushigi Yuugi came out with that. (English pronouns They/ them)
Interestingly enough for Korea, LGBTQIA has reached mainstream for the pride parades, but there is a history of the oldest religion in Korea, Mugyo supporting the existence of LGBTQIA. BTW, I'm not saying that SK is rainbows year around--there's still things SK has to tackle in this regard which includes a frightening amount of people who think if you're gay you automatically have AIDS. But I do think it's neat that the majority of the homegrown religions have automatic inclusion of the queer community. Donghak and Mugyo being most notable. And sometimes that makes me think colonization did a ton of damage in that area.
“RAINBOW PEOPLE”!
That’s my favorite, from a comment on another of your videos saying it’s used in Australia or New Zealand!
(My heartfelt apologies for not remembering which country it was.)
Fuck it, me calling the lgtbq “rainbow dudes”