SOCIAL CONDITIONING IN THE MOST PART IS WHAT CAUSES EMOTIONAL CORRUPTION. IN THE 50s SCIENTISTS RANG A BELL 10 MINUTES BEFORE FEEDING DOGS. AFTER A WHILE THE DOGS WOULD START SALIVATING ON HEARING THE BELL. THIS PHENOMENOM IS BEHIND NUCLEAR FEMINISM.
Sometimes i get that fight or flight response all of sudden, with no reason at all and idk, it makes me have terrible panic attacks (for example sitting in my living room having dinner by myself)
Years ago I inexplicably started experiencing panic attacks, which are essentially "fight or flight" occurrences on crack. I had no idea what triggered them, but they became paralyzing to the point I nearly lost my career. After countless failed attempts to conquer them, I started experimenting. Eventually, I found the remedy through mindfulness. When I had an attack, or felt that steady build of anxiety, I closed my eyes and became intimate with the sensations. I told myself, "you know what this is, you're perfectly fine and it will pass." After a a little time with this approach, I could almost dissect my emotions objectively and analyze them from the outside looking in. When I was able too view them through that lens, my brain began to unravel the triggers on a subconscious level, and the roots of my issues began to present themselves seemingly out of nowhere. They felt like revelations, and suddenly I just understood. After a little more time, the attacks stopped entirely. Get to know yourself on the deepest of levels, and you'll find answers you never knew existed.
And it helps when one asks, “what am I capable of?” To focus more on the good, the goal, the positive, and who you want to become; less on the negative, although knowing that helps too. I know both the me’s that I could be, don’t want to be, and am hopefully growing into.
You are triggered for a very good reason! The stimulus may be mimicking subtle abusive behaviour. Hyper vigilant perhaps. Anything that resembles a duck, is a duck.
“Healing” is the operative word here. “Time heals all wounds” is simply not true. Like you so aptly stated, unless we target the specific problem that caused the original wound, we will just be hoping and praying that something changes. The problem only gets further reinforced every time we ignore the signals. Thanks to channels like yours, we can learn to assess and change our situation. Thank you, Michele!
I feel like alcohol, fast foods/sugary snacks and cigarettes are big ways people use to switch off their inner smoke alarms. (To numb everything)thanks for a great video, I love the question "what did I need that I didn't get?" It's very thought provoking x
For me emotional triggers often are places I've been to in relation to an unpleasant event or a past occurrence with a narc. So there are so many places I can't go to any more because it triggers my memory and makes me sad or angry or depressed. I'm learning not to be afraid of these memory related places by revisiting them and saying to myself "I won't let this place take over my life, I won't let it scare me". Then once I've gone through I say "see, it wasn't so bad, your came out unscathed, you can do it again". I'm also trying to replace old memories by newer ones. Not easy but coming along.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments. We're all in this together, I feel it's important to share whatever we discover that works for us bec it might help or inspire someone else. Lately on a bike hike, I found myself on the reverse side of a landscape I was used to passing on my way to my ex narc. , so I associated this scenery with the unpleasant memories. But seeing the whole area of islands on the river from another angle gave me a new perspective literally and figuratively. I was closer, looking at this portion of land and water from the river bank instead of the bridge, discovering some features I had no idea existed. In other words I learned to look at things differently through a symbolic journey.
I do the same thing with places! I absolutely HATE my grandparents house & when I was with my narc I told him I didn’t ever want to go to his mom’s house again after we had a huge fight there.
Now that I've done the workbin understanding narcissistic abuse and what it did to my brain waves and body, I'm ready for this part of the journey. Thank you so much.
Hi, Michelle and thrivers! I saw this video already yesterday, and today I feel I changed things... Last night analizing what triggers me and the real reason behind it liberated me a bit... For instance I come from a country in which the line between rich and poor is so obvious, it felt cruel. My granny taught me to help poor people, yet she didn t teach me to unplug feeling guilty or non deserving of favor(wealth, good boyfriends, etc), only because I couldn t stop connecting the plug that triggered me and drained me in their misery... I can help people in need... If i can... And leave them in their world and their own karma... Specially people with vices... Alcohol, drugs... Well,... I don t drink myself... If someone even from close family chooses to drown in their sorrows... Well... I totally don t have to drown with them... They are adults taking their own decisions... If I don t drink and abuse people, who should I join that crowd...? So mentally I could already escape from people in the past... Always sad, and always in sorrow... Yet not doing anything to help themselves... The responsability i felt I had on my shoulders melted... I am here working with you.. I won t give my supply later on to people who hey... They don t want solutions, they simply want drama... There is a big difference between be triggered to the point that you lose control... And simply observing things that overpass human limits... Abusive bosses, drinking husbands... They don t belong in my equation... So I must go... Fast! 🏃♀️🏃♀️🚮
Thank you so much. I love your videos. This is so great. I've opened a file in my phone's notepad labeled "triggers" and going to identify them as they happen. ❤️🧡💚💚
Taking the time to think and reflect when we feel angry or upset, taking a few minutes to talk with ourselves, to understand what we're feeling and being honest with ourselves to understand what's triggering those negative emotions.
this video helped me so much. I paused and wrote down my biggest trigger I was able to discover why it was such a trigger . I just cried so much . on the brighter side I was able to do as you said , speak to my inner child and let myself not only know it’s okay but as an adult look at it w a better perspective. . you are literally amazing !!
Thank you for this excellent video! I can't believe how incredibly well you got it all explained in under 8 minutes! For me, the hardest part is approaching the inner child and actually saying those words you suggested. If anyone else has this problem, I encourage you to take it slow and don't give up. Maybe you can just watch the inner child first and that's good too. Don't give up because you can't do it all at once. It can be tough. I'll keep working on it and I am making progress, even if it's slow. Maybe I'll take one more step towards her the next time.
Excellent video and explanation . I came to the same conclusion myself about 3 years ago when things began to resurface during my daily meditation/yoga practice. I found myself becoming very compassionate and basically reparenting the wounded parts of myself like you described. I had a situation where I would get extreme over the top anxiety whenever I drove by a particular location. It was so nerve wracking, that I decided to analyze and unpack the trauma associated with this particular location. It was a suppressed childhood memory that I was able to address and acknowledge within myself. I can now drive by this area w no trigger whatsoever. It was at that point that I realized the triggers are invitations to heal out trauma. 💕
I have to share what happened when I did what you said to do. I accepted the fact that when I saw child I needed to feel accepted and not discarded. This came from my youth and I was able to tell Little Ananda that it is okay and that even if she is treated that way that she will be okay because Adult Ananda is here to treat her correctly and to never let her be discarded, pushed aside, or forgotten. Thank you for your help Michelle!
I think my past triggers were telling me that I needed boundaries. Once I got out of the relationship, no triggers. I was told later by significant people, that I was being tortured in that relationship. There was no mutual respect, conflict resolution or healthy dynamics of any kind. I miss what I thought I had, but realize it wasn't reality. I'm a couple yrs out, but still working on rebuilding what that relationship destroyed within myself. Boundaries rock!
We don't know what we are feeling because it doesn't make sense. But we are dealing with someone who is not logical! Of course it hurts, it is utter disapproval to witness or be treated in such a way. Just get away from it. And RESIST! Before you lose any more of your vitality!
Finding it hard to detach from 'needing validation and love ' because we're taught, we CAN HAVE our needs met.... would love to be hypnotised against addictions, co decency!! They say, when we are properly healed of emotional and mental trauma. Christ will be back, as in the 2nd coming!! Time doctors did better therapies. We shouldn't have to cope with upsets, but in this century
I would say my emotional trigger is when someone is blatantly disrespectful to me, as my anger goes from zero to ten really quickly! But even with that I still will not get physically violent with anyone, but they will get an ear full of what's on my mind. Thanks for the great tips on eliminating emotional triggers Michele 🤗😏🙂
Warren C Yes, me too. It never ends well for me though. I am working on my anger issues. I was full of anger. It's finally getting better after 20 years.
This was deeply helpful ... while you just listed the reasons - I understood something about a situation that's been really bothering me. Thank you.. God bless you and your work 🙂
I’ve done this task before I had to forgive a lot of ppl on my own to feel peace in myself because I felt myself always angry for no reason at all. Things that trigger me have always been ppl because I let ppl do so much wrong to me without a apology. Then jus smile in my face like they haven’t done a thing that’s what use to trigger me so I just avoid them and dismiss them when ever I see them! So forgiveness is something I’ve done on my own and it helped me be a better person
Franklin Bujans The triggers come on spontaneously and once I understood what was actually occurring; I began right there. It was a natural process verses my trying to find a place to begin. This was very helpful since there is no particular order to unpack emotional wounds. We just meet ourselves wherever we’re at in the moment and that process seems to continue as our healing progresses. Hope this helps.
Your videos are always helpful and have helped me immensely to feel better.... Little baby steps at a time. I am completely alone and isolated so you are the only one I have. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your insight. I’ve experienced all this since even before I was married, and now I’ve been focusing on me and doing what identifies as being me! It is starting to get fun, sunny and bright! 🙏🏼Thank you.
I recently did a Nuro emotional technique with my chiropractor. I had noticed a trigger that I wanted to identify the root So we could neutralize it. Long story short it open the floodgates to realizing that everyone in my family was abusing me. Everyone. And now I can begin to heal. This realization took place two weeks ago and the growth that I have gone through watching this channel and reflecting in word is just amazing to me. I am so strong. now I can actually recognize that.
New to recovery. Have repeated child hood trauma. And narc abuse. Just learned there is recovery. I thought I was going to never recover and die this way. Now I'm reaching for help like a man who is drounding
Very valuable Video, healing ones inner Child-nurturing and loving them is paramount. Michele i just did exactly what you recommended, all 4 Steps on my greatest Trigger, and it helped a lot, finally the little Girl of 5 is in my Embrace, breathing Sighs of relief and happiness. Finally she is heard, aka loved, accepted and valued for who she is.
Practising mindfulness, being aware in the moment. Sitting with your feelings and allowing yourself to process in a safe place. I learned I have to feel it to heal it by embracing my feelings instead of avoiding them. What I resists persists but what I allow to process gets RELEASED like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Be brave, have the courage to allow and accept how you feel and journal through it. Writing down your thoughts and feelings when they surface brings awareness and clarity rather than trying to figure it out on your own. The body knows what the mind is able to block from memory. Focus on allowing and releasing versus avoiding and suppressing or repressing. Set yourself Free ✌💖
Thanks Michelle! I stopped the video at each step and tried practicing. I can see how this can help reset my emotions in a charged state from being triggered. I will add this to the other thing I am learning about controlling emotional flashbacks from Richard Grannon , because I need all the help I can get. Even after 1 1/2 years after my ex discarded me from a very long marriage for someone else- it is still like yesterday sometimes. The reactions come on anytime from the smallest things. I keep it inside mostly - but it is making my life miserable. I have to take action to help myself and I think your video has some really great suggestions. It’s hard to connect what happened in my marriage with my childhood- except I felt like after my parents divorced at age 10- my life was torn apart. I was not supported and had to fend for myself. So I can see how going to my childhood self and giving comfort is a good feeling. I did need more acceptance, love, patience, approval and encouragement than I was given by my parents who were both trying to survive after the divorce. They did not have the room for us kids problems really. It was so much to worry about themselves.
Wow, amazingly helpful, especially when I sat down to think & feel what’s been surfacing and resurfacing and began writing everything down. Thank you Michelle!
I’m tired of the triggers now because I go into the 4 F mode. I’m triggered at work by a co-worker, because her voice volume is the same as my wife. I literally freeze and stop thinking and functioning mentally. I have to leave the office to reset my mental state. Does this ever go away?
I used to get panicked around dogs because I had a couple dog attacks when I was very young; but EMDR therapy balanced out my fight or flight response so now I can have dogs around and I don't freak any more. I still don't like them, but at least I don't want to run or fight them. I suspect I have cat DNA lol. The same therapy can be applied to any situation that panicks you: EMDR.
Each one of your videos is so practical and to the point. Thank you so much, this video is enormously helpful to me, you are helping me to make a big change in my life, the true and the strategies that you give in this video are already helping me and will continue helping me drastically. God bless you and multiply you blessings. 💖💐👍
As you heal from this abuse it very imperative to look inwards and within oneself to address any cracks, thereby focusing on the root cause not the symptoms when faced with situations
I think this is one of those things that is a repetitive process. You have to do it over and over for it to really work. But it does work. It teaches you to care about yourself
To have enough self control to simply not fight or flight is as far as I've gotten so far. Breathing, if even for a few seconds, can relieve the pressure enough for me to maintain My Cool. But then it feels as though my welcome has expired. My next step is to no longer need to fight or flight, but look beyond the moment, and decide if I really want to leave or hope for a better topic..
Unfairness triggers me. So that's how I felt unfairly treated and overlooked as a child. Also rejection of who I am and what matters to me is a trigger. All stems from a narc family member. And now my partner triggers these things in me with his disapproval and judgement of things I care about. I also am very protective of animals and feel like they deserve this care more than people as they are fundamentally innocent and I wonder if this relates back to me as a child. Also love animals a lot ❤🐕🐈🐤🐻❄️🐰🦒🐘
I try to imagine everybody but especially really difficult challenging folks for me as what they were like in third grade and what was their home life like it helps me to have empathy to the situation and for myself to realize that we’re all children soul children God‘s children walking around in these big inflated bodies. It’s quite a giggle when you think about it remember the playground who are you on that playground in third grade I liked who I was then. I’m starting to like who I am again it’s beautiful to be in love with me they missed out if they didn’t love you they’re plenty people that would be ready for that experience joyful even might I say in my humbleness. Be well
this makes alot of sense and i will definitely work on triggers from my past because they are very debilitating and hurtful; however, unfortunately i hate smoke detectors and i always remove the batteries when they make noise! i would rather work on my triggers than listen to a smoke detector!
Anytime someone criticizes me in a scolding way for something as minor is not knowing that I would have to pay for condiments or accidentally missing a spot on a dish, or other nitpicky things they say like "let me show you the correct way to wash dishes" (as if I'm a child, or as if one mistake means I can't do anything right), I regress to times when my dad would rage over these things. Sometimes even my mom, but I believe my mom was caught up in a toxic environment just like the rest of us. I don't believe that is her at the core just like getting enraged over other people criticizing me over little things is. I rarely yell at people face to face. I usually flee first and send them angry text messages. That's my fight-or-flight style
Being put down triggers me & surely that is normal. That's ehst a narcissist does but when someone else does it, I don't need to change. The person needs to check themselves especially when they are passive aggressive!!!
I was so lost I was bragging on my own abuse I suffered as a child . I raise my daughter on my own . I’ve been abused in every relationship I’ve ever been in I am a narcissist magnet . Money is the least of the things they stole . I dated dirty woman and and yelled and abused the good ones like I was trained to ignore and fight the strong independent woman.
I did take the time and wrote down 10. In childhood and in past narcissistic relationship. What I didn’t realize is 5 of those triggers I also had in childhood. Reasoning for those same triggers was different though if that makes any sense lol. Childhood triggers mild not intentional by my parents as the triggers in my narcissistic relationship were intentional. But helpful video for me.
I think this happened to me today. I got in defense mode with my dad and when I vented about the matter online, people were telling me Inwas in the wrong, it wasn't that big of a deal, etc whereas I went to 10 really quick.
I need some advice yall! I have been in an abusive relationship for 12 years. My emotions are sensitive at the moment. When the abuse was happening, I didnt know it was abuse. I was only 18 and had lost my mother. A few months ago, I gained knowledge on narc abuse and identified my situation. At the moment, I am very very angry at myself for allowing him to abuse me. Why didn't I walk away sooner? How didnt i know it was wrong? I am beating myself up and am ashamed of the years of narc abuse. I want to leave bc I still have a lot going for me. I'm only 28. I'm shell shocked after what he put me through. Hard to relax. Emotions heightened. Any advice?
Advice: first thing is to forgive yourself. It's really hard to know when you are "in it". Also, it's hard to accept that we would allow this kind of behavior towards ourselves. It's okay. You know now, and that is Great! Be kind to yourself. A lot of really smart, caring people fall into this kind of relationship without realizing it, so my best advice is to forgive yourself. Then, continue to work towards your exit, mainly with your safety in mind. You are young and have a great wonderful life of loving yourself ahead of you! Start working on YOU, and getting yourself into a position where you can take care of yourself. I understand the anxiety and heightened emotional response. Take your time...breathe, do something nice for yourself no matter how small. Start with baby steps. But do something for you. Even if it's just a calming bath. Look for some support from a friend or a counselor. RUclips is Wonderful too, but talking to someone sometimes helps the most. Someone you trust and who may have been through something similar. You are on the right path. I'm proud of you! I just went NO Contact with my EX in January.....7 months ago, and I am feeling SO much better. Like ME again...still learning who I am. Which is why I'm watching all these videos too :D You are not alone. Best wishes for your new awareness and your new life and love of yourself. You are so worth it!
I had a hard time understanding what effective application would look like. I listened twice but don’t understand what self parenting is. I understand what a trigger is but not how to apply your ideas. Can you give examples or a demonstration?
SuddenlyHope Hi, not sure this will help but for me the self parenting is a lot like comforting a little kid that is hurt, worried or scared. During a trigger it’s like the adult me comforts the wounded hurt me in a loving compassionate manor. It’s like I’m holding and loving that hurt child within. This process occurred spontaneously for me, I hadn’t heard it before but I’m convinced this process along w EMDR, yoga, meditation, hypnosis videos has been a recipe for healing. It’s an ongoing process not an overnight solution. I’m amazed how reexperiencing pain is the answer to releasing it. Not a task for the weak !
what if U can't stand your inner child, who always gets on my nerves, needs to pee all the time because of a small overactive bladder? I do all I can but I still feel angry, lonely, and mad at her. I often don't feel like a functioning adult, it hurts so much.
what if the trigger is just past events that youre afraid of experiencing, like a panic attack, sure it lasted long and it stopped, i was doing ok i got better, its not any trauma its not anything huge, and sometimes my mind goes back to that time just for a second and my anxiety peaks, mostly it's just my heart beating and feeling really warm or cold.
However wise what you say is, dealing with triggers is like trying to approach a mine field ALONE. no , it is not a good idea to make psychology a popular past time, that can be easily handled. This needs professional help. Emotional triggers is NOT a good thing, it means your subconscious is taking over ..it is a red light, yes, but do not handle it with a coach but with a professional, maybe medicate the pain so you can deal better with a professional. It is like trying to have a brain surgery by yourself. Not a good idea though it would save you money.
Yes, I agree to get help if you are in deep with these triggers and acting out, dangerously so. It doesn't hurt to have a professional assisting you on your journey. Please everyone, consider yourselves worth it, and take care of yourself by getting help.
I go through this at least once a day..where my thought is that's it, I gotta get outta here. Mostly though it isn't what is said, it is that my Narc mil makes me take care of her dogs, I feed all her dogs, we have built 2 sheds for her dogs and put up the fencing for the two in the front and now her other 2 in the back, I clean the sheds, when they bark I am supposed to figure out how to stop them, If they get out in the morning..I gotta deal with them in order to take my son to school. We pay rent, and I do her dishes. We live on her property but not in her house. My daughter was murdered almost 2 years ago and I feel like I am expected not to have a life. My 2 Grandchildren are being raised by their other grandmother as not only their mom died but their dad killed himself. I do not get to the city they live in often due to me feeling like a servent. I am working on getting out of here. I think it will just be my 2 kids still at home and myself..my partner says he doesn't agree with his mom, or if you want we can leave, but he does what he's told, and I am expected to do the same(I assume forever). Thanks for this video, with the things I cannot avoid right now, it is good to learn how to handle ones that can be avoided.
So what are the 4 steps? I hear a very typical explanation of common info that has been said many times over. The smoke detectors operate according to how well they are wired to detect smoke..in a personal ability to problem solve and accept unfavorable situations..radical acceptance is the common phrase ..silly analogy really. But it gives an idea. This is very full of trends
I work as a mental health clinician in ptsd and this simply is a wonderful example of a tool that can be used. Great work Michelle. I’m going to use that analogy with the frontline responders I work with.
What about that silly narc trigger stuff that make u want to go from 0 to 10 on the anger scale lol and then you have to calm ur self because u realize it’s a trap (fake) to make u say things they take out of context to use against u and also repeated mind trauma control trying to influence you to unbelieve things you know are good to make u think everything is always negative lol
I love your videos but REALLY?? A smoke detector sound out of the blue like that. UGH. So uncool to do that to your viewers. Loud beeps are horrible triggers for people. Please remove it and never do it again!
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Triggers help you to identify what is wrong. Remember it is normal for you to have these reactions, considering what you have been through.
SOCIAL CONDITIONING IN THE MOST PART IS WHAT CAUSES EMOTIONAL CORRUPTION. IN THE 50s SCIENTISTS RANG A BELL 10 MINUTES BEFORE FEEDING DOGS. AFTER A WHILE THE DOGS WOULD START SALIVATING ON HEARING THE BELL. THIS PHENOMENOM IS BEHIND NUCLEAR FEMINISM.
Yes exactly!
Thank You for putting it in one simple yet profound Sentence. Much Love.
Oh yeah!
Sometimes i get that fight or flight response all of sudden, with no reason at all and idk, it makes me have terrible panic attacks (for example sitting in my living room having dinner by myself)
Years ago I inexplicably started experiencing panic attacks, which are essentially "fight or flight" occurrences on crack. I had no idea what triggered them, but they became paralyzing to the point I nearly lost my career. After countless failed attempts to conquer them, I started experimenting. Eventually, I found the remedy through mindfulness. When I had an attack, or felt that steady build of anxiety, I closed my eyes and became intimate with the sensations. I told myself, "you know what this is, you're perfectly fine and it will pass." After a a little time with this approach, I could almost dissect my emotions objectively and analyze them from the outside looking in. When I was able too view them through that lens, my brain began to unravel the triggers on a subconscious level, and the roots of my issues began to present themselves seemingly out of nowhere. They felt like revelations, and suddenly I just understood. After a little more time, the attacks stopped entirely. Get to know yourself on the deepest of levels, and you'll find answers you never knew existed.
Thank you, I will try this next times I have an attack, hopefully no time soon... 🤗
Excellent way to describe the process ; I had the same experience. Embracing the trauma/trigger seems to be the way to process and release the wounds.
And it helps when one asks, “what am I capable of?” To focus more on the good, the goal, the positive, and who you want to become; less on the negative, although knowing that helps too. I know both the me’s that I could be, don’t want to be, and am hopefully growing into.
Thank you so much!
You are triggered for a very good reason!
The stimulus may be mimicking subtle abusive behaviour. Hyper vigilant perhaps.
Anything that resembles a duck, is a duck.
“Healing” is the operative word here. “Time heals all wounds” is simply not true. Like you so aptly stated, unless we target the specific problem that caused the original wound, we will just be hoping and praying that something changes. The problem only gets further reinforced every time we ignore the signals. Thanks to channels like yours, we can learn to assess and change our situation. Thank you, Michele!
I feel like alcohol, fast foods/sugary snacks and cigarettes are big ways people use to switch off their inner smoke alarms. (To numb everything)thanks for a great video, I love the question "what did I need that I didn't get?" It's very thought provoking x
For me emotional triggers often are places I've been to in relation to an unpleasant event or a past occurrence with a narc. So there are so many places I can't go to any more because it triggers my memory and makes me sad or angry or depressed. I'm learning not to be afraid of these memory related places by revisiting them and saying to myself "I won't let this place take over my life, I won't let it scare me". Then once I've gone through I say "see, it wasn't so bad, your came out unscathed, you can do it again". I'm also trying to replace old memories by newer ones. Not easy but coming along.
Montreal Artlive Isn’t it great to have the ability to talk ourselves through stuff ? I do the same 😊
Doing the same even it sucks.
Please Keep on moving forward, facing your giants, and overcoming them one choice at a time.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments. We're all in this together, I feel it's important to share whatever we discover that works for us bec it might help or inspire someone else. Lately on a bike hike, I found myself on the reverse side of a landscape I was used to passing on my way to my ex narc. , so I associated this scenery with the unpleasant memories. But seeing the whole area of islands on the river from another angle gave me a new perspective literally and figuratively. I was closer, looking at this portion of land and water from the river bank instead of the bridge, discovering some features I had no idea existed. In other words I learned to look at things differently through a symbolic journey.
I do the same thing with places! I absolutely HATE my grandparents house & when I was with my narc I told him I didn’t ever want to go to his mom’s house again after we had a huge fight there.
Now that I've done the workbin understanding narcissistic abuse and what it did to my brain waves and body, I'm ready for this part of the journey. Thank you so much.
I am now in this state of panic, anxiety and the triggers.. Lovely to know all this from This Video.
Thank You Michelle ❤️🌹🌹🌹🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
Hi, Michelle and thrivers! I saw this video already yesterday, and today I feel I changed things... Last night analizing what triggers me and the real reason behind it liberated me a bit...
For instance I come from a country in which the line between rich and poor is so obvious, it felt cruel. My granny taught me to help poor people, yet she didn t teach me to unplug feeling guilty or non deserving of favor(wealth, good boyfriends, etc), only because I couldn t stop connecting the plug that triggered me and drained me in their misery... I can help people in need... If i can... And leave them in their world and their own karma... Specially people with vices... Alcohol, drugs... Well,... I don t drink myself... If someone even from close family chooses to drown in their sorrows... Well... I totally don t have to drown with them... They are adults taking their own decisions... If I don t drink and abuse people, who should I join that crowd...? So mentally I could already escape from people in the past... Always sad, and always in sorrow... Yet not doing anything to help themselves... The responsability i felt I had on my shoulders melted... I am here working with you.. I won t give my supply later on to people who hey... They don t want solutions, they simply want drama...
There is a big difference between be triggered to the point that you lose control... And simply observing things that overpass human limits... Abusive bosses, drinking husbands... They don t belong in my equation... So I must go... Fast! 🏃♀️🏃♀️🚮
U are a life saver!! Thank God for u!!💖🙏
Thank you so much. I love your videos. This is so great. I've opened a file in my phone's notepad labeled "triggers" and going to identify them as they happen. ❤️🧡💚💚
Excellent.
E. Rock Freedom great idea...gonna do same
Taking the time to think and reflect when we feel angry or upset, taking a few minutes to talk with ourselves, to understand what we're feeling and being honest with ourselves to understand what's triggering those negative emotions.
this video helped me so much. I paused and wrote down my biggest trigger I was able to discover why it was such a trigger . I just cried so much . on the brighter side I was able to do as you said , speak to my inner child and let myself not only know it’s okay but as an adult look at it w a better perspective. . you are literally amazing !!
I know I have an emotional trigger regarding bullies, this comes from being bullied and rejected at school.
Thank you for this excellent video! I can't believe how incredibly well you got it all explained in under 8 minutes! For me, the hardest part is approaching the inner child and actually saying those words you suggested. If anyone else has this problem, I encourage you to take it slow and don't give up. Maybe you can just watch the inner child first and that's good too. Don't give up because you can't do it all at once. It can be tough. I'll keep working on it and I am making progress, even if it's slow. Maybe I'll take one more step towards her the next time.
Excellent video and explanation . I came to the same conclusion myself about 3 years ago when things began to resurface during my daily meditation/yoga practice. I found myself becoming very compassionate and basically reparenting the wounded parts of myself like you described. I had a situation where I would get extreme over the top anxiety whenever I drove by a particular location. It was so nerve wracking, that I decided to analyze and unpack the trauma associated with this particular location. It was a suppressed childhood memory that I was able to address and acknowledge within myself. I can now drive by this area w no trigger whatsoever. It was at that point that I realized the triggers are invitations to heal out trauma. 💕
Thank you!
I'm not a responder usualy...
But this video clicked! So true!
Had to listen 4 time's...
Greets from Belgium
This also is true for my alters/DID
Dissociative identity disorder
I have to share what happened when I did what you said to do. I accepted the fact that when I saw child I needed to feel accepted and not discarded. This came from my youth and I was able to tell Little Ananda that it is okay and that even if she is treated that way that she will be okay because Adult Ananda is here to treat her correctly and to never let her be discarded, pushed aside, or forgotten. Thank you for your help Michelle!
I think my past triggers were telling me that I needed boundaries. Once I got out of the relationship, no triggers. I was told later by significant people, that I was being tortured in that relationship. There was no mutual respect, conflict resolution or healthy dynamics of any kind. I miss what I thought I had, but realize it wasn't reality. I'm a couple yrs out, but still working on rebuilding what that relationship destroyed within myself. Boundaries rock!
We don't know what we are feeling because it doesn't make sense. But we are dealing with someone who is not logical! Of course it hurts, it is utter disapproval to witness or be treated in such a way. Just get away from it. And RESIST! Before you lose any more of your vitality!
I like what you sai..."dealing with someone who is not logical"....said: keep vitality.
Finding it hard to detach from 'needing validation and love ' because we're taught, we CAN HAVE our needs met.... would love to be hypnotised against addictions, co decency!! They say, when we are properly healed of emotional and mental trauma. Christ will be back, as in the 2nd coming!! Time doctors did better therapies. We shouldn't have to cope with upsets, but in this century
I would say my emotional trigger is when someone is blatantly disrespectful to me, as my anger goes from zero to ten really quickly! But even with that I still will not get physically violent with anyone, but they will get an ear full of what's on my mind. Thanks for the great tips on eliminating emotional triggers Michele 🤗😏🙂
Warren C Yes, me too. It never ends well for me though. I am working on my anger issues. I was full of anger. It's finally getting better after 20 years.
This was deeply helpful ... while you just listed the reasons - I understood something about a situation that's been really bothering me. Thank you.. God bless you and your work 🙂
I’ve done this task before I had to forgive a lot of ppl on my own to feel peace in myself because I felt myself always angry for no reason at all. Things that trigger me have always been ppl because I let ppl do so much wrong to me without a apology. Then jus smile in my face like they haven’t done a thing that’s what use to trigger me so I just avoid them and dismiss them when ever I see them! So forgiveness is something I’ve done on my own and it helped me be a better person
I have so many trigger points I don't even know where to begin but I do know that I don't ever want to be a victim again
Franklin Bujans The triggers come on spontaneously and once I understood what was actually occurring; I began right there. It was a natural process verses my trying to find a place to begin. This was very helpful since there is no particular order to unpack emotional wounds. We just meet ourselves wherever we’re at in the moment and that process seems to continue as our healing progresses. Hope this helps.
Your videos are always helpful and have helped me immensely to feel better.... Little baby steps at a time. I am completely alone and isolated so you are the only one I have. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your insight. I’ve experienced all this since even before I was married, and now I’ve been focusing on me and doing what identifies as being me! It is starting to get fun, sunny and bright! 🙏🏼Thank you.
That was such great advise... Thank you
Thank you, this is exactly what I was needing to hear! Your channel rocks! ♥️
I recently did a Nuro emotional technique with my chiropractor. I had noticed a trigger that I wanted to identify the root So we could neutralize it. Long story short it open the floodgates to realizing that everyone in my family was abusing me. Everyone. And now I can begin to heal. This realization took place two weeks ago and the growth that I have gone through watching this channel and reflecting in word is just amazing to me. I am so strong. now I can actually recognize that.
New to recovery. Have repeated child hood trauma. And narc abuse. Just learned there is recovery. I thought I was going to never recover and die this way. Now I'm reaching for help like a man who is drounding
Very valuable Video, healing ones inner Child-nurturing and loving them is paramount.
Michele i just did exactly what you recommended, all 4 Steps on my greatest Trigger, and it helped a lot, finally the little Girl of 5 is in my Embrace, breathing Sighs of relief and happiness. Finally she is heard, aka loved, accepted and valued for who she is.
Practising mindfulness, being aware in the moment. Sitting with your feelings and allowing yourself to process in a safe place. I learned I have to feel it to heal it by embracing my feelings instead of avoiding them. What I resists persists but what I allow to process gets RELEASED like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Be brave, have the courage to allow and accept how you feel and journal through it. Writing down your thoughts and feelings when they surface brings awareness and clarity rather than trying to figure it out on your own. The body knows what the mind is able to block from memory. Focus on allowing and releasing versus avoiding and suppressing or repressing. Set yourself Free ✌💖
Great explanation of both triggers and self-parenting! Thanks! The visualization technique is simple, but very effective.
Thanks Michelle! I stopped the video at each step and tried practicing. I can see how this can help reset my emotions in a charged state from being triggered. I will add this to the other thing I am learning about controlling emotional flashbacks from Richard Grannon , because I need all the help I can get. Even after 1 1/2 years after my ex discarded me from a very long marriage for someone else- it is still like yesterday sometimes. The reactions come on anytime from the smallest things. I keep it inside mostly - but it is making my life miserable. I have to take action to help myself and I think your video has some really great suggestions. It’s hard to connect what happened in my marriage with my childhood- except I felt like after my parents divorced at age 10- my life was torn apart. I was not supported and had to fend for myself. So I can see how going to my childhood self and giving comfort is a good feeling. I did need more acceptance, love, patience, approval and encouragement than I was given by my parents who were both trying to survive after the divorce. They did not have the room for us kids problems really. It was so much to worry about themselves.
Spot on again Michele.
Wow, amazingly helpful, especially when I sat down to think & feel what’s been surfacing and resurfacing and began writing everything down. Thank you Michelle!
I’m tired of the triggers now because I go into the 4 F mode. I’m triggered at work by a co-worker, because her voice volume is the same as my wife. I literally freeze and stop thinking and functioning mentally. I have to leave the office to reset my mental state.
Does this ever go away?
You helped me a lot! I felt better and stronger now.Thank you so much!
triggers is like a criminal returning to the scene of crime . Why do the criminals return to the scene of crime? because something needs to happen .
I used to get panicked around dogs because I had a couple dog attacks when I was very young; but EMDR therapy balanced out my fight or flight response so now I can have dogs around and I don't freak any more. I still don't like them, but at least I don't want to run or fight them. I suspect I have cat DNA lol. The same therapy can be applied to any situation that panicks you: EMDR.
Each one of your videos is so practical and to the point. Thank you so much, this video is enormously helpful to me, you are helping me to make a big change in my life, the true and the strategies that you give in this video are already helping me and will continue helping me drastically. God bless you and multiply you blessings. 💖💐👍
As you heal from this abuse it very imperative to look inwards and within oneself to address any cracks, thereby focusing on the root cause not the symptoms when faced with situations
I think this is one of those things that is a repetitive process. You have to do it over and over for it to really work. But it does work. It teaches you to care about yourself
To have enough self control to simply not fight or flight is as far as I've gotten so far. Breathing, if even for a few seconds, can relieve the pressure enough for me to maintain My Cool. But then it feels as though my welcome has expired. My next step is to no longer need to fight or flight, but look beyond the moment, and decide if I really want to leave or hope for a better topic..
Unfairness triggers me. So that's how I felt unfairly treated and overlooked as a child. Also rejection of who I am and what matters to me is a trigger. All stems from a narc family member. And now my partner triggers these things in me with his disapproval and judgement of things I care about. I also am very protective of animals and feel like they deserve this care more than people as they are fundamentally innocent and I wonder if this relates back to me as a child. Also love animals a lot ❤🐕🐈🐤🐻❄️🐰🦒🐘
I try to imagine everybody but especially really difficult challenging folks for me as what they were like in third grade and what was their home life like it helps me to have empathy to the situation and for myself to realize that we’re all children soul children God‘s children walking around in these big inflated bodies. It’s quite a giggle when you think about it remember the playground who are you on that playground in third grade I liked who I was then. I’m starting to like who I am again it’s beautiful to be in love with me they missed out if they didn’t love you they’re plenty people that would be ready for that experience joyful even might I say in my humbleness. Be well
Incredibly appropriate metaphor of the "smoke detectors". Very important video. Effective learning tool!
This was a good exercise you suggested! Thank You!
this makes alot of sense and i will definitely work on triggers from my past because they are very debilitating and hurtful; however, unfortunately i hate smoke detectors and i always remove the batteries when they make noise! i would rather work on my triggers than listen to a smoke detector!
Thank you 💗
Anytime someone criticizes me in a scolding way for something as minor is not knowing that I would have to pay for condiments or accidentally missing a spot on a dish, or other nitpicky things they say like "let me show you the correct way to wash dishes" (as if I'm a child, or as if one mistake means I can't do anything right), I regress to times when my dad would rage over these things. Sometimes even my mom, but I believe my mom was caught up in a toxic environment just like the rest of us. I don't believe that is her at the core just like getting enraged over other people criticizing me over little things is. I rarely yell at people face to face. I usually flee first and send them angry text messages. That's my fight-or-flight style
Thank you Michelle!
My trigger: being judged
Being put down triggers me & surely that is normal. That's ehst a narcissist does but when someone else does it, I don't need to change. The person needs to check themselves especially when they are passive aggressive!!!
Very informative video, thank you!
I was so lost I was bragging on my own abuse I suffered as a child . I raise my daughter on my own . I’ve been abused in every relationship I’ve ever been in I am a narcissist magnet . Money is the least of the things they stole . I dated dirty woman and and yelled and abused the good ones like I was trained to ignore and fight the strong independent woman.
I am a INFJ EMPATH and a Virgo yes I am searching for answers . But Thank you soooo much
Thank you so much for making and sharing this video, it help me a lot!!! 🤗
My phone must have been listening to the sounds in my house.
Thank you thank you for helping me consider these a gift to guide me to stay on my highway to wise mind wealthy soul
Great video. Thank you.
I did take the time and wrote down 10. In childhood and in past narcissistic relationship. What I didn’t realize is 5 of those triggers I also had in childhood. Reasoning for those same triggers was different though if that makes any sense lol. Childhood triggers mild not intentional by my parents as the triggers in my narcissistic relationship were intentional. But helpful video for me.
Another good thing to keep in mind is there’s not always fire where there is smoke. 😊
I think this happened to me today. I got in defense mode with my dad and when I vented about the matter online, people were telling me Inwas in the wrong, it wasn't that big of a deal, etc whereas I went to 10 really quick.
Michelle - How can we tell the difference between a trigger and a gut feeling?
Gold solid gold 🥇
What a great video!!!!!!!!!
Thank you. I'm having a angry day today. So much going on... not coping
Excellent!!!
It's strange but just making me feel safe.. feeling like someone was looking for me.. someone that would just say yes you can ..
Great explanation and insight
working on it❤️
Oh my thank you🤗
I need some advice yall! I have been in an abusive relationship for 12 years. My emotions are sensitive at the moment. When the abuse was happening, I didnt know it was abuse. I was only 18 and had lost my mother. A few months ago, I gained knowledge on narc abuse and identified my situation. At the moment, I am very very angry at myself for allowing him to abuse me. Why didn't I walk away sooner? How didnt i know it was wrong? I am beating myself up and am ashamed of the years of narc abuse. I want to leave bc I still have a lot going for me. I'm only 28. I'm shell shocked after what he put me through. Hard to relax. Emotions heightened. Any advice?
Advice: first thing is to forgive yourself. It's really hard to know when you are "in it". Also, it's hard to accept that we would allow this kind of behavior towards ourselves. It's okay. You know now, and that is Great! Be kind to yourself. A lot of really smart, caring people fall into this kind of relationship without realizing it, so my best advice is to forgive yourself. Then, continue to work towards your exit, mainly with your safety in mind. You are young and have a great wonderful life of loving yourself ahead of you! Start working on YOU, and getting yourself into a position where you can take care of yourself. I understand the anxiety and heightened emotional response. Take your time...breathe, do something nice for yourself no matter how small. Start with baby steps. But do something for you. Even if it's just a calming bath. Look for some support from a friend or a counselor. RUclips is Wonderful too, but talking to someone sometimes helps the most. Someone you trust and who may have been through something similar. You are on the right path. I'm proud of you! I just went NO Contact with my EX in January.....7 months ago, and I am feeling SO much better. Like ME again...still learning who I am. Which is why I'm watching all these videos too :D You are not alone. Best wishes for your new awareness and your new life and love of yourself. You are so worth it!
I had a hard time understanding what effective application would look like. I listened twice but don’t understand what self parenting is. I understand what a trigger is but not how to apply your ideas. Can you give examples or a demonstration?
SuddenlyHope Hi, not sure this will help but for me the self parenting is a lot like comforting a little kid that is hurt, worried or scared. During a trigger it’s like the adult me comforts the wounded hurt me in a loving compassionate manor. It’s like I’m holding and loving that hurt child within. This process occurred spontaneously for me, I hadn’t heard it before but I’m convinced this process along w EMDR, yoga, meditation, hypnosis videos has been a recipe for healing. It’s an ongoing process not an overnight solution. I’m amazed how reexperiencing pain is the answer to releasing it. Not a task for the weak !
Marie Sprowl thank you💕
SuddenlyHope my pleasure 💕
My emotional trigger is devaluation because I've been devalued in all the possible way by people throughout my life
When my trigger goes off, I go to my room to escape the noise.
Thank you for this. I really understanding the My relationship is I would love to get some personal advice from you how to get him out of my Life
what if U can't stand your inner child, who always gets on my nerves, needs to pee all the time because of a small overactive bladder? I do all I can but I still feel angry, lonely, and mad at her. I often don't feel like a functioning adult, it hurts so much.
Having misophonia horrible. If I hear bass I lose it, get nasty and lash out.
Thanks 😊 🙏🏾
Maybe also ask one self if the fear that we have had still 'serves us or is relevant to us today..... ? ;))
what if the trigger is just past events that youre afraid of experiencing, like a panic attack, sure it lasted long and it stopped, i was doing ok i got better, its not any trauma its not anything huge, and sometimes my mind goes back to that time just for a second and my anxiety peaks, mostly it's just my heart beating and feeling really warm or cold.
I feel like I need help to stop the insanity. I am really beaten down right now.
I'm crying. Being my own mama and dDdy.
Ty. That was helpful
What if you discovered your triggers and are unable to prevent yourself from being affected by them?
However wise what you say is, dealing with triggers is like trying to approach a mine field ALONE. no , it is not a good idea to make psychology a popular past time, that can be easily handled. This needs professional help. Emotional triggers is NOT a good thing, it means your subconscious is taking over ..it is a red light, yes, but do not handle it with a coach but with a professional, maybe medicate the pain so you can deal better with a professional. It is like trying to have a brain surgery by yourself. Not a good idea though it would save you money.
Yes, I agree to get help if you are in deep with these triggers and acting out, dangerously so. It doesn't hurt to have a professional assisting you on your journey. Please everyone, consider yourselves worth it, and take care of yourself by getting help.
I go through this at least once a day..where my thought is that's it, I gotta get outta here. Mostly though it isn't what is said, it is that my Narc mil makes me take care of her dogs, I feed all her dogs, we have built 2 sheds for her dogs and put up the fencing for the two in the front and now her other 2 in the back, I clean the sheds, when they bark I am supposed to figure out how to stop them, If they get out in the morning..I gotta deal with them in order to take my son to school. We pay rent, and I do her dishes. We live on her property but not in her house. My daughter was murdered almost 2 years ago and I feel like I am expected not to have a life. My 2 Grandchildren are being raised by their other grandmother as not only their mom died but their dad killed himself. I do not get to the city they live in often due to me feeling like a servent. I am working on getting out of here. I think it will just be my 2 kids still at home and myself..my partner says he doesn't agree with his mom, or if you want we can leave, but he does what he's told, and I am expected to do the same(I assume forever). Thanks for this video, with the things I cannot avoid right now, it is good to learn how to handle ones that can be avoided.
So what if you heal your triggers, can you associate with the people who oncw triggered you in the past once healed? Or still best to keep away?...
My trigger: injustice against me
What about misophonia triggers?
So what are the 4 steps? I hear a very typical explanation of common info that has been said many times over. The smoke detectors operate according to how well they are wired to detect smoke..in a personal ability to problem solve and accept unfavorable situations..radical acceptance is the common phrase ..silly analogy really. But it gives an idea. This is very full of trends
I don't quite understand what you are saying, are you suggesting us allow our weakness self expression?
I work as a mental health clinician in ptsd and this simply is a wonderful example of a tool that can be used. Great work Michelle. I’m going to use that analogy with the frontline responders I work with.
❤️
400th like :)
You say WE alot.
Talk about emotional triggers. It's a good thing we have this screen between us. I'd be attacking you with kisses. Fight or Flight, Michele. Lol
Do you have an instagram account? I would love to follow:)
What about that silly narc trigger stuff that make u want to go from 0 to 10 on the anger scale lol and then you have to calm ur self because u realize it’s a trap (fake) to make u say things they take out of context to use against u and also repeated mind trauma control trying to influence you to unbelieve things you know are good to make u think everything is always negative lol
😞💯
I love your videos but REALLY?? A smoke detector sound out of the blue like that. UGH. So uncool to do that to your viewers. Loud beeps are horrible triggers for people. Please remove it and never do it again!