Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
Very interesting. After getting married, I lost the ability to physically feel my environment, ie, soft clothing, the wind in my hair, sunshine on my skin unless I was being burned. As a child, my creativity had to be used for practical ends, not art for the sake of art. I am finding these sides of myself again and it is a wonderful experience
I had never heard of shadow work until now, and tears just started flowing. I had no idea how much of myself I had denied due to my mother's abuse. Every time I went to her with an idea, it go shot down. I was so hurt. This video was amazing.
The things I love about me were things that were rejected by my parents, then by me. I'm at age 40 and rediscovering those buried things about myself. It's beautiful and so very, very painful yet healing. 😭😭😭 I'm sorry, me, for ever thinking I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I ever thought I needed to hide my imagination, my daydreaming, my intense ability to love, my voice, my wonderings, my creativity, my search for unconditional love of myself and another special someone... I'm so, so sorry. I'll make it right. I promise. I'm working on it right now ❤️💕
Michele, I can relate to your entire "Shadow" list. From, "Happiness", which I realized early on, wasn't something I was supposed to feel. If I was "Happy" about anything I was made to feel unworthy, selfish or something else. Not "Feeling Good Enough", yes; Constantly. So much so that I would "die" of embarrassment during times of my life, if anyone gave me a compliment. I can remember being surprised, blushing, when visiting a high school friend's home, and seeing how lovingly his mother and father spoke to him and each other. I remember thinking, "Wow!, People actually LIVE like this, it's not just on TV." Thank you so much for your work, for sharing your insight, and inspiration. Blessings to you always! ❤
EllieMacVenue23 girl I know That feeling from a early age as well for me I wasn’t suppose to feel happiness and made to think that bad things will happen if I feel happy
My brother Brian was someone that spoke abusively to me but never said a bad word about me to anyone else. I felt sad for my brother because he received my Dad's physical abuse so I simply could not stay angry with him. He worked hard his whole damned life and became a millionaire with a Corporation. At age 61 he died suddenly in his sleep; the way he would have wanted to go. Dying after Dad died, he wanted to protect that man. We were shadows to each other when Brian died before his Retirement, before his grandson was born, before we stopped being shadows.
What you suppress (to your shadow-self) b/c you’ve been conditioned to do so. What others are uncomfortable with. All of these qualities are human needs. Healthy people have room for all of you!
This video touched my soul. Sometimes I wish I could strap my parents to a chair and make them watch all your videos but I know it's healthier to just let go.
That is what I'm doing with my boyfriend! I am making exams out of Michele's videos and making my boyfriend answer questions to teach him about his own shadow and being abused as a child and how to fix it. But I wish I didnt' have to force him to do it, but he is enjoying it and happy to see he is learning and getting the questions right, I think he even surprised himself too. I'm not sure if he is a Narc or a triggered Narc...or an abused codependent who is lost...I am so confused with him...then I wonder if I am the Narc because I am SO determined to fix the relationship and to re-watch videos of him yelling at me so he can see how he hurt me...but I feel like a mean person doing it, so sometimes I forget about doing these activities. He just took his "exam" I made on one of MIchele's videos and got 19.5/21 so like an A+...and we also uncovered that one of his parents neglected his emotions which caused him to yell at me for having mine...so slow progress but its coming.
@@thatdutchguy2882 😉 it was helpful and he thanked me afterwards. He has changed a lot...also this was a day after he got jumped by a gang. Seeing that I cared enough to help him out, he appreciated it and even discovered hidden potential and an abundance of positive energy as well as also requested I make more exams! I'm kind of an oddball drama queen true...but I think that's why he is into me...he enjoys the challenge. I have realized that he is not a narc as I suspected but might have less of a "soul spark". That exam/quiz helped figure this out. Lol! He has a lot of empathy and has been growing it since the summertime when we did the exam.
@@thatdutchguy2882 Thanks :) I hope all is well with you too. I think we've gotten to the bottom as of recently. I think time will tell about the soul spark part and I can't physically or emotionally do anything more in teaching, he has become extremely compassionate but that was his own doing and growth.
I can so relate to all of these, I have always felt like I was looking from the outside. I never felt worthy of any good feeling, I was told I was too full on or making a fool of myself when having a good time. I am still working on myself, accepting I am worthy.
Fantastic video Michelle! You do a great job explaining the "shadow self". I hadn't really understood the concept until now. Please do the video on shadow work, next. Also, you've come a long way. I'm so proud of you, and you are such an inspiration! :)
Your Mom is the one person that you should be able to trust above all others so if they have betrayed you it's going to do damage. I'm sorry that has happened to you. I had a similar thing with my Mom and it took 7 years for me to talk to her again.
Right. When you wholely love yourself you will receive a black hole of mirroring from the denial environment because they can't mirror those same qualities in themselves.
Tingles up and down my body hearing this! For the longest time I couldn’t understand why I feared showing happiness/excitement in front of others. Self esteem eroded after being told repeatedly how I see myself is wrong, like they knew me better than I did, and hearing about how “everyone” hates me, “no one” could ever like me, if I questioned how I was being treated I was “wanting to start a fight”
Definitely that "I matter" and "I am enough" After being left by my mom for 3 years in a foreign country that's the opposite of what I thought. Now after having had my own children was forced to heal those inaccurate beliefs. Because now I know I am enough and I do matter. Thank you for your enlightenment💞💖
I've been doing shadow work for two years since going no contact with my family. Anger, grief were the two I would have identified before this video. But you're totally right about self esteem, happiness and feeling good enough! I had never thought of those as shadow aspects, rather that getting them in the last two years was a result of my shadow work with grief and anger...but I HAVE had to work really hard on allowing myself to be happy, not beat myself up, and tell myself every day that I deserve good things in life. Thank you so much for addressing this. I really thought a lot of my shadow work was done but now that you've got me thinking about positive aspects which were also stifled, I can concentrate on those consciously during my shadow work. Thank you so much!
I've never heard of shadow work, this is interesting. I can relate to the happiness as you described in yourself. As a child any time I felt happy my parents always made me feel bad. And my parents always made me feel guilt or shame for being happy. Even as an adult I still struggle with this. I'm still trying to enjoy myself when I am out doing the things that I like. I can't feel myself in that moment, its like I am there but I am standing outside of myself. I've gotten a lot better at allowing myself to be happy. Now I know that my happiness can not be taken away from me unless I allow someone to make me feel bad about myself. I keep reminding myself its not what others think of me its what I think of myself. And that person is never going to live my life for me. When I am away from that person they can not control me or my happiness, since that person will never be with me. I do give myself pep talks when I am by myself. And tell myself that the guilt and shame that I am feeling in the moment is not coming from me, its coming from my father. And I am allowed to be happy, I did not do anything wrong. I was not a danger to myself or others. I will over come these feelings of guilt and shame. And not beat myself up for still having those feelings. Since I am working through them and I am allowing myself to treat myself with grace.
This comment is so perfectly stated and articulated my internal dialogue with precision and cl clarity that I haven't been able to do. You can't tell people what you think if you can't put it into words yourself! Thank You! ✔️
You've outdone yourself with this video. You are a genius. I watch a lot of similar videos and this one is exceptional. I've been feeling like I'm slipping because I'm in a place that has a lot of narcissists and reminds me of my childhood so this video is extremely timely as well. I don't know how you do it but I think you have a Taurus moon like me. Or Pisces moon maybe... Thank you for sharing your shadow self because I can identify with a lot of those things. I would say my shadow self primarily has my ability to express love violently suppressed in it as well as my ability to speak up and express myself and value myself. I will work on these. Thank you again.
This is crazy, I’ve just been doing shadow work and you have the exact same list! So happy you’re doing the work too ❤️ and so happy to hear the health in the way you speak. You’re further along your healing journey and I have some really amazing days now but still a lot of not so good ones. You give me so much hope, thanks Michelle ❤️
Every time i watch your videos, I just cry. I always knew I was a driven, positive, happy person at core and had no idea what happened to that person, bc she seemed to die years ago, it’s crazy how much external validation your videos are giving us survivors. Eventually we’ll be back to validating ourselves.
Michele! I cant thank you enough for your videos your work! Im finally really see and understand whats was and still going on and can let go of these programs and beliefs. Let myself live and feel❤ I do work on myself for years and im so happy and feel relief ❤ more steps coming but now i know that im ready because im able to see and understand what you saying. 🙏🏻
My family never expressed affection while I was growing up and I think this affected me in adulthood, plus I used to just turn my emotions off like a Vulcan in Star Trek as a coping mechanism. And the funny thing is that the abuse from my narcissist ex-wife actually woke me up some as to what I was lacking within my self, and to what I had put in my shadow self. 140k Subscribed congrats Michele! Thanks for another great video Michele, I appreciate everything you do 😏🤗🙂
Me too and I just sent it to him. He was just telling me this morning he needed to do something like this...now I have a name for it and sent him the video. He probably won't watch it though. I promise myself this is the last time I try to help him!
@@kathasfaith7643 Unfortunately, my friend is homeless so I'm going to have to hunt him down and show him on my phone if he wants to see it. I wonder how many people with CPTSD wind up homeless?
@@sydneykendall7125 Very sad. I hope you find him. I was fortunate to get awesome help for PTSD years ago as a result of an attempted rape by (by a stranger). Thank God I had/have the tools in place to deal with it!
Every single video of yours hit home. I remember I used write in my old journals, I don't deserve to be happy and I was afraid to verbally say the "H word" as I used to call it, cause if I acknowledge it, I'll somehow end up miserable. It really was a cage.
Excitement...innovation... i used to be so emegrised talking about am idea or plan or something new i had found out. This is as an adult. And my mum would literally tell me all the negative things about it. This unfortunately got under my skin especially when a boyfriemd started to do this to me too. You understand everything i am breaking through atm. Thank you!
Thanks for making this, Michele. Beautiful video and great insights. I'm grateful for the spiritual and emotional nutrients that have come from shadow work. It''s definitely not a comfortable path, but it's worth it.
I haven’t heard of the shadow. Interesting concept! Thank you. It’s probably why I have always been reacting to other people’s feelings instead of being myself and been burying my anger, happiness and my voice. So you act like people want you to act and then you’re so buried, you’re invisible? Is that the deeper side of it? Can’t wait to hear more about it and let those feelings free. Your examples are excellent and spoke to me.
The moment you brought up the little happiness bubble, I thought that this may be your best video so far! :) I love your descriptions & illustrations as well!
Wow, I've never heard it explained that way. The examples were extremely helpful. I know very well how happiness is punished. Thank you for sharing this part of your story. Can't wait for the next video. PS: it seems like you enjoy experimenting with video effects. Keep it up 😁
Wow I could really relate to your whole list... Happiness was one I never would have thought of but growing up whenever I felt true God given joy I was always put down for the way I was acting or whatever so I learned to hide it. I think I may add pride or independence to mine because whenever I accomplished or succeeded in things on my own my father would find a way to take credit for it and rob me of my pride my parents still do this to this day. Haha and I have a family of my own now and hardly see or talk to them. Lol Thanks for sharing! ❤
Hello Michele I’m a new subscriber and I’m sooo glad I found you. I’ve been going through an abusive relationship for 5 years now. I’ve just recently noticed and recognized my fiancé has so many covert narc qualities. All your videos describes her almost perfectly. I started combating her in a smart way from watching your videos. Thank you!!!!!! Just today she raged out on me during a disagreement. I remembered to record the conversation for myself. To hear her outside the moment, how her and myself respond to each other. Maybe it’s me? I was hoping maybe I could share it with you some how? I guess ultimately I need to know what I’m dealing with. Thank you your time Michele, and all the help you have given me to become a stronger me! -Gabe
One of the biggest parts of my shadow self was Not being smart Enough/inadequacy. I heard this from teachers at school and university. I knew I was but because no one showed faith in me I never pursued my dreams of becoming a doctor. Other shadows are happiness, being social, helping others, anger, speaking up for myself, self esteem and confidence. The list could go on from being with & married to a toxic person for 30 years. So hard to find yourself again...
Don't judge yourself harshly for needing time after being in those long term relationships. It is hard work and scary. I was married 28 years. I have been out of the relationship for 5 years and just remembered a few weeks ago that I used to love doing puzzles. Something that simple was forgotten. We can do this. Grant yourself the love and compassion you would give to another. It is a beautiful thing when those parts become real to you again.
Mrs. Nieves, it is painful to hear a description of the treatment being offered in a place that one typically associates as home. Thanks for your bravery, wisdom and benevolence.
Interesting concept I've seen this used also in a book spirituality of the ninja many techniques for searching internally shadows in that book was like the wounded lover or the insecure control freak talking about when we allow our shadow or lesser character rule our conduct this is a very sad and unfortunate thing basically
Thank you for this; you have shown me that I have been throwing the baby out with the bathwater; I have known about Shadow emotions for a long time, but by trying to eliminate the negative Shadow emotions, I have also eliminated good emotions. I have been a mere shadow of myself. Thank you for showing me my errors, and the reasons why.
Its also understanding where they come from. They treat people that way because they learned it and they probably treat themselves that way. So we take it on and it becomes a cycle until we recognise the pattern
I would move further they who didn't do their "shadow work" or are total unaware of their own "good and bad" inside and call just about everyone around them a Narcissist thinking they have learned so much about their boundary's instead of not knowing who they really are themselves, thus probably not even knowing who is one and who is not. But I guess it's just easy to call anyone one, and wash your own hands with Devine innocence I think that’s what's really keeping this endless cycle going. Fix your Shadow self and get rid of your protective self, you will get close into getting or being authentic. I have written an article about Guilty of spiritual bypassing. (mainly about adding towards protective self(by the way this isnt what you should want to keep doing)) Good video Michele, finally people catch up with this, Into your light.
Kudos on the visual FX- I'm an intensely visual person, and having graphic animations on the screen really, really helps. What software are you using? More on topic: I delved hard into Joseph Campbell, the Hero's Journey, and some of Carl Jung's theories/concepts, including the shadow self and archetypes (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, especially as unpacked by Moore & Gillette). I appreciate these insights you've given on shadow work.
Actually my shadow self grew alot bigger since adulthood and experiencing awful relationships, and in there is probably trust, self confidence first mentally because of bad choices I made then physically, being able to communicate and expressing myself.
Michelle, 😘 I was watching this great video and I was thinking you were talking about “the narcissist”. Have we both lived through the same childhood, and I took the empath road and he took the narcissist paradigm? We’re actually both the same, yet portraying two different realities, no? 😕
I use to have a recurring dream. A man would be hiding in the shadows along a dark lane, I could never see the mans face. After I divorced my husband of 19 years I never had the dream again. The man in the dream that was going to harm me was my husband .
Some of this reminds me of being seen but unheard. "If you cant be intelligent you could at least look it. " words from my dad. I pray I didnt do this to my kids.
As a child , I am never being valued by parents if I Want do something creative, so I do not have a chance to proof myself I have a ability beyond I can imagine until I grow up , I get married, husband give me a lot of chances to regrow up . I find a amazing self I do not know about......
@@catticuswench Yes, very sad :'( Do you feel sad now too, and you probably wanted to explain how sad during a monologue all about you right ? But she didn't give a follow up comment, clever girl,...darn it hahahahahah xD. Freaking amateurs Narcs are hahahah🎭.
Hi Michele , some youtubers say that what you dont like in others or behaviours in others which triggers you ,are your own dark side . I dont get it . I mean its tough for me to pin point what exactly I am not ok what others are doing and reflecting my own dark side , in a precise manner . Your video was very convincing and I can easily relate to but other videos just turned me upside down . Need help on this.
Hi Michele, I absolutely love your channel! Thank you, It has helped me to grow as a person and to understand why I felt the way I did growing up. I have something I want to share with you because I would greatly value your input. Is there a way I can send you an email. You can use the story if you want or not. My family makes me feel crazy, I’ve recently realized it’s them, not me. But I would love to know your opinion, even if it’s not what I want to hear. Thank you, Nick
Start with all the things you were forced to ignore/deny by others, whether it's a romantic partner or family of origin. Did something bad happen you were never allowed to feel angry over, or a loss you weren't allowed to grieve? When you were happy or in a good mood or felt motivated, were you mocked and ridiculed? Once you get to one emotion and start working with that, you'll find the others start to show up.
Hmm.. my shadow self can react to feelings, express them, is energetic and cares about other people. Almost the opposite of how i act in real life lol. But... now what?
Was never suppose to get angry or upset my mother the alcoholic or she might drink and then if she did it was my fault Dear lady tell me what do I do with that???
This nearly explains how my wife turned out to be a narcissist. After 30 years of marriage, she started cheating on me 3 years ago. I'm hiring a P.I. in order to make sure that she has no excuses for her actions. Then I will disappear from her miserable life.
As a half Vulcan I tried to keep my human emotions inside. That is not a good thing to do. Why keep feelings inside to keep the peace. Now I let my emotions out when I feel them not let them build up inside until I explode. I think men have it bad as were bought up to keep our emotions inside and man up etc. Men have the same emotions as women but were bought up to keep them inside which I see now in my old age as a bad thing.
Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
Sometimes, what is hiding in the dark is not bad or ugly. It often wants or needs something from us.
I am so glad you mentioned anger. For many years, I never felt anger, and that opens you up for so much abuse!!! Great Video!
@Belletaina Yes, inward anger becomes depression...
Very interesting. After getting married, I lost the ability to physically feel my environment, ie, soft clothing, the wind in my hair, sunshine on my skin unless I was being burned.
As a child, my creativity had to be used for practical ends, not art for the sake of art.
I am finding these sides of myself again and it is a wonderful experience
I had never heard of shadow work until now, and tears just started flowing. I had no idea how much of myself I had denied due to my mother's abuse. Every time I went to her with an idea, it go shot down. I was so hurt. This video was amazing.
The things I love about me were things that were rejected by my parents, then by me. I'm at age 40 and rediscovering those buried things about myself. It's beautiful and so very, very painful yet healing. 😭😭😭
I'm sorry, me, for ever thinking I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I ever thought I needed to hide my imagination, my daydreaming, my intense ability to love, my voice, my wonderings, my creativity, my search for unconditional love of myself and another special someone...
I'm so, so sorry. I'll make it right. I promise. I'm working on it right now ❤️💕
Michele,
I can relate to your entire "Shadow" list.
From, "Happiness", which I realized early on, wasn't something I was supposed to feel. If I was "Happy" about anything I was made to feel unworthy, selfish or something else.
Not "Feeling Good Enough", yes; Constantly. So much so that I would "die" of embarrassment during times of my life, if anyone gave me a compliment.
I can remember being surprised, blushing, when visiting a high school friend's home, and seeing how lovingly his mother and father spoke to him and each other.
I remember thinking, "Wow!, People actually LIVE like this, it's not just on TV."
Thank you so much for your work, for sharing your insight, and inspiration.
Blessings to you always!
❤
MORE SHADOW WORK PLEASE !!! Yes 👍.
EllieMacVenue23 girl I know That feeling from a early age as well for me I wasn’t suppose to feel happiness and made to think that bad things will happen if I feel happy
My brother Brian was someone that spoke abusively to me but never said a bad word about me to anyone else. I felt sad for my brother because he received my Dad's physical abuse so I simply could not stay angry with him. He worked hard his whole damned life and became a millionaire with a Corporation. At age 61 he died suddenly in his sleep; the way he would have wanted to go. Dying after Dad died, he wanted to protect that man. We were shadows to each other when Brian died before his Retirement, before his grandson was born, before we stopped being shadows.
What you suppress (to your shadow-self) b/c you’ve been conditioned to do so.
What others are uncomfortable with.
All of these qualities are human needs.
Healthy people have room for all of you!
MORE SHADOW WORK PLEASE !!! Yes 👍.
This video touched my soul. Sometimes I wish I could strap my parents to a chair and make them watch all your videos but I know it's healthier to just let go.
That is what I'm doing with my boyfriend! I am making exams out of Michele's videos and making my boyfriend answer questions to teach him about his own shadow and being abused as a child and how to fix it. But I wish I didnt' have to force him to do it, but he is enjoying it and happy to see he is learning and getting the questions right, I think he even surprised himself too. I'm not sure if he is a Narc or a triggered Narc...or an abused codependent who is lost...I am so confused with him...then I wonder if I am the Narc because I am SO determined to fix the relationship and to re-watch videos of him yelling at me so he can see how he hurt me...but I feel like a mean person doing it, so sometimes I forget about doing these activities. He just took his "exam" I made on one of MIchele's videos and got 19.5/21 so like an A+...and we also uncovered that one of his parents neglected his emotions which caused him to yell at me for having mine...so slow progress but its coming.
@@TanyaKatherine 🎭
@@thatdutchguy2882 😉 it was helpful and he thanked me afterwards. He has changed a lot...also this was a day after he got jumped by a gang. Seeing that I cared enough to help him out, he appreciated it and even discovered hidden potential and an abundance of positive energy as well as also requested I make more exams! I'm kind of an oddball drama queen true...but I think that's why he is into me...he enjoys the challenge. I have realized that he is not a narc as I suspected but might have less of a "soul spark". That exam/quiz helped figure this out. Lol! He has a lot of empathy and has been growing it since the summertime when we did the exam.
@@TanyaKatherine Sounds delightful.
How long do you think he needs before you've got to the bottom of it all ?
@@thatdutchguy2882 Thanks :) I hope all is well with you too. I think we've gotten to the bottom as of recently. I think time will tell about the soul spark part and I can't physically or emotionally do anything more in teaching, he has become extremely compassionate but that was his own doing and growth.
I can so relate to all of these, I have always felt like I was looking from the outside. I never felt worthy of any good feeling, I was told I was too full on or making a fool of myself when having a good time. I am still working on myself, accepting I am worthy.
Fantastic video Michelle! You do a great job explaining the "shadow self". I hadn't really understood the concept until now. Please do the video on shadow work, next. Also, you've come a long way. I'm so proud of you, and you are such an inspiration! :)
Michele, your videos are SAVING MY LIFE!!!!!!
*THANK YOU!!!*
i have a shadow.Its called complex ptsd. Caused by years of abuse from my narcissistic mother.It scares the hell out of me.
You, too?
So sorry.
I am recovering from the PTSD also.
Blessings to you!
❤
wendell ignatin I also have ptsd by my narcissistic dad and older sister and I can’t move out I’m too young
Your Mom is the one person that you should be able to trust above all others so if they have betrayed you it's going to do damage. I'm sorry that has happened to you. I had a similar thing with my Mom and it took 7 years for me to talk to her again.
C-PTSD here too
Chris Allen are you talking to Wendell?
Boy are you ever good at your job
Thanks for the thumbs up 👍. I appreciate all constructive feedback.
Right. When you wholely love yourself you will receive a black hole of mirroring from the denial environment because they can't mirror those same qualities in themselves.
Sensitivity, peace, enthusiasm.
All black, but I'm getting them back.
Thank you so much again Michelle! This seems like it will be really valuable work to do. Love Theresa
I love this woman Michele you are so brave to share with us it helps me recover without becoming a bad person
Tingles up and down my body hearing this!
For the longest time I couldn’t understand why I feared showing happiness/excitement in front of others. Self esteem eroded after being told repeatedly how I see myself is wrong, like they knew me better than I did, and hearing about how “everyone” hates me, “no one” could ever like me, if I questioned how I was being treated I was “wanting to start a fight”
This made me think of religion and how so many religions are experts in pushing our emotions into shadows, especially where women are concerned.
Definitely that "I matter" and "I am enough" After being left by my mom for 3 years in a foreign country that's the opposite of what I thought. Now after having had my own children was forced to heal those inaccurate beliefs. Because now I know I am enough and I do matter. Thank you for your enlightenment💞💖
I've been doing shadow work for two years since going no contact with my family. Anger, grief were the two I would have identified before this video. But you're totally right about self esteem, happiness and feeling good enough! I had never thought of those as shadow aspects, rather that getting them in the last two years was a result of my shadow work with grief and anger...but I HAVE had to work really hard on allowing myself to be happy, not beat myself up, and tell myself every day that I deserve good things in life. Thank you so much for addressing this. I really thought a lot of my shadow work was done but now that you've got me thinking about positive aspects which were also stifled, I can concentrate on those consciously during my shadow work. Thank you so much!
I'm so happy for you!!!
This is the BEST description of shadow work I've come across... I understand it better now, Thank you
I've never heard of shadow work, this is interesting. I can relate to the happiness as you described in yourself.
As a child any time I felt happy my parents always made me feel bad. And my parents always made me feel guilt or shame for being happy.
Even as an adult I still struggle with this. I'm still trying to enjoy myself when I am out doing the things that I like. I can't feel myself in that moment, its like I am there but I am standing outside of myself. I've gotten a lot better at allowing myself to be happy. Now I know that my happiness can not be taken away from me unless I allow someone to make me feel bad about myself.
I keep reminding myself its not what others think of me its what I think of myself. And that person is never going to live my life for me. When I am away from that person they can not control me or my happiness, since that person will never be with me.
I do give myself pep talks when I am by myself. And tell myself that the guilt and shame that I am feeling in the moment is not coming from me, its coming from my father. And I am allowed to be happy, I did not do anything wrong. I was not a danger to myself or others. I will over come these feelings of guilt and shame.
And not beat myself up for still having those feelings. Since I am working through them and I am allowing myself to treat myself with grace.
This comment is so perfectly stated and articulated my internal dialogue with precision and cl clarity that I haven't been able to do. You can't tell people what you think if you can't put it into words yourself! Thank You! ✔️
@@chrisallen6858 ☺
You've outdone yourself with this video. You are a genius.
I watch a lot of similar videos and this one is exceptional.
I've been feeling like I'm slipping because I'm in a place that has a lot of narcissists and reminds me of my childhood so this video is extremely timely as well. I don't know how you do it but I think you have a Taurus moon like me. Or Pisces moon maybe...
Thank you for sharing your shadow self because I can identify with a lot of those things. I would say my shadow self primarily has my ability to express love violently suppressed in it as well as my ability to speak up and express myself and value myself. I will work on these. Thank you again.
WTF hahahahah xD.
Your are amazing every time I listen to you I feel like you me. You feel me from inside.
I know exactly what you are talking about!! .. I faced the same challenges..
This is crazy, I’ve just been doing shadow work and you have the exact same list! So happy you’re doing the work too ❤️ and so happy to hear the health in the way you speak. You’re further along your healing journey and I have some really amazing days now but still a lot of not so good ones. You give me so much hope, thanks Michelle ❤️
Thank you so much !!!
The way you are explaining these subjects is GREAT !!
Every time i watch your videos, I just cry. I always knew I was a driven, positive, happy person at core and had no idea what happened to that person, bc she seemed to die years ago, it’s crazy how much external validation your videos are giving us survivors. Eventually we’ll be back to validating ourselves.
Michele! I cant thank you enough for your videos your work! Im finally really see and understand whats was and still going on and can let go of these programs and beliefs. Let myself live and feel❤
I do work on myself for years and im so happy and feel relief ❤ more steps coming but now i know that im ready because im able to see and understand what you saying.
🙏🏻
Thank you Stephanie, You're gifted, Your wisdom is a blessing
MORE SHADOW WORK PLEASE !!! Yes 👍.
My family never expressed affection while I was growing up and I think this affected me in adulthood, plus I used to just turn my emotions off like a Vulcan in Star Trek as a coping mechanism.
And the funny thing is that the abuse from my narcissist ex-wife actually woke me up some as to what I was lacking within my self, and to what I had put in my shadow self.
140k Subscribed congrats Michele!
Thanks for another great video Michele, I appreciate everything you do 😏🤗🙂
I have a friend who really needs to see this video.
Me too and I just sent it to him. He was just telling me this morning he needed to do something like this...now I have a name for it and sent him the video. He probably won't watch it though. I promise myself this is the last time I try to help him!
@@kathasfaith7643 Unfortunately, my friend is homeless so I'm going to have to hunt him down and show him on my phone if he wants to see it.
I wonder how many people with CPTSD wind up homeless?
@@sydneykendall7125 Very sad. I hope you find him. I was fortunate to get awesome help for PTSD years ago as a result of an attempted rape by (by a stranger). Thank God I had/have the tools in place to deal with it!
Every single video of yours hit home. I remember I used write in my old journals, I don't deserve to be happy and I was afraid to verbally say the "H word" as I used to call it, cause if I acknowledge it, I'll somehow end up miserable. It really was a cage.
Very true!!! Tears falling down my cheeks you hit the nail right on the head!! Your sooo sweet and helpful!!!
Excitement...innovation... i used to be so emegrised talking about am idea or plan or something new i had found out. This is as an adult. And my mum would literally tell me all the negative things about it. This unfortunately got under my skin especially when a boyfriemd started to do this to me too. You understand everything i am breaking through atm. Thank you!
Thanks for making this, Michele. Beautiful video and great insights. I'm grateful for the spiritual and emotional nutrients that have come from shadow work. It''s definitely not a comfortable path, but it's worth it.
You're the best,thank you!
I haven’t heard of the shadow. Interesting concept! Thank you. It’s probably why I have always been reacting to other people’s feelings instead of being myself and been burying my anger, happiness and my voice. So you act like people want you to act and then you’re so buried, you’re invisible? Is that the deeper side of it? Can’t wait to hear more about it and let those feelings free. Your examples are excellent and spoke to me.
You look amazing as always. Ive been doing my shadow work for a while. Tool song 46 and 2 is about stepping into hour shadow.
Love the visuals and love the top. I wasn't sure what the Shadow Self actually was so thank you for making that clear for me 💜
The moment you brought up the little happiness bubble, I thought that this may be your best video so far! :) I love your descriptions & illustrations as well!
Wow, I've never heard it explained that way. The examples were extremely helpful. I know very well how happiness is punished. Thank you for sharing this part of your story. Can't wait for the next video.
PS: it seems like you enjoy experimenting with video effects. Keep it up 😁
Wow I could really relate to your whole list... Happiness was one I never would have thought of but growing up whenever I felt true God given joy I was always put down for the way I was acting or whatever so I learned to hide it. I think I may add pride or independence to mine because whenever I accomplished or succeeded in things on my own my father would find a way to take credit for it and rob me of my pride my parents still do this to this day. Haha and I have a family of my own now and hardly see or talk to them. Lol Thanks for sharing! ❤
Happiness. Wow. This hit home. Thank you.
It doesn't always come from childhood. It can come from a bad relationships too when you are an adult.
We are currently walking on eggshells. The borderline is the mother of my granddaughter. We need help.
Hello Michele I’m a new subscriber and I’m sooo glad I found you. I’ve been going through an abusive relationship for 5 years now. I’ve just recently noticed and recognized my fiancé has so many covert narc qualities. All your videos describes her almost perfectly.
I started combating her in a smart way from watching your videos. Thank you!!!!!!
Just today she raged out on me during a disagreement.
I remembered to record the conversation for myself. To hear her outside the moment, how her and myself respond to each other. Maybe it’s me? I was hoping maybe I could share it with you some how?
I guess ultimately I need to know what I’m dealing with. Thank you your time Michele, and all the help you have given me to become a stronger me!
-Gabe
I congratulate you for ALL your videos, this particular one is just EXCELLENT
You are a valid teacher.
One of the biggest parts of my shadow self was Not being smart Enough/inadequacy. I heard this from teachers at school and university. I knew I was but because no one showed faith in me I never pursued my dreams of becoming a doctor. Other shadows are happiness, being social, helping others, anger, speaking up for myself, self esteem and confidence. The list could go on from being with & married to a toxic person for 30 years. So hard to find yourself again...
Don't judge yourself harshly for needing time after being in those long term relationships. It is hard work and scary. I was married 28 years. I have been out of the relationship for 5 years and just remembered a few weeks ago that I used to love doing puzzles. Something that simple was forgotten. We can do this. Grant yourself the love and compassion you would give to another. It is a beautiful thing when those parts become real to you again.
@@terrirushford1747 Thank you that is very comforting.
I think this insight can solve all my problems.
this explains so much. Thank you for sharing.
Mrs. Nieves, it is painful to hear a description of the treatment being offered in a place that one typically associates as home. Thanks for your bravery, wisdom and benevolence.
This is great. Thank you for your videos.
Love your channel Michelle - keep up your great work
Interesting concept I've seen this used also in a book spirituality of the ninja many techniques for searching internally shadows in that book was like the wounded lover or the insecure control freak talking about when we allow our shadow or lesser character rule our conduct this is a very sad and unfortunate thing basically
Oh, I feel anger but have a hard time showing it till I lose it! Then, over the top.
All what you mentioned are my shadow self
Thank you for this; you have shown me that I have been throwing the baby out with the bathwater; I have known about Shadow emotions for a long time, but by trying to eliminate the negative Shadow emotions, I have also eliminated good emotions. I have been a mere shadow of myself. Thank you for showing me my errors, and the reasons why.
Oh this video is good
Its also understanding where they come from. They treat people that way because they learned it and they probably treat themselves that way. So we take it on and it becomes a cycle until we recognise the pattern
I would move further they who didn't do their "shadow work" or are total unaware of their own "good and bad" inside and call just about everyone around them a Narcissist thinking they have learned so much about their boundary's instead of not knowing who they really are themselves, thus probably not even knowing who is one and who is not. But I guess it's just easy to call anyone one, and wash your own hands with Devine innocence I think that’s what's really keeping this endless cycle going. Fix your Shadow self and get rid of your protective self, you will get close into getting or being authentic. I have written an article about Guilty of spiritual bypassing. (mainly about adding towards protective self(by the way this isnt what you should want to keep doing)) Good video Michele, finally people catch up with this, Into your light.
I think I have rejected the feeling of hate all my life .. now I’m sure it’s in my shadow self .. I’m toootaly surprised by this information!!
I wish I could afford your coaching. I need a friend like you your great thank you you help
Thank you for sharing this video. It resonates s lot with my experience.
This is very interesting,, always wondered what the shadow set was.
Kudos on the visual FX- I'm an intensely visual person, and having graphic animations on the screen really, really helps. What software are you using?
More on topic: I delved hard into Joseph Campbell, the Hero's Journey, and some of Carl Jung's theories/concepts, including the shadow self and archetypes (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, especially as unpacked by Moore & Gillette). I appreciate these insights you've given on shadow work.
Thank you! I’ll pass that on to my husband he edits my videos.
He uses Hitfilm
Actually my shadow self grew alot bigger since adulthood and experiencing awful relationships, and in there is probably trust, self confidence first mentally because of bad choices I made then physically, being able to communicate and expressing myself.
Your videos are so helpful
Are there videos about grieving the loss of a narcissist parent who passed away?
The shadow is developed little by little over time, as we are made to feel guilty or ashamed of our imperfections.
Michelle, 😘 I was watching this great video and I was thinking you were talking about “the narcissist”. Have we both lived through the same childhood, and I took the empath road and he took the narcissist paradigm? We’re actually both the same, yet portraying two different realities, no? 😕
Its warped but yep even happiness can be in the shadow self. Its sad that people can effect us like that. Yep I've had that happen to me.
I use to have a recurring dream. A man would be hiding in the shadows along a dark lane, I could never see the mans face. After I divorced my husband of 19 years I never had the dream again. The man in the dream that was going to harm me was my husband .
I’ve been doing years of healing work EFT Tapping...Dianetics....Idenics.....Shadow Work.....Jourmaling
Some of this reminds me of being seen but unheard. "If you cant be intelligent you could at least look it. " words from my dad. I pray I didnt do this to my kids.
As a child , I am never being valued by parents if I Want do something creative, so I do not have a chance to proof myself I have a ability beyond I can imagine until I grow up , I get married, husband give me a lot of chances to regrow up . I find a amazing self I do not know about......
My mother always said to me, "Only stupid people are able to be happy."
That's sad. :(
@@catticuswench Yes, very sad :'(
Do you feel sad now too, and you probably wanted to explain how sad during a monologue all about you right ?
But she didn't give a follow up comment, clever girl,...darn it hahahahahah xD.
Freaking amateurs Narcs are hahahah🎭.
You are very good!
continue michele
Hi Michele , some youtubers say that what you dont like in others or behaviours in others which triggers you ,are your own dark side . I dont get it . I mean its tough for me to pin point what exactly I am not ok what others are doing and reflecting my own dark side , in a precise manner . Your video was very convincing and I can easily relate to but other videos just turned me upside down . Need help on this.
I am going through this ,exactly
Beautiful blouse and earrings!
Hi Michele, I absolutely love your channel! Thank you, It has helped me to grow as a person and to understand why I felt the way I did growing up. I have something I want to share with you because I would greatly value your input. Is there a way I can send you an email. You can use the story if you want or not. My family makes me feel crazy, I’ve recently realized it’s them, not me. But I would love to know your opinion, even if it’s not what I want to hear.
Thank you,
Nick
How? I feel like I'm just guessing on shadow work
Start with all the things you were forced to ignore/deny by others, whether it's a romantic partner or family of origin. Did something bad happen you were never allowed to feel angry over, or a loss you weren't allowed to grieve? When you were happy or in a good mood or felt motivated, were you mocked and ridiculed? Once you get to one emotion and start working with that, you'll find the others start to show up.
Happiness is your Birthright.
AWESOME. THANS!
I know all of me. I am a person of light.
P. S. Thank you
Thanks for the thumbs up 👍. I appreciate all constructive feedback.
Hmm.. my shadow self can react to feelings, express them, is energetic and cares about other people.
Almost the opposite of how i act in real life lol.
But... now what?
Thank you this helps
Was never suppose to get angry or upset my mother the alcoholic or she might drink and then if she did it was my fault
Dear lady tell me what do I do with that???
shadow dancing - andy gibb
This nearly explains how my wife turned out to be a narcissist. After 30 years of marriage, she started cheating on me 3 years ago. I'm hiring a P.I. in order to make sure that she has no excuses for her actions. Then I will disappear from her miserable life.
WHERE TO GET THAT GORGEOUS TOP???
As a half Vulcan I tried to keep my human emotions inside. That is not a good thing to do. Why keep feelings inside to keep the peace. Now I let my emotions out when I feel them not let them build up inside until I explode. I think men have it bad as were bought up to keep our emotions inside and man up etc. Men have the same emotions as women but were bought up to keep them inside which I see now in my old age as a bad thing.