I have a lot of health issues so I see a lot of doctors. I know they don’t have tons of time and I’ve gotten used to explaining why I’m there quickly and concisely, even then they may not really hear me. Then I got a new RA doctor. She came into the room, sat down, and proceeded to listen to me! I’ve never felt so heard in my life! I positively love her!
You've met a gem in your RA doctor.! Unfortunately, many doctors today lack empathy. They would blame it on technology. Yes, to a point. However, they could take a moment to read up on your chart. Then turn and look at you and listen. But they don't. Sad.. happy you finally found a dr that cares and values you as a whole person not just a number with chart on anIPad. Hopefully your doctor will offer ways to aid you in dealing with your pain. 🥰
50 years ago I was at my first AA conference. A man stopped at my table and looked at me and ask if he could sit down? I said yes and I unloaded on this stranger for probably 10 minutes. I have never forgotten it! I have never before or since felt so listened to. He made a difference. This Aug will be 50 years since I had a drink. The best years of my life.
Alex, every time I had the opportunity to talk with you, you practice what you preach. I greatly admire this from both you and your wife. I miss you guys. Keep up the great work! Mark
I teach teenagers about the Bible, critical thinking, etc., and frequently I will search for a YT video that introduces or elaborates on an idea. Finding good ones, especially those that will appeal to teens, is a challenge. One thing I look for is a speaker who has a winsome personality. Someone whose presentation is easily understood and appealing. Today, I've listened to two of your videos, and I'm happy to add you to my list of favorites. Thank you.
I have been on a quest to listen well for decades. It started when I was a teen and discovered how one single person opened up and sort of bloomed as I listened to him, then acknowledged some thing's that were said. As he continued to speak I made follow up q about his experience. The response was so positive I wanted to do it again and again. The upside was, I thoroughly enjoyed. Being genuinely interested is key.
I had a mentor named Angel who was an amazing listener. He never interrupted and always asked me follow up questions. I felt empowered and supported because he gave me space and time to express myself
OMG. You are so amazing at teaching. I learned so much in this video and I know it will help all my relationships. Your son is so lucky to have such a caring & attentive & understanding dad like you
Thank you for sharing this! Yes, I must say that I really appreciate when someone is active listening to me, but unfortunately I'm not always good at it myself, as I'm unfortunately a talkative person. 😌 My hope is to become a better listener, and learn to be more quiet 🤐.
This is so helpful, thank you for sharing. In answer to your question, I remember when I was young and I had an adult really listen to me, at first I was not sure what was happening and then when this person remembered what I had said and asked me about it, it was just the best feeling ever. To this day, that individual is my favourite human being and it had everything to do with the fact that she listened to me, she asked questions, gave me options to consider and let me talk it out. I’m here listening to you now because I would like to be able to be that person for someone else, to pass on that feeling that helped me more than I can ever explain.
Listening in a way that shows a person is trying to deeply understand is a form of listening that communicates love in the best/purest sense. Being heard and seen, is the best feeling ever. It is a balm to the nervous system.
This is very helpful! Thank you, Alex! Yes, when someone really listens to me I feel affirmed and understood (we see eye to eye), and I find myself talking more than I wanted to.
Decision: Iam an active listener ❤️ The first rule of my speaking is: listen! "I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening"- Larry king
my boyfriend is the person that always listens to understand. he is absolutely the best, and because of him i want to get better at my empathic listening skills :)
Thank you for sharing your empathetic listening skills, I appreciate your presentation style. I will incorporate these three techniques into my interactions with others. I worked for 32 years as a problem solver, need to refocus on empathic listening and not solving issues. Sometimes it’s tough.
Man I just want to say thank you, your videos have helped me tremendously. Enough so, that my boss has noticed and made comment of it. He told me that he really appreciated me taking the time to sharpen my communication skills. Not many people do or are aware they need Improvement in that area. My conversations have gotten clear and more productive, I can't say thank you enough. But I'll say it one more time, thank you!
I definitely agree. Thanks for another great video. I'm learning a lot. It's a blessing for me to get to watch your videos. They have saved me on two very important meetings and now becoming more social.
It’s been recently revealed that my wife had endured a lot of childhood and adolescence abuse from her parents. I certainly need to be more empathetic given these revelations as we work through them and how they are effecting her.
I almost forgot how it feels to be listened and feel real human connection until a semi random guy at work showed real listening. I woke up and got up looking for empathy again. Nice to be human once again!
Interestingly, I'm a natural at empathetic listening. I can mirror and connect emotionally with others easily. My challenge is to actively listen without interrupting them or trying to make them feel better. I want to track better and stay quiet so that they get the air time they need.
🌸🌺 Great topic in a time when most people are more interested in their phone device even when in the company of others. People know you're not paying attention and that has negative effects on our relationships. We can't read the cues if we're not even invested in the conversation.
I have a problem with patience, so I do try hard to listen even if I think the questions or conversation is rediculous. I need to care more. I cut to the chase too much sometimes.
❤️Hi Alex, beautiful ie. habit #5 “Seek to understand” & be understood….people are clueless in my experience, so sad our education system fails us teaching this detrimental skill; I will be sharing this as a Pro tip at my Toastmaster’s meeting Sat 2/3 /24 & telling them about your RUclips channel….😳😁….
2:48 if I’m engaged in internal dialogue while the other person is speaking, then I’m not empathically listening because I’m not fully present to their words & non-verbal cues. Instead, part of my attention is in my head, imagining being in their shoes. The focus is now predominantly on me, not them. Imagining myself in their shoes helps, but only if i’ve done it before our conversation begins, if I know (in advance) what they’d like to discuss.
I am searching for videos on listening skills as a 45 yr old mom with a daughter whose therapist told me I need to work on this. She is 22. I struggle with recently diagnosed ADHD and I feel certain ASD like my youngest daughter. I want to learn what mistakes to correct to help her heal her eating disorder.
How do you empathize with TOXIC PEOPLE who are chronic complainers, perpetually angry, habitually blaming and putting others down? These people tend to drown others in their sorrows while taking little or no responsibility for their actions or the outcomes of their lives. It's very difficult to listen with interest to their woes without becoming drawn in, overwhelmed, exhausted or dragged down to their negativity. How can one listen empathically without encouraging these behaviors or getting caught up in their downward spiral. How can one respond effectively to these kinds of people?
Hi, Betty. Good question. The short answer is, there's a time for empathy and there's a time for managing healthy boundaries. For toxic people (who are committed to being toxic), it's best to manage your distance and boundaries with them. You're quite right in that when we indulge them with great listening they are very likely to just continue ranting. I will typically encourage toxic people to speak directly to the person they are ranting about (rather than talk to me), I ask them what they are going to do to make things better, I essentially push them toward developing their own solution. I don't offer solutions directly (at least I don't do it more than once). When and if they come back to me, I say something along the lines of, "Well, like I said last time we talked about this . . ." When they see that they're not going to bait us into putting gasoline on the fire, they'll see that you have your limits. So, it's really not about empathizing like I'm talking about in the video. The video assumes you're dealing with a relatively healthy and normal person and I'm assuming viewers want to work on their own listening skills. But, with less emotionally healthy people, you have to manage your own boundaries so they don't make your life worse.
I have been trying to grow my empathy for a bit now and i have come to the conclusion that if you want to grow something you need a seed. Those of us with zero empathy don't even have a place to start. I man born with a bad leg can get physical therapy and strengthen that leg. If you are born without that leg you can at best learn to use a prosthetic. Likewise I can fake being empathetic but i can't feel empathy.
Yes when my husband listen to me I felt very grateful ... it feels like I am a luckiest girl to have him ... he always understand me ...also he got my my non-verbal expressions 😂
Great video as always. msg's get mis-understood. Although said with good intentions, sometimes didnt land as like so to the other person. So how do we decide when to let go and when to make amends?
It's a hard question but an important one. For me, when I can tell that the other person really does *_want_* to understand and genuinely respects me, I'll work on making amends or letting them make amends. If I can tell that they desire conflict in some way, I'll put distance between us.
what if putting yourself in their shoes does not result in the same emotion? for example, what if you both play a sport and you don't care so much if you lose but they do. they come to you and are really bummed, "we lost, I'm so so upset"... but for you, it doesn't matter at all. so what, you lost a game? how do you "empathize" when putting yourself in their shoes does not mean the same thing. other examples might be a trigger for someone might not create any emotion for me, or vice versa...what do you do then? That's the part of empathy I've always struggled with...
Good question. In that case, I would try to remember an experience where it did matter to me that I'd lost something. Or I'd think about a time when I didn't get something that was important to me. I have a video titled _What is Empathy?_ that might be helpful.
I hear you. I often feel the same way. I don't have any easy answers for you. Sometimes, people _do_ want their problems fixed and fixed fast. But, that's not what empathy is about. Many times, we just want somebody to be there for us. And, some problems aren't so easily fixed. Many times, advice can sound pretty generic and almost cheap. Advice doesn't communicate much about the relationship. Really listening and empathizing makes a bigger investment in the other person. But, I really do hear you, P. I have heard many problems that had obvious answers that the other person just didn't want to talk about.
Update:
Free Class and Resources: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
Other Classes from Alex: www.alexanderlyon.com
Love from FEA ❣️
I have a lot of health issues so I see a lot of doctors. I know they don’t have tons of time and I’ve gotten used to explaining why I’m there quickly and concisely, even then they may not really hear me. Then I got a new RA doctor. She came into the room, sat down, and proceeded to listen to me! I’ve never felt so heard in my life! I positively love her!
That's a great example, Creative Spaces. Great listening makes such a difference. Excellent example. Thank you for sharing that.
My RA sat next to me, not facing me, and listened to what I was saying. I miss him so.
You've met a gem in your RA doctor.! Unfortunately, many doctors today lack empathy. They would blame it on technology. Yes, to a point. However, they could take a moment to read up on your chart. Then turn and look at you and listen. But they don't. Sad.. happy you finally found a dr that cares and values you as a whole person not just a number with chart on anIPad. Hopefully your doctor will offer ways to aid you in dealing with your pain. 🥰
50 years ago I was at my first AA conference. A man stopped at my table and looked at me and ask if he could sit down? I said yes and I unloaded on this stranger for probably 10 minutes. I have never forgotten it! I have never before or since felt so listened to. He made a difference. This Aug will be 50 years since I had a drink. The best years of my life.
Thanks for sharing, Lionel. Congratulations on 50 years without a drink! That's epic.
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Alex, every time I had the opportunity to talk with you, you practice what you preach. I greatly admire this from both you and your wife. I miss you guys. Keep up the great work! Mark
Thanks, Mark. Miss you, too, man.
I teach teenagers about the Bible, critical thinking, etc., and frequently I will search for a YT video that introduces or elaborates on an idea. Finding good ones, especially those that will appeal to teens, is a challenge. One thing I look for is a speaker who has a winsome personality. Someone whose presentation is easily understood and appealing. Today, I've listened to two of your videos, and I'm happy to add you to my list of favorites. Thank you.
I have been on a quest to listen well for decades. It started when I was a teen and discovered how one single person opened up and sort of bloomed as I listened to him, then acknowledged some thing's that were said. As he continued to speak I made follow up q about his experience.
The response was so positive I wanted to do it again and again. The upside was, I thoroughly enjoyed.
Being genuinely interested is key.
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Thanks for uploading these videos as someone who is autistic and struggles in talking with people this helps me understand more about communication.
I had a mentor named Angel who was an amazing listener. He never interrupted and always asked me follow up questions. I felt empowered and supported because he gave me space and time to express myself
Great comments and examples, Michele. Thank you for sharing.
OMG. You are so amazing at teaching. I learned so much in this video and I know it will help all my relationships. Your son is so lucky to have such a caring & attentive & understanding dad like you
Thank you for sharing this! Yes, I must say that I really appreciate when someone is active listening to me, but unfortunately I'm not always good at it myself, as I'm unfortunately a talkative person. 😌 My hope is to become a better listener, and learn to be more quiet 🤐.
This is so helpful, thank you for sharing.
In answer to your question, I remember when I was young and I had an adult really listen to me, at first I was not sure what was happening and then when this person remembered what I had said and asked me about it, it was just the best feeling ever. To this day, that individual is my favourite human being and it had everything to do with the fact that she listened to me, she asked questions, gave me options to consider and let me talk it out. I’m here listening to you now because I would like to be able to be that person for someone else, to pass on that feeling that helped me more than I can ever explain.
Listening in a way that shows a person is trying to deeply understand is a form of listening that communicates love in the best/purest sense.
Being heard and seen, is the best feeling ever. It is a balm to the nervous system.
This is very helpful! Thank you, Alex! Yes, when someone really listens to me I feel affirmed and understood (we see eye to eye), and I find myself talking more than I wanted to.
Who watching from FEA ?
Rupam
Decision: Iam an active listener ❤️
The first rule of my speaking is: listen!
"I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening"- Larry king
my boyfriend is the person that always listens to understand. he is absolutely the best, and because of him i want to get better at my empathic listening skills :)
That's awesome. You've got a good one! :-)
who came here from FEA 😙
Rohit is here.
Saad is here
I came here from fea 🤣
Which branch?
Me 🙋♂️
Yep, my friend and brother in Christ, Kwazi. He's a really good listener. I can talk to him about almost anything.
Thank you for sharing your empathetic listening skills, I appreciate your presentation style. I will incorporate these three techniques into my interactions with others. I worked for 32 years as a problem solver, need to refocus on empathic listening and not solving issues. Sometimes it’s tough.
Man I just want to say thank you, your videos have helped me tremendously. Enough so, that my boss has noticed and made comment of it. He told me that he really appreciated me taking the time to sharpen my communication skills. Not many people do or are aware they need Improvement in that area. My conversations have gotten clear and more productive, I can't say thank you enough. But I'll say it one more time, thank you!
Your comment made my day! Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
I definitely agree. Thanks for another great video. I'm learning a lot. It's a blessing for me to get to watch your videos. They have saved me on two very important meetings and now becoming more social.
It’s been recently revealed that my wife had endured a lot of childhood and adolescence abuse from her parents. I certainly need to be more empathetic given these revelations as we work through them and how they are effecting her.
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We all are from Lucknow, FEA institute
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I'm come from Varanasi (FEA) 😊
I am from the FEA sigra branch 😅
I almost forgot how it feels to be listened and feel real human connection until a semi random guy at work showed real listening. I woke up and got up looking for empathy again. Nice to be human once again!
Such great tips Alex! Much appreciated! You're amazing in EVERYTHING you present. Thank YOU.
You're so welcome, Ernesto. I appreciate your kindness and I'm glad the videos are helpful.
Interestingly, I'm a natural at empathetic listening. I can mirror and connect emotionally with others easily. My challenge is to actively listen without interrupting them or trying to make them feel better. I want to track better and stay quiet so that they get the air time they need.
🌸🌺 Great topic in a time when most people are more interested in their phone device even when in the company of others. People know you're not paying attention and that has negative effects on our relationships. We can't read the cues if we're not even invested in the conversation.
Ah, yes. The distractions really do harm our connections. Good point. It takes an investment to connect well with others.
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I have a problem with patience, so I do try hard to listen even if I think the questions or conversation is rediculous. I need to care more. I cut to the chase too much sometimes.
6:13 Yes and I felt no different. But I still appreciated it.
Does Anybody form fea here!!!!!
Yes I'm
You are best speaker.
Thank you!
❤️Hi Alex, beautiful ie. habit #5 “Seek to understand” & be understood….people are clueless in my experience, so sad our education system fails us teaching this detrimental skill; I will be sharing this as a Pro tip at my Toastmaster’s meeting Sat 2/3 /24 & telling them about your RUclips channel….😳😁….
2:48 if I’m engaged in internal dialogue while the other person is speaking, then I’m not empathically listening because I’m not fully present to their words & non-verbal cues. Instead, part of my attention is in my head, imagining being in their shoes. The focus is now predominantly on me, not them. Imagining myself in their shoes helps, but only if i’ve done it before our conversation begins, if I know (in advance) what they’d like to discuss.
GREAT THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THOSE TIPS , NEED SO MUCH TO LEARN , i AVING PROBLEMS WITH MY TEAM AND I WANT TO BE COME A BETTER LEADER
Yes my ❤ listen to me very empathically.
Yes my friend Swati listen me by empathy 😊
I appreciate your so so sooooo clear English man 🤠👍
I'm so glad I stumbled to your channel...I was listening to Dolly Parton.
Thank you for your help
wow!remarkable speech.
Thank you!
I am searching for videos on listening skills as a 45 yr old mom with a daughter whose therapist told me I need to work on this. She is 22. I struggle with recently diagnosed ADHD and I feel certain ASD like my youngest daughter. I want to learn what mistakes to correct to help her heal her eating disorder.
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Thank you so much sir , this video is really helpful for me. It will help me to listening 🎧 someone perfectly.
I hope the tips are helpful, Anjali.
How do you empathize with TOXIC PEOPLE who are chronic complainers, perpetually angry, habitually blaming and putting others down? These people tend to drown others in their sorrows while taking little or no responsibility for their actions or the outcomes of their lives. It's very difficult to listen with interest to their woes without becoming drawn in, overwhelmed, exhausted or dragged down to their negativity. How can one listen empathically without encouraging these behaviors or getting caught up in their downward spiral. How can one respond effectively to these kinds of people?
Hi, Betty. Good question. The short answer is, there's a time for empathy and there's a time for managing healthy boundaries. For toxic people (who are committed to being toxic), it's best to manage your distance and boundaries with them. You're quite right in that when we indulge them with great listening they are very likely to just continue ranting. I will typically encourage toxic people to speak directly to the person they are ranting about (rather than talk to me), I ask them what they are going to do to make things better, I essentially push them toward developing their own solution. I don't offer solutions directly (at least I don't do it more than once). When and if they come back to me, I say something along the lines of, "Well, like I said last time we talked about this . . ." When they see that they're not going to bait us into putting gasoline on the fire, they'll see that you have your limits. So, it's really not about empathizing like I'm talking about in the video. The video assumes you're dealing with a relatively healthy and normal person and I'm assuming viewers want to work on their own listening skills. But, with less emotionally healthy people, you have to manage your own boundaries so they don't make your life worse.
Great question and great response here!
Attendance here... FEA Shantipuram prayagraj...😊😊😊
I'm also come frome FEA 😊
I have been trying to grow my empathy for a bit now and i have come to the conclusion that if you want to grow something you need a seed. Those of us with zero empathy don't even have a place to start. I man born with a bad leg can get physical therapy and strengthen that leg. If you are born without that leg you can at best learn to use a prosthetic. Likewise I can fake being empathetic but i can't feel empathy.
I am from FEA
Yes when my husband listen to me I felt very grateful ... it feels like I am a luckiest girl to have him ... he always understand me ...also he got my my non-verbal expressions 😂
My wife does the same for me. She's an amazing listener.
@@alexanderlyon glad to know this
Very effective and good.
AWESOME video! Thanks!
Glad you liked it, Lisa. Thanks for your encouragement.
Come on time🎉
This tips are important
Adarsh sir 👑
I came to watch this video by the organisation name freedom employability Academy INDIA 281001.
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Good
Nice
Adarsh sir ❣️
Cna you please upload any live example clip or video related to empathetic listening it would help me a lot.
It's a good idea but I don't have my own clip of that to upload. I'm guessing that there are other videos on RUclips that show a live sample.
I am from mahipalpur (delhi) FEA 😅
Well explained
Thank you
You're welcome. Glad it was helpful.
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Mst
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Hm video
@@09akashverma78 चल बता क्या सीखा वीडियो से
I did a gig on fiverr to become an empathetic listener, but I am getting no traffic what would you suggest I do to get more traffic
*Communication Coach Alex Lyon* music add spices in life ! thank u so much
Cool once again)
Thanks again. :-)
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Nice video 🎥🎥🎥🎥🎥 it's very important
Thank you so much
Great video as always. msg's get mis-understood. Although said with good intentions, sometimes didnt land as like so to the other person. So how do we decide when to let go and when to make amends?
It's a hard question but an important one. For me, when I can tell that the other person really does *_want_* to understand and genuinely respects me, I'll work on making amends or letting them make amends. If I can tell that they desire conflict in some way, I'll put distance between us.
what if putting yourself in their shoes does not result in the same emotion? for example, what if you both play a sport and you don't care so much if you lose but they do. they come to you and are really bummed, "we lost, I'm so so upset"... but for you, it doesn't matter at all. so what, you lost a game? how do you "empathize" when putting yourself in their shoes does not mean the same thing. other examples might be a trigger for someone might not create any emotion for me, or vice versa...what do you do then? That's the part of empathy I've always struggled with...
Good question. In that case, I would try to remember an experience where it did matter to me that I'd lost something. Or I'd think about a time when I didn't get something that was important to me. I have a video titled _What is Empathy?_ that might be helpful.
I’m struggling with this in my relationship
I would like to know why someone wouldn’t want to fix the situation I have a hard problem understanding that
I hear you. I often feel the same way. I don't have any easy answers for you. Sometimes, people _do_ want their problems fixed and fixed fast. But, that's not what empathy is about. Many times, we just want somebody to be there for us. And, some problems aren't so easily fixed. Many times, advice can sound pretty generic and almost cheap. Advice doesn't communicate much about the relationship. Really listening and empathizing makes a bigger investment in the other person. But, I really do hear you, P. I have heard many problems that had obvious answers that the other person just didn't want to talk about.
Jai Shree Ram ❤️ 🙏
Nice
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Bhai aap gwalior se kaha ho
Great teaching
Thank you, D. I appreciate that. :-)
Thanks
Hiiiiiiiiii this side fea student
I listen carefully but some barrear, s I listen something else . Só how to listen carefully. Distraction.
tell me Whare is your fea branch ?😮😮😮