I am not a parent, but I am a sibling, my baby brother is 1, and I feel like raising him like I was raised wouldn’t be a good idea, this video was amazing, thank you!
I agree with every point but surely sometimes you just HAVE to say no! My child gets more frustrated when I skirt around the ‘no’. For example, ‘mommy can we go to the park’ and I’ll say ‘we’ve got lots of jobs to do so we need to stay in the house but let’s find something else to do’ and she will still kick off because it’s still a ‘no’ and she knows that, I just didn’t say the specific word. It’s also confusing when you say ‘draw on this paper’ but don’t make them aware that it’s not acceptable to draw on the table! I think it’s better to be clear with boundaries and expectations, and be firm with boundaries but enforce them with kindness, respect and empathy. Its often better to say no, explain why and then support them with their emotions around not being able to do what they wanted to do. Also when they are going to do something dangerous a quick sharp ‘no, stop! is necessary. Once you’ve explained they’ve already done the dangerous thing like touching the stove or walking into the road. I think ‘no’ does have its place sometimes.
EXACTLY. I was thinking of all this while watching. I think clarity of language is important. To say that you can *never* use negative words sounds extreme and impractical. Instead, perhaps a better approach is to lead with the principle of respectfully explaining a no, rather than having an unhealthy power dynamic of "It's no because I said so! Because I'm the parent!" If that makes sense?? And I don't think saying "no" makes someone feel bad about themselves, either. I'd need to see some actual research or data on that one, it's making me feel really skeptical tbh!
I do agree with this. I think she meant more of when parents don’t explain why they’re saying no and just say no, stop, don’t… ect. Yelling no just makes them confused and scared rather than actually help them understand. Your perspective on this is really refreshing because I can tell that you respect your children
Of course you tell yourvkidvyourvintentions for the day. If the park is not in the plans, be clear. Offering other options is part of it. The park will be tomorrow, but not today " is acceptable. Straight up no park, is not working together with you kid. Get some books, with more examples, and learning the skills takes time and practice.
Also how are you supposed to teach your kids to set boundaries? Let's just teach our children that they can't so no so that when they are adult they don't know how to set boundaries and end up in or causing dangerous situations. No is a very important word.
The only thing that doesn't sound right is not having no. Setting boundaries is super important. No should be followed with an explanation of why but it should not be banned
Ok genuine question. How do we teach them to be calm out in the world. If they can't handle the words no, can't, and don't then what about school or jobs. Their boss isn't going to gently parent them through their work day.
I think for my household I won’t completely stop using those words but try to say them a lot less so it’s more effective when you do say it & it won’t be foreign. I’m still learning & Ik that wasn’t exactly your question but I still feel like it’s related
Love love love this and love gentle parenting! Totally agree, it's a big commitment, but to me, it's the best thing for our little ones! It's a lifestyle that I believe will benefit them in the long run! It's so worth the effort and hard work we put in daily! It's takes a mindset shift and it does get easier as time goes on and it become a normal reaction eventually! Thanks for sharing these with us
This isn't gentle parenting it's permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is simular but we definitely use no and set and enforce clear boundaries with natural consequences
So good to hear this positive feedback about this style of parenting and how that long term view can give that push to keep growing and changing yourself. ❤
My daughter is 8. I've been parenting how I've been parented. Not in every respect but I do feel like I can improve in some areas and I'm worried that I might be too late. I'm still gonna try but...
@@niqueness2988 I recommend looking into actual gentle parenting. This lady is setting a bad presidence not being able to say no. No is one of the most important words a child should learn and understand. Setting and respecting clear boundaries is very important in gentle parenting and not knowing how to set those clear boundaries can be dangerous later in life
@@niqueness2988 I suggest mamacusses or toripahntom for better advice and examples of how to set clear boundaries natural consequences and co regulation methods
It’s good to want to try a new style of parenting but what we have found working with parents that if they’re are some behaviours that have evolved sometimes gentle parenting won’t work yet until you address the behaviours. 😊
I have dedicated several hours to really researching gentle parenting . As a board certified behavior analyst I fundamentally Disagree with this parenting style. You must know your child’s nature and personality type. If you fail to discipline your child and tell them NO, YOU CANT, DO NOT DO THAT. Or do this because I said so, you’re setting them up for a hard life! This world is not gentle! And when they grow up and become apart of it they’re going to lack very important life skills and lessons because no one will coddle them/praise them or redirect them gently. There is a time and place for everything. Spankings are necessary, understanding hierarchy and authority is necessary. You can love your child and respect them and still pop their butts or give them time out when rules are broken. He who does not discipline his child hates his child. And I firmly believe that gentle parenting is doing a great deal of harm. Children have to know and understand early on that just because they feel a way doesn’t mean it’s valid and as parent it is your job to course correct and teach them and with that comes punishment. It does not mean your are abusive or unkind in fact id argue that when you implement punishments in a healthy way it’s more loving and kind because it hurts to do this but you’re parenting for now and the future. I could go on and on but this is a NO.
I love this. I have been trying to gentle parent and twin 2 year old boys and it can be very trying and I’m also trying to break old habits and how I was raised. This is all new to me and I really appreciate this. Thank you
Wow! So my kids are very well behaved, we have a great relationship. I enjoy my time with my children...but...this is all new to me. Some of this I do naturally...but not saying no...I will have to think on that one. I often worry that I am too negative with my kids in that respect, but yet, no is a natural part of life. I'm just thinking out loud here. I have been thinking lately that I would like to completely change the way I was raised to focus more on long term relationships.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your help so much and will absolutely be subscribing. The word No will be a challenge in my home but your so right about it. Such an eye opener for me Thank you ❤️
Some friends went for positive education. So they won't say no when their kids battle. Not for me. I tell my kids no sometimes, no means no. I'm not sure pediatrics would agree with you.
I have a 9 yr old on the spectrum who is high functioning. Everything I have learned along the way about parenting a child on the spectrum falls in line with what is talked about in this video. I have only recently heard the term gentle parenting, but a lot of what I have been taught and learned from professionals is basically gentle parenting: control your own emotions when dealing with a child's tantrums, redirect a child by telling them what you want rather than what you don't want, show your child respect, rather than yelling at a child for inappropriate behavior/language calmly demonstrate what you expect and have them repeat it, etc. One new concept I have taken away from this video is to take can't, no, and don't out of your vocabulary.
In working with children and being parents ourselves, it’s not a one size fits all and that goes for all children not just children with diagnosis. Sometimes when behaviours have evolved over time it’s hard to implement a new style without resolving some of those behaviours. If that makes sense 😊
I am about to go through a very difficult mental and emotional evaluation for parenting to get my son home with me after losing him for not being able to get him into a pediatrician in time in covid and for having a panic attack as my mother's always abused me and the reason they were there was her lies again twisted to make it look real using my ptsd and anxiety from my abusive neglectful childhood against me in every way. I've been in therapy 6 months now and have taken a mental wellness group to learn to help realize triggers and help to calm yourself in the moment. it was 10 weeks. I also have been taking parenting classes and have done very well even suggesting the proper things and having a deep understanding of how I wanted my son to grow up. my lack of complete discipline is what got him and I into a never ending him defy me and my anxiety constantly going off. since then he's come very far in care and I've come very far as a mother. I have a lawyer and am fighting to have him home with me, I was wondering if you had time to share some things necessary I may not have learned on zoom or even in messages. I love my son more than anything I just want him to have the best calmest, comforting, loved, validated, happy life he can. ❤ if you have the time to reach out to me it would be amazing. I deserve the chance to learn the tools I never learned being abused and neglected my whole childhood and on my own as a teen from 14 on.😢 I just want the chance to do right. I've never abused him, hurt him, neglected him, I've lacked tools in discipline or how to properly connect to him to be a calm assertive mother. I just want my baby home. please if you can, anything helps.
I’m new here and I have a question and I’m hoping you’ll see this. So my son actually enjoys cleaning. He makes messes just to be able to clean them so when you were talking about painting on the table and explaining that he’d have to clean it if he colors on it again but he actually will paint on it and run after a towel to clean it. How do I stop him from being so OCD 😭
Wow, this say nothing. “Teaching moment”- BS statement. All empty. I raised 3 solid adult boys. I was not gentle. I was powerful. A friend apologized to me because she said she would just explain to her daughter & her daughter learned Then she had a boy. She said she thought she was good parent then she realized it was her daughter who was good. Her son was a monster.
Love the powerful comment So boys really are different to girls then? I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and one half cooked and won't be finding out until birth. But do you think I need to get my head around boys being a whole other ball game? Thank you
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! This was beautifully explained and really laid down the foundation of this type of parenting. I could stand the way I was always saying “no, stop, don’t do that, get off there,” etc… This is a BIG change but I know it’s worth it for everyone. I can’t wait to hear what else you have to say about this subject!
THIS IS NOT GENTLE PARENTING IT IS PERMISSIVE PARENTING!! gentle parenting uses the word no all the time and it's a necessity when teaching kids how to set and understand clear boundaries.
@@lolarichter9415 Thank you for your response! I’m new to all of this and I appreciate any feedback. Do you have any recommendations to where to go for good info on gentle parenting?
This isn't gentle parenting 😔 this is permissive parenting. Not letting your kid hear and say no is just plain dangerous. Don't take thus lady's advice at all.
@Aisha Patrice this is not real gentle parenting 🙄 real gentle parenting DEFINITELY use the word no and set clear boundaries and enforce those boundaries. We just don't hit to enforce and use natural consequences. This lady is just pure wrong af
@@lolarichter9415 hi there. It's a good job you commented for people who are new to this. Thank you. Can you please tell us the CORRECT channels to go to? The ones that have taught you the way? Thank you, really hope to get a reply, thanks.
my wife is a 3 YR OLD pre school teacher. she said kids are now more worse than ever. she has seen this change in the last few years. its alot to do with this gentle parents. in stead of calling it gentle parenting. lets call it what it is its BAD PARENTING. You raise kids that dont hear no. they dont listen. and they are spoiled. you can reason some with a 3 year old. when my kids cried. I said crying is ok if you get hurt. Only when you get hurt. if daddy falls scrapes his knee it hurts i cry. like you if i get hurt i can cry. you only cry when you get hurt. say that back to me. you ONLY cry when you get hurt. say it again. i got it into them. then my kids would cry for some reason. I remind them. when is the ONLY reason you cry? they would stop crying and say. only when you get hurt they would say it. and they would stop. and that was solved. as far as saying no. i said NO ALL THE TIME. gentle parenting is bad and you make bad kids. some parent would tell my wife she would tell their kid the 3 yr old monster in my wife room that when she went shopping that she also had her 1 yr old and 3 yr old johnny the devil. so they get to parking lot and he wants to run around cause he doesnt listen and she has her hands full with groceries and a 1 yr old. now he going to hit by a car. she doesnt want the discipline to come from her. so her answer is Johnny dont do that because the CAR Monster will get you. other times the big bad wolf will get you. my wife saw that as he ran around hallway when his mom came in. just laughable. so do your gentle parenting and make bad kids. you know what I used to say is? i said you dont want to see me get really mad. it was a bluff but you know what they didnt want to see me get mad. they behaved. gentle parenting creates monsters and good luck with that.
Crying is only okay when you get hurt 😂wow good luck raising children that dont know how to express emotions because you only allow them to cry when they fall over ! All emotions are good there are no such thing as bad emotions.
Ive been with IittIes this week as a para for the first and i wish they could show this to every teacher I tried so hard to not get mad but i just didn’t have the tools to not.
I am not a parent, but I am a sibling, my baby brother is 1, and I feel like raising him like I was raised wouldn’t be a good idea, this video was amazing, thank you!
He appreciate you for doing this 🤍
You seem pretty darn amazing so there’s that…..
Good on you for recognizing what you want to see change in your world and for your family and especially for your baby brother ❤
You are a superstar
This is one of the worst and most destructive forms of parenting. Utterly ridiculous!!
I agree with every point but surely sometimes you just HAVE to say no! My child gets more frustrated when I skirt around the ‘no’. For example, ‘mommy can we go to the park’ and I’ll say ‘we’ve got lots of jobs to do so we need to stay in the house but let’s find something else to do’ and she will still kick off because it’s still a ‘no’ and she knows that, I just didn’t say the specific word. It’s also confusing when you say ‘draw on this paper’ but don’t make them aware that it’s not acceptable to draw on the table! I think it’s better to be clear with boundaries and expectations, and be firm with boundaries but enforce them with kindness, respect and empathy. Its often better to say no, explain why and then support them with their emotions around not being able to do what they wanted to do. Also when they are going to do something dangerous a quick sharp ‘no, stop! is necessary. Once you’ve explained they’ve already done the dangerous thing like touching the stove or walking into the road. I think ‘no’ does have its place sometimes.
EXACTLY. I was thinking of all this while watching. I think clarity of language is important. To say that you can *never* use negative words sounds extreme and impractical. Instead, perhaps a better approach is to lead with the principle of respectfully explaining a no, rather than having an unhealthy power dynamic of "It's no because I said so! Because I'm the parent!" If that makes sense?? And I don't think saying "no" makes someone feel bad about themselves, either. I'd need to see some actual research or data on that one, it's making me feel really skeptical tbh!
I do agree with this. I think she meant more of when parents don’t explain why they’re saying no and just say no, stop, don’t… ect. Yelling no just makes them confused and scared rather than actually help them understand. Your perspective on this is really refreshing because I can tell that you respect your children
Of course you tell yourvkidvyourvintentions for the day. If the park is not in the plans, be clear. Offering other options is part of it. The park will be tomorrow, but not today " is acceptable. Straight up no park, is not working together with you kid. Get some books, with more examples, and learning the skills takes time and practice.
Also how are you supposed to teach your kids to set boundaries? Let's just teach our children that they can't so no so that when they are adult they don't know how to set boundaries and end up in or causing dangerous situations. No is a very important word.
@@lolarichter9415 jeez. Good point.
The only thing that doesn't sound right is not having no. Setting boundaries is super important. No should be followed with an explanation of why but it should not be banned
Ok genuine question. How do we teach them to be calm out in the world. If they can't handle the words no, can't, and don't then what about school or jobs. Their boss isn't going to gently parent them through their work day.
I think for my household I won’t completely stop using those words but try to say them a lot less so it’s more effective when you do say it & it won’t be foreign. I’m still learning & Ik that wasn’t exactly your question but I still feel like it’s related
Love love love this and love gentle parenting! Totally agree, it's a big commitment, but to me, it's the best thing for our little ones! It's a lifestyle that I believe will benefit them in the long run! It's so worth the effort and hard work we put in daily! It's takes a mindset shift and it does get easier as time goes on and it become a normal reaction eventually! Thanks for sharing these with us
Absolutely!!
Yes! So worth it!
This isn't gentle parenting it's permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is simular but we definitely use no and set and enforce clear boundaries with natural consequences
So good to hear this positive feedback about this style of parenting and how that long term view can give that push to keep growing and changing yourself. ❤
I'm trying to be a better parent, so I've been browsing some of these videos on gentle parenting. I find these techniques to be quite insightful.
I commend you for trying to learn so you can lead a better life for your kids. Thank you for doing what my parents never did
This is permissive parenting not gentle parenting. If you want gentle parenting watch mama cusses for how to set clear boundaries
My daughter is 8. I've been parenting how I've been parented. Not in every respect but I do feel like I can improve in some areas and I'm worried that I might be too late. I'm still gonna try but...
@@niqueness2988 I recommend looking into actual gentle parenting. This lady is setting a bad presidence not being able to say no. No is one of the most important words a child should learn and understand. Setting and respecting clear boundaries is very important in gentle parenting and not knowing how to set those clear boundaries can be dangerous later in life
@@niqueness2988 I suggest mamacusses or toripahntom for better advice and examples of how to set clear boundaries natural consequences and co regulation methods
“you are a teacher to you parent.” I know you meant to your child but that sentence was still pretty accurate, unfortunately.
I am about to start gentle parenting and this video is a great guide. Thank you🙏
That's wonderful! Best of luck to you! Feel free to visit our channel where we have weekly interviews with gentle parenting experts
Am a teacher for children, and I think every teacher should train themselves into this. 👍🏼
Thank you for this! I'm currently expecting and would like to change how I speak and think to prepare for respectful gentle parenting.
YES I AGREE I SENT THIS TO MY MOM
I need to start this because honestly they don’t listen when I yell anyways and it just makes me more angry and frustrated
It’s good to want to try a new style of parenting but what we have found working with parents that if they’re are some behaviours that have evolved sometimes gentle parenting won’t work yet until you address the behaviours. 😊
I have dedicated several hours to really researching gentle parenting . As a board certified behavior analyst I fundamentally Disagree with this parenting style. You must know your child’s nature and personality type. If you fail to discipline your child and tell them NO, YOU CANT, DO NOT DO THAT. Or do this because I said so, you’re setting them up for a hard life! This world is not gentle! And when they grow up and become apart of it they’re going to lack very important life skills and lessons because no one will coddle them/praise them or redirect them gently. There is a time and place for everything. Spankings are necessary, understanding hierarchy and authority is necessary. You can love your child and respect them and still pop their butts or give them time out when rules are broken. He who does not discipline his child hates his child. And I firmly believe that gentle parenting is doing a great deal of harm. Children have to know and understand early on that just because they feel a way doesn’t mean it’s valid and as parent it is your job to course correct and teach them and with that comes punishment. It does not mean your are abusive or unkind in fact id argue that when you implement punishments in a healthy way it’s more loving and kind because it hurts to do this but you’re parenting for now and the future. I could go on and on but this is a NO.
I love this. I have been trying to gentle parent and twin 2 year old boys and it can be very trying and I’m also trying to break old habits and how I was raised. This is all new to me and I really appreciate this. Thank you
What happens when Becky draws on the table over and over. ? What do you do? My kids don’t learn
Wow! So my kids are very well behaved, we have a great relationship. I enjoy my time with my children...but...this is all new to me. Some of this I do naturally...but not saying no...I will have to think on that one. I often worry that I am too negative with my kids in that respect, but yet, no is a natural part of life. I'm just thinking out loud here. I have been thinking lately that I would like to completely change the way I was raised to focus more on long term relationships.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your help so much and will absolutely be subscribing. The word No will be a challenge in my home but your so right about it. Such an eye opener for me
Thank you ❤️
So it's been a year now. How's your parenting going?
Thank you for the gentle parenting tips!
Wonderful insights!
My mother could have never ever done this.
Sounds like love 101
Some friends went for positive education. So they won't say no when their kids battle.
Not for me.
I tell my kids no sometimes, no means no.
I'm not sure pediatrics would agree with you.
I'm wondering how well this will work for kids on the spectrum. I have a high functioning autistic 11 yr old.
Hi, if you’ve found any tools please comment them.. I have 3 ADHD/ODD children 14-11-8
I have a 9 yr old on the spectrum who is high functioning. Everything I have learned along the way about parenting a child on the spectrum falls in line with what is talked about in this video. I have only recently heard the term gentle parenting, but a lot of what I have been taught and learned from professionals is basically gentle parenting: control your own emotions when dealing with a child's tantrums, redirect a child by telling them what you want rather than what you don't want, show your child respect, rather than yelling at a child for inappropriate behavior/language calmly demonstrate what you expect and have them repeat it, etc. One new concept I have taken away from this video is to take can't, no, and don't out of your vocabulary.
In working with children and being parents ourselves, it’s not a one size fits all and that goes for all children not just children with diagnosis. Sometimes when behaviours have evolved over time it’s hard to implement a new style without resolving some of those behaviours. If that makes sense 😊
I've always wanted to be a parent, but I'm so scared I'll be just like my family...
I am about to go through a very difficult mental and emotional evaluation for parenting to get my son home with me after losing him for not being able to get him into a pediatrician in time in covid and for having a panic attack as my mother's always abused me and the reason they were there was her lies again twisted to make it look real using my ptsd and anxiety from my abusive neglectful childhood against me in every way. I've been in therapy 6 months now and have taken a mental wellness group to learn to help realize triggers and help to calm yourself in the moment. it was 10 weeks. I also have been taking parenting classes and have done very well even suggesting the proper things and having a deep understanding of how I wanted my son to grow up. my lack of complete discipline is what got him and I into a never ending him defy me and my anxiety constantly going off. since then he's come very far in care and I've come very far as a mother. I have a lawyer and am fighting to have him home with me, I was wondering if you had time to share some things necessary I may not have learned on zoom or even in messages. I love my son more than anything I just want him to have the best calmest, comforting, loved, validated, happy life he can. ❤ if you have the time to reach out to me it would be amazing. I deserve the chance to learn the tools I never learned being abused and neglected my whole childhood and on my own as a teen from 14 on.😢 I just want the chance to do right. I've never abused him, hurt him, neglected him, I've lacked tools in discipline or how to properly connect to him to be a calm assertive mother. I just want my baby home. please if you can, anything helps.
I’m new here and I have a question and I’m hoping you’ll see this.
So my son actually enjoys cleaning. He makes messes just to be able to clean them so when you were talking about painting on the table and explaining that he’d have to clean it if he colors on it again but he actually will paint on it and run after a towel to clean it. How do I stop him from being so OCD 😭
But what about what happens when I toddler become school age and they hear the word no from their teacher
Wow, this say nothing. “Teaching moment”- BS statement. All empty. I raised 3 solid adult boys. I was not gentle. I was powerful. A friend apologized to me because she said she would just explain to her daughter & her daughter learned Then she had a boy. She said she thought she was good parent then she realized it was her daughter who was good. Her son was a monster.
Love the powerful comment
So boys really are different to girls then? I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and one half cooked and won't be finding out until birth. But do you think I need to get my head around boys being a whole other ball game? Thank you
Thank you so much
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! This was beautifully explained and really laid down the foundation of this type of parenting. I could stand the way I was always saying “no, stop, don’t do that, get off there,” etc… This is a BIG change but I know it’s worth it for everyone.
I can’t wait to hear what else you have to say about this subject!
THIS IS NOT GENTLE PARENTING IT IS PERMISSIVE PARENTING!! gentle parenting uses the word no all the time and it's a necessity when teaching kids how to set and understand clear boundaries.
@@lolarichter9415 Thank you for your response! I’m new to all of this and I appreciate any feedback. Do you have any recommendations to where to go for good info on gentle parenting?
Thank you 💕
This is hilarious 😂 gentle parenting is a great way to have kids who are poorly adapted to the real world.
This isn't gentle parenting 😔 this is permissive parenting. Not letting your kid hear and say no is just plain dangerous. Don't take thus lady's advice at all.
@Aisha Patrice this is not real gentle parenting 🙄 real gentle parenting DEFINITELY use the word no and set clear boundaries and enforce those boundaries. We just don't hit to enforce and use natural consequences. This lady is just pure wrong af
@@lolarichter9415 hi there. It's a good job you commented for people who are new to this. Thank you. Can you please tell us the CORRECT channels to go to? The ones that have taught you the way? Thank you, really hope to get a reply, thanks.
my wife is a 3 YR OLD pre school teacher. she said kids are now more worse than ever. she has seen this change in the last few years. its alot to do with this gentle parents. in stead of calling it gentle parenting. lets call it what it is its BAD PARENTING. You raise kids that dont hear no. they dont listen. and they are spoiled. you can reason some with a 3 year old. when my kids cried. I said crying is ok if you get hurt. Only when you get hurt. if daddy falls scrapes his knee it hurts i cry. like you if i get hurt i can cry. you only cry when you get hurt. say that back to me. you ONLY cry when you get hurt. say it again. i got it into them. then my kids would cry for some reason. I remind them. when is the ONLY reason you cry? they would stop crying and say. only when you get hurt they would say it. and they would stop. and that was solved. as far as saying no. i said NO ALL THE TIME. gentle parenting is bad and you make bad kids. some parent would tell my wife she would tell their kid the 3 yr old monster in my wife room that when she went shopping that she also had her 1 yr old and 3 yr old johnny the devil. so they get to parking lot and he wants to run around cause he doesnt listen and she has her hands full with groceries and a 1 yr old. now he going to hit by a car. she doesnt want the discipline to come from her. so her answer is Johnny dont do that because the CAR Monster will get you. other times the big bad wolf will get you. my wife saw that as he ran around hallway when his mom came in. just laughable. so do your gentle parenting and make bad kids. you know what I used to say is? i said you dont want to see me get really mad. it was a bluff but you know what they didnt want to see me get mad. they behaved. gentle parenting creates monsters and good luck with that.
Crying is only okay when you get hurt 😂wow good luck raising children that dont know how to express emotions because you only allow them to cry when they fall over ! All emotions are good there are no such thing as bad emotions.
Ive been with IittIes this week as a para for the first and i wish they could show this to every teacher I tried so hard to not get mad but i just didn’t have the tools to not.