Parenting Teens Toward Adulthood (Part 1) - Dr. Ken Wilgus
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- Dr. Ken Wilgus encourages parents to deliberately work their way out of the parenting role by the time their child is 18, and instructs them to see their teenagers as young adults, not large children. He offers tips on how to progressively give your teen more responsibility, along with examples of how to have difficult conversations on a range of topics, from music choices to dating.
Get Ken's book, Feeding the Mouth That Bites You: bit.ly/3AEcvtM
For more resources on this topic: bit.ly/3R1tSdh
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Parenting a teen and young adult these days is unbelievably difficult, exhausting and soul breaking
Yup.
Why would you parent a young adult
@ 19 and 20 they are still young and at home sometimes and not teens anymore
Soul breaking is definitely it
It sure is. My 16 yr old and I have been going at it with each other and I finally had my breaking point and broke his expensive headphone's in the heat of the moment. The next day, I reflected on my actions and decisions and thought about why I acted that way and realized I now need to get him a new one. I swear, no one try's your patience, compassion, kindness and mental state more than a teenager.
The Lord Jesus perfect timing in hearing this message as I’m struggling with parenting my 2 teens. So many wow moments that the Lord opened up my mind to understand my teens behavior. Love the analogy of parents occupying our teens “state/country”and they want us out. Thank you for the practical tips. Can’t wait to hear part 2 and read the book.
The same here , having difficult times with my 14 year old son
Same issue with 14 yr old son becoming a stranger and always wanting to be with his friends.
me too and his description on the teens is exactly true
This is SO AFFIRMING! Our oldest son just graduated and he has been pushing to get out since he was 13! I have thought so many times that we would have had WAY fewer issues if he could have graduated when he was 14. He would have been okay. Instead, we went through a whole lot of issues, and have been on a nauseating roller coaster ride, but we are PRAYING that we are coming out on the other side and that he is getting back on track to adulthood.
Thank You for sharing, My daughter 17 now and sure getting there.
I can relate to you, my daughter is 17 now
This is exactly what Islam teaches about teenagers being young adults rather older kids.. amazing to hear from this specialist 🎉bravo
I’m so glad I found this my baby boy (12 years old ) is struggling so bad mentally & I know it has to do with how I have parented him looking toward to trying these new strategies ❤
It's not easy, but it's one of the best "jobs" we have. Celebrate and enjoy all parts of it. Celebrate yourself as well through it all.
This was difficult to hear. But I understand why I found it. I was driving and let RUclips direct what played next. Perfect timing. I have a 13 & 14 year old and so thankful they do their own laundry! My daughter and I struggle over the music she listens to. I am having a hard time getting her to see how our ear and eye gate effects our life, and bring us closer to Christ or further away. I’m planning the conversation in my head to give up that control. I believe this will change her perspective! 🙏🏻
I have a 14 and a 15 year old. This video was really helpful to me. One trick I've learnt with him, and maybe it'll work with your daughter, is curiosity.
My son spends too much time on his phone and used to be on one particular game a lot. Instead of groaning about it I'd ask him questions instead and he'd happily talk about it. Now I ask him if he's watched/listened to anything interesting recently and he shows me things. We do also have time boundaries but that's a different story!
Best of luck.
Oh and well done with the laundry, I'm nowhere with that one!
What happens when they are making choices that are dangerous for them? I believe there are times when you need to protect them from themselves! We have wisdom that they do not and there are times where they need protecting.
I agree. I don't think this works with every teen. In fact, I think it's important to highlight that he says "normal teen behavior." I don't think he's saying that anything goes. As parents, we still need to have boundaries, especially when there are younger kids in the home, but I think having the "I will not only allow you to grow up, but I will help you grow up" mentality, instead of the "keep my babies forever" thought is what he's getting at.
As adults we make choices that are potentially dangerous until the day we die. You can't protect people from themselves and attempting to would be denying them their sovereignty as well as the opportunity to learn through their own experience. Our job as parents is not to control, it's to inspire them to discover and claim their individually as a human being. Leading by example is the most effective way to teach anyone anything. Allowing an individual to make their own choices doesn't mean you are no longer allowed to share your experience and wisdom. The idea is absurd! We share our wisdom with others our whole lives. Ive had to share my wisdom of of setting the clock on a VCR with people decades older than I.
Praying for our son. Our heart is aching for him...he seemed to know everything he is doing is right and reasonable...he is a SH graduating student. We are trying to reach out to him to help and to guide, but he already kept a distance from us🥺 but still we're doing all we can to ahow him our love. His dad and I are both pastoring a church but he started to stay away from the people in the church, too.😢😢
Unsolicited guidance isn't helpful.... It's controlling and presumptuous. We have to let people be who they are whether it's our neighbor, co-worker or our own children.
It's not easy to handle teenage daughters now a days.
no its not i feel overwhelmed most days im so tired
Was it ever?
@@L0vejenjenme too. It’s harder then looking after newborns.
Boys too
AMEN
When I first began listening it caused an eyebrow raise however by the end I was in full agreement. Great presentation!
I needed this! I have a 15 year old boy and now I better understand why the strife has been there. Thank you for sharing this. My heart is healing with hearing this. 💓
Klla
Lkal
Ezkzahsuź
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Life is more expensive now, and I refuse to allow my children to struggle. I will help them for a while longer.
I really needed to hear this today. My 13 year old just asked me when he could move out and I broke down. I felt like a failure as a parent. I've loved and supported him and not hovered over him. He has lots of the freedoms spoken about here. So it really blind-sided me when he said he wanted to move out. But hearing this advice gives me some comfort that it's normal and I need to carry on gearing him up to leave.
They are so much smarter than we give them credit for
Wish I had heard this BEFORE my kids became teens! A brilliant plan!
This has been the BEST information I have seen on working with my children/Teens. Thank you.
This was superb.❤
I had saved this in my "watch later" a long time ago. I'm so grateful I found it again because I have recently become very discouraged and hopeless with a 9 year battle to get to the cause of a complete health decline. Doctors just pull out their prescription pads and tell me "everything looks normal" but I know it's not. I am planning to reach out for more info- thank you!!
We look forward to your call, friend. In the meantime, we'll be praying for you and your son.
LOVE THIS! I needed this so badly. Thank you so much.
My daughter is 11. I love her. I am just looking for help. I don't want to make the same mistakes that my father made
Thank you for sharing ❤️
This was FANTASTIC!!
Your kids are adults when they move out and can make a life of there own.
Thanks for sharing
Thank You Jesus for this man 🥹🙏🏼☝🏼🫂😭
Adult in training...love it
This definitely depends on the kids maturity level. They are not all emotionally equipped by a certain age, to take on all choices. Their choices and actions, have guided me on what more I can hand over to them. Little at a time, as they show more and more maturity. I have had both. One, where they were given and could handle much responsibility and important life changing choices and another one, who is waay younger than their age. Emotionally and mentally, they are still a small child. Have had to take more baby steps.
Keys are to be patient and forgiving. Then just wait, you will see quick changes which seem overnight.
He definitely allows some flexibility for when you introduce different freedoms of choice.
I am pleased
Valuable topic❤
In my opinion, 18 is still considered a teen... not an adult. The law only says 18 is an adult because at that age, you can get a job without having to have a parents signature for that 18 to work in the workforce. To me a young adult is someone who's out of the teen stage in that number. Young adult hood should be acknowledged at the age of 20. I'm just saying. My 18 year old is wilding out because in her mind she's so called grown now. I'm talking about piercings, tattoos, verbage, being verbally smart mouth... I'm just learning to just let her do her as she has said. Just step back and pray for the greatest outcome for all discussions they make. Just listen when she needs someone to listen to her and not even ask questions or give my advice because doing anything other than that only cause issues. My answers will only be ok, sure, OK if that's what you feel is best for you.
I used this approach with my oldest, did not go well. I will control, as much as needed. I will not allow mine to hang with the wrong crowd, make big important decisions with their immature brains. Sorry, this can be bad advise. If it worked for you, great, but it will not work for all.
❤❤
Qqqqq❤
Great video!😅❤
So true about the homework! Hahahaha
This was awesome! I agree 100%!!
Thenks for your perspective
Enjoyed your teaching.
Not one size fits all in marriages or families.
This is really great. Thank you so much
Outstanding!!
Great content!
nice to be hear...an advocate for teenagers
Thank you 🙏
Wow this was brilliant, I’ve now bought the book to get more tips
fantastic..just what l needed
What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer
Can I have that book?
I will be back Wednesday night, have a nice whole! Monday, Tuesday,
And part of Wednesday off!
Great❤❤❤❤ ❤
😊👏👏👏 THANK YOU
My son is happy, too that I was strict or as he said, he'd be dead or in prison.
Thank you this really helped me lots 😊
My Son is 11 and I regard him an adult
This does not always work.
My daughter has attempted suicide and does drugs. I feel like a single mom without husband support. I'm lost.
Hmm - so you don't practise what you preach - your wife got TOLD what to do - "Stand up Sally" . . .
Mine is 19 acts like…….14. I don’t know what to do he dosent want to go to school barely works I don’t know what to do he seems so unmotivated 😢😢
What about going at it late😣 what about instead of starting at 12 we start at 16?
I appreciate the explanation but I don't believe this teaching is in alignment with God's word! Why would I give my teenager permission to do something that's going to hurt them or possibly someone else ??
Where did the statistics come from? I have heard the "14 yo girls got married" trope for 30 years. That was RARE, not average.
What about teens when they play there parents in a seperation
❤
i need to talk to someone snot my teen daughters i really need help
I'm 45 and parents practiced dictatorship and it worked but it can't work within generation
What you're teaching is dangerous and contrary to what God's word says. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it!" Children don't know what's best for them, which is why we have to tell them and then hold them accountable. 🙏🏾🙌🏾
How do?
The key word in this passage is "child." The speaker is stating childhood ends at 13. It is true " adolescent" was created but much earlier and developed in the early 1900's. We have artificially prolonged adulthood to control thr masses. Look into John Taylor Gatto.
Look into the history of our founding fathers.
There is a middle ground
I have one normal teen, then i have my son, who is expensive. Hes expensive financially, and emotionally. I don't have the ability to allow him to give my children under 10yo, a poor example.
Now they might be adults oooooo 50 ish
I heard Laura will talk about abortion, but I don't see it on site!
I don't know how to spell her Last name!
Hi, Jeffrey. We think you might be talking about Laura Lynn Hughes. You can order a copy of the broadcast from our online store. bit.ly/3AHGn8q
We have more abortion stories here: www.focusonthefamily.com/pro-life/abortion/abortion-stories/
We hope this helps. Blessings!
@@focusonthefamily your lineup for Canada, was something else
For Wednesday and Thursday night! Should've changed it!
I agree with very little of this. Not helpful. We are to protect our kids from being conformed to this world. Scripture wasn't consulted.
I think this is based on Caucasian culture
?
Ong💀
May be worth listening to it a second time
What in the actual huh? Caucasian culture? What does that even mean?
Gif ox.
Their blood is on your hands
Who's bleeding?
RUclips 😂
This is the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard
What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer