Это видео недоступно.
Сожалеем об этом.
Professor Evan Stark: Coercive Control and Children
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 9 апр 2017
- In this video, Professor Evan Stark, forensic social worker and author of ‘Coercive Control’ talks to Welsh Women’s Aid about how he’s discovered controlling behaviour affects children and young people.
Dr. Stark understands coercive control like no other. I am forever indebted to him for all that he taught me, and for mentoring my Ph.D. research which he often mentions because it provided some of the first empirical evidence in support of his theory of coercive control.
Dr. Stark’s video points to many of the misconceptions still present in today’s handling of domestic violence and coercive control cases with regard to children and adult survivors. His distinctions are absolutely vital to understanding how we can finally start to put an end to the coercive control of (mainly) women and children all over the world.
I wish Dr. Stark could have helped my daughter and informed me almost three decades ago. He is correct on every point.
He is describing exactly what I am going through.
I am so scared of him
He uses my kid, and I am so scared for her safety.
And mine.
I have escaped and hiding but if he finds us he can take her and hurt her to punish me.
I live in fear every day, it is hell
Sending you prayers and protection wherever you are .
You are correct to be afraid. Document everything.
This is what I've been subjected to along with my youngest child, and people enable him because they see a man who portrays himself as an "involved hard working father" instead of who he really is: a covert abuser. I constantly fear for the safety of my child whom he uses as a pawn to continue to harm me and to uphold his false image.
you have described my mother and two of my ex-husbands. I lived for 4 decades in this abusive atmosphere and my poor Dad who my mother abused for 60 years. ....I was stalked/threatened/ emotionally and physically abused. When trying to seek help from others.....These people maintain a "perfect' public image and even though I reported the abuse and threats to police several times they told me that they could do nothing unless they saw my ex-husbands /or mother, attacking me. In the 80's there was no place to go for a safe haven. I gave up trying to expose the abuse by my mother and ex's.
I’ve not found a better explanation and description of CC. Dr. Stark is absolutely accurate and his knowledge is eye-opening. His work should be in court rooms world wide. This should be taught to judges, and mediators, amount the many others that are in that realm of the family court system.
Coercive control can be used by a woman over a man and his children as much as a man, when I told her she couldn't beat me, especially in front of the children, she wasn't too bothered because verbal psychological emotional abuse is at least as bad, I sometimes wish she would beat me, as physical pain would seem a relief from the mental torment, and easier to explain..(perhaps this is why people self-harm?). She can triangulate with children too, and use them as leverage in controlling me, she can isolate, and devalue me in their presence, and in my absence.. and female abusers are more easily believed when they reverse the victim/offender roles when confronted.
Perhaps the language should be more inclusive?
When has anyone said when women are not abusive or coercive?
@Jane-rc2rk I'm talking about inclusive language, unspoken assumptions.
@@iaindcosta without meaning to sound dismissive but…DV towards women by men has only recently been called out ( by recently I mean within my lifetime) and here in the UK coercive control was only made illegal in the past few years. The dv picture is constantly evolving and it’s on men to keep calling it out, both as victims and as perpetrators. Women have fought long and hard against male domination and it’s still taken this long to get coercive control a crime. The vast majority of DV is male on female, with men being usually in a more powerful position both physically and financially; there is also male/male and female/female dv … as is often the situation the majority voice shouts loudest.
No one would deny your situation is dire but ultimately you will have to fight your own corner and somehow find a way to leave; it took me 23 years to leave my abusive marriage and I did that with the support of a counsellor, the money for which I had to borrow from my parents.
Sadly there are no easy answers … I wish you well.
@Jane-rc2rk I am glad you got out eventually and I wish you well.
My point is that the very definition of coercive control was made in order to include psychological and emotional violence because a lot of survivors were saying that the phtsical violence was the least of it, or even that they would have preferred to have been beaten than the way they were abused emotionally and psychologically.
This means that a woman is just as capable of coercive control as a man, and the law recognises this, but people can still be prejudiced
My dad used to come into my room at night when l was "Sleeping" and sit on my bed. He was Abusive but he was also my Sunday School Teacher. I would just lay there Frozen, pretending to be asleep, so scared and just Pray that God would make him go away! It worked!
so sorry to hear :( hope you're good and ok now
@@yakamasama it's a Lawsuit!
How was your dad abusive? please elaborate.
@@georgiekimson8068 well we didnt make out if that's what my comment seemed to imply. He Beat me with a Board on my Bare Butt (he would yank down my pants!) A lot. He would do that after he yanked me by my Arm into the Living Room where there was a big Picture Window. This went on through my whole Childhood. When l was about 5 he pretended he was going to push me over a Bridge. When l became a Teen than it was constant Groundings and sit down Brainwashing Sessions.
@@georgiekimson8068 He sat on her bed for a start. After saying good night, say good bye. Twat needs to learn what a little girl's bed time means.
Thank you for this. It takes a village (a city and her leaders, a cult, a .org, etc. ).In my case, there is a community of covert coercive abusers acting together, as is often the case when legal abuse, stalking by proxy, surveillance, massive technological abuse (off the charts and traceable), car tracking, car and driving abuse (interference, harassment on the roads-trying to make me late to work, setting me up for road traps and molestation/cryptographics) and millions of dollars is being spent to isolate, financially devastate, parentally alienate, and keep me from the career I grew, the man of my dreams, etc. It's wild how far covert abuse can go when toxic community members, coworkers, roommates, and all flying monkeys are doing the narcissists' murderous biddings under the radar. They are as accountable as the narcissist in some cases, for pushing his ruinous, devastating, debilitating agenda, which often leads to murder, as you have well articulated.
When people do not speak out about abuse, they will also be held accountable by God.
Thank you for shining a light in this abuse, the process of implementing coercive control into a relationship, a slow but sure “killer”, mostly used by narcissists. Gaslighting is a big aspect in this kind of abuse.
And even if the victim escapes, these partners still get access to the children (because there may be no physical/sexual violence present and children are not heard), which is devastating to them.
spot on
Does anyone know how to contact Dr. Evan Stark?
RIP Evan Stark ❤
We need help and all the audio and paper trail I have no lawyer wants to touch my case. Do y'all help people get resources we need .
Even when a Solicitor advice was to file domestic abuse I didn’t get justice. I tried to explain to the translator that the abuse was not just one incident. I was told it is difficult to prove because there needs to be psychological reports. The former partner gets off as the Male judge dismissed the case on the 2nd hearing.
Finding a lawyer is the first step. The 2nd is that paying for legal support when you were wholly dependent on the former partner and he abandoned you abruptly for another woman. A woman he had already met in the weeks before the termination of the relationship.
Joshua Anzalone 6020
Respond to how these targeted abuses are effecting your children…
❤
I whish he had talked about children assigned the role of a partner after a divorce.
Exposure of their fathers sadistic intentional abuses to their mother primary care parent cc has ACES 😊
Good/
Help⛓️Could somebody please mention the Australian woman's Summit? I'm told women's voices will be heard, but I've not seen one update about it since Anna first mentioned it. Had I missed that one news segment, I doubt i'd know there was an upcoming woman's Summit yet. I guarantee you there are women who missed that segment. I feel like I've been swept (& am being kept) under the carpet. Not exaggerating. Here's the scoop.
Single mother's are toldd we weigh on the economy. We are the same women Howard paid to have to have children when we'd been a spouses. Don't you all mean that females who'd been spouses in 2013 weigh on the economy? When Australia says "single mothers" without detail as to who we are, it chances people will think you're all talking about a bunch of us who wouldn't keep their legs shut 8 years ago. At least please say "single mothers (most of which had been spouses when they'd had their children which they'd planned responsibly) are weighing on the economy". ..Why wouldn't you be planning to talking about our being disrespected? News set their own stories up before reporting on them don't they. There's probably already articles written for next year's women's Summit & problems to be induced to go with those. How can anyone respect us when reporters & politicians (not wanting trouble with reporters) keep lying about us by omission? Not telling us that perhaps some of us are doing what we wouldn't, for we do not know we don't have to. Don't say it we all have free choice. That is not true. No matter which way women turn (given the options we've been given), we will be shamed. She should not be shamed if she decides to have 3-5 supportive partners and she should be told it is acceptable that she do this if she prefers the new 3rd multi defacto option.
Somebody do the math please. Omg, 😔 It feels like I've arrived home, just as you've left, & I've had to work out for myself that you left me with all of the laundry. 😭. You want to teach people respect by first inciting disrespect? is that right? Is that fun? (Help). Do you all enjoy looking like you're doing something so long as no one suspects you're not? Help. Honest. I'm starting to think you think we're entertaining. We are not the ones who are the drama makers. You all are. Stick your head out the window & ask men on the street if they think the women who'll be talking at the summit are possibly drama makers. Have a look at the comments on Anastasia's Woman's Summit post. Have research Dept try prove me wrong. Stop conveniencing from inferiority. for crying out loud . Tsk. howard paid us per child, so, where is he now it's time to defend us? And then I hear scomo's telling us all to have children again. So we weigh on the economy, cannot run a family business in inner-city Sydney even if we have a partner,& then we're told single fathers are worth twice what single mothers are, yet no one will tell our men they should not expect us to meet them halfway. I see 3-5 supportive men, & I realised you cannot tell this woman she weighs on the economy or that I can't run a family business in inner-city Sydney if I'd like to. These problems you want to chat about at the Woman's Summit, well, look closely at them because they are not "problems" but rather "canaries in the mine." How much money is going towards the summit, that might otherwise get single mothers & their children out of those cheap & terrible districts? They're going to hell aren't they, unable to leave these places. Howard paid her to have three kids. And now she's envisioned as a street toughy. No wonder her husband talks about doesn't want her back. Women have been deprived of their tools for life because Messy Couples Issues prevent anybody saying no one should call a woman who sees 3-5 men & cares about them a hor. (Have you ever thought that a person has a greater capacity to be cruel who tends to want a person in their possession? End the war between sexes & just tell us we aren't forbidden to be semi - girlfriends to 3-5. I'll tell you once to have only two men feels like teaching and is not good for the soul. With 3-5 men, each one of us look like we're on fire. We lead lovely & fulfilling lives. Because you won't brooch this, insisting amongst yourselves that the more men we see (up to 5) who care about us the more likely we're going to be bashed. Rather it is the opposite. No one touches a hair on my head.
Men as spouses, you are very very (devastatingly) boring. It's not natural we should be with only you. You knew we wanted for your happiness, & you said you wouldn't feel like a real man if you couldn't have a woman of your own. (You lied.). We get used to you being boring, quietly suffer emotional neglect like frogs in hot pots, so that when you easily won't speak to us when we feel we want to leave, we realise we don't know what you're thinking not to think we were to blame for our incompatibility, & so, we don't leave you thinking we are unwantable, & sure enough, when we do leave, we're bored to death again, made to feel unwantable again, & we find it hard to turn down people thinking that if they don't love us, how hard it would be to find somebody who would. Maybe you don't do it on purpose. maybe you do it genetically, but I'll tell you what, Australian men who are singular spouses to our woman are pointing at them saying "my priorities lie with her" whenever we broach those single mother's living in poverty. He knows though that the average marriage is only ~9 years, & it's neither here nor there whether his wife be next to be called single mother, weight, burdon, good for nothing, drama causing ..fragments of people. What men really want is what the next man has. Whatever it is. You're having a woman of your own doesn't make you feel more of a man by my perspective. Couples remind me of a mushroom & a gnome in a nice doggy bag that will never be opened. They are both hollow in ways neither equip the other to see, (for neither are with anybody else to see a problem with one by the wobble in the others). Then, tsk, because you keep saying two heads are better than one, (not 2, because still no-one seems to want to do the math), someone drops the doggy bag, & every time, people just back away from the smoosh & keep treating you with kid gloves to try to prevent you from stinking up our day to day. Messy couples issues are keeping us all half dead.
Not to mention to us all any other way to live then to have one partner or none is coersive abuse. You know it is. If we are not subject to the law unless we break the law, then why on earth are we all continually, year after year, Summit after Summit subject to be with one or none unless married? We are being lied to by omission, & being turned blind eyes on as though being reserved for the next Summit, &, because every man thinks he's entitled to a woman of his very own. When I started seeing 3 to 5 men, only then did I realise that when with 1 man, I had woken every morning feeling like I was looking down the barrel of a gun. I don't write about women's issues. I write about issues affecting humanity, & please believe me when I tell you, we are all looking down the barrel of that gun. Somebody help please.
I have written about this to almost every to every Australian parliamentarian, but no one wants to Talk about anything anyone else wants to talk about. They already have what they think in mind & there's nothing shifting them & so there's nothing shifting us. Do you realise we're in trouble, or do I just sound like some man hating feminist or something to you? This doesn't look like it took a lot of work & heart to write?
I have never had such trusting relationships. Don't you dare associate what happens to women who are spouses with women seeing 3-5 men. The latter aren't being assaulted. It's spouses, & working girls who see strangers who are at risk of violence. I am treated brand new every time I see one of my men. Would you believe you each have your own special mating dance. No spouse has ever treated me so well. know, if men were the fragments instead, we would finally be able to say what we were worth. & there would be plenty more men with a good women behind them. At least if you're going to call us fragments of people, we should be given the dignity of knowing exactly what we're worth. Tell male partners we aren't worth as much as what he thinks, so when we go from meeting him halfway straight to living in cheap & dangerous districts with our children, he doesn't just point at the new love (after new love) of his life like they must obviously be better than us.
Men, I would like some of you to say on a late night advert "I love women. I'd love one of you all to myself, but I think you should know, we're going to go broke, & if you want to be with 3-5 men & care about them, I won't let you be called Ho". Ladies you might like to say "I love a man when you let me paint you with Weet-Bix when I offer because you think I'm doing it for 3 others." (Kindly saying that you are boring as f, a liability, & an embarrassment for not one of you will stick up for us since it does not serve your interest to share. As long as you all keep thinking things you don't know you wouldn't, truth can only get so much stranger than fiction. That is philosopher death. If nobody changes things dramatically with "you can see 3-5 men", I can see philosophers will soon be beating their heads against nothing left to know anymore.
Krystel Spicer Mind Ark FB 🐦 .. duped canary
(38) Stanthorpe Q. Australia (Help. ..Help😶😭 ).
Jesus aborigine God. I might het round to reading a little bit of that essay sometime.
Please listen to the best YT video I have seen in months: YOU ARE A TOASTER
When are we going to stop excusing women’s abusive acts on some man who is around? Not in this lifetime, I assume. This is due to the power dynamics from the “wymyn’s movement” and their supercilious and malevolent subculture of misogyny against straight women and girls. It takes a Potemkin village to aggress in this manner.
Good/