Walking On Eggshells: Coercive Control in the UK
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2021
- 'Walking on Eggshells' is a documentary which explores the often misunderstood issue of coercive control in the United Kingdom. Despite experts telling us coercive control takes place in almost all abusive relationships, survivors say it oftentimes goes overlooked.
Co-created by Rosie Jarvis and Annie La Vespa.
Produced in partnership with the Department of Journalism at City, University of London.
This film contains descriptions of domestic abuse that some viewers may find upsetting.
If you have been affected by these issues, you can contact the national domestic abuse hotline on 0808 2000 247 or on www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk. 
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Very true, walking on eggshells, blowing hot and cold, and it is not just in domestic situations it is in the workplace too
Also friendships.
My ex would hit me if we had an argument she would kick punch and scratch me while in my face calling me a pussy beginning me to hit her witch I never did she would tell me how lucky I was to be with her we had a joint bank account and wouldn't let me use it it's not just women that go true it
Financial control/dependence is my biggest barrier in breaking free from 12y of coercion, an invisible assault that has decimated my soul. Money is a huge obstacle for mothers with no childcare. No childcare, no work, no work, no money, no money, no freedom.
So true!!!!
How are you
I was once a person who was a soldier then nurse I'm in my 30s my last relationship was in the army my now husband holds that against me and I cant work cos I live far from family and friends a nd can't work because iv no support by family or friends but he holds it against me for not working yet I'd say I'd do a bank job yet he doesn't won't me to work what bothers me most is his words and having no money AND HAVING TO ASK FOR SANITARY THINGS
HE BLAMES THE bills he has that's my fault yet I paid what I could back from what my mother left me
@@bmc5075. Are you still in that situation?
My ex would break things, and rage if I spoke to her about her behavior. She isolated me, and punished me for speaking out about her hitting me. I couldn't communicate with her on anything without her twisting everything on me. I eventually just started walking away, and that would infuriate her even more. It seemed like she always started arguments just to kick me out of the house. Then she'd tell me how I don't deserve this, or how I don't deserve that. She would talk to me in a condescending tone, and would say I was emotionally abusing her if I told her how I felt. She also started blaming me for her problems at work. She said she felt the relationship was a one-way street, and how I made her feel like a stranger in her own home. She made me feel undeserving of being her lover, and she would never introduce me as her girlfriend. I didn't matter when her friends or strangers came around. I could go on and on.
I've been single over ten years now. I learned to tolerate that toxic behavior from my emotionally abusive mother. Been years and years of therapy and healing. Just wow...this was very powerful.
Well done for escaping this situation
Thanks for the information.
During my divorce, my soon-to-be ex recruited his friends and family to help him harass me.
After the divorce, his family received the same treatment. They divorced him as well.
It wasn't personal, although it felt that way at the time. He was abusive and controlling to everyone that would allow it. I was targeted because I was there, in the line of fire. I realized that it was unhealthy and removed him from my life via divorce. I'm not a punching bag or an emotional dumpster.
It's great that information about coercive control is reaching more people. Thanks again.
really important message and the production of this was fantastic
YOU LEAVE BUT YOU NEVER FORGET
Wasn't till I left that the fog lifted you never just get over it
amazing work
He smashed up phones and also controls what to cook eat
Back in the early 90’s. I left my coercive control relationship. It didn’t have a name then. He is also a narcissist. I agree that it has damaged me forever. I am in a great relationship now. I am glad this side of abuse is coming out & being recognised.
it creates more fear than physical violence .
The POS who killed the bird should be in jail, and they should throw away the key. Its vile, disgusting animal cruelty. Hope he rots in hell.
No time for the woman who bought her known to be abusive partner a small vulnerable animal as a present. You put something even more defenceless than you in an environment to be harmed when it had not need to be.
I need help but I don't know what to do
Are you ok
Contact police or your local Women's Aid organisation. There are people out there waiting to help
If you have a phone, google ‘domestic abuse helpline’. If you don’t have safe access to the internet, wait until you have some time alone, then ask a woman in the nearest shop if you can use her phone to call a helpline for advice. I’d drop my day if another woman came up to me like that and asked for help. If you have no shops nearby, ask a passerby or neighbour you know who won’t say anything that could get back to your husband and put you in further danger.
These helplines can offer plans for getting out - or somewhere to go, plus loving support while you get your life back.
We broke up over 6 years ago and it's still happening
Men are victims too.
There is always one like you with that idiotic statement. Yes it does happen to men, go make a video about it and put it up on yt. This is a video about women who make up 99% of victims its not a competition
@@JaneA544 you sound quite controlling and rude.
Who said they weren't?
@@JaneA544 Why is standing up for male victims, who are often overlooked, make up the majority of victims and not taken seriously as victims, "idiotic"? Does the very idea of treating men equally to women hurt your feelings? What a vile human being you are.
@@BadcatV This documentary that didn't discuss male victims did.
What about false accusations of controlling behaviour
I actually think I’d rather not be alive than to be in a controlling relationship. However, I understand the complexity and the challenges of escaping from these terrible types of relationships. Respect to everyone who feels strong enough to share their stories.
Trauma bonding 😢
He always makes excuses. I’m so tired.
So this is a weird story. for about 10 years I have been writing a book about a guy who is abusive to his wife and of course his wife. Jeromiah and Daisy. Although I knew a lot about abuse already because I'd heard alot of stories and seen it in films, TV programs and videos and the like growing up, I gained a specific interest (sub consciously, so not consciously for research for the book) in domestic abuse and started watching lots of videos and reading stories and even buying books about it (people's real life stories of their own experiences) and videos like this one and short films about it. It was partly out of interest and partly for further research for my book and to explore and discover the nature of the characters even better as well as create more content for the book (because I see that there's not much detail in most fiction books about the psychology of the abuser and more details about the stuff that he does)
I just had to stop... as I delved into it deeper and deeper I started comparing alot of the details to my own life and situation with someone I currently live with. It still didn't gel with me that this is actually happening to me. I figured because there was not alot of verbal or physical abuse I figured this is not my own situation and not happening to me.
I have realised that my mum has been doing this to me for many years and have only just realised this now, at 31.
Here's a brief summary of what she's done and what has happened: she has isolated me from other family (I always thought they just left and abandon us, i still don't know what is true anymore). they've disappeared and I don't know why. I find I have no friends now even tho I try to make new friends. I always thought it was my fault. I find myself isolated and don't understand why. I remember when I did make friends mum would try to turn me against them. There always seemed to be something wrong with them, she'd always say she had a bad feeling about them.
my mum never really encouraged me to be independent growing up. I was always joined at the hip with her even by 16 when most kids are going places on their own. I didn't start going out on my own until I was 18.
I've only just started going out by taxis and buses at 29 after mum broke her hip and covid happened because now I had to go do all the grocery shopping.
I've never been able to go to college because she convinced me to become her carer when I was 20 because she started experiencing pain and couldn't cope. Because we had nobody else I had no help so had to do all the cooking, cleaning and other chores all by myself. I became depressed a few times because of it. No social life, no dating life, didn't get to do anything fun. Everything was now about my mum and not me, and she even said that. She said it's all about her now. She didn't even care about how I felt about it and if I was happy and ok with it all or if I needed help. I did complain a few times saying it's too much for me to do it all and I needed help but she insisted that i could do it all myself because she said she could. If I had any struggles with anything she's say i was just lazy and need to just get on with it because she did when she was able bodied and did everything herself. Plus she'd say she didn't want anybody else in the house, no strangers looking after her.
after her heart attack she did become very aggressive and would have ago at me and yell at me for every little thing I did wrong or didn't do as she expected me to do and remember every little thing. She had to have everything done a specific way and expected me to remember, because she has OCD.
She started getting all up in my face yelling at me and sometimes grabbing my shoulders/arms and shaking me and chasing after me even tho she was supposedly fragile recovering from a heart attack plus her other disabilities.
there's so much more but it'd take me forever to explain every single little thing that she's done, said and what's happened. I feel like I've been robbed of my youth and even with all this I am still in denial
i hope you find the strength to leave, although I understand that its very painful when you first become aware of this. Would highly recommend jennette mccurdys book 'im glad my mum died'. You don't owe her anything, you come from her but you are definitely not hers and you deserve to live your life as you wish, as authentically as possible.
@@coyharlingen Hey I've heard of that. saw that title on audible! not sure if i can listen to it or whether i have to buy it first. I will check it out. I'll still be sad when mum dies. she has her really great moments and lately she's been a lot nicer to me than she was a couple years ago
@@coyharlingen i found it and downloaded it. I'm listening to it now
I can’t even imagine how difficult that is and she obviously lost touch with who you are as a person. I’m so sorry you lost so much. You still have some time to regain your youth, even at 44 I’m finding some good things about myself and life. Life is in stages and phases, just keep remembering that.
Just bullies they are how dare they abuse females.😮
Tells me to shut the mouth jumped up starting hitting me in head put pillow over face I scratched his face to get him off he did it in front his Freinds who are weaker scared of him so they could not help
I went to see a neighbour my Freund and told him what we said he threw into a rage threw phone at my head pulled my hair said I'm not allowed to have a Freind no more and said will tell her not to talk to me said he will ring her husband to say not to talk to me he breaks up my phone's uses my money blows it all does all the shopping jumps up over me and yes pillow if I cry or scream he pushes hand over my mouth
Plss ask n grt help ASAP
Please get help to get away from him and NEVER go back. Don’t try to talk to him about it. He’ll just manipulate you and make it impossible for you to leave. Make a plan secretly, then run for it. You matter and are of value. You deserve to be happy and safe. There is help out there and it’s for YOU; please grab it with both hands. There are so many women you’ll meet in recovery who will empathise and support you 100%. Xx
No it can't happen to anyone and does not happen to everyone
The stereotypes depicted in these videos is always focused on men who abuse. When the perpetrators are:
in a position of economical/ influential power
- a relative
- female
then the coercive abuse can seem invisible and doubly difficult to evidence as it is invariably perpetrated under the guise of feigned care and concern.
Say something _I've given up on you_and now u don't exist_i can not see you any more_bye bye
If these laws were really prosecuted properly, 99% of women in long-term relationships would be in prison, right now.
Why?