The surprising truth about desire everyone needs to know | Dr Karen Gurney | TEDxRoyalTunbridgeWells

In a culture where monogamy is prized and long term passion is portrayed as the holy grail of relationships, we are surprisingly ill informed about what we should expect from our sexual desire. How does desire play out with the same person over time and why? In this revelatory talk, Clinical Psychologist and Author Dr Karen Gurney explains how we’ve been understanding desire all wrong and how this leads many people to feel their sexual desire is broken. In this informative talk including the latest evidence on sexual desire you will be surprised to hear that understanding how desire actually works leads us to make different choices about our sex lives. Knowing how desire really works puts us in the driving seat of how we want desire to feature in our lives and relationships moving forward. Dr Karen Gurney is a clinical psychologist specialising in the theory and practice of therapy around sexual wellbeing and function. She is currently lead psychosexual therapist for 56 Dean Street (NHS) and director of The Havelock Clinic, an independent sexual problems clinic based in London. She teaches nationally and has written for and been featured in publications such as Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan and Refinery29. Her first book ‘Mind the Gap: the truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life’ Will be published on March 5th 2020 by Headline Home. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@KlasseCaldiny]

I think you could apply this principle of 'desire doesn't always come first' to a lot of things. Like wanting to be social or go out at night, etc... Good stuff!!!

[@vincentprice9156]

Excellent point

[@Michael-nr8ur]

Desire has nothing to do saying "I love you". "I love you" is a protective shield. When you say it, you don't have to say "I desire you". As a man, I hear "I love you" all the time...I wish I heard spoken desire instead...

[@coffee_sloth]

Man, I wish everyone could see this and take it to heart. This is relationship gold, right here.

[@user-ir6rb7hx9i]

Thank you for making me feel normal❤

[@MrHorserider15]

Amazing speaker

[@ErdooGloria-Degarr]

Great information.

[@autrychambliss3539]

good convo...

[@Kurious144]

This made sense

[@natdionne458]

That was great!

[@HP-247]

To allow the person with responsive desire to truly master their desire, an intellectual grasp of how desire works is key, before they can put it in practice. The person I'm wasting my life with is perversely unyielding to any dialogue about the most trivial matters, let alone concepts such as responsive desire. Would say both of us are middle of the road in terms of looks, neither extremely attractive nor unattractive, so that's unlikely to be much of an issue. Yet she has an extremely negative self image and is content with spending vast amounts of her spare time scrolling through rubbish on social media. To those in a similar boat, if the partner with responsive desire has other mental issues, no amount of effort will allow them to harness their responsive desire.

[@Tkhan90s]

We have our own faults but it is easier to judge someone. When in a relationship "desire" is the first priority both partners should feel drawn towards it.

[@jerrysbarro5786]

How can I get in touch with the Dr Karen ?

[@fillo1762]

On her channel you can book a session I think

[@Kat-ow4zf]

❤❤❤

[@taladiv3415]

9:08 Oops, I eat at home in the same standing position in front of my kitchen surface, same food, at the same order at almost the same time of day, yet I still crave my next meal...🤨

[@renatolima877]

This is it, boys

[@paulinejones981]

Omg this is SAD!!!!!