HISTORY OF IDEAS - Loneliness
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- Опубликовано: 21 июл 2020
- Feeling lonely can seem like a very modern problem - but our sense of being alone has a history, and the more we understand the peculiarities of this history, the more we can be liberated to enjoy - rather than feel ashamed about - our solitude.
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“When we think of what might have been lost on the way to becoming modern, we’re liable to think about mealtimes: how seldom they now take place communally, how rare it is for whole families to gather, how much technology can intrude. In paintings of communal meals that reflect the older way of doing things, we can appreciate how all ages used to come together around a table, what a joy the home prepared food was and how welcoming the atmosphere seems to have been. Even the family horse might have been invited to join in…”
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My problem is that when most people steal my solitude they don't even give me company in return
Hahaha
I know exactly what you mean!
I've been trying to figure out how to phrase that for months!
"“A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.” -Oscar Wilde
Unfortunately you're much less eloquent than the original author.
Blizz Grimmly thank your for the original. Although it could have done without the addendum
"Loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you." - Carl Jung. One of my favorite quotes as I would feel lonely not by being by myself but by being with people who made me feel lonely.
Zeze how true. If you have no one around who is on your side then you may as well become a football supporter!
Excellent quote, and so very true.
I wish i were happy like the way i used to.
Quite true. Loneliness is not being alone, rather it’s the state of being divorced from one’s true self.
Sooo TRUE
"I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude."-Henry David Thoreau
Except that he got tired of living in the woods for 2 years and eventually went back to the city.
@@KnivesM lmao
@lord of the flys Well, you're here now, so if he was alive he'd be happy.
Loneliness: “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.”
-Robin Williams.
Don't read my username.
I grew up with my grandparents in a rural mountainous village in Yemen. My grandma used to tell me “ solitude is sultanate/lordship” , I am not sure if I translated it correctly. When I went to the city, I hated the hell of everything in it. I missed my moments in the mountains with my self-whispering and the times with my goats. Then I went outside my country to more civilized and urban places, the more I get into it, the more I realize how correct was my grandma .I lost my Sultanate, but I still in love with solitude. This last quarantine time was my favorite time. Civilized society is full of fake life. In every country. My goats were more real than every human being I have met. If happiness is the peace of mind, then solitude is happiness. Solitude is the soul of freedom. Seek solitude not love, you ll be free forever.
RIP my grandma, I will seek my sultanate again in some place in this big planet.
This is beautiful. Ignore the trolls.
We all need to seek out companionship with jesus christ
I'd love to live in Yemen with some goats 😪😪
J.C V You gave up on man. So now Jesus is the only man who can touch you. You love Jesus and he love you and millions of other people. So you dont own his heart. He touches other people. Were you dump? Im just curious.Because most of those who speak of jesus as if he is there boyfriend either had a nasty break up or just lesbians or gay, but needs a reason to abstain from carnal pleasure. God bless you.
Selenophile thank you for sharing this
“Isolation is not a particular curse, it’s just where good people tend to end up.”
Tend to *
My father died all alone in his place and wasnt found by the police until at least 3 days after he passed. He was not recognizable anymore and died a cruel death. He had chased everyone away because he was a narcissist. I don't know what is noble about that, but to each their own.
Edgy
Totally relatable right now.
more espresso less depresso domo arigato we can tell...
I’ve recently read an article about why people feel lonely and I was blown away by how they put the feeling of loneliness into words. It says that loneliness is the feeling of not able to share the things that matter to us or the things that we consider important to us.
I think that's right on!
This is why someone can feel lonely even while surrounded by others, even family. Those who surround us can be too self-involved to stop what they’re doing to hear about what is exciting to you. This is the ultimate loneliness because it is lonely with a side of anger. Terrible.
I heard someone describe loneliness as "it's like being in a room full of people and still feeling like you are on your own". Hit's the nail on the head if you ask me
Link please, it sounds like a good article.
Please link the article?
Greatest gift anyone can achieve is the true acceptance of oneself through embracing one being alone with oneself in the first place.
Well said Iko! Thank you.
I agree but after 6 years I just want one friend :(
Aiming for this actually
It gets really old after awhile. Doing almost everything alone. Not sharing life...
@@Mongo-ui1ll but the saint that was spoken about in this video lived in solitude in the Egyptian desert for 40 years. It was a respected way of life. Didn't you listen? That was the point of this video
There is a difference between lonely & being alone.
feeling lonely and being alone. indeed.
Being alone seems to be by choice, lonely, not necessarily
@@mrnarason being alone is nice.
But maybe the video intends to say that some people feel lonely when being alone, because the choice to be alone is seen as abnormal.
But is there a difference between a trope and a truism?
For me loneliness isn't about if I am with someone or not. It's whether anyone would really notice if I wasn't here.
Nickelodeon81 this. Yes
If you sit in silence of course nobody will notice you. Make yourself noticed. Nobody is going to point you out to others.
Then make a difference. I've changed my way of gathering. They miss me lool
Nickelodeon - Yes, exactly. That is very good point. 🙂
This is very accurate.
I Like being alone because I can take time to learn to love myself instead of trying to continuously please other souls.
Yes me too!
You don't have to please other people all the time to have good relationships with them. If you feel that way, you've clearly met the wrong people.
that's good, but it is also good to find people who don't make you feel like you have to please them. just when you feel like you need someone to talk to after a while. i used to be like that, push people away because people were always so intolerable. but i realized it was the type of people i chose that were wrong for me. being in college now, i look for people like me that like to put people up and that are understanding. granted there are few of them, but those relationships that you feel genuinity and kindness are the ones you will want to hold on to. let go of your toxic friends and family, it'll be good for you in the long run. wish you best of luck :)
Eli Otis did you not watch the video?
There a difference between being alone and feeling lonely
I love how the School of Life has opened my eyes to the fallacy of romanticism and the unequalled value of being comfortable and happy in ones own company. Thank you for another great video.
I think the School of Life is trying to call out the influences of romanticism more so than undermine romanticism itself and its values. Being with others is not to be looked down upon per se, but the unreasonable fear of being alone casts an unfavorable light on being alone.
I love how everyone that watches SOL speaks such fluent and high standard English.
Nice.
I'm learning myself.
Well said, Sinead! Me too.
What is the fallacy of romanticism?
Preetesh Jakharia maybe. A lot of it is mumbo jumbo to sound smart or appear enlightened.
After trying a few dating apps, trying to find people to have something more than just a fling, it seems people are willfully uninterested in making genuine connections. Trying to strike up conversation, at least in my age range, usually leads to very surface level interactions. I have even been ghosted because.. who knows? If people complain about being lonely, but don't strive to make an attempt to be noticed, then perhaps people need to take some initiative and get out there. This comes from an introvert.
I have the same problem. I realized most ppl spend their time trying to run away from themselfs and their problems. Many of us are lonely and scared blaming the outside world for our lack of happiness and amount of problems. The reason we have a hard time connecting is cuz we are afraid to be vulnerable and honest. We are afraid to be real and put ourselfs out there . But if we aren't true to ourselfs if we don't love ourselfs we can't make a meaningful connection.
Same problem.
@Cameren Greer can you give me some tips on making genuine connections? I was in a toxic friendship which I just broke a few months ago. I have been feeling lonely due to the lack of intimacy with anyone.I'm ready to be vulnerable and honest but I have anxiety when I meet ppl
I don't think this is quite fair. I have really made an effort to engage in different activities and groups of people. In order to get to know people better, I have invited them to my home and made dinner for them. I have done this again and again and again ..... and the result is, that nothing has changed. I have come to the conclusion that something must be wrong with me. 🤔 Unfortunately I can't figure out what it is. ☹️
Right now I have given up. In stead of struggling to make friends with other people, I try to accept my life and my loneliness as it is - and this feels like the right way forward. Fortunately I am never bored. I guess that makes it a little bit easier. 🙂
Same here. I don't know what is wrong in me/this world but I just don't have deep, interesting conversations anymore... I'm alone.
I'm so lonely, even my depression left me.
🤣
Hahahahah yesss
But you've still got great sense of humour. 😀
Hahahahahaha
Hope you're doing ok 🤗
I feel like the School of life understands everything about me. It is like having a private psychologist.
Psychologists nowadays always recommend the shallow company of others. It’s as if solitude is being stigmatized. I’d rather be alone than be in the company of idiots.
I mean we are programmed to be socializing and be in a group/family/tribe but modern world with all the social Media and ego building there is no place for things like genuine companionship/love/loyalty. It's a post-modern problem and it will get worse with all the technology focused on less human interaction. So we become all lonely I'm some way and get socially awkward/crippled
Spot on !!
Wow! Today is my birthday and literally no one wished me and this appeared. 😭
Himanshu Raj happy birthday!
Happy birthday dude!
Happy Birthday then from me! I can relate:(
Happy birthday 💕
Happy birthday!!
Sometimes the loneliest you feel is when you're with a romantic partner. I would rather be lonely by myself than with someone and still lonely
@@darthvader1793 I'm great. I'm alone now but not lonely anymore 😁
@@darthvader1793 that sucks but it's going to be ok. It takes some time to get through it but once you start loving yourself you figure out how to get your head on straight. Good luck ❤
Eye opener.. Thanks! I needed this perhaps..!
We never learned to live in solitude.
While it's good and healthy to live with others (we are a social species) there is beauty to be found when we are by ourselves.
We are never truly alone, especially when you realize nature is alive just like you are.
AL - Spirituality & Self Development I like this comment a lot :)
I like your thoughts mate!
I enjoy solitude and live alone in a remote location, sometimes without human contact for many months... I do not feel lonely🙏
How can i apply for a tiny room in that location please ?
Yeah, I have my pets and my farm animals. I am at peace.
If you are really enjoying solitude like you say... then would you bother to put up this message in RUclips to get others attention?
Can I live down the road with my cats?
How to do that? How to be unable to express and communicate and share your ideas and still be peaceful I want to learn that. I want to learn solitude!!
"The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself" - Douglas Coupland
so true
Why?
@@linjubar what does it benefit a man, to be in the company of others and still feel lonely?
It's best to be truly alone and free than in company but feeling alone.
I used to work as a photographer in nightclubs and parties, known many many people but now im tired of the noise i really like to be on my own im very happy and cannot wait to have a small place in some cold rainy town read and watch movie for the rest of my life.
Very cool!
Cold? Rainy? What do you mean? And what's wrong with you? Most people don't want that. That's why they go to the canary islands. To have no cold and a lot of sun. That's what people want!
@@dreamthedream8929 whats wrong with me? I already live in a hot climate country,Italy.nothing wrong with someone who likes something that you dont like my friend.
@freedomisnocrime because i like rain.bad weather is nice weather for me
@@erion3612 a lot of italians come to the canary islands. To get the sun, no cold and rain. Italy too cold in winter. Italians want to settle in the canary islands because of these reasons. Cold and rain are bad. For people cold and rain is depression.
I've been lonely always, so, that does not effects anytime. It is a beautiful thing, I must say, there's nothing wrong with it.🥀
Difference between being alone and being lonely
Lonely or alone?
I can feel you bro. 👍
I love you
Feeling lonely is the worst feeling, alone is fine.
This channel teaches me what psychology major and years of therapy failed to.
@@darthvader1793 I think if they were to explain what happened it would undermine what they had said
I went on hikes in the mountains up in Sweden alone and it was great! But when I'd come back down to the town and have a wine or dinner (again by myself) it felt pretty awkward cause everyone was in groups... I think loneliness can differ in terms of context
I enjoy hikes and eating alone too. My attention is on the food rather than engage in conversation that distract away from the food. I came across once an Austrian lady travelling up Montserrat in Barcelona who told me its ok for men to be eating alone at restaurants, but it's solo women who attract all the judgemental stares... I thought about it for years. I can see her point.
@@ivanttosuckyourblood I didn't really get the gender point, could you rephrase it? hehe
I've traveled alone & also I've eaten in restaurants alone. It feels strange at first. But you can really enjoy the food that way too.
“hell is other people” - Jean-Paul Sartre. When we come into contact with other people we cease to be a subject and imideatley become an object, an object that is judged and mired by social norms.
I really want to solo travel but as you stated it's women who get the awkward judgemental stares or in my experience to the extent of being approached or drinks sent to my table from a group of men. I just want to sit in peace if i choose to do wether it be in a cafe, bar or restaurant.
That's because a lot of us value other people's opinions, over our own. But that's just me. 😊
Explain.
@@sebastianelytron8450 i think he means we pretend to be someone we are not and try and hide our true selves because we fear the opinions of others and therefore we can never truly connect with others even at a party and therefore feel lonely.
u are right tho
I will have to agree with you. I find that's why social media has become what it has today. We value other's opinions and seek validation without realising how much time and energy we waste in the process. We have to learn to live for our own sakes, enjoy our own company and live our purpose - that I believe is the most important realisation that has hit me as I turn 30 next year. I have quit facebook and instagram and slowly becoming more comfortable in my own company. Love and warmth from India to everyone reading this.
@@rachitapanda2304 Good thing i stoped using FB.
I have an IG/twitter mostly for my art.
I really despise romanticism for how it shaped many people's views of life and relationships.
Completely blue pilled us before the thotpocalypse
"Ne te quaesiveris extra" (Do not seek outside of yourself) Ralph Waldo Emerson. I've been thinking about this quote a lot.
Beautiful! You inspired me today through this quote and made my resolve of quitting social media stronger. Thanks!
@Dziordan1 Haha. Yes, I have. Both IG and FB. It's been liberating and I find myself gravitating towards books more. The more I realise the importance of self acceptance, self reliance and self awareness, the more I appreciate my decision. :)
Did u ever tried meditation? Works a lot on that
Emerson wrote this almost 150 years ago. Times have changed I figure.
@@rachitapanda2304 haha same I quit IG and Twitter for now
Being alone and being lonely are two different things . I prefer being alone but not lonely, if that makes sense. Being alone doesn’t make me lonely, I just hate when people try to force me to go out . I really would rather be at home working on my craft, in my own head, and with good music and or an audiobook.
Look up "introvert." It's a cool word. Might also save you having to type up paragraphs.
It does 😊
Yeah. I think a lot of people don't get that being alone and loneliness are two different things. I think loneliness happens when you have no significant social connections. Like, if you're really happy and excited about something, like if you got a job you've been wanting or something, do you have anyone to tell that would actually care? You can be literally physically alone, but if you know that you have people in your life (whether friends, family, or a partner) that give a crap about your existence and know and like you as a person, you probably won't feel lonely.
I’m not alone... but I feel lonely.
The loneliest I've ever been was when I was my ex. She was so miserable. Between the break up and the child custody battle that ensued it was long traumatic en devour that I would never want to go through again. I had to piece together my life again. While I'm alone, I'm in no way lonely. I've made peace in my life. Overall, I never had this much stability with my well being. Prior, my life was a rollercoaster with large dips to highs and lows. I prefer the ride without a lot less downs and lows.
@Jang-geum Seo I think you misread it all.
But how do you feel that the ups are also gone? Do you want that?
As Tove Lo sings: "Don't feel lonely. Loneliness kills all the thrill from standing alone."
Well said, “thrill from standing alone!”
We r biologically made for each other so feeling lonely if u r alone is healthy it helps u seek relationship if u were not otherwise lonely but being alone is alsi fine if u enjoy solitude to be honest with you.
i love Tove Lo
Now let the healing start!
Ever since my mom passed away we haven't been gathering around the table for meals. Everyone eats on their own
😔 Sending prayers
Please accept my condolences. Has it been a long while, or a recent bereavement?
Very sorry. Please try to do it in her honor. I think she would love that 😔
My mom was also the glue of our small family. Meal times were my favourite. We'd eat and talk about our day. Or she'd talk about her childhood. She had such a fun childhood. And such funny stories. I'm sorry for your loss. Mothers are amazing.
😪
I have been alone for a year and oh boy!!! I have worked on myself more than ever before because I am not worried about pleasing others, but myself.
Ana, I have been on a very similar journey since the last couple of months which started with me deleting my fb and insta accounts and focusing my energy on self improvement and celebration of who I truly am and what I intently seek. It's been incredible so far. Love from Delhi, India.
Rachita, your words are such an inspiration because somehow you still feel alone in some ways, we have to learn self compassion. Sending love your way, and keep up the good work. I also deleted my fb and discovered attributes I did not even know I had. 🤗🤗🤗 social media is poison, in some ways.
Aww so many lovely people here are lonely! 😥I wish you all happiness and love 🤗💖
"You never dine alone; Every time you eat, you have 100 trillion dinner guests. The gut microbiome with a hundred trillion bacteria is there with you at every meal." Tim Spector
At least they are guests that help you with the dirty💩😂😂😂
ruclips.net/video/SQ3RGD3gGuc/видео.html
Loneliness is largely brought about by capitalism exploiting status anxiety, which itself is exploiting the flaw in the human brain of the fear of being ousted from the tribe.
We crave to be accepted, and, to a large degree, the modern economic system dictates that you need certain possessions (car, clothes, technology) to achieve this. Thanks to how advertising has perfected its techniques, we've come to believe this is possible, but we're like a mouse spinning on a wheel, because nobody is ever going to realistically feel fulfilled by having an excess of possessions. Not realizing this, people keep pursuing them, also believing that it's not acquiring them that results in their feelings of sadness and discontent. Since status anxiety is about comparing ourselves to our peers - even people we consider friends - it worsens our neuroticism when we see somebody considered to be on “our level” acquire something we haven’t. It’s hard to forge meaningful relations with people when you’re preoccupied with comparing yourself to them, so whilst people can easily find company and not be lonely in the sense that they’re literally surrounded by people, they’re certainly lonely because they can’t relate like their nature wants them to.
With that in mind, the internet has definitely compounded the problem, as we’re now free to compare ourselves not just to people we know or are familiar with but also thousands of other people we’ve never met. And that’s worse because you can project a misleading image on the internet far easier than you’d be able to in real life, so everybody’s walking around thinking that they’re inadequate because everyone else is apparently so perfect. And it’s worsened further by the constant messages we’re bombarded with about suppressing our emotions (it’s weak, stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on). Even if you have an idea that something is fundamentally wrong, there’s nobody to confide in.
Well put, Quiz Hub.
Well put m8
@Slave of Jesus waah waah
Communism = NOT THE SAME aa authoritarianism.
That is another lie fed to you by the capitalistic United States
I was a little lost at the beginning of lockdown all because the media sort of expected u to miss people and if u didn't, u felt out of place because everyone HAD to miss friends. But in general I've found that it's a lot more freeing to not be around all those people
I like this comment and I don't feel attacked to
😂😂😂😂
Same. Everyone is acting like it's awful that uni is not in person anymore. But I'd much rather not be in that environment anyway. I'm okay with online learning and spending my other time how I would rather spend it.
This reframes being alone - but I don't feel the video actually discusses loneliness ... What I heard was "Don't feel lonely! Being alone can be a great gift!"... But telling someone NOT to feel a certain way doesn't address why they feel that way. I liked the video, I just feel it spoke more about the positive traits behind being alone, solitude, and contemplation rather than the topic of Loneliness.
ig it just points out how solitude is stigmatized in modern society. they prob have videos to help wit lonliness
You stop craving for company once you learn to enjoy being on your own
I was scared that everything would relate back to “shitty childhood” but this is different. I loved it.
It's fear that keeps us from looking at the damage we suffered as children because as children we were at the mercy of others far more than as adults. There is no age at witch we do not suffer damage of course, but because of that position of being a child, the damage has far greater consequences. This is why things almost always go back to damage we received as children.
It's not about narrative we clothe loneliness in. Humans are a social species, we evolved to seek company of others and work in teams, as this ensured our survival for the most of the history of our kind. People who chose to separate themselves from others do so not because they don't want company, they simply can't stand the quality of company available to them.
I mean I’m perfectly fine spending large amounts of time alone in my room. I find less safety and comfort around people than being alone
whenever I panic, I listen to The School of Life, I know Alan will always be there for me.
Sandeep the voice behind this video (and most of the School of Life videos)
my homie alan always there for us
Most people who would rather be in a crowd than spend some time alone, those who pressure you into doing the same, are either too insecure or too arrogant. And so in effect, they are trying to validate themselves by telling themselves that they're not alone, not different, that they're just like others and they fit right in. And that's the problem. They're sacrificing self-awareness, self-exploration, just to be able to fit in, to not feel that they're an outcast, to not address the underlying issues that plague them. Don't fall into that trap.
Am i the only one who loves being alone ?
I do not miss my so called friends.
In todays world real friends are very rare.
😥🤙✌
They are toxic
straight up facts, friendship and love are both fake and meaningless. at the end of the day bills need to b paid in order to live well. Love wont pay my bills therefore it's stupid and meaningless. Money will get u a nice house or condo to live in a nice comfy bed to sleep on with lights and water running. WIthout it ur living in a building infested with cockroaches, prostitutes, drug dealers and murderers. LOL Love and friendship are fkn stupid. All u need is money everything else is secondary
One of the reasons for loneliness thriving in modern society is the lack of genuine friendship. We're more drawn to these "bustling groups of friends who we regularly meet at parties" than actual friendships where we can be vulnerable with each other. We're lonely 'in the middle of the crowd', which is much more excruciating than loneliness due to solitude.
"...one would soon enough be picking up rice in the church where a wedding had been."
That tugged at me because I've been there countless times. Beautiful video. Thank you.
You can feel completely alone in a crowd of ppl.
This has to be the most thoughtful and mature comment section of RUclips
When I was younger, in my late teens and 20s, I had a large group of friends and we all seemed to really enjoy spending time together. Now, in my late 30s and a single father, most of my interactions with other humans just feel trivial and annoying and mostly only happen because of necessity. I just don't enjoy "hanging out" nearly like I once did. That is scary, but somehow at the same time, my usual solitude, is somewhat comforting. I do get lonely still, however. A good woman, who also enjoys the comfortable life would be most welcome, at this point.
Thank you for this. My fiancee and I just separated. It's been incredibly difficult to think of life without her.
Alain de Botton: genius, professional human being.
How do you keep releasing the perfect video for how I'm feeling, and where I am in the stages of this crisis. It's been dark, extremely dark, but you have been a light. Thank you for your guidance and mentorship, thank you for all of your love, and thank you for helping to instill self love, and self knowledge, in me.
Most underrated channel on RUclips. Wish more people appreciated philosophy.
What do you mean underrated? Are you crazy? They have plenty of subscribers and followers. Create your own youtube channel and gain millions of subscribers!
The School of Life titles are so scary sometimes that I can spend days gathering up the courage to watch a video.
And then its mild, sympathetic and often unexpected approach feels like a reward for daring to try :D
A friend of mine, a very gregarious fellow, said to me, who spends my time alone, that "You always deem so happy." It made me smile that he was so surprised by that fact.
from the time this lockdown happens I am far away from fake friends and explored myself. I'm happy :)
There's so much technological outlets now that there's no escape. The internet has become more real than the actual real world for most people.
It’s like the Matrix
Turn off the tech. Simple.
Introversion is my general life style. The advantage is that I have lots of time to think ideas through clearly and wholely pursue my passion and interests. The downside is that there are times of anxiety, depression and existential nihilism where I wish I had more social interactions between other persons, a partner in relationship or just some group of people to be a part of who are not total strangers but share some common interests as I do.
Pick up the phone can make you lonely, pick up the book never.
Depends on the book
that is what the publishing industry wants you to believe!
I agree. Loneliness is a big problem to me. But I have all my books and that makes everything much easier. 😀
@@JeDindk that is what the publishing industry wants you to believe! Didn't you read what Eduardo said?? Don't fall for that
@@dreamthedream8929 - yes, I did read that, but I don't agree with you. Sorry. I love to read. 😁
“I am in the best company of myself”
I love my solitude...I know I am my authentic self... I had to do it as a child for sanity and safety from a narcissistic patent...
I like being with my boyfriend because we can be alone together. That's the best friend or partner to me. Introvert couples❤
Thats sweet and selfish at same time lol😂
You have a boyfriend that you are happy to be around? Then you are not lonely. GTFOH
I only feel lonely when I don’t want to be alone.
Totally agree. Most of the time I want to be alone...but then when I'm ready to be social and people aren't available, that's when I feel LONELY AF!
sonpois Same here. I feel lonely when I want to be social, and feel annoyed when I am with people for too long.
Literally the dumbest thing I've ever read. "I only feel sleepy when I need to sleep"
@@sebastianelytron8450 u dont get the point. in his analogy, being alone is smth of a norm for him and only so occasionally does he need people around him for a brief period of time, in which the same analogy can be applied to your statement about sleep. such a short statement that @mazinger and minerva has quoted yet so indirectly true and powerful deep inside, its brilliant
@@sebastianelytron8450 it's ok if you didn't understand! Maybe take a nap? 😅
I love sitting at the table and talking to grandma, my aunt and uncle. Always fun
This perfectly puts into words something i've been pondering for months. Much appreciated.
Why does my recommended page have to attack me like this?
Ikf
I agree that being alone should be destigmatized as a sign of illness and seen rather as normal human function, but I can't accept the idea that people are better off to refrain from social interaction because it's filled with insincere strangers that have social anxiety. We are built for connection, physically, neurobiologically and psychologically.
first let me get the money so i can live well in luxury and then we will talk about interactions and connections haha
"Friendship begins when our unwarranted shame can finally be dismissed."
Another wonderful video! I wholeheartedly advocate both the rehabilitation of solitude and the dignity of singlehood, and it is always so encouraging to hear Alain say so eloquently what I have long thought.
Speak for ya self I love being alone haha I make the most growth when I’m by my self I do enjoy company as well but being able to live in your own skin is what’s best!
Remember that being alone doesn't mean lonely.
Sometimes loneliness came on the most crowded places or around people who we cared of the most.
Lonliness is like a friend with whom who haven't made an acquaintance with.
I'm an introvert and long time single, but I'm not okay with being single, and I'm not alone with this problem. For me it's not social pressure, but human need to long for a partner. Some years ago I might have agreed to your video, but now I see that I was just yelling "sour grapes". It is true that solitude should be more appreciated, and that there should be no social pressure to be in a relationship, but the problem remains that many people don't find a partner, and get depressed and desperate.
This is amazing as always
I'm sorry, I just can't help but notice you also put Jungkook from BTS in there 3:55 really glad to see my boys making it in the west despite being Asian 😭 anywho, great video as always
Now that you said it he is there didn’t notice him at first lol. Let me guess did love yourself campaign also bring you here?
@@stormyraine2411 ahaha I have a habit of checking if ppl include bts in talks of culture and pop music, it further proves their influence and popularity and boosts my army ego 😌 the campaign didn't bring me here, i watch School Of Life by itself but it's nice to know LY Campaign also includes this
Thank you RUclips and The School of Life for enlivening and uplifting my spirit.
This video made me cry with a smile. Thank you TSOL people.
Ahh, look at all the lonely people
All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Indeed... it's just taken ordinary mortals a long time to finally realise the condition has become a pandemic - no coincidence & pun intended.
@@spacepawdity4973 I belong in my basement with a sketchbook atleast as far as I know.
ELEANOR RIGBY
When the RUclips algorithm gets TOO serious
Lololol
I feel so much better now! Thank you❤
Being able to enjoy solitude is a strength. The School of Life is smart .
"- Do you hate them (people) ?
- No. But I seem to feel better when they are not around." - Barfly
Can I just throw out that the way we've been been fetishizing innate "introversion" lately - especially in the times of Covid - is not helpful to "extroverts"? I've known for decades that being in intimate company, and sharing my thoughts, speaking them, hearing feedback, always helped me move forward. This video all sounds very reassuring, if you were only worried about rationalizing your need and comfort with solitude.
But solitude doesn't work for everybody. We are primates, in the end. There is - for many of us - an innate need for the group, the collective. It may be stronger for some than others, but I hate it when needing social feedback is played out as a lack of existential awareness.
Literally the entirely world and almost all aspects of modern western society favors and expects ppl to be extroverted. Those who are more naturally inclined to introverted nature are constantly told "what's wrong? Why are you so quiet? You never go out!" we are constantly skipped over for jobs, promotions, romantic relationships, friendships, pretty much everything is biased to extroverts.
Bravo!! Being alone or lonely it's completely different things. Unfortunately, a lot of people who think that two states are the same..... Everyone needs to have a Solitude once in awhile to regain he's or herself, to remind themselves who they are where they are and what do they want or need.
Please enjoy being alone!!!
Oh... Thank you so very much. You just can't know what you just did for both my psyche and my soul.❤️
I remember telling someone recently how loneliness seems to be another pandemic on its own...
Couldn't it be possible that its just that the Introverts forced themselves to pretend to be extroverted because society put an emphasis and value in such behavior?
Now that there seems to be a growing acceptance of introversion that more people are willing to be themselves yet feel like something is wrong with them because they don't have the drive extroverts have??
@@xMckingwillGreat point... would just like to argue that extroverts experience loneliness as well
@@nenes24 you are not wrong, would say for extroverts it could also come from the fact that we live in a soceity where even in "social events" we are afraid of others judging who we are so we pretend to be someone we are not and any connection is superficial because its not a connection with who we actually are hence loneliness.
XMckingwillX I’m an introvert so naturally I love being alone (which is different from being lonely). But the most recent loneliness I experienced was, in retrospect, because I had a burden I had never shared with anyone yet it seemed like it was a struggle no one else (I knew) had. Which is probably untrue but sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own head. The moment I realised this and eventually shared it with someone, I was totally fine. Suddenly.
In a huge way, solitude is what I'm missing. :/
The weird part is I was raised in a city, and now live in a rural county, but it's the most unfriendly place I ever lived. In the city there were parks and many other places to go. Now I live surrounded by nature, but you risk being shot if you want to walk off of the highway and enjoy a little bit of solitude in nature. Humans *claiming* they own a part of nature is the real problem with most things. Homes, food, love and kindness are all majorly diminished by this "land lord" oppression.
So many clear perspectives about life. This channel made me feel reconciled with my life decisions. Love you guys
Just wonderful. Love these. As a single young man of some years, I have often had to contend with my loneliness, sometimes surrounded by friends in partnerships.
I'm an introvert, and I very much enjoy being alone (I spend a lot of time on my own) but I also feel lonely fairly often. Is that weird? It's like I can't decide if I'm happy with my own solitude or not. I guess solitude is good, but perhaps not 24/7?
A healthy happy life is all about attaining balance.
Socializing often makes me feel more lonely tbh
The logic is so so simple. If you wanna end suffering forever then dont create new sufferers. Duuh! Well either people are stupid not getting this and they believe that they somehow can end suffering while still creating subjects of suffering or they are just plain evil deliberately creating suffering on purpose cause they loove to suffer.
I feel blessed to have had many beautiful relatonships filled with more love than I deserve. Because of this being alone never bothers me.
Thank you very much, I really needed this.
"It is a short distance in time but a long way in spirit from Normal Rockwells Thanksgiving Celebration to Swansons Turkey Meal for one."
*looks at the date of Rockwells painting*
1943
Don't know how many happy thanksgiving dinners happened in WW2 (especially in europe)
I don't think there were many happy thanksgiving dinners in europe during ww2 either, since europeans don't celebrate thanksgiving
@@juanmartello1289 I know. I just adressed that this paints a false picture. If you are getting hung up on this one detail, you are just missing the point of what i was adressing.
Because with technology and constant “connection” we don’t know how to be alone.
Wonderful video, thank you. It’s good to know someone else can appreciate solitude.
Thank you Sol again!!! You have validated me once more. Lots of gratitude.
I want to be alon not because I love it, I have been hurt by people, in my teens years I literally used to be shaking walking around the house and my hear beats so hard before I hangout with "friends" , I love people and I wish I meet new people who make me wonder where have you been my entire life. Your advice?
Aaaagh, the use of the words ‘all’ and ‘so’ in the description title totally reduced the credibility of your argument. Perhaps ‘why do many people get lonely’ may have been more robust. ‘All so lonely’ really doesn’t reflect the experience of all people, indeed a large percentage of the world outside of western civilisation are still very well connected personally. That said, this video is an excellent consideration modern day loneliness and its pitfalls. It’s also important to remember that loneliness and solitude, while interchangeable, can be completely different, diametrically opposed states.
Thanks for sharing, the channel is awesome! 🙏🏼
I agree. I've noticed a lot of over-generalising in the last couple of videos. It's totally unnecessary, as the points made are perfectly valid if one sticks to saying "some" people rather than "all" people. You'd think everyone would know by now that you're simply asking for trouble the moment you start claiming absolute rules.
I honestly think it's to get more views, clickbaiting a bit.
Yes Paul, I completely agree with you.
I also experienced this ..gathering in food table is a great way to spark communication and stay connected in a hectic world..small things can make big difference
I honestly never feel lonely. I have a husband and a son, work in one office surrounded with people..and feel fine near them. But, nothing, absolutely nothing can make me to feel more relaxed, more free, more happy..from being alone in my house (completely alone or with husband and son), far away from anybody, having no guests, not going to any kind of celebrations, having no dinners with family members (aunts, uncles, cousins...)..I love listening to music, reading, thinking, observing, watching videos on RUclips, traveling.. I don't hate people. I also don't love them. They don't fill me with energy, the most of them actually drain me. Very few people is well balanced, benevolent, wise, interesting to be with..what you mostly get is somebody obsessed with endless talks about own children, pets, "I am the best, most hardworking, most smart, most this or that" type of people, people who talk about the most boring endless stories about the most irrelevant things from their everyday life, gossipers, constant complainers.. All of you who think that somebody really cares or loves you, grow up people. Only your parents do. All the rest is conditional and, in this or that dose, insincere. When you accept it, you will never feel lonely again, and will learn to search only for a companion in people, and mostly nothing more deep than that.
i really hate gossiping, it's just a way to get more hate in peoples lives and they don't even realise it.
Suicides are going very high everywhere due to this loneliness /confinement because of covid19 !